All language subtitles for American.Princess.S01E04.720p.Web.REPACK.METCON.en
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,203 --> 00:00:05,421
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:05,617 --> 00:00:08,234
Previously on "American Princess"...
3
00:00:09,181 --> 00:00:11,990
We like our peripheral
employees to stay consistent
4
00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:14,191
with proper Elizabethan
as best they can.
5
00:00:14,216 --> 00:00:15,951
Huzzah for the tipper.
6
00:00:16,327 --> 00:00:17,343
We'll work on it.
7
00:00:17,368 --> 00:00:19,084
- [WOMEN SHRIEKING]
- Miss you, bitch.
8
00:00:19,109 --> 00:00:21,782
- How's rehab?
- Lexi, she's not in rehab.
9
00:00:21,807 --> 00:00:24,250
- That's just what we're saying.
- It's not Amanda's fault that
10
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,633
- that hooker bit off her own tongue.
- ERIN: It might be.
11
00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,528
HELEN: [LISPING] I know you think
I'm here to stab you to death,
12
00:00:28,553 --> 00:00:30,760
but the truth is, Amanda, we're square.
13
00:00:31,057 --> 00:00:32,228
My mom paid you off.
14
00:00:32,253 --> 00:00:34,564
Now I can travel
the circuit in a tour bus.
15
00:00:36,697 --> 00:00:41,956
♪♪
16
00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:45,197
AREOLA: Huzzah for the tipper!
17
00:00:45,222 --> 00:00:47,050
- Huzzah!
- Huzzah!
18
00:00:47,283 --> 00:00:49,635
♪ Huzzah for the tipper ♪
19
00:00:50,018 --> 00:00:52,074
It needs work. [SIGHS]
20
00:00:52,099 --> 00:00:54,532
[DIGNIFIED BRITISH ACCENT]
Blanchett, Cate Blanchett. No.
21
00:00:54,557 --> 00:00:56,016
[ROUGH COCKNEY ACCENT] Cate Blanchett.
22
00:00:56,059 --> 00:00:57,365
Pray thee. Pray... Pray thee.
23
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,401
Pray thee.
24
00:00:59,454 --> 00:01:00,846
Pray thee tell.
25
00:01:01,401 --> 00:01:02,596
[SIGHING] Oh.
26
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:05,534
Huzzah for the titties.
27
00:01:06,087 --> 00:01:08,979
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
28
00:01:09,004 --> 00:01:11,093
- [GASPS] Oh!
- Good morrow, dear cuz!
29
00:01:11,118 --> 00:01:14,462
- [SIGHS]
- Whoo! Oh, whoa. What's that?
30
00:01:14,487 --> 00:01:16,042
This is for Cyril.
31
00:01:16,688 --> 00:01:19,260
Cyril, I made you a scoby-thingy,
32
00:01:19,285 --> 00:01:21,073
and the kombucha is turning out great.
33
00:01:21,098 --> 00:01:23,448
I'd like to think it's because
I fermented it in the sun
34
00:01:23,473 --> 00:01:25,151
and not in horse shit.
35
00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,042
- Thanks?
- You're welcome.
36
00:01:29,021 --> 00:01:31,313
And this is pineapple juice,
for your cough.
37
00:01:31,338 --> 00:01:32,879
I know it was a little
better last night,
38
00:01:32,904 --> 00:01:35,602
but the natural bromelain in it
will nip it in the bud, I swear.
39
00:01:35,627 --> 00:01:38,673
You've totally embraced
the spirit of faire-mily!
40
00:01:38,753 --> 00:01:40,625
But I don't have a cough.
41
00:01:40,669 --> 00:01:42,323
Yes, you do.
42
00:01:42,348 --> 00:01:44,039
- You were up the last two nights.
- [BOY COUGHS]
43
00:01:44,064 --> 00:01:45,438
That was Lil Boy.
44
00:01:45,463 --> 00:01:46,526
Wh-What?
45
00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:49,065
This little boy slept
in our room last night?
46
00:01:49,098 --> 00:01:50,959
- Where else would he sleep?
- With his parents?
47
00:01:50,984 --> 00:01:52,706
[LAUGHING] I'm his parents!
48
00:01:53,337 --> 00:01:55,122
- You have a kid?
- You knew about him.
49
00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:57,497
I really truly very much did not.
50
00:01:57,599 --> 00:01:58,612
Really?
51
00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:01,393
Well, this is Lil Boy.
52
00:02:01,418 --> 00:02:03,188
Yes, I can see that he's a little boy.
53
00:02:03,213 --> 00:02:05,253
No, that's his name. Lil Boy.
54
00:02:05,278 --> 00:02:06,946
Until he's old enough
to choose his own name.
55
00:02:06,971 --> 00:02:08,938
- Fartbox!
- Okay, not old enough yet.
56
00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:10,188
Why don't you check
the fridge for Mommy?
57
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:11,424
This isn't quite cold enough.
58
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:15,356
He's been sleeping in
our room this whole time?
59
00:02:15,381 --> 00:02:17,818
Sometimes. Lulu home-schools
the faire brats,
60
00:02:17,843 --> 00:02:19,291
so a lot of times,
he crashes with her kids.
61
00:02:19,316 --> 00:02:21,029
Wait, hive parenting.
62
00:02:21,228 --> 00:02:23,598
I read about this
in Vanity Fair, I think.
63
00:02:23,623 --> 00:02:24,888
Or a Buzzfeed listicle.
64
00:02:24,913 --> 00:02:27,449
LIL BOY: One of the gasket
retainer screws is loose.
65
00:02:27,474 --> 00:02:29,545
I need Lee's Allen wrench.
66
00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:33,670
- Okay.
- He does seem skilled.
67
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,177
Certainly better here with me
68
00:02:35,202 --> 00:02:37,073
than back home with my crazy parents.
69
00:02:37,098 --> 00:02:38,857
Your parents are strict, too, huh?
70
00:02:39,215 --> 00:02:42,053
My mom made me take French and Mandarin.
71
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:44,646
Merci for nothing, Chairman Mao.
72
00:02:45,162 --> 00:02:46,920
Evangelical Christians.
73
00:02:46,945 --> 00:02:48,668
I wasn't even allowed to read
"The Giving Tree"
74
00:02:48,693 --> 00:02:51,302
when I was a kid, because
"If it can give you an apple,
75
00:02:51,327 --> 00:02:53,263
it can touch you
in your bathing suit area."
76
00:02:53,288 --> 00:02:54,338
Wow.
77
00:02:54,363 --> 00:02:56,938
Yeah, this is a much better
place for him. And you.
78
00:02:56,963 --> 00:02:58,658
And all of us!
79
00:02:59,337 --> 00:03:01,080
- Boobs look great.
- Thanks, babe.
80
00:03:03,302 --> 00:03:05,250
It'll hold like this for a bit,
81
00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:07,399
but the gasket needs to be replaced.
82
00:03:07,456 --> 00:03:09,135
Will do. Thanks, kiddo.
83
00:03:09,636 --> 00:03:12,291
All right. Three Wet-Naps,
two matchbooks,
84
00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,033
and some toothpicks.
85
00:03:14,058 --> 00:03:15,885
Pleasure doing business with you.
86
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:18,916
- You, too, Fartbox.
- Unh-unh. Not Fartbox.
87
00:03:19,034 --> 00:03:20,127
Good advice, man.
88
00:03:20,152 --> 00:03:22,135
Adding more plant-based
proteins to my diet.
89
00:03:22,306 --> 00:03:24,530
And I'll keep in mind
the spirit of the turkey.
90
00:03:24,555 --> 00:03:26,557
[BOTH LAUGH]
91
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:27,955
You coming around, baby.
92
00:03:29,368 --> 00:03:32,400
Ah. The showers are all taken?
93
00:03:32,425 --> 00:03:34,078
[WATER RUNNING]
94
00:03:34,609 --> 00:03:35,609
Yep.
95
00:03:36,769 --> 00:03:37,971
Hey!
96
00:03:38,308 --> 00:03:39,986
Same body wash.
97
00:03:41,126 --> 00:03:42,548
Got to love that Mountain Mist.
98
00:03:42,573 --> 00:03:44,017
Great minds.
99
00:03:45,707 --> 00:03:47,771
Then again, we do differ in our choices
100
00:03:47,796 --> 00:03:50,353
of toothpaste flavor.
101
00:03:50,755 --> 00:03:53,541
What kind of person uses wintergreen?
102
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:54,666
[CHUCKLES]
103
00:03:55,813 --> 00:03:57,650
What can I say? I'm a wintergreen guy.
104
00:03:57,675 --> 00:04:01,189
Well, I also heard that wintergreen
105
00:04:01,462 --> 00:04:02,916
was the flavor...
106
00:04:04,726 --> 00:04:05,986
used by Hitler.
107
00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:08,405
♪♪
108
00:04:08,430 --> 00:04:09,635
[CLEARS THROAT]
109
00:04:10,179 --> 00:04:15,439
♪♪
110
00:04:15,930 --> 00:04:18,106
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
111
00:04:18,521 --> 00:04:20,108
[ETHEREAL NEW-AGE MUSIC PLAYING]
112
00:04:20,133 --> 00:04:21,555
Good morrow, Your Majesty.
113
00:04:21,580 --> 00:04:22,642
You're late.
114
00:04:23,005 --> 00:04:24,398
You missed the Stanislavski warm-up.
115
00:04:24,423 --> 00:04:25,511
Jumping right into mirror.
116
00:04:25,536 --> 00:04:26,760
Thank you, mirror.
117
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,620
♪♪
118
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:32,383
Apologies for being late, but I just had
119
00:04:32,408 --> 00:04:35,314
a rather awkward incident.
120
00:04:35,824 --> 00:04:38,049
I ran into Juan Andrés,
121
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,862
you know, the man I sort of like,
122
00:04:43,007 --> 00:04:44,401
in the restroom.
123
00:04:45,332 --> 00:04:47,244
We were in line for the showers.
124
00:04:47,378 --> 00:04:50,007
I, you know, thought
I'd strike up a conversation,
125
00:04:50,032 --> 00:04:53,042
but it went poorly.
126
00:04:53,067 --> 00:04:55,534
Five, six, seven, eight.
127
00:04:56,768 --> 00:04:59,704
I made a very bad joke... about Hitler.
128
00:04:59,737 --> 00:05:00,712
- Zip.
- Zap.
129
00:05:00,737 --> 00:05:01,366
- Zop.
- Zip.
130
00:05:01,391 --> 00:05:02,245
- Zap.
- Zop.
131
00:05:03,315 --> 00:05:04,760
I'm sure it was fine.
132
00:05:05,501 --> 00:05:07,026
And lift.
133
00:05:08,064 --> 00:05:09,940
- And scene.
- And scene.
134
00:05:10,313 --> 00:05:12,185
♪♪
135
00:05:12,210 --> 00:05:14,456
How do I show him that I like him?
136
00:05:15,013 --> 00:05:16,251
Invite him over for a Hefeweizen
137
00:05:16,276 --> 00:05:17,745
and a light chapter of "Mein Kampf."
138
00:05:17,770 --> 00:05:18,776
[CHUCKLES]
139
00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:21,120
Really, Maggie, I need your help.
140
00:05:21,145 --> 00:05:23,432
Oh, good God, you're obsessed.
141
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,328
What's his profession? Janitor?
142
00:05:25,353 --> 00:05:27,964
He sells handmade wares.
143
00:05:27,989 --> 00:05:30,190
Then show an interest
in his art or something.
144
00:05:30,792 --> 00:05:31,860
What time is it, anyway?
145
00:05:31,885 --> 00:05:33,823
I need to Nair my widow's
peak before breakfast.
146
00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:36,078
I'm starting to look like Count Chocula.
147
00:05:36,122 --> 00:05:37,862
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
148
00:05:37,887 --> 00:05:39,541
All right, everybody, listen up.
149
00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:41,518
We got a couple things on the agenda.
150
00:05:41,543 --> 00:05:45,837
There will be no more 25% employee
discount on meals purchased
151
00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,189
- on the grounds during Faire Days.
- What?
152
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,666
- Lee!
- What?
153
00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:50,328
Ticket sales dropped opening weekend.
154
00:05:50,353 --> 00:05:51,789
We got to pick up the slack.
155
00:05:51,814 --> 00:05:53,381
So eat less, and it won't affect you.
156
00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:55,323
I can survive on a cup
of raw spinach a day.
157
00:05:55,348 --> 00:05:58,031
Okay, moving on.
Uh, the Queen's Royal Tea
158
00:05:58,056 --> 00:06:00,995
will now become
the Queen's Royal Pub Crawl.
159
00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:03,588
- WOMAN: Oh!
- Profit margins are higher with booze.
160
00:06:03,613 --> 00:06:07,084
And, uh, Callie,
no more nip slips at the joust.
161
00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:09,026
We had some complaints from the parents.
162
00:06:09,157 --> 00:06:11,501
Actually, no, just the moms.
The dads were fine with it.
163
00:06:11,526 --> 00:06:13,071
Free the nipple!
164
00:06:13,096 --> 00:06:14,358
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
165
00:06:14,383 --> 00:06:15,471
Nips!
166
00:06:16,814 --> 00:06:18,753
No more moms!
167
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:20,619
All right, let's take
this energy outside
168
00:06:20,644 --> 00:06:22,690
and show these people
what the faire is about.
169
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,761
Now, how about three
cheers for the faire?
170
00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:26,495
- Hip hip...
- Huzzah.
171
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,652
- Hip hip...
- Huzzah.
172
00:06:28,677 --> 00:06:31,214
- Hip hip...
- Huzzah!
173
00:06:31,750 --> 00:06:34,120
Come on, guys! Let's do it!
174
00:06:34,615 --> 00:06:36,356
- Come on, come on, get up.
- Yeah!
175
00:06:36,381 --> 00:06:38,253
- All right, everybody.
- Let's go, freaks!
176
00:06:38,278 --> 00:06:39,932
MAN: All right, everybody,
177
00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:42,438
let's go out there and make some money!
178
00:06:42,463 --> 00:06:44,595
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Oh, God.
179
00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:47,429
- Yes, Maggie?
- The Queen's Tea is a tradition.
180
00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:49,586
I've led it every Faire
Day here since taking on
181
00:06:49,611 --> 00:06:50,870
- the role of Elizabeth.
- Uh-huh.
182
00:06:50,895 --> 00:06:53,739
The little girls sit and
converse with the Queen.
183
00:06:53,764 --> 00:06:56,104
It is vital to show them how
upper-class women behave.
184
00:06:56,129 --> 00:06:59,100
I'm sorry, but we got to pick
up cash wherever we can find it.
185
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:01,729
I will not besmirch the
legacy of the great Queen
186
00:07:01,754 --> 00:07:04,315
simply to put a couple of
extra shekels in your pocket.
187
00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:08,107
I figured you'd say that,
so I am prepared.
188
00:07:08,132 --> 00:07:09,799
"It is said that Elizabeth I
189
00:07:09,824 --> 00:07:12,787
drank at least two pints
of ale every day.
190
00:07:12,812 --> 00:07:15,457
In 1593, the royal
household went through
191
00:07:15,482 --> 00:07:18,354
approximately 600,000 gallons of ale,"
192
00:07:18,379 --> 00:07:19,681
signed the Internet.
193
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,167
The Queen drank beer, yes,
194
00:07:21,192 --> 00:07:23,508
but in the refined company
of her ladies-in-waiting.
195
00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:25,753
She never rubbed elbows with
drunken bachelor parties,
196
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,363
nor hairy men in ironic t-shirts.
197
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:30,714
Your ladies-in-waiting
will be there with you,
198
00:07:30,739 --> 00:07:33,699
so it will be completely
historically accurate.
199
00:07:33,845 --> 00:07:36,519
Just think of it like
a royal girls' night out.
200
00:07:36,544 --> 00:07:37,980
I don't believe in girlfriends.
201
00:07:38,113 --> 00:07:39,456
Bitches be haters.
202
00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:41,644
All done?
203
00:07:42,509 --> 00:07:45,661
Why, thank thee, fine sir.
204
00:07:45,686 --> 00:07:47,706
WOMAN: I should get
a dress like that, right?
205
00:07:49,342 --> 00:07:51,284
Your pitcher, m'lords.
206
00:07:51,605 --> 00:07:53,520
Thank you, m'lady. A tip for you.
207
00:07:53,545 --> 00:07:55,061
Just the tip?
208
00:07:55,086 --> 00:07:56,784
Frankly, sir, I'd prefer the whole hog.
209
00:07:56,809 --> 00:07:59,247
- [LAUGHS]
- Oh!
210
00:07:59,272 --> 00:08:01,459
- Hey, Amanda.
- No more free beer, Friar.
211
00:08:01,484 --> 00:08:03,574
- Lee would have my head.
- I'm not here for the booze.
212
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,963
Ophelia, the empty kegs got to move.
213
00:08:05,988 --> 00:08:07,980
On it. Friar!
214
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:09,989
- Listen, can you do me a favor?
- Is it sexual?
215
00:08:10,014 --> 00:08:12,050
Because geriatric alcoholics
aren't really my type.
216
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,097
No, no, no, what? Listen,
217
00:08:13,122 --> 00:08:14,212
Natasha usually does my show
218
00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:16,412
at 4:00, but she... she got
a ribbon burn on the May pole,
219
00:08:16,437 --> 00:08:18,027
and now she needs to ice her palms.
220
00:08:18,052 --> 00:08:19,925
- So can you fill in?
- Okay, okay, fine, I'll do it.
221
00:08:19,950 --> 00:08:21,831
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- If you move, please.
222
00:08:21,856 --> 00:08:22,870
All right. Thanks.
223
00:08:24,699 --> 00:08:26,784
Oh, nice muscles.
224
00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:30,549
Duh. I'm in wedding shape,
which is scientifically proven
225
00:08:30,574 --> 00:08:33,019
to be the hottest moment
of any woman's life.
226
00:08:33,044 --> 00:08:35,566
SoulCycle and kettle bells.
Plus, I cut out grains.
227
00:08:36,831 --> 00:08:38,260
Such a city lady.
228
00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,019
- Hey!
- Uh, you are.
229
00:08:40,044 --> 00:08:41,777
It's okay, but you are.
230
00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,720
Hmm. Well, could a city lady do this?
231
00:08:44,745 --> 00:08:47,745
I can smell your French
disease from here.
232
00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:49,551
Back across the channel
233
00:08:49,576 --> 00:08:52,361
- with you, pagans!
- Hey! Oh, fie, Puritan!
234
00:08:52,386 --> 00:08:55,606
Go jack your beanstalk
onto a communion wafer.
235
00:08:55,631 --> 00:08:57,894
- [CHUCKLES]
- It'll release some frustration.
236
00:09:01,756 --> 00:09:04,522
You know, the high fives were
a little bit anachronistic,
237
00:09:04,547 --> 00:09:05,983
but, I mean, you're getting there.
238
00:09:06,008 --> 00:09:07,777
You'll blend in, eventually.
239
00:09:08,812 --> 00:09:11,137
I'm blending in just fine.
240
00:09:11,162 --> 00:09:15,371
♪♪
241
00:09:15,396 --> 00:09:17,702
All done? Aye.
242
00:09:17,727 --> 00:09:21,134
Patrons, pay attention,
for this man has given me
243
00:09:21,159 --> 00:09:24,107
what every woman desires... Multiples!
244
00:09:24,132 --> 00:09:25,481
[LAUGHTER]
245
00:09:25,506 --> 00:09:27,203
Huzzah for the tipper!
246
00:09:27,228 --> 00:09:28,839
- Huzzah!
- Huzzah!
247
00:09:28,864 --> 00:09:31,867
[LAUGHTER FADES]
248
00:09:31,892 --> 00:09:34,552
♪ Yo, clock in when the mood strikes ♪
249
00:09:34,577 --> 00:09:37,537
♪ I do what a boss likes,
slowpokes, they look twice ♪
250
00:09:37,562 --> 00:09:40,173
♪ Cold... I'm a Klondike...
boys get curved tough ♪
251
00:09:40,198 --> 00:09:41,852
- No. Way.
- ♪ When a girl gang, gang roll up ♪
252
00:09:41,877 --> 00:09:43,300
♪ Make a beeline for the green room ♪
253
00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:44,988
♪ I get money to show up ♪
254
00:09:45,013 --> 00:09:46,434
♪ Break, break, break, break ♪
255
00:09:46,459 --> 00:09:47,714
Ugh.
256
00:09:49,262 --> 00:09:50,481
- Ew.
- Ew.
257
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:51,594
Ew.
258
00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:55,163
Oh, my God.
259
00:09:55,188 --> 00:09:58,495
- Hi!
- Hi!
260
00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:00,210
Wow.
261
00:10:00,235 --> 00:10:01,381
- You guys!
- This.
262
00:10:01,405 --> 00:10:02,580
What are you doing here?
263
00:10:02,605 --> 00:10:04,128
- We came to check on you, babe.
- I mean, did you think
264
00:10:04,153 --> 00:10:05,782
we forgot about you?
265
00:10:05,826 --> 00:10:07,218
Oh, kind of.
266
00:10:07,243 --> 00:10:09,282
- No.
- You guys!
267
00:10:09,307 --> 00:10:10,632
Uh, c-come sit down?
268
00:10:10,657 --> 00:10:12,456
- Yeah. Let's go.
- Okay.
269
00:10:15,618 --> 00:10:18,335
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
270
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,841
Two secs, you guys.
I am dying to catch up.
271
00:10:20,866 --> 00:10:22,277
Yeah. Okay.
272
00:10:22,302 --> 00:10:24,081
What in the dorky hell
has gotten into her?
273
00:10:24,105 --> 00:10:25,759
It's like she's been
kidnapped by those drum circle
274
00:10:25,784 --> 00:10:27,090
mole people in Union Square.
275
00:10:27,115 --> 00:10:28,911
- Uh-huh.
- Those titties, though.
276
00:10:28,936 --> 00:10:31,068
Yes, girl, those titties.
277
00:10:31,093 --> 00:10:33,274
Lexi, can you actually
stop calling me "girl"?
278
00:10:33,406 --> 00:10:34,570
It's starting to feel minimizing.
279
00:10:34,595 --> 00:10:36,440
Oh, my God. I would never,
ever want you to feel that.
280
00:10:36,465 --> 00:10:38,660
- I'm so sorry.
- It's okay. It's okay.
281
00:10:38,685 --> 00:10:40,052
I'm mean, I'm just really grateful
282
00:10:40,077 --> 00:10:41,836
that I could share my truth with you.
283
00:10:41,992 --> 00:10:44,328
- Love you, bitch.
- Love you, too, bitch. Mwah.
284
00:10:44,752 --> 00:10:47,233
- Sangria. On me.
- Ooh. Thanks, sweetie.
285
00:10:47,258 --> 00:10:48,686
So, is this, like, your jobjob, or...?
286
00:10:48,711 --> 00:10:49,985
I mean, it's part of it.
287
00:10:50,227 --> 00:10:52,064
Basically, we're all sort of performers
288
00:10:52,089 --> 00:10:53,485
in a larger production.
289
00:10:53,831 --> 00:10:56,766
We all live communally,
so it's kind of like a kibbutz.
290
00:10:56,791 --> 00:10:58,244
It seems more like Rajneeshpuram.
291
00:10:58,269 --> 00:10:59,420
- Yeah.
- Ma Anand Sheela
292
00:10:59,445 --> 00:11:00,968
- is a feminist icon.
- Tea.
293
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,062
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
294
00:11:02,087 --> 00:11:03,087
- Yes!
- Cheers.
295
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:04,133
Oh, no.
296
00:11:04,410 --> 00:11:06,194
So, what's news with you guys?
297
00:11:06,219 --> 00:11:08,037
Um, well, Nick hit 10k on Instagram.
298
00:11:08,062 --> 00:11:10,779
And Rachel Zoe retweeted me.
299
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,485
Yeah, and Lexi's on
a new antidepressant.
300
00:11:13,023 --> 00:11:15,131
So, and then, with me, you know,
work is work, same thing.
301
00:11:15,156 --> 00:11:17,194
80 hours a week,
Postmates for every meal,
302
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:18,320
totally worth it.
303
00:11:19,290 --> 00:11:20,914
- That's amazing, you guys.
- Yeah.
304
00:11:21,828 --> 00:11:23,469
God, you look so cute,
by the way, Amanda.
305
00:11:23,494 --> 00:11:26,229
I mean, you are really serving,
like, pure Coachella realness.
306
00:11:26,254 --> 00:11:27,342
- Yeah, you do.
- Honestly, you guys,
307
00:11:27,385 --> 00:11:29,242
I feel amazing.
308
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,782
♪♪
309
00:11:32,807 --> 00:11:34,373
Wow. [CHUCKLES]
310
00:11:34,398 --> 00:11:36,586
It's just such a shock seeing you here.
311
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,483
Faire virgins. I hope your first time
doesn't hurt too much.
312
00:11:39,508 --> 00:11:40,852
Hon, look, we're not here to judge.
313
00:11:40,877 --> 00:11:42,102
I mean, with everything
you've been through,
314
00:11:42,127 --> 00:11:43,159
it makes sense that you would run off
315
00:11:43,184 --> 00:11:45,273
and do something... different,
316
00:11:45,298 --> 00:11:46,822
um, as you recover from the stress.
317
00:11:46,847 --> 00:11:48,320
- And humiliation.
- Yeah.
318
00:11:48,608 --> 00:11:49,827
LEXI: And we're also here to check
319
00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:51,550
that you aren't totally mentally ill.
320
00:11:51,575 --> 00:11:53,212
Lexi, that was car talk.
321
00:11:53,237 --> 00:11:55,016
- We told you.
- Like four times.
322
00:11:55,196 --> 00:11:57,141
[LAUGHS] Sorry. It's the new meds.
323
00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:58,469
Oh, my God.
324
00:11:59,809 --> 00:12:02,875
Tankards and flagons and jugs for sale.
325
00:12:03,249 --> 00:12:05,991
You won't find a better
pair of jugs, milady.
326
00:12:06,097 --> 00:12:07,836
And make sure you tell your friends.
327
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,340
Fill it to the top with mead,
328
00:12:09,365 --> 00:12:11,039
and you'll need a carriage ride home!
329
00:12:12,447 --> 00:12:14,031
Well met, Juan Andrés.
330
00:12:14,625 --> 00:12:16,164
Uh, hi.
331
00:12:17,724 --> 00:12:19,531
Come, get your flagons!
332
00:12:19,699 --> 00:12:22,406
My, what beautiful wares.
333
00:12:23,102 --> 00:12:25,195
What are these made of?
334
00:12:26,637 --> 00:12:27,899
Cow horns.
335
00:12:27,924 --> 00:12:30,391
Makes sense. Aah.
336
00:12:30,753 --> 00:12:32,538
Flagons, tankards, milady.
337
00:12:32,563 --> 00:12:34,688
Oh! And pray tell,
338
00:12:35,105 --> 00:12:37,978
what about this, uh, gorgeous
339
00:12:38,003 --> 00:12:40,633
suede-like canteen?
340
00:12:41,634 --> 00:12:43,331
Suede.
341
00:12:43,374 --> 00:12:44,941
Suede?
342
00:12:44,985 --> 00:12:47,030
Suede.
343
00:12:47,074 --> 00:12:48,728
- Milady.
- Milord.
344
00:12:48,771 --> 00:12:52,035
Tankards and flagons and jugs for sale!
345
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:55,833
Oh, this... Now, this is so lovely.
346
00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:59,441
I can imagine pouring myself
a Montepulciano, or...
347
00:12:59,466 --> 00:13:02,524
some other Old World
red in one of these.
348
00:13:02,549 --> 00:13:05,334
Are you, mayhaps, also a wine-drink...
349
00:13:05,359 --> 00:13:06,752
- [CERAMIC SHATTERS]
- Oh.
350
00:13:06,777 --> 00:13:08,810
Oh, fie.
351
00:13:08,835 --> 00:13:10,619
I-I-I am so sorry.
352
00:13:10,644 --> 00:13:12,297
I-I will pay for all of these.
353
00:13:12,322 --> 00:13:14,106
It's okay. I make these myself,
354
00:13:14,131 --> 00:13:16,232
so it's just lost time.
355
00:13:17,713 --> 00:13:20,490
You make all these
ceramic mugs yourself?
356
00:13:20,629 --> 00:13:21,629
Out of...
357
00:13:22,892 --> 00:13:23,892
Clay.
358
00:13:25,286 --> 00:13:26,286
Clay.
359
00:13:27,405 --> 00:13:29,458
Welcome, my countrymen,
360
00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,876
to the Queen's... Pub Crawl.
361
00:13:31,901 --> 00:13:34,425
As you toast the monarchy,
you may approach
362
00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:36,489
and ask any questions you'd like
363
00:13:36,514 --> 00:13:39,169
about our daily lives in the court.
364
00:13:39,788 --> 00:13:42,365
Is it true you guys,
like, never took showers?
365
00:13:42,390 --> 00:13:44,154
Did the Queen have to poop in a bucket?
366
00:13:44,179 --> 00:13:46,108
- [LAUGHTER]
- Please, let us keep the questions
367
00:13:46,133 --> 00:13:48,222
related to our courtly life.
368
00:13:48,247 --> 00:13:51,374
For instance, can you guess
how many ladies-in-waiting
369
00:13:51,399 --> 00:13:53,818
I did host in my time as queen?
370
00:13:54,377 --> 00:13:56,118
- 69!
- 69!
371
00:13:56,143 --> 00:13:58,872
[LAUGHTER]
372
00:13:58,897 --> 00:14:01,117
Ah, hear ye, hear ye.
373
00:14:01,142 --> 00:14:04,493
Uh, the Queen commands that
whomever can consume their beer
374
00:14:04,518 --> 00:14:07,433
with the most haste shall
be made lady-in-waiting
375
00:14:07,458 --> 00:14:08,590
- for the day.
- Wow.
376
00:14:08,634 --> 00:14:10,070
And you can be a guy.
377
00:14:10,113 --> 00:14:12,420
Or however you may identify.
378
00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:14,709
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
379
00:14:14,734 --> 00:14:17,607
Yes, what a civilized idea.
380
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:19,990
On my count, drink.
381
00:14:20,297 --> 00:14:23,060
One, two, three.
382
00:14:26,408 --> 00:14:28,497
- Yeah!
- Yes!
383
00:14:28,522 --> 00:14:30,437
- Oh!
- Whoo-hoo!
384
00:14:30,462 --> 00:14:33,372
I suppose I must declare a tie
385
00:14:33,397 --> 00:14:36,487
between these two, um, spirited wenches.
386
00:14:36,512 --> 00:14:39,167
- Um, please, join my court.
- Yes!
387
00:14:39,192 --> 00:14:41,175
- Sweet!
- And as our first duty
388
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,799
on the Queen's court, we're doing shots.
389
00:14:43,824 --> 00:14:45,080
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
390
00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:46,425
No, no, no, I shan't.
391
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,083
Chug it, your horniness.
392
00:14:48,108 --> 00:14:49,544
- Chug it, your horniness.
- Chug it, your horniness.
393
00:14:49,587 --> 00:14:51,154
ALL: [CHANTING] Chug it, your horniness.
394
00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:54,182
The Queen drank. And shots cost extra.
395
00:14:54,207 --> 00:14:56,332
Come on. What would Daniel Day-Lewis do?
396
00:14:56,357 --> 00:14:57,521
He'd retire.
397
00:14:57,770 --> 00:14:59,336
- Chug it, your horniness!
- Chug it, your horniness!
398
00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:01,145
- Chug it, your horniness!
- Chug it, your horniness!
399
00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:03,651
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
400
00:15:03,676 --> 00:15:07,396
♪♪
401
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,458
I shall get some more.
402
00:15:14,221 --> 00:15:15,561
I feel like this is my new summer drink.
403
00:15:15,586 --> 00:15:17,242
- Morgan.
- It's honestly, like, disgusting.
404
00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:18,811
- Oh, my God.
- It's di... Uh...
405
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,224
Oh, my God.
406
00:15:21,249 --> 00:15:23,280
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
407
00:15:23,305 --> 00:15:26,044
Okay, who are those shiny people?
408
00:15:26,069 --> 00:15:27,339
They're my friends from home.
409
00:15:27,364 --> 00:15:29,740
Oh, my gosh! Fun! I'll go
spray 'em with bubble water.
410
00:15:29,765 --> 00:15:30,765
No!
411
00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:32,966
They're not those kind of people.
412
00:15:33,153 --> 00:15:35,416
- I'm actually really nervous?
- How come?
413
00:15:35,441 --> 00:15:37,356
It's the whole mixing-worlds thing.
414
00:15:37,381 --> 00:15:39,115
You know when you
introduce your yoga friends
415
00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:40,222
to your Pilates friends,
416
00:15:40,247 --> 00:15:42,022
and the vibe is just super different?
417
00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:43,936
[SIGHS]
418
00:15:45,687 --> 00:15:47,265
I need for them to like it.
419
00:15:47,290 --> 00:15:50,206
Oh, they're like you were
three weeks ago...
420
00:15:50,231 --> 00:15:53,888
A newborn baby possum,
blind and small-headed.
421
00:15:53,913 --> 00:15:56,611
But then you grew up
to be a warm, smushy,
422
00:15:56,636 --> 00:15:58,866
sighted woodland creature.
423
00:15:59,429 --> 00:16:00,624
This pertains how?
424
00:16:00,649 --> 00:16:02,592
Show them the faire through your eyes.
425
00:16:02,617 --> 00:16:03,811
Then they'll be sold.
426
00:16:03,836 --> 00:16:05,343
I vote more alcohol.
427
00:16:05,533 --> 00:16:07,513
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Good idea.
428
00:16:07,538 --> 00:16:08,538
Yeah.
429
00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,983
I feel like we've been
here for 500 hours.
430
00:16:12,956 --> 00:16:14,505
- More sangria?
- [GASPS] Yes, please.
431
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,214
- Yes, Mom.
- Fun, right?
432
00:16:16,239 --> 00:16:18,968
I mean, yeah, if by "fun,"
you mean super offensive.
433
00:16:19,095 --> 00:16:20,131
- Thank you.
- What is with all
434
00:16:20,156 --> 00:16:22,307
the horny nerd humor?
It's like, I feel like
435
00:16:22,332 --> 00:16:23,757
the only girl in, like,
a Fortnite chat room.
436
00:16:23,782 --> 00:16:25,746
Oh, come on. It's 1585.
437
00:16:25,771 --> 00:16:27,033
Things were different back then.
438
00:16:27,058 --> 00:16:28,618
Um, well, but it's not back then.
439
00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:30,538
It's now pretending to be back then.
440
00:16:30,563 --> 00:16:33,218
Actually, it's a super
empowering place for women.
441
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:36,191
It's super inclusive and
non-judgey and body positive.
442
00:16:36,216 --> 00:16:38,522
- Like the Trevor Project.
- No.
443
00:16:38,653 --> 00:16:39,976
Fine wenches,
444
00:16:40,976 --> 00:16:43,640
you all look delicious.
445
00:16:43,689 --> 00:16:46,854
I wish I could give each of
you a long, steady ride
446
00:16:46,879 --> 00:16:48,147
on my horse.
447
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,535
- A rose, milady?
- From you? God, no.
448
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,649
I'd literally rather get a
rose from Arie Luyendyk...
449
00:16:53,674 --> 00:16:55,929
ALL: The most hated
Bachelor of all time.
450
00:16:55,954 --> 00:16:58,783
[LIVELY FOLK MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE]
451
00:16:59,181 --> 00:17:01,444
- But you should take...
- I'll take a flower, sir.
452
00:17:01,652 --> 00:17:05,577
♪♪
453
00:17:06,881 --> 00:17:08,186
[ALL GASP]
454
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:09,865
Oh!
455
00:17:10,511 --> 00:17:12,861
[ALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
456
00:17:12,886 --> 00:17:15,192
♪♪
457
00:17:15,255 --> 00:17:16,929
[ALL GASP]
458
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:18,483
MORGAN: Ugh.
459
00:17:19,651 --> 00:17:21,757
Meet me at the joust at 2:00 and 30.
460
00:17:22,635 --> 00:17:24,280
I'll ride for thine honor.
461
00:17:24,699 --> 00:17:26,092
[MUSIC STOPS, APPLAUSE IN DISTANCE]
462
00:17:26,117 --> 00:17:27,466
[NICK WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
463
00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:29,624
LEXI: It's so hot. [SIGHS]
464
00:17:29,983 --> 00:17:31,311
Lexi, what just happened to me?
465
00:17:32,054 --> 00:17:34,179
Amanda, you were just assaulted.
466
00:17:34,641 --> 00:17:35,685
Totally.
467
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,146
I feel triggered.
468
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,365
I'm fine. Like I said,
469
00:17:39,390 --> 00:17:41,212
things are different here.
470
00:17:41,237 --> 00:17:43,718
There's a familiar vibe
between performers.
471
00:17:43,743 --> 00:17:45,835
He just made out with your neck.
Do you even know him?
472
00:17:45,860 --> 00:17:47,718
Yeah, I've seen him around.
He's like a jouster.
473
00:17:47,852 --> 00:17:49,288
Like from "A Knight's Tale"?
474
00:17:49,494 --> 00:17:51,440
- Heath Ledger was my sexual awakening.
- Oh, my God.
475
00:17:51,465 --> 00:17:53,162
- Oh, my God. Me, too.
- Hashtag "MeToo."
476
00:17:53,187 --> 00:17:54,530
Stop it! That is not a joke!
477
00:17:54,555 --> 00:17:56,038
Ow. [SNICKERING]
478
00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:59,411
Amanda, this is your workplace, okay?
479
00:17:59,436 --> 00:18:00,554
You need to stand up for consent.
480
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:03,349
Okay, okay, fine,
but can we just take a beat
481
00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:05,174
and appreciate this faire?
482
00:18:05,199 --> 00:18:07,476
It's super fun, I swear.
483
00:18:08,862 --> 00:18:09,862
Hmm.
484
00:18:10,092 --> 00:18:11,485
[SINGSONG VOICE] There's shopping!
485
00:18:11,510 --> 00:18:13,654
- [GASPS] Yes!
- Okay. Grab my drink.
486
00:18:13,679 --> 00:18:14,772
Okay, can you put it up?
487
00:18:14,797 --> 00:18:16,265
- Like here?
- 'Cause that's not a good angle.
488
00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:17,379
- Yeah.
- Like that?
489
00:18:17,404 --> 00:18:18,840
WOMAN: Huzzah!
490
00:18:18,884 --> 00:18:21,974
♪♪
491
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:23,194
[RETCHES]
492
00:18:24,256 --> 00:18:26,475
I'm sorry to be, like, that person,
493
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,763
but do they have anything
that's paleo here?
494
00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:30,069
Cucumber mint water?
495
00:18:30,112 --> 00:18:31,548
What about turkey legs?
496
00:18:31,592 --> 00:18:34,632
Yes, bitch. Pure lean protein.
Thank you.
497
00:18:34,856 --> 00:18:37,337
[CLEARS THROAT] Who's a city lady?
498
00:18:37,362 --> 00:18:41,540
♪♪
499
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,970
MAN: Take dead aim!
500
00:18:42,995 --> 00:18:44,344
Try your luck.
501
00:18:44,369 --> 00:18:48,939
♪♪
502
00:18:49,010 --> 00:18:51,190
- I see you, Legolas!
- Whew.
503
00:18:51,416 --> 00:18:53,818
Orlando Bloom wishes
he looked this good.
504
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,896
Tankards and flagons! Show me your jugs,
505
00:18:55,921 --> 00:18:57,768
- and I'll show you mine.
- Seriously?
506
00:18:57,793 --> 00:19:00,416
Would it hurt you to trynot
to commodify women's bodies?
507
00:19:01,158 --> 00:19:04,190
[LAUGHING]
508
00:19:04,233 --> 00:19:05,377
It's fine.
509
00:19:05,402 --> 00:19:07,012
♪♪
510
00:19:07,148 --> 00:19:08,473
[GIGGLES]
511
00:19:08,498 --> 00:19:09,978
- Yes!
- You. Guys.
512
00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:11,308
- This...
- Mean.
513
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,335
- Much.
- It's you. Literally you.
514
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,232
Do you guys take AmEx black?
515
00:19:15,257 --> 00:19:16,862
[LISPING] You bet your ass they do.
516
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:19,161
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS IN DISTANCE]
517
00:19:25,936 --> 00:19:27,596
- Who was that?
- No one.
518
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:29,971
No one.
519
00:19:32,008 --> 00:19:34,283
- Wait, wait, you have to try this on.
- Yes.
520
00:19:34,872 --> 00:19:39,480
This faire is full of debauchery
and disgusting behavior!
521
00:19:39,505 --> 00:19:41,955
Oh, my God. Thank you. Yes.
522
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:45,423
The wanton whores should
be drawn and quartered,
523
00:19:45,448 --> 00:19:47,755
lest they corrupt young men
524
00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:50,044
- seeking virgin wives.
- Oh, wait.
525
00:19:50,069 --> 00:19:52,039
No. Women are... are not property.
526
00:19:52,064 --> 00:19:53,562
- You're missing it. You're...
- A woman's value
527
00:19:53,587 --> 00:19:55,067
lies in her maidenhead.
528
00:19:55,092 --> 00:19:56,789
Disgusting!
529
00:19:56,814 --> 00:20:00,122
Ooh, aye! Here's a
bunch of filthy peasants!
530
00:20:00,147 --> 00:20:04,526
Aye! Come back to the washer
wench show at 3:00 and 30,
531
00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:07,245
where getting clean never felt so dirty.
532
00:20:07,270 --> 00:20:08,981
- [GRUNTS, HUMS]
- I'm sorry.
533
00:20:09,006 --> 00:20:11,555
Did you guys just call yourselves
"washer wenches"?
534
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:13,669
A wench be a working girl.
535
00:20:13,694 --> 00:20:15,391
- Aye, aye.
- Okay, but don't you think
536
00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:17,635
you could have come up with,
like, a more woke name
537
00:20:17,660 --> 00:20:19,629
- than that?
- More woke?
538
00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:22,330
"Woke" being a culturally black term
539
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:25,715
recently appropriated
by mainstream America?
540
00:20:25,740 --> 00:20:29,731
Just want to make sure I'm
hearing you correctly... Becky.
541
00:20:32,637 --> 00:20:33,700
Uh...
542
00:20:35,629 --> 00:20:37,895
Hello? Oh, yeah.
543
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:41,418
I'm so sorry about her
and her Becky-ism.
544
00:20:42,004 --> 00:20:44,743
Nay, nay, good mistress Ophelia!
545
00:20:44,768 --> 00:20:46,988
Have thee a pleasant day!
546
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:48,364
- Mm!
- Aye.
547
00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:02,190
Oh, actually, actually,
548
00:21:02,215 --> 00:21:04,745
I did sleep with many
men out of wedlock.
549
00:21:04,770 --> 00:21:06,983
Lord Chancellor Christopher Hatton,
550
00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:09,051
the second Earl of Essex
Robert Devereux,
551
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,913
Sir Walter Raleigh.
552
00:21:10,938 --> 00:21:13,381
Oh, you are such a whore, you!
553
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,406
You...
554
00:21:15,559 --> 00:21:19,169
[ALL SHRIEKING, LAUGHING]
555
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:22,328
Cheers to the Queen
and her breast friends!
556
00:21:22,353 --> 00:21:26,950
[ALL CHEERING]
557
00:21:27,594 --> 00:21:28,637
Oh.
558
00:21:29,384 --> 00:21:32,126
I suppose you are my best lady friends.
559
00:21:32,381 --> 00:21:34,879
Barkeep, can I have another, please?
560
00:21:35,255 --> 00:21:37,645
And one for my dear friend...
561
00:21:37,670 --> 00:21:40,586
♪♪
562
00:21:40,930 --> 00:21:42,614
Who are you?
563
00:21:43,879 --> 00:21:45,195
- I'm Alicia.
- Mm?
564
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,942
We've worked together for three summers.
565
00:21:47,967 --> 00:21:51,188
Alicia, you must tell me
everything about yourself.
566
00:21:51,213 --> 00:21:55,512
Are you, as I suspect,
from a troubled home?
567
00:21:56,133 --> 00:21:58,309
You have such sad eyes.
568
00:21:58,407 --> 00:22:00,409
♪♪
569
00:22:00,434 --> 00:22:02,392
♪ What do you do with
a drunken sailor? ♪
570
00:22:02,417 --> 00:22:04,462
♪ What do you do with
a drunken sailor? ♪
571
00:22:04,487 --> 00:22:09,579
♪ What do you do with a drunken
sailor earlye in the mornin'? ♪
572
00:22:09,604 --> 00:22:12,266
Oh. Mug him in the subway
and take his Guccis!
573
00:22:12,291 --> 00:22:14,249
♪ Mug him in the subway
and take his Guccis ♪
574
00:22:14,274 --> 00:22:16,102
♪ Mug him in the subway
and take his Guccis ♪
575
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,046
♪ Mug him in the subway
and take his Guccis ♪
576
00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:20,286
♪ Earlye in the morning ♪
577
00:22:20,311 --> 00:22:22,008
I have one!
578
00:22:22,033 --> 00:22:23,860
Aw, man, I forgot.
579
00:22:23,885 --> 00:22:27,758
♪ Aw, man, she forgot,
aw, man, she forgot ♪
580
00:22:27,783 --> 00:22:34,311
♪ Aw, man, she forgot
earlye in the mornin' ♪
581
00:22:34,336 --> 00:22:36,425
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
582
00:22:40,002 --> 00:22:42,135
I mean, look, I'm...
I'll say it... issa bop.
583
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:43,896
[LAUGHTER]
584
00:22:45,006 --> 00:22:47,326
Amanda, Amanda, look,
there's your assaulter.
585
00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:50,029
Oh, Morgan, he didn't assault me.
586
00:22:50,054 --> 00:22:51,783
Oh, really? So you're just
not gonna confront him
587
00:22:51,808 --> 00:22:53,279
about his toxic behavior?
588
00:22:53,746 --> 00:22:55,887
Okay, no, yeah, no. I just, you know...
589
00:22:56,297 --> 00:22:57,950
I thought you were a feminist, Amanda.
590
00:23:01,586 --> 00:23:05,372
Hey. Um, sir, uh, Jouster.
591
00:23:05,518 --> 00:23:07,334
- Hi. Um, so...
- Hi.
592
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:09,801
I think that we need to define
some workplace boundaries.
593
00:23:09,826 --> 00:23:12,021
When you kissed me earlier,
I have to acknowledge
594
00:23:12,046 --> 00:23:15,170
that it wasn't something that
I technically consented to.
595
00:23:15,528 --> 00:23:18,549
Uh, I didn't tell you to stop,
596
00:23:18,574 --> 00:23:20,857
but I didn't joyfully consent.
597
00:23:21,204 --> 00:23:23,075
Not that I'm saying you're
the Cat Person
598
00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:24,972
from that New Yorkerpiece.
You are so not the Cat Person.
599
00:23:24,997 --> 00:23:26,818
- I'm actually attracted to you.
- Nice.
600
00:23:26,843 --> 00:23:28,497
- Not that that's relevant.
- It's not.
601
00:23:28,522 --> 00:23:31,717
Anyway... I hope that makes sense.
602
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:34,304
Do you need any clarification?
603
00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:36,561
No. [CHUCKLES]
I don't have any allergies.
604
00:23:37,045 --> 00:23:39,221
Listen, I got to go brush my horse.
605
00:23:39,246 --> 00:23:40,740
But we should hook up sometime.
606
00:23:41,641 --> 00:23:45,514
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
607
00:23:45,576 --> 00:23:47,230
Amanda. Amanda.
608
00:23:47,255 --> 00:23:48,561
- Huh?
- Hi.
609
00:23:48,586 --> 00:23:51,067
- Oh.
- Me? Yeah. I'm genuinely worried
610
00:23:51,092 --> 00:23:52,790
about your safety here, okay?
611
00:23:52,815 --> 00:23:54,933
This is like one giant
pussy-grabbing party.
612
00:23:54,958 --> 00:23:57,146
- Morgan, you don't have to worry.
- Okay, but it's not just about
613
00:23:57,171 --> 00:23:58,770
the aggrosexual jouster, all right?
614
00:23:58,795 --> 00:24:00,181
It's this whole culture.
615
00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:01,772
Like, women are objects here.
616
00:24:01,797 --> 00:24:03,881
- Amanda! Amanda, you're up.
- Yes?
617
00:24:03,906 --> 00:24:06,213
- Oh, right, right, right.
- Let's go, let's go, let's go.
618
00:24:06,238 --> 00:24:10,862
Listen, this is an amazing place
for women to feel empowered.
619
00:24:10,887 --> 00:24:12,411
I swear we're not just objects here.
620
00:24:12,454 --> 00:24:17,311
Wench auction!
621
00:24:17,503 --> 00:24:19,505
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
622
00:24:19,530 --> 00:24:23,012
Gentlemen and not so gentle ladies,
623
00:24:23,037 --> 00:24:26,590
we have some fine wenches to
be auctioned to you today.
624
00:24:26,615 --> 00:24:28,427
And you can pay fair price...
625
00:24:28,452 --> 00:24:31,318
- or not!
- [LAUGHTER]
626
00:24:31,343 --> 00:24:32,811
I'll start the bidding.
627
00:24:33,207 --> 00:24:35,931
No. With this lovely woman
628
00:24:35,956 --> 00:24:38,459
in the queer attire.
629
00:24:38,837 --> 00:24:41,415
- Bid it up, boys.
- [MEN CHEERING]
630
00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:45,966
Now, can I start this bidding
at one plague rat?
631
00:24:45,991 --> 00:24:47,098
MAN: Aye! One plague rat.
632
00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:48,273
10 dead penguins.
633
00:24:48,298 --> 00:24:49,336
A sickly sheep!
634
00:24:49,361 --> 00:24:50,753
10 bales of hay!
635
00:24:50,778 --> 00:24:52,817
I bid my ex-wife!
636
00:24:52,842 --> 00:24:54,235
[LAUGHTER]
637
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:56,218
- That might be it!
- Two yards of wool
638
00:24:56,243 --> 00:24:57,996
- and a young lamb.
- Sold!
639
00:24:58,021 --> 00:25:00,676
To the gentleman with
questionable motives.
640
00:25:00,701 --> 00:25:03,007
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
641
00:25:05,951 --> 00:25:07,997
Ah, they're made for each other.
642
00:25:08,022 --> 00:25:09,763
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
643
00:25:09,922 --> 00:25:10,942
Huzzah.
644
00:25:10,967 --> 00:25:14,492
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
645
00:25:14,517 --> 00:25:19,153
Next up, the faire's
own dirty pub wench,
646
00:25:19,478 --> 00:25:21,872
Ophelia Feelsgood!
647
00:25:21,897 --> 00:25:23,413
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
648
00:25:23,438 --> 00:25:25,832
- Come on, Ophelia!
- Whoo!
649
00:25:25,857 --> 00:25:26,935
Shut up.
650
00:25:28,690 --> 00:25:31,954
I'm so glad to be
participating in this event,
651
00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:33,667
because I love participating in events
652
00:25:33,692 --> 00:25:35,208
where women support other women.
653
00:25:37,384 --> 00:25:39,200
Show us your tits!
654
00:25:39,225 --> 00:25:41,575
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
655
00:25:45,721 --> 00:25:48,158
Yo, band nerds, drop a beat.
656
00:25:48,202 --> 00:25:51,031
[LIVELY FOLK MUSIC PLAYING]
657
00:25:51,056 --> 00:25:52,981
- What's happening?
- Women supporting women?
658
00:25:53,475 --> 00:25:55,489
Huh? Whoa. [SCREAMING]
659
00:25:55,514 --> 00:25:57,254
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
660
00:25:57,279 --> 00:26:02,544
♪♪
661
00:26:04,758 --> 00:26:06,216
Whoo!
662
00:26:07,177 --> 00:26:08,755
- Oh.
- Yas!
663
00:26:09,814 --> 00:26:11,642
Whoo!
664
00:26:13,205 --> 00:26:18,098
♪♪
665
00:26:19,407 --> 00:26:23,324
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
666
00:26:23,349 --> 00:26:26,005
Now, folks, that surely is worth a bid.
667
00:26:27,241 --> 00:26:29,330
I bid a shepherd's pie
668
00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:31,109
and my ax!
669
00:26:31,134 --> 00:26:32,134
Only?
670
00:26:32,159 --> 00:26:33,290
[LISPING] My ovaries.
671
00:26:33,315 --> 00:26:35,665
A grande iced mochachino!
672
00:26:35,690 --> 00:26:37,027
A bucket of dead skin!
673
00:26:37,052 --> 00:26:38,227
Thick stick!
674
00:26:38,252 --> 00:26:39,514
A dozen sheep!
675
00:26:39,539 --> 00:26:41,279
Some of 'em with four legs.
676
00:26:41,304 --> 00:26:42,914
You can do better than that, Pizzle.
677
00:26:42,939 --> 00:26:45,713
And tat for two from Zabar's.
678
00:26:45,738 --> 00:26:48,341
- Ooh.
- Stick.
679
00:26:48,508 --> 00:26:50,278
A castle in France!
680
00:26:50,303 --> 00:26:53,741
- Okay, we're done. Come on.
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
681
00:26:53,869 --> 00:26:55,614
Sold! [LAUGHS]
682
00:26:57,263 --> 00:26:58,263
Let's go.
683
00:26:58,288 --> 00:27:00,022
You're taking this
too seriously, Morgan.
684
00:27:00,047 --> 00:27:02,251
Oh, really? You were just
mock-sold for sex. Okay?
685
00:27:02,276 --> 00:27:03,799
So, you're welcome, B-T-dubs,
for making it stop.
686
00:27:03,824 --> 00:27:05,591
Obviously, it was just for fun.
687
00:27:05,616 --> 00:27:07,226
Well, what if a bunch
of little girls saw you?
688
00:27:07,251 --> 00:27:08,475
What kind of message are you sending?
689
00:27:08,507 --> 00:27:10,259
Maybe if little girls saw me,
690
00:27:10,284 --> 00:27:12,348
they would see that it
isn't negative to be sexual.
691
00:27:12,373 --> 00:27:13,809
There's a difference
between being sexual
692
00:27:13,834 --> 00:27:15,278
and being sexualized.
693
00:27:15,303 --> 00:27:19,981
Fair maiden, you were
positively fantastic.
694
00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,706
We always present this to
our favorite at the auction.
695
00:27:22,731 --> 00:27:25,168
- Uh-oh.
- And you were far and away
696
00:27:25,193 --> 00:27:27,021
the... Drumroll, please...
697
00:27:27,046 --> 00:27:28,918
[BOTH IMITATE DRUMROLL]
698
00:27:28,943 --> 00:27:31,032
- Wenchiest Wench!
- Wenchiest Wench!
699
00:27:31,057 --> 00:27:33,364
- Oh.
- [BOTH IMITATING FANFARE]
700
00:27:33,389 --> 00:27:35,783
Oh, no. Oh, wow.
701
00:27:35,808 --> 00:27:37,765
[BOTH CONTINUE IMITATING FANFARE]
702
00:27:37,790 --> 00:27:39,487
[SIGHS] Guys.
703
00:27:39,512 --> 00:27:40,904
[CHUCKLES]
704
00:27:40,929 --> 00:27:42,856
Thank you so much.
705
00:27:43,317 --> 00:27:44,411
[CHUCKLES]
706
00:27:46,811 --> 00:27:49,167
You're not really gonna wear that thing.
707
00:27:49,192 --> 00:27:51,661
Oh, Morgan, can you just relax?
708
00:27:51,686 --> 00:27:54,085
"Just relax"? [SCOFFS] Wow.
What a privileged concept.
709
00:27:54,110 --> 00:27:55,503
Yeah, I wish I could just relax,
710
00:27:55,528 --> 00:27:57,268
but unlike your horny,
little fantasy camp,
711
00:27:57,293 --> 00:27:59,778
the real world has consequences
for sexual harassment.
712
00:28:01,716 --> 00:28:04,763
Morgan's in the middle of a
lawsuit against her ex-boss.
713
00:28:04,788 --> 00:28:08,083
Yeah, he groped her. A lot.
714
00:28:08,769 --> 00:28:11,276
Oh, my God. Morgan, I'm... I'm so sorry.
715
00:28:11,301 --> 00:28:13,005
- I had no idea.
- Exactly.
716
00:28:13,271 --> 00:28:15,498
Exactly. You have no idea what
anyone is going through,
717
00:28:15,523 --> 00:28:18,302
yet you're 100% convinced that
all of this objectification
718
00:28:18,327 --> 00:28:21,417
and toxic masculinity
is just for fun, okay?
719
00:28:21,442 --> 00:28:23,444
So, yeah, go win Wenchiest Wench
for the patriarchy.
720
00:28:23,488 --> 00:28:25,286
- Or for losers like them.
- Hey!
721
00:28:25,311 --> 00:28:27,989
What? They are part of the problem.
Everyone here is.
722
00:28:28,014 --> 00:28:30,799
People like them, anyone who comes here,
723
00:28:30,824 --> 00:28:32,317
can say what works and what doesn't.
724
00:28:33,062 --> 00:28:34,755
I'm sorry it's upsetting to you.
725
00:28:34,967 --> 00:28:37,172
And I'm sorry about what
you're going through, truly.
726
00:28:37,197 --> 00:28:38,565
But you can't take it out
727
00:28:38,590 --> 00:28:40,722
on good, kind people like Bo and Jenny,
728
00:28:40,747 --> 00:28:43,576
who are trying to just get
away from the real world
729
00:28:43,601 --> 00:28:45,950
and find someplace where they
feel like they can belong.
730
00:28:48,476 --> 00:28:49,476
So...
731
00:28:50,793 --> 00:28:53,560
If you don't like it here,
then you should just leave.
732
00:28:58,697 --> 00:28:59,697
[SCOFFS]
733
00:29:00,696 --> 00:29:02,591
I don't even know who you are right now.
734
00:29:03,067 --> 00:29:05,005
God. What the hell am I
gonna tell your mother?
735
00:29:05,674 --> 00:29:07,371
Why do you have to tell her anything?
736
00:29:10,433 --> 00:29:12,903
- Did she send you here?
- It's... She... I...
737
00:29:12,928 --> 00:29:14,756
Would you guys have even
come if she hadn't?
738
00:29:14,781 --> 00:29:16,124
- Yes.
- Of course we would have.
739
00:29:16,149 --> 00:29:18,028
- She lent us her 'Cedes.
- Oh, stop it.
740
00:29:19,021 --> 00:29:22,111
♪♪
741
00:29:22,136 --> 00:29:25,307
Listen, I... I love you, Amanda.
742
00:29:25,332 --> 00:29:27,731
I do. I really do, okay?
743
00:29:28,049 --> 00:29:29,192
But this?
744
00:29:30,163 --> 00:29:31,224
I can't.
745
00:29:32,996 --> 00:29:35,278
- Hello?
- Okay.
746
00:29:36,448 --> 00:29:38,668
Look, you should totally
bone that jouster.
747
00:29:38,693 --> 00:29:40,608
And if he's good,
just give him my number.
748
00:29:40,633 --> 00:29:42,199
- Mm-hmm.
- He reads bi.
749
00:29:42,224 --> 00:29:43,224
[CHUCKLES]
750
00:29:44,013 --> 00:29:45,669
I like dressing slutty.
751
00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:47,646
Love you, Amanda.
752
00:29:49,635 --> 00:29:52,203
[MAN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]
753
00:29:52,228 --> 00:29:54,317
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE IN DISTANCE]
754
00:29:54,342 --> 00:29:58,868
♪♪
755
00:30:01,573 --> 00:30:04,932
[INDISTINCT]
756
00:30:04,957 --> 00:30:06,222
[SOBS]
757
00:30:06,247 --> 00:30:08,437
Should I text him?
I should text him, right?
758
00:30:08,462 --> 00:30:10,469
Actually, I think it's time to move on.
759
00:30:10,494 --> 00:30:13,627
Oh, how wise. It is time to move on.
760
00:30:13,652 --> 00:30:16,053
No, it's time for us to move on
761
00:30:16,078 --> 00:30:17,819
to the next stop on the Pub Crawl.
762
00:30:17,844 --> 00:30:19,802
We paid 60 bucks for this.
763
00:30:19,827 --> 00:30:21,493
- Fine.
- Bye.
764
00:30:21,518 --> 00:30:23,172
Fair thee well.
765
00:30:23,197 --> 00:30:24,720
Rest you merry.
766
00:30:24,745 --> 00:30:26,657
Mm...
767
00:30:29,056 --> 00:30:31,581
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
768
00:30:31,852 --> 00:30:33,941
I think you've had enough,
Your Highness. Let's trade.
769
00:30:33,966 --> 00:30:35,445
Ah, Lee.
770
00:30:35,470 --> 00:30:37,508
Lee, Lee.
771
00:30:37,709 --> 00:30:40,117
What is this life, huh?
772
00:30:40,843 --> 00:30:42,859
You and me know the truth, right?
773
00:30:44,343 --> 00:30:45,561
What's that, Maggie?
774
00:30:45,586 --> 00:30:48,094
The truth is that we're all alone.
775
00:30:48,868 --> 00:30:50,625
We'll always be alone.
776
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:52,767
God is dead.
777
00:31:00,006 --> 00:31:02,281
- Uh...
- Mm?
778
00:31:04,618 --> 00:31:05,766
Maggie...
779
00:31:09,168 --> 00:31:11,474
I love you. Truly.
780
00:31:11,499 --> 00:31:13,633
I've always thought you
were beautiful and dark
781
00:31:13,658 --> 00:31:15,703
and deliciously complicated.
782
00:31:16,548 --> 00:31:18,209
And hearing that you're lonely like me
783
00:31:18,234 --> 00:31:19,930
just makes me love you more.
784
00:31:21,605 --> 00:31:22,729
I think you're the perfect woman.
785
00:31:22,754 --> 00:31:24,103
And you're drunk right now,
786
00:31:24,128 --> 00:31:26,361
so I don't want this to
get all rapey, but...
787
00:31:28,008 --> 00:31:30,445
I wish you were my girlfriend.
788
00:31:36,569 --> 00:31:37,657
[VOMITING]
789
00:31:37,682 --> 00:31:38,744
Oh!
790
00:31:43,924 --> 00:31:45,839
- [MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY]
- Is she okay?
791
00:31:45,864 --> 00:31:47,604
Yeah, just very, very drunk.
792
00:31:47,629 --> 00:31:51,533
I have to go numbers 1, 2, and 3.
793
00:31:51,885 --> 00:31:54,087
- I'll take her from here.
- Yep.
794
00:31:54,557 --> 00:31:56,822
- Do I look pretty?
- Yes, dear.
795
00:31:57,287 --> 00:31:59,502
Would you believe me if I
told you I was in my 30s?
796
00:31:59,527 --> 00:32:01,811
- Yes, dear.
- Do you think Daniel Day-Lewis
797
00:32:01,836 --> 00:32:04,836
wore his Lincoln hat while
he slept and showered?
798
00:32:04,861 --> 00:32:05,865
Yes, dear.
799
00:32:05,890 --> 00:32:07,370
You're my best friend.
800
00:32:07,395 --> 00:32:08,447
Yep.
801
00:32:11,672 --> 00:32:14,283
[GUITAR TUNING]
802
00:32:14,308 --> 00:32:18,007
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
803
00:32:18,032 --> 00:32:20,090
I know, I know... I'm drinking again.
804
00:32:20,115 --> 00:32:23,684
But if you would refrain from
mentioning anything about that,
805
00:32:23,709 --> 00:32:25,536
that would be very much appreciated.
806
00:32:25,561 --> 00:32:27,283
Actually, I was going to say
I'm impressed.
807
00:32:27,586 --> 00:32:29,360
Drinking discount cooler beer?
808
00:32:29,385 --> 00:32:30,735
Very un-city-lady of you.
809
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,110
So now you give me credit.
810
00:32:33,135 --> 00:32:34,744
Finally.
811
00:32:34,913 --> 00:32:36,587
[SIGHS]
812
00:32:37,978 --> 00:32:39,173
Tough day?
813
00:32:39,831 --> 00:32:42,485
My lady friends are a lot.
814
00:32:42,510 --> 00:32:44,487
- Spence or Brearley?
- Spence?
815
00:32:44,512 --> 00:32:46,478
[BRITISH ACCENT] How very dare you?
816
00:32:46,986 --> 00:32:48,945
[NORMAL VOICE] Brearley.
Wait, how did you know that?
817
00:32:48,970 --> 00:32:50,259
Oh, I'm from the city.
818
00:32:50,903 --> 00:32:52,644
Shut up!
819
00:32:52,669 --> 00:32:54,384
- What?!
- You shut up.
820
00:32:54,546 --> 00:32:56,418
Wh-Where? Where are you from?
821
00:32:56,443 --> 00:32:57,780
Wait, no, let me guess, let me guess,
822
00:32:57,805 --> 00:33:00,242
let me guess. Okay, okay, okay. Mm...
823
00:33:00,267 --> 00:33:02,681
- Lower East Side, artist parents?
- Unh-unh. No.
824
00:33:03,115 --> 00:33:04,178
Upper West Side,
825
00:33:04,203 --> 00:33:05,222
- journalist parents?
- No.
826
00:33:05,247 --> 00:33:06,683
No? Okay. Uh...
827
00:33:06,708 --> 00:33:09,450
Greenpoint, Polish bakers?
828
00:33:09,475 --> 00:33:10,525
[IMITATES BUZZER]
829
00:33:11,079 --> 00:33:13,494
- Chelsea, two dads?
- [LAUGHING] No.
830
00:33:13,519 --> 00:33:15,276
- Where are you from?
- Hey, dude, why didn't you bid on me?
831
00:33:15,301 --> 00:33:17,564
Only one chick dressed
like Shrek bid on me.
832
00:33:17,589 --> 00:33:19,330
- It was humiliating.
- I'm sorry, man.
833
00:33:19,355 --> 00:33:21,661
But I'm sure that you're gonna
make a very handsome couple.
834
00:33:21,686 --> 00:33:23,041
- [LAUGHS]
- Well...
835
00:33:24,889 --> 00:33:26,517
You r-really hurt me today.
836
00:33:29,073 --> 00:33:31,858
Oh, man, he is a delicate flower.
837
00:33:31,883 --> 00:33:33,337
Your friends are a handful, too.
838
00:33:33,362 --> 00:33:34,842
Ah, he's just showing off.
839
00:33:34,867 --> 00:33:36,572
He likes to prove he has feelings.
840
00:33:37,549 --> 00:33:39,127
- Hey, you want another beer?
- Uh-huh.
841
00:33:39,925 --> 00:33:41,673
The more discount, the better.
842
00:33:42,808 --> 00:33:44,505
I miss you in the hot tub, baby.
843
00:33:44,530 --> 00:33:46,595
Hot tub? Who's got a hot tub?
844
00:33:46,860 --> 00:33:48,513
It's hitched to Helen's bus.
845
00:33:48,538 --> 00:33:50,224
I heard she bought it
off the tour manager
846
00:33:50,249 --> 00:33:51,517
for Country-Palooza.
847
00:33:52,077 --> 00:33:54,494
Your mom must be hella rich.
848
00:33:54,750 --> 00:33:56,752
[LAUGHTER, CHEERING IN DISTANCE]
849
00:33:56,777 --> 00:33:58,823
Alright, new rule, guys.
You can only soak in the Jacuzzi
850
00:33:58,848 --> 00:34:01,150
if you're butt-ass naked.
851
00:34:01,267 --> 00:34:04,009
- Cool.
- Ohh, about to get so naked.
852
00:34:04,034 --> 00:34:05,705
[BOTH LAUGHING]
853
00:34:06,719 --> 00:34:09,830
Indeed. Very cool.
854
00:34:10,443 --> 00:34:13,533
Yeah, that's all on you.
That's you. Okay.
855
00:34:13,558 --> 00:34:15,162
DAVID: Damn, that's
a lot of man titties.
856
00:34:15,187 --> 00:34:16,884
- That's cool.
- Whoo!
857
00:34:16,909 --> 00:34:20,259
[ALL CHEERING, LAUGHING]
858
00:34:20,284 --> 00:34:21,821
HELEN: Are you farting?
859
00:34:21,846 --> 00:34:24,212
- Wine?
- God, yes.
860
00:34:24,458 --> 00:34:27,994
Can't go wring with a
Willamette Valley Pinot.
861
00:34:28,461 --> 00:34:31,768
[HELEN SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY IN DISTANCE]
862
00:34:31,793 --> 00:34:33,666
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm. Ah.
863
00:34:36,110 --> 00:34:37,459
[GLASSES CLINK]
864
00:34:40,596 --> 00:34:42,017
Mmm.
865
00:34:44,572 --> 00:34:46,933
What brings Shakespeare
down to the Groundlings
866
00:34:46,958 --> 00:34:49,710
- without his Royal...
- Do not say hag.
867
00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:52,765
- Not nice.
- I was gonna say therapy dog.
868
00:34:53,965 --> 00:34:55,500
She's passed out.
869
00:34:55,579 --> 00:34:58,553
Got absolutely wasted
on the Pub Crawl today.
870
00:34:58,578 --> 00:35:01,007
Oh, wow. That's...
871
00:35:01,553 --> 00:35:03,070
That's kind of amazing.
872
00:35:04,485 --> 00:35:06,648
She was not very helpful to me today
873
00:35:06,954 --> 00:35:08,195
as a friend.
874
00:35:08,827 --> 00:35:09,945
You okay?
875
00:35:21,285 --> 00:35:23,156
- There's a guy.
- Mm?
876
00:35:23,181 --> 00:35:25,445
Juan Andrés.
877
00:35:25,997 --> 00:35:29,348
And I like him.
878
00:35:29,373 --> 00:35:31,071
Mm. You guys would be great together.
879
00:35:31,096 --> 00:35:32,406
What's the game plan?
880
00:35:32,960 --> 00:35:35,093
- The game plan?
- Yeah, what's next steps?
881
00:35:35,358 --> 00:35:39,100
Well, I made a fool of myself
in front of him twice today,
882
00:35:39,125 --> 00:35:40,648
so I think my next step
883
00:35:40,673 --> 00:35:43,217
is to dig a hole and go to sleep in it.
884
00:35:43,242 --> 00:35:45,469
Oh, come on. It can't be that bad.
885
00:35:45,494 --> 00:35:48,541
I fear that it really, really was.
886
00:35:48,566 --> 00:35:49,734
Oh.
887
00:35:52,345 --> 00:35:54,565
♪♪
888
00:35:54,590 --> 00:35:56,632
Then you got to go fix it. Mm?
889
00:35:57,752 --> 00:35:59,754
- Now?
- Yes, now.
890
00:35:59,779 --> 00:36:03,046
We get so caught up
in our own limitations,
891
00:36:03,438 --> 00:36:05,695
how we think we're supposed to be,
892
00:36:06,254 --> 00:36:07,995
how people want us to be,
893
00:36:08,020 --> 00:36:10,851
but this place is teaching
me to live in the now.
894
00:36:11,539 --> 00:36:13,367
You got to be present.
895
00:36:13,392 --> 00:36:15,002
- Be in the now.
- Yeah.
896
00:36:15,027 --> 00:36:16,289
- Yes!
- Yes!
897
00:36:16,314 --> 00:36:17,843
You got to go get him!
898
00:36:18,397 --> 00:36:20,268
- Yes!
- Yes. Go ask him out!
899
00:36:20,293 --> 00:36:21,476
Wow.
900
00:36:21,878 --> 00:36:23,039
Right.
901
00:36:23,750 --> 00:36:25,143
- Okay. Okay.
- Uh-huh.
902
00:36:25,168 --> 00:36:26,691
[LAUGHS]
903
00:36:26,716 --> 00:36:27,978
- Go!
- Wish me luck.
904
00:36:28,003 --> 00:36:30,070
G-Go get yours, Tiger.
905
00:36:30,365 --> 00:36:32,977
♪♪
906
00:36:33,002 --> 00:36:35,004
[SIGHS]
907
00:36:41,662 --> 00:36:46,046
♪♪
908
00:37:09,709 --> 00:37:10,709
Hi, there.
909
00:37:11,685 --> 00:37:13,081
Hello, Juan Andrés.
910
00:37:13,408 --> 00:37:15,367
I just came by to tell you
911
00:37:15,392 --> 00:37:19,831
that I'm really very sorry about today,
912
00:37:19,856 --> 00:37:23,991
and that the reason I was
acting like such a jackass
913
00:37:24,016 --> 00:37:27,393
is that I, uh...
914
00:37:28,294 --> 00:37:29,846
I'd like to...
915
00:37:30,925 --> 00:37:32,463
be your friend.
916
00:37:34,125 --> 00:37:36,932
Would you maybe like to be my friend
917
00:37:36,957 --> 00:37:39,176
and hang out with me sometime?
918
00:37:41,498 --> 00:37:43,065
I'm watching "Seven Samurai."
919
00:37:43,408 --> 00:37:44,752
Want to join?
920
00:37:47,747 --> 00:37:48,747
Yes.
921
00:37:49,314 --> 00:37:50,445
Sure.
922
00:37:50,470 --> 00:37:52,031
I... Right now?
923
00:37:52,056 --> 00:37:54,101
- Yes. Now.
- Okay. Yeah, I'm... I'm free.
924
00:37:54,126 --> 00:37:55,143
Yeah.
925
00:37:55,581 --> 00:37:56,682
Here you go.
926
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:58,831
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
927
00:37:59,280 --> 00:38:00,368
Okay.
928
00:38:00,393 --> 00:38:01,623
Such a classic.
929
00:38:01,648 --> 00:38:03,433
Such a classic.
930
00:38:03,458 --> 00:38:05,088
I love classics.
931
00:38:05,810 --> 00:38:08,612
Toshiro Mifune. I like him
even better in "Rashomon."
932
00:38:09,235 --> 00:38:10,497
- Oh, yes.
- Yeah.
933
00:38:10,522 --> 00:38:11,963
Yes.
934
00:38:13,686 --> 00:38:16,065
Actually, I've never seen either.
935
00:38:16,515 --> 00:38:19,257
Are they, uh, good? [CHUCKLES]
936
00:38:19,282 --> 00:38:21,321
[CHUCKLES] So good.
937
00:38:21,346 --> 00:38:23,456
Akira Kurosawa? You'd dig him.
938
00:38:23,583 --> 00:38:25,368
"Throne of Blood"
owes a ton to "Macbeth,"
939
00:38:25,393 --> 00:38:28,251
and "Ran" is "King Lear," beat for beat.
940
00:38:28,276 --> 00:38:30,659
"King Lear's" my favorite.
941
00:38:30,684 --> 00:38:33,556
I'd do it at the faire,
but it's not exactly a crowd pleaser.
942
00:38:33,581 --> 00:38:35,061
- Mm.
- If I had a nickel
943
00:38:35,086 --> 00:38:36,957
for every time I had to perform,
944
00:38:36,982 --> 00:38:40,471
"But soft, what light through
yonder window breaks?"
945
00:38:40,691 --> 00:38:43,952
"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore
art thou Romeo?"
946
00:38:43,977 --> 00:38:45,659
[BOTH LAUGH]
947
00:38:45,684 --> 00:38:47,026
Of course, they all think that means,
948
00:38:47,051 --> 00:38:49,392
"Where are you, Romeo?"
when it really means...
949
00:38:49,417 --> 00:38:51,182
- Why are you Romeo?
- Why are you Romeo?
950
00:39:08,473 --> 00:39:09,473
Brian?
951
00:39:11,067 --> 00:39:12,143
Yes?
952
00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:14,760
I was so nervous around you today.
953
00:39:15,015 --> 00:39:16,198
[CHUCKLES]
954
00:39:17,010 --> 00:39:19,932
I was nervous around you.
955
00:39:19,957 --> 00:39:23,034
Every time I saw you,
I got all weird and quiet.
956
00:39:23,583 --> 00:39:25,370
I didn't know what to say.
957
00:39:25,612 --> 00:39:28,692
Uh, I made a joke about Hitler.
958
00:39:28,717 --> 00:39:31,590
I mean, you kind of
actually called me Hitler.
959
00:39:31,615 --> 00:39:35,010
[BOTH LAUGH]
960
00:39:35,035 --> 00:39:38,354
Well, I'm really happy
that we're friends now.
961
00:39:40,599 --> 00:39:43,036
I have enough friends.
962
00:39:46,534 --> 00:39:52,096
♪♪
963
00:39:56,285 --> 00:39:58,635
[HORSE SNORTING]
964
00:39:58,660 --> 00:40:02,721
♪♪
965
00:40:22,057 --> 00:40:23,729
- Hey.
- Hey.
966
00:40:29,129 --> 00:40:31,073
[GRUNTS, SIGHS]
967
00:40:32,844 --> 00:40:36,717
[ROOSTER CROWS]
968
00:40:36,742 --> 00:40:38,221
[SMOOCHES]
969
00:40:43,041 --> 00:40:44,694
That's right.
970
00:40:47,408 --> 00:40:50,933
So, I'm gonna go?
971
00:40:50,958 --> 00:40:53,127
Whatever. No pressure.
972
00:40:53,747 --> 00:40:55,010
[HORSE SNORTS]
973
00:40:55,651 --> 00:40:56,651
Yeah.
974
00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:58,549
No pressure.
975
00:41:01,767 --> 00:41:03,432
Living in the now.
976
00:41:04,248 --> 00:41:05,401
Hey, Ananda?
977
00:41:06,293 --> 00:41:08,627
It's Amanda.
978
00:41:10,428 --> 00:41:11,428
Nice fucking.
979
00:41:13,013 --> 00:41:15,604
Yeah. Nice fucking.
980
00:41:16,987 --> 00:41:18,042
Ooh.
981
00:41:18,067 --> 00:41:22,550
♪♪
982
00:41:23,397 --> 00:41:24,635
Ooh.
983
00:41:30,249 --> 00:41:33,339
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
984
00:41:33,364 --> 00:41:34,865
[CELLPHONE RINGING]
985
00:41:37,629 --> 00:41:38,975
[SIGHS]
986
00:41:39,343 --> 00:41:40,343
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
987
00:41:41,008 --> 00:41:43,228
Mom, I know what you did.
988
00:41:43,253 --> 00:41:45,481
How could you send my friends?
989
00:41:45,506 --> 00:41:47,116
Seriously? Nice one.
990
00:41:47,141 --> 00:41:48,670
Amanda, it's Erin.
991
00:41:49,467 --> 00:41:52,357
Mom O.D.'d. Get your ass home.
992
00:41:52,732 --> 00:41:55,623
♪♪
993
00:41:55,790 --> 00:41:59,190
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
69404
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.