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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,038
Tim Allen is back
in Last Man Standing.
2
00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:06,807
Am I wrong, or is it, like,
way better on this network?
3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,576
Catch all-new episodes Fridays.
4
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,411
And check out
our other Fox programs--
5
00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,147
The Simpsons, Rel,
and The Cool Kids.
6
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,648
Damn straight, we are.
7
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,749
Only on Fox.
8
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:23,424
Wow. We got to get
a better vacuum cleaner.
9
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,427
Got a tree growing right out of
the middle of the living room.
10
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:29,230
Yeah, it's a good one
this year, Mike, yeah.
11
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:32,400
And the smell, it's just--
it's-it's like it's hanging
12
00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,768
from a rearview mirror.
13
00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,104
Don't get too attached to it.
14
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:39,039
In 30 days we'll be kicking
that baby to the curb.
15
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,942
Hey, guys. Don't forget,
Kyle and I have plans tonight.
16
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:44,945
You're not gonna help us
decorate the fire hazard?
17
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,547
They are cultured, Mike.
18
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:49,350
They are going to The Nutcracker
with Kristin and Ryan.
19
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,918
Yeah. I've never been
to the ballet.
20
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:54,522
I can't believe they get
to wear slippers to work.
21
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,291
Well, buckle up. It's
three hours of people dancing,
22
00:00:57,325 --> 00:01:00,561
occasionally interrupted
by people prancing.
23
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:06,100
So, tonight, tonight'll
just be you and me decorating.
24
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,901
Hmm. You all right with that?
25
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,103
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Definitely.
26
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,771
It'll be like
when we were just married,
27
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,441
except our tree won't be a fern.
28
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,276
And we won't make the star
out of the tinfoil
29
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,077
-out of a Jiffy Pop thing.
-Mm.
30
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:21,282
You, uh, you remember
what we did with the butter?
31
00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,117
Okay.
32
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:25,453
Come on, babe.
I'll take you to work.
33
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,421
But don't you want to know
what they did with the butter?
34
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,357
No.
35
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,993
-Have fun, guys.
-MANDY: Eh.
36
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,595
Do you, uh,
you have time to eat?
37
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:36,597
No. I'll eat at work.
38
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,266
A vending machine breakfast.
39
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:43,137
Glazed doughnuts and pork rinds
and a emergency rain poncho.
40
00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:44,605
Hmm.
41
00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:46,407
You know what...
42
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,410
I shouldn't give Ed a Christmas
gift this year, right?
43
00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,312
That'd be-- that'd be--
that'd be stupid.
44
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:54,582
Well, no, you-you and Ed
never exchange gifts.
45
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,150
Yeah. Yeah.
46
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:58,486
But, you know, I thought
this year would be different
47
00:01:58,519 --> 00:01:59,687
'cause he retired.
48
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:03,023
But that's not a good reason.
49
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,593
No, I-I think
that's a great reason.
50
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,528
But I have so much on my plate!
51
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,364
I-It feels like you want me
to talk you out of this.
52
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:13,100
Well, you're not doing
a really good job of it.
53
00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,768
Honey, this-this is
the first Christmas
54
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:16,003
that Ed's not at the store.
55
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,172
I-I think you should get him
something special.
56
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:21,475
Now it's got to be
something special.
57
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,911
*
58
00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:30,518
-Hey, Dad.
-Hey.
59
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,520
Just reminding you I'm leaving
a little early tonight.
60
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:35,022
That's right. Mom said
you're going to The Nutcracker?
61
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:37,358
Yay. Three hours
of people leaping
62
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:40,328
interrupted by people prancing.
63
00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:43,497
Sometimes you make me so proud.
64
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:47,034
Uh, but I finished my personnel
requests for next year.
65
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:50,304
-You know, I could've just sent
that to you in an e-mail.
-Thanks.
66
00:02:50,338 --> 00:02:52,740
An e-mail doesn't keep loggers
employed.
67
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,975
Plus, when I hold 'em
in my hand like this,
68
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,845
I feel like I've finished
my job.
69
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,981
But I'm not finished yet!
Chuck!
70
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,884
-What's up?
-I'm gonna need
those personnel reports, man.
71
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,085
I got to start making
these decisions
72
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,387
before the end of the year.
73
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,389
Oh! I'll have it to you
by the end of the day.
74
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,891
(chuckles)
Carol's coming back from, uh,
75
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,593
California for the holidays,
and, uh,
76
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,695
I need time
to clean up the house.
77
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:15,996
That's shocking.
78
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,998
What, that a Marine
cleans his house?
79
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:21,435
No, that Carol's coming back
to you?
80
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:22,903
(chuckles)
81
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,338
Good one, Baxter,
82
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,106
he said,
pretending the cruel joke
83
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:28,242
didn't trigger
his deepest insecurities.
84
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:30,110
Hey, guys, can you think
of any Christmas gift
85
00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:31,412
-that Ed might want?
-(Mike sighs)
86
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:33,947
How about a ticket
to The Nutcracker?
87
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:38,686
Why didn't we just stop
having kids at you?
88
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,220
Whenever I don't know
what to get someone,
89
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,355
I just get 'em a cheesecake.
90
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:42,623
Everybody likes cheesecake.
91
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,625
And if they don't,
they might regift it to you
92
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,194
and then, hey, free cheesecake.
93
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,096
What's better than a cheesecake
94
00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,698
that's been passed around,
you know?
95
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:54,134
With that little tinge
of salmonella in it. Yum, yum.
96
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,470
Not everybody is as good
at giving gifts as you, Dad.
97
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,871
Okay, you always know
what to get people.
98
00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,441
That's capitalism:
identify the consumer's need
99
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,743
and supply it.
100
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:03,777
Who said that?
101
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,045
Dad's favorite philosopher,
102
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,247
-himself.
-Oh.
103
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:08,916
(chuckles)
He was thinking of putting it
104
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:10,984
-at the entrance to Baxterland.
-Ah.
105
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,553
At the corner of Mike Avenue
106
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,555
-and Know-It-All Lane.
-(laughs)
107
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:17,257
This know-it-all
might have just figured out
108
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,793
what to get Ed for Christmas.
109
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,129
Um...
(grunts)
110
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,964
general rule of thumb:
when I leave my office,
111
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:27,134
it's a good idea for everyone
else to leave my office.
112
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:30,103
-But there's toys.
-But there's toys.
113
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,979
* God rest ye merry, gentlemen
114
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,648
* Ye... ye...
115
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:45,786
* Ye really do look tired.
116
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,356
-Wow, Mom, you're really
in the Christmas spirit.
-Mm!
117
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,924
Well, I'm doing one of
my favorite things in the world.
118
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:51,925
(chuckles)
119
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,061
And decorating the tree.
120
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:58,666
Ah. Uh, you guys--
you're-you're leaving early.
121
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,701
Oh, yeah, we're gonna meet
at Kristin and Ryan's.
122
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:03,837
-You have the tickets, babe?
-Yeah. Uh, right here.
123
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,706
(chuckles)
Uh-oh.
124
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,808
Says we're in the orchestra.
125
00:05:07,841 --> 00:05:12,045
I haven't played the tuba
since high school.
126
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,681
MANDY:
Oh, Mom... (chuckles)
127
00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,783
you don't have to hang
my snowflake ornament
128
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:16,850
I made in the second grade.
129
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,285
Are you kidding?
I love this.
130
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,721
Great, because that was a test.
Where you gonna put it?
131
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,490
Uh...
132
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:25,493
well, I was thinking of just--
I'm putting it right here?
133
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,461
There? Okay.
134
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,863
Why? You have a better idea?
135
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:30,998
-Yes, several.
-Okay.
136
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:33,367
Oh.
(giggles) Uh,
137
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:35,536
Mandy was always in charge
of ornaments.
138
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:38,372
Yeah, because I'm great
with visual placement.
139
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:41,542
And I'm really, really tall.
140
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,844
I'll just do one
to get you started.
141
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:44,745
Can I do one?
142
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:45,813
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
143
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,747
Here, you can have your pick.
144
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:50,050
They're all wrapped
in newspaper.
145
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:53,353
Oh, this is from way back
in January.
146
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:56,590
Boy, did we miss out
on a furniture sale.
147
00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,226
You know what, uh,
148
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:00,994
this is gonna take me
a little bit of time.
149
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,697
So I'll just text Kristin and
tell them to pick us up here.
150
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:06,066
Are you sure? Honey, you know,
you don't have to. It...
151
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,435
Mom, if I let you decorate
the tree,
152
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,637
it'll take me hours to fix.
153
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:14,274
No offense. Merry Christmas.
154
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,513
Man, you're still working?
155
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,415
Carol's not gonna like it
if you're late, unless she's...
156
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,116
on California time, dude.
157
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,919
-(inhales)
-(chuckles)
158
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:29,022
Well, you asked me to get
a job done, so I'll get it done.
159
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,190
And it'll be letter-perfect.
160
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,292
Besides, Carol's still on
161
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:35,496
Colorado "your ass
better be on time" time.
162
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,132
Hey, Ed. Glad I saw you.
163
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,601
-I-I got something for you.
-Good.
164
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:43,270
I-I wanted to hand deliver
these Christmas cards.
165
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,272
-Much more personal
than the mail.
-Oh.
166
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,640
Not to mention cheaper.
167
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,778
125 employees times 50 cents.
168
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:52,212
Adds up.
169
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,413
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Very good.
170
00:06:53,447 --> 00:06:54,615
I did the math.
Thank you very much.
171
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,416
Come on, give me a break.
Give me a break.
172
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:59,152
I'm-I'm a retiree
on a fixed income, all right?
173
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:01,822
On your personal mega yacht.
174
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,090
(chuckles)
175
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:06,760
(mutters) Listen, what are you
doing here so late anyway, huh?
176
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,730
Don't tell me that
Mike Baxter has gotten behind.
177
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,899
The only thing I'm behind
is Reaganomics.
178
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:15,669
And you're welcome
for the boom-boom '80s, man.
179
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:18,872
Still waiting
for my trickle-down over here.
180
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:21,942
Anyway, thanks for the card.
181
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,478
But I did have extra time to get
something for Christmas for you.
182
00:07:24,512 --> 00:07:25,579
So just wait there a minute.
183
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,415
I-I just have a minute.
Just a minute now here.
184
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,617
I'm tending bar at the VFW.
185
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,318
-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
186
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:33,654
I used to host
Military Trivia Night.
187
00:07:33,687 --> 00:07:35,355
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah, we had to give it up
188
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,325
because, uh, most of the answers
were "Germany."
189
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,661
-Listen.
-Yeah.
190
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,096
The city says
we can name our access road
191
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,865
-to the store anything we want.
-Uh-huh.
192
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,300
So...
193
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,336
What? Come on.
194
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,672
Ed Alzate Way?
195
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,541
So the road that brings people
to Outdoor Man
196
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:57,878
now honors the man that brought
Outdoor Man to the people.
197
00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,012
I love that road, Mikey.
198
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:01,949
It's-it's black down the middle,
beige on the sides.
199
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,316
Now, that's a road.
200
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:04,785
Yeah, well, now the guys
in the loading dock...
201
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:05,886
-Yeah.
-won't just say, "Look,
202
00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,454
there's a dead raccoon
in the road."
203
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,024
They can say, "There's a
dead raccoon on Ed Alzate."
204
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:13,894
(laughing)
205
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,696
Well, that's--
Mikey, you're the best, buddy.
206
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,198
-Yeah.
-You're-you're terrific.
207
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:19,533
Chuck, look at this.
208
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,868
I got a street.
(chuckles)
209
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,970
-I got a street.
-Yeah.
-(chuckles)
210
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,573
Okay, good.
211
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,676
Did he seem a little too happy?
212
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,044
Yep.
213
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,713
So, he hated it.
214
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,748
Yep.
215
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:42,556
Hey, Mike Baxter
for Outdoor Man.
216
00:08:42,590 --> 00:08:44,692
Christmas is just around
the corner,
217
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,894
so someone you love
is out there right now
218
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:49,597
getting you something
you don't need, you don't want,
219
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:53,000
and you can't return
until they're not looking.
220
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,668
And the kicker for some of you
221
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:56,269
is they're doing it
with your money.
222
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,771
Wow.
223
00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:00,007
Yeah, the biggest challenge
of the holiday season
224
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,542
isn't long lines
or finding a place to park--
225
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:05,378
it's opening a present
and not having your face say
226
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,080
what you're actually feeling.
227
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:08,582
See, your face has to say...
228
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,417
(chuckles):
"Oh, I really love this."
229
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:12,419
And what
you're really thinking is,
230
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:14,955
"Really? Really?
231
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,624
Really?"
232
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,259
We all want a present
that knocks our socks off,
233
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,762
but we don't want socks.
234
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:25,532
Ben Carson said, "Happiness
doesn't result from what we get
235
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,534
but from what we give."
236
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,103
Spoken like someone whose family
gets him lousy gifts.
237
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,739
Right, Ben?
(chuckles)
238
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,875
If only there was a retail chain
where you could be confident
239
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:37,210
they're gonna love
whatever you get them.
240
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,747
Oh, wait, I'm sitting in one.
241
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:42,449
And in Outdoor Man, if you
don't like your new crossbow,
242
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,450
you can return it.
243
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,885
But you're gonna like it.
244
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,887
Because, unlike the people
buying your gifts,
245
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,657
our crossbows actually hit
their targets.
246
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:51,892
So, from all of us
at Outdoor Man
247
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,894
to all of you looking
for the perfect gift,
248
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,764
happy hunting
and merry Christmas.
249
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,932
Baxter out.
250
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,637
Ooh.
251
00:10:03,671 --> 00:10:07,074
It's the box
with the stockings, babe.
252
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,476
Uh-oh.
253
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,444
You gonna be okay?
254
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,780
Should I get the tissues?
255
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,481
No, I'm fine.
(chuckles)
256
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:16,684
I think I got it all out
of my system last year.
257
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,151
(car horn honking in distance)
258
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:20,520
So what if Mrs. B sewed my name
on a stocking
259
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,090
that welcomed me to the family?
260
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,424
It's no big deal.
261
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,592
(sniffles)
262
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,462
It's just a love stocking.
263
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,832
Guys, hey. Hello?
Ryan's been honking.
264
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:36,169
Uh, Kristin,
a lady never responds to a honk.
265
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,338
Ooh! The tree looks great.
266
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,673
Nice balance, Mandy.
267
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,809
Thanks. It's subtle.
268
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:43,744
The theme is
"Christmas Here and Now!"
269
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,279
Hey, Kristin.
I thought I heard you.
270
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:47,280
-Oh, hey, Mom.
-Hi.
271
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,281
Mwah.
272
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,884
Oh, no, Kyle found his stocking.
273
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:53,987
It's a beauty, Mrs. B.
274
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,355
Well, maybe we should keep it
out all year
275
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,190
so you don't get so overwhelmed.
276
00:10:57,224 --> 00:11:00,160
No, I-I can handle it.
277
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:03,997
Ryan, I thought
we were on our way out.
278
00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,699
I know. Boyd has
to use the bathroom.
279
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:09,202
I'll be fast.
I won't even wash my hands.
280
00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:10,738
Ooh, is that hot chocolate?
281
00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,740
Uh, yeah.
Kyle and Mandy insisted.
282
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,708
I'd make you guys some, but...
283
00:11:14,742 --> 00:11:17,711
-but don't you have to go?
-Uh, we have time. Right, Ryan?
284
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:20,347
-Uh... okay, yeah. One cup.
-Yeah?
285
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,716
Um, with some marshmallows.
286
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,752
-Yeah. Okay.
-And maybe a little nutmeg.
287
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,154
Actually, you know what?
I'll just make it.
288
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,724
Oh, Mandy, wow, the tree
is really looking great.
289
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:31,825
KRISTIN:
Uh...
290
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,326
actually, I wouldn't say great.
291
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,527
I'd say incomplete.
292
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,096
There's no candy canes.
293
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,565
Well, I wasn't going to do that.
That's your job.
294
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:41,534
Well, I guess I can
at least start. (giggles)
295
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,570
And you're right, it is my job,
296
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,538
because I am great at it.
297
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,240
Cool! Are we all
gonna decorate the tree?
298
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:50,543
No, no, no. I'm sorry, sweetie.
You probably have to go.
299
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,679
Do we?
300
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:55,749
I think your dad really wants
to see the ballet.
301
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:58,418
You know what? I am back there
making the perfect cup of cocoa,
302
00:11:58,451 --> 00:12:01,088
and I realize I'm not even
gonna have time to drink it.
303
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:03,223
Oh. Maybe you could.
Uh, how would you feel
304
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,725
about staying a little while
and helping with the tree?
305
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,761
Uh... well,
we have really good seats,
306
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:10,230
and, I mean, it's just a tree.
307
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,099
Hey, Ryan, check it out.
308
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,434
It's your stocking.
309
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,636
(choked up):
Oh, boy.
310
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,674
Yeah, there it is.
311
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,246
*
312
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,614
-Hey, Ed?
-Hmm?
313
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,917
Do you know how to make
a cosmopolitan?
314
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:32,652
Of course, of course, yeah.
315
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,888
I just won't.
316
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,256
Okay.
317
00:12:41,328 --> 00:12:44,097
-What are you doing here?
-Well, after your little
performance at work,
318
00:12:44,131 --> 00:12:47,467
I thought I'd stop by and
find out why you hated my gift.
319
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,838
I didn't hate it. I loved it.
Best gift I ever got.
320
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,940
And the Oscar goes
to anybody else.
321
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,808
Come on, why did you hate it?
322
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,476
All right, all right.
I didn't like it.
323
00:12:56,509 --> 00:13:00,280
You know who gets streets
named after them? Dead guys.
324
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:04,651
This is why I gave it to you
this year and not... next year.
325
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:07,187
Made me realize
that my career at Outdoor Man
326
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:08,521
is really over.
327
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,824
You also realize
you could come back to work
328
00:13:10,858 --> 00:13:12,459
anytime you wanted?
329
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,627
When a man wakes up
in the morning,
330
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,696
he needs to wake up
with a purpose.
331
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:19,499
You see, I'm not needed
at Outdoor Man.
332
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:22,102
I realize that now,
thanks to you.
333
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,305
Doesn't sound like
you're very grateful.
334
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,874
I actually am.
335
00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:30,477
I need to look forward,
Mikey, not backwards.
336
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,846
All right, I think I understand.
337
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,681
You know what?
I don't think you do, really.
338
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,049
You know why I tend bar here?
339
00:13:36,083 --> 00:13:39,152
Sure. You don't have to pay
for Sex on the Beach.
340
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,721
Because I like to talk
to the veterans here
341
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:44,357
who feel the same way I do.
Like Billy there.
342
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,626
Yeah, look at him.
He ran a munitions depot.
343
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,395
Huge warehouse.
344
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:51,231
Yes, moved ordnance
all over the Middle East. Yeah.
345
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,533
Now he drives an Uber.
346
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,068
Really?
347
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:56,970
Yeah, just until he
finds a place
348
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,172
that can use his unique skills.
349
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,174
We all have hope.
350
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:03,210
Yep.
351
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,212
-You make a great bartender.
-Yeah.
352
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,180
Listen, if you want
to give me another gift,
353
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:09,182
I could use a...
a new cashmere coat.
354
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,651
You know, I think
I'm done giving gifts.
355
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,221
What do I look like,
Santa Claus?
356
00:14:21,728 --> 00:14:24,064
-Oh, Kris,
what are you doing here?
-Hmm.
357
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:25,665
Nutcracker started,
what, a half hour ago.
358
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,601
You're gonna miss the "Dance
of the Fairy Nuts," or whatever.
359
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:31,004
I'm gonna be
completely honest with you.
360
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,606
The Nutcracker can kiss my ass.
361
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,377
This kid!
362
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,948
Isn't this great?
Th-The Christmas spirit
363
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,250
burst in here,
grabbed them by their throats
364
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,218
and won't let them leave.
365
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:47,887
Sounds like
a scary Christmas movie.
366
00:14:47,921 --> 00:14:50,757
"This year, Santa doesn't care
who's naughty or nice--
367
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:52,725
everybody's gettin' it."
368
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,229
Hey, take a look
at this Christmas tree.
369
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,731
I made it look fabulous
from every angle.
370
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,768
It's the Beyoncé
of Christmas trees.
371
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:05,238
If you like it, then you
better put a star on it.
372
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:10,443
Starting to regret
putting a ring on it.
373
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:14,114
Hey, Dad, look how good Kyle's
getting at stringing popcorn.
374
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:18,285
Yeah, the key I've learned
is making sure you pop it first.
375
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,653
And I made my special
family cocoa recipe.
376
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,222
The secret ingredient is
377
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,124
(whispers):
peppermint schnapps.
378
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,393
KRISTIN:
Mmm.
379
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,329
Ah, Ryan made mine extra secret.
380
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,800
Is this okay?
I know we were planning
381
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,635
on it just being the two of us.
382
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:38,972
-As hard as I try, I just
can't get sick of these kids.
-Yeah.
383
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,008
It's just too bad
Eve's not here, huh?
384
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,043
-(sighs): Well...
-(doorbell rings)
385
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,314
Oh, my God...
386
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,117
Oh, it's Chuck.
387
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,454
-VANESSA: Hi. How are you?
-CHUCK: Hey, everybody.
388
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:57,024
I got those personnel requests
you wanted.
389
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:59,492
Thank you, man, good for you.
390
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:03,463
Boy, you military guys sure get
the job done, don't you? Yes!
391
00:16:03,496 --> 00:16:05,465
Well, you asked a Marine
for a thorough job.
392
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,500
That's like asking the Pope
to go to church.
393
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:10,003
You know he's gonna stay
for the whole Mass.
394
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,272
I just wish
I had more guys like you.
395
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,207
(chuckles):
Well, thanks, Baxter.
396
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:17,477
Someone's getting a cheesecake.
Feel free to regift.
397
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:18,878
Merry Christmas, everybody.
398
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:20,280
-Merry Christmas, Chuck.
-Merry Christmas.
399
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,382
-Good-bye.
-Merry Christmas, Chuck.
400
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,720
Hey, honey?
I got a little errand to do.
401
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,489
But, honey,
the whole family's here.
402
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,991
I know, I got to go to a bar.
403
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:36,729
*
404
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,069
Hey. Look, I'm glad I found you
before you took off
405
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:44,871
-on your trip.
-Yeah?
406
00:16:44,904 --> 00:16:46,539
What's this?
407
00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:51,144
It's a chance for you to give me
a nice gift, you cheap bastard.
408
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,346
Because of the awesome job
I'm doing at Outdoor Man,
409
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:55,248
we're expanding.
These are personnel reports
410
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:57,917
from each department.
We're looking for new hires.
411
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,320
Well, thanks for explaining
the business to me.
412
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,989
Let me return the favor
by reminding you
413
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,192
that you have
a personnel department.
414
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:09,596
You know exactly the kind
of people I want for these jobs.
415
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,164
So you came here to brag, huh?
416
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:12,832
You're a piece of work, Mikey.
417
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,568
Listen. I want people
looking for a place
418
00:17:15,602 --> 00:17:18,538
to apply their unique skills.
419
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,875
-You're talking about veterans?
-Mm-hmm.
420
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,677
These people?
421
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,947
And I'm looking for somebody who
knows their specific skill sets,
422
00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,517
so they can match them
to the correct position.
423
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,784
Ed...
424
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:33,953
we need you.
425
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,090
I'd say you're just being nice,
426
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:40,693
but we both know that's...
that's not your strong suit.
427
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,095
Listen, this isn't just Denver.
428
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,763
I mean, this is all the stores.
429
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,133
-We're gonna be doing
a lot of new hires.
-Yeah.
430
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,535
Obviously, we'd coordinate
with local VFWs and the VA.
431
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,104
Also, I could reach out
to the discharge offices
432
00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:53,039
-of military bases.
-Yep.
433
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:54,407
Sounds like
a lot of work for a guy
434
00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:57,377
who just started his career
as a bartender.
435
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,146
Department of Labor has
a Veterans' Employment
436
00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:01,214
-and Training site.
I'll contact them.
-Mm-hmm.
437
00:18:01,248 --> 00:18:04,117
I like the fact
you still use paper, Mikey.
438
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,653
Well, you know me--
old-fashioned.
439
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:07,720
Yeah, me, too, pal.
440
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:10,323
No, I'd like you to make me
an old-fashioned.
441
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,225
Yeah. Please.
I've got work to do.
442
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:14,294
Now, what the hell
are you doing here?
443
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,297
Wow. I missed
your sunny disposition.
444
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:20,600
Mikey, they always said
you give the best gifts.
445
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:22,335
They're right.
446
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,839
*
447
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:28,408
We should do this again
next year.
448
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,910
It's way more fun
than going to the ballet.
449
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,345
Yeah. I'm a little bummed.
450
00:18:32,379 --> 00:18:34,647
I mean, when will I ever get
another chance
451
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:38,151
to see The Nutcracker
at Christmas?
452
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,420
You know, this might be
the schnapps talking,
453
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:42,422
-but I love you guys.
-VANESSA: Aw.
454
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,924
Mmm, it's definitely
the schnapps. (chuckles)
455
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:46,426
But me, too!
456
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,161
Cheers, everyone!
457
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,663
Geez, settle down, people.
458
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:53,900
-Hey, Dad.
-I don't know what's more lit,
the tree or you people.
459
00:18:55,202 --> 00:18:57,103
Where... where'd you go?
460
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,339
Uh, VFW Hall.
Worked something out with Ed.
461
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,174
Oh. Well, good.
I'm glad you're back.
462
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,210
You know, I was excited
about starting a new tradition
463
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:05,778
with just the two of us,
but I'm glad the kids want
464
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,447
to keep our old
family traditions alive.
465
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,449
Well, we have these traditions,
'cause a lot
466
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,818
-of brave men and women
fought for them.
-Yeah.
467
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,687
I guess the only thing
we have left to do is to...
468
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:15,988
put the star on the tree.
469
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,457
Yeah. Eve used to do that,
470
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,659
but I guess I'll do it,
'cause none of you
471
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,662
should get on a stepladder,
I'll tell you that right now.
472
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,164
Wait, Mom, where is the star?
473
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:27,334
Well, since your dad and I
were planning on starting
474
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,569
-a new tradition,
I-I ordered a new one...
-MIKE: What?
475
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,671
and it is being delivered
right now.
476
00:19:31,704 --> 00:19:32,705
(doorbell rings)
477
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:35,208
Who delivers a star that fast?
478
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:38,044
Ooh, maybe it's Santa.
479
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,913
Oh, I haven't finished my list.
480
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,217
Hey, hey...
481
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:47,119
-(laughs)
-Hey, Dad! Merry Christmas!
482
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,226
I thought it was gonna be Chuck.
483
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:55,562
I was supposed to bring a star.
484
00:19:55,595 --> 00:19:57,897
Hey, you are the star.
Come on in.
485
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,666
-Come here! Hi.
-Hi.
486
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:00,767
Yeah.
487
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,235
How did you do this?
488
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,571
Well, when the kids decided
to stay and help decorate,
489
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,507
I called Eve and-and convinced
her to hop on the bus.
490
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,542
Yeah, which sounded horrible,
so I took an Uber.
491
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:12,279
Mmm. Wait a minute.
You took an Uber?
492
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:16,182
-Yeah. You owe me $111.
-(laughter)
493
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:18,618
Well, it was so worth it
to have you here.
494
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:21,388
Shouldn't we all get $111?
495
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:24,691
You know what? This family
loves its traditions.
496
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,359
Yeah. Old-fashioned.
497
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,528
Yeah, yeah,
we are kind of old-fashioned.
498
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,163
No. I'm gonna make
an old-fashioned.
499
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,138
* Four calling birds,
three French hens *
500
00:20:39,171 --> 00:20:40,773
* Two turtle doves
501
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,276
* And a partridge
in a pear tree. *
502
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,278
You know why that's called
"The Twelve Days of Christmas"?
503
00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:47,447
'Cause that's how long it takes
to sing the damn song.
504
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,248
All right?
Guys, we got to think
505
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,418
-of something else.
-Okay, don't anyone go anywhere.
506
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:54,153
-We have written
a new Christmas carol.
-Oh.
507
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,789
-It's gonna be a classic.
-(clearing throats)
508
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,459
* Hark, now listen to us sing
509
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:02,228
* How Baxters do
their Christmas thing *
510
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,564
* Mom, she sips
her spiked eggnog *
511
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,166
MANDY: * Dad records
his Yuletide vlog *
512
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,768
KRISTIN, MANDY AND EVE:
* A drive to the ER
513
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,269
* In the snow
514
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:12,805
* Because Kyle ate mistletoe
515
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:14,641
It was one time.
516
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,276
* Fruitcake sitting
under the tree *
517
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:19,612
* That's for Ryan,
it's gluten-free *
518
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:20,847
KRISTIN, MANDY AND EVE:
* Dad thinks we've
519
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,449
* Gone on too long
520
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:26,218
* So we will end
our Baxter song. *
521
00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:29,756
I love it, I love it.
Thank you, guys.
522
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:33,025
I hope that's not
my only Christmas gift.
523
00:21:33,059 --> 00:21:35,762
Oh, uh, uh,
well, we have another. Uh...
524
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,096
-MIKE: Great.
-Hmm?
525
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:40,166
* We wish you
a Baxter Christmas *
526
00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:42,168
* We wish you a Baxter
Christmas *
527
00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:46,506
* We wish you
a Baxter Christmas... *
528
00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:49,909
* And a happy New Year!
529
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:55,181
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
530
00:21:55,214 --> 00:21:56,716
(chicken clucks)
531
00:22:00,319 --> 00:22:02,355
Still need more laughs
after Last Man Standing?
532
00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:04,591
Then here are a few more shows
to check out from Fox.
533
00:22:07,494 --> 00:22:09,261
Welcome to the galaxy.
534
00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:12,432
Should be fun. I'll lead.
535
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:17,169
* We're breaking waves
Shooting stars *
536
00:22:17,203 --> 00:22:18,538
We're gonna make a run for it.
537
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:19,806
* Live for glory, not forever *
538
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:24,243
-Go!
-* Reach out *
539
00:22:24,276 --> 00:22:27,847
* Make this right here
Right now *
540
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,651
* Stand up *
541
00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:34,421
-* Here right now *
-Now!
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