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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,203 --> 00:00:05,421 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:05,617 --> 00:00:08,234 Previously on "American Princess"... 3 00:00:09,181 --> 00:00:11,990 We like our peripheral employees to stay consistent 4 00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:14,191 with proper Elizabethan as best they can. 5 00:00:14,216 --> 00:00:15,951 Huzzah for the tipper. 6 00:00:16,327 --> 00:00:17,343 We'll work on it. 7 00:00:17,368 --> 00:00:19,084 - [WOMEN SHRIEKING] - Miss you, bitch. 8 00:00:19,109 --> 00:00:21,782 - How's rehab? - Lexi, she's not in rehab. 9 00:00:21,807 --> 00:00:24,250 - That's just what we're saying. - It's not Amanda's fault that 10 00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,633 - that hooker bit off her own tongue. - ERIN: It might be. 11 00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,528 HELEN: [LISPING] I know you think I'm here to stab you to death, 12 00:00:28,553 --> 00:00:30,760 but the truth is, Amanda, we're square. 13 00:00:31,057 --> 00:00:32,228 My mom paid you off. 14 00:00:32,253 --> 00:00:34,564 Now I can travel the circuit in a tour bus. 15 00:00:36,697 --> 00:00:41,956 ♪♪ 16 00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:45,197 AREOLA: Huzzah for the tipper! 17 00:00:45,222 --> 00:00:47,050 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 18 00:00:47,283 --> 00:00:49,635 ♪ Huzzah for the tipper ♪ 19 00:00:50,018 --> 00:00:52,074 It needs work. [SIGHS] 20 00:00:52,099 --> 00:00:54,532 [DIGNIFIED BRITISH ACCENT] Blanchett, Cate Blanchett. No. 21 00:00:54,557 --> 00:00:56,016 [ROUGH COCKNEY ACCENT] Cate Blanchett. 22 00:00:56,059 --> 00:00:57,365 Pray thee. Pray... Pray thee. 23 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,401 Pray thee. 24 00:00:59,454 --> 00:01:00,846 Pray thee tell. 25 00:01:01,401 --> 00:01:02,596 [SIGHING] Oh. 26 00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:05,534 Huzzah for the titties. 27 00:01:06,087 --> 00:01:08,979 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 28 00:01:09,004 --> 00:01:11,093 - [GASPS] Oh! - Good morrow, dear cuz! 29 00:01:11,118 --> 00:01:14,462 - [SIGHS] - Whoo! Oh, whoa. What's that? 30 00:01:14,487 --> 00:01:16,042 This is for Cyril. 31 00:01:16,688 --> 00:01:19,260 Cyril, I made you a scoby-thingy, 32 00:01:19,285 --> 00:01:21,073 and the kombucha is turning out great. 33 00:01:21,098 --> 00:01:23,448 I'd like to think it's because I fermented it in the sun 34 00:01:23,473 --> 00:01:25,151 and not in horse shit. 35 00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,042 - Thanks? - You're welcome. 36 00:01:29,021 --> 00:01:31,313 And this is pineapple juice, for your cough. 37 00:01:31,338 --> 00:01:32,879 I know it was a little better last night, 38 00:01:32,904 --> 00:01:35,602 but the natural bromelain in it will nip it in the bud, I swear. 39 00:01:35,627 --> 00:01:38,673 You've totally embraced the spirit of faire-mily! 40 00:01:38,753 --> 00:01:40,625 But I don't have a cough. 41 00:01:40,669 --> 00:01:42,323 Yes, you do. 42 00:01:42,348 --> 00:01:44,039 - You were up the last two nights. - [BOY COUGHS] 43 00:01:44,064 --> 00:01:45,438 That was Lil Boy. 44 00:01:45,463 --> 00:01:46,526 Wh-What? 45 00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:49,065 This little boy slept in our room last night? 46 00:01:49,098 --> 00:01:50,959 - Where else would he sleep? - With his parents? 47 00:01:50,984 --> 00:01:52,706 [LAUGHING] I'm his parents! 48 00:01:53,337 --> 00:01:55,122 - You have a kid? - You knew about him. 49 00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:57,497 I really truly very much did not. 50 00:01:57,599 --> 00:01:58,612 Really? 51 00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:01,393 Well, this is Lil Boy. 52 00:02:01,418 --> 00:02:03,188 Yes, I can see that he's a little boy. 53 00:02:03,213 --> 00:02:05,253 No, that's his name. Lil Boy. 54 00:02:05,278 --> 00:02:06,946 Until he's old enough to choose his own name. 55 00:02:06,971 --> 00:02:08,938 - Fartbox! - Okay, not old enough yet. 56 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:10,188 Why don't you check the fridge for Mommy? 57 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,424 This isn't quite cold enough. 58 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,356 He's been sleeping in our room this whole time? 59 00:02:15,381 --> 00:02:17,818 Sometimes. Lulu home-schools the faire brats, 60 00:02:17,843 --> 00:02:19,291 so a lot of times, he crashes with her kids. 61 00:02:19,316 --> 00:02:21,029 Wait, hive parenting. 62 00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:23,598 I read about this in Vanity Fair, I think. 63 00:02:23,623 --> 00:02:24,888 Or a Buzzfeed listicle. 64 00:02:24,913 --> 00:02:27,449 LIL BOY: One of the gasket retainer screws is loose. 65 00:02:27,474 --> 00:02:29,545 I need Lee's Allen wrench. 66 00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:33,670 - Okay. - He does seem skilled. 67 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,177 Certainly better here with me 68 00:02:35,202 --> 00:02:37,073 than back home with my crazy parents. 69 00:02:37,098 --> 00:02:38,857 Your parents are strict, too, huh? 70 00:02:39,215 --> 00:02:42,053 My mom made me take French and Mandarin. 71 00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,646 Merci for nothing, Chairman Mao. 72 00:02:45,162 --> 00:02:46,920 Evangelical Christians. 73 00:02:46,945 --> 00:02:48,668 I wasn't even allowed to read "The Giving Tree" 74 00:02:48,693 --> 00:02:51,302 when I was a kid, because "If it can give you an apple, 75 00:02:51,327 --> 00:02:53,263 it can touch you in your bathing suit area." 76 00:02:53,288 --> 00:02:54,338 Wow. 77 00:02:54,363 --> 00:02:56,938 Yeah, this is a much better place for him. And you. 78 00:02:56,963 --> 00:02:58,658 And all of us! 79 00:02:59,337 --> 00:03:01,080 - Boobs look great. - Thanks, babe. 80 00:03:03,302 --> 00:03:05,250 It'll hold like this for a bit, 81 00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:07,399 but the gasket needs to be replaced. 82 00:03:07,456 --> 00:03:09,135 Will do. Thanks, kiddo. 83 00:03:09,636 --> 00:03:12,291 All right. Three Wet-Naps, two matchbooks, 84 00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,033 and some toothpicks. 85 00:03:14,058 --> 00:03:15,885 Pleasure doing business with you. 86 00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:18,916 - You, too, Fartbox. - Unh-unh. Not Fartbox. 87 00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,127 Good advice, man. 88 00:03:20,152 --> 00:03:22,135 Adding more plant-based proteins to my diet. 89 00:03:22,306 --> 00:03:24,530 And I'll keep in mind the spirit of the turkey. 90 00:03:24,555 --> 00:03:26,557 [BOTH LAUGH] 91 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:27,955 You coming around, baby. 92 00:03:29,368 --> 00:03:32,400 Ah. The showers are all taken? 93 00:03:32,425 --> 00:03:34,078 [WATER RUNNING] 94 00:03:34,609 --> 00:03:35,609 Yep. 95 00:03:36,769 --> 00:03:37,971 Hey! 96 00:03:38,308 --> 00:03:39,986 Same body wash. 97 00:03:41,126 --> 00:03:42,548 Got to love that Mountain Mist. 98 00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:44,017 Great minds. 99 00:03:45,707 --> 00:03:47,771 Then again, we do differ in our choices 100 00:03:47,796 --> 00:03:50,353 of toothpaste flavor. 101 00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:53,541 What kind of person uses wintergreen? 102 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:54,666 [CHUCKLES] 103 00:03:55,813 --> 00:03:57,650 What can I say? I'm a wintergreen guy. 104 00:03:57,675 --> 00:04:01,189 Well, I also heard that wintergreen 105 00:04:01,462 --> 00:04:02,916 was the flavor... 106 00:04:04,726 --> 00:04:05,986 used by Hitler. 107 00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:08,405 ♪♪ 108 00:04:08,430 --> 00:04:09,635 [CLEARS THROAT] 109 00:04:10,179 --> 00:04:15,439 ♪♪ 110 00:04:15,930 --> 00:04:18,106 [MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY] 111 00:04:18,521 --> 00:04:20,108 [ETHEREAL NEW-AGE MUSIC PLAYING] 112 00:04:20,133 --> 00:04:21,555 Good morrow, Your Majesty. 113 00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,642 You're late. 114 00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:24,398 You missed the Stanislavski warm-up. 115 00:04:24,423 --> 00:04:25,511 Jumping right into mirror. 116 00:04:25,536 --> 00:04:26,760 Thank you, mirror. 117 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,620 ♪♪ 118 00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,383 Apologies for being late, but I just had 119 00:04:32,408 --> 00:04:35,314 a rather awkward incident. 120 00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:38,049 I ran into Juan Andrés, 121 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,862 you know, the man I sort of like, 122 00:04:43,007 --> 00:04:44,401 in the restroom. 123 00:04:45,332 --> 00:04:47,244 We were in line for the showers. 124 00:04:47,378 --> 00:04:50,007 I, you know, thought I'd strike up a conversation, 125 00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:53,042 but it went poorly. 126 00:04:53,067 --> 00:04:55,534 Five, six, seven, eight. 127 00:04:56,768 --> 00:04:59,704 I made a very bad joke... about Hitler. 128 00:04:59,737 --> 00:05:00,712 - Zip. - Zap. 129 00:05:00,737 --> 00:05:01,366 - Zop. - Zip. 130 00:05:01,391 --> 00:05:02,245 - Zap. - Zop. 131 00:05:03,315 --> 00:05:04,760 I'm sure it was fine. 132 00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:07,026 And lift. 133 00:05:08,064 --> 00:05:09,940 - And scene. - And scene. 134 00:05:10,313 --> 00:05:12,185 ♪♪ 135 00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:14,456 How do I show him that I like him? 136 00:05:15,013 --> 00:05:16,251 Invite him over for a Hefeweizen 137 00:05:16,276 --> 00:05:17,745 and a light chapter of "Mein Kampf." 138 00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:18,776 [CHUCKLES] 139 00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:21,120 Really, Maggie, I need your help. 140 00:05:21,145 --> 00:05:23,432 Oh, good God, you're obsessed. 141 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,328 What's his profession? Janitor? 142 00:05:25,353 --> 00:05:27,964 He sells handmade wares. 143 00:05:27,989 --> 00:05:30,190 Then show an interest in his art or something. 144 00:05:30,792 --> 00:05:31,860 What time is it, anyway? 145 00:05:31,885 --> 00:05:33,823 I need to Nair my widow's peak before breakfast. 146 00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:36,078 I'm starting to look like Count Chocula. 147 00:05:36,122 --> 00:05:37,862 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 148 00:05:37,887 --> 00:05:39,541 All right, everybody, listen up. 149 00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:41,518 We got a couple things on the agenda. 150 00:05:41,543 --> 00:05:45,837 There will be no more 25% employee discount on meals purchased 151 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,189 - on the grounds during Faire Days. - What? 152 00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,666 - Lee! - What? 153 00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:50,328 Ticket sales dropped opening weekend. 154 00:05:50,353 --> 00:05:51,789 We got to pick up the slack. 155 00:05:51,814 --> 00:05:53,381 So eat less, and it won't affect you. 156 00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:55,323 I can survive on a cup of raw spinach a day. 157 00:05:55,348 --> 00:05:58,031 Okay, moving on. Uh, the Queen's Royal Tea 158 00:05:58,056 --> 00:06:00,995 will now become the Queen's Royal Pub Crawl. 159 00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:03,588 - WOMAN: Oh! - Profit margins are higher with booze. 160 00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:07,084 And, uh, Callie, no more nip slips at the joust. 161 00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:09,026 We had some complaints from the parents. 162 00:06:09,157 --> 00:06:11,501 Actually, no, just the moms. The dads were fine with it. 163 00:06:11,526 --> 00:06:13,071 Free the nipple! 164 00:06:13,096 --> 00:06:14,358 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 165 00:06:14,383 --> 00:06:15,471 Nips! 166 00:06:16,814 --> 00:06:18,753 No more moms! 167 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,619 All right, let's take this energy outside 168 00:06:20,644 --> 00:06:22,690 and show these people what the faire is about. 169 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,761 Now, how about three cheers for the faire? 170 00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:26,495 - Hip hip... - Huzzah. 171 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,652 - Hip hip... - Huzzah. 172 00:06:28,677 --> 00:06:31,214 - Hip hip... - Huzzah! 173 00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:34,120 Come on, guys! Let's do it! 174 00:06:34,615 --> 00:06:36,356 - Come on, come on, get up. - Yeah! 175 00:06:36,381 --> 00:06:38,253 - All right, everybody. - Let's go, freaks! 176 00:06:38,278 --> 00:06:39,932 MAN: All right, everybody, 177 00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:42,438 let's go out there and make some money! 178 00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:44,595 - [CLEARS THROAT] - Oh, God. 179 00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:47,429 - Yes, Maggie? - The Queen's Tea is a tradition. 180 00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:49,586 I've led it every Faire Day here since taking on 181 00:06:49,611 --> 00:06:50,870 - the role of Elizabeth. - Uh-huh. 182 00:06:50,895 --> 00:06:53,739 The little girls sit and converse with the Queen. 183 00:06:53,764 --> 00:06:56,104 It is vital to show them how upper-class women behave. 184 00:06:56,129 --> 00:06:59,100 I'm sorry, but we got to pick up cash wherever we can find it. 185 00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,729 I will not besmirch the legacy of the great Queen 186 00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,315 simply to put a couple of extra shekels in your pocket. 187 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:08,107 I figured you'd say that, so I am prepared. 188 00:07:08,132 --> 00:07:09,799 "It is said that Elizabeth I 189 00:07:09,824 --> 00:07:12,787 drank at least two pints of ale every day. 190 00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:15,457 In 1593, the royal household went through 191 00:07:15,482 --> 00:07:18,354 approximately 600,000 gallons of ale," 192 00:07:18,379 --> 00:07:19,681 signed the Internet. 193 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,167 The Queen drank beer, yes, 194 00:07:21,192 --> 00:07:23,508 but in the refined company of her ladies-in-waiting. 195 00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:25,753 She never rubbed elbows with drunken bachelor parties, 196 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,363 nor hairy men in ironic t-shirts. 197 00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:30,714 Your ladies-in-waiting will be there with you, 198 00:07:30,739 --> 00:07:33,699 so it will be completely historically accurate. 199 00:07:33,845 --> 00:07:36,519 Just think of it like a royal girls' night out. 200 00:07:36,544 --> 00:07:37,980 I don't believe in girlfriends. 201 00:07:38,113 --> 00:07:39,456 Bitches be haters. 202 00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:41,644 All done? 203 00:07:42,509 --> 00:07:45,661 Why, thank thee, fine sir. 204 00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:47,706 WOMAN: I should get a dress like that, right? 205 00:07:49,342 --> 00:07:51,284 Your pitcher, m'lords. 206 00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,520 Thank you, m'lady. A tip for you. 207 00:07:53,545 --> 00:07:55,061 Just the tip? 208 00:07:55,086 --> 00:07:56,784 Frankly, sir, I'd prefer the whole hog. 209 00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,247 - [LAUGHS] - Oh! 210 00:07:59,272 --> 00:08:01,459 - Hey, Amanda. - No more free beer, Friar. 211 00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:03,574 - Lee would have my head. - I'm not here for the booze. 212 00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,963 Ophelia, the empty kegs got to move. 213 00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:07,980 On it. Friar! 214 00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:09,989 - Listen, can you do me a favor? - Is it sexual? 215 00:08:10,014 --> 00:08:12,050 Because geriatric alcoholics aren't really my type. 216 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,097 No, no, no, what? Listen, 217 00:08:13,122 --> 00:08:14,212 Natasha usually does my show 218 00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:16,412 at 4:00, but she... she got a ribbon burn on the May pole, 219 00:08:16,437 --> 00:08:18,027 and now she needs to ice her palms. 220 00:08:18,052 --> 00:08:19,925 - So can you fill in? - Okay, okay, fine, I'll do it. 221 00:08:19,950 --> 00:08:21,831 - Oh, thank you. Thank you. - If you move, please. 222 00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:22,870 All right. Thanks. 223 00:08:24,699 --> 00:08:26,784 Oh, nice muscles. 224 00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:30,549 Duh. I'm in wedding shape, which is scientifically proven 225 00:08:30,574 --> 00:08:33,019 to be the hottest moment of any woman's life. 226 00:08:33,044 --> 00:08:35,566 SoulCycle and kettle bells. Plus, I cut out grains. 227 00:08:36,831 --> 00:08:38,260 Such a city lady. 228 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,019 - Hey! - Uh, you are. 229 00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:41,777 It's okay, but you are. 230 00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,720 Hmm. Well, could a city lady do this? 231 00:08:44,745 --> 00:08:47,745 I can smell your French disease from here. 232 00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:49,551 Back across the channel 233 00:08:49,576 --> 00:08:52,361 - with you, pagans! - Hey! Oh, fie, Puritan! 234 00:08:52,386 --> 00:08:55,606 Go jack your beanstalk onto a communion wafer. 235 00:08:55,631 --> 00:08:57,894 - [CHUCKLES] - It'll release some frustration. 236 00:09:01,756 --> 00:09:04,522 You know, the high fives were a little bit anachronistic, 237 00:09:04,547 --> 00:09:05,983 but, I mean, you're getting there. 238 00:09:06,008 --> 00:09:07,777 You'll blend in, eventually. 239 00:09:08,812 --> 00:09:11,137 I'm blending in just fine. 240 00:09:11,162 --> 00:09:15,371 ♪♪ 241 00:09:15,396 --> 00:09:17,702 All done? Aye. 242 00:09:17,727 --> 00:09:21,134 Patrons, pay attention, for this man has given me 243 00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:24,107 what every woman desires... Multiples! 244 00:09:24,132 --> 00:09:25,481 [LAUGHTER] 245 00:09:25,506 --> 00:09:27,203 Huzzah for the tipper! 246 00:09:27,228 --> 00:09:28,839 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 247 00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:31,867 [LAUGHTER FADES] 248 00:09:31,892 --> 00:09:34,552 ♪ Yo, clock in when the mood strikes ♪ 249 00:09:34,577 --> 00:09:37,537 ♪ I do what a boss likes, slowpokes, they look twice ♪ 250 00:09:37,562 --> 00:09:40,173 ♪ Cold... I'm a Klondike... boys get curved tough ♪ 251 00:09:40,198 --> 00:09:41,852 - No. Way. - ♪ When a girl gang, gang roll up ♪ 252 00:09:41,877 --> 00:09:43,300 ♪ Make a beeline for the green room ♪ 253 00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:44,988 ♪ I get money to show up ♪ 254 00:09:45,013 --> 00:09:46,434 ♪ Break, break, break, break ♪ 255 00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:47,714 Ugh. 256 00:09:49,262 --> 00:09:50,481 - Ew. - Ew. 257 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:51,594 Ew. 258 00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:55,163 Oh, my God. 259 00:09:55,188 --> 00:09:58,495 - Hi! - Hi! 260 00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:00,210 Wow. 261 00:10:00,235 --> 00:10:01,381 - You guys! - This. 262 00:10:01,405 --> 00:10:02,580 What are you doing here? 263 00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:04,128 - We came to check on you, babe. - I mean, did you think 264 00:10:04,153 --> 00:10:05,782 we forgot about you? 265 00:10:05,826 --> 00:10:07,218 Oh, kind of. 266 00:10:07,243 --> 00:10:09,282 - No. - You guys! 267 00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:10,632 Uh, c-come sit down? 268 00:10:10,657 --> 00:10:12,456 - Yeah. Let's go. - Okay. 269 00:10:15,618 --> 00:10:18,335 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 270 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,841 Two secs, you guys. I am dying to catch up. 271 00:10:20,866 --> 00:10:22,277 Yeah. Okay. 272 00:10:22,302 --> 00:10:24,081 What in the dorky hell has gotten into her? 273 00:10:24,105 --> 00:10:25,759 It's like she's been kidnapped by those drum circle 274 00:10:25,784 --> 00:10:27,090 mole people in Union Square. 275 00:10:27,115 --> 00:10:28,911 - Uh-huh. - Those titties, though. 276 00:10:28,936 --> 00:10:31,068 Yes, girl, those titties. 277 00:10:31,093 --> 00:10:33,274 Lexi, can you actually stop calling me "girl"? 278 00:10:33,406 --> 00:10:34,570 It's starting to feel minimizing. 279 00:10:34,595 --> 00:10:36,440 Oh, my God. I would never, ever want you to feel that. 280 00:10:36,465 --> 00:10:38,660 - I'm so sorry. - It's okay. It's okay. 281 00:10:38,685 --> 00:10:40,052 I'm mean, I'm just really grateful 282 00:10:40,077 --> 00:10:41,836 that I could share my truth with you. 283 00:10:41,992 --> 00:10:44,328 - Love you, bitch. - Love you, too, bitch. Mwah. 284 00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:47,233 - Sangria. On me. - Ooh. Thanks, sweetie. 285 00:10:47,258 --> 00:10:48,686 So, is this, like, your jobjob, or...? 286 00:10:48,711 --> 00:10:49,985 I mean, it's part of it. 287 00:10:50,227 --> 00:10:52,064 Basically, we're all sort of performers 288 00:10:52,089 --> 00:10:53,485 in a larger production. 289 00:10:53,831 --> 00:10:56,766 We all live communally, so it's kind of like a kibbutz. 290 00:10:56,791 --> 00:10:58,244 It seems more like Rajneeshpuram. 291 00:10:58,269 --> 00:10:59,420 - Yeah. - Ma Anand Sheela 292 00:10:59,445 --> 00:11:00,968 - is a feminist icon. - Tea. 293 00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,062 - Cheers. - Cheers. 294 00:11:02,087 --> 00:11:03,087 - Yes! - Cheers. 295 00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:04,133 Oh, no. 296 00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:06,194 So, what's news with you guys? 297 00:11:06,219 --> 00:11:08,037 Um, well, Nick hit 10k on Instagram. 298 00:11:08,062 --> 00:11:10,779 And Rachel Zoe retweeted me. 299 00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,485 Yeah, and Lexi's on a new antidepressant. 300 00:11:13,023 --> 00:11:15,131 So, and then, with me, you know, work is work, same thing. 301 00:11:15,156 --> 00:11:17,194 80 hours a week, Postmates for every meal, 302 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,320 totally worth it. 303 00:11:19,290 --> 00:11:20,914 - That's amazing, you guys. - Yeah. 304 00:11:21,828 --> 00:11:23,469 God, you look so cute, by the way, Amanda. 305 00:11:23,494 --> 00:11:26,229 I mean, you are really serving, like, pure Coachella realness. 306 00:11:26,254 --> 00:11:27,342 - Yeah, you do. - Honestly, you guys, 307 00:11:27,385 --> 00:11:29,242 I feel amazing. 308 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,782 ♪♪ 309 00:11:32,807 --> 00:11:34,373 Wow. [CHUCKLES] 310 00:11:34,398 --> 00:11:36,586 It's just such a shock seeing you here. 311 00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,483 Faire virgins. I hope your first time doesn't hurt too much. 312 00:11:39,508 --> 00:11:40,852 Hon, look, we're not here to judge. 313 00:11:40,877 --> 00:11:42,102 I mean, with everything you've been through, 314 00:11:42,127 --> 00:11:43,159 it makes sense that you would run off 315 00:11:43,184 --> 00:11:45,273 and do something... different, 316 00:11:45,298 --> 00:11:46,822 um, as you recover from the stress. 317 00:11:46,847 --> 00:11:48,320 - And humiliation. - Yeah. 318 00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,827 LEXI: And we're also here to check 319 00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:51,550 that you aren't totally mentally ill. 320 00:11:51,575 --> 00:11:53,212 Lexi, that was car talk. 321 00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:55,016 - We told you. - Like four times. 322 00:11:55,196 --> 00:11:57,141 [LAUGHS] Sorry. It's the new meds. 323 00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:58,469 Oh, my God. 324 00:11:59,809 --> 00:12:02,875 Tankards and flagons and jugs for sale. 325 00:12:03,249 --> 00:12:05,991 You won't find a better pair of jugs, milady. 326 00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:07,836 And make sure you tell your friends. 327 00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,340 Fill it to the top with mead, 328 00:12:09,365 --> 00:12:11,039 and you'll need a carriage ride home! 329 00:12:12,447 --> 00:12:14,031 Well met, Juan Andrés. 330 00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:16,164 Uh, hi. 331 00:12:17,724 --> 00:12:19,531 Come, get your flagons! 332 00:12:19,699 --> 00:12:22,406 My, what beautiful wares. 333 00:12:23,102 --> 00:12:25,195 What are these made of? 334 00:12:26,637 --> 00:12:27,899 Cow horns. 335 00:12:27,924 --> 00:12:30,391 Makes sense. Aah. 336 00:12:30,753 --> 00:12:32,538 Flagons, tankards, milady. 337 00:12:32,563 --> 00:12:34,688 Oh! And pray tell, 338 00:12:35,105 --> 00:12:37,978 what about this, uh, gorgeous 339 00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:40,633 suede-like canteen? 340 00:12:41,634 --> 00:12:43,331 Suede. 341 00:12:43,374 --> 00:12:44,941 Suede? 342 00:12:44,985 --> 00:12:47,030 Suede. 343 00:12:47,074 --> 00:12:48,728 - Milady. - Milord. 344 00:12:48,771 --> 00:12:52,035 Tankards and flagons and jugs for sale! 345 00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:55,833 Oh, this... Now, this is so lovely. 346 00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:59,441 I can imagine pouring myself a Montepulciano, or... 347 00:12:59,466 --> 00:13:02,524 some other Old World red in one of these. 348 00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:05,334 Are you, mayhaps, also a wine-drink... 349 00:13:05,359 --> 00:13:06,752 - [CERAMIC SHATTERS] - Oh. 350 00:13:06,777 --> 00:13:08,810 Oh, fie. 351 00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:10,619 I-I-I am so sorry. 352 00:13:10,644 --> 00:13:12,297 I-I will pay for all of these. 353 00:13:12,322 --> 00:13:14,106 It's okay. I make these myself, 354 00:13:14,131 --> 00:13:16,232 so it's just lost time. 355 00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:20,490 You make all these ceramic mugs yourself? 356 00:13:20,629 --> 00:13:21,629 Out of... 357 00:13:22,892 --> 00:13:23,892 Clay. 358 00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:26,286 Clay. 359 00:13:27,405 --> 00:13:29,458 Welcome, my countrymen, 360 00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,876 to the Queen's... Pub Crawl. 361 00:13:31,901 --> 00:13:34,425 As you toast the monarchy, you may approach 362 00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:36,489 and ask any questions you'd like 363 00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:39,169 about our daily lives in the court. 364 00:13:39,788 --> 00:13:42,365 Is it true you guys, like, never took showers? 365 00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:44,154 Did the Queen have to poop in a bucket? 366 00:13:44,179 --> 00:13:46,108 - [LAUGHTER] - Please, let us keep the questions 367 00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,222 related to our courtly life. 368 00:13:48,247 --> 00:13:51,374 For instance, can you guess how many ladies-in-waiting 369 00:13:51,399 --> 00:13:53,818 I did host in my time as queen? 370 00:13:54,377 --> 00:13:56,118 - 69! - 69! 371 00:13:56,143 --> 00:13:58,872 [LAUGHTER] 372 00:13:58,897 --> 00:14:01,117 Ah, hear ye, hear ye. 373 00:14:01,142 --> 00:14:04,493 Uh, the Queen commands that whomever can consume their beer 374 00:14:04,518 --> 00:14:07,433 with the most haste shall be made lady-in-waiting 375 00:14:07,458 --> 00:14:08,590 - for the day. - Wow. 376 00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:10,070 And you can be a guy. 377 00:14:10,113 --> 00:14:12,420 Or however you may identify. 378 00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:14,709 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 379 00:14:14,734 --> 00:14:17,607 Yes, what a civilized idea. 380 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,990 On my count, drink. 381 00:14:20,297 --> 00:14:23,060 One, two, three. 382 00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,497 - Yeah! - Yes! 383 00:14:28,522 --> 00:14:30,437 - Oh! - Whoo-hoo! 384 00:14:30,462 --> 00:14:33,372 I suppose I must declare a tie 385 00:14:33,397 --> 00:14:36,487 between these two, um, spirited wenches. 386 00:14:36,512 --> 00:14:39,167 - Um, please, join my court. - Yes! 387 00:14:39,192 --> 00:14:41,175 - Sweet! - And as our first duty 388 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,799 on the Queen's court, we're doing shots. 389 00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:45,080 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 390 00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:46,425 No, no, no, I shan't. 391 00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,083 Chug it, your horniness. 392 00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:49,544 - Chug it, your horniness. - Chug it, your horniness. 393 00:14:49,587 --> 00:14:51,154 ALL: [CHANTING] Chug it, your horniness. 394 00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:54,182 The Queen drank. And shots cost extra. 395 00:14:54,207 --> 00:14:56,332 Come on. What would Daniel Day-Lewis do? 396 00:14:56,357 --> 00:14:57,521 He'd retire. 397 00:14:57,770 --> 00:14:59,336 - Chug it, your horniness! - Chug it, your horniness! 398 00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:01,145 - Chug it, your horniness! - Chug it, your horniness! 399 00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:03,651 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 400 00:15:03,676 --> 00:15:07,396 ♪♪ 401 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,458 I shall get some more. 402 00:15:14,221 --> 00:15:15,561 I feel like this is my new summer drink. 403 00:15:15,586 --> 00:15:17,242 - Morgan. - It's honestly, like, disgusting. 404 00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:18,811 - Oh, my God. - It's di... Uh... 405 00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,224 Oh, my God. 406 00:15:21,249 --> 00:15:23,280 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 407 00:15:23,305 --> 00:15:26,044 Okay, who are those shiny people? 408 00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:27,339 They're my friends from home. 409 00:15:27,364 --> 00:15:29,740 Oh, my gosh! Fun! I'll go spray 'em with bubble water. 410 00:15:29,765 --> 00:15:30,765 No! 411 00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:32,966 They're not those kind of people. 412 00:15:33,153 --> 00:15:35,416 - I'm actually really nervous? - How come? 413 00:15:35,441 --> 00:15:37,356 It's the whole mixing-worlds thing. 414 00:15:37,381 --> 00:15:39,115 You know when you introduce your yoga friends 415 00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:40,222 to your Pilates friends, 416 00:15:40,247 --> 00:15:42,022 and the vibe is just super different? 417 00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:43,936 [SIGHS] 418 00:15:45,687 --> 00:15:47,265 I need for them to like it. 419 00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:50,206 Oh, they're like you were three weeks ago... 420 00:15:50,231 --> 00:15:53,888 A newborn baby possum, blind and small-headed. 421 00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:56,611 But then you grew up to be a warm, smushy, 422 00:15:56,636 --> 00:15:58,866 sighted woodland creature. 423 00:15:59,429 --> 00:16:00,624 This pertains how? 424 00:16:00,649 --> 00:16:02,592 Show them the faire through your eyes. 425 00:16:02,617 --> 00:16:03,811 Then they'll be sold. 426 00:16:03,836 --> 00:16:05,343 I vote more alcohol. 427 00:16:05,533 --> 00:16:07,513 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Good idea. 428 00:16:07,538 --> 00:16:08,538 Yeah. 429 00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,983 I feel like we've been here for 500 hours. 430 00:16:12,956 --> 00:16:14,505 - More sangria? - [GASPS] Yes, please. 431 00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,214 - Yes, Mom. - Fun, right? 432 00:16:16,239 --> 00:16:18,968 I mean, yeah, if by "fun," you mean super offensive. 433 00:16:19,095 --> 00:16:20,131 - Thank you. - What is with all 434 00:16:20,156 --> 00:16:22,307 the horny nerd humor? It's like, I feel like 435 00:16:22,332 --> 00:16:23,757 the only girl in, like, a Fortnite chat room. 436 00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,746 Oh, come on. It's 1585. 437 00:16:25,771 --> 00:16:27,033 Things were different back then. 438 00:16:27,058 --> 00:16:28,618 Um, well, but it's not back then. 439 00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:30,538 It's now pretending to be back then. 440 00:16:30,563 --> 00:16:33,218 Actually, it's a super empowering place for women. 441 00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:36,191 It's super inclusive and non-judgey and body positive. 442 00:16:36,216 --> 00:16:38,522 - Like the Trevor Project. - No. 443 00:16:38,653 --> 00:16:39,976 Fine wenches, 444 00:16:40,976 --> 00:16:43,640 you all look delicious. 445 00:16:43,689 --> 00:16:46,854 I wish I could give each of you a long, steady ride 446 00:16:46,879 --> 00:16:48,147 on my horse. 447 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,535 - A rose, milady? - From you? God, no. 448 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,649 I'd literally rather get a rose from Arie Luyendyk... 449 00:16:53,674 --> 00:16:55,929 ALL: The most hated Bachelor of all time. 450 00:16:55,954 --> 00:16:58,783 [LIVELY FOLK MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE] 451 00:16:59,181 --> 00:17:01,444 - But you should take... - I'll take a flower, sir. 452 00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:05,577 ♪♪ 453 00:17:06,881 --> 00:17:08,186 [ALL GASP] 454 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:09,865 Oh! 455 00:17:10,511 --> 00:17:12,861 [ALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY] 456 00:17:12,886 --> 00:17:15,192 ♪♪ 457 00:17:15,255 --> 00:17:16,929 [ALL GASP] 458 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:18,483 MORGAN: Ugh. 459 00:17:19,651 --> 00:17:21,757 Meet me at the joust at 2:00 and 30. 460 00:17:22,635 --> 00:17:24,280 I'll ride for thine honor. 461 00:17:24,699 --> 00:17:26,092 [MUSIC STOPS, APPLAUSE IN DISTANCE] 462 00:17:26,117 --> 00:17:27,466 [NICK WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY] 463 00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:29,624 LEXI: It's so hot. [SIGHS] 464 00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,311 Lexi, what just happened to me? 465 00:17:32,054 --> 00:17:34,179 Amanda, you were just assaulted. 466 00:17:34,641 --> 00:17:35,685 Totally. 467 00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,146 I feel triggered. 468 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,365 I'm fine. Like I said, 469 00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:41,212 things are different here. 470 00:17:41,237 --> 00:17:43,718 There's a familiar vibe between performers. 471 00:17:43,743 --> 00:17:45,835 He just made out with your neck. Do you even know him? 472 00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:47,718 Yeah, I've seen him around. He's like a jouster. 473 00:17:47,852 --> 00:17:49,288 Like from "A Knight's Tale"? 474 00:17:49,494 --> 00:17:51,440 - Heath Ledger was my sexual awakening. - Oh, my God. 475 00:17:51,465 --> 00:17:53,162 - Oh, my God. Me, too. - Hashtag "MeToo." 476 00:17:53,187 --> 00:17:54,530 Stop it! That is not a joke! 477 00:17:54,555 --> 00:17:56,038 Ow. [SNICKERING] 478 00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:59,411 Amanda, this is your workplace, okay? 479 00:17:59,436 --> 00:18:00,554 You need to stand up for consent. 480 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:03,349 Okay, okay, fine, but can we just take a beat 481 00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:05,174 and appreciate this faire? 482 00:18:05,199 --> 00:18:07,476 It's super fun, I swear. 483 00:18:08,862 --> 00:18:09,862 Hmm. 484 00:18:10,092 --> 00:18:11,485 [SINGSONG VOICE] There's shopping! 485 00:18:11,510 --> 00:18:13,654 - [GASPS] Yes! - Okay. Grab my drink. 486 00:18:13,679 --> 00:18:14,772 Okay, can you put it up? 487 00:18:14,797 --> 00:18:16,265 - Like here? - 'Cause that's not a good angle. 488 00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:17,379 - Yeah. - Like that? 489 00:18:17,404 --> 00:18:18,840 WOMAN: Huzzah! 490 00:18:18,884 --> 00:18:21,974 ♪♪ 491 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,194 [RETCHES] 492 00:18:24,256 --> 00:18:26,475 I'm sorry to be, like, that person, 493 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,763 but do they have anything that's paleo here? 494 00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:30,069 Cucumber mint water? 495 00:18:30,112 --> 00:18:31,548 What about turkey legs? 496 00:18:31,592 --> 00:18:34,632 Yes, bitch. Pure lean protein. Thank you. 497 00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:37,337 [CLEARS THROAT] Who's a city lady? 498 00:18:37,362 --> 00:18:41,540 ♪♪ 499 00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,970 MAN: Take dead aim! 500 00:18:42,995 --> 00:18:44,344 Try your luck. 501 00:18:44,369 --> 00:18:48,939 ♪♪ 502 00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:51,190 - I see you, Legolas! - Whew. 503 00:18:51,416 --> 00:18:53,818 Orlando Bloom wishes he looked this good. 504 00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,896 Tankards and flagons! Show me your jugs, 505 00:18:55,921 --> 00:18:57,768 - and I'll show you mine. - Seriously? 506 00:18:57,793 --> 00:19:00,416 Would it hurt you to trynot to commodify women's bodies? 507 00:19:01,158 --> 00:19:04,190 [LAUGHING] 508 00:19:04,233 --> 00:19:05,377 It's fine. 509 00:19:05,402 --> 00:19:07,012 ♪♪ 510 00:19:07,148 --> 00:19:08,473 [GIGGLES] 511 00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:09,978 - Yes! - You. Guys. 512 00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:11,308 - This... - Mean. 513 00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,335 - Much. - It's you. Literally you. 514 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,232 Do you guys take AmEx black? 515 00:19:15,257 --> 00:19:16,862 [LISPING] You bet your ass they do. 516 00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:19,161 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE] 517 00:19:25,936 --> 00:19:27,596 - Who was that? - No one. 518 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:29,971 No one. 519 00:19:32,008 --> 00:19:34,283 - Wait, wait, you have to try this on. - Yes. 520 00:19:34,872 --> 00:19:39,480 This faire is full of debauchery and disgusting behavior! 521 00:19:39,505 --> 00:19:41,955 Oh, my God. Thank you. Yes. 522 00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:45,423 The wanton whores should be drawn and quartered, 523 00:19:45,448 --> 00:19:47,755 lest they corrupt young men 524 00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:50,044 - seeking virgin wives. - Oh, wait. 525 00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:52,039 No. Women are... are not property. 526 00:19:52,064 --> 00:19:53,562 - You're missing it. You're... - A woman's value 527 00:19:53,587 --> 00:19:55,067 lies in her maidenhead. 528 00:19:55,092 --> 00:19:56,789 Disgusting! 529 00:19:56,814 --> 00:20:00,122 Ooh, aye! Here's a bunch of filthy peasants! 530 00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:04,526 Aye! Come back to the washer wench show at 3:00 and 30, 531 00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:07,245 where getting clean never felt so dirty. 532 00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:08,981 - [GRUNTS, HUMS] - I'm sorry. 533 00:20:09,006 --> 00:20:11,555 Did you guys just call yourselves "washer wenches"? 534 00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:13,669 A wench be a working girl. 535 00:20:13,694 --> 00:20:15,391 - Aye, aye. - Okay, but don't you think 536 00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:17,635 you could have come up with, like, a more woke name 537 00:20:17,660 --> 00:20:19,629 - than that? - More woke? 538 00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:22,330 "Woke" being a culturally black term 539 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:25,715 recently appropriated by mainstream America? 540 00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:29,731 Just want to make sure I'm hearing you correctly... Becky. 541 00:20:32,637 --> 00:20:33,700 Uh... 542 00:20:35,629 --> 00:20:37,895 Hello? Oh, yeah. 543 00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,418 I'm so sorry about her and her Becky-ism. 544 00:20:42,004 --> 00:20:44,743 Nay, nay, good mistress Ophelia! 545 00:20:44,768 --> 00:20:46,988 Have thee a pleasant day! 546 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,364 - Mm! - Aye. 547 00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:02,190 Oh, actually, actually, 548 00:21:02,215 --> 00:21:04,745 I did sleep with many men out of wedlock. 549 00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:06,983 Lord Chancellor Christopher Hatton, 550 00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:09,051 the second Earl of Essex Robert Devereux, 551 00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,913 Sir Walter Raleigh. 552 00:21:10,938 --> 00:21:13,381 Oh, you are such a whore, you! 553 00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,406 You... 554 00:21:15,559 --> 00:21:19,169 [ALL SHRIEKING, LAUGHING] 555 00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:22,328 Cheers to the Queen and her breast friends! 556 00:21:22,353 --> 00:21:26,950 [ALL CHEERING] 557 00:21:27,594 --> 00:21:28,637 Oh. 558 00:21:29,384 --> 00:21:32,126 I suppose you are my best lady friends. 559 00:21:32,381 --> 00:21:34,879 Barkeep, can I have another, please? 560 00:21:35,255 --> 00:21:37,645 And one for my dear friend... 561 00:21:37,670 --> 00:21:40,586 ♪♪ 562 00:21:40,930 --> 00:21:42,614 Who are you? 563 00:21:43,879 --> 00:21:45,195 - I'm Alicia. - Mm? 564 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,942 We've worked together for three summers. 565 00:21:47,967 --> 00:21:51,188 Alicia, you must tell me everything about yourself. 566 00:21:51,213 --> 00:21:55,512 Are you, as I suspect, from a troubled home? 567 00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:58,309 You have such sad eyes. 568 00:21:58,407 --> 00:22:00,409 ♪♪ 569 00:22:00,434 --> 00:22:02,392 ♪ What do you do with a drunken sailor? ♪ 570 00:22:02,417 --> 00:22:04,462 ♪ What do you do with a drunken sailor? ♪ 571 00:22:04,487 --> 00:22:09,579 ♪ What do you do with a drunken sailor earlye in the mornin'? ♪ 572 00:22:09,604 --> 00:22:12,266 Oh. Mug him in the subway and take his Guccis! 573 00:22:12,291 --> 00:22:14,249 ♪ Mug him in the subway and take his Guccis ♪ 574 00:22:14,274 --> 00:22:16,102 ♪ Mug him in the subway and take his Guccis ♪ 575 00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,046 ♪ Mug him in the subway and take his Guccis ♪ 576 00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:20,286 ♪ Earlye in the morning ♪ 577 00:22:20,311 --> 00:22:22,008 I have one! 578 00:22:22,033 --> 00:22:23,860 Aw, man, I forgot. 579 00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:27,758 ♪ Aw, man, she forgot, aw, man, she forgot ♪ 580 00:22:27,783 --> 00:22:34,311 ♪ Aw, man, she forgot earlye in the mornin' ♪ 581 00:22:34,336 --> 00:22:36,425 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 582 00:22:40,002 --> 00:22:42,135 I mean, look, I'm... I'll say it... issa bop. 583 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,896 [LAUGHTER] 584 00:22:45,006 --> 00:22:47,326 Amanda, Amanda, look, there's your assaulter. 585 00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:50,029 Oh, Morgan, he didn't assault me. 586 00:22:50,054 --> 00:22:51,783 Oh, really? So you're just not gonna confront him 587 00:22:51,808 --> 00:22:53,279 about his toxic behavior? 588 00:22:53,746 --> 00:22:55,887 Okay, no, yeah, no. I just, you know... 589 00:22:56,297 --> 00:22:57,950 I thought you were a feminist, Amanda. 590 00:23:01,586 --> 00:23:05,372 Hey. Um, sir, uh, Jouster. 591 00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:07,334 - Hi. Um, so... - Hi. 592 00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,801 I think that we need to define some workplace boundaries. 593 00:23:09,826 --> 00:23:12,021 When you kissed me earlier, I have to acknowledge 594 00:23:12,046 --> 00:23:15,170 that it wasn't something that I technically consented to. 595 00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:18,549 Uh, I didn't tell you to stop, 596 00:23:18,574 --> 00:23:20,857 but I didn't joyfully consent. 597 00:23:21,204 --> 00:23:23,075 Not that I'm saying you're the Cat Person 598 00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:24,972 from that New Yorkerpiece. You are so not the Cat Person. 599 00:23:24,997 --> 00:23:26,818 - I'm actually attracted to you. - Nice. 600 00:23:26,843 --> 00:23:28,497 - Not that that's relevant. - It's not. 601 00:23:28,522 --> 00:23:31,717 Anyway... I hope that makes sense. 602 00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:34,304 Do you need any clarification? 603 00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:36,561 No. [CHUCKLES] I don't have any allergies. 604 00:23:37,045 --> 00:23:39,221 Listen, I got to go brush my horse. 605 00:23:39,246 --> 00:23:40,740 But we should hook up sometime. 606 00:23:41,641 --> 00:23:45,514 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 607 00:23:45,576 --> 00:23:47,230 Amanda. Amanda. 608 00:23:47,255 --> 00:23:48,561 - Huh? - Hi. 609 00:23:48,586 --> 00:23:51,067 - Oh. - Me? Yeah. I'm genuinely worried 610 00:23:51,092 --> 00:23:52,790 about your safety here, okay? 611 00:23:52,815 --> 00:23:54,933 This is like one giant pussy-grabbing party. 612 00:23:54,958 --> 00:23:57,146 - Morgan, you don't have to worry. - Okay, but it's not just about 613 00:23:57,171 --> 00:23:58,770 the aggrosexual jouster, all right? 614 00:23:58,795 --> 00:24:00,181 It's this whole culture. 615 00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:01,772 Like, women are objects here. 616 00:24:01,797 --> 00:24:03,881 - Amanda! Amanda, you're up. - Yes? 617 00:24:03,906 --> 00:24:06,213 - Oh, right, right, right. - Let's go, let's go, let's go. 618 00:24:06,238 --> 00:24:10,862 Listen, this is an amazing place for women to feel empowered. 619 00:24:10,887 --> 00:24:12,411 I swear we're not just objects here. 620 00:24:12,454 --> 00:24:17,311 Wench auction! 621 00:24:17,503 --> 00:24:19,505 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 622 00:24:19,530 --> 00:24:23,012 Gentlemen and not so gentle ladies, 623 00:24:23,037 --> 00:24:26,590 we have some fine wenches to be auctioned to you today. 624 00:24:26,615 --> 00:24:28,427 And you can pay fair price... 625 00:24:28,452 --> 00:24:31,318 - or not! - [LAUGHTER] 626 00:24:31,343 --> 00:24:32,811 I'll start the bidding. 627 00:24:33,207 --> 00:24:35,931 No. With this lovely woman 628 00:24:35,956 --> 00:24:38,459 in the queer attire. 629 00:24:38,837 --> 00:24:41,415 - Bid it up, boys. - [MEN CHEERING] 630 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,966 Now, can I start this bidding at one plague rat? 631 00:24:45,991 --> 00:24:47,098 MAN: Aye! One plague rat. 632 00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:48,273 10 dead penguins. 633 00:24:48,298 --> 00:24:49,336 A sickly sheep! 634 00:24:49,361 --> 00:24:50,753 10 bales of hay! 635 00:24:50,778 --> 00:24:52,817 I bid my ex-wife! 636 00:24:52,842 --> 00:24:54,235 [LAUGHTER] 637 00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:56,218 - That might be it! - Two yards of wool 638 00:24:56,243 --> 00:24:57,996 - and a young lamb. - Sold! 639 00:24:58,021 --> 00:25:00,676 To the gentleman with questionable motives. 640 00:25:00,701 --> 00:25:03,007 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 641 00:25:05,951 --> 00:25:07,997 Ah, they're made for each other. 642 00:25:08,022 --> 00:25:09,763 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 643 00:25:09,922 --> 00:25:10,942 Huzzah. 644 00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:14,492 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 645 00:25:14,517 --> 00:25:19,153 Next up, the faire's own dirty pub wench, 646 00:25:19,478 --> 00:25:21,872 Ophelia Feelsgood! 647 00:25:21,897 --> 00:25:23,413 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 648 00:25:23,438 --> 00:25:25,832 - Come on, Ophelia! - Whoo! 649 00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:26,935 Shut up. 650 00:25:28,690 --> 00:25:31,954 I'm so glad to be participating in this event, 651 00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:33,667 because I love participating in events 652 00:25:33,692 --> 00:25:35,208 where women support other women. 653 00:25:37,384 --> 00:25:39,200 Show us your tits! 654 00:25:39,225 --> 00:25:41,575 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 655 00:25:45,721 --> 00:25:48,158 Yo, band nerds, drop a beat. 656 00:25:48,202 --> 00:25:51,031 [LIVELY FOLK MUSIC PLAYING] 657 00:25:51,056 --> 00:25:52,981 - What's happening? - Women supporting women? 658 00:25:53,475 --> 00:25:55,489 Huh? Whoa. [SCREAMING] 659 00:25:55,514 --> 00:25:57,254 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 660 00:25:57,279 --> 00:26:02,544 ♪♪ 661 00:26:04,758 --> 00:26:06,216 Whoo! 662 00:26:07,177 --> 00:26:08,755 - Oh. - Yas! 663 00:26:09,814 --> 00:26:11,642 Whoo! 664 00:26:13,205 --> 00:26:18,098 ♪♪ 665 00:26:19,407 --> 00:26:23,324 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 666 00:26:23,349 --> 00:26:26,005 Now, folks, that surely is worth a bid. 667 00:26:27,241 --> 00:26:29,330 I bid a shepherd's pie 668 00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:31,109 and my ax! 669 00:26:31,134 --> 00:26:32,134 Only? 670 00:26:32,159 --> 00:26:33,290 [LISPING] My ovaries. 671 00:26:33,315 --> 00:26:35,665 A grande iced mochachino! 672 00:26:35,690 --> 00:26:37,027 A bucket of dead skin! 673 00:26:37,052 --> 00:26:38,227 Thick stick! 674 00:26:38,252 --> 00:26:39,514 A dozen sheep! 675 00:26:39,539 --> 00:26:41,279 Some of 'em with four legs. 676 00:26:41,304 --> 00:26:42,914 You can do better than that, Pizzle. 677 00:26:42,939 --> 00:26:45,713 And tat for two from Zabar's. 678 00:26:45,738 --> 00:26:48,341 - Ooh. - Stick. 679 00:26:48,508 --> 00:26:50,278 A castle in France! 680 00:26:50,303 --> 00:26:53,741 - Okay, we're done. Come on. - [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 681 00:26:53,869 --> 00:26:55,614 Sold! [LAUGHS] 682 00:26:57,263 --> 00:26:58,263 Let's go. 683 00:26:58,288 --> 00:27:00,022 You're taking this too seriously, Morgan. 684 00:27:00,047 --> 00:27:02,251 Oh, really? You were just mock-sold for sex. Okay? 685 00:27:02,276 --> 00:27:03,799 So, you're welcome, B-T-dubs, for making it stop. 686 00:27:03,824 --> 00:27:05,591 Obviously, it was just for fun. 687 00:27:05,616 --> 00:27:07,226 Well, what if a bunch of little girls saw you? 688 00:27:07,251 --> 00:27:08,475 What kind of message are you sending? 689 00:27:08,507 --> 00:27:10,259 Maybe if little girls saw me, 690 00:27:10,284 --> 00:27:12,348 they would see that it isn't negative to be sexual. 691 00:27:12,373 --> 00:27:13,809 There's a difference between being sexual 692 00:27:13,834 --> 00:27:15,278 and being sexualized. 693 00:27:15,303 --> 00:27:19,981 Fair maiden, you were positively fantastic. 694 00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,706 We always present this to our favorite at the auction. 695 00:27:22,731 --> 00:27:25,168 - Uh-oh. - And you were far and away 696 00:27:25,193 --> 00:27:27,021 the... Drumroll, please... 697 00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:28,918 [BOTH IMITATE DRUMROLL] 698 00:27:28,943 --> 00:27:31,032 - Wenchiest Wench! - Wenchiest Wench! 699 00:27:31,057 --> 00:27:33,364 - Oh. - [BOTH IMITATING FANFARE] 700 00:27:33,389 --> 00:27:35,783 Oh, no. Oh, wow. 701 00:27:35,808 --> 00:27:37,765 [BOTH CONTINUE IMITATING FANFARE] 702 00:27:37,790 --> 00:27:39,487 [SIGHS] Guys. 703 00:27:39,512 --> 00:27:40,904 [CHUCKLES] 704 00:27:40,929 --> 00:27:42,856 Thank you so much. 705 00:27:43,317 --> 00:27:44,411 [CHUCKLES] 706 00:27:46,811 --> 00:27:49,167 You're not really gonna wear that thing. 707 00:27:49,192 --> 00:27:51,661 Oh, Morgan, can you just relax? 708 00:27:51,686 --> 00:27:54,085 "Just relax"? [SCOFFS] Wow. What a privileged concept. 709 00:27:54,110 --> 00:27:55,503 Yeah, I wish I could just relax, 710 00:27:55,528 --> 00:27:57,268 but unlike your horny, little fantasy camp, 711 00:27:57,293 --> 00:27:59,778 the real world has consequences for sexual harassment. 712 00:28:01,716 --> 00:28:04,763 Morgan's in the middle of a lawsuit against her ex-boss. 713 00:28:04,788 --> 00:28:08,083 Yeah, he groped her. A lot. 714 00:28:08,769 --> 00:28:11,276 Oh, my God. Morgan, I'm... I'm so sorry. 715 00:28:11,301 --> 00:28:13,005 - I had no idea. - Exactly. 716 00:28:13,271 --> 00:28:15,498 Exactly. You have no idea what anyone is going through, 717 00:28:15,523 --> 00:28:18,302 yet you're 100% convinced that all of this objectification 718 00:28:18,327 --> 00:28:21,417 and toxic masculinity is just for fun, okay? 719 00:28:21,442 --> 00:28:23,444 So, yeah, go win Wenchiest Wench for the patriarchy. 720 00:28:23,488 --> 00:28:25,286 - Or for losers like them. - Hey! 721 00:28:25,311 --> 00:28:27,989 What? They are part of the problem. Everyone here is. 722 00:28:28,014 --> 00:28:30,799 People like them, anyone who comes here, 723 00:28:30,824 --> 00:28:32,317 can say what works and what doesn't. 724 00:28:33,062 --> 00:28:34,755 I'm sorry it's upsetting to you. 725 00:28:34,967 --> 00:28:37,172 And I'm sorry about what you're going through, truly. 726 00:28:37,197 --> 00:28:38,565 But you can't take it out 727 00:28:38,590 --> 00:28:40,722 on good, kind people like Bo and Jenny, 728 00:28:40,747 --> 00:28:43,576 who are trying to just get away from the real world 729 00:28:43,601 --> 00:28:45,950 and find someplace where they feel like they can belong. 730 00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:49,476 So... 731 00:28:50,793 --> 00:28:53,560 If you don't like it here, then you should just leave. 732 00:28:58,697 --> 00:28:59,697 [SCOFFS] 733 00:29:00,696 --> 00:29:02,591 I don't even know who you are right now. 734 00:29:03,067 --> 00:29:05,005 God. What the hell am I gonna tell your mother? 735 00:29:05,674 --> 00:29:07,371 Why do you have to tell her anything? 736 00:29:10,433 --> 00:29:12,903 - Did she send you here? - It's... She... I... 737 00:29:12,928 --> 00:29:14,756 Would you guys have even come if she hadn't? 738 00:29:14,781 --> 00:29:16,124 - Yes. - Of course we would have. 739 00:29:16,149 --> 00:29:18,028 - She lent us her 'Cedes. - Oh, stop it. 740 00:29:19,021 --> 00:29:22,111 ♪♪ 741 00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:25,307 Listen, I... I love you, Amanda. 742 00:29:25,332 --> 00:29:27,731 I do. I really do, okay? 743 00:29:28,049 --> 00:29:29,192 But this? 744 00:29:30,163 --> 00:29:31,224 I can't. 745 00:29:32,996 --> 00:29:35,278 - Hello? - Okay. 746 00:29:36,448 --> 00:29:38,668 Look, you should totally bone that jouster. 747 00:29:38,693 --> 00:29:40,608 And if he's good, just give him my number. 748 00:29:40,633 --> 00:29:42,199 - Mm-hmm. - He reads bi. 749 00:29:42,224 --> 00:29:43,224 [CHUCKLES] 750 00:29:44,013 --> 00:29:45,669 I like dressing slutty. 751 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:47,646 Love you, Amanda. 752 00:29:49,635 --> 00:29:52,203 [MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE] 753 00:29:52,228 --> 00:29:54,317 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IN DISTANCE] 754 00:29:54,342 --> 00:29:58,868 ♪♪ 755 00:30:01,573 --> 00:30:04,932 [INDISTINCT] 756 00:30:04,957 --> 00:30:06,222 [SOBS] 757 00:30:06,247 --> 00:30:08,437 Should I text him? I should text him, right? 758 00:30:08,462 --> 00:30:10,469 Actually, I think it's time to move on. 759 00:30:10,494 --> 00:30:13,627 Oh, how wise. It is time to move on. 760 00:30:13,652 --> 00:30:16,053 No, it's time for us to move on 761 00:30:16,078 --> 00:30:17,819 to the next stop on the Pub Crawl. 762 00:30:17,844 --> 00:30:19,802 We paid 60 bucks for this. 763 00:30:19,827 --> 00:30:21,493 - Fine. - Bye. 764 00:30:21,518 --> 00:30:23,172 Fair thee well. 765 00:30:23,197 --> 00:30:24,720 Rest you merry. 766 00:30:24,745 --> 00:30:26,657 Mm... 767 00:30:29,056 --> 00:30:31,581 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. 768 00:30:31,852 --> 00:30:33,941 I think you've had enough, Your Highness. Let's trade. 769 00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:35,445 Ah, Lee. 770 00:30:35,470 --> 00:30:37,508 Lee, Lee. 771 00:30:37,709 --> 00:30:40,117 What is this life, huh? 772 00:30:40,843 --> 00:30:42,859 You and me know the truth, right? 773 00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:45,561 What's that, Maggie? 774 00:30:45,586 --> 00:30:48,094 The truth is that we're all alone. 775 00:30:48,868 --> 00:30:50,625 We'll always be alone. 776 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:52,767 God is dead. 777 00:31:00,006 --> 00:31:02,281 - Uh... - Mm? 778 00:31:04,618 --> 00:31:05,766 Maggie... 779 00:31:09,168 --> 00:31:11,474 I love you. Truly. 780 00:31:11,499 --> 00:31:13,633 I've always thought you were beautiful and dark 781 00:31:13,658 --> 00:31:15,703 and deliciously complicated. 782 00:31:16,548 --> 00:31:18,209 And hearing that you're lonely like me 783 00:31:18,234 --> 00:31:19,930 just makes me love you more. 784 00:31:21,605 --> 00:31:22,729 I think you're the perfect woman. 785 00:31:22,754 --> 00:31:24,103 And you're drunk right now, 786 00:31:24,128 --> 00:31:26,361 so I don't want this to get all rapey, but... 787 00:31:28,008 --> 00:31:30,445 I wish you were my girlfriend. 788 00:31:36,569 --> 00:31:37,657 [VOMITING] 789 00:31:37,682 --> 00:31:38,744 Oh! 790 00:31:43,924 --> 00:31:45,839 - [MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY] - Is she okay? 791 00:31:45,864 --> 00:31:47,604 Yeah, just very, very drunk. 792 00:31:47,629 --> 00:31:51,533 I have to go numbers 1, 2, and 3. 793 00:31:51,885 --> 00:31:54,087 - I'll take her from here. - Yep. 794 00:31:54,557 --> 00:31:56,822 - Do I look pretty? - Yes, dear. 795 00:31:57,287 --> 00:31:59,502 Would you believe me if I told you I was in my 30s? 796 00:31:59,527 --> 00:32:01,811 - Yes, dear. - Do you think Daniel Day-Lewis 797 00:32:01,836 --> 00:32:04,836 wore his Lincoln hat while he slept and showered? 798 00:32:04,861 --> 00:32:05,865 Yes, dear. 799 00:32:05,890 --> 00:32:07,370 You're my best friend. 800 00:32:07,395 --> 00:32:08,447 Yep. 801 00:32:11,672 --> 00:32:14,283 [GUITAR TUNING] 802 00:32:14,308 --> 00:32:18,007 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 803 00:32:18,032 --> 00:32:20,090 I know, I know... I'm drinking again. 804 00:32:20,115 --> 00:32:23,684 But if you would refrain from mentioning anything about that, 805 00:32:23,709 --> 00:32:25,536 that would be very much appreciated. 806 00:32:25,561 --> 00:32:27,283 Actually, I was going to say I'm impressed. 807 00:32:27,586 --> 00:32:29,360 Drinking discount cooler beer? 808 00:32:29,385 --> 00:32:30,735 Very un-city-lady of you. 809 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,110 So now you give me credit. 810 00:32:33,135 --> 00:32:34,744 Finally. 811 00:32:34,913 --> 00:32:36,587 [SIGHS] 812 00:32:37,978 --> 00:32:39,173 Tough day? 813 00:32:39,831 --> 00:32:42,485 My lady friends are a lot. 814 00:32:42,510 --> 00:32:44,487 - Spence or Brearley? - Spence? 815 00:32:44,512 --> 00:32:46,478 [BRITISH ACCENT] How very dare you? 816 00:32:46,986 --> 00:32:48,945 [NORMAL VOICE] Brearley. Wait, how did you know that? 817 00:32:48,970 --> 00:32:50,259 Oh, I'm from the city. 818 00:32:50,903 --> 00:32:52,644 Shut up! 819 00:32:52,669 --> 00:32:54,384 - What?! - You shut up. 820 00:32:54,546 --> 00:32:56,418 Wh-Where? Where are you from? 821 00:32:56,443 --> 00:32:57,780 Wait, no, let me guess, let me guess, 822 00:32:57,805 --> 00:33:00,242 let me guess. Okay, okay, okay. Mm... 823 00:33:00,267 --> 00:33:02,681 - Lower East Side, artist parents? - Unh-unh. No. 824 00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:04,178 Upper West Side, 825 00:33:04,203 --> 00:33:05,222 - journalist parents? - No. 826 00:33:05,247 --> 00:33:06,683 No? Okay. Uh... 827 00:33:06,708 --> 00:33:09,450 Greenpoint, Polish bakers? 828 00:33:09,475 --> 00:33:10,525 [IMITATES BUZZER] 829 00:33:11,079 --> 00:33:13,494 - Chelsea, two dads? - [LAUGHING] No. 830 00:33:13,519 --> 00:33:15,276 - Where are you from? - Hey, dude, why didn't you bid on me? 831 00:33:15,301 --> 00:33:17,564 Only one chick dressed like Shrek bid on me. 832 00:33:17,589 --> 00:33:19,330 - It was humiliating. - I'm sorry, man. 833 00:33:19,355 --> 00:33:21,661 But I'm sure that you're gonna make a very handsome couple. 834 00:33:21,686 --> 00:33:23,041 - [LAUGHS] - Well... 835 00:33:24,889 --> 00:33:26,517 You r-really hurt me today. 836 00:33:29,073 --> 00:33:31,858 Oh, man, he is a delicate flower. 837 00:33:31,883 --> 00:33:33,337 Your friends are a handful, too. 838 00:33:33,362 --> 00:33:34,842 Ah, he's just showing off. 839 00:33:34,867 --> 00:33:36,572 He likes to prove he has feelings. 840 00:33:37,549 --> 00:33:39,127 - Hey, you want another beer? - Uh-huh. 841 00:33:39,925 --> 00:33:41,673 The more discount, the better. 842 00:33:42,808 --> 00:33:44,505 I miss you in the hot tub, baby. 843 00:33:44,530 --> 00:33:46,595 Hot tub? Who's got a hot tub? 844 00:33:46,860 --> 00:33:48,513 It's hitched to Helen's bus. 845 00:33:48,538 --> 00:33:50,224 I heard she bought it off the tour manager 846 00:33:50,249 --> 00:33:51,517 for Country-Palooza. 847 00:33:52,077 --> 00:33:54,494 Your mom must be hella rich. 848 00:33:54,750 --> 00:33:56,752 [LAUGHTER, CHEERING IN DISTANCE] 849 00:33:56,777 --> 00:33:58,823 Alright, new rule, guys. You can only soak in the Jacuzzi 850 00:33:58,848 --> 00:34:01,150 if you're butt-ass naked. 851 00:34:01,267 --> 00:34:04,009 - Cool. - Ohh, about to get so naked. 852 00:34:04,034 --> 00:34:05,705 [BOTH LAUGHING] 853 00:34:06,719 --> 00:34:09,830 Indeed. Very cool. 854 00:34:10,443 --> 00:34:13,533 Yeah, that's all on you. That's you. Okay. 855 00:34:13,558 --> 00:34:15,162 DAVID: Damn, that's a lot of man titties. 856 00:34:15,187 --> 00:34:16,884 - That's cool. - Whoo! 857 00:34:16,909 --> 00:34:20,259 [ALL CHEERING, LAUGHING] 858 00:34:20,284 --> 00:34:21,821 HELEN: Are you farting? 859 00:34:21,846 --> 00:34:24,212 - Wine? - God, yes. 860 00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:27,994 Can't go wring with a Willamette Valley Pinot. 861 00:34:28,461 --> 00:34:31,768 [HELEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE] 862 00:34:31,793 --> 00:34:33,666 - Thank you. - Mm-hmm. Ah. 863 00:34:36,110 --> 00:34:37,459 [GLASSES CLINK] 864 00:34:40,596 --> 00:34:42,017 Mmm. 865 00:34:44,572 --> 00:34:46,933 What brings Shakespeare down to the Groundlings 866 00:34:46,958 --> 00:34:49,710 - without his Royal... - Do not say hag. 867 00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:52,765 - Not nice. - I was gonna say therapy dog. 868 00:34:53,965 --> 00:34:55,500 She's passed out. 869 00:34:55,579 --> 00:34:58,553 Got absolutely wasted on the Pub Crawl today. 870 00:34:58,578 --> 00:35:01,007 Oh, wow. That's... 871 00:35:01,553 --> 00:35:03,070 That's kind of amazing. 872 00:35:04,485 --> 00:35:06,648 She was not very helpful to me today 873 00:35:06,954 --> 00:35:08,195 as a friend. 874 00:35:08,827 --> 00:35:09,945 You okay? 875 00:35:21,285 --> 00:35:23,156 - There's a guy. - Mm? 876 00:35:23,181 --> 00:35:25,445 Juan Andrés. 877 00:35:25,997 --> 00:35:29,348 And I like him. 878 00:35:29,373 --> 00:35:31,071 Mm. You guys would be great together. 879 00:35:31,096 --> 00:35:32,406 What's the game plan? 880 00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,093 - The game plan? - Yeah, what's next steps? 881 00:35:35,358 --> 00:35:39,100 Well, I made a fool of myself in front of him twice today, 882 00:35:39,125 --> 00:35:40,648 so I think my next step 883 00:35:40,673 --> 00:35:43,217 is to dig a hole and go to sleep in it. 884 00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:45,469 Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. 885 00:35:45,494 --> 00:35:48,541 I fear that it really, really was. 886 00:35:48,566 --> 00:35:49,734 Oh. 887 00:35:52,345 --> 00:35:54,565 ♪♪ 888 00:35:54,590 --> 00:35:56,632 Then you got to go fix it. Mm? 889 00:35:57,752 --> 00:35:59,754 - Now? - Yes, now. 890 00:35:59,779 --> 00:36:03,046 We get so caught up in our own limitations, 891 00:36:03,438 --> 00:36:05,695 how we think we're supposed to be, 892 00:36:06,254 --> 00:36:07,995 how people want us to be, 893 00:36:08,020 --> 00:36:10,851 but this place is teaching me to live in the now. 894 00:36:11,539 --> 00:36:13,367 You got to be present. 895 00:36:13,392 --> 00:36:15,002 - Be in the now. - Yeah. 896 00:36:15,027 --> 00:36:16,289 - Yes! - Yes! 897 00:36:16,314 --> 00:36:17,843 You got to go get him! 898 00:36:18,397 --> 00:36:20,268 - Yes! - Yes. Go ask him out! 899 00:36:20,293 --> 00:36:21,476 Wow. 900 00:36:21,878 --> 00:36:23,039 Right. 901 00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:25,143 - Okay. Okay. - Uh-huh. 902 00:36:25,168 --> 00:36:26,691 [LAUGHS] 903 00:36:26,716 --> 00:36:27,978 - Go! - Wish me luck. 904 00:36:28,003 --> 00:36:30,070 G-Go get yours, Tiger. 905 00:36:30,365 --> 00:36:32,977 ♪♪ 906 00:36:33,002 --> 00:36:35,004 [SIGHS] 907 00:36:41,662 --> 00:36:46,046 ♪♪ 908 00:37:09,709 --> 00:37:10,709 Hi, there. 909 00:37:11,685 --> 00:37:13,081 Hello, Juan Andrés. 910 00:37:13,408 --> 00:37:15,367 I just came by to tell you 911 00:37:15,392 --> 00:37:19,831 that I'm really very sorry about today, 912 00:37:19,856 --> 00:37:23,991 and that the reason I was acting like such a jackass 913 00:37:24,016 --> 00:37:27,393 is that I, uh... 914 00:37:28,294 --> 00:37:29,846 I'd like to... 915 00:37:30,925 --> 00:37:32,463 be your friend. 916 00:37:34,125 --> 00:37:36,932 Would you maybe like to be my friend 917 00:37:36,957 --> 00:37:39,176 and hang out with me sometime? 918 00:37:41,498 --> 00:37:43,065 I'm watching "Seven Samurai." 919 00:37:43,408 --> 00:37:44,752 Want to join? 920 00:37:47,747 --> 00:37:48,747 Yes. 921 00:37:49,314 --> 00:37:50,445 Sure. 922 00:37:50,470 --> 00:37:52,031 I... Right now? 923 00:37:52,056 --> 00:37:54,101 - Yes. Now. - Okay. Yeah, I'm... I'm free. 924 00:37:54,126 --> 00:37:55,143 Yeah. 925 00:37:55,581 --> 00:37:56,682 Here you go. 926 00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:58,831 Oh. [CHUCKLES] 927 00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,368 Okay. 928 00:38:00,393 --> 00:38:01,623 Such a classic. 929 00:38:01,648 --> 00:38:03,433 Such a classic. 930 00:38:03,458 --> 00:38:05,088 I love classics. 931 00:38:05,810 --> 00:38:08,612 Toshiro Mifune. I like him even better in "Rashomon." 932 00:38:09,235 --> 00:38:10,497 - Oh, yes. - Yeah. 933 00:38:10,522 --> 00:38:11,963 Yes. 934 00:38:13,686 --> 00:38:16,065 Actually, I've never seen either. 935 00:38:16,515 --> 00:38:19,257 Are they, uh, good? [CHUCKLES] 936 00:38:19,282 --> 00:38:21,321 [CHUCKLES] So good. 937 00:38:21,346 --> 00:38:23,456 Akira Kurosawa? You'd dig him. 938 00:38:23,583 --> 00:38:25,368 "Throne of Blood" owes a ton to "Macbeth," 939 00:38:25,393 --> 00:38:28,251 and "Ran" is "King Lear," beat for beat. 940 00:38:28,276 --> 00:38:30,659 "King Lear's" my favorite. 941 00:38:30,684 --> 00:38:33,556 I'd do it at the faire, but it's not exactly a crowd pleaser. 942 00:38:33,581 --> 00:38:35,061 - Mm. - If I had a nickel 943 00:38:35,086 --> 00:38:36,957 for every time I had to perform, 944 00:38:36,982 --> 00:38:40,471 "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?" 945 00:38:40,691 --> 00:38:43,952 "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" 946 00:38:43,977 --> 00:38:45,659 [BOTH LAUGH] 947 00:38:45,684 --> 00:38:47,026 Of course, they all think that means, 948 00:38:47,051 --> 00:38:49,392 "Where are you, Romeo?" when it really means... 949 00:38:49,417 --> 00:38:51,182 - Why are you Romeo? - Why are you Romeo? 950 00:39:08,473 --> 00:39:09,473 Brian? 951 00:39:11,067 --> 00:39:12,143 Yes? 952 00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:14,760 I was so nervous around you today. 953 00:39:15,015 --> 00:39:16,198 [CHUCKLES] 954 00:39:17,010 --> 00:39:19,932 I was nervous around you. 955 00:39:19,957 --> 00:39:23,034 Every time I saw you, I got all weird and quiet. 956 00:39:23,583 --> 00:39:25,370 I didn't know what to say. 957 00:39:25,612 --> 00:39:28,692 Uh, I made a joke about Hitler. 958 00:39:28,717 --> 00:39:31,590 I mean, you kind of actually called me Hitler. 959 00:39:31,615 --> 00:39:35,010 [BOTH LAUGH] 960 00:39:35,035 --> 00:39:38,354 Well, I'm really happy that we're friends now. 961 00:39:40,599 --> 00:39:43,036 I have enough friends. 962 00:39:46,534 --> 00:39:52,096 ♪♪ 963 00:39:56,285 --> 00:39:58,635 [HORSE SNORTING] 964 00:39:58,660 --> 00:40:02,721 ♪♪ 965 00:40:22,057 --> 00:40:23,729 - Hey. - Hey. 966 00:40:29,129 --> 00:40:31,073 [GRUNTS, SIGHS] 967 00:40:32,844 --> 00:40:36,717 [ROOSTER CROWS] 968 00:40:36,742 --> 00:40:38,221 [SMOOCHES] 969 00:40:43,041 --> 00:40:44,694 That's right. 970 00:40:47,408 --> 00:40:50,933 So, I'm gonna go? 971 00:40:50,958 --> 00:40:53,127 Whatever. No pressure. 972 00:40:53,747 --> 00:40:55,010 [HORSE SNORTS] 973 00:40:55,651 --> 00:40:56,651 Yeah. 974 00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:58,549 No pressure. 975 00:41:01,767 --> 00:41:03,432 Living in the now. 976 00:41:04,248 --> 00:41:05,401 Hey, Ananda? 977 00:41:06,293 --> 00:41:08,627 It's Amanda. 978 00:41:10,428 --> 00:41:11,428 Nice fucking. 979 00:41:13,013 --> 00:41:15,604 Yeah. Nice fucking. 980 00:41:16,987 --> 00:41:18,042 Ooh. 981 00:41:18,067 --> 00:41:22,550 ♪♪ 982 00:41:23,397 --> 00:41:24,635 Ooh. 983 00:41:30,249 --> 00:41:33,339 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 984 00:41:33,364 --> 00:41:34,865 [CELLPHONE RINGING] 985 00:41:37,629 --> 00:41:38,975 [SIGHS] 986 00:41:39,343 --> 00:41:40,343 [CELLPHONE BEEPS] 987 00:41:41,008 --> 00:41:43,228 Mom, I know what you did. 988 00:41:43,253 --> 00:41:45,481 How could you send my friends? 989 00:41:45,506 --> 00:41:47,116 Seriously? Nice one. 990 00:41:47,141 --> 00:41:48,670 Amanda, it's Erin. 991 00:41:49,467 --> 00:41:52,357 Mom O.D.'d. Get your ass home. 992 00:41:52,732 --> 00:41:55,623 ♪♪ 993 00:41:55,790 --> 00:41:59,190 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 69404

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