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1
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,246
RON:
Thank you, Tucson!
2
00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:41,837
Hi. Linda?
3
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,275
Oh, my God!
You found Chester!
4
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,812
Chester-- I did--
the poor little guy.
5
00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:47,176
Found him limping around
6
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,515
all cold and hungry,
dangerously close
7
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:49,779
to an abandoned well.
8
00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,317
He's lucky I came along.
9
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,392
I wouldn't say
I saved his life, but he might.
10
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,321
I don't know how to thank you.
11
00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,526
Oh, let me give you something.
12
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,359
Oh, no, no, no,
no, please, no.
13
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,134
Just seeing the little guy back
in the arms of a loved one--
14
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,333
that's all the thanks I need.
15
00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,804
(sobs happily)
Although...
16
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:09,102
(clears throat) You did
advertise a, uh, $100 reward,
17
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,307
so I think, legally,
I have to accept it.
18
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:12,869
Yeah.
Oh. Oh, okay.
19
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,176
Plus, uh, he ate $75
out of my wallet,
20
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:16,679
but I'm willing
to go halfsies on that with you.
21
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,288
(high-pitched whistle)
22
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:35,232
Hello, handsome.
23
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,233
Here we go.
24
00:01:37,265 --> 00:01:40,565
25
00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,335
I'm telling you,
26
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:50,576
a human could totally survive
a fall from that height.
27
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,611
No way.
28
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,875
A cat, maybe,
but not a human.
29
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,454
That's only
because they're too dumb
30
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:56,923
to know how far
they're falling.
31
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,290
Enough talk. Am I going up
on the roof or not?
32
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,620
RON: Ooh, hey, hey, don't
get too comfortable, buddy.
33
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:03,285
You're only here
until the flyers go up.
34
00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:04,494
Check it
out, a dog!
Cool!
35
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,925
Oh, oh, no touching!
No touching! (stammering)
36
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,300
I'm-I'm watching it for a really
tight-assed friend of mine.
37
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,300
Gotta keep it
in mint condition.
38
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,772
Geez... so you guys
really like dogs, huh?
39
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,900
Yeah, but our dad
never let us have one.
40
00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,235
Our housekeeper
had one, though.
41
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,710
She used to tell us
stories about it.
42
00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:19,338
It sounded adorable.
43
00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:20,873
Well, you know,
I don't see any reason
44
00:02:20,908 --> 00:02:22,208
why you guys couldn't
have one now.
45
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,213
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a second here.
46
00:02:23,244 --> 00:02:25,784
A dog is a big responsibility.
47
00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,583
What's the big deal?
If the boys want to get a dog,
48
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:28,445
let's get 'em a dog.
49
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,482
Awesome!
50
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,688
Ron, can I see you
by the barbecue?
51
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:33,820
You need to talk these type
of things over with me
52
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:36,324
before you make a
big decision like this.
53
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,857
You're completely
undermining my authority.
54
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,361
Oh, you're overreacting.
It's no big deal.
55
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:43,404
Yeah, it's no big deal to you,
'cause you get to be the hero.
56
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,471
I'm gonna be the one
stuck cleaning up after it.
57
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,469
Okay, all right, fine.
58
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,441
Sorry, guys, no dog.
59
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:49,639
BRANDON & ROBBY:
No!
60
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,570
Great, now I'm the buzz kill.
61
00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:53,636
(sighs)
62
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,544
Okay, fine, I guess
we can try it...
63
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,446
Yeah!
Yeah!
64
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:58,848
But if we're getting a dog,
65
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:01,349
it needs to be house-trained
and hypoallergenic for Robby.
66
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,182
Absolutely.
67
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,916
I can't believe
I'm agreeing to this.
68
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:08,862
Okay, now, here's $500.
69
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,789
Get a good one.
70
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,494
You keep your money
in the barbecue?
71
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,186
Not anymore.
72
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,343
Hey, Ron, check it out.
Uh, I can't. I can't
73
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:22,699
right now, Joker.
I'm in a hurry.
74
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,266
I got to get a dog for my kids.
75
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:26,565
Oh, okay. I just thought
you might want
76
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,407
to look at...
77
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:30,807
Gene Simmons' boots.
78
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,676
Are you
kidding me?
(laughs)
79
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,345
Aw!
80
00:03:36,384 --> 00:03:38,354
Oh, my God!
81
00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:39,946
From the "Hotter
than Hell" tour.
82
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:41,517
Opening night in London.
83
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,315
No, no-- Berlin.
84
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,329
450 bucks, and I think
85
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,462
there's some groupie panties
jammed in the toe.
86
00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,028
Shut up.
87
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,025
Oh, my God, there are.
88
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,766
Oh, I can have these.
89
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:56,873
No.
90
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,544
No, no. I can't.
91
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,372
Come on, Ron.
92
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,538
Are you or are you not
a member of the Kiss Army?
93
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,346
Hey, you know
that I am.
94
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,048
Don't start questioning
my loyalties, all right?
95
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:07,719
I just, I have to
96
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,648
spend this money
on a...
(growling)
97
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,353
dog.
98
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,485
Wait a minute...
99
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,894
You know what?
100
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,985
On second thought,
wrap those puppies up.
101
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,657
They're mine.
102
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:22,955
(laughs)
103
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:24,526
I hope you take cash.
104
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,365
Good call.
105
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,440
You're gonna get so much tail
with these, it's sick.
106
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:31,871
(mouthing)
107
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:33,743
All right.
108
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:37,284
(laughter)
109
00:04:39,413 --> 00:04:41,683
So, a purebred
Swedish Vallhund, huh?
110
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:42,815
Mm-hmm, yeah.
111
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,490
And he's house-trained?
112
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,688
Yeah. That's what the guy at
the pet store told me anyway.
113
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,920
You know, I had to spend
a little extra, but, uh,
114
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,356
the looks on their
faces. Oh, my gosh.
115
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,761
I love him already!
116
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,333
See?
117
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,962
He smells like old pizza.
118
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,596
Oh, that's the, uh,
organic flea dip.
119
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,732
It's, uh, tomato-based.
120
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:00,927
Very expensive.
121
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,098
Oh. Who's a good doggie?
122
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,095
You're a good dog. Yes, you are.
123
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,007
But don't get a big head
about it, okay?
124
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,339
'Cause nobody likes that.
125
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:08,635
Ah, look at those two.
126
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,836
I'm glad you talked me
into this.
Yeah.
127
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:12,348
Yeah, you know, there's
got to be an upside
128
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:13,550
to having your
dad in prison.
129
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:14,481
Now, if you need me,
130
00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:15,515
I'll be in my shed.
131
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,049
Wait, Ron.
132
00:05:17,084 --> 00:05:18,124
Yeah?
133
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,851
You know, maybe it's time
134
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,117
you moved into the house.
135
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,724
Really?
136
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,586
Don't-Don't say that
unless you mean it, Gary.
137
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,125
I mean, I know
we've had some trust issues,
138
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,959
but you've been doing a lot
of good things
139
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,555
for this
family lately.
140
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:31,127
I think you've earned a place
on the couch.
141
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,674
I have. And you know what?
142
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,640
I'm really glad
that I finally have your trust.
143
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:35,638
Feels good.
144
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,369
So, what's in the bag?
145
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:39,505
Oh. It's, uh, dog food.
146
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:41,380
BRANDON:
There's something really
147
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:43,539
soulful and wise about this guy.
148
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,377
I don't know why Dad never
let us get a dog before.
149
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,454
Yeah.
What was his problem?
150
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,122
Oh, no.
151
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,486
RON (sighs):
Oh!
152
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,762
Ooh, God, almost forgotten
what a toilet seat felt like.
153
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,391
It's really good.
154
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,397
It's all thanks to you,
my main canine.
155
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:02,999
All right, now,
if you don't mind,
156
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,130
that couch has got my name
all over it.
157
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,065
(growls)
No?
158
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:09,039
Oh, got a tough guy here, huh?
159
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,099
(growling)
160
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,937
Okay.
161
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,012
(growling)
Okay.
162
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,440
All right. Oh, okay, okay.
163
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,135
You can have it.
164
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,775
(growling)
165
00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:17,880
For tonight.
166
00:06:19,447 --> 00:06:22,617
But... I get
167
00:06:22,650 --> 00:06:25,020
my blanket!
168
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,952
(Ron laughs, dog snarls)
169
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,487
Ah, too slow, sucker.
170
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,163
It's mine.
171
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:32,631
(sniffs)
172
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:35,130
Oh, my God! Oh!
173
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,862
Come on!
174
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:45,112
Hey, you know how when people
die they come back as animals?
175
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,168
I think the science is far from
settled on that one, Brandon.
176
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:47,977
Really?
177
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,878
So an entire subcontinent
of Hindus
178
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,510
are actually ignorant morons.
179
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,005
That's a pretty bold
statement, Gary.
180
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,478
Who are you?
181
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:59,587
Wait, wait,
don't tell me.
182
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,660
Push me towards him.
I want to play with him!
183
00:07:01,689 --> 00:07:02,859
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
184
00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:05,860
Whoa! You guys, uh, might want
to take it easy with that dog.
185
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,463
He's got
a pretty vicious temper.
186
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,495
What are you talking about?
He's great.
Yeah.
187
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,500
Want to see how great he is?
188
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,602
Okay. Little something
I picked up last night.
189
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,044
Here we go.
190
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,870
(laughter)
191
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,206
Yeah, that is pretty terrifying.
192
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,880
Are you also afraid
of butterflies?
193
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:25,480
Ha, ha. No. All right,
you guys should have seen it.
194
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,153
He was up all night
growling at me.
195
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:28,980
I thought he was gonna
bite my butt off.
196
00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:30,116
Now he ate my waffles!
197
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,790
Waffles. That's perfect!
We'll call him
198
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,690
Waffles!
Yeah. Great.
Did you not feed him?
199
00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:35,892
GARY:
I knew
200
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,223
this would happen, Brandon.
201
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,727
Well, Robby didn't
feed him, either.
202
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,689
Why are you yelling at me?
203
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,187
I'm not yelling at...
204
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,698
(quieter):
I'm not yelling at you.
205
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:45,101
All I'm trying to say is
206
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,272
that having a dog means
having responsibilities.
207
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,900
Can you back me up here, Ron?
208
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:49,966
Boys, do what your brother says,
209
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:51,673
or I'll never hear
the end of it.
210
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,187
(music plays on TV)
211
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,558
(dog whining)
212
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,188
You guys walk the dog today?
213
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:14,125
Guys, anybody walk the dog?
214
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,301
(dog whining)
215
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,099
(grumbles)
216
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,027
(liquid splashing)
217
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:23,768
Oh, my God, that's disgusting.
218
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,844
Right on the autograph!
219
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:27,583
All right, that's it.
220
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:30,808
Time for someone
to learn a lesson.
221
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:34,684
(growling)
222
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:35,915
Okay, I learned!
223
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,719
I learned!
224
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,951
(barking)
I learned!
225
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,685
Aah!
226
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,957
Think I'm afraid of you?
227
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,255
I'm not afraid of you.
228
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,696
You're just
a stupid dog.
229
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,132
I got news
for you, buddy.
230
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,136
I'm as smart as any dog.
231
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:59,035
Boom.
232
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,972
(man speaking foreign language
on TV)
233
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,638
(crowd groaning)
234
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,076
MAN (on TV):
Coming up next on "Wolf Week"--
235
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,852
canis lupus negra,
the Sonoran Black Wolf.
236
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,281
Well known for his cunning,
the Sonoran Black is
237
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,347
a predatory, marauding killer.
238
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,645
(howling)
239
00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:18,287
(howling)
240
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:29,799
241
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,613
Hey. Hey, Mike.
242
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:35,442
Listen, I got
243
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:38,105
a quick question for you
about wolves.
244
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:39,105
Oh, that's right.
245
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:41,376
You got a question about
animals, ask the Indian.
246
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,784
We've got a spiritual
connection to nature, huh?
247
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,187
Ancient wisdom
handed down
248
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,848
from our forefathers.
249
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:50,317
How come nobody ever asks me
about the stock market?
250
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,087
I don't know.
251
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,255
Okay, so the wolf is
a majestic creature,
252
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:57,934
known as much for its cunning
as for its savage beauty.
253
00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,925
It's a very
misunderstood animal.
254
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,767
Yeah. Hey, listen...
255
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,742
Okay, Mike,
I-I have more.
256
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:04,841
Excuse me.
257
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,642
What can you tell me
about this shoe?
258
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:07,884
Uh, I think the question is,
259
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:09,408
what can you tell me
about the shoe?
260
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,782
Okay, I can't teach if
you haven't done your homework.
261
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:14,152
But I was just
wanting to know.
But, but, but. No buts, okay?
262
00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:16,121
Take care of your feet,
they'll take care of you.
263
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,419
Come back to me
when you're serious.
264
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,020
Thank you.
265
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,322
Hey, Mike, okay, I got it.
They're awesome,
266
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:21,663
beautiful animals.
267
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:22,789
What I need to know is,
268
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:23,723
can you domesticate them?
269
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,187
Oh, sure.
270
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,785
Native people have been doing
it for thousands of years.
271
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,027
Really?
You bet.
272
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:29,231
Works out great.
273
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,732
Right up to the
time they turn.
274
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,665
Turn?
275
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:37,101
Yeah, one day they're your best
friend, then all of a sudden...
276
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,037
they go feral,
rip your throat out.
277
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:40,172
Happens every time.
278
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,367
Every time?
279
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,838
Well, not...
Yeah, every time.
280
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,977
Hey, did you see
Project Runway last night?
281
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,986
Jillian is totally
out of control.
282
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,249
ROBBY:
Brandon,
283
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,086
that's crazy.
284
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,862
Waffles isn't Grandpa.
285
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,460
I'm not saying he is for sure,
286
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:01,091
but you have to admit
there are a lot of similarities.
287
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,098
He has that Texas-shaped
birthmark on his belly
288
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:04,100
just like Grandpa,
289
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:06,731
he loves listening to Sinatra,
just like Grandpa,
290
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:09,937
and he's always burying things
in the backyard;
291
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,210
classic Grandpa.
Come on.
292
00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,854
Oh, look who's here,
293
00:11:18,879 --> 00:11:22,019
the Gunderson boys.
294
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,049
Refresh my memory.
295
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,383
Didn't we have a little chat
296
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:26,317
about you bringing your garbage
cans in on time?
297
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,963
I'm fairly sure
we did.
298
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,818
I'm also fairly sure we left
a note on your door.
299
00:11:30,858 --> 00:11:31,728
And in the mailbox.
300
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,129
And on your car.
301
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,300
Yeah, we're not big note people.
302
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,898
We must have missed them.
303
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,170
But, for future reference,
304
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,428
muffin baskets are
a big attention grabber.
305
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:43,337
I like their dog.
I want it.
306
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,810
(quietly):
Get her the damn dog, Elliot.
307
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,438
We don't want her wetting
her bed till she's 20.
308
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:47,743
(whispers):
Okay, okay.
309
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,075
(normal volume):
Hey...
310
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,910
you boys wouldn't be willing
to part with him, would you?
311
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,776
He's not for sale!
He's family!
312
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:56,045
On my dad's side.
313
00:11:57,184 --> 00:12:00,024
Come on, boys, you can play
fast and loose when it comes
314
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,993
to garbage cans,
and no one gets hurt.
315
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,492
But this is a dog
we're talking about.
316
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,463
Hey, you hard
of hearing or are you
317
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:06,892
just looking for a fight?
318
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,527
Who's he talking to, Mommy?
319
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,301
I don't know, dear.
320
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,200
Come on, Elliot.
321
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,325
You wanna go?! Let's go!
322
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,267
Not so tough now,
are ya, little man?!
323
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:21,407
A wolf?!
324
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:24,981
What the hell kind of pet store
sells a wolf?!
325
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:26,252
I don't know.
That's crazy, right?
326
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:29,449
I tell you what, I am this close
to writing them a stern letter.
327
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,322
We have to get rid of it
before Brandon and Robby
328
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:32,521
get any more attached to it.
329
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:33,952
Yeah.
They're acting
330
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:35,387
like this thing breast-fed them.
331
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,162
Yeah, they do love it,
don't they?
332
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:39,130
You'd have to be some kind of
cold-hearted bastard
333
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,259
to crush 'em like that--
you do it.
334
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:44,164
No way! It was all your fault
to begin with, Ron.
335
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,997
You don't get to just waltz
in here and be
336
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:47,803
the fun dad,
while I'm the one stuck
337
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,165
always having to say no.
338
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:51,372
(quietly):
Can we please not argue
in front of them?
339
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,074
You guys should've seen it.
340
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,936
Waffles chased down a motorcycle
and gave it a flat tire.
341
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,576
Grandpa always hated speeders.
342
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,010
Ron?
343
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:00,076
Okay.
Let's go.
344
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,383
Come on.
Okay, all right.
345
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,224
Okay, let's go.
Don't push me.
346
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,390
Okay, gang, listen up.
347
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:06,988
There is, uh,
something important
348
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:10,220
that you need to know
about Waffles.
349
00:13:10,257 --> 00:13:12,327
What's the matter with me?
350
00:13:12,359 --> 00:13:14,089
I can't stop smiling.
351
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,957
Aw, come here, boy.
352
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,126
Something, something important
353
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,874
that I think
Gary can explain best.
354
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,229
Uh, no, Ron, you were
doing fine. Go ahead.
355
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,298
No, seriously, you're so much
better at it than me.
356
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:24,036
Waffles is a wolf!
357
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,443
Awesome!
358
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,384
A wolf!
359
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,178
No, no, no,
360
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:31,510
you guys don't understand--
it's not awesome.
361
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,154
It's a wild dangerous animal.
362
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,610
He could go berserk
at any minute.
363
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,077
What are you talking about?
364
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,316
Waffles is not dangerous.
365
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,490
I mean, sure, he had
some old-fashioned ideas
366
00:13:39,519 --> 00:13:40,449
about immigrants, but...
367
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,087
Okay, having a wolf
in the house is dangerous.
368
00:13:42,122 --> 00:13:43,162
It's gotta go.
369
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,390
End of story.
370
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:48,164
No way! If he goes, I go!
371
00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:54,027
Man, we really need
to brush his teeth.
372
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,106
What a waste of $500.
373
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:03,011
Tell me about it.
374
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,983
I never even got
to wear 'em out.
375
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,282
Excuse me?
376
00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:09,283
I never got to take the dog
for a jog, you know?
377
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,576
I never got to throw
the ol' tennis ball around.
378
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:13,888
That damn pet store.
I'm telling ya,
379
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:14,821
we're going
down there tomorrow
380
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,924
and we're gonna make them
give us a new dog.
381
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,157
No, no, you don't want
to do that.
382
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,232
Why not? That seems
like the logical thing to do.
383
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,401
I know, I know.
Just give me a minute here.
384
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:24,930
You know what?
385
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,425
I better go down there
on my own.
386
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:29,096
I don't want you to see how
angry I get with these people.
387
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:31,566
Believe me, I've got some words
for these guys, too.
388
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,414
I'm going with you.
389
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:34,369
Great.
390
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:39,610
What-what the hell, Ron?
391
00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:42,246
This is bizarre.
There was a high-end
392
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,922
pet boutique
here yesterday.
393
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:45,691
Damn this economy!
394
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,188
Oh!
395
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,160
What is going on?
396
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,990
Well, I think it all started
with the selfish bastards
397
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,226
on Wall Street securitizing
mortgages...
398
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:57,531
Enough! Just look me in the eyes
and tell me...
399
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,174
Okay, I lied, all right?!
400
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,329
I found the wolf in the trash
and I used the money
401
00:15:01,368 --> 00:15:04,368
to buy classic rock memorabilia
for my feet. Wow.
402
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,444
Feels good
to clear the air, right?
403
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,413
Fist bump?
404
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:20,617
You owe me $500 and you're
back in the shed. Got it?
405
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:24,063
That's actually more lenient
than I was expecting.
406
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,231
I should've known
not to trust you.
407
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,429
Listen, it was supposed to be
a win/win situation, okay?
408
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,202
I got screwed by fate.
I don't understand why
409
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,431
everything keeps blowing up
in my face.
410
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:34,466
Hi, there.
411
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:37,271
I'm Colonel Drake Thunder.
412
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:39,644
My special ops unit is shipping
out tonight at 3600 hours,
413
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:42,282
Need to find a home
for our beloved family pet.
414
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,079
That's a wolf.
415
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,451
Say again?
416
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,678
That's a wolf,
Colonel Thunder.
417
00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:49,384
We don't take wolves.
418
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,016
Well, then I guess I know
whose side you're on
419
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,521
in the War on Terror.
420
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:53,552
Let's go, son.
421
00:15:57,190 --> 00:15:59,360
So, what do you think, Coach?
422
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,392
Interesting idea.
423
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:03,127
A live wolf on the sidelines
424
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,433
would make a pretty strong
statement to the other teams.
425
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,525
Forget it, douche bag!
426
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,337
We already have
a mascot!
427
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,169
Can your wolf
do this?
428
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,044
Wolves! Wolves!
That's our name!
429
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:15,583
Compared to us,
you guys are lame!
430
00:16:15,608 --> 00:16:17,338
We'll scratch you!
We'll maul you!
431
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:18,777
We'll tear you to shreds!
432
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,251
And we won't give up
433
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,980
until you're all dead...za!
434
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,248
(whoops)
435
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,060
He's my son.
436
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:36,498
You really think we're
doing the right thing?
437
00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:38,699
What choice do we have?
438
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,401
Brandon and Robby are gonna
take it really hard.
439
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,444
I know. Maybe it'll build
character though, you know.
440
00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,470
I mean, it's like this one time
my dad got really drunk
441
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,505
and swallowed all the fish in
my aquarium, plus the castle.
442
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:48,340
Look at me.
443
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:51,576
Uh-huh.
444
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:52,811
So, what are we gonna tell them?
445
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,045
Just gonna keep it simple.
446
00:16:55,082 --> 00:16:56,822
We'll tell 'em
that Waffles ran away.
447
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,049
They'll take it really badly,
we'll take it really badly.
448
00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,116
We'll all have a good cry.
449
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,123
It's a teachable moment.
450
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,185
Here we go.
451
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:07,564
Take this back to your pack.
452
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:08,564
The bitches will love you.
453
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:12,230
(car engine starts)
454
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,567
(panting)
455
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:19,765
What...?
456
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,136
How did he...?
457
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,344
Assassins!
458
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:24,805
You tried to get rid of Waffles!
459
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,354
The Germans couldn't
do it in Normandy,
460
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,549
and neither can you!
461
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,580
We had to do it.
462
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:29,745
You guys gotta understand.
463
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:30,822
It's for your own good.
464
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:32,550
Think about it.
465
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:33,845
The Three Little Pigs.
466
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,356
Little Red Riding Hood.
467
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,588
Teen Wolf.
468
00:17:36,623 --> 00:17:37,863
Teen Wolf Too.
469
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,830
The whole
Teen Wolf franchise, really.
470
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,159
You see a common
denominator here?
471
00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,304
That you're both dirtbag liars!
472
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:44,300
Come on, Robby.
473
00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,501
Let's go feed Waffles.
474
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,733
RON:
No, guys, wait.
475
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,567
Don't-Don't, guys!
476
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,702
All right, you know what?
Fine. That's fine.
477
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:52,838
Go ahead and play
with fire.
478
00:17:52,872 --> 00:17:55,512
Don't say I didn't
warn you.
479
00:17:55,542 --> 00:17:56,812
Gave it a shot.
480
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,153
My conscience is clear.
481
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,148
Ron, please.
What?!
482
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,650
What do you want
me to do, Gary?
483
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:02,851
They don't listen
to me, okay?
484
00:18:02,882 --> 00:18:04,522
Just, you know,
give it a few weeks,
485
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,391
they'll get bored with him.
It'll be just like
486
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,419
the pirate ship go-kart.
487
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:11,289
BRANDON:
I don't get it.
488
00:18:11,324 --> 00:18:12,864
He's not eating
his dog food.
(giggling): Waffles.
489
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:14,632
Waffles, stop.
490
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:17,531
ROBBY: Waffles.
(sighs)
491
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,374
No! No, no. Bad dog.
492
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,869
Don't make me spank you
with the paper.
493
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:23,270
Brandon, no! Brandon!
494
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,613
Don't, you'll
set him off.
495
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:26,808
(Robby giggling)
496
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,839
ROBBY:
Try yanking his ears.
497
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:29,735
(giggling):
Waffles.
498
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,806
Waffles, stop.
Be right back.
499
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:32,754
BRANDON:
No, no, no.
500
00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,709
Bad dog.
501
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,360
What are you doing, Ron?
502
00:18:42,389 --> 00:18:43,859
Something stupid.
503
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,328
Something really stupid.
504
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:53,132
Gene, Paul, Ace, protect me.
505
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,601
Pete... you just keep the beat.
506
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,513
This is it, Gary.
507
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:03,682
Time to take care of business.
508
00:19:03,710 --> 00:19:04,740
509
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,747
Get out of my way, Brandon.
510
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:07,809
BRANDON: Ron?
(grunts)
511
00:19:07,847 --> 00:19:09,347
Ron, what are
you doing, man?
512
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,182
Stay out of this!
We don't need your help.
513
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,248
RON: Oh, yeah?
(Waffles growls)
514
00:19:12,285 --> 00:19:13,785
I'll show you
what a wolf can do.
515
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,360
(fabric ripping, tearing)
516
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,318
RON:
See? This is what
I'm talking about.
517
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,956
(Waffles barking)
ROBBY:
What's happening?
518
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,860
BRANDON:
No! Grandpa!
(barking continues)
519
00:19:19,892 --> 00:19:21,462
Oh, I didn't use
enough padding.
520
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:22,634
(Waffles growling)
521
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:23,802
Oh, please, God, no.
522
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,500
Gene, where are you?
523
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,269
And there you go.
524
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,605
Ow!
525
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:34,840
Oh, that's just phantom pain.
526
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,414
Your body's in way
too much shock
527
00:19:36,443 --> 00:19:38,353
to comprehend how much
pain it's actually in.
528
00:19:38,378 --> 00:19:39,248
See?
529
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,853
So, we're not gonna rub
ourselves with meat
530
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,652
and wrestle a wolf
again, are we?
531
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,924
Well, I can't make any promises,
but it's pretty unlikely.
532
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:49,424
GARY: Hey.
533
00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:50,886
Hey, guys.
534
00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,893
Hey, don't worry,
I'm fine.
535
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,625
It wasn't as bad
as it looked.
536
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,761
How bad did it look?
537
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,826
I swear, I will never tell
anyone about the crying.
538
00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,325
Although, it was more
like wailing,
539
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,397
with giant, soundless
sobs in between,
540
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,835
and I think loss of
bladder control is
really involuntary
541
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:05,871
at that point...
Okay, shush, shush.
542
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:06,865
Got it. Thank you!
543
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,906
Good news, uh,
544
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,241
Brandon and Robby agreed
to get rid of Waffles.
545
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,548
You did?
Yeah.
546
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:13,879
Yeah, I don't think he's
Grandpa after all.
547
00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,783
If he was, he would've
finished you off
548
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:16,775
and buried you in
the backyard.
549
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,616
What?
550
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,521
Never mind.
Just try and get some rest.
551
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,463
Okay. I will.
552
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,389
Hey, listen, as soon
as I'm done in here,
553
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,494
I'll move all my stuff
out of the house.
554
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:28,756
About that--
we took a vote and decided
555
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:31,925
that it's probably best
you recuperate in the house.
556
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:33,304
And then we'll take it
557
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,303
from there and see.
558
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:35,804
Really? That's so good.
559
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:36,965
Thank you.
560
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,813
You won't regret it. I promise.
561
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:39,838
Where's Robby?
562
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:42,838
It wasn't unanimous.
563
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,675
I see.
564
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,812
I can't do it.
565
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:49,447
You do it, Brandon.
I can't do it.
566
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,822
He doesn't deserve this,
even if he isn't Grandpa.
567
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,551
No one does.
568
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,416
I'll do it, girls.
569
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,593
(doorbell rings)
570
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,896
We want you to have Waffles.
571
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,867
You were right, he does deserve
a home like yours.
39348
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