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1
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♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:08,707
♪ Traveled down the roadand back again
3
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,543
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:16,448
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,484
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:23,254
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,024 --> 00:00:28,360
♪ You would seethe biggest
giftwould be from me
8
00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:31,296
♪ And the card attachedwould say
9
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:37,469
♪ "Thank youfor being a friend" ♪
10
00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:06,565
Oh, Rose, good God.
My heart is still poundin'.
11
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,567
I was just in an accident.
12
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,069
Honey. But don't worry.
I'm all right. I'm OK.
13
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:14,673
Oh, thank God.
Any damage to your car?
14
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:18,877
Well, that's the one bright spot.
I had borrowed yours.
15
00:01:20,045 --> 00:01:23,582
My car? You didn't ask
if you could borrow my car.
16
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,517
Well, I guess
we both learned a lesson
17
00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,652
about leaving keys
on the table.
18
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,422
I can't believe this.
How did it happen?
19
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,757
Well, you know how
I like to meet rich men
20
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:36,661
by gently rear-ending
expensive cars at red lights?
21
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:37,896
Yeah.
22
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:40,198
Well, you say that
like it isn't great.
23
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,766
Rose, it's the perfect plan.
24
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,102
You get to meet the guy,
exchange addresses,
25
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,604
then when he asks you
who does good body work,
26
00:01:46,606 --> 00:01:48,940
you give him your phone number.
27
00:01:50,743 --> 00:01:53,612
And this really works?
28
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,246
Well, not this time.
29
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:58,550
I had this really cute guy
in a Jag lined up
30
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:03,021
when this dork in a Duster
cut in front of me...
31
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,924
and I nicked him instead.
32
00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,325
Blanche, I am furious.
33
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,361
First you take my car
without asking.
34
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:13,765
Then, when you have it, you show complete
disregard for my personal property.
35
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,766
Rose, please have
a little compassion.
36
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:18,036
I was just in an accident.
37
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:21,873
Well, what do you want me to do,
carry you to your room?
38
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,709
Massage your neck?
Make some cocoa?
39
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,512
Diet cocoa.
I'm going out again tomorrow.
40
00:02:31,517 --> 00:02:34,786
Blanche... Oh, hi, Dorothy.
How was the funeral?
41
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:38,923
It was a humdinger, Blanche.
We closed the place.
42
00:02:40,393 --> 00:02:41,760
Where's Sophia?
43
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,562
She's taking this pretty hard.
44
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:46,798
I guess she needs a couple of
minutes by herself out in the car.
45
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,100
We're really gonna
have to be there for Ma.
46
00:02:49,102 --> 00:02:51,936
Oh, Dorothy, Sophia's
like my own mother.
47
00:02:51,938 --> 00:02:55,340
Until she feels better, I'm not
gonna think about anything else.
48
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:58,443
My car!
49
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:00,512
It's ruined!
50
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,815
It's just a little scratch.
I can live with it.
51
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:05,816
What did you do with it? Rose...
52
00:03:05,818 --> 00:03:09,688
Do we have to do this now?
A nun has died.
53
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:13,091
More than a nun. Sister Agnes
was my mother's best friend.
54
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,160
Oh, she's out there alone now.
55
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,828
She hasn't said a word
since we left the cemetery.
56
00:03:17,830 --> 00:03:20,398
I have no idea how she's
going to react to this.
57
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:26,804
I've made a decision.
I'm gonna become a nun.
58
00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:34,479
Well, at least now you know.
59
00:03:38,050 --> 00:03:40,885
Ma, what are you talking about?
60
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,787
God spoke to me today
at the funeral.
61
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:44,956
He told me to join the order.
62
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,958
God spoke to you?
63
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:52,097
You haven't been eating
chili dogs again, have you?
64
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:53,497
That was an honest mistake.
65
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:57,601
And to clarify, that's when I
thought God was whistling to me.
66
00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:00,672
This was him talking.
Oh, Ma.
67
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:03,842
Don't you think I know how crazy this sounds?
But it really happened.
68
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,744
Ma, I don't believe you.
God said you'd say that.
69
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,580
Ma. He said you'd say that, too.
70
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,716
Ma, stop this.
Three for three.
71
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,852
Ma, this is ridiculous.
72
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,521
You don't want to be a nun.
Yes, I do, Dorothy.
73
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,357
God reminded me today
that I've always had a dream,
74
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:22,026
a very private dream,
one I never talked about.
75
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:24,962
When I was growing up,
I wanted to join the convent.
76
00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:28,633
Well, until I was 17.
77
00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:30,435
What happened then?
78
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,937
Your father put his
hand in my blouse.
79
00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:35,840
So?
80
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:38,843
So I felt soiled,
filthy, dirty.
81
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:41,346
You know, in love.
82
00:04:41,348 --> 00:04:44,482
But this time, I'm gonna
fulfill my destiny.
83
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,319
This time,
I'm gonna become a nun.
84
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:52,724
Do you believe
what we just heard?
85
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:55,693
I can't believe anybody
would want to be a nun.
86
00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:59,463
I mean, "nun."
The word says it.
87
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:13,111
Well, you're not
gonna believe this.
88
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:16,081
I've just been talking
on the phone for a half-hour,
89
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,449
and guess what.
90
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,785
You forgot to dial first?
91
00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:26,291
No...
92
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:30,862
You held the receiver upside down?
Unh-unh.
93
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:34,632
It wasn't even the phone,
it was the TV remote control.
94
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:37,836
No.
A shoe?
95
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,971
Blanche, please.
I'm not an idiot.
96
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:43,440
The TV has a remote control?
97
00:05:45,311 --> 00:05:48,680
Anyway, this could be
kind of important. What?
98
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,448
Do you remember Mr. Nivingston, the
guy whose rear end you smacked?
99
00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,519
Well, my insurance company
just called,
100
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,089
and the guy is claiming
he hurt his back.
101
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,859
He's threatening a lawsuit
unless we settle out of court.
102
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,327
Oh, that's terrible.
I know.
103
00:06:03,329 --> 00:06:07,432
And I'm the one he's suing, 'cause
it's my car. Oh! Ha-ha! Oh.
104
00:06:09,835 --> 00:06:13,170
Boy, you had me goin' there
for a second.
105
00:06:13,172 --> 00:06:15,807
I thought you meant
he was suing me. Whew.
106
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:20,412
What?
107
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:23,014
Blanche, Rose may be taken to
court for something that you did.
108
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,516
Don't you even care?
109
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,250
There's nothing to worry about.
110
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:28,653
He's just tryin' to hold up
his insurance company.
111
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:31,756
There's nothin' wrong with that man's back.
How can you tell?
112
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:33,891
Because I know
the crooked walk of man
113
00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,893
when his back has been injured.
114
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,895
I cannot tell you how many men
115
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,965
I have seen limp
out of my bedroom.
116
00:06:44,503 --> 00:06:48,206
Shoulders stooped
and their backs curved.
117
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:51,342
Blanche, that's different.
That's shame.
118
00:06:56,382 --> 00:06:58,549
(doorbell rings)
119
00:07:02,955 --> 00:07:05,156
Oh, Sister Claire,
how nice to see you again.
120
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,324
Come in.
121
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,726
Dorothy, this is Sister Claire.
122
00:07:08,728 --> 00:07:12,496
She interviewed me last week about
joining her order. Please, sit down.
123
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:15,567
Ma, you actually went
to a convent?
124
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:18,202
Why didn't I know that?
Because you're divorced.
125
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:21,673
Technically, in the eyes of the
church, you don't even exist.
126
00:07:24,176 --> 00:07:26,343
I spit on you.
127
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:30,882
Unless, of course, the sister
would like to spit on you first.
128
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:35,720
I'm her daughter Dorothy.
You'll have to excuse my mother.
129
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:38,055
She suffered a slight stroke
a few years ago
130
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:41,592
which rendered her
totally annoying.
131
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:44,162
And, uh, what brings you here?
132
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,663
The follow-up interview.
133
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:48,499
We have very strict guidelines
when selecting postulants,
134
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,501
so we're going to put Sophia
135
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,603
through a battery
of psychological tests.
136
00:07:52,605 --> 00:07:55,406
It helps weed out
the crazies and undesirables.
137
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,141
Sorry, Ma.
138
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:02,447
Can you imagine? Rose is tryin'
to blame the whole thing on me.
139
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:05,350
That woman has one hell
of a lot of nerve.
140
00:08:09,721 --> 00:08:12,790
Hello.
141
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:14,959
I'm a Baptist.
142
00:08:16,294 --> 00:08:17,762
Excuse me.
143
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,601
Sister, is it all right
if I sit in?
144
00:08:24,603 --> 00:08:27,071
I don't think
my mother would mind.
145
00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,107
Think again.
146
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:34,778
I'd go outside, but there don't seem to
be any shady pines to sit under.
147
00:08:36,648 --> 00:08:40,018
Pillow, Pussycat?
148
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,287
We'll start with the ink blots.
149
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:45,422
Uh, "Who was a 1950s
black singing group?"
150
00:08:50,629 --> 00:08:53,464
Am I right? Am I in?
Am I a nun yet?
151
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,334
She watches a lot of Jeopardy!
152
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,535
No, no.
153
00:08:57,537 --> 00:09:00,538
You look at each one
and tell me what you see.
154
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:03,006
It's a standard test
used by psychologists,
155
00:09:03,008 --> 00:09:06,143
but we find it useful
in our line of work, too.
156
00:09:06,145 --> 00:09:09,647
Now... what do you see?
157
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:12,083
I see an angel.
158
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:15,353
Very good.
How 'bout this one?
159
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:18,022
Uh, I see a dove perched
upon the throne of God.
160
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:20,291
Excellent. And this?
161
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,727
I see the Blessed Mother
smiling sweetly
162
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,329
as she pours love upon the
hearts of the righteous
163
00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,899
standing at the gates of
heaven, while St. Peter...
164
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,134
Ma!
165
00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:32,670
Come on, you're making that up.
I am not.
166
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:36,474
Look, anyone can clearly see that
is a picture of John Forsythe
167
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:39,109
lying naked
in a pool of honey...
168
00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:45,950
Isn't it?
169
00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:49,320
Do you think I would lie
to get into the convent?
170
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:54,058
It does look a little like
John Forsythe, doesn't it?
171
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:58,329
Look, sister, I'm sorry you made this trip
for nothing, but this has gone far enough.
172
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:02,033
Ma, I cannot believe that you actually
want to go through with this.
173
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,702
Who cares what you believe?
I had a beautiful experience.
174
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,938
God has called me,
and I intend to answer.
175
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,774
You're really serious
about this, aren't you?
176
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,176
Yes, Dorothy.
This means a lot to me.
177
00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:13,511
Do you think I could leave you
that easily?
178
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:16,681
A minute ago
you were gonna spit on me.
179
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:20,317
Do you have this much trouble
with your kids?
180
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:28,125
What's wrong, Rose?
181
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,294
It's my insurance company.
182
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:34,231
They've cut me off because of the lawsuit.
What am I gonna do?
183
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:36,434
Well, you need a good lawyer.
184
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,502
Give me the keys
to your rental,
185
00:10:38,504 --> 00:10:42,640
and I'll go out and see
if I can nail one for you.
186
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,242
Blanche, that's how
you got me in trouble before.
187
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:47,378
Isn't there anything else
you can do?
188
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,347
Well, I suppose we could prove Mr.
Nivingston was faking his injury
189
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,349
if we could trick him
into performing
190
00:10:52,351 --> 00:10:55,687
certain physical acts
of a sexual nature.
191
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:59,256
All we'd need is a
devastatingly beautiful woman
192
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:02,493
with a flair for seduction.
193
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:05,229
How about Mrs. Hufstad
down the street?
194
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,498
I mean,
she's something of a dog,
195
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:11,235
but she'll do it with anybody.
196
00:11:11,237 --> 00:11:13,304
I was talkin' about me.
197
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:16,574
Oh, yeah. You will, too.
198
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,809
Rose, I won't go all the way.
199
00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:21,078
I'll just get him
in the bedroom
200
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,814
and, uh, put him through
the normal warm-ups.
201
00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:26,317
And we'll have a certain
Scandinavian nitwit
202
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:29,887
hidin' in the closet
with a camera.
203
00:11:29,889 --> 00:11:33,424
Wouldn't it be better
if I hid in the closet?
204
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:38,629
Yes, Rose, I suppose it would.
205
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:41,599
But do you really think you can
get him to remove the neck brace?
206
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:46,303
Oh, please. I once got a man to
crawl out of a full body cast.
207
00:11:47,706 --> 00:11:49,773
Well, I'm almost ready to go.
208
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:53,010
Today? You're not goin' today?
Why didn't you tell us?
209
00:11:53,012 --> 00:11:55,813
Every time I bring it up, one of
you tries to talk me out of it.
210
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:59,117
We were just being selfish.
We didn't wanna lose you.
211
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:01,485
(horn honks) There's my ride.
212
00:12:01,487 --> 00:12:02,720
Oh, Sophia.
213
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:06,491
Yep. It's a Granada
full of nuns.
214
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,826
Sophia, you have no idea
215
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:10,861
how much we're gonna miss you.
216
00:12:10,863 --> 00:12:13,264
It's like losing
a member of the family.
217
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:16,099
Rose is right.
You're just like a mother to us.
218
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:19,003
We feel like your daughters, too.
I feel the same way.
219
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:22,072
Rose, just remember, you're
smarter than people say you are.
220
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,841
You've got common sense and
you know what you're doing.
221
00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:26,710
Oh, Sophia.
222
00:12:28,446 --> 00:12:30,781
Blanche, you're a slut.
223
00:12:37,555 --> 00:12:40,891
Oh, Sophia.
224
00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:42,459
(horn honks)
225
00:12:42,461 --> 00:12:45,762
Well, I better go.
Nuns don't keep well in a hot car.
226
00:12:47,665 --> 00:12:50,901
We'll go out and tell 'em you're on your way.
Come on, Rose.
227
00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:54,372
Well, I guess this is it.
228
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,174
I'm just so sorry
that it took me so long
229
00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,677
to realize how much
this meant to you.
230
00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,280
It's just very hard
for me to let go.
231
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,582
Me too. But someone else
needs me more.
232
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:08,119
It's time for me to move on.
My job here is done.
233
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:11,121
I always love it when you talk
like the Lone Ranger.
234
00:13:12,957 --> 00:13:15,993
Ma, I want you to know
that I support your decision.
235
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:18,262
I think you'll make
a great nun.
236
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:20,965
Thanks.
I needed to hear that.
237
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:24,435
I love you, Ma.
I love you, too, Tonto.
238
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:37,514
Careful, Arthur.
Watch your step.
239
00:13:37,516 --> 00:13:39,250
Blanche, if I only could.
240
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,851
Oh, forgive me, sugar.
241
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:43,854
Well, here, I'll watch it
for you, you poor thing.
242
00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,857
Thank you, Blanche.
I can't believe how nice you're being to me
243
00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,993
even though
I'm suing your friend.
244
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,995
Well, I've always
been attracted
245
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:54,798
to ever-so-slightly
younger men.
246
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,435
Besides,
just look at you. Ooh!
247
00:13:58,437 --> 00:14:01,972
Must be so frustratin'
for an athlete like you.
248
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:04,508
Did you ever play
any college ball?
249
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,511
No. As a boy, I got as far
as the Pee-Wee leagues,
250
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:09,579
but then I discovered stamps.
251
00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:12,549
Wow.
252
00:14:12,551 --> 00:14:14,651
You know, when I first saw you,
253
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:19,089
I said to myself,
"Philatelist."
254
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,657
I like that.
255
00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:23,294
Ooh, you're gettin' so tense.
256
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,964
Hey, why don't we go in my bedroom, see
if we can't loosen you up a little?
257
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,600
Oh, I'm not sure. See, my lawyer
- I mean, my doctor -
258
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,703
Sorry. I get 'em mixed up.
They're both in the same mall.
259
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,239
You just forget
about that old doctor.
260
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,575
I know a little bit
about physical therapy myself.
261
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:40,278
I'm sure you do, but, you see
- If it'll make you feel better,
262
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:44,882
I have a complete nurse's outfit
hangin' up in my closet.
263
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:48,018
I gotta tell you, that does
make me feel better.
264
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,154
What else have you got
in there?
265
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:52,022
Ooh, ho-ho-ho-ho.
266
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:54,458
Wait! What am I doing?
I can't play nursey.
267
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,393
I-I'm supposed
to have whiplash.
268
00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:59,396
If we can't be together soon, I'm
gonna have to go with somebody else.
269
00:14:59,398 --> 00:15:02,399
I haven't been with a man since
my husband died nine years ago,
270
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:04,901
and I'm just about ready
to explode.
271
00:15:04,903 --> 00:15:06,970
I'll see you tomorrow, Blanche.
Yeah.
272
00:15:06,972 --> 00:15:10,106
Boy, this is really
beginning to chafe. Ar--
273
00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:16,880
Were you able to get him to bed?
No.
274
00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:21,252
Rose still in the closet
with the camera? Yes.
275
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,288
Maybe you'll get him tomorrow.
Yeah.
276
00:15:28,927 --> 00:15:32,062
Oh, hi, Rose.
Out of the closet, I see.
277
00:15:32,064 --> 00:15:33,897
Yeah, I'm back.
278
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:36,367
Look, I got a card from Ma.
279
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:38,302
Oh, Dorothy, read it out loud.
280
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:40,370
"Dear Pussycat,
I have everything I need,
281
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:43,574
but it's hard to get
a decent bikini wax."
282
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:45,343
Oh! Ha-ha. Ha-ha.
283
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,277
"Dorothy,
I remember you fondly,
284
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,880
and the same goes
for Blanche and Rita."
285
00:15:52,584 --> 00:15:53,818
"Wish you were here.
286
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,687
"No one can reach the third
shelf in the pantry.
287
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:58,856
Best, Sister Ma."
288
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,324
(laughs)
289
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:02,359
God, I miss that woman.
290
00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,361
Say what you want about her,
291
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,697
we all loved having her around.
292
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:09,567
I miss someone to have a
chat with at midnight.
293
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:12,269
You know what I'm gonna
miss most about Sophia?
294
00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:14,538
The way she used to tease me.
295
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,541
The way she would
ever-so-subtly jab me
296
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:21,879
with names like "tramp"...
297
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,048
"Floozy."
298
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,649
"Trollop," "harlot."
299
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:29,387
"Magic carpet ride."
300
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:32,056
"The human luge."
301
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:36,393
But she was never cuter than when she
simply called you "shore leave."
302
00:16:38,430 --> 00:16:42,532
Oh, God, I miss that woman.
303
00:16:58,483 --> 00:17:02,653
OK, is everybody in?
I got a pair of jacks.
304
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,822
Ooh. Wait, Sophia.
305
00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:07,758
I have the two,
seven, jack, ten and -
306
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,994
that's right - a four.
307
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:11,729
That doesn't beat
a pair of jacks.
308
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:14,565
Well, it did when you had it.
309
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:17,000
I told you.
That's called a "Whizzer."
310
00:17:17,002 --> 00:17:19,603
It's only good once a night.
311
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:22,907
Uh, I'll be putting this
in the collection box later.
312
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:25,775
Sophia? Clear out. It's the man.
313
00:17:28,713 --> 00:17:30,214
Hello, Reverend Mother.
314
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:34,151
My, you look
holier-than-thou today.
315
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:37,320
Save it, Sister Suck Up.
316
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:41,058
How do you explain this note
I found in the suggestion box?
317
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,126
You said we needed money
for the chapel.
318
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:45,929
I thought that would be
a good fund-raiser.
319
00:17:45,931 --> 00:17:49,767
A beefcake calendar
of "Monks of the Midwest"?
320
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:52,937
Oh, come on.
Open up your mind.
321
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:55,305
Sophia,
I'm going to go pray now.
322
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:57,974
I won't tell you
what I'm going to pray for
323
00:17:57,976 --> 00:17:59,976
because it would hurt
your feelings.
324
00:17:59,978 --> 00:18:03,614
But when I'm done, I expect a
complete change of attitude.
325
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:05,816
Understand?
326
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,384
Ooh, I'm so scared.
327
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:10,954
What is she gonna do, take away
my self-denial privileges?
328
00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,591
Ma.
329
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,793
Pussycat,
what are you doin' here?
330
00:18:16,795 --> 00:18:20,530
Oh, I just missed you and wanted to
say hi and see how you're doin'.
331
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:22,199
I'm doin' fine.
332
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:23,667
Ten days celibate.
333
00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:29,206
Same here.
334
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,876
Ma, I have a little surprise
for you.
335
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:34,444
Girls?
336
00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:38,115
Oh...
Look who it is.
337
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:42,219
It's Blanche and Rose.
Where's the surprise?
338
00:18:42,221 --> 00:18:45,322
Honey, we're your surprise.
We came to see you.
339
00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:47,458
Nice to see you.
What a lovely surprise.
340
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,727
Welcome to our little convent.
341
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:52,062
Not even a Bundt cake, huh?
342
00:18:52,064 --> 00:18:55,399
Look at you.
A nun.
343
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:58,235
I didn't think I'd be
shocked like this.
344
00:18:58,237 --> 00:19:00,170
It's just
that you look so different
345
00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,739
than when Blanche
is dressed as a nun.
346
00:19:04,676 --> 00:19:07,011
So, uh, what's new at home?
347
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:10,247
Oh, I did get a chance to go
into your bedroom, Sophia,
348
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:13,884
and there's just no way I'll be able
to refund your cleaning deposit.
349
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,752
Totally understandable.
350
00:19:15,754 --> 00:19:19,323
I'll see you in court,
my child.
351
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:21,324
Sophia.
352
00:19:21,326 --> 00:19:23,927
Mother Superior, this is my daughter
Dorothy and my ex-roommates.
353
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,863
Hello.
354
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,864
Sophia,
why don't you run along?
355
00:19:27,866 --> 00:19:30,734
I need to talk
to your daughter alone.
356
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:34,304
Sure. Whatever she says,
I have an alibi.
357
00:19:36,641 --> 00:19:40,444
So, Dorothy, I'll bet you
love your mother a lot.
358
00:19:40,446 --> 00:19:44,748
Well, that depends.
What has she done?
359
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:48,018
It's not necessarily
anything specific.
360
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:51,689
It's my feeling that life here
is too structured for her.
361
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,691
I'm afraid I don't follow you.
362
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:57,427
She is a stubborn, old,
vindictive pack mule of a woman
363
00:19:57,429 --> 00:20:00,464
who won't follow the rules.
364
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:03,200
OK, I'm back with you.
365
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:06,003
Dorothy, I think
her intentions are good,
366
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:08,939
but this doesn't seem
to be her calling.
367
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,774
Oh, but this means
so much to her.
368
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,676
Oh, this would break her heart.
369
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:16,480
I'm sorry, but I'm going to
have to ask her to leave.
370
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:20,250
Oh, Mother Superior, with your permission,
may I be the one to tell her?
371
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:22,252
We've been through
so much together,
372
00:20:22,254 --> 00:20:24,254
I'm sure that any bit
of bad news
373
00:20:24,256 --> 00:20:27,291
would be easier to take
if it came from me.
374
00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:29,693
Well, then, here's
another one for you.
375
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,395
We've seen her room.
376
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:35,399
Tell her she won't be getting
her cleaning deposit back.
377
00:20:39,036 --> 00:20:42,806
God, I'm so confused.
I don't know where I belong.
378
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:46,543
I'm trying to wrestle with the deep
religious questions of the ages.
379
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:49,280
Like, what do you
really want from me?
380
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:52,082
What is my real purpose
in life?
381
00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:56,153
What was Edward G. Robinson
doing in The Ten Commandments?
382
00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,554
(knock on door)
383
00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:12,235
Come in.
384
00:21:13,738 --> 00:21:15,739
Ma, where are Blanche and Rose?
385
00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:18,275
Oh, they wanted
to browse in the gift shop.
386
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:21,111
They're having a sale
on John the Baptist placemats.
387
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,046
Ma, do you remember that summer
388
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,482
you told me I didn't get
into Girl Scout camp,
389
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:28,986
and you said we were gonna have more
fun than any two people ever had?
390
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:33,324
They want me out?
Yesterday.
391
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:36,994
Dorothy, I don't get it.
I know God wants my life to be meaningful.
392
00:21:36,996 --> 00:21:39,596
That's not gonna happen
unless I'm here.
393
00:21:39,598 --> 00:21:42,198
Ma, your life is meaningful.
394
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,369
You do nothing
but help other people.
395
00:21:45,371 --> 00:21:48,072
You do Meals On Wheels,
Red Cross,
396
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:49,773
volunteer hospital work.
397
00:21:49,775 --> 00:21:52,342
The point is, you don't
have to be in a convent
398
00:21:52,344 --> 00:21:54,311
to make your life meaningful.
399
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:57,581
I mean, Sister Agnes
belonged here, but you don't.
400
00:21:57,583 --> 00:22:00,083
So who's gonna take
Sister Agnes' place?
401
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:02,085
Nobody can take her place.
402
00:22:02,087 --> 00:22:05,088
Just like nobody
can take your place.
403
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:08,058
I miss her.
I know.
404
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:10,260
Let's go home.
405
00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:13,530
All right. But I'll be
missing movie night.
406
00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:15,299
But so what?
407
00:22:15,301 --> 00:22:18,969
After the tenth time, it isn't
the greatest story ever told.
408
00:22:28,313 --> 00:22:30,314
Here you go, Ma.
409
00:22:32,750 --> 00:22:35,952
Guess it's gonna take you
a little while to get adjusted
410
00:22:35,954 --> 00:22:38,322
to being home
from the convent, hmm?
411
00:22:38,324 --> 00:22:41,325
To tell you the truth, Dorothy,
it isn't that much different.
412
00:22:41,327 --> 00:22:43,961
Whoa!
Give me that film.
413
00:22:43,963 --> 00:22:47,030
Rose, go! Run!
414
00:22:54,038 --> 00:22:56,240
Good to have you home, Ma.
32238
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