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1
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♪ Go wild, go crazy ♪
2
00:00:02,930 --> 00:00:04,312
♪ Go wild ♪
3
00:00:04,408 --> 00:00:05,859
♪ Go crazy ♪
4
00:00:05,937 --> 00:00:07,171
♪ Go wild ♪
5
00:00:07,234 --> 00:00:08,960
Okay!
6
00:00:09,031 --> 00:00:12,699
This next song goes out to
Emma and Amy's new guinea pig,
7
00:00:12,802 --> 00:00:15,232
- P-P-P-Pickle!
- (YoungBloodZ's "Damn!" plays)
8
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CHILDREN CHANTING: Go, Pickle!
9
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,761
Crank up the fog, Miggy!
10
00:00:19,808 --> 00:00:22,387
I'm about to teach Pickle
the Eastside Stomp.
11
00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:24,822
- I got you!
- (chanting continues)
12
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,092
♪ Don't start no... won't be no... ♪
13
00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:30,761
♪ I post up, get to it,
drink hand in hand ♪
14
00:00:30,863 --> 00:00:31,896
♪ They call me... ♪
15
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:33,230
Ladies!
16
00:00:33,332 --> 00:00:35,266
Homemade, gluten-free,
butterscotch cookies
17
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,062
shaped like every kind of cloud
while you wait?
18
00:00:37,086 --> 00:00:39,171
ANGIE: No, thanks. I gotta take
Graham to basketball sign-up.
19
00:00:39,218 --> 00:00:40,593
I thought he wasn't doing
basketball because
20
00:00:40,672 --> 00:00:42,675
- he wanted to do the spelling bee.
- Mm, no.
21
00:00:42,714 --> 00:00:43,847
He's psyched.
22
00:00:43,949 --> 00:00:45,615
His hands are finally big enough
to hold the ball.
23
00:00:45,717 --> 00:00:46,935
Which is why
it was such a tough decision,
24
00:00:47,019 --> 00:00:49,419
but, ultimately,
my man's heart was in the bee.
25
00:00:49,521 --> 00:00:51,222
Right. How do you know all this?
26
00:00:51,324 --> 00:00:52,823
I don't know. We talk.
27
00:00:52,925 --> 00:00:53,858
I don't know if I think God's up there
28
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:55,125
with, like, a big long beard,
29
00:00:55,228 --> 00:00:57,694
but I definitely believe in something.
30
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I think God's a woman.
31
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,367
(chuckles)
32
00:01:03,469 --> 00:01:05,168
That was a Friday Craft Corner
to remember, you know?
33
00:01:05,270 --> 00:01:06,503
No, I really don't.
34
00:01:06,605 --> 00:01:08,805
Oh, this guinea pig
is costing me a fortune.
35
00:01:08,907 --> 00:01:11,241
Only eats little gem lettuce.
Outrageous.
36
00:01:11,343 --> 00:01:12,809
There's smoke coming out
of your windows.
37
00:01:12,911 --> 00:01:13,910
Your house is on fire.
38
00:01:14,012 --> 00:01:15,779
Okay, so, in the future,
39
00:01:15,881 --> 00:01:17,046
if you think my house is on fire,
40
00:01:17,148 --> 00:01:18,214
let's lead with that.
41
00:01:18,316 --> 00:01:19,949
And that's just Miggy's fog machine.
42
00:01:20,051 --> 00:01:21,818
He's deejaying a dance party
for the kids.
43
00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:23,253
Hippie's gotta get a job.
44
00:01:23,355 --> 00:01:24,888
Well, he starts
at the Winebrary tomorrow,
45
00:01:24,990 --> 00:01:26,256
and he's been so motivated.
46
00:01:26,358 --> 00:01:27,657
I think he's really growing up.
47
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,226
Aah! Come quick! We need an adult!
48
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- Sophie?! (coughs)
- Graham?!
49
00:01:31,997 --> 00:01:33,997
- Rory!
- Emma and Sally?
50
00:01:34,099 --> 00:01:35,131
I mean, Amy?
51
00:01:35,233 --> 00:01:37,233
I stomped on Pickle! It's bad!
52
00:01:37,335 --> 00:01:39,135
- Oh, it can't be that bad.
- Where is she?
53
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Over here. H-How does she look?
54
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ALL: Ohh!
55
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx & err0001
www.addic7ed.com<
56
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♪♪
57
00:01:49,915 --> 00:01:51,614
- GRAHAM: I held her.
- (cat meows)
58
00:01:51,716 --> 00:01:54,117
I saw her drifting away.
59
00:01:54,219 --> 00:01:56,485
Sniff the scarf, honey. You're okay.
60
00:01:56,587 --> 00:01:58,654
Hey, Lil G. How you holding up?
61
00:01:58,756 --> 00:02:00,056
Not great, Big Dubs.
62
00:02:00,158 --> 00:02:02,292
Can I get a hit of that sweatshirt?
63
00:02:02,394 --> 00:02:03,321
Sure.
64
00:02:03,395 --> 00:02:05,461
Hey, Will, doesn't Sophie need you?
65
00:02:05,563 --> 00:02:06,762
No, she does not.
66
00:02:06,864 --> 00:02:09,631
When it comes to pets,
she's always been my rock.
67
00:02:09,733 --> 00:02:14,903
♪ Amazing grace ♪
68
00:02:15,005 --> 00:02:17,272
- ♪ How s... ♪
- Flush it. It's a goldfish.
69
00:02:17,374 --> 00:02:19,607
- He was also my son!
- (toilet flushes)
70
00:02:19,709 --> 00:02:21,910
He's in a better place now.
71
00:02:22,012 --> 00:02:25,080
(kids grunting)
72
00:02:25,182 --> 00:02:27,182
This machine took our gummy worms!
73
00:02:27,284 --> 00:02:30,185
We gotta buy a second one
to push the first one out.
74
00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:32,387
No, no, no. You do that, they win.
75
00:02:32,489 --> 00:02:35,123
Hey, boss! B-B-Boss!
76
00:02:35,225 --> 00:02:36,992
Man, I'm so psyched about my first day.
77
00:02:37,094 --> 00:02:38,994
I've been studying so much about wine.
78
00:02:39,096 --> 00:02:40,728
Miggy, I hate to stifle your enthusiasm,
79
00:02:40,831 --> 00:02:42,998
but a life hangs in the balance.
80
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,566
We've been waiting for too long!
81
00:02:44,668 --> 00:02:47,001
Oh, God. Is Pickle gonna be okay?
82
00:02:47,103 --> 00:02:49,537
Yeah, sweetie, I'm 100% positive
83
00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:51,339
that Pickle is gonna be fine.
84
00:02:51,441 --> 00:02:52,406
Pickle is dead.
85
00:02:52,509 --> 00:02:53,508
- (gasps)
- What?
86
00:02:53,610 --> 00:02:54,476
Who's the owner?
87
00:02:54,578 --> 00:02:57,445
- (grunts) Finally!
- Yay!
88
00:02:57,547 --> 00:02:59,380
AMY: Take that, Big Vending Machine!
89
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,516
Today the good guys win.
90
00:03:03,019 --> 00:03:04,418
Girls...
91
00:03:04,521 --> 00:03:06,020
Pickle didn't make it.
92
00:03:06,122 --> 00:03:07,555
I'm so sorry.
93
00:03:10,159 --> 00:03:11,726
I don't think they heard me.
94
00:03:14,263 --> 00:03:16,097
Pickle died!
95
00:03:16,199 --> 00:03:17,698
She's as dead as Versace.
96
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,065
She left this world.
97
00:03:19,167 --> 00:03:20,701
She gone!
98
00:03:21,837 --> 00:03:22,870
Want a gummy worm?
99
00:03:22,972 --> 00:03:25,706
Douglas, they're not reacting
to the death.
100
00:03:25,808 --> 00:03:26,840
That's called "resilience,"
101
00:03:26,942 --> 00:03:28,876
and your kid could use a little of that.
102
00:03:28,978 --> 00:03:30,043
You want to step in here?
103
00:03:30,145 --> 00:03:31,845
Okay. You got it.
104
00:03:31,947 --> 00:03:33,346
Get it together, Rory.
105
00:03:33,448 --> 00:03:34,715
this is more embarrassing
than anything else
106
00:03:34,817 --> 00:03:36,349
that's going on in this hospital,
107
00:03:36,451 --> 00:03:37,618
and that includes that dog over there
108
00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,085
that's dressed like Barbra Streisand.
109
00:03:39,187 --> 00:03:41,087
(panting)
110
00:03:41,189 --> 00:03:43,289
(crickets chirping)
111
00:03:43,392 --> 00:03:45,692
(knock on door)
112
00:03:45,794 --> 00:03:47,360
Hey, buddy.
113
00:03:47,462 --> 00:03:48,529
Whatcha doing?
114
00:03:48,631 --> 00:03:51,364
Googling "How to make sure
no one ever dies
115
00:03:51,466 --> 00:03:54,100
+ easy steps + 2018."
116
00:03:54,202 --> 00:03:55,935
Sweetie...
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00:03:56,038 --> 00:03:57,404
Look at me.
118
00:03:57,506 --> 00:04:00,940
I'm gonna be here for
a very, very long time, okay?
119
00:04:01,043 --> 00:04:02,642
I'm worried about Will.
120
00:04:04,079 --> 00:04:05,078
Will?
121
00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:06,513
Why is Graham worrying about you dying?
122
00:04:06,614 --> 00:04:08,348
He's known you for a month.
He shouldn't care if you die.
123
00:04:08,450 --> 00:04:10,283
We should all care if anyone dies.
124
00:04:10,385 --> 00:04:11,784
Why are you suddenly
best friends with my kid?
125
00:04:11,886 --> 00:04:12,818
It's weird.
126
00:04:12,921 --> 00:04:16,189
We like all the same movies
and magazines
127
00:04:16,291 --> 00:04:17,790
and have a kind of undeniable chemistry.
128
00:04:17,892 --> 00:04:19,592
But I don't want to step on your toes.
129
00:04:19,694 --> 00:04:21,094
I w... I will back off.
130
00:04:21,196 --> 00:04:23,329
- Right after the colonoscopy.
- What?!
131
00:04:23,432 --> 00:04:26,298
Well, Graham read that
colonoscopies help prevent death,
132
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,734
and he knows that my grandfather
died from colon cancer,
133
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:30,202
so I told him I'd get one.
134
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:31,604
Look, I had a colonoscopy on the books,
135
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:32,738
and I just moved it up
136
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,006
when I saw how much it meant to Graham.
137
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,108
Your colon shouldn't mean
anything to Graham!
138
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:38,243
He shouldn't want you to be
getting a tube up your butt.
139
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:40,479
The only butt he should
care about is mine.
140
00:04:40,582 --> 00:04:42,481
It is, okay?
You know how fickle kids are.
141
00:04:42,584 --> 00:04:43,950
He's probably already over me.
142
00:04:44,052 --> 00:04:46,185
Hey, Will, I was just
thinking about you.
143
00:04:46,287 --> 00:04:47,787
Let's try the handshake.
144
00:04:47,889 --> 00:04:49,622
Slap it, bump it, chicken wing...
145
00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:52,191
Being best friends is our... thing.
146
00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:53,626
Pumped up your ball for you.
147
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:55,194
Thanks! You're the best!
148
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,597
Oh. Hey, Mom.
149
00:04:57,699 --> 00:05:01,100
- Oooh! Day 1 realness!
- Yeah.
150
00:05:01,202 --> 00:05:03,668
- And I love that tie.
- I got it at the drugstore.
151
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,370
Okay. Cool.
152
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,606
Oh. Watch out, Miggy.
Here come the regulars.
153
00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,374
They call themselves the "Winebrarians."
154
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,818
Don't call them a group.
They identify as a collective.
155
00:05:11,843 --> 00:05:15,414
- Ohh.
- Bess, Franny, Lil... meet Miggy.
156
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,616
You hired a man?
Did he make you do this?
157
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,684
He better not hit on us.
158
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:22,354
Ladies, I know the Winebrary
has a feminist mission,
159
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,922
but we need male allies.
160
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,991
Exactly. I love women.
161
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:28,026
And not just the hot ones.
162
00:05:28,129 --> 00:05:29,528
- Oh, my God.
- O... Kay.
163
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:30,829
Maybe don't talk to them.
164
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,464
- Okay.
- Yeah.
165
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,232
Hey. Guess what, hot shot.
166
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,501
I'm getting a colonoscopy.
167
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:39,537
My butt beats your butt.
I've got the number-one butt!
168
00:05:39,562 --> 00:05:40,605
Yeah, you do!
169
00:05:40,652 --> 00:05:42,229
You're better than that, Mr. Withers.
170
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:43,474
(whistle blows)
171
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:45,543
- When's your colonoscopy appointment?
- Next month.
172
00:05:45,629 --> 00:05:48,925
Ha! Mine's at 4:00 p.m. today.
Suck on that.
173
00:05:49,027 --> 00:05:50,360
What is that?
174
00:05:50,462 --> 00:05:51,661
Pre-colonoscopy smoothie.
175
00:05:51,763 --> 00:05:53,029
Tastes just like a regular smoothie,
176
00:05:53,131 --> 00:05:55,164
except it's disgusting, and I love it.
177
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:57,967
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a colonoscopy to get to.
178
00:05:58,069 --> 00:05:59,603
You know that they put you out
for the procedure
179
00:05:59,705 --> 00:06:01,671
and you need someone
to drive you home, right?
180
00:06:02,474 --> 00:06:03,340
Of course I know that.
181
00:06:03,442 --> 00:06:05,575
- You want a ride?
- Yes, obviously.
182
00:06:06,311 --> 00:06:09,478
Where the hell is Poppy?
I'm... I'm off the clock.
183
00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:10,613
I got e-mails to do.
184
00:06:10,715 --> 00:06:14,217
All right, kids, scatter,
mingle, have fun.
185
00:06:14,318 --> 00:06:17,620
Girls, I am truly, truly humbled
186
00:06:17,722 --> 00:06:20,056
that you would allow me, the murderer,
187
00:06:20,158 --> 00:06:22,825
to plan Pickle's funeral here tonight.
188
00:06:22,927 --> 00:06:24,360
Was there another option?
189
00:06:24,462 --> 00:06:28,131
Sophie, how we looking
on that "in memoriam" slideshow?
190
00:06:28,233 --> 00:06:29,265
Not good.
191
00:06:29,367 --> 00:06:30,332
The deadline has passed,
192
00:06:30,434 --> 00:06:32,434
and I only got two pictures from my dad.
193
00:06:32,536 --> 00:06:34,771
And one was a poorly aimed selfie.
194
00:06:37,208 --> 00:06:39,708
- (whispering) Miggy?
- Soph! What's good? (chuckles)
195
00:06:39,811 --> 00:06:40,843
What's going on?
196
00:06:40,945 --> 00:06:42,645
Are you hiding?
197
00:06:42,747 --> 00:06:45,381
No! I'm just crouching and thinking.
198
00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:46,315
Sure.
199
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:47,393
(sighs) It turns out,
200
00:06:47,418 --> 00:06:48,817
there's a really big part of my job
201
00:06:48,919 --> 00:06:50,051
that I forgot to learn.
202
00:06:50,154 --> 00:06:53,322
Ladies, it's wine time!
203
00:06:53,424 --> 00:07:00,061
♪♪
204
00:07:00,164 --> 00:07:01,930
You can't use a corkscrew?
205
00:07:02,032 --> 00:07:03,131
It's super hard.
206
00:07:03,233 --> 00:07:05,701
Maybe those ladies won't notice
there's no wine
207
00:07:05,803 --> 00:07:08,236
'cause their books are so good.
208
00:07:08,339 --> 00:07:09,602
- You see I don't have any wine, right?
- Yeah.
209
00:07:09,626 --> 00:07:10,648
- You guys see that?
- Yeah.
210
00:07:10,649 --> 00:07:12,341
Yeah, I don't think that plan has legs.
211
00:07:12,443 --> 00:07:13,742
I agree.
212
00:07:13,844 --> 00:07:15,678
- Hey, Miggy, how's it going?
- Poppin' and pourin'.
213
00:07:15,780 --> 00:07:17,045
- Corks don't scare me!
- Good.
214
00:07:17,147 --> 00:07:19,080
Sophie, I'm gonna get you that
picture of Pickle. I promise.
215
00:07:19,183 --> 00:07:20,481
Not holding my breath.
216
00:07:20,583 --> 00:07:22,483
Rory, I should have given you
a budget for this funeral.
217
00:07:22,585 --> 00:07:24,252
- That's on me.
- Come on.
218
00:07:24,354 --> 00:07:26,188
Let's check out the veil
I ordered on Amazon.
219
00:07:26,290 --> 00:07:28,924
Spanish lace... they claim.
220
00:07:29,026 --> 00:07:30,458
Looks like Pickle's gonna be buried
221
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,862
in Gwyneth Paltrow's "Shakespeare
in Love" Oscar dress.
222
00:07:33,964 --> 00:07:35,697
Your kid's obsessed with death.
223
00:07:35,799 --> 00:07:37,765
Yeah, well, it's not healthy
to bottle up sad feelings.
224
00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:40,735
Oh, I've bred my girls to handle
feelings the way I do...
225
00:07:40,838 --> 00:07:44,039
repress, replace, move on.
226
00:07:44,141 --> 00:07:45,807
We never have emotional conversations.
227
00:07:45,909 --> 00:07:46,942
Oh, that can't be true.
228
00:07:47,044 --> 00:07:48,310
What about when you talk
about their mom?
229
00:07:48,411 --> 00:07:49,410
We don't talk about her.
230
00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:50,911
You mean never?
231
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:52,680
That's one of my biggest
triumphs as a parent.
232
00:07:52,782 --> 00:07:55,182
That and getting them to think
that it's their job
233
00:07:55,284 --> 00:07:56,718
to make my bed. Yeah.
234
00:07:56,820 --> 00:07:59,620
On holidays, they... they put
a little seasonal candy
235
00:07:59,723 --> 00:08:01,989
right on the pillow...
adds a nice touch.
236
00:08:02,091 --> 00:08:04,692
Douglas, Emma and Amy
deserve a safe space
237
00:08:04,794 --> 00:08:07,395
where they can express their
feelings and ask questions.
238
00:08:07,497 --> 00:08:09,230
They're little girls whose mom died.
239
00:08:09,332 --> 00:08:11,532
Really, Poppy?
Okay, thanks for the update.
240
00:08:11,634 --> 00:08:13,334
You know what...
I think I need a safe space
241
00:08:13,436 --> 00:08:15,737
where I can parent my kids
the way I think fit
242
00:08:15,839 --> 00:08:18,005
without being lectured
by a woman whose son
243
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,141
is treating a rodent like it's JFK!
244
00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:23,244
(whistles)
245
00:08:23,346 --> 00:08:24,678
So you're just running away?
246
00:08:24,780 --> 00:08:26,813
I'm gonna do what I should've
done in the first place...
247
00:08:26,915 --> 00:08:29,549
repress, replace, move on.
248
00:08:29,651 --> 00:08:31,084
All right, girls, get in the Benz.
249
00:08:31,186 --> 00:08:34,821
We're gonna go to the pet store
and buy you a new pig thing.
250
00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:39,496
Okay, look alive, ladies.
We're gonna get a new guinea pig.
251
00:08:39,521 --> 00:08:42,622
Let's not stay too long, girls.
We're gonna smell like pets.
252
00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:43,790
Let's motor.
253
00:08:43,892 --> 00:08:45,258
Efficiency.
254
00:08:47,397 --> 00:08:49,631
That's what you want?
Robots with braids?
255
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:51,162
They're doing better than your kid.
256
00:08:51,249 --> 00:08:52,991
(crying) I killed your sister!
257
00:08:54,385 --> 00:08:56,786
Fine. Keep doing what you're doing.
258
00:08:56,888 --> 00:08:58,354
Repress, replace, move on.
259
00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,630
That's how you want your kids
to handle the loss of their pet.
260
00:09:00,685 --> 00:09:02,625
- Yep.
- And the loss of their mom.
261
00:09:03,528 --> 00:09:05,094
You got it.
262
00:09:05,197 --> 00:09:07,197
Is that how you dealt with it?
263
00:09:12,703 --> 00:09:15,770
I'm starting to think
you didn't deal with it at all.
264
00:09:15,873 --> 00:09:18,673
It's easier this way.
265
00:09:19,376 --> 00:09:22,711
- Dad, we got one!
- We're gonna call her "Pickle"!
266
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,480
- B-But this isn't Pickle.
- Who cares?
267
00:09:25,582 --> 00:09:28,217
It'll be like
the other Pickle never existed.
268
00:09:28,319 --> 00:09:31,653
Yeah, Dad, like you said,
"Repress, replace, move on."
269
00:09:31,755 --> 00:09:34,189
Yeah, like you said.
270
00:09:36,894 --> 00:09:38,093
(guinea pig squeaks)
271
00:09:38,128 --> 00:09:40,229
Douglas, are you okay?
272
00:09:41,365 --> 00:09:43,498
N-N-No, I'm not.
273
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,133
Okay? I'm... I'm upset, actually.
274
00:09:46,236 --> 00:09:47,836
And why are you upset?
275
00:09:47,937 --> 00:09:50,638
I'm upset because...
276
00:09:50,741 --> 00:09:54,476
this guinea pig is a total loser.
277
00:09:54,578 --> 00:09:57,445
It's like God was trying
to make a possum and gave up.
278
00:09:57,547 --> 00:09:58,813
We have to find a better one.
279
00:09:58,915 --> 00:10:00,382
I was about to go on break.
280
00:10:00,484 --> 00:10:02,506
No, you're not gonna go on break, Raj.
281
00:10:02,584 --> 00:10:05,720
Not until we find a perfect
replacement for Pickle!
282
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,355
I don't care
if we have to stay all night.
283
00:10:07,457 --> 00:10:08,956
We only have seven to choose from.
284
00:10:09,058 --> 00:10:10,558
Then we'll start there.
285
00:10:11,795 --> 00:10:15,196
(straining) It's about to be lit!
286
00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:21,067
(sighs)
287
00:10:21,169 --> 00:10:23,704
- You still can't use a corkscrew, can you?
- (gasps)
288
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:25,539
Shhhhhh! They'll hear you, okay?
289
00:10:25,641 --> 00:10:27,140
Look, I don't know what to do.
290
00:10:27,242 --> 00:10:29,810
I already used up all my best
methods of distraction.
291
00:10:29,912 --> 00:10:32,579
So, I understood
the first women's march,
292
00:10:32,681 --> 00:10:34,448
but what was the second one about?
293
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:35,883
The organizers didn't have
the resources!
294
00:10:35,984 --> 00:10:37,918
- You don't get to ask that.
- I don't know,
295
00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:39,753
but the third one is coming
straight to your house.
296
00:10:39,855 --> 00:10:42,989
I'm gonna watch this "Corkscrews
for Dummies" video on YouTube
297
00:10:43,091 --> 00:10:44,625
one more time
and just pray for a miracle.
298
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,259
You do that, and I'm gonna go use
299
00:10:46,361 --> 00:10:48,328
my best method of distraction.
300
00:10:50,077 --> 00:10:53,031
I'm thinking of being a princess
for Halloween. Thoughts?
301
00:10:53,094 --> 00:10:54,843
- Do you want to live in a box?
- Do you want to make change in the world?
302
00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:57,330
Do you want to live in a box?
Oh, honey, sit.
303
00:10:57,432 --> 00:10:59,733
(guinea pig squeaking)
304
00:10:59,835 --> 00:11:01,100
Is this one even American?
305
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,832
All right, do you have
any others in the back?
306
00:11:02,910 --> 00:11:05,605
No, sir, we don't keep
secret extra guinea pigs
307
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:06,873
in the back of the store.
308
00:11:06,975 --> 00:11:09,375
Have you had a chance to
check out our leash selection?
309
00:11:09,477 --> 00:11:11,411
Oh, goodie! A leash!
310
00:11:11,513 --> 00:11:13,413
Maybe I'll take one home
and call it "Pickle,"
311
00:11:13,515 --> 00:11:15,448
and I'll feed it little gem lettuce.
312
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:18,718
Do any of your guinea pigs
even eat little gems?!
313
00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:21,821
Dad, we don't have to get
a new guinea pig today.
314
00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:23,322
Yeah, we found a cool leash
315
00:11:23,425 --> 00:11:24,924
with rhinestones to buy instead.
316
00:11:25,026 --> 00:11:27,159
But a leash is not a guinea pig!
317
00:11:27,261 --> 00:11:28,160
- Attention!
- Douglas.
318
00:11:28,262 --> 00:11:29,528
- Attention, everybody!
- Douglas.
319
00:11:29,630 --> 00:11:30,829
It's important you know this.
320
00:11:30,932 --> 00:11:33,866
It is possible
that any one of these animals
321
00:11:33,968 --> 00:11:36,101
can die at any moment,
322
00:11:36,203 --> 00:11:39,071
and this God-forsaken rat farm
323
00:11:39,173 --> 00:11:41,406
will not guarantee a replacement!
324
00:11:41,508 --> 00:11:43,408
- Yeah. You have to...
- Put it...
325
00:11:43,510 --> 00:11:45,644
I know what I'm doing.
326
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:46,579
Just got to...
327
00:11:46,681 --> 00:11:47,813
- I'm taking the leash!
- Okay.
328
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:51,416
And I hope it comes out
of your paycheck, Raj!
329
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,055
"Procedure may cause tear
in rectum wall"?
330
00:11:56,156 --> 00:11:59,724
"Photos may be used
for teaching purposes"?!
331
00:11:59,826 --> 00:12:01,260
(tapping)
332
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:03,534
Just checking in.
333
00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:04,802
Also, there's a guy in the waiting room
334
00:12:04,904 --> 00:12:06,170
who keeps telling me and Graham
about his GERD.
335
00:12:06,213 --> 00:12:07,237
Oh, yeah?
336
00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:09,774
Well, I'm just reading
about colonoscopy risks,
337
00:12:09,876 --> 00:12:11,075
and one is death.
338
00:12:11,177 --> 00:12:13,711
- So, yeah, thanks a lot.
- What?
339
00:12:13,813 --> 00:12:16,981
I didn't force you to get
an emergency midday colonoscopy.
340
00:12:17,083 --> 00:12:18,148
You basically did.
341
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:21,185
I am defending my honor
as Graham's mother.
342
00:12:21,287 --> 00:12:22,386
All right, that's it.
343
00:12:22,489 --> 00:12:23,988
I'll accept the blame
for a lot of things...
344
00:12:24,090 --> 00:12:25,055
Sophie's flat feet,
345
00:12:25,157 --> 00:12:26,991
the lack of coverage
of Hurricane Nate...
346
00:12:27,093 --> 00:12:28,793
It was a category-one.
We had bigger fish to fry.
347
00:12:28,895 --> 00:12:30,995
Okay, I don't understand.
Are you a weatherman?
348
00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:32,363
How many times do I have to say it?
349
00:12:32,465 --> 00:12:33,563
It's very simple.
350
00:12:33,665 --> 00:12:34,994
I'm a stay-at-home weather researcher.
351
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,867
- Oh!
- But I will not accept the blame
352
00:12:36,969 --> 00:12:39,002
for you sitting here
in a very see-through robe...
353
00:12:39,027 --> 00:12:40,046
I apologize...
354
00:12:40,071 --> 00:12:41,538
waiting to get a colonoscopy!
355
00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,272
Is it weird that I was gonna
get one for Graham?
356
00:12:43,375 --> 00:12:44,440
(scoffs)
357
00:12:44,543 --> 00:12:45,809
Yes.
358
00:12:45,911 --> 00:12:47,978
But isn't it weirder that you
were threatened by that?
359
00:12:48,079 --> 00:12:49,546
Of course I was threatened!
360
00:12:49,648 --> 00:12:52,382
It feels like you're trying
to be a father figure to my son,
361
00:12:52,484 --> 00:12:54,951
and I-I'm the only person he needs.
362
00:12:55,053 --> 00:12:57,521
I'm his father and his mother.
363
00:12:57,546 --> 00:12:58,565
Last Father's Day,
364
00:12:58,590 --> 00:13:00,657
I took myself out to a dope-ass brunch
365
00:13:00,759 --> 00:13:03,459
and bought military fiction in hardcopy!
366
00:13:04,830 --> 00:13:06,530
(sighs)
367
00:13:06,632 --> 00:13:07,897
I...
368
00:13:07,999 --> 00:13:10,232
I want to be enough for him.
369
00:13:11,602 --> 00:13:12,835
You are.
370
00:13:14,705 --> 00:13:16,304
You're doing a great job as the dad.
371
00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:18,373
- (scoffs)
- Honestly.
372
00:13:18,475 --> 00:13:21,076
You give off angry-dad vibes
all the time.
373
00:13:21,178 --> 00:13:22,845
Like, I'm looking
at your face right now,
374
00:13:22,947 --> 00:13:25,614
and I'm like, "That dad is pissed."
375
00:13:28,553 --> 00:13:30,786
Sorry I overreacted today.
376
00:13:30,888 --> 00:13:32,788
No, you didn't overreact.
377
00:13:34,926 --> 00:13:36,725
I've just never seen Graham
378
00:13:36,827 --> 00:13:39,094
legitimately bond with a man before.
379
00:13:39,196 --> 00:13:41,096
It's freaking me out.
380
00:13:41,198 --> 00:13:44,232
He's never met his father.
381
00:13:45,602 --> 00:13:47,102
Yeah.
382
00:13:48,572 --> 00:13:51,639
Angie, you have to know that
you're Graham's whole world.
383
00:13:51,959 --> 00:13:54,827
The undeniable chemistry
that he and I have
384
00:13:54,887 --> 00:13:56,301
- is no match for the love he has for you.
- (sighs)
385
00:13:56,363 --> 00:13:58,547
Can you please stop calling it
"undeniable chemistry"?
386
00:13:58,648 --> 00:14:00,402
I have to call it what it is.
387
00:14:02,986 --> 00:14:04,386
I don't need a colonoscopy.
388
00:14:04,488 --> 00:14:06,754
This was a crazy move.
389
00:14:06,856 --> 00:14:08,457
- Yeah.
- I feel better.
390
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:09,924
Weirdly calm.
391
00:14:10,026 --> 00:14:12,060
Well, the sedative
should've fully kicked in.
392
00:14:12,162 --> 00:14:13,462
- It's showtime!
- Oh, my God,
393
00:14:13,564 --> 00:14:15,028
I'm getting a colonoscopy!
394
00:14:15,131 --> 00:14:16,397
You totally are! It's oddly inspiring!
395
00:14:16,499 --> 00:14:18,265
You're a great dad, Angie!
396
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:24,059
Okay, this year for Halloween,
I will be Pingyang,
397
00:14:24,122 --> 00:14:27,237
Chinese warrior princess
born in 598 A.D.
398
00:14:27,276 --> 00:14:29,676
And you let me know
if you need to borrow my sword.
399
00:14:29,779 --> 00:14:31,909
I think our work here is done.
To Pingyang.
400
00:14:32,010 --> 00:14:33,413
- To Pingyang.
- Yes!
401
00:14:33,515 --> 00:14:34,581
- No.
- All right, where's our wine.
402
00:14:34,683 --> 00:14:37,084
- He never filled our glass!
- I want wine!
403
00:14:37,186 --> 00:14:40,320
- Miggy, did the video work?
- No. Look.
404
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:41,988
- You're bleeding!
- What's going on?
405
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,235
Are you waiting for a man
to come buy us drinks?
406
00:14:44,314 --> 00:14:46,980
Are you ignoring us because you
don't see us as sexual beings?
407
00:14:47,082 --> 00:14:48,549
No, you're very sexual.
408
00:14:48,651 --> 00:14:50,050
How can I see you as anything but?
409
00:14:50,152 --> 00:14:51,319
Well, what are you waiting on, then?
What's going on?
410
00:14:51,421 --> 00:14:53,365
Do I need to jump over this
counter and get my own wine?
411
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:54,372
Please don't hurt me! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
412
00:14:54,397 --> 00:14:57,090
He can't use a corkscrew, okay?
413
00:14:59,762 --> 00:15:01,094
Oh, my goodness.
414
00:15:01,197 --> 00:15:04,732
Making a child defend you?
Please! No one is that stupid.
415
00:15:04,834 --> 00:15:06,967
I am! I am that stupid.
416
00:15:07,069 --> 00:15:08,980
There's $1,000 of broken wine bottles
417
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,496
- in the trash to prove it.
- Oh!
418
00:15:10,574 --> 00:15:13,641
And it sucks 'cause I really
want to crush this job.
419
00:15:13,743 --> 00:15:15,675
Poppy's the best person in the world.
420
00:15:15,777 --> 00:15:18,345
And that includes this dude
Dwayne you guys don't know.
421
00:15:19,315 --> 00:15:21,114
And for some reason, she believes in me,
422
00:15:21,217 --> 00:15:23,350
and I want to give her
a reason to believe.
423
00:15:24,153 --> 00:15:25,285
But I can't.
424
00:15:25,387 --> 00:15:28,856
So, it's... it's time for me
to hang up my wine tie.
425
00:15:28,958 --> 00:15:30,423
- Oh!
- I don't deserve this job.
426
00:15:30,525 --> 00:15:31,859
Okay. It's a clip-on.
427
00:15:31,961 --> 00:15:34,594
- What happened to that boy?
- We have to help him, don't we?
428
00:15:34,696 --> 00:15:37,331
- Yeah, we do.
- Ugh.
429
00:15:37,432 --> 00:15:38,999
- It's screw time.
- Screw time.
430
00:15:39,101 --> 00:15:40,868
- (groans)
- Come on, twist! Come on. Come on.
431
00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:42,135
Don't be afraid to make a little noise.
432
00:15:42,238 --> 00:15:43,603
- Get your legs involved!
- No, clockwise! Clockwise!
433
00:15:43,705 --> 00:15:45,138
- (overlapping shouting)
- Okay.
434
00:15:45,241 --> 00:15:48,341
- (straining)
- (shouting)
435
00:15:48,366 --> 00:15:49,510
I... almost got it!
436
00:15:49,535 --> 00:15:50,549
- (pop)
- (all cheering)
437
00:15:50,578 --> 00:15:52,245
- Yes!
- Yes! Yes!
438
00:15:52,347 --> 00:15:54,300
- Ohh!
- Oh, wow.
439
00:15:54,363 --> 00:15:55,839
- Thank you. I did it!
- Really, really good.
440
00:15:55,903 --> 00:15:57,002
Hey!
441
00:15:57,718 --> 00:15:59,451
What's everyone cheering about?
442
00:16:01,055 --> 00:16:04,590
We're cheering because Miggy...
443
00:16:04,692 --> 00:16:06,386
is so great.
444
00:16:06,472 --> 00:16:08,207
FRANNY: First straight man
I've ever respected.
445
00:16:08,308 --> 00:16:10,229
(chuckles) Also, whose kid is this?
446
00:16:10,331 --> 00:16:11,230
Miggy!
447
00:16:11,332 --> 00:16:13,165
(cheering)
448
00:16:13,268 --> 00:16:15,334
He's one of the good ones.
449
00:16:16,504 --> 00:16:22,307
(organ plays Pachelbel's "Canon in D")
450
00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:23,409
Hello. Welcome.
451
00:16:23,511 --> 00:16:26,412
Please remember
that this is not a funeral.
452
00:16:26,514 --> 00:16:27,679
It's a celebration of life.
453
00:16:27,782 --> 00:16:29,014
- Daddy!
- Sophie!
454
00:16:29,116 --> 00:16:30,549
I can't wait to see the slideshow!
455
00:16:30,651 --> 00:16:33,184
- You can wait. Trust me.
- Mm...
456
00:16:33,287 --> 00:16:36,422
- Ohh. Can I get a womp-womp?!
- All right.
457
00:16:36,524 --> 00:16:38,590
Whose birthday party is this, anyway?
458
00:16:38,692 --> 00:16:40,225
What's wrong with your mom?
459
00:16:40,327 --> 00:16:43,862
She got a colonoscopy today
for pretty much no reason.
460
00:16:46,447 --> 00:16:47,466
To the brim.
461
00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:49,435
I got you.
462
00:16:51,572 --> 00:16:54,306
(imitates whooshing)
463
00:16:54,408 --> 00:16:55,573
Sorry.
464
00:16:57,243 --> 00:17:01,312
We should... talk about
what happened at the pet store.
465
00:17:01,414 --> 00:17:03,714
- I'm worried.
- Oh. Me too.
466
00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:07,351
Raj is so bad at his job.
467
00:17:10,890 --> 00:17:14,792
Okay, I had a breakdown
at a pet store on Cahuenga.
468
00:17:14,894 --> 00:17:16,594
(sighs) Maybe you're right.
469
00:17:16,696 --> 00:17:19,330
I-I... I haven't dealt
with Rose's death.
470
00:17:19,432 --> 00:17:20,898
It was all a blur.
471
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,435
You know, she died,
and I had 10-month-old twins.
472
00:17:24,537 --> 00:17:26,036
They were teething.
473
00:17:26,138 --> 00:17:28,339
It was scarier than the draft.
474
00:17:28,441 --> 00:17:30,040
I didn't have time to grieve.
475
00:17:30,142 --> 00:17:33,510
I-I was doing the best I could.
476
00:17:33,612 --> 00:17:34,878
They were so little.
477
00:17:34,981 --> 00:17:38,215
Douglas, what you did was amazing.
478
00:17:38,317 --> 00:17:39,783
But they're not little anymore.
479
00:17:39,885 --> 00:17:40,717
They're...
480
00:17:40,819 --> 00:17:43,887
They're looking to you for guidance.
481
00:17:47,626 --> 00:17:51,761
♪ Ave ♪
482
00:17:51,864 --> 00:17:57,501
♪ Maria ♪
483
00:17:57,603 --> 00:17:59,269
(whispering) It's all I had.
484
00:18:03,275 --> 00:18:04,875
Thank you all for coming.
485
00:18:04,977 --> 00:18:06,610
If you are moved to speak about Pickle,
486
00:18:06,712 --> 00:18:08,344
please do so.
487
00:18:08,446 --> 00:18:10,346
I want to say something.
488
00:18:11,950 --> 00:18:13,149
Life is crazy.
489
00:18:13,251 --> 00:18:15,084
I just got a colonoscopy!
490
00:18:15,186 --> 00:18:17,186
And the results are in.
491
00:18:17,288 --> 00:18:19,155
I got an A-plus butt.
492
00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:20,156
Yep.
493
00:18:20,258 --> 00:18:21,892
Will's got a butt, too!
494
00:18:21,994 --> 00:18:23,593
- Ah.
- I'm down with that.
495
00:18:23,695 --> 00:18:27,296
I guess a lot of us have butts,
when you really think about it.
496
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:29,298
We're not that different, after all.
497
00:18:29,401 --> 00:18:32,802
R.I.P. Pickle,
you were one hell of a cat.
498
00:18:32,905 --> 00:18:34,370
- That's all.
- Thank you, Angie.
499
00:18:34,472 --> 00:18:35,471
Now I'll share.
500
00:18:35,574 --> 00:18:37,240
Pickle was funny, kind,
501
00:18:37,342 --> 00:18:39,842
and, my God, could she nap. (crying)
502
00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:43,046
RORY: The pet store says the
price of a guinea pig is $25,
503
00:18:43,148 --> 00:18:45,448
but you can't put a price on Pickle.
504
00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,274
I don't know what it all means,
505
00:18:47,336 --> 00:18:49,352
- but I do know one thing...
- (sniffles)
506
00:18:49,454 --> 00:18:51,907
Heaven just got a little furrier
507
00:18:51,993 --> 00:18:53,610
- and a lot cuter.
- (crying)
508
00:18:53,691 --> 00:18:55,358
Good night, sweet princess.
509
00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:57,060
(smooches)
510
00:18:58,229 --> 00:19:00,963
Now, I would like to invite
Pickle's two moms,
511
00:19:01,066 --> 00:19:03,566
Emma and Amy, up to the podium.
512
00:19:09,006 --> 00:19:10,506
(whispering) Girls.
513
00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:13,075
Look, it turns out,
you can't replace a pet.
514
00:19:13,177 --> 00:19:14,909
Or people.
515
00:19:15,011 --> 00:19:16,844
And it's important to remember her,
516
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,013
and it's okay to feel something.
517
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,748
Okay?
518
00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:24,086
So, if you feel like you want to speak,
519
00:19:24,188 --> 00:19:25,387
then you should speak.
520
00:19:25,489 --> 00:19:27,922
(whispering)
521
00:19:32,429 --> 00:19:33,861
All right.
522
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,364
(applause)
523
00:19:39,703 --> 00:19:41,603
Pickle was a guinea pig.
524
00:19:41,705 --> 00:19:42,870
She was brown and white.
525
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:45,207
She liked cardboard.
526
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,208
Once, she sneezed,
and it sounded stupid.
527
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,876
She would eat like this.
528
00:19:51,347 --> 00:19:52,714
They're really opening up.
529
00:19:53,950 --> 00:19:56,550
Also, Rory, we forgive you.
530
00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:58,019
Ohh! Thank you!
531
00:19:58,121 --> 00:20:00,755
I think Pickle would want me
to dance again.
532
00:20:00,857 --> 00:20:02,556
Miggy! Drop the beat!
533
00:20:03,459 --> 00:20:05,746
- ♪ Bam! Yeah! Yeah ♪
- Okay, Rory!
534
00:20:05,793 --> 00:20:08,029
Okay, okay. I see you! I see you!
535
00:20:08,131 --> 00:20:10,064
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Lil Jon... ♪
536
00:20:10,166 --> 00:20:12,533
♪♪
537
00:20:12,636 --> 00:20:14,235
(groans)
538
00:20:14,337 --> 00:20:15,402
Stop.
539
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:20,186
I want you to know more about your mom.
540
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,475
Which means I need to start
talking about her.
541
00:20:22,539 --> 00:20:25,373
So... here we go.
542
00:20:25,622 --> 00:20:27,285
I'll tell you everything,
543
00:20:27,379 --> 00:20:31,036
beginning with the first place we met.
544
00:20:31,925 --> 00:20:33,157
It was right here.
545
00:20:33,259 --> 00:20:35,659
It was love at first sight.
546
00:20:37,730 --> 00:20:40,526
- Hot Twists!
- That's so cool.
547
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:42,019
Did she make pretzels?
548
00:20:42,121 --> 00:20:43,988
Not exactly.
549
00:20:44,089 --> 00:20:46,724
Was she a professional Twister player?
550
00:20:46,826 --> 00:20:48,325
In a way.
551
00:20:48,427 --> 00:20:51,662
I bet that's why
we're so good at Twister!
552
00:20:51,764 --> 00:20:54,131
Tell us more about her.
553
00:20:54,233 --> 00:20:56,166
Yeah, take it away, big guy.
554
00:20:57,537 --> 00:21:01,071
Well, as you know,
her real name was Rose...
555
00:21:01,173 --> 00:21:04,808
but her stage name was Rosé.
556
00:21:04,911 --> 00:21:07,244
♪♪
557
00:21:07,330 --> 00:21:12,330
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