All language subtitles for Mike.and.Molly.s02e03 - Mike in the house.Eng

Am I moving your stuff to my place
all alone, or are you gonna help me?

I'm helping.
I'm packing memories.

You know I actually
five pounds lighter

than I was in high school?

Do you know that none of
your glasses actually match?

I don't even know how
a person does that.

Hey, same haircut, you ask?

Same barber, I say.

Well, I have plenty of
glassware at my place,

so we'll just donate
this stuff to goodwill.

Whoa, hang on. You realize
some of those are collectables.

Really? And which
is the higher

ticket item...
Bam-Bam or Mayor McCheese?

McCheese, of course.

I think that one's still good
for one free refill.

All right, we'll keep this one
and the Sammy Sosa travel mug.

And my cereal bowl.

Holds the perfect
serving size.

Plus, you can wash a baby in it.
Yeah.

Don't worry, I already packed
your cereal bowl.

Now what are we gonna do
with your tv?

Well, you don't have
a tv in your bedroom.

Nah, I don't really like
having a tv in the bedroom.

You know who says that?

People who have never had a tv
in their bedroom.

Or people
who like to read or talk.

Fine, but while you're reading
or talking,

what am I supposed to do?

I don't know. Digging through
your belly button seems

to take up a lot of your time.

So, the only place to watch tv
will be downstairs in the lobby?

In my house,
we call that the living room.

Yeah, but

your mom and your sister
are down there,

so I'll have to put on pants.

If I'm gonna put on pants,

I might as well
go to the movies.

Alright, you can put
the tv in the bedroom.

Thanks.

But if I ever walk in
wearing a sexy nightie,

and you give me one of these,

I'm snapping that finger off

and any other body part
that looks like it.

That means I can
screw up 11 times.

♪ For the first time
in my life ♪

♪ I see love. ♪

Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com

so, Molly's belongings
are precious gold,

but you got to hide your
worthless crap in my garage?

I'm not hiding it.

Then I'll sneak it in
one box at a time.

Wonderful.

Lies and deception.

The mortar that holds the bricks
of love together.

It worked for you and dad.

Those were simpler times.

What happened to
my air hockey game?

You know, Mikey,

I'm not one to cast judgment

on how other people choose
to live their lives...

Here we go.

But rushing to move in
with this woman

is a horrible mistake

that you'll regret
the rest of your life.

Well, don't sugarcoat it, mom.
How do you really feel?

Hey, what happened to
all my G.I. Joe stuff?

In my day, we didn't shack up
with somebody

until we had rings on our
fingers and rice in our hair.

Listen, Molly and
I love each other,

and getting rid
of my apartment

is a good way for
us to save money.

Well, if you really wanted
to save money,

you never should have moved out
of this house.

Yes, but that would have ended
in a murder-suicide.

Fine.

But when she gets tired

of peeling your dirty drawers
off the floor,

you always got three hots
and a cot here with me and Jim.

And 's all the incentive
I need to make it work.

Seriously, I can't find
my stretch Armstrong,

my baseball cards, nothing.

Hey, I had a garage sale, okay?

And you sold my stuff?

Well, if you don't
sprinkle in a few toys,

it just looks like
a sad, old shut-in

having a pre-death
estate sale.

Oh, man.

And if the guy across
the street ever asks,

you never wore that
orange swimsuit.

I promised him, no
plums in the basket.

Okay.

I made room for some of Mike's
stuff in the hall closet.

I'm gonna take these things
over to goodwill.

Don't you dare.

Those are your dad's clothes.

You can't give those away.

Mom, he died 25 years ago,

and this leisure suit passed
away ten years before that.

I don't care.
You're not giving them away.

Oh, it still
smells like daddy.

Hai karate
and hot sauce.

It's gonna be so weird having
another man living here.

By the way, I was wondering
if you guys could clear

a little space
for him in the bathroom.

Ooh, that big man
in our little bathroom?

Yipes.

Don't worry. All he's got
is a razor and a toothbrush,

and for some mysterious reason,
a shower cap.

It's not about
counter space.

We're worried about the beating
that toilet's gonna take.

Mom.

Why don't we make him use
the downstairs bathroom

like we did with dad?

There you go.

Just throw in a good,
industrial-strength plunger

and a big scented candle.

Citronella, like they
use at campsites.

Or we could just rent one
of those porta potties

and put it in the backyard.

Good idea.

Then it becomes the
neighbor's problem.

All right, this
is the last of it.

We got a dreamsicle

and what is either
a frozen tamale

or a pair of yellow dress socks.

I will have the dreamsicle.

I'll spin the wheel
on that tamale.

Good luck, 'cause it was here
when I moved in.

So, what are you doing
with this sofa?

I tried to give it to goodwill,
but apparently,

they have
a too many stains policy.

I'm surprised
they took your shirts.

Samuel, it's yours
if you want it.

Uh, thank you, but my roommates
and I have more

of a southwestern motif.

You know,

now that you're moving in
with Molly,

we won't be able to hang out
like this anymore.

What are you
talking about?

You guys can
come over there.

It's gonna be my place
as much as it is hers.

Hmm. Yeah, that's what
those Indians thought

when they waved at that first
boatload of pilgrims.

Exactly.

No more spearing fish
and peeing in the woods.

It's tea cakes
and Bible lessons for you.

What the hell
are you talking about?

Those women
are gonna civilize you.

No more fingers up your nose,
no hands down your pants,

and forget about
sitting on the couch,

drinking from a can
of pork and beans.

Please, Carl, I'm not an animal.

I've lived indoors before.

Really?

You want
to lift these couch cushions

and play food, filth or fungi?

Tamale?

Frozen plantain.

I'll eat that.

See? Doesn't take
up a lot of space,

and it fits in with
all your Asian decor.

Samsung.

Hilarious.

What are we gonna do with this?

Good question.

Where do you keep
your bobbleheads?

Well, I only have the one,

and right now,
he's putting a tv in my bedroom.

It's cute.

At my place,
he sat next to my computer.

Oh, well, here he'll live
in the garage.

Do you like that?

He does like that.

The garage?
This guy is a hall of famer

and won 20 games
six years in a row.

This is not the actual guy.

Fine. Sure seems like

a lot of my stuff's being
relegated to the garage.

All right, I'll find
a place for this little fella.

Great, and since you're
loosening the reins

on the sports memorabilia,

let's find a spot
for this ebay treasure.

Gosh, we're running tight
on wall space.

Uh, what about
downstairs bathroom?

Fergie Jenkins in the garage?

Gale Sayers in the crapper?

I don't think you're really
from Chicago, lady.

Well, I know that this is tough,
but come here.

But it's just temporary.

Soon we'll have our own place

that's not mine,
not yours, but ours.

I guess.

And we'll have so much room,

you'll be able
to have your own den.

Really?
Oh, yeah.

You can put
all your stuff in there.

That'll be cool, right?

Like a man cave.

Exactly.

Can I smoke cigars
in my man cave?

I don't really see it
having a window.

Wait, it's not gonna be
an actual cave, is it?

Molly?

Molly, I'm hungry.

Well, go downstairs and fill up
your big cereal bowl.

By myself?

Take your bobblehead.

Mike, come on.

Sunday's my only day
to sleep in.

What if your mom and sister
are down there?

You've eaten meals
with my family before.

Yeah, but you're always there
with me.

Sweetheart,
this is your house now.

You can go do whatever you want.

Well, what I want is for you

to come downstairs with me
and have breakfast.

Go!

Fine.

You know, you're meaner now
that we live together.

Whoa, there he is.

Morning, Victoria.

You just getting home?

Yeah, I had
a little car trouble.

Maybe I can help.

I'm not a mechanic, but I know
what's what under the hood.

This is actually more

of a "too stoned to remember
where I parked" problem.

Well, as a sworn
police officer,

I cannot comment,
but I commend you

for not driving
a motor vehicle

while under the influence.

Wasn't really my choice.

But thank you
for not harshing my mellow.

No problem.

And for the record,

Johnny law...

Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow.

And I'm walking the line.

Molly, you up yet?

Aw!
Out!

Oh, look who's coming to the
kitchen in his jammie pants.

Morning.

Cop a squat,
I'll get you a cup of coffee.

Thank you.

Listen, uh, Mrs. Flynn,

I really appreciate
you letting me move in here.

Oh, please, call me Joyce, and
it really wasn't my decision.

Cream and sugar?
Black, please.

You'll love it
with cream and sugar.

That's the way
Molly's dad drank it.

I don't really process
dairy well, but okay.

And listen, if there's anything
you ever need done,

just let me know.

I want to earn my keep.

We're talking
chores, right,

not some sort of plus-
sized gigolo action?

No.

I'm pulling
your leg, hoss.

Oh.

If you're serious
about helping out,

a couple of those kitchen
cabinets could use new hinges.

I'll take care
of that today.

We could also use a new
screen for the back door.

Victoria walks through
at least one a year.

Consider it done.

And a new exhaust hose
for the dryer.

Easy to do.

Oh, and the pulsating
shower wand upstairs

has seen better days.

Three women in the house...
don't ask.

Wasn't planning on it.

What's that pounding?

Your boyfriend is
up on the roof

replacing the
loose shingles.

Okay, so it wasn't
Santa claus.

But you can understand
what got me there, right?

The poor guy's only
been here one night

and you're putting
him to work?

He volunteered.

Mike Biggs volunteered
to climb up on the roof

and start
relaying shingles?

He was reluctant at first, but
I promised him a pan of brownies

and he shimmied up that ladder
like his ass was on fire.

Mom, we shouldn't
take advantage

of Mike's good nature.

Some might say
his jolly nature.

You know, he's
been working hard.

We should make him a
nice dinner tonight.

That's a great idea.

Remember our Sunday night
dinners with daddy?

We'll make pot roast,

mashed potatoes, and
banana cream pie.

Daddy's favorite.

Oh, it's not Mike's favorite.

Who the hell's
talking about Mike?

I'm telling you, Carl,
all I did was put

a couple screws
in a cabinet door

and her mom made me
French toast.

I know, I feel like king midas.

Not the muffler guy.

You got to get a library card.

Hang on, I got to earn myself
some brownies.

Hey, how you
doing up there?

You working hard?

Oh, yeah.

Seeing you up there
blocking the sun

reminds me
of when my husband was alive.

He was always working
on the roof.

Well, Chicago winters...
lots of wear and tear.

I may be up here for a while.

You hungry?

You want a sandwich?

Oh, I'd love
a salami and cheese.

Too bad, he loved
peppers and meatballs.

Incoming!

That'll work!

Can't talk now, Carl,
this is a two-hand job.

Anything look familiar?

The stop signs do,

but I think they use
the same ones all over town.

All right, where is the last
place you remember parking it?

I had a dentist appointment
on Wednesday.

I've driven it since then,

but that's the last place
I remember parking it.

Okay, any idea what clubs
you went to last night...

goth, gay?

Elks?

There's a couple of stamps
on my hand.

You don't have
a black light, do you?

No, I don't.

For crying out loud,
Victoria, think.

Hey, if you're going
to bark at me,

you can take me home

and I will get Mike
to help me look.

My fiancé is not
your personal lo jack.

Besides, mom probably has him
planting corn by now.

All I know is,
he's a lot more patient

and understanding
than you.

That's because he hasn't
played car-and-seek

every Sunday since you got
your learner's permit.

Can we at least assume
it's still in Illinois?

You know, when I told Mike
about misplacing my car,

he was not mean
or judgmental.

Mm-mm, no, he was firm
but fair, just like daddy.

Victoria, focus.

Anything around
here ring a bell...

bars, restaurants,

maybe one of your shoes
laying in the road?

Both shoes are
accounted for,

but keep your eyes peeled
for a hair scrunchie

and a black laced bra.

All right, I'm done.

Okay, we'll just
wait for your car

to get booted and
towed like last time.

No, last time we drove around,

I eventually remembered
I parked it in the garage.

Oh, wait.

No.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
No!

You have got yourself a real
prize there, young lady.

I know, mom, he's a great guy.

He's more than a great guy.

He does whatever
I ask him to do

and eats whatever
I toss up on the roof.

It's like having a big pet
raccoon that can fix stuff.

Oh.

There's my

hard-working man.

Nice fit, huh? Two more
pockets and I'm a pool table.

Mike, why, why are you wearing
my dad's clothes?

Oh, I gave him a bunch
of daddy's stuff.

You know, the last time
he wore this suit,

we were sharing a "j" at
a Doobie brothers concert

or sharing a doobie at an
O'jays concert... I forget.

It was the Doobie brothers.

I found the ticket stubs
and an ancient tootsie roll.

Oh, daddy loved
his tootsie rolls.

Can I see it?

Well, the real memory is
the ticket stubs, right?

I'm kind of freaking out here.

Mike, you don't have
to wear that.

Why? I think I look
pretty good in it.

You look like you should be
standing in a field,

selling green beans.

Never mind her,
you look great.

Now, why don't you sit
right down here

at the head
of the table?

We're having pot roast,
mashed potatoes,

and your favorite dessert...
banana cream pie.

That's not his favorite.

Mike, tell 'em,
German chocolate.

That's cake,
we're talking pie now.

Isn't he adorable?

Mike, before we go to bed,
will you read me a story?

Oh, come on,

this has gone
from weird to creepy.

Victoria, he is not your father.

Mom, he is not your husband.

Hang on, Moll, they're just
trying to make me feel welcome.

Which is more
than you're doing.

You won't even let the poor
bastard hang up a picture.

I didn't say anything.

Plus, you're the one who told us
to make him feel at home.

I meant be friendly,
make small talk,

not dress him up
like my dead father.

Hey, it fits him.

There's three guys in Chicago
that can wear that suit.

Then get one of the other guys
'cause this one's mine.

You're so selfish, Molly,
you never share anything.

Remember how she never
let me ride her bike?

Oh, hey, if I had
lent you the ten-speed,

we'd still be driving around
right now looking for it!

The two of you are
giving me a headache.

She started it.

So how come you get to
dress him up, but I can't?

Because I'm the
one that's marrying him.

Is that a shot at me
because I haven't found a man yet?

Have you looked in the garage?

I'm telling you, Carl,
it's like paradise.

Guess what I'm doing right now.

How'd you know?

No, I mean,
how'd you know it was pie?

You cannot hear it in my voice.

Fine, if you're so smart,
what am I wearing?

Wrong... green leisure suit.

Yeah, Molly's mom gave it to me.

I know, it's a sweet deal.

Sure, come on over.

Ladder's around back, and
I'll try and save you some pie.

Would you girls knock it off?

It's your squabbling
that kept me a single mother

all those years.

Oh, don't play that card.

You've had more boyfriends
than she's had.

Are you calling me a slut?

Are you calling me a slut?

Just stay away from
my fiancé, and yes, I am!

Sync and corrections by GeirDM
for www.addic7ed.com