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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:03,432 [ominous music] 2 00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,920 Lana: Ugh, I'm tired of being out here. 3 00:00:07,336 --> 00:00:08,555 I wanna go home. 4 00:00:08,650 --> 00:00:11,170 Eww, Earth? In space we can do whatever 5 00:00:11,258 --> 00:00:13,930 the hell we want with basically no responsibilities. 6 00:00:14,018 --> 00:00:16,058 Kind of my point. Maybe I'm ready to start 7 00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:19,225 having a real life instead of being stuck here with your ass. 8 00:00:19,313 --> 00:00:22,141 Shh, my ass might hear you, and it's very sensitive. 9 00:00:22,234 --> 00:00:24,813 - Of course, you know that. - Not engaging. 10 00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:27,181 I'm just saying, maybe it's time to hang this all up and... 11 00:00:27,268 --> 00:00:30,389 Ugh, is this about your aching uterus again? 12 00:00:30,477 --> 00:00:32,123 Okay, who said anything about... 13 00:00:32,211 --> 00:00:34,373 Well, we haven't talked about settling down but... 14 00:00:34,461 --> 00:00:36,039 - Nope. - Key word "settling." 15 00:00:36,127 --> 00:00:37,295 I'm down with going to Earth. 16 00:00:37,383 --> 00:00:39,354 I could use some fresh faces to bang. 17 00:00:39,442 --> 00:00:43,895 And our bar stock is so low, I may have to resort to beer. 18 00:00:43,983 --> 00:00:45,340 Has everyone gone crazy? 19 00:00:45,443 --> 00:00:48,261 We're on the final frontier and you want to go back 20 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:51,174 to doing day jobs and gravity-laden sex? 21 00:00:51,262 --> 00:00:53,362 - Not my first preference. - I vote with Archer. 22 00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:56,044 - Robots don't get a vote. - I prefer "synthetic human." 23 00:00:56,132 --> 00:00:57,177 [overlapping chatter] 24 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,721 No one gets to vote. I'm the captain. 25 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:02,799 Co-captain. And as the other co-captain, 26 00:01:02,887 --> 00:01:04,823 I am setting a course for Earth. 27 00:01:04,911 --> 00:01:09,059 No, Lana, I will not let you hyperspace us to Boring-town. 28 00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:10,872 [grunting] 29 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,732 Lana: [grunts] Archer: What the... ow! 30 00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,010 Pam: Holy spacesnacks! 31 00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,708 Lana: It's a Dri'n battle cruiser. 32 00:01:19,809 --> 00:01:21,792 And somehow it hasn't noticed us. 33 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:23,344 No, we're too close 34 00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,128 for its long-range scanners to pick us up. 35 00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,088 Great, let's just loop around this bad boy 36 00:01:27,176 --> 00:01:29,292 and hyperspace somewhere that is not Earth. 37 00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,729 If we can destroy it, we will 38 00:01:30,817 --> 00:01:32,794 cripple pirate activity in this sector. 39 00:01:32,882 --> 00:01:33,971 Who cares? 40 00:01:34,059 --> 00:01:36,571 And collect a 30 million credit bounty 41 00:01:36,659 --> 00:01:39,081 - for taking it out. - As I was saying, 42 00:01:39,169 --> 00:01:43,367 who cares about combatting space piracy more than me? 43 00:01:43,455 --> 00:01:44,619 Exactly. 44 00:01:44,707 --> 00:01:48,330 The very reasonable reward is just icing on the cake. 45 00:01:48,418 --> 00:01:50,477 Guys, as captain of this ship... 46 00:01:50,565 --> 00:01:51,430 Co-captain. 47 00:01:51,518 --> 00:01:53,438 I am making an executive decision. 48 00:01:53,526 --> 00:01:55,516 We're taking out that Dri'n bastard. 49 00:01:55,604 --> 00:01:57,133 Like I already executively decided. 50 00:01:57,221 --> 00:01:59,821 Hands in. "Space cowboys" on three. 51 00:01:59,909 --> 00:02:01,682 One, two... 52 00:02:04,605 --> 00:02:06,694 What the hell are you doing? 53 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:10,843 [main title theme] 54 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:16,120 [♪♪] 55 00:02:38,727 --> 00:02:40,674 *ARCHER (2009)* Season 10 Episode 07 56 00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,399 *ARCHER (2009)* Episode Title :"1999: Space Pirates" 57 00:02:50,195 --> 00:02:51,499 Archer: Okay, here's the plan: 58 00:02:51,587 --> 00:02:53,669 After we board the ship, knock out a couple 59 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,976 of Dri'n guards, and then... You'll love this... 60 00:02:56,064 --> 00:02:58,538 - Put on their clothes... - Not to be a buzzkill, 61 00:02:58,626 --> 00:03:01,186 but you think there'll reallybe a plus-sized pirate on board? 62 00:03:01,274 --> 00:03:04,226 - Ugh, this is a horrible plan. - I'm not finished. 63 00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:06,591 Pam, you'll be our "prisoner." 64 00:03:06,679 --> 00:03:08,435 - Sweet! - Lucky. 65 00:03:08,523 --> 00:03:10,958 - Still a horrible plan. - Let me finish! 66 00:03:11,046 --> 00:03:14,585 We'll infiltrate the ship disguised as Dri'n guards. 67 00:03:15,874 --> 00:03:17,427 That's it. That's the whole plan. 68 00:03:17,515 --> 00:03:18,609 This is not a plan. 69 00:03:18,697 --> 00:03:21,038 This is the plot of several famous films. 70 00:03:21,126 --> 00:03:22,834 Well, why do you think they're famous, Lana? 71 00:03:22,921 --> 00:03:24,786 We'll need Ray to get us some explosives. 72 00:03:24,874 --> 00:03:26,655 He's taking a sick day. 73 00:03:26,742 --> 00:03:27,836 - Of course he is. - We get those? 74 00:03:27,923 --> 00:03:30,146 It's a miracle we don't crash into the sun 75 00:03:30,234 --> 00:03:34,288 with all you Sick Day Cyrils and Personal Day Pams. 76 00:03:34,376 --> 00:03:37,296 It is a pretty generous package if you use it right. 77 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,399 - Space phrasing. - Well, 78 00:03:38,547 --> 00:03:40,005 where am I supposed to get explosives? 79 00:03:40,093 --> 00:03:42,820 "Thermite" be something I can do to help. 80 00:03:43,439 --> 00:03:45,543 Referencing thermite explosives. 81 00:03:45,631 --> 00:03:47,825 [all groan] I did not enjoy that. 82 00:03:47,913 --> 00:03:49,317 Does this thing havean off switch? 83 00:03:49,383 --> 00:03:50,940 Aww, I have feelings. 84 00:03:51,027 --> 00:03:53,114 Volume control? Anything? 85 00:03:53,202 --> 00:03:55,216 Then we'll plant the thermite all over the ship 86 00:03:55,304 --> 00:03:57,528 and hola explosivo. 87 00:03:57,616 --> 00:03:59,957 - I'm confused. - It's Spanish, Pam. 88 00:04:00,045 --> 00:04:02,090 No, how will we get the "Seamus" out of here 89 00:04:02,178 --> 00:04:03,520 without us pinging their scanners? 90 00:04:03,608 --> 00:04:05,184 That's where Cyril and Carol come in. 91 00:04:05,272 --> 00:04:07,942 You two will disable the radar system on board. 92 00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,981 - Whoo-hoo! - Please don't. 93 00:04:10,069 --> 00:04:11,895 I can disable the radar system! 94 00:04:11,983 --> 00:04:14,207 Can you disable yourself? 95 00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,090 Beep, bop, boop. Ya burnt. 96 00:04:16,178 --> 00:04:17,285 Why not Krieger? 97 00:04:17,373 --> 00:04:19,309 I mean, he's qualified even if he is a replicant. 98 00:04:19,397 --> 00:04:20,965 Thank you, Lana, but I like to think 99 00:04:21,053 --> 00:04:22,848 I'm more of a Repli-can. 100 00:04:22,936 --> 00:04:24,668 [all groan] No bots. 101 00:04:24,756 --> 00:04:26,483 Mother, you stay and run comms. 102 00:04:26,571 --> 00:04:27,647 Stay here? 103 00:04:27,735 --> 00:04:30,645 With the liquor? Well, if you insist. 104 00:04:30,733 --> 00:04:33,530 Space cowboys, let's ride! [triumphant music] 105 00:04:33,618 --> 00:04:36,598 Lana: Would you stop trying to make "space cowboys" stick? 106 00:04:36,686 --> 00:04:38,192 It isn't. Fine, Lana. 107 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,082 You stay here and be the world-weary 108 00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:42,512 space saloon/brothel madam. 109 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:43,856 I wanna be a brothel madam! 110 00:04:43,944 --> 00:04:45,270 Ooh, I... I could be the banker 111 00:04:45,358 --> 00:04:46,285 and wear one of those green visors. 112 00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,928 Everybody stop making this stick! 113 00:04:49,092 --> 00:04:51,270 And if anything, I would be co-sheriff. 114 00:04:51,358 --> 00:04:52,309 That's not a thing. 115 00:04:52,397 --> 00:04:53,568 The whole thing's not a thing! 116 00:04:53,633 --> 00:04:55,426 Whoa, space cowboys. 117 00:04:55,514 --> 00:04:57,809 - What is it now, Krieger? - I've got helpful gadgets! 118 00:04:57,897 --> 00:04:59,434 Like these voice changers! 119 00:04:59,522 --> 00:05:01,382 The Dri'n tongue is a beast, you know. 120 00:05:01,470 --> 00:05:04,350 Fine, but honestly, Krieger, this is all a little thirsty. 121 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,059 - Like Lana's ovaries. - Not engaging. 122 00:05:07,147 --> 00:05:09,783 Doesn't someone need to be proposing 123 00:05:09,870 --> 00:05:11,670 before you're engaging? 124 00:05:11,872 --> 00:05:13,215 - Not en... - [laughs] 125 00:05:13,303 --> 00:05:15,484 She totally disarmed your phrase. 126 00:05:15,571 --> 00:05:17,051 So what's our plan when these shitty 127 00:05:17,139 --> 00:05:18,182 voice changers don't work? 128 00:05:18,269 --> 00:05:19,833 - Krieger: I can hear you. - Well, I picked up 129 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,746 some phrases banging a pirate or two. 130 00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:23,756 Here's how to say, "Faster, harder." 131 00:05:23,844 --> 00:05:25,192 Because that'll come in handy. 132 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,322 [ugly guttural sounds] 133 00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:30,586 Now you try it. [all grunting] 134 00:05:30,858 --> 00:05:34,145 No, it's more like... You know the sound you make 135 00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,754 after letting out a fart you've been holding in all day? 136 00:05:36,842 --> 00:05:38,637 Oh, please. You've never held in a fart 137 00:05:38,725 --> 00:05:40,959 - in your life. - Tough but fair. 138 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,043 Lana: Like now, Pam. Now would have been 139 00:05:44,131 --> 00:05:45,161 a great time to hold it in. 140 00:05:45,248 --> 00:05:48,631 Pam: [grunting in Dri'n] 141 00:05:48,764 --> 00:05:51,699 Archer: [laughs] I have... I have no idea 142 00:05:51,787 --> 00:05:53,935 what she said, but it just sounds funny. 143 00:05:54,023 --> 00:05:55,035 [metal crashing] 144 00:05:55,123 --> 00:05:56,777 Lana: Jesus, Cyril, watch the landing. 145 00:05:56,865 --> 00:05:58,284 You gotta slide it in there gently. 146 00:05:58,372 --> 00:05:59,902 Pam: [grunting] 147 00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:01,254 [muffled bang] 148 00:06:01,342 --> 00:06:02,957 You are a terrible pilot. 149 00:06:03,045 --> 00:06:05,387 You put me on a job that's not my specialty. 150 00:06:05,475 --> 00:06:07,780 - That's bad captaining. - Cocaptaining. 151 00:06:07,873 --> 00:06:10,043 - Oh, now you share the credit? - Fine. 152 00:06:10,131 --> 00:06:13,012 I should have assigned Cyril to his specialty of, uh... 153 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,621 What is your specialty again? Space accounting? 154 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,122 You're putting "space" in front of it 155 00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:18,714 to make it extra silly, but it's actually 156 00:06:18,802 --> 00:06:20,941 really an important part of running a ship. 157 00:06:21,841 --> 00:06:24,576 [pirates grunting] 158 00:06:25,232 --> 00:06:26,625 That was quick. 159 00:06:34,837 --> 00:06:38,449 [speaking Dri'n] 160 00:06:38,537 --> 00:06:41,997 - He's asking... - [gunfire] 161 00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:43,489 [bodies thud] 162 00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:47,685 [sighs] He was just asking 163 00:06:47,773 --> 00:06:49,856 where we got these human costumes, but... 164 00:06:50,091 --> 00:06:51,904 Oh, thank God you're here, Cyril. 165 00:06:51,992 --> 00:06:53,505 You're so quick on the draw. 166 00:06:53,593 --> 00:06:55,356 My blaster got stuck in its holster. 167 00:06:55,444 --> 00:06:57,055 - I can help with that. - Stop it! 168 00:06:57,143 --> 00:06:59,247 Unwanted advance in the workplace. 169 00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:01,778 Take it up with the Dri'n pirate HR. 170 00:07:02,286 --> 00:07:04,950 Get those uniforms on and put in your voice changers. 171 00:07:05,038 --> 00:07:06,333 More pirates will be coming. 172 00:07:06,421 --> 00:07:07,763 On my tits. What? 173 00:07:07,851 --> 00:07:09,244 Do you even have tits? 174 00:07:09,427 --> 00:07:10,864 They're retractable. 175 00:07:12,184 --> 00:07:15,106 [sighs] Now, where is that mainframe? 176 00:07:15,201 --> 00:07:17,177 This ship has zero Feng Shui. 177 00:07:17,265 --> 00:07:18,276 [door hisses] 178 00:07:18,364 --> 00:07:19,646 Whoa. 179 00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,474 There's gotta be a switch to get a laser bridge 180 00:07:22,562 --> 00:07:23,731 or something. 181 00:07:23,935 --> 00:07:26,427 Why people build dangerous ravines 182 00:07:26,515 --> 00:07:28,091 in spaceships is beyond me. 183 00:07:28,288 --> 00:07:30,669 [hollering] 184 00:07:31,085 --> 00:07:34,091 [gasping] You gotta warn me next time! 185 00:07:34,179 --> 00:07:36,919 We almost... and that hook is not secure! 186 00:07:37,007 --> 00:07:39,130 How do you even know the mainframe is on this side? 187 00:07:39,218 --> 00:07:40,271 Oh, I don't. 188 00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:42,201 I just find terror kind of hot, you know? 189 00:07:42,289 --> 00:07:43,507 I do not know. 190 00:07:43,595 --> 00:07:45,646 Not to mention the woman swinging the man across 191 00:07:45,734 --> 00:07:47,950 - is totally... - [yelling] emasculating! 192 00:07:48,038 --> 00:07:49,518 Shit balls! 193 00:07:51,462 --> 00:07:52,981 Guys, remember, place them 194 00:07:53,069 --> 00:07:55,544 on the structural beams for maximum impact. 195 00:07:55,632 --> 00:07:58,021 I need more. I'm missing a testicle. 196 00:07:58,109 --> 00:08:00,388 - What the hell are you doing? - What's the big deal? 197 00:08:00,476 --> 00:08:02,200 It's thermite; throw it anywhere, 198 00:08:02,288 --> 00:08:03,373 it's gonna blow up the ship. 199 00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:05,070 I'm not letting you waste thermite. 200 00:08:05,158 --> 00:08:06,911 Give me the thermite. 201 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,614 - God damn it, Archer. - [laughing] Uh-oh. 202 00:08:09,729 --> 00:08:12,958 It was an accident. Yeah, it was flirty horseplay. 203 00:08:13,046 --> 00:08:15,372 - These aren't toys. - Your boobs? 204 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,560 - Because I beg to differ. - It's stuck. 205 00:08:17,648 --> 00:08:19,958 Krieger, how do you peel off these thermite charges? 206 00:08:20,074 --> 00:08:21,732 - Krieger: Oh, no worries there. - Oh, good. 207 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,577 Krieger: It's a super polymer. Can't be removed or disarmed. 208 00:08:24,665 --> 00:08:27,798 I thought they would peel off like air fresheners. 209 00:08:27,886 --> 00:08:30,766 They look like air fresheners. Just take your shirt off, then. 210 00:08:30,854 --> 00:08:33,334 I'm not wearing a shirt or bra under this. 211 00:08:33,422 --> 00:08:35,356 - Oh, I noticed. - We all noticed. 212 00:08:35,444 --> 00:08:36,544 Is it for the pirates? 213 00:08:36,632 --> 00:08:39,388 Because they do not make good husbands, Lana. 214 00:08:39,476 --> 00:08:42,099 I am not trying to get a pirate husband. 215 00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:44,880 This ship has no AC and pirate garb isn't exactly... 216 00:08:44,968 --> 00:08:46,060 Oh, shit. 217 00:08:46,148 --> 00:08:48,622 [all speaking Dri'n] 218 00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:56,489 Hey! [both laughing] 219 00:08:58,421 --> 00:09:00,403 Huh, it actually worked. 220 00:09:00,629 --> 00:09:02,851 Almost like Krieger knows what he was doing. 221 00:09:02,939 --> 00:09:05,771 I'm sorry, Lana. He'll never be a space cowboy. 222 00:09:05,859 --> 00:09:08,753 Now, let's blow up this ship... Without blowing my tits off. 223 00:09:08,841 --> 00:09:10,756 Give me one more. I need to finish my testicle. 224 00:09:10,844 --> 00:09:12,935 - Here. - Seriously? 225 00:09:13,023 --> 00:09:15,114 Guys, even for me this is getting childish. 226 00:09:15,202 --> 00:09:16,552 Malory: Don't mention children. 227 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,599 Lana will smear her mascara. 228 00:09:18,687 --> 00:09:21,951 Eavesdropping and lobbing insults is not running comms. 229 00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,443 I knew I should have done the assigning, 230 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,068 because everyone you picked is spectacularly wrong 231 00:09:26,156 --> 00:09:27,286 for the job. 232 00:09:27,374 --> 00:09:28,936 Cyril: See, this is what I'm talking about. 233 00:09:29,023 --> 00:09:30,456 Why would they put the mainframe 234 00:09:30,544 --> 00:09:31,940 right next door to the mess? 235 00:09:32,028 --> 00:09:33,724 The heat would be hellon the data core. 236 00:09:33,812 --> 00:09:34,959 What, did you read that in your 237 00:09:35,046 --> 00:09:36,613 spaceship architecture magazine? 238 00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,466 You mean "Starchitectural Digest"? 239 00:09:38,554 --> 00:09:40,497 Yes. Shall we get to work? 240 00:09:40,943 --> 00:09:42,640 [panels beeping] 241 00:09:42,728 --> 00:09:44,251 Um... 242 00:09:44,357 --> 00:09:46,614 do you know how to disable a radar system? 243 00:09:46,702 --> 00:09:47,703 [scoffs] No. 244 00:09:47,791 --> 00:09:49,341 Is this another "fear is hot" thing, 245 00:09:49,429 --> 00:09:50,343 or do you really not know? 246 00:09:50,431 --> 00:09:51,653 Because I sure don't. 247 00:09:51,747 --> 00:09:54,208 - Ugh, bad captaining! - Archer: [laughs] 248 00:09:54,296 --> 00:09:55,880 Mission accomplished. 249 00:09:56,690 --> 00:09:58,317 How long should we set the timers for? 250 00:09:58,405 --> 00:10:00,006 All right, let's see. Uh, Cyril and Cheryl 251 00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:01,703 have to disarm the radar; we all have to get 252 00:10:01,790 --> 00:10:03,706 to the hatch; and I haveto strip this pirate suit off 253 00:10:03,793 --> 00:10:05,145 so the bomb won't blowmy tits off. 254 00:10:05,233 --> 00:10:06,253 And Archer's baby-maker! 255 00:10:06,341 --> 00:10:07,667 Don't... don't say "baby," Pam, 256 00:10:07,755 --> 00:10:09,460 because you know... [grunts] 257 00:10:09,547 --> 00:10:11,378 - [groans] - Shit! 258 00:10:11,466 --> 00:10:13,060 You set them off! How much time we got? 259 00:10:13,148 --> 00:10:14,995 - Shit, 11 minutes. - Jesus! 260 00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:16,424 Couldn't you have kicked a higher number? 261 00:10:16,512 --> 00:10:18,815 [coughs] Or, you know, not at all? 262 00:10:18,903 --> 00:10:21,599 - We gotta run. - Yeah, not much of a runner. 263 00:10:21,687 --> 00:10:23,472 Okay, guys, listen up. We have 11 minutes 264 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:25,565 to get our asses off this ship before it explodes. 265 00:10:25,653 --> 00:10:28,206 Oh, God. If you find terror hot, 266 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,989 I must be gorgeous to you right now. 267 00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:31,873 - Yeah. - No, stop! 268 00:10:31,961 --> 00:10:34,061 - I shouldn't even be here! - I should have been the one 269 00:10:34,148 --> 00:10:36,097 kicking back on the "Seamus" running comms! 270 00:10:36,185 --> 00:10:39,020 For your information, I've got my hands full. 271 00:10:39,122 --> 00:10:40,357 Cyril: Full of what, gin and tonics? 272 00:10:40,444 --> 00:10:42,058 I don't know what you're talking about. 273 00:10:42,145 --> 00:10:43,480 Cyril: We can hear the ice clinking. 274 00:10:43,567 --> 00:10:45,505 No, that's space static. 275 00:10:45,647 --> 00:10:47,370 Must be sun spots. 276 00:10:47,458 --> 00:10:49,487 We need you to connect us with Ray. 277 00:10:49,575 --> 00:10:51,807 - He's on a sick day! - Cyril: We're going to blow up 278 00:10:51,894 --> 00:10:53,044 in 11 minutes. 279 00:10:53,132 --> 00:10:54,597 Archer: Closer to ten. - [sighs] 280 00:10:54,685 --> 00:10:57,589 Hold, please. Ray? 281 00:10:57,677 --> 00:10:58,724 [peaceful music] 282 00:10:58,812 --> 00:11:00,350 Cyril: Ray, thank God. We need your help. 283 00:11:00,437 --> 00:11:02,044 Yeah, kind of in the middle of something. 284 00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:04,888 Malory: Ray our surgery pod is not designed 285 00:11:04,976 --> 00:11:06,427 for recreational use. 286 00:11:06,549 --> 00:11:09,432 - This is a medical procedure. - Malory: Scented candles? 287 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:12,583 Is it a crime to want to brighten up my colonoscopy? 288 00:11:12,746 --> 00:11:14,417 - I think not. - Malory: You said 289 00:11:14,505 --> 00:11:15,614 it wasn't recreational! 290 00:11:15,702 --> 00:11:17,919 Colorectal cancer's serious business. 291 00:11:18,028 --> 00:11:20,323 You should be checked every 10 years after 50. 292 00:11:20,411 --> 00:11:21,878 Ugh, how old are you? 293 00:11:21,966 --> 00:11:24,018 Ray: Or if you have atypical symptoms, 294 00:11:24,106 --> 00:11:25,745 like a change in bowel habits. 295 00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:27,456 Speaking of which, we're in the bowels 296 00:11:27,544 --> 00:11:29,495 - of an enemy battle cruiser! - I'll be wearing 297 00:11:29,583 --> 00:11:32,893 my colorectal blue ribbon that says, "I got tested." 298 00:11:32,981 --> 00:11:35,511 Tomorrow, after my sick day. Which you're interrupting. 299 00:11:35,599 --> 00:11:37,847 Cheryl: Ugh, we need you to walk us through disabling 300 00:11:37,935 --> 00:11:40,334 a giant spaceship radar system thingy. 301 00:11:40,421 --> 00:11:42,895 But my crisis vest is on Deck 2. 302 00:11:44,919 --> 00:11:46,216 - Cyril: Ray! - Fine. 303 00:11:46,304 --> 00:11:48,370 Let old Ray just interrupt his prescribed 304 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,386 lifesaving medical test to call up 305 00:11:50,474 --> 00:11:53,738 alien battle cruiser schematicson his sick day. 306 00:11:54,153 --> 00:11:56,245 Don't suppose you have a ship model number? 307 00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:57,927 Cyril: We're inside the ship, so no. 308 00:11:58,015 --> 00:11:59,054 And kind of in a hurry! 309 00:11:59,142 --> 00:12:00,657 Do you see a blinking green light? 310 00:12:00,745 --> 00:12:03,052 [overlapping beeps] 311 00:12:03,313 --> 00:12:04,932 - We're dead. - [sighs] 312 00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:07,417 Don't you just crave its sweet release? 313 00:12:07,505 --> 00:12:11,573 Okay, sending you the disarming protocols... now. 314 00:12:11,661 --> 00:12:13,214 Thanks, Ray, you're a lifesaver. 315 00:12:13,302 --> 00:12:15,526 You're... God damn it, Ray. 316 00:12:15,614 --> 00:12:16,979 Is this a picture of your colon? 317 00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:18,354 - Aww. - Sorry. 318 00:12:18,442 --> 00:12:20,919 This wine might be mixing with my propofol. 319 00:12:21,083 --> 00:12:22,557 I do see why this is addictive. 320 00:12:22,645 --> 00:12:24,167 Cyril: We only have eight minutes! 321 00:12:24,255 --> 00:12:26,284 Don't get your panties in a bunch. 322 00:12:26,372 --> 00:12:27,800 [keys tapping] 323 00:12:27,888 --> 00:12:29,778 Also, do you see any polyps? 324 00:12:29,907 --> 00:12:31,604 Lana, how is it possible 325 00:12:31,692 --> 00:12:33,581 you wanna give all this up for diapers? 326 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,354 I don't know, maybe because I don't need 327 00:12:35,442 --> 00:12:36,682 to play two-bit space cowboy 328 00:12:36,770 --> 00:12:38,497 just because I'm scared of commitment. 329 00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:41,020 How dare you speak precisely the truth at me. 330 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:42,847 Hey, guys! Wait up! 331 00:12:42,935 --> 00:12:44,097 You used to be fun. 332 00:12:44,185 --> 00:12:45,573 Now you want to do not-fun stuff 333 00:12:45,660 --> 00:12:46,979 like settling down. 334 00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,901 Well, I got news for you, sister. 335 00:12:48,989 --> 00:12:50,737 Don't say that, ever. 336 00:12:50,825 --> 00:12:54,182 - Settling is for potato chips. - Oh, God, Archer. 337 00:12:54,270 --> 00:12:56,753 Will you stop treating me like some baby-crazy cliché 338 00:12:56,847 --> 00:12:58,331 of maternal desire? [gasps] 339 00:12:58,419 --> 00:13:00,903 [cats mewing] 340 00:13:01,935 --> 00:13:03,800 Aww, look at them! 341 00:13:03,888 --> 00:13:05,432 Oh, come on, Lana. 342 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,878 [gasps] Space ocelots. 343 00:13:07,966 --> 00:13:09,761 Actually, they're called "grimalkians." 344 00:13:09,849 --> 00:13:11,284 Shut your mouth, Pam. 345 00:13:11,372 --> 00:13:14,167 That is a goddamn space ocelot. 346 00:13:15,536 --> 00:13:17,487 - Ah, son of a bitch. - [laughs] 347 00:13:17,575 --> 00:13:20,073 - You're a real natural. - I've seen these before. 348 00:13:20,161 --> 00:13:22,276 A shithead ex of minehad one as a pet. 349 00:13:22,364 --> 00:13:24,528 - I think they're endangered. - No doubt the Dri'n 350 00:13:24,616 --> 00:13:26,513 stole them to sell their fur to illegal traders. 351 00:13:26,601 --> 00:13:29,589 Yeah, this ex was an illegal trader, so that all tracks. 352 00:13:29,677 --> 00:13:31,815 Shit, we've only got seven minutes 353 00:13:31,903 --> 00:13:35,284 to get off this death star... Lowercase "D," lowercase "S"... 354 00:13:35,372 --> 00:13:38,776 And back to the "Seamus" beforewe explode in a million pieces. 355 00:13:38,864 --> 00:13:40,932 No, we can't blow up the ship with them on board. 356 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:42,807 - They'll go extinct. - I'll watch anything 357 00:13:42,895 --> 00:13:44,268 that asshole loved burn. 358 00:13:44,356 --> 00:13:46,864 [baby talk] Just look how adorable they are. 359 00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,807 Ow! [laughs] 360 00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:51,753 Guys, look at this! They love me! 361 00:13:51,841 --> 00:13:53,425 It's like I'm their king! 362 00:13:53,521 --> 00:13:56,833 [siren blaring, pirates grunting] 363 00:13:57,005 --> 00:13:59,286 Uh, Cyril, Cheryl? Did you guys... 364 00:13:59,374 --> 00:14:02,112 Fail spectacularly at the one task you were given? 365 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,886 Cyril: You said turn off the radar. 366 00:14:03,974 --> 00:14:05,823 You didn't say anything about an alarm! 367 00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:07,815 It was clearly implied. 368 00:14:07,903 --> 00:14:09,597 [baby voice] Yes, it was. Wasn't it? 369 00:14:09,692 --> 00:14:10,833 Yes, it was. 370 00:14:10,921 --> 00:14:12,063 [alarm blaring] 371 00:14:16,387 --> 00:14:18,387 [alarm blaring] 372 00:14:18,475 --> 00:14:20,477 [speaking Dri'n] 373 00:14:20,806 --> 00:14:22,721 All clear. No intruders in here. 374 00:14:22,809 --> 00:14:24,055 Oh, shit, is that English? 375 00:14:24,143 --> 00:14:25,914 He's the intruder you're looking for! 376 00:14:26,024 --> 00:14:27,608 Aww, balls. Mine's broken too. 377 00:14:27,704 --> 00:14:29,445 [pirates grunting] 378 00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:31,345 Hey, screw you for that. 379 00:14:31,441 --> 00:14:33,530 Girl's gotta self-preserve, dude. 380 00:14:33,618 --> 00:14:34,507 [gunshots] 381 00:14:34,595 --> 00:14:37,569 Okay, so now we need to rescue Cyril and Cheryl... 382 00:14:37,672 --> 00:14:40,177 Yeah, that's great, but we have another rescue first. 383 00:14:40,265 --> 00:14:42,053 - What? - The space ocelots, Pam. 384 00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:43,991 We've got six minutes, 385 00:14:44,079 --> 00:14:45,280 so let's start with the... 386 00:14:45,368 --> 00:14:47,674 [baby talk] widdle baby furballs. 387 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:48,968 Oh, mother... 388 00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,850 Is not what you should be, 389 00:14:50,938 --> 00:14:53,463 because these things do not like you. 390 00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:55,944 It is a hilarious twist of fate. 391 00:14:56,265 --> 00:14:57,552 [grimalkians meowing] 392 00:14:57,678 --> 00:14:59,905 Holy hell, those little twerps are quick. 393 00:15:00,030 --> 00:15:01,725 Oh, well. Let's get out of here. 394 00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:03,757 - What the... - [meows] 395 00:15:03,845 --> 00:15:06,587 - Aww, he likes you. - Um, no, Lana. 396 00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:08,280 He loves me. 397 00:15:08,368 --> 00:15:09,848 This guy is so cool. 398 00:15:09,936 --> 00:15:11,663 Here, Lana, get a picture. 399 00:15:11,751 --> 00:15:14,058 Just kick the little shit offand let's roll! 400 00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:15,257 We're buds! 401 00:15:15,345 --> 00:15:18,437 I'm a bad ass space cowboy, and he's my deputy! 402 00:15:18,525 --> 00:15:20,460 [baby talk] Don't you wanna jump on my shoulder 403 00:15:20,548 --> 00:15:22,054 and be my widdle deputy? 404 00:15:22,142 --> 00:15:24,296 I'm a co-space cowboy. 405 00:15:24,384 --> 00:15:27,850 Wow, jealousy isan ugly color on you, Lana. 406 00:15:28,659 --> 00:15:30,460 Something's wrong with this blaster! 407 00:15:30,814 --> 00:15:31,850 [grunts] 408 00:15:31,938 --> 00:15:33,811 Have you tried opening your eyes? 409 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,236 - [grunts] - Yes! 410 00:15:35,324 --> 00:15:37,749 They actually are open! For real! 411 00:15:39,142 --> 00:15:40,666 [grunts] 412 00:15:40,769 --> 00:15:43,132 Guess that's not a factor anyway. 413 00:15:43,753 --> 00:15:45,468 [speaking Dri'n] 414 00:15:45,556 --> 00:15:47,171 Where's the fire, brother? 415 00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:50,444 Oh, shit, was that English? [grunts] 416 00:15:50,532 --> 00:15:52,778 Why'd you even open your big mouth, Archer? 417 00:15:52,866 --> 00:15:54,280 He was running right by us. 418 00:15:54,368 --> 00:15:56,605 I think the better question is, why do we even have 419 00:15:56,693 --> 00:15:59,083 a ship robot if he can't even make 420 00:15:59,233 --> 00:16:01,616 his stupid robot gadgets work? 421 00:16:02,486 --> 00:16:04,903 - We're cut off! - My circulation is cut off. 422 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,704 The grip on this thingis unreal. 423 00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:09,202 Look at this! He's eating this shit up. 424 00:16:09,290 --> 00:16:11,132 [both grunt] 425 00:16:11,229 --> 00:16:12,983 Come on, little buddy. 426 00:16:13,071 --> 00:16:15,595 Let's go in the fun tunnel. 427 00:16:16,096 --> 00:16:17,460 - Pam? - Nah. 428 00:16:17,548 --> 00:16:19,796 I don't do tight spaces I'm not familiar with. 429 00:16:19,934 --> 00:16:21,255 Just go. I'll hold them off 430 00:16:21,343 --> 00:16:22,515 and meet you at the dock. 431 00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:25,475 Come and get it, space dicks! 432 00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:29,074 Well, at least it's downhill.- A little too downhill. 433 00:16:29,161 --> 00:16:30,388 Are you surethis is an air vent? 434 00:16:30,475 --> 00:16:32,077 Of course it's an air vent. 435 00:16:32,164 --> 00:16:34,862 [both screaming] 436 00:16:34,949 --> 00:16:36,981 [pipe rattling] 437 00:16:37,114 --> 00:16:38,550 [bodies thud] 438 00:16:38,778 --> 00:16:41,402 Ugh, you've gotta be shitting me. 439 00:16:43,450 --> 00:16:46,178 Oops, I guess it wasn't an air vent. 440 00:16:46,265 --> 00:16:47,583 [grimalkian meows] 441 00:16:47,679 --> 00:16:49,114 [lasers firing] 442 00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:50,965 Ah, my blaster jammed! 443 00:16:51,262 --> 00:16:53,510 Blasters don't jam, you lying fleshbag! 444 00:16:53,598 --> 00:16:55,198 You're pathetic! Cover me! 445 00:16:55,286 --> 00:16:57,058 [pirate grunting] 446 00:16:57,145 --> 00:16:59,060 [dramatic music] 447 00:16:59,340 --> 00:17:01,252 - I thought you had a plan! - I do! 448 00:17:01,340 --> 00:17:02,354 I'm making a necklace. 449 00:17:02,442 --> 00:17:03,840 I will give you one of my teeth. 450 00:17:03,928 --> 00:17:06,409 - Just get me off this ship. - Nope, it's not the same. 451 00:17:06,497 --> 00:17:08,190 It has to be from a kill. [gasps] 452 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:10,588 Unless that's something you might be interested in. 453 00:17:10,676 --> 00:17:13,042 Ew, no. Hey, any chance 454 00:17:13,130 --> 00:17:14,323 of getting a rescue here? 455 00:17:14,411 --> 00:17:16,635 - Lana: Yeah, uh, about that. - Oh, Lana. 456 00:17:16,723 --> 00:17:18,104 Thank God. Archer had us escape 457 00:17:18,192 --> 00:17:20,331 in a stupid air vent that... Air vent, copy that. 458 00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:23,377 [pipe rattling] [bodies thud] 459 00:17:23,465 --> 00:17:26,630 - Cyril, let her finish. - Oh, God, this is a dead end. 460 00:17:26,718 --> 00:17:28,299 We have two minutes! What do we do? 461 00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:29,877 Ugh, you're not gonna wet your uniform 462 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:32,151 like last time? Not the time or place. 463 00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:34,079 Actually, this is a pretty good time and place. 464 00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:36,703 New plan: we form a human-ocelot ladder... 465 00:17:36,791 --> 00:17:39,874 - Ugh, I'd rather just die. - To get back to the air vent. 466 00:17:39,962 --> 00:17:41,734 Stop calling it an air vent. 467 00:17:41,822 --> 00:17:42,837 - Fine! - [gunfire] 468 00:17:42,925 --> 00:17:44,454 - [yelling] - Cyril: Pam! 469 00:17:44,542 --> 00:17:46,900 - Thank God. - You're running the wrong way. 470 00:17:46,988 --> 00:17:48,032 Cannonball! 471 00:17:48,236 --> 00:17:49,705 [all groan] 472 00:17:49,793 --> 00:17:51,376 It's in my mouth. 473 00:17:51,486 --> 00:17:52,915 [all grunting] 474 00:17:53,636 --> 00:17:56,901 [gunfire] 475 00:17:58,298 --> 00:18:00,673 - This is not good. - [grimalkian meows] 476 00:18:03,025 --> 00:18:05,265 Even my little ocelotbud bailed. 477 00:18:05,353 --> 00:18:06,710 I'm calling Krieger for backup. 478 00:18:06,798 --> 00:18:09,890 No, Lana. Space cowboys do or die. 479 00:18:09,978 --> 00:18:11,351 He's our only option. 480 00:18:11,439 --> 00:18:15,782 Malory, Krieger, come in! Come in! 481 00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:17,844 Yes! It's Krieger. What do you need? I can do it! 482 00:18:17,932 --> 00:18:18,891 Lana: Get down here, stat. 483 00:18:18,979 --> 00:18:20,157 We need backup immediately. 484 00:18:20,245 --> 00:18:21,649 - Trash compactor. - I'm on it! 485 00:18:21,737 --> 00:18:24,487 Yes! Needed by real humans. 486 00:18:25,307 --> 00:18:27,407 [all grunting, gunfire] 487 00:18:27,495 --> 00:18:29,047 [pants] [sighs, thuds] 488 00:18:29,135 --> 00:18:30,860 My God, why did we even bring him? 489 00:18:30,948 --> 00:18:32,321 This is it, people! 490 00:18:32,409 --> 00:18:33,851 This is the end! 491 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:37,430 Brace yourselves for obliteration! 492 00:18:37,518 --> 00:18:39,769 [screaming] 493 00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:42,266 I really like her this way. 494 00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:44,956 - I'm kind of into it myself. - Wait! Look! 495 00:18:46,061 --> 00:18:48,893 [grimalkians growling] 496 00:18:48,981 --> 00:18:50,135 [meows] 497 00:18:50,223 --> 00:18:53,039 - [grunting in Dri'n] - [grimalkians hissing] 498 00:18:53,127 --> 00:18:56,003 Jesus! They're demons in disguise. 499 00:18:56,266 --> 00:18:58,049 I've been fooled. 500 00:18:58,223 --> 00:19:01,095 [blasting, groaning] 501 00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:02,610 - Pam: Ugh. - Cyril: Oh, my God. 502 00:19:02,698 --> 00:19:04,799 Why does it have to be so gross? 503 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,456 [liquid splattering] 504 00:19:07,432 --> 00:19:08,727 Stand back, folks. 505 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,305 I've "bot" this. 506 00:19:10,393 --> 00:19:12,766 - [all groan] - Archer: And once again, you and 507 00:19:12,854 --> 00:19:15,596 your iron heart are completely useless. 508 00:19:16,196 --> 00:19:17,632 [grunts] 509 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,858 - [grimalkian meows] - There's my pal! 510 00:19:19,962 --> 00:19:22,913 Back to normal. You can't quit me, can you? 511 00:19:23,001 --> 00:19:24,444 [grimalkian purrs] How much time? 512 00:19:24,532 --> 00:19:25,655 30 seconds. 513 00:19:25,743 --> 00:19:26,938 This is gonna be tight. 514 00:19:27,026 --> 00:19:28,696 Lana: It wouldn't be tight if you hadn't 515 00:19:28,784 --> 00:19:29,673 screwed up the assignments! 516 00:19:29,761 --> 00:19:30,884 Whatever, Lana. 517 00:19:30,972 --> 00:19:33,251 Maybe I screwed up the assignments on purpose 518 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,524 so you'd feel needed and want to stay. 519 00:19:35,612 --> 00:19:37,470 Oh, please. Maybe you're just saying that 520 00:19:37,558 --> 00:19:39,392 as a cool way to cover screwingup the assignments. 521 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:42,204 Oh, go have an Earth baby, why don't you? 522 00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:44,889 Oh, we can't just leave these space ocelots here. 523 00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:46,694 - Grimalkians. - And, yes, we can. 524 00:19:46,782 --> 00:19:48,155 Pam, I'm not gonna do this with you. 525 00:19:48,242 --> 00:19:49,462 I'm already too upset. 526 00:19:49,904 --> 00:19:51,515 Lana: Oh, God, their eyes. 527 00:19:51,603 --> 00:19:53,553 - Even though they hate you? - Yep, even though. 528 00:19:53,641 --> 00:19:55,859 - 15 seconds! - I think these furry banshees 529 00:19:55,946 --> 00:19:57,425 are just gonna have to stay on board. 530 00:19:57,512 --> 00:20:00,298 [grimalkians whining] 531 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,652 [explosions] 532 00:20:11,048 --> 00:20:12,614 [grimalkians meowing] 533 00:20:12,792 --> 00:20:15,652 I meant on board the other ship. 534 00:20:15,762 --> 00:20:17,370 Oh, God damn it to shit! 535 00:20:17,461 --> 00:20:19,314 Can't these bastards stayin the cargo hold? 536 00:20:19,402 --> 00:20:21,972 [gasps] Mommy's just joking. 537 00:20:22,664 --> 00:20:25,452 [whispering] I think we all know who the fun parent is. 538 00:20:25,540 --> 00:20:27,030 [grimalkian purrs] 539 00:20:27,522 --> 00:20:29,554 Corrected & synced by srjanapala 540 00:20:47,317 --> 00:20:50,565 Made in Georgia. 39879

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