Original subtitles

It's not bad news, Elvira, we're giving you a second chance.

So kicking me to the curb is second chance now.

You should be pleased, you're one of the most fortunate

since you chose our pre-retirement plan.

“Our plan"? What planet are you from?

In a few years, you'll be on the street too.

- Like everyone. - 0k.

But until then, I'm still your boss.

- So if you have nothing to add... - I do! Firstly...

I don't have time to listen.

If you could please sign...

Maybe you need some glasses?

Presbyopia is normal at your age.

At yours it's not normal to be such an ass.

Now get back to work, please.

You have a few hours.

Don't worry, in my remaining time

I'll be sure to return everything the bank's given me.

DENIED

Well...

Congratulations, your credit request is approved.

- Really? My God. - Thank the central bank.

Please tell the next clients to come in.

I think there's more good news to give today.

- Thank you, thank you. - My pleasure.

Pepe, quiet!

Hello? Honey!

Yes, I'm at home. No, I couldn't find the...

What?

Another meeting?

Honey, can you put this in the...

Yes, sure... I will grab something with the kids.

Laura, want to eat? I made some tasty beef...

I told you a thousand times I'm vegan.

Vegan...

- Hello? - I'll be there in five minutes.

We don't have Pilates, right?

No. Today we're getting drunk.

I'm meeting Carmen at the store. Bye.

Today you get beef Wellington, Pepe.

And you said this is for any wall?

Well, not to hang a picture in a nuclear reactor.

Ok.

One second. We're just finishing.

- Where's Javier? Maybe he knows... - What?

I know everything he knows.

Sheet metal screws?

- Counter sunk or flat head? - Flat.

Waterproof hot glue sticks?

- Clear or color? - Clear.

- Seven or eleven? - Seven.

Riveters?

- Pneumatic, accordion, or pop? - What?

Take the standard one,

get free rivets.

Put in on my tab. I'll pick it up this afternoon.

- 0k. - See you later.

Look at Billy the Kid. You left him speechless.

Another asking for Javier.

Like you need a penis to be able to sell screws.

Nine-set penis, eleven-set...

Maybe I'll stop by one day.

Now that I'm living off retirement,

I have time for DIY projects.

What?

You retired?

How many years did she lie about?

It's called pre-retirement.

Everyone over 40 is on the street.

- She said forty? - Forty?

I'm rounding, ok?

We're just missing the gas chamber.

Elvira, I'm really very sorry.

That job was your life.

But you'll find something else.

For example, the...

You can do everything you've always wanted to and never could.

Close up and let's go.

Hello, Industrial Hardware?

Yes, Javier, I'm...

Ok, I'll put her on...

Hi, Javier. I'm closing.

What?

What happened to her?

What happened?

My girl, my girl, María...

Carmen! Hurry!

Carmen, Javier.

I am terribly sorry.

I just want to say if you need any comfort...

Yeah, you already put on your show. Now leave us alone, please.

If it were up to me, your kind wouldn't have gone near my girl.

Poor dears. How terrible, Jesus!

Well, shall we go?

I have a 4 pm meeting...

No, I'm staying with Carmen a while.

Are you sure? How will you get home?

Here...

- Take money for a taxi. - No.

We'll drive her, don't worry.

Well...

- Where are they? - Here.

We're going together, right?

Of course.

Come on.

Here, honey. I made you some tea.

- You need to take your pill. - Ok.

Don't answer it.

I'll see who it is.

Hi, you didn't answer the phone.

Carmen, I brought you a homemade pastry.

From the "Pastry House".

- Hello, honey. - Hello.

I brought you... look!

Broth.

And chicken croquettes.

- And". - Yes.

And some... meatballs.

I made a lot.

And also some barbecue.

You might have to freeze some. It's a lot, huh?

Thank you, Rosa. You shouldn't have.

I appreciate it, but I'm fine. You don't have to stay.

Where would we go?

I'm a fucking pre-retiree,

and she's a boring housewife.

Gosh, Elvi...

You can't keep this up, Carmen. We're your friends.

You can vent to us.

We're here to listen.

It's just...

Sorry...

- Íñigo, honey - You're kidding.

Have you left?

Yes, I already ironed that shirt.

Would you mind feeding Pepe?

Yes, the cupboard in the kitchen.

It says "dog food".

Well... Íñigo, two cups.

Why don't you just tell the dog?

He'll find it first.

Forget it, it's fine...

I'll go and feed Pepe.

If it bothers you that much, don't listen.

If I could, I would. But you're always on the damn phone!

"Íñigo, coming!"

"“Today I'll make that omelet you like."

"Bang me, although I don't want to."

He really can't wait?

Maybe you're jealous no one is waiting at home for you!

Thanks, girls. I feel much better.

- Morning. - Morning, Mikel.

This arrived from Madrid.

It's warmer, huh?

It seems like it...

- Thanks. - No problem.

- Bye. - Bye.

Message from yesterday at 1:25 pm.

Hi, this is Flores Cleaners. We're waiting for you to pick up your coat.

Message erased.

Message from Monday at 7:35.

María, it's Pilar, from the adoption agency.

Stop by ASAP.

I have good news for you.

Carmen!

- Pilar! - How are you?

- Good? - Good.

Sit. And María?

She didn't call. Is she traveling again?

Pilar, I should have come earlier...

No, don't worry.

I wanted to tell her in person, but it's fine.

Tell her what?

She's all hers, Carmen!

It's official!

What?

We got the file a few days ago,

it's here somewhere.

Here it ¡s!

Sorry, Carmen, my mind's racing.

We have the tickets ready.

- The travel instructions... - Look, Pilar, I have to...

My God...

Isn't she gorgeous?

YES.

She really is.

Do you have your passport?

What?

You said you'd go with María to the end of the world for her daughter.

Vietnam isn't the end of the world,

but it is a twenty-hour trip.

Look, the ceremony is on the...

Hold on...

April 3.

It's around the corner!

Thi Mai?

It means “tomorrow”.

Why are you showing me this?

I don't know, I thought...

Javier, Javier... no?

What are you doing? What are you doing?

You're tossing it?

- She could have been our granddaughter. - What?

I don't want a granddaughter. I want our girl.

Isn't it pretty? I told you.

If you like it...

No, but did you see the price?

Íñigo would just die.

Then buy it.

Please don't start.

Just because you don't work, doesn't mean the money isn't yours too.

- Yeah". - You're always apologizing!

Miss, do you have this skirt in a 36?

She said 36, 36. What nerve!

Carmen, why don't you try this?

It's perfect for San Fermín.

I can't.

I'm saving for a trip.

Great!

You going for a weekend?

To Ávila!

To Burgos?

To Vietnam.

What?

- Careful! - Sorry!

Sorry! Oh my goodness!

- Sorry, sorry! - No, don't worry.

- We'll put it back. - I'd like the bag.

Sorry.

What do you mean you're going to Vietnam?

She was approved.

She got the girl.

But...

Did you tell them María...

No.

- No. - You're nuts, Carmen.

How are you...?

Isn't there a war going on?

- Yes, in the 60s, Rosa. - But they're still commies, right?

Carmen, please.

A Vietnam trip won't fix things.

They eat dogs.

Would you get the girl?

María was her adoptive mother.

I'm her grandma.

No, no, Carmen, honey. You're not a grandma.

Most wait nine months to see their grandchildren.

I've waited two years.

I want to meet her.

What did Javier say?

Nothing. He didn't say anything.

You didn't tell him?

You can't go around Vietnam adopting kids, you aren't Angelina Jolie.

And you think Javier will let you go that far alone?

Let?

What century are you in?

She's going with me, not alone.

Damnit!

Elvira.

Wait, I think I'm still...

I'm bad...

What's her deal?

She took three sedatives and a brandy.

If not, she wouldn't get on a plane.

How are you?

I only took some valerian.

I mean how are you?

Good...

Really, I'm good.

Rain! Goodbye, rain!

- Rosa! - Goodbye, rain!

She is totally high.

By the way, Rosa,

what did Íñigo say?

How did he take it?

Fantastically.

The two of us really know how to communicate.

Honey, I'm going to Vietnam with my friends.

I left some potato salad in the fridge.

Goodbye.

Honey, I'm going to Vietnam with my friends.

I left some potato salad in the fridge.

Goodbye.

No... I can't find my passport. I can't find...

Passport.

The passport, she can't find the...

Leave her alone, she'll find it.

María de los Peines?

Relax, I said you're a very famous flamenco artist.

And he relaxed a bit.

They love flamenco.

I found ¡t! It was right here!

I put it here so I didn't lose it.

She had it.

Thank you.

And the stamp... Olé, olé!

I didn't introduce myself. I'm Andrés.

I'm Elvira.

She's Carmen and Mary Poppins over there is Rosa.

What brings you to Vietnam? Tourism?

Yes... more or less.

Are you alone?

Yes, but not for long.

I'm here to live with my man.

He's worked here for two years.

- Because he's... - Gay?

He takes Spanish tourists around Halong Bay. But gay works too.

No, it's fine.

My daughter has a friend who is... He comes over.

Jesus, Rosa.

- Pleasure, maybe I'll see you around. - Bye, bye!

What a nice guy.

You can't tell at all.

Unlike you.

You can smell the uptight from miles away.

There he is!

Yes, look.

- Hello. - Hello.

I'm Carmen.

- Pleasure. - Elvira.

- Pleasure. - Rosa.

Pleasure.

How are you?

- Good. - Good.

My name's Dan.

Your Spanish is great.

Thanks, yours too.

We just need María.

Where is she?

No, María can't come.

That's inconvenient.

Everything's ready, look.

María Medina.

Why didn't she tell us?

Because she died in a car accident.

But I'm her mother.

I've come for Thi Mai.

But...

- This is... - Very inconvenient, we get it.

Can we leave now?

I'll bite if I don't get a smoke.

- Sorry. - Thanks.

One moment.

How long are you staying in Vietnam?

Sorry, this is the first I've packed since my honeymoon.

Let's go.

Two months ago, he turned four.

- He's gorgeous. - His name's Quang Ly.

He kind of looks like his dad, right?

Have you been waiting long?

Over three years?

And five trying with natural methods.

But he has lazy sperm that can't reach their target.

Are you going to tell the whole world?

Hello.

Hello.

- How are you? - Good.

- Can you hear me? - Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, we're reaching Hanoi.

The second largest city after Ho Chi Minh.

The name means “city between two rivers”.

It was named Vietnam's capital after the war.

Close to Hanoi is Halong Bay,

considered a World Heritage Site.

- Yes? - What is "are you sure this is chicken"?

I'll write it later, ok?

Everything flows here.

Crossing the street,

I recommend you go slowly

and look the driver in the eyes.

What eyes? Even their brows are covered.

It must be religious.

They pray to that fat laughing god, right?

We're going to be on “Hicks Around the World...

Who missed this ass?

José Carlos Martínez?

Hello.

Is José Carlos Martínez here?

I have this address, is this his house?

That guy doesn't live here anymore.

He left a few days ago.

He was kind of a strange guy.

You seem nicer.

You want to come in for some tea?

Thank you, thank you.

So he doesn't live here anymore?

He's gone.

We're off to a great start.

Good morning, guys.

- Morning. - Morning.

Lots of bees in your stomach today?

You say “have butterflies in your stomach”.

Sure. That makes much more sense.

Let's go.

You can

- visit the Temple of Literature. - No, we'll go to the orphanage.

I'm afraid not.

I need to talk to superiors and inform them.

How will that girl feel when

someone comes for the others and not her?

If she sees me, she'll feel she has a family too.

No papers, no family.

Dan, give us a break.

We traveled 36 hours.

From across the world.

And the tickets were steep.

Steep?

Expensive, they were expensive.

Yes, yes. Correct.

You paid for the trip and your guide.

I'm at your disposal.

But...

Not to go to the orphanage.

Ready?

What are we going to do?

What any tourist does.

Take a taxi.

There's a taxi.

Let's go!

No, no, sorry, sorry.

Yes, yes. It's not a taxi!

Carmen this isn't like spin class...

Girls, it's getting away!

Wait, girls!

Wait!

I really need to quit smoking.

God, what do we do? They'll see us!

Look!

What?

No way, I wouldn't be caught dead in that.

You should have shaved, Manuel.

- You'll scare him. - Dear...

Elena, you're making me very anxious.

- What? - Let's go.

Carmen, hang on. Wait for us.

Wait! So small, but so much energy...

Hello.

We're looking for Thi Mai.

Thi Mai.

Maybe that's not how you say it.

"Te Mai"?

"Tee May"?

"Te Mai"?

N-r' Moy?

- "Ti May"? - You're like a parrot.

- Try speaking English. - Yes, yes.

We come with Dan.

Dan?

Dan... accompanying the Spanish group?

Spanish group?

Yes, yes.

Over there.

- Thanks. - Didn't understand.

"Acompañing? ll"

I think he likes the beard.

Hello.

No, no. This is very inconvenient.

You can't be here.

- I just want to see her quick. - No.

Go back to the hotel.

I just want to give her something.

Carmen...

We should go.

I want to see her quick.

Tell... tell... Dan.

Tell them I want to see her one second.

One second.

Just one second and...

You have to go.

I'm going to the Ministry of Justice.

Then,

to the agency to ask about your case.

- Ok, I'll come with. - No.

I'll go alone.

Ok.

I promise I'll do what I can.

We'll know soon, Carmen.

Dan promised.

We just have to wait a bit.

I couldn't even give her the doll.

Rosa, your phone's ringing.

Íñigo!

Hello?

What do you mean crazy?

How else? With the Visa!

I didn't know the money was yours.

Hang on, I... Hey, one sec...

Can 1...?

I can't hear you!

The sound's terrible, distant!

I'll call you! I'll call you!

Now I've dropped my bike.

Hey, let's grab a bite.

I'm starving.

This is?

Soup!

Rice.

These rolls.

These too, these ones.

Is there gluten?

"Free gluten"!

He doesn't understand. Let me.

Meat, meat, meat.

- Meat. - No.

No, no meat, ok?

No, cá, cá for me. Sir, cá for me.

'Ca'! Ca'? 'Cá!

Cá, cá...

You're about to lay an egg.

- I don't want that. - Well, more cá.

- Give them here. - Meat too!

And those veggies?

- The soup. - And veggies.

- There. - Got it?

- I'll put this on top. - There.

My goodness, the broth...

I can't take any more.

Ma'am. Ma'am!

Ma'am I can't get through, excuse me.

Not even Barbie's ass could fit here...

Isn't there a bigger table?

I knew it. All that's left is one fritter.

How do we eat this?

Chop sticks! Chop sticks!

You want a trip?

No, thanks.

I'm looking for a Spanish tourist guide,

José Carlos Martínez. Do you know him?

You want a trip?

José Carlos Martínez?

You want a trip?

A Spanish guide?

You want a trip?

...José Carlos Martínez here for any question you may have.

Thanks in advance for...

Yes, yes, I want a trip.

José Carlos!

Here!

José Carlos!

The size of this bay is extensive. There are thousands of islands...

José Carlos!

José Carlos!

Now, just close your eyes.

Close your eyes. Very good. Now breathe...

What's he doing?

...the millenary scent

of this bay that's one of the seven natural wonders...

José Carlos!

Wait!

Wait!

José Carlos, wait!

...all this here is marvelous, truly impressive.

Here, keep the change.

Please don't let there be sharks.

Man overboard!

Thank you. I'm fine.

Andrés!

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here? Rafting, José Carlos!

I can't talk right now, I'm mid-explanation.

- Going back to... - I deserve the explanation.

...spit out pearls and jade. These gems

became these magnificent islets you can

see... look at them, look...

So what? Huh?

The explanation should be in your mailbox right now.

Excuse me?

- This bay measures more than 1500... - José Carlos...

A wedding invitation.

Hang on, José Carlos, what are you saying?

I got married, ok?

You got married?

I'm sorry, I couldn't bear telling you and...

You couldn't bear telling me you lied all this time?

Not from the start.

Sorry, that's ok then, what a great guy! Seriously...

Knowing I came from Madrid, José Carlos, I left everything...

They don't approve of gay marriage here.

They stoned them...

Yes, I didn't...

I didn't marry a man.

Tell me you married a horse.

I'm sorry, maybe I rushed coming out, I...

I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

- Rushed? - Rushed.

- Rushed? - Rushed.

Now maybe you'll rush somewhere else.

- Andrés! - You'll rush somewhere else.

No violence, ok?

I'll rush.

But I'm hitting you.

Andrés!

Shut up and fight, faggot!

Don't hit me!

Finally!

Where were you?

- Is this the agency? - Yes.

- And? - It's not good.

They said to return to Spain.

But...

I was thinking.

Come.

- Did you and your husband - Yes.

Discuss who would take care of Thi Mai if something happened to María?

No.

A parent never thinks something like that will happen.

In Spain, grandparents always take care of the kids.

- They don't here? - No.

Here we eat them.

Sometimes

adoptive parents appoint guardians if something happens.

If María wrote that down

I can try to convince the Ministry to look at your case.

Hello?

Javier? It's me.

Javier?

What do you want?

Want to know how it went?

It's an international call. It'll be expensive.

Ok, yes.

I need you to do me a favor.

I have to show

María named us the girl's guardians. Or at least wanted to.

The one who'd know is Pilar at the Madrid agency.

Can you talk to her?

I won't go, Carmen.

I won't do any of that.

Please, if not we won't get the girl.

Well good.

What would we do with a girl who isn't even our blood?

So this is all you'll do?

What do you mean?

Now that María's gone

you refuse it all.

Her decisions...

Her wishes...

Her future...

What future, Carmen? What future?

Our girl's dead.

Yes, but Thi Mai isn't.

The girl's real.

I'll do anything to get her.

Great. But don't ask me for anything.

You're already dumb enough, I don't have to be.

Oh?

At least I'm doing something.

What have you done since María died?

- Carmen, please... - Nothing!

You've done nothing!

You don't get up, go out, go to work, the store's closed.

You haven't gone to María's house since the accident.

- For what? - For what?

To smell her!

To feel her!

I feel her and feel she's here.

I feel I have to be here for her and especially for this girl.

We can't leave her, this girl needs us.

No, Carmen, no. Accept it.

You need that girl. It's different.

This Cosmopolitan is nice. It goes down like water.

Waiter, do you have any snacks?

I can't take it, I'm going to smoke.

- I'll go too. - You don't smoke.

I don't drink either.

This is a casino!

Want to play some slots?

No, forget it.

My neighbor started with spare change and ended up

in prison and her husband foreclosed.

What did I just say?

- I'm feeling this Cosmopolitan a bit. - A bit?

If I were her, I'd have drunk all of Mekong.

What's that?

Blackjack.

You win by hitting 21.

Hit 21, you win. Go over, you lose.

Like 7.5, without jacks.

I'm travelling with the AARP.

Cards?

- One game? - I'm going to smoke.

Just one. Then you can smoke.

C'mon, worldly woman.

Ask for some cards.

Two million dongs.

Two million.

No more bets?

What shitty cards.

Is this ok?

Two face cards.

An ace and I win.

Don't get too excited.

The game is random, it's almost impossible...

Twenty-one.

I can't believe it.

Twenty.

Seven and a half! "Jan Blas"!

"Jan Blas", "San Blas"!

Blackjack!

Yeah, you won, you won.

Another round?

- You play, I'll be back. - Ok.

- No more bets? - Yes.

Please, you won't fix things like that.

No?

So what do I do? Because I have no idea.

I said this trip was...

Crazy, yeah, I know.

But look,

it's the first I've taken in my life.

What do you mean?

I should've learned more from my daughter.

To live!

To have experiences...

To not be afraid.

Right now I'm scared to death, Elvira.

I'm in a country where I can't ask for toilet paper,

thousands of kilometers from a man who's even more afraid,

wanting to run until I get home.

And that scares me even more...

You know what?

You aren't going anywhere.

You still have to give that girl the doll.

Elvira, you're lovely!

- Thanks. - You're lovely...

Hey, this is also for me.

Now that I'm free, I was this close to zumba class.

Another ace!

Must be my lucky night. If you had Sevens, I'd make a killing!

Yes, the boat... It was my fault.

The boat.

Hitting José Carlos...

But...

I'm guilty of believing in love.

Don't give me that look. Write it.

- Good morning, everyone. - Good morning.

Where's Carmen?

At mass.

She's very devout and found a church nearby...

There was midnight mass...

- It's 9 a.m. - But 12 a.m. in Spain, right?

You're yanking my leg, right?

Dan, Carmen needs to be alone, please understand.

- We'll meet you in two hours. - No, no.

- I can't leave you alone in Hanoi. - C'mon, Dan.

- What could happen? - I'm worried about Hanoi, not you.

Alright.

We can meet at Cho Dong Xuan.

- What? Where? - The Dong Xuan market.

Thanks, Dan, you're a peach.

You're a peach too.

Let's go!

What?

C'mon, let's find that woman.

- What are you doing? - Carmen! Get down.

- Get down! - We're meeting Dan, down!

I have to give her this.

How? Throwing it over the wall?

- Down! - Get down now!

She's leaving!

My God. Help me!

- What are you doing? - Help.

- No, no, no. - Help me.

- No, no, Carmen! - Help. Stand there.

Stand there!

- Ok, fine. - Wait, wait.

One, two, three!

Ok, ok! Hurry!

- Now, now! - Yes!

- Keep pushing. - Hang on, she's going to get hurt.

- Now! - C'mon! 0k, ok!

- Are you ok? - Ok, ok!

It's ok, I've got you.

Let go!

Let...! No, hold on!

- Don't let go, don't...! - Carmen!

Oh my God!

My goodness, Carmen.

My shoes!

Come on, come on.

- Toss them. - You ok?

- Yes, I'm ok. - Here!

She's gonna get deported, Elvi.

Maybe, yes.

I'm here for your mother.

She couldn't make it.

YES.

YES.

You know what? Your mother loved you very much.

Look.

Look.

This is for you. You like it?

Look.

Look how pretty. Should we add some flowers?

Put them on her head.

Like that. Let's see.

She's gorgeous!

Like that...

What will her name be?

Shit, shit...

Carmen! The bird's in the nest!

The bird's in the nest!

- The bird's in the nest? - Yeah.

I have to go, but I'll come back for you.

Take care of the doll, ok?

Bye!

Run, Carmen, run!

Quick, quick!

Run, Carmen, run!

.Run! "Qllickw!"

They're coming, Carmen! Run!

Taxi!

- You sure it's a taxi? - It doesn't matter...

Are you sure we're meeting here?

That's what I told him...

Dong Market.

It really doesn't look like a market.

- No. - Well...

It was the Dong Xuan Market.

What did you tell the driver?

- "Dong", what else? Look... - What's "dong"?

Let's see, "dong".

Rice field.

- What? - What the hell, Rosa?

- The taxi's leaving! - Stop, stop!

_ _ 'Stop! Walt,

- Stop! - Taxi, taxi!

Look what you've done...

Sorry. It's my first time fleeing in a Vietnamese taxi.

There are people.

- Hello! - Here!

- They're leaving! - No, no, don't go!

- Well, my Jimmy Choos are ruined. - Hello!

Hello!

Excuse me, excuse me.

Ah, a bug!

Excuse me... How...?

Hanoi? Hanoi?

City center... City center?

- What was the market? - The... I don't know.

Truck?

Truck...

The truck will take us to Hanoi!

GRANDPA IN TRAINING

For me?

It looks like a soup bowl on your head.

This calls for a selfie!

It calls for a slap unless you put that phone away.

This is delicious, must be hare.

I'd love the recipe.

If my Pepe tried this...

Pepe is my dog-

She's saying it's dog?

Did she say it's dog?

Look, the truck.

I just ate man's best friend!

Let's go!

Wait for me!

Dan, when are we going to take a break?

Soon. Is the boy hungry?

No, the dad. Yesterday he drank tap water.

If he doesn't go every ten minutes, he starts rumbling.

Ok, I get it.

The driver will take you to the restaurant. I'll wait.

- Thanks. - No problem.

Why not share some more...

- Here? - Here, we stop here.

Wait, how do I get down?

He hit me...

- This is nuts! - There he ¡s!

Careful. There's Dan.

How was mass?

Very inspirational. Right, Carmen?

No luck calling Spain?

No, Dan, no.

No luck.

I'm very sorry.

- I can't believe it. - Why not?

I have feelings too.

No, no, no... Isn't that Andrés?

You don't say!

Well!

Oh, a cigarette! Great sir, how generous!

Next time, bring an ashtray!

Asshole!

Andrés?

Hello.

- Hello! - Hello!

I'm here performing for a good time.

But here in Vietnam they take entertainment a bit differently.

Terribly! To be more specific...

Are you ok?

NO...

No, no, no. I'm not ok. I'm not at all ok.

I have no boyfriend.

I have no house.

I slept in jail last night.

And to top it off, I can't cry because this makeup is awful.

It'll get in my eyes and give me pinkeye.

And I can't even afford to buy Kleenex.

Come on, I think we all need a stiff drink.

What did you order?

Ruou dé. Rice liquor.

The typical drink here. It's very strong.

No thanks, I've had enough rice for today.

A whisky for me.

Do you feel better?

Well...

With all the scientific advances...

there's no way to remove the jerk gene you men have?

No, no. We don't all have that gene.

But you don't count, Dan.

I mean... since you've got those slanty eyes...

I don't see you as a man... You have no hair...

Are you ok?

I warned you.

So...

Now what will you do?

It's getting so hot.

Find a job to get back to Spain.

"Exsqueeze me". The "toilet"?

I'm broke. With Vietnamese class and the trip here...

But waiting tables isn't my thing.

What's your thing?

Me?

I'm an actor.

- ReaHy? - Yeah.

How nice. Have you been on a TV series or anything?

You might remember an ad for a mouthwash called Dentrix.

- No".no. - No, no.

Yeah, it had a narrator with this very deep, manly voice

"that said: “Dentrix, wild freshness..."

- Yes, that sounds familiar. - Yes, yes. Yes!

The hand grabbing the toothbrush was mine.

Oh, well...

It must not be easy to grab... right?

...I swear I'll be back tomorrow.

As I leave, a kiss and a flower

an "I love you", a caress and goodbye.

It's not much baggage for such a long trip. The pain weighs on my heart.

You were right about the liquor, Dan.

Right now I wish I wasn't.

...where the sun shines brighter every day...

Hello, how can I help you?

Well... I really don't know.

I'm Javier. María Medina's father.

Javier?

Yes, that's me.

I'm Pilar.

- Step into my office, please. - Thank you.

This way.

- Javier? - Hello?

Carmen, can you hear me ok?

Yes, I hear you. What is it?

Listen. I talked to Pilar at the agency.

God what a headache!

I must be getting a cold.

Of course, so much humidity...

What you have is a hangover, Rosa.

Did she write it down? Something proving she wanted us as the guardians?

I'm sure she wanted it. But she didn't put it in writing.

Pilar can talk to them.

- She can tell them... - Carmen.

I saw Pilar call the International Adoption Department in Hanoi

and they said...

What did they say?

They are cancelling María's application.

- What? - Yes.

We've lost her, Carmen.

We won't get her.

We will get her, Javier.

You'll see.

Thank you, my love.

What's up?

What happened?

Say “khoai táy“.

- Hold on. - We have to talk.

Ok, come here.

Khoai táy is cheese in Vietnamese.

- Khoai táy. - Very good. Thanks.

Where's the International Adoption Department?

At the Ministry of Justice.

Why?

My daughter wanted

us to raise that girl. That's enough for me.

It has to be enough for the Adoption Department too.

- Why is he here? - He's my lover, Dan.

I always wanted to say that.

Hey, I thought they were tourists, not "Grannies Without Borders".

- Carmen, no! - Grannies?

- Pack your bags. - Is that bacon?

You'll return to Spain today.

That is convenient.

Do you realize if we sit back, they'll cancel María's application?

Don't you get it?

Rules are rules.

I don't want you to go and return empty-handed.

I'm already empty-handed, Dan.

Since 3 months and 27 days ago.

Please...

This is nuts.

I can't go with you.

Why not?

More parents are waiting in Da Lat. Germans.

They come, adopt, and leave. No complications.

How can you go alone?

Well...

I speak a little Vietnamese, if that helps.

Him?

He can't help you!

It's even more nuts!

Is it just me, or is there certain reluctance towards me?

That's it.

You're hired.

We'll make it, you'll see.

This way, here...

They said 2nd on the left. That's not right...

Adoptions. Here, here.

It's the 4th, the 4th!

What? Did they cancel the application?

He says the information is for the adoptive parents.

Well...

Tell him I'm María Medina.

There was a problem and I'm here now.

Carmen...

These people won two wars, they weren't born yesterday.

Tell him I'm María Medina's mother and I want to legally adopt the girl.

To do that you have to start the application over

from Spain.

What?

No, no way. I'm not leaving without the girl.

- I won't! - Girls, use your indoor voices.

Shut up and translate.

That girl

has spent her whole life without a family.

Now I am here.

Me. I am here now.

If we start over, how much longer will she spend in the orphanage?

How much longer without someone who loves her?

Sorry, I didn't get all that.

Don't look at the computer, look at me. Look at me!

Maybe...

Maybe this nice man

will change his mind if we give him a few reasons.

What are you doing?

No, no, no ""

What are you doing? Let her go!

Tell him... please!

- I am Spanish. - Where are you going?

Take me to the ambassador!

- See him? - No.

No, but he must be here.

The Embassy said so.

That's him, look!

- Yes, that's him. - Let's go.

Excuse me, I'm going to talk to the Spanish ambassador.

"Espanish Embajador".

What's "ambassador" in Vietnamese?

No idea. I learned Vietnamese to shop

not to speak to every official administration.

He's saying goodbye, he's leaving!

- We need his attention! - How, playing a drum?

We'll lose him. We can't reach...

Carmen?

Where is that woman?

I can't believe it, she's under the dragon.

Carmen... Carmen!

We're going to have an international conflict.

What is it?

Mr. Ambassador?

Juan Peñalver, pleasure.

Pleasure.

Can we talk for a minute?

Of course.

But how about returning the dragon?

Thank you.

I'd love to help. But it's not that easy.

- The girl will be given to another family. - Yes.

Like it or not, there's red tape.

I'd love to get that girl out and send her home with you tomorrow.

But if I did

you're not the only one who'd have to flee hidden on a cargo ship.

You're the ambassador, they have to listen.

I'm just a public employee.

They give me a sash and medals.

The diplomacy they don't teach is the times

you have to say no, no matter how much it hurts.

Is this one of them?

I am terribly sorry.

If your daughter had died with the girl in Spain

or had been married

it would be different.

- Yes, but... - I can't intervene.

- Ambassador? - I must go.

I'm sorry you came for nothing.

If you need a return trip to Spain...

No, thank you. We'll arrange it.

- Good luck. - Thanks.

- Carmen. - What did he say?

- I won't get the girl. - Carmen, I'm sorry.

We knew it was insane.

It's best we go back to Spain.

No one said we're going to Spain...

Yet.

What do you mean?

I won't get the girl.

But her husband will.

Husband?

But María wasn't married, right?

NO...

No, no, no... You can't be serious.

Andrés, I mean it.

- It's the only way. - What are you talking...?

You can't ask me to do this.

- You only have to sign some papers. - Only?

Remember it was me who spent a night in a Vietnamese jail.

I don't want to go back.

No, you don't have to.

It would be... playing a role.

Aren't you an actor?

But a terrible one!

One who held a toothbrush in his hand.

Plus, they wouldn't buy it.

We need a paper, a certificate.

A photo cutting the cake!

Don't worry, I'll take care of it.

We'll pay your way to Spain.

It's not about money.

No, Rosa, no.

I came here to have a partner and start a family.

Given my situation, it wasn't very easy...

We'll be your family.

Yeah.

But suddenly having a wife, child, even in-laws...

And the in-laws' friends!

You can see her grow...

You'll be Uncle Andrés.

No, no, no...

- Uncle Andrés? - Yes.

My parents sure would be glad I was marrying a woman.

But promise I can spoil her whenever I want.

- Hello? - Javier?

- It's me. Are you sitting? - Yes, what is it?

Well listen...

You don't know what you're asking.

- I do, perfectly well. - No.

I don't think so. You want me to forge documents,

break my vows and the 8th commandment.

You really believe in heaven?

Of course. That's like asking a mathematician if he believes in Pi.

Well I don't.

The only thing I believe is my daughter is gone.

And I spent most of her life arguing with her.

For wanting to study in Madrid, wanting to leave home.

I was so scared to lose her, I never helped or supported her.

Now I'll help her.

Her and my wife, here on Earth.

If heaven does exist, then it's a win-win.

I understand how you must feel.

But I can't help you with this.

Why not? You'd earn a life-long customer.

I've seen your church

and you could use a few souls...

Now it's my fault they have all the Osasuna games during mass?

Don't you preach "help thy neighbor"?

I'm the neighbor. I've never asked your boss for anything.

But now I need your help.

I'm asking for a favor.

You buried my daughter.

Now process her marriage.

Carmen, the whole file.

- It's here? - Yes, but so is something else.

- I can explain, really. - I can't believe it.

I called the agency to ask about Thi Mai.

And I found out María Medina was married.

Married!

Please. Do you think I'm stupid? I'm the bottom of the tadpole?

Totem, Dan.

The totem pole.

You came with lies.

And I discover more lies.

You even bribed a public employee.

For what, E13.50?

And now this... this...

He's calling me "this"?

- Excuse me, "this" is me, I have a name. - I said to leave!

- Right now! - No, Dan, he's not going anywhere.

Andrés is now the legitimate husband,

the legitimate widow, of María Medina.

Yes. The papers say that.

I say something else.

You can't do this.

You can't do this. Please, Dan.

I don't want to.

But I will if you make me.

Problems for you.

Problems for the girl.

What problems for the girl?

Bureaucracy is slow

years could pass without a family for Thi Mai.

Is that what you want?

Íñigo? Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, I'm still in Hanoi.

No, not Hawaii, Hanoi.

Why would I be in Hawaii?

Yes, right now I won't...

In the closet.

The other pair is... look again!

Don't yell at me...

Yes, but...

What?

What, what? But...

No... Hey, wait...

Look...

I don't care, do what you want!

I don't care!

Rosa, honey, what happened?

(Íñig'):

he said he's cancelling my credit cards.

It's ok, Rosa.

We're all leaving.

- "But" - Are you sure?

YES.

YES.

Dan.

The file.

Do what you have to do.

- I'm sorry... - Goodbye, Dan!

- Want another? - No, thank you.

I'm sorry

you won't see more of my country.

I'm not exactly here for tourism.

Why did you come?

Why are you here?

Well...

To help a friend.

And for me, I suppose.

I was a fish out of water in Spain.

You fish?

No.

Where I'm from, they only want young people.

You're young.

What are you?

Thirty?

That's a great compliment.

A compliment?

Well...

Handsome.

Thank you.

We Vietnamese joke too.

I can see that.

Elvira...

You aren't old.

My grandpa was old.

He took care of me when I was a kid.

The war also left many orphans.

Wow, I'm sorry.

It's been just a year

since my grandpa died

at 104.

My goodness.

- What would I do with all those years? - He fished.

Every day, Grandpa went fishing for the giant sturgeon in the Red River.

It was almost as old

as him.

Did he catch it?

No.

But thanks to that sturgeon,

my grandpa

had a reason to live until the end.

Sure...

Well Carmen's was Thi Mai.

That girl was her sturgeon.

Hold.

- Did you see? - Yes I saw.

He's gorgeous.

He's like the 50 Shades of Grey guy, but a bit more oriental.

No, no. Look what he does with the cards.

How do?

Sorry?

How does he do it?

How do you do that?

Practice.

Show me, croupier.

Do you want to be a croupier?

Yes. Me, a croupier.

Or designer or chef...

Whatever. I want my own money, no more asking my husband.

Don't look at me, it's all her.

- Show, show me. - Ok.

Try.

Well, Rosa...

I'm out, ok? I'm beat.

Ok.

Hey, I'm going to stay a bit longer, to help with...

translation.

Ok.

...I'm writing you

to express my desire to adopt a girl from your country.

I'm 26,

with a stable job and a dream to start a family.

Maybe because I was lucky enough to grow up in one.

Small, there's not many of us,

but with lots of love.

Maybe that's also why

I'd like to give a home to someone ¡n need of one.

I know I'd be a good mom for that girl,

because I had the best.

Mine taught me you have to try to return all the good you've received.

That's why I want to give my daughter all the love,

safety and happiness mine gave me...

And still does.

With the hope the adoption works out,

attached are the documents you requested.

Excuse me, madam.

I'm afraid there's a problem with your credit card.

What?

The card doesn't work.

He did it...

- He actually did ¡t! - He cancelled them?

What a...

No: no, say it.

He's a selfish pig. At home, I'll cut off something else!

I couldn't have said it better.

Relax, I've got it.

- But c'mon, we'll miss the plane. - What is it?

Where's Andrés?

Why are you here?

Making sure we leave?

What did you say?

To give you a bigger room.

One with

a girl's bed.

Oh my God!

Oh my God! Thank you!

Thank you, thank you...

Thank you, Dan. But, why?

Because, when the parents are gone,

grandparents take good care of kids.

I know that.

Thank you.

- Come on. - Thank you.

We have to get to the orphanage.

Yes, yes, ok.

Wait!

What?

We need Andrés.

Andrés?

Andrés!

Andrés, wake up.

Wake up, Andrés!

Andrés wasn't Vietnamese, right?

That's the casino guy!

What are you doing here?

Andrés, Dan's going to help us.

Going to help? Yesterday he wanted to report us!

I changed my mind.

You rubbed off on me.

- But we have to hurry. - Yes.

Why should we trust you?

Please.

Carmen needs you.

I need you.

What?

I'm sorry I was so harsh and didn't see the good in you.

You're queer,

but an honorable man.

Sorry to break this up, but we have to go.

Carmen, I don't know if this...

I'm not ready.

What's my character motivation?

How did we meet?

Did we work together?

Who made the first move?

Breathe, Marlon Brando. Don't pee yourself

in there and we're fine.

Make up whatever you want.

You just have to make it clear that

you got married long after María applied for adoption.

You were going to send the marriage certificate, but then

the accident happened.

Why didn't I come earlier?

You were too depressed over María's death.

- I was sad. - Yes.

- I got past it. - Yes.

I asked for a few days off.

Shit! What's my job?

DOCTOR'.

No! Architect.

Architect.

As a kid, I really liked Legos.

I should skip the liking dolls, right?

What is it?

This is Hanoi.

It's rush hour.

This way! Right!

Right, right!

That way, there!

No, no.

Not a good idea.

What's that?

It's closed to traffic.

Then we'll walk.

Or bike!

I can't...

Well we can't stay here!

And we can't reverse.

Please...

After everything else, we needed a traffic violation.

Marvelous.

Dan, what are you doing?

Something very inconvenient.

I should've worn glasses.

Architects are more believable with glasses.

She doesn't understand the marriage? Did she say that?

She says...

I won't do any more paperwork.

I don't want another child.

I want my girl.

- Let me talk. - No, you let me talk.

Ok...

They gave that girl to María.

María is gone now.

But I'm her husband.

That makes me the girl's legal father.

You can't take my girl now.

From the moment we saw Thi Mai...

From the moment we had a picture of her...

We became her parents.

Her family.

You can't break up the family now...

I already lost my wife.

I won't lose my daughter.

Now she calls the cops and sends us to Cambodia, right?

Andrés...

Oh my God...

You're here, honey, you're here.

You're here! Oh my God!

What? No one has a tissue?

You did it, Andrés.

Yeah, well...

My best performance to date

and nobody saw it.

Thank you.

Now back to Spain.

Well, my Pepe is waiting for me.

Guys!

I think I'm going to stay.

Here in the orphanage?

No, here in Vietnam.

What?

I don't know, I want to do some travelling.

If Dan wants to be my guide.

That sounds good, very good.

But the wedding will be in Spain. I'm not coming back.

Take care of her for me, ok Dan?

She may seem cold on the outside, but she's got a warm heart...

Yes, she's got

the hottest heart.

Is that right?

Yes, yes. You said it perfectly.

Thanks...

- Hello! - Hello, Thi Mai!

Hello, I'm your grandpa.

How are you honey, how are you?

Can I have a kiss? A kiss?

- Thank you so much. - I've cried my eyes out...

- Come on, I have to get back to work. - Sure, sure.

Speaking of which, I thought I'd get a job.

You? Doing what?

Croupier.

What?

Croupier.

For the love of God! That's ridiculous.

Plus, you can't even pronounce it.

It's "croupier".

You don't have to say it right to do it well.

You can say "orgasm" just fine...

That's enough, ok?

Look, let's go home.

All we have to discuss are the divorce conditions.

Hang on.

You can keep the kids, but Pepe's coming with me. Excuse me.

Carmen, she said it.

- What? - "Uncle Andrés".

- I didn't hear it. - Yes, "Uncle Andrés".

- Let's hear. - Under pressure maybe...

"Uncle Andres"?

Uncle Andrés.

It's the first thing she said, just saying...

THI MAI OFF TO VIETNAM