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1
00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:05,504
♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:05,571 --> 00:00:08,573
♪ Traveled down the roadand back again
3
00:00:09,341 --> 00:00:11,175
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:11,243 --> 00:00:15,012
♪ You're a pal and a confidant
5
00:00:16,382 --> 00:00:19,684
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:19,751 --> 00:00:23,421
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:24,857 --> 00:00:26,191
♪ You would see
8
00:00:26,258 --> 00:00:28,660
♪ The biggest giftwould be from me
9
00:00:28,727 --> 00:00:31,629
♪ And the card attachedwould say
10
00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:37,335
♪ Thank youfor being a friend ♪
11
00:01:07,366 --> 00:01:10,101
Oh, Ma, I'm making dinner.
What would you like to eat?
12
00:01:10,168 --> 00:01:12,470
A nice thick T-bone steak,
corn on the cob,
13
00:01:12,538 --> 00:01:14,239
and pecan pie for dessert.
14
00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:17,141
Now ask me what I can chew.
15
00:01:18,844 --> 00:01:22,813
I'll start soaking
the cornflakes now.
16
00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:26,384
Girls, you will never guess
who was just on the phone!
17
00:01:26,452 --> 00:01:30,054
The real phone, Rose, or your
Farmer in the Dell phone?
18
00:01:30,122 --> 00:01:31,623
Oh, please.
19
00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:34,692
I haven't had a Farmer in the
Dell phone since I was 50.
20
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:37,595
Now, who called, Rose?
21
00:01:37,663 --> 00:01:38,997
Jerry Kennedy!
22
00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:41,499
Jerry Kennedy, the newscaster?
Uh-huh.
23
00:01:41,567 --> 00:01:43,568
He's coming over
to pick up his daily planner.
24
00:01:43,635 --> 00:01:46,104
I took it home
from work by mistake.
25
00:01:46,172 --> 00:01:50,308
Boy, was I embarrassed when I showed
up for handball with Walter Cronkite.
26
00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:55,880
By the way,
if you ever run into Walt,
27
00:01:55,948 --> 00:01:59,517
don't tell him he looks
like Captain Kangaroo.
28
00:01:59,585 --> 00:02:02,687
Miami's most glamorous
anchorman is comin' here?
29
00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,689
Oh, I'm gonna go freshen up.
30
00:02:04,757 --> 00:02:09,060
If his bottom half is as good
as his top half, I'm in love.
31
00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:14,465
Boy, the timing of Jerry's visit
works out perfectly for me.
32
00:02:14,533 --> 00:02:16,267
See, his birthday
is in two weeks,
33
00:02:16,334 --> 00:02:19,303
and the office is giving him
a surprise roast.
34
00:02:19,371 --> 00:02:22,740
So I have to come up with one or two
things that I can kid him about.
35
00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:25,610
I can get away with it 'cause
he considers me a good friend.
36
00:02:25,678 --> 00:02:29,413
Well, then why not tease him
about his taste in friends?
37
00:02:29,481 --> 00:02:30,615
(DOORBELL RINGING)
38
00:02:30,683 --> 00:02:32,416
Oh, that must be Jerry now.
39
00:02:34,186 --> 00:02:37,188
Now, remember the roast.
I really wanna nail him.
40
00:02:37,255 --> 00:02:40,625
So keep your eyes peeled
for any oddities or quirks.
41
00:02:41,393 --> 00:02:43,160
Hi. It's me, Stan.
42
00:02:47,432 --> 00:02:49,300
There's one.
What do I win?
43
00:02:51,136 --> 00:02:52,937
Stanley, what do you want?
44
00:02:53,005 --> 00:02:54,706
Dorothy, I know you're still mad
at me for spoiling our wedding,
45
00:02:54,773 --> 00:02:56,074
but I've got some news.
Big news.
46
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:57,441
And I thought you might
wanna hear about it.
47
00:02:57,509 --> 00:02:58,810
You've misjudged me.
48
00:03:01,213 --> 00:03:02,480
Dorothy,
49
00:03:03,882 --> 00:03:06,017
I'm seeing a psychiatrist.
50
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,720
I've discovered that the old
Stan really wasn't Stan.
51
00:03:08,787 --> 00:03:11,255
He was merely a Stan
trying to be the Stan
52
00:03:11,323 --> 00:03:12,924
that everyone thought
Stan should be.
53
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:14,859
Hey, I've been there.
54
00:03:17,763 --> 00:03:20,431
But now, with a little bit of
help, I'm becoming a new Stan.
55
00:03:20,499 --> 00:03:22,066
Oh, great.
56
00:03:22,134 --> 00:03:24,102
I'll take a People magazine
and a Morning Herald.
57
00:03:25,270 --> 00:03:27,805
Ma, he is not a newsstand.
58
00:03:27,873 --> 00:03:30,174
He's a new Stan.
59
00:03:33,779 --> 00:03:35,413
Then you can see the change?
60
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,149
I'm waiting for the change.
That was a $5 I handed you.
61
00:03:39,285 --> 00:03:41,419
Look, Stan, old Stan, new Stan,
62
00:03:41,486 --> 00:03:44,455
tastes-great-less-filling
Stan.
63
00:03:44,523 --> 00:03:46,690
The point is,
I am not interested.
64
00:03:46,758 --> 00:03:48,192
Good luck in therapy.
65
00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:50,128
Dorothy, I don't think
you quite get it...
66
00:03:50,195 --> 00:03:51,896
I get it perfectly.
67
00:03:51,964 --> 00:03:54,632
You're going to therapy
to try to win me back.
68
00:03:54,699 --> 00:03:57,035
And I'm telling you,
you're wasting your time.
69
00:03:57,102 --> 00:03:59,203
Not to mention $100 an hour.
70
00:03:59,271 --> 00:04:03,841
$110, Dorothy. This guy's got the
little beard and everything.
71
00:04:03,909 --> 00:04:06,444
Dr. Halperin's working with me
on something called "closure."
72
00:04:06,511 --> 00:04:08,379
I'm not going there
to try to win you back.
73
00:04:08,447 --> 00:04:09,981
I'm going there to
try to get over you.
74
00:04:10,049 --> 00:04:12,016
Go around her,
it takes less time.
75
00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:16,087
The doctor feels
that if you would
76
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:17,956
maybe join me
at a session or two,
77
00:04:18,023 --> 00:04:20,124
I might be able to work through
my attachment that much sooner.
78
00:04:20,192 --> 00:04:21,759
(DOORBELL RINGING)
What do you say, babe?
79
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:23,127
I don't know.
I mean, I'd...
80
00:04:23,195 --> 00:04:25,596
I'd have to give it
some thought.
81
00:04:25,664 --> 00:04:27,731
Jerry, hello!
Hello, Rose.
82
00:04:27,799 --> 00:04:29,167
I'm sorry about all this.
83
00:04:29,234 --> 00:04:30,935
Ah, sorry?
There's no need to be sorry.
84
00:04:31,003 --> 00:04:32,636
I'm a man who acknowledged
he had a problem,
85
00:04:32,704 --> 00:04:34,572
and I'm seeing
somebody about it. Now...
86
00:04:34,639 --> 00:04:35,974
Goodbye, Stan.
87
00:04:38,743 --> 00:04:40,278
He's our mailman.
88
00:04:41,847 --> 00:04:44,849
We've just allowed him
to get a little too close.
89
00:04:44,916 --> 00:04:47,218
Jerry, I'd like you to meet
my friends, Dorothy...
90
00:04:47,286 --> 00:04:48,619
How do you do?
How do you do?
91
00:04:48,687 --> 00:04:50,355
...and her mother, Sophia.
Hello.
92
00:04:50,422 --> 00:04:52,357
Ma, you recognize our guest?
93
00:04:52,424 --> 00:04:53,958
Of course I do.
94
00:04:54,026 --> 00:04:57,195
The only man you've had in your bedroom
after 11:00 since we moved here.
95
00:04:59,064 --> 00:05:01,765
Jer, I'll get your planner.
96
00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:05,403
Watch this, Dorothy.
He won't even know I'm fishing for info.
97
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:08,272
You know, Jerry,
uh, when I was a little girl,
98
00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:11,275
my father misplaced
his daily planner, too.
99
00:05:11,343 --> 00:05:13,978
It was when we were
on the way to the state fair.
100
00:05:14,046 --> 00:05:18,816
Speaking of state fairs,
is it true that you're cheap?
101
00:05:23,722 --> 00:05:26,290
Oh, my goodness.
We have company.
102
00:05:32,097 --> 00:05:36,634
Just so embarrassed
to be seen in this old thing.
103
00:05:36,701 --> 00:05:39,270
Don't worry, Blanche.
The dress covers most of it.
104
00:05:42,874 --> 00:05:45,709
Jerry, I'd like you to meet my
roommate, Blanche Devereaux.
105
00:05:45,777 --> 00:05:46,977
And, Blanche, this is...
106
00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:49,047
Oh, why,
you don't have to tell me.
107
00:05:49,114 --> 00:05:51,015
"From the Gulf coast
to the Atlantic,
108
00:05:51,083 --> 00:05:53,184
"from the Keys
to the Okeefenokee,
109
00:05:53,252 --> 00:05:57,221
"with the 11:00 news,
this is Jerry Kennedy."
110
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:58,889
Well, I'm flattered.
111
00:05:58,957 --> 00:06:02,126
From the pit of my stomach to
the porcelain of the bowl...
112
00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:08,866
There isn't an evenin' I miss
one of your broadcasts, Jerry.
113
00:06:08,934 --> 00:06:12,937
I just loved that in-depth location
piece you did on the homeless.
114
00:06:13,004 --> 00:06:14,539
Oh, thank you very much.
115
00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:16,807
My agent said if I hadn't
referred to them as bums,
116
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:18,576
I would have won a Peabody.
117
00:06:19,845 --> 00:06:24,882
Wow. So, Jer, uh,
ever dress up like a horse?
118
00:06:29,588 --> 00:06:32,790
Well, not so far,
but I thank you for asking.
119
00:06:32,858 --> 00:06:34,192
Now, Rose,
I think I just better
120
00:06:34,259 --> 00:06:35,726
grab my day planner
and skedaddle.
121
00:06:35,794 --> 00:06:38,229
No, you don't want
to skedaddle yet.
122
00:06:38,297 --> 00:06:40,698
Don't you want to stay and
have a drink before you go?
123
00:06:40,765 --> 00:06:43,534
Oh, sorry,
I never drink and skedaddle.
124
00:06:43,602 --> 00:06:45,036
Besides, I have to stay sharp.
125
00:06:45,104 --> 00:06:47,138
I've got a handball game
with Captain Kangaroo.
126
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,406
(GASPS)
127
00:06:50,876 --> 00:06:52,510
Ooh, why, you devil.
128
00:06:52,577 --> 00:06:54,612
Are you suggesting
another time?
129
00:06:54,679 --> 00:06:56,247
Just name it.
I'll be there.
130
00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:59,283
Well... Tomorrow, 2:30,
the Empire Lounge.
131
00:06:59,351 --> 00:07:01,118
Well, sure. Why not?
I'll see you there.
132
00:07:01,186 --> 00:07:04,186
Oh, Jerry?
133
00:07:17,669 --> 00:07:19,369
(GROANS)
134
00:07:24,309 --> 00:07:26,243
(MOANS)
135
00:07:30,081 --> 00:07:34,617
Oh, my, my, my, my, my!
136
00:07:34,685 --> 00:07:37,421
Why do I feel
the need to bathe?
137
00:07:39,924 --> 00:07:41,325
So, how was it, Blanche?
138
00:07:41,393 --> 00:07:44,127
Oh, you might as well
ask me to describe
139
00:07:44,195 --> 00:07:45,862
the glory of
the Great Smoky Mountains
140
00:07:45,930 --> 00:07:48,732
as they rise from the mist
of a Carolina dawn.
141
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,634
They went to a sleazy motel.
142
00:07:52,537 --> 00:07:54,538
Or the colors of
the monarch butterfly,
143
00:07:54,606 --> 00:07:56,273
spreading its wings
as it emerges from
144
00:07:56,341 --> 00:07:58,375
the miracle of the cocoon.
145
00:07:58,443 --> 00:08:00,711
She got him to pay
for half the room.
146
00:08:02,647 --> 00:08:05,516
Or the sturdy cypress
reaching heavenward,
147
00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:07,884
tall and mighty and proud!
148
00:08:07,952 --> 00:08:10,854
That one I think is
pretty self-explanatory.
149
00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:18,795
(DOORBELL RINGING)
150
00:08:18,863 --> 00:08:20,730
Who can that be at this hour?
151
00:08:20,798 --> 00:08:23,067
Oh, I bet it's Jerry comin'
back for his good-night kiss.
152
00:08:23,134 --> 00:08:24,601
You know,
sometimes you get so busy
153
00:08:24,669 --> 00:08:26,537
buttonin' up and all,
you forget.
154
00:08:28,005 --> 00:08:29,339
How do you do?
155
00:08:29,407 --> 00:08:31,641
I'm Millicent Kennedy,
Gerald's mother.
156
00:08:31,709 --> 00:08:32,943
Oh, how do you do?
157
00:08:33,010 --> 00:08:34,811
I'm looking for
the cheap jezebel
158
00:08:34,879 --> 00:08:36,846
who's ruining my Gerald's life.
159
00:08:38,216 --> 00:08:40,084
Blanche, company!
160
00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,721
Blanche Devereaux,
I'm here to tell you
161
00:08:44,789 --> 00:08:46,957
to keep your hands off my baby.
162
00:08:47,024 --> 00:08:48,358
He's very special,
163
00:08:48,426 --> 00:08:51,128
and no one can take care
of him the way I can.
164
00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:55,466
Well, excuse me, but I haven't
heard any complaints so far.
165
00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:58,902
Did you know that
Gerald is afraid of clowns?
166
00:08:58,970 --> 00:09:03,273
Or that he can't go to the
bathroom except at home?
167
00:09:03,341 --> 00:09:05,942
Oh, so that's why there's
that look on his face
168
00:09:06,010 --> 00:09:08,177
right before they get
to the weather.
169
00:09:10,515 --> 00:09:14,785
Just leave my dumpling alone,
understand? Or else!
170
00:09:16,454 --> 00:09:19,122
Blanche,
why did you let her go?
171
00:09:19,189 --> 00:09:21,190
She'd be
the perfect person to ask
172
00:09:21,258 --> 00:09:24,360
if there's anything about Jerry I
could make fun of at the roast.
173
00:09:38,243 --> 00:09:39,710
We'll tell you
what's wrong with us
174
00:09:39,777 --> 00:09:41,678
if you tell us
what's wrong with you.
175
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:46,717
That really won't be fair,
will it, Stan?
176
00:09:46,784 --> 00:09:49,419
I mean, now they know
what's wrong with us.
177
00:09:49,486 --> 00:09:51,287
(CLEARS THROAT)
178
00:09:51,355 --> 00:09:54,124
Well, Dorothy, the sooner we do
this, the sooner you're rid of me.
179
00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:56,659
Stanley.
Ah, Doc.
180
00:09:56,728 --> 00:09:57,994
You shaved the little beard.
181
00:09:58,062 --> 00:09:59,696
It's still $110, Stan.
182
00:10:01,365 --> 00:10:03,767
You must be Dorothy.
Please, come in.
183
00:10:06,570 --> 00:10:09,305
I've heard only good things
about you, Doctor.
184
00:10:09,373 --> 00:10:10,741
You want a hug?
185
00:10:11,642 --> 00:10:13,009
Maybe later.
186
00:10:15,479 --> 00:10:17,447
Well, Doc,
before you get started,
187
00:10:17,514 --> 00:10:20,117
I just want to say
that I love this woman,
188
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:22,352
and although she's angry,
I believe she still loves me.
189
00:10:22,419 --> 00:10:23,887
So, please,
please, Dr. Halperin,
190
00:10:23,955 --> 00:10:26,857
help the two of us put this
crazy marriage back together.
191
00:10:30,827 --> 00:10:32,127
Only once, Stanley.
192
00:10:32,195 --> 00:10:34,529
The night I told you
it was good for me, too.
193
00:10:34,598 --> 00:10:36,231
(LAUGHING)
194
00:10:38,835 --> 00:10:42,337
And you said she didn't
have a sense of humor.
195
00:10:42,405 --> 00:10:45,540
Stan, it sounds to me like
you're going to extreme measures
196
00:10:45,609 --> 00:10:47,242
to make some kind
of point here today.
197
00:10:47,310 --> 00:10:49,411
Now, why don't you just
come out with that point?
198
00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:51,714
Come home, Mama Bear.
199
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,782
Papa Bear gets so cold
sleeping alone.
200
00:10:55,085 --> 00:10:56,952
Couldn't you just medicate him?
201
00:11:00,757 --> 00:11:04,292
I would love to, but I'm not allowed
to write prescriptions for six months.
202
00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:07,663
Please,
will you sit down, Stan?
203
00:11:09,165 --> 00:11:11,466
People, you may not believe it,
204
00:11:11,534 --> 00:11:13,669
but these issues are
not insurmountable.
205
00:11:13,737 --> 00:11:16,571
It's not like that couple you were
sitting next to in the waiting room.
206
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,707
Major problems in the sack.
207
00:11:18,775 --> 00:11:20,575
Doctor, that's confidential.
208
00:11:20,644 --> 00:11:22,377
You shouldn't be
telling us that.
209
00:11:22,445 --> 00:11:23,912
I know, but I like you.
210
00:11:25,615 --> 00:11:27,816
Now, Stan, what you have
to do is ask yourself,
211
00:11:27,884 --> 00:11:29,451
why would you want
to be with a woman
212
00:11:29,519 --> 00:11:31,219
who so clearly doesn't
want to be around you?
213
00:11:31,287 --> 00:11:33,155
Well, I think I can
answer that, Doctor.
214
00:11:33,223 --> 00:11:34,990
There's no other kind.
215
00:11:37,561 --> 00:11:39,195
Last time we met,
you told me that
216
00:11:39,262 --> 00:11:41,330
when you were a boy your
mother didn't want you around.
217
00:11:41,398 --> 00:11:42,831
Well, so my mother
didn't love me.
218
00:11:42,899 --> 00:11:44,766
I mean, what's that got
to do with anything?
219
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:47,236
(BOTH LAUGHING)
220
00:11:47,304 --> 00:11:49,171
Doc, Sophia may not
want to have me around,
221
00:11:49,239 --> 00:11:50,806
but that doesn't mean
she doesn't love me.
222
00:11:50,873 --> 00:11:52,374
Stan, did you hear
what you just said?
223
00:11:52,442 --> 00:11:53,642
Yes, I said you love me.
224
00:11:53,710 --> 00:11:55,277
You said, "Sophia."
225
00:11:55,345 --> 00:11:57,879
You meant me,
but you said Sophia.
226
00:11:57,947 --> 00:11:59,381
You know,
that's interesting, Stan.
227
00:11:59,449 --> 00:12:01,183
You made that same slip
in our last session.
228
00:12:01,251 --> 00:12:02,684
Who's Sophia?
My mother.
229
00:12:02,752 --> 00:12:04,220
Calling Dr. Freud.
230
00:12:05,655 --> 00:12:07,689
Look, I can't say
anything definitively,
231
00:12:07,757 --> 00:12:09,191
but there's
strong evidence here
232
00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:10,993
that Stan doesn't
actually love you.
233
00:12:11,060 --> 00:12:12,394
I don't?
He doesn't?
234
00:12:12,462 --> 00:12:14,396
That's correct.
235
00:12:14,430 --> 00:12:16,831
A theory would be that he's
neurotically obsessed with you.
236
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:19,134
Dorothy,
we could build on that.
237
00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:22,771
Actually, he's obsessed
with your mother.
238
00:12:22,838 --> 00:12:25,407
Are you saying that his
desire to be with me
239
00:12:25,475 --> 00:12:28,543
is really his desire
to be with my mother?
240
00:12:28,611 --> 00:12:29,879
Wild, huh?
241
00:12:30,747 --> 00:12:32,014
It's all subconscious.
242
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,815
Sophia represents
Stan's own mother
243
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:36,352
who passed away before the two
of them could resolve things.
244
00:12:36,419 --> 00:12:38,354
Doc, this is
rougher than the session
245
00:12:38,421 --> 00:12:40,389
when I thought
I was in love with you.
246
00:12:44,194 --> 00:12:45,794
I still have the flowers.
247
00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:49,498
Stan, you see,
in order to achieve closure,
248
00:12:49,565 --> 00:12:51,333
you need to hear Sophia,
that is to say,
249
00:12:51,401 --> 00:12:53,302
your own mother tell you
she loves you.
250
00:12:53,370 --> 00:12:55,804
Now, there's not much we can do
here without Sophia being here.
251
00:12:55,872 --> 00:12:57,105
Dorothy, what are the chances
252
00:12:57,173 --> 00:12:58,506
you can get her to come
to our next session?
253
00:12:58,574 --> 00:12:59,975
Gee, I--I don't know
what to say.
254
00:13:00,043 --> 00:13:03,478
I mean, no one's ever asked me
to bring her along before.
255
00:13:05,315 --> 00:13:07,015
I'll do the best I can.
256
00:13:07,083 --> 00:13:09,584
Doc, what can I say?
You're a miracle worker.
257
00:13:09,652 --> 00:13:11,553
It's all part of
being professional.
258
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:13,722
Now, who's my 3:00?
259
00:13:13,789 --> 00:13:15,057
Oh, great.
260
00:13:15,124 --> 00:13:17,025
Mr. "I'm scared of the dark"
is next.
261
00:13:18,962 --> 00:13:20,795
Wanna hit the lights
on the way out?
262
00:13:27,003 --> 00:13:29,537
Jerry is not a mama's boy.
263
00:13:29,605 --> 00:13:32,841
In fact, he and I came to a
major understanding tonight.
264
00:13:32,909 --> 00:13:35,844
He and his mother aren't
gonna see any other girls?
265
00:13:38,615 --> 00:13:40,716
Jerry is simply
a man who happens
266
00:13:40,783 --> 00:13:43,351
to be sensitive
to his mother's needs.
267
00:13:43,419 --> 00:13:44,920
Ma, Blanche is right.
268
00:13:44,988 --> 00:13:47,956
Jerry's aware his mother
is getting on in years.
269
00:13:48,024 --> 00:13:50,058
He's concerned
about her happiness,
270
00:13:50,126 --> 00:13:52,728
and he's chosen to
live at home with her
271
00:13:52,795 --> 00:13:56,264
because he can't go to the
bathroom anyplace else.
272
00:14:05,241 --> 00:14:08,110
Girls, I think I have
my opening for the roast.
273
00:14:08,177 --> 00:14:09,411
Listen.
274
00:14:09,478 --> 00:14:11,246
"Good evening, everyone.
275
00:14:11,314 --> 00:14:14,349
"I hope you enjoyed
your Cornish game hen."
276
00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:15,817
(GIGGLING)
277
00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:20,255
What...
What's so funny about that?
278
00:14:20,323 --> 00:14:21,957
Oh, I didn't set it up.
279
00:14:22,025 --> 00:14:24,692
You see, we're serving
Cornish game hen.
280
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:29,031
Oh, well,
now that you've explained it.
281
00:14:29,098 --> 00:14:31,867
But this still doesn't say
anything about Jerry.
282
00:14:31,935 --> 00:14:34,069
I know, I know,
but I've drawn a blank.
283
00:14:34,137 --> 00:14:35,804
I even called his brother,
284
00:14:35,872 --> 00:14:39,241
and they haven't spoken since Jerry
was arrested for public nudity.
285
00:14:41,778 --> 00:14:44,046
Damn it,
there is just nothing funny
286
00:14:44,114 --> 00:14:46,348
about that clown-fearing,
mama's boy!
287
00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:49,652
He is not a mama's boy.
288
00:14:49,719 --> 00:14:51,286
And to prove it, he has
agreed to bring his mother
289
00:14:51,354 --> 00:14:52,855
over here tomorrow afternoon
290
00:14:52,922 --> 00:14:55,190
so he can stand up to her
in front of me.
291
00:14:55,258 --> 00:14:56,892
Good for you, Blanche.
292
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,594
But if confronting
Mrs. Kennedy doesn't work,
293
00:14:59,663 --> 00:15:02,931
the three of you might consider
a joint therapy session.
294
00:15:02,999 --> 00:15:05,868
Therapy's a wonderful idea.
295
00:15:05,935 --> 00:15:10,072
Oh, I remember St. Olaf's
most famous psychotherapists,
296
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:13,709
the Freud brothers,
Sigmund and Roy.
297
00:15:17,147 --> 00:15:18,881
You may have read
their bestseller,
298
00:15:18,948 --> 00:15:23,451
If I HaveAll the Cheese I
Want,Why Am I Still Unhappy?
299
00:15:23,519 --> 00:15:26,155
Ma, all I know is,
you would not believe
300
00:15:26,222 --> 00:15:28,724
the progress that
Stanley is making.
301
00:15:28,792 --> 00:15:30,793
As a matter of fact,
I was going to invite you
302
00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:33,195
to one of his sessions
with Dr. Halperin.
303
00:15:33,262 --> 00:15:35,130
The psychiatrist? Please.
304
00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:37,298
In the old days,
we didn't need psychiatrists.
305
00:15:37,366 --> 00:15:38,700
You had a problem?
306
00:15:38,735 --> 00:15:41,470
You fought, you drank,
you got a little on the side.
307
00:15:41,538 --> 00:15:43,138
You dealt with it.
308
00:15:58,921 --> 00:16:01,056
Wait a minute.
This isn't Splash Mountain.
309
00:16:04,761 --> 00:16:07,229
Ma, we're not going
to Splash Mountain.
310
00:16:07,296 --> 00:16:09,030
I want you to meet
Dr. Halperin.
311
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,932
He's Stan's psychiatrist.
312
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,768
Mrs. Petrillo,
I've heard a lot about you.
313
00:16:12,836 --> 00:16:15,203
Lies! All lies!
314
00:16:15,271 --> 00:16:18,374
Yes, I wanted a boy, but slowly
I learned to accept her.
315
00:16:20,009 --> 00:16:22,010
I just meant
it was nice to meet you.
316
00:16:22,078 --> 00:16:23,645
Oops.
317
00:16:23,713 --> 00:16:25,581
Please, sit down.
318
00:16:25,648 --> 00:16:28,884
Ma, as you know, Stan's been having
difficulty making it on his own.
319
00:16:28,951 --> 00:16:31,620
Dr. Halperin believes
that you can help him
320
00:16:31,688 --> 00:16:33,989
in his struggle to
separate from me.
321
00:16:34,056 --> 00:16:35,357
Sure I can.
322
00:16:35,425 --> 00:16:38,460
Stay away from my daughter
or I'll have your legs broken.
323
00:16:39,562 --> 00:16:40,962
Ma, will you try to be serious?
324
00:16:41,030 --> 00:16:43,599
I mean, where are you
going to get the $400?
325
00:16:46,069 --> 00:16:48,070
Just a rough guess.
326
00:16:49,772 --> 00:16:53,475
Sophia, without going into
a lot of psychological detail,
327
00:16:53,543 --> 00:16:55,810
I believe Stan's clinging
to Dorothy is really
328
00:16:55,878 --> 00:16:58,146
a suppressed longing
for his mother's love.
329
00:16:58,214 --> 00:17:00,014
Now, my theory is that,
subconsciously,
330
00:17:00,083 --> 00:17:01,816
he's transferred
that longing to you.
331
00:17:01,884 --> 00:17:04,753
And if you're wrong?
332
00:17:04,821 --> 00:17:07,122
I owe the parking guys
a round of drinks.
333
00:17:09,658 --> 00:17:11,459
Look, Ma,
tell Stan you love him.
334
00:17:11,527 --> 00:17:13,262
He'll be out of
our lives forever.
335
00:17:13,329 --> 00:17:15,697
You don't even love him.
How am I supposed to?
336
00:17:16,599 --> 00:17:18,533
I'll give you $1,000.
337
00:17:18,601 --> 00:17:19,968
Sonny boy!
338
00:17:21,837 --> 00:17:24,172
That's-- That's enough,
the both of you.
339
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,474
This isn't the way
it's supposed to be.
340
00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:28,710
If it isn't real,
what does it mean?
341
00:17:28,778 --> 00:17:30,178
Let's just forget it.
342
00:17:30,246 --> 00:17:31,479
What, you're surprised?
343
00:17:31,547 --> 00:17:32,847
I'm supposed to love you?
344
00:17:32,916 --> 00:17:35,017
Oh, sure, Stan, I love you.
345
00:17:35,084 --> 00:17:38,020
I love you for knocking up my
daughter when she was 17 years old.
346
00:17:38,087 --> 00:17:40,255
For sponging off Sal and me
for eight years.
347
00:17:40,323 --> 00:17:42,524
For cheating on Dorothy
left, right, and sideways.
348
00:17:42,591 --> 00:17:44,960
Oh, yeah, I love you.
349
00:17:45,028 --> 00:17:46,494
Sophia, listen,
350
00:17:46,562 --> 00:17:48,463
I know I always haven't been
the best son-in-law,
351
00:17:48,531 --> 00:17:50,565
but I've got other memories.
Good memories.
352
00:17:50,633 --> 00:17:54,036
The four of us watching TV
on that ugly green sofa
353
00:17:54,103 --> 00:17:56,038
Sal bought from his boss.
354
00:17:56,105 --> 00:17:59,007
Summer weekends
on the Jersey shore.
355
00:17:59,075 --> 00:18:00,642
It hasn't been all bad.
356
00:18:01,444 --> 00:18:05,179
Dorothy, help me out here.
357
00:18:05,247 --> 00:18:08,483
Dorothy?
I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
358
00:18:08,551 --> 00:18:11,119
Look, if I have hurt somebody,
I am sorry.
359
00:18:11,186 --> 00:18:14,122
But you should know,
I've hurt myself worse.
360
00:18:14,189 --> 00:18:17,492
Sophia, I did the best I could.
361
00:18:17,559 --> 00:18:19,227
I suppose you did.
362
00:18:19,295 --> 00:18:23,131
Can't you find it anyplace
in your heart to forgive me?
363
00:18:23,199 --> 00:18:25,967
Any place in your heart
when you loved me?
364
00:18:26,035 --> 00:18:27,602
Have you loved me ever?
365
00:18:30,006 --> 00:18:32,574
There was that one morning
at St. Francis Hospital.
366
00:18:32,642 --> 00:18:34,643
You and me peeking through
the maternity window
367
00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:37,079
the first time they wheeled
Dorothy and little Michael out.
368
00:18:37,146 --> 00:18:40,315
There was a whole
happy future in your smile.
369
00:18:41,551 --> 00:18:43,251
I suppose I did.
370
00:18:44,653 --> 00:18:46,221
I suppose I do.
371
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:50,158
I do love you, Stan.
372
00:18:50,226 --> 00:18:51,626
I love you, Ma.
373
00:18:53,096 --> 00:18:55,297
Oh, this is great.
374
00:18:55,364 --> 00:18:57,899
But I want you to understand,
this is just the first step.
375
00:18:57,967 --> 00:19:01,703
Doctor, you are a genius.
I feel great!
376
00:19:01,770 --> 00:19:03,171
Let's go to dinner
and celebrate.
377
00:19:03,239 --> 00:19:04,672
How does Chinese food sound?
378
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:06,341
I love Chinese food.
379
00:19:06,409 --> 00:19:09,478
Oh, why not? A celebratory
dinner to bury the hatchet.
380
00:19:09,545 --> 00:19:10,878
Who invited you?
381
00:19:14,850 --> 00:19:16,184
Don't wait up.
382
00:19:26,129 --> 00:19:30,232
You know, I cannot remember
383
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:35,170
when I had a sponge cake
quite so m-moist.
384
00:19:36,072 --> 00:19:37,839
Extremely moist.
385
00:19:37,907 --> 00:19:39,307
The moistest.
386
00:19:41,744 --> 00:19:43,879
I found the tea
rather moist, as well.
387
00:19:47,317 --> 00:19:49,551
What? I can't be
uncomfortable, too?
388
00:19:51,453 --> 00:19:55,090
Well, all these raves have put me
in the mood for another slice.
389
00:19:55,158 --> 00:19:59,761
Gerald, do you really feel
you need another slice?
390
00:19:59,829 --> 00:20:01,462
Oh, well,
maybe you're right, Mother.
391
00:20:01,530 --> 00:20:03,665
The television camera
does exaggerate the pounds.
392
00:20:03,733 --> 00:20:06,034
Oh, I don't see where a
little sliver would hurt.
393
00:20:06,102 --> 00:20:07,736
Finally, some action.
394
00:20:08,805 --> 00:20:10,572
Well, Blanche,
I really shouldn't.
395
00:20:10,639 --> 00:20:12,174
Yes, Jerry, you should.
396
00:20:12,241 --> 00:20:13,441
No, he shouldn't.
397
00:20:13,509 --> 00:20:16,377
He's watching
his refined sugar intake.
398
00:20:16,445 --> 00:20:19,748
Yes, he should. This cake is
sweetened with natural fruit juices.
399
00:20:19,816 --> 00:20:21,149
No, he shouldn't.
400
00:20:21,217 --> 00:20:24,319
His cross-country skiing
machine is in the shop.
401
00:20:24,386 --> 00:20:26,020
Yes, he should.
He gets plenty,
402
00:20:26,088 --> 00:20:28,156
and I mean plenty,
of exercise with me.
403
00:20:32,394 --> 00:20:34,496
Checkmate.
Hand the guy a fork.
404
00:20:36,399 --> 00:20:37,999
Well, maybe I shouldn't,
Blanche.
405
00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:40,902
I mean, t-this darn girdle
is tight enough as it is.
406
00:20:43,372 --> 00:20:45,340
Rose, did you catch that?
407
00:20:45,408 --> 00:20:49,177
I sure did, my friend.
"Darn girdle."
408
00:20:49,245 --> 00:20:51,613
The man refuses to curse.
409
00:20:53,516 --> 00:20:56,618
Blanche,
if you're going to insist
410
00:20:56,685 --> 00:20:59,287
on contradicting
every opinion I have,
411
00:20:59,355 --> 00:21:02,357
I won't allow Gerald
to continue seeing you.
412
00:21:02,424 --> 00:21:04,125
Allow me? Allow...
413
00:21:04,193 --> 00:21:06,828
Mother, this is where it stops.
414
00:21:06,896 --> 00:21:10,098
See what happens?
You put sugar in his tea, didn't you?
415
00:21:10,165 --> 00:21:12,333
It is not the sugar, Mother!
It's you!
416
00:21:12,401 --> 00:21:13,668
Mama's boy, huh?
417
00:21:13,736 --> 00:21:15,737
This is my life.
I'm a grown man,
418
00:21:15,805 --> 00:21:18,072
and I am going to love
the woman I want to love,
419
00:21:18,140 --> 00:21:20,108
whether she meets
with your approval or not!
420
00:21:20,175 --> 00:21:23,211
(EXCLAIMS) Put this man's
picture on a can of stew.
421
00:21:23,278 --> 00:21:25,613
Blanche, I want to thank you
for showing me the light.
422
00:21:25,681 --> 00:21:26,915
How can I ever repay you?
423
00:21:26,982 --> 00:21:28,683
Hawaii. Big Island.
424
00:21:30,753 --> 00:21:33,387
Mother, you are just going to have
to live with your prejudices.
425
00:21:33,456 --> 00:21:35,056
I don't care
what your objections are.
426
00:21:35,123 --> 00:21:37,459
I've made up my mind, and I'm going
to be with the woman I love!
427
00:21:37,526 --> 00:21:38,860
Oh, Jerry!
428
00:21:38,928 --> 00:21:40,528
I'm going back to Christina.
429
00:21:42,731 --> 00:21:44,833
Thanks again, Blanche.
430
00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:46,701
MILLICENT: Gerald, wait!
431
00:21:46,769 --> 00:21:50,338
We don't like Christina,
remember?
432
00:21:52,975 --> 00:21:55,677
Blanche, honey, you okay?
433
00:21:55,744 --> 00:21:58,646
Oh, why do these things
keep happenin' to me?
434
00:21:58,714 --> 00:22:01,315
And why do I let them
keep happenin'?
435
00:22:01,383 --> 00:22:03,351
I'm just tired of gettin'
all dressed up,
436
00:22:03,418 --> 00:22:05,954
lookin' gorgeous, going out,
437
00:22:06,021 --> 00:22:09,491
only to lose out in the end.
438
00:22:09,558 --> 00:22:12,494
On the other hand,
I am dressed up,
439
00:22:12,562 --> 00:22:15,130
and I do look gorgeous,
440
00:22:15,264 --> 00:22:18,266
and it is gringo night
at Hernando's Hacienda.
441
00:22:20,102 --> 00:22:24,105
Oh, but I don't think I ought to go.
I'm just so vulnerable.
442
00:22:24,172 --> 00:22:27,576
Does anyone know how to say
vulnerable in Spanish?
443
00:22:27,643 --> 00:22:30,479
Oh, never mind,
I'll say it with my eyes.
444
00:22:31,948 --> 00:22:33,014
Adios.
445
00:22:34,851 --> 00:22:36,651
I said it before,
and I'll say it again.
446
00:22:36,719 --> 00:22:38,452
Sluts just heal quicker.
34328
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