Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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MAN: I don't know
what the fuck is going on
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00:00:57,883 --> 00:00:59,537
in this country, man!
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00:00:59,581 --> 00:01:01,974
Every day I turn on the TV,
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00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:05,804
and I see these fucking freaks marching for their rights!
5
00:01:07,763 --> 00:01:09,417
What about our rights?
6
00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:13,638
This is our time
to show the world
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that we are not
just an online movement!
8
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We're growing physically!
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This is our time
to assert ourselves
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as the true voice of America!
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MEN: Yeah!
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Yes, let's do that!
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MAN: Now, you may have noticed
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that our friend Aryan Grande
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has brought in a new recruit.
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FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!
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ALL: Yeah!
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Hi. Heil. Heil,everybody.
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White power. Obviously.
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Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.
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Since World War II, really.
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That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.
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And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...
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Fuck the Jews!ALL: Yeah!
25
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Welcome!
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00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:03,471
Let's fucking party!
27
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,918
So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?
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00:02:15,961 --> 00:02:17,398
MEN: Yeah.
29
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:19,139
How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?
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00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,619
Hey, FTJ!FRED: Yo!
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You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.
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Now's your chance.
33
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,931
Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.
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00:02:28,974 --> 00:02:31,542
Come on, man.
We all got 'em!
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You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?
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00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:41,900
MEN: Yeah!
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I will get a swastika tattoo.
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Um...
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00:02:45,817 --> 00:02:47,036
Yeah.
40
00:02:49,517 --> 00:02:51,736
Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.
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00:02:53,651 --> 00:02:55,218
Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.
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00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:56,480
This is really exciting.
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All right, here we go!
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00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,444
Ooh, right! Yeah!
45
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,054
That hurt?
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00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:07,099
On many levels. Yes.
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Fuck!
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00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,888
Hey! This you?
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00:03:14,063 --> 00:03:15,673
You're a journalist?
50
00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:18,285
Yeah!
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00:03:18,328 --> 00:03:20,504
We all got to be
fucking journalists
in this day and age,
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00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:23,420
mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!
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His name is Fred Flarsky.
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00:03:25,509 --> 00:03:27,207
He writes for
the Brooklyn Advocate.
55
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:29,774
He's a fucking Jew!What?
56
00:03:29,818 --> 00:03:32,342
Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!
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00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:35,867
What are you doing here?
58
00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:37,173
You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?
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00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,131
Who sent you? No one sent me!
60
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,829
It's okay. I'm... I'm...
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00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:43,484
He's been recording us
the whole time!
62
00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:46,138
Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!
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00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:48,010
You're gonna fucking die!
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00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:49,185
How do you
turn this thing off?
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00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,708
The fucking red button,
right there, man!
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00:03:57,802 --> 00:03:59,413
Holy shit!
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00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:09,292
Yeah!
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00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,773
Not only did I escape...
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00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:15,298
I held onto my phone!
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00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,387
Yes! Ow!
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00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:21,565
I trusted you, man!
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00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,306
Yeah, well...
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00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,917
Jews win this round,
motherfucker!
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Peace! Ow.
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00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:30,400
NEWSCASTER:
Tonight onWembley News,
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we take an in-depth look
at Charlotte Field,
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00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:35,449
a Rhodes Scholar,
a Pulitzer winner,
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00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:38,321
and protege
of President Chambers,
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00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,192
who tapped Field two years ago
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to be the youngest
secretary of state
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in the history of this nation.
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00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:46,329
And honestly,
looking hotter than usual.
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00:04:46,373 --> 00:04:48,331
Now, people are gonna say
that's sexist,
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00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:50,333
but, she's just hot!
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00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:51,682
NEWSCASTER 2: You know,
when we talk about women
in this way,
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00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,336
it is because
we respect them so much,
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00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:54,903
and we start with their body.
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00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:56,557
You two are terrible.
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00:05:00,474 --> 00:05:02,302
Good night, Steven.Good night, Madam Secretary.
90
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,612
Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.
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00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:09,744
Long day.
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00:05:09,787 --> 00:05:11,354
Three bilaterals.
93
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:14,052
Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.
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00:05:14,096 --> 00:05:16,359
There's just not enough
traction around this thing.
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00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:19,362
I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.
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00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,972
I don't have
the American people's support.
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00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,061
I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,
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00:05:23,105 --> 00:05:24,715
but you know who likes it?
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00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:28,023
88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.
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00:05:28,066 --> 00:05:29,459
Likely voters.
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00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,853
That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.
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00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:10,326
Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.
103
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,762
I mean,
he did play a president
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00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:15,549
on a very popular television
show for over a decade.
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00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,855
You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations
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00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:19,988
without being
pretty convincing.
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00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,425
Um, I do think I'm funny.
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00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,427
I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about
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00:06:24,471 --> 00:06:26,734
promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.
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00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:28,475
All right, next one's BBC.
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00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:29,954
Would you be asking
a male cabinet member
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00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:31,565
what products they use
in their hair?
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00:06:32,348 --> 00:06:33,871
I'm just kidding.
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00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,396
No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.
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00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:38,702
I know. So cheap.
So much shine.
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00:06:41,749 --> 00:06:43,620
Good morning, Mr. President.
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Good morning,
Mr. President.
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Good morning, Mr. President.
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Good morning,
Mr. President.
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00:06:51,149 --> 00:06:52,586
Oh, hey, Charlotte.
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00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:55,676
You caught me
watching my show.
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00:06:55,719 --> 00:06:58,592
Mr. President. We still
recommend Option C.
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I am not nuking a tsunami!
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00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:03,771
Oh, here it is.
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00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:05,425
Not now...
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00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,035
Not today.
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00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,558
Not in my house.
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00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,865
Yes! I love that!
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00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,693
Oh, me too.
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00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:14,782
Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.
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00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,307
Charlotte.
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00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:20,048
Yes, sir?
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00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:22,746
I will not be
seeking reelection.
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00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,139
Really?
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00:07:24,182 --> 00:07:25,836
Look, I know it's crazy,
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00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,882
because I'm only halfway
through my first term.
137
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:30,972
And you're incredibly
popular, sir.
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00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:33,104
And I want to use
that popularity
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to transition into something
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00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:38,980
more prestigious
than the presidency.
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00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:42,897
I wanna make it in the movies.
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00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:46,117
You're going to leave
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00:07:46,161 --> 00:07:48,772
the Presidency
to go be in movies?
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00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:51,079
I know. It's gonna be tough.Ah...
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00:07:51,122 --> 00:07:53,647
Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump
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00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,562
from TV to film.
147
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:58,216
Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...
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00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,827
Might be... Might be just two.
149
00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:03,308
I... Mr. President, have you
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00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:07,138
given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?
151
00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:09,227
I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol
152
00:08:09,271 --> 00:08:12,709
or Crowly. Strong choices.
153
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:16,539
So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.
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00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,933
And I've been vetted.
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So that's all done.
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00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:24,808
And I can't stop thinking
about what...
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00:08:26,114 --> 00:08:28,116
What it would do
for your legacy
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00:08:29,291 --> 00:08:31,336
to endorse the first
female president.
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00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,775
I mean... Wow.
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That's a legacy.
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00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:40,998
Charlotte?Hmm?
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00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,348
I would like to endorse you
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to be the next president
of the United States.
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00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:51,574
I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.
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00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:54,446
I'd... I'd be honored.
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00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:58,363
I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?
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00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,322
Because you've been
a great secretary.
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00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,150
...of state.
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00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:04,544
Whatever. It's a cool job.
170
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:06,720
And, um, you've done it well.
171
00:09:06,763 --> 00:09:09,374
Thank you, sir.So stay focused.
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00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,767
Don't make
any major screw-ups.
173
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,116
Don't kill any hookers.
174
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,509
Probably not a problem for you.
175
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,989
I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.
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00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:16,817
And before you know it...
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00:09:19,907 --> 00:09:21,038
I like the sound of that.
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00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:23,301
♪ Hey, here she comes
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00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:25,216
♪ It's the first lady president
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00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:27,871
♪ Who can believe that she's actually a woman
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00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:29,569
Thank you, sir.
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00:09:29,612 --> 00:09:34,269
♪ She's got a big brain
And a couple other assets ♪
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TOUR GUIDE:
Oh, and here we see
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00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:39,666
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.
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00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:40,971
Good morning.
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00:09:42,407 --> 00:09:43,583
Yes!
187
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:50,546
So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."
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00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:53,114
Ninety-two,
that's good.Really good.
189
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:54,724
Yeah.KATHERINE: And now,
keep in mind
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00:09:54,768 --> 00:09:57,422
that these are numbers
for a female candidate.
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00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,643
If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.
192
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,863
Well, that seems about right.Yeah.
193
00:10:02,906 --> 00:10:04,995
'Cause the man... Okay.
194
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:08,042
Um, your sense of humor is 82,
195
00:10:08,085 --> 00:10:10,392
which is solid. It's solid.
196
00:10:10,435 --> 00:10:12,524
But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers
197
00:10:12,568 --> 00:10:14,701
go up a few points, or more.
198
00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:16,964
So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from
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00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:18,661
some funny speech writers.Great.
200
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:21,795
I am really interested
in knowing how people feel
201
00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,710
about my accomplishments.Yeah.
202
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,537
Right. You know, so we don't
203
00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:29,541
drill down
on specific policies.
204
00:10:29,585 --> 00:10:32,675
And that's only because
people don't seem to care.
205
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:33,894
That's interesting.
206
00:10:33,937 --> 00:10:37,375
With that said, if you could
broker some deal
207
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,768
that gets you
out there talking
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00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:40,248
about a thing that you feel
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00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,424
really strongly about,
that would be great.
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00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:43,643
CHARLOTTE:
Well, that's perfect.
211
00:10:43,686 --> 00:10:45,470
I mean, we've been
looking for an opening
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00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,429
to start a conversation
about the environment.
213
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:50,693
All right.
214
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:53,696
Romantically, if I may...
215
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,699
Remember the stir online
216
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:59,180
when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you
217
00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,051
were seated next to each other
218
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,705
at The Global Business Forum?
219
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:03,924
Mmm-hmm.
220
00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:06,100
A relationship like that
221
00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:08,842
would push you
into the high 90s.
222
00:11:09,407 --> 00:11:11,888
High 90s? Wow.
223
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,368
KATHERINE:
That brings us to...
224
00:11:17,024 --> 00:11:18,895
CHARLOTTE: What's wrong
with my wave?
225
00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:20,897
Um, I think people feel that
226
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:23,944
that level of elbow movement
is, um...
227
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:25,597
It stresses people out.
228
00:11:25,641 --> 00:11:28,600
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.
229
00:11:28,644 --> 00:11:30,298
Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.
230
00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:36,130
Hey.BOSS: Hey, Fred.
231
00:11:36,173 --> 00:11:38,785
You're gonna love this.
I almost died.
232
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:40,787
You got a second?
233
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:43,659
Yeah.Come on.
234
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,009
I actually have
some really great news.
235
00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:48,229
Really? Cool.Yes.
236
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,666
We were just bought
by Wembley Media.
237
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:52,624
What?Yeah.
238
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:53,800
Are you fucking kidding me?
239
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:54,801
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...
240
00:11:54,844 --> 00:11:56,019
A harsh reaction?
241
00:11:56,063 --> 00:11:57,586
Fred, this is a good thing.How?
242
00:11:57,629 --> 00:11:59,066
The fucker
represents everything
243
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:00,981
that we've been fighting
against since day one!
244
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:03,548
The whole point of this paper
is to fight
giant media conglomerates.
245
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:05,289
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.
246
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,639
I do see the irony.Irony?
247
00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:10,207
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.
248
00:12:10,251 --> 00:12:12,035
Not the good kind,
that's right!
249
00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:13,776
The bad kind, that's wrong!
250
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,256
Well, we're out of options.
251
00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:16,910
We've been running
as long as we can
252
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:19,434
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.
253
00:12:19,477 --> 00:12:21,566
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.
254
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:22,872
No one likes their dick.
255
00:12:22,916 --> 00:12:24,831
Come on, Fred.This Wembley guy,
256
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:27,529
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.
257
00:12:27,572 --> 00:12:28,791
No, they couldn't prove that.
258
00:12:28,835 --> 00:12:30,750
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!
259
00:12:30,793 --> 00:12:32,621
You published them!I did.
260
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:35,232
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...
261
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:37,844
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.
262
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,628
I don't even get
how that fucking works.
263
00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:41,108
I don't even get
the math on that one.
264
00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:43,197
Fred, it's done, all right?It's done?
265
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,809
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now.
266
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:49,507
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.
267
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,553
Two-thirds?Yeah.
268
00:12:51,596 --> 00:12:53,816
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.
269
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,339
It's just...
270
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,211
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.
271
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,821
I don't know how I can
tone things down
272
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,388
any more than
I'm toning them down.
273
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,390
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.
274
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:03,608
Thank you.All right, you're funny,
275
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:05,219
you take risks,
you connect with people.
276
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:06,568
I'm sensing a twist in this.
277
00:13:06,611 --> 00:13:08,613
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...
278
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,573
Sometimes you're
a little too much.
279
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:12,922
I don't think I am too much!
280
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,968
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.
281
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,621
Look, you have your job.
282
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:19,407
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.
283
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:20,887
You know what? I quit.
284
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:22,366
Oh, come on, Fred.
285
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,064
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.
286
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:25,979
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.
287
00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:28,111
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!
288
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:29,634
But I can't work for that guy.
289
00:13:29,678 --> 00:13:31,854
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.
290
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,943
No fucking way!
291
00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:36,119
I want him to know
that I quit.
292
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:38,556
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.
293
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,994
You're gonna destroy your life
to spite a guy
who's never heard of you?
294
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:42,734
Yes! You said it best!
295
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,258
That's exactly
what I'm doing.
296
00:13:44,301 --> 00:13:46,695
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.
297
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:48,001
Well, that makes
two of us.
298
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:51,743
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.
299
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:54,703
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.
300
00:13:54,746 --> 00:13:56,618
Um... I, uh,
301
00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,054
was just calling to say
that I was forced
302
00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,403
to quit my job recently,
303
00:13:59,447 --> 00:14:01,014
making me
something of a free agent.
304
00:14:01,057 --> 00:14:02,754
And I know in the past, uh,
305
00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,366
you said I'm not exactly whatThe Times was looking for,
306
00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:07,934
but I was just calling to see if anything's changed.
307
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:10,110
Uh, just give me a ring.
Thank you so much.
308
00:14:10,153 --> 00:14:12,416
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...
309
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,419
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.
310
00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:16,899
Can I come by?
311
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:23,688
LANCE: We need to
schedule a meeting
312
00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:25,690
and see what they have to say.
313
00:14:25,734 --> 00:14:27,127
Excuse me.
314
00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:31,044
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.
315
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,872
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.
316
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,786
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.
317
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,397
You can leave work right now?
318
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,486
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?
319
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:39,835
That's a
"I can leave this bitch
320
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,793
"whenever I want"
corner office.
321
00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:43,230
Come on, man. Everybody!
322
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,059
This is my best friend,
323
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,756
and he just
lost his job today.
324
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,584
All right?
He's at rock bottom.
325
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,847
It's not that bad.He feels like shit.
326
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,414
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.
327
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,024
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,
328
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,504
when one of us feels sad,
329
00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,158
the other one
has to get him fucked up.
330
00:14:58,201 --> 00:15:02,379
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,
331
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:04,729
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.
332
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,862
No judgement. No judgement.
333
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,038
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.
334
00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,170
I don't want to do shit.
335
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,476
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.
336
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:13,608
Matter of fact...
337
00:15:14,739 --> 00:15:16,611
Everybody's got the day off.
338
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,961
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.
339
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:20,397
Everybody, go home.
340
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,965
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.
341
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,619
I love
every single one of you.
342
00:15:24,662 --> 00:15:25,707
Except you, Ted!
343
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:28,840
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!
344
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:30,973
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?
345
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,148
WOMAN: Yeah, Ted, not cool.
346
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:33,367
Zander.ZANDER: Yeah?
347
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,369
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.
348
00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:36,674
ZANDER: Uh-huh.I need that filled
349
00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:39,068
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.
350
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:40,330
Do you want one?
351
00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:43,333
FRED: I got fucked, man.
352
00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:45,988
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.
353
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,207
Well, it happens to everybody.
354
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:49,122
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.
355
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:50,471
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.
356
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:53,213
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.
357
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:54,779
Where are we going right now?
358
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,520
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.
359
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:58,740
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.
360
00:15:58,783 --> 00:16:00,481
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.
361
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:01,743
Play at the park.
362
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,484
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,
363
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:05,007
get you a nice fat steak,
364
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,314
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.
365
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:08,793
I don't know
if I want to
go to some
366
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:10,230
fancy rich person party.
367
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:11,666
What... Oh, come on, man,
368
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:13,146
don't be so judgmental,
all right?
369
00:16:13,189 --> 00:16:15,670
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.
370
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,064
People love pandas and shit.I don't know.
371
00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,369
All right, fine, Fred.
372
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:20,892
Then just do nothing.
All right?
373
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:22,807
Go home, do nothing.
374
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:25,288
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.
375
00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:27,725
Say what?
376
00:16:27,769 --> 00:16:29,379
Oh, yeah.
377
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:30,990
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend
378
00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:34,036
of R&B, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.
379
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,038
I thought you would
like to be there.
380
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:37,953
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?
381
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,043
♪ Motownphilly's back again
382
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:43,654
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.
383
00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:45,004
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.
384
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:50,487
CHARLOTTE: I am so hungry,
it's insane.
385
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:51,793
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?
386
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:53,142
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.
387
00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,665
Oh.
388
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:57,364
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.
389
00:16:57,407 --> 00:16:58,887
I look like
a fucking caveman.
390
00:16:58,930 --> 00:17:00,584
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.
391
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:02,369
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.
392
00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:03,500
That's my best score.
393
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,898
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.
394
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:11,465
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.
395
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,380
Take it off...Quickly. Quickly.
396
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,338
Why do they make this
so difficult...
397
00:17:15,382 --> 00:17:17,775
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.
398
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,213
Jesus fucking Christ.Can't do things...
399
00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:22,171
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.
400
00:17:22,215 --> 00:17:24,043
Yup. Yes.CHARLOTTE: Do you have it?
401
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,004
Good. Good, good,
good, good.
402
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,788
Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.
403
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:34,009
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.
404
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,097
What?
405
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,794
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.
406
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:38,840
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.
407
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,537
Maggie!MAGGIE: Six feet away.
408
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,409
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.
409
00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:45,890
James! Bonsoir.
410
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:47,675
Hi.Good evening.
411
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,242
I am so sorry I missed you
412
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,113
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.
413
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:54,029
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?
414
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,422
You're never gonna
415
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:56,858
stop making that joke,
are you?
416
00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:59,034
No. I'm not.
417
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,340
Well, I... Oh, hello.
418
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:01,732
Hi.Oh, yes.
419
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,517
PHOTOGRAPHER: Thank you.
420
00:18:04,996 --> 00:18:07,042
One more. One more.One more.
421
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:10,306
Merci.Thank you.
422
00:18:10,350 --> 00:18:11,568
What do you say
we get out of here?
423
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,703
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.
424
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,141
Yes...Yeah?
425
00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:21,187
Oh, my God!
426
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:23,145
Make some noise out there! Make some noise!
427
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,234
Yeah! Check it out, y'all!
428
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,410
One question,
what's the name of the group?
429
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:28,759
CROWD: Boyz II Men!
430
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:29,586
What's the name
of the group, y'all?
431
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:31,022
CROWD: Boyz II Men!
432
00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:53,958
Yeah...
433
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,308
I told you this
would be dope.
434
00:18:55,351 --> 00:18:58,093
Yeah, uh...
This is really
cheering me up.
435
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,355
Wow.
436
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:10,410
I'm super underdressed.
437
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:11,802
Stop complaining,
all right?
438
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,717
You think
you feel outta place?
439
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:14,936
This is one of
the brightest rooms
440
00:19:14,979 --> 00:19:16,981
I've ever been in,
in my life.
441
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,766
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?
442
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,507
Like white.
443
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:22,596
Oh, "bright" is white?Yeah, man.
444
00:19:22,639 --> 00:19:24,685
It's only me,
the waiters
and Boyz II Men.
445
00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,513
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.
446
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:33,737
Duty calls.
447
00:19:33,781 --> 00:19:36,218
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.
448
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:38,699
Canadian for "rain check."Okay.
449
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:40,788
Okay.
450
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,884
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?
451
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,973
I got fired today, man.
452
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:53,192
You told me you quit.
453
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:56,804
I was forced to quit
because of...
454
00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:57,979
Yeah, okay, man.
455
00:19:58,022 --> 00:19:59,198
Lie to me some more.
456
00:20:01,287 --> 00:20:02,331
You good?
457
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,904
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?
458
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:13,081
Oh, she's looking at you?
459
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,258
Fred.
460
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:21,611
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?
461
00:20:22,656 --> 00:20:24,484
Damn. Hey, what was that?
462
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,269
I...
463
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:28,792
Kinda... I kinda know her.
Okay?
464
00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,707
You kinda know her?Yeah.
465
00:20:30,751 --> 00:20:32,361
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?
466
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:33,884
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.
467
00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:35,059
You tell people that shit.
468
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,626
That's exceptional.Okay.
469
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,019
I'll tell you a story.
470
00:20:38,062 --> 00:20:41,675
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.
471
00:20:41,718 --> 00:20:43,154
She's my babysitter.
472
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:51,250
She's like, perfect.
She's very nice to me,
473
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:52,642
which goes a long way with me.
474
00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:54,209
So, we're at her house...
475
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,124
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.
476
00:20:56,167 --> 00:20:58,082
She's running for
Student Council president.
477
00:20:58,126 --> 00:20:59,780
Did you know
that every year,
478
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:02,261
the school throws away
over 500 tons
of recyclable garbage?
479
00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:05,046
And no one cares.I know, it's total bullshit.
480
00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:06,526
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit
481
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:09,659
they don't care about?They'll just care
482
00:21:09,703 --> 00:21:11,705
because it's the right thing
to care about.
483
00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:14,708
You're more inspiring
than George Bush
and Dan Quayle combined.
484
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:16,405
Well, that's not too hard.
485
00:21:18,015 --> 00:21:19,626
FRED: Well, she was amazing,
and she was smart,
486
00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:21,062
and she seemed to
kinda like me,
487
00:21:21,105 --> 00:21:22,759
and I felt like
we were having a moment.
488
00:21:22,803 --> 00:21:24,979
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.
489
00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:26,067
Oh, shit.
490
00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:27,547
FRED: So I did something,
491
00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:29,679
that in retrospect
was highly inappropriate.
492
00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:31,115
I kissed her.
493
00:21:31,681 --> 00:21:33,074
I looked down...
494
00:21:33,117 --> 00:21:35,294
I got a fucking
13-year-old boner, man!
495
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:38,079
Oh!Hard... But not big.
496
00:21:38,122 --> 00:21:40,821
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."
497
00:21:40,864 --> 00:21:42,126
Sorry.
498
00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:43,824
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...
499
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:45,565
It's okay.
500
00:21:45,608 --> 00:21:47,218
And then,
501
00:21:47,262 --> 00:21:49,046
her boyfriend comes
into the room,
502
00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:50,657
who was in the other room
watching Blossom!
503
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:51,745
Hey, babe.
504
00:21:51,788 --> 00:21:53,573
Points out my fucking
little boner.
505
00:21:53,616 --> 00:21:56,097
He makes a joke!Whoa!
506
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,533
FRED: And they left.
507
00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,753
I'm sorry.
508
00:22:01,798 --> 00:22:04,888
And I'm left
standing there alone...
509
00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:06,890
...in the kitchen,
510
00:22:06,934 --> 00:22:09,589
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.
511
00:22:09,632 --> 00:22:11,808
Hard as a rock.And on top of that,
512
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,375
she didn't win
the fucking election.
513
00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:16,291
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.
514
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:19,338
Two-prom!Two-proms! Back-to-back!
515
00:22:19,381 --> 00:22:21,514
She didn't stand
a fucking chance.
516
00:22:21,557 --> 00:22:22,993
No, man.
517
00:22:23,037 --> 00:22:24,734
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.
518
00:22:24,778 --> 00:22:26,388
What's the best part
of that story?
519
00:22:26,432 --> 00:22:28,390
She says your boner was okay.
520
00:22:28,434 --> 00:22:30,131
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying
521
00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:31,915
to not make me
fucking feel bad.
522
00:22:31,959 --> 00:22:33,917
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,
523
00:22:33,961 --> 00:22:37,573
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,
524
00:22:37,617 --> 00:22:40,750
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.
525
00:22:40,794 --> 00:22:42,839
You need
to talk to her tonight.
526
00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:44,188
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,
527
00:22:44,232 --> 00:22:45,799
and if she does remember
who I am,
528
00:22:45,842 --> 00:22:47,322
the last thing she wants is
529
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,150
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.
530
00:22:49,193 --> 00:22:50,238
Look...AGENT M: Excuse me.
531
00:22:50,281 --> 00:22:51,587
Whoa.
532
00:22:51,631 --> 00:22:52,849
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.
533
00:22:52,893 --> 00:22:54,155
With me?
534
00:22:54,198 --> 00:22:55,417
With him, right?
535
00:22:55,461 --> 00:22:57,419
Yeah.FRED: Right now?
536
00:22:57,463 --> 00:22:58,899
Uh, do you know why?
537
00:22:58,942 --> 00:23:00,074
This way.
538
00:23:01,205 --> 00:23:02,381
This is good.
539
00:23:02,424 --> 00:23:03,643
What are you
nervous about?
540
00:23:03,686 --> 00:23:05,993
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!
541
00:23:15,568 --> 00:23:17,483
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.
542
00:23:26,230 --> 00:23:27,971
What are you gonna
say to her?
543
00:23:28,015 --> 00:23:29,451
I don't know.
544
00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:30,931
Should open with a neg.
545
00:23:30,974 --> 00:23:32,323
Tell her she's too tall.
546
00:23:32,367 --> 00:23:34,195
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.
547
00:23:34,238 --> 00:23:36,153
It was so nice to see you.WOMAN: You as well.
548
00:23:38,329 --> 00:23:41,028
Give me the signal
when you need me.
549
00:23:41,071 --> 00:23:43,204
Hi.Hi.
550
00:23:43,247 --> 00:23:44,466
A man brought me here.
551
00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:46,163
Yes, sorry about that.
552
00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:47,513
Um...No, not at all.
553
00:23:47,556 --> 00:23:50,037
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.
554
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,560
We do. Yeah.We do?
555
00:23:51,604 --> 00:23:53,083
We do know each other.Okay, so I'm not crazy.
556
00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:55,477
Uh, I'm Fred.Fred...
557
00:23:55,521 --> 00:23:56,565
I was shorter,
558
00:23:56,609 --> 00:23:58,132
but other than that...Flarsky?
559
00:23:58,175 --> 00:23:59,220
Yeah! Holy fuck!
560
00:23:59,263 --> 00:24:00,830
I can't believe it.
You remember.
561
00:24:00,874 --> 00:24:03,180
Oh, my God,
look at you!
562
00:24:03,224 --> 00:24:04,443
Look at me, yes.
563
00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:05,487
What are you doing here?
564
00:24:05,531 --> 00:24:08,142
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.
565
00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:09,491
Hey, how you doing?
566
00:24:09,535 --> 00:24:11,754
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.
567
00:24:11,798 --> 00:24:12,929
I just met them.
568
00:24:12,973 --> 00:24:14,714
You met the Men?Yeah.
569
00:24:14,757 --> 00:24:16,498
What was it like?Don't tell anybody,
570
00:24:16,542 --> 00:24:17,847
but it was
the highlight of my life.
571
00:24:17,891 --> 00:24:19,022
Oh, I totally get that.
572
00:24:19,066 --> 00:24:20,328
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.
573
00:24:20,371 --> 00:24:22,591
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.
574
00:24:22,635 --> 00:24:24,506
Don't actually fuck him.
575
00:24:24,550 --> 00:24:25,681
He's a wonderful man.Yeah.
576
00:24:25,725 --> 00:24:27,248
What are you doing
these days?
577
00:24:27,291 --> 00:24:29,119
I bet it's
something amazing.
578
00:24:30,773 --> 00:24:32,079
It's pretty amazing.Yeah.
579
00:24:32,122 --> 00:24:33,472
Uh, yeah,
580
00:24:33,515 --> 00:24:35,648
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.
581
00:24:35,691 --> 00:24:36,866
I don't need to get into it.
582
00:24:36,910 --> 00:24:38,041
What about you,
what have you been up to?
583
00:24:38,999 --> 00:24:40,174
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.
584
00:24:40,217 --> 00:24:41,349
I know what
you've been up to.
585
00:24:41,392 --> 00:24:42,916
Yeah. You're very, um...
586
00:24:42,959 --> 00:24:44,787
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing
587
00:24:44,831 --> 00:24:45,875
to see what you've done
with your life.
588
00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:47,311
A lot of people say
they're gonna do
589
00:24:47,355 --> 00:24:49,183
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,
590
00:24:49,226 --> 00:24:51,751
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.
591
00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:55,145
Well, I'm trying.
592
00:24:55,189 --> 00:24:56,582
I think you've done it.
593
00:24:58,453 --> 00:24:59,541
PARKER: Oh!
594
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:02,109
CHARLOTTE: Parker Wembley.
595
00:25:02,152 --> 00:25:03,763
I hate this guy.
596
00:25:03,806 --> 00:25:05,982
FRED: Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers
597
00:25:06,026 --> 00:25:08,115
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?
598
00:25:08,158 --> 00:25:09,203
You know him?
599
00:25:09,246 --> 00:25:10,465
He's coming over here.
600
00:25:10,509 --> 00:25:12,162
Is he behind me?Yeah.
601
00:25:12,206 --> 00:25:15,644
Finally. Secretary Field.Parker, how are you?
602
00:25:15,688 --> 00:25:17,864
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.
603
00:25:17,907 --> 00:25:19,256
Thank you.
604
00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:21,476
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you
605
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,957
for some months now,
and, uh...
606
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,654
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?
607
00:25:25,698 --> 00:25:28,657
No! No.
608
00:25:28,701 --> 00:25:30,877
Not successfully.
609
00:25:32,487 --> 00:25:34,881
Who's your friend?
610
00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:36,709
Fred.Hey, Fred!
611
00:25:36,752 --> 00:25:37,797
Yes, hi.How are you?
612
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:39,755
And, uh, what is it
that you do?
613
00:25:39,799 --> 00:25:41,801
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.
614
00:25:41,844 --> 00:25:43,585
Ooh, a journalist.Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
615
00:25:43,629 --> 00:25:46,109
Will I have read
anything that you've written?
616
00:25:46,153 --> 00:25:48,851
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.
617
00:25:48,895 --> 00:25:50,723
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.
618
00:25:50,766 --> 00:25:52,072
Not your fault.
619
00:25:52,115 --> 00:25:53,987
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.
620
00:25:54,030 --> 00:25:56,076
Oh, okay.So we will have that meeting.
621
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:57,164
Right?Yes.
622
00:25:57,207 --> 00:25:58,818
Okay, good. Fred.
623
00:25:58,861 --> 00:26:00,036
Yes?Best of luck.
624
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,124
Oh, why, thanks.
625
00:26:01,168 --> 00:26:02,212
Things will turn around
for you.
626
00:26:02,256 --> 00:26:03,387
So nice of you.
627
00:26:03,431 --> 00:26:04,867
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.
628
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:08,828
I actually... I do have to...Yeah.
629
00:26:08,871 --> 00:26:10,307
You probably have a lot
of things to do.
630
00:26:10,351 --> 00:26:11,395
Better than this.
631
00:26:11,439 --> 00:26:12,571
It's really nice
to see you again.
632
00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:15,965
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.
633
00:26:16,009 --> 00:26:19,012
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.
634
00:26:19,055 --> 00:26:20,840
Have fun at the party.You too.
635
00:26:20,883 --> 00:26:22,058
Great to see you.
636
00:26:25,148 --> 00:26:28,064
I see you. I see you. Yeah.
637
00:26:30,676 --> 00:26:32,939
PARKER: So I said,
"You want..."
638
00:26:34,593 --> 00:26:35,768
Hey. Hey.
What's that look
in your eye?
639
00:26:35,811 --> 00:26:36,856
What are you
about to go do?
640
00:26:36,899 --> 00:26:38,640
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.
641
00:26:38,684 --> 00:26:40,642
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.
642
00:26:40,686 --> 00:26:42,557
Too late
for the fucking animals.
643
00:26:44,385 --> 00:26:45,908
Hey!
644
00:26:45,952 --> 00:26:47,562
PARKER: Oh, Fred?Yeah, look.
645
00:26:47,606 --> 00:26:49,695
What's the problem?I'll tell you the problem.
646
00:26:49,738 --> 00:26:51,392
What?You're the problem, man!
647
00:26:51,435 --> 00:26:53,829
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.
648
00:26:53,873 --> 00:26:57,137
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit
649
00:26:57,180 --> 00:26:59,792
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!
650
00:26:59,835 --> 00:27:01,707
Enough.I'm done anyway.
651
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:03,578
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,
652
00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:05,101
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.
653
00:27:05,145 --> 00:27:06,668
Whoa, shit!
654
00:27:09,279 --> 00:27:10,541
God!
655
00:27:11,978 --> 00:27:13,153
Cracker down!
656
00:27:13,196 --> 00:27:14,676
Oh, my God.
657
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:15,851
GUEST: Looks like it hurt.
658
00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:18,462
Boyz II Men, back up.
659
00:27:18,506 --> 00:27:19,768
You all right? You good?
660
00:27:19,812 --> 00:27:20,987
You all right?I'm okay!
661
00:27:21,030 --> 00:27:22,075
He's okay!
662
00:27:22,118 --> 00:27:23,293
How is he standing?
663
00:27:29,778 --> 00:27:31,911
ALL: Oh!Ouch!
664
00:27:33,956 --> 00:27:37,699
♪ Oh, no That's the Ruff Ryder...
665
00:27:37,743 --> 00:27:38,787
This is so creative.
666
00:27:41,268 --> 00:27:42,530
Ha-ha!
667
00:27:42,573 --> 00:27:44,010
CHARLOTTE: What was that?Thank you, Tom.
668
00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:46,752
God, that was crazy.
669
00:27:46,795 --> 00:27:48,231
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,
670
00:27:48,275 --> 00:27:50,799
it was all so hilarious.
671
00:27:50,843 --> 00:27:53,584
And so what is
the relationship exactly?
672
00:27:53,628 --> 00:27:55,108
Was he your super?No,
673
00:27:55,151 --> 00:27:57,023
we grew up
next door to each other.
674
00:27:57,066 --> 00:27:58,372
Yeah.
675
00:27:58,415 --> 00:28:01,201
Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.
676
00:28:01,244 --> 00:28:03,507
You babysat for him?I did.
677
00:28:03,551 --> 00:28:06,075
Wow. Time has not been kind.
678
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:07,381
He was
such a strange little kid.
679
00:28:07,424 --> 00:28:10,340
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.
680
00:28:10,384 --> 00:28:12,429
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.
681
00:28:12,473 --> 00:28:14,475
He's actually
not a bad writer.
682
00:28:14,518 --> 00:28:15,737
Wait, you've read
his stuff?
683
00:28:15,781 --> 00:28:16,999
Yeah, Brooklyn Advocate.
684
00:28:17,043 --> 00:28:19,393
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.
685
00:28:19,436 --> 00:28:21,090
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?
686
00:28:21,134 --> 00:28:22,570
Wembley Media
just bought them.
687
00:28:22,613 --> 00:28:25,007
Oh, that makes total sense.
688
00:28:25,051 --> 00:28:27,270
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.
689
00:28:27,314 --> 00:28:31,318
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.
690
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:42,808
Hi.Hey.
691
00:28:42,851 --> 00:28:45,724
Did you like
any of those writing samples?
692
00:28:45,767 --> 00:28:48,552
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.
693
00:28:48,596 --> 00:28:52,948
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.
694
00:28:52,992 --> 00:28:54,907
Wait, not the...
695
00:28:54,950 --> 00:28:57,518
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?
696
00:28:57,561 --> 00:28:59,999
Yeah. He has a real voice.
697
00:29:00,042 --> 00:29:02,784
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.
698
00:29:02,828 --> 00:29:04,351
And that's probably
a good thing
699
00:29:04,394 --> 00:29:07,223
if he's going to be
writing for me.
700
00:29:07,267 --> 00:29:09,269
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,
701
00:29:09,312 --> 00:29:11,880
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.
702
00:29:11,924 --> 00:29:15,492
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.
703
00:29:15,536 --> 00:29:17,538
I think he can
get that number
up by a few points.
704
00:29:17,581 --> 00:29:19,192
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.
705
00:29:20,019 --> 00:29:21,063
Okay.
706
00:29:21,107 --> 00:29:22,108
Okay.
707
00:29:22,804 --> 00:29:24,110
Fred Flarsky it is.
708
00:29:24,675 --> 00:29:25,851
Thanks.
709
00:29:31,073 --> 00:29:32,074
All right, bye.
710
00:29:38,646 --> 00:29:40,126
Unknown!
711
00:29:40,169 --> 00:29:41,867
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.
712
00:29:41,910 --> 00:29:43,346
What?Answer it!
713
00:29:43,390 --> 00:29:44,870
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?
714
00:29:44,913 --> 00:29:46,785
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.
715
00:29:46,828 --> 00:29:47,829
Really?
716
00:29:47,873 --> 00:29:49,439
Gang.Gang.
717
00:29:49,483 --> 00:29:51,137
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.
718
00:29:51,180 --> 00:29:52,834
All right. Hello. Gang.
719
00:29:52,878 --> 00:29:54,618
Mr. Flarsky? What?
720
00:29:54,662 --> 00:29:56,011
Wait, slow down. What?
721
00:29:56,055 --> 00:29:57,883
You're unknown. Pardon?Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.
722
00:29:57,926 --> 00:30:00,015
Hello?Go on.
723
00:30:00,059 --> 00:30:03,802
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.
724
00:30:03,845 --> 00:30:05,891
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.
725
00:30:05,934 --> 00:30:07,762
Whoo! Hello?
726
00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:08,850
That's good!
Talk to her.
727
00:30:08,894 --> 00:30:11,722
Hello?How can I help you?
728
00:30:11,766 --> 00:30:13,681
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.
729
00:30:13,724 --> 00:30:14,856
We will send a car over.
730
00:30:14,900 --> 00:30:16,771
Can you give me
the most convenient address?
731
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,555
What is she saying?Secretary would like
732
00:30:18,599 --> 00:30:19,687
to meet with me immediately
733
00:30:19,730 --> 00:30:20,775
and they're going
to send a car?
734
00:30:22,995 --> 00:30:25,824
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.
735
00:30:25,867 --> 00:30:28,087
I'm sure you can find it. I will google it.
736
00:30:28,130 --> 00:30:30,132
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.
737
00:30:30,176 --> 00:30:31,220
Okay.
738
00:30:31,264 --> 00:30:33,440
Uh, I'll see you soon.
739
00:30:33,483 --> 00:30:35,834
Oh,
I feel so scared.
740
00:30:36,573 --> 00:30:37,705
Do I look okay?
741
00:30:37,748 --> 00:30:39,011
Do I look funny?
742
00:30:39,054 --> 00:30:40,316
Why are these pockets here?LANCE: It's okay.
743
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:41,665
God fucking damn it!
744
00:30:41,709 --> 00:30:43,493
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?
745
00:30:43,537 --> 00:30:45,104
They're too tapered!
746
00:30:45,147 --> 00:30:47,062
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants
747
00:30:47,106 --> 00:30:49,238
and see the fucking
secretary of state?
748
00:30:49,282 --> 00:30:50,892
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.
749
00:30:50,936 --> 00:30:52,241
Mr. Flarsky?FRED: Oh, shit.
750
00:30:52,285 --> 00:30:53,460
Mr. Flarsky.
751
00:30:55,941 --> 00:30:57,333
Wish me luck, man.
752
00:30:57,377 --> 00:30:58,726
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.
753
00:30:58,769 --> 00:30:59,814
Luck is for losers.
754
00:30:59,858 --> 00:31:01,816
You've got destiny
on your side.
755
00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,558
You're good. Fred.
756
00:31:04,601 --> 00:31:05,994
You buy the body.
757
00:31:06,821 --> 00:31:07,866
That doesn't mean anything.
758
00:31:10,433 --> 00:31:11,957
LANCE: Fred, put your
seat belt on.
759
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:14,611
Take care of my friend.
All right?
760
00:31:15,699 --> 00:31:17,919
I look normal?You look cool.
761
00:31:17,963 --> 00:31:19,181
I love you, Fred!
762
00:31:19,921 --> 00:31:21,749
Nut boys for life!
763
00:31:37,852 --> 00:31:40,768
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.
764
00:31:40,811 --> 00:31:41,987
Empty my pockets?
765
00:31:44,163 --> 00:31:45,686
All right. That's...
766
00:31:46,817 --> 00:31:48,080
Let's see how this goes.
767
00:31:51,213 --> 00:31:53,215
Not a regular cop, I assume.
768
00:31:53,259 --> 00:31:56,697
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?
769
00:31:56,740 --> 00:31:58,786
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.
770
00:32:00,483 --> 00:32:04,096
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...
771
00:32:04,139 --> 00:32:07,838
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.
772
00:32:07,882 --> 00:32:10,406
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.
773
00:32:10,450 --> 00:32:11,755
That's energy powder.
774
00:32:11,799 --> 00:32:15,281
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in
775
00:32:16,108 --> 00:32:19,154
when inhaling it medicinally.
776
00:32:19,198 --> 00:32:21,765
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,
777
00:32:21,809 --> 00:32:23,376
which I have
a prescription for.
778
00:32:24,377 --> 00:32:25,813
And that's a blunt.
779
00:32:31,862 --> 00:32:32,994
Ooh.
780
00:32:34,865 --> 00:32:35,866
Hi.
781
00:32:41,524 --> 00:32:42,612
MAGGIE: Wow.
782
00:32:44,832 --> 00:32:46,094
Will you sign this, please?
783
00:32:46,138 --> 00:32:48,357
What is it?It's an NDA.
784
00:32:48,401 --> 00:32:49,445
A non-disclosure agreement?
785
00:32:49,489 --> 00:32:51,839
That's right.Okay.
786
00:32:51,882 --> 00:32:53,406
Oh, my God.CHARLOTTE: Fred.
787
00:32:53,449 --> 00:32:55,147
Yeah.Hey, nice to see you again.
788
00:32:55,190 --> 00:32:56,583
Hi, you too.Come on in.
789
00:32:56,626 --> 00:32:57,888
Take a seat.
790
00:32:57,932 --> 00:32:59,847
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.
791
00:32:59,890 --> 00:33:01,631
Oh, yeah, you know what?
792
00:33:01,675 --> 00:33:03,111
I actually think
the brim of my hat
793
00:33:03,155 --> 00:33:04,852
kind of protected
my face ultimately.
794
00:33:04,895 --> 00:33:07,072
So, thank God
I was underdressed
in the end, right?
795
00:33:07,115 --> 00:33:09,030
Well, as long as you're good.
796
00:33:09,074 --> 00:33:10,553
I'm okay.Yeah. Great.
797
00:33:10,597 --> 00:33:11,685
FRED: Uh...
798
00:33:13,426 --> 00:33:14,949
Why am I here?
799
00:33:14,993 --> 00:33:16,429
What I'm about to
share with you
800
00:33:16,472 --> 00:33:18,605
is, obviously,
highly confidential.
801
00:33:18,648 --> 00:33:19,736
Oh, yeah.
802
00:33:19,780 --> 00:33:21,042
Keep it
on the down low.
803
00:33:22,696 --> 00:33:25,264
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.
804
00:33:25,655 --> 00:33:26,700
Really?
805
00:33:26,743 --> 00:33:28,267
Yes.
806
00:33:28,310 --> 00:33:32,271
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.
807
00:33:32,314 --> 00:33:35,404
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?
808
00:33:35,448 --> 00:33:36,492
I mean, but seriously.
809
00:33:36,536 --> 00:33:37,711
Did he just realize
he sucks at it
810
00:33:37,754 --> 00:33:39,365
and decide
not to do it anymore?
811
00:33:39,408 --> 00:33:43,282
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.
812
00:33:43,325 --> 00:33:44,892
Really?Yeah.
813
00:33:44,935 --> 00:33:46,763
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.
814
00:33:46,807 --> 00:33:49,549
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.
815
00:33:49,592 --> 00:33:51,203
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...
816
00:33:51,246 --> 00:33:52,291
Jennifer Aniston.
817
00:33:52,334 --> 00:33:54,075
Mmm, did she though?
818
00:33:54,119 --> 00:33:55,685
You don't think
Jennifer Aniston's
a movie star?
819
00:33:55,729 --> 00:33:56,773
Just 'cause
you star in movies
820
00:33:56,817 --> 00:33:57,861
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.
821
00:33:57,905 --> 00:34:00,038
The point is...
822
00:34:00,081 --> 00:34:02,823
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.
823
00:34:03,171 --> 00:34:04,216
Wow.
824
00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:05,652
I know. Mazel tov.
825
00:34:05,695 --> 00:34:06,827
So.
826
00:34:06,870 --> 00:34:08,916
We're headed to
an environmental summit
827
00:34:08,959 --> 00:34:10,178
hosted by King Gustav
828
00:34:10,222 --> 00:34:12,006
and the Swedish Royal Family.
829
00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:14,095
At the summit,
I'll be announcing
830
00:34:14,139 --> 00:34:16,228
that the world's
three largest polluters
831
00:34:16,271 --> 00:34:17,707
have signed on
to the most comprehensive
832
00:34:17,751 --> 00:34:19,709
and exciting
environmental deal ever.
833
00:34:19,753 --> 00:34:21,059
You know,
after I have some dairy,
834
00:34:21,102 --> 00:34:22,886
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.
835
00:34:22,930 --> 00:34:24,105
Excuse me?
836
00:34:24,149 --> 00:34:26,325
We'll address
rising sea levels,
837
00:34:26,368 --> 00:34:28,109
combat deforestation
838
00:34:28,153 --> 00:34:30,242
and protect
the world's pollinators.
839
00:34:30,285 --> 00:34:33,375
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.
840
00:34:33,419 --> 00:34:34,724
Internally,
we're referring to it
841
00:34:34,768 --> 00:34:36,117
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."
842
00:34:36,161 --> 00:34:37,510
CHARLOTTE: Soon after that,
843
00:34:37,553 --> 00:34:39,947
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.
844
00:34:39,990 --> 00:34:42,297
Wow.At which point...
845
00:34:42,341 --> 00:34:44,778
I will resign
as secretary of state.
846
00:34:44,821 --> 00:34:47,781
Using this initiative
as a springboard,
847
00:34:47,824 --> 00:34:50,044
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.
848
00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:51,567
Cool.So...
849
00:34:53,439 --> 00:34:56,137
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.
850
00:34:56,181 --> 00:34:58,270
I read your work
and I really like it.
851
00:34:58,313 --> 00:34:59,532
That's... Wow.
852
00:34:59,575 --> 00:35:01,142
You mentioned
you were between jobs.
853
00:35:01,186 --> 00:35:02,404
So it's a really good fit.
854
00:35:02,448 --> 00:35:04,841
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,
855
00:35:04,885 --> 00:35:07,192
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.
856
00:35:07,235 --> 00:35:08,584
I look forward
to working with you.
857
00:35:08,628 --> 00:35:09,629
Thank you.
858
00:35:11,805 --> 00:35:14,634
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?
859
00:35:15,983 --> 00:35:18,116
What?
I don't understand.
860
00:35:18,159 --> 00:35:20,161
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,
861
00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:21,641
your punch-up job?
862
00:35:23,164 --> 00:35:24,426
Right now.
863
00:35:24,470 --> 00:35:27,168
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,
864
00:35:27,212 --> 00:35:29,779
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?
865
00:35:29,823 --> 00:35:32,130
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!
866
00:35:32,173 --> 00:35:33,566
You know what,
Madam Secretary,
867
00:35:33,609 --> 00:35:35,176
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.
868
00:35:35,220 --> 00:35:37,918
So I can give you
some writing samples...
869
00:35:42,923 --> 00:35:44,881
What don't you know?
870
00:35:44,925 --> 00:35:47,275
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.
871
00:35:47,319 --> 00:35:49,103
Is it actually
going to do something?
872
00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:50,670
Or is it going to be
one of those things
873
00:35:50,713 --> 00:35:52,715
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,
874
00:35:52,759 --> 00:35:54,369
but doesn't
actually do something?
875
00:35:54,413 --> 00:35:57,067
I only wanna come work for you
876
00:35:57,111 --> 00:35:58,504
if it's actually
gonna do something.
877
00:35:58,547 --> 00:35:59,896
It will do something.
878
00:35:59,940 --> 00:36:01,724
This is a perfect document.
879
00:36:01,768 --> 00:36:04,118
They all start out that way
and then
they get watered down.
880
00:36:04,162 --> 00:36:05,337
Fred.
881
00:36:05,380 --> 00:36:07,339
Not only does
this initiative
sound good,
882
00:36:07,382 --> 00:36:08,470
it's going to do good.
883
00:36:08,514 --> 00:36:10,646
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.
884
00:36:10,690 --> 00:36:12,866
Not to mention,
pay your rent.
885
00:36:12,909 --> 00:36:14,215
So, are you in?
886
00:36:14,259 --> 00:36:16,783
Or do you have something
more important to do?
887
00:36:17,784 --> 00:36:19,351
Than save the planet with you?
888
00:36:21,266 --> 00:36:23,746
No, I don't.
I'm in.
889
00:36:23,790 --> 00:36:25,531
Phew!
890
00:36:25,574 --> 00:36:26,923
Let's save the planet.
891
00:36:27,489 --> 00:36:28,664
That was...
892
00:36:28,708 --> 00:36:30,579
What just happened?
She's good.
893
00:36:56,301 --> 00:36:57,563
FRED: Uh, hey.
894
00:36:59,173 --> 00:37:01,131
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,
895
00:37:01,175 --> 00:37:02,437
maybe, if you have a second.
896
00:37:05,832 --> 00:37:08,313
What are you...
What are you looking at?
897
00:37:12,839 --> 00:37:14,188
Jesus!Oh, my God!
898
00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,190
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?
899
00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:17,583
You were sleeping?Yes!
900
00:37:17,626 --> 00:37:19,280
I was micro napping.
901
00:37:19,324 --> 00:37:21,282
That's what you call that?Yes.
902
00:37:21,326 --> 00:37:22,849
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.
903
00:37:22,892 --> 00:37:24,285
You were standing
and your eyes were open.
904
00:37:24,329 --> 00:37:25,373
Do you need something?
905
00:37:25,417 --> 00:37:26,809
I have some jokes
that I wrote
906
00:37:26,853 --> 00:37:28,507
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.
907
00:37:28,550 --> 00:37:30,117
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.
908
00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,162
Great. Seemed very restful.
909
00:37:32,206 --> 00:37:33,207
Okay.
910
00:37:36,079 --> 00:37:37,255
Whoa.
911
00:37:37,298 --> 00:37:40,432
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.
912
00:37:40,475 --> 00:37:42,825
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?
913
00:37:42,869 --> 00:37:44,697
"With every
fracking drill thrust,
914
00:37:44,740 --> 00:37:47,482
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?
915
00:37:47,526 --> 00:37:48,701
It can be normal fucking.
916
00:37:48,744 --> 00:37:50,180
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.
917
00:37:50,224 --> 00:37:51,269
I can take that part out.
918
00:37:51,312 --> 00:37:52,705
Yeah, listen, Fred.
919
00:37:52,748 --> 00:37:54,228
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.
920
00:37:54,272 --> 00:37:55,708
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.
921
00:37:55,751 --> 00:37:57,362
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.
922
00:37:57,405 --> 00:37:58,711
My job's hard.
923
00:37:58,754 --> 00:38:00,669
Not as hard as mine.
924
00:38:00,713 --> 00:38:02,410
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem
925
00:38:02,454 --> 00:38:04,760
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,
926
00:38:04,804 --> 00:38:06,936
like, personal experiences.
927
00:38:06,980 --> 00:38:08,111
I was thinking, you know,
928
00:38:08,155 --> 00:38:09,765
you cared a lot
about the environment
929
00:38:09,809 --> 00:38:10,984
since high school.Mmm-hmm.
930
00:38:11,027 --> 00:38:14,640
So maybe include
some stories about that.
931
00:38:14,683 --> 00:38:16,163
High school?Yeah.
932
00:38:17,599 --> 00:38:18,905
You think that's funny?
933
00:38:18,948 --> 00:38:20,036
I think it's a good area.
934
00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:22,125
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.
935
00:38:22,169 --> 00:38:23,562
People love that.
936
00:38:23,605 --> 00:38:25,041
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.
937
00:38:25,085 --> 00:38:27,261
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.
938
00:38:27,305 --> 00:38:28,741
No, you did
so much more than that.
939
00:38:28,784 --> 00:38:31,352
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point
940
00:38:31,396 --> 00:38:32,788
when you were running
for Student Council.
941
00:38:32,832 --> 00:38:35,574
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school
942
00:38:35,617 --> 00:38:37,837
"pretends to care
about the underdog,
943
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:39,055
"but the planet Earth is
944
00:38:39,099 --> 00:38:40,318
"the biggest underdog
of them all."
945
00:38:40,361 --> 00:38:41,406
Something like that.
946
00:38:41,449 --> 00:38:42,537
I said that?
947
00:38:42,581 --> 00:38:44,060
Yeah, you did say that.
948
00:38:44,104 --> 00:38:45,932
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.
949
00:38:45,975 --> 00:38:48,674
We were making signs
for your election.
950
00:38:48,717 --> 00:38:50,980
And you were
wearing that shirt.
951
00:38:51,024 --> 00:38:52,939
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,
952
00:38:52,982 --> 00:38:54,288
it always confused me.
953
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:55,724
It was both.
954
00:38:55,768 --> 00:38:57,639
Oh, there you go.
955
00:38:57,683 --> 00:38:59,424
That's all I remember
about that night, though.
956
00:38:59,467 --> 00:39:01,121
Uh, that's where my memories
957
00:39:01,164 --> 00:39:04,472
concerning that evening
expire.
958
00:39:04,516 --> 00:39:07,083
I learned a lot
from that election.
959
00:39:07,127 --> 00:39:08,520
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely
960
00:39:08,563 --> 00:39:10,043
to vote for two proms
961
00:39:10,086 --> 00:39:12,393
than a very elaborate
recycling program.
962
00:39:12,437 --> 00:39:14,177
Not only kids.
963
00:39:14,221 --> 00:39:17,093
Yeah, that's true.
964
00:39:17,137 --> 00:39:20,880
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?
965
00:39:20,923 --> 00:39:22,098
Bill Sterling?Yeah.
966
00:39:22,142 --> 00:39:23,317
After he beat you?
967
00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:25,493
Yup.Prom one or prom two?
968
00:39:26,929 --> 00:39:28,191
Oh!
969
00:39:28,235 --> 00:39:30,672
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.
970
00:39:32,152 --> 00:39:34,415
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.
971
00:39:34,459 --> 00:39:36,548
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.
972
00:39:36,591 --> 00:39:38,680
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.
973
00:39:38,724 --> 00:39:42,031
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...
974
00:39:44,207 --> 00:39:47,080
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.
975
00:39:47,123 --> 00:39:48,124
Great.
976
00:39:48,516 --> 00:39:49,561
Hey, Fred.
977
00:39:49,604 --> 00:39:51,519
Yeah.
978
00:39:51,563 --> 00:39:53,913
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,
979
00:39:53,956 --> 00:39:55,131
just go ahead.
980
00:39:55,175 --> 00:39:57,830
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?
981
00:39:57,873 --> 00:39:59,919
Yeah. Just write.
982
00:40:01,181 --> 00:40:02,748
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.
983
00:40:03,488 --> 00:40:04,967
If you take another nap,
984
00:40:05,011 --> 00:40:06,882
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.
985
00:40:06,926 --> 00:40:08,754
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.
986
00:40:08,797 --> 00:40:10,451
That's actually
a really good idea.
987
00:40:10,495 --> 00:40:11,626
It is. I want you
to be careful.
988
00:40:11,670 --> 00:40:12,801
Yeah.We need you.
989
00:40:29,296 --> 00:40:30,689
Ambassador.Welcome to Sweden.
990
00:40:30,732 --> 00:40:32,081
Nice to see you again.
991
00:40:32,125 --> 00:40:33,126
Yeah, you too.
992
00:40:35,302 --> 00:40:36,695
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.
993
00:40:36,738 --> 00:40:37,826
Yes.
994
00:40:37,870 --> 00:40:39,306
Uh, Madam Secretary,
995
00:40:39,349 --> 00:40:40,481
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.
996
00:40:40,525 --> 00:40:41,743
Yeah, soon, Fred.
997
00:40:41,787 --> 00:40:43,049
Tom, do you have the schedule?
998
00:40:43,092 --> 00:40:44,703
TOM: Yes, of course, ma'am. All right.
999
00:40:47,793 --> 00:40:49,055
MAGGIE: In the back, Flarsky!
1000
00:40:50,622 --> 00:40:52,101
TOM: Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.
1001
00:40:52,145 --> 00:40:55,017
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,
1002
00:40:55,061 --> 00:40:57,106
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer
1003
00:40:57,150 --> 00:40:58,630
about deforestation issues.
1004
00:40:58,673 --> 00:41:01,546
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green
1005
00:41:01,589 --> 00:41:03,809
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.
1006
00:41:03,852 --> 00:41:06,028
2:25, then you have
a call with New York Times
1007
00:41:06,072 --> 00:41:08,335
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack
1008
00:41:08,378 --> 00:41:10,511
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.
1009
00:41:10,555 --> 00:41:11,599
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head
1010
00:41:11,643 --> 00:41:12,992
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,
1011
00:41:13,035 --> 00:41:15,603
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.
1012
00:41:15,647 --> 00:41:16,996
Okay. And then after that?
1013
00:41:17,039 --> 00:41:18,388
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get
1014
00:41:18,432 --> 00:41:19,738
some face time with you.Oh, God.
1015
00:41:19,781 --> 00:41:22,044
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.
1016
00:41:22,088 --> 00:41:23,481
Yeah, sure. Um...
1017
00:41:24,046 --> 00:41:26,179
So, uh, you know,
1018
00:41:26,222 --> 00:41:27,963
based on what we were
talking about last night,
1019
00:41:28,007 --> 00:41:30,792
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.
1020
00:41:30,836 --> 00:41:32,707
That's good.
1021
00:41:32,751 --> 00:41:35,449
Thank you.This part isn't.
1022
00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:37,886
Okay, well, you said
you didn't want to sound
too angry.
1023
00:41:37,930 --> 00:41:40,454
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.
1024
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:42,064
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.
1025
00:41:42,108 --> 00:41:43,544
Great. Thanks.
1026
00:41:43,588 --> 00:41:45,546
Okay, here we go.
1027
00:41:45,590 --> 00:41:47,069
So...
1028
00:41:47,113 --> 00:41:48,593
All right.
1029
00:41:49,681 --> 00:41:50,769
Fred.
1030
00:41:50,812 --> 00:41:52,335
Yeah?
1031
00:41:52,379 --> 00:41:54,773
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?
1032
00:41:58,907 --> 00:42:00,169
I was gonna...
I was thinking
1033
00:42:00,213 --> 00:42:02,215
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.
1034
00:42:02,258 --> 00:42:03,390
That's kind of
a little more...
1035
00:42:03,433 --> 00:42:04,652
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.
1036
00:42:04,696 --> 00:42:06,001
MAGGIE: You know what,
Madam Secretary,
1037
00:42:06,045 --> 00:42:09,744
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.
1038
00:42:09,788 --> 00:42:11,093
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled
1039
00:42:11,137 --> 00:42:13,400
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.
1040
00:42:13,443 --> 00:42:14,836
What a fun adventure.
1041
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,664
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.
1042
00:42:16,708 --> 00:42:17,926
Thank you, Fred.
1043
00:42:17,970 --> 00:42:19,101
FRED: Why, thank you.
1044
00:42:19,145 --> 00:42:20,189
MAGGIE: ...and then
it's saying hello,
1045
00:42:20,233 --> 00:42:21,364
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,
1046
00:42:21,408 --> 00:42:22,583
I'll pull you up...Where's Flarsky?
1047
00:42:22,627 --> 00:42:23,715
Why are we waiting?
1048
00:42:23,758 --> 00:42:25,499
What, is he doing his hair?
1049
00:42:25,543 --> 00:42:27,022
Um...
1050
00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:29,198
Oh.
1051
00:42:29,242 --> 00:42:31,766
TOM: What the...
1052
00:42:35,988 --> 00:42:37,337
What the fuck
are you wearing?
1053
00:42:37,380 --> 00:42:39,382
She bought me
this shit. Okay?
1054
00:42:39,426 --> 00:42:41,123
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.
1055
00:42:41,167 --> 00:42:43,865
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here
1056
00:42:43,909 --> 00:42:45,258
dressed like this.
1057
00:42:45,301 --> 00:42:47,521
It's all I could do
on such short notice.
1058
00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:50,089
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.
1059
00:42:50,132 --> 00:42:53,571
It's just...
Make it look...
Oh, my God.
1060
00:42:56,356 --> 00:42:58,097
Better with
the jacket on? Great.
1061
00:42:58,140 --> 00:43:00,099
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.
1062
00:43:00,142 --> 00:43:01,274
Calm the Smurf down.
1063
00:43:01,317 --> 00:43:02,405
Bring a fucking suit
next time.
1064
00:43:08,411 --> 00:43:09,456
Do you like the speech?
1065
00:43:09,499 --> 00:43:10,979
Yes, the speech is good.
1066
00:43:11,023 --> 00:43:13,025
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.
1067
00:43:13,068 --> 00:43:14,722
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.
1068
00:43:14,766 --> 00:43:15,810
On what?
1069
00:43:15,854 --> 00:43:17,072
Getting India and China
to agree
1070
00:43:17,116 --> 00:43:18,465
to be a part
of this initiative.
1071
00:43:18,508 --> 00:43:20,598
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?
1072
00:43:20,641 --> 00:43:22,861
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.
1073
00:43:22,904 --> 00:43:23,992
We just wrote
a whole speech
1074
00:43:24,036 --> 00:43:25,211
about how
they're on-board already.
1075
00:43:25,254 --> 00:43:26,516
Don't worry, Fred.
1076
00:43:27,517 --> 00:43:29,171
You just stay here
and make sure
1077
00:43:29,215 --> 00:43:32,435
nobody from Candy Land
needs their car parked, okay?
1078
00:43:32,479 --> 00:43:33,654
I don't know
why you needed a writer.
1079
00:43:33,698 --> 00:43:34,873
Those are sick burns.
1080
00:43:36,439 --> 00:43:38,746
CRIER: Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1081
00:43:38,790 --> 00:43:40,835
of the United States
of America.
1082
00:43:43,316 --> 00:43:45,100
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.
1083
00:43:45,144 --> 00:43:46,580
Your Highness.Pleasure.
1084
00:43:52,542 --> 00:43:53,848
Oh.
1085
00:43:56,155 --> 00:43:58,592
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.
1086
00:43:58,636 --> 00:44:00,159
And you know you are, too.
1087
00:44:01,682 --> 00:44:03,118
I do know that.
1088
00:44:03,162 --> 00:44:05,033
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,
1089
00:44:05,077 --> 00:44:07,427
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.
1090
00:44:07,470 --> 00:44:10,082
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.
1091
00:44:12,954 --> 00:44:14,477
FRED: Oh no, fuck me.
1092
00:44:16,871 --> 00:44:18,656
Yes.
1093
00:44:18,699 --> 00:44:22,137
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.
1094
00:44:22,181 --> 00:44:24,662
Yes, you look great.
1095
00:44:24,705 --> 00:44:25,837
Congratulations. Skal.
1096
00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:27,577
Skal. Skalto you, too.
1097
00:44:27,621 --> 00:44:30,493
Yes.
1098
00:44:32,626 --> 00:44:33,627
Jesus.
1099
00:44:36,108 --> 00:44:39,067
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.
1100
00:44:39,111 --> 00:44:40,373
What?
1101
00:44:40,416 --> 00:44:42,288
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,
1102
00:44:42,331 --> 00:44:44,246
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines
1103
00:44:44,290 --> 00:44:45,378
for the "Trees" section, okay?
1104
00:44:45,421 --> 00:44:46,684
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1105
00:44:46,727 --> 00:44:49,251
Losing the Seas part, why?
1106
00:44:49,295 --> 00:44:51,036
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.
1107
00:44:51,079 --> 00:44:53,473
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of
the whole fucking shit.
1108
00:44:53,516 --> 00:44:55,780
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?
1109
00:44:55,823 --> 00:44:56,911
Yeah, it's gone.
1110
00:44:56,955 --> 00:44:58,173
And there's nothing
we can do?
1111
00:44:58,217 --> 00:44:59,609
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.
1112
00:44:59,653 --> 00:45:03,048
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.
1113
00:45:03,091 --> 00:45:04,092
Well, no.
1114
00:45:05,093 --> 00:45:06,704
I'm not gonna do that.
1115
00:45:06,747 --> 00:45:08,575
So you quit,
resignation accepted.
1116
00:45:08,618 --> 00:45:10,011
I will rewrite the speech.
1117
00:45:10,055 --> 00:45:11,143
Oh, the fuck you will!
1118
00:45:11,186 --> 00:45:12,318
What the fuck?
1119
00:45:22,067 --> 00:45:23,633
MAGGIE: You don't...FRED: Let go!
1120
00:45:31,729 --> 00:45:33,121
FRED: Look out. Excuse me!
1121
00:45:33,165 --> 00:45:34,427
MAGGIE: Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!
1122
00:45:34,470 --> 00:45:35,558
Fred, stop running!
1123
00:45:38,170 --> 00:45:39,171
Fred...
1124
00:45:44,263 --> 00:45:45,307
Why did you do that?
1125
00:45:45,351 --> 00:45:47,222
Because I will not
have you damage
1126
00:45:47,266 --> 00:45:48,658
the integrity of my writing!
1127
00:45:48,702 --> 00:45:50,660
The integrity of your writing?
1128
00:45:50,704 --> 00:45:53,054
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!
1129
00:45:53,098 --> 00:45:54,708
What is going on?
1130
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:56,318
What's going on
with you, bruh?
1131
00:45:56,362 --> 00:45:57,667
Did you just
call me "bruh"?
1132
00:45:57,711 --> 00:46:00,061
She's the secretary
of state.Is he high?
1133
00:46:00,105 --> 00:46:02,324
MAGGIE: He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.
1134
00:46:02,368 --> 00:46:03,935
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.
1135
00:46:06,851 --> 00:46:08,200
What's the deal, Fred?
1136
00:46:08,243 --> 00:46:10,942
What's the deal?
What's the deal?
What are...
1137
00:46:10,985 --> 00:46:12,900
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me
1138
00:46:12,944 --> 00:46:14,293
you cared about this shit,
1139
00:46:14,336 --> 00:46:16,643
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,
1140
00:46:16,686 --> 00:46:19,428
you fucking got rid of
a massive element
of the whole thing.
1141
00:46:19,472 --> 00:46:22,823
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.
1142
00:46:22,867 --> 00:46:25,826
That one was the seas.
1143
00:46:25,870 --> 00:46:28,394
It covers 75% of the planet!
1144
00:46:28,437 --> 00:46:30,309
It's a pretty big one!Bring down your voice.
1145
00:46:30,352 --> 00:46:31,745
You know why I'm upset?
1146
00:46:31,789 --> 00:46:33,573
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.
1147
00:46:33,616 --> 00:46:35,749
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.
1148
00:46:35,793 --> 00:46:38,447
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.
1149
00:46:38,491 --> 00:46:39,797
I wanted to write for you.
1150
00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:41,450
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.
1151
00:46:41,494 --> 00:46:44,192
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.
1152
00:46:44,236 --> 00:46:46,107
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,
1153
00:46:46,151 --> 00:46:49,284
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,
1154
00:46:49,328 --> 00:46:51,112
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs
1155
00:46:51,156 --> 00:46:52,722
in whose fucking end zones!
1156
00:46:52,766 --> 00:46:54,159
What are you talking about?I don't know sports.
1157
00:46:54,202 --> 00:46:55,769
Let me try it with food.
1158
00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:57,815
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.
1159
00:46:57,858 --> 00:47:00,426
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?
1160
00:47:00,469 --> 00:47:03,037
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.
1161
00:47:03,081 --> 00:47:04,865
I don't give a shit.Yeah, you don't give a shit.
1162
00:47:04,909 --> 00:47:06,214
No, I don't.You used to fucking
give a shit,
1163
00:47:06,258 --> 00:47:08,216
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.
1164
00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:09,870
You cared more
about recycling
in high school
1165
00:47:09,914 --> 00:47:12,046
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.
1166
00:47:13,308 --> 00:47:15,658
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.
1167
00:47:15,702 --> 00:47:16,877
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,
1168
00:47:16,921 --> 00:47:18,009
it's on my computer
in the snow.
1169
00:47:18,052 --> 00:47:19,662
I have copies, you idiot.
1170
00:47:19,706 --> 00:47:21,882
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.
1171
00:47:23,014 --> 00:47:25,364
Oh, no! Shit!
1172
00:47:26,582 --> 00:47:28,628
Oh, God damn it!
1173
00:47:28,671 --> 00:47:31,283
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!
1174
00:47:31,326 --> 00:47:32,980
I need a big bowl of rice!
1175
00:47:34,416 --> 00:47:37,680
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?
1176
00:47:37,724 --> 00:47:39,160
All my shit's on here.
1177
00:47:49,605 --> 00:47:50,955
CHARLOTTE: Fred. Look.
1178
00:47:54,872 --> 00:47:56,134
Wow.
1179
00:47:59,964 --> 00:48:01,879
I've never seen
anything like that.
1180
00:48:04,359 --> 00:48:05,360
No, I...
1181
00:48:06,579 --> 00:48:08,320
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...
1182
00:48:09,582 --> 00:48:10,583
...actually...
1183
00:48:12,498 --> 00:48:14,630
I never saw it.
1184
00:48:15,588 --> 00:48:17,111
Are you crying right now?
1185
00:48:18,025 --> 00:48:19,026
It's pretty.
1186
00:48:23,683 --> 00:48:24,684
Yeah.
1187
00:48:27,121 --> 00:48:28,122
Fred?
1188
00:48:28,688 --> 00:48:29,689
Yeah?
1189
00:48:31,038 --> 00:48:33,301
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,
1190
00:48:33,345 --> 00:48:34,781
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.
1191
00:48:37,131 --> 00:48:38,959
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.
1192
00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:43,268
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.
1193
00:48:46,010 --> 00:48:50,231
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.
1194
00:48:50,275 --> 00:48:54,801
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.
1195
00:48:54,844 --> 00:48:57,673
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.
1196
00:48:59,327 --> 00:49:02,026
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,
1197
00:49:02,069 --> 00:49:05,594
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.
1198
00:49:08,684 --> 00:49:11,078
Which makes you
extremely popular,
1199
00:49:11,122 --> 00:49:13,733
especially when everybody
would rather be watching
1200
00:49:13,776 --> 00:49:15,822
Beverly Hills, 90210.
1201
00:49:19,913 --> 00:49:22,437
But that is why I am happy
to announce
1202
00:49:22,481 --> 00:49:25,788
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.
1203
00:49:25,832 --> 00:49:28,139
In what is now being dubbed
"The Underdog Speech,"
1204
00:49:28,182 --> 00:49:30,489
the secretary of state
opened up about her childhood
1205
00:49:30,532 --> 00:49:31,881
and passion
for the environment
1206
00:49:31,925 --> 00:49:34,362
by announcing
a bold new initiative...
1207
00:49:34,406 --> 00:49:37,496
...turns out she has always
been an Andrea Zuckerman
1208
00:49:37,539 --> 00:49:39,759
in the body of a Kelly Taylor.
1209
00:49:41,587 --> 00:49:43,328
Hey.Hi.
1210
00:49:44,546 --> 00:49:46,113
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.
1211
00:49:46,157 --> 00:49:47,462
I did. I cleaned it up.
1212
00:49:47,506 --> 00:49:49,725
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.
1213
00:49:49,769 --> 00:49:51,205
Looks good.
1214
00:49:51,249 --> 00:49:52,728
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...
1215
00:49:52,772 --> 00:49:54,817
I, uh...
1216
00:49:54,861 --> 00:49:58,169
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,
1217
00:49:58,212 --> 00:50:01,607
for acting a little crazy,
you know.
1218
00:50:01,650 --> 00:50:03,174
I'm gonna...
1219
00:50:03,217 --> 00:50:04,784
I'm going to really try
to tone it down
1220
00:50:04,827 --> 00:50:08,092
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.
1221
00:50:08,570 --> 00:50:09,702
Good. Great.
1222
00:50:10,224 --> 00:50:11,356
Also.
1223
00:50:11,399 --> 00:50:13,053
I googled speech writing
1224
00:50:13,097 --> 00:50:14,794
and it was
actually very informative.
1225
00:50:14,837 --> 00:50:16,056
What I learned
1226
00:50:16,100 --> 00:50:17,753
was that in order to write
better for you,
1227
00:50:17,797 --> 00:50:20,408
I should kinda
get to know you better
and get in your head,
1228
00:50:20,452 --> 00:50:21,583
and everything
I already know about you,
1229
00:50:21,627 --> 00:50:22,845
I kinda used
on the first speech.
1230
00:50:22,889 --> 00:50:24,151
So, what I did
1231
00:50:24,195 --> 00:50:25,674
was I wrote a ton of questions
1232
00:50:25,718 --> 00:50:27,372
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,
1233
00:50:27,415 --> 00:50:28,764
if you have a minute.
1234
00:50:28,808 --> 00:50:30,592
I actually have seven.
1235
00:50:30,636 --> 00:50:32,812
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.
1236
00:50:32,855 --> 00:50:34,161
All right.Seven minutes in heaven.
1237
00:50:34,205 --> 00:50:35,597
Um...
1238
00:50:35,641 --> 00:50:37,556
Okay. So. Ah... I guess...
1239
00:50:37,599 --> 00:50:38,774
Just like...
What are you into?
1240
00:50:38,818 --> 00:50:40,037
What kind of shit you into?
1241
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:41,864
Well, this is
pretty much it.
1242
00:50:41,908 --> 00:50:43,605
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.
1243
00:50:43,649 --> 00:50:45,999
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?
1244
00:50:46,043 --> 00:50:47,522
Do you watch Game of Thrones
or anything like that?
1245
00:50:47,566 --> 00:50:49,133
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened
1246
00:50:49,176 --> 00:50:50,786
in every season
of Game of Thrones.
1247
00:50:50,830 --> 00:50:52,571
Because you watch it?
1248
00:50:52,614 --> 00:50:54,747
Because I read synopses
on every episode.
1249
00:50:54,790 --> 00:50:56,314
That can't actually work.
1250
00:50:56,357 --> 00:50:58,185
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon
1251
00:50:58,229 --> 00:50:59,708
came back as a White Walker.
1252
00:51:00,274 --> 00:51:01,623
Whoa!
1253
00:51:01,667 --> 00:51:02,755
See?What about movies?
1254
00:51:02,798 --> 00:51:04,104
Do you watch movies?
1255
00:51:04,148 --> 00:51:06,150
Synopses of all
the award contenders.
1256
00:51:06,193 --> 00:51:07,586
You used to love movies!
1257
00:51:07,629 --> 00:51:09,718
You made me watch
Encino Man30 times.
1258
00:51:09,762 --> 00:51:12,243
"Wheeze a little juice!"
1259
00:51:12,286 --> 00:51:14,332
You still do
the worst Pauly Shore
impression
1260
00:51:14,375 --> 00:51:16,116
in the history of mankind.
1261
00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,684
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"
1262
00:51:18,727 --> 00:51:20,207
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.
1263
00:51:20,251 --> 00:51:23,167
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.
1264
00:51:23,950 --> 00:51:25,473
I am Encino Man.
1265
00:51:26,822 --> 00:51:29,260
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?
1266
00:51:29,303 --> 00:51:31,305
The Velveteen Rabbit.You?
1267
00:51:31,349 --> 00:51:32,741
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
1268
00:51:32,785 --> 00:51:34,961
Oh, that explains a lot. Yeah.
1269
00:51:36,876 --> 00:51:39,183
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.
1270
00:51:39,226 --> 00:51:40,923
Best drug experience?
1271
00:51:40,967 --> 00:51:42,838
I could get summoned
at any moment
1272
00:51:42,882 --> 00:51:44,188
to deal with
an international crisis,
1273
00:51:44,231 --> 00:51:45,624
I can't do that on acid.
1274
00:51:45,667 --> 00:51:46,973
What about Molly?
1275
00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:48,148
Who's Molly?
1276
00:51:49,671 --> 00:51:51,238
REPORTER: Secretary of State
Charlotte Field
1277
00:51:51,282 --> 00:51:54,372
continues on her impressive
20-country world tour
1278
00:51:54,415 --> 00:51:55,895
to garner more support
1279
00:51:55,938 --> 00:51:57,549
for her ambitious
environmental initiative.
1280
00:51:57,592 --> 00:51:59,333
And all in a private jet,
no less.
1281
00:51:59,377 --> 00:52:00,987
You know what would
save the environment?
1282
00:52:01,030 --> 00:52:02,728
Charlotte Field
grounding her ass.
1283
00:52:02,771 --> 00:52:04,208
I know where I'd like
to ground her ass.
1284
00:52:04,251 --> 00:52:06,645
Oh, I walked
right into that one.
1285
00:52:06,688 --> 00:52:08,908
Must Have Been Love
by Roxette.
1286
00:52:08,951 --> 00:52:11,302
Oh! That's just fucking hot.Right?
1287
00:52:11,345 --> 00:52:12,912
I got a new one. What?
1288
00:52:12,955 --> 00:52:14,174
I got to change
my favorite song.
1289
00:52:14,218 --> 00:52:16,002
You have too many.I've done it a few times.
1290
00:52:16,045 --> 00:52:19,048
Broccoliby DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.
1291
00:52:19,092 --> 00:52:20,485
All those words
1292
00:52:20,528 --> 00:52:22,356
are the name of a song?Yeah.
1293
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:23,662
CHARLOTTE: I don't
really think I have one.
1294
00:52:23,705 --> 00:52:25,707
FRED: You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.
1295
00:52:25,751 --> 00:52:27,666
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.
1296
00:52:27,709 --> 00:52:29,537
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.
1297
00:52:29,581 --> 00:52:31,670
Yes, you do.No, I don't!
1298
00:52:31,713 --> 00:52:34,586
Oh, my God. Okay.
1299
00:52:34,629 --> 00:52:36,936
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1300
00:52:38,503 --> 00:52:40,679
I mean, you know, front.
1301
00:52:40,722 --> 00:52:42,289
Normal. Front facing normal. Oh, my God.
1302
00:52:42,333 --> 00:52:44,030
What kinda question is that?That's all it took.
1303
00:52:44,073 --> 00:52:45,292
Look at you.
1304
00:52:45,336 --> 00:52:47,120
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?
1305
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:49,166
Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.Yeah, see?
1306
00:52:49,209 --> 00:52:51,168
What's your favorite
sexual position?
1307
00:52:52,081 --> 00:52:53,822
It's too complicated
to explain.
1308
00:52:55,041 --> 00:52:56,738
Really?I told you mine.
1309
00:52:57,348 --> 00:52:59,306
Oh, God, okay.
1310
00:52:59,350 --> 00:53:01,917
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.
1311
00:53:01,961 --> 00:53:03,876
Yeah?I got called into a meeting
1312
00:53:03,919 --> 00:53:06,357
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.
1313
00:53:06,400 --> 00:53:08,533
Yeah.Yeah.
1314
00:53:08,576 --> 00:53:12,580
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.
1315
00:53:12,624 --> 00:53:13,712
Oh, no.
1316
00:53:14,321 --> 00:53:15,583
Delhi belly.
1317
00:53:17,629 --> 00:53:21,546
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.
1318
00:53:21,589 --> 00:53:23,025
Oh, no.Mmm-hmm.
1319
00:53:23,765 --> 00:53:25,071
God...
1320
00:53:25,114 --> 00:53:29,075
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.
1321
00:53:29,118 --> 00:53:31,338
You puked in it?Nope.
1322
00:53:31,382 --> 00:53:34,602
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?
1323
00:53:37,431 --> 00:53:39,694
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?
1324
00:53:39,738 --> 00:53:42,219
Yes, I speak Russian.
1325
00:53:42,262 --> 00:53:44,525
FRED: The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.
1326
00:53:44,569 --> 00:53:47,049
Do svidanya,
motherfuckers!
1327
00:53:51,402 --> 00:53:53,795
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!
1328
00:53:53,839 --> 00:53:55,101
But he's keeping
the team together.
1329
00:53:55,144 --> 00:53:56,189
I know.
1330
00:53:56,233 --> 00:53:57,408
I don't think
I can handle that.
1331
00:53:57,451 --> 00:53:58,496
Oh, it's okay.No,
1332
00:53:58,539 --> 00:54:00,672
I really liked him
in the movie.
1333
00:54:00,715 --> 00:54:02,021
Don't worry,
just keep watching.
1334
00:54:02,064 --> 00:54:04,676
FRED: You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.
1335
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,460
Because it's pretty nice here.
1336
00:54:06,504 --> 00:54:08,984
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.
1337
00:54:09,028 --> 00:54:10,290
This is good.
1338
00:54:10,334 --> 00:54:11,509
Oh, yeah?Yeah.
1339
00:54:11,552 --> 00:54:16,557
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?
1340
00:54:16,601 --> 00:54:17,906
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech
1341
00:54:17,950 --> 00:54:19,386
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss
1342
00:54:19,430 --> 00:54:21,997
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.
1343
00:54:22,041 --> 00:54:23,260
"I quit."
1344
00:54:23,303 --> 00:54:25,523
That's not bad.I love that.
1345
00:54:25,566 --> 00:54:27,481
This is really fucking good.
1346
00:54:27,525 --> 00:54:29,701
Look at you, you get me, Fred.
1347
00:54:29,744 --> 00:54:31,964
I totally get you.
1348
00:54:32,007 --> 00:54:33,748
♪ All I want for my birthday
1349
00:54:33,792 --> 00:54:35,533
♪ Is a big booty ho
1350
00:54:35,576 --> 00:54:37,143
♪ All I want
for my birthday... ♪
1351
00:54:37,186 --> 00:54:38,797
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit
1352
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,538
I played you
from the last decade,
1353
00:54:40,581 --> 00:54:42,279
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.
1354
00:54:42,322 --> 00:54:44,498
It's catchy.It's awesome.
1355
00:54:49,329 --> 00:54:52,158
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?
1356
00:54:54,508 --> 00:54:56,162
No. No.No.
1357
00:54:56,205 --> 00:54:57,903
I feel like I read...
Did I read that
1358
00:54:57,946 --> 00:54:59,861
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?
1359
00:54:59,905 --> 00:55:02,647
Maybe it's not true.No, I'm sure you did. It's...
1360
00:55:02,690 --> 00:55:05,432
They like to write about it,
but no. I...
1361
00:55:05,476 --> 00:55:08,435
We're not, we... We flirt.
1362
00:55:08,479 --> 00:55:09,958
Yeah. Okay.Kind of.
1363
00:55:10,002 --> 00:55:12,613
It's weird.
We made out once.
1364
00:55:13,440 --> 00:55:14,528
Dope.
1365
00:55:14,963 --> 00:55:16,182
You asked.
1366
00:55:16,225 --> 00:55:18,271
No, hey! I've hooked up with
1367
00:55:18,315 --> 00:55:20,534
my fair share
of world leaders, too.
1368
00:55:20,578 --> 00:55:22,667
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.
1369
00:55:23,581 --> 00:55:24,930
You thought
his beard was big.
1370
00:55:25,583 --> 00:55:26,932
Um...
1371
00:55:26,975 --> 00:55:29,674
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...
1372
00:55:29,717 --> 00:55:31,589
Do you, like, date?
1373
00:55:31,632 --> 00:55:35,375
Uh... Yeah. I date.
1374
00:55:36,289 --> 00:55:38,160
Generally, you know,
1375
00:55:38,204 --> 00:55:40,554
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.
1376
00:55:40,598 --> 00:55:42,251
People who travel a lot.
1377
00:55:44,166 --> 00:55:47,735
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...
1378
00:55:49,171 --> 00:55:51,391
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world
1379
00:55:51,435 --> 00:55:53,872
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?
1380
00:55:54,742 --> 00:55:56,178
Yeah.And honestly,
1381
00:55:56,222 --> 00:55:57,876
guys don't really
want to date women
1382
00:55:57,919 --> 00:55:59,268
who are more powerful
than them.
1383
00:55:59,312 --> 00:56:00,792
They think they do, but...
1384
00:56:02,141 --> 00:56:03,882
It's a dick shriveller.
1385
00:56:03,925 --> 00:56:06,014
Uff.Mmm-hmm.
1386
00:56:06,058 --> 00:56:08,321
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.
1387
00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:09,975
So...
1388
00:56:11,585 --> 00:56:13,457
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?
1389
00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:16,111
No, I get it.
1390
00:56:16,155 --> 00:56:18,287
It makes sense.Yeah. It adds up.
1391
00:56:27,949 --> 00:56:29,081
We're right in front
of the window.
1392
00:56:31,126 --> 00:56:32,563
What the fuck is happening?
1393
00:56:32,606 --> 00:56:34,391
Insurgents are fighting
the army.
1394
00:56:34,434 --> 00:56:36,262
Are we in danger?Yes! Yes!
1395
00:56:36,305 --> 00:56:37,829
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!
1396
00:56:37,872 --> 00:56:39,265
FRED: Fuck!
1397
00:56:39,308 --> 00:56:40,484
AGENT: This way!
1398
00:56:41,963 --> 00:56:43,922
All right, guys, come with me.
1399
00:56:43,965 --> 00:56:45,445
Come on.
1400
00:57:09,904 --> 00:57:11,036
Secretary Field, this way!
1401
00:57:11,079 --> 00:57:13,038
I got her, secure them!
1402
00:57:14,039 --> 00:57:15,127
This way.
1403
00:57:18,522 --> 00:57:19,740
You'll be safe in here.
1404
00:57:21,133 --> 00:57:23,135
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?
1405
00:57:23,178 --> 00:57:24,441
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?
1406
00:57:24,484 --> 00:57:26,138
I'm okay. Yeah.
We're okay. Okay.
1407
00:57:26,181 --> 00:57:30,142
Okay.Okay. Okay. Holy shit!
1408
00:57:30,185 --> 00:57:33,450
Oh,
we could have just died.
1409
00:57:33,493 --> 00:57:36,191
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.
1410
00:57:36,235 --> 00:57:37,279
I'm having a hard time
1411
00:57:37,323 --> 00:57:38,716
catching my breath
a little bit.
1412
00:57:38,759 --> 00:57:40,108
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.
1413
00:57:40,152 --> 00:57:42,676
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,
1414
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:44,025
for dealing with panicking.
1415
00:57:44,069 --> 00:57:46,332
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.
1416
00:57:46,375 --> 00:57:49,291
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!
1417
00:57:49,335 --> 00:57:50,945
I need 90 fucking years!
1418
00:57:50,989 --> 00:57:53,557
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!
1419
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,516
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!
1420
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,780
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.
1421
00:57:59,824 --> 00:58:02,217
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!
1422
00:58:03,044 --> 00:58:04,089
It was just pointless.
1423
00:58:04,132 --> 00:58:05,786
What the fuck?
1424
00:58:05,830 --> 00:58:07,919
Holy shit! Fuck!
1425
00:58:09,050 --> 00:58:11,270
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?
1426
00:58:11,313 --> 00:58:12,532
Fred.Is there more?
1427
00:58:12,576 --> 00:58:13,751
You're gonna
have to calm down.
1428
00:58:13,794 --> 00:58:15,056
I don't think I can.
1429
00:58:15,100 --> 00:58:16,797
Sit down with me.
1430
00:58:16,841 --> 00:58:17,972
And breathe.
1431
00:58:18,016 --> 00:58:20,453
Four seconds in.
1432
00:58:20,497 --> 00:58:21,541
Four seconds out.
1433
00:58:21,585 --> 00:58:23,325
Four seconds in.
1434
00:58:23,369 --> 00:58:24,892
One, two, three, four...
1435
00:58:24,936 --> 00:58:27,721
Four seconds out.One, two...
1436
00:58:27,765 --> 00:58:30,550
Four seconds in.One, two, three, four...
1437
00:58:30,594 --> 00:58:32,204
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.
1438
00:58:32,247 --> 00:58:33,684
...four. It helps me.
1439
00:58:33,727 --> 00:58:36,991
One, two,
three, four...There you go.
1440
00:58:37,035 --> 00:58:39,428
One, two, three, four.
1441
00:58:39,472 --> 00:58:41,343
One, two, three, four.
1442
00:58:42,170 --> 00:58:43,911
One, two, three, four.
1443
00:58:45,173 --> 00:58:47,219
You got it. That actually works.
1444
00:58:48,263 --> 00:58:49,656
Those guys are good.
1445
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:55,967
We did almost just die,
though.
1446
00:58:56,010 --> 00:58:57,055
We actually did almost die.
1447
00:58:57,098 --> 00:58:58,622
Yeah.Oh, thank God.
1448
00:58:58,665 --> 00:58:59,797
That actually
makes me feel better.
1449
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:01,276
Means I didn't overreact.
1450
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:03,670
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted.
1451
00:59:04,758 --> 00:59:05,977
Yeah, maybe.
1452
00:59:08,632 --> 00:59:10,372
I can think of worse ways
to go
1453
00:59:11,460 --> 00:59:13,027
than here with you.
1454
00:59:14,463 --> 00:59:16,291
Honestly, this has been like,
1455
00:59:16,335 --> 00:59:19,077
the best few weeks
of my entire life.
1456
00:59:22,559 --> 00:59:23,647
You don't have to say it
back to me.
1457
00:59:23,690 --> 00:59:24,996
I know it's not true for you.
1458
00:59:25,039 --> 00:59:27,041
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,
1459
00:59:27,085 --> 00:59:28,521
at that benefit concert.
That was probably
1460
00:59:28,565 --> 00:59:29,827
a way better week.
1461
00:59:29,870 --> 00:59:32,612
Just as an example.
1462
00:59:32,656 --> 00:59:35,180
Well, this is
a pretty close second.
1463
00:59:35,223 --> 00:59:37,312
Really? To The Boss?
1464
00:59:37,356 --> 00:59:38,400
Yeah.
1465
00:59:38,444 --> 00:59:40,577
Wow. That's nice.
1466
00:59:47,409 --> 00:59:48,585
Uh...
1467
00:59:54,460 --> 00:59:57,506
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,
1468
00:59:57,550 --> 00:59:59,465
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake
1469
00:59:59,508 --> 01:00:00,727
I made 25 years ago.
1470
01:00:00,771 --> 01:00:02,599
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.
1471
01:00:03,512 --> 01:00:04,992
Wait... Really?
1472
01:00:11,695 --> 01:00:13,131
We've secured the location.
1473
01:00:13,174 --> 01:00:16,003
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.
1474
01:00:17,135 --> 01:00:18,745
Thank you, Agent M.
1475
01:00:23,489 --> 01:00:24,664
FRED: Holy shit.
1476
01:00:24,708 --> 01:00:25,752
That helicopter was way louder
1477
01:00:25,796 --> 01:00:27,275
than I thought
it was gonna be.
1478
01:00:27,319 --> 01:00:29,277
MAGGIE: Fred, enough. Enough.I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1479
01:00:30,104 --> 01:00:31,192
We're safe here though?
1480
01:00:31,236 --> 01:00:32,759
MAGGIE: Yes!TOM: Oh, my God, Fred!
1481
01:00:32,803 --> 01:00:33,847
AGENT: This way.
1482
01:00:33,891 --> 01:00:35,196
FRED: This place
looks really nice.
1483
01:00:39,113 --> 01:00:40,680
Fred, I need you
to come work
1484
01:00:40,724 --> 01:00:42,464
on that speech with me,
right now.
1485
01:00:42,508 --> 01:00:44,597
Right now?Yeah. Right now.
1486
01:00:45,424 --> 01:00:46,555
Okay.
1487
01:00:52,736 --> 01:00:53,911
Hang on, get my pants off.
1488
01:00:53,954 --> 01:00:55,390
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.
1489
01:00:56,740 --> 01:00:58,219
CHARLOTTE: We're doing it?Yeah!
1490
01:00:58,263 --> 01:00:59,307
CHARLOTTE: Do it faster.Let's do it.
1491
01:00:59,351 --> 01:01:00,352
They're coming off!
1492
01:01:02,310 --> 01:01:04,312
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!
1493
01:01:05,749 --> 01:01:06,706
Fuck!
1494
01:01:08,360 --> 01:01:09,883
CHARLOTTE: Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!
1495
01:01:09,927 --> 01:01:11,493
FRED: Okay.Okay. Yeah.
1496
01:01:11,537 --> 01:01:12,581
Should I go in, then?
1497
01:01:12,625 --> 01:01:14,148
Yeah, enter.
1498
01:01:14,192 --> 01:01:17,499
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!
1499
01:01:17,543 --> 01:01:19,676
I'm gonna come really soon.Me too.
1500
01:01:19,719 --> 01:01:20,981
Really?Yeah!
1501
01:01:21,025 --> 01:01:22,069
Oh, God!Oh!
1502
01:01:22,113 --> 01:01:23,592
BOTH: Oh, boy!
1503
01:01:26,421 --> 01:01:29,294
Oh, God! Okay.Oh, my God!
1504
01:01:29,337 --> 01:01:31,165
I'm coming out.Okay, come on.
1505
01:01:31,209 --> 01:01:36,910
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!
1506
01:01:36,954 --> 01:01:40,261
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.
1507
01:01:41,132 --> 01:01:42,350
I don't know
what happened.
1508
01:01:42,394 --> 01:01:44,613
I usually last
way longer than that.
1509
01:01:44,657 --> 01:01:45,876
You know?Not me.
1510
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:48,095
That was weird.
1511
01:01:48,139 --> 01:01:49,662
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...
1512
01:01:49,706 --> 01:01:51,011
Yeah, that's what
I was thinking....at the same time.
1513
01:01:51,055 --> 01:01:52,709
That's never happened before.I've never said that.
1514
01:01:52,752 --> 01:01:55,755
Yeah.Super strange.
1515
01:01:55,799 --> 01:01:57,670
Oh!Should we do that again?
1516
01:01:57,714 --> 01:01:59,237
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.
1517
01:02:03,894 --> 01:02:05,678
Hmm.
1518
01:02:05,722 --> 01:02:08,594
Who's this little guy?
1519
01:02:08,637 --> 01:02:10,465
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis
1520
01:02:10,509 --> 01:02:12,119
and I had to get a bottom half
1521
01:02:12,163 --> 01:02:13,686
of a swastika
tattooed on me...
1522
01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,470
Oh, my God....so they wouldn't kill me
1523
01:02:15,514 --> 01:02:17,472
and I didn't want that,
1524
01:02:17,516 --> 01:02:20,649
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man
1525
01:02:20,693 --> 01:02:23,957
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.
1526
01:02:24,001 --> 01:02:26,046
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.
1527
01:02:26,090 --> 01:02:27,656
No.He's so happy about it.
1528
01:02:27,700 --> 01:02:29,049
I know, they just
look like pants.
1529
01:02:29,093 --> 01:02:31,269
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.
1530
01:02:34,838 --> 01:02:36,578
Man, I am hungry.
1531
01:02:39,103 --> 01:02:40,713
What time is it?
1532
01:02:40,757 --> 01:02:43,324
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.
1533
01:02:44,499 --> 01:02:47,415
And where...
Where are we right now?
1534
01:02:47,459 --> 01:02:48,808
I don't have a clue.
1535
01:02:48,852 --> 01:02:49,853
You don't know?
1536
01:02:49,896 --> 01:02:51,115
No. They just
dropped us here.
1537
01:02:51,158 --> 01:02:53,508
They just took us here
on the helicopter.
1538
01:03:15,617 --> 01:03:16,662
AGENT M: Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.
1539
01:03:16,705 --> 01:03:17,881
Jesus!
1540
01:03:19,970 --> 01:03:21,406
You scared me, man.
1541
01:03:27,064 --> 01:03:29,806
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?
1542
01:03:29,849 --> 01:03:31,590
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.
1543
01:03:33,113 --> 01:03:34,201
Fair enough.
1544
01:03:35,289 --> 01:03:36,725
Good luck, man.
1545
01:03:38,684 --> 01:03:39,772
Thank you.
1546
01:03:48,781 --> 01:03:50,957
These helicopters are scary.
1547
01:03:51,001 --> 01:03:54,178
It's gonna be fine, Fred. Just breathe.
1548
01:03:57,181 --> 01:03:59,748
FRED: One, two, three, four.
1549
01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:01,794
One, two, three, four.
1550
01:04:13,937 --> 01:04:15,764
I feel so happy right now!
1551
01:04:15,808 --> 01:04:17,418
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,
1552
01:04:17,462 --> 01:04:19,072
I may have never been happy.
1553
01:04:19,116 --> 01:04:21,727
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.
1554
01:04:21,770 --> 01:04:23,033
And it feels good.
1555
01:04:23,076 --> 01:04:26,036
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.
1556
01:04:26,079 --> 01:04:27,951
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,
1557
01:04:27,994 --> 01:04:29,735
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.
1558
01:04:29,778 --> 01:04:30,823
And it's not like a date,
1559
01:04:30,867 --> 01:04:32,303
but it kinda
feels like a date.
1560
01:04:32,346 --> 01:04:34,914
How do I not fuck this up?
Seems impossible.
1561
01:04:34,958 --> 01:04:37,221
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.
1562
01:04:37,264 --> 01:04:38,962
You need to...
1563
01:04:39,005 --> 01:04:41,094
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.
1564
01:04:42,052 --> 01:04:43,401
I am worthy of love.
1565
01:04:43,444 --> 01:04:44,968
All right, now you gotta
say it 10,000
1566
01:04:45,011 --> 01:04:46,621
more times,
until you believe it.
1567
01:04:46,665 --> 01:04:47,927
Okay, look, I gotta go.
1568
01:04:47,971 --> 01:04:50,364
I have no fucking clue how to tie a bow tie.
1569
01:04:50,408 --> 01:04:51,931
All right, man. Hey!
1570
01:04:51,975 --> 01:04:52,976
Be bold!
1571
01:05:09,514 --> 01:05:10,907
Hi.
1572
01:05:10,950 --> 01:05:13,474
You look really pretty.
1573
01:05:13,518 --> 01:05:14,823
Thank you.
1574
01:05:15,694 --> 01:05:18,740
You look really pretty, too.
1575
01:05:18,784 --> 01:05:19,828
Thank you.
1576
01:05:19,872 --> 01:05:21,091
Thanks for the suit.
1577
01:05:21,134 --> 01:05:22,266
We should probably head in.
1578
01:05:22,309 --> 01:05:23,441
Shall we?FRED: Yeah.
1579
01:05:27,010 --> 01:05:29,664
Wow. This is awesome.
1580
01:05:29,708 --> 01:05:31,231
It's cool being
in Argentina.
1581
01:05:31,275 --> 01:05:32,754
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents
1582
01:05:32,798 --> 01:05:34,539
are hiding here somewhere.
1583
01:05:35,192 --> 01:05:36,323
Shit, they got a band.
1584
01:05:38,325 --> 01:05:41,850
Do you wanna,
uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?
1585
01:05:41,894 --> 01:05:43,243
So there are representatives
1586
01:05:43,287 --> 01:05:45,071
from over 75 countries
here tonight.
1587
01:05:45,115 --> 01:05:46,768
She has three hours
to get out there,
1588
01:05:46,812 --> 01:05:48,118
shake her money maker...Yeah.
1589
01:05:48,161 --> 01:05:49,467
...and get
as many commitments
as possible.
1590
01:05:49,510 --> 01:05:51,034
This is a work event.Of course, yeah. I get it.
1591
01:05:51,077 --> 01:05:54,385
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.
1592
01:05:54,428 --> 01:05:56,561
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.
1593
01:05:56,604 --> 01:05:58,650
We'll see.Yeah.
1594
01:05:58,693 --> 01:06:00,434
All right. Okay.
1595
01:06:04,438 --> 01:06:05,874
I know what's going on.
1596
01:06:09,052 --> 01:06:11,576
What do you mean?You know what I mean.
1597
01:06:11,619 --> 01:06:12,664
There's nothing going on.
1598
01:06:12,707 --> 01:06:14,883
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.
1599
01:06:14,927 --> 01:06:17,495
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.
1600
01:06:17,538 --> 01:06:20,585
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics
1601
01:06:20,628 --> 01:06:21,847
like you wouldn't believe.
1602
01:06:21,890 --> 01:06:24,458
The two of you are having sex
with each other.
1603
01:06:24,502 --> 01:06:26,243
There's no way you could
discern something like that.
1604
01:06:26,286 --> 01:06:27,592
Charlotte told me.
1605
01:06:28,288 --> 01:06:29,463
Really?
1606
01:06:29,507 --> 01:06:31,248
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.
1607
01:06:31,291 --> 01:06:34,251
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking
very clever.
1608
01:06:34,294 --> 01:06:35,469
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.
1609
01:06:35,513 --> 01:06:37,515
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.
1610
01:06:37,558 --> 01:06:38,690
So?Ew.
1611
01:06:38,733 --> 01:06:39,865
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me
1612
01:06:39,908 --> 01:06:41,040
than it is to you.Look,
1613
01:06:41,084 --> 01:06:42,563
I can't believe
I have to say this,
1614
01:06:42,607 --> 01:06:45,305
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.
1615
01:06:46,567 --> 01:06:48,178
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.
1616
01:06:48,221 --> 01:06:50,267
The public will never accept
the two of you together,
1617
01:06:50,310 --> 01:06:51,746
so neither will she.
1618
01:06:51,790 --> 01:06:53,226
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter
1619
01:06:53,270 --> 01:06:54,488
if you get it or you don't,
1620
01:06:54,532 --> 01:06:56,055
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it
1621
01:06:56,099 --> 01:06:57,100
for the both of you,
1622
01:06:57,143 --> 01:06:59,232
then you'll have
your heart broken.
1623
01:06:59,276 --> 01:07:00,668
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.
1624
01:07:00,712 --> 01:07:02,322
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...
1625
01:07:19,513 --> 01:07:20,819
PARKER: Madam Secretary!
1626
01:07:21,950 --> 01:07:23,300
Excuse me.
1627
01:07:23,343 --> 01:07:24,475
Ah!Parker.
1628
01:07:24,518 --> 01:07:26,564
Nope. Nope. Uh...
1629
01:07:28,435 --> 01:07:31,873
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.
1630
01:07:31,917 --> 01:07:33,092
You know,
it's not gonna happen.
1631
01:07:33,136 --> 01:07:34,615
I'm not gonna find time.
1632
01:07:34,659 --> 01:07:37,096
I will get my way on this.
1633
01:07:37,140 --> 01:07:38,532
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"
1634
01:07:38,576 --> 01:07:41,100
but please have at it.
It's all yours.
1635
01:07:41,144 --> 01:07:42,362
May I have a word?Can you excuse me?
1636
01:07:42,406 --> 01:07:43,668
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.
1637
01:07:43,711 --> 01:07:46,236
Of course. Yes.Oh, my God. You are a...
1638
01:07:46,279 --> 01:07:48,890
You look
absolutely wonderful.
1639
01:07:48,934 --> 01:07:50,762
CHARLOTTE: Oh.
1640
01:07:52,111 --> 01:07:53,417
I have to say,
I have been
1641
01:07:53,460 --> 01:07:55,723
so impressed
by your initiative.
1642
01:07:55,767 --> 01:07:57,421
Does this mean
I can add Canada
1643
01:07:57,464 --> 01:07:59,423
to the list of countries
taking part?
1644
01:07:59,466 --> 01:08:01,642
On one condition.
1645
01:08:01,686 --> 01:08:02,817
Let me guess.
1646
01:08:02,861 --> 01:08:05,168
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.
1647
01:08:05,211 --> 01:08:06,647
I don't care about lumber.
1648
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:09,433
I just want to dance.
1649
01:08:13,001 --> 01:08:14,046
Sure.
1650
01:08:37,635 --> 01:08:38,723
Whoa!
1651
01:08:39,985 --> 01:08:41,334
Wow.
1652
01:08:42,814 --> 01:08:44,076
You know
when you see something,
1653
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:47,210
and it just looks right.
1654
01:08:47,253 --> 01:08:49,299
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.
1655
01:08:49,342 --> 01:08:50,343
MAGGIE: Mmm-hmm.
1656
01:09:00,179 --> 01:09:01,789
I'm worthy of love.
1657
01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:04,836
I'm worthy of love.
1658
01:09:07,360 --> 01:09:08,753
What the fuck
are you saying?
1659
01:09:09,623 --> 01:09:10,624
Nothing.
1660
01:09:43,875 --> 01:09:44,876
Bonjour,ma'am.
1661
01:10:17,909 --> 01:10:18,910
Excuse me.
1662
01:10:20,999 --> 01:10:22,392
Agent E, look alive.
1663
01:10:38,146 --> 01:10:39,322
Hi.Hey.
1664
01:10:40,323 --> 01:10:41,846
I hear you have
a crush on me.
1665
01:10:43,326 --> 01:10:44,501
I do.
1666
01:10:46,242 --> 01:10:47,982
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.
1667
01:10:49,593 --> 01:10:50,811
Well, that's cool.
1668
01:10:54,162 --> 01:10:56,252
Hey, I know I asked earlier.
1669
01:10:56,295 --> 01:10:57,688
But, uh...
1670
01:11:01,344 --> 01:11:02,780
Do you want to dance with me?
1671
01:11:05,565 --> 01:11:06,566
It's a dope song.
1672
01:11:07,785 --> 01:11:09,047
Really fucking good song.
1673
01:11:09,090 --> 01:11:10,222
Maybe the best song
ever written.
1674
01:11:10,266 --> 01:11:11,267
Yeah.
1675
01:12:59,418 --> 01:13:00,898
I want you to
fuck me from behind
1676
01:13:00,941 --> 01:13:02,160
and slap my ass really hard.
1677
01:13:04,728 --> 01:13:05,946
What?
1678
01:13:05,990 --> 01:13:07,383
What?
1679
01:13:07,426 --> 01:13:09,428
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?
1680
01:13:09,472 --> 01:13:10,821
Am I being too bossy?
1681
01:13:10,864 --> 01:13:13,519
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.
1682
01:13:13,563 --> 01:13:15,216
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,
1683
01:13:15,260 --> 01:13:16,348
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.
1684
01:13:16,392 --> 01:13:17,436
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.
1685
01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:19,003
No. Not at all.
1686
01:13:19,046 --> 01:13:20,526
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...
1687
01:13:20,570 --> 01:13:22,006
Yeah, but you hesitated.
1688
01:13:22,049 --> 01:13:24,748
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.
1689
01:13:24,791 --> 01:13:27,881
You know what?
We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.
1690
01:13:27,925 --> 01:13:29,883
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass
1691
01:13:29,927 --> 01:13:31,232
and then choke me
a little bit.
1692
01:13:31,929 --> 01:13:32,930
Oh, my God.
1693
01:13:40,590 --> 01:13:41,678
Whoa.
1694
01:13:51,688 --> 01:13:52,689
Frederick.
1695
01:13:53,472 --> 01:13:54,473
Margaret.
1696
01:13:59,478 --> 01:14:01,175
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!
1697
01:14:01,219 --> 01:14:02,873
Gross!Um...
1698
01:14:02,916 --> 01:14:04,309
I thought you guys
hated each other.
1699
01:14:04,352 --> 01:14:06,442
We do hate each other.We do. Big time.
1700
01:14:06,485 --> 01:14:08,356
We are also fucking.Ugh.
1701
01:14:08,400 --> 01:14:09,488
How long
have you been fucking?
1702
01:14:09,532 --> 01:14:10,620
That was probably 20 minutes.
1703
01:14:10,663 --> 01:14:11,708
Not right now!
1704
01:14:11,751 --> 01:14:13,971
Oh.A lot of questions. Um, I...
1705
01:14:14,014 --> 01:14:15,189
I would say
anywhere between
1706
01:14:15,233 --> 01:14:17,017
two and five...
Three and a half times.
1707
01:14:17,061 --> 01:14:18,802
I would say on my end, five.
1708
01:14:18,845 --> 01:14:20,412
Three and a half sounds right.
1709
01:14:20,456 --> 01:14:22,588
I don't know how
you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.
1710
01:14:22,632 --> 01:14:25,156
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.
1711
01:14:25,199 --> 01:14:26,679
There's a woman
in there, too?
1712
01:14:26,723 --> 01:14:28,551
Excuse me.Easy.
1713
01:14:28,594 --> 01:14:29,813
And I got it.Sorry.
1714
01:14:29,856 --> 01:14:31,292
Again.Sorry, I'm...
1715
01:14:31,336 --> 01:14:33,120
A woman is present
and that woman is me.
1716
01:14:33,164 --> 01:14:34,600
You?TOM: We're talking about her.
1717
01:14:34,644 --> 01:14:36,515
Trust me, I know, Fred.
1718
01:14:36,559 --> 01:14:37,603
Tom, I got this.
1719
01:14:37,647 --> 01:14:39,170
Ugh!I'm gonna say goodnight.
1720
01:14:39,213 --> 01:14:40,432
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.
1721
01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:41,564
And I will take my leave.
1722
01:14:41,607 --> 01:14:44,305
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.
1723
01:14:44,349 --> 01:14:46,612
It's not the worst instinct.Guys, just...
1724
01:14:46,656 --> 01:14:47,700
Those hands
have been places.
1725
01:14:47,744 --> 01:14:49,354
MAGGIE: Goodnight.
1726
01:14:49,397 --> 01:14:51,704
With France's commitment,
U.S. Secretary of State
1727
01:14:51,748 --> 01:14:55,186
Charlotte Field's noble
Rehabilitation Initiative
1728
01:14:55,229 --> 01:14:57,231
has secured the support
of 100 countries.
1729
01:14:59,407 --> 01:15:01,018
The president
wants to talk to you.
1730
01:15:01,061 --> 01:15:03,586
We've set up the tent
in the next room,
Madam Secretary.
1731
01:15:03,629 --> 01:15:04,978
Tell him hi.
1732
01:15:09,548 --> 01:15:12,029
Mr. President. Bonjour.
1733
01:15:12,072 --> 01:15:13,596
CHAMBERS:
Charlie,bonjour.
1734
01:15:13,639 --> 01:15:16,816
Hey, what's this I hear about an environmental treaty thing?
1735
01:15:16,860 --> 01:15:18,557
Oh, it's the Global
1736
01:15:18,601 --> 01:15:20,690
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.
1737
01:15:20,733 --> 01:15:23,344
It's been on your desk
for the last three weeks.
1738
01:15:23,388 --> 01:15:25,477
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole
1739
01:15:25,521 --> 01:15:27,740
and it's ruffling
some feathers.
1740
01:15:27,784 --> 01:15:29,916
Sir, you are the flagpole.
1741
01:15:29,960 --> 01:15:33,485
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.
1742
01:15:33,529 --> 01:15:35,182
We need you to revise it.
1743
01:15:35,226 --> 01:15:36,227
Sir?
1744
01:15:37,097 --> 01:15:39,230
We need you to kill the trees.
1745
01:15:43,234 --> 01:15:44,801
Why would he do that?
1746
01:15:44,844 --> 01:15:47,543
Because he's funded
by a bunch
of fucking rich assholes
1747
01:15:47,586 --> 01:15:49,066
and I probably pissed
one of them off.
1748
01:15:49,109 --> 01:15:50,676
Can I just say
the optics of this
1749
01:15:50,720 --> 01:15:52,591
are actually
not that different?
1750
01:15:52,635 --> 01:15:54,332
The initiative still has
the same name.
1751
01:15:54,375 --> 01:15:56,029
It sounds
very impressive,
1752
01:15:56,073 --> 01:15:58,205
which is ultimately
all that matters.
1753
01:15:58,249 --> 01:16:00,817
I actually cared about this.
1754
01:16:00,860 --> 01:16:02,558
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?
1755
01:16:02,601 --> 01:16:03,689
I don't even like bees.
1756
01:16:03,733 --> 01:16:05,038
Do you have to
listen to him?
1757
01:16:05,082 --> 01:16:08,259
Yes. I have to listen to him.
1758
01:16:08,302 --> 01:16:11,044
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.
1759
01:16:11,088 --> 01:16:13,960
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.
1760
01:16:14,004 --> 01:16:16,049
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.
1761
01:16:16,093 --> 01:16:17,529
You know?
People are digging your shit.
1762
01:16:17,573 --> 01:16:19,096
And your numbers are good.
1763
01:16:19,139 --> 01:16:21,359
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.
1764
01:16:21,402 --> 01:16:22,752
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.
1765
01:16:22,795 --> 01:16:23,840
MAGGIE: Time to go, buddy.
1766
01:16:23,883 --> 01:16:25,668
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God.
1767
01:16:25,711 --> 01:16:29,019
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.
1768
01:16:43,816 --> 01:16:46,297
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.
1769
01:16:46,340 --> 01:16:47,428
I fuckin' hate it.
1770
01:16:48,299 --> 01:16:50,475
I mean, what's the point?
1771
01:16:50,518 --> 01:16:53,609
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.
1772
01:16:54,348 --> 01:16:55,611
I'm sorry.
1773
01:16:55,654 --> 01:16:57,351
I just wanna be
a normal person
1774
01:16:57,395 --> 01:16:59,049
and not give a fuck
about anything
1775
01:16:59,092 --> 01:17:01,094
just like
the rest of the world.
1776
01:17:01,138 --> 01:17:03,183
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.
1777
01:17:03,227 --> 01:17:04,837
I bet it's really nice.
1778
01:17:06,056 --> 01:17:07,797
That's what I want.
1779
01:17:07,840 --> 01:17:09,973
I don't know
how to give that to you.
1780
01:17:13,541 --> 01:17:14,978
Let's get fucked up.
1781
01:17:15,500 --> 01:17:16,544
Fucked up?
1782
01:17:16,588 --> 01:17:18,851
Yeah.Like a few beers fucked up
1783
01:17:18,895 --> 01:17:21,201
or more than that fucked up?
1784
01:17:21,245 --> 01:17:23,203
Like super fucked up.
1785
01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:31,559
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.
1786
01:17:32,865 --> 01:17:34,084
What?
1787
01:17:34,780 --> 01:17:36,695
That's not, um...
1788
01:17:36,739 --> 01:17:38,262
That's not
how you take it, but...
1789
01:17:38,305 --> 01:17:39,437
How do you take it?
1790
01:17:39,480 --> 01:17:40,960
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.
1791
01:17:41,004 --> 01:17:42,658
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.
1792
01:17:42,701 --> 01:17:43,789
Why not?
1793
01:17:43,833 --> 01:17:45,704
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.
1794
01:17:45,748 --> 01:17:49,229
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.
1795
01:17:50,143 --> 01:17:51,362
Oh, man.
1796
01:18:21,392 --> 01:18:22,567
You good?
1797
01:18:22,610 --> 01:18:24,525
I don't feel anything.
1798
01:18:24,569 --> 01:18:26,527
You don't feel it?
1799
01:18:26,571 --> 01:18:28,268
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.
1800
01:18:28,312 --> 01:18:31,054
Ooh! Wow.
1801
01:18:31,663 --> 01:18:34,013
... Was right.
1802
01:18:34,057 --> 01:18:37,887
Holy fuck...
1803
01:18:37,930 --> 01:18:39,323
No!
1804
01:18:39,366 --> 01:18:41,760
My jaw feels
really weird.
1805
01:18:41,804 --> 01:18:42,892
Yeah, that's the drugs.
1806
01:18:42,935 --> 01:18:44,676
Drugs love a jaw.
1807
01:18:44,720 --> 01:18:46,939
I want more.No, no, no, no.
1808
01:18:46,983 --> 01:18:48,462
Maybe in like an hour.
1809
01:18:48,506 --> 01:18:50,116
We should do it now.
1810
01:19:18,928 --> 01:19:21,147
Yes, motherfuckers!
1811
01:19:21,191 --> 01:19:23,062
I could do this forever!
1812
01:19:23,106 --> 01:19:24,585
We're gonna.
1813
01:19:24,629 --> 01:19:26,936
I know I've been like...
1814
01:19:26,979 --> 01:19:29,242
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.
1815
01:19:29,286 --> 01:19:31,244
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,
1816
01:19:31,288 --> 01:19:32,811
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,
1817
01:19:32,855 --> 01:19:34,682
maybe like I don't
care that much.
1818
01:19:34,726 --> 01:19:37,947
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.
1819
01:19:37,990 --> 01:19:40,340
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.
1820
01:19:40,384 --> 01:19:42,908
You just followed me
into the bathroom.
1821
01:19:42,952 --> 01:19:44,214
Yeah, to talk.
1822
01:19:44,257 --> 01:19:46,390
I really like you, too!Really?
1823
01:19:46,433 --> 01:19:47,913
Yeah!Yeah!
1824
01:19:49,915 --> 01:19:52,744
Madam Secretary!Yeah! Whoa!
1825
01:19:52,788 --> 01:19:54,528
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!
1826
01:19:54,572 --> 01:19:56,704
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!
1827
01:19:56,748 --> 01:19:57,836
We have a situation.
1828
01:19:57,880 --> 01:19:59,055
Huh?
1829
01:20:07,498 --> 01:20:09,282
FRED: Yo.
1830
01:20:09,326 --> 01:20:12,329
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?
1831
01:20:12,372 --> 01:20:14,026
We just re-upped.
1832
01:20:14,070 --> 01:20:16,289
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.
1833
01:20:16,333 --> 01:20:19,423
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.
1834
01:20:20,641 --> 01:20:22,774
Yeah. Why?
1835
01:20:22,818 --> 01:20:24,558
I'm in so much trouble.
1836
01:20:24,602 --> 01:20:25,646
FRED: What's happening?
1837
01:20:25,690 --> 01:20:27,126
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.
1838
01:20:27,170 --> 01:20:29,433
What's happening?
Are they outta water?
1839
01:20:30,260 --> 01:20:31,739
One of our U2s went down
1840
01:20:31,783 --> 01:20:34,307
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.
1841
01:20:34,351 --> 01:20:35,743
The pilot was able to eject,
1842
01:20:35,787 --> 01:20:38,442
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.
1843
01:20:38,485 --> 01:20:40,052
Thank you, General.
1844
01:20:40,096 --> 01:20:41,706
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing
1845
01:20:41,749 --> 01:20:44,056
to return the pilot
to United States custody.
1846
01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:46,015
He's personally hurt
by the many insults
1847
01:20:46,058 --> 01:20:47,668
hurled at him by POTUS.
1848
01:20:47,712 --> 01:20:49,540
Good job. All right.
1849
01:20:52,282 --> 01:20:53,674
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?
1850
01:20:54,632 --> 01:20:55,894
That's up to you, ma'am.
1851
01:20:57,200 --> 01:20:59,724
Oh, God.
You got this.
1852
01:21:17,133 --> 01:21:19,178
I can hold onto
your sunglasses for you,
if you'd like.
1853
01:21:19,222 --> 01:21:24,270
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.
1854
01:21:30,755 --> 01:21:32,017
Hello.
1855
01:21:32,061 --> 01:21:32,975
BHARATH:
Secretary Field!
1856
01:21:33,018 --> 01:21:34,106
CHARLOTTE: Oh, my God!
1857
01:21:34,150 --> 01:21:36,935
Hello, Bharath? Hey.
1858
01:21:36,979 --> 01:21:40,417
I hear we have
a situation here?
1859
01:21:40,460 --> 01:21:43,594
One that we both
probably want resolved.
1860
01:21:45,378 --> 01:21:47,903
Very quickly...
1861
01:21:47,946 --> 01:21:50,383
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.
1862
01:21:50,427 --> 01:21:51,994
Your man will stay here
1863
01:21:52,037 --> 01:21:54,953
until your president
personally apologizes to me.
1864
01:21:54,997 --> 01:21:55,998
Over Instagram.
1865
01:21:57,260 --> 01:22:00,219
He won't do that.Yeah, no. Yes...
1866
01:22:01,351 --> 01:22:03,570
Yo.Yes?
1867
01:22:03,614 --> 01:22:05,007
Can I level with you?
1868
01:22:05,050 --> 01:22:06,704
Can I fill you in
on something?
1869
01:22:06,747 --> 01:22:08,010
Go ahead.
1870
01:22:08,053 --> 01:22:09,315
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.
1871
01:22:09,359 --> 01:22:10,534
We're on drugs.
1872
01:22:10,577 --> 01:22:11,927
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.
1873
01:22:11,970 --> 01:22:13,537
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.
1874
01:22:13,580 --> 01:22:14,973
Do you know
we're on drugs?
1875
01:22:15,017 --> 01:22:17,410
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.
1876
01:22:18,672 --> 01:22:19,891
What's happening?
1877
01:22:21,197 --> 01:22:22,241
We're on drugs
right now.
1878
01:22:24,374 --> 01:22:26,028
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!
1879
01:22:26,071 --> 01:22:27,986
FRED: What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...
1880
01:22:29,335 --> 01:22:30,467
Are we going somewhere?
1881
01:22:32,295 --> 01:22:34,123
What is that?
1882
01:22:34,166 --> 01:22:36,473
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.
1883
01:22:36,516 --> 01:22:39,084
So you're admitting that
the United States government
1884
01:22:39,128 --> 01:22:41,391
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?
1885
01:22:41,434 --> 01:22:42,479
No.
1886
01:22:43,741 --> 01:22:46,831
No! No! Of course not!
1887
01:22:46,874 --> 01:22:48,964
That's what it sounded like.
Face it.
1888
01:22:49,007 --> 01:22:50,574
You have no leverage here.
1889
01:22:50,617 --> 01:22:53,316
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.
1890
01:22:53,359 --> 01:22:55,927
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.
1891
01:22:55,971 --> 01:22:57,276
Get more fucking pissed.
1892
01:22:57,320 --> 01:22:58,843
Let him know
who's really in charge.
1893
01:23:03,717 --> 01:23:05,328
Oh, my God,
that really hurt.
1894
01:23:06,633 --> 01:23:08,287
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...
1895
01:23:08,331 --> 01:23:11,551
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.
1896
01:23:11,595 --> 01:23:15,120
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.
1897
01:23:15,164 --> 01:23:17,993
You know, just feeling...
1898
01:23:18,906 --> 01:23:20,821
God, are those Gauloises?
1899
01:23:21,822 --> 01:23:23,302
Just, I'm so...
1900
01:23:24,695 --> 01:23:27,002
I'm just gonna bum one.
1901
01:23:29,134 --> 01:23:30,483
Just give me one sec.
1902
01:23:30,527 --> 01:23:31,615
Don't worry.
1903
01:23:39,840 --> 01:23:40,885
Bharath.
1904
01:23:40,928 --> 01:23:42,582
Hello? Listen.
1905
01:23:43,931 --> 01:23:45,846
Mmm. Mmm.
1906
01:23:47,457 --> 01:23:52,201
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.
1907
01:23:52,940 --> 01:23:54,464
How is that the case?
1908
01:23:54,507 --> 01:23:55,987
We both have to
deal with my boss
1909
01:23:56,031 --> 01:23:59,208
and we both think
he is an asshole.
1910
01:23:59,251 --> 01:24:01,297
You also think
he's an asshole?
1911
01:24:01,340 --> 01:24:02,950
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.
1912
01:24:02,994 --> 01:24:04,778
His stupid fucking TV show
1913
01:24:04,822 --> 01:24:06,693
was like,
good for three episodes
1914
01:24:06,737 --> 01:24:08,521
and then it just didn't make
any sense.
1915
01:24:08,565 --> 01:24:10,741
Fuck,
it feels good to say that.
1916
01:24:13,787 --> 01:24:14,788
Listen.
1917
01:24:17,008 --> 01:24:21,056
You need to keep this
on the real DL.
1918
01:24:21,099 --> 01:24:24,320
We both know
that the U.S. does not
1919
01:24:24,363 --> 01:24:27,497
negotiate with terrorists.
1920
01:24:27,540 --> 01:24:33,024
But, we do negotiate
with homies.
1921
01:24:33,068 --> 01:24:35,548
So if you give us
our guy back,
1922
01:24:35,592 --> 01:24:39,726
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.
1923
01:24:39,770 --> 01:24:42,773
So not only do you not have to keep a guy hostage,
1924
01:24:42,816 --> 01:24:46,472
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.
1925
01:24:46,516 --> 01:24:48,213
I mean, I've done it myself.
1926
01:24:48,257 --> 01:24:50,346
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.
1927
01:24:51,347 --> 01:24:53,088
It sucks, I hate it.
1928
01:24:53,131 --> 01:24:58,180
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead
1929
01:24:58,223 --> 01:25:02,053
save a ton of lives?
1930
01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:05,274
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?
1931
01:25:05,317 --> 01:25:07,102
I think this is
a really good idea.
1932
01:25:10,409 --> 01:25:11,628
What do you say?
1933
01:25:14,283 --> 01:25:15,849
Ma'am.
1934
01:25:20,680 --> 01:25:22,900
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!
1935
01:25:22,943 --> 01:25:25,555
Yeah, yeah!
1936
01:25:25,598 --> 01:25:28,514
She did it! She did it!She did it!
1937
01:25:28,558 --> 01:25:31,169
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.
1938
01:25:31,213 --> 01:25:33,737
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation
1939
01:25:33,780 --> 01:25:35,652
with Kashtar,
has secured the release
1940
01:25:35,695 --> 01:25:38,698
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down
1941
01:25:38,742 --> 01:25:40,874
over Kashtari airspace.
1942
01:25:40,918 --> 01:25:42,963
I know, right.
Crazy.
1943
01:25:43,007 --> 01:25:44,356
REPORTER: And this is all
in the midst
1944
01:25:44,400 --> 01:25:46,532
of the success of
your environmental initiative,
1945
01:25:46,576 --> 01:25:50,101
which I understand
has secured the support
of 100 countries.
1946
01:25:50,145 --> 01:25:51,537
CHARLOTTE: Yes, um...Ooh, sore subject.
1947
01:25:51,581 --> 01:25:53,191
I'm very happy
to announce that
1948
01:25:53,235 --> 01:25:56,151
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,
1949
01:25:56,194 --> 01:25:58,762
but the president himself
called me personally
1950
01:25:58,805 --> 01:26:00,894
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...
1951
01:26:00,938 --> 01:26:03,854
Did he call? Did he call?That didn't happen.
1952
01:26:03,897 --> 01:26:05,160
...don't change a word,
1953
01:26:05,203 --> 01:26:08,075
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.
1954
01:26:08,119 --> 01:26:09,599
That's a lie.CHARLOTTE: So, all in all,
1955
01:26:09,642 --> 01:26:11,035
I'm just... Well,
1956
01:26:11,078 --> 01:26:13,646
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.
1957
01:26:13,690 --> 01:26:16,083
Thank you so much. So...Thank you.
1958
01:26:16,693 --> 01:26:17,737
Thank you.
1959
01:26:17,781 --> 01:26:20,175
The incredible
Charlotte Field.
1960
01:26:20,218 --> 01:26:22,307
Who clearly still feels
the effects
1961
01:26:22,351 --> 01:26:25,702
of the intense all-night
hostage situation.
1962
01:26:38,149 --> 01:26:40,934
After negotiating the release of Lieutenant Gary Smith...
1963
01:26:40,978 --> 01:26:42,849
Charlotte Field's popularity
continues to skyrocket...
1964
01:26:42,893 --> 01:26:44,503
In the newest Gallup poll,
68%...
1965
01:26:44,547 --> 01:26:47,898
...are women mentally unfit
to hold the presidency?
1966
01:26:47,941 --> 01:26:49,682
Here to chat about it
is Chris Brown,
1967
01:26:49,726 --> 01:26:52,163
Jeremy Piven,
and Brett Ratner.
1968
01:26:52,207 --> 01:26:54,905
In the wake of her successful hostage negotiation,
1969
01:26:54,948 --> 01:26:57,168
Charlotte Field's poll numbers keep going up.
1970
01:26:57,212 --> 01:26:58,343
MALE REPORTER:
I'd like to apologize
1971
01:26:58,387 --> 01:26:59,866
to Charlotte,
and anyone out there
1972
01:26:59,910 --> 01:27:03,000
who was upset yesterday when I called her Booby-McBoobson.
1973
01:27:04,741 --> 01:27:06,003
Give me
the president's office.
1974
01:27:06,830 --> 01:27:08,875
Yep?
1975
01:27:08,919 --> 01:27:10,399
MAGGIE: Can I talk to you
for a second?
1976
01:27:10,442 --> 01:27:12,052
Of course.
1977
01:27:12,096 --> 01:27:14,011
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.
1978
01:27:14,054 --> 01:27:15,186
All right.
1979
01:27:15,230 --> 01:27:16,622
MAGGIE: It feels like
everything
1980
01:27:16,666 --> 01:27:17,928
is kinda falling into place
for us.
1981
01:27:17,971 --> 01:27:19,451
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper
1982
01:27:19,495 --> 01:27:20,974
and make sure
there are no surprises.
1983
01:27:21,018 --> 01:27:22,628
Why are you acting so weird?It's good.
1984
01:27:22,672 --> 01:27:24,543
We got some really
helpful feedback.
1985
01:27:25,849 --> 01:27:27,459
From the public.
1986
01:27:27,503 --> 01:27:30,810
So we asked
a thousand constituents
1987
01:27:30,854 --> 01:27:32,464
how they would feel
1988
01:27:32,508 --> 01:27:35,554
if, say, Princess Di...CHARLOTTE: Hmm.
1989
01:27:35,598 --> 01:27:37,077
...if she were to
start dating
1990
01:27:37,948 --> 01:27:38,949
Guy Fieri.
1991
01:27:40,559 --> 01:27:42,387
I don't even know
who that is.
1992
01:27:42,431 --> 01:27:44,041
MAGGIE: They
don't like that.
1993
01:27:44,084 --> 01:27:46,522
CHARLOTTE: Yeah.MAGGIE: Or Kate Middleton
1994
01:27:46,565 --> 01:27:48,785
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.
1995
01:27:48,828 --> 01:27:49,916
I see where you're
going with this.
1996
01:27:49,960 --> 01:27:51,309
Pretty negative reaction.
1997
01:27:51,353 --> 01:27:53,877
Or if Jennifer Lawrence
1998
01:27:53,920 --> 01:27:57,141
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.
1999
01:27:58,229 --> 01:28:00,057
They would be very upset.
2000
01:28:00,100 --> 01:28:01,406
You did a lot of work,
2001
01:28:01,450 --> 01:28:03,365
and I...Well, but, can I just finish?
2002
01:28:03,408 --> 01:28:05,671
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.
2003
01:28:05,715 --> 01:28:07,543
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire
2004
01:28:07,586 --> 01:28:09,588
to limit your romantic life.Good.
2005
01:28:09,632 --> 01:28:12,374
But the optics of you and Fred
2006
01:28:12,417 --> 01:28:14,985
will make a presidential run
very challenging.
2007
01:28:15,028 --> 01:28:16,291
Fred is a journalist.
2008
01:28:16,334 --> 01:28:18,423
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.
2009
01:28:18,467 --> 01:28:21,470
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.
2010
01:28:22,645 --> 01:28:24,908
And I just want to know
for myself,
2011
01:28:24,951 --> 01:28:27,911
you're comfortable with
putting everything on the line
for a hookup?
2012
01:28:27,954 --> 01:28:29,565
Oh, my God.
2013
01:28:29,608 --> 01:28:30,783
Why are we having
this conversation?
2014
01:28:30,827 --> 01:28:32,219
This is insane.
2015
01:28:32,263 --> 01:28:35,092
I don't have to explain myself
to you.
2016
01:28:35,135 --> 01:28:36,746
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.
2017
01:28:36,789 --> 01:28:38,269
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.
2018
01:28:38,313 --> 01:28:39,575
I want you to be happy.
2019
01:28:39,618 --> 01:28:40,750
But more than that,
I want you
to be in charge.
2020
01:28:40,793 --> 01:28:42,665
And I want you
to be president.
2021
01:28:42,708 --> 01:28:44,884
For the sake of the future
of our country.
2022
01:28:48,888 --> 01:28:50,455
Look, there's another option.
2023
01:28:51,935 --> 01:28:53,284
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service
2024
01:28:53,328 --> 01:28:57,375
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...
2025
01:28:57,419 --> 01:28:58,811
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.
2026
01:28:58,855 --> 01:29:01,118
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House
2027
01:29:01,161 --> 01:29:02,641
that Woodrow Wilson...That's enough.
2028
01:29:04,991 --> 01:29:06,602
Fred is not an idea
2029
01:29:06,645 --> 01:29:09,169
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.
2030
01:29:09,213 --> 01:29:11,258
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.
2031
01:29:16,916 --> 01:29:18,265
Okay. Got it.
2032
01:29:18,309 --> 01:29:19,571
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.
2033
01:29:25,490 --> 01:29:27,579
When I grow up,
I want to be Charlotte Field.
2034
01:29:27,623 --> 01:29:29,059
Because she's smart and pretty
2035
01:29:29,102 --> 01:29:30,582
and she's going to be
president.
2036
01:29:38,938 --> 01:29:41,680
I will be that
little girl's president.
2037
01:29:41,724 --> 01:29:44,988
Thank you,
and God bless America.
2038
01:29:45,031 --> 01:29:48,208
MAGGIE: Massive applause.
Massive cheering.
2039
01:29:48,252 --> 01:29:50,385
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,
2040
01:29:50,428 --> 01:29:54,127
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX
2041
01:29:54,171 --> 01:29:56,434
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...
2042
01:29:56,478 --> 01:29:58,305
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.
2043
01:30:00,220 --> 01:30:01,570
Uh, Madam Secretary,
2044
01:30:01,613 --> 01:30:03,093
the president would like to
see you right now.
2045
01:30:03,746 --> 01:30:04,921
Shit.
2046
01:30:05,965 --> 01:30:07,010
Damn it!
2047
01:30:07,053 --> 01:30:08,403
The nation is at war!
2048
01:30:09,273 --> 01:30:10,796
I find myself torn.
2049
01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:14,974
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...
2050
01:30:15,018 --> 01:30:16,541
Sir, is this a good time?
2051
01:30:16,585 --> 01:30:19,588
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.
2052
01:30:19,631 --> 01:30:20,937
Oh.CHAMBERS: All right.
2053
01:30:20,980 --> 01:30:22,417
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.
2054
01:30:25,985 --> 01:30:26,986
Thanks.
2055
01:30:30,381 --> 01:30:31,904
Is everything okay, sir?
2056
01:30:32,992 --> 01:30:35,255
PARKER: Oh, look who it is.
2057
01:30:35,908 --> 01:30:38,607
She's here at last.
2058
01:30:38,650 --> 01:30:41,174
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.
2059
01:30:45,527 --> 01:30:47,137
This feels like an ambush.
2060
01:30:47,180 --> 01:30:49,182
Well, in the
entertainment world,
2061
01:30:49,226 --> 01:30:51,402
we call this a surprise
walk-on.
2062
01:30:51,446 --> 01:30:52,664
You see, Charlotte,
2063
01:30:52,708 --> 01:30:55,406
we have a number of
business interests
2064
01:30:55,450 --> 01:30:58,235
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected
2065
01:30:58,278 --> 01:31:00,193
by this agreement of yours.
2066
01:31:00,237 --> 01:31:02,544
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,
2067
01:31:02,587 --> 01:31:05,372
I'm looking to use
my connections as president
2068
01:31:05,416 --> 01:31:07,418
to expand
my investment portfolio.
2069
01:31:07,462 --> 01:31:09,986
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.
2070
01:31:10,029 --> 01:31:12,902
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...
2071
01:31:12,945 --> 01:31:15,687
I think what the president
is trying to say,
2072
01:31:15,731 --> 01:31:18,560
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska
2073
01:31:18,603 --> 01:31:22,128
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be
2074
01:31:22,172 --> 01:31:24,043
protected by your initiative.
2075
01:31:24,783 --> 01:31:26,089
Move your server farm.
2076
01:31:26,132 --> 01:31:27,917
PARKER: We want to
build it in Alaska.
2077
01:31:27,960 --> 01:31:29,614
There's plenty of room
for expansion.
2078
01:31:29,658 --> 01:31:32,574
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.
2079
01:31:32,617 --> 01:31:34,489
You're usually so agreeable.
2080
01:31:34,532 --> 01:31:36,752
But I watched you
undermine me
2081
01:31:36,795 --> 01:31:38,797
on TV the other day.
2082
01:31:38,841 --> 01:31:40,886
TV of all places.
2083
01:31:40,930 --> 01:31:42,932
That's my medium. All right?
2084
01:31:42,975 --> 01:31:46,544
You used TV against me!
2085
01:31:46,588 --> 01:31:49,155
That was your first mistake.
2086
01:31:49,199 --> 01:31:52,071
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum
2087
01:31:52,115 --> 01:31:54,204
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.
2088
01:31:55,945 --> 01:31:57,555
Drop the tree thing.
2089
01:31:57,599 --> 01:32:00,123
Or?PARKER: Or...
2090
01:32:00,166 --> 01:32:06,129
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.
2091
01:32:06,172 --> 01:32:08,784
We found
a lot of interesting stuff
2092
01:32:08,827 --> 01:32:10,568
when we hacked
into his webcam.
2093
01:32:10,612 --> 01:32:12,657
Now here is a little taster.
2094
01:32:15,921 --> 01:32:19,011
Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.
2095
01:32:19,055 --> 01:32:20,796
Uh, you want
to come to my room
2096
01:32:20,839 --> 01:32:23,015
and have sex with me
really fast?
2097
01:32:23,059 --> 01:32:26,149
Oh no, don't worry. I'll find ways to kill time today.
2098
01:32:26,192 --> 01:32:27,890
It's cool. Just let me know
when you're back.
2099
01:32:27,933 --> 01:32:29,021
Great.
2100
01:32:33,548 --> 01:32:35,201
CHARLOTTE:
...important to me.
2101
01:32:35,245 --> 01:32:37,726
That's a good speech.
2102
01:32:37,769 --> 01:32:39,728
CHARLOTTE: The band of misfits fight back...
2103
01:32:39,771 --> 01:32:41,643
Nice dress. ...against the bullies.
2104
01:32:43,079 --> 01:32:44,297
Never giving up.
2105
01:32:44,341 --> 01:32:45,472
Never laying down.
2106
01:32:48,606 --> 01:32:49,912
CHARLOTTE: In high school,
2107
01:32:49,955 --> 01:32:51,304
I would talk about
the underdog a lot.
2108
01:32:53,655 --> 01:32:56,266
And I would often find myself on a soapbox
2109
01:32:56,309 --> 01:32:58,921
rambling on and on
about the injustices
2110
01:32:58,964 --> 01:33:00,183
of the world.
2111
01:33:02,402 --> 01:33:04,013
Which makes you
extremely popular...
2112
01:33:05,710 --> 01:33:07,407
...especially when everybody
would rather be watching
2113
01:33:07,451 --> 01:33:09,105
Beverly Hills, 90210.
2114
01:33:16,939 --> 01:33:18,897
Oh, wow.
2115
01:33:23,946 --> 01:33:25,687
Oh, boy!
2116
01:33:28,733 --> 01:33:31,475
Oh, no...
2117
01:33:31,518 --> 01:33:32,781
Yucky.
2118
01:33:35,218 --> 01:33:36,262
FRED: Oh, boy!
2119
01:33:36,306 --> 01:33:37,916
What the fuck?
2120
01:33:39,352 --> 01:33:44,270
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.
2121
01:33:44,314 --> 01:33:45,924
You don't have to be sorry.What do we do?
2122
01:33:45,968 --> 01:33:47,926
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,
2123
01:33:47,970 --> 01:33:49,014
because of me.
2124
01:33:49,058 --> 01:33:50,581
And now it's happening
because of me.
2125
01:33:50,625 --> 01:33:51,669
Do I get a publicist?No.
2126
01:33:51,713 --> 01:33:52,975
Do I do a publicity tour?Stop.
2127
01:33:53,018 --> 01:33:54,193
Do we have
a press conference?
2128
01:33:54,237 --> 01:33:57,196
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.
2129
01:33:58,720 --> 01:33:59,764
What?
2130
01:33:59,808 --> 01:34:01,200
We scratched the tree thing
2131
01:34:01,244 --> 01:34:03,681
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.
2132
01:34:03,725 --> 01:34:08,817
And some billionaire
motherfucker
2133
01:34:08,860 --> 01:34:12,734
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?
2134
01:34:12,777 --> 01:34:15,084
Doing something
that everybody does?
2135
01:34:15,127 --> 01:34:17,086
Out of a policy
that you cared about,
2136
01:34:17,129 --> 01:34:18,696
since you were
in middle school.
2137
01:34:18,740 --> 01:34:20,350
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.
2138
01:34:20,393 --> 01:34:21,830
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?
2139
01:34:21,873 --> 01:34:26,095
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.
2140
01:34:26,138 --> 01:34:27,270
Well, I don't think
you should right now.
2141
01:34:27,313 --> 01:34:28,401
Oh, my God!
2142
01:34:28,445 --> 01:34:29,881
Of course
you don't think I should.
2143
01:34:29,925 --> 01:34:31,883
You never compromise
for anything in your life,
2144
01:34:31,927 --> 01:34:33,711
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.
2145
01:34:33,755 --> 01:34:36,583
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards
2146
01:34:36,627 --> 01:34:37,889
for anyone who asked,
2147
01:34:37,933 --> 01:34:39,456
to the point that
you don't even know
2148
01:34:39,499 --> 01:34:40,936
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!
2149
01:34:40,979 --> 01:34:42,720
In my world,
in order to achieve
2150
01:34:42,764 --> 01:34:44,635
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.
2151
01:34:44,679 --> 01:34:45,723
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?
2152
01:34:45,767 --> 01:34:46,942
Yeah, motherfucker.
2153
01:34:46,985 --> 01:34:48,552
Okay, that makes sense.
2154
01:34:48,595 --> 01:34:50,728
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted
2155
01:34:50,772 --> 01:34:53,122
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.
2156
01:34:53,165 --> 01:34:55,472
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.
2157
01:34:55,515 --> 01:34:57,517
Oh, my God, Fred.I'll be okay.
2158
01:34:57,561 --> 01:34:59,389
You don't have to
do this for me.
2159
01:35:01,434 --> 01:35:03,262
You're not doing this for me.
2160
01:35:04,524 --> 01:35:05,874
Obviously.
2161
01:35:05,917 --> 01:35:09,791
Look, you and I both know
2162
01:35:09,834 --> 01:35:11,749
the woman who stands
beside the guy
2163
01:35:11,793 --> 01:35:14,186
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny
2164
01:35:14,230 --> 01:35:17,189
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.
2165
01:35:17,233 --> 01:35:18,887
Don't know if that's
happened enough
2166
01:35:18,930 --> 01:35:20,627
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.
2167
01:35:20,671 --> 01:35:23,239
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.
2168
01:35:23,282 --> 01:35:24,980
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.
2169
01:35:25,023 --> 01:35:26,677
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.
2170
01:35:26,721 --> 01:35:28,200
You don't know how people
are gonna react.
2171
01:35:28,244 --> 01:35:30,246
I'm not taking that risk.
2172
01:35:34,206 --> 01:35:35,294
I can't do it.
2173
01:35:36,818 --> 01:35:38,123
Okay.
2174
01:35:44,216 --> 01:35:48,046
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?
2175
01:35:53,486 --> 01:35:57,664
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows
2176
01:35:57,708 --> 01:35:59,971
this consultant who could
scrub your history.
2177
01:36:00,015 --> 01:36:01,668
We could make sure
nothing else like this
2178
01:36:01,712 --> 01:36:03,888
pops up and surprises us.
2179
01:36:04,584 --> 01:36:05,760
And then we just...
2180
01:36:05,803 --> 01:36:07,022
We work on your image,
2181
01:36:07,065 --> 01:36:08,937
and we figure out
how we want to
2182
01:36:08,980 --> 01:36:11,548
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.
2183
01:36:11,591 --> 01:36:12,767
That's all.
2184
01:36:17,859 --> 01:36:19,991
Okay.Okay.
2185
01:36:20,035 --> 01:36:21,210
How long...
How long will it take,
2186
01:36:21,253 --> 01:36:24,169
do you think, to create
2187
01:36:24,213 --> 01:36:27,042
an image of me that we can
present to the public?
2188
01:36:27,085 --> 01:36:30,785
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.
2189
01:36:30,828 --> 01:36:33,222
You think? But you don't
know that, right?
2190
01:36:33,265 --> 01:36:34,919
It could take longer
than that.
2191
01:36:34,963 --> 01:36:36,834
In a couple of months,
you could find
that it's not a good moment
2192
01:36:36,878 --> 01:36:39,532
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?
2193
01:36:39,576 --> 01:36:41,796
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.
2194
01:36:41,839 --> 01:36:44,320
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.
2195
01:36:45,147 --> 01:36:47,453
And then meanwhile,
2196
01:36:47,497 --> 01:36:49,368
you're pretending
not to date me.
2197
01:36:50,587 --> 01:36:53,372
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?
2198
01:36:53,416 --> 01:36:55,070
So my articles are gone.
2199
01:36:55,113 --> 01:36:56,985
And you, like, sneak me around
2200
01:36:57,028 --> 01:36:58,943
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?
2201
01:36:58,987 --> 01:37:00,466
Is that what
we're talking about?
2202
01:37:00,510 --> 01:37:03,339
I just want to be clear,
that's what
we're talking about.
2203
01:37:03,382 --> 01:37:05,820
And we have to do that
because I'm...
2204
01:37:07,212 --> 01:37:08,431
...not right.
2205
01:37:10,215 --> 01:37:12,870
And then once we present us
to the world,
2206
01:37:12,914 --> 01:37:17,614
we present a version of me
that isn't...actually me?
2207
01:37:21,226 --> 01:37:22,314
Yeah.
2208
01:37:31,802 --> 01:37:33,064
I can't do it.
2209
01:37:35,240 --> 01:37:37,329
I wish
2210
01:37:37,373 --> 01:37:40,506
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.
2211
01:37:49,733 --> 01:37:51,213
You don't have to do it.
2212
01:38:12,364 --> 01:38:14,323
FRED: Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.
2213
01:38:14,366 --> 01:38:18,240
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her
2214
01:38:18,283 --> 01:38:20,024
and someone like me
could work?
2215
01:38:20,068 --> 01:38:23,201
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.
2216
01:38:23,245 --> 01:38:25,943
Like, I don't know who she is.
2217
01:38:25,987 --> 01:38:28,903
She has no moral compass.
2218
01:38:28,946 --> 01:38:31,470
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,
2219
01:38:31,514 --> 01:38:32,994
Republicans the next
fucking day.
2220
01:38:33,037 --> 01:38:34,082
I mean, what's wrong
with working
2221
01:38:34,125 --> 01:38:35,561
with Democrats
and Republicans?
2222
01:38:35,605 --> 01:38:37,215
That's...
That's the whole country.
2223
01:38:37,259 --> 01:38:40,479
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,
2224
01:38:40,523 --> 01:38:42,046
I guess is the problem
with that.
2225
01:38:42,090 --> 01:38:45,571
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?
2226
01:38:45,615 --> 01:38:48,313
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.
2227
01:38:48,357 --> 01:38:50,968
What's the problem here?
2228
01:38:51,012 --> 01:38:52,535
I'm a Republican.
2229
01:38:52,578 --> 01:38:54,232
You're fucking joking
right now.
2230
01:38:54,276 --> 01:38:57,496
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.
2231
01:38:57,540 --> 01:38:58,933
You're a Republican.
2232
01:38:58,976 --> 01:39:00,108
Yeah, I'm a Republican!
2233
01:39:00,151 --> 01:39:02,110
The shit has worked out
so far for me.
2234
01:39:02,153 --> 01:39:03,850
What the fuck, man?
2235
01:39:03,894 --> 01:39:05,243
All that shit
you're always saying to me!
2236
01:39:05,287 --> 01:39:06,810
Yeah.Pull yourself up
2237
01:39:06,853 --> 01:39:09,073
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.
2238
01:39:09,117 --> 01:39:11,380
Republican shit.Oh, and it worked on me.
2239
01:39:11,423 --> 01:39:13,034
And it works
on a lot of people.
2240
01:39:13,077 --> 01:39:14,252
Oh, that's fucking sick.
2241
01:39:14,296 --> 01:39:15,384
That's right.
2242
01:39:15,427 --> 01:39:16,863
Ugh! That's gross!
2243
01:39:16,907 --> 01:39:18,778
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain
2244
01:39:18,822 --> 01:39:20,911
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!
2245
01:39:20,955 --> 01:39:22,217
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,
2246
01:39:22,260 --> 01:39:23,348
your negative way of thinking.
2247
01:39:23,392 --> 01:39:24,697
I don't even know you!
2248
01:39:24,741 --> 01:39:25,829
What do you mean?Ugh!
2249
01:39:25,872 --> 01:39:27,004
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.
2250
01:39:27,048 --> 01:39:28,092
Your best friend.
2251
01:39:28,136 --> 01:39:29,702
Why'd you never tell me this?
2252
01:39:29,746 --> 01:39:31,574
'Cause I knew you'd act
exactly how you're acting
right now.
2253
01:39:31,617 --> 01:39:33,750
Wait a minute.
2254
01:39:33,793 --> 01:39:35,795
You're always talking
about how, like, the universe
has a plan for all of us...
2255
01:39:35,839 --> 01:39:37,058
Take it easy.
2256
01:39:37,101 --> 01:39:38,668
There's someone watching
over us at all times.
2257
01:39:38,711 --> 01:39:40,626
Yeah.Does that mean...
2258
01:39:40,670 --> 01:39:41,845
I'm a man of Christian faith.
2259
01:39:42,324 --> 01:39:44,326
What the fuck!
2260
01:39:44,369 --> 01:39:45,980
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!
2261
01:39:46,023 --> 01:39:47,329
Don't pray for me! Keep it!
2262
01:39:47,372 --> 01:39:49,418
Lord.Oh, stop it.
Ignore him, God!
2263
01:39:49,461 --> 01:39:51,376
He doesn't mean that.Don't pray for me!
2264
01:39:51,420 --> 01:39:52,899
You are trippin' right now.
2265
01:39:52,943 --> 01:39:54,292
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?
2266
01:39:54,336 --> 01:39:58,296
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!
2267
01:39:58,340 --> 01:39:59,515
What did you think it was for?
2268
01:39:59,558 --> 01:40:02,039
I thought it was...
2269
01:40:02,083 --> 01:40:03,475
...a cultural thing.
2270
01:40:03,519 --> 01:40:05,173
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?
2271
01:40:06,609 --> 01:40:07,784
That's what
I thought, yeah.
2272
01:40:08,350 --> 01:40:09,699
That might be.
2273
01:40:09,742 --> 01:40:11,701
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.
2274
01:40:11,744 --> 01:40:13,790
You're right.Yeah, I know I'm right!
2275
01:40:13,833 --> 01:40:15,357
Fuck.That's racist as shit!
2276
01:40:15,400 --> 01:40:16,662
All right, dude...
2277
01:40:16,706 --> 01:40:18,490
I love you, man.
2278
01:40:18,534 --> 01:40:21,493
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics
2279
01:40:21,537 --> 01:40:23,669
to get into this,
because you've never really
2280
01:40:23,713 --> 01:40:25,410
been good at looking at shit
2281
01:40:25,454 --> 01:40:27,238
from other people's
perspective, Fred.
2282
01:40:27,282 --> 01:40:29,110
I know.It might explain
2283
01:40:29,153 --> 01:40:31,460
why you haven't been able to
look at this
through Charlotte's eyes.
2284
01:40:31,503 --> 01:40:32,852
I'm sorry.
2285
01:40:32,896 --> 01:40:34,463
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,
2286
01:40:34,506 --> 01:40:36,987
and you had to
hide your true self.
2287
01:40:37,031 --> 01:40:38,119
That's really fucked up.
2288
01:40:38,162 --> 01:40:39,207
That's all right, man.
2289
01:40:39,250 --> 01:40:43,124
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D
2290
01:40:43,167 --> 01:40:45,082
has nothing to do with us.
2291
01:40:45,126 --> 01:40:46,997
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.
2292
01:40:47,041 --> 01:40:49,260
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.
2293
01:40:50,783 --> 01:40:52,959
JAMES: Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,
2294
01:40:53,003 --> 01:40:54,570
which I did and it turns out,
2295
01:40:54,613 --> 01:40:55,962
I don't really like yoga.
2296
01:40:56,006 --> 01:40:59,270
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,
2297
01:40:59,314 --> 01:41:00,837
"Fuck the polls"?
2298
01:41:00,880 --> 01:41:05,929
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.
2299
01:41:05,972 --> 01:41:07,670
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.
2300
01:41:07,713 --> 01:41:08,845
That was a bit of a bummer,
2301
01:41:08,888 --> 01:41:11,195
because I really,
I like to laugh.
2302
01:41:11,239 --> 01:41:12,762
A lot.Hmm.
2303
01:41:12,805 --> 01:41:14,938
Um, but we came up
with another laugh
2304
01:41:14,981 --> 01:41:16,592
that was better.
That's more, uh...
2305
01:41:16,635 --> 01:41:18,376
Presidential, I guess.Hmm.
2306
01:41:20,117 --> 01:41:21,379
That's good.
2307
01:41:21,423 --> 01:41:22,598
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.
2308
01:41:22,641 --> 01:41:25,166
Yeah. Mmm.
2309
01:41:25,209 --> 01:41:27,385
So, um, after dinner,
2310
01:41:27,429 --> 01:41:29,126
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?
2311
01:41:29,170 --> 01:41:30,780
Ooh.
2312
01:41:30,823 --> 01:41:33,391
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.
2313
01:41:33,435 --> 01:41:35,828
It's called Mini Bar.
2314
01:41:35,872 --> 01:41:40,094
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.
2315
01:41:40,137 --> 01:41:44,185
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.
2316
01:41:44,228 --> 01:41:45,969
Hmm.It's actually more of
2317
01:41:46,012 --> 01:41:47,623
a small fridge than a bar.
2318
01:41:47,666 --> 01:41:49,451
And it's in my room...No, I get it.
2319
01:41:49,494 --> 01:41:51,017
I'm inviting you
back to my room.
2320
01:41:51,061 --> 01:41:53,629
I...
2321
01:41:55,631 --> 01:41:57,676
That was my real laugh.Mmm!
2322
01:41:57,720 --> 01:41:58,851
I don't know why
2323
01:41:58,895 --> 01:42:01,115
they told you
not to use that laugh.
2324
01:42:02,638 --> 01:42:03,813
It's...
2325
01:42:10,559 --> 01:42:12,387
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.
2326
01:42:14,911 --> 01:42:16,739
Yeah. Big day.
2327
01:42:36,759 --> 01:42:39,153
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."
2328
01:43:02,393 --> 01:43:03,481
Hello?
2329
01:43:05,266 --> 01:43:06,702
Beep.
2330
01:43:06,745 --> 01:43:09,183
Oh, uh, guess I got
your voicemail. Um, hi.
2331
01:43:09,966 --> 01:43:12,229
It's Fred.
2332
01:43:12,273 --> 01:43:15,537
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.
2333
01:43:15,580 --> 01:43:17,669
You were right
about everything
2334
01:43:17,713 --> 01:43:19,845
and I was wrong
about everything.
2335
01:43:21,456 --> 01:43:25,895
And we should go along
with the plan.
2336
01:43:25,938 --> 01:43:29,464
I can be Marilyn.
I can be your Marilyn.
2337
01:43:30,421 --> 01:43:32,031
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,
2338
01:43:32,075 --> 01:43:35,557
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.
2339
01:43:37,472 --> 01:43:40,953
But I would do anything
to continue,
2340
01:43:40,997 --> 01:43:42,607
to be able to be with you.
2341
01:43:46,394 --> 01:43:47,612
Okay, bye.
2342
01:44:02,061 --> 01:44:03,672
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?
2343
01:44:03,715 --> 01:44:06,588
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.
2344
01:44:06,631 --> 01:44:08,938
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.
2345
01:44:08,981 --> 01:44:10,766
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.
2346
01:44:10,809 --> 01:44:12,289
We need his endorsement.
2347
01:44:12,333 --> 01:44:14,465
Yep.Yep.
2348
01:44:17,338 --> 01:44:19,601
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.
2349
01:44:22,778 --> 01:44:25,955
You know,
he called last night.
2350
01:44:25,998 --> 01:44:28,131
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.
2351
01:44:28,174 --> 01:44:31,352
Really? Wow.
2352
01:44:31,395 --> 01:44:33,528
That's a shock.
2353
01:44:35,094 --> 01:44:38,707
Um... Okay.
2354
01:44:38,750 --> 01:44:40,230
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.
2355
01:44:40,274 --> 01:44:41,275
No, Maggie.
2356
01:44:42,101 --> 01:44:43,538
There's nothing to do.
2357
01:44:43,581 --> 01:44:45,540
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.
2358
01:44:48,412 --> 01:44:51,589
Well, today is
such a good day,
2359
01:44:51,633 --> 01:44:53,548
and I am so excited.
2360
01:44:53,591 --> 01:44:55,158
We should be psyched.
2361
01:44:55,201 --> 01:44:57,639
So psyched.
2362
01:44:57,682 --> 01:44:59,815
All right,
I will see you out there.
2363
01:44:59,858 --> 01:45:00,946
All right.
2364
01:45:20,183 --> 01:45:21,358
LANCE: Hey, man.
2365
01:45:22,228 --> 01:45:23,317
Can I get a beer?
2366
01:45:24,796 --> 01:45:27,973
Thanks for coming.No problem, bro.
2367
01:45:28,017 --> 01:45:30,498
How you feelin' though?
2368
01:45:30,541 --> 01:45:32,543
Okay, you know,
you were right.
2369
01:45:32,587 --> 01:45:33,805
I called her.
2370
01:45:33,849 --> 01:45:35,590
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.
2371
01:45:35,633 --> 01:45:37,635
So... Whatever.
2372
01:45:37,679 --> 01:45:39,115
Sure you wanna watch this?
2373
01:45:40,072 --> 01:45:41,335
Yeah, I have to.
2374
01:45:43,685 --> 01:45:46,383
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you
2375
01:45:46,427 --> 01:45:47,602
to Lil Yachty.
2376
01:45:47,645 --> 01:45:49,168
He's going to be
performing after the speech.
2377
01:45:49,212 --> 01:45:50,561
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.
2378
01:45:50,605 --> 01:45:52,998
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.
2379
01:45:53,042 --> 01:45:55,131
I'm sorry, it's game time. Okay.
2380
01:46:13,192 --> 01:46:14,759
Good morning!
2381
01:46:14,803 --> 01:46:17,762
Thank you, everyone,
for being here with me today.
2382
01:46:19,111 --> 01:46:20,548
Let me start
by saying something
2383
01:46:20,591 --> 01:46:23,028
I haven't said since I was 16
2384
01:46:23,072 --> 01:46:25,117
and worked
at Blockbuster Video.
2385
01:46:27,468 --> 01:46:28,512
I quit...
2386
01:46:28,556 --> 01:46:30,688
I helped write that joke.
2387
01:46:30,732 --> 01:46:31,950
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.
2388
01:46:31,994 --> 01:46:34,083
...as secretary of state,
2389
01:46:34,126 --> 01:46:35,606
in order to run
2390
01:46:35,650 --> 01:46:38,827
for president of
the United States of America.
2391
01:46:42,134 --> 01:46:44,049
God bless.
2392
01:46:46,835 --> 01:46:49,446
And I'm honored
2393
01:46:49,490 --> 01:46:53,102
to have the full support
of President Chambers,
2394
01:46:53,145 --> 01:46:55,713
a man I greatly admire.
2395
01:46:55,757 --> 01:46:59,195
A man who is
an extraordinary leader.
2396
01:46:59,238 --> 01:47:01,066
Man, you know
who you should date?
2397
01:47:02,328 --> 01:47:03,721
Taylor Swift.
2398
01:47:04,940 --> 01:47:06,898
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.
2399
01:47:06,942 --> 01:47:10,815
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?
2400
01:47:10,859 --> 01:47:12,556
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.
2401
01:47:12,600 --> 01:47:14,210
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!
2402
01:47:14,253 --> 01:47:15,603
Oh, I get it.
2403
01:47:15,646 --> 01:47:17,779
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.
2404
01:47:19,084 --> 01:47:22,958
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.
2405
01:47:23,001 --> 01:47:24,263
That's true.
2406
01:47:24,307 --> 01:47:26,265
But this campaign
is not about me.
2407
01:47:26,875 --> 01:47:28,616
It's about you.
2408
01:47:28,659 --> 01:47:29,921
It's about us.
2409
01:47:31,227 --> 01:47:32,663
It's about how together,
2410
01:47:32,707 --> 01:47:36,754
we can build the future our fellow Americans deserve.
2411
01:47:39,931 --> 01:47:42,847
I have dreamt
about this moment
2412
01:47:42,891 --> 01:47:45,154
ever since
I was a little girl
2413
01:47:45,197 --> 01:47:47,330
growing up
in the nation's capital.
2414
01:47:49,854 --> 01:47:53,510
And I know
that if that young girl
2415
01:47:53,554 --> 01:47:56,861
could see me standing up here right now...
2416
01:48:02,258 --> 01:48:04,826
She would be so...
2417
01:48:08,133 --> 01:48:09,744
She would be...
2418
01:48:16,315 --> 01:48:17,491
What's happening?
2419
01:48:18,970 --> 01:48:22,496
She... She would be so disappointed in me, actually.
2420
01:48:24,410 --> 01:48:27,762
Yeah, the truth is, that girl
2421
01:48:27,805 --> 01:48:29,024
would want me to be honest
2422
01:48:29,067 --> 01:48:31,592
and have integrity and not be
2423
01:48:31,635 --> 01:48:35,160
blackmailed by evil people
with evil agendas.
2424
01:48:37,467 --> 01:48:39,208
So instead, I'm just gonna...
2425
01:48:39,251 --> 01:48:42,385
I'm just gonna tell the truth, and whatever happens, happens.
2426
01:48:42,428 --> 01:48:44,343
So here we go.
2427
01:48:44,387 --> 01:48:47,912
Parker Wembley and our dumb-fuck president...
2428
01:48:47,956 --> 01:48:49,305
Whoo!
2429
01:48:49,348 --> 01:48:50,567
...are doing some
evil shit together.
2430
01:48:50,611 --> 01:48:52,221
And because
I just told you now,
2431
01:48:52,264 --> 01:48:55,703
they're going to release
a video of a guy I dated
2432
01:48:55,746 --> 01:48:58,140
jerking off all over himself.
2433
01:48:58,183 --> 01:48:59,445
Release the video.
2434
01:48:59,489 --> 01:49:01,230
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!
2435
01:49:01,273 --> 01:49:03,624
But don't slut shame me. I...
2436
01:49:05,016 --> 01:49:06,104
I like him.
2437
01:49:06,757 --> 01:49:08,454
I like him a lot.
2438
01:49:08,498 --> 01:49:10,500
Fred, you gotta go to her.
2439
01:49:12,633 --> 01:49:14,635
Go get her ass, man.
2440
01:49:14,678 --> 01:49:16,114
And he jerks off.
2441
01:49:18,552 --> 01:49:20,597
And so do all of you.
2442
01:49:20,641 --> 01:49:21,642
Hell, yeah!
2443
01:49:21,685 --> 01:49:23,905
So deal with it.
2444
01:49:23,948 --> 01:49:25,559
Deal with it, America.
2445
01:49:34,480 --> 01:49:36,482
Hey! I'm Fred!
2446
01:49:36,526 --> 01:49:38,049
Is that an XL?
2447
01:49:38,093 --> 01:49:39,398
I've got five stars in it,
2448
01:49:39,442 --> 01:49:40,748
if you could speed
this shit up, man!
2449
01:49:40,791 --> 01:49:42,184
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.
2450
01:49:42,227 --> 01:49:43,620
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!
2451
01:49:43,664 --> 01:49:45,840
AGENT M: Get back! Get back!
2452
01:49:48,930 --> 01:49:51,062
Where are we going?I don't know.
2453
01:49:54,979 --> 01:49:56,285
MAGGIE: She's leaving?
Where is she going?
2454
01:49:56,328 --> 01:49:58,026
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.
2455
01:49:58,069 --> 01:50:00,245
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!
2456
01:50:00,289 --> 01:50:01,464
I can't.
2457
01:50:01,507 --> 01:50:02,944
LANCE: Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert
2458
01:50:02,987 --> 01:50:05,207
with your name on it.FRED: Don't open it!
2459
01:50:05,250 --> 01:50:07,818
FRED:
Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!
2460
01:50:07,862 --> 01:50:09,341
Oh, Fred!
2461
01:50:09,385 --> 01:50:12,344
Oh, no. Oh, no.
2462
01:50:12,388 --> 01:50:13,607
Hey, it's all right, man.
2463
01:50:13,650 --> 01:50:15,173
You know,
we all got our things.
2464
01:50:15,217 --> 01:50:16,784
I don't bust a nut
on my face.
2465
01:50:16,827 --> 01:50:19,047
But, like...It's not like
a thing I do!
2466
01:50:20,309 --> 01:50:22,050
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?
2467
01:50:22,093 --> 01:50:24,879
This is the news!
2468
01:50:25,662 --> 01:50:27,229
Oh, shit.
2469
01:50:35,150 --> 01:50:38,414
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.
2470
01:50:38,457 --> 01:50:40,242
Secretary Field
just drove away,
2471
01:50:40,285 --> 01:50:42,331
no comment
as to her destination.
2472
01:50:42,374 --> 01:50:44,507
We're gonna keep tracking
this story for you...
2473
01:50:44,550 --> 01:50:46,291
CAMERAMAN: Yo, check it out.
It's the come-guy!
2474
01:50:46,335 --> 01:50:47,902
MAN: Yeah, that's him!REPORTER: Oh, sir,
2475
01:50:47,945 --> 01:50:49,164
just a couple of questions.
We're live right now.
2476
01:50:49,207 --> 01:50:52,341
No! I'm come-guy?
2477
01:50:52,384 --> 01:50:53,951
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!
2478
01:50:53,995 --> 01:50:55,126
Thank you!
2479
01:50:55,170 --> 01:50:57,302
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!
2480
01:51:11,969 --> 01:51:13,057
Hi.
2481
01:51:14,058 --> 01:51:15,277
Holy shit.
2482
01:51:17,409 --> 01:51:18,802
Did you see my speech?
2483
01:51:20,108 --> 01:51:22,763
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.
2484
01:51:23,372 --> 01:51:24,373
Yeah.
2485
01:51:27,115 --> 01:51:29,030
You know,
your video's out there.
2486
01:51:29,900 --> 01:51:31,554
Yeah, I caught that.
2487
01:51:38,561 --> 01:51:40,519
Here's the deal.
I love you.
2488
01:51:42,217 --> 01:51:44,306
I know I do.
2489
01:51:44,349 --> 01:51:47,309
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.
2490
01:51:50,268 --> 01:51:54,882
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.
2491
01:51:56,318 --> 01:51:58,537
Just me and Saddam.
2492
01:52:01,627 --> 01:52:03,455
And this is way scarier.
2493
01:52:06,371 --> 01:52:07,764
I love you.
2494
01:52:10,941 --> 01:52:13,509
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.
2495
01:52:13,552 --> 01:52:15,032
'Cause I'm freaking out.
2496
01:52:17,861 --> 01:52:20,211
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.
2497
01:52:41,363 --> 01:52:42,364
Oh.
2498
01:52:43,974 --> 01:52:45,323
Hello?
2499
01:52:45,367 --> 01:52:48,109
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here
2500
01:52:48,152 --> 01:52:50,633
and they want to talk
to the candidate
and the come-guy.
2501
01:52:50,676 --> 01:52:52,461
So, I figured they'd hit you.
2502
01:53:13,308 --> 01:53:14,744
LANCE: Fred!
2503
01:53:15,701 --> 01:53:17,094
Fred!
2504
01:53:22,491 --> 01:53:25,363
A crazy day.
2505
01:53:25,407 --> 01:53:27,670
But I'm really glad
you're all here.
2506
01:53:27,713 --> 01:53:29,803
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.
2507
01:53:30,978 --> 01:53:32,066
This is Fred.
2508
01:53:32,893 --> 01:53:33,937
Hi, there.
2509
01:53:35,721 --> 01:53:37,680
My boyfriend.
2510
01:53:37,723 --> 01:53:38,899
Whoo!
2511
01:53:42,293 --> 01:53:44,165
You kind of
know him already,
2512
01:53:44,208 --> 01:53:46,297
but you'll get
to know him
a lot more
2513
01:53:46,341 --> 01:53:47,733
in the next few months...
2514
01:53:49,300 --> 01:53:51,476
'Cause he's gonna be
right by my side
on my campaign trail.
2515
01:54:02,052 --> 01:54:03,880
Wakanda Forever!
2516
01:54:12,149 --> 01:54:14,456
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2517
01:54:14,499 --> 01:54:16,980
ALL:
Charlotte! Charlotte!
2518
01:54:18,199 --> 01:54:19,765
LANCE: I started the chant!
2519
01:54:19,809 --> 01:54:21,724
I started that chant!
2520
01:54:25,380 --> 01:54:26,947
...that I will
faithfully execute
2521
01:54:26,990 --> 01:54:30,254
the office of the president
of the United States.
2522
01:54:30,298 --> 01:54:31,734
REPORTER:
What a momentous day,
2523
01:54:31,777 --> 01:54:33,083
our first female president.
2524
01:54:33,127 --> 01:54:34,998
I never thought I'd see it.
2525
01:54:35,042 --> 01:54:36,913
Well, I mean, a lot of people are gonna say
2526
01:54:36,957 --> 01:54:38,915
this is a historic moment
for women everywhere,
2527
01:54:38,959 --> 01:54:40,961
but do we really want
her finger on the button
2528
01:54:41,004 --> 01:54:42,397
when it's that time
of the month?
2529
01:54:42,440 --> 01:54:44,225
I wouldn't want
my wife making any decision
2530
01:54:44,268 --> 01:54:45,661
during that time
of the month.
2531
01:54:45,704 --> 01:54:47,445
You know what?
Fuck you guys. I quit.
2532
01:54:47,489 --> 01:54:48,925
Looks like it's someone's
time of the month.
2533
01:54:48,969 --> 01:54:50,622
Oh!
Looks like Aunt Flow
2534
01:54:50,666 --> 01:54:52,450
is going to work down at
the Red River Casino... Oh!
2535
01:54:52,494 --> 01:54:54,061
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!
2536
01:54:54,104 --> 01:54:57,934
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.
2537
01:54:57,978 --> 01:54:59,544
My name is Fred Field.
2538
01:54:59,588 --> 01:55:01,068
I took my wife's last name.
2539
01:55:01,111 --> 01:55:04,854
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.
2540
01:55:04,898 --> 01:55:07,813
We're starting
with the portraits
of the first spouses.
2541
01:55:07,857 --> 01:55:09,641
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.
2542
01:55:09,685 --> 01:55:11,034
Jackie Kennedy.
2543
01:55:11,078 --> 01:55:13,515
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.
2544
01:55:13,558 --> 01:55:16,170
And that leads us
into my portrait.
2545
01:55:16,213 --> 01:55:18,520
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,
2546
01:55:18,563 --> 01:55:20,957
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.
2547
01:55:21,001 --> 01:55:22,872
The first versions
were a little over the top.
2548
01:55:24,526 --> 01:55:26,571
Hi, guys.
2549
01:55:26,615 --> 01:55:28,399
FRED: I used to think
the best way
for me to change the world,
2550
01:55:28,443 --> 01:55:30,271
to make it a better place
was through journalism.
2551
01:55:30,314 --> 01:55:31,881
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.
2552
01:55:31,925 --> 01:55:35,363
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world
2553
01:55:35,406 --> 01:55:38,366
is just supporting
this amazing person
2554
01:55:38,409 --> 01:55:40,107
and just trying to
learn from her
2555
01:55:40,150 --> 01:55:41,804
and kinda just trying to be
2556
01:55:41,847 --> 01:55:44,198
the best first mister
I can be.
2557
01:55:44,241 --> 01:55:46,940
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.
2558
01:55:46,983 --> 01:55:49,681
He did.There we are.
2559
01:55:49,725 --> 01:55:50,900
CHARLOTTE:
You're wearing mittens.
2560
01:55:50,944 --> 01:55:52,728
FRED: Got little mittens on.
2561
01:55:52,771 --> 01:55:54,773
If you think of
where this tattoo started
to where it ended up.
2562
01:55:54,817 --> 01:55:56,688
It really has
an amazing arc to it.
2563
01:55:56,732 --> 01:55:59,604
INTERVIEWER:
What are some of the perks
of your new roles?
2564
01:55:59,648 --> 01:56:02,999
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.
2565
01:56:03,043 --> 01:56:05,001
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.
2566
01:56:05,045 --> 01:56:06,307
Oh, my God. Don't you dare.I won't say.
2567
01:56:06,350 --> 01:56:07,525
Don't.I won't say.
2568
01:56:07,569 --> 01:56:08,657
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.
2569
01:56:08,700 --> 01:56:09,745
It's not who you think!
2570
01:56:09,788 --> 01:56:11,138
Don't do it.
2571
01:56:11,181 --> 01:56:12,269
It's pretty surprising.
2572
01:56:13,183 --> 01:56:14,793
He's my Mister.
2573
01:56:14,837 --> 01:56:17,361
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.
174713
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