All language subtitles for Kevin can wait s01e09

Yeah! Touchdown!
Yes! Jets, baby!

Are we
celebrating something?

Yes.
Jets up by 14.

Look alive, Chale.

**

Why did I come in here?

Why did I throw that?

He really
shouldn't have thrown that.

Move your hands up, dude.

Why won't my hands move?

Maybe he'll surprise me.

Even seals catch balls,
and they don't have arms.

Ooh, do I have an ice pack
in the fridge?

No pressure.
No pressure.

This will tell me everything
I need to know about you.

Don't close your eyes.
Don't close your eyes!

Come on, Chale.
One time.

I got it!

Way to go, Chale!

I love you so much!

Wow! He caught it.

Ohh!
Ohh!

I'll get the ice pack.

That's a purple face tomorrow.

* I am not your ordinary guy

Hey.

Hey, babe.
How was work?

Ugh. Horrible.

I'm sorry.

Listen. You know how our grill
is on its way out?

I've been looking online.

They have these, like,
smoker/grill combos.

They're pricy, but, man,
what a game changer.

Uh, honey, I just told you
my day was horrible.

Yeah.

I just told you
we could be making pulled pork

in our own backyard.

All right.
What happened?

Okay, well, first of all,
I wake up this morning

and one of my wisdom teeth
is just throbbing.

I mean,
it's got to come out,

but Dr. Schneider can't even
see me until Thursday.

Ohh.

And then I get an e-mail
from my principal,

and you know how
I want to move up

from nursing at the middle
school to the high school?

No, but go on.

Well, I have seniority,
but Gwen in my office,

you know, the one who
found out she's 1/10 French,

and all of a sudden,
she's got an accent

and she's double-kissing
people.

She went behind my back
to try to get the job.

That's ridiculous.

I know!

This one's over
1,000 bucks,

and it doesn't even have
a rotisserie.

Honey...

I'm trying to tell you
how horrible my day was,

and you are looking
at grills

that we absolutely cannot
afford?

I get it. We can pay to have
your teeth taken out,

but the minute I want to
smoke some meat, we're broke.

Hey, you're going to work?
I thought you had class.

Yeah, well, we're short
a bartender,

and Enzo needs me
to pick up extra shifts,

but my friend is taking notes,
so it's all good,

but I got to go,
so I love you, guys, okay?

Love you.

Did you hear
what Kendra just said?

I think we established
listening isn't
my strong suit.

She's missing class.

Okay, Enzo's was supposed to
be a part-time job

so that she could earn
a little extra spending money.

We got to talk to her.

All right.
We will tonight.

No. It's more important
than that.

You know what?
Can you please go
down there right now?

I would, but my jaw,
it just --

it hurts every time
I move my mouth.

Don't you think that's
a little message from God

telling you to...

telling you to...

Listen, sweetheart, I
got to talk to you about
something very important.

Okay.
Dad, for the last time,

I do not have the power
to name a sandwich after you.

All I'm asking is that
you drop a note
in the suggestion box.

Okay, Dad,
I got to get these pies out.

I'm not -- I wanted to
talk to you about
something else anyway.

I got to go!

Oh, wait. Guy! My beer.
Seriously?

It's right there.
Kevin, just hand that to him,
please.

Ah.
Thanks.

Yeah, Enzo's.

Oh, yeah.
I'm checking on it now.

Sorry. I didn't mean
to snap like that.

I'm just having
one of those days, you know?

I hear ya.

Big promotion at work,

this buddy of mine's trying
to steal it from under me,

and he doesn't have
any talent.

He's just got a big mouth.

Look,
I don't know your situation,

but, uh, I'm sure
your boss will figure it out.

Just remember this --
Smart is always quiet.

Idiots are always loud.

Hey! We need more ice!

See there?

Yeah, thanks.
All right.

I needed that.
There you go, buddy.

Oh, uh, I-I-I-I
can't make change.

Keep it. It's yours.

Excuse me.

What do recommend -- the
meatball hero or the calzone?

I recommend you lose the "or"
and slap an "and" on that.

You know what?

We'll take two of each
to go,

and we'll have two beers
while we wait.

I like it.

Enzo, these guys want
a couple of beers.

**

Hey, there he is.
So, how'd it go?

Unbelievable.
Really?

Yeah. I got the job.

Wh-- What? W-What job?

Bartender. Enzo's.

He needed someone,
and I was there.

What's up? What's up?

Okay. Hold up.

Okay, so,
I sent you down there

to make sure Kendra
wasn't working too much,

and now
you work there, too?

I'll make money
for my smoker, right?

I'll check up on her.
It's like eyes on the inside.

I guess...so.

And get this,
my employee number -- 007.

No one took it.
How awesome is that?

Nobody.
Yeah.

No, babe.
I-I'll update our Facebook.

Already did.

I don't know.

I'm just starting
to worry that Jeff
has commitment issues.

Well, let's see.

He's got two cellphones, he
comes home covered in glitter,

and we both know it ain't from
working in the craft store.

Well, what do I do?

Ding, ding. I think you got to
call the bellhop.

Bellhop?

'Cause you ain't
just got a boyfriend,

you got extra baggage.

You know what?
I think you're right.

Yeah.

Ugh. Give me the
stiffest drink you got.

All right.
Straight whiskey?

Yeah.

You know what?
Throw some Coke in there, too.

Okay.

And a lot of ice.

Hey, you know what?
Just give me a Sprite.

Somebody had a tough day,
huh?

Yeah, well, you know,
I've been trying to get

that fire-safety gig
at Citi Field.

I e-mailed my resume,
but I got the standard
automated reply,

so I guess that's done.

What if I told you
I knew the guy
who could get you that job?

Really? Who?

You.

That's weird, because
I mentioned me in the e-mail

and they still said no.

Kyle, you need to look
at failure as the sprinkles

that make the cupcakes of life
so sweet.

You know, you're saying that
so slow like it's important,

but I'm still not
understanding.

You go down there and you put
a face with the name.

Oh.
Well, why didn't you say that?

What's this thing with all
the sprinkles and cupcakes?

I have my process.

Hey, babe.
Hi.

Sorry I'm so late.
Enzo's was crazy tonight.

Well, you missed dinner.

Oh, yeah?
What'd you make?

Vegetable stir-fry.

Hmm. Sorry. Checked out
when I heard "vegetable."

Very funny.
Hey, how is Kendra doing?

Well, she doesn't
tip me out as well as
the other waitresses,

but...I'm gonna bring it up to
her at the next staff meeting.

Yo, Timbo, you got Kev.
What's up?

Uh, hey, babe, who is calling
you after 11:00 at night?

Uh, hold on a second, Tim.

He's one of my regulars,
all right?

He's up for a promotion,
and one of his friends

is trying to
steal it from him.

Oh.

You do realize
that's the exact same problem

I told you
I was having at work?

No. But if it is,
I'd listen in,

'cause I'm about to
drop some knowledge.

Tim, here's what you tell
your boss...

Well, I dumped my boyfriend,
like you said.

All right.
And how's that make you feel?

Great!

But now all my friends
are saying I should

get back with him because,
well, he can be really sweet.

Ooh. So is a grizzly bear
when it's sleeping.

Dump them, too.

Hey, Tim!

I did what you said.

It worked like a charm.
I got the promotion.

That's awesome.

Only thing is,
they want to move me

to a satellite office
in Jersey.

You -- You want to be
in Jersey?

Well, no. I'd rather be
at the office in the city,

but, I mean,
that'll be okay, right?

Wrong.

I got you this far.
I'll get you the rest
of the way.

You tell them it's a no-go
on Jersey.

Really?
I mean, it is a promotion.

Yeah. It's a promotion
for your job,

but a demotion
for your heart.

Wow.

Yeah. I felt it, too.

All right. Come on, guys.
Look alive.

You stood us up, man.
Not cool.

I had to work, but,
hey, I left you
a motivational voicemail.

You only miss 100% of the
shots you don't take? What?

Yeah. Your brother missed 100%
of the shots he did take.

I'm a defensive specialist.
You knew that going in.

Guys, guys, let's just --
let's get out of here.

He's tearing us apart.
Come on.

Hey, uh, Kyle, wait up.

How's it going with the job
down at Citi Field?

Well, I went down there,
and they told me

I needed to fill out
a resume online,
so back where I started.

And you're okay with that?

What am I supposed to do?

I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.

Tomorrow, the Operations
Manager at Citi Field

walks into his office,
and who's sitting there?

His secretary?

No. You.

Because you don't let security
or fences stop you.

Those are just obstacles.

One way or the other,
you get in that office,

and you let them know
you are not leaving

until you get
what you came for,

'cause that's what
a go-getter does.

See, normally,
that would be a list of things

that would get me arrested.

But the way you say it

sounds like
I'm gonna get the job.

Nice to meet you, Head of
Fire Safety at Citi Field.

I just got chills.

**

Wow. That smoker's awesome.
I can't believe it.

How did you know
to get the right one?

Uh, well,
your screen saver

used to be a picture of me
and the kids,

and then I noticed it
changed to the Smoke Pro 4000.

So...bit of a gut punch,
but message received.

All right. This round is
bratwurst, sausage, and ribs.

Oh, and, by the way,
the mystery spice

from the last round
was habanero.

That answer, again...
habanero.

Mr. Gable, I'm afraid
I'm starting to get
the meat sweats.

Yeah,
I can't eat anymore.

Never thought
I'd say this,

but can I please
go do my homework?

Yeah.

I need to lie down.

Okay, well,
don't go sleep,

or Mr. Gable might smoke
and eat you.

You know what, hon? I got
to get to work anyway, so --

What?
You're going to Enzo's?

Honey, I thought
you were done.
You got the smoker.

Babe, that's kind of why I got
you the smoker.

But that's not what
it's about anymore.

Look. I don't need to make
the money anymore, but it's --

You know, it's --
I'm connecting
with these people.

And I didn't realize this,
but I have a gift.

Okay.

Honey, you missed Sara's
lacrosse game,

I feel like I've only seen you
for 10 minutes this week,

and do even remember
that you have to pick me up

at the dentist's tomorrow?
Yeah, of course, I do.

You're getting hung up
on the three or four
balls I'm dropping.

You got to focus
on the 100 I got in the air.

Wow! That is awesome. I got to
remember that for Phyllis.

So, ladies,
don't bog down

on the three or four balls
you drop in life.

Instead, focus on
the 100 you keep in the air

and shine like diamonds
in the night.

Excuse me.

Enzo's.

Where are you?
I need you to pick me up.

Hey. This is a business,
all right, buddy?

I'm a cop, and I know
how to trace a call.

But it's me!

It's me!

Get help, freak!

Look, I'm really sorry,
all right?

It was crazy there! I didn't
even feel my phone buzzing.

By the way, I got to say,
without the back teeth,

your cheek bones
are popping.

I ain't hating
the swollen lips, either.

It's like,
"Is that Donna Gable,
or is that Gisele?"

It's Donna Gable.

And don't try to be
nice right now, okay?

The job has to end.
I'm not joking.

Com on. I messed up,
all right? But don't make
me quit. Please.

Get another tooth pulled out
tomorrow. I'll pick you up.

Do you hear
yourself right now?

It's like you're addicted
to this job.

I'm not addicted. I can
stop any time I wanted to.

Stop now.

I don't want to.

You have to.

Fine.

But not yet.

'Cause I don't want to.

'Cause I don't want to.

Ah, there he is.

The place is packed.
Everybody's waiting for you.

Actually, Enzo,
I got some bad news.

I got to quit.

No. Those people
need you. I need you.

All right. One more time.

Okay, Dad.
Teleprompter's ready to go.

Here is your headset.

I am so blessed to have
a father like you.

All right.

**

Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome fill-in bartender

and full-time life changer,

the inspirational speaker
from Massapequa, Kevin Gable!

Wow!

Wow!

Wow. Thank you.

Thank you!

Thank you all!

Thank you all!

Just six days ago,
a man came to me.

He was having trouble at work.

Today, that man is
a millionaire.

Tim, stand on up.

Tim, get on up!

Now, that is what's possible

when we all flip that switch
in our heads.

We all have it.
You have it.

You have it. You have it.
You have it.

You, you, you, you, you.

I'm not sure about you.

I'm kidding. He's got it.

He's got it.

Now, I've asked you all
to fill out your dream cards,

and what I'm gonna do now is
show you how we get
those dreams

from your head to the paper --

To the universe.

Oh! To the universe!
Do you hear that?

That's Kendra. Give it up
for her. Let her know.

All right. Now, follow me,

because it's time to make
those dreams a reality.

Let's go.

The man you're about to meet
is a loser's loser.

He lives in a garage
much like, say,

a lawnmower
or an old pair of skis.

Hello. I am Chale.

Now, according to
his dream card,

what's holding him back
is fear.

Well, today, we'll make that
fear disappear.

Step on the coals,
Chale.

But they are on fire.

Look at me.

You can do it, son.

I can do it.

Hey, here is
your last check.

Uh, I got
a little gravy on it,

but you can still
make out the numbers.

Hey, Dad, I'm sorry
this didn't work out.

Are you kidding me?
It's my fault.

I got distracted.

Please don't that happen
to you, all right?

Just focus on your studies,

and if Mom asks,
I told you that two weeks ago.

Okay.
All right.

Love you.
All right. Love you.

Okay.

Kevin, you were right.

I'm done looking out,
and I'm ready to look in.

Can you talk?

Actually, you know,
I don't -- I don't even
work here anymore.

Um...

but I guess I could
take a couple seconds
and we could talk.

Yeah?
Yeah. All right.

So, you think I should try
to reconnect

with my biological father?

Beth, some people run away
to hide.

Some run away to be found.

He moved to Bangkok.

I'm gonna say he's a hider.

Excuse me.

Okay.

Hello?
Hey, where are you?

You were supposed to be home
an hour ago.

I'm -- I'm at Enzo's,
but don't worry. I quit.

The job was just
getting in the way

of me connecting
with the people that need me.

Oh,
you are out of control.

Honey, relax.
I figured it out, all right?

Look, I'm not a bartender.

I'm a life coach.

A life coach?

And don't worry. I can see
clients at the house now.

By the way, do we have room
in the backyard for hot coals?

Ooh, Phyllis is here.
Oh, she's in tears.
I got to go. Okay.

Phyllis, just grab a gin fizz.
I'll meet you at the booth.

I want to hear everything.

What's going on?

First of all, everyone
in this room loves you.

Okay.

But, honey,
you have a problem,
and this in an intervention.

Um, Kyle, would you like to
start us off?

Absolutely.

Kevin, you're my brother,
and I love you.

I followed your advice
and broke into the office

of the Director of Operations
at Citi Field.

I did not get the job.

In fact, I was thrown out
of the building.

Now, I am no longer allowed
to purchase tickets to games.

They also have
my picture up at all
the entrances and exits.

Not cool, bro. Get help.
I love you.

Guys.

Kevin, I don't even
know who you are anymore, man.

You know, this new, helpful,
positive attitude you have,

it just -- it makes me
want to punch you.

If I get any more late night,
crazy-ass,

Confucius messages
on my phone,

I'm gonna have to
block your number.

I have to admit,
I kind of like the messages.

Thank you, Mott.

Come on, Mott.

It's the same stuff you get
from a fortune cookie.

Not true. Each of those
are tailor-made

specifically
for your needs.

Dad, that's not true.

You're pulling them
from the Internet

and testing them on me
at work.

She's a liar.

Chale?

I have to be honest.

I just came in here
to watch TV.

You guys just can't handle it,
but I help people.

That's what I do.

Well, we thought you might
say that.

Tim? Liz?

Oh, good.
I'm glad you guys are here.

They can back me up.
Tim, tell them.

You told me to tell my boss
it was my way or the highway.

Now I'm living in
my PT Cruiser
just off the highway.

And you told me to dump
my boyfriend and my friends.

Now I'm alone in my apartment
with my cat.

You know what I'm hearing?

Someone who's lonely
and someone who needs
a place to stay.

Peanut butter,
meet jelly.

Sweetheart,
please accept this help.

If you don't,
all of these people

don't want to be
around you anymore.

A frown when it's
turned upside down --

No, no.

In life, you're gonna find
a path less traveled
you should...

Don't -- Don't do it.

I'm gonna have
to return the smoker.

Okay. I got a problem.

But I don't know what to do.

**

Wow, babe.
That's like the 50th one
in a row that you've caught.

Yes.
I can catch a ball.

I just wanted
to prove to you

that I'm not some
uncoordinated idiot.

You know, it might be my dad
who makes you nervous.

It was a freak accident.
The light got in my eyes.

Okay.
Baby, you know, it's okay.

He can intimidate people.

Darling, he does not
intimidate me.

What's up, guys?

Aah!

Oh, no! Not again!

Mom,
can you get the ice pack?

And a little club soda.
We got a bleeder.

* Don't want
no sweet perfume *

* Shake your thing,
go bust your move *

* Do, do, do, do, do

* Do, do, do, do

* Ohhhhhh, yeah

* Don't want
no high-heel shoes *

* I just don't want no...