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1
00:00:52,019 --> 00:00:53,289
(GROANING)
2
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:58,225
Oh, honey,
you don't look so good.
3
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,829
You should stay home
from brunch.
4
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,600
Are you sure?
Mmm.
5
00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,099
I really want to go.
6
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,171
You stay and rest.
7
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:07,739
You can see Grandma
when we get back.
8
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:48,143
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.
9
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:17,739
Wanna fuck me, baby?
10
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:18,911
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
Oh, yes. Yeah.
11
00:02:18,939 --> 00:02:20,609
You wanna fuck me?
12
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,876
Hey, Erik. Do you know
if your dad still has
my clippers?
13
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:31,746
I have no idea, Mr. Williams.
14
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,655
All right. Go back
to what you were doing.
15
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,587
(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)
16
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,426
You wanna fuck me, baby?
17
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,296
Yeah.
18
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,937
(WOMAN MOANING)
19
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,708
Yeah. Fuck me, baby.
20
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:01,454
Yes, please.
21
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:05,391
Oh, do me, baby.
22
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:06,549
Honey.
23
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,687
Yeah, just like that.
24
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:12,262
Oh, yeah!
So good, so good, baby.
25
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,333
Oh, yeah!
26
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,369
I told you I was paying.
27
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:20,298
So what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?
28
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,944
Honey, she doesn't like
to waste money.
29
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:24,369
There's no way
I'm letting you pay full price
30
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:27,835
when there's a two-for-one
coupon sitting on the counter.
31
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:28,905
I'll be right out.
32
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,382
I'm coming, too.
Now I gotta pee.
33
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:32,382
I'll check on Erik.
34
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,583
ERIK: Oh, yeah.
35
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,384
Oh. Oh, that's good.
36
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,586
You like that?
I like that, too.
Oh, yeah!
37
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:39,989
HARRY: Here we go.
38
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,360
MOTHER: Okay, Mom.
39
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,289
Harder.
Harder? Okay.
40
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,194
Oh, yeah! So good.
41
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,034
Like this?
Yeah, right there, babe.
42
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,699
Like this? Like this?
Yeah.
43
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,928
Baby, do me just like that.
44
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:51,204
Okay, attagirl.
45
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,870
From behind?
Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!
46
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,272
Okay.
All right.
47
00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:58,905
You wanna cum for me, baby?
Oh, yeah.
48
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,009
Yeah? Cum for me, baby.
I'm so close. I will.
49
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,281
MOTHER: We're almost there.
50
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,380
You're gonna cum for me?
51
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:04,041
I'm about to. I'm about to.
52
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,947
That's it, baby.
53
00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,378
(SCREAMING)
54
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,760
Grandma. Grandma.
55
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,260
HARRY: Grandma.
56
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:26,031
ERIK: And that's the day
my grandmother died.
57
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,996
And it's pretty much the story
of my life. But let me back
things up a little bit.
58
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:39,384
That's me. Not exactly
the life of the party.
59
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,623
That's my buddy,
Mike Coozeman.
60
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:48,492
Everybody calls him Cooze
'cause that's all
he's ever interested in.
61
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:51,662
Cooze is a self-proclaimed
ladies' man and a legend
in his own mind.
62
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,392
Sometimes his methods are...
63
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,497
(GROANS)
64
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:55,928
questionable.
65
00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,925
Very smooth.
66
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,397
Oh, please.
I consider that foreplay.
67
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,096
Where's Ryan?
68
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,366
I don't know.
69
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:08,805
Last time I saw him,
he was dancing
with Stacey and Shelly.
70
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:13,314
ERIK: That's my best friend,
Ryan Grimm.
71
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,352
I don't know how he does it.
72
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,656
See, I told you there was
enough for both of you.
73
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,389
He moved here in second grade.
74
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:27,364
Believe it or not, back then,
I was the one showing him
the ropes.
75
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,695
Now he's the quarterback
of the football team,
76
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,369
and the coolest guy in school.
77
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:34,399
Hey, I brought you a vodka
and ginger ale so it won't
upset your stomach.
78
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,535
Oh, thanks.
79
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:40,370
That's my girlfriend, Tracy.
80
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,378
We met in Biology,
junior year.
81
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,810
TEACHER: Now make the first
incision into your frogs.
82
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:49,376
Cut along the ventral side,
from the pelvic
to the pectoral girdle.
83
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:51,918
Oh!
84
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,564
I don't know what she saw
in me,
85
00:05:55,589 --> 00:06:00,159
but when I finally got up
the nerve to ask her out,
she said yes.
86
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,463
No, it's okay.
87
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,400
And for some reason,
she kept going out with me.
88
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,803
It's like she totally gets me.
89
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,807
And I try my best to get her.
90
00:06:18,612 --> 00:06:20,882
Come on. Take the low one.
It's easy.
91
00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,053
(SIGHING)
92
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:25,424
Screw it.
93
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,115
(HORSE NEIGHING)
94
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:32,428
Oh!
95
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:38,473
Are you all right?
96
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:41,939
I don't know. Is it possible
to break your ass?
97
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:46,569
Okay, I promise I'll never
make you ride a horse again.
98
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:50,107
Looks like
she's perfect, right?
There's just one problem.
99
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:58,520
Tracy's not ready
to have sex yet,
so that makes me a virgin.
100
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,762
Now, being one of
the only virgins in school
is bad enough,
101
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,959
but it's even worse for me.
102
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:06,833
Yup.
103
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,595
I'm a Stifler.
104
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,100
My cousins are
the legendary Stifler boys.
105
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:18,012
Steve, his brother, Matt,
and our other cousin, Dwight.
106
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,208
You see, with my last name
comes responsibility,
107
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,240
a reputation that I'm supposed
to live up to.
108
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:26,646
Unfortunately,
I've let down the family name
on more than one occasion.
109
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,150
What's your problem, Erik?
110
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:31,621
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.
111
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:35,062
Dude, a real Stifler
would have totally fucked
that goat.
112
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:38,788
If you were really a Stifler,
you would have nailed Tracy
by now.
113
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,662
ERIK: Stifler.
114
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:45,172
My name, my legacy, my curse.
115
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:52,810
I can't believe
you killed your grandmother
from jerking off.
116
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,510
The coroner's findings
were inconclusive.
117
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:57,552
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?
118
00:07:57,578 --> 00:08:00,278
Yeah, why don't you just
go on the Internet
like a normal person?
119
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,523
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny
120
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:05,550
after you spent
the entire night looking up
German fetish porn.
121
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,886
Man, you are pathetic.
122
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,561
You know who I blame
for this? Tracy.
123
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,261
What? Why?
124
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:15,062
Because, if she would just
give up a little ass,
125
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:19,065
then maybe you wouldn't be
killing your relatives
with your money shot.
126
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:26,014
Erik, you cannot graduate
a virgin. For Christ's sake,
you're a Stifler.
127
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,924
Hey, sweetie.
How was your math class?
128
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:38,589
It was all right.
How was English?
129
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,719
Pretty interesting, actually.
130
00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:42,624
You know that kid
that I always tell you about?
131
00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:45,656
He was doing
that pencil thing all...
That's cool.
132
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,327
Are you okay?
133
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,761
Yeah, I'm fine.
134
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:55,341
Erik, we've been dating
for two years. I know when
something's bothering you.
135
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,338
Nothing's wrong.
136
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,810
I don't know why you think
you have this psychic ability
to read me.
137
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,680
Because I do. What is it?
138
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,351
You're gonna think
I'm an asshole.
Let's just forget about it.
139
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,949
Come on, Erik,
you know you can talk to me
about anything.
140
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:12,892
All right.
141
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:19,758
It's the sex.
142
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,228
I mean,
143
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,602
we've been together
for two years.
Two years, Trace.
144
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:28,173
I mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,
145
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,871
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing
146
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,343
is starting to have
some serious consequences.
147
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,142
I mean, people are dying.
148
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,376
I told you, I'm not ready yet.
149
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,850
I am so ready.
150
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,180
Can't I be ready enough
for the both of us?
151
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,175
It doesn't work that way.
152
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,347
It should.
153
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,756
I'm sorry, Erik. I know
how patient you've been.
154
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,059
I know. It's just sometimes...
155
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,062
What?
156
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:57,203
Well, you're a girl.
It's a lot easier for you
to be a virgin
157
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,930
because the longer you stay
a virgin, the more pure
and innocent you seem.
158
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,737
The longer I stay a virgin,
159
00:10:01,769 --> 00:10:04,839
the more I become
the laughingstock
of the entire school.
160
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,744
I'm sorry, but... I mean...
161
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,306
I'm sorry I brought it up.
162
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:12,213
(BELL RINGING)
163
00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,745
I gotta go.
I'll see you after school.
164
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:17,824
Okay.
165
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,090
Bye.
166
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:29,262
I'm telling you,
his dick was this big.
167
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,666
NATALIE: What about Erik?
I bet he's got a big one.
168
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,429
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.
169
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,866
Whatever.
170
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:38,773
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard
to figure out dick size
from dry humping.
171
00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:40,236
Brooke, that's mean.
172
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:43,013
Just because I don't have
a catalog of the school's
dick sizes like you,
173
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,183
doesn't mean I don't know
a thing or two.
174
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,922
Okay, so how big is Erik's?
175
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:51,924
See? Told you.
176
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,722
Come on, Brooke.
177
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,224
It's not like that with us.
178
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,415
I mean, Erik's different.
He respects my boundaries.
179
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,757
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,
180
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:02,463
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.
181
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,995
Erik would never do that.
182
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,801
Yeah, that's what you said
about Trent.
183
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:09,343
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.
184
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:12,909
Yeah, this just isn't gonna
work without the sex.
185
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:17,710
God, Trent is cute,
and I heard he just broke up
with Holly.
186
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:22,215
Look, Tracy, we love you,
and we love Erik,
but let's get real.
187
00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:24,919
He's a guy,
and guys have certain needs.
188
00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:28,822
They really do. It's like
a caveman thing or something.
189
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:32,056
Yeah, I can't believe
you've kept him tied up
this long.
190
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,203
Hey, Erik,
guess who I just talked to?
191
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,858
Who?
192
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,827
Your cousin Stifler
up at Michigan.
193
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:40,196
Why are you talking
to my cousin Dwight?
194
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,503
Oh, we talk all the time.
195
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,795
What?
We have a lot in common.
196
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,907
What's that crazy bastard
up to?
197
00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:49,979
He's in some fraternity,
and all those guys do is
drink and fuck.
198
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,250
And it just so happens
that they're throwing
a monster party this weekend
199
00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,479
for the Naked Mile.
200
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:55,023
What's the Naked Mile?
201
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,778
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students
202
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,187
run naked through campus.
203
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,488
It's the way of blowing off
steam after exams.
204
00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,390
Thousands of naked chicks?
205
00:12:02,422 --> 00:12:05,532
Stifler says that this party
is gonna be epic.
206
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,528
Bottom line is,
this place is played out.
207
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,060
High school's over for us.
208
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:11,526
It's time to plant our flag
in a new land.
209
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:15,174
Porn, cumshot,
dead grandmother,
grounded for ever?
210
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,872
Don't worry.
211
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,914
Just tell your parents that,
you know, you're thinking
about going to school there.
212
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,910
I don't know, man.
Oh, please.
213
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,782
Your mom cried when
you told her you were going
to school in Boston.
214
00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,082
She'll probably help you pack
if she thinks it'll keep you
close to home.
215
00:12:27,114 --> 00:12:28,824
I'll help you pack.
216
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:30,379
I'll make sandwiches.
217
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,217
Chicken salad?
218
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,891
Of course.
219
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,820
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?
220
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,555
Yeah. We might stop by
and say hello.
221
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:40,930
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.
222
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:43,061
I bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load
on his family.
223
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,166
Harry, please.
HARRY: I don't understand.
224
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,568
When I was your age,
I was up to my neck
in poontang.
225
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,901
I didn't have time
to spank my monkey.
226
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:54,508
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.
227
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:58,181
I mean, Stiflers do not fake
being sick to stay home
and pull dick.
228
00:12:58,211 --> 00:12:59,481
We cut class to get ass.
229
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,052
Yes, I know. That saying is
on our family crest.
230
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,982
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.
231
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,247
You know,
just in case you get diarrhea.
232
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,245
Mom.
I am so excited.
233
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:08,417
Aren't you excited, Harry?
234
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,915
I'm very excited.
235
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,988
Don't you get excited.
236
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,156
ERIK: It worked
just like you said.
237
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,358
She's helping me pack,
and she's even making us
sandwiches.
238
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:18,897
Chicken salad?
Yup.
239
00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:20,002
Sweet.
240
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:22,343
See, I told you.
Never doubt me.
241
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:26,309
RYAN: Man, this weekend
is gonna be tits.
I can't wait to see Stifler.
242
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,509
Hey, how come
you never call me Stifler?
243
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,142
You're more of an Erik.
244
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,178
(BEEPING)
245
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:34,382
Hold on.
246
00:13:34,414 --> 00:13:35,954
That's Tracy.
I'd better take it.
247
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:36,983
All right, later.
248
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:42,590
Hey, sweetie. Listen,
about today, I'm really...
249
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,822
Erik, I wanna have sex.
250
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,158
Excuse me?
251
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,334
TRACY: I wanna have sex.
252
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,602
Are you serious?
253
00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,000
Absolutely.
254
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,903
Do you have me on a conference
call? Because if you do,
that is so not cool.
255
00:13:55,936 --> 00:13:57,396
Erik, this isn't a joke.
256
00:13:58,105 --> 00:14:00,135
I want to have sex.
257
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:04,382
Yes! Yes, yes.
258
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,048
TRACY: Tonight.
259
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,379
What?
260
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:10,424
Tonight.
I wanna have sex tonight.
261
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,650
How am I supposed to get
out of my house?
262
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,594
That's up to you.
263
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:17,360
But at midnight,
I'll be in my basement
264
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,960
waiting to be ravished.
265
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,589
I'll be there.
266
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,115
Hypocrite.
267
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,189
So you get the beer
and the weed,
and I'll handle the nitrous.
268
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,092
You got it.
What's Erik bringing?
269
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,434
Sandwiches.
270
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:56,099
Nice. Chicken salad
and college pussy.
271
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:57,999
My favorite combination.
272
00:14:58,031 --> 00:14:59,571
Yeah, well,
at least you'll get to taste
the chicken salad.
273
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,099
Ow.
274
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,974
Hey, what do you think Erik's
doing right now?
275
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:06,073
Probably beating off
to dumpster porn.
276
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:09,376
No more beating off
to dumpster porn.
No more virgin jokes.
277
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,639
Tonight, Erik Stifler
becomes a man.
278
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,579
Hi.
279
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:00,091
All right, listen.
No.
280
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:02,231
No talking.
281
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,100
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
282
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,761
Wait.
283
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,119
What?
284
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,588
Did you hear something?
285
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,995
No. Don't worry,
my parents are passed out.
286
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,431
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.
287
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,109
Here, I'll help you relax.
288
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,646
You brought something, right?
289
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:06,026
Oh, shit. I left it at home.
290
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,195
I can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...
291
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,270
No, no, don't worry.
I've got one.
292
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,736
Do you wanna put it on
or should I?
293
00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,571
Let's put it on together.
294
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,828
Are you ready?
295
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,760
Yeah.
296
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,564
(DOOR OPENING)
297
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:47,196
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind the bar.
Now!
298
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,748
Honey, what are you still
doing up?
299
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:03,654
Yoga.
300
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:05,253
I ate too much at dinner.
301
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,485
Why don't you take
an Alka-Seltzer?
302
00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:08,519
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.
303
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,115
I just need a nightcap.
304
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,157
(FARTING)
305
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,733
Excuse me.
306
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,861
Sounds like you could use
an Alka-Seltzer.
307
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:19,166
Daddy. Here,
let me get you your drink.
308
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,399
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.
309
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,274
No, Daddy, I really want to.
310
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,213
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
I can make my own drink.
311
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,185
(RUSTLING)
312
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,791
What was that?
313
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,763
What was what?
314
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,931
I didn't hear anything.
315
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:49,829
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.
316
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,286
I must be hearing things.
317
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:24,258
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.
318
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:26,167
(FARTING)
319
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,397
What the...
320
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,236
(GROANING)
321
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:38,954
(SCREAMING)
322
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,424
You all right, baby?
323
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:47,923
I'm fine, Daddy.
324
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:05,201
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.
325
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,209
I'm calling the police.
326
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,646
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
327
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,390
Ryan? Ryan?
328
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,326
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!
329
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,861
What the fuck?
330
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,756
It's me. It's Erik.
331
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:34,398
Dude, why are you naked
in my room?
332
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,406
And with a rubber
on your dick.
333
00:20:38,438 --> 00:20:41,408
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
334
00:20:41,441 --> 00:20:44,411
Look, I'm in serious trouble,
okay? I need your help.
335
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:45,584
(SNIFFING)
336
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,479
What's that smell?
337
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,275
Did you step in dog shit?
338
00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,318
Yeah.
339
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:56,593
Hey, man,
thanks for the clothes.
I'll get them back to you.
340
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,493
No, thanks.
Why don't you just burn them?
341
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:01,326
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
342
00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:04,031
Wonder if I get a reward
for turning you in.
343
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:06,303
NEWSREADER: If the alleged
improprieties are confirmed,
344
00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,573
it could be devastating
for the White House.
345
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,341
Sources near the
administration would neither
346
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:12,710
confirm nor deny
the allegations.
347
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:16,679
And in local news,
a masked burglar broke
into an area residence,
348
00:21:16,709 --> 00:21:20,879
defecated in the family's
dryer, and then exposed
himself to a teenage girl.
349
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:22,583
Police are continuing
the search,
350
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:25,315
but the whereabouts and
identity of the perpetrator
are unknown.
351
00:21:25,352 --> 00:21:27,422
What is wrong
with these people?
352
00:21:27,454 --> 00:21:28,524
And now, Dakota Snow
with the weekend forecast.
353
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:29,755
I don't know.
354
00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:39,368
You scared me.
355
00:21:39,399 --> 00:21:41,469
Sorry.
356
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:42,641
Listen, about last night...
357
00:21:42,669 --> 00:21:46,109
Yeah, you know,
I'd just really rather
not talk about it.
358
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,408
I really think that we should.
359
00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:52,352
Erik, you took a crap
in my dryer.
360
00:21:52,379 --> 00:21:55,519
Your dad scared
the shit out of me.
361
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:56,718
Wait.
You know, let's just...
362
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,919
Let's forget about it, okay?
363
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,663
Okay, but what about
the other thing?
364
00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:08,933
The sex?
365
00:22:08,961 --> 00:22:11,501
I'm taking last night
as a sign from above.
366
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:13,371
But maybe... I mean, if your
dad didn't come down...
367
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,770
Erik, I love you. I'm just...
368
00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:18,343
I'm not ready yet.
369
00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:20,035
Really?
370
00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:23,144
Really.
371
00:22:23,175 --> 00:22:26,375
But I also realized
just how ready you are.
372
00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:29,484
I don't wanna break up
over sex.
373
00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:32,486
I don't think we have to.
374
00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:36,819
I'm not ready. You are.
It's selfish for me
to keep you tied down.
375
00:22:38,591 --> 00:22:41,091
So, this is what
I'm proposing.
376
00:22:42,695 --> 00:22:45,095
A guilt-free pass
for this weekend.
377
00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:48,441
That means you can do
whatever you want up there
378
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:50,538
with no consequences.
379
00:22:52,472 --> 00:22:54,442
You're sure about this?
380
00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:57,784
I don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,
381
00:22:58,711 --> 00:23:01,081
so I'm okay with this.
382
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:04,423
One weekend.
Get it out of your system,
383
00:23:05,685 --> 00:23:07,445
and come back to me.
384
00:23:09,021 --> 00:23:10,921
Is this some kind of a test?
385
00:23:12,191 --> 00:23:13,431
Not at all.
386
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:22,670
RYAN: ...and one of bomb beer.
COOZE: Yes.
387
00:23:22,702 --> 00:23:23,802
See, this is perfect.
388
00:23:24,871 --> 00:23:26,671
Hey, we all set?
389
00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:28,506
I don't know.
390
00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:29,441
I told you he'd puss out.
391
00:23:29,476 --> 00:23:32,546
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.
392
00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:34,579
What's the problem?
393
00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:36,584
There is no problem.
394
00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:38,716
Tracy just gave me
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend,
395
00:23:38,751 --> 00:23:41,191
which means I can do
anything I want.
396
00:23:41,220 --> 00:23:42,620
Anything?
397
00:23:43,723 --> 00:23:45,533
You mean...
398
00:23:45,558 --> 00:23:49,158
Yeah, she said
that love and sex
don't have to be linked.
399
00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:50,725
She wants me to get it
out of my system.
400
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:56,703
Dude, your girlfriend just
went from the lamest
to the coolest in one shot.
401
00:23:56,736 --> 00:23:58,706
You guys think it could be,
like, some sort of a test?
402
00:23:58,738 --> 00:24:01,008
No, no.
No, no.
403
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:02,740
Tracy's a smart girl.
404
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,505
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...
405
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:06,854
Yeah.
...and you have certain needs.
406
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:08,049
You think so?
407
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,620
Absolutely.
408
00:24:10,550 --> 00:24:12,150
You're driving.
409
00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:15,524
Now get in the car
so we can go get you
some random pussy.
410
00:24:15,555 --> 00:24:18,925
Gentlemen,
it's Friday afternoon,
we've got a full tank of gas,
411
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,628
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,
412
00:24:21,661 --> 00:24:23,731
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...
413
00:24:23,763 --> 00:24:26,233
And I am too drunk to drive.
414
00:24:27,567 --> 00:24:28,597
Hit it.
415
00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:31,642
(HIGHWAY TO HELL PLAYING)
416
00:24:50,222 --> 00:24:52,292
You sure this shit's safe?
417
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:56,104
It's as safe as
any other chemical
used to freeze-dry animals.
418
00:24:59,566 --> 00:25:00,966
Look at the size
of that fucking chicken.
419
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,640
Where?
420
00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:03,639
(TIRES SCREECHING)
421
00:25:05,304 --> 00:25:07,814
RYAN: Whoa, what the fuck?
What fucking chicken?
422
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:09,940
Relax, he's hallucinating.
423
00:25:11,611 --> 00:25:13,681
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
424
00:25:13,713 --> 00:25:16,653
Yeah, Tracy.
What were you thinking?
425
00:25:16,683 --> 00:25:19,093
But you guys told me
I had to give him
a reason to stick around.
426
00:25:19,118 --> 00:25:21,018
Yeah, you give him a reason,
427
00:25:21,053 --> 00:25:23,693
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.
428
00:25:23,723 --> 00:25:25,223
You've got to stop this.
429
00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:28,597
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's
gonna happen?
430
00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:29,758
That it will get it
out of his system.
431
00:25:29,796 --> 00:25:31,856
Oh, yeah. That's how it works.
432
00:25:31,898 --> 00:25:34,098
He's gonna go from
getting laid
back to dry humping.
433
00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:36,073
It's pretty risky, Tracy.
434
00:25:36,102 --> 00:25:40,312
Risky? It's a fucking
Pandora's box, literally.
435
00:25:40,339 --> 00:25:44,679
And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet
on the inside of the box,
436
00:25:44,711 --> 00:25:48,681
he's not gonna go back
to rubbing his dick
on the outside of the lid.
437
00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:50,315
Never thought of it like that.
438
00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,689
Tracy, men are like dogs
439
00:25:52,719 --> 00:25:55,589
that run around and hump
anything they see.
440
00:25:55,622 --> 00:25:58,222
Now go and get your dog
back on its leash.
441
00:26:14,907 --> 00:26:16,877
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
442
00:26:21,380 --> 00:26:22,780
Come on, Erik.
443
00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:31,655
I knew it was
too good to be true.
444
00:26:37,229 --> 00:26:39,829
Sorry, kids.
It's for the best.
445
00:27:07,026 --> 00:27:07,886
Tracy?
446
00:27:09,128 --> 00:27:10,428
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.
447
00:27:10,462 --> 00:27:11,702
Hi.
Hi.
448
00:27:11,731 --> 00:27:13,671
You're back for more yoga.
449
00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:15,170
Well, my wife is hooked on it,
450
00:27:15,201 --> 00:27:19,941
and she thinks if I can be
a little more flexible,
we can try some new...
451
00:27:21,874 --> 00:27:25,644
Have you ever heard of a book
called the Kama Sutra?
452
00:27:27,179 --> 00:27:28,749
No.
453
00:27:28,781 --> 00:27:30,981
Oh, well, my wife just got it,
454
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:34,717
and there's some stuff
in there that requires
some serious stretching,
455
00:27:34,754 --> 00:27:37,324
if you know what I mean.
456
00:27:37,356 --> 00:27:41,026
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.
457
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:44,160
Oh, you know,
just some boyfriend stuff.
458
00:27:44,196 --> 00:27:46,896
Oh, boyfriend stuff.
459
00:27:46,933 --> 00:27:50,443
Well, if there's
anything I can do.
460
00:27:50,469 --> 00:27:53,839
No offense or anything,
but I don't think
you'd understand.
461
00:27:54,774 --> 00:27:55,814
Oh, I see.
462
00:27:57,043 --> 00:27:59,753
You know, my son had
his fair share
463
00:27:59,779 --> 00:28:03,119
of relationship/sexual/
464
00:28:04,917 --> 00:28:07,247
pastry-related difficulties,
465
00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:13,426
and I think my advice
helped him over the years.
466
00:28:13,459 --> 00:28:16,859
Well, do you have any advice
for a girl dumb enough
to give her virgin boyfriend
467
00:28:16,896 --> 00:28:20,026
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend?
468
00:28:20,066 --> 00:28:23,796
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?
469
00:28:23,836 --> 00:28:26,766
That means he could do
whatever he wants this weekend
with no consequences.
470
00:28:26,806 --> 00:28:28,976
Oh my!
471
00:28:29,008 --> 00:28:32,508
Well, that certainly sounds
progressive,
472
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:37,484
and a safe bet on
what is probably gonna be
a humdrum weekend.
473
00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:42,348
He's at the Naked Mile
this weekend.
474
00:28:42,388 --> 00:28:46,758
You gave your boyfriend
a guilt-free pass to the Naked
Mile? Are you kidding me?
475
00:28:46,793 --> 00:28:50,063
Tracy, the Naked Mile
is insane. You...
476
00:28:50,096 --> 00:28:53,526
From what I hear. I wouldn't
know from personal experience
477
00:28:53,565 --> 00:28:58,095
because I, you know,
I have nothing whatsoever
to do with it.
478
00:28:58,137 --> 00:29:00,907
But, look, Tracy,
479
00:29:00,940 --> 00:29:04,140
even if your boyfriend is
at this Naked Mile,
480
00:29:04,176 --> 00:29:06,946
it doesn't mean
he's gonna do anything.
481
00:29:08,347 --> 00:29:09,847
Really?
482
00:29:09,882 --> 00:29:12,822
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.
483
00:29:13,886 --> 00:29:16,956
Relationships are
all about trust.
484
00:29:20,226 --> 00:29:22,486
Yeah, I guess you're right.
485
00:29:23,462 --> 00:29:26,102
Well, namaste.
486
00:29:26,899 --> 00:29:27,999
Namaste.
487
00:29:46,018 --> 00:29:48,148
Hey, have you seen my phone?
488
00:29:48,187 --> 00:29:49,417
No.
489
00:29:49,455 --> 00:29:51,485
Maybe you left it
back at school.
490
00:29:51,523 --> 00:29:53,293
No, no, I thought
I put in my backpack.
491
00:29:57,563 --> 00:30:00,603
Hey, you wanna pull over
at that stop up ahead?
I gotta take a piss.
492
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:03,002
Just piss in a can
or something.
493
00:30:04,603 --> 00:30:06,613
Man, I could cut my dick
on the lip.
494
00:30:06,638 --> 00:30:08,008
Well, piss out the window.
495
00:30:34,901 --> 00:30:37,971
Love that breeze off the lake.
496
00:30:50,983 --> 00:30:53,093
COOZE: This place
is incredible.
497
00:30:53,119 --> 00:30:56,259
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.
498
00:30:56,288 --> 00:30:59,228
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.
499
00:30:59,258 --> 00:31:02,158
Fuck off. I told you,
I got in on my SAT scores.
500
00:31:02,194 --> 00:31:04,564
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.
501
00:31:04,596 --> 00:31:06,596
(RYAN AND ERIK LAUGHING)
502
00:31:06,632 --> 00:31:09,042
Whatever. Still got in.
503
00:31:10,269 --> 00:31:12,139
Hey, why does it smell
like piss back here?
504
00:31:15,441 --> 00:31:17,681
RYAN: This is it.
Beta Delta Xi.
505
00:31:17,709 --> 00:31:19,349
ERIK:This is the house?
RYAN: Yeah.
506
00:31:19,378 --> 00:31:20,478
Cool.
507
00:31:22,348 --> 00:31:23,378
Whoa.
508
00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:31,392
What's going on here?
509
00:31:31,423 --> 00:31:32,993
I have no idea.
510
00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:44,640
ALL: Drink. Drink.
Drink. Drink.
511
00:31:49,976 --> 00:31:51,706
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
512
00:31:51,743 --> 00:31:52,983
Hold your drink!
513
00:31:56,715 --> 00:31:57,915
MAN: Whoa.
514
00:32:04,290 --> 00:32:05,960
MAN: Okay.
515
00:32:06,725 --> 00:32:07,985
Yeah.
516
00:32:11,998 --> 00:32:14,168
How you feeling there,
Stretch?
517
00:32:14,733 --> 00:32:16,043
Little dizzy?
518
00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:19,266
'Cause guess what?
519
00:32:19,305 --> 00:32:23,135
Stifler can drink this shit
all day long.
520
00:32:25,677 --> 00:32:26,947
(ALL CHEERING)
521
00:32:28,514 --> 00:32:29,984
ALL: Stifler!
522
00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:33,953
Your cousin is my hero.
523
00:32:35,154 --> 00:32:36,564
(MAN WHISTLING)
524
00:32:36,588 --> 00:32:39,158
All right, everybody freeze!
Oh, shit.
525
00:32:39,191 --> 00:32:40,961
Campus security.
526
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:43,660
Nobody takes another drink...
527
00:32:48,134 --> 00:32:51,004
...till I got my bet down.
I got $200 on Stifler!
528
00:32:55,807 --> 00:32:58,737
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.
529
00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:00,347
OFFICER: Let's do it. Do it!
530
00:33:00,379 --> 00:33:01,409
Yeah.
531
00:33:18,530 --> 00:33:22,100
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.
532
00:33:22,134 --> 00:33:23,344
But you're no match
for the Stif-man.
533
00:33:25,537 --> 00:33:27,007
Fuck you, Stifler.
534
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,180
Yeah.
535
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:32,783
Yeah.
536
00:33:36,215 --> 00:33:38,145
(ALL MURMURING)
537
00:33:38,184 --> 00:33:39,654
What's the matter, Boy Band?
538
00:33:39,685 --> 00:33:42,315
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?
539
00:33:44,423 --> 00:33:45,793
(BELCHING)
540
00:33:49,428 --> 00:33:51,058
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
541
00:33:51,097 --> 00:33:52,527
(BLOWING)
542
00:33:52,564 --> 00:33:55,104
Yeah, take in
the Stifler essence.
543
00:33:55,434 --> 00:33:57,674
Mighty pungent.
544
00:33:57,703 --> 00:33:59,243
(ALL YELLING)
545
00:34:07,779 --> 00:34:08,879
Yeah!
546
00:34:08,914 --> 00:34:12,824
And still Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
547
00:34:12,851 --> 00:34:17,661
Dwight "The Iron Liver"
Stifler!
548
00:34:17,689 --> 00:34:19,089
(ALL CHEERING)
549
00:34:20,126 --> 00:34:23,156
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!
550
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:29,600
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
551
00:34:30,869 --> 00:34:33,109
He's okay. He's okay.
552
00:34:39,545 --> 00:34:41,645
Hey, cousin.
553
00:34:43,215 --> 00:34:45,115
How you doing?
554
00:34:45,151 --> 00:34:47,821
I'm fine, Dwight.
Are you okay?
555
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:50,190
Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
556
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:53,262
I'm fine.
557
00:34:53,292 --> 00:34:56,632
Hey, I heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.
558
00:34:58,564 --> 00:35:00,204
That sucks, man.
559
00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:06,611
Should we take him
to the hospital?
560
00:35:06,638 --> 00:35:08,508
RYAN: No, he'll be fine.
561
00:35:08,540 --> 00:35:12,710
He told me he does this,
like, once a month.
562
00:35:12,744 --> 00:35:16,654
Okay, well,
you guys keep an eye on him.
I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
563
00:35:23,355 --> 00:35:26,285
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
Yes, I'm going.
It's the naked mile!
564
00:35:33,599 --> 00:35:36,169
So, when are we gonna
start partying?
565
00:35:36,202 --> 00:35:38,902
Oh, someone's feeling
a little frisky.
566
00:35:38,937 --> 00:35:42,137
Let's just say
I finally decided
to live up to the family name.
567
00:35:44,343 --> 00:35:48,513
Stifler? We got
a serious problem, man.
568
00:35:48,547 --> 00:35:51,377
Mike and the guys just got
arrested trying to steal
a monkey from the zoo.
569
00:35:53,385 --> 00:35:56,255
So what's the problem?
Just take the money
out of my bail fund.
570
00:35:56,288 --> 00:35:58,418
They're almost half
our football team.
571
00:35:58,457 --> 00:36:01,287
We gotta put a team
on the field, man,
or we're done.
572
00:36:01,327 --> 00:36:04,197
Why?
'Cause we're already
on probation.
573
00:36:04,230 --> 00:36:06,830
We gotta participate
in every intermural event
574
00:36:06,865 --> 00:36:09,265
or we're kicked
off campus, man.
575
00:36:09,301 --> 00:36:10,841
We're four guys short.
576
00:36:15,441 --> 00:36:16,481
I play football.
577
00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,749
I played freshman year.
578
00:36:21,347 --> 00:36:22,747
What about you?
579
00:36:23,782 --> 00:36:25,282
A little Nerf here and there.
580
00:36:25,317 --> 00:36:27,347
Good enough. Stifler?
581
00:36:27,386 --> 00:36:28,546
Mmm?
582
00:36:28,587 --> 00:36:31,457
Can you play?
583
00:36:37,396 --> 00:36:41,526
Don't ever
584
00:36:41,567 --> 00:36:43,467
ask if Stifler can play.
585
00:36:54,346 --> 00:36:55,246
I'm good.
586
00:36:58,684 --> 00:37:02,724
The team we're playing's
been undefeated
five straight years.
587
00:37:02,754 --> 00:37:05,294
These guys must be
pretty serious.
588
00:37:05,324 --> 00:37:07,494
Fucking-A-right,
they're serious.
589
00:37:07,526 --> 00:37:09,996
Lambda Pi Gamma.
590
00:37:10,028 --> 00:37:13,328
They're our arch rivals
in everything: Sports,
women, booze.
591
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:16,940
These guys are fucking evil.
592
00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:19,910
MAN 1: Get ready!
593
00:37:19,938 --> 00:37:21,338
MAN 2: Come on!
594
00:37:21,707 --> 00:37:23,237
Down!
595
00:37:24,042 --> 00:37:26,382
Blue 42.
596
00:37:26,412 --> 00:37:27,512
They're midgets.
597
00:37:27,546 --> 00:37:28,706
Hut!
598
00:37:32,751 --> 00:37:34,821
Don't let their size fool you.
599
00:37:34,853 --> 00:37:38,663
These guys are
fucking animals.
600
00:37:38,690 --> 00:37:42,030
Did I do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?
601
00:37:42,060 --> 00:37:46,600
Those rich midgets from those
infomercials gave the school
some huge grant,
602
00:37:46,632 --> 00:37:50,342
and started a school
for the vertically challenged
and a fraternity.
603
00:37:50,369 --> 00:37:53,439
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.
604
00:37:53,472 --> 00:37:54,372
Hot feet!
605
00:37:54,406 --> 00:37:55,406
DWIGHT: That's right.
606
00:37:55,441 --> 00:37:56,541
Breakdown.
607
00:37:56,575 --> 00:37:58,875
These guys are
the best of the best.
608
00:38:00,346 --> 00:38:02,676
ROCK: Well, well, well.
609
00:38:02,714 --> 00:38:06,724
If it isn't
the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.
610
00:38:06,752 --> 00:38:09,562
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?
611
00:38:09,588 --> 00:38:12,388
Get back to Oz there
before you get your ass
stomped, Toto.
612
00:38:12,424 --> 00:38:13,664
(LAUGHING)
613
00:38:13,692 --> 00:38:17,402
Toto was the dog,
you fucking idiot.
614
00:38:17,429 --> 00:38:20,729
Lick my balls,
big-wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.
615
00:38:20,766 --> 00:38:23,026
It's little person, fuck-nut.
616
00:38:23,068 --> 00:38:26,708
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.
617
00:38:26,738 --> 00:38:28,338
You little...
618
00:38:28,374 --> 00:38:29,644
(ALL YELLING)
619
00:38:32,444 --> 00:38:35,414
You want it? You want it?
Come on.
Take it easy.
620
00:38:35,447 --> 00:38:37,077
Whoa. Whoa.
621
00:38:37,115 --> 00:38:38,775
Out of my way, assholes.
622
00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:44,464
ERIK: What's that guy's
problem?
623
00:38:44,490 --> 00:38:46,860
That's Rock.
He's fucking crazy.
624
00:38:46,892 --> 00:38:48,432
He plays dirty.
ROCK: You fucking idiot.
625
00:38:48,460 --> 00:38:51,000
Last year, he bit a chunk
out of my thigh.
626
00:38:51,029 --> 00:38:53,099
COOZE: Jesus!
627
00:38:53,131 --> 00:38:55,101
COOZE: Hey, his girlfriend's
pretty hot.
628
00:38:56,468 --> 00:39:00,668
Yeah. And what's with
that regular-size guy?
629
00:39:00,706 --> 00:39:05,006
Oh, it's Rock's cousin.
They had to let him in.
Legacy.
630
00:39:06,878 --> 00:39:09,648
What a douchebag.
631
00:39:10,549 --> 00:39:11,549
Can he play?
632
00:39:12,551 --> 00:39:15,491
No, he sucks.
633
00:39:15,521 --> 00:39:16,521
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
634
00:39:19,558 --> 00:39:21,128
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
635
00:39:26,765 --> 00:39:28,025
Hey, keep your head up.
636
00:39:28,066 --> 00:39:30,566
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?
637
00:39:30,602 --> 00:39:32,002
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
638
00:39:40,045 --> 00:39:41,475
(SCREAMING)
639
00:39:41,847 --> 00:39:44,517
(GROANING)
640
00:39:44,550 --> 00:39:45,720
Holy shit!
641
00:39:55,461 --> 00:39:57,731
Keep your head up, bitch.
642
00:40:03,469 --> 00:40:06,939
I told you, man.
Don't underestimate
these little bastards.
643
00:40:08,507 --> 00:40:09,907
Down!
644
00:40:09,941 --> 00:40:11,411
Set!
645
00:40:11,877 --> 00:40:12,937
Hut!
646
00:40:16,615 --> 00:40:18,075
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
647
00:40:19,084 --> 00:40:20,894
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
648
00:40:31,497 --> 00:40:32,757
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
649
00:40:54,620 --> 00:40:56,690
(GROANING)
650
00:40:56,722 --> 00:40:58,662
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
651
00:41:15,541 --> 00:41:17,541
Beta!
Come on!
652
00:41:17,576 --> 00:41:19,606
Let's go, fellas.
Get on the line.
653
00:41:20,245 --> 00:41:21,945
Down!
654
00:41:22,313 --> 00:41:24,183
How you feeling, Stifler?
655
00:41:24,215 --> 00:41:26,785
I'm 6'1", Frodo.
How about you?
656
00:41:29,087 --> 00:41:30,057
Set!
657
00:41:30,889 --> 00:41:31,919
Hut!
658
00:41:34,893 --> 00:41:36,233
(SCREAMING)
659
00:41:36,261 --> 00:41:37,961
The little fucker's
biting me again.
660
00:41:38,730 --> 00:41:40,630
(SCREAMING)
661
00:41:45,637 --> 00:41:46,807
Not in my eye!
662
00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:52,582
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
663
00:41:55,346 --> 00:41:57,776
Funny, you don't look 6'1"
from here, shit stain.
664
00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:07,594
(I WISH PLAYING)
665
00:42:27,613 --> 00:42:28,813
DWIGHT: God,
666
00:42:29,715 --> 00:42:31,815
I hate that fucking guy.
667
00:42:31,850 --> 00:42:33,350
I'm getting killed out there.
668
00:42:33,384 --> 00:42:35,224
I can't get loose.
669
00:42:35,253 --> 00:42:38,223
They're so fast and small.
I don't know what to do.
670
00:42:38,256 --> 00:42:40,756
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.
671
00:42:40,792 --> 00:42:44,362
I just got a hunk
taken out of my leg.
You don't hear me crying.
672
00:42:44,395 --> 00:42:46,095
All right, then, let's put
our balls on the table.
673
00:42:46,131 --> 00:42:50,701
Let's go out there and show
these little sons of bitches
what being a Beta's all about.
674
00:42:50,736 --> 00:42:52,596
You understand
what I'm saying, fellas?
Yeah, yeah.
675
00:42:52,638 --> 00:42:54,938
All right, Beta on three.
676
00:42:54,973 --> 00:42:56,643
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
677
00:42:57,776 --> 00:42:58,906
Down!
Set!
678
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,750
DWIGHT: Hut!
679
00:43:06,184 --> 00:43:07,254
Go!
680
00:43:11,189 --> 00:43:12,319
Go!
681
00:43:13,224 --> 00:43:14,594
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
682
00:43:17,262 --> 00:43:18,832
(ALL CHEERING)
683
00:43:57,736 --> 00:43:59,166
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
684
00:43:59,204 --> 00:44:00,174
Yeah, yeah. Let's go, boys.
685
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:03,840
All right, we got
five seconds left, guys.
686
00:44:03,875 --> 00:44:06,705
If you're about to get
tackled, lateral it
to the nearest guy.
687
00:44:06,745 --> 00:44:08,975
It's our only chance.
688
00:44:09,014 --> 00:44:11,724
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.
689
00:44:11,750 --> 00:44:12,820
Beta on three.
Who's with me?
690
00:44:12,851 --> 00:44:14,991
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
691
00:44:23,762 --> 00:44:24,832
Down!
692
00:44:28,199 --> 00:44:30,699
Set!
693
00:44:44,115 --> 00:44:45,215
Hut!
694
00:44:46,384 --> 00:44:48,094
(MY HERO PLAYING)
695
00:45:19,951 --> 00:45:21,251
(WHOOPING)
696
00:45:26,091 --> 00:45:27,831
(ALL CHEERING)
697
00:45:40,238 --> 00:45:41,768
(GROANING)
698
00:45:46,511 --> 00:45:48,251
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
699
00:45:48,279 --> 00:45:49,879
(CHEERING)
700
00:45:51,850 --> 00:45:53,150
WOMAN: We kicked your ass!
701
00:45:53,184 --> 00:45:55,194
(GROANS)
702
00:45:55,220 --> 00:45:57,860
You're still my bitch,
Stifler.
703
00:45:57,889 --> 00:45:58,959
Yeah!
704
00:45:59,858 --> 00:46:01,058
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
705
00:46:10,568 --> 00:46:13,568
I can't believe
we lost to midgets.
706
00:46:13,604 --> 00:46:16,914
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.
707
00:46:16,942 --> 00:46:21,312
Right now, we have
more important matters
to tend to, gentlemen.
708
00:46:21,346 --> 00:46:23,506
From what I understand,
709
00:46:23,548 --> 00:46:26,918
my cousin has
a guilt-free pass
710
00:46:26,952 --> 00:46:29,962
to bang all the girls
he can find.
711
00:46:30,555 --> 00:46:32,055
That I do.
712
00:46:32,090 --> 00:46:36,430
Oh, that is good news.
713
00:46:36,461 --> 00:46:39,901
Christ, for a while
I was starting to think
you were adopted.
714
00:46:39,931 --> 00:46:41,571
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
715
00:46:41,599 --> 00:46:43,399
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
716
00:46:49,407 --> 00:46:50,907
Gentlemen,
717
00:46:52,277 --> 00:46:55,907
welcome to paradise.
718
00:47:03,889 --> 00:47:05,859
Boys and girls,
719
00:47:05,891 --> 00:47:08,391
we have a celebrity
in our midst.
720
00:47:08,426 --> 00:47:12,226
The Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
721
00:47:12,263 --> 00:47:16,273
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!
722
00:47:16,301 --> 00:47:18,001
(ALL CHEERING)
723
00:47:24,442 --> 00:47:26,512
(WHOOPS)
724
00:47:26,544 --> 00:47:29,584
All right, you pussy-wipes,
I'm gonna go find
some lady friends.
725
00:47:29,614 --> 00:47:32,924
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?
726
00:47:35,286 --> 00:47:38,656
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.
727
00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:41,029
You're nuts.
Jimmy's party had two kegs
728
00:47:41,059 --> 00:47:44,359
and those two theater chicks
went down on each other
on the pool table
729
00:47:44,395 --> 00:47:46,025
in front of everybody.
730
00:47:46,064 --> 00:47:47,504
What the hell are you two
talking about?
731
00:47:47,532 --> 00:47:48,672
What?
732
00:47:48,699 --> 00:47:52,069
Two kegs, theater chicks.
Well, guess what?
733
00:47:52,103 --> 00:47:55,043
We're in a college bar
full of unlimited booze
and pussy,
734
00:47:55,073 --> 00:47:58,183
and we're sitting
at the bar talking
about high-school parties.
735
00:48:05,383 --> 00:48:09,053
Ryan? Ryan!
What's your problem?
736
00:48:09,087 --> 00:48:10,687
That Great Falls attitude.
737
00:48:10,721 --> 00:48:12,921
All you guys do is talk
about Great Falls
738
00:48:12,958 --> 00:48:15,258
like it's the end-all
and be-all of existence.
739
00:48:15,293 --> 00:48:18,703
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why
I'm going to California.
740
00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:20,329
I'm not gonna get stuck
like the rest of them.
741
00:48:20,365 --> 00:48:21,695
Yeah, I know.
I think that's great.
742
00:48:21,732 --> 00:48:25,702
Yeah, but don't you see?
That's what this weekend is
about for me.
743
00:48:25,736 --> 00:48:27,966
What do you mean?
To see if I can do it.
744
00:48:28,006 --> 00:48:31,306
If I can start over
and accept being low man
on the totem pole.
745
00:48:31,342 --> 00:48:32,982
Ryan, it's just
a weekend, man.
746
00:48:33,011 --> 00:48:35,581
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.
747
00:48:38,416 --> 00:48:40,046
Man, I sound like a chick.
748
00:48:40,085 --> 00:48:40,915
Mmm-hmm.
749
00:48:40,952 --> 00:48:42,552
I really need to go
get some pussy.
750
00:48:42,587 --> 00:48:43,957
Yeah.
751
00:48:47,058 --> 00:48:47,988
Oh, shit.
752
00:48:48,026 --> 00:48:50,256
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
753
00:48:50,295 --> 00:48:53,655
No, no, no, no. It's fine.
I can't believe I did that.
754
00:48:53,698 --> 00:48:55,068
Here, come with me.
755
00:48:56,134 --> 00:48:58,074
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
756
00:48:58,103 --> 00:48:59,103
Quick, take off your shirt.
757
00:48:59,137 --> 00:49:00,367
Excuse me?
758
00:49:00,405 --> 00:49:02,965
Well, I just...
I wanna get the stain out.
Oh, yeah, right.
759
00:49:03,008 --> 00:49:04,278
I knew that.
760
00:49:07,778 --> 00:49:09,178
Are we allowed
to be back here?
761
00:49:09,214 --> 00:49:11,054
Oh, yeah, don't worry.
I used to bartend here.
762
00:49:11,082 --> 00:49:13,082
Cool.
763
00:49:13,118 --> 00:49:16,118
Look, I'm really, really sorry
about this. Right.
764
00:49:18,356 --> 00:49:21,086
Accidents happen.
765
00:49:21,126 --> 00:49:23,086
I'm Brandy, by the way.
I'm Erik.
766
00:49:23,128 --> 00:49:25,698
You know, any other
frat asshole would bite
my head off right now
767
00:49:25,730 --> 00:49:27,170
if I spilled a drink on him.
768
00:49:27,198 --> 00:49:27,998
I'm...
769
00:49:30,201 --> 00:49:32,041
I'm not in a fraternity.
770
00:49:32,070 --> 00:49:34,110
Oh, you're not?
So you're independent?
771
00:49:34,139 --> 00:49:34,939
What's that?
772
00:49:34,972 --> 00:49:37,642
You know,
a student who's not Greek.
773
00:49:37,675 --> 00:49:41,245
No, I'm just visiting
for the weekend.
I'm a senior in high school.
774
00:49:41,279 --> 00:49:42,209
High school?
775
00:49:42,247 --> 00:49:43,607
Yeah.
776
00:49:45,116 --> 00:49:46,746
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
777
00:49:46,784 --> 00:49:50,024
Really? Most girls slap me
or kick me in the balls
when I say that.
778
00:49:50,055 --> 00:49:52,015
Why? It's hysterical.
779
00:49:52,057 --> 00:49:54,387
That's what I say.
What are your names?
780
00:49:54,425 --> 00:49:56,255
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.
781
00:49:56,294 --> 00:49:58,804
Hey, this is my buddy Ryan.
782
00:49:58,829 --> 00:50:00,399
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Ryan.
783
00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:02,731
Hey, ladies.
784
00:50:02,767 --> 00:50:07,167
Amnesty International.
Is that some kind
of rock band?
785
00:50:07,205 --> 00:50:10,235
It's an organization
that works to protect human
rights all over the world.
786
00:50:10,275 --> 00:50:11,735
Oh.
787
00:50:11,776 --> 00:50:14,006
MAN: Hey, get away
from our dates.
788
00:50:14,579 --> 00:50:17,119
Down here, asshole.
789
00:50:17,148 --> 00:50:18,378
What the hell do you want?
790
00:50:18,416 --> 00:50:19,576
Just what he said.
791
00:50:19,617 --> 00:50:22,047
For you two to get away
from our dates.
792
00:50:22,087 --> 00:50:24,157
In your dreams, Willow.
793
00:50:24,189 --> 00:50:27,159
There is no way
these girls are here with you.
794
00:50:29,227 --> 00:50:30,127
Are you?
795
00:50:32,730 --> 00:50:34,330
But why?
They're cool.
796
00:50:34,365 --> 00:50:36,495
And sexy.
797
00:50:36,534 --> 00:50:38,344
You gotta be fucking
kidding me.
798
00:50:38,369 --> 00:50:39,699
(GROANS)
799
00:50:39,737 --> 00:50:41,837
Ain't nobody kidding
around here, punk.
800
00:50:41,872 --> 00:50:44,112
If you got a problem,
we could settle this
right here.
801
00:50:44,142 --> 00:50:45,512
Oh, I would love to.
802
00:50:45,543 --> 00:50:48,583
Okay, stop it, you guys.
803
00:50:48,613 --> 00:50:52,723
Listen, it was really nice
meeting you two,
but we're spoken for tonight.
804
00:50:53,751 --> 00:50:55,651
Come on, baby, let's dance.
805
00:51:06,631 --> 00:51:08,671
That did not just happen.
806
00:51:13,538 --> 00:51:17,508
Time for a Stifler blowjob!
807
00:51:20,378 --> 00:51:25,078
Oh, get sexy, ladies,
I love it. Oh, I feel
a stirring in my loins.
808
00:51:30,688 --> 00:51:32,088
You've gotta meet my roommate.
809
00:51:34,292 --> 00:51:37,232
I would love to.
810
00:51:37,262 --> 00:51:39,862
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.
811
00:51:39,897 --> 00:51:41,127
RYAN: Yeah, those fuckers are
out of hand.
812
00:51:41,166 --> 00:51:47,136
I told you guys,
don't underestimate
those little bastards.
813
00:51:47,172 --> 00:51:50,282
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.
814
00:51:52,377 --> 00:51:53,707
Slut!
815
00:51:53,744 --> 00:51:55,484
ROCK: Out of my goddamn way.
816
00:51:57,582 --> 00:52:00,192
Holy shit!
817
00:52:00,218 --> 00:52:03,588
I thought this place had
a no-loser policy. What are
you assholes doing here?
818
00:52:03,621 --> 00:52:05,761
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.
819
00:52:05,790 --> 00:52:09,190
Man, don't take it out on me
because your ladies like it
short and thick,
820
00:52:09,227 --> 00:52:11,157
rather than tall and skinny.
821
00:52:14,399 --> 00:52:18,269
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like
a roller coaster.
822
00:52:18,303 --> 00:52:20,313
Yeah, it has
a height requirement,
823
00:52:20,338 --> 00:52:23,838
and I'm afraid you just
don't measure up!
Motherfucker.
824
00:52:25,843 --> 00:52:28,253
Easy! Easy! Easy!
Whoa!
825
00:52:28,279 --> 00:52:29,509
This isn't over, Shitler.
826
00:52:29,547 --> 00:52:31,417
Oh, you got that right!
827
00:52:33,351 --> 00:52:35,891
Never get in my way, woman.
828
00:52:44,229 --> 00:52:45,729
What's up?
829
00:52:50,868 --> 00:52:51,838
Bitch.
830
00:52:54,772 --> 00:52:56,672
BRANDY: That did not happen.
831
00:52:56,707 --> 00:52:59,377
I swear to God, I was running
through the streets
with nylons on my head
832
00:52:59,410 --> 00:53:01,750
and the condom still on.
833
00:53:01,779 --> 00:53:03,249
I can't believe
I just told you that story.
834
00:53:03,281 --> 00:53:04,981
I think it's great.
835
00:53:05,015 --> 00:53:08,485
I mean, think of it this way,
you'll never forget
your first time.
836
00:53:08,519 --> 00:53:10,389
Well, it wasn't...
837
00:53:10,421 --> 00:53:11,661
Technically...
838
00:53:11,689 --> 00:53:13,389
Oh, no, wait.
839
00:53:13,424 --> 00:53:17,534
You mean you didn't even
get to...
He came down too fast.
840
00:53:17,562 --> 00:53:21,902
Thank you. Thank you for
laughing at my misfortune.
841
00:53:21,932 --> 00:53:25,402
I think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.
842
00:53:26,571 --> 00:53:27,811
This is me.
843
00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,577
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?
844
00:53:31,609 --> 00:53:35,279
I don't know. There's
something about running
naked down the street
845
00:53:35,313 --> 00:53:37,353
while you're still a virgin...
846
00:53:37,382 --> 00:53:38,582
Didn't stop you before.
847
00:53:38,616 --> 00:53:40,586
Touche.
848
00:53:40,618 --> 00:53:44,288
You never know,
that virgin thing,
849
00:53:44,322 --> 00:53:46,922
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.
850
00:53:49,527 --> 00:53:51,297
Thanks for walking me home.
851
00:54:13,851 --> 00:54:16,391
What the hell happened
to you last night?
852
00:54:17,555 --> 00:54:18,815
What's up, fellas?
853
00:54:18,856 --> 00:54:20,086
What's up?
854
00:54:20,124 --> 00:54:24,064
What's up is we got
cock-blocked by some
midgets at the bar.
855
00:54:24,094 --> 00:54:27,434
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?
856
00:54:27,465 --> 00:54:31,735
Well, Mother,
if you must know,
I was with a girl.
857
00:54:35,406 --> 00:54:37,306
Bullshit. What girl?
858
00:54:37,342 --> 00:54:40,382
Her name is Brandy.
She's in a sorority
and she's hot,
859
00:54:40,411 --> 00:54:42,311
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.
860
00:54:43,381 --> 00:54:45,321
Dude, I don't get it.
861
00:54:45,350 --> 00:54:49,520
We come to college,
we get blown off
by chicks for midgets,
862
00:54:49,554 --> 00:54:52,494
and you're hanging out
with a sorority girl?
863
00:54:52,523 --> 00:54:55,463
What the fuck
is going on here?
864
00:54:55,493 --> 00:54:57,563
So, what are you gonna do?
865
00:54:58,729 --> 00:55:01,399
What do you mean?
He's gonna bang that chick.
866
00:55:03,401 --> 00:55:04,441
Aren't you?
867
00:55:04,469 --> 00:55:05,899
What?
868
00:55:08,406 --> 00:55:09,936
Yeah.
869
00:55:09,974 --> 00:55:13,544
Yeah, of course I will.
I'm on a guilt-free pass,
why wouldn't I?
870
00:55:13,578 --> 00:55:16,478
Why the hesitation, man?
871
00:55:16,514 --> 00:55:19,684
Oh, shit!
You're not gonna do it.
I said I'll do it.
872
00:55:19,717 --> 00:55:23,447
Erik, you've been given
a gift from above.
Don't fuck it up.
873
00:55:23,488 --> 00:55:24,488
I won't.
874
00:55:24,522 --> 00:55:25,762
Yes, you will.
875
00:55:25,790 --> 00:55:26,890
No.
876
00:55:27,758 --> 00:55:29,888
I... I gotta get out of here.
877
00:55:45,510 --> 00:55:46,780
(BEEPING)
878
00:55:49,547 --> 00:55:51,377
(PHONE RINGING)
879
00:55:51,416 --> 00:55:52,516
Hello?
880
00:55:52,550 --> 00:55:53,880
ERIK: Hey, it's me.
881
00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:58,086
Calling to see
how you're doing.
882
00:55:58,122 --> 00:55:59,422
I'm fine,
883
00:55:59,457 --> 00:56:00,687
I'm just studying.
884
00:56:00,725 --> 00:56:01,925
Okay.
885
00:56:03,193 --> 00:56:04,463
Cool.
886
00:56:05,730 --> 00:56:08,400
So, did you guys decide
if you're gonna run
in the Naked Mile?
887
00:56:08,433 --> 00:56:12,173
No, not yet. But you know me,
I'll probably just wimp out.
888
00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:13,742
I mean, you don't have to.
889
00:56:14,204 --> 00:56:16,674
Yeah, I know.
890
00:56:16,707 --> 00:56:18,837
Are you okay? I mean,
you sound a little weird.
891
00:56:19,444 --> 00:56:20,884
I'm fine.
892
00:56:21,879 --> 00:56:24,579
I'm fine. I just wanted
to call and say hello.
893
00:56:24,615 --> 00:56:29,445
Thanks, but you don't need
to check in. I mean, go,
have fun.
894
00:56:29,487 --> 00:56:31,557
That's what this weekend's
all about.
895
00:56:33,023 --> 00:56:34,123
You're the greatest.
896
00:56:40,230 --> 00:56:41,970
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
897
00:56:46,236 --> 00:56:47,806
Erik Stifler.
898
00:56:51,609 --> 00:56:53,979
Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
Hello, Erik, good to see you.
899
00:56:54,011 --> 00:56:57,581
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you
since my parents'
New Year's party, right?
900
00:56:57,615 --> 00:57:01,615
Yes, well, your folks really,
really know how to ring in
the new year.
901
00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:05,592
Look, I'm sorry about my dad
giving you that wedgie
in front of everybody.
902
00:57:05,623 --> 00:57:08,893
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,
903
00:57:08,926 --> 00:57:11,056
and strangely enough,
I enjoy it.
904
00:57:14,565 --> 00:57:16,825
So, what are you doing
up here?
905
00:57:17,935 --> 00:57:20,835
Oh, well,
I went to school here
906
00:57:20,871 --> 00:57:24,911
and, you know, I like to come
back every now and then
907
00:57:24,942 --> 00:57:26,342
and check out the campus.
908
00:57:26,376 --> 00:57:30,876
That's the only reason
I'm here. No other reason
that I can think of.
909
00:57:30,915 --> 00:57:34,045
And what about you?
What are you doing here?
910
00:57:34,084 --> 00:57:36,224
Actually,
it's kind of personal.
911
00:57:36,253 --> 00:57:38,523
Oh. Well, say no more.
Okay.
912
00:57:38,556 --> 00:57:39,816
Okay, listen, good seeing you.
913
00:57:39,857 --> 00:57:41,657
Yeah, for sure.
914
00:57:47,632 --> 00:57:50,032
Mr. Levenstein,
you were a counselor
915
00:57:50,067 --> 00:57:52,597
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin, Matt, right?
916
00:57:52,637 --> 00:57:55,837
Yes. Yes, I was.
And your cousin Matt
needed some counseling...
917
00:57:55,873 --> 00:57:59,643
Yeah.
...I might add.
I gave him some advice.
918
00:57:59,677 --> 00:58:02,547
Advice. Do you think I could
919
00:58:05,015 --> 00:58:07,545
confide something in you?
920
00:58:07,585 --> 00:58:10,215
Well, sure.
Yes, Erik, anything. Anything.
921
00:58:10,254 --> 00:58:11,264
Okay.
922
00:58:12,289 --> 00:58:13,619
I'm a virgin.
923
00:58:13,658 --> 00:58:14,728
Okay, can I stop you there?
924
00:58:14,759 --> 00:58:17,999
You're a Stifler and a virgin?
925
00:58:19,597 --> 00:58:20,597
Yeah.
926
00:58:22,767 --> 00:58:26,997
Well, so you're a virgin.
What's the big deal?
927
00:58:27,037 --> 00:58:31,277
Well, the other night,
my girlfriend and I...
We tried to, you know...
928
00:58:33,578 --> 00:58:37,208
Right. But her father
came down before we had
the chance to.
929
00:58:37,247 --> 00:58:39,317
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,
930
00:58:39,349 --> 00:58:42,549
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.
931
00:58:42,587 --> 00:58:44,817
You got the guilt-free pass?
932
00:58:46,591 --> 00:58:48,661
What do you mean?
933
00:58:48,693 --> 00:58:53,603
Well, I mean,
you've got the old
guilt-free pass dilemma.
934
00:58:53,631 --> 00:58:55,331
Yeah.
It's a tough one.
935
00:58:55,365 --> 00:58:57,895
I didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.
936
00:58:57,935 --> 00:59:00,765
I believe I know more
about this than you think.
937
00:59:02,673 --> 00:59:05,313
Good, because I just
don't know what to do here.
938
00:59:05,342 --> 00:59:08,952
I mean, I've got
this smoking-hot sorority girl
all over me.
939
00:59:10,014 --> 00:59:13,324
Well, you know, my son Jim
940
00:59:13,350 --> 00:59:15,690
went through kind of
a similar dilemma.
941
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:17,590
He was going out
with this very attractive
942
00:59:17,622 --> 00:59:19,692
foreign-exchange student
named Nadia.
943
00:59:19,724 --> 00:59:23,064
Right, right, yeah.
That's the one he blew his
load too early with, right?
944
00:59:23,093 --> 00:59:24,333
Yes.
Twice.
945
00:59:24,361 --> 00:59:25,831
Yes.
Over the Internet.
946
00:59:25,863 --> 00:59:27,733
Yes, that's the one.
Yeah.
947
00:59:27,765 --> 00:59:30,835
Well, blowing loads aside...
948
00:59:30,868 --> 00:59:32,268
Yeah.
949
00:59:32,302 --> 00:59:34,742
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,
950
00:59:34,772 --> 00:59:35,942
and he turned her down
951
00:59:35,973 --> 00:59:40,683
because he had fallen in love
with Michelle,
952
00:59:40,711 --> 00:59:45,651
who he later married,
and is now the mother
of my grandchild.
953
00:59:45,683 --> 00:59:49,823
So you're saying
I shouldn't hook up
with this sorority girl?
954
00:59:49,854 --> 00:59:52,824
I'm saying I think
only you know the answer
to that, Erik.
955
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:56,830
Well, gotta run.
956
01:00:00,364 --> 01:00:03,734
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.
957
01:00:22,753 --> 01:00:24,663
Last night was amazing.
958
01:00:25,355 --> 01:00:27,415
Yeah, it was.
959
01:00:27,457 --> 01:00:30,797
The three of us should
do it again sometime.
960
01:00:30,828 --> 01:00:31,898
Definitely.
961
01:00:34,198 --> 01:00:35,728
Definitely.
962
01:00:42,973 --> 01:00:46,883
Hey, buddy. You know how
to get to Murray Street?
963
01:00:46,911 --> 01:00:50,051
Oh, yeah, man.
Just go right down Maryland,
down to...
964
01:00:50,848 --> 01:00:52,078
What the...
965
01:00:54,284 --> 01:00:55,454
What is this?
Enter the Midget?
966
01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:58,315
It's little people, asshole.
967
01:01:00,024 --> 01:01:01,694
Come get some.
968
01:01:02,492 --> 01:01:04,932
Come get some, baby!
969
01:01:05,730 --> 01:01:07,160
(SCREAMING)
970
01:01:13,303 --> 01:01:15,713
(PANTING)
971
01:01:15,740 --> 01:01:17,410
Midgets jumped Stifler.
972
01:01:17,441 --> 01:01:18,781
What?
What?
973
01:01:19,744 --> 01:01:22,254
The midgets jumped Stifler.
974
01:01:22,279 --> 01:01:23,779
He's in the hospital
right now.
975
01:01:28,886 --> 01:01:30,086
Oh, shit.
976
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:31,820
Holy shit.
977
01:01:33,057 --> 01:01:34,957
Man, he is fucked up.
978
01:01:35,893 --> 01:01:37,493
First Grandma, and now this.
979
01:01:37,527 --> 01:01:38,927
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.
980
01:01:38,963 --> 01:01:40,333
Yeah, man.
981
01:01:40,364 --> 01:01:43,804
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down,
will you? I got a huge
fucking headache.
982
01:01:43,834 --> 01:01:45,844
We thought this guy was you.
983
01:01:46,937 --> 01:01:47,807
Fuck, no.
984
01:01:49,139 --> 01:01:50,239
I don't know what happened
to that pussy.
985
01:01:51,408 --> 01:01:53,378
Hey, man,
what the hell happened?
986
01:01:53,410 --> 01:01:57,180
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black
and ski masks.
987
01:01:57,214 --> 01:01:58,454
Like I wouldn't know
it was them.
988
01:01:58,482 --> 01:02:01,922
Are you all right?
Are you gonna be able
to run in the Mile?
989
01:02:01,952 --> 01:02:04,192
Doesn't look like it.
990
01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:07,791
Doc says the Stif-man's
gonna be laid up for at least
a couple of more days.
991
01:02:07,825 --> 01:02:10,055
Hey, don't worry. We will find
those little fuckers.
992
01:02:10,094 --> 01:02:15,434
No. I appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.
993
01:02:15,465 --> 01:02:18,995
Now you guys are up here
to do two things: Have fun,
994
01:02:19,036 --> 01:02:21,166
and run naked
995
01:02:21,205 --> 01:02:25,205
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.
996
01:02:25,242 --> 01:02:26,312
You understand?
997
01:02:26,343 --> 01:02:27,583
Yeah.
Yeah.
998
01:02:27,611 --> 01:02:31,281
Good. Now get the fuck
out of here so I can get
some sleep.
999
01:02:36,586 --> 01:02:39,016
Hey, Erik,
stick around for a second.
1000
01:02:39,056 --> 01:02:39,886
Yeah.
1001
01:02:41,291 --> 01:02:44,191
Listen, I know
what you're going through.
1002
01:02:44,228 --> 01:02:47,428
You do?
Sure, yeah.
I had the same problem
1003
01:02:47,464 --> 01:02:50,174
when I was in middle school.
1004
01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:53,440
But living up to
the family name
is not an easy thing, man.
1005
01:02:53,470 --> 01:02:55,970
Yeah. What did you do?
1006
01:02:58,375 --> 01:03:01,805
Well, I whipped out
my dick in class,
stole the principal's car,
1007
01:03:01,846 --> 01:03:03,376
and then I fucked
a lunch lady.
1008
01:03:03,948 --> 01:03:05,518
Oh.
1009
01:03:05,549 --> 01:03:06,949
But, hey, that's me.
1010
01:03:08,018 --> 01:03:10,318
What do you think I should do?
1011
01:03:10,354 --> 01:03:15,094
It's not for me to decide
or advise. You gotta figure
that out on your own.
1012
01:03:15,125 --> 01:03:19,325
But I will say this. We got
a pretty fucked-up family,
1013
01:03:19,363 --> 01:03:21,803
and it's nice having
a guy like you around.
1014
01:03:25,402 --> 01:03:27,002
Now, seriously, go.
1015
01:03:31,375 --> 01:03:32,975
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
1016
01:03:38,215 --> 01:03:40,145
All I have to say is,
1017
01:03:40,184 --> 01:03:43,554
thank you, Dad,
for getting my dumb ass
into this school.
1018
01:03:49,593 --> 01:03:52,833
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.
1019
01:04:03,307 --> 01:04:06,007
ROCK: Look who decided
to show up.
1020
01:04:06,043 --> 01:04:08,013
I didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.
1021
01:04:08,045 --> 01:04:09,345
I guess I was right.
1022
01:04:09,379 --> 01:04:12,619
Check it out. They still got
their clothes on.
1023
01:04:15,953 --> 01:04:20,863
Where is old Shitler? I guess
the king of the Naked Mile
didn't make it this year.
1024
01:04:21,959 --> 01:04:24,929
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!
1025
01:04:25,595 --> 01:04:27,095
(ALL CHEERING)
1026
01:04:37,374 --> 01:04:41,284
The king has arrived!
Bring out your titties!
1027
01:04:45,049 --> 01:04:48,519
You really think that little
beating you gave me
could keep me away?
1028
01:04:48,552 --> 01:04:51,422
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like a bunch
of five-year-olds.
1029
01:04:51,455 --> 01:04:54,215
This is my fucking school.
1030
01:04:57,561 --> 01:05:00,001
Guys.
1031
01:05:00,030 --> 01:05:02,970
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?
1032
01:05:03,000 --> 01:05:05,400
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.
1033
01:05:06,971 --> 01:05:11,081
Hey, why the hell
do you guys still have
your clothes on?
1034
01:05:11,108 --> 01:05:13,078
Listen, Stifler,
we were talking and...
1035
01:05:13,110 --> 01:05:14,910
Hey, Stifler. I like your IVs.
1036
01:05:16,981 --> 01:05:18,221
DWIGHT: Hello, ladies.
1037
01:05:19,416 --> 01:05:21,946
Looking sexy as always.
1038
01:05:21,986 --> 01:05:24,016
Heard you were
in the hospital.
1039
01:05:24,054 --> 01:05:26,424
Just a little beating
by a bunch of midgets.
1040
01:05:26,456 --> 01:05:28,056
Hey, Cooze.
1041
01:05:28,092 --> 01:05:32,032
Jill the Thrill.
Back on the Cooze radar.
1042
01:05:32,596 --> 01:05:34,966
(IMITATING RADAR BEEPING)
1043
01:05:36,433 --> 01:05:37,633
Hey, Erik.
1044
01:05:38,468 --> 01:05:39,598
Hey, Brandy.
1045
01:05:39,636 --> 01:05:41,566
Ryan.
Alexis.
1046
01:05:41,605 --> 01:05:44,035
So, you ladies ready
to run this Mile
1047
01:05:44,074 --> 01:05:47,244
and get extra fucking sexy?
1048
01:05:47,277 --> 01:05:48,547
Hell, yeah!
Hell, yeah!
1049
01:05:48,578 --> 01:05:50,048
What about you guys?
1050
01:05:50,080 --> 01:05:52,350
Yeah, what are you guys doing
still dressed?
1051
01:05:52,382 --> 01:05:54,552
Well, we figured
we'd just watch the Mile
1052
01:05:54,584 --> 01:05:56,224
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.
1053
01:05:56,253 --> 01:06:00,123
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.
1054
01:06:00,157 --> 01:06:02,357
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?
1055
01:06:02,392 --> 01:06:04,062
Absolutely out of control.
1056
01:06:21,211 --> 01:06:24,181
Yeah! That's what I'm
fucking talking about, boys.
1057
01:06:24,214 --> 01:06:27,654
Set the cocks free!
1058
01:06:27,684 --> 01:06:30,124
Let's huddle up over here.
Come on, fellas.
1059
01:06:31,188 --> 01:06:32,518
Cock huddle.
1060
01:06:32,556 --> 01:06:34,416
All right, bitch tits.
1061
01:06:34,458 --> 01:06:36,488
I got a little surprise
for you fuckers.
1062
01:06:36,526 --> 01:06:37,656
What do you got?
1063
01:06:39,129 --> 01:06:41,999
Just a little pharmaceutical
delight for later.
1064
01:06:43,300 --> 01:06:46,070
JACKSON: Stifler!
You uncircumcised twat!
1065
01:06:46,103 --> 01:06:48,373
Jackson, you little-dicked
motherfucker.
1066
01:06:48,405 --> 01:06:49,705
What is this?
1067
01:06:49,739 --> 01:06:50,769
It looks like some kind of E.
1068
01:06:50,807 --> 01:06:53,477
Should we take it now?
He said save it for later.
1069
01:06:53,510 --> 01:06:56,150
Fuck that! I'm about to run
naked through the streets.
1070
01:06:56,180 --> 01:06:58,120
I need all the drug-induced
courage I can get.
1071
01:07:01,085 --> 01:07:02,415
I'm so glad
you guys decided to run.
1072
01:07:02,452 --> 01:07:04,522
You must work out.
1073
01:07:04,554 --> 01:07:06,524
Yeah, well, I play football.
1074
01:07:06,556 --> 01:07:09,086
I love football players.
1075
01:07:09,126 --> 01:07:11,126
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?
1076
01:07:12,096 --> 01:07:13,526
That guy's a prick!
1077
01:07:13,563 --> 01:07:15,833
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?
1078
01:07:15,865 --> 01:07:17,765
What E?
1079
01:07:17,801 --> 01:07:19,571
The pills you gave us.
1080
01:07:20,437 --> 01:07:22,567
Oh, shit! You retards.
1081
01:07:22,606 --> 01:07:25,706
That's not E.
It's that fucking four-hour
hard-on drug.
1082
01:07:25,742 --> 01:07:27,642
Oh, shit.
DWIGHT: I scored some
at the hospital.
1083
01:07:27,677 --> 01:07:30,377
I thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.
1084
01:07:30,414 --> 01:07:32,154
Oh, God.
Holy fuck, you didn't...
1085
01:07:32,182 --> 01:07:34,522
Holy shit!
1086
01:07:34,551 --> 01:07:38,721
I don't think I can talk
this one down, man.
It's got a mind of its own.
1087
01:07:38,755 --> 01:07:41,855
Hey, do not run
behind me. Okay?
1088
01:07:41,891 --> 01:07:44,491
It's... It's just that
we thought that it was...
1089
01:07:44,528 --> 01:07:47,128
Honey, don't apologize.
1090
01:07:47,164 --> 01:07:49,204
Yeah, you guys are running
with us.
1091
01:07:49,233 --> 01:07:53,443
Oh, man! This is going to be
the best Naked Mile ever!
1092
01:07:53,470 --> 01:07:54,870
Good evening...
1093
01:07:54,904 --> 01:07:56,844
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
1094
01:07:57,274 --> 01:07:58,844
(BEEPING)
1095
01:07:58,875 --> 01:08:00,175
Who is that guy?
1096
01:08:00,210 --> 01:08:04,880
That is big,
bad Noah Levenstein.
1097
01:08:04,914 --> 01:08:09,254
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.
1098
01:08:09,286 --> 01:08:10,486
My bad. My bad.
Welcome to the Naked Mile.
1099
01:08:10,520 --> 01:08:12,120
(ALL CHEERING)
1100
01:08:16,293 --> 01:08:19,163
Yes, you know, when I started
this race many, many...
1101
01:08:19,196 --> 01:08:21,226
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.
1102
01:08:21,265 --> 01:08:24,525
...many years ago.
It was just...
Just a passive protest.
1103
01:08:24,568 --> 01:08:28,508
Just a way to "stick it
to the man," so to speak.
1104
01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:32,579
Right on. Right on.
1105
01:08:32,609 --> 01:08:36,409
But over the years,
it's become somewhat
less political.
1106
01:08:36,446 --> 01:08:39,646
And now, it's just
1107
01:08:39,683 --> 01:08:42,853
some sort of Roman orgy,
1108
01:08:42,886 --> 01:08:45,856
which I'm down with,
by the way.
1109
01:08:45,889 --> 01:08:48,529
But let's keep
one thing in mind.
1110
01:08:48,558 --> 01:08:53,358
This is about
showing the world
your youthful exuberance,
1111
01:08:53,397 --> 01:08:56,727
and your unabashed commitment
to higher learning,
1112
01:08:56,766 --> 01:08:59,296
and having fun
while you're doing it,
1113
01:08:59,336 --> 01:09:03,166
which is where
the naked part comes in.
1114
01:09:03,207 --> 01:09:04,837
ALL: Yeah!
1115
01:09:09,213 --> 01:09:11,883
And being completely naked is,
of course,
1116
01:09:11,915 --> 01:09:14,175
a perfectly natural thing.
1117
01:09:14,218 --> 01:09:17,848
There's not one part
of one's body
1118
01:09:17,887 --> 01:09:20,217
one should be ashamed of,
1119
01:09:20,257 --> 01:09:25,197
be it one's pubic region
1120
01:09:25,229 --> 01:09:27,759
or one's breasts,
1121
01:09:27,797 --> 01:09:30,197
as in the case
with you young ladies...
1122
01:09:30,234 --> 01:09:31,704
(ALL CHEERING)
1123
01:09:34,538 --> 01:09:37,808
...and a couple
of you young men.
1124
01:09:40,377 --> 01:09:43,847
But you should all just revel
in the glory of being seen
1125
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:46,250
as the people you are.
1126
01:09:46,283 --> 01:09:47,753
Incidentally,
if anyone has anything...
1127
01:09:47,784 --> 01:09:49,794
Come on,
let's fucking do this!
1128
01:09:53,290 --> 01:09:55,330
I second that motion,
young man.
1129
01:09:55,359 --> 01:09:57,829
Okay, everybody ready.
1130
01:09:59,929 --> 01:10:01,569
Get set...
1131
01:10:31,328 --> 01:10:32,658
Still going?
1132
01:10:32,696 --> 01:10:34,596
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!
1133
01:10:35,599 --> 01:10:37,469
You love the Boss Hogg!
1134
01:10:39,303 --> 01:10:40,943
(WHOOPING)
1135
01:10:54,718 --> 01:10:58,358
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.
1136
01:10:58,388 --> 01:11:02,328
I'm adrift in a sea
of boobies, and my balls
are scraping the pavement.
1137
01:11:02,359 --> 01:11:03,429
Oh, heads up.
1138
01:11:07,631 --> 01:11:09,471
Look, it's the boner guys!
1139
01:11:10,567 --> 01:11:12,437
Nice cocks.
1140
01:11:12,469 --> 01:11:14,499
Oh, you got that right, sexy.
1141
01:11:14,538 --> 01:11:16,438
Dude, you have serious issues.
1142
01:11:59,449 --> 01:12:01,689
Hey, naked people only!
1143
01:12:01,718 --> 01:12:03,018
(LAUGHING)
1144
01:12:35,885 --> 01:12:37,545
Are you all right?
1145
01:12:37,587 --> 01:12:39,417
I'm fine.
1146
01:12:39,456 --> 01:12:41,386
Come on, sweetie.
Let's finish this thing.
1147
01:12:51,568 --> 01:12:54,438
I'm standing at the finish
line of a very proud,
but strange tradition
1148
01:12:54,471 --> 01:12:55,841
called the Naked Mile.
1149
01:12:55,872 --> 01:12:57,412
Ever year after exams
1150
01:12:57,441 --> 01:12:59,941
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus
1151
01:12:59,976 --> 01:13:01,776
in nothing more
than their birthday suits.
1152
01:13:03,179 --> 01:13:04,979
(LAUGHING)
1153
01:13:06,115 --> 01:13:09,445
This is the greatest
thing ever!
1154
01:13:09,486 --> 01:13:11,486
Hell, yeah!
We did it!
1155
01:13:11,521 --> 01:13:13,691
I can't believe we did this!
1156
01:13:13,723 --> 01:13:17,533
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!
1157
01:13:17,561 --> 01:13:19,601
Beta House fucking rules!
1158
01:13:26,636 --> 01:13:30,506
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.
1159
01:13:32,041 --> 01:13:33,811
I did it. I really did it.
1160
01:13:35,912 --> 01:13:38,652
Way to go, Coz.
That's my cousin.
1161
01:13:42,952 --> 01:13:45,152
Some people call it
lewd behavior,
1162
01:13:45,188 --> 01:13:48,058
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.
1163
01:13:48,091 --> 01:13:48,991
And maybe,
1164
01:13:53,597 --> 01:13:55,227
find love.
1165
01:13:55,264 --> 01:13:57,474
This is Hal Michaels,
reporting from the Naked Mile.
1166
01:14:08,612 --> 01:14:10,452
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1167
01:14:33,903 --> 01:14:36,743
Stifler has arrived!
1168
01:14:43,613 --> 01:14:45,083
(HOWLING)
1169
01:14:45,749 --> 01:14:47,649
Yeah! Yeah!
1170
01:14:49,018 --> 01:14:51,618
Holy shit! Is this even
the same house?
1171
01:14:56,059 --> 01:14:59,029
I think I had a wet dream
that started like this.
1172
01:14:59,062 --> 01:15:00,102
It's those guys.
1173
01:15:05,334 --> 01:15:06,844
And ended like that.
1174
01:15:06,870 --> 01:15:08,270
Wow, taking those pills
1175
01:15:08,304 --> 01:15:11,214
might just be the best thing
you guys ever did
for your social lives.
1176
01:15:11,240 --> 01:15:12,910
Oh, yeah.
1177
01:15:12,942 --> 01:15:14,982
You wanna dance?
1178
01:15:15,011 --> 01:15:18,311
Is my dick hard? Of course
the Cooze wants to dance.
1179
01:15:18,347 --> 01:15:19,747
(SCREAMS)
1180
01:15:21,585 --> 01:15:23,145
Are you gonna dance, sexy?
1181
01:15:23,186 --> 01:15:25,316
Or are you one of those
football players who's
too cool to dance?
1182
01:15:25,354 --> 01:15:28,564
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.
1183
01:15:34,263 --> 01:15:35,733
Come on, cutie.
1184
01:15:36,633 --> 01:15:38,003
What a bastard.
1185
01:15:38,034 --> 01:15:41,614
I told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.
1186
01:15:41,638 --> 01:15:44,038
I'm so sorry, honey.
1187
01:15:44,073 --> 01:15:46,613
Is there anything
we can do for you?
1188
01:15:46,643 --> 01:15:48,753
No, I think I just want
to be alone.
1189
01:15:48,778 --> 01:15:52,048
No way. We are not
leaving you alone
so you can beat yourself up.
1190
01:15:52,081 --> 01:15:54,921
Yeah, but I told him to do it.
I mean, I can't get mad
about it now.
1191
01:15:54,951 --> 01:15:57,991
Would you quit being so
logical, Tracy? We're girls.
1192
01:15:58,021 --> 01:16:00,121
Boys should know better
than to trust us
to be rational.
1193
01:16:00,156 --> 01:16:01,316
It's not in our nature.
1194
01:16:01,357 --> 01:16:02,987
It's really not.
1195
01:16:03,026 --> 01:16:06,756
So, you are going
to get dressed.
1196
01:16:06,796 --> 01:16:09,226
Then, we're going
to Allison's party.
1197
01:16:09,265 --> 01:16:11,365
That will get your mind
off of Erik.
1198
01:16:11,400 --> 01:16:13,600
I don't want to.
1199
01:16:13,637 --> 01:16:16,767
Well, you don't have a vote
in this. Now get dressed.
1200
01:16:29,252 --> 01:16:32,392
Check out our boy.
Think he's going
to lose it tonight?
1201
01:16:32,421 --> 01:16:36,331
Nope. Bet he screws it up
and ends up jerking off
in the bathroom.
1202
01:16:36,359 --> 01:16:37,989
I'll bet 20 bucks says
he nails her.
1203
01:16:38,027 --> 01:16:39,097
(SCOFFS)
1204
01:16:39,128 --> 01:16:40,158
Oh, you're on.
1205
01:16:43,700 --> 01:16:46,000
Hey, hard-on brothers.
1206
01:16:46,035 --> 01:16:49,365
Do you guys have any idea
how much everybody here
has been talking about you?
1207
01:16:49,405 --> 01:16:51,005
I was getting that feeling.
1208
01:16:51,040 --> 01:16:51,940
Yeah!
1209
01:16:53,209 --> 01:16:55,649
Okay, listen up,
'cause I got a plan
1210
01:16:55,679 --> 01:16:59,619
that's gonna make
you guys legends.
1211
01:17:05,855 --> 01:17:08,155
Ladies and gentlemen!
1212
01:17:08,191 --> 01:17:12,731
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
1213
01:17:12,762 --> 01:17:17,402
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1214
01:17:17,433 --> 01:17:19,403
Yeah, Cooze!
1215
01:17:19,435 --> 01:17:20,795
(ALL CHEERING)
1216
01:17:23,406 --> 01:17:27,036
Tonight is the dawning
of a new era
1217
01:17:27,076 --> 01:17:29,246
in meaningless
male competition.
1218
01:17:29,278 --> 01:17:33,818
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!
1219
01:17:39,255 --> 01:17:41,925
For the first phase
of the competition,
1220
01:17:41,958 --> 01:17:45,698
a bucket will be hung
on the dong of each
of our contestants.
1221
01:17:45,729 --> 01:17:48,999
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.
1222
01:17:49,032 --> 01:17:52,842
First person to drop
the bucket is the loser.
1223
01:17:52,869 --> 01:17:54,799
(ALL BOOING)
1224
01:17:54,838 --> 01:17:56,708
So let the penis games begin!
1225
01:18:08,451 --> 01:18:11,821
Commence the pouring!
1226
01:18:17,861 --> 01:18:19,101
You like that?
1227
01:18:19,128 --> 01:18:20,458
Oh, yeah, baby!
1228
01:18:22,766 --> 01:18:24,096
(GROANING)
1229
01:18:36,012 --> 01:18:39,122
Oh, I am so sorry about that!
1230
01:18:43,086 --> 01:18:44,316
Still good.
1231
01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:03,940
Next competition.
1232
01:19:06,442 --> 01:19:08,812
The ring toss.
1233
01:19:08,845 --> 01:19:10,905
Let's have it, girls.
Come on.
1234
01:19:15,251 --> 01:19:17,551
That's right! On that penis!
1235
01:19:17,586 --> 01:19:19,816
Come on, baby,
just like Six Flags.
1236
01:19:22,892 --> 01:19:23,962
Wrong head!
1237
01:19:28,564 --> 01:19:30,134
Ring around the cocksy.
1238
01:19:32,301 --> 01:19:34,271
You needed
an extra inch on that one.
1239
01:19:44,213 --> 01:19:45,853
Can you believe this?
1240
01:19:46,549 --> 01:19:48,119
Do not let Cooze win.
1241
01:19:52,956 --> 01:19:54,916
Next competition!
1242
01:20:01,130 --> 01:20:03,900
I got a nine-inch strike zone,
baby.
1243
01:20:03,933 --> 01:20:05,943
You cocky prick.
You can't miss it!
1244
01:20:11,908 --> 01:20:13,578
It's a hardball, son!
1245
01:20:13,609 --> 01:20:14,939
Hey, boner, boner, boner.
1246
01:20:15,344 --> 01:20:16,614
Swing, boner!
1247
01:20:16,645 --> 01:20:18,305
Deep center, baby!
1248
01:20:24,187 --> 01:20:25,817
Foul ball!
1249
01:20:40,069 --> 01:20:40,899
Bunt.
1250
01:20:51,948 --> 01:20:54,948
That is it.
We're calling it a tie.
1251
01:20:54,984 --> 01:20:57,394
Your Co-Hard-on Champions
of the World,
1252
01:20:57,420 --> 01:21:01,320
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1253
01:21:01,357 --> 01:21:02,927
(ALL CHEERING)
1254
01:21:17,974 --> 01:21:22,254
Fifty-six, fifty-seven,
fifty-eight, fifty-nine...
1255
01:22:49,132 --> 01:22:51,032
BROOKE: Boys are
a bad influence.
1256
01:22:51,067 --> 01:22:54,067
I mean, you have no idea
what he's doing
or who he's doing it with.
1257
01:22:54,103 --> 01:22:57,243
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.
1258
01:22:57,273 --> 01:23:01,143
The bottom line is this.
You two will never be
on the same level again.
1259
01:23:01,177 --> 01:23:05,107
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.
1260
01:23:05,148 --> 01:23:07,178
So, what? I'm supposed
to break up with him?
1261
01:23:07,216 --> 01:23:10,016
No, but you need to get back
on the same level.
1262
01:23:11,387 --> 01:23:14,057
You need to sleep
with somebody. Tonight.
1263
01:23:14,090 --> 01:23:16,330
Brooke.
Shut up, Natalie.
1264
01:23:16,359 --> 01:23:19,059
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,
1265
01:23:19,095 --> 01:23:20,695
you decide to do it with Erik.
1266
01:23:20,729 --> 01:23:25,369
All you're going to be
thinking is that he's already
had sex with some other girl.
1267
01:23:25,401 --> 01:23:28,071
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.
1268
01:23:28,104 --> 01:23:30,344
Oh, look. There's Trent.
1269
01:23:32,241 --> 01:23:34,141
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1270
01:23:36,245 --> 01:23:37,305
Perfect.
1271
01:23:48,124 --> 01:23:50,434
Hey, cool. A pool table.
Do you play?
1272
01:23:51,794 --> 01:23:53,764
Sometimes.
1273
01:23:53,796 --> 01:23:55,496
Well, what do you want
to play?
1274
01:23:55,531 --> 01:23:57,201
I don't care.
1275
01:23:57,233 --> 01:24:01,603
Okay. Well, how about
nine-ball? Look, nine-ball.
1276
01:24:01,637 --> 01:24:05,337
It's... It's easy. You just
have to get the balls in order
from one through nine.
1277
01:24:05,374 --> 01:24:09,814
I'll show you.
I'll break right now.
You'll be good at it.
1278
01:24:12,415 --> 01:24:14,175
Erik.
Yeah.
1279
01:24:14,217 --> 01:24:15,217
(CRASHING)
1280
01:24:16,852 --> 01:24:18,092
Come here.
1281
01:24:33,536 --> 01:24:38,136
This is special to you, right?
I mean, this weekend,
this night?
1282
01:24:39,175 --> 01:24:40,705
Erik?
Yes?
1283
01:24:40,743 --> 01:24:43,153
This is sex, not Shakespeare.
1284
01:24:44,913 --> 01:24:48,183
Are you sure you want to?
Because I doubt
I'll be very good.
1285
01:24:48,217 --> 01:24:51,117
Don't worry. I know how
to handle guys like you.
1286
01:24:52,288 --> 01:24:53,718
Guys like me?
1287
01:24:53,756 --> 01:24:55,586
Virgins.
1288
01:24:55,624 --> 01:24:57,834
I can take care of virgins.
1289
01:24:59,295 --> 01:25:02,265
You mean,
I'm not your first virgin?
1290
01:25:02,298 --> 01:25:04,328
I have a bit of a confession.
1291
01:25:05,701 --> 01:25:08,341
Some girls like blonds,
some like muscles.
1292
01:25:09,738 --> 01:25:11,168
I like virgins.
1293
01:25:13,776 --> 01:25:16,106
Are you ready
for a special night?
1294
01:25:18,347 --> 01:25:20,277
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1295
01:25:32,561 --> 01:25:36,831
Hey there, beautiful.
Didn't expect to see you
here tonight.
1296
01:25:36,865 --> 01:25:39,765
I came to apologize.
I heard about what happened,
1297
01:25:39,802 --> 01:25:43,242
and I wanted to let you know
that I didn't know
anything about it.
1298
01:25:43,272 --> 01:25:45,742
You're not just here
to set me up?
1299
01:25:45,774 --> 01:25:49,184
I would never want
to let anything happen
to that gorgeous face.
1300
01:25:51,614 --> 01:25:55,254
You sure you're supposed
to be dancing on enemy
territory like this?
1301
01:25:55,284 --> 01:25:58,894
I dance where I want,
with who I want.
1302
01:26:00,456 --> 01:26:02,256
I like your style.
1303
01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:05,832
And your ass.
1304
01:26:19,375 --> 01:26:21,705
You know,
I don't usually go for
1305
01:26:21,744 --> 01:26:24,814
suburban, jock,
Abercrombie clones,
1306
01:26:24,847 --> 01:26:27,717
but there is something
about you.
Yeah?
1307
01:26:27,750 --> 01:26:31,250
Well, I tend to have
that effect on pacifist,
vegan bisexuals.
1308
01:26:42,298 --> 01:26:45,368
This guy's got good taste.
1309
01:26:45,401 --> 01:26:48,401
You sure you're up for this
after that little incident
downstairs?
1310
01:26:48,437 --> 01:26:53,237
They don't call me "Everhard"
because I've only got
one bullet in the chamber.
1311
01:26:53,276 --> 01:26:55,536
But just to be sure...
1312
01:26:55,578 --> 01:26:57,848
Should you be taking
more of that?
1313
01:26:57,880 --> 01:27:01,350
More? I didn't take it
the first time.
1314
01:27:03,552 --> 01:27:05,822
You mean...
That's right, baby.
1315
01:27:05,854 --> 01:27:08,364
We're gonna have
a good time tonight.
1316
01:27:10,293 --> 01:27:14,803
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.
1317
01:27:15,698 --> 01:27:17,398
Excuse me?
1318
01:27:17,433 --> 01:27:19,273
I said, get on the bed
1319
01:27:19,302 --> 01:27:22,412
you worthless peasant!
1320
01:27:22,438 --> 01:27:25,338
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...
1321
01:27:25,374 --> 01:27:28,284
Oh, God!
I said, get on the bed,
1322
01:27:28,944 --> 01:27:30,854
and I meant it.
1323
01:27:32,515 --> 01:27:35,875
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it.
1324
01:27:37,320 --> 01:27:38,720
And I'm into it.
1325
01:27:39,522 --> 01:27:41,062
Shut up!
1326
01:27:41,089 --> 01:27:42,629
(SCREAMING)
1327
01:27:44,393 --> 01:27:46,603
All right! All right!
All right!
1328
01:28:04,480 --> 01:28:05,880
Brandy.
1329
01:28:07,416 --> 01:28:11,416
Look, I can't do this.
I'm really sorry, okay?
1330
01:28:11,454 --> 01:28:13,564
I mean, you're really gorgeous
and really cool,
1331
01:28:13,589 --> 01:28:16,059
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet
1332
01:28:16,091 --> 01:28:19,361
would love to sleep with you,
including me.
1333
01:28:19,395 --> 01:28:20,795
But I just can't.
1334
01:28:23,065 --> 01:28:24,325
I'm in love.
1335
01:28:27,936 --> 01:28:30,706
I hope this girl knows
how lucky she is.
1336
01:28:30,739 --> 01:28:32,309
I seriously doubt that.
1337
01:28:43,752 --> 01:28:46,662
Got to say it again.
It's a very nice surprise.
1338
01:28:47,923 --> 01:28:49,433
What can I say?
I'm full of them.
1339
01:28:49,458 --> 01:28:50,728
So, what about Erik?
1340
01:28:51,894 --> 01:28:54,604
We're on a weekend
guilt-free pass.
1341
01:28:54,630 --> 01:28:57,530
We can do anything we want.
1342
01:28:57,566 --> 01:28:59,536
Anything?
1343
01:28:59,568 --> 01:29:00,638
Anything.
1344
01:29:00,669 --> 01:29:01,939
I like the sound of that.
1345
01:29:19,021 --> 01:29:20,161
Is this your room?
1346
01:29:20,188 --> 01:29:22,988
Why, yes, it is,
my diminutive goddess.
1347
01:29:24,593 --> 01:29:28,533
Good, because we are
going to need
1348
01:29:28,564 --> 01:29:29,934
a little bit of privacy.
1349
01:29:34,637 --> 01:29:36,467
(MOANING)
1350
01:29:41,143 --> 01:29:45,553
That's it, you pathetic slave.
Keep doing that.
1351
01:29:45,581 --> 01:29:48,021
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?
1352
01:29:48,050 --> 01:29:50,850
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.
1353
01:29:50,886 --> 01:29:52,816
I didn't mean we had to stop.
1354
01:29:52,855 --> 01:29:56,425
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.
1355
01:29:57,560 --> 01:29:59,190
You ready to get kinky?
1356
01:29:59,227 --> 01:30:01,427
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?
1357
01:30:02,465 --> 01:30:03,725
Not even close.
1358
01:30:07,970 --> 01:30:09,670
What is that noise?
1359
01:30:11,774 --> 01:30:12,814
(MOANING)
1360
01:30:15,511 --> 01:30:17,181
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1361
01:30:17,212 --> 01:30:18,612
What the hell?
1362
01:30:24,687 --> 01:30:26,717
You got to be kidding me.
1363
01:30:47,576 --> 01:30:48,636
(HORSE SNUFFLING)
1364
01:30:56,218 --> 01:30:58,618
So, you wanna go upstairs?
1365
01:31:01,223 --> 01:31:03,693
Yeah, I do.
1366
01:31:11,600 --> 01:31:12,840
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1367
01:31:16,905 --> 01:31:18,905
(PANTING)
1368
01:31:18,941 --> 01:31:22,611
Hi, Mr. Sterling.
Is Tracy home?
1369
01:31:22,645 --> 01:31:24,805
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.
1370
01:31:24,847 --> 01:31:27,717
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.
1371
01:31:27,750 --> 01:31:28,820
Oh.
1372
01:31:29,852 --> 01:31:32,992
Okay. Well,
sorry to disturb you, then.
1373
01:31:33,021 --> 01:31:34,091
Have a good night!
1374
01:31:38,894 --> 01:31:40,634
Crazy little fucker.
1375
01:31:46,101 --> 01:31:48,671
We gotta find Tracy.
We gotta find Tracy.
1376
01:31:48,704 --> 01:31:51,744
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?
1377
01:31:51,774 --> 01:31:54,914
I don't think sex has to be
just one-on-one.
1378
01:31:54,943 --> 01:31:56,083
(HORSE NEIGHING)
1379
01:31:56,111 --> 01:31:57,511
What the hell?
1380
01:31:59,347 --> 01:32:02,247
Tracy!
1381
01:32:03,986 --> 01:32:04,816
Hey!
1382
01:32:08,624 --> 01:32:10,234
Trace!
1383
01:32:10,258 --> 01:32:11,688
What the hell
are you doing here?
1384
01:32:11,727 --> 01:32:13,827
And on a horse!
1385
01:32:13,862 --> 01:32:16,162
Where's Tracy?
I have to see her.
1386
01:32:16,198 --> 01:32:18,698
We think it's best
if you just leave her alone.
1387
01:32:18,734 --> 01:32:20,574
What? Why?
1388
01:32:20,603 --> 01:32:23,573
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.
1389
01:32:23,606 --> 01:32:27,776
What are you talking about?
She saw you
kiss that girl on TV.
1390
01:32:27,810 --> 01:32:31,610
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
I was on a guilt-free pass.
1391
01:32:31,647 --> 01:32:33,917
Wake up, Erik.
There is no such thing.
1392
01:32:35,183 --> 01:32:36,523
Where is Tracy?
1393
01:32:36,551 --> 01:32:40,161
Oh, we gave Tracy
a guilt-free pass,
and she's using it right now.
1394
01:32:44,292 --> 01:32:46,292
Tracy! Trace!
1395
01:32:51,133 --> 01:32:54,003
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?
1396
01:32:54,036 --> 01:32:57,006
I think she went upstairs
with Trent a little...
1397
01:32:57,305 --> 01:32:58,565
Tracy!
1398
01:33:00,208 --> 01:33:01,708
Tracy.
1399
01:33:06,081 --> 01:33:07,851
(WOMAN MOANING)
1400
01:33:07,883 --> 01:33:11,093
Trace, can you hear me?
Are you in there?
1401
01:33:11,119 --> 01:33:13,919
Trace, if you can hear me,
I am sorry.
1402
01:33:13,956 --> 01:33:16,216
I am really sorry
about everything, okay?
1403
01:33:16,258 --> 01:33:19,698
I know you gave me this pass,
but I didn't use it.
1404
01:33:19,728 --> 01:33:22,058
I mean I did use it,
but it was only
for a few seconds.
1405
01:33:22,097 --> 01:33:25,267
I couldn't go through with it,
so I came here looking
for you, okay?
1406
01:33:25,300 --> 01:33:29,270
Look, I don't care
about the sex. I really don't.
1407
01:33:29,304 --> 01:33:32,714
It's not the most important
thing. You are.
1408
01:33:32,741 --> 01:33:34,681
Trace, I love you.
1409
01:33:36,111 --> 01:33:37,851
Can you hear me? I love you!
1410
01:33:37,880 --> 01:33:40,380
Do you mind?
I'm trying to get laid here.
1411
01:33:43,719 --> 01:33:45,649
TRACY: You rode
a horse for me?
1412
01:33:54,863 --> 01:33:57,973
When I heard her, I thought...
1413
01:33:59,067 --> 01:34:00,767
I couldn't do it, either.
1414
01:34:04,707 --> 01:34:06,107
I love you, too.
1415
01:34:19,822 --> 01:34:21,392
(ALL CHEERING)
1416
01:34:34,069 --> 01:34:35,269
Should we?
1417
01:34:50,452 --> 01:34:52,922
(BIRTHDAY SONG PLAYING)
1418
01:35:28,523 --> 01:35:29,793
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)
1419
01:35:45,373 --> 01:35:47,513
I'm telling you, man.
I parked the car right here.
1420
01:35:47,542 --> 01:35:51,182
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then it would be
right here.
1421
01:35:52,047 --> 01:35:53,977
Where the hell is Erik?
1422
01:35:54,016 --> 01:35:57,386
Dude, I don't even know
where my underwear is.
1423
01:35:59,254 --> 01:36:00,794
Somebody call a taxi?
1424
01:36:00,823 --> 01:36:02,163
Where the fuck did you go?
1425
01:36:02,190 --> 01:36:03,290
To get some breakfast.
1426
01:36:03,325 --> 01:36:05,225
Oh, sweet.
I'm starving.
1427
01:36:10,833 --> 01:36:12,873
(GROANING)
1428
01:36:12,901 --> 01:36:14,271
I take it you guys
had a good night.
1429
01:36:14,302 --> 01:36:16,372
Oh, completely
out of hand, bro.
1430
01:36:16,404 --> 01:36:18,014
Where are the girls?
1431
01:36:18,040 --> 01:36:22,180
They all split this morning.
Said they had to drive
to State for some big party.
1432
01:36:22,210 --> 01:36:24,050
That must make you feel
pretty special.
1433
01:36:24,079 --> 01:36:26,349
"Special"?
Who cares about special?
1434
01:36:26,381 --> 01:36:28,581
All I care about is the sex.
1435
01:36:28,616 --> 01:36:32,916
And, baby, I had plenty. Yeah.
1436
01:36:32,955 --> 01:36:36,055
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?
1437
01:36:36,091 --> 01:36:38,291
I don't wanna talk about it.
Ever.
1438
01:36:40,929 --> 01:36:45,469
Speaking of which,
did you seal the deal
with that Brandy chick?
1439
01:36:48,070 --> 01:36:49,440
No.
1440
01:36:49,471 --> 01:36:52,111
I told you. Pay up.
1441
01:36:52,140 --> 01:36:54,940
But I did have sex
with Tracy last night.
1442
01:36:59,247 --> 01:37:00,247
What are you talking about?
1443
01:37:00,282 --> 01:37:02,282
Tracy.
1444
01:37:02,317 --> 01:37:04,987
I drove home
in the middle of the night,
I ran out of gas,
1445
01:37:05,020 --> 01:37:08,090
stole a horse, rode over
to Allison's party...
1446
01:37:08,123 --> 01:37:10,433
We had sex in the guest room.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1447
01:37:10,458 --> 01:37:12,188
You stole a horse?
Yup.
1448
01:37:12,227 --> 01:37:14,097
A real horse? Like the kind
you ride and shit?
1449
01:37:14,129 --> 01:37:15,899
Yeah, a real horse.
1450
01:37:15,931 --> 01:37:17,101
That's fucking fantastic.
1451
01:37:17,132 --> 01:37:19,102
I didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.
1452
01:37:19,134 --> 01:37:21,574
Neither did I.
Where did you find a horse?
1453
01:37:21,603 --> 01:37:23,613
Are there horses
in Great Falls?
1454
01:37:26,008 --> 01:37:27,178
Proud of you,
1455
01:37:28,110 --> 01:37:29,440
Stifler.
1456
01:37:31,279 --> 01:37:33,949
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
But call me Erik.
1457
01:37:43,258 --> 01:37:45,988
RYAN: So, how do you feel?
Best night of my entire life.
1458
01:37:46,028 --> 01:37:48,328
COOZE: See you in a year,
college pussy!
1459
01:38:04,446 --> 01:38:06,246
Mail call, bitches.
1460
01:38:07,715 --> 01:38:08,915
Scooter.
1461
01:38:10,085 --> 01:38:11,415
Scratchy.
1462
01:38:12,454 --> 01:38:13,924
Tripod.
1463
01:38:19,094 --> 01:38:20,264
What the hell?
1464
01:38:20,295 --> 01:38:21,655
What is it, man?
1465
01:38:22,597 --> 01:38:23,967
I don't know.
1466
01:38:36,044 --> 01:38:37,954
Smile for the camera, baby.
1467
01:38:46,688 --> 01:38:48,988
Oh, man. That is fucked up.
1468
01:38:52,127 --> 01:38:53,627
Stifler!
1469
01:38:54,462 --> 01:38:56,002
(MY HERO PLAYING)
101336
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