All language subtitles for Baskets s04e05_English

MRS. BASKETS:
So, because I am

going to Denver
with my fiancé Ken,

who's having some
carpet issues right now,

I'd like to take
this opportunity to make

a transfer of power...

from me, Christine Baskets,

to... my Chippy

as the new CEO

-of Baskets Rodeo.
-Hoo, hoo, hoo!

-Thanks, everybody.
-But don't worry.

Because I've installed

all these cameras so that

I can keep an eye
on things from Denver.

How about that Internet,
isn't it crazy?

I've ordered a neti pot
that's gonna be

at my house when I get home.
(laughs)

So crazy. Oh, and...

guess what? I got you

-some business cards.
-Oh, look at that.

-MRS. BASKETS: Yes.
-CHIP: Why does it have
a wrench on it?

Because you're a hard worker.

Speech. Let's hear
some applause.

Speech! Speech!

-Words of wisdom!
-Hoo, ho, ho!

CHIP:
Thanks, Mom. Okay.
Uh, I'd like to thank,

uh, first and foremost,
I'd like to thank my mother,

-um, who...
-MRS. BASKETS: I've got
to go, honey.

I'm going to the airport,
but keep it going.

Listen to him,
he's got words to say.

EDDIE:
Okay, everybody back to work.

I had more of a speech.
Do you guys want to hear it?

-No, I don't. Do you?
-Nah, I'm good.

-No.
-Fair enough.

-(birds chirping)
-CHIP: Okay.

"You Alive" youth conference.

Where are my notes on tha--
Okay, yeah. So you guys

just want to rent the arena
for just the one evening,

-correct?
-Yes. Yes.

And, uh, you're gonna
do a talent show?

-That's right.
-In the arena?

Y-You have to see it.
It's amazing.

I mean, these-- Some of these
kids are so talented.

Some of them are... are awful.

But-but most of them
are really, really good.

Okay, great.
I just need you to sign...

some insurance...

waivers, they're just
standard...

insurance waivers.

-"Accidents"?
-Yeah. Well, you know,

if there's any...
paraphernalia that...

someone gets hit by,
like, a crucifix, or...

you know, maybe
a Bible fight breaks out.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Absolutely.

-Um, here's my business card.
-Uh-huh.

In case you need me.

It has my phone number,
even with the area code.

Hey, you seem to be
really taking kind of

a leadership role with this.

Well, I'm a CEO now. Uh...

-(Daniel chuckles)
-Chief...

-E-- Chief E.O.
-You know, Chip,

I-I'm very,
very excited for you.

-I'm very impressed. (chuckles)
-Well...

that means a lot...
coming from you, Reverend.

-Thank you so much.
So I guess, uh, done deal.
-Okay.

-Thank you so much.
-Okay, all right.

-And let me know
if you ever need a CEO...
-I will.

-...at the church. Great.
-Yeah, yeah.

-Wonderful. (groans)
-Mm-hmm. Oh...

-(chair clatters)
-Got it. Shit!

(items clattering)

-Had a number two pencil...
-Oh.

-Yeah, um...
-There it is.

That's actually mine...
I-it's okay. It's okay.

Yeah, abso-- whoa.

Monica?

CHRISTINE:
They just leave the door open?

Well, you can do that in
this neighborhood. Monica?

-Well, hello. Look at you!
-Oh, Monica!

-Oh...
-How are you?

...it's so nice to see you.

Nice-- oh, and hi, hi, Dad.

-Hello.
-Aw.

-Oh, good to see you, too.
-You, too.

-I wish it was under
better circumstances.
-Well,

I think, for the moment, we have
everything under control.

Then we'll just hear more
about it in the morning, so...

(inhales sharply)
...in the meantime,

-let me grab your bags.
-Okay.

'Cause I have the room
all set up.

-Oh, how lovely.
-Yeah.

Well, since we don't have
a carpet emergency

until tomorrow,

why don't you put on
something nice, honey?

What's up? Why?

It's a surprise.

Oh!

Ken!

(thudding)

Hello?

(thudding continues)

Okay, well, um...

Hello?

(boys laughing, chatting)

Hey!

-Go. Go. Go.
-Hey, how did you kids

-get in here?
-Shut up,

-old man.
-Excuse me?!

I'm not an old man.

-(boys laugh)
-Hey, guys, stop. Stop, stop,

stop. Hold on.

Listen, I'm cool.

I'm not that old. You know?

I'm in my mid-to-very-late 40s,
and, uh...

But I was once your age.

So-so I get it.

I can relate.

School sucks.

It does.

Mom's always yelling at you.

"Turn that Sheryl Crow music
down!" Right?

But I've improved myself.

I've picked myself up
by the bootstraps.

I've been listening to these...
these self-help tapes,

and I'd love
to sit you fellas down

and maybe, you know, talk to you

about why you're
acting out and...

-You're dumb.
-(boys laugh)

Let's go.

Hey, nice tie.

Hey. Uh, hey, guys?

Hey, guys?

Just think about what I said!

(country song playing)

Hey, Carpet King.

-Hey, how are you, sir?
-Good.

-Fine. Good to see you.
-Good to see you.

Howdy, ma'am.

-Who's that, the mayor?
-Oh, I don't know.

People just recognize me
from the commercials.

Been doing them
for so many years.

-Oh, so good.
-Mmm.

-Enjoying it?
-I love it.

-The music. The food.
-Mmm. Mmm.

I can't believe
you ordered snake.

-It's a rattler.
-Mmm.

(chuckles) Have you tried

the-the buffalo? It's tasty.

WOMAN:
Oh, my God.

-Oh.
-Ken, is that you?

-Donna,
it is so good to see you.
-Oh! (chuckles)

KEN:
Oh, my goodness, me.

-DONNA:
Does this mean you're back?
-Oh, no.

No, no,
I'm just in town for a bit

to help the girls. Carpet stuff.

Damn. Thought we got you back.

-(Ken chuckles)
-Denver's just not the same

-without its carpet king.
-Aw. Oh, Christine.

This is my dear friend, Donna.

-Hi, Donna.
-This is her place.

-Oh, I love it.
-Oh, thank you.

-Oh, my goodness. It's so...
-Thank you very much.

You have any boar?

(Ken and Donna laugh)

I've known Ken since the '70s.

-KEN: Mm-hmm. Oh!
-Wow.

Christine
is my beautiful bride-to-be.

-MRS. BASKETS: Oh.
-DONNA: Are you kidding?

Well, that's amazing!

(chuckles): I never thought
anybody would get him.

But you did it, finally.

I guess you could say
I bagged him, Donna.

(laughter)

-Dinner's on us.
-Oh, Donna.

I'm gonna send over
a bottle of champagne.

Oh, how kind.

(clears throat)
Well, Miss Baskets,

may I have this dance?

Bells toll at free home

And time
a-runnin' around...

I feel like I'm in some sort
of a fairy tale.

Maybe you are.

Be in that town...

Let me see these.

These beans are eight years old.

I have given you and your dad

a lot of Internet. Tell your dad

not one more megabyte
of Internet

if he keeps bringing me
expired beans.

My Lord.

-(keys clacking)
-Dear diary,

had another encounter
with the bean boy.

Oh, well, look who it is!

The mascot
from the Men's Wearhouse.

Well, I'm running the rodeo
without Mom now.

(exhales) You?

(sighs) I mean, if Mom wanted
to destroy the rodeo,

she could've at least burned
it down for the insurance money.

-Yeah.
-That makes sense.

Hey, Dale, you have
a lot of stuff here.

Do you have any barbed wire,
chains, or locks

that I could borrow?

I have a lot of stuff here,
yeah. Why?

Well, Reverend Kwon
has rented the rodeo

for a youth conference
for one night,

and they're having
a talent show,

and I just wanted
to beef up security.

Why? Was there an incident?

No.

Are you sure?
'Cause it sounds like

-there was a incident.
-Well, okay,

some skater kids
broke in last night

and they were
just messing around.

Skater kids?

-Damn this youth culture.
-Yeah,

-it's not a big deal, though.
-Yeah, it is a big deal.

I know this Bakersfield trash
and all they want to do

is take away the fun
from these good Christian kids.

Yeah, I just wanted
to secure the gates

-a little bit more, that's all.
-I'll tell you what.

You're not very
competent, right?

I think everybody
can agree on that.

I'm gonna help you
with these twerps.

-No, I-I don't,
I don't need your help.
-Listen.

I think I can help you, I mean,
I'm trying to shift my life

a little bit, but I-I can't let
the family business

just be this vulnerable.

All right?

And you're dealing
with wild teenagers,

so you're gonna need a wild man
to deal with them.

And I'll throw in the chains
and the barbed wire

and the locks for free. Okay?

Deal?

-Okay.
-Okeydokey.

See you at the rodeo.

(whispering):
I'm looking forward to it.

Okay, where was I?

Oh, beans.

Does anybody have any white-out?

MAN:
Yeah! White power!

No, I said white-out,
not white power.

DALE:
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Watch out for
the booby trap, please.

-What? What is all this?
-It's a booby trap.

So what I have is
a trip line there

and it's going right up to that
pulley, that pulley takes it

to that pulley,
and the rope goes all the way

to this box, and if you hit
the trip wire there,

this cinder will come and
smack you right in the face.

-(chuckles)
-Dale, we're gonna
catch them okay?

We're not gonna kill them.

Then why'd I bring all my guns?

I mean, this is
a "stand your ground" situation.

Because we just want
to teach them a lesson.

Teach them a lesson?
Chip, you are naive.

The only lesson that
these kids understand

is a cinderblock to the face.

(Dale chuckles)

Okay, I'll see you around, Dale.
Have a good one.

(chuckles) Well, that would've
hurt, wouldn't it have?

Yeah, that would've killed me.

What? Dale?

Oh, God!

Oh, those two.

-Well, we're here.
-Oh!

-Oh, my God, you're a giant.
-(Ken chuckles)

Is that even legal?

We're not talking
total recall here?

No, no, no.
We're a long way from recall.

Yeah. Don't even say recall,
don't even speak that word.

I'll be just a minute, honey.

("Making Eyes" by David Lawrence
& Robert Chaney playing)

(sighs)

(grunts) Berber.

Private? Hmm.

(knocks on door)

KEN:
Christine?

-Ken?
-Ah.

-I'm snooping.
-There you are.

-(both laugh)
-Oh, what's all this?

Well, when I first
got into the business,

I kind of held back

some of the high-end stuff
for myself.

This is genuine Moroccan Alpaca.

I got it at Salt Lake
at an auction in the '90s.

Auction? Kenny,
you at an auction? Oh, my God.

Well, I mean,
there is an art to it.

Yeah, the, uh, the home
and business carpeting,

that's my bread and butter,
but this?

Oh, this is my passion.
That's why it's gonna be

-so hard to turn it loose.
-Huh.

You know, I don't think
the girls are gonna be able

to join us for lunch.
They have so much to do here,

but we better get going.
Gloria is probably almost there.

Gloria? Your ex-wife?

Oh, Christine, yeah,
I forgot to tell you.

She heard we were in town and
she really wanted to meet you.

So we better get going if
we're gonna get there by 1:00.

-I'll meet you out front.
-Okay.

The right purchase order...?

DALE:
I've been staking the place
for about an hour

and I can't find your
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turds.

-Where are the teenagers?
-Dale, I don't know. I mean,

for all I know they-they--
I scared them off last night.

Now leave me alone.
I've got some work to do

for the Youth Conference
tomorrow.

Chip, when are you gonna
take this stuff seriously?

I mean, there's been
a breach, I think, here,

-and it's important that...
-(metallic clang)

What was that?

Let me check
the security camera.

You have surveillance on there?

Oh, look at this.

(chuckling): Oh, yeah,
right where I want 'em.

Let's go get 'em.

-(spray painting)
-(chuckling): Yeah.

I mean, what bothers me about it
it's in broad daylight.

These Bakersfield kids
have no couth. None.

-(boys laughing)
-BOY: You like that?

-Okay, what's the plan?
-The plan is, you wouldn't

let me bring my gun,
so I had to go to the hen house

-to get some weaponry.
Move. Move!
-Dale!

Hey! How do you like
your eggs, boys? Huh?

-Whoa! We got to go.
-How do you like your eggs?

-You better run,
you street urchins! Run!
-Dale!

-(chuckling): Oh, yeah!
-They're kids, Dale.

I'll strike you
and your parents!

(chuckles):
Oh!

What are you gonna do now, son?

Huh? You want to dance,
do you?

-Do you want to dance? Huh?
-Dale.

-Dale, put the eggs down.
-Yeah. Oh.

Not now, Chip.

Whoa, there's two of 'em?

-(chuckles): Oh. Oh.
-Dale.

-Come on, let's go!
-(boys shouting)

-Move, Chip!
-(groans)

-You better run!
You pieces of shit!
-Go, go, go, go! Go! Run!

(shouting indistinctly)

(quietly):
Booby trap was a bust.

(sighs)

Well, you were no help, Chip!

That's for sure.

That's how it's done, son.

Right there.

-You okay?
-Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, Dale, I'm fine.

Well, this is war.

-(laughing)
-(laughs) And that's when

you used to drag us
every year on those ski trips.

-(laughs)
-Oh, Monica and Ivy loved it.

Are you kidding?

They used to spend
the entire day

with me in the lodge
while he was out skiing.

He's a great skier.
Did he tell you that?

-(exhales)
-No.

I'll be back. Restroom.

You still do that.

He can't stand compliments.

-Mm.
-(chuckles)

(sighs)

So, um...

(clears throat)
How-how is...

the house coming along?

The house is fine.

You know,
you can ask me anything.

I know you set
this little rendezvous up.

-What-what do you mean?
-I mean...

Well, he's gone to urinate.

Now you can ask me anything
you want

about myself or why I'm here

or how I swooped in
and took your... place.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Christine, I'm-I'm sure
Ken forgot to tell you

that we were having lunch today.

(scoffs)
That's just like Ken.

I-I'm so sorry, Christine.

I-I'm sure this must
really be awkward for you.

Well, I thought--
I mean, I-I didn't know

why you'd want to meet me.

Well, I've heard so much
about you.

And I really wanted you to know
that there's absolutely no,

no bad blood at all
between Ken and I.

We just didn't work as a couple.

We work great as friends.

But you?

You guys work great as a couple.

Oh. I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, don't be.

-Don't be.
-Hmm.

I don't know.
Just the other day,

I was in Bakersfield,
and now I'm in Denver.

And I'm with the Carpet King

-and his ex-wife.
-(chuckles)

And the air
is so damn thin here,

-I can hardly think.
-(laughs)

(both chuckle)

To think,
I was gonna spray you

-with my pepper spray.
-(chuckles)

(chuckles) Well, listen,
I'm glad we cleared that up.

Well, I probably would have
ended up spraying myself.

This, this meat could have used
some more pepper.

(both laugh)

-You don't like the place?
-There's no seasoning.

-Well, it's Denver.
-Well, it's Denver.

Listen, I'm...
I'm so glad to meet you.

-You really are lovely.
-Thank you, Gloria.

Anyone he's willing
to leave Denver for

has got to be amazing.

He loves it here.

Thank you.

DANIEL (in distance):
Chip?

Hey, Chip?

Oh, hey!

Yes, oh, hi, Reverend Kwon,
how are you, Father?

Things are great. Listen, um,

are we on track for
the talent show tomorrow night?

Yeah. Everything's on track.

And nobody's gonna disturb
the performances whatsoever.

Okay. Chip?

Big news:
we're livestreaming this.

-Oh, I love a livestream.
-(laughs): Yeah!

Listen, I got to get back there.

There's 2,000 kids
tearing a hole

in an assistant youth pastor
as we speak.

Uh, but, uh, I will see you
tomorrow night, okay?

Okay. Thank you, Dad--
uh, Father.

Looks good. Keep it up!

-Oh, that cobbler.
-Right? Um, you're welcome.

(sighs):
Oh, I'll need that recipe.

-(chuckles)
-Well, I'll-I'll be sure
to fax it to you.

-(laughter)
-CHRISTINE: Hey, girls,

what exactly
is a carpet emergency?

Oh, it's the new stain repellent

on this low-pile
industrial carpeting.

You know how they say
that to get the stain up,

you just need to dab
at the carpet?

-Yeah.
-Well, when you dab this one,

it catches on fire.

-Oh. That's not good.
-Right.

-Mm, no. Mm-mm.
-KEN: Well,
I just got off the phone

-with Hank at the distributors.
-MONICA: Oh, don't even...

-Don't say nothing.
-It looks like it's gonna be

a complete product recall.

-(sighing, groaning)
-IVY: There goes my weekends
for the next two months.

-MONICA: Yeah.
-KEN: Christine, I'm sorry,
but it looks like

we're gonna have to be in Denver
a lot longer than I thought.

Oh. Well, yeah.

MONICA:
Oh, well, you know,

this just means that we get
to have you a little bit longer.

-(chuckles)
-Yeah!

Daddy home.

(spray paint cans rattling)

-Dude, go, go, go, go!
-Dude, come on, man! Let's go!

(skateboard scraping)

Hey, guys? Guys?

Look, I'm sorry
to have to do this,

but you're gonna have
to learn a lesson.

There's something called, you
know, personal responsibility,

-and...
-(laughter)
-All right, bro.

(gate creaks)

Okay, who would
like to get stabbed first?

-Knife!
-Get out of here, ya punks!

CHIP:
Dale, Dale, Dale--
Dale, Dale, Dale, Dale! Stop!

-Just let me stab the children!
-Stop. Guys. Dale.

Dale. Come down, please.

-(panting)
-DALE: You boys circumcised?

Or you got those hippy wieners?

-Huh?
-We're sorry.

We know we shouldn't have
broken in here.

We're just bored. Okay?
There's nothing to do.

Okay, I'm sorry, guys.

You okay?

(sighs)
All right, I have an idea.

Oh, God, what is it?

What the hell is this? Oh, Dale.

Ugh, I don't have time
for this tonight.

-(sighs)
-Sorry we have
to stick around, Christine.

Oh, I understand.

It's okay.

Something's bothering you.

-No.
-I swear, we--

I, I will only be here
one, two weeks, tops.

It's not that.

It's just that...

Is it worth it?

Is what worth it?

Moving to Bakersfield.

You've got your family,

you're the Carpet King,
you practically know everybody.

And this city--
I mean, it's magical.

When I drove from the airport,

it looked we were
coming into Oz.

(chuckles): Yeah, Denver is
really a magical city, isn't it?

I mean, that's, uh,
that's what I'm asking you, Ken.

Is it worth it?

Oh, Christine.

You are worth that and more.

-(sighs)
-Thank you.

I think I saw Dale with a kn...
a knife or... Oh.

Oh, yeah. Never mind.
I don't know.

I don't know what I saw.

(both chuckle)

Oh, the Internet.

(laughter)

-Look at this. Not bad.
-BOYS: Yeah!

Soon, I'll be doing
one of those--

what are they called? Half-pipe?

-(laughter)
-This is a lot of good fun.

I'll get the hang of it.

-Oh... (chuckles)
-Hey.

-What?
-Dale, can I just...

Guys, I just wanted
to say, uh...

it's a pleasure
to know you, and uh,

good luck in your adult lives,
and, uh, growing up to be men.

-DALE: Hear, hear.
-BOYS: Cheers.

DANIEL:
Keenan! Gerran! Esteban! Wha...

What are you doing?

Do you know how many people
are looking for you?

You get back to the hotel
right now!

Right now!
I am calling your mothers!

DALE:
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
(chuckles)

You know those guys?

They're from "You Alive."

The-the conference?

-They're my kids.
-Those are the kids
from "You Alive"?

The-The youth conference thing?

They are 15 years old. 15.

15? Chip, you didn't tell me

-they were 15.
-I-- I-I-I didn't...

I thought one of them looked
old enough to be a doctor.

You guys are partying
with minors.

That is a Class A felony.

Well, they were tagging up
the-the stadium.

-Tagging up your place?
-I mean...

(stammering)
What do you want me-- I mean,

I just I was trying
to compromise with them.

I was trying to show them that,
you know,

-I was willing to work with...
-DANIEL: Chip.

You have to grow up.

You have to--
You have to act your age.

-Okay?
-(stammering) Sorry, I...

You have to get it together.

(Dale laughs)

(blows raspberries)

Thank you, Rev!

"You got to get it together!"

Well, he sounds like a lot
of people in your life.

(chuckles) Doesn't he?

Oh, my God, you just got told
off by an Asian preacher.

I've heard about everything now.

(laughs, sighs)

Dale, I'm sorry for dragging you
into this.

I-I didn't know that...

Oh, don't worry about it,
I'm having a blast.

Really?

That was a bad judgment call
on my end.

I-I-I-I-I don't know what
I was thinking.

Well, you were pretty good with
those kids. You were, you know?

You're coming around, old boy.
(chuckles)

(takes deep breath)
You're a good CEO.

Thank you, Dale.

Hey, can you toss me
another beer?

Yeah. You need another one
of these.

This will take a load off.

(chuckles) You suck.

You should have caught that,
that was right to you.

CHIP:
I'll get it.

You really think I'm a good CEO?

Sure, you're a great CEO.
I mean, I don't know

-what it means, but...
-Thanks, Dale.

D'oh. (grunts)

I can't drive you
to the hospital, Chip.

I'm too wasted.

Hey, Pastor Dan!

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH