All language subtitles for Myra Breckinridge (1970) Online Free Putlocker - Gomovies - 123Movies

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:06,064 ♪ I've got a secret place ♪ 2 00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,691 ♪ Known to none but me ♪ 3 00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,100 ♪ And in my secret place ♪ 4 00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:14,401 ♪You can beg and torture me ♪ 5 00:01:14,507 --> 00:01:16,839 ♪ I wouldn't tell you where to go ♪ 6 00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:21,440 ♪ 'Cause in my secret place ,♪ 7 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:25,006 ♪ A secret place A secret you know ♪ 8 00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:31,521 ♪ A secret place A secret you know ♪♪ 9 00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,340 You realize once we cut it off, it won't grow back? 10 00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:29,244 It isn't like hair or fingernails or toenails,you know. 11 00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:32,614 What do you think I am, some kind of idiot? I know that. 12 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,896 How about circumcision? 13 00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:47,965 It'd be cheaper. 14 00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:51,332 Come on, come on, come on. Let's get it over with. Myra's waiting. 15 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,873 We'll have to blow up your tits with silicone. 16 00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:09,784 - I thought they used paraffin. - No, that would make them inflammable. 17 00:03:09,889 --> 00:03:12,357 You don't want inflammable tits, now, do you? 18 00:03:12,458 --> 00:03:16,189 ♪ I got a secret place ♪ 19 00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,560 - ♪ Known to none but me ♪ - Cleaver-- 20 00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:20,565 - I mean, scalpel. -;And in my secret; 21 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:23,227 Well, I should think so. 22 00:03:27,173 --> 00:03:31,132 Well, wish me luck. I’ve never clone one of these before. 23 00:03:33,813 --> 00:03:36,577 ;You can beg and torture me ♪♪ 24 00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:53,796 - You know American song? 25 00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:57,631 Yes, I do. It's called “You Gotta S-M-l-L-E.“ 26 00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:15,499 [ Woman Narrating] I am Myra Breckinridge, whom no man will ever possess... 27 00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,728 the new woman whose astonishing history... 28 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,737 started with a surgeon's scalpel... 29 00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:22,433 and will end who knows where? 30 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,844 lust as Eve was born from Adam's rib... 31 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:29,346 so Myron died to give birth to Myra. 32 00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:35,717 “Did Myron take his own life?" you will ask. 33 00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:38,655 Yes and no is my answer. 34 00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:41,226 Beyond that my lips are sealed. 35 00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:48,564 Let's it suffice for me to say that Myron is with me... 36 00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:52,069 and that I am the fulfillment of all his dreams. 37 00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:57,903 Who is Myra Breckinridge? What is she? 38 00:08:00,046 --> 00:08:02,014 Myra Breckinridge is a dish. 39 00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:05,311 And don't you ever forget it, you-- [ Beep] fuckers... 40 00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,148 as the children say nowadays. 41 00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:12,985 Don't mother me. 42 00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:17,792 It seems to be coming this way. 43 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:27,138 [ Myra Narrating] My purpose in coming to Hollywood... 44 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,732 is the destruction of the American male in all its particulars... 45 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,743 starting with my late husbands uncle... 46 00:08:32,845 --> 00:08:36,372 the notorious Buck Loner, who squats in unashamed luxury... 47 00:08:36,482 --> 00:08:40,475 as the head of a dramatic school in fashionable Westwood. 48 00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,348 A tree! 49 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:50,862 An actor can learn from everything, including a tree. 50 00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:55,059 You must learn to experience the truth of a tree... 51 00:08:55,167 --> 00:09:00,195 to make it work for you, to use it, to know its beauty. 52 00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:03,571 This tree, goddamn it! 53 00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:10,847 “Ah, Myra baby, " I say to myself... 54 00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,748 “half of all of this will soon be yours. " 55 00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:23,219 Howdy Doody. Come right on in, little lady. 56 00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,229 Take the weight off them pretty little feet... 57 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,663 while I finish my last mile back to the old corral. 58 00:09:27,767 --> 00:09:31,760 So, you wanna be a star? Mmm. 59 00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:35,932 It's a hard road. And I feel I should say, “No, siree.“ 60 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:41,480 But somethin'-- somethin' about you tells me I should give you a chance. 61 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:45,950 What do you say? Can you take the heartache and the torture... 62 00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,488 and the heat of them five-kilowatt lamps over at MGM? 63 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,319 From where I sit, I'd say you can. 64 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,861 I can see your name in lights now. 65 00:09:55,962 --> 00:10:00,296 Fact is,you remind me of one of our former successful students, a Miss Gloria Swanson. 66 00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:04,130 - You've heard the name, I 'm sure. - She was one of your students? 67 00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:06,727 You bet your sweet ass. 68 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:09,535 My students is always sayin', “Uncle Buck, if it weren't for you... 69 00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:12,202 we'd still be warmin' that seat back in Schwab's Drugstore.“ 70 00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:16,145 Really? I thought that was where Lana Turner was discovered. 71 00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:20,048 Her too. Her too. Well, I'll be goldurned. 72 00:10:20,152 --> 00:10:23,553 You really done your homework. Yes, little lady... 73 00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:26,250 Lana Turner put her sweet little fanny right where you're sitting now. 74 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:29,453 Lana,“ I says, “what say we put you in a sweater and make a movie?“ 75 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:32,759 - And we did. 76 00:10:32,865 --> 00:10:35,732 - What's your name honey? - Myra Breckinridge. 77 00:10:35,835 --> 00:10:39,635 - That's a might long for-- 78 00:10:44,076 --> 00:10:47,876 - Breckinridge? 79 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:51,416 Yes. I'm the widow of your late nephew Myron... 80 00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,485 and I've come to collect a half a million dollars. 81 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,868 - You mean Gertrude's boy is dead? - Irretrievably. 82 00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:14,565 - I'm right sorry to hear that. - Here. 83 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:19,941 I never knew Gertrude's boy had such an eye for feminine pulchritude. 84 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:25,177 Oh, Mr. Loner, you're the only one I have left to turn to. 85 00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:29,243 You see, Myron didn't leave me a penny. 86 00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,482 Um, no insurance? 87 00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,888 Safety-deposit box, maybe? 88 00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:38,930 - No. I'm absolutely alone... 89 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:42,489 and penniless. 90 00:11:42,601 --> 00:11:44,569 Mr. Loner... 91 00:11:44,670 --> 00:11:49,733 Gertrude-- Myron's mother-- said to me with her dying breath... 92 00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:54,040 “Myron, and you too, angel girl, if anything should ever happen to me... 93 00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:57,604 you just go to your Uncle Buck, and you tell that son of a bitch--“ 94 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,912 well, I 'm quoting now verbatim-- 95 00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:04,456 “that that property in Westwood was left to us jointly by our father. 96 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:09,324 And you tell that bastard... [Sobs] that I’ve got a copy of that will... 97 00:12:09,428 --> 00:12:12,056 and I want my share to go to you, Myron... 98 00:12:12,164 --> 00:12:15,565 because that property must be worth a good million dollars by now.“ 99 00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,966 Well, how about that? 100 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:21,506 I conclude he left a last will and testament? 101 00:12:21,607 --> 00:12:25,168 Yes, leaving the whole of his estate to me. 102 00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:28,440 So, I suppose that half this place must be mine. 103 00:12:28,547 --> 00:12:33,314 Um, well, you know somethin', Myra? The school ain't doin' too good. 104 00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:37,321 We can see it through together, Uncle Buck, why, as partners. 105 00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:42,793 Partners? Uh, now, look, Myra, I'm pleased as all get out you come to cry on my shoulder... 106 00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:46,160 seeing as life's kicked you in the horse trough, and blood's thicker than sarsaparilla... 107 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:48,597 but I don't need no partners. 108 00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:53,104 The price for my share has just gone up another $ 700,000. 109 00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:56,663 I'm sorry, Uncle, but I expected more from the star of Wild Bill Last Roundup... 110 00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,473 and Cuckoo Calls in the Everglades, but it seems I was wrong. 111 00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,945 Perhaps my lawyers will speak a tongue you'll comprehend. 112 00:13:03,048 --> 00:13:06,575 Myra, Myra, Myra! What a spit-lickin' horny toad I'd be... 113 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:11,247 to let you walk out of here without makin' some contribution to the family pork 'n' beans. 114 00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,257 What kind of a contribution? 115 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,759 All this talk about lawyers and settlements... 116 00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:18,591 and wills and testaments goes clean over my head... 117 00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:20,562 our bein' kissin' kin and all. 118 00:13:20,666 --> 00:13:24,659 Well, I'd be overjoyed if you'd share my vittles... 119 00:13:24,770 --> 00:13:26,738 and break bread with my wife, Bobby Dean, and me. 120 00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:30,366 Only thing, she, uh, poisoned herself on some homemade guacamole... 121 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,808 and she's laid up, like, fora month or two. 122 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:36,313 I can tell there's Breckinridge blood flowin' in them veins. 123 00:13:36,415 --> 00:13:40,317 Do you think I'd throw the widow of Gertrude's boy out in the clog patch? 124 00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:46,317 I am prepared to accept a position here on the faculty. 125 00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:49,189 I took the liberty of picking up a brochure on the way in. 126 00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:52,924 Posture and empathy should do nicely. I'm eminently qualified to teach both. 127 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:56,433 - Say a thousand a month. - Uh, posture and empathy... 128 00:13:56,535 --> 00:14:00,335 is a subject the students badly need at 800 a month. 129 00:14:01,807 --> 00:14:03,741 A thousand... 130 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,368 only on condition you don't tell the other teachers how much you're gettin'. 131 00:14:06,478 --> 00:14:09,003 - You have my word, Uncle. - "Uncle"? 132 00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:11,014 Uh, we're busy, Irving. 133 00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:15,786 Is this your new masseuse? 134 00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:18,721 My niece, Miss Myra Breckinridge, who'll be teaching empathy and posture. 135 00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:21,884 Delicious! How much you getting? 136 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,462 - A thousand a month. - I know. It's shocking, isn't it? 137 00:14:24,563 --> 00:14:29,865 Still, we all love it here. Nobody ever leaves. I've been here for 14 years. 138 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:33,268 - What do you teach? - I don't teach. I'm a student. 139 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:37,741 Teachers last as long as Brillo pads, and students stay on forever and ever. 140 00:14:37,843 --> 00:14:40,744 We try to build up the confidence of the students so they don't wanna leave. 141 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:42,871 That right? That don't sound right. 142 00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:45,576 Of course. Who'd wanna leave where he's happy? 143 00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:48,312 Yeah, that's right. [Chuckling] Yeah, that's right. 144 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:50,547 - That's terrible! - Hold your horses, Myra. 145 00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:53,386 I'm taking into account her recent and most tragic loss. 146 00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:55,392 - What did you lose, dear? - Her husband. 147 00:14:55,494 --> 00:14:57,394 Careless. 148 00:14:57,496 --> 00:15:01,398 Irving, I 'm sure Miss Myra would appreciate a tour around the old corral. 149 00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,094 - Who dat? - I'd ride with you, partner... 150 00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:06,569 except my chiropractor's clue in to fix my back. 151 00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:08,572 Oh, what's wrong with your back? ls it fatal? 152 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:13,168 You sure got a sense of humor, Myra. You ought to take it up professionally. 153 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:16,248 I bet around the country there's lots of openings for your style of humor. 154 00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:43,203 [ Myra on TV] ...homometic pantomime... 155 00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:47,109 in which he saw straight through the strenuous clowning to the hard fact... 156 00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:51,308 that American women are eager for men to rape them and vice versa... 157 00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:56,354 and that in every American, there is a strangler longing to break a neck during orgasm. 158 00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:59,015 What in hell is that woman talkin' about? 159 00:15:59,124 --> 00:16:02,582 During the decade between 1935 and 1945... 160 00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:06,791 no unimportant film was made in the United States. 161 00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:10,164 During those years, the entire range of human... 162 00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:13,238 which is to say American, legend was put on film. 163 00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:16,831 Remind me to have my masseuse come in at 5:00 instead of 6:00... 164 00:16:16,942 --> 00:16:20,708 as I'm gettin' horny watchin' my niece on TV. 165 00:16:41,133 --> 00:16:43,101 [ Myron]...leave this place and go into the real world? 166 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:46,729 Oh, some of them leave, sure. They have to get money to pay the fees. 167 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:49,364 It's very expensive. 168 00:16:49,475 --> 00:16:52,035 - Is your name really Irving? - Irving Amadeus. 169 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:54,942 - That's a Jewish name, isn't it? - Yes, I know. 170 00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:58,016 I used to be Jewish before I was transmogrified. 171 00:16:58,117 --> 00:17:02,349 Now I just eat nuts and raisins and play Scrabble with my guru. 172 00:17:02,454 --> 00:17:06,015 ...to today's class on cinema lovemaking. 173 00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:09,026 -On balling. 174 00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,990 Just take off your clothes and get in bed, dear. 175 00:17:13,098 --> 00:17:16,499 Now we need a ballsy young man for the lover. 176 00:17:16,602 --> 00:17:18,763 - Come on. 177 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:21,840 And you are irate. You're bugged. 178 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:24,773 You think that she is the lowest slut, the worst. 179 00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:27,869 You also want to, uh, get in bed with her. 180 00:17:27,980 --> 00:17:30,813 You hold these here. You look into his eyes and say... 181 00:17:30,916 --> 00:17:35,148 “No, it's all your imagination. I've never been to bed with any man. You're on drugs.“ 182 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:39,554 - How could you do this to me, you bitch? - lt's all your imagination. 183 00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:42,559 - That's very good. 184 00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:45,630 - Maybe we should-- - Congratulations, Lance. 185 00:17:58,844 --> 00:18:02,803 ...here at the academy are not interested in... 186 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:06,407 teaching the students to be successful. 187 00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:09,783 We feel that it's our responsibility to-- 188 00:18:09,888 --> 00:18:11,913 But you're a fag, aren't you? 189 00:18:13,725 --> 00:18:17,354 Well, uh-- What do you-- 190 00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:20,125 I don't know. I mean, in the Baha'i faith-- 191 00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,962 You see, Uncle Buck is convinced that group therapy and self-criticism... 192 00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:25,127 are the keys to successful acting. 193 00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:27,637 Personally, I think if everybody ate macrobiotic foods... 194 00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:29,639 - there'd be no more wars. - [Buck] Bitch! 195 00:18:29,741 --> 00:18:31,732 I should've put it to her when she first come in... 196 00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:35,143 throwed her on her back and give her the old Buck Loner special right there on the rug. 197 00:18:35,247 --> 00:18:38,273 Goddamn smart-mouthed broad! 198 00:18:38,383 --> 00:18:40,283 Memo to Flager and Flager, attorneys. 199 00:18:40,385 --> 00:18:44,549 Dear Charlie- Hmm, honey, that feels real good. 200 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:47,147 Uh, cut that. Dear Charlie... 201 00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:49,318 a problem's come up on which I need your thinkin'. 202 00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:55,230 Mm-hmm! A woman showed up today who says she is the widow to my nephew Myron. 203 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:58,462 Now, this woman claims she has a right to half my property... 204 00:18:58,570 --> 00:19:01,061 which did at one time belong to my sister Gertrude and me... 205 00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:05,132 but is now mine, all mine, if there's any justice in this world. 206 00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:09,203 Now, Charlie, it's up to you to see I get the best justice money can buy. 207 00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:13,648 Honey, that is simply wonderful. Hmm! Strike that. 208 00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:15,413 Not me. Flager. 209 00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:19,890 Let's go inside and watch some of the fundamentals of acting class. 210 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:29,061 He's dirty and greasy, and I can? stand him! 211 00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:32,433 He's always hitting on me in rehearsals and grabbing and groping me. 212 00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:35,871 [Man] I want you to build the vibe between you... 213 00:19:35,974 --> 00:19:41,037 by closing your eyes and touching each other. 214 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:43,376 I can't stand to have this creep touch me! 215 00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:45,973 Now we're getting someplace. 216 00:19:46,084 --> 00:19:48,848 Real honesty for the first time. 217 00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:36,392 [ Woman ] What are you going to teach us? 218 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:39,800 Well, I've come to bring back star quality. 219 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:45,070 You simply must understand that that pseudoanalytical group therapy approach to acting... 220 00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,805 may be all right for naturalistic theater-- 221 00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:51,314 a quaint, amiable convention with little or no significance... 222 00:20:51,416 --> 00:20:53,316 - but it has little to do with-- - What? 223 00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:56,353 [ Myra Narrating] In my posture class, I was particularly struck... 224 00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:59,583 by one of the students, a boy with a Polish name. 225 00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:03,457 From a certain unevenly rounded thickness at the crotch of his blue jeans... 226 00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:08,295 it is 522% to assume that he is marvelously hung. 227 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,928 Unfortunately, he's hot for an extremely pretty girl with long blonde hair. 228 00:21:13,038 --> 00:21:16,201 Dyed. Beautiful legs and breasts. 229 00:21:16,308 --> 00:21:18,208 Reminiscent of Lupe Velez. 230 00:21:18,310 --> 00:21:20,744 She is mentally retarded. 231 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:25,977 He is probably just as stupid, but fortunately, has the good sense not to talk too much. 232 00:21:26,084 --> 00:21:30,612 When he does, however, he puts on a hillbilly accent that is so authentic... 233 00:21:30,722 --> 00:21:32,952 that I almost melt in my drawers. 234 00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:37,154 I didn't understand a word you said, but whatever it was, I'm right with you. 235 00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:39,526 I'm certain that regular attendance in my classes... 236 00:21:39,631 --> 00:21:42,964 will help even the most limited intelligence. 237 00:21:43,068 --> 00:21:46,196 Wait a minute. What you mean by “limited intelligence“? 238 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,398 [Irving] Myra, when you say that the cinema is- 239 00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:53,410 - Howdy, kids! Howdy! - Such a lovely man. A lovely man. 240 00:21:53,512 --> 00:21:56,879 I see you've all met Myra. [ Laughs] 241 00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:59,212 - How'; the boy Rusty? - Great, Uncle Buck,just great. 242 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,786 Ah! Well. how's the workouts comin'? 243 00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:06,187 Great. I've been concentratin' on my lats lately, and they're comin' along real nice. 244 00:22:06,291 --> 00:22:08,953 - Give us a flex, why don't you? - Get it on, baby. 245 00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:12,030 Come on! A quickie. 246 00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:14,325 - Oh, wow, look at that, man! - Oh, my goodness! 247 00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:16,958 - I've never seen anything like that in all my life. -Great! 248 00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:20,732 - Beautiful. - Great! Just great, great, great! 249 00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:23,933 Great bunch of boys here. Of course, you get the occasional weirdo. 250 00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:26,840 - But greatest bunch of kids in Hollywood. - Bread? 251 00:22:26,945 --> 00:22:28,845 I'm certain of that. The drivel in their heads... 252 00:22:28,947 --> 00:22:31,006 must've been patiently instilled by the faculty. 253 00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:34,882 Wait a minute. The faculty may be a bunch of Commies and fags-- 254 00:22:34,986 --> 00:22:38,854 no offense, lrving-- but they're all eminently qualified. 255 00:22:38,957 --> 00:22:40,857 [ Myra] Yes, as a dance act for the Menninger Clinic... 256 00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:43,154 but their collective knowledge could be inscribed on-- 257 00:22:43,261 --> 00:22:46,059 I hope to see you all in class-- on the head of a pin. 258 00:22:46,164 --> 00:22:49,463 She's, um-- She's from New York. 259 00:22:51,570 --> 00:22:54,095 Myra! Myra! 260 00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,674 Myra, I can't have you talking like that in front of the kids. 261 00:22:56,775 --> 00:22:58,766 It'll shake their faith in the school. 262 00:22:58,877 --> 00:23:02,404 Nothing could shake the simple faith these deluded bunnies have in you, Uncle Buck. 263 00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:04,641 I can't relate to her! 264 00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,650 You don't want to make it with her, do you? 265 00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:10,586 Forget it. You don't have to worry about her. She turns me off completely. 266 00:23:10,689 --> 00:23:14,090 I don't want to make any charges. It may not be a conspiracy at all. 267 00:23:14,192 --> 00:23:17,218 Conspiracy? I should've known. Every one of them is some kind of lefty. 268 00:23:17,329 --> 00:23:20,492 I mean, man, I never heard anybody rap like that, man. 269 00:23:20,599 --> 00:23:23,932 I mean, she just got right into it, man, and rapped. 270 00:23:24,035 --> 00:23:27,266 I don't know. She's weird, you know? 271 00:23:27,372 --> 00:23:30,136 I mean, I like her, but she's weird. 272 00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:34,508 I bet a couple of sessions in the old exercise program would straighten her out pretty good. 273 00:23:34,613 --> 00:23:38,640 Old Buck Loner special would shape her up real good. God knows she wants it. 274 00:23:38,750 --> 00:23:41,241 Well, 275 00:23:41,353 --> 00:23:43,753 If it’s all the same to you... 276 00:23:43,855 --> 00:23:45,823 I'll go and finish my makeup. 277 00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:06,810 Miss Van Allen is on her way up. 278 00:24:18,056 --> 00:24:21,548 I'll be right with you, boys. Get your resumés out. 279 00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:27,356 Mmm. Got a big mob. 280 00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:30,993 I'm a little tired today. One of those guys will have to go. 281 00:24:40,078 --> 00:24:43,047 Well, there are four or five with brown suits. 282 00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:45,480 Oh, the brass buttons. Yes, I see. 283 00:24:45,584 --> 00:24:48,109 Uh, she'll see you. Yes, you. 284 00:24:59,798 --> 00:25:02,266 Mmm,yeah. 285 00:25:05,971 --> 00:25:09,930 You think a squealer can get away from me? 286 00:25:10,041 --> 00:25:12,635 Huh? 287 00:25:12,744 --> 00:25:15,770 You know what I do to squealers? 288 00:25:15,881 --> 00:25:17,781 I let 'em have it in the belly. 289 00:25:17,883 --> 00:25:21,546 Well, I don't care about your credits as long as you're oversexed. 290 00:25:21,653 --> 00:25:25,089 Oh, that's one of my credits. 291 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:27,283 A bed. 292 00:25:27,392 --> 00:25:29,519 I never did see a bed in an office before. 293 00:25:29,628 --> 00:25:33,689 Well, you see, I do a lot of night work sometimes. 294 00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:38,098 Come here. 295 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:43,773 Mmm. 296 00:25:45,944 --> 00:25:50,643 - Don't work any harder than you have to for these blues. 297 00:25:50,749 --> 00:25:52,979 I won't. 298 00:26:04,462 --> 00:26:07,454 - How's this? - Perfect. 299 00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:09,466 You impress me immensely. 300 00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:12,503 I'll keep you in mind as a summer replacement. 301 00:26:12,604 --> 00:26:14,504 Next. 302 00:26:31,056 --> 00:26:33,889 Well, the end of another busy day. 303 00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:35,960 I can't wait till I get back to bed. 304 00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:39,030 If that don? work, I'll try and sleep. 305 00:26:39,130 --> 00:26:42,122 Mmm. Hi, cowboy. 306 00:26:42,233 --> 00:26:44,997 How tall are you without your horse? 307 00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:47,833 Well, ma'am, I'm six feet, seven inches. 308 00:26:47,939 --> 00:26:49,839 Well, [Clears Throat] 309 00:26:49,941 --> 00:26:52,466 Never mind about the six feet. 310 00:26:52,577 --> 00:26:55,444 Let's talk about the seven inches. 311 00:27:25,076 --> 00:27:29,445 Those were the days. Spike Jones and his City Slickers... 312 00:27:29,547 --> 00:27:32,516 Ina Ray Hutton and Her All-girl Band... 313 00:27:32,617 --> 00:27:34,812 and, of course, the Andrews Sisters. 314 00:27:34,919 --> 00:27:37,820 Well, there'll never be anyone like them. 315 00:27:38,923 --> 00:27:41,824 The decline in our music saddens me... 316 00:27:41,926 --> 00:27:44,486 nearly as much as the decline in our films. 317 00:27:44,596 --> 00:27:47,064 I have never heard of any of these people. 318 00:27:48,366 --> 00:27:50,732 But my dear, they were unique. 319 00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:52,735 Truly mythic. 320 00:27:52,837 --> 00:27:56,500 Why, the Andrews Sisters really did roll out that barrel... 321 00:27:56,608 --> 00:27:59,475 and no one yet has ever rolled it back. 322 00:27:59,577 --> 00:28:03,274 Do you know, Mary Ann, that if you worked very hard... 323 00:28:03,381 --> 00:28:08,751 it's possible that you might achieve a voice something like that of the late La Verne. 324 00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:11,014 Oh, thank you, Myra. 325 00:28:11,122 --> 00:28:13,647 But I'm just studying at the academy to be with Rusty. 326 00:28:13,758 --> 00:28:17,717 - I just wanna get married and settle down. - [ Scoffs] 327 00:28:17,829 --> 00:28:21,697 - To fulfill yourself as a woman, no doubt. 328 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:25,793 Well, yes. I mean, it's only natural. 329 00:28:25,904 --> 00:28:30,364 Natural? Oh, my dear Mary Ann... 330 00:28:30,475 --> 00:28:32,807 don't you realize that-- 331 00:28:32,911 --> 00:28:35,709 Well-- 332 00:28:35,814 --> 00:28:37,714 Never mind. 333 00:28:37,816 --> 00:28:39,579 It's getting late. We have a big day tomorrow. 334 00:28:39,684 --> 00:28:41,584 We'll talk about it another time. 335 00:28:41,686 --> 00:28:44,280 - Well-- - Yes, my dear? 336 00:28:44,389 --> 00:28:46,357 - But, um-- - Mm-hmm? 337 00:28:46,458 --> 00:28:48,358 But we haven't talked about Rusty. 338 00:28:48,460 --> 00:28:50,360 Oh, that. 339 00:28:50,462 --> 00:28:53,829 Don't you worry your pretty little head. I have that well in hand. 340 00:28:53,932 --> 00:28:55,991 Thank you. Bye-bye. 341 00:28:56,101 --> 00:28:58,001 Bye-bye. 342 00:29:03,341 --> 00:29:05,935 Well! Did you hear her? 343 00:29:06,044 --> 00:29:08,137 Never even heard of the Andrews Sisters. 344 00:29:08,246 --> 00:29:11,511 I scarcely dared mention Ella Mae Morse and the “Cow-Cow Boogie.“ 345 00:29:11,616 --> 00:29:14,380 I Myron] I must say you showed remarkable restraint. 346 00:29:14,486 --> 00:29:17,478 And four children. It's not enough that she and that ape... 347 00:29:17,589 --> 00:29:21,081 merely want to reproduce themselves, she wants to have four! 348 00:29:21,192 --> 00:29:24,650 Half the world is starving now, and if population continues at the present rate-- 349 00:29:24,763 --> 00:29:28,961 I know, I know. Famine by 1974. 350 00:29:29,067 --> 00:29:31,331 And you can forget about plankton and seaweed... 351 00:29:31,436 --> 00:29:33,734 because there's not gonna be enough of that to go around. 352 00:29:33,838 --> 00:29:38,138 Oh! I've heard this speech so many times. 353 00:29:39,511 --> 00:29:41,411 Your goal is-- 354 00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:45,244 My goal is the destruction of the last vestigial traces of traditional manhood. 355 00:29:45,350 --> 00:29:47,147 - In order to-- - Realign the sexes-- 356 00:29:47,252 --> 00:29:49,447 - While-- - Decreasing population-- 357 00:29:49,554 --> 00:29:51,920 - Thus-- - Increasing human happiness. 358 00:29:52,023 --> 00:29:56,926 - And-- - Preparing humanity for its next stage. 359 00:29:57,028 --> 00:30:00,930 Bravo. Also... bullshit. 360 00:30:01,032 --> 00:30:03,592 - Would you care to explain that? - Gladly. 361 00:30:03,701 --> 00:30:06,568 I thought we were gonna invite Mary Ann here tonight so that we could talk. 362 00:30:06,671 --> 00:30:09,572 Oh, never mind! 363 00:30:09,674 --> 00:30:13,269 I make all your fantasies come true, and then all you say is I make everything nasty! 364 00:30:13,378 --> 00:30:16,006 Well, I'm doing everything I can! 365 00:30:19,050 --> 00:30:23,453 I'll give you Mary Ann if you want and... Rusty... 366 00:30:23,555 --> 00:30:25,785 and Leticia Van Allen. 367 00:30:25,890 --> 00:30:28,518 The only person I can't deliver is Buck Loner. 368 00:30:28,626 --> 00:30:30,753 He's a real piece of history. 369 00:30:30,862 --> 00:30:34,696 - Will you stop it? 370 00:30:34,799 --> 00:30:37,529 Oh, you behave like a real child. 371 00:30:37,635 --> 00:30:40,695 Forgive me. 372 00:30:47,412 --> 00:30:49,812 I just wanna make you happy. 373 00:30:52,350 --> 00:30:54,250 That's all. 374 00:31:00,959 --> 00:31:03,985 Myra will take care of everything. 375 00:31:04,095 --> 00:31:06,188 You'll see. 376 00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:26,078 - Oh, yes, Myra. 377 00:31:27,619 --> 00:31:29,849 I didn't mean to criticize. 378 00:31:33,424 --> 00:31:35,324 I forgive you. 379 00:31:37,829 --> 00:31:39,729 I forgive you. 380 00:31:39,831 --> 00:31:41,765 Good morning. 381 00:31:41,866 --> 00:31:45,927 I'm your typical sun and fun-loving California sweetheart. 382 00:31:46,037 --> 00:31:51,475 We have here a fine selection of all of your favorite treats. 383 00:31:51,576 --> 00:31:54,136 -“F“ is for French fry. 384 00:31:54,245 --> 00:31:56,907 - “P“ is for pizza. - Oh, I'm sorry. 385 00:31:57,015 --> 00:31:58,915 “P“ is for pretzel. 386 00:31:59,017 --> 00:32:01,281 - Oh, “A“ is for apple. 387 00:32:01,386 --> 00:32:03,411 I almost forgot. There's me. 388 00:32:03,521 --> 00:32:05,921 Would you like this banana? 389 00:32:07,592 --> 00:32:10,026 And me? 390 00:32:10,128 --> 00:32:12,961 Oh. Open wide. 391 00:32:13,064 --> 00:32:15,032 Isn't that good? 392 00:32:15,133 --> 00:32:17,033 Let me see. 393 00:32:17,135 --> 00:32:19,035 Some peanut butter. 394 00:32:19,137 --> 00:32:23,005 Would you like some peanut butter? With a little jelly? 395 00:32:23,107 --> 00:32:25,200 With some whipped cream? 396 00:32:29,781 --> 00:32:31,749 Mmm! 397 00:32:31,849 --> 00:32:33,840 So good. 398 00:32:33,952 --> 00:32:37,888 - “H”is for hot dog. 399 00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:45,493 It's so good! 400 00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:48,224 And a big glass of milk! 401 00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:54,666 Now maybe some chicken. 402 00:33:04,849 --> 00:33:07,147 Johnny Weissmuller, the zaftig Tarzan... 403 00:33:07,251 --> 00:33:11,915 still provides the last word on soft man's relationship to hard environment. 404 00:33:12,023 --> 00:33:17,359 - And Tarzan and the Amazons, 1945, he was-- - Tarzan and the Amazons? 405 00:33:17,462 --> 00:33:19,453 You mean you like that? 406 00:33:19,564 --> 00:33:21,657 As I've just indicated, it was a masterpiece. 407 00:33:21,766 --> 00:33:25,702 But it's trash. I mean, there isn't a single moment of truth. 408 00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:29,330 I mean, it'; not, uh, real. 409 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,273 Whatever “real“ means. ls that necessarily good? 410 00:33:32,377 --> 00:33:34,572 Could the real Christ have possessed a fraction... 411 00:33:34,679 --> 00:33:39,946 of the radiance of H. B. Warner in the first King of Kings or Jeffrey Hunter in the second? 412 00:33:47,825 --> 00:33:49,759 Heavy, heavy. 413 00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:52,421 At any rate, back to johnny Weissmuller... 414 00:33:52,530 --> 00:33:54,623 who swung out of the trees and into our hearts... 415 00:33:54,732 --> 00:33:57,826 with his leading lady-- 416 00:33:57,935 --> 00:34:01,462 - Brenda Joyce. - Brenda Joyce. 417 00:34:01,572 --> 00:34:04,803 The only contemporary figure we can point to is James Bond... 418 00:34:04,909 --> 00:34:09,073 - who invariably ends up with a blowtorch aimed at his crotch. - Miss Breckinridge. 419 00:34:09,180 --> 00:34:12,172 - Ah, Uncle Buck. - May I have a word with you? 420 00:34:12,283 --> 00:34:15,616 - I'm in the middle of a class. - It'll only take a minute. 421 00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,323 All right. This won't take long. 422 00:34:20,425 --> 00:34:22,655 Miss Breckinridge... 423 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,628 what you're doing here is downright unwholesome, underminin' all my good work. 424 00:34:30,501 --> 00:34:32,401 Do you think lying to people is good for them? 425 00:34:32,503 --> 00:34:36,599 Do you think telling someone who's got cancer he doesn't need the operation is right to do? 426 00:34:36,707 --> 00:34:39,835 Well, if he's had the operation and the case is terminal... 427 00:34:39,944 --> 00:34:41,969 why, you'd want him to be happy, wouldn't ya? 428 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:45,811 - Have the happiest frame of mind? - I can only conclude that you agree. 429 00:34:45,917 --> 00:34:48,943 What you have assembled here are the national dregs, the misfits and neurotics. 430 00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:51,783 - In short, the fuck ups of our culture. - That ain't so. 431 00:34:51,889 --> 00:34:55,290 They are the carefully selected candidates for future stardom. 432 00:34:55,393 --> 00:34:58,157 - Bullshit! - You can't talk to me like that, young lady. 433 00:34:58,262 --> 00:35:00,162 I'll have you out of here so fast, your hair'll curl. 434 00:35:00,264 --> 00:35:04,360 You just try it, and I'll take this place away from you lock, stock and empathy class! 435 00:35:04,469 --> 00:35:07,666 You watch your step. As for taking this place away from me, why-- 436 00:35:07,772 --> 00:35:10,935 I don't even know whether, uh, that man you claimed you married-- 437 00:35:11,042 --> 00:35:13,476 that fag son of a bitch-- 438 00:35:13,578 --> 00:35:16,012 you was ever even really married to that fag! 439 00:35:19,417 --> 00:35:22,944 That, students, was a classic stage slap delivered so as to give the impression... 440 00:35:23,054 --> 00:35:25,284 that the subject has been hit very hard in the mouth. 441 00:35:25,389 --> 00:35:30,952 It was first developed by Patricia Collinge in The Little Foxes, 1941. 442 00:35:31,062 --> 00:35:33,963 Oh. Thank you for the demonstration, Uncle Buck. 443 00:35:44,909 --> 00:35:48,345 Hello, Miss Van Allen. I thought this was your car. Anything I can do for you? 444 00:35:48,446 --> 00:35:50,437 Come to think of it, yes. 445 00:35:50,548 --> 00:35:53,745 There's a car been following me for quite some time. 446 00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:57,048 - Want me to bust him? - No. Introduce him. 447 00:35:57,155 --> 00:36:01,387 Oh, and don't forget to remind me of the policeman's balls-- 448 00:36:01,492 --> 00:36:03,392 I mean, the police show. 449 00:36:06,864 --> 00:36:09,424 I wish to see Signorina van Allen. 450 00:36:09,534 --> 00:36:13,493 - I have a message for her I bring from Italy. - Your name, please? 451 00:36:13,604 --> 00:36:19,133 Mario Giuseppe Leonardo Guastaferro Stinginate Pastriani. 452 00:36:19,243 --> 00:36:21,143 Have a seat. 453 00:36:37,328 --> 00:36:39,387 I'll be right with you, boys. 454 00:36:39,497 --> 00:36:42,762 There's enough for all of you. jobs, I mean. 455 00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:45,131 Leticia, bellissima. 456 00:36:45,236 --> 00:36:48,501 Well, what do you know? The pizza man. When do you deliver? 457 00:36:48,606 --> 00:36:50,836 Signorina, at last I find you. 458 00:36:50,942 --> 00:36:53,467 Find me? Why, I'm in the Yellow Pages. 459 00:36:53,578 --> 00:36:57,605 Federico Fellini, the great director, tell me to look you up. 460 00:36:57,715 --> 00:37:01,048 Oh, Fellini. Oh, yes. 461 00:37:01,152 --> 00:37:03,052 He's my friend. 462 00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:06,789 Mmm. 463 00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:09,724 Did he say look me up or eat me up? 464 00:37:11,262 --> 00:37:13,162 No pinching. 465 00:37:13,264 --> 00:37:17,166 Beautiful one, you are the reason I come so far from Italy. 466 00:37:17,268 --> 00:37:19,168 I could not stand it no more. 467 00:37:19,270 --> 00:37:21,670 Ever since I see your pictures... 468 00:37:21,772 --> 00:37:23,672 I hear your record... 469 00:37:23,774 --> 00:37:25,674 lam in love with you. 470 00:37:25,776 --> 00:37:29,041 Hundreds of women have thrown themselves at my feet... 471 00:37:29,146 --> 00:37:31,273 but I love only you. 472 00:37:31,382 --> 00:37:35,614 -I am on fire for you. - Oh, I'll put your fire out. 473 00:37:35,720 --> 00:37:38,120 Now, what can I do for you, as if I didn't know? 474 00:37:38,222 --> 00:37:40,122 I don't look for job. 475 00:37:42,226 --> 00:37:44,421 - I look for love. - Mmm. 476 00:37:44,528 --> 00:37:47,088 I look for you. To be with you. 477 00:37:47,198 --> 00:37:49,291 To make love with you. 478 00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,198 This is too much too soon. 479 00:37:52,303 --> 00:37:55,898 In my country, to wait for love... 480 00:37:56,007 --> 00:37:58,271 is to burn by inches. 481 00:37:58,376 --> 00:38:00,844 Ooh, you've got it all measured out. 482 00:38:00,945 --> 00:38:06,440 When Mario makes love, the bird sing, the bells ring. 483 00:38:06,550 --> 00:38:08,609 And everything swings. 484 00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:11,847 You're the wildest salesman since Columbus. 485 00:38:11,956 --> 00:38:15,858 Columbus, he was a good lover too. 486 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:19,862 Yeah, I know-a. He raise-a the hell-a with Isabella. 487 00:38:24,302 --> 00:38:26,202 Arrivederci. 488 00:38:31,108 --> 00:38:34,043 Hmm, hundreds of broads at his feet. 489 00:38:34,145 --> 00:38:36,045 Get a test on this guy. 490 00:38:36,147 --> 00:38:38,206 - A screen test? - No. 491 00:38:38,316 --> 00:38:40,216 A blood test. 492 00:38:40,318 --> 00:38:42,218 - [Horse Whinnies ] - Good morning, Uncle Buck. 493 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,413 I have information here regarding... 494 00:38:44,522 --> 00:38:47,355 a certain mutual acquaintance named Breckinridge. 495 00:38:47,458 --> 00:38:50,427 - Stand up when a lady comes into the room, you son of a bitch. - [ Whip Cracks] 496 00:38:50,528 --> 00:38:55,397 My dearly departed kinsman was never married no how, no place... 497 00:38:55,499 --> 00:38:57,831 not to you nor nobody. 498 00:38:57,935 --> 00:38:59,835 You think you’re pretty clever, don't you? 499 00:38:59,937 --> 00:39:02,405 Smarter than a flea in a feather bed. 500 00:39:02,506 --> 00:39:05,373 - You make me sad, Uncle, really sad. 501 00:39:05,476 --> 00:39:07,876 I believe you misunderstand my meanin', Myra. 502 00:39:07,978 --> 00:39:10,776 You're out. The con game didn't work. 503 00:39:10,881 --> 00:39:15,818 There's no record of any Myron Breckinridge being married in the whole United States. 504 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,445 - Nowhere in the United States, hmm? - That's right. 505 00:39:18,556 --> 00:39:20,456 Do you know why that might be? 506 00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:23,254 American Airlines has ten regular flights a day. 507 00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:26,057 I'd be glad to pay your fare back home. 508 00:39:26,163 --> 00:39:29,428 No record of my marriage to Myron exists in any of the United States... 509 00:39:29,533 --> 00:39:32,627 for the excellent reason that we were married in Mexico. 510 00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:37,640 Monterrey.“ 511 00:40:10,908 --> 00:40:12,808 It's a goddamn disgrace, Buck. 512 00:40:12,910 --> 00:40:15,970 A man can't take his family to the movies without seeing some kind of filth. 513 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,241 Yeah, yeah, I know. Now, listen, Charlie. 514 00:40:18,349 --> 00:40:21,841 You gotta get this bitch off my neck. She's making my life a living hell. 515 00:40:21,952 --> 00:40:23,852 Maybe you could plant drugs on her. 516 00:40:23,954 --> 00:40:25,945 I mean filth, Buck! 517 00:40:26,056 --> 00:40:29,253 I saw this picture where people were fornicating. 518 00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:33,228 - Fornicating! - You mean, uh, really doing it? 519 00:40:33,330 --> 00:40:36,959 God's honest truth, Buck. I've seen it three times, and I tell you-- 520 00:40:37,067 --> 00:40:38,967 Hoo-hoo! Three times? 521 00:40:39,069 --> 00:40:41,162 You gotta know your enemy if you’re gonna beat them. 522 00:40:41,272 --> 00:40:44,605 It's sick. What is this business coming to? 523 00:40:44,708 --> 00:40:46,938 Destroying the moral fibers of this country 524 00:40:55,986 --> 00:40:57,886 Corrupting our youth. 525 00:40:57,988 --> 00:41:01,082 I've seen things, Buck, that would turn your stomach. 526 00:41:01,192 --> 00:41:04,628 It's not your basic naked women or the fornication. 527 00:41:04,728 --> 00:41:09,427 It's the fags, the dykes and every kind of perversion. 528 00:41:10,734 --> 00:41:12,634 Banana split. 529 00:41:12,736 --> 00:41:14,795 With nuts? 530 00:41:14,972 --> 00:41:17,304 The reason he doesn't want to take Nancy to the prom... 531 00:41:17,408 --> 00:41:20,900 is that he thinks he has the clap... 532 00:41:21,011 --> 00:41:24,208 and he knows that she wants to ball him... 533 00:41:24,315 --> 00:41:26,681 and he's afraid that he will. 534 00:41:26,784 --> 00:41:30,311 I mean, it's a real selfless act, you know? 535 00:41:47,171 --> 00:41:50,072 - Bang, bang! - Fuck off. 536 00:41:51,308 --> 00:41:53,936 - [Myra] Come in, Rusty. 537 00:41:57,448 --> 00:42:00,383 Make yourself at home, such as it is. 538 00:42:00,484 --> 00:42:03,510 Oh, Uncle Buck really did himself proud this time. 539 00:42:03,621 --> 00:42:07,955 Of course, [Chuckles] I'm only kissin' kin and all. 540 00:42:08,058 --> 00:42:10,856 Recently, Mary Ann was telling me that I... 541 00:42:10,961 --> 00:42:13,225 Have a tendency to pick on you. 542 00:42:13,330 --> 00:42:15,992 Yeah, you sure do. 543 00:42:16,100 --> 00:42:19,695 Oh. Well, if I spend my valuable time on you... 544 00:42:19,803 --> 00:42:22,704 it's because I feel you have a glimmer of potential talent... 545 00:42:22,806 --> 00:42:24,706 and I'm trying to help you walk like normal people. 546 00:42:24,808 --> 00:42:27,606 Look at the way you're leaning to one side right now. 547 00:42:27,711 --> 00:42:30,236 You obviously have a physical problem. 548 00:42:30,347 --> 00:42:32,440 Mary Ann told me about your back. 549 00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:36,008 I broke four ribs, and even so, I finished the last half 550 00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,918 Very admirable, I'm sure. If you don't mind, I'd like you to stand up... 551 00:42:39,023 --> 00:42:42,254 and walk over to the door first, and then back here to me. 552 00:42:45,029 --> 00:42:46,929 Oh, shit. 553 00:42:47,031 --> 00:42:48,931 I'm sorry. I missed that. What was that again? 554 00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:55,004 Rusty... 555 00:42:55,105 --> 00:42:58,472 it's been my experience in the past, in problems like yours... 556 00:42:58,576 --> 00:43:01,136 that it sometimes helps if you dance. 557 00:43:01,245 --> 00:43:03,338 Imagine you're listening... 558 00:43:03,447 --> 00:43:06,211 to the big sound of Glenn Miller. 559 00:43:09,153 --> 00:43:11,087 You can keep time by snapping your fingers. 560 00:43:14,725 --> 00:43:17,193 -I feel silly. -Turn around. 561 00:43:30,240 --> 00:43:36,110 You know, all you really need is something to remind you to-- to stand straight. 562 00:43:36,213 --> 00:43:39,512 Now, tell me, where were the ribs broken, Rusty? 563 00:43:39,617 --> 00:43:44,350 Four was busted right here, which is why I'm kind of pulled over to this side. 564 00:43:44,455 --> 00:43:46,685 Uh, let me see. 565 00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:50,521 - Uh, like this? 566 00:43:50,628 --> 00:43:53,222 No, I want to see your back. Take off your shirt. 567 00:43:53,330 --> 00:43:57,858 But there's nothing to see. I mean, all of the ribs are inside me that were broken. 568 00:43:57,968 --> 00:44:00,698 I know where ribs are, Rusty... 569 00:44:00,804 --> 00:44:05,036 but I want to see the exact point where the muscle is pulling. 570 00:44:24,762 --> 00:44:26,662 Oh, your T-shirt too. 571 00:44:26,764 --> 00:44:29,232 Haven't got X-ray eyes. 572 00:44:36,306 --> 00:44:40,538 Well, you certainly are in good condition, Rusty. 573 00:44:40,644 --> 00:44:42,544 Well, I work out some.] 574 00:44:42,646 --> 00:44:44,841 - Not like I ought to or used to. 575 00:44:44,948 --> 00:44:47,849 Yes. Would you face the wall with your arms at your side... 576 00:44:47,951 --> 00:44:50,613 hands pressed very flat against the wall? 577 00:44:58,262 --> 00:45:00,730 Now... 578 00:45:00,831 --> 00:45:03,800 - hands flat against the wall! - But Miss Myra,you're jerking my pants down! 579 00:45:03,901 --> 00:45:06,529 Will you do as I say? 580 00:45:06,637 --> 00:45:11,165 Now, I believe the problem is a little lower down, around the small of the back. 581 00:45:11,275 --> 00:45:13,903 I'd say around the lumbar region. 582 00:45:14,011 --> 00:45:16,479 - Aha! Gotcha! - Yeah, okay. 583 00:46:01,358 --> 00:46:05,590 - Hell 's Angels. 584 00:46:05,696 --> 00:46:07,789 Okay, I'm a movie. Who am I? 585 00:46:07,898 --> 00:46:09,832 How Green Was My Valley. 586 00:48:13,690 --> 00:48:15,590 Remind me to start takin' diet pills again. 587 00:48:15,692 --> 00:48:17,592 The zipper keeps gettin' strung. 588 00:48:21,765 --> 00:48:24,598 - Yeah? - [Woman] Miss Van Allen's car just came through the gate. 589 00:48:24,701 --> 00:48:26,601 Goddamn! 590 00:48:28,939 --> 00:48:31,703 Ah, Mary Ann, I've been meaning to tell you... 591 00:48:31,808 --> 00:48:35,744 I'm seriously considering recommending you to Leticia Van Alien. 592 00:48:35,846 --> 00:48:38,906 - Thanks. - Well, you don't sound too pleased about it. 593 00:48:39,016 --> 00:48:42,918 You make me feel as though I’ve just announced a plague of locusts. 594 00:48:43,020 --> 00:48:45,352 What's the matter, Mary Ann? 595 00:48:45,455 --> 00:48:47,355 Is it Rusty? 596 00:48:47,457 --> 00:48:49,618 Can I do anything to help? 597 00:48:49,726 --> 00:48:52,320 Oh, Myra, I'm so worried about him. 598 00:48:52,429 --> 00:48:55,091 Oh, there, there. 599 00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:04,434 Busted? 600 00:49:04,541 --> 00:49:08,136 The first time wasn't his fault at all, but he was on parole. 601 00:49:08,245 --> 00:49:11,305 This time, they'll really put him away. 602 00:49:11,415 --> 00:49:14,646 Nonsense. They'll do nothing of the kind. You just leave that to me. 603 00:49:14,751 --> 00:49:17,276 Why? ls there something you can do? 604 00:49:17,387 --> 00:49:20,845 - Why, of course, my clear. lt's only the law. - 605 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:25,588 - Ah, Leticia Van Allen. - The kids and I sure appreciate these visits... 606 00:49:25,696 --> 00:49:27,596 particularly the scholarship boys. 607 00:49:27,698 --> 00:49:29,689 By the way, speaking of the scholarship fund-- 608 00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:33,065 They say she goes to bed with all the actors she represents. 609 00:49:33,170 --> 00:49:35,229 Oh, Fl! talk about that another time. 610 00:49:35,339 --> 00:49:39,173 Yes. She must be a marvelous woman. 611 00:49:39,276 --> 00:49:43,736 I think all the gay boys are gonna take the business over. 612 00:49:43,847 --> 00:49:46,213 There's no more studs around anymore. 613 00:49:46,316 --> 00:49:50,184 Everyone's popping pills and smoking grass. 614 00:49:50,287 --> 00:49:52,187 - Oh, Miss Van Allen? -Yes? 615 00:49:52,289 --> 00:49:54,348 This is Miss Breckinridge, who'll be with us teachin'... 616 00:49:54,458 --> 00:49:58,292 until she goes back East on or before September 3. 617 00:49:58,395 --> 00:50:02,195 Permit me to say that you are the only brain comparable to my late husband's. 618 00:50:02,299 --> 00:50:06,235 Ooh, I appreciate that, honey, but what did your late husband do? 619 00:50:06,336 --> 00:50:08,770 He wrote books about the movies. 620 00:50:08,872 --> 00:50:12,501 - Oh. Was he gay? - Ostensibly he was Americana-- 621 00:50:12,609 --> 00:50:17,569 a terelyne-hosed chick-baller from East 57th Street, but underneath it all-- 622 00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:20,115 He was gay. Sit down, honey. 623 00:50:20,217 --> 00:50:22,378 You sound like a good agent. 624 00:50:22,486 --> 00:50:26,582 You see, Miss Van Allen, Uncle Buck and I deal in myths. 625 00:50:26,690 --> 00:50:30,558 And movie stars are like gods and goddesses. 626 00:50:30,660 --> 00:50:33,220 When one fades, another promptly takes its place... 627 00:50:33,330 --> 00:50:37,266 because the human race requires that the pantheon always be filled. 628 00:50:37,367 --> 00:50:39,892 And you and I must seek out the glittering few... 629 00:50:40,003 --> 00:50:44,303 that are the new stars of our race reborn! 630 00:50:44,408 --> 00:50:49,641 That is the damnedest thing lever heard... about this business. 631 00:50:49,746 --> 00:50:53,944 You have all the kinky angles that are in right now. What about studs? 632 00:50:54,051 --> 00:50:55,951 Heaven. 633 00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:58,715 I mean, have you any that I don't know about? 634 00:50:58,822 --> 00:51:00,949 Uh, only one that's really “A“ material. 635 00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:03,993 I know you'd like him. He's our pride and joy. 636 00:51:04,094 --> 00:51:08,428 He's the last stronghold of masculinity in this Disneyland of perversion. 637 00:51:08,532 --> 00:51:11,831 He looks like he's got quite a lot going for him. What's his name? 638 00:51:11,935 --> 00:51:15,996 - Rusty Godowsky. - I ain't sure these kids should try to walk before they can run. 639 00:51:16,106 --> 00:51:19,701 - Anyway, Rusty's been busked. - [Leticia ] Arrested for what? 640 00:51:19,810 --> 00:51:23,678 Violation of parole. Perhaps you could help. 641 00:51:23,780 --> 00:51:25,680 I'll look into it. 642 00:51:25,782 --> 00:51:27,841 I have a judge by the-- 643 00:51:27,951 --> 00:51:29,851 Oh, Leticia... 644 00:51:29,953 --> 00:51:32,979 they don't call you “Queen of the Casting Couch“ for nothing. 645 00:51:33,090 --> 00:51:36,958 From what I understand, they're voting me a special Academy Award. 646 00:51:37,060 --> 00:51:39,290 - An Oscar? - No. 647 00:51:39,396 --> 00:51:41,864 A golden phallus. 648 00:51:41,965 --> 00:51:45,526 And let me tell you, someday we'll have our own stable of studs. 649 00:51:45,635 --> 00:51:49,127 A steady stream of sturdy studs. 650 00:51:49,239 --> 00:51:52,902 A boy bank, where credit is always good. 651 00:51:53,009 --> 00:51:55,807 Sort of a lay-a-day plan. 652 00:51:55,912 --> 00:51:59,678 - God bless America! - God help America. 653 00:51:59,783 --> 00:52:02,650 A lay a clay. Mmm. 654 00:52:02,752 --> 00:52:06,347 That reminds me. I simply must go. 655 00:52:06,456 --> 00:52:08,356 Identical twins. 656 00:52:08,458 --> 00:52:10,688 I'm the only one that knows the difference. 657 00:52:10,794 --> 00:52:15,163 Yeah. Get me judge Frederic D. Cannon. 658 00:52:15,265 --> 00:52:17,233 Keep ringing the judge's chambers. 659 00:52:17,334 --> 00:52:20,394 He sleeps there between sessions. 660 00:52:20,504 --> 00:52:22,529 Never mind howl know. 661 00:52:25,308 --> 00:52:29,369 No nation can long endure the onslaught of godless Communism... 662 00:52:29,479 --> 00:52:32,710 which permeates the very warp and woof of Southern California. 663 00:52:32,816 --> 00:52:36,274 Eternal alertness to what your neighbor is up to is the price of freedom. 664 00:52:36,386 --> 00:52:39,651 Miss Breckinridge, keep your eye on him at all times. 665 00:52:39,756 --> 00:52:42,247 And remember... 666 00:52:42,359 --> 00:52:45,886 the Commies will use every infernal device known to man... 667 00:52:45,996 --> 00:52:49,397 to worm their way into our churches and supermarkets... 668 00:52:49,499 --> 00:52:51,399 which is why... 669 00:52:51,501 --> 00:52:55,699 only the National Rifle Association stands between a free America... 670 00:52:55,805 --> 00:52:57,705 and a Communist takeover. 671 00:52:57,807 --> 00:53:02,403 With this in mind, we may yet curb the lawlessness and degenerate values... 672 00:53:02,512 --> 00:53:04,412 as expressed by the Kremlin... 673 00:53:04,514 --> 00:53:06,539 and upheld... 674 00:53:06,650 --> 00:53:10,609 by the Supreme Court of the United States. 675 00:53:10,720 --> 00:53:13,245 Well, thank you, sir. Come along, Rusty. 676 00:54:39,643 --> 00:54:41,110 - Say, Ollie? - What? 677 00:54:41,211 --> 00:54:43,111 What time is it? 678 00:54:43,213 --> 00:54:46,478 - It's nearly half past. - Thank you, Ollie. 679 00:55:13,076 --> 00:55:15,442 Ladies and gentlemen... 680 00:55:15,545 --> 00:55:18,105 we take great pleasure in presenting to you... 681 00:55:18,214 --> 00:55:20,808 the world-famous recording star... 682 00:55:20,917 --> 00:55:23,545 Miss Leticia Van Allen... 683 00:55:23,653 --> 00:55:25,951 - and the Van Allen Dancers. 684 00:55:34,564 --> 00:55:38,227 Hell, jail wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for all those faggots. 685 00:55:38,335 --> 00:55:41,429 There's always some fruit after you. 686 00:55:41,538 --> 00:55:44,974 That shouldn't bother you, Rusty. 687 00:55:45,075 --> 00:55:47,043 Well, the whole idea makes me wanna puke. 688 00:55:47,143 --> 00:55:50,135 A man should act like a man. Know what l mean? 689 00:55:50,246 --> 00:55:51,873 Look out, baby! 690 00:55:51,981 --> 00:55:54,609 - How should a man act? 691 00:55:57,253 --> 00:55:59,721 He should ball chicks. That's how. 692 00:56:03,993 --> 00:56:05,961 - But only if he loves her. - [ Woman ] Cigars... 693 00:56:06,062 --> 00:56:10,158 - cigarettes, chewing gum... 694 00:56:12,335 --> 00:56:14,235 Bananas. 695 00:56:14,337 --> 00:56:16,828 What is normal? 696 00:56:16,940 --> 00:56:19,807 Well, it's what everyone does. 697 00:56:19,909 --> 00:56:23,367 I mean, it's what the majority of society does most. 698 00:56:27,450 --> 00:56:29,418 Yeah. 699 00:59:02,171 --> 00:59:05,368 I still think a guy should ball chicks. 700 00:59:05,542 --> 00:59:09,000 - Ah-ha-ha. - Hi. 701 00:59:09,112 --> 00:59:11,205 How's it goin', girls? 702 00:59:11,314 --> 00:59:13,475 just great, sweetie. 703 00:59:20,690 --> 00:59:22,590 Playing, uh, canasta? 704 00:59:22,692 --> 00:59:26,423 - That's right, sweetie. 705 00:59:26,529 --> 00:59:29,089 Hey. Great, great, great. 706 00:59:33,870 --> 00:59:37,328 Uh, how's your poker game going, sweetie? 707 00:59:37,440 --> 00:59:39,670 Ah, great, great. 708 00:59:39,776 --> 00:59:41,710 Great. 709 00:59:41,811 --> 00:59:45,110 - Just great. 710 00:59:45,214 --> 00:59:47,182 Yes. 711 00:59:53,990 --> 00:59:55,890 - Bang! Bang! - Oh! 712 00:59:55,992 --> 00:59:58,460 Ooh,you got him, Kid Barlow. You got him. 713 00:59:58,561 --> 01:00:01,359 Kid Barlow was the fastest gun at Republic Pictures. 714 01:00:01,464 --> 01:00:03,557 - Them was the days. 715 01:00:03,666 --> 01:00:06,499 Yeah. Well... 716 01:00:06,603 --> 01:00:09,071 every time I look at them old flicks of mine... 717 01:00:09,172 --> 01:00:11,163 in the morning on TV... 718 01:00:11,274 --> 01:00:13,868 I get a lump right here in my throat. 719 01:00:13,977 --> 01:00:17,538 Oh, we was Saturday afternoon for the whole world. 720 01:00:17,647 --> 01:00:21,413 Till our kind of pictures... 721 01:00:21,517 --> 01:00:23,951 just rode off in the sunset. 722 01:00:24,053 --> 01:00:27,022 And what's taken our place? I'll tell you what. 723 01:00:27,123 --> 01:00:29,683 Perversion. That's what's taken our place. 724 01:00:29,792 --> 01:00:32,556 Communist perverts turning out filth. 725 01:00:47,176 --> 01:00:49,144 I guess I'll have to pass. 726 01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:53,071 - One no-trump. 727 01:00:53,182 --> 01:00:55,082 Three hearts. 728 01:00:55,184 --> 01:00:57,675 - Three hearts? 729 01:00:57,787 --> 01:01:01,018 Three no-trump. 730 01:01:01,124 --> 01:01:04,560 Three no-trump? I know I'll have to pass now. 731 01:01:04,661 --> 01:01:08,688 - No bid. 732 01:01:48,137 --> 01:01:51,004 - Well, how was the beef teriyaki? 733 01:01:51,107 --> 01:01:55,043 Awful. Worse than the chow mein. 734 01:01:57,447 --> 01:01:59,642 What's that? 735 01:01:59,749 --> 01:02:02,013 Swedish massage. 736 01:02:02,118 --> 01:02:05,610 What do you do with it? 737 01:02:05,722 --> 01:02:08,486 I beat you with it. 738 01:02:08,591 --> 01:02:11,082 - Does it hurt? 739 01:02:11,194 --> 01:02:13,162 You bet your ass. 740 01:02:15,364 --> 01:02:17,355 Somethings wrong here someplace. 741 01:02:17,467 --> 01:02:17,567 Good evening, Rusty. 742 01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:19,398 Good evening, Rusty. 743 01:02:32,982 --> 01:02:35,473 Um, gee, it's, uh, really nice... 744 01:02:35,585 --> 01:02:39,248 that Leticia Van Allen wants to represent Mary Ann, isn't it? 745 01:02:39,355 --> 01:02:42,051 Yes, very nice. About your back... 746 01:02:42,158 --> 01:02:44,718 I've spoken to Uncle Buck's chiropractor... 747 01:02:44,827 --> 01:02:47,625 and she's going to arrange a special brace. 748 01:02:47,730 --> 01:02:52,633 But she couldn't be here tonight. So she asked me to take an exact tracing of your spine... 749 01:02:52,735 --> 01:02:54,635 so that she'll know what to do. 750 01:02:54,737 --> 01:02:57,501 So if you'll just slip off your shirt... 751 01:02:57,607 --> 01:02:59,507 we'll get right to work. 752 01:03:22,832 --> 01:03:24,732 Step on the scale... 753 01:03:24,834 --> 01:03:26,802 and we'll measure you. 754 01:03:29,939 --> 01:03:34,672 Take off those atrocious cowboy boots. 755 01:03:34,777 --> 01:03:36,802 - They'll break the scale. - Oh, no, they won't. 756 01:03:36,913 --> 01:03:39,939 Do exactly as I tell you. 757 01:03:40,049 --> 01:03:43,712 You don't want me to have to tell the judge that you've been... 758 01:03:43,820 --> 01:03:45,754 uncooperative, do you? 759 01:03:47,523 --> 01:03:49,491 No, no. 760 01:03:53,329 --> 01:03:55,297 Guess I'm full of holes. 761 01:03:55,398 --> 01:03:58,162 Oh, well, that's all right. 762 01:04:01,571 --> 01:04:04,165 Now we'll need your weight. 763 01:04:08,711 --> 01:04:10,679 Um, which is... 764 01:04:12,949 --> 01:04:14,849 174. 765 01:04:14,951 --> 01:04:16,942 And your height... 766 01:04:20,156 --> 01:04:22,454 which is... 767 01:04:22,558 --> 01:04:25,459 six-one and a quarter. 768 01:04:25,561 --> 01:04:27,461 Well, the chart's filling up nicely. 769 01:04:27,563 --> 01:04:29,531 You can get down. 770 01:04:30,933 --> 01:04:33,959 Now, we'll need a urine specimen. 771 01:04:37,240 --> 01:04:39,367 Step behind the screen. 772 01:04:39,475 --> 01:04:41,602 - But, uh-- - But? 773 01:05:01,297 --> 01:05:04,061 Well, what's the matter? 774 01:05:04,166 --> 01:05:07,795 I don't know. I guess I'm, uh, what they call pee shy. 775 01:05:07,904 --> 01:05:10,668 Well, don't be,. 776 01:05:10,773 --> 01:05:12,673 just relax,. 777 01:05:12,775 --> 01:05:15,767 - We have plenty of time. 778 01:05:32,795 --> 01:05:34,695 Ah. Bravo. 779 01:05:37,433 --> 01:05:39,401 Now, then. 780 01:05:41,804 --> 01:05:43,772 Rusty... 781 01:05:46,042 --> 01:05:48,203 Godowsky. 782 01:05:49,712 --> 01:05:54,479 - Would you come here and loosen your belt? 783 01:05:54,583 --> 01:05:56,949 Perhaps we better wait for the doctor. 784 01:05:58,354 --> 01:06:02,313 - Do as you're told, Rusty. - What do you want me to do? 785 01:06:02,425 --> 01:06:05,758 Well, it's very simple. I don't know what you're so frightened of. 786 01:06:05,861 --> 01:06:11,128 All I want you to do is loosen your belt and say, “Ah. " 787 01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:21,234 - Now, then, take a deep breath. 788 01:06:27,350 --> 01:06:29,716 - Turn your head to the side and cough. 789 01:06:29,819 --> 01:06:33,016 Hmm. Bend over the table, please. 790 01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:40,085 There's more where that came from. Bend over the table. 791 01:06:40,196 --> 01:06:42,460 - I want to take your temperature. - But not there. 792 01:06:42,565 --> 01:06:44,897 Certainly there. 793 01:06:45,001 --> 01:06:50,405 I don't know, Rusty. You've been showing a very suspicious reluctance. 794 01:06:50,506 --> 01:06:54,272 I think you have a disease you've been hiding from me. 795 01:06:54,377 --> 01:06:56,607 Why, no, Miss Myra. 796 01:06:56,712 --> 01:06:58,805 Then face down on the table. 797 01:06:58,914 --> 01:07:01,382 - Hands up here. 798 01:07:02,718 --> 01:07:05,846 All right. Now, this is just so you won't move... 799 01:07:05,955 --> 01:07:08,549 while I do the tracing. 800 01:07:08,657 --> 01:07:11,455 There we go. 801 01:07:19,268 --> 01:07:21,236 - Now, then. Bottoms up. - Hey. 802 01:07:22,905 --> 01:07:25,931 Now, you must be very still. 803 01:07:26,042 --> 01:07:28,840 - I don't want that thermometer broken, Rusty. 804 01:07:34,517 --> 01:07:38,248 - Tell me... 805 01:07:38,354 --> 01:07:41,016 - have you ever suffered from tuberculosis? - No. 806 01:07:41,123 --> 01:07:43,023 - Heart disease? - No. 807 01:07:43,125 --> 01:07:45,025 - Chicken pox? - No. 808 01:07:45,127 --> 01:07:46,822 - Smallpox? - No. 809 01:07:46,929 --> 01:07:48,453 - Measles? - N o. 810 01:07:48,564 --> 01:07:50,156 - venereal disease? - Nu. 811 01:07:50,266 --> 01:07:52,734 - Be careful, Rusty. -l said, “No“! 812 01:07:52,835 --> 01:07:54,735 We'll see. 813 01:07:54,837 --> 01:07:59,297 They checked me out in Mexico. I had the Wassermann test. 814 01:07:59,408 --> 01:08:02,206 Really. Hmm. 815 01:08:02,311 --> 01:08:04,506 What are you doing? 816 01:08:04,613 --> 01:08:07,548 I'm preparing you for your brace. 817 01:08:07,650 --> 01:08:09,914 - Oh, Christ. - What's the matter, Rusty? 818 01:08:10,019 --> 01:08:12,579 - I said, “Oh, Christ.“ - What is it, Rusty? 819 01:08:12,688 --> 01:08:15,350 You're playing some kind of joke on me. I know you are. 820 01:08:15,458 --> 01:08:17,756 You're playing some kind of joke. 821 01:08:17,860 --> 01:08:21,421 Oh, this is no joke, Rusty. 822 01:08:21,530 --> 01:08:23,521 I'm in deadly earnest. 823 01:08:24,533 --> 01:08:26,467 You have a lot to learn. 824 01:08:26,569 --> 01:08:29,766 All you men have a lot to learn. 825 01:08:29,872 --> 01:08:32,636 And I have taken it upon myself... 826 01:08:32,741 --> 01:08:35,073 to teach you. 827 01:08:35,177 --> 01:08:37,145 What do you mean? 828 01:08:37,246 --> 01:08:40,238 This is the most important part of your education. 829 01:08:40,349 --> 01:08:44,012 The part your teachers failed to instruct you in. 830 01:08:45,654 --> 01:08:47,554 Take off your hat. 831 01:08:50,659 --> 01:08:53,992 - It's called balling. - Well, I know how to do that. 832 01:08:54,096 --> 01:08:55,996 That's what you think. 833 01:08:56,098 --> 01:08:58,396 - Did you know you have a temperature? - No, I didn't. 834 01:08:58,501 --> 01:09:03,063 Well, you do. But no matter. I shall cure what's wrong with you. 835 01:09:03,172 --> 01:09:07,108 - What are you gonna do? 836 01:09:13,182 --> 01:09:16,948 I shall ball you, Rusty. It's very simple. 837 01:09:17,052 --> 01:09:17,152 And now, ladies and gentlemen... 838 01:09:17,153 --> 01:09:20,452 And now, ladies and gentlemen... 839 01:09:20,556 --> 01:09:22,490 what you've all been waiting for... 840 01:09:22,591 --> 01:09:26,960 the wildest, buckingest bronc in the world. 841 01:09:27,062 --> 01:09:30,361 He's never been ridden before. 842 01:09:30,466 --> 01:09:34,197 - Cherry, the man-killer. 843 01:09:34,303 --> 01:09:38,000 Oh, well, what nature intended is not always good for us, Rusty. 844 01:09:38,107 --> 01:09:41,201 You think that being a man is such a simple thing. 845 01:09:41,310 --> 01:09:43,744 A man should ball chicks, you said. 846 01:09:43,846 --> 01:09:47,748 Well, I tried to explain it to you, but you wouldn't listen. 847 01:09:47,850 --> 01:09:50,717 So, I'm afraid it will require a practical demonstration. 848 01:09:50,819 --> 01:09:53,185 [Grunting] 849 01:09:54,990 --> 01:09:58,721 Oh, my God. Jesus, you'll kill me. 850 01:09:58,827 --> 01:10:00,795 - I won't kill you, Rusty. 851 01:10:00,896 --> 01:10:03,456 I 'll just educate you. You and the rest of America. 852 01:10:03,566 --> 01:10:06,797 - It must be demonstrated to you practically... 853 01:10:06,902 --> 01:10:09,063 that there is no such thing as manhood. 854 01:10:09,171 --> 01:10:11,833 - It died with Burt Lancaster... 855 01:10:11,941 --> 01:10:13,841 in Vera Cruz. 856 01:10:13,943 --> 01:10:18,812 Your manhood was taken by Errol Flynn and Clark Gable. 857 01:10:20,282 --> 01:10:23,308 lam only going to supply you with the finishing touches. 858 01:10:23,419 --> 01:10:25,319 Oh, God. 859 01:10:25,421 --> 01:10:28,686 I reckon none of you northern folks ever heard a Texas cowhand... 860 01:10:28,791 --> 01:10:30,850 making love to his gal. 861 01:10:30,960 --> 01:10:33,019 Well, you're gonna hear it now. 862 01:10:35,264 --> 01:10:38,495 Charge! 863 01:10:38,601 --> 01:10:40,535 God, no, what are you-- 864 01:10:42,638 --> 01:10:44,902 She certainly leaned on that one. 865 01:10:46,942 --> 01:10:49,274 - Get 'em. Get up there. - Oh! Oh! 866 01:10:57,219 --> 01:10:59,710 Ah, that's what I call disgusting. 867 01:10:59,822 --> 01:11:02,222 Why don't you show him how, Sergeant? 868 01:11:23,579 --> 01:11:27,743 I'm coming, Scarlett. I'm coming. 869 01:11:27,850 --> 01:11:30,819 I'm coming, Lana. I'm coming. 870 01:11:30,919 --> 01:11:34,446 Hooray for Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. 871 01:11:35,991 --> 01:11:38,016 Uncle Sam, here I... 872 01:11:38,127 --> 01:11:43,292 co-o-o-o-om e! 873 01:12:05,387 --> 01:12:08,083 - Marvelous. Absolutely marvelous. - Leave him alone. 874 01:12:08,190 --> 01:12:11,421 It's the first time in my whole life I've ever really enjoyed opera. 875 01:13:43,719 --> 01:13:45,687 Can I go now? 876 01:13:49,892 --> 01:13:51,860 Yes. 877 01:13:54,062 --> 01:13:56,360 You can go... 878 01:13:56,465 --> 01:13:58,433 HOW. 879 01:14:06,642 --> 01:14:11,045 Well, aren't you going to thank me for all the trouble I've taken? 880 01:14:15,317 --> 01:14:17,217 Thank you, ma'am. 881 01:14:19,555 --> 01:14:22,183 - You know what, Ollie? - What? 882 01:14:22,291 --> 01:14:24,816 I feel like a mouse. 883 01:14:24,927 --> 01:14:29,591 We had to do it. It hurt me more than it did him. 884 01:14:29,698 --> 01:14:32,258 Poor Daniel. 885 01:14:32,367 --> 01:14:35,165 [Sobbing] 886 01:14:35,270 --> 01:14:38,068 Oh. 887 01:14:44,413 --> 01:14:46,313 $422'??? 888 01:14:46,415 --> 01:14:48,906 Well, are you alone? 889 01:14:50,085 --> 01:14:52,019 Come right up. 890 01:14:54,690 --> 01:14:57,056 Why are you so fascinated by the girl? 891 01:14:57,159 --> 01:14:59,320 But having raped Rusty's manhood... 892 01:14:59,428 --> 01:15:01,555 I must now complete the cycle... 893 01:15:01,663 --> 01:15:03,631 and seduce his girl. 894 01:15:04,766 --> 01:15:07,929 Only then will my victory be complete... 895 01:15:08,036 --> 01:15:11,130 thus exerting power over both sexes... 896 01:15:11,240 --> 01:15:13,606 - and indeed over life itself. 897 01:15:13,709 --> 01:15:16,872 Boy, she's a tough customer. 898 01:15:16,979 --> 01:15:19,209 What are you moping about? 899 01:15:19,314 --> 01:15:22,408 She's so sweet. 900 01:15:23,452 --> 01:15:25,352 Come on. 901 01:15:25,454 --> 01:15:27,820 - Mary Ann. - Oh, Myra. 902 01:15:27,923 --> 01:15:31,120 Why, Mary Ann, what's the matter? 903 01:15:34,396 --> 01:15:36,296 Rusty's gone again. 904 01:15:36,398 --> 01:15:38,798 Gone? Where? 905 01:15:38,901 --> 01:15:42,166 I don't know. I just don't understand. 906 01:15:42,271 --> 01:15:45,832 Well, let me fix you a drink. 907 01:15:45,941 --> 01:15:48,034 It'll soothe your nerves. 908 01:15:50,412 --> 01:15:53,677 Didn't he give you any explanation at all? 909 01:15:53,782 --> 01:15:56,080 No. Nothing. 910 01:15:56,184 --> 01:15:58,084 It was frightening. 911 01:15:58,186 --> 01:16:01,485 Just that he was sick of me. Sick of women. 912 01:16:01,590 --> 01:16:03,649 Sick of women? 913 01:16:05,193 --> 01:16:08,390 - He actually said that? - Yes. 914 01:16:09,831 --> 01:16:12,891 Well, I'm certain he didn't mean sick of you. 915 01:16:13,001 --> 01:16:17,165 - Oh, sick of women in general, perhaps. 916 01:16:17,272 --> 01:16:19,172 I don't know. Both, I guess. 917 01:16:21,410 --> 01:16:24,004 Men. They're all alike. 918 01:16:24,112 --> 01:16:27,047 But don't you worry. We'll find him. 919 01:16:28,083 --> 01:16:30,916 We've just got to. 920 01:16:31,019 --> 01:16:33,385 I may never see him again. 921 01:16:36,158 --> 01:16:38,058 Of course you will. 922 01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:40,685 You'll see. Everything will work out just fine. 923 01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:43,128 I'm so worried. 924 01:16:43,231 --> 01:16:45,995 I just can? go back there. 925 01:16:46,101 --> 01:16:48,729 You don't have to. You can stay here with me. 926 01:16:48,837 --> 01:16:50,737 Oh, no. I couldn't. 927 01:16:50,839 --> 01:16:52,739 I insist. 928 01:16:52,841 --> 01:16:54,809 - Are you sure? - Absolutely. 929 01:16:54,910 --> 01:16:57,470 It's really no bother at all. 930 01:16:58,714 --> 01:17:01,945 Really. We'll just find you something to wear. 931 01:17:04,886 --> 01:17:08,549 Now, then. Let me see. 932 01:17:08,657 --> 01:17:10,625 [Sighing] 933 01:17:11,660 --> 01:17:15,619 - [Mumbling] 934 01:17:15,731 --> 01:17:18,097 Those are men's pajamas. 935 01:17:18,200 --> 01:17:20,100 Oh. So they are. 936 01:17:20,202 --> 01:17:22,534 How indiscreet. 937 01:17:22,638 --> 01:17:24,629 You've had a very trying day, Mary Ann. 938 01:17:24,740 --> 01:17:27,004 I really feel you should go right to bed. 939 01:17:27,109 --> 01:17:31,569 I don't know how to thank you. You've been so sweet to me, Myra. 940 01:17:31,680 --> 01:17:34,274 And don't you worry about Rusty. 941 01:17:35,984 --> 01:17:38,248 It's either them or me. I told him. 942 01:17:38,353 --> 01:17:41,049 And of course it will be you, my darling. 943 01:17:41,156 --> 01:17:44,182 Now, let's have a nice girlie evening. 944 01:17:44,292 --> 01:17:47,921 I'll tell you howl lost my virginity, if you tell me how you lost yours. 945 01:17:48,030 --> 01:17:51,363 - Jesus. - There we go. 946 01:17:53,502 --> 01:17:55,561 Oh, Rusty. 947 01:17:55,671 --> 01:17:58,105 Oh. 948 01:17:58,206 --> 01:18:00,538 There, there, my dear. 949 01:18:00,642 --> 01:18:03,736 He's only a man, and not good enough for you. 950 01:18:03,845 --> 01:18:08,111 - How well I remember my own puppy love. - No shit. 951 01:18:15,957 --> 01:18:17,618 Mmm, Myra? 952 01:18:17,726 --> 01:18:21,822 This is Leticia. Rusty's at the beach house with me right now. 953 01:18:21,930 --> 01:18:23,830 I'm calling to say thanks. 954 01:18:23,932 --> 01:18:26,696 Oh, I'm-- I'm so glad you liked him. 955 01:18:26,802 --> 01:18:28,702 Uh, is it the right color? 956 01:18:28,804 --> 01:18:31,637 Well, I guess so. It's the usual color. 957 01:18:31,740 --> 01:18:35,232 - Didn't you ever make it with him? - Not in the classic way, no. 958 01:18:35,343 --> 01:18:39,473 Well, I 'm-- I hope he sleeps well in his new home. 959 01:18:39,581 --> 01:18:41,742 I wouldn’t entrust him to just anyone. 960 01:18:41,850 --> 01:18:45,547 - Good night, dear lady. - Oh, well. Good night. 961 01:18:45,654 --> 01:18:50,023 Come on, honey. Let's take another trip around the world. 962 01:18:50,125 --> 01:18:50,225 Charlie, I've knowed you ever since you was a cough and a spit. 963 01:18:50,225 --> 01:18:54,753 Charlie, I've knowed you ever since you was a cough and a spit. 964 01:18:54,863 --> 01:18:56,797 - Gee. - I've watched you become the dream... 965 01:18:56,898 --> 01:18:59,264 of every parent this side of San Diego. 966 01:18:59,367 --> 01:19:02,393 - Wow. - You're a fine boy, Charlie. 967 01:19:02,504 --> 01:19:05,837 - A fine boy. - Gee, uh, thanks, Uncle Buck. 968 01:19:05,941 --> 01:19:07,909 You know what I've always thought of you... 969 01:19:08,009 --> 01:19:10,477 ever since you did that morning television show on ABC. 970 01:19:10,579 --> 01:19:12,672 I can tell you now, Uncle Buck, that-- 971 01:19:12,781 --> 01:19:14,715 Well, you've always been my idol. 972 01:19:14,816 --> 01:19:17,546 I've lost more fights over you at UCLA than anything else. 973 01:19:17,652 --> 01:19:21,315 I'm very moved to hear you say that, very moved. 974 01:19:21,423 --> 01:19:23,323 Also, I'm pleased to hear you're a fighter... 975 01:19:23,425 --> 01:19:25,620 'cause this Myra Breckinridge is more than a match... 976 01:19:25,727 --> 01:19:27,695 for most men-- more than a match. 977 01:19:27,796 --> 01:19:32,290 l'll do my best, Uncle Buck, and, if my best isn't good enough, well, that's too bad. 978 01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:34,300 Not quite, Charlie. Not quite. 979 01:19:34,402 --> 01:19:36,597 - If your best ain't good enough... 980 01:19:36,705 --> 01:19:39,071 you might just as well pack up and move to Milwaukee. 981 01:19:39,174 --> 01:19:41,665 - There she is. 982 01:19:41,777 --> 01:19:45,213 Remember, the, uh, velvet hand and the iron glove. 983 01:19:52,154 --> 01:19:55,646 - Come in, Myra. - Okay. Let her rip. 984 01:19:59,161 --> 01:20:02,392 - This better be good. 985 01:20:02,497 --> 01:20:05,022 Who's this? It looks like The Late, Late Show. 986 01:20:05,133 --> 01:20:07,465 Myra, this is Charlie Flager of Flager & Flager. 987 01:20:07,569 --> 01:20:11,767 I thought you two should get together and sort out the little problems we've been having. 988 01:20:11,873 --> 01:20:14,433 Problems, Uncle Buck? I don? have any problems. 989 01:20:14,543 --> 01:20:17,444 All I know is that you owe me $900,000.. 990 01:20:17,546 --> 01:20:20,242 And the price of real estate is going up every day. 991 01:20:20,348 --> 01:20:23,283 I think you should know that Charlie's dad and me have been pals... 992 01:20:23,385 --> 01:20:26,183 ever since he handled me when I had that row with the Blue Network. 993 01:20:26,288 --> 01:20:28,552 I-- I guess that we value Mr. Loner's account... 994 01:20:28,657 --> 01:20:31,888 more than any single non corporate account. 995 01:20:31,993 --> 01:20:36,760 Like Dad always says, “Buck Loner has a real reputation.“ 996 01:20:36,865 --> 01:20:38,856 Uh, for being, like, a straight shooter. 997 01:20:38,967 --> 01:20:41,936 When you two lovebirds are finished, perhaps you'll tell me... 998 01:20:42,037 --> 01:20:44,005 what lousy, dirty trick you're up to now. 999 01:20:44,105 --> 01:20:46,972 No lousy tricks, Mrs. Breckinridge. I am simply here... 1000 01:20:47,075 --> 01:20:49,441 to defend my client's interest, which in this case... 1001 01:20:49,544 --> 01:20:53,981 is your alleged claim to, like, half the value of this Westwood property. 1002 01:20:54,082 --> 01:20:55,982 - Alleged? - Alleged. 1003 01:20:56,084 --> 01:20:59,451 That marriage certificate is an out-and-out phony. 1004 01:20:59,554 --> 01:21:01,988 Oh. 1005 01:21:13,001 --> 01:21:17,370 It isn't easy being a woman, Uncle Buck... 1006 01:21:17,472 --> 01:21:20,873 especially when you have to fight your own family... 1007 01:21:20,976 --> 01:21:23,376 for what's rightfully yours. 1008 01:21:23,478 --> 01:21:25,878 Honey, honey, honey. 1009 01:21:25,981 --> 01:21:29,712 We don't want to take what's yours. That's the last thing on our mind. 1010 01:21:29,818 --> 01:21:32,116 But we gotta make sure you're entitled to it. 1011 01:21:32,220 --> 01:21:35,815 Like, you might be an impersonator saying you are who you are. 1012 01:21:35,924 --> 01:21:40,293 And after Gertrude gave you that $200 back in Philadelphia... 1013 01:21:40,395 --> 01:21:44,491 to pay for the abortion of the daughter of that Rexall druggist... 1014 01:21:44,599 --> 01:21:48,035 you knocked up and refused to marry. 1015 01:21:48,136 --> 01:21:51,196 The point is, can you prove you were married? 1016 01:21:51,306 --> 01:21:53,274 That 's all. 1017 01:21:56,011 --> 01:22:01,176 Proof will arrive before the end of the week in the person of Dr. Randolph Spencer Montag. 1018 01:22:02,918 --> 01:22:04,818 Montag? 1019 01:22:04,920 --> 01:22:08,356 - The great dental psychiatrist? - He was a witness to our wedding. 1020 01:22:08,456 --> 01:22:12,017 I trust his word will be sufficient. 1021 01:22:12,127 --> 01:22:15,790 Let me make it perfectly clear that it might. 1022 01:22:15,897 --> 01:22:18,263 In any case, my price has gone up... 1023 01:22:18,366 --> 01:22:22,302 to an even million dollars. 1024 01:22:51,466 --> 01:22:54,333 - How old were you then? 1025 01:22:57,973 --> 01:22:59,873 Long distance call, Dr. Montag. 1026 01:22:59,975 --> 01:23:02,273 Yeah. Uh, Mondo-- No, no. Montag here. 1027 01:23:02,377 --> 01:23:04,743 Yeah? Oh. Oh, Myra. 1028 01:23:04,846 --> 01:23:06,746 How are ya, kid. How's your teeth? 1029 01:23:06,848 --> 01:23:08,748 Spit out now. 1030 01:23:08,850 --> 01:23:11,944 - So, my so-- - Myra, dental health is mental health. Will you remember that? 1031 01:23:12,053 --> 01:23:13,953 - John Phillips tried to rape me. -Open. 1032 01:23:14,055 --> 01:23:17,422 - And I said, “Oh, how can he do that?“ - What? 1033 01:23:17,525 --> 01:23:21,985 Myra, believe me that your appeal reaches me at every level... 1034 01:23:22,097 --> 01:23:24,395 - from lower id to superego. 1035 01:23:24,499 --> 01:23:27,263 After all, I realize that our relationship was always much more... 1036 01:23:27,369 --> 01:23:29,269 than that simply of analyst to patient. 1037 01:23:29,371 --> 01:23:32,135 - I'm also your dentist. 1038 01:23:32,240 --> 01:23:35,607 No-- No, Myra, I've got other patients who need me too. 1039 01:23:35,710 --> 01:23:37,769 - And he shouldn't have done it. - Spit out now, dear. 1040 01:23:37,879 --> 01:23:41,315 Oh, you've got such lovely boobs. They're such a comfort to me. 1041 01:23:41,416 --> 01:23:43,611 No, I said 15, Myra. Open up. 1042 01:23:43,718 --> 01:23:45,777 Fifteen percent. I'm in L.A. tomorrow. 1043 01:23:49,557 --> 01:23:54,426 Mighty kind of you, Doc, coming all this way to help our little Myra. 1044 01:23:54,529 --> 01:23:58,522 - Of course, we all mean to do the right thing by her. - Then cut the crap... 1045 01:23:58,633 --> 01:24:03,502 - and handover the cash. - Naturally, we are, uh, not about to question the probity... 1046 01:24:03,605 --> 01:24:07,302 of such a well-known person and author as Dr. Montag. 1047 01:24:07,409 --> 01:24:09,707 - Yes? 1048 01:24:09,811 --> 01:24:13,042 - New York calling Mr. Flager. -Which Mr. Flager? 1049 01:24:13,148 --> 01:24:15,981 Mr. Flager, Jr. 1050 01:24:16,084 --> 01:24:18,075 Take it, junior. 1051 01:24:18,186 --> 01:24:20,154 In the bathroom, you idiot. 1052 01:24:20,255 --> 01:24:22,223 Uh, I have to go to the bathroom. 1053 01:24:30,665 --> 01:24:32,826 Do you get to the movies much, Doctor? 1054 01:24:32,934 --> 01:24:36,495 - I say do you get to the movies much, Doctor? 1055 01:24:36,604 --> 01:24:39,801 I was wondering what you thought about all the pornography we have. 1056 01:24:39,908 --> 01:24:44,607 - Pornography. Uh-- - I was wondering what you thought about it in our movies. 1057 01:24:44,712 --> 01:24:46,612 I've never seen any of your movies. 1058 01:24:46,714 --> 01:24:49,581 I mean our current American picture, which is loaded with smut. 1059 01:24:49,684 --> 01:24:50,918 - Smut. Yes. - Uh, listen, could-- 1060 01:24:50,919 --> 01:24:52,409 - Smut. Yes. - Uh, listen, could-- 1061 01:24:52,520 --> 01:24:54,681 - Uh, attention, everybody. 1062 01:24:54,789 --> 01:24:59,385 Uh, uh, I guess you all know, uh, th-that was a call, uh... 1063 01:24:59,494 --> 01:25:01,724 from our, uh, New York office. 1064 01:25:01,830 --> 01:25:04,924 - What did they say? - Oh, uh, Dad, um... 1065 01:25:05,033 --> 01:25:08,969 before we get into that, I-- I think it might be nice, at this time... 1066 01:25:09,070 --> 01:25:11,732 to put everyone in the picture as to the background. 1067 01:25:11,840 --> 01:25:15,207 - Uh, would you tell him to-- - Shut up and get to the point. 1068 01:25:15,310 --> 01:25:17,210 The point is, Mrs. Breckinridge... 1069 01:25:17,312 --> 01:25:21,976 that no record of your husband's death exists in New York City or State. 1070 01:25:22,083 --> 01:25:24,176 - Strike. - Just remember, Myra... 1071 01:25:24,285 --> 01:25:26,810 these people don't screw around. 1072 01:25:26,921 --> 01:25:28,821 Everything's legal and aboveboard. 1073 01:25:28,923 --> 01:25:33,417 Not like in some places I can mention south of the border down Mexico way. 1074 01:25:33,528 --> 01:25:37,658 Listen, I say the man's dead, you unmitigated shit. 1075 01:25:37,765 --> 01:25:39,892 And that means he's dead. 1076 01:25:40,001 --> 01:25:43,994 Oh, I 'll admit his body was never found. That's true. 1077 01:25:44,105 --> 01:25:46,596 He died in a car accident outside the Bank of America. 1078 01:25:46,708 --> 01:25:49,006 Fire! 1079 01:25:49,110 --> 01:25:53,410 - Beverly Hills branch. - There is not one iota of evidence that he is dean'... 1080 01:25:53,515 --> 01:25:56,279 and we are not going to pay you one single penny. 1081 01:25:56,384 --> 01:25:58,648 Strike. 1082 01:26:00,088 --> 01:26:01,988 Randolph... 1083 01:26:02,090 --> 01:26:05,958 I believe the moment of truth has finally arrived. 1084 01:26:06,060 --> 01:26:08,460 Go get 'em. 1085 01:26:08,563 --> 01:26:10,827 Gentlemen... 1086 01:26:10,932 --> 01:26:13,162 I am Myron Breckinridge. 1087 01:26:13,268 --> 01:26:15,293 Uncle Buck, your fag nephew... 1088 01:26:15,403 --> 01:26:18,668 became your niece two years ago in Copenhagen... 1089 01:26:18,773 --> 01:26:21,207 and is now free as a bird and happy in being... 1090 01:26:21,309 --> 01:26:24,506 the most extraordinary woman in the world. [Chuckles] 1091 01:26:24,612 --> 01:26:27,308 And I thought I fell in love with a man. 1092 01:26:30,585 --> 01:26:34,681 - That's the ball game. - [ Myra Chuckling] 1093 01:26:45,600 --> 01:26:48,967 Uh, Stanley, what time is it? 1094 01:26:50,438 --> 01:26:52,531 It's about half past-- 1095 01:26:52,640 --> 01:26:54,835 Something went wrong. 1096 01:26:54,943 --> 01:26:58,936 “Either you keep me on here, or l'll tell the world... 1097 01:26:59,047 --> 01:27:02,813 that Buck Loner's fag nephew became his niece two years ago in Copenhagen.“ 1098 01:27:02,917 --> 01:27:06,444 I could kill him. I could kill him if I could get away with it. 1099 01:27:06,554 --> 01:27:09,717 Strike that. Anyway, thank God... 1100 01:27:09,824 --> 01:27:13,225 I never slipped him the old Buck Loner special. 1101 01:27:26,774 --> 01:27:29,004 Myra, don't. It spoils it. 1102 01:27:29,110 --> 01:27:32,807 All right. Whatever you say, Mary Ann. 1103 01:27:38,820 --> 01:27:42,347 But I do love being with you like this. 1104 01:27:42,457 --> 01:27:44,652 I'm sorry, Myra. 1105 01:27:44,759 --> 01:27:46,659 I just can't. 1106 01:27:46,761 --> 01:27:49,093 I wish I could, really. 1107 01:27:50,298 --> 01:27:52,789 Love isn't always a matter of sex, you know. 1108 01:27:52,900 --> 01:27:57,633 Well, I know. And I really do love you as you are. 1109 01:28:00,208 --> 01:28:03,302 I even like it when you touch me. 1110 01:28:04,779 --> 01:28:06,838 Up to a point. 1111 01:28:09,217 --> 01:28:11,276 I don't know. 1112 01:28:11,386 --> 01:28:13,854 I just can't let myself go. 1113 01:28:15,023 --> 01:28:17,048 That's the way I am. 1114 01:28:17,158 --> 01:28:21,788 Well, is it Rusty? 1115 01:28:21,896 --> 01:28:24,126 No, that's finished. 1116 01:28:25,366 --> 01:28:28,392 But someone like him. 1117 01:28:28,503 --> 01:28:30,596 Someone gentle. 1118 01:28:33,741 --> 01:28:36,141 Rusty gentle? 1119 01:28:36,244 --> 01:28:38,644 I thought he was violent. 1120 01:28:38,746 --> 01:28:43,445 No. Whatever gave you that idea? 1121 01:28:43,551 --> 01:28:46,714 It's because he was so gentle that I loved him. 1122 01:28:48,690 --> 01:28:51,386 He never grabs you like the other boys. 1123 01:28:57,865 --> 01:29:00,925 Oh, you are an angel, Myra, and I do love you. 1124 01:29:01,035 --> 01:29:03,003 I really do. 1125 01:29:04,339 --> 01:29:06,739 I just can't, you know? 1126 01:29:09,944 --> 01:29:12,606 Yes. Of course. I know. 1127 01:29:15,183 --> 01:29:19,313 If only there were some man like you. 1128 01:29:19,420 --> 01:29:21,854 I'd really fall. l would. 1129 01:29:23,157 --> 01:29:25,250 But not like this. 1130 01:29:27,061 --> 01:29:29,291 If only you were a man. 1131 01:29:43,111 --> 01:29:45,011 [Thinking] l'll get you this time. 1132 01:29:45,113 --> 01:29:47,673 It's a dangerous thing, ambition. 1133 01:29:47,782 --> 01:29:50,546 Ruined Mickey Mouse's whole career. 1134 01:29:51,719 --> 01:29:54,916 Well, now it's eight bars and out, honey. 1135 01:29:55,022 --> 01:29:58,788 You were no more than a Linda Darnell paper doll. 1136 01:29:58,893 --> 01:30:01,828 A Disney cow that got over the fence. 1137 01:30:01,929 --> 01:30:03,829 You got ambitious. 1138 01:30:03,931 --> 01:30:07,526 You were great in CinemaScope and Technicolor... 1139 01:30:07,635 --> 01:30:10,399 but you can? cut it in black and white. 1140 01:30:18,146 --> 01:30:21,513 - Magnificent! 1141 01:30:27,355 --> 01:30:29,323 Funny... 1142 01:30:31,893 --> 01:30:34,862 when I waited for you... 1143 01:30:34,962 --> 01:30:36,930 you didn't come. 1144 01:30:37,965 --> 01:30:40,297 But now you have come, and... 1145 01:30:40,401 --> 01:30:42,301 I must go away. 1146 01:30:53,514 --> 01:30:57,143 You will remember the day in the desert. 1147 01:30:59,187 --> 01:31:02,054 - Fl! remember,. 1148 01:31:46,400 --> 01:31:49,301 Where are my tits? Where are my tits? 1149 01:31:49,403 --> 01:31:53,339 Good morning, Nurse. 1150 01:31:53,441 --> 01:31:56,239 Ah, what have we got here? When you get to 103, sell. 1151 01:31:56,344 --> 01:31:58,244 There you go. 1152 01:31:58,346 --> 01:32:00,507 Hey, forty chin-ups, baby. 1153 01:32:00,615 --> 01:32:03,846 What are you doing, writing home for money? What are you saying there? 1154 01:32:03,951 --> 01:32:05,919 Hey, Dustin Hoffman. Midnight Cowboy. 1155 01:32:06,020 --> 01:32:07,920 Hi, Charlie. You're looking good. 1156 01:32:08,022 --> 01:32:10,320 Soul food here? Don't let 'em get down here, baby. 1157 01:32:10,424 --> 01:32:13,484 Oh, here, here. Watch that. You'll go crazy. [ Mumbles] 1158 01:32:14,529 --> 01:32:16,497 Huh? Are we conscious? 1159 01:32:16,597 --> 01:32:19,361 I am. I'm not sure about you. 1160 01:32:24,505 --> 01:32:27,702 - The Lost Moment. - Uh, Martin Gabel, 1949. 1161 01:32:27,808 --> 01:32:30,140 - '47. - '47. That's silly of me. 1162 01:32:30,244 --> 01:32:33,042 - The Heiress was 1949. - The- that's Willy Wyler. 1163 01:32:33,147 --> 01:32:36,878 - I thought of that because of Henry James. - Yes. 1164 01:32:36,984 --> 01:32:41,887 I want you to get a lot of rest before you start socializing. 1165 01:32:41,989 --> 01:32:44,514 You're a very popular young fella. 1166 01:32:58,472 --> 01:33:01,270 I'll turn around and I'll come back. 1167 01:33:01,375 --> 01:33:04,640 You wouldn't understand the way I feel about Mary Ann... 1168 01:33:04,745 --> 01:33:08,772 that she's Donald Duck straws and Pepsodent toothpaste. 95767

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