All language subtitles for Im.Sorry_.S02E07.UNCENSORED.720p.WEBRip.x264-TBS

Is Amelia asleep?

Yeah, I just checked.

- You feel good.
- Mm, yeah?

Yeah.

Do you mind if I make a detour?

Oh, I don't know, let me check.

Permission granted, sailor,

- climb aboard.
- Okay.

I think you're all good,
you're all clear.

Alright, I'm glad I have
permission from your area.

Oh, you've got more than permission,

you've got an all-access pass!

Okay, I'm done.

What? No, no, no, no, no,

I'm not giving this up, I'm kidding,
I'm kidding, go, go, go, go, go.

Alright.

I still don't know why your vagina
has to sound like Brad Garrett.

Would you prefer Ray?

Debra!

Ma!

What about the twins?

Guess who the twins are.

Who?

My boobs.

Oh God.

Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com

Here.

How about this one?

Ah, yeah, we gotta keep
that, look at that face.

Cool, what about this one?

- Garbage.
- Okay.

Hand prints, not interested.

I feel guilty doing this
while she's asleep.

Really? Would you prefer that
she was awake and furious?

- No.
- Yeah, I don't think so.

We gotta sift through all
this preschool crap,

otherwise our house is
gonna be taken over

by elaborate portrayals
of her bunny Walter.

Ooh, what's he doing there?

Oh, I'm pretty sure that
Walter has bulimia, yeah.

I've also noticed some alarming
acid erosion on his teeth,

one of the lesser-known
signs of bulimia.

You find the strangest
things to be smug about.

Like how I don't have to wear deodorant?

No, we went over this, you
do need to wear deodorant.

'Cause my body's so hot,
it makes itself sweat?

Moving on, uh, your birthday's
coming up, you excited?

- No, I'm not.
- Why not?

Well, not because I'm
sad it's my birthday,

I've accepted that I'm a
dried husk of a human being,

I'm just annoyed that I have to
have this party with Jill again.

You don't have to, you're choosing to.

Well, I know, but I've
known her forever,

her birthday falls on
the same day as mine,

which, for some reason, when we
were waitressing 14 years ago,

that seemed significant.

You literally have nothing
in common with her anymore.

Honey, what am I supposed to do,
just suddenly, after a decade,

say I'm not having my
birthday with her anymore

for no apparent reason?

The reason is you're dreading
it and it's your birthday.

It seems like so much more
work to get out of it.

It's like starting chemo in
your 80s, at a certain point,

don't you just climb into
your bed in the living room

and just let the cancer wash over you?

Wow, so in this situation,
Jill is cancer?

I'm not saying she is, I'm
not saying she's not.

Okay, uh, if she's cancer, who am I?

You're my very controlling
palliative care nurse

that I don't have the strength
to fight off in hospice.

I'm listening.

Hey, why don't you pull my catheter out?

I'm not here for a long time,
I'm here for a good time.

- You're disgusting.
- What?

If this is my one last
wish before I die,

you're not gonna pull my catheter out

and have sex with me like a gentleman?

Oh, no, I totally will.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

That's why we're together.

By the way, yellow is a pear.

- That's fucking bullshit.
- It's garbage.

Oh my God, should we keep our
kids out of school today?

Hey, guys.

- Check your email.
- Why?

The nurse just sent one out,

apparently someone in
our class has lice.

Oh my God, seriously, who is it?

I don't know, it doesn't say.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, I wanna know if it's
someone Amelia hangs out with,

I'll ask the school nurse who it is.

Alright, let us know what you find out.

Will do.

I actually have no clue where
the nurse's office is.

Oh, it's just down the
hall to the right.

My kid is a hypochondriac.

Thank him for me.

Well, if he's not under
the weather, then I will.

Hi, good morning.

I'm Andrea, Amelia Harris's mom.

- Oh, hi, yeah, nice to meet you.
- You too.

Um, I had a quick question
about the lice notice

- that went out to the kindergartners.
- Oh, sure.

I just wanted to know who it was

so I could see if it's
someone that my daughter,

you know, spends time around.

Oh, yeah, we don't give
out that information.

Really?

Yeah, it's confidential,
people get very sensitive.

Oh, okay, so you guys will
just do the lice checks here

and then let us know
if there's an issue?

No, we don't do lice checks here.

Okay.

We recommend you checking
your child's head.

You know, either yourself
or through a service.

Okay, so you don't tell us who it is

and you don't do the lice checks?

That's right.

What do you do?

We sent the email.

Ah-ha, well,

what happens if people don't heed

the voluntary recommendation?

I mean, how do we get the lice to stop

just being passed back and forth?

How do we get it to stop?

Most people do the right thing.

- Do they?
- Yeah.

Well, you never met
my college boyfriend,

downstairs lice, would've
loved a heads-up.

I'm sure.

Sorry, you probably
didn't need to know that.

You said you were Amelia's mom?

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Bye.

Jill, hi.

Hi, I'm so sorry I'm late,

class ran a little bit long.

Oh my God, class, what
class are you taking?

You know how mixology

has become a huge
passion of mine, right?

No, I did not know that.

I love it.

Great.

Bartending school is amazing,

today we did floaters, it's,
like, legit chemistry.

That's awesome, congratulations.

Oh my gosh, we have so
much to catch up on.

- I know.
- Should we just order some apps

and then decide what we want?

We may have to order everything at once,

I'm sorry, I gotta pick
up Amelia in an hour.

That baby is ruining our friendship.

Well, that baby is six, so...

What, are you serious?

Mm-hmm.

God, can you believe we're over 40?

Doesn't it feel like
we're just, like, 25?

No.

You're so funny.

I miss your face.

- You too, your face.
- How are you?

How's Mike, how's Amelia, how's writing?

Everything's good, Mike is good,

writing's been a little challenging,

I sold this project and now
we're suddenly getting

all these contradictory notes,
we are on our fourth outline.

I don't know, the whole thing
might fall apart, who knows.

I still feel like it must be fun
to just write jokes all day.

- Well...
- You must just laugh.

Yeah, but we also, right now,

we're just more, like,
breaking story and,

you know, having to do the outlines,

- and deadlines, and stuff.
- Fuck!

Sorry.

- Is everything alright?
- It's Doug.

I told you I broke up with him, right?

- I'm not sure.
- He's asking for my Netflix account,

"No, and get an f'ing job."

He doesn't even own a
car, it had to end.

Then it sounds like you did
the right thing by ending it.

Honestly, I'm just gonna get a
baby and move on with my life,

'cause it's time.

I would definitely give some thought to,

you know, getting a baby.

Obviously.

Oh, anyways, so,

we have reservations at 77 Bar
at 9:00 p.m. for the party.

Wow.

Do you want me to put
anyone on the list for you?

No, I don't, no, I'm good.

Thank you for asking.

Um, I'm ready to order.

You good?

I shouldn't invite Doug
to the party, right?

- I wouldn't.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, I'm gonna just, where's our waiter?

- Excuse me.
- Just give me one second.

I just need some time
to look through this.

Great, I'll give you a minute to focus.

Thank you.

I have to break up with her,

I was with her for, what, 57 minutes?

I was exhausted,

I feel very sorry for
that baby she's getting.

She's having a baby?

No, she's getting a baby,
don't worry about it.

Worry about it.

I am.

Oh my God, could you even imagine?

No.

Just imagine for one second.

Oh, it's bad.

Real bad.

Alright, I just gotta
get through this year

and then I am out.

Well, I just hope she graduates
from bartending school

before the baby comes.

Right?

I mean, it's day three of a
10-day curriculum, hard to say.

Well, I found some bugs and some nits.

Oh my God, okay, well,
what do we gotta do?

Well, I just comb it through
and put the treatment in.

Alright, well, let's do it.

- Thank you, Nadia.
- Okay.

Mommy, so I have lice?

Yep, you got the lice, boo,

but don't worry, it's no big deal,

they just comb through your hair,

they'll put some stuff in it,

and then we'll get to go home, alright?

So I can play on your phone?

Very cool for someone
who's got lice, I get it,

but no, finish your homework, my friend.

So, is there a way to, uh,
tell how long she's had it?

You can tell by where she is
in her development cycle.

Oh, I love a lady who knows her louse.

Thank you.

Does that mean we should
all get checked too?

I would recommend it.

- Okay.
- Alright.

I'll go first.

Well, this is delightful.

Nadia also said we have
to put all our towels

in the dryer for an hour.

Cool, cool, cool.

And don't forget to grab the pillow.

I really do not wanna
be dealing with this,

Rob and I need to focus
on that Sony meeting.

I have a question,

why is it that I have
lice and you are fine?

I mean, I'm not surprised.

No, no, I'm not enjoying
this superior look,

'cause you know what passes on lice?

Snuggling,

- Oh.
- Cuddling, love, okay?

So why are you so distant
from your child, Mike?

Maybe that's a question you
need to be asking yourself.

There's literally not a world

where you're gonna make me
feel bad for not having lice.

Please, please feel bad.

Mommy, what about Walter,
can he stay out?

No, loves, I'm sorry,
he's gotta go in the bag,

but he's got a lotta friends in there.

♪ They're gonna have a party. ♪

I'm gonna miss him.

Where's the picture I
drew of him singing?

Singing.

No, you don't get breath
like that from singing.

Where did it go?

I think I know where it is.

I'll go get it while you
get ready for bed, okay?

I'll go brush my teeth.

Oh my God, are we now supposed
to vacuum this goddamn mattress?

Yeah, probably.

Hey, I don't know if this is the time,

but you kinda look like one
of those Robert Palmer girls.

Really?

Do you wanna fuck me or
just fuck all of us?

- All of 'em.
- Oh, is this the time for you to have

that 30-some you've always been wanting?

- Yeah.
- Cool, just, you know, lotta mouths,

also, a lotta teeth.

Alright, there's the email.

Another kid in kindergarten's
got lice, everybody.

Lice, are you fucking serious?

I am super-fucking serious.

You know who has it?

I do, it's my daughter, and me.

This is why you don't
hire female writers.

Right? Thank you, I have
been saying that for years,

and nobody listens, they
just keep hiring us.

I can't believe you're
just walking around

openly telling people

that your head has bugs
crawling all over it.

Rob, it's lice,

I don't know why there's
such a stigma against it,

it's not the scarlet letter, my
daughter's not a whore, okay?

That was the whores,
right, not the witches?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was whores.

- Okay.
- I spent a lotta time with that book

- when I was in eighth grade.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

Do you like these eyebrows?

They're going up, they're going down,

yeah, I like 'em, they're good.

You wanna know what my book
of choice was back then?

The Jungle.

- Wait.
- Upton Sinclair.

His expose of the meatpacking industry?

People falling into vats
of food in the summer.

Actually, it wasn't during the summer,

'cause it was set mainly
during the winter.

Can you just let me do

my very arousing Upton Sinclair bit?

Fine, fine, fine, fine,

but consider this your
early birthday present.

You know what, more than I
was expecting, so thank you.

What are you doing for
your 50th, by the way?

First of all, it's my 60th.

I have to do this joint birthday
party that I am dreading.

Who has a joint birthday party?

Trust me, you do not wanna know,

it's this girl I used to waitress with,

I don't know, it's not great.

My head is itching, do I have lice?

Oh, Rob, you don't have lice.

Even if you did, it is not a big deal.

Okay, you go to a place,
they do their thing,

and two days later, you
go back and you're done.

Oh, you gotta be fucking
kidding me, seriously?

God dammit!

I mean, are you shitting me?

I didn't even know it was a
possibility to still have lice,

I thought the second meeting with Nadia

was just, like, a courtesy followup.

I really understand

Walter's bulimic need
for control right now.

Pillow's gotta go in
the dryer for an hour.

I'm so tired, what time is it?

It's almost eight.

Oh my God, are you serious?

After this, I still have to go through

all of my and Rob's notes from today.

Oh, are you kidding?

- No.
- I'll take care of this, I got this.

Honey, no, there's way too much to do.

This time, we have to clean
every single thing in here,

I am not going through this again.

Oh, I get it.

I can't believe I still have to suffer

through this goddamn party this weekend.

By the way, we need to
now give Doug a ride.

Wait, I thought he and Jill broke up?

Oh, that's adorable.

Oh, yeah, why did I even say that?

- I don't know.
- Well, why can't he Uber?

Oh, no, Doug doesn't
believe in smartphones.

- He's so cool.
- He's very cool.

Well, why doesn't he ride with Jill?

They're back together, but in a fight.

- Jesus.
- Why is everything so terrible?

I don't know.

But maybe don't put your
head on the mattress.

You're right.

That's hard to look at.

Well, yeah, Doug, I, I... You know what,

I will go to YouTube and look
at some of your GoPro videos.

It's our birthday!

- Hello.
- Hi.

Hey, Dave.

Hey, go get a drink, and get
me something too please.

Wow, looks like you
guys are back together.

Yeah, and thank you for driving him,
you guys, it was really sweet.

So welcome.

Oh my God, is that a romper?

Yes, it is.

I love a romper,

I can never wear them
because I drink so much

and then it makes me
always have to pee, so...

- Ah.
- Michael Harris.

- Hi, Jill.
- You still a lawyer?

- Yes.
- I love it.

You guys, come in, come in, everybody's
dying to say hi to you guys.

- Are they?
- What can I get you to drink?

- I will take a Manhattan.
- Yeah, I'd love a beer.

- I think I can remember that.
- Okay, thank you.

Oh my God, she didn't say
no gifts on the invite,

we are grown adults.

Sorry I didn't get you anything.

Mm, well, I'm gonna need,
like, 5-40 drinks.

I...

Can only do this for 20 more minutes.

- That's fair.
- Okay.

- Oh, hey.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Oh my God, I'm Andrea.

- Right, of course.
- Mike.

Yes, Michelle.

Yes, hi.

God, I haven't seen you in, like...

I'm gonna guess, probably,
it's been about a year.

- Right.
- So crazy.

- Right, it's so crazy.
- How are you?

- Good, how are you?
- Good.

Good.

Great, well, you know what,
we're gonna get another drink,

- but so good to see you.
- Yes, do, have a drink.

Yes, cheers.

- Bye.
- She's nice.

She's nice, but I can't have that
conversation a thousand more times.

Mm.

Ah, it looks like someone brought
the right gift to the party.

Thank you. I'm happy to share.

Oh, I'm not usually a big pot smoker,

although, I'm also not usually a
stranger to my own birthday party,

I think I will take some, thank you.

How do you know Jill?

Uh, we met at Coachella six years
ago and just stayed in touch.

That tracks, that sounds about right.

Yes, it does.

By the way, thank you for
that, it's already helping.

- Oh, good.
- Thank you.

The cake is happening in five minutes.

The bartenders are gonna
round up everyone in the bar

and make them all sing to us.

Do you feel like we
should get up on a table?

No.

I'm gonna actually run to
the bathroom really quick,

but I will make sure to be
back for the big moment.

- Five minutes.
- Five minutes?

- Yes, please.
- Alright, I'll be back in three.

Okay.

Time me.

I don't have my phone.

Are you okay?

Oh.

Yeah, oh my God.

I just got a little dizzy.

Sorry.

It's my birthday, so...

Careful.

Can I give you a hand?

Oh, God no, no, no, no,
so, thank you though,

you're very sweet.

I'll just go, uh,

wash my hands.

Did you break your fall with your face?

No, I think my eye socket

hooked the door handle on my way down.

Oh, God.

But at least my vagina was
out, so all was not lost.

Oh, thank goodness.

That's gonna be a black eye,
I'm gonna give you more ice.

Why did I drink and smoke pot?

I know that this doesn't agree with me.

See, this is what happens
when I hang out with her,

I poison my body.

- Yeah.
- This is the last year.

- Does she know that?
- I don't know.

You know what, I'm not gonna, like,
make a big formal announcement,

I will just not be available next year

and then let it naturally fall away.

- Oh, fuck me.
- What?

It's Rob,

I forgot I was supposed
to compile my notes

for our new ending.

Can you do it tomorrow? It's 12:30.

No, he's gotta do his pass tomorrow,

and then our studio meeting's on Monday.

- Ooh, with that?
- Oh God.

You know what, I'll just tell
them you beat me, it's fine.

Thank you.

Alright, you head upstairs,
I will work down here,

both of us shouldn't have to suffer.

Okay, I'm sorry, you want me
to get you anything else?

No, I'm just gonna first do a quick
Twitter search for 77 North,

bathroom floor, ass in air,
crotch flapping in the wind,

anything along those lines.

Nobody's gonna be tweeting about this.

You don't know where
Doug hid that GoPro.

Oh, he could submit this
for a live-action short.

- Ooh, you think so?
- Mm.

Then we gotta head back
to the bar, I have notes,

mostly for my vagina.

I cannot even see well
out of this eye now.

Shit, I cannot believe
how bad this looks.

Yes, it looks very painful.

Oh my God, I've got this meeting
tomorrow in the morning,

how am I gonna explain this?

I fell out of a bathroom drunk and high?

No, I don't wanna break down
the night with you, Jill,

that is the last thing that I wanna do.

Haven't I done all of my yearly duties?

- Andrea...
- Please do not come by my house.

Andrea, I found an egg.

Okay.

- Fuck.
- Okay.

- I'm sorry.
- No, no, no, I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I cannot stop staring at your face,

is it weird to say it looks sexy?

Doesn't feel sexy.

By the way,

you are so lucky you decided
to leave early last night,

Doug got into this crazy
fight with a bartender,

and he had to be escorted outta there,

it was so embarrassing.

Oh, I guess that happens
with Doug, right?

It's so funny with him,

because there are days where
I wake up and I'm like,

"I love this guy,"

and then there are other days
I wake up and I'm just like,

"What am I doing?"

- Do I care about him?
- Yes.

- Do I wanna marry him?
- Maybe.

I cannot do this anymore, I literally
cannot hear about Doug anymore.

I'm so sorry, I...

This is gonna make me sound
like such an asshole,

I don't mean to, I just,
I feel like you and I,

we're just kind of in
different places in our life,

and right now, you know,

my place is black eyes and
bugs crawling through my hair,

so, obviously, pretty full plate.

What are you talking about?

I just feel like, you know,

maybe

things

have run their course,

with us.

I'm not gonna sugarcoat
it, it was rough.

So you just blurted it out?

Yeah, I don't know,

I heard my last Doug and
was just like blah.

How'd she react?

Not great, turns out she
did not feel similarly.

- Oh.
- There was some language,

she suggested quite a few times
that I intercourse myself.

I assume that wasn't meant
in a pleasurable way, right?

- Right. Are you okay?
- Yeah.

I mean, it sucked, but
it needed to happen.

Luckily, I didn't have
to go through it alone.

It was kind of a team effort,

we put all our little
parasitic heads together

and just barrelled through.

Well, I'm proud of each
and every one of you.

Uh, hold me like the lice lady.

What, like this?

Well, usually I'd be
crying, but it's close.

After Nadia, your body seems so bony.

I'll tell ya, now I get boobs.

Okay, now I get boobs.

Oh.

Don't forget about me, Mike.

You know what, I've come
to terms with that,

I'm tuning it out.

What about me, Mike?

What is that?

That's my butthole.

Can you tune me out?

Mike, I'm talking to you.

I have to imagine this is a better way

to celebrate your birthday, right?

I don't know, it feels a
little weird to, like,

know everyone at the table

and not have my underwear
around my ankles, you know?

I guess it's fine, I would say.

Mommy, do you like your card?

Are you kidding? I love this card.

This is, honestly,

I think this might be the best
card you've ever made me.

Look at this, I love it.

It's you, me, and Daddy.

Oh, wow, she really
nailed your physique.

- She did.
- Very little neck.

This one is you,

I put ladybug stickers on
'cause I didn't have lice ones.

That is horrifying.

Well, this is obviously
going in the keep pile.

She's an evil genius!