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1
00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:15,467
[grunting, groaning]
2
00:00:19,333 --> 00:00:20,267
Ohh!
3
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,400
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
4
00:00:28,467 --> 00:00:31,000
You won't be able to do
that for much longer.
5
00:00:31,067 --> 00:00:32,300
Which part?
6
00:00:32,367 --> 00:00:33,700
Toss me about
like a sack of radishes.
7
00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:35,200
Yeah, I will.
8
00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:37,133
You're sexier pregnant
than you are not pregnant,
9
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,167
and it gives me
super strength.
10
00:00:39,233 --> 00:00:40,633
I'll fuck you
11
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:42,800
and then throw you up
on top of the refrigerator.
12
00:00:42,867 --> 00:00:44,667
What will I do up there?
13
00:00:44,733 --> 00:00:46,900
I don't care.
14
00:00:46,967 --> 00:00:48,467
You know
how we were talking
15
00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:50,267
about doing
the godparents thing?
16
00:00:50,333 --> 00:00:51,733
You were talking about it
17
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,267
because you want to ask
that Irish writer dude
18
00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:54,633
that you barely know.
19
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,933
I don't barely know him.
20
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,133
I know him.
21
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,067
I went to the same
school as him.
22
00:01:00,133 --> 00:01:01,733
And I just think
it would be great
23
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,467
for our child to have someone
24
00:01:03,533 --> 00:01:05,367
of that cultural
significance in his life.
25
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:06,633
In your life.
26
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:10,433
Anyway, you have
to christen a child
27
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,067
if you
want to have godparents,
28
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:13,533
so I think we should do that.
29
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:16,300
If I thought you halfway
believed in any of that shit,
30
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,800
I'd christen it
three times, but you don't.
31
00:01:18,867 --> 00:01:20,933
We can't not christen
the baby, Rob.
32
00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:22,567
Why? It's bullshit.
33
00:01:22,633 --> 00:01:25,367
You know that godparents
have to renounce the devil?
34
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:26,500
So what?
35
00:01:26,567 --> 00:01:28,100
How weird is that?
36
00:01:28,167 --> 00:01:30,500
A bunch of adults
standing around a baby,
37
00:01:30,567 --> 00:01:32,167
pretending to believe
in the devil
38
00:01:32,233 --> 00:01:33,267
so they can renounce him.
39
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:35,100
The baby won't know.
40
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:36,167
Yeah, but we'll know.
41
00:01:36,233 --> 00:01:38,567
- We don't care.
- I care.
42
00:01:38,633 --> 00:01:41,933
Well, why don't we just
have a naming ceremony?
43
00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:43,433
Because that is a bullshit
44
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:46,067
California yoga retreat
load of bullshit,
45
00:01:46,067 --> 00:01:47,733
and my parents
would kill me.
46
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,300
The best case scenario
47
00:01:49,367 --> 00:01:52,333
is we ask your Patrick O'Heaney
to be godfather
48
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,600
and he's like "Okay," and then
he changes his phone number
49
00:01:55,667 --> 00:01:58,067
and writes a poem
about what assholes we are.
50
00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:04,233
Ohh. I don't know.
51
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:05,567
I just think there's pros
52
00:02:05,633 --> 00:02:08,067
in raising your kid just
a little bit religious.
53
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:10,833
Like, God is like the best
friend of the lazy parent.
54
00:02:10,900 --> 00:02:12,233
Why is the sun yellow?
55
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,200
Because God's favorite
color is yellow.
56
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:17,867
Now go upstairs so I can
give Dad a special hug
57
00:02:17,933 --> 00:02:19,500
and make you a little sister.
58
00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:21,833
Okay, well,
that makes sense.
59
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,133
I mean, it all
comes back to love.
60
00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:28,900
Are you nervous about
meeting my parents tomorrow?
61
00:02:28,967 --> 00:02:30,900
Yeah, but manageably.
62
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:32,133
You?
63
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,900
Don't know.
64
00:02:33,967 --> 00:02:35,667
My dad's pretty hard
to talk to.
65
00:02:35,733 --> 00:02:37,800
He's like a piece of granite
with bushy eyebrows.
66
00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,733
What about your mom?
67
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,167
She's magical.
68
00:02:41,233 --> 00:02:42,700
You'll like her better
than you like me.
69
00:02:42,767 --> 00:02:44,133
Great.
70
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,867
How's she doing
in the boob department?
71
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,967
Well, she only has one
72
00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:51,200
since her mastectomy
a couple of years back,
73
00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:53,900
but it's pretty big.
74
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:55,733
Oh.
75
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,267
Okay.
76
00:03:02,267 --> 00:03:03,800
Terrible flight.
77
00:03:03,867 --> 00:03:04,900
Turbulence.
78
00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,067
Oh.
79
00:03:06,100 --> 00:03:08,067
- Fuckin' Ryanair.
- Des.
80
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,667
They sat me next to a Turkish.
81
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:10,733
A Turkish what?
82
00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:11,967
A Turkish man.
83
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:12,933
Right.
84
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,433
From Turkey.
85
00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:15,533
Right, right.
86
00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:18,833
Let me just check on the tea.
87
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,233
[mouthing]
88
00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:23,500
Doesn't get any better
than this, does it?
89
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,667
- Your brother's place?
- Oh, yeah, it's lovely.
90
00:03:25,733 --> 00:03:27,200
He's doubled his money
on this place.
91
00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:28,833
He hasn't doubled
his money, Dad.
92
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:30,100
The money doubled itself.
93
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,333
You know,
he just sat there.
94
00:03:33,967 --> 00:03:35,867
I'll go and help with the tea.
95
00:03:35,933 --> 00:03:37,400
Where are you going?
96
00:03:43,767 --> 00:03:46,533
- I love Ireland.
- You're an American.
97
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:47,833
I'm sorry.
98
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,767
I was just saying
I love Ireland.
99
00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:51,100
Have you been?
100
00:03:51,167 --> 00:03:53,567
I want to.
101
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,167
Ugh.
102
00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:58,100
What've they been doing
since they got here?
103
00:03:58,167 --> 00:03:59,767
What have they been doing?
You saw it.
104
00:03:59,833 --> 00:04:02,467
Growing mushrooms out of their
arseholes on my couch.
105
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,233
I told them I was going
to the office earlier,
106
00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:05,867
and I hid
in the girls' bedroom
107
00:04:05,933 --> 00:04:07,400
just so I could have
some fucking peace.
108
00:04:07,467 --> 00:04:09,500
I had to take a piss
into a sippy cup.
109
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:11,167
[laughing]
110
00:04:11,233 --> 00:04:13,233
Can I tell them?
This is taking too long.
111
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:16,567
No. You're an observer
today, okay? Like the UN.
112
00:04:16,633 --> 00:04:19,200
You say a syllable,
and I'll cut your hands off.
113
00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:23,067
Whatever happened
to that Owen fella?
114
00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:24,533
He was around for a while.
115
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,067
He moved to Africa,
didn't he, Sha?
116
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,600
Hmm? Yeah. Yeah.
He had to go to Africa.
117
00:04:30,667 --> 00:04:32,433
He was a good man.
118
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:35,700
Well, I won't be running off
to Africa any time soon.
119
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:37,533
I don't even know where it is.
120
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:44,433
So, uh, Mum, Dad,
121
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,133
we've got something
we'd like to tell you--
122
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,200
talk to you about.
123
00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:51,567
Lovely news I think
will make you very happy,
124
00:04:51,633 --> 00:04:52,900
and that's...
125
00:04:52,967 --> 00:04:55,400
we're getting married.
126
00:04:58,667 --> 00:05:00,533
Congratulations.
127
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,233
- Thanks, Mum.
- I thought you were
going to tell us
128
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:03,667
you were pregnant
there for a minute.
129
00:05:03,733 --> 00:05:06,233
And I'm pregnant.
That's also part of this.
130
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:15,067
Rob:
Your dad will warm up.
131
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:16,667
I mean, Fergal and I
are practically--
132
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,267
I wouldn't say brothers yet
133
00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:21,400
but maybe like cousins
who are also good friends.
134
00:05:21,467 --> 00:05:22,667
We really bonded
when he came with me
135
00:05:22,733 --> 00:05:23,833
to pick out the ring.
136
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:27,067
And we both laughed when
your dad farted at the TV
137
00:05:27,133 --> 00:05:28,633
when Tottenham
scored that goal.
138
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,200
Everybody laughed at that.
139
00:05:30,267 --> 00:05:32,367
Yeah, but I think Fergal
and I the hardest.
140
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:35,633
Hey, why don't we ask
Fergal to be the godfather?
141
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:38,433
He's not technically an adult
in the eyes of the Church.
142
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:39,800
What?
143
00:05:39,867 --> 00:05:42,067
He missed his confirmation
because he had the measles,
144
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,633
and then he refused
to do it the following year
145
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:45,633
because he'd a growth spurt
and a mustache by then.
146
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:47,867
Also, fuck him.
I don't want him to do it.
147
00:05:47,933 --> 00:05:50,067
Your mom cornered me
at one point
148
00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:51,300
and asked me
where I go to Mass.
149
00:05:51,367 --> 00:05:52,500
What did you say?
150
00:05:52,567 --> 00:05:54,067
Saint Mary's.
151
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,933
How are we feeling?
152
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,067
Fine, I guess.
Not terrible.
153
00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:05,200
I mean, emotionally,
I suppose, I'm like...
154
00:06:05,267 --> 00:06:07,800
A dumpster fire.
155
00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:09,467
A bit up and down.
156
00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:11,833
Good.
Now, I do have something
157
00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:15,067
that we need to discuss
that is somewhat serious.
158
00:06:15,067 --> 00:06:16,367
- It's full cancer now?
- No, no.
159
00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:18,067
No, it's not that.
What it is,
160
00:06:18,133 --> 00:06:19,767
we've been catching up
on screenings
161
00:06:19,833 --> 00:06:21,200
that your first doctor
didn't do.
162
00:06:21,267 --> 00:06:23,433
One of them
is the combined test,
163
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:25,800
and that tells us if there's
a chromosomal abnormality.
164
00:06:25,867 --> 00:06:27,367
What does that mean?
165
00:06:27,433 --> 00:06:29,100
It would mean that
there's a higher risk
166
00:06:29,167 --> 00:06:30,500
of your baby having
Down syndrome.
167
00:06:30,567 --> 00:06:34,100
Because in a geriatric
pregnancy--
168
00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:35,433
Geriatric?
169
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:37,100
It's just a term.
170
00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:40,067
But according
to the combined test,
171
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:43,800
you are looking
at a 1 in 50 risk
172
00:06:43,867 --> 00:06:46,067
that your child
has Down syndrome.
173
00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:48,733
Well, Christ.
174
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,433
1 in 50?
That's not that bad.
175
00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:53,200
- What are you, a sadist?
- Sharon.
176
00:06:53,267 --> 00:06:54,500
No, why do I need
to know that?
177
00:06:54,567 --> 00:06:56,200
Because the risk
should ideally be
178
00:06:56,267 --> 00:06:57,500
three times as low,
179
00:06:57,567 --> 00:06:58,767
and I am required
to tell you that
180
00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:01,267
in case
you need to prepare
181
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:04,800
for a substantially different
child-rearing experience.
182
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,067
You know,
some people decide
183
00:07:09,067 --> 00:07:11,067
they won't ever
be ready for that.
184
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:14,800
Honey--
185
00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:24,633
Why--
186
00:07:24,700 --> 00:07:25,967
Where are my knickers?
187
00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:27,233
- Uh--
- Where are my--
188
00:07:34,733 --> 00:07:36,733
Can you think up
189
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,133
or make up some good news
190
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,567
for the next time we come in?
191
00:07:40,633 --> 00:07:42,500
Uh, okay.
192
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,400
Thank you.
193
00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:52,100
Rob:
Oh. Hey, Melissa,
she just came in.
194
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,733
Okay. Thank you.
195
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:56,733
Where the hell
have you been?
196
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,067
I walked to Croydon.
197
00:07:59,067 --> 00:08:00,867
Okay. Is that far?
198
00:08:00,933 --> 00:08:02,533
It's about 13 miles.
199
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:04,600
Well, if you ever need
to do that again,
200
00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:07,733
please let me shadow you from
a block back or something.
201
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,067
Okay.
202
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,900
What are we going to do?
203
00:08:16,967 --> 00:08:19,633
Why couldn't you
come over here and got me
pregnant ten years ago?
204
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,933
- What the hell
were you doing then?
- Nothing that cool.
205
00:08:22,067 --> 00:08:24,467
Can't I just enjoy
my fucking pregnancy?
206
00:08:24,533 --> 00:08:26,567
Why can't I go
to the doctor one time
207
00:08:26,633 --> 00:08:27,733
and not get a bombshell
208
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,600
that makes me want to just
rip all my hair out?
209
00:08:29,667 --> 00:08:31,567
Every time I see a happy
pregnant woman on the street,
210
00:08:31,633 --> 00:08:32,700
I want to punch her.
211
00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:35,933
I know.
212
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:37,933
And I'm so sorry.
213
00:08:38,067 --> 00:08:39,800
And I don't expect this
214
00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:41,333
to make you
feel better right now,
215
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:45,067
but the fucking math of it
all is still in our favor,
216
00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:48,500
even if it's worse math
than most people get.
217
00:08:48,567 --> 00:08:49,733
I don't know.
218
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:51,467
Maths.
219
00:08:51,533 --> 00:08:52,700
Maths.
220
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:54,867
Fuck maths.
221
00:08:54,933 --> 00:08:56,333
Fuck each math.
222
00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:00,133
My uncle Kenny
has Down syndrome,
223
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,100
and he's a cool guy.
224
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,533
- Your uncle Kenny?
- Yeah.
225
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,500
He showed me my first
picture of a boob.
226
00:09:05,567 --> 00:09:07,733
It was in a breast health
pamphlet or something.
227
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,233
Well, I'm sure
your uncle Kenny
228
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,933
was great fun to hang out with
when you were little,
229
00:09:11,067 --> 00:09:12,433
but do you hang out
with him now?
230
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,667
Because somebody has to.
They need more help forever.
231
00:09:14,733 --> 00:09:15,867
Are you ready for that?
232
00:09:15,933 --> 00:09:17,667
Well, no.
I haven't seen him in--
233
00:09:17,733 --> 00:09:19,333
But that's not the point.
The point is--
234
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,100
I don't know if I'm
a good enough person
235
00:09:21,167 --> 00:09:22,733
to be able to look
after a disabled child.
236
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,067
Neither am I.
237
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,233
A friend of mine's brother
238
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:26,600
had Down syndrome,
239
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,200
and his parents were still
looking after him
240
00:09:28,267 --> 00:09:29,700
when they were in their 70s.
241
00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:31,767
And then the dad died,
and it was just the mum left.
242
00:09:31,833 --> 00:09:34,100
I used to see them
in the supermarket,
243
00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:37,933
and she never once
looked anything but old
244
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:40,433
and really, really tired.
245
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:44,200
Well, who fucking
whistles their way
around a supermarket?
246
00:09:44,267 --> 00:09:46,633
You know, maybe they went
home and smoked a joint
247
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,467
and watched Judge Judy,
and had a great time.
248
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:54,533
[man on TV speaking]
249
00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:57,367
What do you want to do?
250
00:09:57,433 --> 00:10:00,267
Do you mind if we don't
talk about it anymore?
251
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:03,533
Chris:
It's not going to happen.
252
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,700
- Rob: But if it did--
- It's not.
253
00:10:05,767 --> 00:10:07,900
Put it this way:
imagine you've got
254
00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:09,967
a 1 in 100 chance
of winning the lottery.
255
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:11,133
It's 1 in 50.
256
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,633
Fine. 1 in 50 chance
257
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,767
of winning the lottery
if you buy a ticket tomorrow.
258
00:10:14,833 --> 00:10:16,000
Feeling good
about your chances?
259
00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:17,333
- No, but--
- There you go.
260
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:18,900
If you're not
going to win that,
261
00:10:18,967 --> 00:10:20,233
why would you win this one?
262
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,200
- That's a good point.
- Side point,
263
00:10:22,267 --> 00:10:24,067
the lottery is for
mouth-breathing idiots
264
00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:25,700
and should be illegal.
265
00:10:25,767 --> 00:10:28,933
My cunt dad pissed away
every paycheck at Ladbrokes
266
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,200
till the day he shot
himself in our barn.
267
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,067
Fuck, that is good cake.
268
00:10:37,133 --> 00:10:39,333
Ohh. By the way,
269
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,933
Fran thinks
I'm having an affair.
270
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,067
She found the receipts
from all our din-dins
271
00:10:43,133 --> 00:10:44,467
and jumped to conclusions,
272
00:10:44,533 --> 00:10:46,000
so I had to tell her
I'd been out with you.
273
00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:47,567
- What?
- It's all right.
274
00:10:47,633 --> 00:10:50,067
She wants to meet with you
and sort it out.
275
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:52,700
Why? No, I'm sorry.
276
00:10:52,767 --> 00:10:54,767
This is not a good time
277
00:10:54,833 --> 00:10:56,167
Don't be a bastard.
278
00:10:56,233 --> 00:10:57,800
Life goes on.
279
00:10:57,867 --> 00:11:01,067
So man up and talk
to my wife for me.
280
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:06,667
"Spleeny"?
281
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:09,400
That's not a word.
282
00:11:09,467 --> 00:11:10,500
Yeah, it is.
283
00:11:10,567 --> 00:11:11,800
It is a word.
284
00:11:11,867 --> 00:11:13,500
- Spleeny?
- Yeah, spleeny.
285
00:11:13,567 --> 00:11:17,467
Like, if I walk into a room
with a pile of human spleens.
286
00:11:17,533 --> 00:11:20,300
Yeah. You'd say, "It smells
a bit spleeny in here."
287
00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:22,533
What? No. We said we
weren't looking things up.
288
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,367
- Rob, don't-- Ohh.
- [phone rings]
289
00:11:27,733 --> 00:11:29,700
Who's calling you?
290
00:11:29,767 --> 00:11:30,700
Who's calling me?
291
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:31,833
Yeah.
292
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,733
Uh... Oh. Chris.
293
00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:39,300
Fran found out Chris
and I were dating,
294
00:11:39,367 --> 00:11:41,167
and he wants me
to go and talk to her.
295
00:11:41,233 --> 00:11:43,067
You bellend.
296
00:11:44,233 --> 00:11:45,700
Spleeny works.
297
00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:47,100
That's-- You win.
298
00:11:47,167 --> 00:11:49,433
Yes! Bananas!
299
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,433
[bell rings]
300
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:51,667
So I think when you consider
301
00:11:51,733 --> 00:11:54,333
everything that happened
in the 14th century,
302
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,067
complaining about
whether you can find
303
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:59,400
a socket for your
iPad charger, Kiki,
304
00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:00,933
when you're on holiday
with your parents--
305
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,200
[phone buzzes]
306
00:12:02,267 --> 00:12:06,067
All right, turn
to page 46, chapter 8.
307
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,633
Just read from there.
308
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,633
- Hello.
- Hello. Is that Ms. Morris?
309
00:12:09,700 --> 00:12:11,533
- Yep, it is.
- Oh, great.
310
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,367
I thought I'd got
the wrong number there.
311
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:14,733
I'm calling
because Dr. Harris
312
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,233
did some tests
with you the other day.
313
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,567
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
314
00:12:17,633 --> 00:12:19,333
There was an error
in the results.
315
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,267
It turns out the chances
of chromosomal abnormality
316
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:23,067
aren't 1 in 50,
as you were told.
317
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:25,167
- Oh. Well--
- Mm.
318
00:12:25,233 --> 00:12:26,667
Well, that's--
I mean, is that--
319
00:12:26,733 --> 00:12:28,900
It's actually closer
to about 1 in 25.
320
00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:30,333
Sorry about that.
321
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:31,700
I'm not sure
what happened there.
322
00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:33,667
The doctor
suggested you pop in
323
00:12:33,733 --> 00:12:35,600
and chat about the option
of amniocentesis.
324
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,667
He can recommend
an expert in the field.
325
00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:40,067
Let us know, okay?
Sorry again.
326
00:12:40,067 --> 00:12:41,700
- Bye, now.
- Bye, now.
327
00:12:54,533 --> 00:12:56,133
Oh, shit. Sorry.
328
00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:03,667
It's okay.
I've just been sick.
329
00:13:03,733 --> 00:13:05,333
Just excuse me.
330
00:13:09,767 --> 00:13:11,300
Is she drunk?
331
00:13:11,367 --> 00:13:13,367
She was drunk at the Christmas
concert last year.
332
00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:14,833
[laughter]
333
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:16,367
Ahem.
334
00:13:16,433 --> 00:13:18,600
Mr. Norris isn't joining us?
335
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:19,967
No.
336
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:21,867
Now, it takes a week
to get the test results.
337
00:13:21,933 --> 00:13:24,233
You also have to know that
the risk of miscarriage
338
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:27,467
just from getting
the test done does exist.
339
00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:31,233
Ms. Morris?
340
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,900
Sorry. I was just, um,
341
00:13:33,967 --> 00:13:35,567
I was just trying to work out
342
00:13:35,633 --> 00:13:38,267
how I mentally cope
with the nightmare scenario
343
00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:42,767
of having a needle stuck in
my belly into my baby's neck,
344
00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:45,067
risking miscarriage.
345
00:13:45,133 --> 00:13:47,067
I don't--
346
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:50,133
I mean, can you say
something to help?
347
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,733
You will have
a much clearer picture
348
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:53,967
of your prospects
349
00:13:54,067 --> 00:13:55,400
with the amnio.
350
00:13:57,367 --> 00:13:58,667
Great.
351
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,100
Thanks.
352
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,833
Um...
353
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:08,067
so I mean,
was there anything else?
354
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,533
Is Mummy here?
355
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,067
Mummy?
356
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:16,400
Jesus, get in here.
You're a mess.
357
00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:21,633
Was Dad okay after we left?
358
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:23,400
Ah, he'll warm to it.
359
00:14:23,467 --> 00:14:25,733
His heart did go out of
rhythm, though, afterwards.
360
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,833
He had to take one
of his pills and lie down.
361
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:28,900
Oh, please.
362
00:14:28,967 --> 00:14:30,633
His heart went out of rhythm
363
00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:32,133
because his only daughter
is getting married?
364
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,833
- And pregnant.
- Yeah, with a baby,
365
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:35,567
not a wombat.
366
00:14:35,633 --> 00:14:36,800
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
367
00:14:36,867 --> 00:14:38,967
Where have you come from?
368
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,533
I was at the doctor.
369
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:41,767
Why?
370
00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:43,300
Well, because
I'm pregnant.
371
00:14:43,367 --> 00:14:45,267
You know,
you go to the doctor
when you're pregnant
372
00:14:45,333 --> 00:14:46,867
so they can tell you
if everything's okay,
373
00:14:46,933 --> 00:14:48,367
you know,
if there's any issues.
374
00:14:48,433 --> 00:14:51,067
You couldn't find out any
of that stuff in my day.
375
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:52,733
In my day
you had two choices:
376
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,067
you either liked what you had,
or you didn't like it
377
00:14:55,067 --> 00:14:56,500
and you buried it
behind the old oak tree.
378
00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:58,700
- God forgive me.
- Mum!
379
00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,533
Oh, God, no.
I didn't.
380
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:05,433
Just-- Well,
that's the way it was.
381
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:08,933
But everything's all right,
though, with you and the baby?
382
00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:12,667
Oh, no! You knock-kneed
fuckin' idiot!
383
00:15:12,733 --> 00:15:14,900
Des! Mind your heart!
384
00:15:14,967 --> 00:15:16,567
Yes, yes.
385
00:15:16,633 --> 00:15:18,067
Couldn't be better.
386
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,400
Ah, that's great.
387
00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,067
Rob: First,
388
00:15:23,133 --> 00:15:26,967
I want to really,
unreservedly apologize
389
00:15:27,067 --> 00:15:28,967
for the way I behaved
when we came to dinner.
390
00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:30,800
That's okay.
391
00:15:30,867 --> 00:15:34,233
I probably shouldn't have
got quite so riled up.
392
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,733
Well, maybe a little bit
when you were shouting
393
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,667
about shoving blueberries
up arseholes.
394
00:15:38,733 --> 00:15:41,500
Was it blueberries?
I thought I said walnuts.
395
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:43,367
Well, that's neither
here nor there.
396
00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:45,167
No, no, I--
397
00:15:45,233 --> 00:15:46,600
So how's Jeffrey?
398
00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:48,067
Jeffrey's great.
399
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:49,933
He's about to make
his West End debut
400
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,867
with Alan Rickman.
Lovely man.
401
00:15:51,933 --> 00:15:53,433
Do you know,
he's nearly 70.
402
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:56,600
Still very muscular,
though.
403
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,600
Anyway, Rob,
404
00:15:58,667 --> 00:15:59,767
I'm sure you're aware
405
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:02,200
that Chris and I
have had our little...
406
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:04,633
internal disagreements.
407
00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:05,900
He's a very tricky man.
408
00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:07,600
- Yeah, but he's--
- Very tricky.
409
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,433
Mm-hmm.
410
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,100
And he shouldn't have
kept you for his secret.
411
00:16:12,167 --> 00:16:15,267
because that makes me
look like I'm...
412
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:17,500
like...
413
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:20,067
It's really hard
being married.
414
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,900
Sometimes
I just want to scream.
415
00:16:22,967 --> 00:16:24,233
Maybe you should.
416
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:26,300
I mean,
kids scream all the time,
417
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:28,433
and then they're happy
the rest of the time.
418
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,600
And adults,
419
00:16:29,667 --> 00:16:32,067
we try to just keep
everything stuffed in a box
420
00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:35,067
that explodes every once
in a while and hurts people.
421
00:16:35,067 --> 00:16:36,333
Yeah.
422
00:16:38,233 --> 00:16:39,733
Well, Mister.
423
00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,067
I really miss Sharon.
424
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:45,200
And you're not so bad
yourself.
425
00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:50,600
We'd love to give it
another go with you guys.
426
00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:53,333
Well, we could
get together and scream,
427
00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:54,867
just not at each other
this time.
428
00:16:54,933 --> 00:16:56,067
Funny.
429
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,567
You're funny.
430
00:16:57,633 --> 00:17:00,667
Oh, Rob.
431
00:17:08,367 --> 00:17:11,167
Mm. Mm!
432
00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:13,133
This is-- No, we-- Chris.
433
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,433
- What--
- I was just--
434
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:16,533
I'm sorry.
435
00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:41,633
- Hey.
- Hi.
436
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,067
- There's something--
- I've been to the doctor
437
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,800
without telling you
438
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:50,267
because, um, they rang
439
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:53,067
and said that chances are
higher than they thought.
440
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:54,267
Sorry.
441
00:17:54,333 --> 00:17:56,533
And sorry I haven't been
talking to you.
442
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,700
That's okay.
443
00:17:57,767 --> 00:17:59,067
It's because I can't.
444
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,333
I mean there's parts
of my heart and my brain
445
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,967
that I can't even
visit right now.
446
00:18:04,067 --> 00:18:07,067
But I want to know.
447
00:18:07,133 --> 00:18:08,933
I mean,
I don't know what I'll--
448
00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:10,933
what we will do
when we find out
449
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:12,767
because I can't even--
450
00:18:12,833 --> 00:18:15,567
All I know is I need to know.
451
00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:20,167
At least
we can see him quickly,
452
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,667
since there's, like, eight
people in the country
453
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:23,800
- who can afford him.
- They say he's the best.
454
00:18:23,867 --> 00:18:26,200
He says he's the best.
So arrogant.
455
00:18:26,267 --> 00:18:27,933
He looks like Elton John
on his website.
456
00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:30,967
Or like
if Elton John had a baby
and Kanye West raised it.
457
00:18:31,067 --> 00:18:34,400
He's the Kanye West
of Amniocentesis.
458
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,267
Are you okay?
459
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,267
What a smug fucker.
460
00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:44,633
Smugger than a doctor
and an architect combined.
461
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:48,300
Can't believe he referred
to himself as "Magic Fingers."
462
00:18:48,367 --> 00:18:50,133
I want to be like that.
463
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,133
I want to be
a confident clown.
464
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,433
God, he smelled good,
too, didn't he?
465
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,533
Oh, yeah.
466
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:56,567
What was that?
467
00:18:56,633 --> 00:18:58,900
That fucking needle,
though.
468
00:18:58,967 --> 00:19:00,833
Sorry I sent you
out of the room.
469
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:03,167
I would've let you stay
if you weren't audibly crying,
470
00:19:03,233 --> 00:19:05,467
you know, if there hadn't
been a noise component.
471
00:19:05,533 --> 00:19:07,567
I cannot believe
it didn't hurt.
472
00:19:07,633 --> 00:19:09,233
It didn't.
473
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,267
I'll see that needle
in my nightmares
474
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:13,300
until the day I die,
but it didn't hurt.
475
00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:15,400
You're going to be
a champ giving birth.
476
00:19:15,467 --> 00:19:17,400
You'll just yawn,
and it'll fall right out.
477
00:19:17,467 --> 00:19:19,167
Because of my roomy vagina?
478
00:19:19,233 --> 00:19:21,500
Hey, I mean, it's like
a cozy little room,
479
00:19:21,567 --> 00:19:24,733
like a laundry room,
not like a meeting hall.
480
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,367
- Hi.
- Hey.
481
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:30,600
How are you?
482
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,467
Come in. Come in.
483
00:19:33,567 --> 00:19:34,667
Is Rob home?
484
00:19:34,733 --> 00:19:37,067
No. No, don't worry.
I know all about it.
485
00:19:37,067 --> 00:19:41,567
Oh. Okay.
486
00:19:41,633 --> 00:19:42,933
What did he say?
487
00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:44,267
Just that he was sorry
488
00:19:44,333 --> 00:19:45,967
and, you know,
it must seem weird.
489
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:47,433
Silly.
490
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:48,900
I'm just glad
it's all out in the open.
491
00:19:48,967 --> 00:19:49,900
Oh.
492
00:19:49,967 --> 00:19:52,133
You're very kind.
493
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,167
It was just one kiss.
494
00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:56,300
Sorry. What?
495
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:59,200
I think Rob and I both
regret what happened.
496
00:20:02,167 --> 00:20:04,033
Rob and I kissed.
497
00:20:05,167 --> 00:20:06,567
It was just
a moment's nothing.
498
00:20:06,633 --> 00:20:09,800
It was just--
499
00:20:09,867 --> 00:20:12,033
I'm very sorry.
500
00:20:13,367 --> 00:20:15,133
Ohh.
501
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,033
[door closes]
502
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:20,500
I had a visitor today.
503
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:21,767
Really?
504
00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:23,033
Yeah, really.
505
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,867
Fran came to see me.
506
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:26,133
Oh, well--
507
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,400
Did you sleep with Fran?
508
00:20:27,467 --> 00:20:29,567
Oh, my God, no.
509
00:20:29,633 --> 00:20:30,967
Is that what you--
510
00:20:31,033 --> 00:20:33,400
No, no, no, no, no, no.
She kissed me.
511
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:35,433
She practically
ate a piece of my gum.
512
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:36,833
The reason that I
didn't say anything
513
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:39,367
is because I didn't
want to embarrass her.
514
00:20:39,433 --> 00:20:40,900
You gotta believe me.
515
00:20:40,967 --> 00:20:42,433
I don't know
what to believe, Rob.
516
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:45,367
This has totally backfired.
I was only trying to--
517
00:20:46,933 --> 00:20:48,600
Of course I believe you.
518
00:20:48,667 --> 00:20:50,733
You son of a bitch!
519
00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:53,433
Your face.
520
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:54,867
Oh,
you're on your knees.
521
00:20:54,933 --> 00:20:57,067
Oh, that's so good.
522
00:20:58,767 --> 00:21:00,700
I might have got a bit
carried away, though.
523
00:21:00,767 --> 00:21:03,533
I asked them to be godparents.
524
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,100
At least they've got
money if we die.
525
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:15,533
[horror movie music ringtone]
526
00:21:21,867 --> 00:21:23,733
Hello.
527
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,067
Yeah.
528
00:21:29,933 --> 00:21:31,233
Okay. Yeah.
529
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:32,700
Thank you very much.
530
00:21:47,133 --> 00:21:48,900
You okay, Miss?
531
00:21:48,967 --> 00:21:50,200
Yeah, I'm great.
532
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:51,900
You can't lie there.
533
00:21:51,967 --> 00:21:54,700
I'm just waiting
for my fiancé.
534
00:21:55,833 --> 00:21:57,800
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
535
00:22:01,767 --> 00:22:04,367
Uh, the hospital just called.
536
00:22:06,767 --> 00:22:09,200
So it's all okay.
537
00:22:22,233 --> 00:22:23,433
I'll see you
in a few months.
538
00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:25,133
All right, love.
539
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,333
Now don't forget to eat.
540
00:22:28,267 --> 00:22:29,733
- Bye, Dad.
- Goodbye, dear.
541
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:31,700
- Listen, just--
- Oh, no, don't be silly.
542
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,067
No, no, no. For the baby.
543
00:22:34,933 --> 00:22:36,067
Bye.
544
00:22:43,933 --> 00:22:45,667
For fuck's sake.
545
00:23:03,500 --> 00:23:04,433
Sorry.
546
00:23:06,067 --> 00:23:08,267
She's gorgeous.
547
00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:10,733
She is, isn't she?
548
00:23:26,333 --> 00:23:28,967
Donovan:
*Ah, but I may as well *
549
00:23:29,067 --> 00:23:32,700
* Try and catch the wind *
550
00:23:34,767 --> 00:23:39,300
*When rain has hung
the leaves with tears *
551
00:23:39,367 --> 00:23:41,333
* I want you near *
552
00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,467
*To kill my fears *
553
00:23:43,533 --> 00:23:49,800
* To help me to leave
all my blues behind *
554
00:23:51,467 --> 00:23:55,133
*For standing in your heart *
555
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,100
* Is where I want to be... *
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