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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,744 Does that work for you guys? Was the accent good? 2 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,379 No? I'm not doing it again. 3 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,548 And what the hell are we looking at here? 4 00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:52,117 Is this an alien abduction movie? 5 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,786 Change this. 6 00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:58,290 But ruling them isn't enough for this king. 7 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:01,193 What's this now? A dark room full of pot smokers. 8 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:04,563 This is how we're starting the movie? Change! 9 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,232 Our story begins here 10 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:11,470 in this Wild Westerworld. 11 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,440 What the fuck is this?! 12 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:18,343 You know what? Forget it. Just start this shit. 13 00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:23,282 Peasants of Wild Westerworld, 14 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:26,785 welcome to the sporting event of the weekend. 15 00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:41,166 It's Aeneas! It's A-E-N-E-A-S. 16 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:43,302 Aeneas. 17 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:46,538 Shit. I think I'm going to go and, um... 18 00:01:46,540 --> 00:01:50,109 I think I'm going to go to the tent and have my cock sucked. 19 00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:52,678 Oh, fuck. I think I just... 20 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,380 - I just farted. - Up we go. 21 00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:58,617 - This smells awful. - I think I just shat my pants. 22 00:02:01,222 --> 00:02:03,655 Gonna get myself cleaned up. 23 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,725 Fuck off! Master of Secrets, let's go. 24 00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,296 No! 25 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,533 What is this "Anus" shit? 26 00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:18,871 His name is Aeneas! A-E-N-E-A-S. 27 00:02:18,873 --> 00:02:22,174 You fucking peasants are so fucking uneducated. 28 00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:24,610 "Anus." Put the fucking signs away! 29 00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,484 Hello, girls. 30 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:52,571 My name is Anus! 31 00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:55,674 A-N-U-S! 32 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:27,666 I said wine! Give me some wine now! 33 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:31,670 Don't fucking spill it on me, you fucking idiot! 34 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,650 Yes? 35 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,985 - My lord. - Yes? 36 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,987 I have seen him. 37 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:53,392 Who have you seen? 38 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,927 The one who predicts our future. 39 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,963 The one who makes us envious. 40 00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,465 The one who paints pictures of life and death 41 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:04,069 with one fell swoop of a tweet. 42 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,382 You brought me here for this? 43 00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,951 I swear he was out here. 44 00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,554 This is boring. 45 00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:23,822 Boring. 46 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,425 Oh! 47 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,460 There! 48 00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:42,341 Wow! Oh, my, he came back! 49 00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,909 Man, it's such an honor. 50 00:05:43,911 --> 00:05:46,345 Uh, it's like cool, man. 51 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,946 Wow! 52 00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:50,949 - I've seen your future. - Yeah, I mean, look at that! 53 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,951 It's so bright, I gotta wear shades. 54 00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,720 You know what I'm sayin'? 55 00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,955 Unless you quit the violence around here, 56 00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:59,758 all you motherfuckers are gonna die. 57 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,460 Now, I'm telling you. 58 00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:04,496 You wanna be in any more books or TV shows, 59 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,498 y'all better stop killing each other. 60 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:18,510 And it shall be decreed thus. 61 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:21,680 No longer shall we live in a land where the defenseless 62 00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:25,016 fall prey to vicious predators and sexual deviants. 63 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:29,588 Let us restore the peace which our ancestors once enjoyed. 64 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:31,456 Excuse me, my lord, 65 00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:34,860 but there has never been peace in Wild Westerworld. 66 00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:37,562 - No? - No, my lord. 67 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:41,032 Okay, um, let it thus be decreed 68 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,435 that it is time to come out of the Dark Ages, 69 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,905 into a new age of everlasting peace. 70 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:50,409 And that is why I want you to join us here 71 00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:53,145 at Kingshire tomorrow, sundown, 72 00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:55,680 for Purgefest 3000. 73 00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,149 Sounds good, doesn't it? 74 00:06:57,151 --> 00:07:01,787 I'm sorry, my lord, but did you say "purge?" 75 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,656 Yes! Yes, you impotent cocksucker. 76 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,158 Yes, I did. 77 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,160 But isn't a purge where you violently remove 78 00:07:08,162 --> 00:07:09,895 a group of people? 79 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:12,597 No, no, no. It's more like a bar mitzvah with music 80 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,199 and just a few whores. 81 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,101 Make sure they're big tits. I like the big tits. 82 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,702 You know that. 83 00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:19,504 After you've sent out the invites, 84 00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:22,641 and everyone comes to the party, 85 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:26,878 and we've ushered them all into the hall, 86 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:31,450 I want you to make sure that the doors to the hall 87 00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:34,052 are locked from the outside. 88 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:41,927 And then I want you to make sure 89 00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:46,965 that we have plenty of dragonfire because... 90 00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:52,537 I'm going to burn everyone alive. 91 00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:16,995 Thank you, thank you. 92 00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:20,966 No, really, really, thank you. It was nothing. 93 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,802 Now it's your turn, baby brother. 94 00:08:25,272 --> 00:08:28,006 Brendan, what are you doing? It's your turn. 95 00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,075 Hold on, hold on. I almost got Miraxus. 96 00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:31,877 Oh. 97 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,211 Flew away. 98 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,780 Hodog. 99 00:08:35,782 --> 00:08:38,984 Our father, Lord Deadard Stork, is watching, 100 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,219 and so is our mother, Lady Stork, 101 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,621 and your ginger sister, Sansia, 102 00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:46,925 and the Polish baker, the Puerto Rican gardener, 103 00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:50,795 the carpenter, and a guy named Carlos. 104 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,597 Hey! 105 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:14,819 Okay, okay, which one of you was a marksman at 10? 106 00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,755 I see. 107 00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,891 Well, keep practicing, Brendan. You'll get there soon enough. 108 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,694 I don't want to pressure you or anything, 109 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,296 but you're embarrassing our entire house. 110 00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:26,765 Try to at least hit something near the target this time. 111 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:27,966 Just shoot. 112 00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,802 Ah! Ow, ow, ow! 113 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,872 I'm all right. I'm okay, I'm fine, it's okay. 114 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,248 So what's happening? 115 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,716 It's stuck. 116 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:47,052 Oh, well. We did our best, did we? 117 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:49,821 That's all they can ask for. 118 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:52,724 Look! It's him! 119 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:55,026 My God, he's handsome. 120 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,261 Excuse me. 121 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,930 What's up, you horny bitches! 122 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,865 Can I get an autograph? 123 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,936 Nothing's up, really. 124 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,305 We're just talking about going to get some cheeses. 125 00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,307 - Right, guys? - Yeah, yeah. 126 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:12,944 What about the wall? 127 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,646 The gate is stuck, Commander Doe. 128 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:17,215 Well, we'll do this the old-fashioned way. 129 00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,119 Get some help here, brothers. 130 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:22,687 - Yes, Commander Doe. - Yes! Yes! 131 00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:23,788 Pull! 132 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,091 Pull! 133 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,360 Harder! Harder! 134 00:10:28,362 --> 00:10:30,762 Ham, Ham. 135 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,098 Why are you grabbing my nipples? 136 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:37,268 Uh, I saw the other guys helping, 137 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:39,104 so I thought I'd join in. 138 00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,740 How does that help the gate come down? 139 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,876 Yes? Well, indeed. Yeah, good point. 140 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,812 Uh, my deepest apologies. It won't happen again. 141 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,247 It's stuck. 142 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:52,684 Men, this is what you get 143 00:10:52,686 --> 00:10:55,186 when you let Lord Trumpet the Orange 144 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:59,090 build the wall with the outsiders' money. 145 00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,861 Men, get the torches! 146 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,929 There's someone coming. 147 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,033 Hello, everybody! 148 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:11,770 It's me, Lord Trumpet of Orange, 149 00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:15,073 and I want to give you an update on my ratings. 150 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,441 They're incredible. 151 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:19,044 They're amazing. They're tremendous. 152 00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:20,278 Talk about the wall, sir. 153 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,813 Shut up, Miller. 154 00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:25,717 This amazing wall, which I installed 155 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,852 and was paid for by the brown people, 156 00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:31,222 who, by the way, did not vote for me. 157 00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,058 Very stupid. It's sad, frankly. 158 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,859 No brown people, sir. 159 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:38,763 This wall was built with the finest wood 160 00:11:38,765 --> 00:11:42,267 in all of Wild Westerworld. 161 00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:46,738 And as you can see, it's huge. 162 00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,740 Just like my penis. 163 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:54,179 My stars! 164 00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:58,149 You are like a stallion of Valdar! 165 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,757 Ohh! Ride me! 166 00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:09,427 Ride me to the end of the world, you beast! 167 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:18,036 Denise, my skanky, slutty sister, there you are. 168 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:21,172 Look what just arrived from Kingshire. 169 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:27,879 It looks like an invitation to a party. 170 00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:33,017 When they write the history of my reign, 171 00:12:33,019 --> 00:12:35,120 it will start today. 172 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,892 How exciting. What day is it? 173 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:43,795 February 31st! Now we shall travel to Kingshire at once 174 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:47,398 and deliver a special surprise to our friend, the king. 175 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,368 - I thought you hated the king. - Of course I hate him. 176 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,236 He's flatulating all over my throne. 177 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:54,372 But if you hate him, then why will you give him a surprise? 178 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,242 Never mind. Pack your things and bring the savage with you! 179 00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,846 Ohh! 180 00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,887 Good evening. 181 00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,923 We're going to a party in Kingshire. 182 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,158 Are there snacks? 183 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,993 More snacks than you can imagine. 184 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,427 Can I come? 185 00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:19,264 Of course you can come! You're the surprise! 186 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,399 Wait. I'm not popping out of a cake again. 187 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:24,035 We're going to give him our dragon? 188 00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,971 No, no, not exactly. 189 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,540 We shall hide Piff inside a pie, 190 00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:30,442 and the king will cut it, and then Piff will pop out 191 00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,143 and eat the king in front of everyone, 192 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,913 and I will be the new ruler of Wild Westerworld. 193 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,414 Did you just say, "Eat the king?" 194 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,483 Yes, I did. Do you have a problem with that? 195 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,351 Well, I'm actually a pescatarian, 196 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:44,222 so I don't eat any living creature apart from fish 197 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,891 because they deserve it, because they're dickheads. 198 00:13:46,893 --> 00:13:49,527 Then just chew his head off and spit it out. 199 00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,329 What do I care? As long as he dies. 200 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,832 Can I choke him out? I'm not very good around blood. 201 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,166 Yes, I just need him dead. 202 00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:58,303 Hold on, I've got a better idea. 203 00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,405 What about Killer here? 204 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:01,573 Uh, no. 205 00:14:01,575 --> 00:14:03,875 You will do the killing. 206 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,343 Well, I've already named him Killer, 207 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,612 so it just seems appropriate that he should kill. 208 00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:09,314 I said no. You will kill him. 209 00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,482 Fine, I'll kill him. 210 00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:14,419 He'll be dead to you, just like you're dead to me. 211 00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:17,589 Meet me by the pile of horseshit when he's done with you. 212 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:20,058 Which one? 213 00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:27,899 Diego, my moon and my stars, 214 00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,968 can you go harder? 215 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:35,039 Harder! Harder like you're taking me to the moon! 216 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,945 Yes! Yes! 217 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,382 ♪ Oh ♪ 218 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,317 ♪ Oh ♪ 219 00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:47,418 ♪ Oh ♪ 220 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,123 ♪ Oh ♪ 221 00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,925 ♪ Oh ♪ 222 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,894 ♪ Oh ♪ 223 00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:56,995 ♪ She likes ♪ 224 00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,663 ♪ Boys ♪ 225 00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,899 ♪ Parties ♪ 226 00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,200 ♪ Style ♪ 227 00:15:02,202 --> 00:15:03,234 ♪ Fame ♪ 228 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:04,469 ♪ She likes ♪ 229 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,037 ♪ Glamor ♪ 230 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,939 ♪ Runway ♪ 231 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,241 ♪ Style ♪ 232 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,276 ♪ Fame ♪ 233 00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:12,577 ♪ She likes gossip ♪ 234 00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,379 ♪ Oh ♪ 235 00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,114 ♪ Oh ♪ 236 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,116 ♪ Oh ♪ 237 00:15:18,385 --> 00:15:20,084 ♪ She likes gossip ♪ 238 00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:21,986 ♪ Oh ♪ 239 00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,955 ♪ Oh ♪ 240 00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,990 ♪ Oh ♪ 241 00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,492 ♪ She likes gossip ♪ 242 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,093 ♪ Oh ♪ 243 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,934 Oh, my God! 244 00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:39,237 It's got like an invitation. It's a party! 245 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:42,674 Clearly that's for me. This is my pool. 246 00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:44,008 Yeah, but... 247 00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:57,388 Thank you! 248 00:15:57,390 --> 00:16:00,224 Phone, Sebastian, give me my phone. 249 00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:01,526 Thank you. 250 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:08,466 Oh, my God! Me too! 251 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:12,337 Pack your things because we're going to a party! 252 00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:15,540 Oh, well, this says it's like, 253 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:19,077 "Genocide, but without the Jews. 254 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,013 And bring your own whores." 255 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,581 Oh, my God, you're right. 256 00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:26,050 We could be the whores! 257 00:16:26,052 --> 00:16:29,153 Oh, my God, we're gonna be so famous! 258 00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,055 Come on, Sebastian! 259 00:16:32,225 --> 00:16:35,193 Why? 260 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:38,029 Because it's Purgefest. 261 00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,098 Duh. 262 00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,604 Oh, no! Oh, no! I told you guys. 263 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:48,206 I told you we shouldn't have come here. 264 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:50,641 No! We're going to die! 265 00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,311 Gods, help us! 266 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:57,081 Where are you going? You fucking cowards! 267 00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:59,650 Johnny, do something! 268 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:00,785 Do the hair! 269 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,353 Yeah! 270 00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,723 The dance magic! Yeah, do it, Johnny! 271 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,774 Shake your hair, bitch! Do it! 272 00:17:28,782 --> 00:17:30,815 Oh, that's hot! That's hot! 273 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,617 Oh, yeah, yeah! Go for all of them. 274 00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,185 All of them! 275 00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,357 Wow! 276 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:41,426 Fuck me! 277 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,367 Do it, Johnny! Do... 278 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,404 Holy mother of... 279 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,673 Holy shit! 280 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:04,482 Uncle Tony, Lord of Iron! 281 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:07,518 Holy shit! How did you do that? 282 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,520 Screw my suit. You guys going to Purgefest? 283 00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:12,190 Ah, my family wouldn't want me there. I'm a bastard. 284 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,491 Your family won't want you there? 285 00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,793 I'm your family! You know what you need? 286 00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:17,228 You need some makeup. 287 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,130 Make yourself pretty on the inside. 288 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:20,698 - Does that work? - Does it work? 289 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,233 How do you think I met your mother? 290 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,601 - You know my mother? - Of course! 291 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,269 - I'm your uncle. - Who is she? 292 00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,839 Listen, go to Purgefest, you'll meet your mother. 293 00:18:27,841 --> 00:18:29,874 Can't go right now. I gotta go to Segovia. 294 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:33,744 I got a hot widow in a castle, and she's waiting for me. 295 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,546 But you guys, I'll see you at Purgefest? 296 00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:37,715 - All right, good. - Later, guys. 297 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,350 So cool. 298 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:41,452 Everyone has a weird uncle. 299 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,488 Sorry, Father. 300 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,823 I was aiming for the target, but he was in the way. 301 00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:47,358 It's okay, boy. 302 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,329 Lord Stork, Lady Stork. 303 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,164 The guardsmen have returned from the hillside. 304 00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,866 They captured the deserter from the wall. 305 00:18:54,868 --> 00:18:57,235 Tell the men to saddle the horses. 306 00:18:57,237 --> 00:18:59,804 - Brendan, you come with me. - Are you sure, Deadard? 307 00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:03,541 Don't you think he's too young to see such things? 308 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,776 He won't be a child forever, my dear. 309 00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,478 This will be a good lesson for him. 310 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,213 Come on, Brendan. 311 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:13,751 I will teach you how to deal with the deserters. 312 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,686 I got peanuts! 313 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,721 Beer! 314 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,689 Toy heads for the kids! 315 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:21,659 Peanuts! Peanuts! 316 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,828 Is there anything you'd like to say in your defense 317 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,696 before I deliver your sentence? 318 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:28,833 Yeah. I know I hopped the wall, but I'm not a goddamn deserter. 319 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:31,302 I know I shouldn't have ran, but I saw what I saw, 320 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,804 so I went as fast as me legs could carry. 321 00:19:32,805 --> 00:19:34,739 You might think I deserve to die like a dog. 322 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,441 People won't hear the truth. Made a cat eat all your ears. 323 00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:39,911 And the devil ate the cat, and that's all. 324 00:19:39,913 --> 00:19:42,380 Does anyone understand what this man said? 325 00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,581 No. 326 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:46,717 Very well. Off with his head. 327 00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:47,852 Yay! 328 00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:54,258 Fucking gobshite. 329 00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:56,461 In the name of Walter of the House of Falafel... 330 00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:57,962 Cut! Cut, cut, cut, cut! 331 00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:00,565 We can't hear you! Where's the boom guy? 332 00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:06,270 - Is he union? - No! 333 00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,940 Yay! I'm free! 334 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,244 In the name of Walter of the House of Falafel, 335 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:17,915 I, Deadard, son of Fendrial, husband of Lady Stork, 336 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:22,353 lover of Athena, Catrina, Seraphina, and Salvador, 337 00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,822 father of Macauley McCulkin, 338 00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:27,658 Boped, Ariana, Celsia... 339 00:20:27,660 --> 00:20:29,527 Oh, just do it already! 340 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:30,962 Who said that? 341 00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:32,663 Father. Sorry, I just... 342 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,932 I can't stand the sight of real blood. 343 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,634 This is the old way, boy. 344 00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:39,737 The man who passes the sentence must deliver the blow. 345 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,806 Now, put that game down. Come here. 346 00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:42,940 I'll chop his head off. 347 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:46,777 Hodog. 348 00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:52,316 You may go. My boy will hold him down. 349 00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,719 Now hold him. Hold still. 350 00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:56,487 Steady. 351 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:03,961 I told you to stay steady! 352 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:08,466 Here comes Lady Stork. Don't say a word. 353 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,868 Oh, hello, my dear. What brings you here? 354 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,303 Where's Brendan? 355 00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:13,704 He had a small accident, 356 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,873 but it's nothing the maester can't fix. 357 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:20,444 We just received an invitation to Kingshire for Purgefest 3000. 358 00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,946 What is that? 359 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,016 A party to purge all violence from the kingdoms. 360 00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:26,817 That is wonderful! 361 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:28,786 I think that you should go alone. 362 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,454 Our enemies will be there, 363 00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:32,556 and it may be dangerous for the children. 364 00:21:32,558 --> 00:21:34,859 - What say you? - Father! 365 00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:37,628 Prince Jizzy will be there, and I must meet him. 366 00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,831 He's the love of my life. I'm going to marry him. 367 00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:42,833 I want to lie naked in his bed 368 00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:45,636 while he drizzles hot honey all over my body. 369 00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:47,071 Now, now, don't get upset. 370 00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:50,308 There's no safer place in the entire realm 371 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:52,009 than Kingshire, my dear. 372 00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:54,979 I'm certain that nothing bad will happen to us. 373 00:21:54,981 --> 00:21:57,848 My children, pack your bags. 374 00:21:57,850 --> 00:21:59,850 We're going to the capital! 375 00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:29,947 And now the benevolent, 376 00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:31,682 the magnificent, 377 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:34,685 and the extremely dignified 378 00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,721 Prince Jizzy! 379 00:22:38,925 --> 00:22:40,524 That's my boy! 380 00:22:45,798 --> 00:22:49,100 ♪ Ladies, ladies All the sexy ladies ♪ 381 00:22:49,102 --> 00:22:52,603 ♪ Longing for a prince like me ♪ 382 00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:55,873 ♪ Some of them be cherry red ♪ 383 00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,576 ♪ Some be lewd and some be shrewd ♪ 384 00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:02,546 ♪ All longing for a prince like me ♪ 385 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:04,749 Mongrel, you're in the wrong key! 386 00:23:04,751 --> 00:23:08,419 I believe it is the right one, Your Grace. 387 00:23:08,421 --> 00:23:10,488 What did you say? 388 00:23:10,490 --> 00:23:12,456 That you are right, Your Grace. 389 00:23:12,458 --> 00:23:15,426 I believe the only right key 390 00:23:15,428 --> 00:23:18,396 is the one that will open the door to this shithole, 391 00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:22,133 so we can all get out before this penis starts singing again. 392 00:23:22,135 --> 00:23:23,934 What did you call me? 393 00:23:23,936 --> 00:23:28,072 Your Mostly Honorable... 394 00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:31,075 Prince Jizzy, of course. 395 00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:33,010 That's what I thought. 396 00:23:34,614 --> 00:23:36,113 Mongrel, kill him! 397 00:23:44,824 --> 00:23:46,157 Mommy! 398 00:23:46,159 --> 00:23:49,160 Ha! That's it! Run to mommy, ya bitch. 399 00:23:49,162 --> 00:23:51,762 Mongrel, go play something for me. 400 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:54,165 Go! 401 00:23:54,167 --> 00:23:55,766 Mommy! 402 00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:07,545 I like my boy strong. 403 00:24:09,682 --> 00:24:11,749 Ooh! 404 00:24:11,751 --> 00:24:12,850 Yes! 405 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:29,567 Now, good boy. 406 00:24:37,844 --> 00:24:40,110 Did you get your invitation to Purgefest? 407 00:24:40,112 --> 00:24:42,780 I got it. It's a good plan. 408 00:24:42,782 --> 00:24:44,548 What are you talking about? 409 00:24:44,550 --> 00:24:46,884 It's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. 410 00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:51,055 Just another one of my husband's stupid, bloody ideas 411 00:24:51,057 --> 00:24:52,823 that drunk bastard... 412 00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:54,258 What? 413 00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:56,861 It's a brilliant opportunity to kill him. 414 00:24:56,863 --> 00:24:58,863 What did you say? 415 00:24:58,865 --> 00:25:03,767 I said Purgefest is an excellent opportunity 416 00:25:03,769 --> 00:25:06,003 to kill your husband. 417 00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:10,207 You're not just a beautiful face, are you? 418 00:25:10,209 --> 00:25:13,010 You've got stuff going on up there. 419 00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:17,915 I love it when you talk dirty to me. 420 00:25:17,917 --> 00:25:19,917 After the king is dead, 421 00:25:19,919 --> 00:25:22,953 our son will take the throne. 422 00:25:22,955 --> 00:25:24,622 - Jizzy? - Jizzy. 423 00:25:24,624 --> 00:25:26,190 - Jizzy. - Jizzy. 424 00:25:26,192 --> 00:25:28,292 - Jizzy? - Jizzy. 425 00:25:28,294 --> 00:25:29,727 Jizzy! 426 00:25:30,796 --> 00:25:31,829 Jizzy! 427 00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:35,232 Ohh! 428 00:25:40,239 --> 00:25:41,872 Mother? 429 00:25:46,979 --> 00:25:49,246 Hello, s-s-s... Nephew. 430 00:25:52,685 --> 00:25:54,785 I heard someone in this direction calling my name. 431 00:25:54,787 --> 00:25:56,654 Oh? 432 00:25:56,656 --> 00:25:59,590 Oh, honey, you must be hearing things. 433 00:25:59,592 --> 00:26:02,092 Why don't you go run along and play with yourself? 434 00:26:02,094 --> 00:26:04,094 I'm not finished with your uncle. 435 00:26:04,096 --> 00:26:05,263 Can I go shoot peasants with my crossbow? 436 00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:07,831 No, honey, not today. 437 00:26:07,833 --> 00:26:09,833 I just can't be bothered with any maimed bumpkins 438 00:26:09,835 --> 00:26:12,870 whining with their retched families at the castle gates. 439 00:26:12,872 --> 00:26:14,772 - Please, Mother! - Not today! 440 00:26:15,975 --> 00:26:17,775 Sorry. I'm sorry. 441 00:26:17,777 --> 00:26:18,943 I'm sorry. 442 00:26:22,949 --> 00:26:24,114 What's this? 443 00:26:25,952 --> 00:26:27,952 Is this a toy from the future? 444 00:26:27,954 --> 00:26:31,322 Oh, dear, oh, dear. Give your uncle his hand back! 445 00:26:31,324 --> 00:26:32,890 Give your uncle his hand back now! 446 00:26:32,892 --> 00:26:35,092 No way! It's too much fun! 447 00:26:35,094 --> 00:26:36,093 No! 448 00:26:36,095 --> 00:26:37,828 You know what? 449 00:26:37,830 --> 00:26:38,996 Darling. 450 00:26:40,967 --> 00:26:42,299 I changed my mind. 451 00:26:42,301 --> 00:26:46,070 You can go shoot the peasants now, darling. 452 00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:47,805 Thank you, Mother. 453 00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:09,093 Hello, everybody. 454 00:27:09,095 --> 00:27:14,698 Have you noticed the beautiful white swans behind me? 455 00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:18,369 They remind me of my favorite type of people: 456 00:27:18,371 --> 00:27:20,137 Graceful and white. 457 00:27:20,139 --> 00:27:22,039 Very, very white. 458 00:27:22,041 --> 00:27:24,174 Inclusivity, sir. 459 00:27:24,176 --> 00:27:26,877 They are so beautiful, 460 00:27:26,879 --> 00:27:31,215 and they love me for bringing them into this world, 461 00:27:31,217 --> 00:27:35,919 almost as much as my beautiful Russian mail-order bride. 462 00:27:35,921 --> 00:27:38,322 And you know what the best part about the swans is? 463 00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:41,358 They're just as racist as I am. 464 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:42,926 Non-racist, sir. 465 00:27:42,928 --> 00:27:46,030 Non-racist as I am. 466 00:27:59,879 --> 00:28:02,379 It's so beautiful out here. 467 00:28:02,381 --> 00:28:04,815 I wonder who planted all these trees. 468 00:28:04,817 --> 00:28:07,785 Must've spent a fortune in gardeners. 469 00:28:10,089 --> 00:28:12,923 Hey, where are you going, you asswipe? 470 00:28:12,925 --> 00:28:15,793 Come back here! I'll sue you. 471 00:28:15,795 --> 00:28:18,729 - Where'd he go? - I can't believe he did that. 472 00:28:18,731 --> 00:28:20,397 Let's get out. 473 00:28:20,399 --> 00:28:22,032 Okay. Let's check it. 474 00:28:22,034 --> 00:28:23,100 Whoa! 475 00:28:23,102 --> 00:28:24,802 Okay, I'm fine. 476 00:28:24,804 --> 00:28:26,336 Okay. 477 00:28:27,473 --> 00:28:29,339 Where did he go? 478 00:28:31,811 --> 00:28:33,911 - Oh, no. Your tit's hanging out - Oh, yeah. 479 00:28:33,913 --> 00:28:36,480 Uh, put it away for once. 480 00:28:36,482 --> 00:28:37,915 No one can see. 481 00:28:37,917 --> 00:28:40,417 Yeah, that's true. 482 00:28:40,419 --> 00:28:42,753 - What are we gonna do? - I don't know. 483 00:28:46,859 --> 00:28:49,126 You've got to be kidding me right now. 484 00:28:49,128 --> 00:28:51,962 When you meet your gods, 485 00:28:51,964 --> 00:28:56,900 tell them Shaggy, son of Scooby, 486 00:28:56,902 --> 00:28:59,770 from the Rock, Paper, Scissor clan sent you. 487 00:28:59,772 --> 00:29:02,206 Please don't kill me. 488 00:29:05,745 --> 00:29:07,911 And... 489 00:29:07,913 --> 00:29:10,280 Tell me... 490 00:29:10,282 --> 00:29:13,050 where do women of your physique come from? 491 00:29:13,052 --> 00:29:15,819 The hills of Beverly. 492 00:29:15,821 --> 00:29:18,122 Do they all have the same curves as you? 493 00:29:18,124 --> 00:29:22,392 Most do, yes, if they can afford it. 494 00:29:22,394 --> 00:29:25,195 I think we may have to visit someday! 495 00:29:26,499 --> 00:29:28,031 After we kill you. 496 00:29:28,033 --> 00:29:29,533 What? 497 00:29:42,314 --> 00:29:43,847 - Get out! - Just do it. 498 00:29:43,849 --> 00:29:45,983 Okay, okay. 499 00:29:45,985 --> 00:29:50,554 Mr. Shaggy, my name is Clueless of House Kardushian. 500 00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,960 Tell me, Clueless, how would you like to die? 501 00:30:00,833 --> 00:30:04,434 Choking on a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream 502 00:30:04,436 --> 00:30:06,036 in my Jacuzzi, 503 00:30:06,038 --> 00:30:08,405 while having sex with you. 504 00:30:10,209 --> 00:30:12,810 The fat one's got a sense of humor! 505 00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:15,078 Take her as a slave and kill the other one. 506 00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:17,347 - What? - What? 507 00:30:17,349 --> 00:30:19,349 Who are you calling fat, bitch! 508 00:30:20,352 --> 00:30:21,885 Oh, yeah! 509 00:30:21,887 --> 00:30:23,320 Oh, she's feisty. 510 00:30:23,322 --> 00:30:26,223 Give me back my hammer or the family dies. 511 00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:28,392 Hang on a second! 512 00:30:28,394 --> 00:30:31,261 How many followers do you have? 513 00:30:36,569 --> 00:30:40,370 I have five followers. 514 00:30:40,372 --> 00:30:44,308 How do you expect me to take you seriously 515 00:30:44,310 --> 00:30:47,211 if you only have five followers? 516 00:30:47,213 --> 00:30:48,846 How many do you have? 517 00:30:48,848 --> 00:30:50,347 Thousands. 518 00:30:51,383 --> 00:30:52,916 Where are they? 519 00:30:52,918 --> 00:30:55,552 They're in here. 520 00:30:55,554 --> 00:30:58,155 And when I make my sex tape, 521 00:30:58,157 --> 00:31:04,127 I'll have millions and millions of followers. 522 00:31:04,129 --> 00:31:05,295 Well, join the club! 523 00:31:05,297 --> 00:31:07,097 Everyone does that around here. 524 00:31:07,099 --> 00:31:08,365 Really? 525 00:31:08,367 --> 00:31:10,968 Oh, yeah! Practically all the time. 526 00:31:10,970 --> 00:31:12,536 Yeah! 527 00:31:12,538 --> 00:31:16,473 How am I supposed to get famous now? 528 00:31:27,353 --> 00:31:29,353 Somebody say famous? 529 00:31:31,624 --> 00:31:33,290 Me. 530 00:31:33,292 --> 00:31:34,658 Me famous? 531 00:31:34,660 --> 00:31:37,895 I can make all you bitches famous. 532 00:31:40,599 --> 00:31:42,966 - Can we take a selfie? - Oh, my God, yeah! 533 00:31:42,968 --> 00:31:44,468 Okay, duck face. 534 00:31:44,470 --> 00:31:46,603 Famous! 535 00:31:48,474 --> 00:31:50,407 Your Majesty. 536 00:32:00,185 --> 00:32:02,552 Shut up! I'm... I'm hunting. 537 00:32:02,554 --> 00:32:04,421 - My apologizes, my lord. - Yes! 538 00:32:04,423 --> 00:32:07,157 You've done it again, Your Majesty. 539 00:32:07,159 --> 00:32:08,392 First shot. 540 00:32:08,394 --> 00:32:11,295 Very good. Take that beast 541 00:32:11,297 --> 00:32:14,932 and give it to the cook for tonight's feast. 542 00:32:16,235 --> 00:32:18,468 The event is just hours away, my lord. 543 00:32:18,470 --> 00:32:19,536 Yes. 544 00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:22,572 The, um... 545 00:32:22,574 --> 00:32:24,474 Yes, spit it out. 546 00:32:24,476 --> 00:32:29,212 The dragonfire has disappeared. 547 00:32:29,214 --> 00:32:32,115 Dragonfire has disappeared? How does the dragonfire... 548 00:32:32,117 --> 00:32:37,254 How does the dragonfire disappear? 549 00:32:37,256 --> 00:32:40,490 I'm afraid I do not know, my lord. 550 00:32:40,492 --> 00:32:43,060 I'm going to explain one thing to you. 551 00:32:43,062 --> 00:32:45,195 You're gonna get rid of all those people tonight. 552 00:32:45,197 --> 00:32:46,630 I don't care how you do it. 553 00:32:46,632 --> 00:32:49,032 You throw them off the castle wall. 554 00:32:49,034 --> 00:32:51,201 You drown them in the moat. 555 00:32:51,203 --> 00:32:55,138 Feed them to the little beasties of the fucking forest. 556 00:32:55,140 --> 00:32:58,175 Use your imagination, will ya, man? 557 00:32:58,177 --> 00:33:00,177 I'll think of something. 558 00:33:00,179 --> 00:33:02,446 Hold my wine. 559 00:33:02,448 --> 00:33:06,049 Ah, come here, you little bastard. 560 00:33:17,296 --> 00:33:20,297 Any more bad news for the king today? 561 00:33:20,299 --> 00:33:24,001 Lord Deadard Stork and his family are about to arrive. 562 00:33:24,003 --> 00:33:27,137 Would you like to greet him? 563 00:33:27,139 --> 00:33:29,706 Well, yes, of course I'd like to greet 564 00:33:29,708 --> 00:33:33,610 my dear long-lost friend. 565 00:33:33,612 --> 00:33:38,482 I mean, why didn't you bring that up in the first place? 566 00:33:38,484 --> 00:33:41,118 Do you wanna tell me, you fucking... 567 00:33:51,363 --> 00:33:54,664 The king is like a feather in the air. 568 00:33:54,666 --> 00:33:57,601 He goes whichever way the wind blows. 569 00:33:57,603 --> 00:34:02,506 And right now Deadard is blowing him hard. 570 00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:19,790 Oh, that's lovely. 571 00:34:19,792 --> 00:34:22,225 Good work. Yes. 572 00:34:33,138 --> 00:34:35,372 Ah, there we go. 573 00:34:42,147 --> 00:34:44,514 Lord Trumpet's wall. 574 00:34:44,516 --> 00:34:47,751 Journal entry number one. 575 00:34:47,753 --> 00:34:52,656 It's cold as shit out here in the middle of nowhere 576 00:34:52,658 --> 00:34:56,259 as we look for nothing for no reason whatsoever. 577 00:34:58,430 --> 00:35:01,198 The story of my life. 578 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,400 A bastard life. 579 00:35:03,402 --> 00:35:04,734 I'm bored. 580 00:35:04,736 --> 00:35:06,736 We can be on our way to Purgefest right now. 581 00:35:06,738 --> 00:35:08,805 No one wants two more bastards. 582 00:35:08,807 --> 00:35:10,474 Oh, come on. 583 00:35:10,476 --> 00:35:12,642 Half of the people in this kingdom are bastards, 584 00:35:12,644 --> 00:35:15,312 and the other half are just inbred morons. 585 00:35:15,314 --> 00:35:18,348 Besides, there will be women, 586 00:35:18,350 --> 00:35:21,685 entertainment, chesses. 587 00:35:21,687 --> 00:35:24,154 Hmm? All the essentials. 588 00:35:26,525 --> 00:35:31,194 ♪ I'm a bastard child ♪ 589 00:35:31,196 --> 00:35:33,797 ♪ Living on a wall ♪ 590 00:35:33,799 --> 00:35:37,734 ♪ With 40 celibate men ♪ 591 00:35:37,736 --> 00:35:41,438 Uh, wait. I didn't want to scare you, 592 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:44,474 but I received a note from an owl earlier 593 00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:47,577 that said the Storks might be in danger. 594 00:35:47,579 --> 00:35:50,680 When did you see an owl? 595 00:35:50,682 --> 00:35:53,917 Uh, it-it was when I... 596 00:35:53,919 --> 00:35:57,220 When I went to the bathroom. 597 00:35:57,222 --> 00:35:59,689 I've been with you all day. Who sent it? 598 00:35:59,691 --> 00:36:01,925 It was anonymous. 599 00:36:01,927 --> 00:36:05,595 I've never heard of him. Where is it? 600 00:36:05,597 --> 00:36:07,898 I-I burned it. 601 00:36:07,900 --> 00:36:09,733 Why would you burn the message? 602 00:36:09,735 --> 00:36:11,869 Because I was afraid it would get into the wrong hands. 603 00:36:11,870 --> 00:36:13,637 Look, we can discuss this forever, 604 00:36:13,639 --> 00:36:15,572 but the point is we don't have much time. 605 00:36:15,574 --> 00:36:18,642 If we don't head out now, your family might be killed. 606 00:36:18,644 --> 00:36:20,343 My family doesn't want to see me. 607 00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:22,812 Oh, bloody hell. Are you going to sit here 608 00:36:22,814 --> 00:36:24,548 moping all day about not having a mother? 609 00:36:24,550 --> 00:36:27,684 Or are you going to get up and do something? 610 00:36:31,356 --> 00:36:33,823 Let's go to Purgefest right now! 611 00:36:35,727 --> 00:36:38,295 Both of us. Let's do it. 612 00:36:38,297 --> 00:36:40,197 Yes, you're right. 613 00:36:44,236 --> 00:36:45,969 - Pack your bags. - Yes. 614 00:36:45,971 --> 00:36:48,305 - Get your best dress. - Yes! 615 00:36:48,307 --> 00:36:50,307 I'll get the car. We're going to Purgefest! 616 00:36:50,309 --> 00:36:53,343 Yes! Yes, let's do it, Johnny! 617 00:37:02,821 --> 00:37:05,722 Don't tell me you're playing that stupid game again. 618 00:37:05,724 --> 00:37:07,557 It's not stupid. I like it. 619 00:37:07,559 --> 00:37:10,760 Promise me you won't play with it while were in Kingshire. 620 00:37:10,762 --> 00:37:11,895 Promise. 621 00:37:11,897 --> 00:37:13,930 Hodog, no playing. 622 00:37:13,932 --> 00:37:14,932 Hodog, Hodog. 623 00:37:31,583 --> 00:37:33,250 Your Grace. 624 00:37:36,488 --> 00:37:37,954 You look old. 625 00:37:40,759 --> 00:37:42,359 And you're so fat, 626 00:37:42,361 --> 00:37:44,728 the last time they took out the catapult, 627 00:37:44,730 --> 00:37:46,997 they thought you were the boulder. 628 00:37:57,943 --> 00:38:00,443 Just like the old days! 629 00:38:04,316 --> 00:38:07,317 - Your Grace. - Hello, darling. 630 00:38:07,319 --> 00:38:11,488 Tight as a fist, as always, hmm? 631 00:38:11,490 --> 00:38:13,556 And where are the little ones? 632 00:38:13,558 --> 00:38:15,959 Ooh! 633 00:38:15,961 --> 00:38:19,529 Not so little anymore, are ya, Little Bobby? 634 00:38:19,531 --> 00:38:22,465 Tortured any defenseless little puppies lately? 635 00:38:25,037 --> 00:38:28,905 Oh! You must be the tomboy, hmm? 636 00:38:28,907 --> 00:38:31,641 Ohh! Hmm? 637 00:38:35,047 --> 00:38:36,613 Hello in there! 638 00:38:38,784 --> 00:38:40,450 Ohh! 639 00:38:40,452 --> 00:38:42,452 Oh, it's the pretty little girly one. 640 00:38:42,454 --> 00:38:44,888 She loves to play with the little dollies, does she? 641 00:38:44,890 --> 00:38:47,524 The little dollies! Ohh! 642 00:38:50,996 --> 00:38:54,464 Ah! And what have we here? We have the athletic little one. 643 00:38:54,466 --> 00:38:56,833 Up and down. Show us those legs. 644 00:39:00,706 --> 00:39:02,539 I like pussy. 645 00:39:02,541 --> 00:39:03,606 Hodog. 646 00:39:03,608 --> 00:39:04,941 Oh. 647 00:39:04,943 --> 00:39:06,676 - Pussy. - Hodog. 648 00:39:06,678 --> 00:39:07,977 - Pussy. - Hodog. 649 00:39:07,979 --> 00:39:09,012 - Pussy. - Hodog. 650 00:39:09,014 --> 00:39:10,080 Mm. 651 00:39:12,918 --> 00:39:15,118 Welcome to Kingshire. 652 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:17,387 Mi casa, su casa. 653 00:39:17,389 --> 00:39:20,757 Meet the family. Come here! 654 00:39:20,759 --> 00:39:22,025 This is Cursey, my wife. 655 00:39:27,799 --> 00:39:28,965 And Johnny. 656 00:39:28,967 --> 00:39:31,134 "Bang Bang Johnny" we call him. 657 00:39:31,136 --> 00:39:34,604 Because he likes to bang anything that fucking moves. 658 00:39:34,606 --> 00:39:38,675 And Jizzy, my boy. I'm so fucking proud of him. 659 00:39:38,677 --> 00:39:40,977 Great shot with that thing. 660 00:39:40,979 --> 00:39:42,846 I think he looks just like you. 661 00:39:42,848 --> 00:39:43,980 He does, does he? 662 00:39:43,982 --> 00:39:45,582 Tell me about this Purgefest. 663 00:39:45,584 --> 00:39:47,917 Why this big party all of the sudden? 664 00:39:47,919 --> 00:39:49,786 You've never done anything like this before. 665 00:39:49,788 --> 00:39:51,488 Well, excuse us. 666 00:39:51,490 --> 00:39:53,156 We've got a little talk. Come on. 667 00:39:56,094 --> 00:40:00,029 You're the best friend I have in the whole wide world, 668 00:40:00,031 --> 00:40:01,831 so I'm gonna be honest with you. 669 00:40:01,833 --> 00:40:03,166 This isn't a party. 670 00:40:03,168 --> 00:40:05,468 I'm gonna just kill the competition 671 00:40:05,470 --> 00:40:06,936 before it kills me, right? 672 00:40:06,938 --> 00:40:09,706 You're becoming paranoid. 673 00:40:09,708 --> 00:40:11,441 Everyone loves you. 674 00:40:11,443 --> 00:40:13,977 Me? I'd give my left testicle for you! 675 00:40:13,979 --> 00:40:15,845 That's 'cause you're a moron. 676 00:40:15,847 --> 00:40:17,714 Call me what you will. 677 00:40:17,716 --> 00:40:20,917 But I still believe in the old ways: 678 00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:26,055 Loyalty, honesty, character, and integrity. 679 00:40:29,961 --> 00:40:31,961 Okay, I'll go get a snack. 680 00:40:36,868 --> 00:40:38,835 While I figure out 681 00:40:38,837 --> 00:40:43,940 how to murder every single one of them. 682 00:40:48,780 --> 00:40:51,448 That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. 683 00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:53,750 At least use a fork and knife, you pig. 684 00:40:53,752 --> 00:40:56,719 And what's taking you so long? I'd like to keep moving. 685 00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,695 You are an embarrassment to me and our entire family. 686 00:41:05,697 --> 00:41:06,996 When I rule the Eight Kingdoms, 687 00:41:06,998 --> 00:41:08,765 I will have to educate you properly. 688 00:41:08,767 --> 00:41:11,167 You can't just be on a rocking horse 689 00:41:11,169 --> 00:41:12,969 with that beast of yours 690 00:41:12,971 --> 00:41:15,705 and dining on horse parts with your bare hands! 691 00:41:21,646 --> 00:41:23,079 We're about to produce 692 00:41:23,081 --> 00:41:25,615 the greatest dynasty the world has ever known. 693 00:41:25,617 --> 00:41:27,250 We are dragons! 694 00:41:27,252 --> 00:41:29,552 Well, I'm a dragon. I don't know what you are. 695 00:41:29,554 --> 00:41:33,756 - Actually, I'm the dragon. - How dare you correct me! 696 00:41:33,758 --> 00:41:35,925 You say I'm the dragon. You say I'm the dragon! 697 00:41:35,927 --> 00:41:37,727 - You're the drag... - Say I'm the dragon! 698 00:41:37,729 --> 00:41:40,497 - You're the dragon. - And don't you forget it. 699 00:41:40,499 --> 00:41:41,764 And by the way... 700 00:41:41,766 --> 00:41:43,566 Aaahh! 701 00:41:43,568 --> 00:41:45,768 That's what a real dragon sounds like. 702 00:41:45,770 --> 00:41:48,838 Take it easy. Diego's going to get mad. 703 00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:51,174 So what if he gets mad? 704 00:41:51,176 --> 00:41:53,209 The imbecile doesn't even speak the common tongue. 705 00:41:53,211 --> 00:41:55,278 He's getting pissed. 706 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,780 He may not speak it, but he understands it. 707 00:41:57,782 --> 00:41:59,983 I want to go! Now! 708 00:41:59,985 --> 00:42:03,052 I want the crown I deserve! 709 00:42:09,628 --> 00:42:10,960 Okay, what did he say? 710 00:42:10,962 --> 00:42:13,196 He said he'll give you your crown. 711 00:42:13,198 --> 00:42:16,766 No! What? Denise, what's happening? 712 00:42:16,768 --> 00:42:18,535 What is he doing with that bucket? 713 00:42:18,537 --> 00:42:20,537 No, you keep that away from me. 714 00:42:20,539 --> 00:42:22,238 I am the king! 715 00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:24,774 A crown for a king! 716 00:42:24,776 --> 00:42:26,009 No! 717 00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:46,930 - I think he's dead. - Sí. 718 00:42:53,038 --> 00:42:56,172 - You want some of this? - Yes, please, thank you. 719 00:42:56,174 --> 00:42:58,341 Mmm! Yum, yum, yum, yum. 720 00:43:17,829 --> 00:43:22,065 I have stolen all the dragonfire 721 00:43:22,067 --> 00:43:24,634 and hidden it in the basement. 722 00:43:24,636 --> 00:43:26,002 Yes. 723 00:43:26,004 --> 00:43:30,173 When all the families sit down for the feast, 724 00:43:30,175 --> 00:43:31,941 I will burn them, 725 00:43:31,943 --> 00:43:36,746 and you and I will be the new rulers of the kingdom! 726 00:43:36,748 --> 00:43:39,248 Yes! I got you, you nasty little devil. 727 00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:41,250 Now, wait till I tell all of my friends about you. 728 00:43:41,252 --> 00:43:43,386 They won't believe it. 729 00:43:43,388 --> 00:43:44,787 Get him! 730 00:43:46,157 --> 00:43:48,625 Quite the little pervert, aren't you? 731 00:43:48,627 --> 00:43:49,959 What's happening? What's going on? 732 00:43:49,961 --> 00:43:51,894 I was just up here having some fun. 733 00:43:51,896 --> 00:43:54,864 Having some fun? Is that what you call it? 734 00:43:54,866 --> 00:43:56,232 I was playing with my dragon. 735 00:43:56,234 --> 00:43:57,967 Clobbering the creature, yes? 736 00:43:57,969 --> 00:44:00,803 - Popping the beast. - Chasing the serpent? 737 00:44:00,805 --> 00:44:03,006 Tickling the lizard? We get it. 738 00:44:03,008 --> 00:44:06,075 What are you doing? You're going to kill him. 739 00:44:06,077 --> 00:44:07,276 I'm saving our asses. 740 00:44:10,682 --> 00:44:13,282 The kid is just playing Dragon Bone. 741 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:16,419 Right. 742 00:44:20,291 --> 00:44:22,291 Can I have my Dragon Bone back, please? 743 00:44:22,293 --> 00:44:23,960 This does nothing but numb your brain 744 00:44:23,962 --> 00:44:25,228 and get you in trouble. 745 00:44:25,230 --> 00:44:27,330 No! My Dragon Bone! 746 00:44:31,770 --> 00:44:33,036 It's okay. 747 00:44:33,038 --> 00:44:36,205 The game... still works. 748 00:44:37,442 --> 00:44:40,343 He's still alive. 749 00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:41,944 It's a miracle. 750 00:44:51,389 --> 00:44:54,724 I saw the best joust match the other day. 751 00:44:54,726 --> 00:44:57,060 Anus stuck the tip of his lance into the other guy's neck. 752 00:44:57,062 --> 00:44:59,195 There was blood gushing everywhere. 753 00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:00,730 It was pretty fun. 754 00:45:00,732 --> 00:45:01,831 Sounds interesting. 755 00:45:04,302 --> 00:45:06,069 No, I don't. 756 00:45:06,071 --> 00:45:07,071 Do it. 757 00:45:09,407 --> 00:45:11,040 Okay! 758 00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:44,974 What is it, my sweet lady? 759 00:45:44,976 --> 00:45:46,442 Does Mongrel bother you? 760 00:45:48,213 --> 00:45:51,347 Away with you, Mongrel! You're scaring my lady! 761 00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,987 There. Now it's just the two of us. 762 00:45:57,989 --> 00:46:00,790 So... 763 00:46:00,792 --> 00:46:02,458 what do you like to do for fun? 764 00:46:02,460 --> 00:46:07,330 I sew, cook, masturbate, clean. 765 00:46:07,332 --> 00:46:09,932 Twice a day in that order. 766 00:46:09,934 --> 00:46:12,935 A traditional woman. I like that. 767 00:46:12,937 --> 00:46:15,938 I'm not into these woman who want to work 768 00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:19,842 or fight or talk. 769 00:46:22,247 --> 00:46:24,213 Take that, fatty! 770 00:46:25,216 --> 00:46:27,183 You'll never defeat me! 771 00:46:27,185 --> 00:46:28,252 Don't worry, milady, I've got this! 772 00:46:28,253 --> 00:46:29,552 Why should I be worried? 773 00:46:29,554 --> 00:46:31,020 - You're safe with me. - From what? 774 00:46:31,022 --> 00:46:32,922 Surrender your weapon, fat boy! 775 00:46:32,924 --> 00:46:34,490 Let go of my girl's sister, 776 00:46:34,492 --> 00:46:36,826 or I'll slice you in half like a loaf of bread. 777 00:46:36,828 --> 00:46:38,060 Hey, man, relax. 778 00:46:38,062 --> 00:46:41,330 I'm not a man. I'm your prince. 779 00:46:41,332 --> 00:46:44,233 Dude, seriously. Stop messing around. 780 00:46:44,235 --> 00:46:46,135 We're actors on a movie. 781 00:46:46,137 --> 00:46:48,004 Don't move. I saw it with my own eyes. 782 00:46:48,006 --> 00:46:49,372 You attacked her with your sword. 783 00:46:49,374 --> 00:46:51,841 No, he didn't. He's my friend 784 00:46:51,843 --> 00:46:53,276 This? 785 00:46:53,278 --> 00:46:55,378 It's just a stick. Do you want it? 786 00:46:55,380 --> 00:46:56,846 En garde! 787 00:46:56,848 --> 00:46:59,816 - Don't, Jizzy! - Quiet, my lady. 788 00:46:59,818 --> 00:47:02,285 No one can defeat me in combat. 789 00:47:04,255 --> 00:47:06,823 Now fight me like a man! 790 00:47:06,825 --> 00:47:07,957 Ohh! 791 00:47:12,430 --> 00:47:14,430 How dare you hit your prince. 792 00:47:14,432 --> 00:47:17,466 You aren't a prince. 793 00:47:17,468 --> 00:47:19,335 - You're a penis. - What did she call me? 794 00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:23,072 She called you a prince, sir. 795 00:47:23,074 --> 00:47:26,976 You're nothing but a little penis. 796 00:47:26,978 --> 00:47:31,280 A walking, talking penis. 797 00:47:31,282 --> 00:47:34,150 Admit it to everybody here that you are nothing but a penis. 798 00:47:34,152 --> 00:47:35,585 Never. 799 00:47:35,587 --> 00:47:36,619 Say it! 800 00:47:36,621 --> 00:47:38,487 No! 801 00:47:38,489 --> 00:47:40,389 No! Ow! Ow! Ow! 802 00:47:40,391 --> 00:47:43,159 Mommy! Ow! Mommy! 803 00:47:48,867 --> 00:47:50,533 Why don't people like me? 804 00:47:50,535 --> 00:47:53,336 They're jealous of you, sir. 805 00:47:53,338 --> 00:47:55,504 Am I good-looking? 806 00:47:55,506 --> 00:47:57,974 Yeah. Yeah, you are. 807 00:47:57,976 --> 00:47:59,208 You hesitated for a bit there. 808 00:47:59,210 --> 00:48:01,510 No, no, I didn't. 809 00:48:01,512 --> 00:48:04,080 - Look, you did it again. - No. 810 00:48:04,082 --> 00:48:06,082 You... You're doing... 811 00:48:06,084 --> 00:48:07,283 Oh, all right, all right. 812 00:48:08,586 --> 00:48:10,253 All right, fuck you! 813 00:48:10,255 --> 00:48:12,221 You think you're ever gonna be king, my boy? 814 00:48:12,223 --> 00:48:13,589 You've got another thing coming. 815 00:48:13,591 --> 00:48:15,191 You're always gonna be a little prince 816 00:48:15,193 --> 00:48:16,959 who's got a little dick. 817 00:48:16,961 --> 00:48:19,629 This is the biggest dick you're ever gonna see, my boy. 818 00:48:19,631 --> 00:48:21,564 In this water, this reflection, 819 00:48:21,566 --> 00:48:24,100 is the only dick you're ever gonna have. 820 00:48:28,072 --> 00:48:31,340 So are you guys coming with us to Purgefest or what? 821 00:48:31,342 --> 00:48:33,075 I don't know. 822 00:48:33,077 --> 00:48:35,177 I don't know if that place is our scene, really. 823 00:48:40,051 --> 00:48:42,585 Who is that? 824 00:48:44,289 --> 00:48:46,055 The fat one? 825 00:48:46,057 --> 00:48:49,125 No, the one with the hair. 826 00:48:49,127 --> 00:48:51,127 He's so hot. 827 00:48:59,237 --> 00:49:02,405 You two need to leave! 828 00:49:02,407 --> 00:49:05,374 There is no place for you in here. 829 00:49:05,376 --> 00:49:09,378 Now leave before I smash you with my hammer! 830 00:49:09,380 --> 00:49:11,647 Oh, uh, I see. 831 00:49:11,649 --> 00:49:14,951 Well, I think I saw another inn a few steps from here. 832 00:49:14,953 --> 00:49:18,454 Maybe we should go to that one, shouldn't we? 833 00:49:18,456 --> 00:49:19,956 Yeah. 834 00:49:23,261 --> 00:49:25,328 Why should we leave? 835 00:49:25,330 --> 00:49:27,997 We have the same right to be here as any of you. 836 00:49:27,999 --> 00:49:29,398 Is that so? 837 00:49:30,702 --> 00:49:32,601 Men! 838 00:49:34,706 --> 00:49:38,074 On the bar. On the bar! 839 00:49:46,250 --> 00:49:50,653 The maester says it's a miracle he's still alive. 840 00:49:50,655 --> 00:49:53,022 Help. Help! 841 00:49:53,024 --> 00:49:56,492 Our boy is strong. He will survive. You'll see. 842 00:49:56,494 --> 00:49:59,261 I think someone pushed him out of that tower, Deadard. 843 00:49:59,263 --> 00:50:01,397 I think he saw something he shouldn't have seen, 844 00:50:01,399 --> 00:50:02,999 and they tried to murder him. 845 00:50:03,001 --> 00:50:05,501 Come on! Who would do such a thing? 846 00:50:05,503 --> 00:50:07,236 Johnny and Cursey! 847 00:50:07,238 --> 00:50:09,672 I don't know! The Boltons, the Freys, 848 00:50:09,674 --> 00:50:11,007 the High Pigeon. 849 00:50:11,009 --> 00:50:12,208 Could've been anyone. 850 00:50:12,210 --> 00:50:13,576 Maybe even Elay, my sister. 851 00:50:13,578 --> 00:50:15,544 That's outrageous! 852 00:50:15,546 --> 00:50:18,514 Those are all the nice families you're talking about. 853 00:50:18,516 --> 00:50:21,150 Elay, my sister, would never hurt a child. 854 00:50:21,152 --> 00:50:22,351 Hodog. 855 00:50:26,557 --> 00:50:29,358 We have to watch our backs, Deadard. 856 00:50:29,360 --> 00:50:32,395 You never know who would stab us in the back. 857 00:50:32,397 --> 00:50:34,030 I think you need to rest. 858 00:50:34,032 --> 00:50:36,132 You're becoming paranoid like the rest of them. 859 00:50:36,134 --> 00:50:38,300 Wait, wait, wait! Where you going? 860 00:50:38,302 --> 00:50:42,304 I'm going to get to the bottom of this! 861 00:50:49,514 --> 00:50:54,617 Lord Stork, the king would like to talk to you in private. 862 00:50:54,619 --> 00:50:58,220 Yes, of course. I'll be there. 863 00:51:03,161 --> 00:51:05,161 What's happening? What's happening? 864 00:51:10,468 --> 00:51:12,535 Ham! 865 00:51:12,537 --> 00:51:15,071 You A-hole! 866 00:51:15,073 --> 00:51:16,539 I'm sorry! 867 00:51:18,109 --> 00:51:20,576 Next! Step right up, step right up! 868 00:51:20,578 --> 00:51:22,578 Who wants to kill a bastard? 869 00:51:26,317 --> 00:51:28,784 Here, mate. I'll take those two. 870 00:51:30,421 --> 00:51:32,421 You bastard. 871 00:51:33,624 --> 00:51:36,225 Come on. 872 00:51:36,227 --> 00:51:37,827 I wasn't any good, was I? 873 00:51:37,829 --> 00:51:39,328 I wasn't any good. 874 00:51:39,330 --> 00:51:42,531 I want to fuck! 875 00:51:42,533 --> 00:51:44,366 Hello. 876 00:51:44,368 --> 00:51:47,336 Having a wonderful time here. 877 00:51:47,338 --> 00:51:49,605 Oh, God, I miss your sister. 878 00:51:49,607 --> 00:51:52,641 You know, the old days, they were beautiful. 879 00:51:52,643 --> 00:51:55,878 Your sister was a real goer. She was such a partier, 880 00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:58,147 with the little tits and that ass of hers. 881 00:51:58,149 --> 00:52:00,749 Ah, she was wonderful. She reminds me of you. 882 00:52:00,751 --> 00:52:03,552 How do you keep your stomach flat like that? 883 00:52:03,554 --> 00:52:05,821 I have to get on a diet. 884 00:52:05,823 --> 00:52:08,591 I mean, I'm good in bed, but I'm not like your sister. 885 00:52:08,593 --> 00:52:11,227 She could take 45 people in one go. 886 00:52:11,229 --> 00:52:14,563 One time I saw her with a camel with it all in her mouth. 887 00:52:14,565 --> 00:52:18,300 It was quite beautiful in some horrific kind of way. 888 00:52:18,302 --> 00:52:21,637 Anyway, do you wanna have a little shot with this one? 889 00:52:21,639 --> 00:52:25,374 Wanna have a little shot? 890 00:52:25,376 --> 00:52:29,845 Whoa, whoa, whoa. How can I help you, my lord? 891 00:52:29,847 --> 00:52:31,514 What I... 892 00:52:31,516 --> 00:52:33,649 Oh, I do need a favor from you. 893 00:52:33,651 --> 00:52:35,651 Whatever it is, you can count on me, my lord. 894 00:52:35,653 --> 00:52:37,219 You're like my brother. 895 00:52:37,221 --> 00:52:39,822 Yes, all right. Don't interrupt the king. 896 00:52:39,824 --> 00:52:41,757 Now, you know that I am surrounded 897 00:52:41,759 --> 00:52:44,927 by a bunch of moneygrubbing ass-licking, 898 00:52:44,929 --> 00:52:48,797 scummy little piggy, alcoholic people in this kingdom, 899 00:52:48,799 --> 00:52:53,369 and somebody is going to try and kill me tonight, okay? 900 00:52:53,371 --> 00:52:56,238 Listen, listen, we already discussed this. 901 00:52:56,240 --> 00:52:57,640 Don't you... 902 00:52:57,642 --> 00:52:59,441 Don't fear the ungrounded. 903 00:52:59,443 --> 00:53:02,545 No one would dare harm a king. 904 00:53:02,547 --> 00:53:06,582 Okay, well, I happen to disagree with you, 905 00:53:06,584 --> 00:53:11,287 and therefore I'm going to command you to protect the realm 906 00:53:11,289 --> 00:53:13,689 for my little jizzy-wizzy boy, 907 00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:15,891 so he can come and take all of the things 908 00:53:15,893 --> 00:53:18,727 and have it all, okay? 909 00:53:18,729 --> 00:53:21,564 You can count on me, my lord. I'll be there. 910 00:53:21,566 --> 00:53:24,233 Okay, thank you. All right, go on now. 911 00:53:24,235 --> 00:53:28,204 You want to have a little shot? 'Cause I'm gonna go again. 912 00:53:29,707 --> 00:53:31,607 Come here. 913 00:53:31,609 --> 00:53:33,542 Mmm. 914 00:53:56,867 --> 00:53:59,902 That column won't hit back, you know. 915 00:53:59,904 --> 00:54:01,237 Who are you? 916 00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:04,640 I am a master dancer, 917 00:54:04,642 --> 00:54:06,942 lover, 918 00:54:06,944 --> 00:54:11,380 and the best swordsman you have ever seen! 919 00:54:12,917 --> 00:54:15,684 My name is Zorrio Furrel. 920 00:54:20,424 --> 00:54:22,891 Oh, the grip is a bit slippery. Excuse me. 921 00:54:22,893 --> 00:54:24,426 What are you doing here? 922 00:54:24,428 --> 00:54:25,628 Chasing rats! 923 00:54:25,630 --> 00:54:27,563 - Part of your training? - No. 924 00:54:27,565 --> 00:54:31,600 The rodent situation in Kingshire is out of hand. 925 00:54:31,602 --> 00:54:32,901 Sword. 926 00:54:32,903 --> 00:54:36,005 Here. Catch this sword. 927 00:54:36,007 --> 00:54:39,575 Looks like your reflexes could use some practice. 928 00:54:39,577 --> 00:54:41,410 Pick up your weapon. 929 00:54:43,347 --> 00:54:46,849 That is not the way, boy! 930 00:54:46,851 --> 00:54:48,017 I'm a girl. 931 00:54:48,019 --> 00:54:50,719 That cannot be true. Anyway... 932 00:54:50,721 --> 00:54:54,056 this is how you pick up a sword. 933 00:55:00,931 --> 00:55:02,031 Ugh! 934 00:55:02,033 --> 00:55:04,800 Ooh! Ooh! 935 00:55:04,802 --> 00:55:08,070 I am just showing you how not to do it. Ah! 936 00:55:08,072 --> 00:55:13,042 Wouldn't want to knock yourself in the giggle berries. 937 00:55:13,044 --> 00:55:16,445 I don't have giggle berries. I'm a girl! 938 00:55:24,555 --> 00:55:27,823 Oh, the sword is all badly balanced. 939 00:55:27,825 --> 00:55:29,558 Last time. 940 00:55:32,663 --> 00:55:35,364 That is how you do it! 941 00:55:35,366 --> 00:55:38,834 Now get into the fighting position. 942 00:55:41,038 --> 00:55:43,672 That is not the fighting position. 943 00:55:43,674 --> 00:55:45,774 Turn to me side-faced! 944 00:55:45,776 --> 00:55:47,409 Sideways. 945 00:55:47,411 --> 00:55:49,912 Yes, that is what I said: Side-faced. 946 00:55:49,914 --> 00:55:53,415 I have been the first swordsman of the Bravados for 20 years. 947 00:55:53,417 --> 00:55:55,384 You must listen to me, boy! 948 00:55:55,386 --> 00:55:56,785 I'm a girl! 949 00:55:56,787 --> 00:55:58,121 No way. Where are your boobies then? 950 00:55:58,122 --> 00:56:00,422 - I'm like ten! - Very well then. 951 00:56:00,424 --> 00:56:02,424 Turn side-faced! 952 00:56:04,362 --> 00:56:08,130 Good. Now try to strike me. 953 00:56:08,132 --> 00:56:10,132 Ooh! Ooh, you... 954 00:56:10,134 --> 00:56:12,101 I wasn't expecting that. 955 00:56:12,103 --> 00:56:13,469 I'm sorry. 956 00:56:13,471 --> 00:56:14,737 You knocked the wind out of me. 957 00:56:14,739 --> 00:56:16,939 Let me help you up. 958 00:56:16,941 --> 00:56:21,043 You have to wait for me to say go, okay? 959 00:56:22,413 --> 00:56:23,479 Go. 960 00:56:23,481 --> 00:56:25,781 Not above the shoulders! 961 00:56:25,783 --> 00:56:27,583 Don't have the proper gear for that! 962 00:56:27,585 --> 00:56:30,519 You're only supposed to hit me in this section here. 963 00:56:30,521 --> 00:56:34,990 Follow me. I will teach you to Fandango! 964 00:56:34,992 --> 00:56:38,861 And then perhaps you will become a great swordsman like me. 965 00:56:46,537 --> 00:56:47,770 Fandango! 966 00:56:52,176 --> 00:56:54,476 Yeah! There! Olé! 967 00:56:54,478 --> 00:56:55,644 Olé! 968 00:57:00,117 --> 00:57:04,420 Ariana, what in the name of the Old Guard are you doing? 969 00:57:04,422 --> 00:57:06,555 Zorrio was teaching me to Fandango. 970 00:57:06,557 --> 00:57:09,525 Zorrio Furrel at your service. 971 00:57:09,527 --> 00:57:11,660 We must go. Purgefest is about to begin. 972 00:57:11,662 --> 00:57:12,861 Yes, Father. 973 00:57:12,863 --> 00:57:14,563 Keep practicing and you will go far. 974 00:57:14,565 --> 00:57:17,733 I must go to chase the rats. 975 00:57:17,735 --> 00:57:19,435 Good luck, boy! 976 00:57:22,873 --> 00:57:24,540 Hello, everybody! 977 00:57:24,542 --> 00:57:27,543 It's me, Lord Trumpet, 978 00:57:27,545 --> 00:57:30,779 here at the tremendous Trumpet Maze. 979 00:57:30,781 --> 00:57:33,449 Everyone loves this maze. You know why? 980 00:57:33,451 --> 00:57:36,118 Because only white people can get through it 981 00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:39,588 and brown people get trapped. 982 00:57:39,590 --> 00:57:42,791 Sir! Sir, I'm stuck! Sir, I need help. 983 00:57:42,793 --> 00:57:45,093 Sir! 984 00:57:45,095 --> 00:57:47,563 Sir, I can't get out! Sir! 985 00:57:47,565 --> 00:57:49,698 Total loser. 986 00:57:50,835 --> 00:57:52,468 Oh, no, Johnny. 987 00:57:53,671 --> 00:57:56,738 Ohh! 988 00:57:56,740 --> 00:58:00,075 What did you do, KK? Why'd you have to stab him? 989 00:58:00,077 --> 00:58:02,211 - I didn't stab him. - Yes, you did. 990 00:58:02,213 --> 00:58:04,079 You're a murderer. Admit it. 991 00:58:04,081 --> 00:58:05,514 I didn't do it. 992 00:58:05,516 --> 00:58:07,182 Okay, if you didn't, 993 00:58:07,184 --> 00:58:08,851 then you did it! 994 00:58:10,521 --> 00:58:12,988 I didn't do it. I saw you do it. 995 00:58:12,990 --> 00:58:16,091 Me? No! I would never kill John Doe. 996 00:58:16,093 --> 00:58:18,560 You sure about that? 997 00:58:18,562 --> 00:58:20,596 Oh, no, I did. 998 00:58:20,598 --> 00:58:22,798 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I did. 999 00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,901 Okay, well, let's just get him into the back room, okay? 1000 00:58:24,902 --> 00:58:25,968 Oh, yeah. 1001 00:58:27,204 --> 00:58:29,204 - Sam, come on! - Okay, let's go. 1002 00:58:29,206 --> 00:58:30,672 Oh, God. 1003 00:58:33,143 --> 00:58:36,545 Eight hundred paces, and we'll be in Kingshire. 1004 00:58:36,547 --> 00:58:41,283 I will be the first female ruler of all of Wild Westerworld. 1005 00:58:41,285 --> 00:58:43,285 My destiny awaits. 1006 00:58:47,157 --> 00:58:50,592 Do you have horse heart by any chance? 1007 00:58:50,594 --> 00:58:52,794 Horse heart? Oh, sure. 1008 00:58:54,164 --> 00:58:57,633 - Okay. - Can you make a sad face? 1009 00:58:57,635 --> 00:59:01,637 Okay, let's go this way. 1010 00:59:01,639 --> 00:59:03,071 Oh, no. 1011 00:59:03,073 --> 00:59:05,741 Oh, Johnny, what do we do? What do we do? 1012 00:59:05,743 --> 00:59:08,043 His clothes, rip them off. 1013 00:59:08,045 --> 00:59:09,578 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1014 00:59:09,580 --> 00:59:11,313 Help, Kocky. 1015 00:59:11,315 --> 00:59:12,648 No chance. 1016 00:59:12,650 --> 00:59:14,149 Can you get his... 1017 00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:18,587 Hello, lady-boys. 1018 00:59:18,589 --> 00:59:21,623 Oh, look who it is. It's the Red Sorceress. 1019 00:59:21,625 --> 00:59:23,325 Perhaps she can bring him back to life. 1020 00:59:23,327 --> 00:59:25,861 Uh, that's not the Red Sorceress. 1021 00:59:25,863 --> 00:59:29,298 That's our stepdad, Trans Jenner. 1022 00:59:29,300 --> 00:59:31,567 All right, I'm out. 1023 00:59:31,569 --> 00:59:33,302 What's going on? 1024 00:59:33,304 --> 00:59:35,671 That man saved us from the bad people, 1025 00:59:35,673 --> 00:59:37,706 and now he's dead 1026 00:59:37,708 --> 00:59:40,242 Why are his clothes coming off? 1027 00:59:40,244 --> 00:59:43,145 I just wanted to see what he looked like naked. 1028 00:59:43,147 --> 00:59:45,314 Oh, is that what you're looking for? 1029 00:59:45,316 --> 00:59:48,317 I can just tell you what it looks like. 1030 00:59:48,319 --> 00:59:52,921 Oh, he's so, so warm. 1031 00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:54,990 And so, so soft. 1032 00:59:56,360 --> 00:59:57,826 Leave the room. 1033 00:59:57,828 --> 01:00:00,028 I can't make any promises. 1034 01:00:00,030 --> 01:00:02,998 I need to work my jazz fingers. 1035 01:00:07,972 --> 01:00:11,006 - Come on, Clueless. - No, I... I'm not done! 1036 01:00:27,791 --> 01:00:29,191 Ooh! 1037 01:00:47,845 --> 01:00:49,711 At least light a match. 1038 01:00:49,713 --> 01:00:52,748 My sun and my stars... 1039 01:00:56,854 --> 01:01:00,255 May I borrow your ponytail? 1040 01:01:00,257 --> 01:01:03,892 My hair is falling all over my... 1041 01:01:06,764 --> 01:01:07,896 Aah! 1042 01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:12,701 Here. 1043 01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,069 Take it. 1044 01:01:17,741 --> 01:01:19,374 Burn him. 1045 01:01:19,376 --> 01:01:20,876 ¿Qué? 1046 01:01:20,878 --> 01:01:23,011 Lets go conquer the Eight Kingdoms. 1047 01:01:23,013 --> 01:01:24,112 Sorry, buddy. 1048 01:01:27,718 --> 01:01:30,152 Dad, are you gonna be much longer? 1049 01:01:30,154 --> 01:01:32,821 They just burned a man alive in the pub. 1050 01:01:32,823 --> 01:01:35,257 I'm just doing some magic. What do you need? 1051 01:01:35,259 --> 01:01:37,259 Just wanted to make sure everything is okay! 1052 01:01:37,261 --> 01:01:39,895 Yes, everything is fine! Just let me finish! 1053 01:01:39,897 --> 01:01:41,697 Okay, I will! 1054 01:02:03,253 --> 01:02:04,786 Ugh! 1055 01:02:05,923 --> 01:02:08,023 My boy! What has happened? 1056 01:02:08,025 --> 01:02:10,125 Who did this? 1057 01:02:10,127 --> 01:02:11,460 Who are you? 1058 01:02:11,462 --> 01:02:13,495 What are you doing in my son's room? 1059 01:02:14,965 --> 01:02:16,205 - What's that up there? - Where? 1060 01:02:21,371 --> 01:02:23,305 That's a funny place to keep a rabbit. 1061 01:02:23,307 --> 01:02:26,408 Show your face, you coward! Show your face! 1062 01:02:28,746 --> 01:02:30,445 - Hodog! - Stay in bed, my boy. 1063 01:02:30,447 --> 01:02:33,982 I will catch the man who was trying to kill you! 1064 01:02:33,984 --> 01:02:35,517 What happened to me? 1065 01:02:35,519 --> 01:02:37,119 You were dead. 1066 01:02:37,121 --> 01:02:40,255 I just blew you back to life. 1067 01:02:40,257 --> 01:02:42,891 You're not gonna put it in there, are you? 1068 01:02:42,893 --> 01:02:46,027 Too late! 1069 01:02:49,032 --> 01:02:50,532 Who is that? 1070 01:02:50,534 --> 01:02:53,235 That's Summer. Summer is coming. 1071 01:02:59,009 --> 01:03:01,343 That must be him. 1072 01:03:12,923 --> 01:03:16,191 I don't know how you manage to do all of us at once. 1073 01:03:16,193 --> 01:03:18,894 You're a true master. 1074 01:03:18,896 --> 01:03:23,198 If I told you my secret, I'd have to kill you both. 1075 01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,367 Ooh! Right. 1076 01:03:25,369 --> 01:03:27,335 So close your eyes now. Come on. 1077 01:03:27,337 --> 01:03:30,505 Both of you, close your eyes. That's it. 1078 01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:41,316 You can open them now! 1079 01:03:43,253 --> 01:03:45,821 Your time is up, troll! You're coming with us! 1080 01:03:45,823 --> 01:03:46,888 Where to? 1081 01:03:46,890 --> 01:03:48,423 Grab him. 1082 01:03:48,425 --> 01:03:50,025 Excuse me. 1083 01:03:54,131 --> 01:03:56,298 - Put me down, you shit! - Come on, troll! 1084 01:03:56,300 --> 01:04:00,468 Wait, I didn't get a chance to punch my frequent doer card. 1085 01:04:00,470 --> 01:04:03,405 Ah, keep it in your pants, troll. 1086 01:04:03,407 --> 01:04:04,407 Tell me brother! 1087 01:04:15,485 --> 01:04:17,485 Hodog. Hodog! 1088 01:04:19,089 --> 01:04:20,322 Please, look, please! 1089 01:04:20,324 --> 01:04:23,091 Git! Come on, come on! 1090 01:04:45,916 --> 01:04:48,350 Ooh! 1091 01:04:48,352 --> 01:04:50,619 Please, look, please. 1092 01:04:50,621 --> 01:04:52,420 We have to be reasonable about this here. 1093 01:04:52,422 --> 01:04:54,022 If you explain what it is that you want, 1094 01:04:54,024 --> 01:04:55,891 I'm sure we can sort it. 1095 01:04:55,893 --> 01:04:58,027 If I'm not at the Purgefest in the next couple of hours, 1096 01:04:58,028 --> 01:05:00,161 all my family is gonna come looking for me! 1097 01:05:01,498 --> 01:05:02,530 Why'd you do it? 1098 01:05:02,532 --> 01:05:04,165 Why did I do what? 1099 01:05:07,204 --> 01:05:09,271 Why did you do it? 1100 01:05:09,273 --> 01:05:11,339 If you explain to me what it is that I did, 1101 01:05:11,341 --> 01:05:13,575 perhaps I can tell you why I did it! 1102 01:05:13,577 --> 01:05:15,277 Ooh! Aah! 1103 01:05:21,451 --> 01:05:24,419 Ah, bloody hell. 1104 01:05:24,421 --> 01:05:28,156 I think I'm chafing from all the walking already. 1105 01:05:28,158 --> 01:05:30,659 Oh, John, you wouldn't happen to have 1106 01:05:30,661 --> 01:05:33,161 some of that oil you put on your hair 1107 01:05:33,163 --> 01:05:35,163 to rub on my thighs, would you? 1108 01:05:39,436 --> 01:05:40,702 - Oh! - What? What is it? 1109 01:05:40,704 --> 01:05:42,237 Is the flash too bright? 1110 01:05:42,239 --> 01:05:44,272 No, no. We need to get out of here. 1111 01:05:44,274 --> 01:05:48,076 There is no way I'm leaving this party early. 1112 01:05:48,078 --> 01:05:50,045 Stop, stop, stop. 1113 01:05:50,047 --> 01:05:53,148 Look, I know the future, and shit's about to pop off. 1114 01:05:53,150 --> 01:05:57,485 Quick, take a photo of me holding the statue's tiny penis. 1115 01:05:57,487 --> 01:06:00,021 Okay, how's that? 1116 01:06:00,023 --> 01:06:02,090 Do I look like I'm holding it? 1117 01:06:02,092 --> 01:06:03,525 Yeah, right on it. 1118 01:06:03,527 --> 01:06:05,427 Is that small enough? 1119 01:06:05,429 --> 01:06:06,594 - Yeah. - Okay. 1120 01:06:16,106 --> 01:06:17,172 Stop! 1121 01:06:18,241 --> 01:06:20,742 Guys! 1122 01:06:20,744 --> 01:06:22,110 I just farted. 1123 01:06:22,112 --> 01:06:23,979 Down. Quiet. 1124 01:06:23,981 --> 01:06:26,081 Seriously, it's like a Dutch oven in here. 1125 01:06:26,083 --> 01:06:27,649 Ooh, grapes. Mmm! 1126 01:06:27,651 --> 01:06:30,051 Can't be discovered. 1127 01:06:30,053 --> 01:06:32,721 - More grapes, more grapes! - Shh! 1128 01:06:32,723 --> 01:06:34,156 Where is your mother and your brother? 1129 01:06:34,157 --> 01:06:36,458 Purgefest is about to begin. 1130 01:06:41,765 --> 01:06:45,633 Welcome to Purgefest 2... 3000. 1131 01:06:48,005 --> 01:06:50,005 For as long as I can remember, 1132 01:06:50,007 --> 01:06:52,007 my kingdom has been, uh... 1133 01:06:52,009 --> 01:06:55,377 Well, it's been known for its sexual perversions, isn't it? 1134 01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:59,180 And for its corruption. 1135 01:06:59,182 --> 01:07:03,351 Violence, its betrayals, and its bloodshed. 1136 01:07:05,088 --> 01:07:07,522 We're gonna put an end to all that. 1137 01:07:07,524 --> 01:07:11,126 There's gonna be no more raping 1138 01:07:11,128 --> 01:07:14,396 and no more killing around here. 1139 01:07:14,398 --> 01:07:16,564 We're gonna hand in our smartphones 1140 01:07:16,566 --> 01:07:18,500 'cause I don't want no more pornography. 1141 01:07:18,502 --> 01:07:21,169 And were gonna hand in all of our weapons, 1142 01:07:21,171 --> 01:07:23,104 and I mean everything. 1143 01:07:23,106 --> 01:07:25,273 I mean no more kitchen knives, 1144 01:07:25,275 --> 01:07:27,375 no more forks, nothing you can do nothing with. 1145 01:07:31,448 --> 01:07:34,315 Didn't they read the invite? 1146 01:07:34,317 --> 01:07:36,518 Most of the people in our kingdom 1147 01:07:36,520 --> 01:07:38,553 are illiterate, my lord. 1148 01:07:38,555 --> 01:07:41,489 They just heard there was free food and a party. 1149 01:07:41,491 --> 01:07:46,327 I have the king just where I want him. 1150 01:07:46,329 --> 01:07:49,397 Now, after just a little manipulation 1151 01:07:49,399 --> 01:07:51,800 of Johnny Bang Bang, 1152 01:07:51,802 --> 01:07:57,539 then it's just a matter of time before I mount the throne. 1153 01:07:57,541 --> 01:07:58,706 Enough! 1154 01:07:58,708 --> 01:08:01,609 I'm the fucking king! 1155 01:08:01,611 --> 01:08:04,779 And I declare that anyone participating 1156 01:08:04,781 --> 01:08:08,383 in these violent activities 1157 01:08:08,385 --> 01:08:12,187 is gonna be expelled from the Eight Kingdoms. 1158 01:08:16,159 --> 01:08:17,592 What? 1159 01:08:17,594 --> 01:08:19,627 The Storks have kidnapped my little brother. 1160 01:08:19,629 --> 01:08:21,429 I demand he be released immediately. 1161 01:08:21,431 --> 01:08:23,865 Wait a minute. No, I mean, you told me this morning 1162 01:08:23,867 --> 01:08:27,202 you wanted that little fella punished, didn't you? 1163 01:08:27,204 --> 01:08:29,537 Yes. I despise him. 1164 01:08:29,539 --> 01:08:31,606 But he is still my little brother. 1165 01:08:31,608 --> 01:08:35,810 I can't allow a Stork to kidnap someone with my own blood. 1166 01:08:35,812 --> 01:08:40,548 If they don't return him to us immediately, 1167 01:08:40,550 --> 01:08:42,684 you must ban them from the Eight Kingdoms, 1168 01:08:42,686 --> 01:08:46,688 according to the declaration you just made. 1169 01:08:51,361 --> 01:08:53,394 Come on, you wretched scuzzball. 1170 01:08:53,396 --> 01:08:56,664 Gonna get you already. Hold still! 1171 01:08:56,666 --> 01:08:57,899 Speak, troll! 1172 01:08:57,901 --> 01:09:02,270 Meet your gods as an honest man! Confess! 1173 01:09:02,272 --> 01:09:03,838 Never! Oww! 1174 01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:06,174 All right, I confess, I confess. 1175 01:09:06,176 --> 01:09:07,709 I choked him, 1176 01:09:07,711 --> 01:09:09,678 and I slapped him all around the floor till he bled. 1177 01:09:09,679 --> 01:09:12,313 - I'm an evil man! - Who are you talking about? 1178 01:09:12,315 --> 01:09:14,182 The Lord Commander of the Southern Forces. 1179 01:09:14,184 --> 01:09:15,617 He's here! 1180 01:09:15,619 --> 01:09:17,819 In my pants. Would you like to meet him? 1181 01:09:17,821 --> 01:09:19,754 Tell me the truth. 1182 01:09:19,756 --> 01:09:21,456 All right, all right, I confess. 1183 01:09:21,458 --> 01:09:23,892 I'm the reason why all the dragons are extinct. 1184 01:09:23,894 --> 01:09:26,728 I screwed them all into their extinction. 1185 01:09:26,730 --> 01:09:29,597 I built the wall with my wank hammer. 1186 01:09:29,599 --> 01:09:32,300 I stabbed a crazy king with my flesh saber. 1187 01:09:32,302 --> 01:09:36,204 That's enough! You tried to kill my son! 1188 01:09:36,206 --> 01:09:38,840 Oh, well, why would I want to kill your son? 1189 01:09:38,842 --> 01:09:40,942 I don't know! You tell me! 1190 01:09:40,944 --> 01:09:42,610 Ohh! 1191 01:09:44,481 --> 01:09:47,549 What, no more wax? 1192 01:09:54,724 --> 01:09:56,925 Yes! I got you! 1193 01:09:58,795 --> 01:10:01,963 Hodog, Hodog, Hodog. 1194 01:10:03,500 --> 01:10:04,632 Hodog! 1195 01:10:07,571 --> 01:10:09,270 Oh, shit. 1196 01:10:11,875 --> 01:10:13,808 What was that? 1197 01:10:13,810 --> 01:10:16,578 The king into fireworks? What the fuck is that? 1198 01:10:19,683 --> 01:10:24,552 Well, I guess we know... 1199 01:10:24,554 --> 01:10:28,756 what happened to the dragonfire now. 1200 01:10:28,758 --> 01:10:31,292 You check it out. I'll take care of the troll. 1201 01:10:31,294 --> 01:10:32,894 Yes, Mother. 1202 01:10:32,896 --> 01:10:34,729 Ohh. Ooh, ooh! 1203 01:10:34,731 --> 01:10:37,599 You're turning me on, you... 1204 01:10:37,601 --> 01:10:40,935 Now we will have to find some other way to kill the king. 1205 01:10:40,937 --> 01:10:43,571 Whoever did this must have known our plans. 1206 01:10:43,573 --> 01:10:45,306 Bobb, where's your mother? 1207 01:10:45,308 --> 01:10:47,809 She has the troll. She's trying to make him confess. 1208 01:10:47,811 --> 01:10:50,678 You must tell her to bring him to the feast immediately, 1209 01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:53,581 or our entire family's gonna be banned from the Eight Kingdoms! 1210 01:10:53,583 --> 01:10:55,416 Yes, Father, I shall go now. 1211 01:10:55,418 --> 01:10:57,986 This was the work of a true genius. 1212 01:11:04,928 --> 01:11:06,694 Yes! 1213 01:11:06,696 --> 01:11:08,429 I did it! 1214 01:11:08,431 --> 01:11:09,897 I got the bone! 1215 01:11:09,899 --> 01:11:12,634 I am the dragon master! 1216 01:11:21,945 --> 01:11:24,712 - How are you guys? - This is so much fun. 1217 01:11:24,714 --> 01:11:26,614 Commander. 1218 01:11:26,616 --> 01:11:29,317 I've come to help. 1219 01:11:29,319 --> 01:11:31,819 John, I thought you were at the wall. 1220 01:11:31,821 --> 01:11:33,788 I heard you were in trouble, Father. 1221 01:11:33,790 --> 01:11:35,757 Who told you we might be in trouble? 1222 01:11:35,759 --> 01:11:36,791 My friend Ham. 1223 01:11:36,793 --> 01:11:38,726 Ham? 1224 01:11:38,728 --> 01:11:41,329 The fat guy? 1225 01:11:45,302 --> 01:11:47,502 No, just one bite. 1226 01:11:47,504 --> 01:11:49,537 No. 1227 01:11:49,539 --> 01:11:51,072 No, I'm... 1228 01:11:51,074 --> 01:11:52,573 Come on. 1229 01:11:52,575 --> 01:11:57,011 Deadard, where is the troll? 1230 01:11:57,013 --> 01:12:00,348 I know nothing about the troll. I swear it to it! 1231 01:12:00,350 --> 01:12:01,849 He's lying. Look at him. 1232 01:12:01,851 --> 01:12:03,584 Release him at once 1233 01:12:03,586 --> 01:12:07,388 or be banished from the kingdom, my brother. 1234 01:12:07,390 --> 01:12:09,023 Bros before ho's. 1235 01:12:09,025 --> 01:12:10,758 Here he is, Your Grace. 1236 01:12:10,760 --> 01:12:14,829 This troll tried to murder my son. 1237 01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:16,030 That's not true! 1238 01:12:16,032 --> 01:12:18,366 - I'm innocent! - Ugh! 1239 01:12:18,368 --> 01:12:21,636 That's a very low thing that you did there, troll. 1240 01:12:21,638 --> 01:12:24,672 I'm gonna have to cut you down to size. 1241 01:12:24,674 --> 01:12:26,607 Since you're in the arena, 1242 01:12:26,609 --> 01:12:30,445 I demand a trial by... twerking. 1243 01:12:40,557 --> 01:12:42,123 What's twerking? 1244 01:12:42,125 --> 01:12:44,625 Allow me, Your Grace, to defend my family's honor. 1245 01:12:44,627 --> 01:12:46,894 No, bastard. As the firstborn, 1246 01:12:46,896 --> 01:12:48,996 I shall defend my mother's honor. 1247 01:12:48,998 --> 01:12:51,132 The two of you, sit down. 1248 01:12:51,134 --> 01:12:54,736 I am the one who must defend my wife's honor. 1249 01:12:54,738 --> 01:12:55,937 Hey! 1250 01:12:55,939 --> 01:12:58,740 I will twerk the troll to death! 1251 01:12:58,742 --> 01:12:59,974 Wait a second! 1252 01:12:59,976 --> 01:13:01,642 You're four times the size of me! 1253 01:13:01,644 --> 01:13:04,145 I demand a champion. I have the right! 1254 01:13:04,147 --> 01:13:06,681 Well, who's your champion going to be? 1255 01:13:08,017 --> 01:13:11,486 I name my nephew, Jizzy Lays-my-sister. 1256 01:13:11,488 --> 01:13:12,987 Let's see him twerk! 1257 01:13:12,989 --> 01:13:14,956 I can't twerk. I'm just... a dick. 1258 01:13:16,526 --> 01:13:18,826 Ha! About time you admitted it. 1259 01:13:18,828 --> 01:13:19,861 Right. 1260 01:13:19,863 --> 01:13:22,997 I choose... Hodog! 1261 01:13:24,634 --> 01:13:25,767 Hodog. 1262 01:13:36,112 --> 01:13:37,112 Show him, Dad! 1263 01:13:45,088 --> 01:13:46,921 - Help! - Yep, yep. 1264 01:13:46,923 --> 01:13:47,923 Not yet. 1265 01:13:52,495 --> 01:13:54,629 I do not wish to continue this battle. 1266 01:13:54,631 --> 01:13:58,866 I will spare Hodog's life and let the troll live. 1267 01:13:58,868 --> 01:14:01,602 I demand nothing in return. 1268 01:14:04,207 --> 01:14:06,073 He was my friend. 1269 01:14:06,075 --> 01:14:09,076 He could've been somebody, instead of a bum. 1270 01:14:11,181 --> 01:14:15,917 Deadard, no! 1271 01:14:19,923 --> 01:14:21,155 Die! 1272 01:14:21,157 --> 01:14:26,694 I... want... you... to... die! 1273 01:14:31,134 --> 01:14:33,568 My own wife. 1274 01:14:33,570 --> 01:14:37,004 My own beautiful wife. 1275 01:14:37,006 --> 01:14:39,006 What happened to you? 1276 01:14:41,144 --> 01:14:44,479 Jizzy is not your son. 1277 01:14:50,620 --> 01:14:53,988 Yeah, but he really looks just like me. 1278 01:14:53,990 --> 01:14:55,723 I'm king. 1279 01:14:55,725 --> 01:14:58,926 I'm king! 1280 01:14:58,928 --> 01:15:01,863 Yes, son, of course you're king. You're king. 1281 01:15:07,904 --> 01:15:09,737 I'm king. 1282 01:15:09,739 --> 01:15:10,938 And you're mine. 1283 01:15:13,576 --> 01:15:15,776 Okay, guards, kill all the Storks. 1284 01:15:15,778 --> 01:15:17,578 Kill them all! Kill everyone! 1285 01:15:17,580 --> 01:15:19,080 Wait! Except Sansia. 1286 01:15:19,082 --> 01:15:21,582 I want to give her a pearl necklace and a foot rub. 1287 01:15:30,527 --> 01:15:32,693 That's it. Shh. 1288 01:15:50,780 --> 01:15:52,880 You want some, do ya? Do ya? 1289 01:16:01,257 --> 01:16:04,191 That's it. Shh. 1290 01:16:08,765 --> 01:16:10,598 Hey, come here, you little bastard! 1291 01:16:14,837 --> 01:16:17,672 Go back to the wall! 1292 01:16:19,842 --> 01:16:21,309 Die! 1293 01:16:44,167 --> 01:16:46,033 Hodog! 1294 01:16:48,371 --> 01:16:52,740 Hodog! Hodog! 1295 01:17:07,090 --> 01:17:09,156 Who wants to see a magic trick? 1296 01:17:11,928 --> 01:17:14,695 I'm melting! 1297 01:17:14,697 --> 01:17:16,364 Melting! 1298 01:17:16,366 --> 01:17:18,766 Melting, melting! 1299 01:17:29,178 --> 01:17:33,748 This is Trumpet Arena, the greatest arena in the world! 1300 01:17:33,750 --> 01:17:35,182 I own it! 1301 01:17:35,184 --> 01:17:37,385 I strongly advise you to leave the area, sir. 1302 01:17:37,387 --> 01:17:40,087 I am so sick of you, Miller. 1303 01:17:40,089 --> 01:17:41,656 You don't know anything! 1304 01:17:41,658 --> 01:17:44,125 But I just want to protect you, sir. 1305 01:17:44,127 --> 01:17:46,127 We could've made America great again. 1306 01:17:46,129 --> 01:17:47,194 Idiot! 1307 01:17:47,196 --> 01:17:51,065 People of Wild Westerworld, 1308 01:17:51,067 --> 01:17:54,235 - I've done everything for you, - Dragon Bone. 1309 01:17:54,237 --> 01:17:56,237 And all I ask in return 1310 01:17:56,239 --> 01:17:59,674 is that you capture that woman 1311 01:17:59,676 --> 01:18:02,043 and grab her by the pussy. 1312 01:18:02,045 --> 01:18:04,812 Grab her by the pussy! 1313 01:18:15,925 --> 01:18:17,358 Oh, man! 1314 01:18:29,806 --> 01:18:32,807 Well, if it isn't John Doe. 1315 01:18:32,809 --> 01:18:35,309 How's the life of an inbred prince? 1316 01:18:35,311 --> 01:18:37,978 It's going great. How's life in your Mexican gardener? 1317 01:18:37,980 --> 01:18:39,146 Let's go, princess. 1318 01:18:43,853 --> 01:18:46,287 Hello, princess. 1319 01:18:46,289 --> 01:18:47,855 Killed another Mexican. 1320 01:19:12,749 --> 01:19:15,750 I told you motherfuckers y'all was gonna die. 1321 01:19:23,960 --> 01:19:25,459 Yippee! 1322 01:19:25,461 --> 01:19:27,461 The throne is mine! 1323 01:19:29,198 --> 01:19:33,033 The goddamn throne... 1324 01:19:33,035 --> 01:19:34,435 is mine! 1325 01:19:36,105 --> 01:19:37,772 Whoa! 1326 01:19:46,182 --> 01:19:48,783 Seven kingdoms. 1327 01:19:48,785 --> 01:19:51,118 Now all perished. 1328 01:19:51,120 --> 01:19:53,154 Death is certain. 1329 01:19:53,156 --> 01:19:55,923 Life is not. 1330 01:19:58,427 --> 01:20:00,361 But not in this movie. 1331 01:20:00,363 --> 01:20:02,330 You didn't think we were gonna kill everybody, did you? 1332 01:20:02,331 --> 01:20:04,231 Come on, man, this is Hollywood, 1333 01:20:04,233 --> 01:20:06,100 We need a sequel. 1334 01:20:24,887 --> 01:20:26,287 ♪ It goes lights, camera, action ♪ 1335 01:20:26,289 --> 01:20:27,988 ♪ When I step into the limelight ♪ 1336 01:20:27,990 --> 01:20:30,491 ♪ Easily adapted to the high life ♪ 1337 01:20:30,493 --> 01:20:32,160 ♪ Dressed to impress like it's prom night ♪ 1338 01:20:32,161 --> 01:20:33,928 ♪ And when you living top shelf ♪ 1339 01:20:33,930 --> 01:20:35,863 ♪ You know you gotta set the bar high ♪ 1340 01:20:35,865 --> 01:20:37,531 ♪ Had the same dream since we was kids ♪ 1341 01:20:37,533 --> 01:20:40,234 ♪ Big chips, big cars, and even bigger cribs ♪ 1342 01:20:40,236 --> 01:20:42,870 ♪ Never thought that it would happen just the way it did ♪ 1343 01:20:42,872 --> 01:20:45,339 ♪ Fast forward that now It's just the way we live ♪ 1344 01:20:45,341 --> 01:20:48,008 ♪ There's good food and drinks My mood makes you think ♪ 1345 01:20:48,010 --> 01:20:50,344 ♪ That this life's made for a king ♪ 1346 01:20:50,346 --> 01:20:52,313 ♪ The room starts to shake so smooth ♪ 1347 01:20:52,315 --> 01:20:55,015 ♪ If you blink, you might just miss the whole thing ♪ 1348 01:20:55,017 --> 01:20:57,384 ♪ It's just a different way to move ♪ 1349 01:20:57,386 --> 01:21:00,087 ♪ Living the high life ♪ 1350 01:21:00,089 --> 01:21:02,590 ♪ So many different things to do ♪ 1351 01:21:02,592 --> 01:21:05,426 ♪ Living the high life ♪ 1352 01:21:05,428 --> 01:21:08,395 ♪ There's good food and drinks My mood makes you think ♪ 1353 01:21:08,397 --> 01:21:10,431 ♪ That this life's made for a king ♪ 1354 01:21:10,433 --> 01:21:12,967 ♪ So many different things to do ♪ 1355 01:21:12,969 --> 01:21:16,370 ♪ Living the high life ♪ 1356 01:21:16,372 --> 01:21:18,539 ♪ And now it's girls, girls, girls I adore ♪ 1357 01:21:18,541 --> 01:21:20,908 ♪ The coupe only sit two, but in the back I got four ♪ 1358 01:21:20,910 --> 01:21:23,911 ♪ Talking about this high life, I mean as high as it go ♪ 1359 01:21:23,913 --> 01:21:26,248 ♪ That's kites, planes, clouds, the bank accounts that I own ♪ 1360 01:21:26,249 --> 01:21:29,416 ♪ Funny thing it all started from a pen and a poem ♪ 1361 01:21:29,418 --> 01:21:31,218 Good evening. It's Piff, the magic dragon. 1362 01:21:31,220 --> 01:21:33,254 I'm here with one of the... 1363 01:21:33,256 --> 01:21:35,890 Well, the sole funder, actually, of this movie, 1364 01:21:35,892 --> 01:21:39,260 Mr. Donald J. Trump. 1365 01:21:39,262 --> 01:21:42,162 Yes, Donald J. Trump. The J is for John. 1366 01:21:42,164 --> 01:21:45,099 For John? I thought it was for Jesus. 1367 01:21:45,101 --> 01:21:46,667 So you produced Purge of Thrones, 1368 01:21:46,669 --> 01:21:48,535 and you're one of the characters. 1369 01:21:48,537 --> 01:21:50,671 Tell us, how did you audition for the role? 1370 01:21:50,673 --> 01:21:52,606 Uh, good question. 1371 01:21:52,608 --> 01:21:56,143 This is the skin I shedded like a snake, 1372 01:21:56,145 --> 01:21:57,978 at least three weeks ago. 1373 01:21:57,980 --> 01:22:00,648 We're here with two of our lovely cast members. 1374 01:22:00,650 --> 01:22:02,316 Would you like to introduce yourselves? 1375 01:22:02,318 --> 01:22:05,519 First of all, I'm just lovely without "this." 1376 01:22:05,521 --> 01:22:07,655 - What's this? - You did it. 1377 01:22:07,657 --> 01:22:11,025 Yeah, "lovely." I was just emphasizing it. 1378 01:22:11,027 --> 01:22:12,193 You said you had a penis voice. 1379 01:22:12,194 --> 01:22:13,394 What's your penis voice? 1380 01:22:13,396 --> 01:22:16,196 My penis voice is a little deep. 1381 01:22:16,198 --> 01:22:18,365 How's it going, Mum? 1382 01:22:18,367 --> 01:22:20,935 Living the Mother of Dragons dream. 1383 01:22:20,937 --> 01:22:22,636 What is that dream? 1384 01:22:22,638 --> 01:22:25,072 Uh, conquering the Eight Kingdoms. 1385 01:22:25,074 --> 01:22:27,374 - Eight Kingdoms? - Yeah, I think. 1386 01:22:27,376 --> 01:22:29,543 And what are these kingdoms? 1387 01:22:29,545 --> 01:22:33,213 Gosh, I don't know. 1388 01:22:33,215 --> 01:22:34,715 Does it really matter? 1389 01:22:34,717 --> 01:22:36,283 Apparently not. 1390 01:22:38,187 --> 01:22:40,187 - Do you want some? - Yeah. 1391 01:22:44,493 --> 01:22:47,428 So tell us about Purge of Thrones. 1392 01:22:50,499 --> 01:22:52,533 Are you gonna have the whole thing or... 1393 01:22:52,535 --> 01:22:56,170 Yeah, I'm a growing dragon. 1394 01:22:56,172 --> 01:22:58,272 This is the castle they've given me to reside in 1395 01:22:58,274 --> 01:23:00,140 for the rest of my life. 1396 01:23:00,142 --> 01:23:02,210 They originally thought it was to the end of the shoot, 1397 01:23:02,211 --> 01:23:04,512 but actually I took out a word and replaced it with "life." 1398 01:23:04,513 --> 01:23:06,981 So this is now my genuine castle. 1399 01:23:06,983 --> 01:23:08,649 Some of it is on flames, yep. 1400 01:23:08,651 --> 01:23:11,018 We just put some of it on fire. 1401 01:23:11,020 --> 01:23:13,554 We got about 20 minutes before that place burns to the ground, 1402 01:23:13,556 --> 01:23:16,256 and we lose yet another English heritage site. 1403 01:23:16,258 --> 01:23:18,692 During the process, what moments led you 1404 01:23:18,694 --> 01:23:21,762 to feel most in tune with yourself on set? 1405 01:23:21,764 --> 01:23:23,664 - Whiskey. - Whiskey, great. 1406 01:23:23,666 --> 01:23:25,599 - Oh, my gosh. - You were great. Good job. 1407 01:23:25,601 --> 01:23:27,101 Thank you very much. 1408 01:23:31,273 --> 01:23:33,140 Can I get some cake? 1409 01:23:33,142 --> 01:23:35,743 What is it that you enjoy most about Purge of Thrones? 1410 01:23:35,745 --> 01:23:39,179 Well, obviously everyone 'cause everyone's been great. 1411 01:23:39,181 --> 01:23:41,015 Most people just say the money. 1412 01:23:41,017 --> 01:23:43,617 No, because I'm not gonna get paid. 1413 01:23:43,619 --> 01:23:45,586 Yeah, I'm just hanging around here. 1414 01:23:45,588 --> 01:23:48,288 Guess it's how they afford everyone else's exorbitant fees. 1415 01:23:48,290 --> 01:23:49,723 Exactly. 1416 01:23:49,725 --> 01:23:52,659 How am I supposed to answer serious questions 1417 01:23:52,661 --> 01:23:54,695 to a man who's dressed like this? 1418 01:23:54,697 --> 01:23:56,664 - I'm a genuine magic dragon. - It's just not going to work. 1419 01:23:56,665 --> 01:23:58,599 I'm directing this, I wrote this, 1420 01:23:58,601 --> 01:24:00,401 and I'm funding this. 1421 01:24:00,403 --> 01:24:02,336 This is gonna be the biggest film 1422 01:24:02,338 --> 01:24:04,538 in the history of film since, what, the Titanic, 1423 01:24:04,540 --> 01:24:06,240 which is huge. 1424 01:24:06,242 --> 01:24:08,542 But this is gonna sweep the Academy Awards next year. 1425 01:24:08,544 --> 01:24:10,044 Just sweep it. 1426 01:24:10,046 --> 01:24:13,080 We're gonna make purging great again. 1427 01:24:13,082 --> 01:24:14,415 No one purges like me. No one! 1428 01:24:14,417 --> 01:24:16,150 - Make purging great again? - Yes. 1429 01:24:16,152 --> 01:24:18,185 That's what we're going for. 1430 01:24:18,187 --> 01:24:21,288 I don't think I'm getting paid enough gold for this, guys. 1431 01:24:21,290 --> 01:24:25,325 All of this is lies. It's a bunch of crap. It's crap. 1432 01:24:25,327 --> 01:24:28,062 These guys are losers. They're lightweights. 1433 01:24:28,064 --> 01:24:30,364 They're nobodies. They don't know me. 1434 01:24:30,366 --> 01:24:31,799 They don't know how great I am. 1435 01:24:31,801 --> 01:24:35,769 All that they do is spread disinformation about me. 1436 01:24:35,771 --> 01:24:39,840 I'm so sick of watching this crap every single night. 1437 01:24:39,842 --> 01:24:41,308 They don't know me. 1438 01:24:41,310 --> 01:24:42,577 They don't know how tremendous I am. 1439 01:24:42,578 --> 01:24:44,445 They don't know how fantastic I am, 1440 01:24:44,447 --> 01:24:47,314 what a great guy I am, what a great businessman I am. 1441 01:24:47,316 --> 01:24:49,316 This is all just fake news! 1442 01:24:49,318 --> 01:24:52,419 Every single night is just fake news about me! 1443 01:24:52,421 --> 01:24:54,755 And I'm a really, really nice guy, 1444 01:24:54,757 --> 01:24:57,157 and I shouldn't be picked on like this! 1445 01:24:57,159 --> 01:24:58,425 Pence! 101822