All language subtitles for Jane.the.Virgin.S05E15.1080p.WEB.h264-CookieMonster

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, friends. You'll recall Jane

had been working on her newest
book for quite some time.

I just had an epiphany
about my new book.

I want to turn it
into this big

multigenerational story

with all
of the lightness

and all of the darkness.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And great news:

she was getting good feedback
from her mentor Marlene.

I would love to show it
to a friend in the industry.

Really?
That would be...
Okay,

okay, the friend is
actually my lover. (laughs)

She's in publishing,
and she's a genius.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And Marlene's not the only one
with a lover.

Jane and Rafael
were back together.

And he proposed.

Will you marry me?
Yes!

(crying)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I know!

Heart-eye emojis, right?

But in less happy news,
their son Mateo

was having a hard time
at school.

Mateo is really struggling
with his reading.

He is quite far behind
the rest of the class.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, and Jane's dad
was struggling, too.

See, the fate of his show
was in the hands of the studio.

Barry, I need this pickup.

I know!
Straight out of a telenovela

inside a telenovela!

And speaking of...

remember Rafael's sister Luisa?

You know, the one
who was in love with Rose,

aka our supervillain.

Thank you for accepting
this assignment.

Now let's get to work.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Well, Luisa swore
her off forever,

though recently she seemed

to have had a change
of heart again.

I even sent someone
to watch over you. "Girl..."

Hey, girl, what's up?
I'm in.

What does Rose need me to do?

Oh, and I
hate to bring this up, but...

If you do not help me,
something terrible...

(crash)
LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
I know.

I hope Petra's okay.
Which is where we left off.

When Jane Gloriana Villanueva

was 30 years
and six months old,

her life changed forever.

She gonna be okay?

Yes. Unfortunately.

My mother's
like a cockroach.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
But that's a month away.

Right now Jane is 30 years
months old.

And this is more of a hassle.

Her leg's pretty screwed up.
She'll be fine.

I'm just happy
you're all right.

You know, when I first
woke up after the crash,

my first thought
was of the girls.

What if I died?

Then I realized
they'd be fine.

'Cause they have Rafael.

And you. As a stepmom.
Oh...

Don't you start crying.
I'm trying to stop...

Too late.

I just realized
I'm gonna be a stepmom.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which brings us here, now.

What's going on?

I want to make sure
everything is equal,

so the girls feel every bit
as important as Mateo.

I also think

we should buy two more chairs
for the kitchen table,

so they don't have
to sit on folding chairs

every time they come over,
like they're company.

And I'm gonna spend time

with each of them separately

to really get
to know them individually.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And learn to tell them apart.

That sounds great,
but where is this coming from?

We're getting married.

I'm taking on a new role

in their life.

And I want to kill
this stepmom thing.

Ooh!

Oh! Oh, my God!

I just realized what I have
to do to fix my novel.

I-I've been trying to crack
this chapter,

and I finally figured it out.

I have to rearrange everything.

I need to go write!

Go! Go write!
Oh!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And so write she did.

Because when the muse struck
Jane, it struck her hard.

Pretty much punched her
in the face.

to write.

She couldn't stop.

Though life didn't stop
around her.

Hey, good news.

Petra regained some mobility
in her fingers.

She even flipped me off
this morning.

I just heard
the studio loved

pilot.

You want to come to dinner
and celebrate?

Oh, Dad, I would love to,
but I am on such a roll.

Then keep rolling,
my brilliant daughter.

Oh, wow.
It's sort of smelly in here.

Still in the zone.
Stay there.

I just need to borrow
your label maker.

I'm organizing
my nursing school courses.

I just registered.

This is so good.

Okay. I got to go
pick up the kids,

but I'll read the next chapter
as soon as I get back.

Thank you. Love you.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And finally... after
three weeks, five pizzas,

and one and a half showers,
Jane finished her novel.

Hallelujah!

Ah... it's awesome.

I love-- What?
What's this?

Uh, my alternate ending.

Let me know which one
you think is better.

Uh, what's
the difference?

That comma.
It completely changes

the cadence of
the last sentence.

Okay, I vote
no comma.

Actually, I might go
with the comma.

Okay. It's done.

Period.
Exclamation point.

Now go send it
to Jill.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Ah, yes, Jill.

Marlene's publishing friend.

And lover.

Okay. Yeah.

It's good, right?

I think it's good.

But I also feel
strange saying that,

like, maybe I'm delusional.

You're not. It's better
than good. It's great.

Now go take a shower.

It's time.

Have you heard anything
about your manuscript?

Not yet.

I'm spiraling.
Please don't ask me about it.

Okay, well, yesterday you
ask.

Yes, I know.
Like I said, I'm spiraling.

Wh-What's going on?
Distract me.

Can you take the girls
for a few hours today?

Raf's showing a house.
I've got back-to-back meetings,

and the nannies have
some god-awful stomach virus,

so they're banned
from the Marbella.
Of course.

Yes! I am officially ready
to step into stepmomming.

Great. So can I just go over
a few rules

I've developed
with their therapist?

Mother-to-stepmother
communication.

I love it.
Give me those rules.

(chuckles)
Most of it's just common sense.

And only one sweet
per day.

Unless it's Friday. Then they
can have an apple and a sweet.

dinner.

ever.

I found little orange
fingerprints

all over my Prada mules.

Is that it?
Yes.

Why? Do you need
more guidance?

No. God, no.
(chuckles)

Look, all these
boundaries and rules

make them feel safe
and loved.

Because if they don't,

they get manipulative
and start to lie.

And their therapist
said we need

to nip that behavior
in the bud.

Got it.
No problem.

Thank you so much.
My pleasure!

I'm going to finish my shift
and get ready to stepmom it up.

(chuckles, exhales)

What are you doing?

I'm stepmomming it up!

You're so weird.

(ringtone playing)

Yes, hello.

This is Dr. Price,
your mother's physician.

We need you down here ASAP.

It's fine. You have
my permission to pull the plug.

Ma'am, your mother's
not on life support.

(woman yells)
What was that?

DR. PRICE:
She just threw another bedpan.

We really need you
down here.

Just put her on the phone.

MAGDA:
I won't let them do it!

In Czech Republic,
they put you under.

Next thing you know, your
kidneys are being auctioned off

on black market.

Mother, what are you
talking about?

Doctor say I must cut off leg
or die.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Geez, how many appendages
can this lady lose?

Really taking her down
to the studs here.

Well, I don't know, Mother,
maybe roll the dice.

EXECUTIVE:
We don't want to gamble
on this pilot.

That's why we're
testing it

before we send it
to the network.

RIVER:
So how does this work?

Uh, I'm not familiar

with the pilot
testing process,

because my shows always go
straight to series.

When they
like something,

they turn the dial up.

When they dislike
something,

they turn
the dial down.

I told you never to interrupt me
while I'm executive producing.

I was just bringing you
the coffees you asked for.
Never.

All right, but I will take
the coffee, since it's here.

Thank you, Girl Rudy.

Take me, Steve.

What does that mean?

Looks like the women
in the audience

love the romance.
And as predicted,

the men aren't as interested
in the soapy stuff.

BRENDA:
The doctor,

he might come back.
Then let him watch.

Take off your shirt.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wow. Straight men like boobs.

Pilot-testing seems
like an airtight method.

Our scientists have finally
figured out...

Oh, I love this scene.
Oh, me, too.

We're perfectly
calibrated.

Excuse me, can you check to see
if the dials are broken?

Oh, thank God.
Never mind.

Our passionate lovemaking
has healed my wounds.

STEVE:
Who needs doctors?

EXECUTIVE:
Great test. We're really happy.

I'd change a
few music cues.
Got it.

And then let's get it over to
the network for the weekend.

Sounds good.

That was a disaster.

What are you
talking about?

The test scores
were through the roof.

For those two fetuses,
not for us.

If the network
sees these scores,

they're gonna want to
make the show all about

those two mildly
talented Mini-Me's

and we're gonna
get sidelined.

What?
Yes.

Well, that
can't happen.

show.
the stars.

Exactly. So we're gonna go back
into editing

and make sure we stand out more.

Otherwise, they're
gonna turn us into

side characters whose scenes get

shorter and shorter,
until they're

cutting us off mid...

Some mandarin oranges
for your Mandarin homework.

We're actually done
with our homework.

Yeah. Can we have
20 minutes of iPad time?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Which one of Petra's 800 rules
covered that?

Well, uh... just give me
a minute to think about that.

Hey, are you
texting our mom?

What? No.
Of course not.

I'm just, uh...
considering the request.

You know... weighing
the pros and cons.

Really deliberating.

I think it was,
um, Henry David Thoreau

who said, "To live
deliberately,

to front only the essential
facts of life..."

(phone beeps)

Anyway, after much
deliberation, the answer is no.

Okay. We'll just
go play in our room.

(exhales)
(ringtone playing)

Oh.

Marlene?

Jane, hi.

Listen, I loved your novel.

Oh, my God. Really?

Yes, it totally delivered.

It's as amazing
as I knew it would be.

Thank you.

Uh, that's great to hear.

But unfortunately, Jill

passed on it. She's not
going to represent you.

It means that my novel
was rejected, Abuela.

The agent doesn't want
to represent me.

But you know what?

I'm actually fine,
optimistic even.

According to Marlene,

Jill loved the writing but just
didn't know how to market it,

which means that she just
wasn't the right fit for me,

but there are plenty
of other agents out there,

and I'm going to get
my manuscript

to every last one of them.
(chuckles)

Abuela?

No, I'm printing,

and I have to keep printing,
so I'll call you later.

Love you.
(video game noises)

Hey. What's going on?

BOTH:
Hey, Aunt Jane.

Don't "hey, Aunt Jane" me.

You're playing with your iPad
when I specifically told you

that you couldn't.
Now hand them over.

Sorry.

It won't happen again.

Okay, then, but you don't
get 'em after dinner. Deal?

Deal.

Do you have shrimp cocktail?

Maybe with a side of soy-braised
baby back ribs?

I have chicken nuggets.

Low-sodium at least?

Absolutely.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Look at that.

Super Stepmom in the house.

PETRA:
Everything go okay
with the girls?

Yeah. For the most part,
it was smooth sailing.

Wh-What do you mean
"for the most part"?

Well, we did have a minor issue,
but I handled it.

What happened? I need
to know all the details.

It's important.

Okay, but please don't
tell them that I told you

because we're really
starting to bond.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Also bonding...

Okay, girl, let's go over
the details one more time.

Oh, don't worry, I've got it.
I'm just gonna go to Rafael,

and I'm gonna beg him
for the tie tack.

Simple pimple.

Exactly.

I wish I could do it.
If I could, I would.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
And in fact, he tried.

No problem.

But why does Rose want
the tie tack? Do you know?

One step at a time.

But she does have
a plan, right?

Rose always has a plan,

and the tie tack is phase two.

(screaming)
ROGELIO: Pause!

Okay, that was
a very sexy scream,

but there was
a slight downward turn

in the corners of River's mouth
at the end of the shot.

Totally true.

Can we trim off about
two and a half frames?

Well, yeah, sure, but, look,

if you guys want me to tweak
every single frame,

we'll be here all night.

Good point, Mia.

Let's check in with
our loved ones

and tell them it's
gonna be an all-nighter.

Geez...

What is it, Rogelio? We're
seeing you in less than an hour.

ROGELIO: Darci, listen,
what is the one thing

in the world
you love more than Baby?

When you owe me a favor.

Exactly.

And, boy, am I gonna
owe you a big one.

I'm on a time crunch at work.

Can we pretty please
swap Baby days?

Again?

Esteban is going on
a yoga retreat tomorrow,

and tonight
was couples time.

Darci, please,

my pilot hangs in the balance.

(sighs) Fine,

but I'm not gonna forget
about this favor.

Oh, you're a lifesaver.
Thank Esteban,

and tell Baby I love her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. (groans)
Rogelio is such a...

Ah, ah, ah.

JANE:
Crap.

What's wrong?

Uh...

just got another
rejection letter.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Geez, it's 7:00 a.m.

Let the girl have
a cup of coffee first.

I'm sorry.

I can get off work early
and pick up the girls

so you don't have to.

No, no, no, life goes on,

and I still have plenty
of agents to hear from,

and me and the girls
are making real progress.

You tattled on us!

ELLIE:
That's so lame.

New name:
Lame Jane.

No, stop.
Stop what, Lame Jane?

I only told your mother
what happened

because we're all on one team.

Team twins, huh? Go team!

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Yikes.

Pretty lame, Jane.

Snitches get stitches.

And end up
in ditches.

We don't hang out with narcs.

What... Hey, no, girls,
come back here right now.

Um, excuse me.
Stop it!

My luggage!

Wh-- Are you
their nanny?

You need to get
control of them.

Just because I'm Latina doesn't
mean that I'm their nanny.

Yeah, she's
not our nanny.
Huh.

She's our evil stepmother,
and we hate her.

Hurry up and get ready for
dinner, girls. So how was it?

Well, not great.
What happened?

What happened is that you
told them what I told you,

and now they think
I'm a big tattletale.

In their defense,
you're tattling right now.

Who cares? This isn't
middle school, it's parenting.

You said you weren't
gonna say anything.

Well, I changed my mind,
because I'm their mother,

and it's my job to decide
what's best for them.

And, frankly, you
shouldn't have asked me

not to say something in
the first place. Got it?

Fine. Okay. Got it.

Thank you.

So any incidents
to report today?

Yes, we did
have an issue.

They ran away because
they were upset with me.

Thank you.

Girls, get out here!
Jane told me what you did!

And speaking
of fractured relationships.

Whatever you have to say, I
don't want to hear it. Just go.

Wait, wait, wait! I understand
how you feel and why.

And after this, I will
leave you alone forever.

But I have
no family left,

and I just wanted

something small of Dad's
before I go.

What is it?

It's this

gold and onyx tie tack.

It's not worth much,

but it's got
sentimental value to me.

Dad wore it to my
med school graduation,

and I could...

I could really use a reminder
of a time in my life

when I was worthy of my family's
love and respect.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, wow, she's good.

I got it.

Well, I, um,
I have the tie tack,

so you know what I'll do?

What?
Take it straight to the police,

because if you
want it, then it

probably has something
to do with Rose.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Oh, wow, guess he's better.

Raf, please, don't.

♪ ♪

ROGELIO:
Push in on that look.

Now pull out on both of us.

RIVER: Oh, my God,
we look amazing.

We're popping
so much.

We're like a thousand champagne
corks exploding at once.

And we're done.

Okay, now let's
send this new tape

to the studio to get
to the network. Girl Rudy,

we need you to get the new cut
to the studio ASAP.

Oh, I already did.

What are you
talking about?

The network said
it had to be in by 3:00,

so the studio told me
to deliver the latest cut.

Why didn't you
tell me that?

You said never to interrupt you
when you're executive producing.

ROGELIO: Call the
network right now

and tell them that a new cut
is on the way.

I can't. They're at a corporate
retreat and unreachable.

That's why it needed
to be in by 3:00.

That makes three.

Three rejections just today.

Hey, it only takes one, right?

That's what I keep
telling myself,

but I think I need
one of Dad's famous

"fight for your art" pep talks.

Ah!
Oh, good, you're home.

Rogelio, tell Jane
what it's like

finally getting to work
on your passion project.

Oh.

Sure. Well, it's,

uh, horrible.

My career is over.
I might as well quit.

Why?

Because your daughter
needs a pep talk.

She got a few more
rejection letters.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You have to believe
in yourself, Jane.

That is the most
important thing.

The crazy thing is,
is I actually do.

I think that there is an agent
out there who will love my book,

but my manuscript's not even
getting to their desks.

How do you know?
I worked in publishing.

I'm getting form letter
rejections from assistants.

The last one was addressed
to "Jake Villanuts."

(stifled laugh)

(clears throat) H-Have you
heard back from everyone?

Well, not Isabel
Allende's agent,

but there's no way that my book
is getting even near her.

Unless you get it near her.

Did I ever tell you
how I got this scar?

I'll make some tea. Remember
your health, Rogelio. Keep calm.

Of course.
I'm perfectly calm.

So, calmly.

When I was a young actor
in Mexico City,

Alejandro González Iñárritu was
directing a movie about a hobo

who through sheer handsomeness

becomes the richest
oil tycoon in the world.

So I dressed as a homeless man

and waited along the route
Iñárritu took every day to work.

Then I saw his car,
so I ran into traffic

with a bucket and a squeegee.

(gasps) That's how
you got your scar?

You got hit by a car
while method auditioning?

No.

Iñárritu didn't recognize me and
threatened to call the police.

But I didn't give up.

The next day,
I went to Iñárritu's house

and hand-delivered my headshot
to Iñárritu's girlfriend.

She was very nice
and invited me inside.

Then one thing led to another,

and let's just say that
when Iñárritu got home,

I had to jump out the window.

And that's how
you got your scar?

No. I'm incredibly agile
and landed on my feet,

right in the middle
of Iñárritu's guard dogs.

So you were bitten?
No.

I used my incredible cunning
and a little hypnosis

and got away, and then Iñárritu

found my headshot
under his pillow.

And then you got the part?
No.

Actually, Iñárritu banned me
from his sets for life.

But the rumor
of our feud

got a ton of coverage
in the Mexican tabloids,

and all of
that attention

got me an audition for
The Passions of Santos,

which then launched my career.

So you see, Jane,
when you have a dream,

you never give up.

So how did you get the scar?

Oh, oh-- (chuckles)

I cut myself
while framing an issue

People en Español
about the scandal.

Well, it was the first time
I saw my name in print.

I still remember the headline.

"Crazed D-Lister
Stalks Iñárritu."

The point is,
I didn't throw in the towel

when things got hard.

Hmm. Dad, you
just came in here

and said you
were giving up,

that your
career was over.

Well, I was wrong.
I'm not giving up.

And neither will you,
Jake Villanuts.

(snorts)
Now tell me.

How badly do you want

your manuscript
read by this agent?

I want it with
everything that I am.

Well, that's all
I needed to hear.

I have a plan.
I am not going
to break into

the agent's house and put my
manuscript under her pillow.

Okay then. I have a plan B.

Planning
a covert operation requires

stealth and discipline and...

Moo shu pork, yum.
That was fantastic.

Okay. Let's synchronize
our watches.

And go over the plan
one more time.

(watches click)
The agent leaves

at 5:00 p.m. on Fridays
with her weekend reading.

At 4:40, you're gonna
enter the building

disguised
as a delivery person.
And I tell security,

"I have a package
for the fifth floor."

At 4:48, you're gonna enter
the agent's office

and you're gonna use
your decoy box

to knock over
the stack of manuscripts.

And as I help pick
up the fallen papers,

I slide my manuscript
on the top of her pile

for her weekend reading.
By the end of the day,

the agent takes
your novel home. Boom.

Dad, you are amazing.

But the mission
isn't accomplished yet.

To make it happen
by the weekend,

we have to move quickly.
Mm-hmm.

(phone beeps)

Rudy!
Get me props, stat.

I also need wardrobe
and makeup.

My daughter needs
a great disguise.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Wow.

That's a really great disguise.

Did Rogelio call
Rose's mask maker?

Oh.

(ringtone playing)
There she is.

Hey.

Hey. Uh, I booked
a last-minute showing

that I need to be at,
like, five minutes ago.

And I know I said I would
pick up the girls, but I can't.

And the nanny's still sick
and Petra's in a meeting

and I should really be
in there with her and I...

It's just, uh,

I'm kind of in the middle
of a business thing.

Wait, what business thing?
A none-of-your-business thing.

Nothing, never mind,
I'll pick up the girls.

No, Jane. What about the plan?
Don't worry.

I've got one. Our cut
needs to get to the network.

We've worked too hard to get
this project off the ground.

My younger self
would not

have given up
and neither will I.

Agreed. But what
does that have to do

with... those hideous things?

I found out
that every year

the network execs
watch all their pilots

at a remote
wilderness lodge.

No phones,
no computers.

No audience testing.
But how will they know

that straight men like boobs?

It's just the top brass
in a screening room.

Totally off the grid.

But...

here's the grid.

The lodge is here...

surrounded by some swamp.

So we'll need
waders and camouflage

fishing vests.

The waders will help us
to safely traverse the terrain.

And the fishing vests will
have pockets for all our needs.

I wanted to get us
self-destructing burner phones,

but Rudy said those
aren't real, so I just got us

regular boring burner phones.

We will wade in
through the swamp,

slip into
the screening room

while they're at lunch,
swap out the tape

and no one will ever know.
Are you in?

There is no way in hell
she's gonna...

I am so in.

Wow. Okay.

We cannot let them
keep on shifting

the focus younger
and younger and younger.

What are we doing here?
JANE: I just have

to make a quick delivery
and then we'll be out of here.

What kind of delivery?

Are you a secret
drug runner?

No. No, I just... just my book.

And I've been working on it
for the past year.

Actually, years.
I've worked on it for years

and I need to get it
to somebody to read it.

Then what's with
the off-brand polo?

You look like a caddy.

It's complicated. And I know

you're still mad at me
for tattling,

but right now I need you both
to be on your best behavior.

What's in it for us?

Here's the thing:

nothing is in it for you.

Because you don't
do something for someone

just to get something.

I'm asking you

for your help
as your future stepmom

who loves you.

We need to hurry. Please.

Just act natural.

(chuckles nervously)
Delivery lady.

Just, uh,
making some deliveries.

Per the yuj. What up?
(chuckles)

Yeah, very natural, Jane.

(Jane sighs)

Okay, you stay here

and, uh, hide
behind that plant

while I take
a delivery box.

Shoot, the box.
(elevator dings)

Left it in the car.

Uh, it's fine.

I-I can go get it.
ELLIE: Why do you need a box?

Because she's pretending
to be a delivery person

to get past security.

Obvi.
GUARD:
Excuse me, ma'am.

Can I help you?
Uh-oh.

Looks like this plan
is set to self-destruct

in three, two, one.

What is your business here?
Lose the badge.

Excuse me?
Don't you know

who our mother is?

ELLIE:
Anna and Ellie Beedham.

Her assistant said
she was calling ahead.

She is so fired.

So fired.
GUARD:
Wait, stop.

Let's not fire anyone.

It could
have been me.

Now, what floor did
you say you're going to?

The 26th. Beedham.

And you are?

I'm their nanny.

Got it.

(gasps)
Thank you

so much, girls,
that was amazing.

A-And real quick--

it's okay that I told him
that I was your nanny

because I was using
his bias against him.

So it was subversive. Huh?
Do you know what that means?

Of course we do.
We're not idiots.

(doorbell rings)

What the hell are you wearing?

Oh, I'm trying on clothes.

F-For a work thing.

What are you doing here?
(exhales)

I'm on my way to New York.

Two of my clients
are on the brink of divorce

so I have to do an emergency
counseling session

and Esteban is away.

So I need you to take
Baby for the next two days.
Oh.

Oh, but I-I-I,
I-I have a, a-a very

big...
And totally insane...

...work thing, yeah.
The fate of my show hangs...

Rogelio.

I just covered your ass

and now I need you
to cover mine.

You said it yourself.
You owe me.

Prioritize your daughter.

I do prioritize her.

No, you haven't been lately.

You've been
prioritizing work.

These are the moments, Rogelio.

You won't get them back.

Baby won't be a baby forever.

Of course I'll take her.

Thank you.

And, uh, a little advice.

Duck Dynasty

is offering, it's not worth it;
you look absurd.

Wha... (scoffs)

(Baby coos)
I know.

The idea that I could
look absurd is absurd. Mwah.

Yeah.

River?

There has been
a change of plans.

Wait, what happened
with their plan?

(all scream excitedly)

(laughs) I can't
believe that worked!

Oh, yay.
Did you see that?

I just put the manuscript
right on top of the pile.

We'll lie for you
any time, Aunt Jane.

Okay-- (chuckles nervously)

Wait, I-- (groans) Uh...

I-I did that because
it was a last resort.

But that was wrong
and I really shouldn't

have lied and pretended
to be somebody else

and I definitely shouldn't
have dragged you into this.

So...

as punishment,
I get no iPad for a week.

I'm serious.

And I want you both
to enforce it.

If you catch me
even looking at one,

I want you to take it away.

(girls giggling)

I really hope that agent
reads your book.

Yeah. Me, too.

(laughs)

Mm.

I think...

this is it.

My last shot.

What?

If the agent
likes my book...

She will.
I hope so.

That would be...

everything.

But if not...

then I need to move on.

To the next chapter of my life.

You mean, give up writing?

Not give up.
Just...

look at it
more like a hobby,

less of a career.

That feels like
giving up.
No.

No, it feels like
I'm being realistic.

I mean, my dad
guaranteed my last book.

And with this one...

I mean...

I'm proud
of what I wrote.

It's what
I wanted to write.

But if I can't sell it,

then I need to find
another way to make money.

And contribute.
And leave the Marbella,

which I always say
I will,

but I keep ending up
back there

and I want
to get out so badly.

Yeah, I get that.

I just hope she
loves your book.

Yeah. Me, too.

(sighs)

Which brings us, friends,
to the morning

when Jane turned 30 years
and six months old.

The day her life
changed forever.

Good morning.

Isabel Allende's agent
read my book...

(voice breaking):
and she passed.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You okay?

It's just, uh...

I kept reminding myself
how hard it was

to get out of the pile.

But I did.

And my work was read.

But it wasn't good enough.

So... (inhales)
I have to move on.

No, you don't.

I have to be
realistic.
Why?

Because it's time.

I gave myself one more book.

It's time.
MATEO: I really love

your book, Mommy.
(laughs)

Thanks, Mr. Sweetface.

MATEO (slowly):
Our...

story... be... gins...

Mateo, that is the opening line
of my book!
You just read that!

I read it!
You read!

(laughs)
(shouts)

See? Something good
already came from it.

Ew!

No more kissing. More reading.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
You got it.

"'I want to run faster,'

"he said to the cow.

'But I'm a slow turtle,
and I don't know how.'"

(clears throat)

(whispers):
Yeah...

(grunts, gasps)

And, friends, that's when...

Oh, my God.

My baby Baby's walking.

You did it.

Oh, my God,
I cannot believe this.

(ringtone playing)

You know what?
Let's not take this.

Let's just enjoy our time
together and take selfies.

Okay?

The girls told me
what you had them do.

(laughs) I can't believe
they tattled on me.

It's not funny, Jane.

How could you not
tell me about this?

Because I handled it.

The girls are never
gonna trust me

if I tell you
every single thing.

Oh, well, too bad.
I'm their mother.

Yes, you're their mother,
but I'm not their nanny.

You can't just hand out
orders to me.

I didn't plan to involve the
girls, it just kind of happened,

and I'm sorry,
I really am.

But I made sure the girls knew
that it was wrong.

Uh...
And I'm gonna work
really hard to make sure

that they follow through
with their therapy,

but I need to have my own
relationship with them.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
For the record, they would have

their own relationship, one of
the most trying relationships

of Jane's life.
(girls snickering)

But I'm getting ahead
of myself.

So no, I-I'm not going
to tell you everything,

but like you said, the most
important thing is that

they feel safe and loved,
which they do now, with me.

(ringtone playing)

Hello?
PRICE (over phone):
This is Dr. Price.

We amputated your mother's leg,

but she's taken a turn
for the worse.

Sorry to have to tell you this,
but she's now on life support.

I told you before,
you can pull the plug.

Actually, you need
to put that in writing.

I did put it in writing.

A text with a plug emoji

and a thumbs-up doesn't count.

You need to do it in person.

(sighs)
Fine.

I need to go to the hospital
to unplug my mother.

Let's continue this in the car.

Finally.

Got it.

My father's watch?

The watch has nothing
to do with it.

It's what's inside.

A fingerprint?

Your father's.

Which means we can open it.

Open...?

Holy...

Oh, yeah.

It's go time, girl.

They always look
so peaceful, don't they?

Before they cross over?

Mm? Oh, yeah. She looks great.

So should we get this show
on the road?

Excuse me?

Unplug her?

This is very... uh-- painful,

uh, so, sooner the better.

I understand.

I'll get the paperwork,

give you a chance to say goodbye
to your mother.

Perfect.

You can hold her hand.

Awesome. Thank you.

(monitor beeping steadily)

You okay?

Is it done?

No, not yet. I just needed
to get out of there.

It's okay to feel sad.

I do.

Because...
I feel nothing for her.

I was standing

over her body
trying to remind myself

of some of the good things
she's done, but I couldn't.

She was a horrible,

selfish, evil person, and
growing up with her was awful.

I know.

And you don't have to cry
for your mother.

You can cry for yourself
because you deserved better.

Thank you.
Mm-hmm.

(exhales)

She's the reason I'm so
strict with the girls.

If even some of her genes
passed down to them...

Stop. The twins are great.

They lie.
Oh, all kids lie.

They're just smarter than most.

But they're gonna be all right
because they have you.

And Rafael, and me.
And we're a team.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Don't say it.

Team Twins.

Lame Jane strikes again.

They told you, huh?
Yes.

(laughs)

Hey. You okay?
Yes, I am.

You didn't have to come.
Oh, stop.

We are family.

(phone vibrating)

(speaking quietly)

Hello?

And, friends, I did say
her life would change forever.

Oh, my God.

Thank you.

Who was that?

An agent. A really big one.
And?

She wants to represent me.

Jane!
What?!

Jane!
Yes!

Yes!
(laughter)

Oh, my God, Jane,
that's amazing.

Um...

Oh...
I'm really sorry.

I couldn't get the tape.
I tried to, trust me.

What happened,
did the map not work?
No.

I wasn't gonna go
into that swamp alone.

I sent PJ.

Who's PJ?
Girl Rudy.

But she couldn't
pull it off.

And between you and me, I don't
even know how hard she tried.

Well, you know what?
I-I actually think

it's for the best.
What are you talking about?

Well, the first cut
was actually really good.

And maybe right now,
for where I am in my life,

not being the star
is a good thing.

What, are you having a stroke?

You're not making any sense.

I know, it's crazy.

All right, but I... But today,

I-I got to see my daughter
walk for the first time.

And I would have missed that,
just like I missed

Jane's first steps,
and I don't want to.

And I had
a health scare,

and, well, all of that made me
realize that I am ready

for the next phase in my life.

I am okay being sidelined
just a little,

becoming one of the standout
supporting characters

that people look forward to,

the one
who goes on to win

Teen Choice Awards--

the spice, not the dish--

so I can enjoy
other parts of my life.

Well, that's great.
That's just perfect.

Oh, come on. Aren't you ready
to slow down, just a little?

And focus on what?

It's different for you.

You've got these
great relationships

with your daughters.

Whereas mine

barely even speaks to me.

You have a daughter?

Yes. In fact, you've met her.

Excuse me?

She's our P.A.

(gasps)

Girl Rudy?

Yeah. PJ.

The P is for Pond.

Pond Juniper Fields.

Why didn't you tell me?

She doesn't want people to know.

That's why I'm mean to her.

She wants to be treated
like everyone else.

Wow, I can't believe it.

Well, it's true. She hates me.

That's why
I bury myself

in my work, so I don't have
to face the fact

that I failed as a mother.

Well, you know what?

I can help you win her back.

No, it's too late.
Don't say that.

I reconnected with Jane
when she was 23 and a half.

And the connection between
a mother and a daughter

is so sacred.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
Well... sometimes.

Mother, I wish your
life had been easier.

And therefore, my life

had been easier.

Soon, you'll be
in a better place.

Or not.

Are you ready?
Yeah, I'm ready.

Did Magda just
squeeze her hand?

Talk about a death grip.

I'll just sign
with the other hand.

Not quite ready
to let go.

C-Can I have a proxy
sign for me?

Jane, Raf? Either
one of you?

(monitor beeping rapidly)

There's activity.

It's a miracle.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR:
It's alive!

We should order flowers.

For Magda?
No. For Petra.

I have a suggestion
for flowers.

Now that everything is in place,
we can move forward.

Is everyone ready?

How about...
a half dozen roses?