All language subtitles for Single Parents - 01x05 - Politician, Freemason, Scientist, Humorist and Diplomat, Ben Franklin.CRAVERS.English.HI.C.orig.Addic7ed.com
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Welcome to Will Cooper's 2018
Spook-tacular Spook-A-Thon.
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1-2-3... lights!
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[Spooky music plays]
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- Only, imagine it's nighttime.
- Okay, I should be somewhere else.
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- I cancelled a patient for this.
- You said this was an emergency.
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Hey, guys, there's only eight more hours
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until my spook-tacular bash begins,
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so there's still time for improvement.
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But let's keep it in the world
of tweaks, okay? No big ideas.
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Okay, as much as I'd love
to talk lighting tweaks,
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I have to get to the office.
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With a bag of furry pipe cleaners?
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[Grunts] I haven't finished
sewing Graham's costume yet.
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He's really picky.
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He has to wear something terrifying
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or else he's too scared
to go trick-or-treating,
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so now I'm stuck sewing
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a giant black widow spider
under my desk.
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Why can't he be scared of
normal things like dying alone?
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- Yes.
- That's a great story.
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- Ugh. It's not her.
- Ooh. Who's her?
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ANGIE AND POPPY: April 16th, Giuseppe's
Italian, I was waiting for a cab...
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April 16th, Giuseppe's Italian,
I was waiting for a cab.
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[Sultry jazz playing]
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Beep-beep! Move it or lose it!
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What are you...
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VALET: Oh, no problem. I got it.
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♪
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That's the way the cookie crumbles.
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♪
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Ohhh, Daddy likes.
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I ran after that car
for eight blocks like a dog,
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but she got away.
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Big Red was gone.
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Douglas, that was beautiful...
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- So stupid.
- Chauvinistic dumbass.
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You know what? I'm a rich doctor.
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I need none of you.
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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MIGGY: [Singsong voice] Man,
my first Halloween as a dad!
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It's crazy, this time last year,
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the gummies had just kicked in,
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and I threw up in a corn maze.
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Dude, there's so much fun stuff to do.
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Sophie and I, we always dress up
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in a daddy-daughter costume
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and then we try to out-scare each other.
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- It's the best.
- I am hyped.
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I promised my baby mama, Zara,
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I'd send a pic of Jack in his costume.
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She's gonna love it.
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I should probably go buy that, huh?
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- [Door opens]
- SOPHIE: Dad?
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Hey, Miggy. Have you seen my...
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Raaaaah!
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Ahhhhhhh...?
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I know that wasn't real,
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but I appreciate the effort.
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Who's ready for
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their daddy-daughter costume?
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[Cloth rustling]
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[Colonial accent] 'Tis I,
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politician, freemason,
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and humorist, Benjamin Franklin.
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And you look just about
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the same size as my kite!
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[Doorbell rings]
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[Door opens]
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Poppy!
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Are you a street walker?
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All right, save it, Quaker Oats guy.
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Rory, we said keep it simple.
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Every second
we're explaining our costumes
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is a second we're not getting candy.
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Duh, "Pretty Woman." I'm Edward Lewis.
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My mom is Julia Roberts' friend
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and story engine, Kit De Luca.
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Do the line.
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"We say who, we say when,
we say how much."
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Seriously? Nothing?
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Okay, okay, smart people will get this.
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So, girls, what are your costumes?
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I guess you can't recognize
Simon and Theodore
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without Alvin.
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Well, then it looks like
you'll be trick-or-treating
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in unrecognizable costumes.
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You knew this gambit would fail.
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- [Chuckles]
- Are you kidding me?
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Douglas, your girls wanted
to do a group costume,
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and you said no?
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I believe I said, "Get out of the car.
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You're walking home,"
but the no was implied.
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You don't get to say "no."
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You think I wanted to be
an early-'90s prostitute?
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- I own a feminist bookstore.
- It's not the same.
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A mom in a Halloween costume
with her kids looks cute,
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but no self-respecting man
dresses up in a child's costume.
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No? What about Will?
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♪ La la la la la, trick-or-treat ♪
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I said "self-respecting."
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You know, the way I see it,
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Will is secure enough in
his manhood to wear a costume,
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while big Dr. Douglas isn't.
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So, girls, who's the bigger man
this Halloween...
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Will or your dad?
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- Will, easy.
- Cooper by a mile.
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♪
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- Give me the damn sweater.
- Uh-huh.
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♪
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[Indistinct talking, telephones ringing]
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[Line ringing]
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Ang!
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The spook-tacular bash has boo-gun!
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Cool. Listen.
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[Sighs] I have to work late tonight.
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I-I just heard Rick yell,
"Buckle up, bitches!"
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What? Just tell your boss you need to
go trick- or-treating with Graham.
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No. What? I can't tell him that
I have to leave for mom stuff.
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Then he'll start
treating me differently.
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You're afraid you're gonna be
treated like a mom?
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- I don't understand.
- Of course you don't. You're a man.
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Then, why do I always feel so cold?
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What's up, Big Dubs?
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Hey, Lil G!
Just talking to your mom here.
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God, she's a wonderful woman.
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[Chuckles]
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Can't wait to see the costume, Mom!
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Tell Graham I'm on my way.
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God, I was really hoping
this would be the one year
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I don't have to put on a costume
behind the wheel.
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See you soon.
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Your mom's pretty great.
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You're telling me.
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She's my rock.
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♪
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Hey, Rick? Hi.
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Um, is it all right if I... go?
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I have a... personal matter.
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Yeah. Go.
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Take care of your personal matter.
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I'll just give all
your case work to somebody
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who takes their career
a little more seriously.
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My best friend was murdered.
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Will.
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So, yeah, I got to catch a flight.
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It's a destination funeral.
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[Voice breaking] God, Will.
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Why'd you have to look in that Dumpster?
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What Dumpster?
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♪ The party will get started
soon as darkness falls ♪
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SOPHIE: Hey, Dad.
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[Colonial accent]
Why, hello, little girl.
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[Normal voice] Where's your costume?
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I have a new friend from school coming.
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Carol's a second grader
and not real big on Halloween.
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So could we maybe... dial it back?
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Dial it back.
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Um... yeah, yeah.
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I, uh... I-I-I-I think we could do that.
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I-I get it. I see what's happening.
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You grew up overnight, and now
you hang out with older girls,
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and I went from being
your best friend to an old man
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who lives in your house
who you wish would just die!
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Dad, is this the start of a thing?
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No.
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No, I'm just processing.
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Uh, I'll definitely dial it back,
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take it from a ten
to a nine and a half...
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- Five?
- Why don't you just make it one?!
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I'm totally good. I'm fine.
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- [Chuckles nervously]
- Hi.
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- I'm fine.
- Oh. Okay.
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♪
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God, these shoes are killing me.
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If I was a real prostitute,
I'd be home on my computer.
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This is so humiliating.
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It's the low point of my life.
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I look like the world's biggest tool.
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No, you look like a great dad.
Now come on.
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You gotta stand together
for the costumes to make sense.
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Yeah, heaven forbid
the costumes don't make sense.
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KIDS: Trick or treat!
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[Sultry jazz playing]
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[Candy thuds]
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[Whispering] Oh, my God. That's Big Red.
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Okay, kids, chop chop. I gotta tinkle.
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Hello. You're stunning.
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I'm...
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A giant chipmunk in a onesie!
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[Laughs]
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That's adorable.
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Wiggle your nose, chipmunk.
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Wiggle your nose.
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Oh, that's good.
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That's good.
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[Door closes]
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Well, she got the costume, so you can...
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feel good about that.
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Okay.
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Let's go, guys.
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Hey, Graham.
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I'm really sorry that I'm late,
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but I'm really excited
to go trick-or-treating.
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How do you feel?
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00:06:57,492 --> 00:06:59,893
Honestly? I'm hanging on by a thread.
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You got this. Okay?
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00:07:01,263 --> 00:07:04,197
Especially from inside
the super terrifying
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black widow...
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body?
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00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:08,935
- [Sighs]
- Oh, no.
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I left the legs at work.
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We have to get them!
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I can't go back.
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00:07:12,741 --> 00:07:15,308
I already told my boss
that Will got mur...
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00:07:15,410 --> 00:07:16,943
it's complicated, work stuff.
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A no-leg spider isn't scary!
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It can't walk!
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It's a goner!
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00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:24,050
Oh, no, no. No. That's even scarier.
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'Cause he's got nothing
left to lose, right?
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No? Okay.
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I-I-I'm just gonna
throw together a new costume.
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00:07:30,392 --> 00:07:31,291
I can do that.
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00:07:31,393 --> 00:07:32,959
Mom's got this.
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00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:33,760
Meow!
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00:07:33,862 --> 00:07:35,995
[Grunts]
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00:07:36,098 --> 00:07:37,297
Hey. You made it.
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00:07:37,365 --> 00:07:38,631
So, you told your boss the truth?
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Isn't honesty the best...
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Whatever. I lied my ass off.
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Now I need to find Graham a new costume.
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00:07:42,938 --> 00:07:45,071
What are you doing? Why are you
taking down your decorations?
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Sophie's second grade friend,
Carol, is coming over,
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so I'm toning it down.
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00:07:48,877 --> 00:07:51,444
Angie, I'm not ready
to be the parent of a tween.
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00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,313
That is a world
of nail polish and scrunchies
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[whispering] and starter bras,
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00:07:54,716 --> 00:07:56,449
and how am I gonna talk to her
about any of that stuff?
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00:07:56,551 --> 00:07:59,753
Well, step 1 is being able
to say the word "bra" out loud.
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00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:01,521
And anyway, it's fine.
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00:08:01,623 --> 00:08:03,623
You'll figure out how to talk to her.
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00:08:03,725 --> 00:08:05,658
Counterpoint: no, it's not,
and no, I won't.
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00:08:05,761 --> 00:08:06,793
[Sighs]
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00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:08,862
But if Sophie needs me to dial it down,
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00:08:08,964 --> 00:08:09,863
I can handle that.
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00:08:09,965 --> 00:08:10,997
[Doorbell rings]
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00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:12,766
For my baby girl, I can handle anything.
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00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:16,636
'Sup. Sophie here?
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00:08:16,738 --> 00:08:18,271
I'm Carol.
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00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,672
Oh, dip.
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00:08:19,775 --> 00:08:20,807
Carol's a man.
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00:08:20,909 --> 00:08:22,709
♪
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Ooh! Graham can be a skeleton
with spatula hands
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00:08:29,396 --> 00:08:30,562
who takes...
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00:08:30,616 --> 00:08:32,385
multivitamins for ladies over 60.
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00:08:32,455 --> 00:08:34,539
- Why do you have these?
- Carol is a guy.
257
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,866
Sophie is hanging out with older boys.
258
00:08:36,930 --> 00:08:38,763
And you know how I like everyone, right?
259
00:08:38,832 --> 00:08:40,131
Well, I do not like this kid,
260
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,400
and I am pretty sure
he does not like me.
261
00:08:42,469 --> 00:08:46,504
Me, I'm just kind of over
the whole Halloween thing.
262
00:08:46,606 --> 00:08:49,207
Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti.
263
00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:51,375
But you want something scary?
Read the news.
264
00:08:51,444 --> 00:08:52,510
[Laughs]
265
00:08:52,579 --> 00:08:53,511
Yuk it up.
266
00:08:53,580 --> 00:08:55,213
This is the kind of complacency
267
00:08:55,281 --> 00:08:56,214
that got us where we are.
268
00:08:56,282 --> 00:08:57,849
Have you tried being nice?
269
00:08:57,951 --> 00:08:59,150
Of course I tried being nice.
270
00:08:59,219 --> 00:09:01,786
I'm Will. I take off my shoes
anywhere there's carpet.
271
00:09:01,888 --> 00:09:04,021
I gave this kid my all!
272
00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,790
Can I get you anything, Carol?
273
00:09:05,892 --> 00:09:07,024
Are you a candy man?
274
00:09:07,093 --> 00:09:09,093
Dad, Carol prefers soft cheese.
275
00:09:09,162 --> 00:09:10,728
Anything French with a tang.
276
00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:12,063
Okay.
277
00:09:12,132 --> 00:09:15,299
I will get my seven-year-old
daughter and her male companion
278
00:09:15,401 --> 00:09:16,768
some cheese.
279
00:09:16,836 --> 00:09:18,569
I just... I'm not ready
for this, okay? What do I do?
280
00:09:18,671 --> 00:09:19,737
You calm down, okay?
281
00:09:19,806 --> 00:09:22,039
Because you can't stop Sophie
from growing up.
282
00:09:22,108 --> 00:09:24,008
She's going to, no matter what.
283
00:09:24,110 --> 00:09:25,076
Now, if you'll excuse me,
284
00:09:25,178 --> 00:09:26,677
I really need to find
a new scary costume
285
00:09:26,780 --> 00:09:28,412
because I left the spider legs
at work and I lied
286
00:09:28,481 --> 00:09:30,014
and told my boss that my best
friend, Will, got murdered.
287
00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:31,249
I'm your best friend?
288
00:09:31,351 --> 00:09:32,483
And I got murdered?
289
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,086
Look, I'm sure you have
given this a ton of thought,
290
00:09:35,155 --> 00:09:37,088
but is it not much simpler
to just go back to work
291
00:09:37,157 --> 00:09:38,959
and tell your boss
that your son needs you?
292
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,057
[Chuckles] You don't get it.
293
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,425
If I play the "mom card,"
294
00:09:41,528 --> 00:09:43,828
suddenly I'm this sad, single lady
295
00:09:43,897 --> 00:09:45,863
who's gonna need to come in late
and take time off
296
00:09:45,932 --> 00:09:46,998
and then start asking
297
00:09:47,066 --> 00:09:49,066
if my kid can come in and sell cookies.
298
00:09:49,169 --> 00:09:50,701
"Don't feel pressured to buy some."
299
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:52,403
Oh, but they will
feel pressured to buy some.
300
00:09:52,472 --> 00:09:54,438
I always buy some. I buy a lot.
301
00:09:54,507 --> 00:09:55,740
And I'm scared to lose my job,
302
00:09:55,809 --> 00:09:57,975
but I'm scared if I don't lose my job
303
00:09:58,044 --> 00:09:59,477
then I'm not gonna be there for Graham.
304
00:09:59,579 --> 00:10:02,580
Angie, c'mon, you're doing great, okay?
305
00:10:02,682 --> 00:10:04,048
Certainly much better than me.
306
00:10:04,150 --> 00:10:05,249
I got murdered, remember?
307
00:10:05,351 --> 00:10:06,317
Ooh.
308
00:10:06,386 --> 00:10:08,853
I think I just found Graham's costume.
309
00:10:08,922 --> 00:10:10,521
And it is terrifying.
310
00:10:10,590 --> 00:10:11,956
Ha ha. Yes, it's a shower cap.
311
00:10:12,025 --> 00:10:13,658
Sometimes I don't have time to shampoo.
312
00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:16,294
Hey, uh, guys, I got a problem.
313
00:10:16,396 --> 00:10:17,461
Wow.
314
00:10:17,564 --> 00:10:18,963
Yeah, um, everything was sold out,
315
00:10:19,032 --> 00:10:20,198
so I had to mix and match.
316
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,567
Okay, so it's Orphan Annie on top...
317
00:10:22,669 --> 00:10:24,302
and dog body on the bottom?
318
00:10:24,370 --> 00:10:25,269
No good?
319
00:10:25,371 --> 00:10:26,737
I spent 110 bucks!
320
00:10:26,806 --> 00:10:27,839
- Oh.
- [Cellphone ringing]
321
00:10:27,907 --> 00:10:28,940
Oh. [Clears throat]
322
00:10:29,008 --> 00:10:30,107
Hey, Zara.
323
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:31,542
Oh, you told all your friends?
324
00:10:31,611 --> 00:10:34,846
And they're super excited
to see our adorable baby.
325
00:10:34,948 --> 00:10:37,014
That's great. Very great. That's, uh...
326
00:10:37,083 --> 00:10:38,182
Sorry. Got to go.
327
00:10:38,251 --> 00:10:41,194
Will's on fire again,
so gotta put that out.
328
00:10:41,264 --> 00:10:42,887
- [Chuckles]
- "Again"?
329
00:10:42,956 --> 00:10:44,689
- Move it, Rory!
- We're cleaning up!
330
00:10:44,757 --> 00:10:46,791
Okay, we get it. You're upset.
331
00:10:46,893 --> 00:10:48,526
No, I'm not upset.
332
00:10:48,628 --> 00:10:49,727
I'm... I'm more like...
333
00:10:49,829 --> 00:10:51,829
[Clanking]
334
00:10:51,898 --> 00:10:53,598
That! I'm more that!
335
00:10:53,666 --> 00:10:56,334
Why are you losing your mind
over this? She's just a woman.
336
00:10:56,436 --> 00:10:58,169
She's not just a woman.
337
00:10:58,271 --> 00:10:59,503
She's my white whale!
338
00:10:59,572 --> 00:11:01,706
So she saw you in a costume. Big deal.
339
00:11:01,808 --> 00:11:03,507
Women aren't so hung up on appearances.
340
00:11:03,610 --> 00:11:04,742
And plus...
341
00:11:04,844 --> 00:11:06,444
wasn't Alvin the one
that got the most ass?
342
00:11:06,546 --> 00:11:07,678
Let me tell you something.
343
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:10,915
Women are exactly as shallow as men.
344
00:11:10,984 --> 00:11:13,851
And a first impression like that
i-i-is a stain
345
00:11:13,953 --> 00:11:15,319
that'll never wash off.
346
00:11:15,388 --> 00:11:18,556
Once a weasel in a muumuu,
always a weasel in a muumuu.
347
00:11:18,658 --> 00:11:20,958
Hmm. So, once women get their
minds made up on one thing,
348
00:11:21,027 --> 00:11:22,793
it's burned there for all time,
never to change.
349
00:11:22,862 --> 00:11:24,328
Okay, see, now you're talking sense.
350
00:11:24,397 --> 00:11:25,696
Where was that an hour ago?
351
00:11:25,798 --> 00:11:27,298
Alvinnnn!
352
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,367
- Cram it, Bill!
- [Laughs]
353
00:11:29,469 --> 00:11:31,035
Douglas, can we go?
354
00:11:31,137 --> 00:11:33,537
[Spooky up-tempo music playing]
355
00:11:35,842 --> 00:11:38,042
Wow. Wow, cute baby.
356
00:11:38,144 --> 00:11:39,710
Great costume.
357
00:11:39,779 --> 00:11:41,245
Any chance maybe I could borrow it?
358
00:11:41,347 --> 00:11:42,914
- No.
- Oh.
359
00:11:42,982 --> 00:11:45,268
Well, then your baby
can't have this costume.
360
00:11:45,323 --> 00:11:46,484
What's up?
361
00:11:46,552 --> 00:11:49,186
Okay, get ready because
you will be scaring people
362
00:11:49,289 --> 00:11:51,856
to the verge of a pants-pee as...
363
00:11:51,958 --> 00:11:53,557
Boom!
364
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:55,326
The great, floating,
365
00:11:55,395 --> 00:11:58,329
Texas-size garbage patch of the Pacific!
366
00:11:59,532 --> 00:12:00,898
Okay, so...
367
00:12:00,967 --> 00:12:04,802
there's this plastic trash
island floating in the Pacific.
368
00:12:04,904 --> 00:12:05,937
It's the size of Texas,
369
00:12:06,039 --> 00:12:07,638
and a lot of people
might not be aware of it,
370
00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:09,507
so I have printed out
this HuffPo article
371
00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:11,575
you can carry around
and let people read.
372
00:12:11,644 --> 00:12:13,311
What do you think?
373
00:12:14,814 --> 00:12:17,014
It's a great effort, Mom.
374
00:12:17,116 --> 00:12:19,216
You get used to the smell pretty quick.
375
00:12:19,285 --> 00:12:20,351
- Mm.
- But...
376
00:12:20,453 --> 00:12:22,586
I-I don't really need
to go trick-or-treating.
377
00:12:22,689 --> 00:12:23,988
[Sighs]
378
00:12:24,057 --> 00:12:26,691
I'm sorry I asked you
to go back to work.
379
00:12:26,793 --> 00:12:28,526
I know it's complicated.
380
00:12:28,561 --> 00:12:31,429
Your job comes first.
381
00:12:31,531 --> 00:12:34,065
♪
382
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,299
No, it doesn't.
383
00:12:36,736 --> 00:12:39,003
You strap that spider body on.
384
00:12:39,105 --> 00:12:41,906
I'm coming back with legs.
385
00:12:42,008 --> 00:12:45,242
♪
386
00:12:46,412 --> 00:12:48,312
I'm a trash island.
387
00:12:48,381 --> 00:12:49,547
RORY: No one.
388
00:12:49,649 --> 00:12:51,949
Not one person got my costume.
389
00:12:52,051 --> 00:12:54,552
Someone called me Benson.
390
00:12:54,654 --> 00:12:56,487
Hey. Wondering where I've been?
391
00:12:56,556 --> 00:12:57,655
No.
392
00:12:57,724 --> 00:13:00,157
I knew you were gone, and it was nice.
393
00:13:00,226 --> 00:13:02,059
You're a hard man not to punch.
394
00:13:02,161 --> 00:13:03,761
I was out making a friend.
395
00:13:03,830 --> 00:13:05,997
You think women are too shallow
to see past a costume?
396
00:13:06,065 --> 00:13:06,964
Well, you're wrong.
397
00:13:07,033 --> 00:13:08,833
And to help me prove it...
398
00:13:08,901 --> 00:13:10,534
[Sultry jazz playing]
399
00:13:10,636 --> 00:13:12,670
- Hi, there.
- Uh, hello.
400
00:13:12,772 --> 00:13:14,805
This is Dr. Douglas Fogerty.
401
00:13:14,874 --> 00:13:16,507
Botox king of Beverly Hills
402
00:13:16,609 --> 00:13:18,209
and world's most handsome caveman.
403
00:13:18,277 --> 00:13:20,378
[Imitates grunting]
404
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,912
It's a pleasure to meet you.
405
00:13:22,015 --> 00:13:23,080
Again.
406
00:13:23,182 --> 00:13:24,315
Likewise.
407
00:13:25,618 --> 00:13:26,684
[Smooches]
408
00:13:26,786 --> 00:13:28,719
- [Whispering] Scram.
- [Whispering] Okay.
409
00:13:29,989 --> 00:13:31,055
You're radiant.
410
00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:33,157
Yeah.
411
00:13:33,226 --> 00:13:34,658
♪ Find me in the graveyard ♪
412
00:13:34,727 --> 00:13:37,228
There he is... Carol the cheese man.
413
00:13:37,330 --> 00:13:38,729
Per your request, six varieties
414
00:13:38,831 --> 00:13:40,998
of soft, tangy, French cheeses.
415
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:44,201
I prefer my cheese after a meal.
416
00:13:44,270 --> 00:13:45,669
Happy Halloween, Carol.
417
00:13:45,738 --> 00:13:48,172
Hey. Just ran into your buddy.
418
00:13:48,241 --> 00:13:51,142
Seemed intent, as always,
on bringing down the mood.
419
00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:52,309
He's going home.
420
00:13:52,412 --> 00:13:54,812
So good news, you can go nuts
421
00:13:54,914 --> 00:13:56,847
and do all the crazy
Halloween stuff you love.
422
00:13:56,949 --> 00:13:58,149
Hey, hey, hey. Wait a second.
423
00:13:58,251 --> 00:13:59,417
Why is he leaving?
424
00:13:59,519 --> 00:14:02,186
He said he wanted to go because...
425
00:14:02,288 --> 00:14:03,788
he thinks I'm a baby.
426
00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:07,058
Dad, why do you think
he doesn't like me?
427
00:14:09,395 --> 00:14:12,463
I honestly don't know, my love.
428
00:14:12,532 --> 00:14:13,898
Probably 'cause he's crazy.
429
00:14:15,234 --> 00:14:18,102
I wish I had a better answer,
but sometimes
430
00:14:18,204 --> 00:14:20,404
the people you like don't like you back,
431
00:14:20,506 --> 00:14:22,373
and it hurts.
432
00:14:22,475 --> 00:14:25,109
But that kid is nuts,
433
00:14:25,211 --> 00:14:26,444
'cause you're perfect.
434
00:14:28,014 --> 00:14:30,815
Plus, he's got a dumb name.
And I don't want that for you.
435
00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:32,850
[Chuckles]
436
00:14:32,952 --> 00:14:35,252
I'm sorry we missed Halloween.
437
00:14:35,354 --> 00:14:37,354
- [Sighs]
- We didn't even get to do a big scare.
438
00:14:37,457 --> 00:14:39,390
- Mm.
- It's okay.
439
00:14:39,492 --> 00:14:40,658
I'll just go to bed.
440
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,660
Or...
441
00:14:42,762 --> 00:14:45,362
you help me dial this Halloween
back up to eleven
442
00:14:45,465 --> 00:14:47,698
and we show Carol who the real baby is.
443
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,266
What do you say you and I
444
00:14:49,368 --> 00:14:51,635
go scare the living crap
out of that kid?
445
00:14:51,737 --> 00:14:53,504
Think we could make him cry?
446
00:14:53,606 --> 00:14:55,506
I'll be disappointed if we don't.
447
00:14:55,608 --> 00:14:57,875
[Both chuckling evilly]
448
00:14:57,977 --> 00:15:01,779
[Both laughing evilly]
449
00:15:01,881 --> 00:15:04,615
Hey, how's it going, Mary?
You having fun?
450
00:15:04,717 --> 00:15:08,319
[Both laughing evilly]
451
00:15:10,418 --> 00:15:12,871
Nah, Baer left for private
practice a long time ago.
452
00:15:12,941 --> 00:15:14,276
We just haven't changed the signs yet.
453
00:15:14,301 --> 00:15:15,204
MAN: That's quite surprising.
454
00:15:15,252 --> 00:15:17,319
Hey. What are you doing?
455
00:15:17,515 --> 00:15:18,814
Shouldn't you be on a flight?
456
00:15:18,883 --> 00:15:20,816
But you're here dressed as a cat?
457
00:15:20,918 --> 00:15:22,551
Am I?
458
00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:24,291
Oh. Wow.
459
00:15:24,395 --> 00:15:25,460
That's weird.
460
00:15:26,861 --> 00:15:29,162
Actually, you know what?
461
00:15:30,862 --> 00:15:32,437
There is no flight.
462
00:15:32,864 --> 00:15:36,499
And I'm dressed like a cat
because it's Halloween.
463
00:15:36,601 --> 00:15:38,934
And I don't talk about him much, but...
464
00:15:39,036 --> 00:15:40,640
I have a seven-year-old.
465
00:15:40,705 --> 00:15:42,077
And he's scared of everything...
466
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:44,473
fake plants, large shoes,
467
00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:46,632
empty shopping carts,
adults with braces.
468
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:47,977
Sometimes he needs me.
469
00:15:48,045 --> 00:15:50,187
Sometimes, when you think
I'm in the copy room,
470
00:15:50,257 --> 00:15:52,681
I'm actually FaceTiming him
from a bathroom stall.
471
00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:55,584
Most of the time, I get by just fine.
472
00:15:55,653 --> 00:15:59,755
Other times, I need to be
in two places at once,
473
00:15:59,824 --> 00:16:02,725
and I lie about my friend Will
getting murdered.
474
00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:06,495
Look, if you need to fire me...
475
00:16:06,597 --> 00:16:08,664
go ahead.
476
00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:11,133
But my son's waiting for me.
477
00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:15,471
And I left him in a bathroom
wearing a garbage poncho.
478
00:16:15,573 --> 00:16:17,906
Wait, so there was nothing
in the Dumpster?
479
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,745
[Spooky music playing]
480
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,348
♪
481
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,517
[Whispering] Okay, that's his window.
482
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,087
[Exhales sharply]
483
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:31,622
You know, last year,
484
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,558
you would've been too young
to do something like this,
485
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:36,294
so I guess getting older's not all bad.
486
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,564
- Let's light him up!
- Yeah!
487
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,032
Okay, guys. Everyone set?
488
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,667
Good to go.
489
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:43,901
Locked and loaded.
490
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,670
♪
491
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,139
Hold on. Are you filling those
squirt guns with fake blood?
492
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,210
Sure. Fake.
493
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:53,711
Smoke team, check.
494
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:55,246
Let's roll out.
495
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:58,716
♪
496
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:02,120
[Screaming]
497
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:05,523
♪
498
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:07,058
WILL: How you feeling, Spider-Graham?
499
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:08,392
I can't feel my legs.
500
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,328
Well, four of them are fake.
501
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:12,063
Oh, thank God.
502
00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,465
Listen, Graham.
503
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,900
I know you're scared right now.
504
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:18,803
But, you know, sometimes
when we face our fears,
505
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,404
turns out they're not really that scary.
506
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,241
Like when I confronted
my fear of turning 27.
507
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:24,775
Then 28.
508
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,377
Then 29.
509
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,712
And... so on.
510
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,781
And how tonight, I told my boss
that I had to be here
511
00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,351
because you are my whole world.
512
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,153
♪
513
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:38,556
So, if you're not ready, we can go home.
514
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,258
[Sighs]
515
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:41,726
We're not going anywhere.
516
00:17:42,695 --> 00:17:44,195
Will? Hoist me.
517
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,266
[Pulley squeaking]
518
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:51,702
But topping out at 75 miles per hour,
519
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,872
the cheetah is far and away
the fastest land mammal.
520
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,074
My goodness, you're fascinating.
521
00:17:57,143 --> 00:17:59,277
All that knowledge
and you know Dennis Franz.
522
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,412
- I lasered his ears.
- Huh.
523
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,230
You are exquisite.
524
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,017
Dine with me. Friday.
525
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,452
I'm sorry.
526
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:09,954
You're handsome, charming.
527
00:18:10,056 --> 00:18:12,023
Ordinarily, so my type.
528
00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:13,991
But in terms of
"honk-honk, hubba-hubba,"
529
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,393
I'm just not there.
530
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:18,262
Something's throwing me,
I can't put my finger on it.
531
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:21,032
- May I hazard a guess?
- Hmm?
532
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,567
You still see me as a chipmunk.
533
00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:25,002
Yes, that's it.
534
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,737
Now I can't get it out of my head.
535
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,706
I mean, if I were to date an animal,
536
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,041
it'd be like a deer or something.
537
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,742
I understand.
538
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,345
- I blame my children.
- Mm-hmm.
539
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:35,646
Mnh.
540
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,515
Excuse me one sec.
541
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,350
Hold up. You're gonna
walk away from this man
542
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,519
because he dressed
like a chipmunk for his kids?
543
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,222
I'm not a great person.
544
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:48,693
Oh, well. Big mistake! Big! Huge!
545
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,361
And I know, Kit doesn't say that
in the movie,
546
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:51,963
but she does tonight!
547
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,067
What? It's not about you.
It's the principle.
548
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:59,837
[Spooky music playing]
549
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,472
[Indistinct talking]
550
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,174
[Rustling]
551
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:07,345
♪
552
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,647
- [Screaming]
- [Bird cawing]
553
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:12,583
[Electricity crackling,
thunder crashing]
554
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,052
[Ominous music playing]
555
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:24,695
♪
556
00:19:24,781 --> 00:19:25,681
[Screeching music plays]
557
00:19:25,759 --> 00:19:28,266
I'm a big, scary spider!
558
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:32,203
And there's a Texas trash island
in the ocean!
559
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:34,372
[Screaming]
560
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,374
[Laughs evilly]
561
00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:38,801
- Way to go, Graham!
- Yes!
562
00:19:38,864 --> 00:19:40,270
- Amazing!
- [Laughs]
563
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,480
CAROL: Mom! Dad! Help!
564
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:44,282
- We should go.
- RORY: Yeah.
565
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,217
- Oh. Okay.
- [Pulley squeaking]
566
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:50,021
CAROL'S MOM: Hey!
What's wrong with you?!
567
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:52,890
You're sneaking into my yard
to scare an eight-year-old boy?
568
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,959
To be fair, he started it.
569
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:57,286
You're adults!
570
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,063
You came here for some stupid prank,
571
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,898
roping in a bunch of children,
572
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,234
one of whom you've dressed up
as Edward Lewis.
573
00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,069
[Gasps] She got it.
574
00:20:05,171 --> 00:20:07,405
Someone got it.
575
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,739
WILL: Look, ma'am...
576
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,511
♪
577
00:20:16,264 --> 00:20:17,771
Why is candy so much sweeter
578
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:19,349
- when it's stolen from children?
- [Cellphone dings]
579
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:20,839
Ooh, a text from my boss.
580
00:20:20,948 --> 00:20:22,748
I have to get back
and finish the briefs.
581
00:20:22,843 --> 00:20:25,243
- Good news, I'm not fired.
- [Colonial accent] Stupendous news!
582
00:20:25,346 --> 00:20:27,437
I have to go back to Paris,
where I'll become
583
00:20:27,499 --> 00:20:30,082
the first United States
ambassador to France.
584
00:20:30,184 --> 00:20:31,216
[Normal voice] I know Halloween's done,
585
00:20:31,318 --> 00:20:32,751
but honestly, this guy did everything.
586
00:20:32,853 --> 00:20:33,885
[Groans]
587
00:20:33,988 --> 00:20:35,787
So big. So red.
588
00:20:35,889 --> 00:20:37,255
And so outta her damn mind.
589
00:20:37,358 --> 00:20:39,625
If she can't recognize something
great when she sees it, her loss.
590
00:20:39,727 --> 00:20:41,560
Oh, so now you think
I'm great? Interesting.
591
00:20:41,662 --> 00:20:43,028
I was talking about the costume.
592
00:20:43,130 --> 00:20:44,997
And FYI, that was so not a natural red.
593
00:20:45,099 --> 00:20:46,131
- No, no, don't... don't do that.
- It wasn't.
594
00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:49,001
Oh, she loved it!
Zara loved Jack's costume!
595
00:20:49,103 --> 00:20:50,102
Man, I knew she would!
596
00:20:50,204 --> 00:20:51,536
Oh, Miggy, that's fantastic!
597
00:20:51,639 --> 00:20:53,338
- It's a head-scratcher!
- Miggy's gonna dance now!
598
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:54,606
- Yeah, he is! Go, Miggy!
- Ehhhhew!
599
00:20:54,708 --> 00:20:56,208
Go, Miggy!
600
00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:58,644
[All cheering]
601
00:20:58,683 --> 00:21:03,683
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
42142
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