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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
2
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,074
Oh, you're so good.
3
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:35,410
Oh, yes. I am the best, baby.
4
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,829
- Oh, yeah!
- Oh, that was a tit.
5
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:40,332
That is a tit! Yes!
6
00:00:40,415 --> 00:00:42,334
Oh, you're so big!
7
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:45,170
Oh, yeah. That's right, baby.
8
00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:47,464
Doggie wants to hide his bone.
9
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,716
I'm bone smugglin', baby.
10
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:51,844
Man, would you shut up!
11
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:54,346
Hey, Jimmy. Just wanted
to say sweet dreams.
12
00:00:54,429 --> 00:00:56,348
Sweet dreams. Good night, Mom.
13
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,934
Kiss good night.
14
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,021
- Something wrong with the reception?
- Yeah. Yeah.
15
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:05,691
There's this nature show
that I'm trying to watch.
16
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:08,277
And the birds are all
scrambled and I can't even...
17
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,612
Do me! Yes!
18
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,698
Baby! Ride me like a pony!
19
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:16,201
The thing must be broken or I
sat on the remote or something.
20
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:18,704
- Getting ready for bed, son?
- I'm all set, Dad.
21
00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:21,874
No, I think he's tried to
watch some illegal channels.
22
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,918
- Illegal channels?
- This is just bad reception, honey.
23
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:27,004
- Spank my hairy ass!
- What's that?
24
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,338
Oh, baby!
25
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,883
You know what? Just
give me this, please...
26
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:33,760
- Oh, my God!
- And let's get this...
27
00:01:33,844 --> 00:01:37,556
Okay, okay. What the hell's
the matter with this thing?
28
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:38,974
Yes!
29
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:51,945
Illegal channels? Shit!
30
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:55,574
If there's any channel that should be
illegal, it's that all-woman's channel.
31
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:59,411
Lifetime supply of
pantihose or some shit.
32
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:02,789
Did you see The Little
Mermaid on TV the other night?
33
00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:06,710
- Ariel, man, she's so hot!
- She's a mermaid, dude.
34
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,879
Yeah, Oz. But not when she's on land.
35
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:12,758
Come on, Vicky, it's Stifler's
party. We got to go. It'll be great.
36
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:17,679
All that happens at Stifler's
parties is people get drunk and do it.
37
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,599
Come on, Kevin. Open it.
38
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:23,936
It's a big, thick
envelope, Vicky. You got in.
39
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,188
If you think so, just open it.
40
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:28,232
Fine.
41
00:02:35,197 --> 00:02:38,909
"Dear Miss Latham: We're sorry but
after keeping you on the waiting list...
42
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:43,038
for the past couple of months, we've
decided that you are now rejected. "
43
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,958
- Shut up!
- You got in.
44
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,836
Yes! I love you!
45
00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,139
You think I should wear this
shirt to Stifler's party?
46
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:03,767
You've worn that shirt for
three days in a row, man!
47
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,853
Guys, she said it.
48
00:03:05,936 --> 00:03:08,313
- Said what?
- She said she loves me.
49
00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,691
Holy shit, dude! The "L" word?
50
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:13,318
Cornell's not that far from "U" of "M."
51
00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:16,905
It's only, like, seven hours. And
you get to drive across Canada.
52
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:18,866
Beautiful country.
53
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,869
Whatever. It's doable.
54
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,496
What we should do today, in band...
55
00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:28,417
instead of playing our instruments
regularly, we should play backwards.
56
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,878
- That'd be so funny!
- Yeah.
57
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:39,511
You're talking about a post-high
school long-distance relationship.
58
00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:43,682
- And you and Kevin haven't even done it.
- That's not why we're going out.
59
00:03:43,765 --> 00:03:47,352
What do you expect him to drive
to Cornell for? Milk and cookies?
60
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,605
We're gonna have sex when
he's ready and I'm ready.
61
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,773
It's got to be completely perfect.
62
00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,943
I want the right time, the
right moment, the right place...
63
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,779
Vicky, it's not a space
shuttle launch. It's sex.
64
00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:04,786
- Finch.
- Here's the man we are looking for.
65
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:06,330
- What's goin' on, buddy?
- Same ol'...
66
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,168
Finch. You got the Latin homework?
67
00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:18,091
It means, "My dog ate it. " It's Latin.
68
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:21,845
- It's a Latin joke.
- Latin. Just drink your coffee.
69
00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:25,224
- No, Jim, it's mochaccino.
- What?
70
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:27,392
It's mochaccino. It's not coffee.
71
00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,603
'Nova!
72
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:33,857
- What's up, dude?
- Comin' to the party, you fuckface?
73
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,318
Depends if my date wants to stop by.
74
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,571
- I'm workin' on somethin' new.
- I got an idea about something new.
75
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,990
How about you guys actually
locate your dicks...
76
00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:44,910
remove the shrink-wrap
and fucking use them!
77
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:48,747
Dude, it's gonna happen.
She's a college chick.
78
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,250
Oh, right. I'll see you guys tonight.
79
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:55,003
I'll look for you in
the no-fucking section.
80
00:04:58,340 --> 00:05:02,302
I'm shooting for a 9:00 E.T.A.
Beer in hand by five after.
81
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:04,596
Breath check.
82
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,735
- I wish you wouldn't do that.
- You got something up your sleeve?
83
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,613
This is a foolproof plan, my friend.
84
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,782
I have a serious
question to ask you guys.
85
00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:27,494
You know Nadia the Czechoslovakian
chick? She might be there tonight.
86
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,788
Do you think she would prefer...
87
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,918
laid-back Jim, or...
88
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:38,922
cool, hip Jim?
89
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,426
I don't think it really matters
with that shirt you're wearing.
90
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:46,805
You're the one with the girlfriend,
and you're still stranded on third base.
91
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:49,850
Hey, at least I know what
third base feels like.
92
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:53,937
- You're still just a batboy.
- Batboy. What are you talking about?
93
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:57,024
Guys, uh...
94
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,360
What exactly does third base feel like?
95
00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,529
You wanna take this one?
96
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:06,450
Like warm apple pie.
97
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,120
Apple pie, huh?
98
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:14,124
McDonald's or home-made?
99
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,836
Gentlemen, destiny awaits.
100
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,387
That's number five and
six for the Stifmeister!
101
00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:34,228
Holy!
102
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:39,233
Nadia! Buenos dias.
Glad you could make it.
103
00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,401
I'll be back for you later.
104
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:50,160
- Another party sultan!
- How ya doin'?
105
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,496
Welcome to Stifler's
Palace of Love, fellas.
106
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,541
The keg's back there! Enjoy!
107
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:59,670
Vicky, Jessica! Great to see
you. Glad you could make it.
108
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,547
Bitches!
109
00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,382
- Sherman!
- Hey!
110
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,968
What the fuck are you doin' here?
111
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:11,014
Fellas! What's goin' on?
112
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:15,686
Sherman. Not much.
Just scopin' the babes.
113
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:19,731
Indeed! Some fine ladies here, boys.
114
00:07:19,815 --> 00:07:22,943
Confidence is high.
Repeat. Confidence is high.
115
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,445
Sherman is movin' to DEFCON 2.
116
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:28,866
Full strategic arsenal
ready for deployment.
117
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,076
You have somethin'
goin' tonight, Sherman?
118
00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:33,245
You see that Central chick, Bernette?
119
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:38,375
She's around. Seems she's
taken a liking to me.
120
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:43,172
It's time she experienced
the Shermanator.
121
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,549
Yeah, okay, Sherman. Whatever.
122
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:49,678
I'm a sophisticated sex robot
sent back through time...
123
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:53,265
to change the future for one lucky lady.
124
00:07:53,348 --> 00:07:56,810
- Go get 'em, tiger.
- I'll be back!
125
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,939
- Hopeless.
- Completely.
126
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,066
- Hi.
- Hey, Vic.
127
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:06,028
Oh, shit. Guys... Guys...
128
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:09,740
There's Nadia and she just looked at me.
129
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,451
- She just looked at me.
- Why don't you go talk to her?
130
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,665
You're right, Kev. I
should just go talk to her.
131
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,794
I could do that. Sure.
132
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,631
That's great!
133
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,772
See ya later.
134
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,490
We're here for the party.
135
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,744
What party? There's no party.
136
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:46,545
Weird. Try the house down the street.
137
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,385
So, what's your major?
138
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,804
Post-modern feminist thought.
139
00:09:55,888 --> 00:09:58,974
Oh, cool. Great night, isn't it?
140
00:09:59,057 --> 00:10:00,934
Sure.
141
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:07,733
Yeah, it's just somethin' about the
springtime that's just cool, you know?
142
00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:11,195
Like the smell of
fresh rain or somethin'.
143
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:17,159
- Suck me, beautiful.
- What did you just say?
144
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,077
Suck me, beautiful.
145
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:26,251
My friends call me
"'Nova," as in Casanova.
146
00:10:26,335 --> 00:10:27,711
That's pathetic.
147
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,216
Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.
148
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,259
There's just some
things you need to learn.
149
00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,637
- Like what?
- Well, you've got to tone it down.
150
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,931
You don't need to come to
a place like Lookout Point...
151
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:41,934
and spout off cheeseball
lines to be romantic.
152
00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:45,521
- Okay.
- You have to pay attention to a girl.
153
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:49,483
Be sensitive to her feelings.
Relationships are reciprocal.
154
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:53,820
Come on, Casanova. I'll take
you back to your friends.
155
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:03,288
Vicky, think it's time to take
the next step in our relationship?
156
00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:07,125
- Tonight?
- Yeah, it's such a perfect evening.
157
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:09,628
I mean, it's how you've
always pictured it, isn't it?
158
00:11:09,711 --> 00:11:11,880
Damn, my farts fuckin' stink!
159
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:16,468
Dude, you gotta take a
shit! You smell like a Yeti!
160
00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:18,095
Or not.
161
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,931
Just relax.
162
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,145
You actually said that?
163
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:30,816
Shut up!
164
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,985
You did a hell of a lot
better than I did with Nadia.
165
00:11:33,068 --> 00:11:36,029
Oh, thanks, Jim, that's great.
That's really reassuring.
166
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,615
Hey, no problem, 'Nova.
167
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:42,619
Hey, don't call me 'Nova
any more. I'm a fraud.
168
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:45,122
You guys are pathetic.
169
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,291
I'm gonna find myself a little hottie.
170
00:11:48,167 --> 00:11:50,794
"Suck me, beautiful"!
171
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:59,428
- Let me know.
- Okay.
172
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,847
Keep going.
173
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,433
I should be able to talk to girls.
174
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,852
I'm articulate.
175
00:12:06,935 --> 00:12:09,188
You know, I got a 720
on my S.A.T. verbal.
176
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,481
Bullshit. There's no way.
177
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:15,444
I kid you not, man. Look. Listen.
178
00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:17,696
Copious.
179
00:12:17,779 --> 00:12:19,740
Verisimilitude.
180
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,076
Oh, now.
181
00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,380
Suck me, beautiful!
182
00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:38,258
- Damn it, Stifler.
- Checkout time!
183
00:12:38,342 --> 00:12:41,386
Please, vacate the room.
184
00:12:41,470 --> 00:12:43,597
You are such a jerk.
185
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:51,230
God, I can't believe how many
cool people are at this party.
186
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,944
And you got a keg too!
187
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:59,863
- Wow!
- Indeed.
188
00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:08,080
Oh, wait. I left my beer downstairs.
189
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,499
No. No. Here, babe!
190
00:13:12,543 --> 00:13:13,669
Thanks.
191
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:17,005
You're really beautiful. Oh...
192
00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:20,342
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
193
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,985
You know what? I don't know
if I want to be doing this.
194
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,903
Doing what?
195
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,823
You know, if we hook up tonight...
196
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:45,868
tomorrow I'll just be some girl
you go telling your friends about.
197
00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,204
No way!
198
00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:53,208
Steve, you could at least
look at me when you say that!
199
00:13:53,292 --> 00:13:54,334
Look.
200
00:13:55,627 --> 00:14:01,008
Sarah, I wouldn't go telling
stories or anything about you.
201
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:05,679
I promise. So, just relax.
202
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:09,933
Take it slow, and let
the good times roll.
203
00:14:11,894 --> 00:14:15,647
- Okay.
- All right.
204
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,406
What's wrong?
205
00:14:26,325 --> 00:14:28,619
What's wrong? What is it?
206
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,207
Xenophobic.
207
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:43,383
- Regurgitation.
- I know that one.
208
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:47,804
- Kevin likes it.
- He likes getting head.
209
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,390
Gee, what a total shocker.
What about you, Vicky?
210
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:52,643
I mean, have you just
never had one with Kevin...
211
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,686
or have you never had one, period?
212
00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:55,938
I've had one.
213
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:59,441
- I think.
- Okay.
214
00:14:59,525 --> 00:15:03,320
That's a no. No wonder
you're not psyched about sex.
215
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,364
You never even had one manually?
216
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:08,700
- I've never tried it. - You've
never double-clicked your mouse?
217
00:15:10,869 --> 00:15:12,579
Nice!
218
00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:14,665
Jesus! How much did you drink?
219
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,209
Hey, Stifler?
220
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:20,212
- How's the pale ale?
- Fuck you!
221
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,802
- That's Stifler's mom?
- Yup.
222
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:31,723
Shit. I cannot believe a fine woman
like this produced a guy like Stifler.
223
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,935
- Dude, that chick's a "MILF."
- What the hell is that?
224
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:39,106
M-I-L-F... Mom
I'd like to fuck.
225
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:42,150
Yeah, dude! Oh, yeah!
226
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:45,279
- Yeah! MILF!
- Hey, guys.
227
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:50,033
- Come here.
- Sherman, what's goin' on?
228
00:15:50,117 --> 00:15:53,162
Don't you think you fellas
could try a little tact?
229
00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:56,957
I got company, if you know what I mean?
230
00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:02,087
She's hot!
231
00:16:04,673 --> 00:16:09,386
If Sherman has sex before I
do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
232
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,725
The Shermanator?
233
00:16:16,185 --> 00:16:18,270
Come on, man.
234
00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,857
MILF! MILF!
235
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:26,111
MILF! MILF! Hey, dude. What
are you doin' to her, dude?
236
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:29,573
Oh, my God, bro, dude.
237
00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:34,495
Enough of this blow job bullshit.
I gotta get laid already.
238
00:16:34,578 --> 00:16:37,456
That's nice. Really, really nice.
239
00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:40,792
- Can I have a ride?
- Sure.
240
00:16:40,876 --> 00:16:43,504
- Vicky, wait.
- Not for you.
241
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:48,509
Yeti! I am the Yeti!
242
00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,479
- Good morning, gentlemen.
- Finch, where were you last night?
243
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,856
What happened to that
foolproof plan of yours?
244
00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:06,193
I was going for a fashionably
late entrance, and I was too late.
245
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,946
So, no ladies left.
246
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:11,573
It was a very special
night, very special.
247
00:17:12,908 --> 00:17:14,743
Guys. Guys.
248
00:17:17,329 --> 00:17:20,666
- I'll never forget this.
- I'll never forget it, either.
249
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:22,626
Thank you.
250
00:17:33,846 --> 00:17:37,015
Fellas, say goodbye to
Chuck Sherman, the boy.
251
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:39,810
I am now a man.
252
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,563
I highly recommend you join the club.
253
00:17:42,646 --> 00:17:45,983
We were doin' the wild thing all night.
254
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,026
I'm exhausted.
255
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:51,113
I don't get it. How the
hell did you do that?
256
00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:55,909
It was just my time.
It was just my time.
257
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,705
Best of luck to you boys.
258
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,210
- I cannot believe this.
- Come on, guys.
259
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:07,129
We should be happy for Sherman.
260
00:18:10,299 --> 00:18:11,633
No, we shouldn't be.
261
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:14,553
You know, I put in months
of quality time with Vicky.
262
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:17,306
Sherman meets a chick
for one night and scores.
263
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:20,058
- This is just wrong.
- No shit.
264
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:23,645
How the hell am I supposed
to become Mr Sensitive Man?
265
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:27,399
We're all gonna go to college as
virgins. You realize this, right?
266
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,902
They probably have special
dorms for people like us.
267
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:34,740
All right. I got an idea. But
it's got to stay between us.
268
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:37,659
It's really simple. We just
got to make an agreement.
269
00:18:37,743 --> 00:18:39,745
It's more than an agreement.
270
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,997
- A bet?
- A pact.
271
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:44,333
No money involved. More
important than any bet.
272
00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:48,253
Here's the deal. We all
get laid before we graduate.
273
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:52,841
Dude, it's not like I haven't
been trying to get laid.
274
00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:56,887
Think about when you work out, Oz.
You gotta have someone to spot you.
275
00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:00,849
Someone to keep you motivated.
That's what we can do for each other.
276
00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:03,602
We'll be there to keep
each other on track.
277
00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:06,104
Separately we are flawed and
vulnerable, but together...
278
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:08,273
we are the masters
of our sexual destiny.
279
00:19:08,357 --> 00:19:12,277
Their tiger-style kung fu is strong,
but our dragon-style will defeat it.
280
00:19:12,361 --> 00:19:12,945
Guys!
281
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:15,822
The Shaolin masters from
East and West must unite!
282
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:18,450
- Fight, and find out who is number one.
- Guys!
283
00:19:18,534 --> 00:19:23,372
Come on. You're ruining my moment
here. This is our very manhood at stake.
284
00:19:23,455 --> 00:19:25,999
We must make a stand, here and now.
285
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:30,796
No longer will our penises
remain flaccid and unused!
286
00:19:30,879 --> 00:19:34,967
We will fight for every man out there
who isn't getting laid and should be.
287
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:38,554
This is our day. This is our time.
288
00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:42,933
And, by God, we will not stand by and
watch history condemn us into celibacy.
289
00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,060
- Amen.
- I like that.
290
00:19:45,143 --> 00:19:48,981
- We will make a stand. We will succeed.
- 'Bout time!
291
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:51,650
We will get laid!
292
00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:54,862
The sex.
293
00:19:54,945 --> 00:19:57,239
It's got to be valid, consensual sex.
294
00:19:57,322 --> 00:20:00,659
No prostitutes. That's
what you're thinkin', Finch.
295
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,161
Busted.
296
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:05,998
So, basically, prom is our last chance.
297
00:20:06,081 --> 00:20:08,167
- Dude, prom sucks.
- I know.
298
00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:10,335
But you gotta think about it this way.
299
00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:14,381
I mean, all the parties afterwards?
The chicks are going to want to do it.
300
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:17,467
He's right. It's like
tradition or something.
301
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:20,387
- Like the Rose Bowl.
- So, that gives us...
302
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:22,764
Exactly three weeks to the day.
303
00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:27,186
- We're gonna do this.
- To the next step!
304
00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:28,228
Next step!
305
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:21,114
Well, did you get the flowers?
306
00:21:49,768 --> 00:21:51,687
You'll get her back soon enough.
307
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:54,022
- You think so?
- She likes you.
308
00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:55,315
- I like her too.
- Do you love her?
309
00:21:57,526 --> 00:22:00,362
You know what? You
can't really ask me that.
310
00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:03,365
If you want to get her in the
sack, just tell her you love her.
311
00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:06,368
- That's how I was duped.
- Look, Jessica.
312
00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:08,620
I don't want to dupe her.
313
00:22:10,164 --> 00:22:14,293
All right. What you need to do is
learn how to press a girl's buttons.
314
00:22:14,376 --> 00:22:16,461
You have to give her
what she's never had.
315
00:22:16,545 --> 00:22:19,965
- What's that?
- Let me give you a hint.
316
00:22:24,136 --> 00:22:27,264
- �Comprende?
- You mean an orgasm.
317
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:28,765
You got it, stud.
318
00:22:28,849 --> 00:22:31,810
Well, I'm pretty sure
that I've given her a...
319
00:22:31,894 --> 00:22:35,814
- No, you haven't.
- Well, there was one time...
320
00:22:35,898 --> 00:22:38,817
- No.
- Oh, man.
321
00:22:39,109 --> 00:22:43,363
Look, kid, it's up to you.
The big "L" or the big "O."
322
00:22:43,614 --> 00:22:46,742
Dickhead! You gotta see this.
323
00:22:46,825 --> 00:22:50,913
Do you believe in magic
In a young girl's heart
324
00:22:50,996 --> 00:22:54,500
How the music can free
her whenever it starts
325
00:22:54,583 --> 00:22:59,004
And it's magic if the music
is groovy It makes you feel...
326
00:22:59,087 --> 00:23:01,590
What did you cocks do to him?
327
00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:04,468
I'll tell you about the
magic It'll free your soul
328
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:08,889
But it's like tryin'to tell
a stranger 'bout rock 'n'roll
329
00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:11,141
Great. See you next time.
330
00:23:15,938 --> 00:23:18,941
Hey, guys. Came to watch me in action?
331
00:23:19,024 --> 00:23:21,693
- I think you sounded pretty good.
- Yeah, man.
332
00:23:21,777 --> 00:23:23,612
I think you need your balls reattached.
333
00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:27,282
- Hey, keep it down, dude.
- What the fuck are you doing here?
334
00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:29,409
This place is an untapped resource.
335
00:23:29,493 --> 00:23:33,288
I mean, check it out. These
vocal jazz girls are hot.
336
00:23:33,372 --> 00:23:36,124
Why the hell is he
joining jazz choir so late?
337
00:23:36,208 --> 00:23:39,962
Maybe he's preparing for
another senior year at East?
338
00:23:40,045 --> 00:23:42,714
You guys, we don't even know him.
339
00:23:46,134 --> 00:23:47,970
You dipshit!
340
00:23:48,053 --> 00:23:52,182
You're expecting to score with
some goody-goody choirgirl priss?
341
00:23:52,266 --> 00:23:56,311
These chicks don't know me. I can
work the sensitive angle here, fellas!
342
00:23:56,395 --> 00:23:58,605
You know, it's just like
that college chick told me.
343
00:23:58,689 --> 00:24:01,733
All that you gotta do is
just ask 'em questions...
344
00:24:01,817 --> 00:24:03,777
and listen to what they
have to say and shit.
345
00:24:03,861 --> 00:24:08,198
I don't know, man. That
sounds like a lot of work!
346
00:24:11,577 --> 00:24:13,412
Just a second!
347
00:24:18,333 --> 00:24:20,752
Come in. Come in.
348
00:24:20,836 --> 00:24:23,130
Oh, Jim, you're here.
349
00:24:23,213 --> 00:24:26,592
I was just walking by your room and...
350
00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:30,721
And, you know, I was thinking, "Boy,
it's been a long time since we've had...
351
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:33,223
a little father-son chat. "
352
00:24:34,558 --> 00:24:38,687
Oh! I almost forgot. I
bought some magazines.
353
00:24:39,688 --> 00:24:41,982
Do you just want to flip
to the centre section?
354
00:24:44,193 --> 00:24:46,778
Well, this is the...
this is the female form.
355
00:24:46,862 --> 00:24:49,781
And they have focused on the breasts...
356
00:24:49,865 --> 00:24:54,620
which are used primarily
to feed young infants...
357
00:24:54,703 --> 00:24:58,290
and also in foreplay.
358
00:24:58,373 --> 00:24:59,416
Right.
359
00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:02,794
This is... This is Hustler.
360
00:25:02,878 --> 00:25:06,590
And this is a much more exotic magazine.
361
00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:11,470
Now, they have decided to focus
more on the pubic region...
362
00:25:11,553 --> 00:25:15,390
- Right.
- The whole groin area.
363
00:25:15,474 --> 00:25:19,269
Look at the expression on her face.
You see that? See what's she's doing?
364
00:25:19,353 --> 00:25:22,731
She's kind of looking right
into your eyes saying...
365
00:25:22,814 --> 00:25:26,318
"Hey, big boy. Hey, how ya doin'?"
366
00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:28,695
- You see?
- Right.
367
00:25:30,948 --> 00:25:34,326
Shaved is a magazine I'm
not too familiar with...
368
00:25:34,409 --> 00:25:39,081
but, again, if you flip to the centre...
369
00:25:39,164 --> 00:25:41,166
section...
370
00:25:41,250 --> 00:25:45,796
Well, you see the detail that
they go into in this picture here.
371
00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:51,009
It almost looks like a tropical
plant or something, underwater thing.
372
00:25:51,093 --> 00:25:53,679
- Do you know what a clitoris is?
- Oh, my God.
373
00:25:53,762 --> 00:25:56,139
- Don't say, "Oh... "
- I know what a clitoris is.
374
00:25:56,223 --> 00:25:58,517
You've been there and
back. You know everything.
375
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:03,230
I've learned about it in Sex Ed. I
don't need you to talk about clitoris.
376
00:26:03,313 --> 00:26:05,983
You know what? I'm sorry, okay?
377
00:26:06,066 --> 00:26:09,486
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
378
00:26:09,570 --> 00:26:13,282
I shouldn't have got hot there.
You know what I'm going to do, Jim?
379
00:26:13,365 --> 00:26:15,826
I'm going to just leave
these books here...
380
00:26:15,909 --> 00:26:19,371
for you to peruse at
your... at your leisure.
381
00:26:20,247 --> 00:26:21,999
Wait!
382
00:26:27,296 --> 00:26:29,381
Well, safer than a tube sock.
383
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,387
- Okay, that was good.
- Yeah.
384
00:26:37,347 --> 00:26:40,934
- See you at dinner.
- Yeah. I'll see you at dinner.
385
00:26:41,727 --> 00:26:43,687
So, Finch, this is your plan?
386
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:47,149
You know, I don't think girls are
into the whole mini-golf thing.
387
00:26:47,232 --> 00:26:49,359
Kevin, I'm sure that they're not.
388
00:26:49,443 --> 00:26:53,113
Actually, there is one small matter that
I need to ask for your cooperation in...
389
00:26:53,197 --> 00:26:56,200
- in the spirit of this pact.
- What do you need?
390
00:26:56,283 --> 00:26:59,411
Whatever you hear about me, you agree.
And tell all the boys the same thing.
391
00:26:59,495 --> 00:27:03,373
Look, I gotta go. Sixteen
minutes round-trip.
392
00:27:03,457 --> 00:27:06,251
You know, Finch, it's senior year.
393
00:27:06,335 --> 00:27:08,670
Don't you think it's time you
learned how to take a dump at school?
394
00:27:08,754 --> 00:27:12,090
When was the last time you looked
at the facilities in this school?
395
00:27:19,848 --> 00:27:23,310
Excuse me. That's Paul Finch, right?
396
00:27:24,561 --> 00:27:26,688
You've seen him in
the locker room, right?
397
00:27:28,649 --> 00:27:31,818
My friends, they want
to know: Is it true?
398
00:27:31,902 --> 00:27:34,613
You know, that he's equipped.
399
00:27:34,696 --> 00:27:38,784
I have no idea. Finch showers
with his bathing suit on.
400
00:27:38,867 --> 00:27:41,286
I mean...
401
00:27:41,370 --> 00:27:44,623
As a matter of fact, it
is true. The guy's huge!
402
00:27:44,706 --> 00:27:47,876
- Does he have a date for the prom yet?
- No, definitely not.
403
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,962
All right. Thanks.
404
00:27:51,338 --> 00:27:53,757
Oh, man!
405
00:27:54,216 --> 00:27:58,929
So I was thinking maybe you could give
me some advice, brother to brother.
406
00:27:59,012 --> 00:28:02,182
I thought you might know a
trick or somethin'to make her...
407
00:28:02,266 --> 00:28:03,308
Orgasm?
408
00:28:03,392 --> 00:28:06,228
- Yeah.
- What's good here?
409
00:28:06,311 --> 00:28:08,522
- Try the spicy tuna hand roll.
- What?
410
00:28:08,605 --> 00:28:10,023
How do you do that?
411
00:28:10,107 --> 00:28:12,401
Never mind that. Pay attention.
412
00:28:12,484 --> 00:28:15,821
Is that all that you're interested
in, tryin' to get your girl into bed?
413
00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:19,074
It'd be good to be able to,
you know, return the favour.
414
00:28:19,158 --> 00:28:21,577
Be nice to know she enjoys
things as much as I do.
415
00:28:21,660 --> 00:28:24,913
Good. That's what I wanted
to hear. Now you qualify.
416
00:28:24,997 --> 00:28:28,750
- Qualify for what?
- You've just inherited the Bible.
417
00:28:31,962 --> 00:28:34,047
It originally started as a sex manual...
418
00:28:34,131 --> 00:28:37,509
this book that some guys
brought back from Amsterdam.
419
00:28:37,593 --> 00:28:40,262
Each year it got passed on to
one East student who was worthy.
420
00:28:40,345 --> 00:28:44,474
Now, it's full of all sorts of stuff
that guys have added over the years.
421
00:28:46,894 --> 00:28:52,149
But you have to keep it a secret
and return it at the end of the year.
422
00:28:52,232 --> 00:28:55,152
So now you know. Good luck.
423
00:29:02,618 --> 00:29:04,870
- If you believe in magic
- Magic
424
00:29:04,953 --> 00:29:06,830
Don't you bother to choose
425
00:29:06,914 --> 00:29:10,083
If it's jug band music
or rhythm and blues
426
00:29:10,167 --> 00:29:13,504
Just go and listen It
will start with a smile
427
00:29:13,587 --> 00:29:17,508
That won't wipe off your face
no matter how hard you try
428
00:29:17,591 --> 00:29:20,469
Your feet start tappin'
And you can't seem to find
429
00:29:20,552 --> 00:29:22,971
How you got there
430
00:29:23,055 --> 00:29:25,724
Do you believe in magic
431
00:29:30,896 --> 00:29:33,232
Yeah, magic
432
00:29:33,315 --> 00:29:35,567
What was that?
433
00:29:35,651 --> 00:29:38,237
- Sorry.
- No, it was good.
434
00:29:40,656 --> 00:29:44,076
Well, it... It came from the heart.
435
00:29:44,159 --> 00:29:48,163
Keep it coming. All
right, people, good work.
436
00:29:48,247 --> 00:29:53,418
Don't forget. The state competition's
a couple of weeks away, so keep on it.
437
00:30:04,012 --> 00:30:07,808
- Not bad, Chris.
- Really?
438
00:30:10,018 --> 00:30:12,437
Thanks. Heather, right?
439
00:30:13,981 --> 00:30:16,942
You've got this sort of
Frank Sinatra thing going on.
440
00:30:17,025 --> 00:30:21,697
Right. I feel like I've discovered
this whole new side of me.
441
00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:24,324
I mean, music is so expressive.
442
00:30:25,367 --> 00:30:28,912
Okay, I agree, but aren't
you supposed to be out...
443
00:30:28,996 --> 00:30:32,749
trying to decapitate someone with
your lacrosse stick or something?
444
00:30:32,833 --> 00:30:36,795
Oh, sure, sure. You know,
I know what people think.
445
00:30:36,879 --> 00:30:40,507
It's like, "Oz, he's just this
kick-ass lacrosse player. "
446
00:30:40,591 --> 00:30:44,887
I also play football, by the way, but
that's not all that I am, you know?
447
00:30:44,970 --> 00:30:46,763
Of course, I didn't...
448
00:30:46,847 --> 00:30:51,310
It really bothers me when people
try to pigeonhole me like that.
449
00:30:51,393 --> 00:30:55,731
You? You think I don't get that?
450
00:30:55,814 --> 00:30:59,151
God, it's like just because I don't
get drunk and barf every weekend...
451
00:30:59,234 --> 00:31:03,572
that people say, "Look, there's this
Goody Two-Shoes choirgirl priss. "
452
00:31:04,448 --> 00:31:07,951
Yeah. So, like, what else do you do?
453
00:31:08,744 --> 00:31:11,455
Well, the same things you do...
454
00:31:11,538 --> 00:31:14,416
like hang out with friends and stuff.
455
00:31:14,500 --> 00:31:16,835
Why? What do you think I do?
456
00:31:16,919 --> 00:31:21,298
I just realized that I don't know
anything about you. I was interested.
457
00:31:23,383 --> 00:31:25,219
What do you want to know?
458
00:31:25,302 --> 00:31:28,096
You know, stuff about you.
459
00:31:31,016 --> 00:31:33,060
All right.
460
00:31:34,811 --> 00:31:37,606
Mom, I'm home!
461
00:32:34,663 --> 00:32:36,331
Oh, yeah.
462
00:32:41,837 --> 00:32:44,173
It's not what it looks like.
463
00:32:50,512 --> 00:32:53,182
Well, we'll just tell
your mother that...
464
00:32:53,265 --> 00:32:55,267
that we ate it all.
465
00:33:35,307 --> 00:33:37,809
Goal by number eight, Chris Ostreicher.
466
00:33:41,647 --> 00:33:43,774
- Nice game.
- Good game.
467
00:33:47,486 --> 00:33:50,447
Hey, what are you doin' here?
468
00:33:50,531 --> 00:33:53,951
Just enjoying my first
exhilarating lacrosse experience.
469
00:33:54,034 --> 00:33:56,578
- You kicked butt.
- Oh, thanks.
470
00:33:56,662 --> 00:33:59,748
- Chris...
- You can call me Oz.
471
00:33:59,832 --> 00:34:02,209
- Do I have to?
- You can call me Ostreicher.
472
00:34:02,292 --> 00:34:04,336
- What's your middle name?
- Forget it.
473
00:34:04,419 --> 00:34:08,048
- I won't tell anyone.
- Well, neither will I.
474
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:15,264
So, I had this thought and...
475
00:34:15,347 --> 00:34:17,683
It may seem like it's
way out of left field.
476
00:34:17,766 --> 00:34:19,768
I don't know if you can...
477
00:34:19,852 --> 00:34:22,271
but since I'm not going with
anybody, I thought that maybe...
478
00:34:22,354 --> 00:34:25,023
Those guys sucked ass!
479
00:34:25,107 --> 00:34:27,359
Choir chick, what the
hell are you doing here?
480
00:34:28,277 --> 00:34:32,239
Well, I was asking Chris to prom.
481
00:34:32,322 --> 00:34:34,199
So, do you want to go?
482
00:34:34,283 --> 00:34:37,828
Oh, yeah! That would be great.
483
00:34:38,704 --> 00:34:41,039
Just don't expect Oz
to pay for the limo!
484
00:34:41,123 --> 00:34:44,293
Stifler, fuck! I mean...
485
00:34:45,335 --> 00:34:48,422
Why do you got to be so
insensitive all the time?
486
00:34:49,464 --> 00:34:51,133
What?
487
00:34:52,259 --> 00:34:55,637
Whatever. Look, don't
forget. My cottage after prom.
488
00:34:55,721 --> 00:34:58,223
On Lake Michigan.
489
00:34:59,266 --> 00:35:01,935
Wait up, you pussies!
490
00:35:03,312 --> 00:35:05,731
Well, I gotta hit the showers now...
491
00:35:05,814 --> 00:35:09,568
but I think this is gonna
be really, really good.
492
00:35:09,651 --> 00:35:12,196
Yeah. Me too.
493
00:35:12,279 --> 00:35:13,655
All right.
494
00:35:21,246 --> 00:35:25,417
- Happenin' Oz!
- Working with the choir chick?
495
00:35:25,501 --> 00:35:29,087
What d'ya say, fellas? I just dig
those cute little sweaters she wears.
496
00:35:29,171 --> 00:35:31,882
Nuts you do, you little horn dog.
497
00:35:33,467 --> 00:35:36,011
Yeah! Yeah, baby!
498
00:35:36,094 --> 00:35:38,597
Spank me! Spank me!
499
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,641
Hit that high "C"!
500
00:35:46,355 --> 00:35:47,689
What's goin' on?
501
00:35:52,945 --> 00:35:55,405
I was being selfish
and majorly insensitive.
502
00:35:55,489 --> 00:35:58,367
I'm a total idiot. I
mean, a fool, a buffoon.
503
00:35:58,450 --> 00:36:00,953
I think shithead really says it.
504
00:36:01,036 --> 00:36:05,541
You're right. I'm a shithead,
and I want to make it up to you.
505
00:36:05,624 --> 00:36:08,210
Oh, yeah? How?
506
00:36:11,755 --> 00:36:14,424
Vicky, shh. Your parents are downstairs.
507
00:36:14,508 --> 00:36:17,636
- Kevin, don't stop!
- Just a second.
508
00:36:31,733 --> 00:36:35,904
Hon, can you tell Vic to
come on down for supper?
509
00:36:35,988 --> 00:36:37,781
Holy shit!
510
00:36:37,865 --> 00:36:41,827
Shh. You know there's
no lock on your door?
511
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:50,836
I'm coming! I'm coming!
512
00:36:55,048 --> 00:36:56,717
- Oh, Jim!
- Dad.
513
00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:00,345
I was just looking at the
old family portrait out here.
514
00:37:00,429 --> 00:37:03,056
Well, that was a fun day wasn't it?
515
00:37:03,140 --> 00:37:05,601
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
516
00:37:05,684 --> 00:37:08,604
Jim, I want to talk about masturbation.
517
00:37:10,022 --> 00:37:14,276
I just want you to know that
it's a perfectly normal thing.
518
00:37:14,359 --> 00:37:16,528
And I have to admit, you know...
519
00:37:16,612 --> 00:37:21,074
I did a fair bit of masturbating
when I was a little younger.
520
00:37:21,158 --> 00:37:25,287
I used to call it
"stroking the salami. "
521
00:37:25,370 --> 00:37:27,789
You know, "pounding the ol' pud. "
522
00:37:30,542 --> 00:37:32,711
I never did it with baked goods.
But you know your Uncle Mort?
523
00:37:32,794 --> 00:37:35,214
He "pinched the one-eyed
snake" six times a day.
524
00:37:35,297 --> 00:37:39,510
See, it's like practise
for the big game.
525
00:37:39,593 --> 00:37:42,721
You see? It's like... It's like...
526
00:37:42,804 --> 00:37:46,099
banging a tennis ball
against a brick wall.
527
00:37:46,183 --> 00:37:50,145
Which can be fun. It can
be fun, but it's not a game.
528
00:37:50,229 --> 00:37:52,606
- Right.
- It's not a game.
529
00:37:52,689 --> 00:37:56,151
What you want is you want a
partner to return the ball.
530
00:37:56,235 --> 00:37:59,738
- Do you want a partner?
- Yeah, I want a partner.
531
00:37:59,822 --> 00:38:01,740
- You do?
- I want a partner.
532
00:38:01,824 --> 00:38:05,869
Want a partner. Good. Good.
533
00:38:08,747 --> 00:38:12,376
So, once Hal becomes
king, he has to take on...
534
00:38:12,459 --> 00:38:14,795
the responsibilities of
leadership and turn his back...
535
00:38:14,878 --> 00:38:17,381
on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff.
536
00:38:17,464 --> 00:38:21,927
You see, Hal is going through a rite
of passage, much like you all are.
537
00:38:22,010 --> 00:38:26,431
So make most of the time you've got
left together. You'll miss it later.
538
00:38:26,515 --> 00:38:28,725
So, does your tongue cramp up?
539
00:38:28,809 --> 00:38:31,895
Nah. You get kind of dizzy, though.
540
00:38:31,979 --> 00:38:36,733
Wow. That's amazing. She's
probably gonna want to do it soon.
541
00:38:39,736 --> 00:38:41,989
All right. Class dismissed.
542
00:38:44,449 --> 00:38:48,203
Still questing after the
Holy Grail, huh, guys?
543
00:38:52,791 --> 00:38:57,171
- Hey, where's Finch?
- He went home to take a shit.
544
00:38:57,254 --> 00:39:01,550
I don't get it. How does a guy like
that get this sudden reputation?
545
00:39:01,633 --> 00:39:05,053
- What reputation?
- Observe.
546
00:39:05,137 --> 00:39:09,141
Excuse me. Do you
know who Paul Finch is?
547
00:39:09,224 --> 00:39:11,560
Yeah! He's the guy
with the tattoo, right?
548
00:39:12,644 --> 00:39:16,648
You know, the eagle and the
blazing fire and that stuff.
549
00:39:18,525 --> 00:39:22,321
If you guys see him later, will
you tell him Courtney says hi?
550
00:39:22,404 --> 00:39:23,447
Bye.
551
00:39:25,991 --> 00:39:28,827
Okay. Explain.
552
00:39:28,911 --> 00:39:31,872
I can't. I don't know how he's doing it.
553
00:39:32,789 --> 00:39:35,209
I guess that just leaves Jim trailing.
554
00:39:35,292 --> 00:39:37,753
- Jimbo!
- Better sack up, buddy!
555
00:39:37,836 --> 00:39:40,005
Yeah, I know. I'm working on it.
556
00:39:40,088 --> 00:39:43,967
James? You are very good in
the world history class, yes?
557
00:39:44,051 --> 00:39:46,845
Me? Yes. No...
558
00:39:47,638 --> 00:39:49,223
Yes, I am.
559
00:39:49,306 --> 00:39:51,600
Perhaps you could help
me with my studies.
560
00:39:51,683 --> 00:39:55,938
Yeah. Absolutely. That
would be great sometime.
561
00:39:56,021 --> 00:40:00,567
- How about tomorrow?
- Well, I have ballet practise.
562
00:40:00,651 --> 00:40:03,821
Perhaps I could come by
your house afterwards?
563
00:40:03,904 --> 00:40:06,156
I could change clothes at your place.
564
00:40:10,828 --> 00:40:13,664
Yeah. I suppose that would be okay.
565
00:40:13,747 --> 00:40:15,624
Sure.
566
00:40:23,674 --> 00:40:26,093
Nice car!
567
00:40:26,176 --> 00:40:28,595
- I'm glad you think so.
- You don't like it?
568
00:40:28,679 --> 00:40:32,057
No, I like the car. By the
way, though, about prom?
569
00:40:32,140 --> 00:40:35,060
That was a bad idea.
I'm sorry I invited you.
570
00:40:35,143 --> 00:40:38,272
- What are you talkin' about?
- Please.
571
00:40:38,355 --> 00:40:41,775
I asked you because I thought you
might actually be worth going with.
572
00:40:41,859 --> 00:40:46,029
But you are just a jock.
No, wait. You're a jerk.
573
00:40:46,113 --> 00:40:48,699
Wait! I don't understand.
574
00:40:48,782 --> 00:40:52,411
I saw you making fun of me
with your lacrosse buddies.
575
00:40:52,494 --> 00:40:54,163
I wasn't makin' fun of you.
576
00:40:54,246 --> 00:40:56,832
Give me a break. You're so full of it.
577
00:41:00,043 --> 00:41:05,132
Fuck me! There's gonna be an Eastern
European chick naked in your house.
578
00:41:05,215 --> 00:41:07,342
And you're not gonna
do anything about that?
579
00:41:07,426 --> 00:41:11,180
What am I gonna do, huh?
Broadcast her over the Internet?
580
00:41:11,263 --> 00:41:14,725
- Yeah.
- You can do that?
581
00:41:19,855 --> 00:41:22,274
No. I cannot do that to her.
582
00:41:22,357 --> 00:41:25,777
Jim, get some fuckin' balls.
583
00:41:25,861 --> 00:41:28,906
If you don't have the guts
to photograph a naked chick...
584
00:41:28,989 --> 00:41:30,657
how you gonna sleep with one?
585
00:41:30,741 --> 00:41:33,368
I don't like the kid,
but he's got a point.
586
00:41:33,452 --> 00:41:36,914
See, even Shit-break
knows you should do it.
587
00:41:36,997 --> 00:41:40,292
All you gotta do is set up some sort of
private link or whatever on the 'Net...
588
00:41:40,375 --> 00:41:42,377
and tell me the address.
589
00:41:42,461 --> 00:41:45,255
You can send me the address too.
590
00:41:45,339 --> 00:41:48,467
I'll save you a seat.
591
00:41:48,550 --> 00:41:53,805
How sweet it is to be
loved by you, by you
592
00:41:53,889 --> 00:41:56,558
I needed the shelter of someone's arms
593
00:41:56,642 --> 00:41:58,477
Someone's arms
594
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:02,356
- There you were
- You were
595
00:42:02,439 --> 00:42:06,985
I needed someone who
understands my ups and downs
596
00:42:07,069 --> 00:42:09,071
There you were
597
00:42:09,154 --> 00:42:12,741
Okay, that was good, but I
want to thicken up that solo.
598
00:42:12,825 --> 00:42:15,828
Michigan State is this Saturday,
and I want that part to smoke.
599
00:42:15,911 --> 00:42:18,205
Yeah, I know, my timing's off.
600
00:42:18,288 --> 00:42:21,959
It's not that. I think it'll work
better as a duet with a tenor part.
601
00:42:22,042 --> 00:42:24,002
I'll do it.
602
00:42:25,337 --> 00:42:27,965
- Dick.
- I'll do it.
603
00:42:28,048 --> 00:42:30,050
Great. See you tomorrow.
604
00:42:36,890 --> 00:42:40,060
- Why are you doing this?
- 'Cause I want to.
605
00:42:40,143 --> 00:42:43,522
Yeah? Well, you can't fake this.
606
00:42:43,605 --> 00:42:45,691
You better practise.
607
00:42:57,953 --> 00:42:59,079
Come in.
608
00:43:00,789 --> 00:43:05,377
Jim? There's a... a young
lady here to see you.
609
00:43:05,460 --> 00:43:07,713
- Hey, Nadia.
- Hi, James. Ready to study?
610
00:43:07,796 --> 00:43:10,507
He's always ready to
study. He's a real bookworm.
611
00:43:10,591 --> 00:43:12,050
Dad.
612
00:43:12,134 --> 00:43:14,052
He's not one of those nerdy guys...
613
00:43:14,136 --> 00:43:15,512
Dad!
614
00:43:15,596 --> 00:43:19,016
Well, I'll let you two hit the books.
615
00:43:23,145 --> 00:43:26,190
You want a beer?
616
00:43:26,273 --> 00:43:30,068
- Oh, there we go.
- Come on, move!
617
00:43:30,152 --> 00:43:34,656
Steve! It's my computer,
and I wanna use it!
618
00:43:34,740 --> 00:43:36,241
Shut up!
619
00:43:36,325 --> 00:43:38,994
You need to change, right?
620
00:43:39,077 --> 00:43:42,206
- Uh, do you mind?
- No, not at all.
621
00:43:42,289 --> 00:43:45,667
Please, you know. Just
go ahead and get changed.
622
00:43:45,751 --> 00:43:49,129
I'll go downstairs
and start studying up.
623
00:43:51,757 --> 00:43:53,800
There he goes.
624
00:43:53,884 --> 00:43:55,177
Now we're in business.
625
00:43:58,472 --> 00:44:00,682
- Back in a sec.
- Jimmy, honey...
626
00:44:23,956 --> 00:44:25,290
Here she is.
627
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,587
- Did I miss anything?
- No. You are just in time.
628
00:44:30,671 --> 00:44:34,091
- Oh. Oh!
- This is incredible.
629
00:44:34,174 --> 00:44:36,885
Oh, my God! This is too much.
630
00:44:36,969 --> 00:44:39,972
Oh, did you see? Oh,
there that goes. Oh, Jeez.
631
00:44:40,472 --> 00:44:42,391
God bless the Internet.
632
00:44:44,685 --> 00:44:47,938
- Do it. Take it off.
- Oh, my God.
633
00:44:48,021 --> 00:44:50,732
Oh, thank you, God, for this
wonderful, wonderful day.
634
00:44:50,816 --> 00:44:53,360
She takes her vitamins.
635
00:44:57,489 --> 00:44:59,408
Stop hyperventilating.
636
00:45:04,454 --> 00:45:09,251
This is, like, the coolest
thing I've ever seen.
637
00:45:09,334 --> 00:45:10,961
I know.
638
00:45:12,588 --> 00:45:15,257
This is definitely one of
Stifler's best ideas ever.
639
00:45:16,842 --> 00:45:18,927
What is she... She's touching my stuff.
640
00:45:19,011 --> 00:45:21,680
- Why is she touching my stuff?
- Let her touch.
641
00:45:21,763 --> 00:45:24,766
- She's going through my stuff!
- Nadia can touch anything she wants.
642
00:45:34,485 --> 00:45:36,945
- No, no.
- Nice collection there.
643
00:45:37,029 --> 00:45:39,698
She's gonna leave.
She's definitely gonna...
644
00:45:39,781 --> 00:45:42,409
She's getting comfortable.
She's not gonna leave.
645
00:45:42,493 --> 00:45:45,204
She reads the articles.
646
00:45:58,091 --> 00:46:00,385
Is she?
647
00:46:00,469 --> 00:46:02,262
She's goin' downstairs.
648
00:46:13,398 --> 00:46:17,444
- Oh, my God!
- Jackpot, baby!
649
00:46:17,528 --> 00:46:20,823
- Can you believe this?
- I would have never known!
650
00:46:20,906 --> 00:46:25,452
I have an announcement to make.
There is a gorgeous woman...
651
00:46:25,536 --> 00:46:27,663
masturbating on my bed!
652
00:46:27,746 --> 00:46:29,248
Thank you, Nadia!
653
00:46:29,331 --> 00:46:33,168
If you ever had a chance
with Nadia, this is it.
654
00:46:33,252 --> 00:46:36,046
What am I supposed to do, Kev?
655
00:46:36,129 --> 00:46:37,798
Seduce her.
656
00:46:39,299 --> 00:46:40,968
What the hell would I say?
657
00:46:41,051 --> 00:46:44,388
Go over there and ask her
if she needs an extra hand.
658
00:46:44,471 --> 00:46:45,889
That's stupid, Kev.
659
00:46:45,973 --> 00:46:48,392
That's not stupid! You're
stupid if you don't go!
660
00:46:48,475 --> 00:46:50,435
Come on! Get over there!
661
00:46:50,519 --> 00:46:52,771
- Get goin'! She's prime.
- Get out of here!
662
00:46:52,855 --> 00:46:56,525
- She's waitin' for you.
- Okay, I'm goin'.
663
00:46:56,608 --> 00:46:58,277
- Go!
- I'm goin'!
664
00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:00,279
- Go!
- Oh, shit.
665
00:47:20,632 --> 00:47:22,718
Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.
666
00:47:28,599 --> 00:47:31,393
Oh, boy. Oh, God. Oh, no.
667
00:47:33,812 --> 00:47:34,855
Hello?
668
00:47:34,938 --> 00:47:37,816
Looks like Jim addressed
the e-mail wrong.
669
00:47:37,900 --> 00:47:38,650
What?
670
00:47:38,734 --> 00:47:41,987
It went out to every mailbox
in the East High directory.
671
00:47:42,070 --> 00:47:44,031
God, how juvenile.
672
00:47:44,114 --> 00:47:46,033
Hey, guys!
673
00:47:46,825 --> 00:47:49,411
Check this out! Oh, my God!
674
00:47:56,043 --> 00:48:00,422
Please, God, let this be it.
675
00:48:00,506 --> 00:48:02,257
Please?
676
00:48:06,220 --> 00:48:07,554
Somebody's goin' in.
677
00:48:12,267 --> 00:48:14,561
Here you go. That's what you need to do.
678
00:48:14,645 --> 00:48:16,772
- That guy's in my trig class.
- Oh, no.
679
00:48:19,358 --> 00:48:21,401
Looks like you could use an extra hand.
680
00:48:21,485 --> 00:48:22,861
Jim!
681
00:48:22,945 --> 00:48:25,823
- Oh, God.
- Shame on you.
682
00:48:25,906 --> 00:48:30,577
Yeah, shame on me. I'm so
sorry. I'm just gonna go.
683
00:48:32,204 --> 00:48:33,997
You have seen me.
684
00:48:34,081 --> 00:48:37,167
Now it's my turn to see you.
685
00:48:38,710 --> 00:48:40,087
Strip!
686
00:48:42,005 --> 00:48:44,424
- Strip?
- Slowly.
687
00:48:46,093 --> 00:48:48,637
You mean, like, strip strip?
688
00:48:48,720 --> 00:48:50,013
For me.
689
00:48:51,932 --> 00:48:55,352
- What is he talkin' to her about?
- I have no idea.
690
00:48:55,435 --> 00:48:59,022
Come on, Jim. People are
viewing. Get to business.
691
00:49:02,234 --> 00:49:03,819
Perfect!
692
00:49:05,362 --> 00:49:08,323
- Move, James! Move!
- Yeah, yeah. Move.
693
00:49:16,373 --> 00:49:18,625
Go, trig boy! It's yer birthday!
694
00:49:30,095 --> 00:49:31,680
- No!
- Please, God.
695
00:49:31,763 --> 00:49:34,183
- Come on.
- What's going on?
696
00:49:39,062 --> 00:49:42,149
- Yes!
- All right. Get in the mix!
697
00:49:42,232 --> 00:49:43,442
There.
698
00:49:46,153 --> 00:49:47,863
This is disgusting.
699
00:49:47,946 --> 00:49:51,617
What the fuck is this?
700
00:49:52,951 --> 00:49:55,037
Cut it out, man!
701
00:50:13,931 --> 00:50:15,182
Freak.
702
00:50:20,437 --> 00:50:22,606
Did not just take out that chair.
703
00:50:22,940 --> 00:50:26,693
- Yup, he took out the chair.
- More, more, you bad boy!
704
00:50:26,777 --> 00:50:30,781
Oh, yeah, I'm naughty.
I'm naughty, baby.
705
00:50:30,864 --> 00:50:32,908
Oh, God!
706
00:50:39,873 --> 00:50:42,084
Now, come to me.
707
00:50:43,168 --> 00:50:45,796
Oh, yeah.
708
00:50:52,678 --> 00:50:54,680
- Here we go.
- He's in.
709
00:50:54,763 --> 00:50:56,598
This just got a hell of a lot better.
710
00:50:56,682 --> 00:51:00,727
- Be gentle.
- Okay.
711
00:51:18,495 --> 00:51:21,123
- You've done that before, dude.
- Houston, we have a problem.
712
00:51:23,834 --> 00:51:27,045
What happened? What did he do?
713
00:51:27,129 --> 00:51:28,255
He blew it.
714
00:51:29,256 --> 00:51:31,967
- I guess I'll be going now.
- No, no.
715
00:51:32,050 --> 00:51:36,430
I'm not done, Nadia. I've got reserves.
716
00:51:36,513 --> 00:51:39,016
Nadia, please, please. I'm begging you.
717
00:51:39,099 --> 00:51:42,144
Well, I do like your dirty magazines.
718
00:51:42,227 --> 00:51:46,607
You do? Okay, well,
did you see this one?
719
00:51:47,608 --> 00:51:52,279
This here is your more
exotic, risque magazine.
720
00:51:52,362 --> 00:51:54,364
- He's pullin' out the porn.
- He's desperate.
721
00:51:54,448 --> 00:51:56,366
Jim, just wait till she leaves.
722
00:51:56,450 --> 00:51:59,036
Very arousing women. They arouse me...
723
00:51:59,119 --> 00:52:01,079
They arouse me very, very much.
724
00:52:01,163 --> 00:52:04,958
But, uh... But not as arousing as you.
725
00:52:05,042 --> 00:52:07,669
Oh, Jim!
726
00:52:07,753 --> 00:52:09,421
Oh, God!
727
00:52:13,592 --> 00:52:15,052
Yes!
728
00:52:17,221 --> 00:52:19,348
He's ruining daisy!
729
00:52:22,476 --> 00:52:26,480
So, uh, "shaved" is the expression?
730
00:52:30,234 --> 00:52:31,443
Holy shit.
731
00:52:31,527 --> 00:52:32,945
Holy shit!
732
00:52:33,028 --> 00:52:34,738
Holy shit!
733
00:52:34,822 --> 00:52:37,491
- Holy shit!
- Touch me, Jim.
734
00:52:39,952 --> 00:52:41,119
Here.
735
00:52:45,582 --> 00:52:48,001
- Again?
- Not again.
736
00:52:48,085 --> 00:52:51,338
- Not again, man!
- Is that possible?
737
00:52:51,421 --> 00:52:53,841
What a loser.
738
00:53:20,742 --> 00:53:25,414
I needed someone to
understand my ups and downs
739
00:53:25,497 --> 00:53:29,084
There you were
740
00:53:29,168 --> 00:53:32,004
With sweet love and devotion
741
00:53:32,796 --> 00:53:35,591
Deeply touching my emotion
742
00:53:35,674 --> 00:53:37,843
I just wanna stop
743
00:53:37,926 --> 00:53:40,262
And thank you, baby
744
00:53:42,472 --> 00:53:44,892
- Hey, minute man!
- Shut up.
745
00:53:44,975 --> 00:53:47,561
You're supposed to be supportive.
746
00:53:47,644 --> 00:53:51,648
You think you still
got a chance with Nadia?
747
00:53:51,732 --> 00:53:54,526
No. Her sponsors here
saw the thing on the 'Net.
748
00:53:54,610 --> 00:53:58,739
- I really don't think they liked it.
- How do you know that?
749
00:53:58,822 --> 00:54:00,908
She's already on a plane back home.
750
00:54:03,035 --> 00:54:06,830
You know, guys? Maybe I'm just
not good with girls, period.
751
00:54:06,914 --> 00:54:10,375
No, really. Like I was born
without that part of the brain.
752
00:54:10,459 --> 00:54:12,544
I mean, I can't talk to girls.
753
00:54:12,628 --> 00:54:14,713
And when I do talk to
them, I screw it up.
754
00:54:14,796 --> 00:54:17,925
Come prom, those excuses
aren't going to do you any good.
755
00:54:21,220 --> 00:54:23,388
And one time at band camp...
756
00:54:23,472 --> 00:54:25,641
we weren't supposed to
have pillow fights...
757
00:54:25,724 --> 00:54:28,769
but we had a pillow fight,
and it was so much fun.
758
00:54:28,852 --> 00:54:31,897
And this one time, we
all lost our music...
759
00:54:31,980 --> 00:54:35,234
and we were supposed to play this
song, but we didn't know it...
760
00:54:35,317 --> 00:54:39,196
so we just made it up and we
kept playing and playing...
761
00:54:39,279 --> 00:54:43,242
and the conductor didn't know what
we were doing, and it was so funny.
762
00:54:43,325 --> 00:54:45,869
So, you're pissed about somethin', huh?
763
00:54:45,953 --> 00:54:49,581
You know what I do when I'm angry?
I just play some Bach on my flute.
764
00:54:49,665 --> 00:54:52,543
It's so relaxing. I learned
to do that at band camp.
765
00:54:52,626 --> 00:54:54,711
Hold on.
766
00:54:54,795 --> 00:54:57,673
You have no idea why I'm angry?
767
00:54:57,756 --> 00:54:59,466
Because we have a test tomorrow?
768
00:54:59,550 --> 00:55:04,555
Sometimes I get cranky when I know
I have a big test to study for.
769
00:55:04,638 --> 00:55:08,642
- Yeah, that's pretty much it.
- I thought so.
770
00:55:08,725 --> 00:55:11,436
- Because this one time at band camp...
- What's your name?
771
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:13,397
- Michele.
- Okay.
772
00:55:16,608 --> 00:55:18,944
Do you want to be my date for the prom?
773
00:55:19,027 --> 00:55:21,780
Really? You seriously
want to go with me?
774
00:55:26,118 --> 00:55:28,495
Yes. Seriously.
775
00:55:28,579 --> 00:55:32,166
Are we going to Stifler's party
after? Because that would be so cool.
776
00:55:32,249 --> 00:55:34,668
Sure, whatever you want.
777
00:55:34,751 --> 00:55:37,546
Cool! We're gonna have such a good time.
778
00:55:37,629 --> 00:55:42,843
It'll be like this one time at band
camp when we all had a campfire...
779
00:56:00,736 --> 00:56:04,323
- How'd you know I was here?
- Stifler told me.
780
00:56:04,406 --> 00:56:07,826
- Talked to Stifler?
- Well, I needed to find you.
781
00:56:07,910 --> 00:56:10,037
We're gonna have to work on that song.
782
00:56:11,246 --> 00:56:14,166
Okay. I'm glad you came by.
783
00:56:14,249 --> 00:56:16,460
So you work nights?
784
00:56:18,754 --> 00:56:21,590
- My dad's the manager.
- Really?
785
00:56:21,673 --> 00:56:24,760
Cool. Tell him the subs are great.
786
00:56:26,970 --> 00:56:29,681
- So you're going to Michigan next year?
- Yeah.
787
00:56:29,765 --> 00:56:32,518
My parents want me to go
to Northwestern, but...
788
00:56:32,601 --> 00:56:35,437
I don't wanna write all those
extra essays they make you do.
789
00:56:35,521 --> 00:56:37,898
I mean, how am I supposed to know...
790
00:56:37,981 --> 00:56:41,318
what my "most emotionally
significant moment" was?
791
00:56:41,401 --> 00:56:45,948
So when my "U" of"M" acceptance came in
December, I just said the hell with it.
792
00:56:46,031 --> 00:56:48,033
- Onions?
- What?
793
00:56:48,116 --> 00:56:50,661
You want onions?
794
00:56:50,744 --> 00:56:52,663
Oh, no, thank you.
795
00:56:55,457 --> 00:56:58,043
So what are you gonna major in?
796
00:56:58,126 --> 00:56:59,753
State's got a good business school...
797
00:56:59,837 --> 00:57:02,172
and I could probably walk
on to the lacrosse team.
798
00:57:02,256 --> 00:57:06,134
Well, you've got it pretty
figured out, then, huh?
799
00:57:06,218 --> 00:57:09,847
I mean, business is okay, and
lacrosse is awesome, but...
800
00:57:09,930 --> 00:57:13,016
what am I gonna be, a
professional lacrosse player?
801
00:57:13,100 --> 00:57:15,018
I really have no idea.
802
00:57:15,102 --> 00:57:18,397
Thank God. I thought I was the only one.
803
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:20,440
Well, you're not.
804
00:57:21,900 --> 00:57:23,944
So we're gonna be close next year.
805
00:57:31,910 --> 00:57:33,829
You mean East Lansing and Ann Arbor?
806
00:57:37,332 --> 00:57:41,170
- What are you talkin' about?
- I can't go to the prom with you.
807
00:57:41,253 --> 00:57:43,338
I'm holding out for someone else.
808
00:57:43,422 --> 00:57:45,632
You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.
809
00:57:45,716 --> 00:57:50,053
I know it's a long shot, but I
figure Paul Finch might ask me.
810
00:57:50,137 --> 00:57:54,141
Finch. Shit-break.
811
00:57:54,224 --> 00:57:56,935
Oh, gosh. I forgot.
812
00:57:57,019 --> 00:57:59,438
You look okay.
813
00:57:59,521 --> 00:58:02,941
I mean, the scars healed really well.
814
00:58:03,025 --> 00:58:04,985
- Hey, Stifler.
- Eat shit.
815
00:58:07,821 --> 00:58:09,781
What was that all about?
816
00:58:09,865 --> 00:58:12,534
He's still embarrassed
because Finch kicked his ass.
817
00:58:12,618 --> 00:58:14,244
Who told you that?
818
00:58:14,328 --> 00:58:16,455
What do you mean, "no comment"?
819
00:58:16,538 --> 00:58:19,625
- Did you two hook up?
- Are you kidding? No.
820
00:58:19,708 --> 00:58:23,253
Then how did all this get started?
821
00:58:23,337 --> 00:58:26,548
Well, I guess it's all
right for me to tell you now.
822
00:58:26,632 --> 00:58:29,801
That reputation of his isn't
going anywhere. Cheese, please.
823
00:58:29,885 --> 00:58:32,846
Finch comes up to me
and says, "Jessica...
824
00:58:32,930 --> 00:58:35,557
I need your help with this,
blah, blah, etcetera. "
825
00:58:35,641 --> 00:58:37,976
So I said, "All right.
Pay me 200 bucks...
826
00:58:38,060 --> 00:58:40,938
and I'll tell a couple of girls
that you're dynamite in bed. "
827
00:58:41,021 --> 00:58:43,774
So he did, and I did.
828
00:58:43,857 --> 00:58:45,943
- That actually works?
- Well, of course.
829
00:58:46,026 --> 00:58:48,487
Naturally, I embellished a little bit.
830
00:58:48,570 --> 00:58:51,073
Did you hear that Finch had
an affair with an older woman?
831
00:58:51,156 --> 00:58:53,075
No, I didn't hear that one.
832
00:58:53,158 --> 00:58:55,744
That one was my favourite.
833
00:58:55,828 --> 00:58:57,830
Do that cheerleader.
834
00:58:57,913 --> 00:59:01,416
- Thank you, baby
- She wants me. She calls me up...
835
00:59:01,500 --> 00:59:05,963
How sweet it is to be loved by you
836
00:59:06,046 --> 00:59:09,174
Oh, my God, you're gay!
837
00:59:09,258 --> 00:59:11,176
Sing it with me. You know the words.
838
00:59:11,260 --> 00:59:14,471
No, thanks, man. You've been
singin' that shit all week.
839
00:59:14,555 --> 00:59:18,225
If you try that at M.S.U. this
Saturday, I'll kick your ass.
840
00:59:18,308 --> 00:59:20,310
Our last game is this Saturday.
841
00:59:20,394 --> 00:59:22,521
Yeah, well, shit.
842
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:29,528
I've got this lacrosse game. It's
really important. It's our last game.
843
00:59:29,611 --> 00:59:33,365
Central almost beat us last time, so
this time I really wanna kick their ass.
844
00:59:33,448 --> 00:59:36,160
But it's gonna be cool,
because the game's at State...
845
00:59:36,243 --> 00:59:38,787
which means afterwards
I'll be able to stop by.
846
00:59:38,871 --> 00:59:40,873
So you can't sing at the competition.
847
00:59:40,956 --> 00:59:43,667
Heather, I'm sorry. I totally blew it.
848
00:59:43,750 --> 00:59:48,463
It's okay. You should
do what makes you happy.
849
00:59:50,090 --> 00:59:53,802
All right. Listen,
thanks for understanding.
850
00:59:56,430 --> 00:59:59,474
So, I guess I'll see you later?
851
01:00:15,532 --> 01:00:17,409
Hey, Kevin.
852
01:00:17,493 --> 01:00:22,498
- You seen Shit-break lately?
- Why? What did you do to him?
853
01:00:22,581 --> 01:00:24,666
Me? Nothing.
854
01:00:24,750 --> 01:00:27,044
See, I'm the one whose ass he kicked.
855
01:00:27,127 --> 01:00:30,589
But, I'll tell you one thing, though.
856
01:00:30,672 --> 01:00:33,884
I don't think he's gonna have a
problem shitting in school any more.
857
01:00:33,967 --> 01:00:35,969
Slipped a little something
into his mochaccino.
858
01:00:39,806 --> 01:00:41,099
Oh, God!
859
01:00:50,526 --> 01:00:52,778
Jesus.
860
01:00:52,861 --> 01:00:55,405
Right this way, sir.
861
01:01:00,869 --> 01:01:02,579
Oh, God.
862
01:01:35,904 --> 01:01:38,073
It's gonna be fun.
863
01:01:38,157 --> 01:01:40,701
It's just gonna be some crappy
band and stupid decorations.
864
01:01:40,784 --> 01:01:44,413
You're just saying that because prom's
a week away and you don't have a date.
865
01:01:44,496 --> 01:01:46,957
No, I don't want a date.
866
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:51,503
Finch is goin' stag and so am I.
867
01:01:51,587 --> 01:01:54,840
God, he's like so refined.
868
01:01:54,923 --> 01:01:58,093
You think that older
woman thing is true?
869
01:01:58,177 --> 01:02:01,471
Yeah, it's true. It was Stifler's mom.
870
01:02:04,766 --> 01:02:06,852
Joanie, was that you?
871
01:02:06,935 --> 01:02:09,229
- Oh!
- Can't hold it.
872
01:02:45,390 --> 01:02:48,352
Kev? I think we've come...
873
01:02:48,435 --> 01:02:52,022
- a really long way since homecoming.
- Yeah, we have.
874
01:02:52,105 --> 01:02:54,024
Maybe it's time...
875
01:02:54,107 --> 01:02:58,070
we start to express
ourselves in new ways.
876
01:02:58,153 --> 01:03:00,405
- Yeah.
- You wanna do it?
877
01:03:00,489 --> 01:03:03,283
- Yeah.
- I love you.
878
01:03:04,993 --> 01:03:07,621
It's your turn.
879
01:03:08,664 --> 01:03:11,083
That's not what I was thinking.
880
01:03:11,166 --> 01:03:15,254
Sex. It's always about sex.
881
01:03:15,337 --> 01:03:18,423
It's not always about sex.
882
01:03:18,507 --> 01:03:21,552
I just thought it was
about sex this time.
883
01:03:24,930 --> 01:03:29,268
Look, Vicky, love is a term
that gets thrown around...
884
01:03:29,351 --> 01:03:31,270
and people don't mean it.
885
01:03:31,353 --> 01:03:34,565
When I say it, I want
it to be more than words.
886
01:03:34,648 --> 01:03:37,359
- I want it to be...
- Perfect.
887
01:03:39,486 --> 01:03:41,405
Exactly.
888
01:03:41,780 --> 01:03:44,324
- Okay, Albert. You ready?
- No problemo.
889
01:03:45,659 --> 01:03:49,454
I close my eyes at night
890
01:03:49,538 --> 01:03:51,874
Come on, Heather. Work with me here.
891
01:03:57,379 --> 01:04:00,132
Goal, Ostreicher!
892
01:04:00,215 --> 01:04:03,927
- All right, Oz!
- Atta boy, Ozzie!
893
01:04:04,011 --> 01:04:05,929
Whoo! Yeah, baby!
894
01:04:06,013 --> 01:04:08,640
- We're crushing you losers!
- Let's go, fellas!
895
01:04:08,724 --> 01:04:10,726
Come on! Whoo-hoo!
896
01:04:12,561 --> 01:04:16,982
Bumblebee, bumblebee
bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee
897
01:04:17,065 --> 01:04:19,109
Focus on the music. Think melody.
898
01:04:19,193 --> 01:04:22,279
- Let the music be my guide.
- That would be a start.
899
01:04:33,165 --> 01:04:34,958
Who's the man? Stifler!
900
01:04:38,253 --> 01:04:40,380
Huddle up, guys! Huddle up!
901
01:04:48,430 --> 01:04:51,850
Huddle up! Come on! Okay.
902
01:04:51,934 --> 01:04:53,852
All right, all right!
903
01:04:53,936 --> 01:04:56,146
- Good hustle, guys.
- Good hustle.
904
01:04:56,230 --> 01:05:01,193
But you can still lose. You all
saw what happened to Oz out there.
905
01:05:01,276 --> 01:05:06,490
I don't want to ever see any of
you thinking you're gonna score.
906
01:05:06,573 --> 01:05:09,743
You don't score until you score.
907
01:05:09,827 --> 01:05:12,329
- Until you score.
- That's right, baby!
908
01:05:12,412 --> 01:05:14,706
It all boils down to today.
909
01:05:14,790 --> 01:05:18,627
For you seniors, this
marks the culmination...
910
01:05:18,710 --> 01:05:21,713
- of the past four years.
- Culmination.
911
01:05:21,797 --> 01:05:26,426
I want you to think about
what this means to you.
912
01:05:26,510 --> 01:05:29,638
Do you guys wanna look
back on your days at East...
913
01:05:29,721 --> 01:05:33,392
and know that you used the time you had?
914
01:05:33,475 --> 01:05:36,145
- Hell, yeah!
- You do!
915
01:05:38,063 --> 01:05:41,400
- Good attitude, Ostreicher.
- Good luck, fellas.
916
01:05:42,568 --> 01:05:44,987
Christ, I didn't tell
ya to leave the game.
917
01:05:45,070 --> 01:05:47,030
I'm sorry, Coach.
918
01:05:47,114 --> 01:05:50,075
You got someplace more
important to be, Ostreicher?
919
01:05:55,622 --> 01:05:59,168
Oz? Fuckface?
920
01:06:27,196 --> 01:06:29,781
- Hey, Oz!
- Ozmeister!
921
01:06:29,865 --> 01:06:31,783
- Oh, great.
- What about the game?
922
01:06:31,867 --> 01:06:34,953
- I'm not playing.
- You're missing the game for us?
923
01:06:35,037 --> 01:06:38,248
No, I'm missing the game for you.
924
01:06:41,668 --> 01:06:43,795
Does this mean I'm not
gonna get to do the duet?
925
01:06:43,879 --> 01:06:45,380
Albert, you suck.
926
01:06:50,552 --> 01:06:52,471
I don't think he's comin' back.
927
01:06:52,554 --> 01:06:54,723
Close my eyes at night
928
01:06:54,807 --> 01:06:56,350
Close my eyes
929
01:06:56,433 --> 01:07:00,604
Wonderin' where would I
be without you in my life
930
01:07:00,687 --> 01:07:04,316
Everything I did was just a bore
931
01:07:04,399 --> 01:07:08,487
Everywhere I went seems
I been there before
932
01:07:08,570 --> 01:07:12,825
But you brighten up
for me all of my days
933
01:07:12,908 --> 01:07:16,161
- With a love so sweet
- In so many ways
934
01:07:16,245 --> 01:07:18,455
I just wanna stop
935
01:07:18,539 --> 01:07:23,126
- And thank you, baby
- I just wanna stop
936
01:07:23,210 --> 01:07:26,463
- Thank you, baby
- Thank you, baby
937
01:07:26,547 --> 01:07:31,176
How sweet it is to be loved by you
938
01:07:34,346 --> 01:07:36,682
Yeah, Oz! You fuckin' rule!
939
01:07:36,765 --> 01:07:39,393
- Fuckin' rule!
- Yeah!
940
01:07:42,020 --> 01:07:44,231
Maybe the words aren't that important.
941
01:07:44,314 --> 01:07:46,525
It's like, I know he
really cares about me.
942
01:07:46,608 --> 01:07:48,694
Even if he can't say it, he does.
943
01:07:48,777 --> 01:07:52,698
And yeah, he always talks about sex,
but that's okay, 'cause he's a guy.
944
01:07:52,781 --> 01:07:55,367
- He's got a dick. He's a guy.
- Right.
945
01:07:55,450 --> 01:07:57,369
Wait. Is this translation right?
946
01:07:57,452 --> 01:08:00,414
"Go home, bird teacher.
I've had enough. "
947
01:08:00,497 --> 01:08:03,458
I don't know. I got it from Kevin.
948
01:08:03,542 --> 01:08:07,087
- So, does it hurt?
- What?
949
01:08:07,171 --> 01:08:09,882
You know... sex. Does it hurt?
950
01:08:09,965 --> 01:08:14,344
Yeah. I mean, the first time
you do it, you know, it hurts.
951
01:08:14,428 --> 01:08:18,557
But then you, you do it
again and again and again...
952
01:08:18,640 --> 01:08:21,894
It just starts to
feel good. Really good.
953
01:08:21,977 --> 01:08:24,980
Okay, so say I don't do it.
954
01:08:25,063 --> 01:08:29,818
And then I go off to college. I might
end up doing it with some random guy...
955
01:08:29,902 --> 01:08:33,614
- who totally turns out to be a jerk.
- This is true.
956
01:08:33,697 --> 01:08:36,408
And I'll wish I would've
done it with Kevin.
957
01:08:36,492 --> 01:08:38,744
So go do it with Kevin.
958
01:08:38,827 --> 01:08:41,872
- You think?
- Yeah. You're... You're ready.
959
01:08:41,955 --> 01:08:45,584
You're woman. Look at
you. You're ready for sex.
960
01:08:45,667 --> 01:08:46,877
- You're right.
- I know.
961
01:08:46,960 --> 01:08:48,962
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna have sex.
962
01:08:49,046 --> 01:08:51,423
And it's gonna be right, and
it's gonna be just perfect.
963
01:08:51,507 --> 01:08:53,759
- Perfect sex.
- Thanks, Jessica.
964
01:08:54,092 --> 01:08:56,220
Please.
965
01:09:02,851 --> 01:09:06,230
- I wanna have sex.
- Now?
966
01:09:11,527 --> 01:09:13,570
Prom.
967
01:09:55,195 --> 01:09:57,656
You must be excited about
the big night tonight.
968
01:09:57,739 --> 01:09:59,867
Thrilled.
969
01:10:01,160 --> 01:10:02,995
Who's the lucky girl?
970
01:10:03,078 --> 01:10:04,997
Michele.
971
01:10:05,080 --> 01:10:08,167
- Michele.
- Yeah.
972
01:10:08,250 --> 01:10:12,421
- She must be very special.
- Oh, she's special, all right.
973
01:10:12,504 --> 01:10:15,507
I'm sure she is special if you
picked her out of the whole bunch.
974
01:10:19,344 --> 01:10:22,973
Jim, I'm just gonna say one
thing before you leave tonight.
975
01:10:24,600 --> 01:10:28,854
I want you to be very, very careful...
976
01:10:28,937 --> 01:10:31,565
when you're putting on...
977
01:10:31,648 --> 01:10:34,276
the corsage.
978
01:10:38,280 --> 01:10:39,948
- Okay, Dad.
- Promise me.
979
01:10:40,032 --> 01:10:41,783
I promise.
980
01:11:02,721 --> 01:11:06,058
Midnight at the oasis
981
01:11:07,267 --> 01:11:10,437
Send your camel to bed
982
01:11:12,648 --> 01:11:16,527
Shadows painting our faces
983
01:11:16,610 --> 01:11:18,946
Traces
984
01:11:19,029 --> 01:11:22,908
Of romance in our heads
985
01:11:22,991 --> 01:11:26,328
Heaven's holding a half-moon
986
01:11:28,163 --> 01:11:31,124
Shining just for us
987
01:11:33,210 --> 01:11:37,172
Let's slip off to a sand dune
988
01:11:37,256 --> 01:11:39,424
Real soon
989
01:11:39,508 --> 01:11:42,427
And kick up a little dust
990
01:11:42,511 --> 01:11:47,474
Come on Cactus is our friend
991
01:11:47,558 --> 01:11:51,895
He'll point out the way
992
01:11:51,979 --> 01:11:54,648
You know, at band camp we
have dances like this...
993
01:11:54,731 --> 01:11:56,942
only they're way funner.
994
01:11:58,026 --> 01:12:01,446
Till the evenin'ends
995
01:12:11,540 --> 01:12:14,793
All right, status check.
Where do you guys stand?
996
01:12:14,877 --> 01:12:18,672
Finch, we know where you are, but
can't really use that as an excuse.
997
01:12:20,757 --> 01:12:23,552
My date's a flute-toting band dork.
Does that answer your question?
998
01:12:25,095 --> 01:12:28,515
Oz, is this vocal-jazz
shit gonna pay off or what?
999
01:12:28,599 --> 01:12:31,351
Kevin, what's with the attitude?
1000
01:12:31,435 --> 01:12:34,354
Attitude? Me?
1001
01:12:34,438 --> 01:12:37,107
I think you guys should be
a little more enthusiastic.
1002
01:12:37,191 --> 01:12:39,651
This is the night
we've been waiting for.
1003
01:12:39,735 --> 01:12:41,820
We're in this together.
You guys can't back out.
1004
01:12:41,904 --> 01:12:45,574
Kev, you don't need us to get
laid. Are you afraid or something?
1005
01:12:45,657 --> 01:12:49,077
No. Come on. We made a pact.
1006
01:12:49,161 --> 01:12:52,581
You can't break that. You
guys are gonna have to...
1007
01:12:52,664 --> 01:12:56,502
Have to what, Kev, huh?
I don't have to do shit.
1008
01:12:56,585 --> 01:12:59,963
Forget it already. I am so sick and
tired of all this bullshit pressure.
1009
01:13:00,047 --> 01:13:04,801
I've never even had sex, and
already, I can't stand it. I hate sex!
1010
01:13:04,885 --> 01:13:07,846
And I'm not gonna stand around here
busting my balls over something that...
1011
01:13:07,930 --> 01:13:10,265
quite frankly, isn't
that damn important.
1012
01:13:10,349 --> 01:13:12,434
I'm gonna go hang out with
that geek over there...
1013
01:13:12,518 --> 01:13:16,522
'cause at least she has something
else to talk about besides sex.
1014
01:13:16,605 --> 01:13:17,648
Goddam.
1015
01:13:22,444 --> 01:13:25,823
You know, at least I learned
how to shit in school, buddy.
1016
01:13:25,906 --> 01:13:27,866
Hey, Finch.
1017
01:13:27,950 --> 01:13:30,661
- Wanna dance?
- Yeah.
1018
01:13:36,041 --> 01:13:39,461
- How come you have no date?
- I like to keep my options open.
1019
01:13:39,545 --> 01:13:41,463
I got something for you.
1020
01:13:43,382 --> 01:13:45,843
Consider it a consolation prize.
1021
01:13:48,971 --> 01:13:51,890
Jessica, this is great! Wow!
1022
01:13:51,974 --> 01:13:53,809
Felt sorta guilty
about taking your money.
1023
01:13:53,892 --> 01:13:56,270
You spent $200 on this?
1024
01:13:56,353 --> 01:13:59,606
No, I spent 50 on the
flask, 150 on the earrings.
1025
01:14:01,733 --> 01:14:03,652
- These are...
- Let me just clarify...
1026
01:14:03,735 --> 01:14:06,405
that you have no chance
of scoring with me, Finch.
1027
01:14:06,488 --> 01:14:08,157
Of course not!
1028
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:10,826
So I take it you and Sherman
are pretty close, huh?
1029
01:14:10,909 --> 01:14:12,911
You met at that party
a while back, right?
1030
01:14:12,995 --> 01:14:14,913
Yeah, we were up all night together.
1031
01:14:14,997 --> 01:14:18,083
We had one of those amazingly
deep conversations...
1032
01:14:18,167 --> 01:14:21,128
where you feel like you
really get to know someone.
1033
01:14:22,379 --> 01:14:24,506
Deep conversation, huh?
1034
01:14:24,590 --> 01:14:26,175
Is that what you call it?
1035
01:14:26,884 --> 01:14:28,844
What else would I call it?
1036
01:14:35,684 --> 01:14:37,603
Thank you, Great Falls.
1037
01:14:37,686 --> 01:14:40,689
We're gonna take a little
break. You are beautiful.
1038
01:14:45,027 --> 01:14:46,987
You suck!
1039
01:14:49,865 --> 01:14:52,451
Excuse me, everyone.
1040
01:14:52,534 --> 01:14:57,122
Sorry to interrupt. I just
thought you all should know this.
1041
01:14:57,206 --> 01:14:59,875
Chuck Sherman is a liar.
1042
01:14:59,958 --> 01:15:02,252
I never had sex with him.
1043
01:15:02,336 --> 01:15:06,715
He's never had sex with anyone.
I know this because he told me.
1044
01:15:06,798 --> 01:15:10,636
Once he tried to screw a
grapefruit, but that's all.
1045
01:15:10,719 --> 01:15:14,056
He also told me that when he gets
nervous, he sometimes wets his pants.
1046
01:15:14,139 --> 01:15:17,100
Thank you for your time.
1047
01:15:30,906 --> 01:15:34,159
- Guess what?
- Not interested.
1048
01:15:34,243 --> 01:15:38,497
Kevin. Come on, man. The bus to
Stifler's is gonna be here soon.
1049
01:15:38,580 --> 01:15:40,541
- I'm not going.
- What?
1050
01:15:40,624 --> 01:15:42,334
Why not?
1051
01:15:44,253 --> 01:15:49,007
Look, things didn't really
turn out how I wanted them to.
1052
01:15:49,091 --> 01:15:51,426
I mean, I don't even
know what I'm doin'.
1053
01:15:51,510 --> 01:15:54,888
I'm acting like I've got
everything together tonight.
1054
01:15:54,972 --> 01:15:58,684
I know that Vicky's gonna
ask me if I love her, and...
1055
01:15:58,767 --> 01:16:00,686
I don't know what I'm gonna say.
1056
01:16:00,769 --> 01:16:02,688
I mean, I'm on the brink.
1057
01:16:02,771 --> 01:16:06,358
I'm just about to do
it. I should be psyched.
1058
01:16:06,441 --> 01:16:10,529
I don't know. Maybe you're
right. Maybe I am just scared.
1059
01:16:10,612 --> 01:16:14,700
Come on, Kev. Tonight is the night.
1060
01:16:14,783 --> 01:16:17,870
We are finally going to a
post-prom party on the lake.
1061
01:16:17,953 --> 01:16:20,289
We have been waiting
for this for four years.
1062
01:16:20,372 --> 01:16:23,458
Why else have we been friends
with Stifler all this time, right?
1063
01:16:24,459 --> 01:16:26,170
We were friends with Stifler?
1064
01:16:26,920 --> 01:16:29,047
Hey, look.
1065
01:16:30,257 --> 01:16:32,968
Sherman didn't even get laid.
1066
01:16:33,051 --> 01:16:35,762
- He didn't?
- No, he pissed himself.
1067
01:16:37,055 --> 01:16:38,098
What?
1068
01:16:39,683 --> 01:16:41,643
We'll tell you on the bus.
1069
01:16:41,727 --> 01:16:44,897
I'm gonna go inside and grab my bag.
1070
01:16:44,980 --> 01:16:47,483
My date too, perhaps?
1071
01:16:49,151 --> 01:16:51,320
Stifler's mom got it in the divorce.
1072
01:16:51,403 --> 01:16:53,322
That reminds me of this one time...
1073
01:16:53,405 --> 01:16:56,325
Hey, can I ask you a question?
1074
01:16:56,408 --> 01:16:59,077
How come you don't have any
stories? I've got lots of them...
1075
01:16:59,161 --> 01:17:01,330
and you don't have any.
1076
01:17:01,413 --> 01:17:04,583
Oh, I've got stories.
Believe me. They're just...
1077
01:17:04,666 --> 01:17:07,419
They're just a little more
risque than tales of band camp.
1078
01:17:07,503 --> 01:17:12,090
Are they gross or something?
Like guy stuff? Tell me!
1079
01:17:12,174 --> 01:17:14,092
Okay. You want a story?
1080
01:17:14,176 --> 01:17:16,637
Here's a story. Stifler
finds this beer...
1081
01:17:19,932 --> 01:17:22,392
This is the nicest room in the house.
1082
01:17:22,476 --> 01:17:24,228
Kev, it's perfect.
1083
01:17:36,698 --> 01:17:38,700
You guys are gonna fuck, aren't ya?
1084
01:17:38,784 --> 01:17:41,370
Fuckers! Fuckers, fuckers!
1085
01:17:41,453 --> 01:17:43,705
Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers!
1086
01:17:45,123 --> 01:17:47,709
- Out.
- Come on!
1087
01:17:47,793 --> 01:17:50,212
- Get out.
- Man!
1088
01:18:08,272 --> 01:18:10,315
There's something I've been
meaning to tell you, Heather.
1089
01:18:10,399 --> 01:18:12,693
What's that?
1090
01:18:12,776 --> 01:18:15,070
It's gonna sound really bad, but...
1091
01:18:15,154 --> 01:18:17,781
I want you to know.
1092
01:18:17,865 --> 01:18:20,534
You see...
1093
01:18:20,617 --> 01:18:24,872
I'm a virgin, and...
1094
01:18:24,955 --> 01:18:27,624
Well, me, Kevin, Jim and Finch were...
1095
01:18:27,708 --> 01:18:30,419
We all made this pact...
1096
01:18:30,502 --> 01:18:33,338
that we would lose our virginity...
1097
01:18:33,422 --> 01:18:35,465
before high school was over...
1098
01:18:35,549 --> 01:18:38,594
and tonight is supposed to be
the night that we all do it.
1099
01:18:40,596 --> 01:18:42,681
This isn't the best
way to proposition me.
1100
01:18:42,764 --> 01:18:45,559
No, that's not what I mean.
1101
01:18:45,642 --> 01:18:48,854
What I mean is...
1102
01:18:48,937 --> 01:18:51,690
Look, do you know what
made me leave that game?
1103
01:18:51,773 --> 01:18:55,777
See, Coach, he was givin'
us this speech about...
1104
01:18:55,861 --> 01:18:58,530
not slacking off when you see
the opportunity to score...
1105
01:18:58,614 --> 01:19:00,699
This isn't any better, Chris.
1106
01:19:00,782 --> 01:19:02,868
No, you see... You see, Heather...
1107
01:19:02,951 --> 01:19:05,370
what I realized is that...
1108
01:19:05,454 --> 01:19:10,334
with you, it's not like I'm
running towards a goal...
1109
01:19:10,417 --> 01:19:13,712
looking for the best way to score.
1110
01:19:13,795 --> 01:19:17,299
This may sound a little corny, but...
1111
01:19:17,382 --> 01:19:19,635
I feel like I've already won.
1112
01:19:22,137 --> 01:19:26,558
And I care about you a lot.
1113
01:19:27,768 --> 01:19:30,062
Oz, I know.
1114
01:19:31,271 --> 01:19:34,566
- You called me Oz.
- Well, yeah.
1115
01:19:34,650 --> 01:19:36,568
It's what your friends call you.
1116
01:19:36,652 --> 01:19:39,696
I mean, I feel like I'm
one of your friends now.
1117
01:19:39,780 --> 01:19:43,534
And your girlfriend?
1118
01:20:18,193 --> 01:20:19,236
Are ya lost?
1119
01:20:23,782 --> 01:20:26,618
You're Stifler's mom.
1120
01:20:26,702 --> 01:20:29,454
No, no, not lost. Just, um...
1121
01:20:29,538 --> 01:20:31,456
you know, taking the tour.
1122
01:20:33,959 --> 01:20:38,213
Hey, thank you for letting
us have this wonderful party.
1123
01:20:38,297 --> 01:20:40,716
As if there was an
alternative in the matter.
1124
01:20:45,721 --> 01:20:48,098
So, you enjoying yourself?
1125
01:20:48,182 --> 01:20:51,643
I'm three sheets to the wind, ma'am.
1126
01:20:51,727 --> 01:20:54,062
I'm so happy for you.
1127
01:20:54,146 --> 01:20:56,064
But it takes the edge off, doesn't it?
1128
01:20:58,066 --> 01:21:01,320
- Where's your little date tonight?
- No date. It was...
1129
01:21:01,403 --> 01:21:03,822
It was a bathroom incident.
1130
01:21:03,906 --> 01:21:08,494
- Pardon me?
- Never mind.
1131
01:21:12,247 --> 01:21:14,666
You have anything to drink?
1132
01:21:14,750 --> 01:21:16,668
I believe the kegs are upstairs.
1133
01:21:17,961 --> 01:21:20,506
That is what the cretins drink.
1134
01:21:20,589 --> 01:21:22,674
I'm talking about alcohol, liquor.
1135
01:21:22,758 --> 01:21:25,719
- The good stuff.
- All right.
1136
01:21:27,346 --> 01:21:29,264
I got some scotch.
1137
01:21:30,349 --> 01:21:33,936
- Single malt?
- Aged 18 years.
1138
01:21:34,019 --> 01:21:35,103
The way I like it.
1139
01:21:39,733 --> 01:21:41,944
Why don't you go grab
a glass from the bar?
1140
01:21:44,363 --> 01:21:47,032
I think I should.
1141
01:21:47,115 --> 01:21:49,076
Allow me.
1142
01:21:50,702 --> 01:21:52,621
You know it's a bitchin' party.
1143
01:21:52,704 --> 01:21:55,207
The Stif-man always comes
through in the clutch.
1144
01:21:59,545 --> 01:22:02,172
And then he just puked his brains out.
1145
01:22:02,256 --> 01:22:05,134
- That is a nasty story.
- Yep, I told you.
1146
01:22:05,217 --> 01:22:07,386
Do you want to hear
a nasty story of mine?
1147
01:22:07,469 --> 01:22:09,513
It's sort of sexual.
1148
01:22:11,473 --> 01:22:14,017
Yeah! Yeah, let's hear it.
1149
01:22:14,101 --> 01:22:18,897
Okay, well, this one time at band
camp, we were playing this game.
1150
01:22:18,981 --> 01:22:22,609
I don't know if you know it, but
it's called "Spin the Bottle. "
1151
01:22:22,693 --> 01:22:26,572
And I had to kiss this guy
named Mark Wander on the lips.
1152
01:22:26,655 --> 01:22:28,574
And he plays trombone...
1153
01:22:28,657 --> 01:22:31,076
So how do you want to be?
1154
01:22:31,160 --> 01:22:34,121
Like, how do you want to do it?
1155
01:22:35,372 --> 01:22:38,041
I don't know. How do you?
1156
01:22:38,125 --> 01:22:42,880
Like normal style. The
missionary position.
1157
01:22:52,806 --> 01:22:54,933
Kev?
1158
01:22:55,017 --> 01:22:57,311
- Yeah?
- I wanna hear you say it.
1159
01:23:02,691 --> 01:23:04,943
Victoria...
1160
01:23:05,027 --> 01:23:06,987
I love you.
1161
01:23:08,739 --> 01:23:11,450
I love you.
1162
01:23:37,726 --> 01:23:39,937
Oh my. Here.
1163
01:23:46,985 --> 01:23:49,404
You okay?
1164
01:23:49,488 --> 01:23:53,408
Yeah. Go slow.
1165
01:24:16,098 --> 01:24:19,017
So the end of the story is you...
1166
01:24:19,101 --> 01:24:21,186
had to kiss the guy for 20 seconds.
1167
01:24:21,270 --> 01:24:25,232
Yes! And he was such a dork.
Everyone laughed at me...
1168
01:24:25,315 --> 01:24:28,152
but I didn't care
because it was so funny.
1169
01:24:28,235 --> 01:24:29,444
I get it.
1170
01:24:29,528 --> 01:24:33,282
And this one time at band camp,
I stuck a flute in my pussy.
1171
01:24:36,660 --> 01:24:37,703
Excuse me?
1172
01:24:37,786 --> 01:24:40,497
What? You don't think I
know how to get myself off?
1173
01:24:40,581 --> 01:24:44,001
Hell, that's what half
of band camp is... Sex Ed.
1174
01:24:44,084 --> 01:24:47,212
So are we gonna screw soon,
'cause I'm gettin' kinda antsy.
1175
01:24:56,305 --> 01:24:58,515
This'll do. Whoo-hoo!
1176
01:25:04,521 --> 01:25:08,942
Now, I have two rubbers. Wear
them both. It'll desensitize you.
1177
01:25:09,026 --> 01:25:11,528
I don't want you coming
so damn early this time.
1178
01:25:13,780 --> 01:25:16,074
What makes you think
that I would come early?
1179
01:25:16,158 --> 01:25:20,245
Come on. I saw you on the 'Net. Why
do you think I accepted this date?
1180
01:25:20,329 --> 01:25:21,788
You're a sure thing.
1181
01:25:25,125 --> 01:25:27,920
Yes, I am.
1182
01:25:28,420 --> 01:25:32,716
So I said, "This is very obviously
a Piero della Francesca. "
1183
01:25:40,015 --> 01:25:45,771
So, would you object if I said
that you were quite striking?
1184
01:25:46,438 --> 01:25:50,692
Mr Finch, are you trying to seduce me?
1185
01:25:50,943 --> 01:25:52,945
Yes, ma'am, I am.
1186
01:26:05,374 --> 01:26:09,086
Mmm, you're dead.
1187
01:26:47,541 --> 01:26:50,043
- I had no idea you'd be this good.
- Neither did I.
1188
01:26:50,127 --> 01:26:51,753
Oh, Finchy. Finch.
1189
01:26:52,254 --> 01:26:54,256
- Oh, Stifler's mom!
- Finchy!
1190
01:27:03,390 --> 01:27:04,433
Okay, let's go.
1191
01:27:04,516 --> 01:27:06,935
What's my name? Say my name, bitch!
1192
01:27:07,019 --> 01:27:09,188
Michele, Michele.
1193
01:27:10,772 --> 01:27:12,733
Oh, God.
1194
01:27:40,427 --> 01:27:42,346
That was a great night, huh?
1195
01:27:48,685 --> 01:27:51,730
I mean, I just can't believe
we had our senior prom.
1196
01:27:51,814 --> 01:27:55,692
I know. It went by so fast.
1197
01:27:55,776 --> 01:27:58,403
Yeah, it did.
1198
01:28:05,160 --> 01:28:07,621
Next year with you going to Ann Arbor...
1199
01:28:07,704 --> 01:28:10,833
and me going to Ithaca...
1200
01:28:10,916 --> 01:28:14,044
it's not gonna work, is it?
1201
01:28:14,127 --> 01:28:16,129
No. Don't say that.
1202
01:28:16,213 --> 01:28:18,715
I mean, we could make it work.
1203
01:28:20,050 --> 01:28:22,678
- It'll be perfect.
- No, Kevin.
1204
01:28:24,429 --> 01:28:25,389
But...
1205
01:28:25,472 --> 01:28:29,685
That's what I've been realizing,
is that nothing's perfect.
1206
01:28:29,768 --> 01:28:32,729
And you can't plan everything.
1207
01:28:34,356 --> 01:28:38,110
Well, I guess you will
be pretty far away.
1208
01:28:39,403 --> 01:28:42,447
And we'll be on our
own, meeting new people.
1209
01:28:46,660 --> 01:28:48,620
Last night, though.
1210
01:28:52,332 --> 01:28:53,667
I wasn't lying.
1211
01:28:56,712 --> 01:28:58,630
I know.
1212
01:29:14,271 --> 01:29:17,733
She's gone. Wha...
1213
01:29:17,816 --> 01:29:19,860
Oh, my God. She used me.
1214
01:29:19,943 --> 01:29:21,904
I was used.
1215
01:29:23,864 --> 01:29:27,242
I was used. Cool!
1216
01:29:29,620 --> 01:29:31,538
What's this door locked...
1217
01:29:31,622 --> 01:29:33,582
Mom, where's...
1218
01:29:35,083 --> 01:29:39,338
- Mom? Shit-break?
- Hey, Stifler.
1219
01:29:45,010 --> 01:29:48,430
I just gotta say that women...
1220
01:29:48,514 --> 01:29:51,099
like a fine wine, only
get better with age.
1221
01:29:52,768 --> 01:29:55,854
Of course, I have no basis
for comparison, but...
1222
01:29:55,938 --> 01:29:57,856
it was good.
1223
01:29:57,940 --> 01:30:00,359
So you almost made it, huh, Oz?
1224
01:30:00,442 --> 01:30:02,402
I'll just say that we had
a great night together.
1225
01:30:02,486 --> 01:30:05,614
Hang in there, buddy. You'll get there.
1226
01:30:05,697 --> 01:30:09,159
You know, guys, I think
we're falling in love.
1227
01:30:13,121 --> 01:30:15,666
That's great, man. That's awesome.
1228
01:30:16,959 --> 01:30:19,711
You know what the
coolest thing is, guys?
1229
01:30:19,795 --> 01:30:21,880
This. You know, right now.
1230
01:30:21,964 --> 01:30:25,717
It's true. I mean, after this,
everything's gonna be different.
1231
01:30:25,801 --> 01:30:27,928
After getting laid?
1232
01:30:29,054 --> 01:30:32,015
- After high school.
- Here's to the next step.
1233
01:30:32,099 --> 01:30:33,225
To the next step.
1234
01:30:33,308 --> 01:30:35,686
- To the next step.
- To the next step.
1235
01:31:25,569 --> 01:31:26,528
Sweetheart?
1236
01:31:27,305 --> 01:31:33,491
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