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1
00:00:01,103 --> 00:00:05,103
How about we do something tomorrow?
Nice. I could show you my bowling alley.
2
00:00:05,143 --> 00:00:08,103
I'd get the boys to bundle them in
the back of the van!
3
00:00:08,143 --> 00:00:11,903
The fucker! All right, Dad?
Come here, you! What's going on?
4
00:00:11,943 --> 00:00:14,603
I don't like it. Why?
5
00:00:14,643 --> 00:00:17,103
Cos I always thought we'd have kids.
6
00:01:01,983 --> 00:01:04,263
Oh, hello.
7
00:01:04,303 --> 00:01:07,703
Did the man with dog dicks for
fingers chase you again?
8
00:01:07,743 --> 00:01:09,463
What?
9
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:12,183
That dream you had.
Man with dog dicks for fingers.
10
00:01:12,223 --> 00:01:13,783
It wasn't dogs dicks, plural.
11
00:01:13,823 --> 00:01:15,223
He had nine normal fingers.
12
00:01:15,263 --> 00:01:18,463
He had just a dog dick for a thumb.
13
00:01:18,503 --> 00:01:22,503
So what are you doing in my bed, mate?
14
00:01:22,863 --> 00:01:24,863
I, uh...
15
00:01:24,903 --> 00:01:26,423
What?
16
00:01:26,463 --> 00:01:28,423
Is there someone in your bed?
Did you shag Jon?
17
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:30,383
Shhh!
18
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,463
It's not Jon.
19
00:01:31,503 --> 00:01:34,423
It's not that fucker who keeps
coming round to watch Friends, is it?
20
00:01:34,463 --> 00:01:37,863
Oh, my God, you are right.
Your vagina is a monster.
21
00:01:37,903 --> 00:01:39,423
Oi, mate! Proud Mary!
22
00:01:39,463 --> 00:01:41,823
Jon's a driving instructor,
you little punk!
23
00:01:41,863 --> 00:01:43,343
Stop it!
24
00:01:43,383 --> 00:01:46,183
It's Simon.
25
00:01:46,223 --> 00:01:47,303
The fuck?
26
00:01:47,343 --> 00:01:50,103
I know.
27
00:01:50,143 --> 00:01:51,223
Fuck!
28
00:01:51,263 --> 00:01:53,743
I know.
29
00:01:53,783 --> 00:01:55,623
Oh, fuck. I know.
30
00:01:55,663 --> 00:01:57,903
Jesus Christ, Marce. I mean, fuck.
31
00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:01,463
Stop saying fuck.
32
00:02:01,503 --> 00:02:03,303
I've got so many questions.
33
00:02:03,343 --> 00:02:05,423
I mean...
34
00:02:05,463 --> 00:02:06,543
How was it?
35
00:02:06,583 --> 00:02:09,623
It was so weird.
36
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,623
It didn't even feel like us.
37
00:02:12,663 --> 00:02:14,383
He had new moves.
38
00:02:14,423 --> 00:02:17,463
Well, yeah,
he probably got them from his wife.
39
00:02:17,503 --> 00:02:19,263
Yeah, I figured that.
40
00:02:19,303 --> 00:02:21,503
Honestly, you don't have to try and
make me feel like shit.
41
00:02:21,543 --> 00:02:25,543
I've got this, I'm all over this.
Sorry. Sorry.
42
00:02:27,183 --> 00:02:31,183
What were his new moves?
43
00:02:32,143 --> 00:02:35,703
Is that OK? Figure of eight.
44
00:02:35,743 --> 00:02:39,743
Oh, God, that's bleak.
45
00:02:39,783 --> 00:02:42,103
Oh, God. Oh, God.
46
00:02:42,143 --> 00:02:44,383
Oh... Another flashback?
Just tell me, come on.
47
00:02:44,423 --> 00:02:45,943
Did you pretend you had new moves?
48
00:02:45,983 --> 00:02:47,223
No. You did! No.
49
00:02:47,263 --> 00:02:48,903
Come on. No. Tell me what you did.
50
00:02:48,943 --> 00:02:50,063
What did you do?
51
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:53,223
I slapped his balls.
52
00:02:53,263 --> 00:02:56,623
It's all I could think of, I just fucking
slapped the shit out of his balls.
53
00:02:56,663 --> 00:03:00,663
Marce?
54
00:03:04,503 --> 00:03:05,503
I'm going to go.
55
00:03:05,543 --> 00:03:07,263
Yeah.
56
00:03:07,303 --> 00:03:09,183
So, listen... I, um...
57
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,183
We just... That wasn't meant to happen.
58
00:03:11,223 --> 00:03:12,903
Obviously, we just got very drunk, so...
59
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:13,943
We weren't that drunk.
60
00:03:13,983 --> 00:03:16,063
I-I'm not eating carbs so
maybe that was...
61
00:03:16,103 --> 00:03:18,503
Mate, I was clearly drunk. We had pizza.
62
00:03:18,543 --> 00:03:19,583
Did I eat it?
63
00:03:20,663 --> 00:03:22,743
Yeah.
64
00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:23,903
Right, I need to leave.
65
00:03:23,943 --> 00:03:25,783
I'll call you later.
Don't call me, Simon.
66
00:03:25,823 --> 00:03:29,823
What are you talking about?
OK, all right.
67
00:03:38,023 --> 00:03:39,703
Morning, morning!
68
00:03:39,743 --> 00:03:42,223
Seriously...
69
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,183
Dad, why did you bring us
back here last night?
70
00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:47,743
Saving your life, Billy William,
is what I'm doing.
71
00:03:47,783 --> 00:03:50,063
Now, Lucy,
I offered to drop you back, didn't I?
72
00:03:50,103 --> 00:03:52,263
I've no beef with you.
73
00:03:52,303 --> 00:03:55,583
Listen, Dad, I really appreciate the
gesture but I'm fine.
74
00:03:55,623 --> 00:03:56,943
Is that right? Hand to God, Dad,
75
00:03:56,983 --> 00:03:58,263
I'm clean. Luce, tell him.
76
00:03:58,303 --> 00:04:01,023
Tell him I'm clean. No, cos you're
not fucking clean, are you, Bill?
77
00:04:01,063 --> 00:04:02,943
Just as I fucking thought!
78
00:04:02,983 --> 00:04:05,383
You have been fucking sniffing that
stuff again
79
00:04:05,423 --> 00:04:08,103
and lying to my fucking face!
Aren't you?
80
00:04:08,143 --> 00:04:10,063
What are you doing?
What, are you just going to...
81
00:04:10,103 --> 00:04:13,103
Ow! Keep us here and
throw sausages at us? Ha-ha-ha!
82
00:04:13,143 --> 00:04:14,463
Yeah, maybe I will.
83
00:04:14,503 --> 00:04:17,423
Maybe I'll fucking cook up a dozen
packs of sausages a day
84
00:04:17,463 --> 00:04:21,463
and throw them at your fucking thick
skull until you stop being a junkie!
85
00:04:21,903 --> 00:04:23,023
Huh?! You want that?
86
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,823
Cos I'll fucking give it to you,...
87
00:04:24,863 --> 00:04:26,063
Oh, whoa!.sausage boy!
88
00:04:26,103 --> 00:04:27,863
OK, enough! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
89
00:04:27,903 --> 00:04:29,863
I'm the one who's getting
hit with sausages here.
90
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,543
Sorry about this, Lucy,
91
00:04:31,583 --> 00:04:33,543
but what it is...
92
00:04:33,583 --> 00:04:35,863
I'm having an intervention with my son.
93
00:04:35,903 --> 00:04:38,103
No, Michael,
you're just throwing sausages.
94
00:04:38,143 --> 00:04:41,503
You want an intervention,
let's have an intervention.
95
00:04:41,543 --> 00:04:42,583
Here.
96
00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:45,383
What?
97
00:04:45,423 --> 00:04:46,543
Great, I'll...
98
00:04:46,583 --> 00:04:48,783
I'll just arrange my
own intervention then.
99
00:04:48,823 --> 00:04:51,303
See, you fucking...
100
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:55,980
Gainsbourg takes the le...
101
00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:57,660
It's time to find out
what Michael and Kat
102
00:04:57,700 --> 00:04:59,060
think of property number three.
103
00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:04,380
This four bedroom family home has
bags of character...
104
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:06,380
Hello? Hey, you ready?
105
00:05:06,420 --> 00:05:08,220
Who is this?
106
00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,620
It's Jon.
107
00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:11,220
It also comes with a small...
108
00:05:11,260 --> 00:05:12,900
Hey, Jon, uh, give it one sec.
109
00:05:16,460 --> 00:05:19,300
Hey, mate, um,
will you give me like, uh,
110
00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:21,700
t-ten minutes to get ready?
I'll be down, I'll be ten minutes.
111
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:23,100
Yeah, OK.
112
00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:25,700
You're doing a little joke, aren't you?
You didn't really forget?
113
00:05:25,740 --> 00:05:27,580
No, no, yeah,
I was just doing a little joke
114
00:05:27,620 --> 00:05:29,940
just a little call-back to...
I'm forgetting and stuff...
115
00:05:29,980 --> 00:05:32,020
I won't be long, I won't be long.
116
00:05:32,060 --> 00:05:33,180
OK, yep.
117
00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:35,180
room comes complete with its own
118
00:05:35,220 --> 00:05:37,940
en suite and glorious views of the
Kentish coast.
119
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:45,420
I feel fucking awful.
Does this look all right?
120
00:05:45,460 --> 00:05:47,660
You look good. Thoroughly decent. Yeah?
121
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:50,380
You'd never know you were slapping a
married man's balls all night.
122
00:05:50,420 --> 00:05:54,420
Very funny. You're a bad person.
123
00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:02,140
Sorry.
124
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:06,860
You look really nice.
125
00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:10,500
You OK?
126
00:06:10,540 --> 00:06:12,260
Yeah, um, I'm, uh...
127
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,420
I have a bit of a headache.
I I-like your car, though.
128
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:18,460
Let's ride!
129
00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:26,620
You're nobody till somebody loves you
130
00:06:30,340 --> 00:06:31,620
You're nobody...
131
00:06:31,660 --> 00:06:33,220
Boom!
132
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,340
Got a strike.
133
00:06:34,380 --> 00:06:35,540
Mm.
134
00:06:35,580 --> 00:06:37,220
That's good.
135
00:06:37,260 --> 00:06:39,500
Well done.
136
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:42,340
Yeah.
137
00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:45,100
Um...
138
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:49,140
So... So, um, er... What was I...er...
139
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:53,860
W-what kind of music are you into?
140
00:06:54,420 --> 00:06:55,700
Really?
141
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:59,740
What? It just seems like kind of
a-an odd question to ask.
142
00:06:59,980 --> 00:07:01,780
It does, sorry,
I'm being really shit today.
143
00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:04,220
Oh, no, you're not being shit.
It's just I'm...
144
00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:08,260
Nessun dorma...
145
00:07:08,980 --> 00:07:11,620
What are you doing, mate? You asked
me what type of music I was into.
146
00:07:11,660 --> 00:07:12,820
Yes?
147
00:07:12,860 --> 00:07:16,860
Ma il mio mistero e chiuso in me
148
00:07:17,740 --> 00:07:21,500
II nome mio nessun sapra
149
00:07:21,540 --> 00:07:25,540
No, no, sulla tua bocca
150
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:30,340
Lo diro
151
00:07:30,380 --> 00:07:34,380
Quando la lu...
152
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,360
Right.
153
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:38,680
Let's, erm...
154
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,560
Let's get onto destination number two.
155
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:42,320
Maybe perk you up a bit.
156
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:43,880
Destination two? That was amazing!
157
00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:46,080
Thank you.
158
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:47,600
An intervention? Today?
159
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,080
Yep, at his mum's house.
160
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,720
He's sorting out his own intervention?
161
00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,280
Mate, their family is insane.
162
00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,640
His dad just chucked sausages at him.
163
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,320
Where's Marce? Oh, boy.
164
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:57,800
Today is not great.
165
00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,920
She slept with Simon last night.
166
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,720
Fuck. Right?
167
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,440
Fuck! Yeah.
168
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,720
Simon might be at the intervention.
169
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,200
Oh, fuck.
170
00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,800
OK...
171
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:17,840
That one's you.
172
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,360
Oh, OK.
173
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,400
Which one...looks like, uh, you...
174
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,560
She. That's me.
She definitely looks like me.
175
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,240
Look, she shares my essence.
Look at her swag! No, no, no.
176
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,080
She's better looking than you.
177
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,040
I mean, don't get me wrong...
178
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:37,080
You're not bad. Um...
179
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:41,680
Ah, fuck!
180
00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,920
Sorry, I was just being silly.
181
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,400
Oh, no. That was...
182
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:49,480
That was really funny.
183
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:52,640
I don't think the
alpaca's hotter than you.
184
00:08:52,680 --> 00:08:54,600
I can't believe I even had to say that.
185
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,720
Out loud.
186
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,520
Should we...
Listen, I could just take you home.
187
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,520
What? No,
I-I'm actually having a really nice day.
188
00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:09,440
Yeah, you're not though.
You're acting really weird. It's...
189
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,360
No, I think I'm just a bit, um, er...
190
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,280
I've just been a bit nervous, I just...
191
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,920
Do you know what?
192
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,840
Let's go for a drink.
193
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,560
It's a little bit early for me, but...
194
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:22,600
It'd be fun, though.
And I'll be relaxed more, maybe.
195
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:24,640
OK.
196
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,960
Yeah? Yeah.
Yeah, I won't take you here again.
197
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:31,000
I mean...
198
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:35,400
Sit down, girls.
199
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,800
Where's Billy? He's upstairs.
200
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:39,600
I told him to stay there until we
were ready.
201
00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,840
Jesus Christ! It's an intervention,
202
00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:43,960
it's not his 18th
fecking birthday party!
203
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,040
You shut up, you old donkey!
204
00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,840
It's from your side he gets this.
205
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,800
A shower of drunks and lunatics.
206
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,160
Not you, Nora. You're sound.
207
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,640
Are we going to have a song?
208
00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,600
Later, pet, later.
209
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,960
Here, have a choccy biccy.
210
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:02,400
Why's Skinny Pig here?
211
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:06,440
Oh, for fuck's sake.
212
00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:12,040
Grandma's hands...
213
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,160
OK, if my dad was a food,
he'd be like mustard.
214
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,640
Completely overpowering...
215
00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:19,440
and mad.
216
00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,840
OK. And your mum? And my mum would
be something sort of more...
217
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,440
custard.
218
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,840
Not a great match. No, but both yellow.
219
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:28,400
Yes. And both, um...
220
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,280
End with "ustard".
End with "ustard". Yeah.
221
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:35,360
Sorry, my phone is going mental.
222
00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:36,720
Fuck.
223
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,000
Is everything OK?
224
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,640
I'm really sorry, I'm...
225
00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:43,120
I'm going to have to go.
226
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,200
Right.
227
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,520
Family crisis.
228
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,840
OK.
229
00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,960
My brother... Mm.
230
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:52,360
has been doing drugs.
231
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,560
And...there's now an intervention.
232
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,480
Jesus, Marcella,
the emergency text is...
233
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,080
It's actually insulting.
234
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,720
If you don't want to stay, just go.
235
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,360
I'm sorry, I really do have to go.
I'm not lying.
236
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,920
I mean, it sounds...
237
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,960
I have to go. Fine. Go to your brother.
238
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,640
If you have a brother.
You're the oddest woman!
239
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,040
Sorry.
240
00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:24,820
Thank God, get in!
We've been waiting two hours for you.
241
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:28,140
I just literally found out it was
happeni... Orlando!
242
00:11:28,180 --> 00:11:31,620
Don't pick him up,
he's just had a kebab. Pff.
243
00:11:31,660 --> 00:11:33,780
You reek of booze.
244
00:11:33,820 --> 00:11:37,820
Well, I just had to down my wine.
245
00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:44,180
Sorry.
246
00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:46,260
Thank God you're here.
247
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,500
This is insane. I know.
248
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:50,420
Right, everyone, Billy is coming down.
249
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,940
Woo! Now remember...
250
00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:53,260
Billy!
251
00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:55,940
We all tell him how it makes us feel.
252
00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:58,180
But we can't all talk at once,
253
00:11:58,220 --> 00:12:01,420
so we're going to use this.
254
00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:07,580
All right, mate?
All right?
255
00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:09,020
Here, give us that.
256
00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:13,060
Just remember,
it's how it makes you feel.
257
00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:19,460
Billy, I'm your father, right?
258
00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:21,940
And you being on them drugs
259
00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:24,940
makes me feel...
260
00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:27,420
like a cunt.
261
00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:29,140
And...and sad.
262
00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:30,180
Very, very sad.
263
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:34,220
You being on them drugs makes me
feel like a very sad cunt.
264
00:12:35,060 --> 00:12:37,060
And angry.
265
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,300
And also scared.
266
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:40,620
You and Marce...
267
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:44,660
are the only things that can make
me feel both...
268
00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:46,900
fearful and like a cunt,
269
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:50,940
so stop taking drugs!
270
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:55,940
Here.
271
00:12:55,980 --> 00:12:59,060
No. No.
272
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:00,820
Um, Billy? Yep?
273
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:03,980
I feel like you should stop taking
drugs.
274
00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:05,420
Erm...
275
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:07,780
Just...
276
00:13:07,820 --> 00:13:10,140
say no? Here you are!
277
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:14,180
You see?! He's not fucking taking
this seriously at all!
278
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,940
Is he? Stop!
279
00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:17,660
Stop throwing shit at me!
280
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:18,740
I am taking it seriously!
281
00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:21,740
Come on, that was funny! Just say no.
282
00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:24,460
Come on! To be fair, I only found
out about this about an hour ago,
283
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,620
so haven't had much time to prep.
284
00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:30,660
My turn, my turn.
285
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:35,660
Mr Sandman, bring me a dream
286
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:40,180
Make his complexion
like peaches and cream
287
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:44,540
Make his two lips...
288
00:13:45,780 --> 00:13:47,660
Is it my go, is it?
289
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:51,420
Ahem...
290
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:51,900
Hello, Billy.
291
00:13:51,940 --> 00:13:54,620
Erm, I love you, you are my brother,
292
00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,300
so we'll start with that.
293
00:13:56,340 --> 00:13:59,460
But when you are taking cocaine...
294
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:00,500
and crack...
295
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:02,367
I know, he doesn't tell you that
but he takes crack
296
00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:04,540
when he takes cocaine
and that's it really upsets me.
297
00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:06,900
Erm, I think that you're a bad person.
298
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:09,380
Like a really horrible...
299
00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:13,380
bad person. I'm not saying you're
evil when you're on drugs,
300
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:14,940
but you're not...
301
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,140
not evil.
302
00:14:16,180 --> 00:14:18,500
And that's almost like you're closer
to evil...
303
00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:20,540
Right, well, she's pissed, so...
304
00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:21,660
No, no, I'm not pissed,
305
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:24,740
I've had a couple of drinks. It's not
even six o'clock and you're pissed,
306
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,860
So, don't give it the
holier-than-thou with me.
307
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,856
See, what's happening is
you're just trying to start
308
00:14:29,056 --> 00:14:30,820
a row so you can storm
out and do your drugs.
309
00:14:30,860 --> 00:14:33,700
That's what you're doing, that's
what you're doing. Shut up, Marcella.
310
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,020
Oh, Billy, please, not the drugs!
311
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:38,060
Get off the drugs, Billy.
312
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:41,340
You and drugs making your
dad colour of pig!
313
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,980
And he stomp, stomp, stomp.
314
00:14:45,020 --> 00:14:47,060
No more drugs!
315
00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:51,100
No more, please, Billy!
316
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,300
Come here, don't be upset.
So we're not using the conch?
317
00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:55,780
I don't know who this is,
I don't even know...who is this?
318
00:14:55,820 --> 00:14:57,020
It's your dad's girlfriend.
319
00:14:57,060 --> 00:15:00,580
Hey, you're all right.
You're going to be all right.
320
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:02,020
Billy,
321
00:15:02,060 --> 00:15:03,500
I am your mother.
322
00:15:03,540 --> 00:15:06,540
And no-one will ever
love you as much as I do.
323
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:10,260
I think that you are brilliant and
talented and kind...
324
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,420
Get to the drugs, will you?
325
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:14,740
You're a wonderful child,
326
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,460
but you and Marce in fairness...
327
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,140
Oh, I knew you wouldn't be able to
have a go at the Golden Boy...
328
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:22,180
Shush, Marcella. I'm just saying,
that's how it always plays out for me.
329
00:15:22,220 --> 00:15:23,900
I have the conch. Do you hear me?
330
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:25,100
Mum, Mum, it's fine...
331
00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:27,100
I have the conch!
332
00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:31,140
And I will be heard!
333
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:34,500
I am a damn good mother.
334
00:15:34,540 --> 00:15:38,540
Well, I am more than you
two spoiled brats' mother.
335
00:15:38,700 --> 00:15:42,540
I feel like the B story in my own life!
336
00:15:42,580 --> 00:15:44,660
You two should be all right by now.
337
00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:45,860
That's it!
338
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:48,460
Not fucking successful
339
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:52,500
or happy, necessarily, but OK.
340
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:56,540
You don't throw yourself away because
life is tough or you're not on Emmerdale.
341
00:15:56,620 --> 00:16:00,180
Oh, you all think you
should be happy all the time.
342
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:02,220
I gave enough time.
343
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:06,260
And I deserve children
who are fecking OK!
344
00:16:07,980 --> 00:16:11,100
Do either of you ever think about me?
Hm?
345
00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:15,140
Oh, not me as in, "Oh,
Mum will sort it," but me as a person?
346
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:19,500
With my own hopes and
needs and heartaches.
347
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,660
Ahem.
348
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:32,100
Good evening.
349
00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:36,140
Firstly, uh, I would just like to
say what a lovely spread.
350
00:16:37,340 --> 00:16:38,540
Erm...
351
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:42,300
Cheers!
352
00:16:42,340 --> 00:16:44,620
Uh, Billy?
353
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:47,140
Uh, t-this is weird. Erm...
354
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:51,180
Yeah, I think when you sort of take
drugs, it sort of distances us.
355
00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:53,980
I don't feel like
you've been there for me.
356
00:16:54,020 --> 00:16:55,100
Erm...
357
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,940
When you take drugs,
you're not a great mate.
358
00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:58,460
Shut up, Simon.
359
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,900
You stayed at Marcella's
house last night.
360
00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:03,140
You know, she cried for a whole year
when you broke up?
361
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:05,300
That's, uh, my sister, by the way.
362
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:06,980
Sorry, um, I interrupted.
363
00:17:07,020 --> 00:17:11,020
You were saying something about
being a bad friend?
364
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:14,480
Well, first of all,
365
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:17,620
it is physically impossible to cry
for a year over someone, so...
366
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,580
Well, you know,
you kind of managed that.
367
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:23,740
Oh, you did. You did.
368
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,940
Everybody shut up!
369
00:17:30,980 --> 00:17:34,980
Unless you have the conch!
370
00:17:38,580 --> 00:17:40,300
As I was saying,
371
00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:43,620
not everyone here has made it
through the wilderness like I have.
372
00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,500
What's wrong with this fucker?
373
00:17:45,540 --> 00:17:47,340
He's on drugs, Dad.
374
00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:49,900
Fucking drugs?!
375
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:50,980
Fucking...
376
00:17:51,020 --> 00:17:54,580
I can't believe you slept with Simon.
377
00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:55,740
What were you thinking?
378
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:57,420
What's the big deal, for fuck's sake?
379
00:17:57,460 --> 00:18:01,140
He's the fricking boyfriend, isn't he?
This clown is a fucking junkie!
380
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,620
We split up a year ago, Dad.
381
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:03,820
Not that you'd know.
382
00:18:03,860 --> 00:18:06,260
Well, how would I know?
You always tell me things are fine!
383
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,220
Well, things are not fine!
384
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:09,700
I thought you were over him.
385
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:12,340
You worked so hard to get over him.
386
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:14,580
I thought you finally had your life
on track and now...
387
00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:16,180
Well, we didn't mean for it to happen.
388
00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,860
Oh, shut up, Simon!
389
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,660
You're a married fucking man!
390
00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:22,500
What were you doing round at your
ex-girlfriend's house, huh?
391
00:18:22,540 --> 00:18:26,340
S-she got kicked out for stealing
loo roll from the pub.
392
00:18:26,380 --> 00:18:28,260
Hey, hang on a fucking minute!
393
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:30,540
Why were you stealing toilet paper?!
394
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,820
It's just toilet paper,
I didn't steal a car. I just...
395
00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:33,860
I'm a bit broke.
396
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:37,900
It's more than a bit broke when you can't
even afford to wipe your fucking arse!
397
00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:43,020
Uh, ahem, I, on the other hand,
have a good job.
398
00:18:43,060 --> 00:18:46,700
Always been an earner,
never asked for anything from anyone,
399
00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:48,580
unlike old shitty-arse.
400
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:52,620
Fuck off, Billy. Fuck off.
401
00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:03,340
By the light of the silvery moon
402
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:08,100
I want to spoon
403
00:19:08,140 --> 00:19:11,900
With my honey I'll croon love's tune
404
00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:14,020
Honey moon
405
00:19:14,060 --> 00:19:17,180
Keep a-shinin' in June
406
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,020
Your silvery beams
407
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:20,940
Will bring love's dreams
408
00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:24,100
We'll be cuddlin' soon
409
00:19:24,140 --> 00:19:27,300
By the silvery moon...
410
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:28,540
This... I don't know the words.
411
00:19:28,580 --> 00:19:31,220
By the light By the light,
by the light
412
00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:33,340
Of the silvery moon
Of the silvery moon
413
00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:37,940
I want to spoon I want to spoon
414
00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:40,220
A-with my honey I'll croon
415
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:42,340
Love's tune
416
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:45,020
Honey moon Honey moon,
honey moon...
417
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,140
Guys, it's fine.
418
00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:48,580
I'll...
419
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,380
I will, I'll go back to rehab.
420
00:19:50,420 --> 00:19:52,340
Thank God! Oh, thank fuck for...
421
00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:54,260
Hey, and who'll be paying for that? Huh?
422
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:55,620
Aww.
423
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:56,660
Good man.
424
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,340
Thanks, Nana.
425
00:19:58,380 --> 00:20:00,940
Great gig.
426
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,040
Marce?
427
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,720
What, you're going straightaway?
Yeah, I mean,
428
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,400
it's been the longest day, so...
429
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:11,760
I think we need to talk.
430
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:12,920
I don't want to talk, Simon.
431
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,760
I just want to pretend
it never happened.
432
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,640
Why?
There's obviously still something there.
433
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,840
Can't deny it.
Right, what you want me say?
434
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,880
"Leave your wife. Let's continue
as if nothing's happened"?
435
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,000
I mean, we obviously weren't even happy.
436
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,040
Oh.
437
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,120
No, well...
438
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,640
I don't know.
439
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,880
Simon...
440
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:35,360
I love you. I love you, too.
441
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,560
No, let me finish!
442
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,640
Fucking hell. I just...
443
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,560
It feels really liberating to say
that and it not be like a bad thing.
444
00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,560
I know...just this isn't right
and that's fine now,
445
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,600
and even if I end up on my own
and I don't have a family and...
446
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,680
This is just cowardly to try to
make this work when...
447
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:57,240
I'd just rather live on my feet
than sit on my knees.
448
00:20:57,680 --> 00:21:00,520
Die on your feet than
live on your knees?
449
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,720
Right. Well...
450
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:05,720
you know what I mean.
451
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:08,360
Never been good with details.
452
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,200
Onions is onions.
453
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,600
Well, yeah. That's it, onions is onions.
454
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,720
I-I don't care.
455
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:20,600
You...You do care.
456
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,160
A little bit.
457
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:27,200
I'm going to go.
458
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:32,440
Why are we banging on about
fucking onions?
459
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:37,200
See you later.
460
00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:40,640
Well, that is huge progress, Marcella.
461
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,360
Yeah,
I feel like I've really turned a corner.
462
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,880
One biscuit and I put the packet
back in the cupboard.
463
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,840
I feel like some sort of wizard.
464
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,760
And the Simon thing...
465
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,040
Oh, yeah.
466
00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:53,440
Of course. Um...
467
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,720
That feels done. Dunzo-ed.
468
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:58,080
And, erm,
how are you feeling about tomorrow?
469
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:01,360
How am I feeling about tomorrow?
470
00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:04,280
Well, you know, nobody knows what
the future holds and...
471
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,395
Well, I think I'm just going
to try to live a more authentic
472
00:22:06,595 --> 00:22:07,720
version of my life, which I am.
473
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:10,360
Be a bit braver, be more in the present,
you know? It's...
474
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,800
Cos the world's in peril at the moment,
when you think about it.
475
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,880
You've got Trump,
the rise of the Alt-right, Isis...
476
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,600
And if you let that stuff in your head,
you can end up being like...
477
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:20,440
I-I'm talking about the driving test.
478
00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:21,880
Oh.
479
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:22,960
Yeah.
480
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,640
Probably need to revise, actually.
481
00:22:39,280 --> 00:22:42,680
Hey. Hi.
482
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:43,880
How are you?
483
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:47,400
Fine, thanks, yeah.
484
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,760
Uh, you? Feeling positive?
485
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:51,320
Yeah.
486
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,040
I think so.
487
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,960
So, um,
not everyone passes the first time.
488
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,760
So just relax.
489
00:22:57,800 --> 00:23:01,800
OK. OK.
490
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,320
OK.
491
00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:09,360
Now let's burn some rubber.
492
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,040
Maybe I wasn't as ready
as I thought I was.
493
00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:20,280
Maybe I rushed you.
494
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,000
Probably going to need more lessons.
495
00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,080
Loads.
496
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:25,040
Y-you'll need loads.
497
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,360
Like...
498
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,480
Certainly more than five.
499
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,560
Hopefully less than ten.
500
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,880
Mm, I'd say ten.
501
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,280
We can do ten.
502
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:35,840
Ten seems...
503
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:36,960
I do a package.
504
00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,680
Sometimes I'm in the mood
505
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:43,280
I want to leave my lonesome home
506
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,840
And sometimes I'm in the mood
507
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:49,480
I want to hear my milk cow moan
508
00:23:49,520 --> 00:23:52,040
Sometimes I'm in the mood
509
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:55,160
I want to hit that highway road
510
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,240
But then again...
511
00:23:57,290 --> 00:24:01,840
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