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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:04,038 Tim Allen is back in Last Man Standing. 2 00:00:04,072 --> 00:00:06,807 Am I wrong, or is it, like, way better on this network? 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,576 Catch all-new episodes Fridays. 4 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:10,411 And check out our other Fox programs-- 5 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:13,147 The Simpsons, Rel, and The Cool Kids. 6 00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,648 Damn straight, we are. 7 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,716 Only on Fox. 8 00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,222 Hi, Mikey. How you doing? 9 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,656 Busy, busy, busy. 10 00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,392 Yeah, I can hear that, buddy. Listen... 11 00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,060 (grunts) 12 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:28,162 I need to talk to you about Kyle. 13 00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:32,233 I need to talk to you about the meaning of the word "busy." 14 00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,502 I hear that you didn't like the ad he posted 15 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,504 for the HR position. 16 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,672 No, I didn't. Did-did you read it? 17 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,041 No. Okay, let's take a look here. 18 00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,877 All righty. "Sporting goods chain seeks 19 00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:46,680 "entry-level human resources administrator. 20 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:50,751 Must be friendly but, if not, will teach how to be friendly." 21 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,687 "Experience preferred. 22 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,056 "But if you have no experience, that's okay. 23 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:59,227 You've probably been doing other really interesting things." 24 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,696 I-I think you're being a little hard on him. 25 00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:05,199 I'm just asking him to do his job like everybody else. 26 00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:08,569 Well, he can't be like everybody else. He's Kyle. 27 00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:11,105 The world needs one of those. 28 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:14,408 You know, that's what you said about Charlie Sheen. 29 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:17,711 I love the kid, too, but he's just not working out. 30 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:20,248 Hey, Mr. B. You wanted to see me? 31 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,715 My cue to leave. 32 00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:24,718 Kyle, you're a very special person. 33 00:01:24,752 --> 00:01:26,220 No matter what anyone says, 34 00:01:26,254 --> 00:01:29,723 everything you do is correct. 35 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,792 What was that about? 36 00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:34,895 He's dying. 37 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,930 * 38 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,737 H-How do you feel things are working out for you 39 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:44,738 in Personnel? 40 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,740 Uh, I don't know. 41 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:49,943 I'd like it better if we could hire everybody. 42 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,146 Can we hire everybody? 43 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,282 Hey, Baxter. I need you to sign off 44 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,983 on the new security protocol manual. 45 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,085 I already signed off on it. It's on that flat piece of wood 46 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,588 out there called your desk that you're never sitting at. 47 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,590 Okay, okay. Chill out. 48 00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,159 Someone woke up on the wrong side of the coffin. 49 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:07,928 Here's everybody. 50 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,697 What's crack-a-lackin'? 51 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,099 That's how the kids used to say 52 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,269 "What's going on?" back in the early 2000s. 53 00:02:15,303 --> 00:02:17,271 Well, I'll tell you what's going out is you, 54 00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:18,306 you denim-covered marshmallow. 55 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,107 Take Chuckles with you. Come on. 56 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,442 I have a deep, throaty laugh. 57 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,676 I don't know where he gets "Chuckles" from. 58 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:23,844 "Denim-covered marshmallow." 59 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,679 Ooh, I'm hungry. (chuckles) 60 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,682 (exhales) 61 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,952 Okay. Look, I'm just gonna say it. 62 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,622 I-I... I think you're too nice to work in Personnel. 63 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,791 I think you're too nice to work at Disneyland. 64 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:40,160 You know, but we'll find a place for you. 65 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:44,131 Where? You know, I-I've been in Sales, uh, Shipping, Personnel. 66 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,133 I wouldn't mind going back to Sales, 67 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,002 but I just hired three guys. 68 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,472 For the same job. 69 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,873 Yeah, you're right. 70 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,975 -Personnel is not working out. -No. 71 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,810 Maybe it's time I go with Plan B. 72 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,546 Good, good. What's-what's your Plan B? 73 00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:01,715 Oh, that's the name of my cousin's house painting company. 74 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,351 You've probably seen their ads. 75 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:07,187 Uh, "Plan B. When the best is too expensive." 76 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,526 Look, Outdoor Man is your family. 77 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,161 We'll find a place for you. 78 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,363 All right. 79 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:17,665 Kyle. 80 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,433 Listen, I don't know what this man said to you... 81 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,003 ...but Charlie Sheen bounced back. 82 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:25,406 So can you. 83 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,342 -Oh, i-it's okay. -Mm-hmm. 84 00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:31,245 -Uh, Mr. B says we'll-we'll find my place. -Mm. 85 00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:33,213 (chuckles) 86 00:03:33,247 --> 00:03:36,083 You got to stop idolizing Charlie Sheen. 87 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,751 Just trying to soften the blow. 88 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,753 Listen, maybe we should give him his old job back. 89 00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,089 You know, you know, gussy it up a little with a, 90 00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:43,724 with a fancy new title. 91 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,559 He was a floater. 92 00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,395 Executive floater, supervising floater. 93 00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,062 The only way to dress up a floater 94 00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:51,865 is with colored toilet paper. 95 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,101 I just don't want to see the kid hurt, that's all. 96 00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:57,037 Maybe we should give him a job that he can't fail at. 97 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,439 He just got married. He wants to start a family. 98 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,374 He needs a job that can turn into a career. 99 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,942 All right, look, if it's about money, 100 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,877 -he doesn't have to worry. -Well, of course he has. 101 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,213 -He needs money. He's got to work. -Oh, no, no, no, no. 102 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,548 No, I-I haven't told him this yet, 103 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,418 but I've been thinking of putting Kyle in my will. 104 00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,752 -What? -Yes, yes, 105 00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,454 he's the closest thing I have to family. 106 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:16,724 You know, you have an actual family. 107 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,392 I want to take care of the kid. 108 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,561 Kyle's not the type of man that wants to be taken care of. 109 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,630 He's the type of man that wants to take care of people. 110 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,231 Okay. Fine, fine, fine. 111 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,300 So I-I shouldn't put him in my will? 112 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:29,269 No, do that. Then I won't have to leave Mandy anything. 113 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,309 -Hey. -Hey. Where's Boyd? 114 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:36,744 Oh, he's getting his stuff out of the car. 115 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,079 Listen, Boyd is gonna ask if we can dog-sit for his friend. 116 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,316 I told him no, and you are going to back me up. 117 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,951 Totally. Of course. 118 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,419 What kind of dog? 119 00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:47,955 Uh, the kind we'd have to walk 120 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,957 and feed and pick up after, 121 00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,759 which is a lot of work. 122 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,093 United front, okay? 123 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,462 Yeah, of course. 124 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,498 Dad. 125 00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:59,933 So, my friend Jeff is going to Utah with his family, 126 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,436 and he asked if we would take care of his dog, Murphy. 127 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,171 Murphy? That's a really great name. 128 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,675 He can catch a Frisbee and throw it back. 129 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:08,676 What? No way. 130 00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,277 I mean... 131 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:13,280 no way am I gonna allow that. 132 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,115 If you put a piece of cheese on his nose, 133 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,117 he won't eat it until you say the magic word. 134 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,886 -What's the magic word? -"Eat." 135 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,288 We got to get this dog. 136 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,956 -Ryan! -Thanks, Dad! 137 00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,625 I'm sorry, okay, Kris, but you didn't tell me 138 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,293 he was the coolest dog in the world. 139 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,463 Please, Mom. If you point your finger at him and say, "Bang," 140 00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,031 he falls over. 141 00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,466 (groans) Okay. 142 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,001 But you have to do all of the work. 143 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,003 I will. 144 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,638 Thank you, thank you, thank you. 145 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,839 I'm gonna call Jeff. 146 00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:43,176 Okay. 147 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:46,213 I think I, uh, messed up the whole united front thing. 148 00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,481 Yeah, a little bit. 149 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,149 But he falls over when you say, "Bang." 150 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,317 I know. That's what got me, too. 151 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,319 (chuckles) 152 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,154 MIKE: Hey, Mandy. 153 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,556 What you up to? 154 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,658 You're doing a crossword? 155 00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:00,494 -Yes. Don't act so surprised. -(chuckles) 156 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,996 Alexa, what's the capital of Morocco? 157 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:07,334 ALEXA: Morocco's capital city is Rabat. 158 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,503 Rabat! 159 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:12,573 So, who's doing the crossword? 160 00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:15,008 Uh, we're doing it together. 161 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:19,680 She can do a lot of things, but she can't write. 162 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,516 You know, I had to pull Kyle out of Personnel today. 163 00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,217 Why? And tell me the truth. 164 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:27,020 Unless it's bad. In that case, lie to me. 165 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,690 Honey, it just wasn't a good fit, you know? 166 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,526 But I think I might have found the perfect position for him. 167 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,528 You know, he's good with people, 168 00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:36,530 and I'm thinking of Human Resources. 169 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,265 Fred's out of town on vacation. 170 00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,367 I'm gonna let, uh, Kyle fill in, learn the ropes. 171 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:43,103 I think he's gonna be perfect in that position. 172 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,038 You have to stop doing this to him. 173 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:47,040 Trying to help him with his career? 174 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,375 That's how you see it. 175 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,545 Kyle sees it as him failing at one job after another. 176 00:06:51,579 --> 00:06:53,380 Well, sometimes it takes a while to... 177 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,783 to match someone's skill set with the right job, you know? 178 00:06:55,816 --> 00:07:00,387 Especially when their skill set's as-as u-unique as Kyle's. 179 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,389 Dad, listen, 180 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,058 would you say we have the perfect family? 181 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:07,928 I'd say the top of that pyramid's pretty solid. 182 00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:11,231 Well... (chuckles) to Kyle, we are the perfect family. 183 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,066 You know, compared to his. 184 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,769 By that measure, the Mansons look like The Brady Bunch. 185 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:20,908 And sometimes, you know, he feels like he's just... 186 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,910 -not on our level. -I know. 187 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,112 He-He's been told his whole life he'd never amount to anything, 188 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,414 and I think that there's a part of him deep inside 189 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,916 that believes that. 190 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,584 Do you believe that? 191 00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,085 No, of course not. 192 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,421 Kyle's the best man I've ever met. 193 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,089 (chuckles) 194 00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:40,093 I think you probably mean the second-best man. 195 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,094 (chuckles) 196 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,496 (chuckles): No. 197 00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:46,166 (laughing) 198 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,668 I love Kyle. I believe in Kyle. 199 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,102 What I'm trying to get 200 00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,839 is to get Kyle to believe in Kyle. 201 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,841 You sure about this? 202 00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:56,009 'Cause I don't think he can handle another failure. 203 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,345 He's not gonna fail at this. 204 00:07:58,378 --> 00:08:00,781 -Okay. Thanks, Dad. -You bet. 205 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,449 You're the best. 206 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:05,118 Oh, I think you mean second-best. 207 00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,988 Yeah. 208 00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:16,697 Hey, Kyle. How's it going? 209 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,031 Oh. Hey, Mr. B. 210 00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,299 Ooh. 211 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,969 Does Mandy know that you have another family? 212 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,171 Oh, that's-that's Fred's family. 213 00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,338 I've been answering a lot 214 00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,840 -of questions today. -Good, good, good. 215 00:08:26,874 --> 00:08:30,310 Most of them were, "Where's Fred?" 216 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,012 You got this. You got this. 217 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,382 Hey, Mike. 218 00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:36,483 Well, look who showed up, 219 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,485 Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass. 220 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:39,653 (Joe and Chuck chuckle) 221 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:40,988 Good one, Baxter. 222 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,189 King of zings! 223 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,490 (chuckling) 224 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,159 Where's Fred? 225 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,995 Oh, uh, he's on vacation. 226 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,063 Well, look, just tell him we stopped by. 227 00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:52,332 -Yeah. -Or don't. 228 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,001 -Uh, never mind. -Uh, hey, wait. 229 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,502 Uh, is there a problem? 230 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:58,405 Because, if there is, I'm supposed to help solve it. 231 00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,407 (sighs) Well, we'd like to file a complaint 232 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,675 -against someone. -Yeah. 233 00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,410 Oh. That's too bad. 234 00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:04,845 Uh, give me a second. 235 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,347 We have a form for that. 236 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:11,384 Okay, and who are we filing the complaint against? 237 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,454 -Mike Baxter. -Mike Baxter. 238 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:18,525 Where's Fred? 239 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:21,228 (Kristin and Boyd chuckling) 240 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,430 -Oh, I can't get over how cute he is. -Oh. 241 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:24,765 -KRISTIN: Come here. Hey. -Is he here? Oh! 242 00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:26,399 -(giggling) -Okay. 243 00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,568 I got everything on the list, including his dog food. 244 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:32,405 Happy to see that, like me, he's gluten-free. 245 00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,907 But he's wearing fur. 246 00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,909 You should talk to him about that. 247 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,378 A pig's ear. 248 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,380 -Gross and cool. -KRISTIN: Okay. 249 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,215 Come on, Boyd. Let's go put that stuff away. 250 00:09:42,249 --> 00:09:44,217 BOYD: Okay. 251 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,887 So, Murphy, what should we do first? 252 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,388 (growling) 253 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,422 Oh! 254 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:51,591 Stay? 255 00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,226 Kris? Honey? 256 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,763 Uh, can you come in here for a second, please? 257 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,597 Did he shake your hand? 258 00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:00,400 I know. It's adorable. 259 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,403 No, he was, um... 260 00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:05,572 Was he totally fine with you in here? 261 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,942 Of course. Who's the best dog in the whole world, huh? 262 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,411 -You are. You are. -Okay. 263 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,446 Are you okay with him? 264 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,949 Yeah. Of course. Fine. I'm great with animals. 265 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:17,751 President of the 4-H Club. 266 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,320 Trimmed a badger's nails once. 267 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,956 Okay. I'm gonna go start dinner. 268 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:23,957 Great. 269 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,426 -(growling) -Oh. 270 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,328 Why don't you do that when other people are in the room? 271 00:10:28,361 --> 00:10:29,963 Do you know how personal that seems? 272 00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:31,431 (growling) 273 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,133 Bang? 274 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,467 Yeah, no, didn't think so. 275 00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:46,446 I forgot. Uh, who was it again 276 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,681 you wanted to file a complaint against? 277 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,616 Uh-huh. For the fifth time, 278 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,618 Mike Baxter. 279 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,020 But what's to complain about? 280 00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,287 His hair's too full? 281 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,656 His eyes are too blue? 282 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,125 No, he's too mean, okay? 283 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,993 And you're a little too much in love. 284 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,329 I'm a Marine. 285 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:03,530 I can deal with a few insults. 286 00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:04,798 What I can't deal with 287 00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:06,800 is someone demeaning me in front of my staff. 288 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,802 You know, it's the same thing at the garage. 289 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,804 He goes out of his way to call me slow and lazy, 290 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:13,841 but he... never calls to see how I'm doing. 291 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,644 He doesn't mean anything by it. 292 00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,379 Uh, Mr. B talks to everyone that way. 293 00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:23,817 I saw him call a Girl Scout a "cookie-peddling socialist." 294 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,819 Joe, this is a waste of time. 295 00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,021 He's the boss's son-in-law. 296 00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,489 You're right. Look, we don't want any trouble. 297 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,324 -Let's get out of here. -Oh, yeah. Hang on. 298 00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,994 Okay, according to HR policy, 299 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,863 once I've been informed of a complaint, 300 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,865 I have to... 301 00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:40,333 "initiate a grievance hearing." 302 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:43,070 Oh, that sounds serious. 303 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:45,739 Grievance hearing... with Mike, the king of zings? (chuckles) 304 00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:48,175 Oh, hell no. 305 00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,177 And since Fred's out of town, 306 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,245 I have to run the mediation. 307 00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:54,347 Oh, hell, hell no. 308 00:11:54,381 --> 00:11:56,884 Look, let's just, let's just wait till Fred gets back. 309 00:11:56,917 --> 00:12:00,020 It doesn't sound like you're the right man for our case. 310 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,022 Uh, maybe, you know, 'cause what you're describing 311 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,724 just doesn't sound like the Mike Baxter that I know. 312 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,861 Hey... guys, leave Kyle alone. 313 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:09,863 He's trying to make a name for himself. 314 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:12,065 You already have your names. What-what are they? 315 00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,067 Tweedle Dee. 316 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,736 Tweedle Dumbass. 317 00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,074 I love being the boss. 318 00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,879 Gentlemen... 319 00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:27,915 I'll take the case. 320 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,057 Yeah. Come in, Kyle. What's up? Come in. 321 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,458 Um, you know, I was hoping 322 00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,427 -I could get your advice. -Yeah. 323 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,430 As you know, I'm-I'm manning the HR desk while Fred is away. 324 00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:46,566 And you found something in his drawer? 325 00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:50,137 Pills, booze, or a girlie magazine? 326 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,640 Oh, I saw this coming. 327 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:57,610 What? No. No, the only thing in Fred's drawer is a Bible. 328 00:12:57,644 --> 00:13:00,247 He's a good man, that Fred. 329 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,115 Yeah. I-I agree, and that's why 330 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:04,985 I'm thinking it might be better to wait for him to get back 331 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,820 before HR deals with a complaint. 332 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:09,589 There's been a complaint? 333 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,092 Was it from that tall guy in shipping? 334 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:15,095 I swear to God, I thought his name was "Stilts." 335 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,664 No, no. The-the complaint is not about you, sir. 336 00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:19,299 Oh. 337 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:23,103 But it does concern somebody at the highest level. 338 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,337 Mike. 339 00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:27,474 Oh, I-I really can't say. 340 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:31,011 But if I could say, I would say "yes." 341 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:33,280 You really can't sit on a complaint, Kyle. 342 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:36,016 That's how they fester. You can't wait for Fred. 343 00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,285 You've got to take care of this right away. 344 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,954 But Mr. B, he's my father-in-law. 345 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:44,357 I mean, in a way, we're related. 346 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:47,360 That doesn't matter. Sit-sit down, sit down, sit down. Sit. 347 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,329 Yeah, you have a bright future. 348 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:52,165 I see great things for you. Great things. 349 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:55,702 I bet one day you'll be living in a house just like mine. 350 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,306 Just exactly like mine. 351 00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,641 Oh, I don't think so. 352 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,977 I don't give a damn what you think. 353 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,845 And I'll bet you'll have a vineyard like mine. 354 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,181 Exactly like mine. 355 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:12,219 And a coin collection, hmm? 356 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:13,653 I-I can't think about my future. 357 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,188 I mean, all I can think about 358 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,157 is not wanting to have to run this hearing. 359 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,558 I understand, but whoever filed this complaint 360 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:19,993 came to you for help. 361 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:23,030 This is your chance to take care of others. 362 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,899 Ooh. Okay. 363 00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,667 -Hmm? -I'll do it. 364 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,336 Yeah. Okay. 365 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,338 Listen to your heart, Kyle. 366 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,074 One day you'll be sitting in that mountain cabin 367 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:37,710 remembering this as the day you took control of your future. 368 00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:40,013 -Hmm? -Well, if that's true, 369 00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,382 I just hope it's as nice as your cabin. 370 00:14:44,417 --> 00:14:46,219 (chuckles) 371 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:48,188 It will be, son. 372 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,557 You'll see. Exactly. 373 00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:54,027 KYLE: Okay. 374 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,363 Uh, I call to order this grievance hearing. 375 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,898 Uh, the complainants are Chuck Larabee and Joe Leonard, 376 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,434 henceforth known as "aggrieved parties," against... 377 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,470 Witch hunt! 378 00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:08,908 -Uh, Mr. Baxter. -Fake news. 379 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:14,381 Okay, uh, Mr. Baxter, uh, you're what we call "out of order." 380 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,083 You're damn right he's out of order. 381 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,952 The only thing that works on that guy is his mouth. 382 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,221 Okay. Okay, uh, Mr. Leonard, now you are out of order. 383 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,390 Okay, our policy states that when a participant 384 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,425 violates protocol, I'm required 385 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,794 to put a black mark in their personnel file. 386 00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,929 Why's it got to be black? 387 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,935 It's the only one I have. 388 00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,072 Uh, "X." 389 00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,074 "X" marks the dummy. 390 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,943 Hey. Oh, you've just given me a perfect example 391 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,745 of what we call "crosstalk." 392 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,314 Now, to avoid crosstalk, you'll only speak 393 00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,748 when I've given you the signal. 394 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,850 So, uh, Mr. Larabee. 395 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,087 Oh, this finger is the signal, so... 396 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,322 (Chuck clears throat) 397 00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,789 I'm giving you a signal with my finger 398 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,291 under the table right now. 399 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,827 See that? 400 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:03,296 See that? Mike Baxter is a sarcastic bastard 401 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,465 who thinks he can say whatever he wants. 402 00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,268 He ought to have that smug smirk wiped off his face 403 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,203 with a closed fist. 404 00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,140 Oh, dear. Okay. What to do 405 00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:15,942 when the aggrieved uses inflammatory language. 406 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,012 This thing needs an index. 407 00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:20,613 Wait a minute. Is that what this is about? 408 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,282 I hurt somebody's feelings? 409 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,517 Hey, I can't even enjoy a bear claw at work 410 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:27,187 without being called-- and I quote-- 411 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,456 "Joe-bese." 412 00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,125 That's body shaming, that's what that is. 413 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,127 You're a size-ist. Put that in his record. Write that... 414 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,463 Hey, hey. Hey, okay, all right. First of all, 415 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,031 I decide when to mark the X's. 416 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,500 And second of all, I didn't point at any of you. 417 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,969 So... X, X, X. 418 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,204 Ooh. 419 00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,672 That's two X's for you. 420 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:48,841 Even your file's becoming Joe-bese. 421 00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,377 Okay, gentlemen, the purpose of this hearing is 422 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,645 to give everyone a chance to be heard, all right? 423 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,147 And if you keep speaking out of order, 424 00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:55,515 -then-then no one gets heard. -MIKE: Listen, 425 00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:57,150 -you're-you're an ex-Marine, right? -Mm-hmm. 426 00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,986 You know, I'm sure I'm not the only one to call you a bonehead. 427 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,654 -That was, like, your rank, wasn't it? Bonehead? -Mr. B... 428 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,057 My drill sergeant could kill a man with his thumb. 429 00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:05,825 -What you got? -Guys... 430 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,560 -Hmm? -I was told there'd be dinner! 431 00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,497 -'Cause you haven't eaten in what, five minutes? -Mr. Baxter! 432 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,166 -No. I just want a crudité platter. That's all. -KYLE: Please. 433 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,502 -Look, I'm dealing with a snowflake and a snowball. -Man... 434 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:19,038 Okay, everybody shut up! 435 00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:20,707 Okay, we are gonna have this hearing 436 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,709 in accordance with the proper procedure. 437 00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,077 -Nah... -This is all... 438 00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,512 Okay, now you will respect the pointer. 439 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,913 -I don't think... -Do you hear me? 440 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,382 Respect the pointer! 441 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:30,917 I don't know about you fellas, 442 00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:34,020 but I'm gonna respect the pointer. 443 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,022 Keep reading. 444 00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,525 You know what? 445 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,527 Forget the binder. 446 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,029 Okay? I want you all to look at each other 447 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:46,032 and think about the mean and dismissive words 448 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,034 that you've used at this meeting. 449 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,537 Okay? Like "bastard" and "bonehead" 450 00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,572 and "crudité." 451 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,046 Look, that's not how coworkers talk to each other. 452 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,948 And it's definitely not how friends should. 453 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,717 At Outdoor Man, we're not just coworkers, all right? 454 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,754 We're not just friends. We're a family. 455 00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,957 And it's time you guys started acting like one. 456 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:21,134 See? See? I told you guys he could do it. 457 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,236 No, I told you he could do it. 458 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,238 Well, we both told each other. 459 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:27,907 Well, can someone tell me what I did? 460 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,577 Baxter put us all up to this. There's no complaint. 461 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,579 The man does have a mouth on him, 462 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,747 but I wouldn't go running to HR. I'd just... 463 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:37,750 -cut his brake lines. -Yeah, yeah. 464 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:40,320 Well, what, so this was a setup? 465 00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,789 Yeah, I wrote all those fat jokes. Those are mine. 466 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,257 It was good, too. It wasn't a setup. 467 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:45,825 It was more of a test, you know, and, 468 00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,327 Joe, Chuck, I appreciate what you did. 469 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:50,430 Look, I do know your names, but now, get back to work. 470 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:53,766 And that "size-ist" thing-- totally improvised that myself. 471 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,269 (laughs) I had a whole monologue planned. 472 00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,305 I was gonna cry. 473 00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:01,774 -Ah. -So... 474 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,476 -if this was a test... -Mm-hmm. 475 00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:04,944 ...did I pass? 476 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,315 Well, um, how do you think you did? 477 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,484 Well, I don't mean to boast, but I think I got a solid "C." 478 00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,152 -Yeah. -Ah. 479 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:16,523 I think I'll give you an A-plus. 480 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,957 I'm a little tougher than Ed. 481 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,959 Um, I'll give you an A-plus, too. 482 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:23,463 Listen, you know how people should be treated, right? 483 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,832 And that gooey-- dare I say-- 484 00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:28,968 liberal heart of yours is why I put you in HR. 485 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,470 It's where you belong. 486 00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,372 Thank you. 487 00:19:32,405 --> 00:19:35,342 All right, I'm gonna go call my cousin at Plan B. 488 00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,143 He's gonna have to do some cheap, 489 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,346 second-rate house painting without me. 490 00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,880 Perfect. 491 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,516 Oh, that kid. Ah. Oh, man. 492 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:46,319 -We did a good job of that. -Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 493 00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,020 Hey, by the way, uh... I don't know. 494 00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,389 -You know, it's, uh... -Yeah. 495 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,658 ...hard to say, but am I in your will? 496 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:53,059 (Ed laughs) 497 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,662 Look at you, look at you, 498 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,365 thinking that I'm going to die first. 499 00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:12,345 Uh, Vanessa, I have a science question for you. 500 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,013 Well, I'm kind of rusty, 501 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,583 which is what happens when iron is exposed to oxygen. 502 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,184 (laughs) 503 00:20:18,217 --> 00:20:20,687 I'm not rusty. It's just so fun. 504 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:25,191 Um, whenever I'm alone with Murphy, he growls at me. 505 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,759 What? That doesn't make sense. 506 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,895 He's such a fuzzy-fuzzy-fuzzy... 507 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,697 Yeah, no, I got it. He's fuzzy-fuzzy-fuzzy. 508 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,700 Um, he's only not growling right now because you're in the room. 509 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,869 Oh. Well, there is a scientific way to figure this out. 510 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,105 Uh, I will just step out of the room. 511 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:42,208 -Here. -Okay. 512 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,378 -(growling) -Uh, yup, he's doing it. 513 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:47,380 (growling) 514 00:20:47,414 --> 00:20:50,283 Okay, uh, well, what are the, uh, what are the variables? 515 00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:51,951 You're the only man in the house. 516 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:54,454 Yeah. Could be... could be my voice. 517 00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:55,888 VANESSA: All right, well, hey, 518 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,891 try-try speaking to him in a higher pitch. 519 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,560 Uh... 520 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:04,230 (high-pitched): Hi, Murphy. I'm a lady. 521 00:21:04,263 --> 00:21:06,299 (growling) 522 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:07,800 What the hell is happening? 523 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,602 Science experiment. 524 00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:11,304 Okay, what else? Oh... 525 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:13,239 Oh, dogs are pack animals. 526 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,608 Maybe you need to establish yourself as the alpha. 527 00:21:15,642 --> 00:21:18,077 -Growl back at him. -Really? 528 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,447 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the same thing I told you about Mike. 529 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,416 -(growling) -Okay, uh... 530 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:24,751 (Ryan growls) 531 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:28,455 (both growling) 532 00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:32,091 -(barking) -Oh, okay. No. 533 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,094 Oh, my God, Ryan. It's your hat. He hates your hat. 534 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,463 Yeah, it's my hat. 535 00:21:36,496 --> 00:21:38,097 -Yeah. -Of course it's my hat. 536 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,334 He doesn't hate me. I'm adorable. Yeah. 537 00:21:41,368 --> 00:21:43,470 Somebody with a hat must have scared him 538 00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:44,937 when he was a puppy. 539 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,273 Ah, congratulations. Of course, it means 540 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,776 -you have to get rid of that hat. -So what? 541 00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:52,011 I'll just give it to Mike and introduce him to Murphy. 542 00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:56,282 (chicken clucks) 543 00:21:56,315 --> 00:21:58,184 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 544 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:02,555 Still need more laughs after Last Man Standing? 545 00:22:02,589 --> 00:22:04,791 Then here are a few more shows to check out from Fox. 546 00:22:07,226 --> 00:22:08,428 Buckle up, buttercup. 547 00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:13,132 It's real, and it pulls people together. 548 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:16,703 -* We're breaking waves shooting star * -(siren wailing) 549 00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:20,306 * We live for glory not forever * 550 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:21,340 MAN: Touchdown! 551 00:22:21,374 --> 00:22:24,911 * Reach out * 552 00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:28,548 * Make this right here right now * 553 00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:31,518 * Stand up * 554 00:22:32,385 --> 00:22:34,153 * Here right now * 555 00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:36,122 That sounds like fun. 38475

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