All language subtitles for S07E02-en

(THUNDER CLAPPlNG)

(GATE CREAKlNG)

(SCREECHlNG)

(DOOR CREAKlNG)

(DOOR CREAKlNG)

(lNDlSTlNCT CHATTERlNG)

(CACKLlNG)

(CRYPT KEEPER SPEAKlNG)

Greetings infesters!
I'll be with you in a moment.

I was just putting these gross profits away
for safekeeping.

You see, boils and ghouls,
at Crypt Keeper Financial,

we can help you get morgue
for your money.

Whether it's mutual fiends you want
or cold, horrid cash,

we can guarantee
you'll coroner the market.

I bet you'd be the type who's interested in
boo chips, like tonight's tale.

It's about three girls who are chopping
around for a tax fright-off of their own

in a nasty shock option I call
"Last Respects."

(OWL HOOTlNG)

(DOG BARKlNG)

(GROANlNG)

(DOG COLLAR CLlNKlNG)

(DOG GROWLlNG)

(SHUDDERlNG)

There now. It's done.

(SlGHlNG)

Richard, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...

Now, don't worry. The dogs have him now.
He can't hurt you.

Good Sophie. Good Kingsley.
Always faithful.

The dogs do love us, don't they, no matter
what pact we've made with the devil?

Of course, darling.
Animals don't understand these things.

-Oh, God! Oh, God!
-Come on.

-Do you have it?
-Yes, I have it.

Just one last wish,
to make things right again.

No. No more wishes.

But I can outwit it this time.
I know what to do.

How can you believe such a thing
after what we've seen?

This abomination raised a dead thing
from its grave in answer to your wish!

I can send it away again
with my final wish,

if you'll allow me just to hold it.

No. No. The third wish must go unused.
It's the only way.

(DOG BARKlNG)

MRS. WlLDER: Sophie?

No!

(WHlSPERlNG)

I did it, Richard. You'll see.

I made a wish that this paw would be
owned by someone who really deserved it.

We're free of the curse now!

But don't you see? For the paw to belong
to someone else, we would have to...

(MRS. WlLDER GASPlNG)

You have your wish at last, my darling.

We are free of the curse forever.

What are those?

They're for Halloween.

We're a house of curios,
not a costume shop.

Delores, at this rate,
we'll soon be paupers,

and no amount of Father's magic
is going to change that.

If we're going to survive, we're going
to have to expand our client base.

Never.

I will not have nasty little children
in this shop, dressed up like lggy Oswald,

biting the heads off rubber bats.

-Ozzy Oswald.
-Oh, lggy Osbald. Whomever.

I will not have them mocking
the dark arts.

Would more than likely cause Father
to roll over in his grave.

-Sorry, Father.
-That would be novel.

Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

If you're thinking of coming back
from the dead anytime soon,

(BELL JlNGLlNG)

would you please let us know?

-'Cause we could use the space.
-Hello?

-Help, Marlise, will you...
-Anybody home?

...before she breaks something?

Sorry!

Oh, help her yourself.
She's more fond of you anyway.

Of course she is.

With an attitude like yours, it's a wonder
you have any human relationships at all.

LaVONNE: Well, at least...

At least I'm not in my 30s and still single.

You know, there's a very good reason
why no man will have you,

and it has absolutely nothing to do
with that ugly hammertoe of yours.

It's because you're boring,
boring as Buckingham Palace.

Funny, but I swear I remember
asking for help.

Of course, you did, darling, but your sister
and I were just discussing business.

-Or the lack thereof.
-Oh, yes, well, business is slow.

Terribly slow.

Maybe it's time
we reconsidered our options.

No. I will not sell
Mr. Finger's House of Curios.

I promised Father.

Times change
and people must change, too.

Let's not forget that Basil and l
still have Grandmother Oakfist to feed.

The money would be very helpful.

I won't sell. I can't.

She's terribly selfish.

I didn't understand
why Father left her in charge.

I knew we should have contested the will.

I hate you!

Yeah, well, I hate you even more.

In fact, I detest the actual day
that you were born,

you wretched little mistake.

Has it ever occurred to you
that one more prophylactic to a box

and it would have been just the two of us?

You liar! That's not true!

Look!

It's a sign.

Three wishes?

Delores, don't be daft.

Basil, are you going to join us?

In a moment, darling.
The ham smells delicious.

It's lamb, you twit.

Lamb, you say? Interesting.
Carry on. I'll just be a minute.

As I was saying,
that whole monkey paw business

is just an old story.

Something Father told us as children.

It's more than that, LaVonne.
It was in a book.

Yes, thank you, Marlise.

Your literary insight is awe-inspiring
as always.

But as most people know,
stories do come from books.

Not always.
Sometimes they come from newspapers.

Stop your quibbling. It doesn't matter
where the story came from.

What matters is that the story is true.

LaVONNE: Right. What if?

How do we even know this is the paw?

Marlise, did you check with the people
you purchased it from?

I told you, it was an estate sale.
The couple was deceased.

Beware the paw.

It's cursed.

(GRANDMA OAKFlST BURPlNG)

More meat. More meat.

A simple "please" would have sufficed.

Do you see what I have to put up with
around here? Do you?

It's ridiculous.

What about a magazine?

On occasion, stories are found
in magazines, too.

Thank you, Basil.
Have you taken your medicine?

Good.

Then feel free to continue embarrassing
yourself as much as you like.

LaVonne, listen to me.

I believe what Marlise said this morning
is true.

-Father doesn't want us to sell the store.
-How do you know that?

Because he sent us a helping hand
from beyond the grave.

DELORES: "Three wishes I give,
and no more,

"to each owner of me, so keep score.

"Each wish will come true,

"so take care what you do..."

-Blast! I can't make out the rest.
-Let me.

Something illegible...

"Greed I deplore."

It's not very friendly sounding, is it?

-Grandmother gone to sleep?
-Yes.

Even Basil. What a shame.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

If I remember the story correctly,

those wishes had a way
of taking a nasty turn.

Then we'll just have to be smarter than
the people in that book. They were greedy.

Right. We'll start smaller.
We'll be a bit more careful.

MARLlSE: We won't wish for any more
than we really need.

DELORES: Exactly.

I wish for a million pounds.

A million pounds? We're as good as dead!

-You said start small.
-That's not small.

Yes, it is, in the scheme of things.

Don't forget
that I have unlimited power here.

I could have easily asked for 100 million

or even a billion pounds.

Not that it really matters
'cause nothing happened.

(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)

Hello?

Yes. Yes, she's here.

(BASlL SNORlNG)

Certainly.

How many?

Right.

Just a moment please.

I don't want it. I'm afraid.

Oh, shut up, you bloody parrot.
It's Father's lawyer.

Hello?

What is it?

-LaVONNE: One of Father's shipments...
-Yes, Mr. Curd.

...was just delivered to his lawyer
by a representative of the post office.

Apparently it was lost in the system
for over 40 years.

What was in the shipment?

According to the paperwork,
three fountain pens.

Yes.

Fountain pens?

Yes. Waterford Snakes.

Only four exist in the entire world.
We now own three.

At $250,000 apiece.

-How much?
-$750,000!

Do you know what this means?
The paw works!

Except that you wished for a million.
Doesn't that seem odd?

Oh, what the hell? We're rich! We're rich!

LaVONNE: Yes, we are.

Or should I say she is?

Whatever do you mean?

As the owner of the House of Curios,
the pens legally belong to her.

Oh, but she'll share with her sisters.
Won't she?

(GlGGLlNG)

Don't let her out of your sight.

I still can't believe it.

Three quarters of a million pounds,
and it's all mine.

To be shared with the two of you,
of course.

Well, I for one won't believe any of this
until the pens are safely in our vault.

Oh, never doubt the power
of the spirit world.

If Father wants us to succeed, we will.

I'll be in the shop.

Get back as soon as
you've acquired the pens.

Perhaps it would be better
if I put the pens in my safety deposit box

at the First National.

Safety deposit box?

-When... When...
-Since Daddy died.

It was all part of the will.
I thought you knew.

-No, we didn't know.
-Why didn't you tell us?

I thought I did.

Oh, well, I guess I didn't think
it was that important.

Don't you worry, sweetie.
Those pens are as good as ours.

What do you mean, there are no pens?

On the phone you said
there were three pens!

Three pens worth $250,000 each!

Yes, well, I'm sorry.

But as you can see for yourself,
there was a misprint on the shipping...

What am I supposed to do
with 33 waterway snakes?

I'm warning you, Marlise,
stop this nonsense right now!

Marlise, are you listening to me?

Again, my condolences, Ms. Finger.

But as I mentioned before,
I do have a dinner engagement.

Mr. Curd, I don't care if you're having
dinner with the Queen in your underwear.

If you don't take your hands off me
right now,

I promise you I will personally introduce
all 33 of these snakes

up your large and rather unflattering arse.

-Out!
-Oh, stop it!

-Stop that blubbering, you spoiled brat!
-Don't! Leave her!

(RlNGlNG)

Where are the two of you?

Car accident?

Are they both dead?

(DOOR OPENlNG)

Is... Is Marlise dead?

The doctor said
she probably didn't feel a thing.

We were fighting on the way home.
She wouldn't stop crying.

Don't.

Can I see her?

No. The car, it went up like an inferno.

At least you were thrown free.

-She wouldn't stop crying.
-Stop. It gets worse.

Do you remember the safety deposit box?

-She had an insurance policy.
-No!

Oh, it's all my fault.

It was worth a million pounds.
Exactly what I'd wished for.

The monkey's paw. Destroy it. Destroy it!
Promise me!

I don't know if I can.

(DOOR OPENlNG)

Read it again if you have to.
You can't do it.

I can. I can beat the paw.
I can bring Marlise back.

No, you can't.

That's exactly what they tried to do
in the book.

She wishes her son back to life,

but he comes to the door as he is now,
a rotting corpse.

Oh, I can! I can beat the paw!

Delores, Marlise is gone.

Don't do any more damage.
Give me the paw.

Oh, no, I've still got two wishes left.
Two wishes left!

No, Doctor, it's not healthy.
She thinks it has magical powers.

It's simply a stuffed paw, nothing more.

DELORES: LaVonne! LaVonne!

Right. Well, we'll see you tomorrow then.
Yes. Thank you.

What is it?

I know what the second wish should be.
Oh, why didn't I think of it before?

Give that to me.

(DOLORES GRUNTlNG)

-I wish...
-Don't!

...that Marlise was the way she was
right before the accident.

(TELEPHONE RlNGlNG)

No. No.

Answer the bloody phone.

Hello?

Thank you. We'll be right there.

That was the funeral home.

They said they needed to see us
right away.

I can't do it. I can't go down there.

Fine.

I'll go by myself. You never cared for her.

She was your sister, and you hated her!

As I told your sister, it's very strange,
Ms. Finger. Very strange...

She's alive, isn't she?

No. Not quite that strange,
but strange enough. Look.

-I don't understand.
-Frankly, neither do l.

The police told me your sister
drove her car off the road.

Yes, the car went up in flames.
She was horribly disfigured, burned.

Ms. Finger, your sister's car
didn't catch on fire.

She drove it into the lake.

She did?

Yes, but something very odd
is going on here.

Somehow the police detectives
missed this.

Just before your sister crashed her car,
somebody put a bullet in her head.

Your sister was murdered.

Murderer!

As I believe you once said,
"Times change and people do, too."

Marlise told you about the insurance
policy as you left Father's lawyer,

and you killed her.

That's right.

And I would have got away with it, too,
if it hadn't been for that ridiculous paw.

No, you had to try and bring
the little brat back.

You had all the money
you could ever need.

But, no, you had to fuck with history.

You're mad.

No, I'm not. I'm justified.

You didn't marry Basil.

You didn't change Grandma Oakfist's
nappies every night. I did.

I paid my dues.

And now I want out,
and you're not going to stop me.

Give me that bloody paw, Delores.

I don't want you using that last wish
against me.

You don't have to worry, LaVonne.
I've already used it.

-You what?
-Oh, I'm not as daft as you think.

I gave my wish away.

I wished that the last wish belonged
to my sister.

You're pathetic. I don't want your wish.

In fact, I wish that you had your wish back.

There. That's done it.

No, it's not, because I didn't tell the paw
which sister to give it to.

I beat it at its own ridiculous game.

That twisted paw gave
the wish to Marlise.

(SHUDDERlNG)

(MOANlNG)

(GLASS SHATTERlNG)

(SCREAMlNG)

The funny thing is, her wish was
to spend a little more time with you.

Shame about LaVonne.
She wanted so badly to be rich,

but ended up just another paw girl.

(CACKLlNG)

Still, you'll be pleased to know, kiddies,
that the girls settled their differences

and reopened the store
as Ye Olde Gore-iocity Shoppe.

It's so nice to see a little family business
that gruesome.

(LAUGHlNG)

As for me, I'm afraid
a few of my investment strategies

have got me into trouble
with the "Die-RS."

Not to worry though, the joke's on him.

I'm about to make a killing.

(LAUGHlNG)