All language subtitles for Sons.of.Tucson.S01E12_English

RON:
Thank you, Tucson!

Yo, ding-ding.
Bad news.

You got the
temp job, homeboy.

What?
Yep. Welcome to the world
of the walking dead, my man.

Oh, this is so awesome!
Mm-hmm.

My first job.
Yeah.

Allow me to bestow upon you
your first employee name tag.

May there be many more.

This says "Randy."

Yeah, yeah, I know.

It's part of Sport Space's
"green initiative"

to recycle more.

It was either
that or "Sanjay."

I miss Sanjay.

Or whatever
his name was.

MAN:
Hey.
(groans)

Welcome to the team, Randy.

It's actually "Brandon."
Amazing.

You're like a mini Ron--
you put a beard on you and...

Wow, you really look
nothing like him.

We actually have a lot of things
in common-- we both like...

Uh, Shawn, I think I see
trying on sprint shoes.

Not on my watch, they're not.

Exactly.

Okay, hey,
listen to me.

People around here
are pretty chatty,

and I'm sort of
so do me a favor

and don't talk
me ever, okay?

Well, if someone wants to...
No.

But I was just going to...
How about you don't, okay?

I'm gonna be in the
pup tent display.

Wake me when it's
quitting time.

Welcome to the
team, Randy.

(laughter, indistinct chatter)

Take it easy,
Day One.

Oh, Gary, you should've seen it.

This drunk guy comes in
from the bar next-door

and throws up everywhere.

And then they
get on the P.A.,

and they say, "Clean
up in active wear."

And you know who they
were talking about? Me.

Mm.
Oh, it's milestones like that

I wish I was awake for.

Where's small fry?

Robby?
He's still in bed.

Didn't go
to school today.

He's not feeling well.

Mm.

Oh, right, that's me. Okay.

(makes goofy fart sound)
Hey.

Word on the street
is you're sick, buddy.

What's the matter?

Gulf War Syndrome.

Wow.

I got headaches, myalgia,

chronic bronchitis...

Oh, nice try.

That is a tough one
to pull off.

Too many side effects
to keep track of.

I can't even pronounce them.
Yeah, I know, right?

So what's the real deal?

There's this kid at school
that won't leave me alone.

Knocking my lunch down.

Leaving threatening notes
in my cubby.

I can't take
it anymore!

Oh, you got
to be kidding me.

I've seen you clobber kids
twice your size.

Plus that thing you did
to the goat at the petting zoo.

That was scary.

It thinks it's too good
for my apple slices!

What the hell?

Anyway,

this is different.

Oh, come on.
You got to be tougher than that.

You just got to sack up
and take care of business.

It's all part
of becoming a man.

Okay! I'll go
to school tomorrow

and kick her ass!

Boom! That's the spirit!

Kick her a...
Oh, wait, whoa.

Her?!
Sally Teel.

I'll have a bratwurst.

Coming right up.

Let me just
fire up the grill.

(flames whoosh)

RON:
Oh...

that Sally Teel. Yeah.

She's finally
back in school,

with a big bald spot
on the side of her head.

Nothing will grow there.

She's allergic to wigs.

And she wants to make me pay.

Like it's my fault or something.

Wow, tough break.

That's what I thought--
till you said

it's okay to
take her out.

Good talk.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

Slow down there, Bam Bam.

How about I go talk to her mom?

And if that doesn't work,
there's always the goat thing.

There's always the goat thing.

I'll keep that in mind.
Come on.

It was very thoughtful of you
to come by,

Mr. Gunderson.

You have to understand,
it's been very hard on Sally

since the... incident.

Well, I can imagine.

Hm.

Have you tried hats?

Or you know what
else, I've heard

there have been
wonderful advancements
in scarf technology.

You know, she's just
not the same little girl,

now that she's not able
to compete anymore.

Compete?
Oh, you didn't know?

(whistles)
This used to be a monument
to her achievements, but now

(voice breaks):
it's just a shrine
to a dead dream.

This is what your son
took away from my Sally.

Mm.

Gosh, this is just...

top-notch shelf work.

What is this, maple?
Her talent

was ballroom dancing, but...

no one wants to be
her partner anymore.

Yeah.
Now she'll never

win Junior Miss
and Mister Minute Man.

Oh, come on, her hair
can't be that bad.

She's bald!

Oh, wow, you're...

eyes are popping
out of your skull

a little bit
right now, so...

I think I'm gonna go

grab some finger
sandwiches on the way.

The deviled ham
was great, so...

I'm just gonna get
out of your hair.

I'm gonna get...
(clears throat)

"out of your hair."

It's not even the $5,000 prize
that's so upsetting...

(bell dings)
it's the fact
that, you know,

she'll never get the chance...
Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Pain, loss,
life-long disfigurement--

I know, I get it.

Shh...

Did you say something
about $5,000?

Well, that's the prize
for each winner.

Yeah.

Well, I will tell you something,
I am not gonna sit by idly

and watch this injustice
go on any further, okay?

Your daughter is upset and bald!

My son is upset-- why not
kill two kids with one stone?

Robby can be her
dance partner.

And I know for a fact
that he would love to do it.

No freaking way!

I'm not dancing
with that bald psycho!

Come on, Robby,

listen, I-I'm trying
to teach you

a lesson in kindness and
compassion here, okay?

I can think of at least
5,000 reasons you should do it.

Ron's right-- and we
don't want these people
making trouble for us.

Besides, dancing
will change your life.

Uh, what, you dance?

Oh, I did.

I took five years
of jazz and tap

at the Pizzazz Movement Arts
in Morristown.

Then the Christmas
pageant of '06.

Blew out my knee doing a leap

in second
on a patch of fake snow.

Never did get to finish
that routine.

Mm.

But, on the bright side,

it got me in a gym class
for two years,

and now I can tell
when it's gonna rain.

Hm!
I'm not doing this.

I already have one bully.

People find out I'm a dancer,
I'm a dead man!

Robby?

ROBBY:
He's not here.

I don't care
what you say,

I don't care what you do,

I will never,
ever do it!

Ever, ever, ever, ever...!

What's that?

It's exactly what
you think it is.

It's all your
favorite junk foods

crushed into a ball, then
we rolled them in Gummi Worms

and sprinkled them
with all the loose candy

you dropped between
the couch cushions.

(grunting)
Not now, monkey.
You want it,

you're gonna have to come out
of the closet and dance.

You guys don't play fair.

Mm-hmm.

WOMAN:
See a lot of
new faces this year.

Oh, jeepers creepers-- these are
the kids you have to beat?

These little freaks take
this crap seriously, huh?

Please.

Just putting on
leg warmers and Capezios

doesn't make you a dancer.

I'm gonna look
like a total knob.
No, hey,

no, no, no, don't you
worry about that, okay?

I got your back.

I promise that I'll absolutely

never, ever let anything bad
happen to you, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

(screaming)

I don't care that
you're doing this.

I still hate you.

MRS. TEEL:
Mm. So glad you could show up.

You know what
would be just super,

is if we could stick to
the scheduled times from now on.

All the good power ballads
have already been taken.

Mm.
I knew this was
a bad idea.

There's no way we're gonna
be ready in a week.

Oh, uh, hey,

uh, come here.

You got to cool it

with all this
negative energy, okay?

That stuff is
super-duper contagious,

so just do me a favor
and shut your eyes, all right?

Shut 'em, yeah.

Yeah, now
visualize with me,

you and I accepting giant,
oversized cardboard checks

for $5,000, okay?

Minus my expenses
and valet parking.

But it's not about me--
this is about

these two wonderful
little children right here

getting out there on stage and
dancing their little hearts out,

win or lose.

But definitely not losing.

Hi, Marcia. It's Ron.

Listen, um,
I'm a little concerned.

I have been watching
some pageant videos

and hitting up a few Web sites,
and I got to say,

it was a major,
major wakeup call.

If Robby doesn't show up
with a spray-on tan,

colored contacts
and lash extensions,

we are never gonna get
those eyes to pop, all right?

So call me back,
for serious. Bye.

People here are really cool.

Why? What'd you do?
Nothing.

I was just talking
to Bev about ice cream.

We had a big debate
about which was better,

cookies 'n' cream or peach.

I told her you love
Here Comes the Fudge.

Oh, no. Oh, stupid,

stupid, stupid.
Cookies 'n' cream?

No. No, no, no, not you.
It's me.

I have been so caught up
in turning Robby into
a sideshow spectacle,

I forgot that
you're not the smart one.

Come on,
come with me.

I gotta tell you something.
Come on.

You know, we have
a Web site, people.

You can buy all
that stuff online.

Come on.

All right,
let me show you something.

Keep an eye on the door.

What I'm about to show you,

I have never shown
another human being, okay?

All right.

I live my life at Sport Space
on the razor's edge.

This...

is a lie-a-gram, okay?

Now, pay close attention,

because my
continued existence

and employee discount
depend on it. You ready?

Yeah.

Here we go.

Bev...

thinks that I have diabetes.
Wait. What?!

I ate her Creamsicle out of
the employee fridge one day,

and when she accused me
of doing it, I told her

it couldn't possibly be me
because I'm a diabetic, see?

Yeah, I guess.

Okay.
Now, Pete was also there

for that lie, so
he's in Bev's circle.

But he's also in the circle
that believes that I am

an alternate for the Olympic
archery team, okay?

I didn't want
to take a shift.

Then there's Shawn--
he thinks

I am dyslexic
because I didn't want

to get quizzed on the employee
manual, for obvious reasons.

But there's no way that Pete
would ever believe that lie

because we talk
about comic books together.

That's why the dyslexic point is
well outside of Pete's circle.

Since Shawn
is here all the time,

I had to sell him
on all of these.

So he thinks that I'm a
dyslexic, diabetic archer.

Oh, then there's Jim--

he thinks I'm a Mormon,
for no specific reason. Yet.

It's just nice to have options.
Yeah.

(sighs)
All right, children,

starting positions...

And, uh-one, two,
three, four...

(Robby grunting)

She's sticking her nails
into me!

SALLY:
It was an accident.

Like when you
exploded my head.

All right, could
we focus, please?

RON:
Ah, there's my guys!

Lookin' good, lookin' good!

You two, not so much.
Anyway, hey, look,

I got the tux and gown
you asked for, okay?

But I picked up a few other
options on the way,

so just hear me out:
Pirate and wench.

Could be interesting, right?

Or... the bumble bee
and flower look.

You think
that's a little too cutesy?
Too cutesy.

Maybe. I thought that, but...
MRS. TEEL: I was thinking...

Hey, where are
you guys going?

You have a chance for glory
that may never come again.

Before you know it,
you'll be ten or 11,

looking back on what
you might've been...

Uh, Gary...?
...an incredible...

Uh, sorry, sorry.
Starting positions.

Come on. One, two,
three, four...

One, two...
step by step...

...two, three, step.
Front, back...

And turn and dip

and swoop

and mean it.

It's 2:00 in the
morning, Gary.

My feet are bleeding.

How dare you.

I wish my feet were bleeding.

The damn things are as soft and
uncalloused as a baby's ass.

(whining):
I want to go to sleep.

Baryshnikov didn't sleep
for eight years.

He just took little catnaps
during his incredible leaps.

But I'm so tired.

Well, then eat
more candy ball.

What is going on?

Ron, tell Gary I have
to go to sleep.

Your brother's right.

Two more hours,
then some core work

then straight to bed
for both of you, okay?

GARY:
You heard him.

And one, two, three, step.

Front, back-- a little
faster-- front, back...

Did you see Janine Tate?

She must have put on two pounds.

And what about
Jeremy Walton?

If those aren't calf implants,
I'll eat my hat.

Ugh, look at Randall.

Face like a hamster.

It's like, grow
a chin, right?

Look, Marcia, I know that
Phyllis was just trying

to psych us out at lunch today,

but it got me thinking, and we
really got to ask ourselves,

are these kids as committed
to the dream as we are?

Because I'm not sure--
I'm really not.

Oop-- Robby's here.

Gotta go. Kisses.

You broke
your promise.

You said you had my back,

and you wouldn't let anything
bad happen to me.

But Sally's still torturing me,
Gary's driving me crazy!

Whoa! Okay, slow down.

Oh, boy, Marcia warned
me this would happen.

It's a classic day four
tiara tantrum.

But don't you
worry, little man,

I have got just the cure.

Well, I am just
over the moon

that we went with
the pirate outfit.

I think it totally
justifies the tan.

Elegant choice.
Mm-hmm.

Oh, boy,

we are going to have
to pad that tush

to give it a little oomph.

So what you up to
this weekend, Randy?

Doing anything fun
with the family?

Yeah.

Well, Dad's got
his archery.

You know, he's trying to cut
two seconds off his time.

He still doing that?

You know, I'd love
to come watch sometime.

Oh, well-- you can't.

Because he's bad at
giving directions.

You know, the dyslexia.

Ron's dyslexic?

Worse case
I've ever seen.

He can't even take
oral tests.

Dyslexic?

But Ron told me he was
a reader at the tabernacle.

Ron's Mormon? How come he took
Hanukkah off last year?

Wait, I don't see how he can
be dyslexic and still be...

He's only part-time dyslexic.

He can read on Sundays.
But just comic books.

He's also half Jewish,
which is why he took up archery.

And he can't eat
Creamsicles.

I swear, he can't
eat Creamsicles!

Look, I don't know!

I don't know!

Huh. Something about that story
just does not add up.

Ten minutes, people.
Ten minutes to curtain.

Suck it in, honey.
This is it.

Okay, I need my eight-year-olds
warming up.

You're on
in ten.

Okay, Robby, come on, hurry
up in there. Just poop it out.

God, don't tell me
you let him eat today?

Oh, no. I think
it's just the excitement

of the competition, you know.

There's Charlotte and Martin.

They're the team
to beat.

It would be a shame if something
were to happen to one of them.

RON:
That would be a shame.

You know, she's, um,
highly allergic to wheat.

Blows up like a
balloon on contact.

Huh. I'm allergic to bees.

I mean, I've never
been stung by one, but...
No, what I'm saying is,

if she were to accidentally,
you know, eat something
with wheat in it,

she probably wouldn't
be able to dance.

Same thing with the bees.
If I got stung by one...
Idiot!

Give her some wheat.

Put some of this
in her water.

Oh. But-But then she...

Oh!

Oh! Oh! Ahoy, Robby, hey.

What are you doing?

What, me? Nothing, nothing.
Just, uh...

You're poisoning them
so I'll win, aren't you?

Look, I...

That's awesome.
I was totally wrong about you.

You had my back
all along.

Oh, whoa.

What am I doing?

This is all wrong.
This-this is all wrong.

You don't have
to get it perfect.

Poison is poison.

No, no, no, no.

I mean,
what-what am I doing?

What-What is the lesson
I'm teaching you here?

Robby... I'm going
to tell you something.

And I mean this from the bottom
of my heart, okay?

You look like a tool.

I knew it.
So does that mean...?

Yes.

No more junk in the trunk.

(relieved sigh)

Robby's out.

He's not doing it.

What?! What are you
talking about?!

He can't back out now!

I'm sorry.
I was trying to cash

a giant cardboard check that
wasn't mine to endorse.

No one should ever have
to do something

that makes them miserable.

See you on the playground.

What-wha-- okay,

they're supposed to be on
in two minutes.

What am I supposed to do?

Uh...

I'll do it.

I'll dance with her.

What? That's crazy.

Is it? I know all the moves.

I'm a much better dancer
than Robby will ever be.

No offense.
None taken.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Gary, wait.

What about your knee?

It's not gonna rain.

Not today.
What...?

Hey, Gary...

Ron! Ron...
we gotta talk.

Look, I messed up.
It's the Lie-a-gram.

I blew your cover,
blew it all to hell.

Whoa, whoa, all of it?

Even the Mormon thing?

Damn it, Brandon, that
was my escape hatch.

I'm so sorry.

I will help you find
another job.

Another job?

Do you have any idea how many
years it took me to build up

that foundation of
undeserved respect and pity?

I can't deal with
this right now.
Wait, wait.

MAN (over P.A.):
And now, competing in
the Super Juniors category,

the contemporary stylings
of Mr. Robby Gunderson...

Don't worry, we're
going to do great.

Just remember to keep your
shoulders back on those turns...

Your crazy dad was right.
What?

No one should have to do
something that makes
them miserable.

Wait! You can't
just leave me.

Gary, get off the stage!

No, not the leap in second,
you crazy bastard...

It's Christmas '06
all over again.

(crack,
Gary groans)

(all groaning)

Oh, not again.

I think he's injured.

Cut the music.
No!

That's not an injury...
it's my cue.

What should I do?

Pop the knee.

Are you sure?
Pop the knee!

(loud crack)

Ow!
Other knee.

Sorry.

(pop, groaning)

Ron, help me up.
I can do this on my own.

What about your knees?

This-- This is my knees now.

Good man.

Yeah!

WOMAN:
He's not eight!

MAN:
He's a ringer!

MAN 2:
Cheater!
(all booing)

You suck!

Can you hear them?

Can you hear the applause
and the trumpets?

(cheers and applause echoing)

(audience booing)
Wherever you are
right now, Gary,

just stay there.

(booing continues)

Damn it, Ron,
be careful.

Oh, I liked you so much
better when you were delirious.

Let's just get the heck
out of here before
we run into...

Hey.
You!

There she is.

There's the woman
I was looking for.

So listen, no rush
getting the wench
costume back to me, okay?

And on the off chance

that we actually might
have won this thing,

the cut's now 70-30.
That's more than generous.

Gary did all the work.

You and your horrible family
stay the hell away from us

before you do anymore damage
to my Sally! Get it?!

Okay.

(cheering)
Thank you, thank you.

Excuse me, guys.

(thudding crack)
Oh! Oh, my knee!
RON: Oh, shut up!

Oh, what are you doing?

I'm quitting. I screwed
everything up for you.

No, you didn't.

You didn't,
all right?

Stop, stop. Listen to me.

Just like Robby can't dance
like Gary,

you can't lie like me, okay?

I'm the Gregory Hines
of lying.

I've won awards for it.

Really?
No.

You are good.
I know.

Ever since I got hit by a car
as a child,

I've this incredible capacity.

Really?
I could do this all day.

(chuckles)
The point is, I found
us a way out.

I didn't need to prove
that I was telling the truth.

I only needed to prove
that you never did... hmm?

Boom. That's right--

I told everybody
you're schizophrenic.

Have been since the day
you were born.

I don't know, Ron-- how am I
going to pull that off?
Don't worry about it.

You also have a history
of violent outbursts, all right?

Nobody's going to pry.

Congratulations.
Your first lie circle.

This is the coolest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

Really?
No.

Nice. I did not see that coming.

You didn't?
Of course I did.