All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.S07E07.WEBRip.x264-ION10-eng

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-Oh, hey.
-Hi.

This is a nice surprise.
Hard day at work,

come home to my hot teacher.

[laughs]
Yeah.

More like terrific tutor.

How are your students doing?

-They are acing this quiz.
-Yeah?

-Yeah.
-Give me one of the questions.

All right.
Uh, here, question four.

"What is the highest place
on Earth?"

Highest place on Earth.

Easy. UC Berkeley.

[stomps foot]

[coughs]
I don't even go here.

Mount Everest.

-Of course.
-Boom! Can this woman tutor?

[laughs]

I don't know if this is
frightening or arousing.

"What is a mixture of igneous
and metamorphic rock?"

-Um...
-Migmatite.

Oh, yeah.

Geology, suckas!

Oh, yeah.
This is arousing.

What do you say we go upstairs?

No, honey, we can't.
Mandy's gonna come home

any minute, and she's
gonna be pretty upset.

About what?

Well, that fashion website

she submitted
her proposed collection to

gave their answer.

Modern Mode?
They rejected all her proposals?

Yeah, the whole line.

Eh, what do those
fashion Einsteins know anyway?

They couldn't tell
the difference

between an A-line and a B cup.

Project Runway.Tim Gunn.

-Best thing on TV.
-Oh. Well...

Buona sera,beautiful parents.

We have awesome news.

Ah. Certainly handles
disappointment well.

Listen, for the record,
I'm only smiling right now

because you brought pizza.

Honey, we thought you'd still
be crushed about Modern Mode.

Oh. She was.
She printed out the logo

and used it as a dartboard.

It would be full of holes
if she was better at darts.

But when Mandy's down,
we get pizza.

-All right.
-Which was genius,

because on the wall of Arturo's
is a map of Italy.

And guess where
Kyle and I are going?

Italy!

Sorry. I get so excited
when I know the answer.

I worked super hard on a line

that got turned down
by a bunch of idiots.

I need a vacation.

Oh. Well, who's gonna pay
for the vacation?

Well, we've been saving
a lot of money, Dad.

Living rent-free here.
I forgot.

Well, we didn't--
that's why we

haven't been
paying you anything.

This is gonna be so much fun.

I can't wait to go
to every city on this pizza box.

Ooh. Let's go to Nipples.

Naples.

♪

Um, listen, your mom and I
were talking upstairs,

and we think you're making
a big mistake, okay?

-Huh.
-We don't think
you should go to Italy.

But I just filled out
a BuzzFeed quiz

on what type
of Italian food I am.

I'm a cannoli.

Well, we didn't have that
information, so arrivederci.

Mandy, the deal was we would
let you use the bomb shelter

as a studio so you could
save money for the business.

You know, not traipse around
Tuscany like Diane Lane.

-I saw the movie.
-[mouths]

You're making it sound like I'm
using yourmoney for the trip.

-Oh, I'm sorry, I just mean...
-[chuckles]

We weren't being clear. You're
using our money for the trip.

MIKE:
Look, we support you

in trying to get your business
off the ground.

What we can't sign off on is you
wasting money on travel, okay?

But you always said travel
was the best education.

I was right then,
and I'm right now.

VANESSA:
You've had a setback, okay?

And I'm sure the next thing
that you submit

will be accepted, and-and then
you're gonna need that money

-for supplies.
-Look at it this way.

When God slams a door shut, he
generally builds you a window.

Dad, why is everything with you
home improvement?

Chuck, uh, is my dad in there?

No. And just because
my desk is here

doesn't make me
your dad's receptionist.

But would you like to leave
a message for Mr. Baxter?

No. Uh, actually,
I want to surprise him.

I'm gonna upgrade
the website for the restaurant.

You know, he's been working
so hard on the expansion,

I just want him to have
one less thing to worry about.

Okay. So,
what are you doing here?

Well, you do a lot of camera
stuff around here. [chuckles]

So I want to make a video
for the home page,

and I just have
one little question.

-Okay, what?
-How do I do it?

As it turns out, I used to work
in video production

when I was in the Marines.

-What?
-Yes. I produced
a recruitment spot

where a farm boy looks up
from a cornfield,

sees an eagle soaring by,
follows it to a hilltop...

Where a sword of destiny
waits for him?

-Yeah.
-I saw that.

Oh, yeah? All right, yes.

Thank you. Yeah, 12% increase
in recruitment.

-Wow.
-Yeah. If I could do that
for the Marines,

[chuckles] I can make a video
for Outdoor Man Grill.

-Thank you, Chuck.
-Oh, yeah.

I-I don't want
to put you out, though.

-Oh. [sputters]
-It sounds like a lot of work.

-No...
-What's a lot of work?
I'll do it.

Uh, you don't even know
what it is, Ed.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. I'm
retired and I'm losing my mind.

I just came back
from playing pickleball.

Okay, well, uh,
Chuck and I are going to shoot

a new promo
for the Grill's website.

That sounds
like a terrific idea.

But make sure it's classy.

And nothing says classy
like a spokesman in a tuxedo.

Hmm? I have four.

Four wives, four tuxedos.

For this one,
I'd wear the Mary Ann.

Okay. Uh, are you sure, Ed?

[chuckles]: I mean, acting
is harder than it looks.

Trust me, I'm a natural.

I know all the tricks.

As much as I love the camera,
it loves me more.

Thank you, Ed.
It's gonna be great.

Yeah. I'll round up
the in-house production guys.

Kristin, you write up the copy.

Ed, take Mary Ann
to the cleaners.

All right.

With pleasure, with-- her lawyer
did the same to me in '86.

That took a long time.
That place was packed, honey.

Moo goo gai pan.

You know, I bet the progressives
are gonna make us call this

moo goo gender-neutral pan.

I don't care what it's called,

just put it in plates.
I'm starving.

Yeah, me, too. Ooh.

Oh, hey, honey. You hungry?

No. What I am is stunned,

-grateful and in awe.
-Oh.

Perfect, 'cause there's only
enough food for your mom and me.

Uh, so, stunned, grateful
and in awe about what?

God. And my friend Annie
from high school.

Oh, that sketchy cheerleader
who got suspended

for selling her ADD meds?

God, cheerleader,
prescription meds.

This is gonna be
a hell of a story.

One day after those weasels
from Modern Mode

turn down my fashion submission,
guess who calls me?

God.

No. Annie,

who is now a successful
real estate agent.

-VANESSA: Oh.
-She invites me to lunch,

we talk, and we wind up
sitting for two hours.

Sounds like the waiter could
have used the ADD medicine.

The moment I stood up
from that table,

I knew what I wanted
to do with my life.

Th-- what are you talking about?

I'm going to become
a real estate agent.

W-What? What about fashion?

It's what you said
yesterday, Dad.

When God closes a door,
he builds a window.

Fashion is the door,
real estate is the window.

-Come on, isn't this incredible?
-No-- wait, wait.

[sighs]
You and your home improvement.

Mike? Oh, hey, hi.
Listen, uh, great news.

I've been doing some research,
and it turns out

that Mandy will have to do
a ton of work

if she wants to be
a real estate agent. Huh?

This will destroy her.
[chuckles]

It's true what they say.

There's nothing quite
like a mother's love.

Okay, all right, all right,
I get it, I get it.

I'm just-- I'll take anything
if it gets

this silly real estate notion
out of her head.

You got to admit-- pretty girl,
bubbly personality--

it's almost like Mandy was
created in a lab to sell houses.

Hold on, hold on.
You're, you're not on board

with this crazy idea, are you?

I'm not even sure Mandy's
on board with this.

Selling real estate
is a rebound career.

It's not the career you marry.

Well, sometimes, you make
a mistake when you marry,

and you don't realize it until
you need somebody's support

and it's not there.

I mean, w-why aren't you
more upset about this?

Because I don't think
you meant to insult me.

About Mandy.
Look, fashion is her life.

She didn't draw "for sale" signs
on her school notebooks,

she drew dresses.

She also wrote "Mrs. Ricky
Martin" in that notebook.

All I'm saying here, honey,
is things change.

Just ask Ricky's husband.

Pull back to reveal
the roasted potato.

Enter Ed!

Uh, E-Ed, uh, your line is...

I know my line.

Then why didn't you say it?

First I say it with my eyes,
then my mouth.

Let's skip the eyes
and go straight to the mouth.

And action.

Hello, I'm Ed Alzate.

Welcome
to the Outdoor Man Grill.

[whispering]:
Where your taste buds

take a trip around the world.

[chuckles]
Ed,

why are you talking like that?

It's an old stage technique.

It forces people
to listen more closely.

It's called whispering.

We're running
out of time, Kristin.

We've been working
on this scene all morning.

Do we have
a-a good version of it?

You mean, has he said
what you wrote? Yes.

In a way we can hear it?

[whispers]:
No.

Uh, okay.

Uh...
[chuckles]

Let's do your-your line
at the table.

Ah, perfect, perfect.
Moving to the table, everyone.

[muttering]

Now, uh, so, your line here
is, "Everything on our menu

is fresh, exotic and delicious."

Uh-uh-uh.
There's something wrong here.

There should be champagne
on this table.

It's their anniversary.

That-that's not anywhere
in the script, Ed.

Well, i-it's called backstory.
It's essential for the actors.

They're not actors,
they're from accounting.

And what's with the wine?

A man such as I would start
the evening with a martini.

Okay. Let's just take it
from the top, everybody.

[stammers]
I have... I have a better idea.

Let's just, uh,
let the cameras roll,

and let's see
if we-we get lucky. All right?

-Ed, that's not how this w...
-Ah, no, no, no.

Trust me.
Some of the best moments

in cinema were ad-libbed.

Right? Such as, uh...

"I'm walkin' here!"

-Hi, Mom.
-No, I'm not your mom.

I'm your reality check,
so brace yourself.

I am coming in hot.

What's that?

This is the next six months
of your life,

otherwise known as
the Colorado Real Estate Manual,

so you have fun
getting through that.

I-I'm already reading it.
I'm just doing it in a way

that's much more efficient.
Aw, my battery just died.

All right, all right. Wait,
wait, wait. No, I'm not done.

Nope. How about this?
This is a schedule

of 150 hours of classes
you're gonna need to take.

Yeah, classes. Your favorite.

Actually,
it's 168 hours of classes

and then the broker exam.

I also need
a sponsoring realty company,

which is why I'm meeting
with Annie and her boss. Ooh.

I got to go. Oh,
consider this reality checked.

Hey, Mandy, Mandy, Mandy.

What if you don't pass

the broker exam, huh?
Then what then?

Mom, if I don't pass,
I'll take it again.

-See you later, Dad.
-See you.

[grunts]

[sighs]

You know, I could've used
your support right then.

I'd like to be supportive
like Ricky Martin's husband.

-"Cheer up, Ricky.
Let's have some eggs."
-Oh.

Come on, honey. What is it?
What is really going on here?

I don't want her to be like me.
I want her to be more like you.

What is that supposed to mean?

-I got a doctorate in Geology
because I loved it.
-Yeah.

-I got it, yeah.
-And then I took
that job at Paxon

because-because I didn't know
what to do with it.

Right? And then it took me
two decades to figure out

that what I really wanted
was to teach it.

And you have been teaching.
Y-You're tutoring.

You love it.
You reinvented yourself.

You're like Reagan but prettier.

Honey, I didn't know
what my passion was,

so I just took the first thing
that came along.

Mandy has always known
what she wanted.

I just... I can't stand it

-that she's not going after it.
-All right, all right.

All right. You know, I think
I get where you're going,

-and I'm sorry
I didn't pick this up for...
-No, no.

No. Look, don't be sorry.
Don't be sorry. Be grateful.

You have always known
what your dream is,

and you made it come true.

Kristin, I want to apologize
about the other day. Uh...

I'm afraid
I got a little carried away.

No, no. No, you were...

You looked so good in that tux.

Well, I-- the fact is,
I was so excited

to be doing
something meaningful, I...

I became a bit of a jackass.

Hey, guys.

-You ready to watch the video?
-Oh, no, no, Chuck.

You don't have to do that.
You don't have to do that.

I'll pay to do it over.

You just hire a real spokesman.

I'll just stay out of the way.

Now, h-hang on, now.
I-I worked pretty hard on this,

-and I'd like you guys
to see it.
-Oh, come on.

♪

CHUCK: Greetings. I'm Ed Alzate
of the Outdoor Man Grill.

[laughs]

Where your taste buds will take an adventure around the world.

Everything on our menu is fresh, exotic and delicious.

From our sizzling-- ooh--

hot entrées

to our excellent selection
of wines.

Yes, sirree.

Come for the food.

Come for the fun.

Come for the best meal
of your life.

You'll take one look
at our menu and say,

"I'm eating here!"

That is so good.

I did a little nip-tuck
with the editing.

You know, worked on the sound.

Glad you like it, Kristin.

Ed?

I thought I knew some tricks,

but looks like you know some,
too, Chuck.

[chuckles]:
Oh, yeah.

And I can't deny it, Ed.
The camera does love you, man.

-Oh.
-You were wonderful, Ed.

[chuckles] Well, it was terrific
to be, to be part of a team,

especially one
that isn't playing pickleball.

So come on, let's go celebrate

in that lovely restaurant
of yours, and it's on me.

-Come on.
-Okay.
-All right.

I have a screenplay
I'd like you to read.

It's, uh, it opens on me,
all right,

in a speedboat
on the Riviera. Okay...

-MANDY: Hey, Dad?
-I'm in here.

Oh, hi. Kyle said
you needed my help.

Yeah, it's a real estate
question, actually.

I was wondering if you think
that this bomb shelter

could be an asset
i-if I ever sold this house.

Oh, yes, definitely.
What you do is,

you call it a bomb shelter
slash wine cellar.

I can see the marketing now:

"Get bombed
while you're being bombed."

[mouths]

Actually, I was hoping
I could get you

to pack all this stuff
and, uh, get it out.

Why? [gasps] Oh, my gosh,
are you selling the house?

Wait till I get my license,
I want the listing.

No, no, I just, I want you

to pack everything up
and get it out of here.

You won't need it, 'cause
you're gonna be a realtor.

Wait, but it's not like
I'm never gonna design again.

I'm just taking a little break.

Oh, that's not what
it sounded like.

It sounded like you were done.

Well, I'm sorry if I was
a little unclear, okay?

I was dealing
with a big disappointment.

So you don't think it'll be
disappointing being a realtor?

I mean, most people
go to those open houses

just to enjoy
warm oatmeal cookies.

Yeah, I-I know
I'll have bad days,

but if somebody doesn't like
a house I show them,

it's not gonna...
you know, whatever.

Hurt. 'Cause you didn't
design the house.

Yeah.

Did you like the portfolio
you sent to Modern Mode?

I loved it.
Best stuff I ever did.

There were these, um,
billowy palazzo pants...

You can skip the details.

[sighs]

And all I got back was,
"Thanks, but no thanks.

"Thanks, but you suck,

"and you're the worst designer
in the world, and we hate you

and everyone hates you
and always will."

Honey, it's just a form letter.

My first media proposal
for Outdoor Man,

I thought I had
all the details right.

Product, price...

You can skip the details.

And it failed?

Nope, huge success.

The truth is, I also had
a lot of epic--

I mean epic-- failures,

I just don't
tell people about those.

I just hate what it feels like
whenever they say "no."

Like I'm worthless.

Maybe because deep down,

you feel like you were put
on this Earth

to be a great designer.

I do. I used to.

I don't know anymore.
[chuckles]

You know, I'm looking
at the stuff you did

when you were a kid.

This is early stuff you did.

Honey, this is really amazing.

Your work is spectacular.

You really think it's good?

I think it's great. But it
doesn't matter what I think.

Or what "Modern Anybody" thinks.

The only person that has
to think it's great

is sitting in your chair
right now.

I just don't know
if I can take it anymore.

This isn't
my first rejection, Dad.

I am sick
of hearing them say "no."

Then you can pack
all this stuff up.

And that's okay. That's okay.

But then, you'll never
experience what it's like

-when they go "yes, yes."
-[laughs softly]

[sniffles]
Just tell me the truth.

Does life get any easier?

No.

But the good news is,
it goes by real quick.

-Hey, honey.
-Hey.

You want to hear
the funniest thing?

Sure.

Did you bring somebody funny
with you?

Hardy har, har, har.
No, listen.

I was at my last student
appointment on Eldora Street,

-in that big Tudor-style house.
-Uh-huh.

So, I was a tutor in a Tudor.

[chuckles]
Get it?

Ha. Top notch, honey.

I made you a special dinner.
Just sit down.

Oh. Just when I think
I can't love you

any more than I do, it happens.

I have that effect on people.

Very awkward at the post office.

-There you go.
Plate's hot, plate's hot.
-Ooh.

Lamb chops.
Wow, they're beautiful.

They were more beautiful
when the other three

were on there, but...

Listen, uh, I had
a little chat with Mandy,

and I think she might be over
that rebound affair

-with real estate.
-Oh, no, you know what?

I feel bad about getting
in her face like that.

I mean, I-I realized
I was just mad at her

for the mistakes
I made in my life.

No, no, I think you've had
a pretty mistake-free life.

Except for the murders.

You know, it's-it's better that

she talks to you
about that stuff.

I mean, y-you're,
you're somebody

who made their dreams come true.

Let's not go into
this again, okay?

-What, you think that's
an insult? No? No?
-No...

All right, well, sure, I got
a couple more. How about this?

You're handsome
and you're good in the sack.

-Oh, really?
-Hmm.

How about this?
You're intelligent

and you have a nice rack.

Now you go.

No, but seriously, seriously,
uh, you know what, honey?

Outdoor Man was your dream,
and you made it come true.

I mean, th-that's
pretty impressive.

More specifically, Outdoor Man
was a goal of mine.

This is my dream.

You, the kids-- us.

And I didn't make
this dream happen.

-We made this happen.
-Mm.

You know, just when I think
I can't love you

any more than I do, it happens.

Well, that's easy to understand.

I'm intelligent
and good in the sack.

And there's nobody
I would rather

have my dreams come true with
than with you, Vanessa Baxter.

Oh, right back at you, mister.

Mm.

So... you want to go upstairs?

I'm eating.

Come on, y-you know.

Yeah, yeah, I do know,
but I'm eating.

That's why they call it a dream.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH