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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:11,851 I just don't want to make one of these tapes 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,764 if it's something you do with every girl. 3 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:18,528 Every girl? No, no. I am strictly a one-woman guy. 4 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,808 Well, I don't want to end up all over the Internet. 5 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,167 I pride myself on keeping a low profile. 6 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,721 My private life is private. Hm. 7 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:31,170 Wait. I thought you never did this before. What are all these? 8 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,210 Oh, uh, just some movies I rented. 9 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,041 "Me and Brandy, Missionary"? 10 00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,931 A tale of two girls who become nuns. 11 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,445 "Me and Brandy, Doggy"? 12 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:44,122 The sequel. The nuns adopt a chocolate lab. 13 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:46,282 What are all those? 14 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:47,811 Oh, that's just your standard 15 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:50,361 home security setup. Basic run-of-the mill. 16 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,000 No big deal, nothing too elaborate. Everybody has them. 17 00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,891 And why do you need security cameras pointing at your bed? 18 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,361 In case a burglar tries to steal my sex tapes. 19 00:00:58,520 --> 00:00:59,760 Now, let's get into bed. 20 00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:02,491 Let's just make this quick. I have a court hearing in the morning. 21 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,450 Judge Henderson? No. I wish. Thompson. 22 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,682 Mm. That's going to suck for you. 23 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,201 It was a driving mishap thingy. 24 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:12,283 Do me a favor. Promise me you won't drive. 25 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,329 That's sweet. You're worried about me driving. 26 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:17,563 Mm-mm. I'm worried about me. I'm a pedestrian. 27 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,211 Ow! 28 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,840 Sorry. That's my sobriety monitor. 29 00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:25,681 Ow! 30 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,842 Sorry. Sorry. 31 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,604 Ankle. Tracking bracelet. 32 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,407 Oh, wait. Wait. Sorry, just... 33 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:37,568 Who put that on you? I did. 34 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,324 It's the only way I can have an orgasm. 35 00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,928 Not tonight. 36 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:54,005 What are you doing? Huh? 37 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:58,249 Just... warming up. 38 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,206 You sure we're alone here? Feels like there's somebody else in this house. 39 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,840 Did you hear that? 40 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,207 That's nothing. 41 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:09,521 OK, what is that? 42 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,967 Just... unraveling the old hose. 43 00:02:12,920 --> 00:02:14,809 Save it for tomorrow, Raul. 44 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,610 Si, senor. 45 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,889 Wow. That was amazing. 46 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,201 Charlie. 47 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,643 Wow. Get out of here, Emilio. 48 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,324 Charlie, I'm scared. 49 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:48,403 Lindsay, sweetie, there's nothing to be afraid of. 50 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,928 Hey, I got the stuff. I got to call you back, man. 51 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,604 Ow! 52 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,445 I think I better go. 53 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,089 Really? How about tomorrow? You busy? 54 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,011 I'm going to blow you across the room. 55 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,491 Sounds awesome. 56 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:54,004 And thus our story begins. 57 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,687 The large reward offered for the rescue of Charlie's kids 58 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,411 drew the attention of police, private detectives 59 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,927 and Red Cross volunteers. 60 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,129 Everyone was on high alert for these children, 61 00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,209 except these two guys. 62 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,807 No, man, Obamacare gives senior citizens access to cheaper drugs, 63 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:16,124 free preventative care, and it closes the Medicare Part D loophole. 64 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,931 And how does that help if I get shampoo in my dick hole? 65 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:20,605 What? Mean to tell me you ain't never got 66 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,410 shampoo in your pee hole? OK. 67 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,085 Maybe like once or twice. Yeah, once or twice 68 00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,844 when you was playing with yourself. 69 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,764 No, I wasn't playing with myself. 70 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,082 I was showering, and crazy got up in there. 71 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,084 Bullshit. Cam Newton's law of gravity is: 72 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,323 That thing must be up in order for that soap to go down. 73 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,330 Well, either way, that shit stings like hell. 74 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,171 Sting like a mother, man, it feel like it's a hornet up in there. 75 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:45,443 And he found out his girl be, you know, doing her thing with another man. 76 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,489 Exactly. I don't understand why 77 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,404 the shampoo company can't fix that, man. 78 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,130 They got "No More Tears." 79 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:52,964 Why they can't make no more hornets in your dick? 80 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:56,960 I don't really think they expect you to use the No More Tears on your dick. 81 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:58,690 Well, why they call it Johnson & Johnson? 82 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:01,320 I got a better question, man. What the hell are two stoners doing 83 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,209 wandering around these spooky-ass woods? 84 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,762 Look, it's going to be worth it. I told you... this is Humboldt County. 85 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,003 This is where all the growers grow their bomb-ass shit. 86 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,208 You think they're gonna be cool with us just helping ourselves? 87 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:13,885 Look, man, we ain't taking no plants. 88 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,008 We're gonna snip a few buds. You know what I'm saying? 89 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:17,764 It's gonna grow back just like a lobster paw. 90 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,160 You know, that's how nature do. 91 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:21,004 I don't know, man. Just doesn't feel right. 92 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,401 Man, they ain't gonna care. Look, man, we're gonna be cool. 93 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,086 We're gonna roll one blunt, then we're gonna get up out of here. 94 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,203 Just one? Just one. 95 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,648 They won't care, huh? Man, just keep running. 96 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,929 Holy shit. Is that a drone? They're going all Zero Dark Thirty on our ass. 97 00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:41,683 Yo, I think they gone. 98 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:48,649 Oh, whoa. It's a cabin in the woods. We need to go hide over in there. 99 00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:50,171 Nah, man, I'm not going in there. 100 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,526 It reminds me of a horror movie I once saw. 101 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,883 What horror movie? The one with the cabin in the woods. 102 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,565 Friday the 13th? No. 103 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,210 The one with the cabin in the woods. 104 00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,725 Texas Chain Saw Massacre? 105 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,928 No, the one with the cabin in the woods. 106 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,491 The Ring. Uh-uh. 107 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,246 The one with the cabin in the woods. Blair Witch Project. 108 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,681 No, man, the one with the cabin in the woods. 109 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,569 The Munsters. That wasn't in the woods. 110 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:12,563 They wasn't even a damn movie. Look, man, 111 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:14,290 we ain't got time for this shit right now. 112 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,329 We need to get to that cabin in the woods. 113 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,802 What the hell is that sound? 114 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:36,691 Sound like the house settling. It looked new. 115 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,604 I'm gonna take a look around. Go ahead. 116 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,081 Ah! What is that? 117 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,171 Ah! Oh! 118 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,565 Where we shooting? There. 119 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,006 Where? The dark! 120 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,611 There? No, this dark. 121 00:07:58,440 --> 00:07:59,362 Over there. 122 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,405 Dude, what the hell was that? 123 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,291 Big-ass Alaskan king crab just ran up on me, man. 124 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,090 Crab? Cuz, we banging? Ja'Marcus, 125 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,368 put the guns down, man. Put yours down first, homey. 126 00:08:11,520 --> 00:08:14,842 All right, on three. One, two, three. 127 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,650 Damn. You want to try it again? 128 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,963 Sure. One, two, three. 129 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,724 One, two, three. 130 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:30,731 Uno, dos, tres. 131 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,962 Man, we could do this shit all day. 132 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:34,804 Truce? Truce. 133 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,488 Hey, yo, D'Andre. Look, homey. It's two little girls. 134 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,768 They're little racist girls, man. 135 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:45,163 Wearing blackface. Cool with that? 136 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,730 Hey, little girl, what's your name? 137 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,650 What'd she say? She said, "I wonder what your leg 138 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,126 tastes like." What? Ah, man! 139 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:56,645 Little spider girl bit me. 140 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,006 Maybe you're going to get superpowers. 141 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,003 Ain't no black superheroes. I'm on it. 142 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,605 ' Hi-ya! 143 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:08,006 Yo. D'Andre, I think they're the missing kids from the news. 144 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,525 How can you be so sure? Look. 145 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,888 I don't know, man. Well, if it is the missing kids, 146 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,042 I'm gonna take that reward money, and I'm gonna buy me 147 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,244 a yacht, fill it with cash, bitches and a shark. 148 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,731 Why would you want to buy a shark? 149 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,803 Trust me... we're gonna need a shark. 150 00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:29,211 No, this can't be right. 151 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,331 Hi, Mom. 152 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,924 I got to call you back. 153 00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,963 No baby, no baby, no baby, no baby. 154 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,645 You're pregnant... No! 155 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:56,725 ...with anticipation over the outcome of this iPregnancy test, 156 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:59,804 which has determined that you are... 157 00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,371 You got to be kidding me. 158 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:04,241 Oh, no. 159 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,925 Not pregnant. 160 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,009 You dodged a bullet, you lucky slut. 161 00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:11,084 Thank you, God. Sweet! 162 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,403 Great news: They found my brother's kids. 163 00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:16,846 Oh, crap. 164 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,571 We're very fortunate the older one, Kathy, has retained 165 00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:21,205 most of her vocabulary. 166 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,488 The baby hasn't actually said a word. 167 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:26,968 Why not? Because he's a baby. 168 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,567 They've been alone here over three long months. 169 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:35,362 I need to warn both of you that this is not going to be easy. 170 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,602 I'm ready for it. 171 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,286 Hello. No, no. Wrong window. 172 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:42,920 Here's where the children are. 173 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,648 - What is she doing? - In order to survive 174 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,282 their extreme isolation, the girls created an imaginary guardian, 175 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:57,650 a parent figure to feed them, sing to them. They call her Mama. 176 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,446 But these may help you break through. 177 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,329 And the Ritalin may help, as well. 178 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,767 The proper dosage for someone their age is... 179 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,206 Wish me luck. 180 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:12,250 Hey, Lily. 181 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,970 Oh, how cute. 182 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,643 OK. Kathy. 183 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,726 It's OK, Kathy. Remember these? 184 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,565 You used to wear them to help you see better. 185 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,650 No, no, no! 186 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,844 Maybe we should get her some contacts... the soft kind. 187 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:49,011 Daddy? 188 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,366 No, sweetheart. Not Daddy. 189 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,164 I'm your Uncle Dan. Remember? 190 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,765 And this is Jody. 191 00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,888 Jo... 192 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,884 Jody. No pause between "Jo" and "dy." 193 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,008 Jo... 194 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,601 Dan, we're at an impasse. I see constant conflict. 195 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,808 It's fine. They'll warm up to you. 196 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,371 Oh! 197 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,000 Hey, hey, hey, little lady, that's not how... 198 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,810 You little mother...! 199 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,047 Well, everything checks out. They seem like good kids, Doc. 200 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,486 Just validate our parking. We'll take them home. 201 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:24,927 Folks, I wish it were that easy. You don't validate? 202 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,321 I'm saying the kids are not yours to take. 203 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,448 Well, you can't win them all. Let's skedaddle. 204 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:33,611 That's not fair. They're my brother Charlie's kids. We deserve them. 205 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:37,128 Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock band, staying out all night long, 206 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,965 high on drugs, sleeping with a different man every night. 207 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,885 I don't think the courts are gonna look upon that too favorably. 208 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:44,371 But... I was just messing with you. 209 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:45,760 The kids are yours. They are? 210 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,365 Did you hear that, honey? They're ours! 211 00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,127 On one condition. This house is owned by the Institute for Case Studies. 212 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:53,328 Every room is fully wired with cameras. 213 00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,086 If you move into the house, you get the kids. 214 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,130 Can't we just sell the house and put the kids in a high-end orphanage? 215 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,487 Jody, do you really think you're out out to be a mom? 216 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:02,641 Mm-mm. Mm-mm. 217 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,046 Of course she is. Dan! 218 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,124 Now, no more rock band, no more silly wig. 219 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,362 It's not silly. It's all a part of me. 220 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,363 And no more tattoos. What are you doing? 221 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:14,166 What I had to. We're a perfect suburban couple. 222 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:19,087 And so Dan and Jody headed to their new house with their new children. 223 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,562 But, like a slutty sorority girl returning from spring break, 224 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:27,282 they were also bringing home a hidden evil. 225 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,171 All right, kids, here's our new house. 226 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:32,924 And here's Uncle Dan. 227 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,283 Hi. Don't forget about mommy! 228 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:40,240 Dan, I'm not their mommy. They can call me Aunt Jody. 229 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,641 Or Jodes, J-Mom, Mrs. Sanders. 230 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,444 Or, if they really want to call me... Garage! 231 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,370 Here comes Jody and Aidan, 232 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,124 entering the house for the very first time. 233 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,921 This is where we're going to protect you and make sure nothing bad... 234 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,650 Oh, my God, Aidan! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 235 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,643 Maybe we should put him in the carrier. 236 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:02,010 There, see, that's better. Come on, Aidan. What, what, what? 237 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,447 Relax, it's OK. Oh, my gosh. 238 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,443 Dan, I lost the baby! What? 239 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,410 Oh, my gosh, Aidan! Aidan, where are you?! 240 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,686 - Aidan! - Where did you go? 241 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:15,084 Oh, there he is, OK. 242 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,129 Here's your sister Kathy. 243 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,611 Oh, Aidan, it's OK. 244 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,489 You've just got to talk in a baby voice. 245 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,849 It doesn't even matter what you say. OK. 246 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,162 I'm your stepmommy. 247 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,046 I'm not your fricking mommy. 248 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,441 There you go, you're a natural. 249 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,688 What's that smell? 250 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:39,244 Oh, my God, what do I do? Oh, oh! Here, this, hold on! 251 00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:42,444 ' Uncle Dan! 252 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:46,207 ' Kathy! Oh, sorry, Ow! 253 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:49,927 All right, there you go, sweetie. 254 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:53,448 Is it chilly in here? I felt it as soon as I entered the room. 255 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,682 Feels fine. Hey, what are these? 256 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,491 This is interesting. What is this? 257 00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,246 I don't know, Mama drew that one. 258 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,131 Look, we drew this picture for Aidan. 259 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,403 See? It's Aidan on a rocket to the moon. 260 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:14,610 Oh. Sitting on a rocket. Where's Lily? 261 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,362 Oh, no, sweetie, the other end. 262 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,770 Ooh! 263 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,167 Let's go introduce Aidan to the rest of the family. 264 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:31,411 Oh, and there's our furry family member. 265 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,131 - Yes, Maria. - No, Dan, Artie. 266 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,248 Oh, yes, of course, our dog Artie. 267 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,324 Ay, the new baby. I make blessing. Oh. 268 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,169 OK, OK, that's good, Maria. 269 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,005 Oh, my gosh. 270 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,849 With three new kids to care for, 271 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,890 Dan really needed to start performing at work. 272 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:01,761 Unfortunately he was having some issues with a colleague. 273 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:05,481 OK, Caesar, this is the one, I can feel it. 274 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,888 Eighty-one seconds? Oh, Caesar. 275 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,247 That's your worst time yet. 276 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,880 You're doing even worse on your creativity test. 277 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:19,601 I mean, look at all the imaginative things I made out of blocks. 278 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:21,205 Like this awesome plane. 279 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,049 Dan, do you have any results yet? 280 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,851 Oh, well, I've been injecting the primates twice a day 281 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,800 with the I-13 intelligence drug. I'm hoping in a week or so... 282 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,964 I hope Caesar is not just a big waste of time and money. 283 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,761 I'm the one responsible to the board. Just show me one thing positive. 284 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:47,371 Look. They still throw their shit. 285 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,727 But now they can keep score. 286 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,046 We have to kick-start this thing. When can we go to human trials? 287 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:56,969 We're close, but there's an intermediate step. 288 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,562 If the I-13 works on these reality wives... 289 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,769 You better check that shit. Who gonna check me, boo? 290 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,727 We're pinning the future of our lab on wild beasts. 291 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,723 They're not beasts. 292 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,247 They have feelings, they have families. 293 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,165 Males pee standing up, females pee sitting down. 294 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:24,482 These apes are just like you. 295 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:27,530 And me... you and me, blacks and whites. 296 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:31,002 More like whites, of course. We whites are a lighter shade of ape 297 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:34,004 whereas you are bla... dder infection, we're all at risk. 298 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,367 So, what were we talking about again? Vaginas. 299 00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:37,851 Shut up. Yes, of course. 300 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,401 Caesar has got to show some human intelligence at that board meeting... 301 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,769 Caesar's probably smarter than half of those board members. 302 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,206 Dan... I know what you're going to say. 303 00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:48,045 "If he's so smart, why is he in a cage?" 304 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,881 You're in the cage. 305 00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:07,050 What? 306 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,684 Oh, you're looking for this? Uh-huh. 307 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:10,841 It's my ballerina doll. 308 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,165 You made this? Mama did, 309 00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:17,490 using twigs, moss, spiderwebs, sparrow bones, lizard eyes, 310 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:20,610 all held together with rat droppings. Oh, geez. 311 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,524 Ah, ah, ah. What... what are you doing? 312 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:16,160 I just can't deal with these kids. They're creepy. 313 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:17,481 We should just take 'em back. 314 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,962 Maybe you guys just need to find some common ground. 315 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,327 What about that ballerina doll Kathy's always playing with? 316 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,123 I don't want to talk about the ballet. 317 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,408 I saw what the ballet did to my mom. 318 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,089 She became obsessed. 319 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,881 She even danced the swan while she was pregnant with me. 320 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,127 Boo, ray, boo! Shh! 321 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:45,369 Shh. Hell. You better sit back before I punch you in your damn throat. 322 00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,521 We're trying to enjoy the show. 323 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:50,446 You go on... shh... shh me again. I double-dog dare you, hell. 324 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,568 Better ask somebody who I am. 325 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,724 Whoa! 326 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,091 Got it. 327 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,604 Mom was never the same. 328 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,368 That's unlikely to ever happen again, ever. 329 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,842 Just give it a shot. Look what I found earlier. 330 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,490 I mean, I know it's just a local production. 331 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:26,248 But could be something for you and Kathy to talk about, could be fun. 332 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,085 You really think so? Yes. 333 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,528 Well, I suppose I could check it out. 334 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:35,763 OK. But the minute it becomes too difficult, I'm giving up. 335 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:37,686 That's the spirit. 336 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:53,720 Even though Jody only returned to the ballet 337 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,484 to connect with the girls, 338 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:59,486 as she got closer she couldn't help but get excited at the prospect 339 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:02,803 of becoming the Swan Queen. 340 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:05,201 This season we open with "Swan Lake." 341 00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:07,362 As you all know, this piece has the most challenging 342 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:11,605 and demanding role in all of ballet... the Swan Queen. 343 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,330 Sizing up her competition, 344 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,245 Jody knew the battle would be a tough one. 345 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,368 The white and the black. 346 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,524 Fortunately we have with us prima ballerina and the lead 347 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,810 in my last 146 productions... Heather Darcy. 348 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,845 Ah, the seasoned professional. 349 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,401 The still brilliant, crusty, old, weathered, 350 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:37,764 leather-faced elder statesman of ballet to whom these young girls, 351 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,764 less experienced, more beautiful and delicious, 352 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:44,720 but still very raw ballerina hopefuls, look up. 353 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,487 Show these far more desirable children how it's done, huh? 354 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,642 Music! 355 00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,165 Try that thing where you are skipping 356 00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,448 and you hop and you spread your legs a little bit. 357 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,287 Look at that form, that technique. 358 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,090 I'll never be that good. 359 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:11,805 I'm Jody, by the way. 360 00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:13,883 Kendra. 361 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:17,966 Are you going to try out? Me? 362 00:22:18,120 --> 00:22:21,442 Oh, I don't know. I mean, I like to dance, but I just... 363 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,329 I don't like to be the center of attention. 364 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,446 OK, who's next? Oh, food. 365 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:27,965 Huh? 366 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,843 It is as if I am seeing ballet for the first time. 367 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:47,851 That's not ballet. 368 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,447 The passion, the sensuality. 369 00:22:55,640 --> 00:22:58,883 An ass that makes you want to crawl inside and take up residence. 370 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,526 I can show passion. 371 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:05,366 Oh, yeah. 372 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:09,121 Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh. 373 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,244 Jody certainly had her work cut out for her. 374 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,371 That Kendra chick was smokin'. 375 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:17,204 Do you accept euros? 376 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,249 Kathy, Lily, Aidan? 377 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:05,247 Jody? Ah! 378 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,925 Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry. 379 00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,209 I'm so sorry. I'm fine. 380 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:10,600 It was on the floor. 381 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:14,088 Ah, probably a screw loose. I'll fix it. 382 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:17,725 I feel like there's something in this house. 383 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:18,881 Like what? 384 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:22,931 Like I feel hot, clammy, foul-smelling breath on my neck. 385 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,082 You need call psychic. Kill bad spirits. 386 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:31,289 Ugh. No, Maria, enough of this stuff. 387 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,569 OK, then I do blessing, I protect house. 388 00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:39,727 Honey, you really need to relax. 389 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,449 You're just stressed out about the children. 390 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,444 No, it's this house. I... I feel it. 391 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,922 And Maria's a little off. I mean, honestly do you really trust her? 392 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,368 Oh, honey, don't worry, she couldn't hurt a fly. 393 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:54,284 Look, you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. 394 00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:56,807 Let's just get you some sleep, OK? 395 00:24:58,600 --> 00:24:59,761 Love you. 396 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:06,611 I don't believe this... our whole house ransacked. 397 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,047 You leave the house unattended with the doors unlocked 398 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,486 and look what happens. 399 00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:13,371 They didn't take anything. It's just vandalism. 400 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,761 Every room except the kids' rooms was trashed. 401 00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:16,921 So you suspect the kids? 402 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,401 It was Mama. Mama did it. 403 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,848 She hates this house. She hates you. 404 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,966 OK, Maria, this is camera. Necesito filming. 405 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:31,009 Thank you for helping me clean up, sweetie. 406 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,970 Oh, hey, been looking all over for this thing. 407 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:35,849 Still got it... 408 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,480 I'm sorry! God, help, honey! 409 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,241 Maria, honey, help! Geez! Maria, put the camera... 410 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,006 Oh, look at this. 411 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,561 Mom coaching me when I was a little girl. 412 00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:51,202 Aw... Always applying the guilt trip. 413 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,129 That got me the lead. 414 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,444 Look, Maria. 415 00:25:56,600 --> 00:25:58,967 Maria, look what I found. What is this? 416 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:03,927 Oh, uh, that's... a new type of electric toothbrush. 417 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,527 Vibrations knock the tartar off your teeth. 418 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,806 - Look, a whole box of toothbrushes. - Whoa. 419 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,162 This black one is huge. OK. 420 00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:15,891 And look, here's a double-sided one. All right. 421 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,088 And one that I can strap on to my face. 422 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,368 Nope. Put that over here. 423 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:23,330 Uncle Dan, what is this? Beaded floss? 424 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,608 That's grown-up floss, honey. 425 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,331 Graffiti! 426 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,602 Did you see this? 427 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,923 Who does that? What are we...? Maria. 428 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,971 Maria, por favor. 429 00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:41,761 Miss Jody, Miss Jody, you call this man... Mr. Blaine. 430 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:43,888 He helped my sister. 431 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,481 This is a psychic. Si, he'll help you. 432 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,449 No, what we really need are more security cameras. 433 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:52,650 Uncle Dan. You know, these toothbrushes look an awful lot like dildos. 434 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,241 Ow! 435 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,048 This is fun, Mama. 436 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,326 You're still awake? 437 00:28:36,720 --> 00:28:37,926 All right, listen, guys, it's just us 438 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:39,809 until Uncle Dan comes back from the hospital. 439 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,281 I don't like it, you don't like it, I don't like it. 440 00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,807 Now go to sleep. I have to be up early for ballet tomorrow. 441 00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,408 You really like ballet, don't you? Yeah, but I don't want you to go. 442 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:55,607 Why? 443 00:28:55,760 --> 00:28:57,888 Mama says you're going to have an accident. 444 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:02,204 Oh, OK. Is this the same Mama who trashed the house? 445 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,328 Basically, yes. 446 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:11,970 Don't go in there. 447 00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:13,882 I wasn't going to. 448 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,326 Just don't. 449 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:18,171 It's my house, I can if I want. 450 00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:19,521 I wouldn't. 451 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,364 Would. Wouldn't. 452 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,363 Would, too. Would not. 453 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,524 You know what? I'm the adult. You're not the boss of me. 454 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:27,681 Don't. 455 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,610 I told you not to let anyone in! 456 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,244 And so Jody was... 457 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,886 Oh, my God, I just smelled that. 458 00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:07,008 It just got to me, yeah. 459 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:08,804 And so Jody was... 460 00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:10,928 Oh, no, I... I'm sorry, you have to excuse me. 461 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:12,246 I got to get some fresh air. 462 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,402 The next section should explain itself. 463 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,724 All right, attention. 464 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:32,484 I do not wish to repeat myself. 465 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,286 I repeat, I do not wish to repeat myself. 466 00:30:35,440 --> 00:30:37,602 I require the sweater I wear as a scarf. 467 00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:43,011 Ah. Comfortable, huh? 468 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:47,650 Mm... Mother, please, I am working. 469 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:51,282 All right, because Heather Darcy is so old, this season 470 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,249 we will have a new Swan Queen, 471 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:57,121 and that person is Jody Sanders. 472 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:05,121 Now, Jody, show us your routine. 473 00:31:05,280 --> 00:31:08,011 No, I'm the Swan Queen. 474 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,770 Watch me. Ah...! 475 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,685 As I was saying, my choice for new... 476 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,968 Her?! Anyone but her! 477 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,681 You might just as well have picked the janitor! 478 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,571 Me? 479 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,651 Ira, please, not now. OK. What? 480 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,802 Yes, it was a difficult decision, 481 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,770 but I have always been attracted to Jody. 482 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,888 How could I not? She has the body of a fifth-grade boy. 483 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:44,004 But in the event that she is unable to dance, 484 00:31:44,160 --> 00:31:48,165 I am naming as her understudy Kendra Brooks. 485 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,642 All right, that's lunch. 486 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,890 Ooh, this is a nice house. I'm gonna go find the girls. 487 00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,970 Kathy, how did you know I was going to have an accident today at the ballet? 488 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,286 Mama told me. 489 00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:21,762 OK, well, how did Mama know I was going to have an accident? 490 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:28,683 Oh, there you are. I found this bandage on my head. 491 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,850 Dan, please. I think there is something going on in this house, 492 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:33,286 something about this Mama. 493 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,204 I'm gonna call the psychic Maria told us about. 494 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:37,010 Jody, do you really think we need a psychic? 495 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,207 Uncle Dan, come here. 496 00:32:38,360 --> 00:32:40,169 Coming. I want to show you something. 497 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:45,526 Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks. Look what I can do. 498 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,047 - Oh, wow, that's really good, honey. - Dada. 499 00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:51,851 Good Lord. 500 00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:55,243 Uncle Dan, look at me. Evil spirits. 501 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:56,731 Look, Mr. Dan, look. 502 00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,645 Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits? 503 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:02,849 You're facing something our human minds cannot imagine. 504 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:05,520 Mama. 505 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,442 Let's get you in a robe. 506 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,085 Do you want to hear about the ballet today? 507 00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:15,767 Mama's helping us get ready. Oh, OK, I'll brush, too. 508 00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:21,531 Hm. Where did my toothbrush go? 509 00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,400 Hey, we don't lick our balls in this house. 510 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:32,927 Sorry, won't happen again. 511 00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:35,965 Try as she might, 512 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,283 Jody just couldn't seem to connect with those kids. 513 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,091 Or get the taste of that toothbrush out of her mouth. 514 00:33:42,240 --> 00:33:44,846 Was it just eight-year-old teen angst, 515 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,408 or were there otherworldly forces at work here? 516 00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:04,205 Baby. Hm? 517 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:05,521 Babe, I heard something. What? 518 00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:06,727 I think there's someone in the kitchen. 519 00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,611 See? There's nobody down here. 520 00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:11,888 There it is again! Right there. Go look. 521 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:16,125 Jody, calm down. See, there's nothing to worry about. It's just... 522 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,169 Oh, God! Geez! 523 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,484 Dan, I'm calling the psychic! 524 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:23,727 Ah! Make the call! 525 00:35:25,720 --> 00:35:27,563 Blaine Fulda, professional psychic. 526 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:29,051 Hi, I'm Jody. 527 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,601 Indeed you are. Yes. And this is my husband Dan. 528 00:35:31,760 --> 00:35:34,604 Your payment as requested. $500 in unmarked bills. 529 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,569 And of course, you know Maria. 530 00:35:36,720 --> 00:35:39,246 Hola, Mr. Blaine. Hi, Maria. How's your sister? 531 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,607 Dead. Demon kill her. 532 00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:43,569 Well, that explains the unreturned phone calls. 533 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:46,246 I'm sensing evil. 534 00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,324 I'm gonna have to get some of your personal belongings here, 535 00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:52,131 just so I can check for demon and ghost residue. 536 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:53,486 I'm not gonna be able to lift all those monitors, 537 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,849 but I'll send my cousin tomorrow with the white van. He can get them in there. 538 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,809 Dan was attacked by the kitchen last night. 539 00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:01,406 We think it might be Mama. Kitchen attack? 540 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,085 You could've said that earlier. 541 00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:06,005 If a room turns on you, it's either a ghost or a demon. 542 00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:10,609 Can a demon take over someone? Like, live within them? 543 00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:12,171 Damn, that's some scary shit. 544 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,482 So a demon is about the worst thing you can have? 545 00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,371 No, ma'am, an STD is the worst thing that you can have. 546 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:21,002 Who do you know who wants to hurt you? Do you have a jealous colleague at work? 547 00:36:21,160 --> 00:36:23,083 A Facebook friend you might have ignored? 548 00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:26,363 Maybe you adopted a small African child named Ikatababwe, 549 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:28,568 promising to feed this nigga for 25 cents a day. 550 00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:30,205 But then he needs something to drink! 551 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,521 Anyway, let's begin. OK. 552 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,047 This is the evil communicator. 553 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:39,124 When I put this on, I'll be able to cross over to the other side 554 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:41,601 and confront the entity. That will immediately trigger 555 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:46,362 the final $350 payment of child support to Tisha Fulda. 556 00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,808 And if you guys would just join hands, close eyes and concentrate. 557 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,169 Empty your mind of all the thoughts of today's troubles. 558 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,806 Everything that went on, get that out of your mind. 559 00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,122 This is all about the spirit world here. 560 00:36:59,320 --> 00:37:03,564 And three, two and one. 561 00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:12,166 What's happening? Things are starting to move all by itself! 562 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,684 Breathe! Breathe! 563 00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:17,649 - Wait, I don't think he can breathe! - He's a pro! 564 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,644 A sophisticated piece of equipment like that? Of course he can breathe. 565 00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:23,161 Shit, I couldn't breathe. 566 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,051 Almost killed myself. All right, I communicated. 567 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,601 It was definitely a demon. Oh, my God. 568 00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:32,360 Wait a minute. I was wrong. It's a ghost. 569 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,005 So strong. 570 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:35,926 Ow! 571 00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:37,966 Help, it's got me! Dan! 572 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:39,565 Dan, wake up! Ma'am, you got to 573 00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:43,088 get out of here. It's evil! It's pure evil! It's Mama! 574 00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,444 Now do you believe that something's going on? 575 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:07,921 He got dragged away, yelling out, "Mama." 576 00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,082 He got dragged away? I don't remember that. 577 00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:13,528 Dan, you were unconscious. I don't remember that, either. 578 00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:15,205 Look, honey, I don't want to argue. 579 00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,328 The important thing is, we love each other, OK? 580 00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,887 No, the important thing is that this Mama thing could be real 581 00:38:20,040 --> 00:38:21,644 and she might be trying to kill us. 582 00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,770 Jod, that guy was a fraud and that's it. OK? 583 00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:36,882 What's that? My penis. 584 00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:38,684 No. Yes. 585 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:43,489 There, right now, there. I know. I'm trying. 586 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,883 What the hell is that? My penis? 587 00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,207 What's making that sound? 588 00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:57,481 Dan, what is that? 589 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:00,810 MY penis. 590 00:40:34,960 --> 00:40:37,930 Is that smoke? 591 00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:45,891 Maria! What are you doing?! You're gonna burn down the house! 592 00:40:46,040 --> 00:40:48,202 Kill bad spirits! 593 00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,842 What is going on? Maria almost burned the house down. 594 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:53,047 What? That's it, she's got... 595 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:58,922 Enough! This is getting out of hand. You're scaring everybody. 596 00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,128 You can't fire her. I mean, she's been with us for years. 597 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:02,611 I don't know what to do. 598 00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:04,842 That's discrimination. OK, now what the hell? 599 00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:08,368 This is completely insane! It's what she believes in, honey! 600 00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:09,646 Give me that! 601 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:12,644 You're gonna let me go?! Your family is not safe! 602 00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:14,928 I'm sorry, Maria, it's just not working out. 603 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,811 I'll give you a recommendation, just nothing involving kids 604 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,725 or within a mile of anyone's house. 605 00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:25,846 I can't do this anymore. I got to go to work. 606 00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:27,610 I don't even understand what you're saying! 607 00:42:01,960 --> 00:42:03,883 Ow! 608 00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:05,684 Ladies and gentlemen, 609 00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,605 for the past two years, our own Dan Sanders has been 610 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,445 testing the I-13 compound on 30 apes. 611 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:13,887 Unfortunately, 29 of them turned into 612 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,611 insane, aggressive, deviant sexual predators. 613 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,802 But one, Caesar, 614 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:22,043 has experienced a huge leap in intelligence. 615 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,362 Here he plays three opponents. 616 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:25,925 Of course, they're apes. 617 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:30,881 But Caesar's superior capabilities are the work of one man. 618 00:42:31,040 --> 00:42:34,567 The brains behind the I-13 project, Dan San... 619 00:42:34,720 --> 00:42:36,051 Are you OK? I'm fine, Martin. 620 00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,642 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to Caesar... 621 00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:41,006 You're not getting away from me! 622 00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:43,009 Oof! 623 00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,567 Oh, no! 624 00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,527 Traffic is backed up on the Broad Street Bridge, 625 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,127 where apparently police are battling dozens of apes in a running gunfight. 626 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:17,369 Our reports indicate that a scientist at a research laboratory 627 00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,444 gave these apes an experimental intelligence drug. 628 00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:24,127 I'm being told that all available officers are now on the scene. 629 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:29,411 But at this time, we are advising all our viewers to find alternate routes. 630 00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:32,370 I'm now being told we have the actual 911 call 631 00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:34,682 that first alerted the police to the situation. 632 00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,121 911, what's your emergency? 633 00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,886 Oh, my God! Apes are inside the house! 634 00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,202 Calm down, ma'am. What happened? 635 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,283 We were making love and... Oh, my God! 636 00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,363 - They're attacking him! - Who are they attacking, ma'am? 637 00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,201 Carl! Oh, my God! Please, help him! 638 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,567 - Where is your husband right now? - Carl's not my husband. 639 00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:56,406 My husband's the anchor for Channel 12 News. He can't know about it. 640 00:43:56,560 --> 00:43:58,130 - OK, ma'am, but we need to... - Hurry! 641 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:00,288 Send help while my husband's still on the air! 642 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:02,841 Ma'am, that's not important. Your life is. 643 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,048 Yeah, you're right. Why should he care? 644 00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:08,483 I mean, I'm pretty sure he's been sleeping with his co-anchor, that bitch! 645 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:09,846 Oh, I'm gonna rip her... 646 00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,408 Congratulations, girl. 647 00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:20,007 I knew it was gonna be you. You're just so perfect, so mechanical. 648 00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:22,731 Watching you dance is like watching a robot. 649 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:24,086 Thanks. 650 00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:27,924 So hungry. 651 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:31,521 Mm. 652 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,047 Is that all? Pierre has a weight limit. 653 00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:37,010 I'm too heavy. Look at Mara. 654 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,527 She looks great. 655 00:44:41,080 --> 00:44:42,286 Look, are you sure you're OK? 656 00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:44,850 Weird things have been happening at home. 657 00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:47,207 Kathy said there was going to be an accident. 658 00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:51,285 Then it happened to Heather. That's some serious shit. 659 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:53,647 You should talk to those kids. 660 00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:55,370 Whoa, pizza. 661 00:44:58,600 --> 00:45:03,527 I eat and eat and eat, and I don't gain a pound. 662 00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,604 Heather! 663 00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:33,485 You think you can replace me? 664 00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:38,248 Well, we'll see how you like it once the swan consumes you! 665 00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:50,763 Damn it! 666 00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:52,685 Door! 667 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:55,849 Son of a bitch! 668 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,609 Oh, I didn't know you were such a good builder. 669 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:04,365 Wow. 670 00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:08,563 Kathy, I want you to tell me about Mama. 671 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,724 Mama doesn't like it when you talk about her. 672 00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:12,927 Who is Mama? 673 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:15,361 She was a woman who read from an evil book. 674 00:46:15,520 --> 00:46:18,808 Sometimes she comes to us in a dream. 675 00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:20,968 In a dream? 676 00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:23,282 In your dreams, of course. 677 00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,283 I wish I could see what's inside your dreams. 678 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,163 To extract what's in your dreams. To perform an inception. 679 00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,887 Will you drop that? That's my birth tuba. 680 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:41,005 Hello. I'm Dom Kolb. You called about a dream extraction? 681 00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,561 Yes. I need to find out about an evil book. 682 00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:44,881 Mm-hm. 683 00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,765 This machine will allow us access to the dream world. 684 00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:49,251 Let's begin. 685 00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:55,164 So when do we start dreaming? 686 00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:57,971 You never really remember the beginning of a dream, 687 00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:59,326 do you? I guess. 688 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:01,443 OK, then, 689 00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:05,286 this is your first lesson in shared dreaming. Stay calm. 690 00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:08,125 Sorry. I dropped my phone in there. 691 00:47:09,240 --> 00:47:12,608 You need to clear your subconscious. And watch what you think about. 692 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:15,001 Nothing crazy. Right. 693 00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,891 Like having your crotch burst into flames. 694 00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:31,203 What does that have to do with Ma...? 695 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:33,931 Hey! Oh. 696 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:38,247 Let's start over. 697 00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:45,128 I'm Jody Sanders. 698 00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:47,362 Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you. 699 00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,363 Please, come in. 700 00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:51,170 They call me Christian Grey. 701 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,209 How do you like my blue room? 702 00:47:57,360 --> 00:48:00,284 It's red. Oh. I'm color-blind. 703 00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,721 My decorator assured me that... Never mind. 704 00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:07,210 Champagne? Mm. 705 00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:15,965 Have a seat. 706 00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:21,281 I'll stand. 707 00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,808 Hey, Christian, man, golly, man! I'd like to thank you a lot, man, 708 00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:27,321 for working on my prostrate like it was a speed bag. 709 00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:30,450 Yes, Michael, I must admit, I was surprised at your performance, as well. 710 00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,922 Not bad for a washed-up, overweight, facially tattooed... 711 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:36,727 Do it again. 712 00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:40,845 Oh...! 713 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,571 I have no idea what that one was. 714 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:51,328 Me neither. 715 00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,328 Mama, are you here? 716 00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:59,087 Dom, is that you? Oh, shit. 717 00:48:59,240 --> 00:49:02,528 You said you'd had a dream that we'd grow old together. 718 00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:04,409 Right. And we will. 719 00:49:04,560 --> 00:49:07,609 What are you doing here? Hi. 720 00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:09,842 How could you bring her here? What about our children? 721 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:13,527 They're not real. Yes, they are. Watch. 722 00:49:13,720 --> 00:49:15,768 James, Phillippa! 723 00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:18,408 Ew. 724 00:49:24,360 --> 00:49:26,966 You're not gonna jump, are you? 725 00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,851 I hadn't thought about that. Thank you. 726 00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:33,927 OK, we're not getting anywhere. 727 00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:35,570 What does any of this have to do with Kathy? 728 00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:37,529 Kathy? I thought you were Kathy. 729 00:49:40,880 --> 00:49:42,086 Oh. 730 00:49:55,840 --> 00:50:00,926 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 731 00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:20,767 What's happening to me?! 732 00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:25,603 That must have been her. Mama. 733 00:50:26,720 --> 00:50:28,484 She wants to take us home to the cliff. 734 00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:31,769 What does that mean? I don't know. 735 00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:34,763 But I trust you'll give me a favorable Yelp review? 736 00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:43,451 Jody's mission was clear. 737 00:50:43,640 --> 00:50:45,563 The evil book that created Mama 738 00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:49,247 was located in the cellar of a cabin, in the woods. 739 00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:53,570 If she could find that cabin, maybe she could find some answers. 740 00:50:53,720 --> 00:50:56,803 If we can find that cabin, maybe we can find some answers. 741 00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:58,849 OK, calm down. I'm gonna come over. 742 00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:01,846 Kendra? What? 743 00:51:03,720 --> 00:51:05,643 OK, wait, what's going on now? 744 00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,167 I think she's out there! 745 00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:11,722 OK, OK, just... you stay calm! 746 00:51:11,920 --> 00:51:13,001 Front door open. 747 00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,288 She's in the house! Front door open. 748 00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,568 OK, stay... Front door open. 749 00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:19,171 Shut the hell up! 750 00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:20,970 No need for that, bitch. 751 00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,009 Bitch?! Front door open. 752 00:51:23,160 --> 00:51:25,288 No, you did not just call me a bitch! Front door open... 753 00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:30,051 Honey? Dan?! 754 00:51:30,200 --> 00:51:34,171 I am so sorry. I didn't know who you were and... 755 00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:38,046 It's OK, honey, it was an accident. Right, Caesar? 756 00:51:38,240 --> 00:51:40,971 And of course he can stay here. 757 00:51:44,160 --> 00:51:46,367 Look at that. Caesar wants to help out around the house. 758 00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:47,521 Aw. 759 00:51:48,120 --> 00:51:50,407 Hey... 760 00:51:56,360 --> 00:51:58,681 I'm sorry, I see an ape, I come out swinging. 761 00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,963 That's understandable. 762 00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,645 Here you go. 763 00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:06,770 I am so glad you're OK, but tonight was a wake-up call. 764 00:52:06,920 --> 00:52:10,720 I think we've got to find that cabin. OK. I got an idea. 765 00:52:10,880 --> 00:52:14,282 Wait, we fired Maria. Who's gonna watch the kids? 766 00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,960 I already took care of it. 767 00:52:18,320 --> 00:52:21,005 Naughty Nanny's here. Nice to meet you, Naughty. 768 00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:24,249 This is my wife Jody. Threesome? That costs extra. 769 00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,051 Oh, Jesus. Monkey, too? 770 00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:32,125 Oh, you people are freaks, but for an extra $100. 771 00:52:32,280 --> 00:52:33,645 What agency did you call? 772 00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:36,371 Oh, they have nurses and cheerleaders and nannies. 773 00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:38,807 Dan, you called an escort service. 774 00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,645 I used the same agency to book a Santa for Christmas. 775 00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:43,490 Someone called for Santa? 776 00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,961 Ho,ho,ho. 777 00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:51,048 Dan, you're watching the kids. 778 00:52:56,600 --> 00:53:00,924 Jody was nervous about what she might find at the cabin, 779 00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:02,684 but she was comforted by the fact 780 00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:06,287 that Caesar and the girls were in good hands. 781 00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,521 Who do you work for? 782 00:53:38,840 --> 00:53:40,763 Kendra, this isn't the cabin I was talking about. 783 00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,924 I know, I just thought you needed to relax. 784 00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:45,127 Take one of these. 785 00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:48,611 Um, I don't know. 786 00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,570 Oh, come on, they'll only last a couple of hours, tops. 787 00:53:51,720 --> 00:53:54,883 Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun. 788 00:53:59,240 --> 00:54:00,321 Let me take a picture. OK. 789 00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:01,641 Oh, that's so hot! 790 00:54:01,840 --> 00:54:03,490 Yeah! 791 00:54:05,160 --> 00:54:07,731 Yeah, ride it, yeah, yeah! 792 00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:24,765 A dollar will make me holler, honey boo boo child. 793 00:55:09,960 --> 00:55:12,167 Sorry. 794 00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:27,642 I don't always go downtown, 795 00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:31,765 but when I do, I drink a beer first. 796 00:55:31,920 --> 00:55:35,686 I'm the king of the world! Woo! Woo! 797 00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,011 I'm wicked hard! 798 00:55:42,680 --> 00:55:43,806 Mind if I play through? 799 00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:45,686 Ooh, shit! 800 00:55:45,840 --> 00:55:48,923 Again? You son of a bitch, I'm gonna kill you! 801 00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:29,922 Oh, my God, rehearsal. I'm late. 802 00:56:30,320 --> 00:56:34,769 Oh, no, oh, my God, oh, my God. Oh, my God. 803 00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:53,848 Stop, stop! Oh, Jody, thank God you're here, girl. 804 00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:55,411 I was just dancing and kissing him 805 00:56:55,560 --> 00:56:57,005 'cause I didn't want him to think about you being late. 806 00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,367 Well, I'm the dancer, so I'll do the kissing around here. 807 00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:01,210 That was amazing. 808 00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:05,440 I want you to have my children. 809 00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:07,967 But, Papa, please, we want to stay with you. 810 00:57:08,120 --> 00:57:10,407 Back in the car, Gaston. Aw... 811 00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:12,244 She can't make you forget about me. 812 00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,482 I overslept because you just took off this morning. 813 00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:16,210 This morning? Yeah, you slept over. 814 00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:19,091 What? Wait a minute, did you have some kind of lezzo dream fantasy 815 00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,242 about me? Don't act like you weren't there. 816 00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:24,244 We had something special. We made love last night for hours. 817 00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:26,164 What? Oh, and now you're gonna tell me 818 00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:27,651 Tiger Woods didn't come out of my vagina? 819 00:57:30,400 --> 00:57:33,449 Jody. 820 00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:35,489 What?! 821 00:57:35,680 --> 00:57:37,808 Oh, yeah, yeah. 822 00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,167 Well, that explains the poison ivy. 823 00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:41,731 Jody? 824 00:57:42,840 --> 00:57:45,047 There you are. Kendra? 825 00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:46,850 Oh, the door was open so I let myself in. 826 00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,685 It's OK. Look, I'm so sorry. 827 00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,366 I really believed something happened between us last night. 828 00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:55,683 I must have dreamt the whole thing. Oh, no, we had sex. 829 00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:57,365 But this morning at rehearsal, you said... 830 00:57:57,520 --> 00:57:59,363 I can't have the whole cast knowing my business. 831 00:57:59,520 --> 00:58:01,010 I'm already doing half of 'em, 832 00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:03,043 and besides, me and Pierre... we have this little thing... 833 00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:04,406 Wait, then, what's this? 834 00:58:05,880 --> 00:58:07,564 Beats me... must have happened after I left. 835 00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:11,042 Oh, yeah! Girl, you are freaky. 836 00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:14,609 Oh, yeah. 837 00:58:14,800 --> 00:58:16,962 Oh, yeah, get it. Oh, my God. 838 00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:21,209 Oh, shit! 839 00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:24,204 See, I knew she was real. 840 00:58:26,480 --> 00:58:28,482 All right, let's find out where this cabin is. 841 00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:31,649 Ugh! 842 00:58:46,200 --> 00:58:48,680 What in the hell? 843 00:58:48,840 --> 00:58:51,002 Bad girl. 844 00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:53,481 Oh, what is this? 845 00:58:53,640 --> 00:58:57,201 Oh, my God, it's the same cabin from the dream. Of course. 846 00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:00,489 So, what are we gonna do if we find that book? 847 00:59:00,680 --> 00:59:03,331 I don't know, if that's the book that turned Mama into what she is, 848 00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:06,051 maybe it could somehow reverse the curse. 849 00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:07,690 OK, we're almost there. 850 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:12,163 Hey, I'm not going in there. We have to go inside. 851 00:59:12,360 --> 00:59:15,569 The book is the key to the nightmare I'm living. 852 00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:19,281 Oh, my gosh, who are you? I'm Jody and this is Kendra. 853 00:59:19,440 --> 00:59:21,204 We're looking for something very important. 854 00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:23,601 We all are. Come on in. 855 00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:32,083 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain 856 00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:36,404 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere Go... 857 00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:39,086 Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra. 858 00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,004 Hello, Jody and Kendra. Hi. 859 00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:42,400 Pardon me for not standing, 860 00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:45,086 but I'm mending the wing of this bird that we found in the woods. 861 00:59:45,240 --> 00:59:47,971 OK. Hi, we're in a hurry. 862 00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:49,884 We're actually looking for a book that could save lives. 863 00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:52,407 Yes, I've got it right here. Oh, thank God. 864 00:59:52,560 --> 00:59:56,724 Thank him indeed. The Bible. Here, let me read to you. 865 00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,611 Oh, no, no, see, we're actually looking for... 866 00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:03,606 ...the book of evil. I know evil all too well. 867 01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,649 You do? This weekend's devoted to Mia. 868 01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:07,086 It's a detox weekend. 869 01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:10,727 She's hooked on energy shots. 870 01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:12,484 Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle. 871 01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:14,324 OK, listen, we're looking for another book 872 01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:17,165 somewhere in this cabin. Hm. We haven't seen anything. 873 01:00:17,320 --> 01:00:19,004 We gave it a shot, let's get out of here. 874 01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:21,003 OK, wait. 875 01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:24,243 - Is there a cellar? - Great. 876 01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:31,082 There it is. Oh! 877 01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:49,051 OK, I don't care what it says. 878 01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,289 "The curse begins with four words. 879 01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:55,808 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 880 01:01:07,640 --> 01:01:09,051 You're all going to die tonight. 881 01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:14,049 You're all going to die tonight. 882 01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:30,090 "The curse ends with one word. 883 01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:31,844 Adunda." 884 01:01:34,480 --> 01:01:35,811 What the heck? 885 01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:39,447 Why? I don't have an arm. 886 01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,411 For some reason I cut my tongue in half. 887 01:01:43,560 --> 01:01:47,007 OK, well, let's at least finish the song. Everyone hold hands. 888 01:01:47,160 --> 01:01:50,403 Except for Eric. Damn. 889 01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:54,650 ♪ Go tell it on the mountain 890 01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:58,964 ♪ Over the hills and everywhere 891 01:01:59,120 --> 01:02:01,600 Well, maybe we didn't do it right. 892 01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:04,525 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 893 01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:19,328 "Adunda." 894 01:02:19,480 --> 01:02:22,131 Why does this keep happening? Where's my arm? 895 01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:24,760 Is this yours? That's a left. 896 01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:26,445 That's mine. Could you hand it to me, please? 897 01:02:26,600 --> 01:02:29,126 I need a right. Eric chainsawed it off. 898 01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:31,567 Look, I'm sorry. My... My leg? 899 01:02:31,720 --> 01:02:34,087 No, that's black. It's not mine. 900 01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:36,846 Oh, shit. I don't know what I'm gonna do. 901 01:02:37,000 --> 01:02:39,844 Oh, cry me a river. 902 01:02:40,000 --> 01:02:42,002 I'm gonna need a little help. I have to go to the bathroom. 903 01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,961 My penis is in the corner. This is fucked up. 904 01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:48,645 Let me try. 905 01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:55,327 "Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto." 906 01:02:58,200 --> 01:02:59,201 Nothing again. 907 01:03:02,640 --> 01:03:04,290 You know what? Let's go. Wait, there's a door right here. 908 01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:05,771 Let's go out this way. 909 01:03:05,920 --> 01:03:08,366 OK, cool, we can avoid the weirdos upstairs. 910 01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:12,002 ♪ We're gonna get you 911 01:03:12,160 --> 01:03:14,970 3 Not another peep 912 01:03:17,000 --> 01:03:22,928 Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto. 913 01:03:23,240 --> 01:03:25,641 Kendra and I recited the Latin words over and over 914 01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:27,882 at the cabin and on the way home. 915 01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:30,850 We must have said it a hundred times, but nothing happened. 916 01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:32,206 What if it isn't the right book? 917 01:03:32,360 --> 01:03:34,681 Maybe the curse has somehow been lifted. 918 01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:40,048 Luckily for Dan and Jody, there was someone in the house 919 01:03:40,200 --> 01:03:42,521 who, thanks to the I-13 formula, 920 01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:46,480 had increased intelligence and superior cognitive ability. 921 01:03:46,640 --> 01:03:49,211 His analytical problem-solving skills allowed him... 922 01:03:49,360 --> 01:03:52,170 ...to ascertain crucial information. 923 01:03:52,320 --> 01:03:57,281 A marvel of modern-day science, his IQ had surpassed even the most... 924 01:03:57,440 --> 01:03:58,726 Aw, hell. 925 01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:31,569 Why did I think you could be intelligent? 926 01:04:31,760 --> 01:04:33,762 You're nothing but a dumb animal. 927 01:04:33,920 --> 01:04:35,285 Ow! 928 01:04:35,440 --> 01:04:37,249 Idiot! 929 01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:41,921 - I can talk. - Hey, Caesar. 930 01:04:43,600 --> 01:04:46,604 Steve? 931 01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:48,444 Dan's got a mad demon in his house. 932 01:04:49,200 --> 01:04:52,329 Matt Damon's in his house? No, a mad demon. 933 01:04:52,480 --> 01:04:56,565 I love Matt Damon. Jason Bourne. 934 01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:57,926 Oy. 935 01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:03,729 I should have known not to bring a wild animal into the house. 936 01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:05,524 I'm... I'm so sorry. 937 01:05:05,680 --> 01:05:07,682 But I believed in Caesar. I thought he was different. 938 01:05:07,880 --> 01:05:09,006 There's something more to this. 939 01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:12,528 I can feel it. No, he just... went crazy. 940 01:05:12,720 --> 01:05:16,042 Forget it. But I still think Mama could be in this house. 941 01:05:16,200 --> 01:05:17,964 But don't you... We just had a whole night go on 942 01:05:18,120 --> 01:05:21,886 without a single sign of anything. I guess. 943 01:05:22,880 --> 01:05:24,803 I was just so scared last night for the kids. 944 01:05:24,960 --> 01:05:26,450 You're coming around. 945 01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:31,447 Am I getting attached to them? 946 01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:14,444 It's the cliff from the dream. 947 01:06:15,120 --> 01:06:17,930 Get in the car now. Don't make me yell! 948 01:06:18,080 --> 01:06:20,686 Unto thee, Satan, I sacrifice these children. 949 01:06:20,840 --> 01:06:23,286 Return home to the cliff of... Holy shit! 950 01:06:25,160 --> 01:06:27,766 Home is at the cliff. Oh, my God. Girls! 951 01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:32,167 Kathy. It's OK. I saw the cliff. I know what "home" means. 952 01:06:43,400 --> 01:06:45,129 Whoa! 953 01:06:47,120 --> 01:06:48,565 Come on, girls. Let's go get Aidan. 954 01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:50,563 That's cool. 955 01:06:50,720 --> 01:06:53,087 Lily! Come on. 956 01:06:54,960 --> 01:06:56,849 Aidan! Are you OK? 957 01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:07,529 Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan! 958 01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:09,170 Mama! Mama! Mama! 959 01:07:09,320 --> 01:07:10,446 She's here! 960 01:07:10,600 --> 01:07:13,524 Whoa. Girls, girls, girls. One at a time. Lily, you first. 961 01:07:16,800 --> 01:07:18,086 Got it. Now Kathy. 962 01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:20,686 Mama! Mama! She's here! She's gonna kill us! 963 01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:23,241 How many times do I have to tell everyone there's no such thing as... 964 01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:50,406 Ow! 965 01:08:10,120 --> 01:08:11,724 Maria? What are you doing here? 966 01:08:11,880 --> 01:08:14,724 I was angry you fire me, so I bake you this. 967 01:08:16,080 --> 01:08:19,163 A shit pie? 968 01:08:19,360 --> 01:08:22,443 Uh, thanks, but... Hot dog? 969 01:08:24,200 --> 01:08:27,329 No, that's still shit with mustard. 970 01:08:27,480 --> 01:08:31,724 Maybe just a banana, then? Very much potassium. 971 01:08:31,920 --> 01:08:34,446 So bueno, Mr. Dan. 972 01:08:34,600 --> 01:08:36,887 No, I... I'm sorry. I should have listened to you... 973 01:08:37,040 --> 01:08:41,443 Mr. Dan, we have our problems, but I always love you. 974 01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:43,045 So much. 975 01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:51,365 When I see you, I see my father. 976 01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:55,245 Dan. Dan, we have to... 977 01:08:56,360 --> 01:08:59,409 Wait. What's going on here? I can explain. 978 01:09:00,280 --> 01:09:02,362 There's no time. Mama has the girls. I know where she took them. 979 01:09:03,560 --> 01:09:05,289 Got to go. 980 01:09:05,440 --> 01:09:06,930 You remind me of my father. 981 01:09:07,120 --> 01:09:08,849 Dan! 982 01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:13,649 Knowing the girls were in danger, 983 01:09:13,800 --> 01:09:17,043 Dan and Jody sped off, racing to get to the cliff they... 984 01:09:17,200 --> 01:09:19,407 Oh, my God. What happened to the car? 985 01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,005 Where...? Oh, there it is. 986 01:09:21,160 --> 01:09:25,449 They were no longer able to sit idly by and let a ghost jump off a cliff, 987 01:09:25,640 --> 01:09:27,210 - sacrificing their children with her. - Kathy! Lily! 988 01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:30,045 Oh, my God. There they are. Kathy, Lily, stop! 989 01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:35,008 What do we do now? Um, I'll just... 990 01:09:35,160 --> 01:09:36,810 ...read from this and change her back to human. 991 01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:48,166 Girls, run! Run! No. 992 01:09:48,320 --> 01:09:49,890 No, not that way. Away from the cliff! 993 01:09:52,360 --> 01:09:53,566 I'm not going to let Mama take you away again. 994 01:09:53,720 --> 01:09:55,961 Hm? 995 01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:04,051 Lily, stop! Come on. Come on. Here, girl. Come on, Lily. 996 01:10:05,400 --> 01:10:09,086 Come on. Look. Oh, look. Yeah. 997 01:10:14,640 --> 01:10:18,406 Come on. Look. Oh, yeah. Lily. 998 01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:21,450 Oh, wow. Yeah. 999 01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:23,880 Oh, come on. 1000 01:10:24,920 --> 01:10:27,730 Enough! This is crazy. 1001 01:10:27,880 --> 01:10:30,486 Lily's not a dog. 1002 01:10:30,640 --> 01:10:33,120 She's a beautiful little girl who I've grown to love. 1003 01:10:33,280 --> 01:10:36,727 I love all these children, Mama, even if they don't all love me. 1004 01:10:36,920 --> 01:10:41,130 Lily loves you, too, Jody. 1005 01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:42,850 And they belong in this world with me and Dan. 1006 01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:45,606 Because they deserve parents who aren't decomposing. 1007 01:10:46,640 --> 01:10:48,165 Good girl. 1008 01:10:48,320 --> 01:10:51,449 All right, enough. 1009 01:10:52,560 --> 01:10:54,562 Where's the page? Damn it, I can't find it. 1010 01:10:54,720 --> 01:10:56,165 Forget it. 1011 01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:58,322 There, that worked. Maybe not. 1012 01:11:17,440 --> 01:11:19,920 Man, we need to stop smoking this shit. 1013 01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:26,207 Told you that shark was going to come in handy. 1014 01:11:26,360 --> 01:11:28,601 Thank you. Lily. 1015 01:11:29,480 --> 01:11:31,482 Honey, thank God you're all right. 1016 01:11:44,160 --> 01:11:47,004 Your cue is coming up. Oh, Kendra. 1017 01:11:49,760 --> 01:11:52,001 Look, it's OK, girl. Let's forget about what happened. 1018 01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:56,364 You are the Black Swan. No. It's you. 1019 01:11:56,520 --> 01:12:00,445 Throwing Mama off the cliff has really made me reevaluate my priorities. 1020 01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:03,729 My family comes first. You dance the Black Swan. 1021 01:12:04,960 --> 01:12:07,440 Because sometimes in life... OK. 1022 01:12:09,120 --> 01:12:13,808 Introducing our new Swan Queen, Miss Kendra Brooks. 1023 01:12:35,560 --> 01:12:38,803 This is not ballet. No, it the hell ain't. 1024 01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:42,409 This some bullshit. 1025 01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:54,164 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 1026 01:12:54,320 --> 01:12:57,244 That's what I'm talking about! Right? Right? 1027 01:12:57,400 --> 01:12:58,811 You know that shit, right? 1028 01:12:58,960 --> 01:13:01,964 And so our story ends. 1029 01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:04,282 If anything is to be learned from this, 1030 01:13:04,480 --> 01:13:07,450 it's that mankind is a pathetic race 1031 01:13:07,600 --> 01:13:10,968 and apes need to take over this planet. 1032 01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:14,602 Enjoy Earth while you still got it. 1033 01:13:57,400 --> 01:14:01,086 Well, we'll see how you like it once the swan consumes you! 1034 01:14:22,520 --> 01:14:25,729 I cannot hold it that long. It's, like... it's so long. 1035 01:14:56,720 --> 01:14:58,404 We're kissing. 1036 01:15:03,320 --> 01:15:05,402 ' Cut! Cut! 1037 01:15:07,120 --> 01:15:08,565 Cut! 1038 01:15:12,320 --> 01:15:13,321 We're kissing. 1039 01:15:32,600 --> 01:15:35,683 Cut! 1040 01:15:49,040 --> 01:15:51,486 - What happened? - Guy was in the shot. 1041 01:15:51,640 --> 01:15:54,166 - Ah. - Cut! 1042 01:15:54,360 --> 01:15:55,646 But was he dressed like a demon? 1043 01:15:58,760 --> 01:16:00,524 Do the second "my penis" as a question. 1044 01:16:00,680 --> 01:16:02,762 OK. And then "my other penis" is a question also? 1045 01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:04,126 Yeah. OK. 1046 01:16:04,280 --> 01:16:06,203 But remember, you're jumping to "What the hell is that?" 1047 01:16:06,360 --> 01:16:08,442 I know. I don't know why. You're jumping... Yeah. 1048 01:16:08,600 --> 01:16:10,329 There's just so many penises. 1049 01:16:10,480 --> 01:16:12,881 Welcome to Hollywood. 1050 01:16:15,920 --> 01:16:18,287 I'm ready for it. Hey. 1051 01:16:18,440 --> 01:16:19,965 I'm OK with this. 1052 01:16:20,120 --> 01:16:23,044 That's the temporary nurses' shower. 1053 01:16:23,200 --> 01:16:25,123 And we're painting it. Cut. 1054 01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:28,284 That's the... temporary nurses' shower. 1055 01:16:28,440 --> 01:16:30,090 I'm OK with this. 1056 01:16:34,160 --> 01:16:35,969 Sorry, you guys. I... 1057 01:16:39,480 --> 01:16:40,811 I'm OK with this. 1058 01:16:40,960 --> 01:16:44,407 That's the nurses' temporary locker room, 1059 01:16:44,560 --> 01:16:46,210 and we're repainting it. 1060 01:16:47,880 --> 01:16:49,166 ' Cut. 1061 01:16:56,080 --> 01:16:59,289 Ouch. Hello here! 1062 01:17:02,400 --> 01:17:03,481 B mark! 1063 01:17:03,680 --> 01:17:05,569 - And background. - Action! 1064 01:17:08,360 --> 01:17:10,169 Oh! 1065 01:17:15,640 --> 01:17:18,769 Jody! Thank God I caught you. 1066 01:17:19,720 --> 01:17:22,564 I forgot to tell you, now that you are the Swan Queen... 1067 01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:27,851 Suck my... 1068 01:17:30,440 --> 01:17:32,602 I'll save you, Snoop Dogg. 1069 01:17:32,760 --> 01:17:35,923 My name ain't Snoop Dogg in this... movie, man! 1070 01:17:41,160 --> 01:17:43,367 Well, I mean, I... Sh... 1071 01:17:53,520 --> 01:17:54,521 Stop it! 1072 01:17:54,680 --> 01:17:56,569 We're good. We're good. 1073 01:17:59,680 --> 01:18:02,889 Now prepare for a night of unparalleled passion. 1074 01:18:03,040 --> 01:18:05,725 Oh, wait, wait, Mr. Grey... The safe word is "deeper." 1075 01:18:05,880 --> 01:18:06,881 What? 1076 01:18:13,920 --> 01:18:15,081 Damn! Ow! 1077 01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:16,571 Whoa! 1078 01:18:20,680 --> 01:18:22,489 What does all this have to do with the ballet? 1079 01:18:22,640 --> 01:18:26,167 Ballet? Yes. Aren't you donating millions? 1080 01:18:26,320 --> 01:18:28,084 Millions? What...? I'm broke. 1081 01:18:28,240 --> 01:18:30,242 Every cent I have has been put into this room. 1082 01:18:34,800 --> 01:18:37,280 I don't know what I'm going to do. 1083 01:18:37,480 --> 01:18:40,006 Oh, cry me a river. 1084 01:18:40,160 --> 01:18:44,609 I'm going to need a little help. I don't have a penis. 1085 01:19:02,840 --> 01:19:04,365 It does not come off. 1086 01:19:04,520 --> 01:19:06,568 It does not come off. I'm sorry. 1087 01:19:09,720 --> 01:19:11,643 I'm getting tired of talking about this... 1088 01:19:11,800 --> 01:19:13,768 In the woods with this man. 1089 01:19:13,920 --> 01:19:17,481 ...man, we keep going in circles, talking about a... man. 1090 01:19:17,640 --> 01:19:18,971 Let's talk about a... man, 1091 01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:20,804 - or getting some... - getting some... 1092 01:19:20,960 --> 01:19:22,962 Talking about... these two dudes in the woods. 1093 01:19:23,120 --> 01:19:27,250 If we had a... here, she could wash our... off right now. 1094 01:19:27,400 --> 01:19:29,880 You understand me? That's the way I would say it. 1095 01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:34,764 Hey, babe, check out this psychic's book for a clue. 1096 01:19:34,920 --> 01:19:37,685 It really freaks me out. Come on, there's nothing to be... 1097 01:19:37,840 --> 01:19:39,604 Nuh! 1098 01:19:39,760 --> 01:19:42,491 These books are all... 1099 01:19:42,640 --> 01:19:45,211 There's nothing to be scared... 1100 01:19:50,400 --> 01:19:53,483 ...to be scared... 1101 01:19:54,800 --> 01:19:56,131 Oh, there's nothing to be scared... 1102 01:19:56,280 --> 01:19:58,089 Oh, wrong animal. 1103 01:19:59,480 --> 01:20:02,643 ...be scared... A dinosaur? 1104 01:20:06,840 --> 01:20:08,808 What does this have to do with...? 1105 01:20:13,160 --> 01:20:14,207 I know. Sorry. 1106 01:20:16,040 --> 01:20:18,088 And... action! 1107 01:20:18,240 --> 01:20:21,847 - What does this have to do with...? - Sorry. 1108 01:20:25,520 --> 01:20:29,320 You just keep cupping your boobs. OK, sorry. 1109 01:20:47,480 --> 01:20:49,482 OK, how do we know who's a witch? 1110 01:20:52,080 --> 01:20:54,242 Do they have a broom? 1111 01:20:54,400 --> 01:20:55,811 Do they have a pointy nose? 1112 01:21:02,200 --> 01:21:06,285 I'm... I'm going to pee my pants! 1113 01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:15,365 So, what, I didn't get the part? 1114 01:21:15,520 --> 01:21:17,409 Where's everybody going? 1115 01:27:27,080 --> 01:27:29,321 I just had the most bizarro dream. 1116 01:27:29,480 --> 01:27:31,687 Demons, apes, a ballet. 1117 01:27:31,840 --> 01:27:34,127 You have a very active subconscious. 1118 01:27:34,280 --> 01:27:36,521 Anyway, the idea took hold. 1119 01:27:36,680 --> 01:27:39,570 Lindsay Lohan's coming over to spend the night with you. 1120 01:27:39,720 --> 01:27:41,563 Awesome! 1121 01:27:48,680 --> 01:27:49,920 You were driving.85033

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