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1
00:00:01,784 --> 00:00:04,308
[ominous music]
2
00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,963
Lana: Ugh, I'm tired
of being out here.
3
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,834
I wanna go home.
4
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:11,402
- Eww, Earth?
In space we can do whatever
5
00:00:11,446 --> 00:00:14,057
the hell we want with basicallyno responsibilities.
6
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,103
- Kind of my point.
Maybe I'm ready to start
7
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:18,975
having a real life instead ofbeing stuck here with your ass.
8
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,109
- Shh, my ass might hear you,
and it's very sensitive.
9
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:24,894
Of course, you know that.
- Not engaging.
10
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:27,331
I'm just saying, maybe it's
time to hang this all up and--
11
00:00:27,375 --> 00:00:30,204
- Ugh, is this about
your aching uterus again?
12
00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,119
- Okay, who said anything
about--
13
00:00:32,162 --> 00:00:34,208
- Well, we haven't talked aboutsettling down but--
14
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,166
- Nope.
- Key word "settling."
15
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:37,254
- I'm down with going to Earth.
16
00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,343
I could use some fresh faces
to bang.
17
00:00:39,387 --> 00:00:44,087
- And our bar stock is so low,
I may have to resort to beer.
18
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,523
- Has everyone gone crazy?
19
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:48,352
We're on the final frontier
and you want to go back
20
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:51,094
to doing day jobs
and gravity-laden sex?
21
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:53,314
- Not my first preference.
- I vote with Archer.
22
00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:56,143
- Robots don't get a vote.
- I prefer "synthetic human."
23
00:00:56,186 --> 00:00:57,274
[overlapping chatter]
24
00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:59,668
- No one gets to vote.
I'm the captain.
25
00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:02,497
- Co-captain.
And as the other co-captain,
26
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,542
I am setting a course
for Earth.
27
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:08,894
- No, Lana, I will not let you
hyperspace us to Boring-town.
28
00:01:08,938 --> 00:01:11,158
[grunting]
29
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,160
Lana: [grunts]
Archer: What the--ow!
30
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:16,250
Pam: Holy spacesnacks!
31
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:19,557
Lana: It's a Dri'n
battle cruiser.
32
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,777
And somehow
it hasn't noticed us.
33
00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,387
- No, we're too close
34
00:01:23,431 --> 00:01:25,172
for its long-range scanners
to pick us up.
35
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,043
- Great, let's just loop aroundthis bad boy
36
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,132
and hyperspace somewhere
that is not Earth.
37
00:01:29,176 --> 00:01:30,699
- If we can destroy it,
we will
38
00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:32,962
cripple pirate activity
in this sector.
39
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,137
- Who cares?
40
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,400
- And collecta 30 million credit bounty
41
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,401
for taking it out.
42
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:38,968
- As I was saying,
43
00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:43,320
who cares about combatting
space piracy more than me?
44
00:01:43,364 --> 00:01:44,800
- Exactly.
45
00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:48,412
The very reasonable reward
is just icing on the cake.
46
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,197
- Guys, as captain
of this ship...
47
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,372
- Co-captain.
48
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,200
- I am making
an executive decision.
49
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:55,376
We're taking out
that Dri'n bastard.
50
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,073
- Like I already
executively decided.
51
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,641
- Hands in.
"Space cowboys" on three.
52
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,556
One, two...
53
00:02:04,254 --> 00:02:06,343
- What the hell are you doing?
54
00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:10,956
[main title theme]
55
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:18,312
♪
56
00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:48,559
Archer:
Okay, here's the plan:
57
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,344
after we board the ship,
knock out a couple
58
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,998
of Dri'n guards, and then--
you'll love this--
59
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,349
put on their clothes--
- Not to be a buzzkill,
60
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:58,221
but you think there'll reallybe a plus-sized pirate onboard?
61
00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:01,442
- Ugh, this is a horrible plan.- I'm not finished.
62
00:03:01,485 --> 00:03:03,574
Pam, you'll be our "prisoner."
63
00:03:03,618 --> 00:03:05,228
- Sweet!
- Lucky.
64
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,448
- Still a horrible plan.
- Let me finish!
65
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:11,365
We'll infiltrate the ship
disguised as Dri'n guards.
66
00:03:12,409 --> 00:03:14,281
That's it.
That's the whole plan.
67
00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:15,717
- This is not a plan.
68
00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,067
This is the plot
of several famous films.
69
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:19,677
- Well, why do you think
they're famous, Lana?
70
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,679
We'll need Ray
to get us some explosives.
71
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,638
- He's taking a sick day.
72
00:03:23,681 --> 00:03:25,248
- Of course he is.
- We get those?
73
00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:27,076
- It's a miracle we don't
crash into the sun
74
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:31,385
with all you Sick Day Cyrils
and Personal Day Pams.
75
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:33,865
- It is a pretty generous
package if you use it right.
76
00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,519
- Space phrasing.
77
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:37,042
- Well, where am I supposed
to get explosives?
78
00:03:37,086 --> 00:03:40,307
- "Thermite" be something
I can do to help.
79
00:03:40,350 --> 00:03:42,526
Referencing
thermite explosives.
80
00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:44,659
[all groan]
- I did not enjoy that.
81
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,095
Does this thing havean off switch?
82
00:03:46,138 --> 00:03:47,923
- Aww, I have feelings.
83
00:03:47,966 --> 00:03:49,881
- Volume control?
Anything?
84
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:51,927
Then we'll plant the thermite
all over the ship
85
00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:54,408
and hola explosivo.
86
00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,758
- I'm confused.
- It's Spanish, Pam.
87
00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:58,934
- No, how will we getthe "Seamus" out of here
88
00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,370
without us pingingtheir scanners?
89
00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:01,937
- That's where Cyril
and Carol come in.
90
00:04:01,980 --> 00:04:04,548
You two will disable
the radar system on board.
91
00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:06,724
- Whoo-hoo!
- Please don't.
92
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,683
- I can disable
the radar system!
93
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,989
- Can you disable yourself?
94
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:12,426
- Beep, bop, boop.
Ya burnt.
95
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,123
- Why not Krieger?
96
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:15,951
I mean, he's qualified
even if he is a replicant.
97
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,648
- Thank you, Lana,
but I like to think
98
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:19,563
I'm more of a Repli-can.
99
00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:21,348
[all groan]
- No bots.
100
00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:24,220
Mother, you stay and run comms.- Stay here?
101
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,310
With the liquor?
Well, if you insist.
102
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:30,357
- Space cowboys, let's ride!
[triumphant music]
103
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,447
Lana: Would you stop trying
to make "space cowboys" stick?
104
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:34,796
It isn't.
- Fine, Lana.
105
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:36,711
You stay here and be
the world-weary
106
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:39,017
space saloon/brothel madam.
107
00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:41,585
- I wanna be a brothel madam!- Ooh, I--I could be the banker
108
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:43,021
and wear one of those
green visors.
109
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:45,546
- Everybody stop
making this stick!
110
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:47,809
And if anything,
I would be co-sheriff.
111
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,158
- That's not a thing.
112
00:04:49,201 --> 00:04:50,551
- The whole thing's
not a thing!
113
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:52,030
- Whoa, space cowboys.
114
00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:54,468
- What is it now, Krieger?
- I've got helpful gadgets!
115
00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:55,991
Like these voice changers!
116
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:58,036
The Dri'n tongue is a beast,
you know.
117
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,039
- Fine, but honestly, Krieger,
this is all a little thirsty.
118
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,607
- Like Lana's ovaries.
- Not engaging.
119
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:06,436
- Doesn't someone need
to be proposing
120
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,438
before you're engaging?
121
00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:09,700
- Not en--
- [laughs]
122
00:05:09,744 --> 00:05:12,137
She totally disarmedyour phrase.
123
00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,617
So what's our plan when
124
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:14,836
these shitty voicechangers don't work?
125
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:16,403
Krieger: I can hear you.
- Well, I picked up
126
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,056
some phrases
banging a pirate or two.
127
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,581
Here's how to say,
"Faster, harder."
128
00:05:20,624 --> 00:05:21,625
- Because that'll come
in handy.
129
00:05:21,669 --> 00:05:23,975
- [ugly guttural sounds]
130
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:27,239
Now you try it.
[all grunting]
131
00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:30,591
- No, it's more like--
you know the sound you make
132
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:33,289
after letting out a fartyou've been holding in all day?
133
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,943
- Oh, please.
You've never held in a fart
134
00:05:34,986 --> 00:05:37,989
in your life.
- Tough but fair.
135
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:40,383
Lana: Like now, Pam.
Now would have been
136
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:41,515
a great time to hold it in.
137
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:45,214
Pam: [grunting in Dri'n]
138
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:48,173
Archer: [laughs]
I have--I have no idea
139
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:50,219
what she said,
but it just sounds funny.
140
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,525
[metal crashing]
141
00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,178
Lana: Jesus, Cyril,
watch the landing.
142
00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:54,528
You gotta slide it
in there gently.
143
00:05:54,571 --> 00:05:55,964
Pam: [grunting]
144
00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:57,618
[muffled bang]
145
00:05:57,661 --> 00:05:59,402
- You are a terrible pilot.
146
00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,578
- You put me on a job
that's not my specialty.
147
00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:04,102
That's bad captaining.
- Co-captaining.
148
00:06:04,146 --> 00:06:06,278
- Oh, now you share the credit?- Fine.
149
00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:09,412
I should have assigned Cyril
to his specialty of, uh--
150
00:06:09,456 --> 00:06:12,023
what is your specialty again?
Space accounting?
151
00:06:12,067 --> 00:06:13,590
- You're putting "space"
in front of it
152
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,070
to make it extra silly,
but it's actually
153
00:06:15,113 --> 00:06:17,551
really an important part
of running a ship.
154
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:21,642
[pirates grunting]
155
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,078
- That was quick.
156
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:32,043
- [speaking Dri'n]
157
00:06:32,087 --> 00:06:35,482
- He's asking...
[gunfire]
158
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,440
[bodies thud]
159
00:06:38,746 --> 00:06:40,878
[sighs]
He was just asking
160
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:43,533
where we got these
human costumes, but...
161
00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:45,317
- Oh, thank Godyou're here, Cyril.
162
00:06:45,361 --> 00:06:46,667
You're so quick on the draw.
163
00:06:46,710 --> 00:06:48,669
- My blaster got stuck
in its holster.
164
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,366
- I can help with that.
- Stop it!
165
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,499
Unwanted advance
in the workplace.
166
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:55,327
- Take it up withthe Dri'n pirate HR.
167
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:58,243
- Get those uniforms onand put in your voice changers.
168
00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,549
More pirates will be coming.
169
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,116
- On my tits.
What?
170
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:02,596
- Do you even have tits?
171
00:07:02,639 --> 00:07:04,380
- They're retractable.
172
00:07:05,599 --> 00:07:08,558
- [sighs]
Now, where is that mainframe?
173
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,691
This ship has zero Feng Shui.
174
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:11,692
[door hisses]
175
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,737
Whoa.
176
00:07:13,781 --> 00:07:15,609
There's gotta be a switch
to get a laser bridge
177
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,132
or something.
178
00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:19,482
Why people build
dangerous ravines
179
00:07:19,526 --> 00:07:21,179
in spaceships is beyond me.
180
00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:24,313
[hollering]
181
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:27,316
[gasping]
You gotta warn me next time!
182
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,840
We almost--and that hook
is not secure!
183
00:07:29,884 --> 00:07:32,190
How do you even know
the mainframe is on this side?
184
00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:33,583
- Oh, I don't.
185
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,411
I just find terrorkind of hot, you know?
186
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,717
- I do not know.
187
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,501
Not to mention the woman
swinging the man across
188
00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:40,938
is totally...
[yelling] emasculating!
189
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,462
Shit balls!
190
00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,987
- Guys, remember, place them
191
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:48,642
on the structural beams
for maximum impact.
192
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:51,645
- I need more.
I'm missing a testicle.
193
00:07:51,688 --> 00:07:53,603
- What the hell are you doing?
- What's the big deal?
194
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:55,083
It's thermite;
throw it anywhere,
195
00:07:55,126 --> 00:07:56,388
it's gonna blow up the ship.
196
00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:58,086
- I'm not letting youwaste thermite.
197
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,349
- Give me the thermite.
198
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,656
- God damn it, Archer.
- [laughing] Uh-oh.
199
00:08:02,699 --> 00:08:05,702
It was an accident.
Yeah, it was flirty horseplay.
200
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:08,313
- These aren't toys.
- Your boobs?
201
00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:10,751
- Because I beg to differ.
- It's stuck.
202
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:12,666
Krieger, how do you peel off
these thermite charges?
203
00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:14,711
Krieger: Oh, no worries there.- Oh, good.
204
00:08:14,755 --> 00:08:17,540
Krieger: It's a super polymer. Can't be removed or disarmed.
205
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,761
- I thought they would peel offlike air fresheners.
206
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:23,633
They look like air fresheners.Just take your shirt off, then.
207
00:08:23,677 --> 00:08:26,201
- I'm not wearing a shirt
or bra under this.
208
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,333
- Oh, I noticed.
- We all noticed.
209
00:08:28,377 --> 00:08:29,813
Is it for the pirates?
210
00:08:29,857 --> 00:08:32,381
Because they do not make
good husbands, Lana.
211
00:08:32,424 --> 00:08:34,818
- I am not trying
to get a pirate husband.
212
00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,691
This ship has no ACand pirate garb isn't exactly--
213
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:38,909
oh, shit.
214
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:42,217
[all speaking Dri'n]
215
00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,267
- Hey!
[both laughing]
216
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,576
- Huh, it actually worked.
217
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,709
- Almost like Krieger knows
what he was doing.
218
00:08:55,752 --> 00:08:58,712
- I'm sorry, Lana.
He'll never be a space cowboy.
219
00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:01,628
Now, let's blow up this ship--
- Without blowing my tits off.
220
00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:03,630
- Give me one more.
I need to finish my testicle.
221
00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:06,197
- Here.
- Seriously?
222
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:08,156
- Guys, even for methis is getting childish.
223
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:09,461
Malory:
Don't mention children.
224
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:11,507
Lana will smear her mascara.
225
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,858
- Eavesdropping and lobbing
insults is not running comms.
226
00:09:14,902 --> 00:09:16,468
I knew I should have
done the assigning,
227
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,732
because everyone you picked
is spectacularly wrong
228
00:09:18,775 --> 00:09:20,211
for the job.
229
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:21,691
Cyril: See, this is what
I'm talking about.
230
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,040
Why would they put
the mainframe
231
00:09:23,084 --> 00:09:24,476
right next door to the mess?
232
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,522
The heat would be hellon the data core.
233
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,828
- What, did you read that
in your
234
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:29,481
spaceship architecture
magazine?
235
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:31,179
- You mean"Starchitectural Digest"?
236
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:33,703
Yes.Shall we get to work?
237
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,487
[panels beeping]
238
00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:37,098
Um...
239
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:39,666
do you know howto disable a radar system?
240
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:40,754
- [scoffs]
No.
241
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:42,190
- Is this another"fear is hot" thing,
242
00:09:42,233 --> 00:09:43,191
or do you really not know?
243
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,627
Because I sure don't.
244
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,977
Ugh, bad captaining!
Archer: [laughs]
245
00:09:47,021 --> 00:09:49,327
Mission accomplished.
246
00:09:49,371 --> 00:09:51,329
How long should we set
the timers for?
247
00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:52,853
- All right, let's see.Uh, Cyril and Cheryl
248
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,506
have to disarm the radar;we all have to get
249
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,508
to the hatch; and I haveto strip this pirate suit off
250
00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:57,901
so the bomb won't blowmy tits off.
251
00:09:57,945 --> 00:09:58,859
- And Archer's baby-maker!
252
00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:00,251
- Don't--don't say "baby," Pam,
253
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:02,123
because you know--
[grunts]
254
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,777
[groans]
- Shit!
255
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:05,866
You set them off!
How much time we got?
256
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:07,476
- Shit, 11 minutes.
- Jesus!
257
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:08,782
Couldn't you have kicked
a higher number?
258
00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:11,349
- [coughs]
Or, you know, not at all?
259
00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:14,483
- We gotta run.
- Yeah, not much of a runner.
260
00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:16,354
- Okay, guys, listen up.
We have 11 minutes
261
00:10:16,398 --> 00:10:18,139
to get our asses off this ship before it explodes.
262
00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:20,707
- Oh, God.If you find terror hot,
263
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,752
I must be gorgeousto you right now.
264
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:24,536
- Yeah.
- No, stop!
265
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,800
I shouldn't even be here!I should have been the one
266
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,715
kicking back on the "Seamus"
running comms!
267
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:31,543
- For your information,
I've got my hands full.
268
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,067
Cyril: Full of what,
gin and tonics?
269
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,721
- I don't know
what you're talking about.
270
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:36,070
Cyril: We can hear
the ice clinking.
271
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:38,333
- No, that's space static.
272
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:39,726
Must be sun spots.
273
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,945
- We need you to connect uswith Ray.
274
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:44,469
- He's on a sick day!
Cyril: We're going to blow up
275
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:45,819
in 11 minutes.
276
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,081
Archer: Closer to ten.
- [sighs]
277
00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:49,736
Hold, please.
Ray?
278
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:51,476
[peaceful music]
279
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:53,043
Cyril: Ray, thank God.
We need your help.
280
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:54,697
- Yeah, kind of in the middle
of something.
281
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:57,700
Malory: Ray our surgery pod
is not designed
282
00:10:57,744 --> 00:10:59,180
for recreational use.
283
00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,965
- This is a medical procedure.
Malory: Scented candles?
284
00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:05,186
- Is it a crime to want
to brighten up my colonoscopy?
285
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:06,753
I think not.
Malory: You said
286
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,189
it wasn't recreational!
287
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,365
- Colorectal cancer's
serious business.
288
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:12,715
You should be checked
every 10 years after 50.
289
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:14,412
- Ugh, how old are you?
290
00:11:14,456 --> 00:11:16,501
Ray: Or if you have
atypical symptoms,
291
00:11:16,545 --> 00:11:18,068
like a change
in bowel habits.
292
00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:19,766
- Speaking of which,we're in the bowels
293
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:21,855
of an enemy battle cruiser!
- I'll be wearing
294
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:25,162
my colorectal blue ribbon
that says, "I got tested."
295
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:27,904
Tomorrow, after my sick day.
Which you're interrupting.
296
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:30,080
Cheryl: Ugh, we need you
to walk us through disabling
297
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,996
a giant spaceship
radar system thingy.
298
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:35,433
- But my crisis vest
is on Deck 2.
299
00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:39,002
Cyril: Ray!
- Fine.
300
00:11:39,046 --> 00:11:40,961
Let old Ray just interrupt
his prescribed
301
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,963
lifesaving medical test
to call up
302
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:46,401
alien battle cruiser schematicson his sick day.
303
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:48,577
Don't suppose you have
a ship model number?
304
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,405
Cyril: We're inside the ship,
so no.
305
00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:51,841
And kind of in a hurry!
306
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:53,321
- Do you see
a blinking green light?
307
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,889
[overlapping beeps]
308
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,325
- We're dead.
- [sighs]
309
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:59,631
Don't you just crave
its sweet release?
310
00:11:59,675 --> 00:12:03,766
- Okay, sending you
the disarming protocols...now.
311
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,768
- Thanks, Ray,you're a lifesaver.
312
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,770
You're--God damn it, Ray.
313
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,424
Is this a pictureof your colon?
314
00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:10,860
- Aww.
- Sorry.
315
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:13,428
This wine might be mixing
with my propofol.
316
00:12:13,471 --> 00:12:15,038
I do see why this is addictive.
317
00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:16,170
Cyril: We only have
eight minutes!
318
00:12:16,213 --> 00:12:18,694
- Don't get your panties
in a bunch.
319
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,261
[keys tapping]
320
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:22,654
Also, do you see any polyps?
321
00:12:22,698 --> 00:12:24,047
- Lana, how is it possible
322
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,875
you wanna give all this upfor diapers?
323
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:27,790
- I don't know,
maybe because I don't need
324
00:12:27,834 --> 00:12:28,965
to play two-bit space cowboy
325
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,706
just because I'm scared
of commitment.
326
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:33,274
- How dare you speakprecisely the truth at me.
327
00:12:33,317 --> 00:12:35,363
- Hey, guys!Wait up!
328
00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:36,668
- You used to be fun.
329
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,235
Now you wantto do not-fun stuff
330
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:39,454
like settling down.
331
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:41,282
Well, I got newsfor you, sister.
332
00:12:41,325 --> 00:12:43,023
- Don't say that, ever.
333
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:46,287
- Settling is for potato chips.- Oh, God, Archer.
334
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:49,029
Will you stop treating me
like some baby-crazy cliché
335
00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:50,682
of maternal desire?
[gasps]
336
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:54,077
[cats mewing]
337
00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:55,992
Aww, look at them!
338
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,646
- Oh, come on, Lana.
339
00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,040
[gasps]
Space ocelots.
340
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:02,085
- Actually, they're called"grimalkians."
341
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,521
- Shut your mouth, Pam.
342
00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:06,786
That is a goddamn space ocelot.
343
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:09,876
- Ah, son of a bitch.
- [laughs]
344
00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,052
You're a real natural.
- I've seen these before.
345
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:14,228
A shithead ex of minehad one as a pet.
346
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:16,708
I think they're endangered.
- No doubt the Dri'n
347
00:13:16,752 --> 00:13:18,449
stole them to sell their fur
to illegal traders.
348
00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:21,975
- Yeah, this ex was an illegaltrader, so that all tracks.
349
00:13:22,018 --> 00:13:23,890
- Shit, we've only got
seven minutes
350
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:27,197
to get off this death star--
lowercase "D," lowercase "S"--
351
00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:30,853
and back to the "Seamus" beforewe explode in a million pieces.
352
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,899
- No, we can't blow up the shipwith them onboard.
353
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,857
They'll go extinct.
- I'll watch anything
354
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:36,206
that asshole loved burn.
355
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,992
- [baby talk] Just look
how adorable they are.
356
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,863
Ow!
- [laughs]
357
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:43,866
Guys, look at this!They love me!
358
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,563
It's like I'm their king!
359
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:48,958
[siren blaring,
pirates grunting]
360
00:13:49,002 --> 00:13:51,004
- Uh, Cyril, Cheryl?
Did you guys--
361
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:53,920
- Fail spectacularlyat the one task you were given?
362
00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,096
Cyril: You said turn off
the radar.
363
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:57,880
You didn't say anything
about an alarm!
364
00:13:57,924 --> 00:14:00,100
- It was clearly implied.
365
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:01,666
[baby voice] Yes, it was.Wasn't it?
366
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,712
Yes, it was.
367
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,064
[alarm blaring]
368
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,153
- [speaking Dri'n]
369
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:12,155
- All clear.
No intruders in here.
370
00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:13,678
Oh, shit, is that English?
371
00:14:13,722 --> 00:14:15,245
- He's the intruderyou're looking for!
372
00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:17,117
Aww, balls.Mine's broken too.
373
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,945
[pirates grunting]
374
00:14:18,988 --> 00:14:20,772
- Hey, screw you for that.
375
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,949
- Girl's gotta
self-preserve, dude.
376
00:14:22,992 --> 00:14:24,037
[gunshots]
377
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,953
- Okay, so now we need
to rescue Cyril and Cheryl--
378
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:29,738
- Yeah, that's great, but wehave another rescue first.
379
00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:31,261
- What?
- The space ocelots, Pam.
380
00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:33,394
- We've got six minutes,
381
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:34,917
so let's start with the...
382
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:37,311
[baby talk]
widdle baby furballs.
383
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:38,529
Oh, mother--
384
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:40,314
- Is not what you should be,
385
00:14:40,357 --> 00:14:42,925
because these things
do not like you.
386
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,406
It is a hilarious twist
of fate.
387
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:46,798
[grimalkians meowing]
388
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:49,323
- Holy hell, those little
twerps are quick.
389
00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:50,933
Oh, well.
Let's get out of here.
390
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,109
- What the...
- [meows]
391
00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:55,938
- Aww, he likes you.
- Um, no, Lana.
392
00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,809
He lovesme.
393
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,376
This guy is so cool.
394
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:00,987
Here, Lana, get a picture.
395
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:03,380
- Just kick the little shit offand let's roll!
396
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:04,816
- We're buds!
397
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:07,645
I'm a badass space cowboy,and he's my deputy!
398
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,604
- [baby talk] Don't you wanna
jump on my shoulder
399
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:11,345
and be my widdle deputy?
400
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:13,434
I'm a co-space cowboy.
401
00:15:13,477 --> 00:15:16,872
- Wow, jealousy isan ugly color on you, Lana.
402
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:20,180
- Something's wrongwith this blaster!
403
00:15:20,223 --> 00:15:21,181
- [grunts]
404
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:23,226
- Have you tried
opening your eyes?
405
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:24,445
- [grunts]
- Yes!
406
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:27,622
They actually are open!For real!
407
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,233
- [grunts]
408
00:15:30,277 --> 00:15:32,975
- Guess that's not
a factor anyway.
409
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,411
- [speaking Dri'n]
410
00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:36,892
- Where's the fire, brother?
411
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:39,895
Oh, shit, was that English?
- [grunts]
412
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,984
- Why'd you even open
your big mouth, Archer?
413
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,812
He was running right by us.
414
00:15:43,855 --> 00:15:45,814
- I think the better question
is, why do we even have
415
00:15:45,857 --> 00:15:48,164
a ship robot
if he can't even make
416
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:51,428
his stupid robot gadgets work?
417
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:54,127
- We're cut off!
- My circulation is cut off.
418
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:55,911
The grip on this thingis unreal.
419
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,914
Look at this!He's eating this shit up.
420
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,350
[both grunt]
421
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,613
Come on, little buddy.
422
00:16:02,657 --> 00:16:05,225
Let's go in the fun tunnel.
423
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:06,878
- Pam?
- Nah.
424
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:09,055
I don't do tight spaces
I'm not familiar with.
425
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,360
Just go.
I'll hold them off
426
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:11,927
and meet you at the dock.
427
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,886
Come and get it, space dicks!
428
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:18,281
- Well, at least it's downhill.- A little too downhill.
429
00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:19,413
Are you surethis is an air vent?
430
00:16:19,456 --> 00:16:21,284
- Of course it's an air vent.
431
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:24,070
[both screaming]
432
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,072
[pipe rattling]
433
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:27,595
[bodies thud]
434
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:30,293
- Ugh, you've gotta be
shitting me.
435
00:16:32,339 --> 00:16:35,385
- Oops, I guess it wasn't
an air vent.
436
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:36,908
[grimalkian meows]
437
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,040
[lasers firing]
438
00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:40,173
- Ah, my blaster jammed!
439
00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:42,479
- Blasters don't jam,
you lying fleshbag!
440
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:44,220
You're pathetic!
Cover me!
441
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,266
[pirate grunting]
442
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:48,268
[dramatic music]
443
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,052
- I thought you had a plan!
- I do!
444
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,271
I'm making a necklace.
445
00:16:51,314 --> 00:16:53,099
- I will give you oneof my teeth.
446
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,275
Just get me off this ship.
- Nope, it's not the same.
447
00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:57,103
It has to be from a kill.
[gasps]
448
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,322
Unless that's something
you might be interested in.
449
00:16:59,366 --> 00:17:02,064
- Ew, no.Hey, any chance
450
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,326
of getting a rescue here?
451
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:05,459
Lana: Yeah, uh, about that.
- Oh, Lana.
452
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,113
Thank God.
- Archer had us escape
453
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:09,289
in a stupid air vent that--
- Air vent, copy that.
454
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:12,248
[pipe rattling]
[bodies thud]
455
00:17:12,292 --> 00:17:15,425
- Cyril, let her finish.
- Oh, God, this is a dead end.
456
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:17,210
We have two minutes!
What do we do?
457
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:18,776
- Ugh, you're not gonna
wet your uniform
458
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:21,083
like last time?
Not the time or place.
459
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,867
- Actually, this is
a pretty good time and place.
460
00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,696
- New plan: we form
a human-ocelot ladder...
461
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:28,482
- Ugh, I'd rather just die.
- To get back to the air vent.
462
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,701
- Stop calling it an air vent.
463
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:31,876
- Fine!
[gunfire]
464
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,269
- [yelling]
Cyril: Pam!
465
00:17:33,313 --> 00:17:36,185
Thank God.- You're running the wrong way.
466
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:37,317
- Cannonball!
467
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,014
[all groan]
468
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,494
- It's in my mouth.
469
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,757
[all grunting]
470
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,065
[gunfire]
471
00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:49,329
- This is not good.[grimalkian meows]
472
00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:54,029
Even my little ocelotbud bailed.
473
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,335
- I'm calling Krieger
for backup.
474
00:17:55,378 --> 00:17:58,729
- No, Lana.Space cowboys do or die.
475
00:17:58,773 --> 00:18:00,122
- He's our only option.
476
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:04,344
Malory, Krieger, come in!
Come in!
477
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,346
- Yes! It's Krieger.
What do you need? I can do it!
478
00:18:06,389 --> 00:18:07,782
Lana: Get down here, stat.
479
00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,175
We need backup immediately.
480
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:10,393
Trash compactor.
- I'm on it!
481
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:14,049
Yes!
Needed by real humans.
482
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,051
[all grunting,
gunfire]
483
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,835
- [pants]
[sighs, thuds]
484
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,794
- My God, why did we
even bring him?
485
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,143
- This is it, people!
486
00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:23,058
This is the end!
487
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:26,192
Brace yourselves
for obliteration!
488
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:28,977
[screaming]
489
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,066
- I really like her this way.
490
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,113
- I'm kind of into it myself.
- Wait! Look!
491
00:18:35,288 --> 00:18:38,204
[grimalkians growling]
492
00:18:38,247 --> 00:18:39,553
- [meows]
493
00:18:39,596 --> 00:18:41,816
- [grunting in Dri'n]
[grimalkians hissing]
494
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:45,211
- Jesus!
They're demons in disguise.
495
00:18:45,254 --> 00:18:47,343
I've been fooled.
496
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:50,303
[blasting, groaning]
497
00:18:50,346 --> 00:18:51,652
Pam: Ugh.
Cyril: Oh, my God.
498
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,785
Why does it have to be
so gross?
499
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,178
[liquid splattering]
500
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:57,527
- Stand back, folks.
501
00:18:57,571 --> 00:18:59,225
I've "bot" this.
502
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:01,749
[all groan]Archer: And once again, you and
503
00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:05,318
your iron heart arecompletely useless.
504
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:06,841
[grunts]
505
00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,538
[grimalkian meows]
There's my pal!
506
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:11,585
Back to normal.
You can't quit me, can you?
507
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:13,369
[grimalkian purrs]
- How much time?
508
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:14,414
- 30 seconds.
509
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,198
- This is gonna be tight.
510
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:17,417
Lana: It wouldn't be tight if
you hadn't screwed up
511
00:19:17,460 --> 00:19:18,418
the assignments!
512
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,028
- Whatever, Lana.
513
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:21,769
Maybe I screwed up the
assignments on purpose
514
00:19:21,812 --> 00:19:24,424
so you'd feel needed
and want to stay.
515
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,121
- Oh, please.
Maybe you're just saying that
516
00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,123
as a cool way to cover screwingup the assignments.
517
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,257
- Oh, go have an Earth baby,
why don't you?
518
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,215
Oh, we can't just leave these
space ocelots here.
519
00:19:33,259 --> 00:19:34,825
- Grimalkians.
And, yes, we can.
520
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:36,610
- Pam, I'm not gonna do this
with you.
521
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:38,438
I'm already too upset.
522
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:40,135
Lana: Oh, God, their eyes.
523
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,919
- Even though they hate you?
- Yep, even though.
524
00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:44,313
- 15 seconds!
- I think these furry banshees
525
00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:45,880
are just gonna have
to stay on board.
526
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:49,188
[grimalkians whining]
527
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:55,063
[explosions]
528
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:01,069
[grimalkians meowing]
529
00:20:01,112 --> 00:20:04,464
- I meant on board
the other ship.
530
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:05,900
- Oh, God damn it to shit!
531
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:07,641
Can't these bastards stayin the cargo hold?
532
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:11,297
- [gasps]
Mommy's just joking.
533
00:20:11,340 --> 00:20:13,908
[whispering] I think we all
know who the fun parent is.
534
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:16,215
[grimalkian purrs]
535
00:20:35,408 --> 00:20:38,976
- Made in Georgia.
39385
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