All language subtitles for The Devil by the Tail (Le diable par la queue) (1969) FR

- Another leak.
- Don't worry Count, I'm here.

Marcial, move that one a little to the left.

Just a hair.

It's leaking everywhere.

Ready for soup, Madame Baroness.

THE DEVIL BY THE TAIL

One fishcake for number ten.

One fishcake. One.

Thank you, Miss Amelie

Don't keep calling me Miss.

It's vexing when you've
already been divorced.

Divorced at 18. That's modern living for you.

Poor girl.

And strangely enough I blame the newspapers.

Evening, Amelie.

Evening, Dad.

- Where's your mother?
- Working.

- Yep, I'm working too.
- And me.

We're all working.

While the bourgeois stuff themselves.

Hey, he's finished his fishcake.

Dad, can you serve him?
I'm finishing my chapter.

An August evening, and I've used
my 110th pot.

What pots?

Chamber pots.

A hundred and ten chamber pots.

To protect my heaven.

Good God!

Another angel has lost it's bottom.

Amelie, where is your mother?

And I'm having to make their beds.

Oh, George, I'd happily make fifty.

We haven't had a single guest for six months.

I'll give you a hand, Mum.

Now don't be silly.

This isn't the time for it.

Listen, Dad...

What a scolding!

Diane, where's your mother?

Hello, mum. Can I have a word?

I see I'm not interrupting your accounts.

What accounts?
We're living on the bread line here.

- Sell your jewels.
- What jewels?

An earing like that could repair the roof.

And you want me to go out
with only one earring?

It's just not done.

So, let's not mention jewelery
and stop complaining.

Over six months we've had
only one bed and breakfast.

One.

Who's he then?

Well, you've seen what type of client he is.

To be profitable what we need
are drunks and couples.

Think of it, how much couples spend!

Love and wine.

Everyone has a dream.

Mine is to peacefully smoke a cigarette
in a two bedroom apartment.

Yours is to keep the castle
by running a hotel.

There aren't enough customers
to fill beds for mine!

You can't understand.

The truth is you'd
be better off managing a...

Bordello?

Bordello, hotel, it's all
the same, eh Grandma?

Absolutely.

But change the subject.
We're in front of your cousin.

She's still innocent of these things.

But it's true, to save my roof
I'd open a brothel!

For refined clients, of course.

Instead of this old thing you'd have Romeo?

And why not?

All dreams.

I'm going to do the serving.

As usual everything falls on my shoulders.

We're not dreaming. It's an excellent idea.

So, here's the plan.

Welcome, loveAnd come back soon!

Amelie, you'll attract the customers.

And Diane, you'll keep them.

And Jeanne? Like always she'll do nothing.

She only ever does!

True.

And how do I attract customers?

How about your mechanic friend?

Charlie? I've already asked him.
He's not hot about it.

Well, go warm him to the idea.

OK!

Don't annoy me! I'm working.

Don't you want to see
a little more of each other?

I've known you since you were this high.
Enough already.

Go back to your castle and leave me alone.

OK boss.

What did you want?

- That you be nice.
- Really?

Yep, I need you.

Ah, obviously.

When you've got problems, then you come to me.

When some guy dumps you, then you call me.

- When you're in a scrape
you only think about me? - Exactly.

- And that's why you married another guy?
- I got divorced.

Do you know what that's like for the family?

Your family? Give over!

Who are you? What's going to come of all that?

To earn your bread you need talent,
you can't just cry for help.

But customers above all!
All you've got to do is send them.

And I'd have my share, I know. In what?

Well, if I don't send anyone,
it's because no-one passes by.

Liar.

You could, if you wanted.

So, you'll send me some customers?

No.

It's entertaining, at least.

What if they catch me?

You can't say anything!

Really, women only ever think of themselves.

Just a Saab then.

Tell me.

Will I see you this evening?

It's all down to you.

You're still wearing sunglasses?

Yes.

You can't be able to see anything.

Well, what would I see? Your shortcuts?

I'm just looking for petrol.

And I'm looking for sun.

I'm just so fed up of it.

I'm warning you, I'll take a plane back.

Hey, look, I didn't just pick you up
by a whistle.

You think I'm here for your charm?

I imagine, yes.

Poor guy. There are a dozen like you.

So, why me?

You or some other guy...

It always ends the same.

What's more, I don't care.

Ah, petrol station!

Even so.

Full tank?

Super unleaded. Where are the toilets?

Round the back, on the right.

Open the bonnet, please.

How?

Unbelievable...

- 30 sir.
- Ciao, kid.

Good acceleration, eh?

Like the wind.
You need to know how to handle it.

- It's never before...
- It won't start?

Well, damn.

Don't budge. You can see everything there.

And how did you manage
to come all the way here?

On the motorway, there's a diversion
for road works.

That's not what I mean. Your engine is dead.

Dead!

Did you hear a ticking?

All the time.

Well, go on then, fix it.

For the engine parts? At this hour?

It'd take at least four days.

- And for me?
- Even for you.

Well, call a taxi.

There aren't any!
We're in the middle of nowhere, here.

And you think I can spend the night
at a petrol station!

Don't worry!
I'm not going to leave you like that.

There's only one solution. Come with me!

Ok guys, I'm off.
Can't leave the garage by itself!

It's a fun little setback, don't you think?

- Do you have a room, my girl?
- Two rooms!

You're nottogether?

- Yes!
- No!

I can offer you one in the left wing,
the other in the right.

Can't we argue in the dry?

Wow, nice place!

Hey, careful! That woodwork is 17th century.

Sorry, my girl.

Stop calling me that!

Well, my girl, what should I call you?

I am the Baroness Amelie d'Agostine.

- Oh.
- Exactly.

If you would just come round here.

Hand over your papers.

A room with a bath, I imagine?

- Er...
- For me, anyway.

So, two rooms. Let's see...

Let's see, there are still rooms...

from 180 to 200 francs.

Oh.

It's not peak season.

Cash in advance.

Let's say the Maritial and Pompadour rooms.

George!

Mum?

Their luggage!

You haven't had dinner?

- Er...
- No, and I'm hungry!

Hey, pal, is dinner included in the price?

Mum, what's the dinner?

We only have fine dining.

A fixed meal or would you like the full menu?

Fixed.

Diane? The Maritial
and the Pompadeur rooms, please.

Through here, please

Where's my room?

You're not together?

- We are.
- We're not.

All the better.

George, darling...

Show mademoiselle to the room next door.

George, darling?

Hey, lovely...

You're not the sweetheart
of the porter, are you?

Of course not. He's my husband.

Oh, I didn't introduce you. George!

Sir...?

- Jean-Jacques Leroy-Martin.
- The Count d'Agostine.

A pleasure

No, madam, allow me.

After you.

Hey, I knew a d'Agostine once.

Really? My husband is the last with the name.

Ah, you're right.

It was a Loustine or a Roussi...

Planbach! A hell raiser, by the by.

I think you're going to like it here.

Here are the pillows for when you relax.

Madam Pompadour slept like this.

And if you like to read...

You have a light right here.

I can offer you some reading material.

They're a bitfree thinking.

Unfortunately, I only like those.

Is something wrong?

Yes, no, fine.

On the contrary...

We'll wait for you in the dining room.

Just a couple of steps away.

At the end of the corridor, the grand staircase, take a left...

Then just past the music room.

Oh, I forgot...

Your companion is in a bad mood.

She's tired from the journey.

She'll take a hot bath, a nice glass of port...

Note that drinks aren't included.

And then she'll be on top form once again.

Just like all of us.

You see? Already.

He's amusing, isn't he?

I'll leave you to it.

So, you're the count and the porter?

That and I poke about in the sewer pipes.

What?

You're a strange bird.

The young, the old...

A different species, really.

At the beginning full of surprises,
then it becomes routine.

Like everything else.

Ah, women don't interest you?

It's like me and men.

You quickly finish the rounds.

Naturally.

There, it's clean.

Shame there's no water.

It's normal, for this old dump.

The best tap is the roof.

I'd have like to have seen it in 1387.

1387?

In 1180 it was all forest here.

My ancestor, Maximilian, was out hunting...

He fell from his horse...

And broke his back. He couldn't move.

They built this around him.

And there you have it.

Really?

No, we just have a taste for fantasy.

And that's why you shouldn't
wear those glasses.

Diane?

You seem unusually beautiful, all of a sudden.

You see, George, it does us good to be apart.

Ok guys, I'm off.
Can't leave the garage by itself.

Welcome, brothers.

They're not monks, Grandma!

Oh, good, that would be sinful...

Hello.

Ermake love, not war!

You don't speak French, eh?

- Yes, we do!
- Great.

The King's room with compulsory champagne.

Well done Amelieand your little mechanic.

Ok guys, I'm off.
Can't leave the garage by itself.

Oh. I'm Madam Passereau.

My kids, my father, my husband.

Our car broke down.

It had done more than a 100,000 kms.

I said we should have changed it!

- Please, do you have a room? Any room?
- We still have one for 200 francs.

- Uh - Please! After all that time
outside, in this weather...

The children might catch cold, flu...
they'll need hospital!

Through here.

Men think only of themselves.

I'm exhausted! I can't go on!

Full tank?

- Super.
- Ok.

Max forgot to fill it up.

Now, I'll just check the water,
and the battery too.

There we go.

That'll be 150, sir.

Thanks, sir. Have a good trip.

I don't get it.

Go on, fix it!

Be nice. I don't want a scene.

Thank you, sir, thank you.

I'm sorry, but I don't know anything
about this car.

Never been out of your burrow, eh?

Well, call me a taxi.

I don't have a telephone.

Where have I wound up?

In some kind of tribe?

There's a telephone at the Marquise's.

Marquise?

A telephone? What Maquise?

Over there, at the castle.

I'll drive you, if you like.

Fruit, cake...

There's no ice cream, mummy. I'm hungry!

Me too.

I've been writing my editorial all week...

And now piano in the middle of the night!

You mean to say your bourgois editorial
has finally been set free.

But what are you wearing?

You're half naked in my sitting room.

This isn't your home, you know.

Well, I thought it was, Madam.
What are they doing here?

It's the weekend.

Oh, the weekend, leisure, holidays...

Nothing matters and they run around
like rabbits.

How life should be.

Anyone here?

Who is it?

Ah, the telephone.

Hello? Call me a taxi, quick!

What do you mean no taxis?

Who is that lout?

All right, get me Turin,
222, 2 , 2 , 2 , 2.

What do you mean in an hour?

I've never heard anything like it!

Fine, I'll wait!

Excuse me, sir. Whoever you are...

And I have the impression
that you're not very much.

I keep a respectable house.

If you come here to break down my door,
my telephone and my ears...

I'll call the police.

The police!

In such a charming place!

But, I haven't introduced myself.

Baron!

Baron Cesar Anselmo di Maricorne.

Consul-General in charge of
cultural relations, at present.

Assigned to the maritime offices
of all Latin American countries...

Among others.

- I'm delighted, your Excellency!
- The pleasure is all mine.

We have rooms available at 180
and 200 francs.

All historical.

- One at 200.
- Splendid. And for these two gentlemen?

Two camp beds. I like to keep them near me.

Otherwise they feel lost.

Please, gentleman, step this way.

Is that all you have for luggage?

Yes, for a night. I mean, an hour.

And would you be so kind as to put
the call through when it comes?

Charming.

Hey, day dreamers.

Jeanne, go on, my dear.

By the way, lovely Marquise.

I meant to say, for the telephone call...

Just put it on my bill.
No point mentioning it.

Oh, Rachmaninov!

Superb. Divine.

- Do you like it?
- And how. I love piano.

You really like music?

I don't like it. I live music.

George, the luggage.

My briefcase.

I gave you room 13. Casanova's.

Casanova? He lived in these walls?

For two days.

What a lover!

To whom do I owe the honour?

Madam, Baron Cesar Anselmo di Maricorne...

is not one to discover beauty
and let it waste.

Waitor, champagne for everyone!

Why sit in my room and await the telephone?

Dear friend, a waltz!

You're not going to play
for that foreigner, are you?

Room 13. Wait for me upstairs,
I'll give you the change.

Never mind.

I love the unexpected. A sudden romance...

So do I...

Only an hour ago the castle slept.

You arrived and everything awakened.

Yes, I've been told.
It's my impulsive nature.

A most fortunate coincidence.

Did my husband frighten you?

Your husband?

I don't like husbands, do you?

Every man is a husband to me, you know.

Really?

- You're hurting me, your Excellency.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

And drop the 'excellency', call me Cesar.

I'm glad to see some men know
how to have fun.

What, and I'm not fun?

You're already making the others jealous, you'll have to fix it.

I'll leave you to it.

What did he say to you?

He's a bit rough, but not unattractive.

If you grant me the pleasure,
you'll double the delight of the evening.

I beg your pardon!

What?

Oh, nothing.

You're not going to ask me?

Go on, children, off to bed!

- You're all by yourself?
- Yesno, I'm off to bed.

Alone?

It's all the same.

She's a pleasure. Always a pleasure.

I'm here to please her, that's it.

I don't believe you.

Come on, my girl, let's take up that bottle.

Your excellency, it's Turin!

Coming!

Ah, thank you.

You don't have a booth?

No, but I'll get them to be quiet.

Jeanne, stop playing. Quiet everyone!

It's international, this phone call.

No, no, go on. As you were.

- Hello, Alfonsky?
- Yes, it's Alfonsky, is that you Cesar?

Yes. It's not possible tonight.

- I can't get to the border. - Why?

My car broke down.

- The plane's already gone.
- What? Why didn't you wait?

I told you, I couldn't.

Fine, tomorrow then.

Ciao.

You heard?

You hear an international line here
like the bathroom plumbing.

So, that Alfonsky let you down?

Breakdowns happen to everyone.
He should have waited.

Well, exactly.

So, you understood everything.

Yes, you understand that...

After 29 years of foreign travel...

Deep in South America, in the midst of
uncharted communities...

Who...

Whom I'm bringing culture
like oxygen to the lungs.

It's difficult to breakdown
in the birthplace of our heritage...

Where I can see lovely floral architecture.

I'll have to speak about it in
the next conferencewhat was I saying?

- Your plane?
- Broken down!

The Minister will just have to wait!

Well, I need some rest.

Lovely ladies, I wish you good night.

So charming!

And nice.

A bundle is missing.

Who was it?

I trusted you.

And I still trust.

Go on, make your beds!

That man is made up of lies.

What do you think, dears, am I right?

Oh, yes, I agree completely.

Breaking news! 100 million has been
stolen in a bank robbery...

All roads have been blocked...

Unbelievable!

So, what do we think?

Did you see his eyes, his teeth?

Those hands?

His nostrils.

Back in the day I knew a guy like him.
In Naples.

What a voice.

- He talks a bit too much.
- I don't think so.

You've had enough study, dear, off to bed.

Of course, he's a talker.

All the better.
If men speak of love, they don't just talk...

They perform as well, believe me.

And admirably.

It's very simple.
You only realize afterwards.

And during?

Heaven, dear.

But when you're in heaven
you don't ask questions.

Mum...

I think I'm in danger of cheating on George.

I know, dear.

I feel it.

But your mother is here.

Amelie, go and tell Charlie to get
that devil's car...

So that he leaves.

- What a shame.
- One has to be sensible.

Off you go, before your mother
is broken hearted.

Amelie!

- Amelie!
- Yes, yes, I'm here.

I can't stand you sleeping
when I'm on my feet.

Hurry up!

That's nice of you. Come here!

- Wait until after.
- After what?

Let's put on your socks.

- Your overalls.
- What are you doing?

- I'm dressing you.
- Huh?

What for?

You've got to wake up!

A bit of water on your face

This is the first time you've come to my room.

- You've got to fix the big American car.
- What, is it urgent?

You know my mother.
She's afraid she'll have an affair.

- Again?
- Hurry up!

You have to fix it.

But I put it out of action
for the whole night!

Well, exactly.

Off you go.

You said I'd see you tonight.

You are seeing me, aren't you?

Yes, but not like that...

After. I'll stay.

Go on.

Aren't you sleepy?

No, I wonder and I worry.

It's night, of course,
but why do you see everything in black?

I see that the world is full of extravagance.

Even here.

Take this evening, for example.

That man has charm, like you.

An artist.

A show off, an animal even.

No, expensive.

But, why do you always
bottle away your feelings?

I place respect above all.

But, Mr Patin, is it respect to...

to snip...

To snip what, my dear?

It's as if you snip your tongue.

I'm wary of impulses.

You're afraid.

And I'm not.

Good night, Mr Patin.

Don't be an ass.

Open up!

Leave me be, would you.

What are you doing?

I'm reading.

You're always reading!

Of course, you can't understand.

Come on, open up!

What for?

You being bloody annoying!

Is it because of that guy?

I couldn't give a damn about him!

Who are you talking about?

You know! Come on, open up!

My girl, I don't mean to lecture you...

But I'm not the type of man
to be infatuated by his own vanity.

He got on your nerves, didn't he?

Ha, I'm above that!

Great, see you.

All right, come in.

Damn, your hair!

My respects to the Baron Cesar.

- You've finished?
- Yep.

So kind of you.

You've worked so hard.

You've earned your reward...

We'll never get there.

"Sleep well, I'll wait for you
in my room during church."

Good morning, Amelie!
My little shining nymphet!

But what do I see?

You can't hide that car!

Take that depressing hearse away from me!

I'm never going to leave this paradise.

Paradise!

Get your asses in gear. We're leaving.

Our charming Marquise, and our little Amelie.

And our little bill!

I put it all on one bill.

3,478 francs and 25 centimes.

Service included?

We'll forget the 25 centimes.

Thank you, and we'll never forget
your generous hospitality.

Marquise. Ameilie.

Too bad good customers never come back.

What do we do? Ram the road block?

No, no, no, turn around.

Turn around and look innocent.

Oh, what beautiful little flowers!

Now innocently turn around.

I said turn around, you morons!

How lovely!

Oh, another little flower!

So many pretty flowers!

Step on it, you idiot!

Stop!

Back up. Quickly!

Still innocent, but reversing.

- Stop, or I'll shoot!
- Just keep reversing.

Come on, boss, let me at them!

No, reverse!

Stop, turn around and I'll cover you.

What are you doing? Go forward!
Go into first!

It won't budge!

You've got to do something!

- Yeah, sure, but what?
- Look out! The doors! The doors!

They went south! Alert headquarters.

The mass is about to begin, and no-one's here!

George, did you wake them up?

Mum, the guests don't feel like religion
in the morning.

I know how they feel.

Well, whether they like it or not,
they're under my roof...

And everyone is going to Sunday mass.

Except Mr Patin, naturally.

Can't take him away from his writing.

Or his eating.

- Good morning, dear.
- Morning, Granny.

I'll wait for them.

- Good morning, madam.
- Good morning.

Where's your husband today?

I'm letting him sleep.

You know, as last night
was the first time since...

I can imagine.

Do you really have to meddle
with other people's souls?

- That's how it is.
- I'm a liberal and a libertine.

The liberal tolerates the church,
and the libertine prefers his bed.

His bed, eh?

Come on, children, off we go.

Let's take the short cut.

Amelie, you still don't believe?

- No.
- Well, as normal you can guard the house.

Hey!

Be back in one minute.

It's never going to happen, is it?

Hello?

Could you pass me through to Turin, please.

It's 222 - 2 - 2 - 2 - 2.

Yes, I'll wait. Thank you.

So, you're back?

Oh, little Amelie!

That is to say I wasn't far from here...

when I realized I still had some
phone calls to make.

May I?

Hello?

Alfonsky?

Yes, it's Cesar.

Just a second.

I can't get to you.

An accident. All the roads are blocked.

You come get me instead.

Yes, that's it.

There's a castle, right opposite a field.

You can land there.
It'll be easy, don't worry.

You'll come tonight?

Good. Now say it back to me.

Ok, ok, ciao.

Good morning, Baroness.
The Marquise isn't at home?

No, why?

You're asking why? With the bank robbery...

the police blocking every road
out of the village, and you wonder why?

You never hear about anything at the castle.

- It's true, you're at the end
of the world here. - A bank robbery?

- May we see the register?
- Of course.

Here.

Yes, a robbery, well organised. 100 million.

Three individuals. One, fat and blond.

One small and dark.

And the other tall, dark, aged around 45.

With slicked back hair, a flower in his lapel?

A good looking guy?

You've seen him?

- 100 million! That's loads.
- A fair bit, yes.

I mean it must be hard to move all that cash.

Not as hard as you might think.

It'd be heavy, but you could hold it all...

just in that!

So, did you see the suspect?

Nope!

Well, keep your eyes open.
Goodbye, Baroness.

Charlie? Charlie!

Are you coming up?

No, you're coming down. Quickly!

What did they want?

Like all policemen, thieves!

But what did they say?

Terrific! A robbery.

- 100 million!
- Really?

Turns out they had 200 million in a drawer,
not even locked.

You don't say?

Even so, it's unlucky.

Why, unlucky?

Guys like that are fabulous!

- You've known them?
- Four boys.

The oldest wasn't even 18.

Me, I'd get to know
a man like that in a flash.

In a flash, what?

Everything. I'd give him the lot.

Me, everything.

Where are you going?

To church.

It's true, what I said, you know.

Pedal, you!
You can drop me off at the church.

When will meet? Where, how?

In my room, after lunch.

What's wrong?

It's just so beautiful, so moving.

What decor!

Such grandeur.

The priest's?

Have you heard the news?

You believe again in God?

There's been a bank robbery.

We know. The priest put in his sermon.

Did he mention the 100 million?

100 million?

- And it's at home.
- What do you mean?

- In a briefcase.
- Say that again!

The 100 million is at the castle!

That's not a joke, Amelie.

I swear, it's true.

And do you know how did the job?

It's got the mark of an Anglo-Saxon,
probably from London.

Not at all.

It was His Excellency from last night.

- His Excellency?
- Yes, Baron Cesar.

He's back. I saw everything.

And he doesn't know that I know.

Bandits! It's the thin end of the wedge.

Stealing's fine only so long
as they do it elsewhere.

I'm going straight to the police!

What's going on?

The 100 million from the bank
is at the castle.

Along with the Baron Cesar who stole it!

Think, dear...

Perhaps God is sending us a test.

- He's at the castle, you're sure?
- Yes.

We'll keep the jackpot!

You're talking madness.

I'm more and more sure,
it's a sign from Heaven.

The money came from God's roof,
and our own could use it.

George, you'll be able to contract a builder.

And you think Cesar will just let us?

Sure, he's got a gun...

But I'll take it before he can blink and...

Bang!

- What!?
- Bumped off. Eliminated!

- A man like him?
- Dead, I say!

Mum, please be gentle.

Poison, sword, hunting rifle...

There's a range of choice.

A murder.

Self-defense!

You'll see. Come on, children, let's go.

Just act nonchalant!

And Jeanne?

Leave her be, she's too sensitive.

No, no, stay there, go on!

Everything's fine!

They've had their fill. We've done enough!

Leave me in peace.

I'm praying.

That's it, they're here!

The police beat us to it.

Sometimes they know what they're doing.

Let's go!

Ah, officer!

I knew that man always seemed suspicious.

Who's that, madam?

From the robbery, the crook, where is he?

I would ask you that same question.

Ah, you haven't caught him yet?

Just a moment!

Even bowls were of higher quality
in the old days...

- Where is he?
- Who?

Our friend, the Baron Cesar.

Oh, him. Flower in the lapel!

You know, he stole it from the park.

Yes, yes, but where is he?

I don't see him anywhere.

Binoculars...

Excuse me...

I left somethingon the stove.

What bad luck, he's coming back!

He'll ruin everything!

Do you smell burning?

No?

Yes!

Come on, Diane, quickly.

Keep Cesar busy using any means necessary.

- Any means?
- Yes, any!

Don't worry about a thing, George will watch.

George!

Keep watch.

So, what's this about?

We've just uncovered the car
used in the robbery...

With two bodies inside.

- Congratulations.
- As you say...

But we're still missing one, the leader.

Who's given the police the slip a dozen times.

Ten Eleven...

Twelve Thirteen...

Nothing else to do, but wait till the evening.

Hey you're back.

Oh, for instance!

I just passed there.

You were there?

Yes. I must have been sleeping.

Sleeping?

Well, don't let me stop you.
Have a nice nap!

- What's wrong?
- An ant!

An ant? Where?

There! Down my back.

An ant? It must be enormous!

- Where is it?
- Lower.

- Lower?
- Lower.

- Lower??
- Yes, lower!

Dirty, little ant!

He escaped with the loot.

You'll have to catch him.

We will, all the roads are blocked.

He must still be in the area.

What are you doing with that?

In the glove compartment, we found this bill...

Confirming the presence of the suspect...

in your hotel last night.

But that was what I was trying to tell you!

It was obvious from his face,
shifty eyes and all that.

Well then, why didn't you try
telling us that this morning?

Excuse me?

- Why did you lie this morning?
- Me?!

Excuse me, but it wasn't the Marquise.

It was the Baroness.

Amelie?

Amelie, you lied?

Oh Amelie, you lied to the police!

- Me?
- Yes, you!

No, grandma!

Amelie!

Baroness, you told me not two hours ago...

that you hadn't seen three men.

One fat and blond, one small and dark...

and another tall, dark and around 45!

It's the last we're looking for.

Look at me.

You didn't see him?

You're hiding him!

No, of course not,
but it's understandable, officer.

I know well the type.

Flower in the lapel, wandering hands...

We raise our girls to be so moral.

She's watching over her maidenly soul...

In a body of silk.

Well, you can see for yourself...

Come on, confess! Where is he?

I don't know, Granny, I swear!

Don't call me Granny!

She's a stubborn mule, like me.
She won't tell.

I swear, he's gone!

He told me not to say anything, so I didn't.

I don't know where he is,
I swear it on your head, Granny!

Go on, off to your room!

Granny, indeed!

Right, what were talking about?

Oh yes, the thief!

Well go on, you need to catch him!

Search room by room! Go on!

I'm not having a philanderer in my house.

It's the proof.

You have an irresistible wife, George.

In any case, Madam, rest assured...

I'll make sure there's a watch
kept around the castle.

Oh, thank you so much!

I never knew the police could be so charming.

My respects, dear Madam.

So?

Too late, I think.

Heavens!

The bell!

What bell! What's wrong now?

- It's lunch time.
- What lunch?

Help me, help me!

Listen, I'm not used to all
this messing about.

Just be patient!

Patience! When do I get the main course?

This evening!

This evening?

It would have been just fine there!

Perfect. George!

Prepare one aperitif.

Where's the insecticide?

On a shelf somewhere. Why?

You have to ask?
The police haven't caught him.

But, Cesar won't just fall into our hands.

He's too good.

So it's as we decided at church.

Careful, or it'll be too dangerous.

Well, all the better.

I've put in how many? 12 spoonfuls?

Enough to kill a bull.

Well, he's brawny, isn't he?

Go make a sandwich so he won't taste it.

The Baron Cesar and my little Diane.

You seem to be getting along very nicely.

Marquise, your home is full of enchantment.

But why are you always dragging
around that case?

Diane can put it in her room.

No, no, inside are memories
worth the world to me.

I'd rather hold on to them.

But I've got a safe.

A safe? Well then...

You're so witty!

Through here.

It's an excellent safe.

My deceased husband thought so.

Poor man. My God, how much he suffered.

But it's an excellent safe.

Don't you trust me?

Something smells good in there.

You think?

Ah, cuisine!

A tiny portionbut that's nothing.

Everything is in presentation!

The eternal problem of forming form.

Leave it with me for two minutes. You'll see.

I'm under the impression you're a chef?

I was born to cook!

I started out in England.

Rough work, but the best way to learn.

Time is money!

Cucumber...

Accompanied by two tomatoes...

Just look at that throne.

Magnificent!

Cooking is my domain.

Among others.

And now for the flame glazing.

Everything is in the glazing.

- It's a sauce?
- Sort of...

Yes, yes, my own recipe.

A delicate operation.

Well, I lost the hand.

Thank God, there's still some left.

We'll put it in the coffee.

I've lost the battle, not the war.

Keep up your morale. We need strategy!

Failure at the first offensive...

But I'll launch the second
with perfect planning!

George, who do you prefer...

Wagner or the Beatles?

I've had enough with the paving...

You're sure poison won't work?

Let's go over it again.

Below, we'll be playing poker...

Then up here, you decide
to put on the Wagner...

Which will get on my nerves down below...

I'll knock with the broom...
and you let her rip!

I'll go down, let's rehearse.

I can hear you!

Hi, Charlie.

Oh, Count!

Ah yes, I'm digging a hole.

And I'm just collecting my trousers...

I'll back up.

- George!
- Listening, Mum!

I was talking with Charlie.

In Amelie's room?

Yes, because he had left his trousers.

And Amelie?

Two seconds, I'll get her!

Amelie!

Give back Charlie's trousers this instant!

I went to meet you in your room...

and I bumped into
your father trouser's down!

- Dad with his trouser's down?
- No, me!

Amelie!

Amelie, Cesar is supposed to be our friend.

Go and play both of you.

Come on.

And you knew women from the islands?

In Langlade, very nice.

No, I meant...

Exotic islands.

Ah, exotic islands...

From three years old...

They already know their effect on us.

And there's a law or an ethic,
call it as you like...

To be at the service of men.

Twelve for them is middle age.

And they're in full bloom.

And when they're at our age?

In Europe, the age where
they retake the flame.

You don't think it's ever too late?

- Never!
- But, our lines?

They're touching!

They're signs of your pain and pleasure.

Ladies, ladies...

You're full of life.

It's your turn Mr Patin.

What's he telling them?

What would you say with an accent like that?

Island women are ukuleles!

Women here are guitars!

Your mystique is in the curves.

You're pitch perfect.

A superb instrument.

And women listen to that rubbish!

It's shameful.

Why?

It was beautiful, poetic.

You moved me, Patin.

The mystique...

is in the curves.

I'll make use of them.

Hey, the coffee! Did you forget?

Coming!

Don't muddle them.

- It's this one?
- No, that one.

You'd just think it's herbal,
if you didn't know better.

It's that one.

Come on, don't tremble.

It won't hurt him?

Of course not! We'll knock him out
long before it takes effect.

But what's the point then?

It's a back up plan!

What would you say to a little poker?

Poker?

You know, me and poker don't really mix...

But so long as you ladies don't mind?

No...

Miss Jeanne, why don't you join us?

I'd like to, but I don't know how.

Not even for me?

I don't know anything about money...

So, who's going to play?

As long as you're not afraid...

I'm your man.

Then, my friend, let's go!

I keep you company, Miss Jeanne.

You're not going to play?

Play with money? No...

There's already so little time to think
of the important things...

- I think that...
- It's getting cold, I'm going in.

Listen, we can serve the coffee in the salon.

During the poker.

Ah, coffee!

Do you play stud?

Oh, you know, me and poker...

No, no, stand up!
I'm very superstitious, you see.

So, I'll sort out the places.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe...

Catch a tiger by the toe....

If he hollers, let him go...

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe!

So, it's you here, and you there.

There we go.

No! I made a mistake. I'll go again.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
catch a tiger by the toe...

If he hollers, let him go,
eny, meeny, miny, moe!

There we go, you there.

No, don't move!

So, a game with small antes?

Too right, I've not got much cash on me...

So, the limits?

50?

200?

150.

I'll write a cheque, if I run out...

150? That's serious!

Great, of course.

But serious.

The seven of spades is missing...

Argh, that music...

2.50

10.

That music...

One.

Three cards.

One card.

Stick.

One card.

Ah, how kind!

Excuse me.

Now, don't disturb the game.

Your cup.

Not at the moment.

Come on, 10.

Raise another 10.

- 50.
- I'll see you.

Wait, wait...

Marquise, that's not poker etiquette!

I have to see first.

A pair of sevens? Two pair!

That's poker for you...

- No!
- What's wrong?

There A rat!

- A rat, where?
- Under the bed.

If only I had a stick!

No, stay seated!
You're just fine where you are.

Listen, Marquise rats aren't so bad.

They're friendly, intelligent in fact.

A rat is nothing to worry about.

Phew! That was lucky!

Always seeking attention.

Diane, George!

A saw, a ladder, rope and pulley!

- Did it work?
- No, it missed.

Oh, Charlie.
We're busy with the Baron here, out you go.

Yes, it missed.

Your mother let the chandelier fall
on the play boy.

My god!

Don't worry, he's fine.
He spat out the poison.

This time my plan can't fail!

Let's go over it again, Diane you...

Oh, it's you.
You're not playing hide and seek?

You're not either?

Well, you know,
there's always lots to do in the house.

Yes, that's what's great.

We'll enjoy it there inside.

I'll happily stay.

Sorry, but who's seeking?

Baron Cesar!

I don't get it.
He caught me, so I was the seeker.

Then I caught your charming wife, so she's it.

You can't have two seekers!

Wait for me!

Oh, how I'd like to...

Amelie! Amelie!

Amelie? What's wrong with her now?!

Amelie, you'll have to finish it.

I've been looking for him everywhere.
Where is he?

Over there.

Don't cry, mum.

I'll go.

Catch me if you can!

Go on, up you come!

He fell like a rock.

It's too much.

Snapped like a twig.

Do you think he went to a better place?

Ah, you're there. Who's seeking now?

What a heartless question!

- Brute!
- Don't cry, mum.

- You're not playing anymore?
- The seeker is no more.

Hang on, a second ago there were two seekers.

And now there's none?

It's finished, you can go.

I don't understand, go where?

Just go away!

Well, some judges they were...

I was starting to like that animal, Cesar.

A little more and he would have been a friend.

There's always something lost with success.

Poor Cesar...

And he had the safe key on him!

Oh yes, he had the key!

Charlie could open it with his drill.

Go get him, and bring the cars for the guests.

They'll be repaired by now.

What they'd do without me...

Kiss me.

- I'm holding a drill.
- Kiss me!

What for, the drill?

No, it's for you.

- Just for me.
- Yes, just for you.

Thanks.

You're saying thank you to me now?

Yes, for the drill.

Cookie?

You don't want to go anymore?

There are other places to go to.

- Lets go.
- Come on then.

I'm watching them fall in love.

Who?

The frogs.

You're in love?

Yes, I just don't know who.

Come on, let's go.

Yes, yesI'm coming.

They're magnificent!

- Who?
- The frogs.

I can hear them in love.

Oh, yes? Love!

May I make a confession?

Of course.

You've had success with women?

Naturally.

Well, I haven't.

Did you meet Jeanne,
the young lady at the piano?

I've been courting her for years.

And I decided that tonight...

But her eyes are elsewhere.

In love with who knows who.

How you want not to be alone in the world...

But it happens.

Way up there it shines...

Always shining...

And then one day...

It explodes.

You're not very cheerful.

I see things as they are.

You're wrong.

I've succeeded in everything.

Money, women...

Even an unexpected weekend
in some corner of the world.

Goodbye, sir.

I'm leaving.

Have a good life, pal.

- Goodbye, Madam.
- Your cars are ready.

- Where are the Scandinavians?
- They're swimming.

They never get tired, just listen to them!

Your car is fixed, it's time for you to leave!

It's getting late, kids.

I'll never forget this weekend!

- See you soon, I hope.
- Of course.

We'll definitely come back.

Say goodbye to Cesar for me!

Goodbye, Mr George!

Say goodbye to Miss Jeanne for me.

We will.

Now children, to work!

You're sure you've lost the key?

Yes, certain.

Is it urgent, what's inside?

Poor us, once again we need your help.

You do.

You need a professional.

See you, bye.

So long pretty girls.

For the hotel, yes, I will.

It won't budge.

It's because you're drilling from the front.

With a safe, my dears,
you always have to go through the back.

And how do you expect me to turn it round?

We'll do the turning.

Come on, into the next room.

Let's go!

Drill, here.

Really, Charlie, you're good for nothing!

Anyhow, the safe is open.

It's empty!

Where's the briefcase?

Good God!

I thought you'd left without saying goodbye.

I was just a bit disappointed by you.

I don't see anyone, have they all gone?

They come and go. That's the house for you.

I wanted to present
my compliments to the Marquise.

Well, I don't know where she is.

That's it! I'm selling the castle!

I've had enough of it!

I'll open a coffee bar.
George, you'll be the waiter.

Can you imagine me handing out cappuccinos?

Diane, tell your mother again!

As for Jeanne and her piano...

You'd see her in some seedy bar?

Exactly! I'm going to warn her right now.

Cesar...

Alive.

it's better that they don't hear...

As for me, I'd like to say...

that I've found one
peaceful spot in this world...

and it's here.

You think so?

After you've seen everything?
You, who knows all!

Islands, America!

Nothing. I haven't seen any of it.

Or very little.

I'm nothing.

I've never been a baron nor in America.

Jeanne, I'm a swindler.

A crook.

I smuggle money across the border.

Sometimes fortunes enough to make me shudder.

Then why do you do it?

I could tell you
that I had a unhappy childhood...

That I fell in with the wrong crowd...

That my father was good for nothing...

But it's not true.

My father was a good man.

Likable, easy going...

Everything a father should be.

No, I'm the only black sheep in the family.

I'm not sure I believe you.

But it's all the same to me.

And then...

I wouldn't ask anything.

I know...

Because you're without pretensions.

Fresh.

Everything that I don't know.

And in this house,
where everyone comes and goes...

How many men have you known?

Me? Not one. Ever.

Except you.

Oh, Jeanne...

Act like you didn't see anything.

We'll bump into them downstairs.

Granny?

Granny, Cesar is staying here.

Love triumphs over all!

I'd never have thought it.

My dear Cesar!

Make yourself at home.

Unload yourself!

You're going to get cold.

We'll give you something to warm up.

You'll see how happy you'll be here.

And then, my dear Cesar,
you will know real pleasure.

That of doing nothing at all.

Ah, we will have a beautiful night.

Three months later...

Every day starting
at 4'o clock in the morning...

I'm starting to get fed up of it.

But it's wonderful!
I get to see the range at 3 o'clock.

Hey, is there enough parsley?

I've just ordered 17 kilos.
I'll go get the oysters!

Cesar, the boss is asking for you.

Ok, kid, I'm coming.

Hey, add some brandy, it needs some flame!

Ok, I'm coming!

How's it going George?

Fine, fine...

Cesar, did you remember my ribbons?

The ribbons for your flowers, done!

Did you talk to my hair stylist?

He's coming tomorrow morning, Diane.

Did you have my boots polished?

Yes, little Amelie.

Could you turn my page, Cesar?

Oh, Cesar.

Cesar, they're asking for you!

Shhh, I'm coming.

He's so hard-working!

What a devil!

And what a master chef!

But I was wondering...

What does it mean
to pull the devil by the tail?

Subtitles by Anna.L.Clover