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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,104 --> 00:00:02,106 [music] 2 00:00:06,763 --> 00:00:08,024 ARCHER: Lana. 3 00:00:08,025 --> 00:00:09,547 Lana. 4 00:00:09,548 --> 00:00:11,114 - [inhales deeply] - Let me go ahead 5 00:00:11,115 --> 00:00:12,681 and save you the trouble of shouting my name 6 00:00:12,682 --> 00:00:14,423 - like a shrill five-year-old... - Shrill? 7 00:00:14,466 --> 00:00:16,119 ...and point out that I'm a little busy 8 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,862 - doing both our jobs. - Which I'd be helping you with 9 00:00:18,906 --> 00:00:20,558 if I could find the goddamn cherries. 10 00:00:20,559 --> 00:00:23,780 - What cherries? - The maraschino cherries, Lana. I... 11 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:25,782 We are entering the atmosphere of an uncharted planet 12 00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:28,567 at a couple thousand miles per hour to check out a distress beacon, 13 00:00:28,611 --> 00:00:30,787 and you're talking to me about cherries? 14 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,789 She said. Dryly. 15 00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,705 Sorry. I didn't invent how to make a whiskey sour, Lana. 16 00:00:35,748 --> 00:00:39,883 Here's an idea. Maybe try inventing not doing that right now. 17 00:00:39,927 --> 00:00:41,667 God, lighten up. It's a road trip. 18 00:00:41,711 --> 00:00:43,887 Who goes on a road trip without a few cocktails? 19 00:00:43,931 --> 00:00:45,496 - Look... - Trick question, Lana. 20 00:00:45,497 --> 00:00:46,933 - No one does. - This isn't... 21 00:00:46,934 --> 00:00:49,458 The time to try new things. Exactly. 22 00:00:49,501 --> 00:00:52,704 Especially when we're going a thousand miles per... [thud] 23 00:00:52,739 --> 00:00:54,402 Goddamn it! 24 00:00:54,403 --> 00:00:54,941 - [alarm blaring] - [crackling] 25 00:00:54,942 --> 00:00:57,745 FEMALE VOICE: System failure. System failure. 26 00:00:57,928 --> 00:01:00,483 - Autopilot is out! - [grunts] I got it. 27 00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:04,748 - [laughing] What is happening? - KRIEGER: What are they doing?! 28 00:01:04,792 --> 00:01:06,968 - [whimpering] - Goddamn it! 29 00:01:07,011 --> 00:01:09,840 - The hell's going on up there? - Don't look at me! 30 00:01:09,884 --> 00:01:11,842 Talk to Captain Road Trip over here! 31 00:01:11,886 --> 00:01:15,128 What? Oh, how is this suddenly my fault? 32 00:01:15,237 --> 00:01:18,893 We're coming in hot! Everyone, hang on! 33 00:01:18,936 --> 00:01:20,502 Hey, if you happen to see any cherries back there... 34 00:01:20,503 --> 00:01:23,941 - Oh, God, give it a rest! - You give it a rest! 35 00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:29,425 [all shouting] 36 00:01:31,296 --> 00:01:34,584 - [crash] - [grunting] 37 00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:39,552 [music] [crackling] 38 00:01:45,049 --> 00:01:46,049 - [Cheryl laughing] - [Cyril crying] - Ow! 39 00:01:46,050 --> 00:01:47,485 - Holy shitsnacks! - [coughs] 40 00:01:47,486 --> 00:01:50,881 [bottle rolling] 41 00:01:50,925 --> 00:01:51,925 [bottle clinks] 42 00:01:51,926 --> 00:01:55,753 Never mind. Found the cherries. 43 00:01:56,626 --> 00:01:58,846 [title theme] 44 00:02:27,373 --> 00:02:30,304 10x06 - Road Trip 45 00:02:34,205 --> 00:02:37,035 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 46 00:02:38,545 --> 00:02:42,461 So, got some good news and some bad news. 47 00:02:43,767 --> 00:02:45,726 Any chance you're gonna tell us what it is? 48 00:02:45,769 --> 00:02:47,618 Oh. Right. The bad news is, 49 00:02:47,619 --> 00:02:49,817 comms are dead and the fuel cell's ruptured, 50 00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:52,471 so we're not going anywhere anytime soon. 51 00:02:52,515 --> 00:02:54,473 Hang on. You mean we're frickin' stranded? 52 00:02:54,517 --> 00:02:57,825 [scoffs] Not stranded, dummy. He said "soon." 53 00:02:57,868 --> 00:03:01,262 - Though I technically meant "ever." - Then what's the good news? 54 00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:03,744 Hmm. Guess it was mostly just bad news. 55 00:03:03,787 --> 00:03:07,050 - Damn it, Krieger! - God, relax. He said "mostly." 56 00:03:07,051 --> 00:03:10,315 So... completely inoperable. 57 00:03:10,359 --> 00:03:12,230 Um, what are you doing? 58 00:03:12,274 --> 00:03:15,016 Oh. Uh, since our insurance claims keep getting denied, 59 00:03:15,059 --> 00:03:17,888 Ms. Archer has put me in charge of the paperwork. 60 00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:22,110 Cause of accident: barely functional alcoholism. 61 00:03:22,153 --> 00:03:23,284 - Hey! - All right, listen up. 62 00:03:23,285 --> 00:03:24,807 Let's salvage what we can from the shuttle 63 00:03:24,808 --> 00:03:26,069 and find the distress beacon. 64 00:03:26,070 --> 00:03:29,857 It's probably a downed ship, so maybe there's a fuel cell we can use. 65 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:30,900 ARCHER: Way ahead of you. 66 00:03:30,901 --> 00:03:33,295 On the "salvage what you can" part. 67 00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,558 - Unbelievable. - [snickers] Right? 68 00:03:35,602 --> 00:03:37,560 What are the chances lemons would survive the... 69 00:03:37,604 --> 00:03:40,376 Can you please focus?! 70 00:03:40,411 --> 00:03:41,912 Why? Mother's probably putting together 71 00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:44,236 a rescue plan as we speak. 72 00:03:44,271 --> 00:03:45,262 - [Muzak playing] - [beeping] 73 00:03:45,263 --> 00:03:51,008 Mm. Should probably check on why their comms are down. 74 00:03:51,052 --> 00:03:53,010 Meh. Feels like it can wait. 75 00:03:53,054 --> 00:03:54,707 [sighs deeply] 76 00:03:54,708 --> 00:03:56,884 Everything can wait. 77 00:03:56,927 --> 00:03:59,538 [sipping] 78 00:03:59,582 --> 00:04:00,930 [smacks lips, sighs] 79 00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:02,803 Speaking of, anybody want in on this? 80 00:04:02,846 --> 00:04:03,977 I'm about to make another batch. 81 00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:05,806 - Seriously? - Road trip. 82 00:04:05,849 --> 00:04:08,025 Which we may be on forever if we're stranded here. 83 00:04:08,069 --> 00:04:10,332 Oh, take it easy, Lana. It'll be fine. 84 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:13,335 And this blithe optimism is based on what, exactly? 85 00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,903 Because this is me we're talking about. 86 00:04:15,946 --> 00:04:18,208 - Wildly reassuring. - Trust me on this. 87 00:04:18,209 --> 00:04:20,385 I have mastered the art of blind luck. 88 00:04:20,429 --> 00:04:22,125 No offense to your blind luck, 89 00:04:22,126 --> 00:04:24,781 but it might be nice to have a plan B. 90 00:04:24,825 --> 00:04:26,783 Why? Seriously, do you have any idea 91 00:04:26,827 --> 00:04:29,917 how many times I should have literally died in the last year? 92 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,788 - Wow me. - Krieger, tell her. 93 00:04:31,832 --> 00:04:33,528 Including that thing last week? 94 00:04:33,529 --> 00:04:35,705 Hey! This is totally safe, right? 95 00:04:35,749 --> 00:04:38,490 - Technically? - As in "actually," Krieger! 96 00:04:38,534 --> 00:04:40,753 Kind of feels like probably. To both of those. 97 00:04:40,754 --> 00:04:42,756 Whoa, whoa, wait! What?! 98 00:04:42,799 --> 00:04:44,234 - Then nine. - Boosh. 99 00:04:44,235 --> 00:04:47,020 - Please tell me there's a point. - Point is, if you hit pause 100 00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,762 on your whole angry negativity thing... 101 00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:51,807 - Angry what? - ...for, like, one second, 102 00:04:51,808 --> 00:04:53,984 you'd notice we always end up fine. 103 00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:55,856 [gulps] [creature snarling] 104 00:04:55,899 --> 00:04:58,380 [music] 105 00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:01,599 [gulping] 106 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,603 Though we may be pushing our luck at this point. 107 00:05:06,475 --> 00:05:09,130 [sighs] Christ on a cracker. 108 00:05:09,173 --> 00:05:13,221 - Is this whole frickin' planet uphill? - [gasps] Jesus, is that a thing? 109 00:05:13,264 --> 00:05:16,441 At least it means we're not totally lost going in circles. 110 00:05:16,485 --> 00:05:19,009 KRIEGER: Though not feeling entirely un-lost. 111 00:05:19,053 --> 00:05:20,183 We're not lost, idiots. 112 00:05:20,184 --> 00:05:22,447 I know how to work the whatchamahickey. 113 00:05:22,491 --> 00:05:25,668 Really? Because "whatchamahickey" doesn't inspire tons of confidence. 114 00:05:25,712 --> 00:05:29,977 - It's technically a whatchamacallit. - Or am I being too negative? 115 00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:31,673 - When are you not? - All the time, jackass! 116 00:05:31,674 --> 00:05:33,937 - Oh, and there's the angry part. - Look... 117 00:05:33,981 --> 00:05:36,679 Face it, Lana. Angry's basically your default setting. 118 00:05:36,723 --> 00:05:38,419 - Says who? - Besides everybody? 119 00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:41,162 - Well, not everybody. - Thank you! 120 00:05:41,205 --> 00:05:42,946 [chuckles] Just the people who've actually met you. 121 00:05:42,990 --> 00:05:44,948 Yeah. Possibly a few others. 122 00:05:44,992 --> 00:05:47,821 Hey, assholes. I'm not, like, perpetually angry. 123 00:05:47,864 --> 00:05:49,910 [laughing] Really? 124 00:05:49,953 --> 00:05:51,955 - Yes, really. - Scale of one to ten, Lana, 125 00:05:51,999 --> 00:05:54,392 how happy would you say you are, in general? 126 00:05:54,436 --> 00:05:57,613 - Oh, easily a six. - A six? Then what's a seven, 127 00:05:57,656 --> 00:06:00,833 - "Yay, I've got tons of cancer"? - Like you're any better. 128 00:06:00,834 --> 00:06:02,879 Seriously? I'm always a total nine. 129 00:06:02,923 --> 00:06:05,098 - [scoffs] Please. - I'm buoyant, Lana, 130 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,622 bordering on bubbly. Listen to how I talk. 131 00:06:07,623 --> 00:06:09,799 - There's a tone. - A tone? 132 00:06:09,843 --> 00:06:13,498 Yes, Lana, a tone. Notice how my sentences go up at the end? 133 00:06:13,542 --> 00:06:16,023 Oh, yeah. You mean like, "Shut the hell up"? 134 00:06:16,066 --> 00:06:17,807 - [beeping] - Exac... Damn it. 135 00:06:17,851 --> 00:06:21,724 - Ow! - Ha. Now I'm a seven, by the way. 136 00:06:21,768 --> 00:06:24,738 [creature snarling] [music] 137 00:06:25,641 --> 00:06:27,425 And now I'm a two. 138 00:06:27,469 --> 00:06:29,732 [footsteps stomping] 139 00:06:29,776 --> 00:06:31,952 So which part of the blind luck plan is this? 140 00:06:31,995 --> 00:06:34,650 Um, I think this is the part where you sh... [screams] 141 00:06:34,693 --> 00:06:37,043 - ...it! - [chuckles] Finally! 142 00:06:37,044 --> 00:06:39,002 Some frickin' downhill. 143 00:06:39,046 --> 00:06:40,133 [thud] 144 00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:41,875 [beeping quickens] 145 00:06:41,918 --> 00:06:46,096 Blind luck, you are my spirit animal. 146 00:06:48,111 --> 00:06:53,321 Holy spacesnacks. What the hell happened? 147 00:06:53,364 --> 00:06:55,540 Hopefully nothing a fuel cell couldn't survive. 148 00:06:55,584 --> 00:06:57,542 Yeah, otherwise, we're pretty much screwed. 149 00:06:57,586 --> 00:06:58,891 Easy, Debbie Downer. 150 00:06:58,892 --> 00:07:00,937 No one wants to go to your dark place right now. 151 00:07:00,981 --> 00:07:03,112 - You know... - Yeah, but she's right. 152 00:07:03,113 --> 00:07:05,072 We only have enough food for a few days. 153 00:07:05,115 --> 00:07:07,857 Then what? We sit around and starve? 154 00:07:07,901 --> 00:07:09,641 [scoffs] Please, whoever survives the culling 155 00:07:09,685 --> 00:07:12,079 - will have plenty of food. - The what? 156 00:07:12,122 --> 00:07:15,430 Uh, the culling? You know, where people suffocate in their sleep 157 00:07:15,473 --> 00:07:18,454 with gross, sweaty socks stuffed in their mouths or get 158 00:07:18,455 --> 00:07:21,436 accidentally stabbed in the neck while they pee or whatever? 159 00:07:21,479 --> 00:07:23,742 - What? - The details make it weird. 160 00:07:23,786 --> 00:07:25,134 Just the details? 161 00:07:25,135 --> 00:07:28,747 Section seven, possible post-accident injuries. 162 00:07:28,791 --> 00:07:32,518 - Uh, that's "culling" with a "C," right? - Look, idiots, 163 00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:34,057 there's got to be a fuel cell around here somewhere. 164 00:07:34,101 --> 00:07:35,929 They're basically impossible to destroy. 165 00:07:35,972 --> 00:07:37,931 Unless the pilot spills a cocktail 166 00:07:37,974 --> 00:07:39,933 - all over the flight controls. - Yeah. 167 00:07:39,976 --> 00:07:42,152 But what are the odds their pilot was that kick-ass? 168 00:07:42,196 --> 00:07:45,939 Perhaps better than you think. 169 00:07:45,982 --> 00:07:50,030 - LANA: Holy... - PAM: Shitsnacks. 170 00:07:50,073 --> 00:07:53,033 - Ooh. Fascinating. - Now I'm an eight. 171 00:07:53,076 --> 00:07:57,080 - LANA: How is this possible? - CYRIL: It-it isn't. 172 00:07:57,124 --> 00:07:59,822 - This is insane. - ARCHER: Obviously. 173 00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:02,390 I mean, who shaves off hair like this? 174 00:08:02,433 --> 00:08:03,999 [laughs] 175 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:06,437 Idiot. 176 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,914 LANA: Okay, there's got to be a logical explanation. 177 00:08:17,957 --> 00:08:20,003 ARCHER: Lana, there's nothing logical about shaving... 178 00:08:20,046 --> 00:08:24,007 - Not talking about your hair, dumbass. - None of this makes any sense. 179 00:08:24,050 --> 00:08:26,879 Uh, ever consider the fact we're obviously ghosts 180 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:29,664 looking at our own stupid dead bodies? 181 00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:31,971 We're not ghosts, dick nuts. 182 00:08:32,015 --> 00:08:33,058 How do you... Ow! 183 00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:37,062 Buy a girl a drink first. Jesus. 184 00:08:37,063 --> 00:08:39,892 Is anyone here familiar with multiverse theory? 185 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,284 How 'bout pretend we're not? 186 00:08:41,285 --> 00:08:44,157 Long story short, this may be a parallel universe, 187 00:08:44,201 --> 00:08:48,161 - making these our doppelgangers. - Doppel-what? 188 00:08:48,205 --> 00:08:52,470 - Sort of like everyone's alter egos. - [sighs] Not everyone's. 189 00:08:52,513 --> 00:08:54,472 Yeah. Where's yours, Krieger? 190 00:08:54,515 --> 00:08:56,822 Huh. Maybe doppel-Krieger survived. 191 00:08:56,866 --> 00:08:59,956 Yeah. And maybe he killed everybody. 192 00:08:59,999 --> 00:09:02,828 [chuckles nervously] Please, why would I ever finally do that? 193 00:09:02,872 --> 00:09:05,048 [static, trilling] 194 00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:07,485 What the hell? 195 00:09:07,528 --> 00:09:09,051 - [alarm blaring] - Mayday, mayday. 196 00:09:09,052 --> 00:09:11,456 This is Sterling Archer of the MV Seamus, 197 00:09:11,491 --> 00:09:14,100 and we are going down. Repeat, we are going down. 198 00:09:14,144 --> 00:09:16,015 Transmitting our location now. 199 00:09:16,059 --> 00:09:18,626 And, on a personal note, whoever gets this, 200 00:09:18,670 --> 00:09:20,890 please know my only regret is... 201 00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:22,368 The hair, obviously. 202 00:09:22,369 --> 00:09:23,761 - Shut up. - Oh, come on. - Shut up, man. 203 00:09:23,762 --> 00:09:25,938 ...I wasn't able to save my valiant crew. 204 00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:27,112 My dear friends, Cyril, 205 00:09:27,113 --> 00:09:30,073 Pam, Krieger, Ray, Crystal... 206 00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:32,684 Oh, my God! Totally forgot about the Crystal thing. 207 00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:34,163 ...I love you all dearly. 208 00:09:34,164 --> 00:09:36,253 Truly the best friends a guy could have. 209 00:09:36,296 --> 00:09:38,081 - Aw. - Oh, my God, give me... 210 00:09:38,124 --> 00:09:39,124 OTHERS: Shut up! 211 00:09:39,125 --> 00:09:41,953 But, most of all, I'll miss my wife, Lana. 212 00:09:41,954 --> 00:09:45,131 You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me. 213 00:09:45,175 --> 00:09:47,046 I wrote you this poem I want to read. 214 00:09:47,090 --> 00:09:51,007 It's called "I'll Never Stop..." 215 00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:52,398 "Totally Embarrassing Yourself"? 216 00:09:52,399 --> 00:09:54,140 - Come on! - Oh, God! 217 00:09:54,184 --> 00:09:56,490 You realize, theoretically, that was you, right? 218 00:09:56,534 --> 00:09:58,187 How? He's nothing like me. 219 00:09:58,188 --> 00:10:01,147 Got a point. He did seem entirely non-self-absorbed. 220 00:10:01,191 --> 00:10:04,541 - Exactly... Wait, what? - And weirdly not a dick. 221 00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:06,370 You're weirdly not a dick. 222 00:10:06,413 --> 00:10:08,066 - Makes no sense. - Yeah. 223 00:10:08,067 --> 00:10:11,505 That other Archer was refreshingly friendly. 224 00:10:11,549 --> 00:10:15,073 - Yeah, like what you think matters, Cyril. - And we're back. 225 00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:17,337 And is it just me, or was that shaved head thing 226 00:10:17,381 --> 00:10:19,687 - super working? - Totally. 227 00:10:19,731 --> 00:10:21,340 - Ka-sploosh! - I was into it. 228 00:10:21,341 --> 00:10:23,604 Just sit there and be into the non-hair-having, 229 00:10:23,648 --> 00:10:25,476 clearly castrated version of me 230 00:10:25,519 --> 00:10:29,088 while I go find a fuel cell to get us all out of here, which, 231 00:10:29,132 --> 00:10:33,963 P.S., is pretty much the opposite of self-absorbed! 232 00:10:37,009 --> 00:10:40,404 So, how's the bubbly thing going? Still sporting that nine? 233 00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:42,013 [timidly] No. 234 00:10:42,014 --> 00:10:44,974 [creature snarling] 235 00:10:45,017 --> 00:10:47,541 [footsteps stomping] 236 00:10:53,983 --> 00:10:56,985 "Are you making any of the following claims for emotional distress?" 237 00:10:56,986 --> 00:10:59,596 Yes, yes, yes. Well, these are all yes. 238 00:10:59,597 --> 00:11:01,947 [screaming] 239 00:11:01,991 --> 00:11:03,949 [all shouting] 240 00:11:03,993 --> 00:11:06,386 [ship creaking] 241 00:11:06,430 --> 00:11:08,388 [heavy thud] 242 00:11:08,432 --> 00:11:11,435 Shit, I'm heavy. 243 00:11:11,478 --> 00:11:13,178 [creature snarls] 244 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,221 [all screaming] 245 00:11:16,722 --> 00:11:18,974 ARCHER: Incoming! 246 00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:20,359 [thud] 247 00:11:24,056 --> 00:11:27,625 [roaring] 248 00:11:27,668 --> 00:11:32,586 [muffled] So, I officially quit. 249 00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:34,152 And speaking of good news, 250 00:11:34,153 --> 00:11:37,374 I assume finding this crammed up my ass qualified? 251 00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:39,463 Is that a fuel cell? Oh, thank God. 252 00:11:39,506 --> 00:11:41,682 Shut up, Cyril. You still don't matter. 253 00:11:41,726 --> 00:11:43,118 [Cheryl laughs] 254 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:46,209 It's funny 'cause it's true. 255 00:11:46,452 --> 00:11:49,603 KRIEGER: Okay, got some good news and bad news. 256 00:11:49,647 --> 00:11:51,169 [snarls] 257 00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:54,173 Bad news is, that thing's not going anywhere. 258 00:11:54,217 --> 00:11:56,088 And the good news? 259 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:58,487 Mm. I swear I had something for this. 260 00:11:58,522 --> 00:11:59,657 - Krieger! - Great. 261 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:02,007 Making us pretty much screwed. 262 00:12:02,051 --> 00:12:03,791 - Easily a six. - Shut it. 263 00:12:03,835 --> 00:12:07,272 - And let the culling begin! - Okay. 264 00:12:07,273 --> 00:12:08,926 [thud] 265 00:12:08,927 --> 00:12:10,798 Maybe instead of culling each other, 266 00:12:10,842 --> 00:12:13,018 we should come up with an actual plan. 267 00:12:13,062 --> 00:12:15,107 Like, obviously, someone needs to go out there 268 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:17,240 and distract that thing while everyone else gets away. 269 00:12:17,283 --> 00:12:20,025 - And I vote Pam. - What? Screw you, dick nuts. 270 00:12:20,069 --> 00:12:21,634 - What? - Why me? 271 00:12:21,635 --> 00:12:23,071 Because look at you, Pam. 272 00:12:23,072 --> 00:12:25,248 That thing's not gonna want to eat... that. 273 00:12:25,291 --> 00:12:28,512 Well, you either! 'Cause who'd want to eat a complete dick? 274 00:12:28,555 --> 00:12:32,733 - Just gonna softball it in like that? - Sorry I didn't invent appetizing, Pam. 275 00:12:32,777 --> 00:12:35,301 Yeah, well, I'm sorry we ended up 276 00:12:35,345 --> 00:12:37,521 with the complete asshole version of you. 277 00:12:37,564 --> 00:12:40,959 Oh, what? You'd rather have touchy-feely bald guy? 278 00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:42,412 - Yep, yep, yep. - 100%. 279 00:12:42,447 --> 00:12:44,745 - No contest. - Fine. Know what? 280 00:12:44,789 --> 00:12:47,139 [grunts] You want him? 281 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,141 [grunts] 282 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,883 Then come and get him! 283 00:12:51,926 --> 00:12:53,144 Boom! Wordplay! 284 00:12:53,145 --> 00:12:55,626 - [snarling] - Now run, idiots! 285 00:12:55,669 --> 00:12:59,293 [music] 286 00:12:59,499 --> 00:13:01,022 [leaves rustling] 287 00:13:01,023 --> 00:13:04,069 - LANA: So, was it weird? - Probably. 288 00:13:04,113 --> 00:13:06,071 Wait, what are we talking about? 289 00:13:06,115 --> 00:13:08,639 You know, watching your alter ego get eaten by a giant lizard. 290 00:13:08,682 --> 00:13:11,163 Please, if that guy was really my alter ego, Lana, 291 00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,903 he would have been something really cool, 292 00:13:12,904 --> 00:13:15,211 like a secret agent or a private detective or a... 293 00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:16,954 [rustling] 294 00:13:19,704 --> 00:13:22,348 [music] 295 00:13:22,392 --> 00:13:25,394 Oh, my God! You guys are alive! 296 00:13:25,395 --> 00:13:28,267 - Archer! - Oh, God. Get it off. 297 00:13:28,311 --> 00:13:29,833 And your hair! 298 00:13:29,834 --> 00:13:32,141 - Right? - It's glorious! 299 00:13:32,184 --> 00:13:35,578 Aw. Wait a minute. Doppelganger multiverse theory? 300 00:13:35,579 --> 00:13:39,713 - [chuckles] Exactly. - And the rest of my crew's... dead? 301 00:13:39,757 --> 00:13:42,455 - Exactly. - Oh, like you didn't kill them. 302 00:13:42,499 --> 00:13:43,499 [chuckles nervously] What? 303 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:45,284 Why would I ever do that, finally? 304 00:13:45,328 --> 00:13:46,328 - Right? - Besides... 305 00:13:46,329 --> 00:13:49,680 You know what? What do you say we take this half-assed reunionon 306 00:13:49,681 --> 00:13:53,031 the road before that tyrannosaurus whatever shows up for seconds? 307 00:13:53,075 --> 00:13:54,336 - Fascinating. - What? 308 00:13:54,337 --> 00:13:56,513 Our Lana had a lot of angry energy, too. 309 00:13:56,556 --> 00:13:59,342 - Ha! Hilarious. - Oh, is it? 310 00:13:59,385 --> 00:14:01,344 And that was no Tyrannosaurus rex you saw. 311 00:14:01,387 --> 00:14:05,086 I mean, unless a T. rexis capable of camouflaging itself 312 00:14:05,087 --> 00:14:08,786 perfectly in any surroundings with chameleon-like... 313 00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,139 Oh, shit. It's right behind me, isn't it? 314 00:14:14,183 --> 00:14:16,402 [low snarling] 315 00:14:21,769 --> 00:14:24,424 [snarling] 316 00:14:24,467 --> 00:14:29,124 So, how's that whole blind luck thing working out? 317 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,386 [all shouting] 318 00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:33,433 No! Me! 319 00:14:37,263 --> 00:14:39,004 [Archer laughs] 320 00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:40,265 You tell me. 321 00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:42,833 [snarling] 322 00:14:46,446 --> 00:14:49,449 [roaring] 323 00:14:49,492 --> 00:14:51,233 Uh, I mean, seriously, Lana, 324 00:14:51,277 --> 00:14:53,801 at some point, you really got to ask yourself... 325 00:14:53,844 --> 00:14:56,928 - It's not the time. - ...if maybe the luckiest spot 326 00:14:57,032 --> 00:15:00,199 in the galaxy is standing right next to me. 327 00:15:00,242 --> 00:15:02,201 Got a whole bunch of wedding photos that say otherwise. 328 00:15:02,244 --> 00:15:04,203 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 329 00:15:04,246 --> 00:15:05,681 [panting] 330 00:15:05,682 --> 00:15:07,379 We have wedding photos? 331 00:15:07,380 --> 00:15:09,991 Oh, yeah. Big box of 'em labeled "Cautionary Tale," 332 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:12,080 which is what this whole thing's gonna turn into 333 00:15:12,124 --> 00:15:15,579 if we can't find our way back to the ship. 334 00:15:15,823 --> 00:15:19,087 - How the hell? - I've learned not to ask. 335 00:15:19,131 --> 00:15:21,046 Now, let's get the hell out of here. 336 00:15:21,089 --> 00:15:22,524 Wait, what are you talking about? We can't just fly off. 337 00:15:22,525 --> 00:15:23,787 What? Then why have I been 338 00:15:23,788 --> 00:15:26,267 lugging this thing around all this time? 339 00:15:26,268 --> 00:15:28,357 No. I mean we can't just leave everyone. 340 00:15:28,401 --> 00:15:30,142 Of course we're not, Lana. 341 00:15:30,185 --> 00:15:32,927 - [creature snarls] - Assuming they get here on time. 342 00:15:32,971 --> 00:15:35,146 - Wow. Such an asshole. - What? 343 00:15:35,147 --> 00:15:38,150 Could you try not being completely consumed with yourself 344 00:15:38,193 --> 00:15:42,458 - for once in your life? - Why? 345 00:15:44,112 --> 00:15:46,288 Wait, I don't want to go wandering around 346 00:15:46,332 --> 00:15:49,161 a man-eating jungle and suddenly I'm the asshole? 347 00:15:49,204 --> 00:15:51,990 How does that even work? 348 00:15:54,731 --> 00:15:56,690 Oh, I know. 349 00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:59,040 Maybe I should shave my head and take up poetry 350 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:03,175 and see how many things I can rhyme with "soul-sucking" and... 351 00:16:03,218 --> 00:16:05,699 CYRIL: Lana! 352 00:16:05,742 --> 00:16:08,658 Psst! Lana! 353 00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,443 What are you guys doing? 354 00:16:10,486 --> 00:16:13,663 [quietly] Well,we were hiding from that stupid, giant lizard thingy. 355 00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:16,318 But now, thanks to your loud-as-shit ass... 356 00:16:16,362 --> 00:16:18,668 Not so much. 357 00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:20,540 [roaring] 358 00:16:20,583 --> 00:16:24,422 - Holy... - Shit. Oh, wait. 359 00:16:26,111 --> 00:16:28,504 KRIEGER: Ow! What are you doing, woman?! 360 00:16:28,548 --> 00:16:33,640 Besides pissing it off even more! And totally killing our earballs! 361 00:16:33,683 --> 00:16:35,946 - What? - See?! 362 00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:37,121 [snarling] 363 00:16:37,122 --> 00:16:39,167 - [Pam screaming] - KRIEGER: Goddamn it! 364 00:16:45,347 --> 00:16:48,220 [snarls] 365 00:16:48,263 --> 00:16:50,309 Good God. What the hell's it doing now? 366 00:16:50,352 --> 00:16:52,224 I don't know, moving on to plan B? 367 00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:55,575 Yeah, "B," as in "burying us alive!" 368 00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:00,014 [roaring] 369 00:17:02,408 --> 00:17:04,279 [roaring] 370 00:17:04,323 --> 00:17:06,976 Okay. Who brought the dog? 371 00:17:06,977 --> 00:17:09,241 [snarls] 372 00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:13,200 [Archer grunts] 373 00:17:13,201 --> 00:17:15,160 [shouting] 374 00:17:15,203 --> 00:17:16,769 Damn it! 375 00:17:16,770 --> 00:17:19,947 [all shouting] 376 00:17:19,990 --> 00:17:22,384 [snarls] 377 00:17:22,428 --> 00:17:23,950 No! 378 00:17:23,951 --> 00:17:26,127 [groans] 379 00:17:38,618 --> 00:17:42,143 [whirring] 380 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:44,232 [creature screeching] 381 00:17:50,325 --> 00:17:52,588 [engines power down] 382 00:17:52,632 --> 00:17:56,505 Well, look who decided not to be a total dick. 383 00:17:56,549 --> 00:17:59,160 Just couldn't leave my buddy Cyril behind. 384 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,683 - Wait, really? - Of course not, idiot. 385 00:18:01,684 --> 00:18:05,166 And yet you had the time to stop and make a cocktail. 386 00:18:05,210 --> 00:18:08,169 God, you are just so glass half-empty. 387 00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:12,253 Ooh, actually, me, too. So just gonna freshen this up. 388 00:18:14,431 --> 00:18:17,687 [music] 389 00:18:22,792 --> 00:18:25,404 MALORY: Item one. 390 00:18:25,447 --> 00:18:27,406 - Item what? - Yeah, what are we even doing? 391 00:18:27,449 --> 00:18:29,408 It's called an agenda. 392 00:18:29,451 --> 00:18:31,192 - For what? - So confused right now. 393 00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:35,065 I swear, you people! [inhales] Item one. 394 00:18:35,109 --> 00:18:37,285 The insurance company has officially deemed 395 00:18:37,329 --> 00:18:39,331 the Seamus II a total loss, 396 00:18:39,374 --> 00:18:43,770 so this little enterprise may actually turn a profit this year. 397 00:18:43,813 --> 00:18:46,076 What are you talking about? 398 00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:48,340 - The other crew. - Hang on. I thought those were 399 00:18:48,383 --> 00:18:50,342 our parallel universe doppel-bangers. 400 00:18:50,385 --> 00:18:53,867 Oh, for the love of... Those were clones, you idiots. 401 00:18:53,910 --> 00:18:56,870 I had you people cloned in your sleep. 402 00:18:56,913 --> 00:18:59,307 - Why? - To double productivity, dear. 403 00:18:59,351 --> 00:19:04,486 - It was Krieger's idea. - Oh, did I obviously forget 404 00:19:04,530 --> 00:19:06,488 - to mention that? - Yep. 405 00:19:06,532 --> 00:19:10,013 So wait till you see what we do to you in your sleep. 406 00:19:10,057 --> 00:19:13,147 [quietly] Now I'm a nine. 407 00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:18,853 sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~ 30955

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