All language subtitles for Hold That Ghost (Conedy 1941) Bud Abbott, Lou Costello & Richard Carlson.eng

And when my baby

When my baby
smiles at me

Gee, what a wonderful
wonderful light

That comes
to her eyes

Look at the light,
folks

There's the light
that just brings love

That's it
that's it

That says peace on earth
goodwill to all men

And it brings
real harmony

I sigh, I cry

Why, it's just
a bit of heaven

When my baby

When my baby
smiles at me

Is everybody happy

Mr. Gregory.
What is it?

The relief waiters
are here.

What are you staring at?
Ice water.

C'mon, you guys, get your
money out before I shoot.

Put that dough in
and don't try any tricks.!

When I say I'll shoot,
I'll shoot.

I win!
I win again!

Who are you?
The relief waiters.

We used to work at a gas
station. The agency sent us.

With all the people out of
work, the agency sent you two!

Nice of you to say that. As busy
as we are, I'll make the best of it.

Button your coat. Straighten
your tie. Yes, sir.

Be neat.
Pull down your vest.

I want no trouble. You won't have any.

One mistake and I'll throw
you out. Yes, you will.

Yes, I will!
I said you would!

Get in there. Follow me. Yes, sir.

Hmm-hmm.

We want our patrons to feel like
they're members of one happy family.

I just saw the Andrews
Sisters, the three of'em.

Quiet.
These are your tables.

See if you can make a
waiter out of this... person.

I'll try.
A snooty fella!

When a customer comes in,
push the chair under them.

When they get up,
pull the chair back.

When they sit, push it in.
When they get up, back.

What happens here? When you get your
order, show the checker your slip.

I what? Show the checker your slip.

I can't.
Why not?

I'm ashamed to tell. I'm not
wearing any. No, check on your food.

Me...
and my shadow

Yes, sir

Strolling down

That avenue

Ah, say

Just me

And my
little shadow

Not a soul
to tell our troubles to

You know
when it's 12 o'clock

We climb the stairs

We never, never knock

Because
there's nobody there

Just me

Me

And my shadow
uh-huh

All alone
and feelin' blue

Remember everything I told you. Yeah.

If he wants to sit, push the chair
in. If he gets up, pull it out.

Anybody knows that. Three important
things I want you to remember:

If a customer asks how much
is dinner, say "$3."

If they say "It's too much,"
say, "See the manager. "

"We won't eat here. " You say, "If
you don't, somebody else will. "

Somebody else will?
That's all.

I've got to wait on the table. Run it
over in your mind. I'll keep punchin'!

If I wanna be a good waiter,
I gotta remember.

$3 for dinner; go tell the manager;
if you don't, somebody else will.

$3; tell the manager; if you
don't, somebody else will.

Hello, girls.

Oh!

Where'd that guy go? What
did you pull that chair for?

Three dollars. I'll report you for this.

Tell it to the manager. I
oughta punch you in the nose.

If you don't,
somebody else will.

Introducing three wonderful
singers of wonderful songs.

The Andrews Sisters;

Maxene, Laverne,
and Patty.

When stars appear

I seem to hear

A serenade

I watch the moon

And then my tune
is softly played

The music thrills

And gently fills
my heart with bliss

I hear the theme

And want to dream
and reminisce

I close my eyes

'Neath the blanket
of indigo skies

And my serenade sighs

Like a breeze
from heaven above

Even at dawn

When the stars and
the moonlight have gone

My refrain
lingers on

Like a memory
of love

Though love has flown
and I'm always alone

I'm not afraid

I'll always keep
my dreamy

My sleepy serenade

I like to dream
a sleepy...

Serenade
and dream my life away

To a dreamy

Sleepy serenade

Good evening, Alderman. How
is Mrs. Birch? Swell, thanks.

I'll get you a ringside table. No, please.

I'd like a table
in the corner somewhere.

Here I am,
Daddy.

Oh, this way,
please.

Hey, you.
Excuse me.

How do you do?

Thank you.

Good evening, folks.
Want to start with soup?

I don't like soup. Give me the reason.

I don't have to, other
than I don't like soup!

Maybe the young lady would.
She doesn't like soup.

It's good soup. I don't
care how good it is!

We don't want soup!
Somebody's gotta eat the soup!

Feed it to the chef. The
chef is souped up now!

I think I will have soup.
You'll do nothing of the sort.

Oh, Daddy! Don't talk back to your father.

I'm not her father. Then
let the lady have some soup.

All right, give her soup.
Give us both some soup!

We ran out of soup.
You've got it on the menu!

I'll take it off. We ain't gonna
give you nothin' we ain't got.

I'm awful glad he ain't your father. Ahem.

Here, wash it down.

I think you're
awful cute.

Oh, Gregory.

Mr. Bannister.

Moose Matson is right
over there. All right.

Mr. Bannister?

Thanks for leading me
to the Moose.

Charlie, this is not the time
to start anything with the Moose.

I'm here to finish it. He's
afraid you'll double-cross him.

I will in
exactly 15 minutes.

I'll prove it to the
district attorney. Prove what?

Never mind. Just whisper
"payroll job" to the Moose.

He'll know.
You sure?

He'll know I'm the only guy in
the world that can pin it on him.

He never mentioned it to me. Why should he?

You're only his front man,
sidekick and back-stabber.

How much of it do you want? All of it.

But the Moose being a
friend, I'll settle for half.

Hello, hello!
Hi, Moose.

Meet my top man, Mr.
Bannister. C'mon, sit down.

Let's make it a foursome. Here's
that legal matter you dictated.

Will it hold up in court? He's the lawyer.

Says it's screwy but it's
ironclad. There's something else.

I just ran into
Charlie Smith.

Girls, powder your noses.
Go on, beat it.

Don't be long, Moose. Okay, honey.

C'mon.
Well?

Charlie said you beat him to
the Worthington payroll job.

He wants a 50-50 cut to keep
quiet. That cap-pistol hoodlum!

If you don't come across, he'll tell
the D.A. Let the stool pigeon sing!

If you've got the cash,
we oughta make him an offer.

I've got it. But tell him he's got
to find it before he can cut in.

Where is it? I'm on your
side. You can tell me.

Sure. The hiding place for my money...

is in my head.

Is everybody happy?

Yes!
Then everybody dance!

C'mon, Daddy. Didn't you
hear what Ted Lewis said?

"Everybody dance. "
No, thank you.

All right. I'll find another
partner! If you do, I'll leave.

Put it down here.

Your food, sir.
Eat it yourself!

Yeah, boy! If he wants to be
kind, it's all right with me.

Is everybody happy? Everybody! Me too.

What do you call this? Duck.

What's the matter?
Somebody throw something?

No, no. That's the duck. Oh, I thought...

No, no. I want two legs. Two legs.

How many legs are on this?
You can't do it that way.

Put that down before you cut
your hands. I'm spankin' it!

Pull a leg off. I don't care how I get it.

That's it. C'mon, give. The boss!

You're both fired! Back
to the gas station.!

Get out!

I'm sorry we was thrown out. Keep quiet.

I apologize.
Never mind.

Now when my baby
smiles at me

Doot-dee-doot
Give me that!

You want it?
Yes.

Now look
what you did!

I'm sorry, Chuck.
You're sorry.!

Look what you did to me! Get to work.

Now we're shadows.
I'll get to work.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I am.

But I'm gonna make you proud
of me. What do you mean?

I'm not gonna be a gas attendant all my
life. I'm gonna have a club of my own.

I'm gonna have Ted Lewis and the
Andrews Sisters. Own a nightclub!

Don't look now... but your
eye is dripping. Quiet!

You just had us thrown out. If we don't get
on the job, you'll have us thrown out here.

Okay.

All right, Chuck,
I'll work hard...

but I don't intend to be a
gas attendant all my life.

Hey, Chuck. Don't bother me,
Ferdie. Stop playing with balloons.

I'm gonna blow 'em up.

Put those away. Get on thejob. Okay.

What's the matter with you? Chuck?

8 gallons for $1, that's pretty
cheap. That don't include ethyl.

You mean ethyl is more
expensive? Certainly.

If a car drove up and asked
for ethyl, what would you do?

I'd say she don't work
here anymore. No, no.

You'd put ethyl in the car.
Why? I don't know the girl!

She's got no right
hangin' around.

What can we do for you?
We've got a special on.

Ooh! I think
you got a blowout!

Just one of his pranks.
What can we do for you?

I want to park for a couple hours.
Certainly. Nothing but service.

Park the man's car.
Right!

Be careful with it. I just
had it waxed. Don't worry.

He should have his license
taken away.

I'll see that he does...
as soon as he gets one.

All right.

Ten gallons of gas. I'm
in a hurry. Check your oil?

No... no!
Want some oil?

Check the water. The water's
okay. Hurry with the gas.

With every 4 quarts of oil
we give you "die-fly. "

Kills moths in rugs, bugs
and slugs. Ten gallons of gas.

- Want some oil?
- No!

You a tough guy?
Yes!

You're wasting time. Clean up
the back. How 'bout new tires?

Here's our card. When it's fully
punched, you get new dishes.

The lady'll enjoy that. I'm not married.

Want some oil? I don't want
tires, dishes, or fly spray.

Most of all, I don't want oil!
In case you want some, we got it.

Hurry up with
that gas!

Quit stalling. Get the gas in. All right.

What do you know?
Hmm-hmm.

Hmm-hmm!

Ain't loaded.

What was that?

That looks like Moose Matson! Moose Matson?

You're right.

What are you doing?

What's the big idea?

I wanna get outta here, get back to
the gas station. What is it you want?

My mama. Get over here and drive.

Get up there and help him.
Make it snappy. Yes, sir.

Look out!

Whoa!
Aaah!

It's awful quiet,
ain't it?

Pull over someplace, will ya?

Lefty...

get a doctor,
will ya?

Who's Lefty?
I don't know.

Lefty isn't here.

"I, Sidney Matson,
known as Moose Matson...

"being of sound mind
and under no duress...

"make this my
last will and testament.

"Whereas anybody who associates
with me must be a rat...

"whereas I can't tell my friends
from stoolies or chiselers...

"and whereas it's impossible to foresee who
will turn yellow when the going gets tough...

"I hereby bequeath
all my worldly possessions...

to those with me at the final moment
when the coppers dim my lights. "

That's us! You mean, we get his money?

There is none
as far as we know.

Moose always said he kept his money in
his head. We never learned what he meant.

The only tangible asset
is a tavern on highway 129.

A tavern? That's a hotel. Yeah.

One minute
you work in a station...

next you own a hotel.
Next back in the station.

Send Mr. Smith in.

I've taken the liberty
of asking my associate...

to accompany you to your
property and turn over the keys.

It won't be too much
bother? No bother at all.

Hello, Charlie. Meet
Mr. Murray and Mr. Jones.

- Mr. Murray, Mr. Jones.
- Hello.

These are the beneficiaries
of the Matson will.

I know. It won't be too much
trouble to take us there?

Not at all. I'll see you're
taken care of. Thanks.

Since your property's off the main
highway, we'll take a private bus.

I'm making arrangements. Meet me
tomorrow at 8:00. We'll be there.

The bus is operated by a man named
Harry Hoskins. You'll see his name.

I hope we're not putting
you out. Not at all.

It's gonna be a pleasure to take
you for a ride. See ya tomorrow.

He's gonna
take us for a ride!

We don't want no roadhouse. Anything
you get for nothin' is no good.

Let's get back to the station. That's fine.

Just when you get to advance yourself,
you wanna be a gas station attendant!

You missed 'em!

Here's the bus,
Harry Hoskins.

Yeah, Harry Hoskins.

Hey, what are you
doing in that car?

I'm Chuck Murray.
Behave yourself.

This is FerdieJones. We're
supposed to pick up a ride.

Mr. Smith said he'd make the
arrangements. Oh, Charlie.

Let me take these bags.
Give the man a hand.

Here you are. Give him
a hand with the bags!

You said give him a hand! Give it to him.

Do you know anything about
the Forrester's Club? I do.

You know about the club?
We inherited it. You did?

That'll be the... Which way you goin'?

North.
North?

Don't you wish you were goin' south? Why?

That's the way
your bag went.

Why you... We'll leave as soon as
the rest of my passengers get here.

I thought we were the only two. Well, I...

Mr. Hoskins? I'm Norma Lind. Oh, yes.

This is Mr. Murray, Mr. Jones. Hello.

Have I got time for breakfast
before we leave? We'll wait for you.

Anytime I'll wait for you. I'd love
to buy breakfast for you myself!

You trying to be a
cavalier? What's a cavalier?

A man who takes a girl out,
wines and dines her...

and says good night
without kissing her.

That's what you call a
cavalier? Where I come from.

Where I come from
they call 'em suckers.

Mr. Hoskins?
Mr. Hoskins!

Why don't you look where
you're going? You blind?

I hit you, didn't I? Get up.

Did you get hurt?
No, I'm all right!

Mr. Hoskins? I'm Camille
Brewster, the radio actress.

Yes, Miss Brewster. Mr. Murray
and Mr. Jones. How do you do?

Suppose you've heard me on the air? Uh-uh.

No? See if you recognize me. Aaah!

Air-raid alarm.
Det-det-det!

That's the scream that opens The
Tales of Terror programs. Right.

I knew it. That was
the scream, but no more.

After 60 programs, I got mad. I'm
an actress, not just a sound effect.

So I quit! Guess I'll
go back to the movies.

Movie actress?
No, usherette.

Something to drink?
Draw one.

- Draw one, right.
- May I have service, please?

How long ago was your juice
squeezed? It's fresh this morning.

What time?
Exactly an hour ago.

That's too long. Its vitamin C was
deficient half hour after squeezing.

People need vitamin C.
Take that girl.

Hyperthyroid,
slight pituitary deficiency.

She'd be better off with
fewer eggs and more juice.

I'm doing all right.

I'm doing special research on
glands and their vitamin consumption.

I'm a doctor.

If this is a line,
it's at least a new one.

Oh no.
I have credentials.

I had them in my pocket.
Where could they be?

What happened
to them?

Don't think I didn't
see you do that.

Mr. Jenkins, can I
squeeze him with my own hands?

What's the trouble? I poured
your juice down the drain.

- I squeezed a batch an hour ago.
- And it's now ex...

Is that the right time? Oh, wow! Yes.

Beg your pardon.

You sure you never heard me on the air? No.

Camille Brewster? You
must have a cheap radio.

Sorry I'm late.

Sorry I'm late.

Well, sorry I'm late.
Let's all go.

I'm not gonna leave.
I gotta wait for Charlie.

Here comes Charlie Smith. Hello, Charlie.

I told you not to pick up other
passengers. So I make a few extra bucks.

They won't bother you.

Glad to see you.
Sorry I'm late.

It's all right.

The age of"chiselry. "

Chuck, wait.
I'm surprised at you!

Ain't you got no manners? I'm sorry.

Thank you. You're a gentleman. Thank you.

Go ahead, ruin
the man's car.

Don't you think you'll ruin your
eyes reading in a moving car?

I only have
this much to go.

Mr. Jones, are you a married man? No.

Neither am I.

He's old enough, ain't he? Oh, yes.

Certainly I'm old enough.
I play post office.

Post office? That's a kid's
game. Not the way I play.

Sorry to take you folks
out of the way like this.

Boy, what a mess! What'd
I tell you? Old shutters!

Looks like the setting for
The Death of The Howling Corpse.

I don't like the looks of
the road. If it's all right...

I suggest we stay here for the night
and get an early start in the morning.

No. That's fine by us.

I'd love to have
you people.

What do you think?

It's smartest. There might
be a washout on the road.

Leave everything to me.
I'll get your bags.

C'mon everybody. It's a good
thing we got these groceries.

Can I use
your flashlight?

What'd I tell you? The first thing
that goes is the shutter. Oh, quiet.

- You got the right key?
- That's the only one.

Let me try. I don't like
these kinds of places.

Any place painted brown
I never cared for.

He can't open it.
Hold the groceries.

Stand back. I'll show you how I used to
do it when I played cowboys and Indians.

I used to be a
barricadin' ram.

Hup! Hup!

Are you all right?
Who moved the door?

What's on him? A cobweb? It ain't a veil.

Let's have
a look around.

At least the roof
is still on.

Oh, a spooky joint.

What was that?
Just a minute.

He's running away with our
baggage! I shoulda known better.

That's the oldest chisel in the
world, the wildcat bus racket.

Collect the fares and luggage
then get rid of the passengers.

We're stuck. We'd better
get in before we drown.

You dirty crook! He run
away with my toothbrush.

And my new nightgown
and a pair of mules.

You got mules? Now I gotta
get outta bed without my mules!

Without your mules? I always
keep mules under my bed.

Don't the board of health
say nothin'?

What do you know?
You dirty crook!

At least we've got a place
to sleep. I'll build a fire.

Hey, Chuck.
Oh, Chuck? Oh, Chuck?

Don't get excited. I'm
here. Don't ever leave.

Keep this flashlight. Find
the cellar and rustle up heat.

Get busy
with the food.

There's something
wrong here.

Where are you, Ferdie?

I feel a damp opening. You've
got your hand in my mouth!

Oh, you.

Gee, that's a
wonderful fire, Doc.

I used to be a
boy scout counselor.

- Do that again?
- What?

- Smile.
- Why?

- Hmm, not so bad.
- Oh no, they're very good.

Not a cavity in them. I've been
careful to assimilate calcium.

I wonder what's in
these cupboards?

What's wrong with you?
You goin' crazy?

- There's plenty of dishes.
- Well, that's fine.

Nothing.

Whoo-whoo
whoo-whoo!

Behave yourself. I was
playin' choo-choo train.

Never mind that. You
never let me have no fun.

Take this bucket and go outside.
Maybe you'll find a rain barrel.

You want water? Go get it. Okay.

You get it. Go ahead. Okay.

I'm not gonna do nothin'. I know.

You don't have
to get tough.

Give me a hand,
Mr. Murray.

I don't wanna go. I said go outside!

It's too dark. I don't wanna go outside
by myself with nobody to talk to.

Talk to yourself. I get
too many stupid answers.

Go outside!
Okay.

I scared you! Yeah? Go on!

See if I don't get scared
out here myself. Go on!

Ooo... ooo!

Oh! Oh!

How ya doin',
Charlie?

Okay.
I'll be up shortly.

Supper's almost ready. Need
help? No, I'll be all right.

Make it snappy.

Soup's on.
Come and get it.

Soup! Don't rush. Don't reach!

If you want something, ask.
You have a tongue, haven't you?

I can reach further with
my hands. Never mind!

Where's tall, dark
and gruesome?

Better call him, Ferdie. Call him.

Oh, Charlie?
Louder.!

Go on, call him!

Call him!

Oh, Charlie?

Charlie.
Oh, Charlie.

Hey, Charlie!

Oh, Char...

Well?
I'm scared.

I went into the kitchen
by the cellar steps.

I was lookin' down
and it's very dark.

I started to call him,
"Oh, Charlie? Oh, Charlie?"

He didn't answer.

Maybe he isn't
hungry anymore.

Well, let's eat
before the soup gets cold.

Okay.

Just like mother used to make.
It stinks.

It might be the water
used in making the soup.

I'll find out.
Taste it, Ferdie.

It might be poison.
Go on. Taste it.

It might be poison. What
are you worrying about?

Go on and taste it.

Go on. Taste it!

It's the water
all right.

From the pump. Very peculiar. You said it.

Well, the beans will
be ready in a moment.

Isn't it a shame there isn't a
band? We could dance between courses.

Wait a minute!

Just as I thought.
At least we can have music.

Look at all the records.!
Doctor, would you like to dance?

I'd love to. I must learn someday. Good.

Mmmmm!

Whew!
Whew-ew!

Awfully damp in spots. I feel
like a flower after a rain.

I'm drooping.
Flower?

Say, Smitty never did
come back. That's right.

I should look for him. I'll go with you.

Get me that lamp. Do you have
more alcohol? In that box.

What did I do?

Oh!
Doctor, be careful.

Uh-oh. Ferdie, see what's in there.

I'm not curious. Go see what's in there!

I'd like to see you make me. You made me.

- Go on.!
- Okay.!

It reminds me of the secret door
in The Case of the Mummy's Claw.

What kind of place is this? It's a barroom.

Barroom? It's a funny place to put it.

This is the way they fooled
the police during prohibition.

You think there's anything in those
bottles? A short beer? I feel awful.

If there is,
it must be bootleg.

Remember how that used to
wear the enamel off your teeth?

Once I drank 6 bottles. I didn't
ever stagger. Didn't stagger?

I couldn't move!
Those were great days!

Remember?
Who, me?

I was too young,
a mere child.

Are you kiddin'?

Chuck, you see it?

Mr. Smith's carnation.

You girls stay here.
It'll be safer.

C'mon, you're
not a girl.

When I was little,
I used to play with dolls.

This way! Let me make up my own mind!

C'mon.
C'mon.

Mr. Smith?

Mr. Smith!
Wait a minute.

There's his flashlight. Why, so it is.

That's peculiar. Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith?

Oh, Charlie?
Charlie Smith?

Oh, Charlie?
Oh, Charlie.

- Mr. Smith?
- Dinner's ready.!

- Charlie Smith?
- What could have become ofhim?

- He must be down here.
- Mr. Smith.!

- That's strange.
- Mr. Smith?

- Dinner's ready.
- Charlie Smith?

Aaah! Aaah!

Come here!
What is it?

Wait a minute.
What is it?

Somebody blew out the candle.
No! That's just the wind!

Since when does the wind
eat garlic? Calm down.

Take this.
Okay.

What are you shaking about?
Don't none of us get nervous.

Everything's all right. Don't get nervous.

I'm calm!
I can see that.

Take it easy. Not over
there. Someplace else.

Maybe he went upstairs.
Do you think so?

Let's look.
All right.

What is it? This place
is kinda spooky, ain't it?

Don't be silly.
Come on.

What's the matter?

Feels like the scene I played
in The Case of the Haunted House.

I had a great part.
Five screams!

Oh, come on!

Say... about
that scream of yours.

How is it you didn't peep when
you saw the flower on the floor?

I don't know.
I guess I got really scared.

And when I get
really scared, I...

That's funny.
You can't even...

Aaah!

Miss Lind,
what happened?

What did you see? We saw
someone looking at us.

It's a fiend with fangs. Oh, oh!

All right, come here! Chuck, don't hold me!

Did you see
the puss she made?

All right, all right,
c'mon!

C'mon, fellas.
C'mon!

Who's up there?

You, you!
You coward!

Come on down.

It was only an owl.
But with fangs!

There she starts again. What
were you girls doing upstairs?

Went to look for Mr. Smith
and a place to sleep.

That's what I could use. A
nice warm bed... to hide under.

Smith is not in the cellar. It's
best we look upstairs. Let's do that.

After you,
girls.

Wait for me.

C'mon, Ferdie.

Ferdie, c'mon! I can't go another step.

You're going upstairs. I
don't wanna go a step further.

Listen, I don't wanna have trouble
with you. I don't wanna go upstairs.

You're going. Please, Chuck,
don't take me upstairs.

I'll be a lookout. A lookout for what?

For myself! Give me the
candles. I'll go upstairs.

As long as
you leave me something.

Just a fraidy cat, that's
all you are. I'm not scared.

How do you do?
Are you the hatcheck girl?

Chuck, downstairs.
My hat! My hat!

All right.
Keep quiet.

Be careful, Doc.

Say, not bad! All the comforts of home.

There's no bed coverings.
Here are blankets.

If you wanna be a "handyboy,"
come and help me.

Yes, help us
make up this bed.

I feel like a bride
on the maid's day off.

What small sheets! No,
that goes at the head.

Oh, a nightcap. That's cute. No, not there!

Give her a hand. Grab
the other end, Ferdie.

Now slip it under the mattress. Okay.

What are you doing?

What's the matter
with you?

Leave it there...
and slip it under the mattress!

Oh, dear.

What are you doing?
Up here!

Why don't you
make up your mind?

Where do you want it?
On top or under the mattress?

One or the other.!
I'm getting tired.

Oh, ooo!
Well...

looks like
we're gonna sleep together.

I'll find a room for Ferdie.
I'll try across the hall.

Ferdie, put that lamp on the
highboy. What did you say?

Highboy!
Hiya, Chuck.

No, put it up there. Oh, that's a highboy?

How do you know if that's a
boy or girl? Oh, put it there!

Good night, girls.

Oh, boy,
ain't this something?

You like it, huh?
Mm-hmm!

Oh! Will you stop following me!

Hey, look. Look.
Huh?

"M.M." I'll bet this is the
room that Moose Matson slept in.

"M.M."...
That's... What's this thing?

You pull that when
you want breakfast.

If I want my breakfast, I
pull this thing? That's all.

Okay, ham and eggs.

- Uh-oh.
- What did I do?

Chuck?
What?

Is my feet
nailed to the floor?

No! Then I must be paralyzed.

Shall I look?
Go ahead.

Uh-oh.
It's just a door.

Open it and
see what's inside.

Who's gonna open what door to see if
what's inside? What do you think I am?

You're scared.

I think I am too.

What? Of a perfectly
ordinary door?

I know what happens
in mystery pictures.

A guy walks to a
perfectly ordinary door.

He opens it up and zowie! Out
falls a body... right on its kisser.

You think
there's a body?

I ain't sayin' there is
and I ain't sayin' there ain't.

I say...
let's get outta here.

All right, wait a minute now.
I'll open the door. You go ahead.

There you are...
empty.

I should be
ashamed of myself.

I'm gettin' to be
a big sissy.

Oh, Charlie.

What happened?
What happened?

Charlie Smith!

Come here, Ferdie. Hey, Chuck.

Pull yourself together. It's
all right. What happened?

I was standing over there
and a guy... see?

All right, c'mon, Ferdie.
Oh, Doc?

Help! Doc! Doc! What's happened?

It's murder. What? It's murder.

Murder?
Ferdie?

C'mon, c'mon.
Snap out of it.

What happened?
A murder.

Camille?
Oh!

He's all right.
It's in there.

Smith?
Yes.

Well? He's been strangled.

Is that serious?
The man is dead.

That's serious.
Quiet!

Who's there?

Who is it?

Who's there?

Who is it?
Open this door.!

Who are you?
The police.!

We're very glad to see you,
officers.

What's going on here?
Trespassers, huh?

We own the place. We inherited
this place from Moose Matson.

You relatives? We were very
close to him at his surmise.

We can go into this
social detail later.

There's the body of a
murdered man in this house.

He's tied with string and had
something across his mouth.

He had a gag in his mouth. If he
did, he never had a chance to tell it.

This way, officers.
I'll show you.

It's upstairs. I saw
it myself. Ooo-ooo-ooo!

It ain't me.
I'm innocent.

I didn't have nothin'
to do with it. Let's go!

Oh, hello.

Say, could you tell me
what happened to my hat?

That's very strange.
He was here.

Don't ever leave me alone. Shh!

Chuck, downstairs, the
hat. Never mind that.

It's gone. It's gone? Oh.

I got it.
Hey, watch.

What do
you know?

The body was right here. He's disappeared.

He was in the cellar. I'll show
you. We know our way around.

If you folks take our advice,
you'll get out now.

Let's go.

We mustn't let this upset us. The
best thing to do is go back to bed.

Are you going back to bed? As soon
as I have my glass of warm milk.

May I bring you some? No, thank you.

It's a fine sleep inducer.
Well, pleasant dreams.

Camille, the doctor's right. We better
get some sleep. Good night, boys.

Chuck. Chuck! Chuck! What's the matter?

What did I tell you about going
away and leaving me by myself?

I was right here. No, you
wasn't. You was over there.

Oh, behave. Chuck, do we
have to sleep in this room?

You're not afraid, are you? No, no.

But if you see a pair of pants flying
through the air, don't grab 'em.

Why?
I'll be in 'em!

Maybe we'll find another room. Okay.

Oh, well!

A private bath. I'm not gonna
take a bath in this spooky joint.

Nobody's gonna catch me
with my coat off.

Say, this is fine.
We can have separate rooms.

I'm gonna sleep here
all by myself? Certainly.

I'd be silly if I were
scared... wouldn't I? Naturally.

Boy am I silly!

Well, good night.
Sleep tight.

Chuck, if you hear me,
come in.

Sleep all by myself.

Must be neat.

Chuck! Chuck!

Am I dreaming or am I awake? You're awake.

Couldn't I be dreaming but you're
saying I'm awake? What's the matter?

What's wrong?
Then I'm dreaming.

My room changed into a gambling
joint. That's ridiculous.

Chuck-a-luck.
Slot machines.

C'mon, c'mon!
Let me see this.

Well? There was a roulette table there.

If I'm dreaming, then I dreamt
it. If I'm awake, I saw it.

You're letting your
imagination run away.

I can't imagine things like
this. I'm not that clever.

All right, the room is
full of roulette tables!

I like roulette tables.
I like to sleep on 'em.

No, no.
That was a dice board.

I wanna get some sleep.
You go in my room and sleep.

I'll sleep in here. Is
that all right? Okay.

Now what's wrong?

I forgot the rest
of my clothes.

Sleep tight.

Go to sleep!

Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
Aaah! Aaah!

Chuck, Chuck, chuck!

Chuck!

It happened in your room
now, the whole thing. What?

Dice. Chuck-a-luck.
Roulette tables. All right.

They got a slot machine. Put in
a quarter, pull and hit a jackpot.

Wait a minute!

Stop working yourself up
into one of your frenzies!

What frenzies? I ain't
making frienzies with nobody!

C'mon on. Chuck, let's get outta here.

No, don't take me back.

Chuck, don't.
Chuck, don't.

I'm telling you,
the whole room...

What?
Now what's wrong?

What's wrong in here? It did it again.

Nothing has happened! Yeah, yeah.

Do me a favor
and stop this nonsense.

Get in bed
and stay there.

Yip, yip, yip.

I know
the room changed.

A lot of things
around here.

Chuck! Chuck!

See that?
The whole...

Did you ever
see anything like that?

All right. I'll get you another
room. I'm gonna get my own room.

You seem very busy, Doctor. Huh?

Don't tell me
you make your own milk.

What are you doing?
Huh?

I suppose if I was to tell you the
house was on fire, you'd say, "huh?"

Hand me that
blue bottle, please.

What's on fire? Nothing. Not a thing.

You're the "concentratingest" man
I ever met. I'm analyzing the water.

We're surrounded by murder and all
you do is calmly analyze the water!

Are you worried? Oh... I don't know.

You don't strike me as
the nervous type. Don't I?

I'll bet you have perfect
20/20 vision. Thanks.

Well, don't you?

Is it important?

Actually, would you prefer
a girl with healthy eyes...

to a girl with pretty eyes
who's blind as a bat?

Without those portholes,
you probably can't see.

I noticed you had beautiful eyes
the first time I saw you.

I didn't mention it then. Mention it now.

Well, they're...
soft and limpid...

like two pools
of water.

Water?

Oh!
My glasses, please.

I suppose your silly
experiment couldn't wait...

could it?
Huh?

Oh... "huh" yourself!

In fact, you're the most
beautiful girl I ever...

Huh?

C-C-Come in.

Come in!

Who is it?

Come in.
Who is it?

Who is it?

Yes?

Locked.
Chuck!

Hey, Chuck.
Oh, Chuck.

Chuck. Chuck. What are you
doing here? What happened?

Did you knock on my door? Did
you lock it? No, certainly not.

Well, it's locked. I'm
scared to death. It's locked?

It's locked?
C'mon!

No, no, no.!
C'mon.!

The door is locked.

Is this another one of your
brainstorms? You try to open it.

See?

I know that door was locked. Aw, nonsense!

What is this all about?
Get a load of this mess!

What's come over you
all of a sudden?

Don't give me any arguments.
Look around here.

You don't... Never mind
that. A fine time to play.

What is this? You
wouldn't do this at home.

And this place is just
as much mine as it is yours.

You don't... Don't ever do this again.

You oughta be ashamed.
Now clean it up!

Hey, Chuck?

Don't ever pull
a knife on me!

Norma, are you asleep? No.

Didn't that warm milk
make you sleepy?

Didn't have any.

Then maybe we should? I
don't want any. You have some.

The doctor's still there,
isn't he?

- His body is.
- B-B-Body?

Yeah. His mind
is miles away!

Norma, don't do that.
Don't play games.

I don't feel so well.

Excuse me.

Aaah!

Aaah.!

What was that?
What happened?

What is it?
What's wrong?

What were you screaming about? A ghost.

A ghost?
A ghost?

With fangs.
Again?

Hello, Chuck. Did you
come back to apologize?

You don't have to.
I forgive you.

Hey!

Hey! Hey!
Hey-hey!

He's in my room, in my bed.
Pulling covers over his head.!

Hey!
Wait!

What's the matter? I'm afraid to
have you go up there... without me.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!
Hurry up.

There's your ghost.

Just as
I thought!

This couldn't be a joke,
could it?

Everything seems to happen to you!
Except what happened to Smitty.

Camille, I was laying on the bed
and... Oh, excuse me.

Whoever's doing this
isn't fooling.

They're obviously trying
to get us out of the house.

Where are those detectives?
If that scream...

Maybe they're...

Let's find out. You
girls get ready to leave.

You and I will find
the detectives.

Come on, Chuck. Come on, Camille.

We better split up.

Too bad I can't finish this
experiment. I'm onto something.

Chuck, let's go back
to the gas station.

The doctor and I are gonna
search the cellar and the grounds.

You sit here and wait
for the girls. All alone?

Yes. Here's a road map. Find the
easiest way out. That's a good idea.

Chuck, suppose the ghost comes
back? The ghost is a rumor.

I don't care
if he's the landlord.

Sit down.
Don't get excited.

If you want me, holler
"Oh, Chuck" and I'll come.

Oh, Chuck!
What kept you?

I came like that! If you can get in
here in between that, you get here.

Take it easy.
Read that map.

When I call, "Oh, Chuck,"
get in here. All right.

Now I'm... all alone.

Oh, Chuck.

Oh, Chuck?

Oh, Chuck?
Oh, Chuck!

Oh, Chuck!
Get in here!

Oh, Chuck! Oh, Chuck! I'm here.

Hey, come off it.

I called 42 "Oh, chucks"
and you didn't come in.

I came in as soon as
you hollered "Oh, Chuck. "

Don't wait for me to say "Oh,
Chuck. " Get in here on the "oh. "

You're excited. Are you ready to leave?

I was ready when he put
the key in the front door.

Camille, sit down
and keep Ferdie company.

Help him read
this map.

Thanks, Camille...
for keeping me company.

I do so want
not to be alone.

Take this map and see
if you can find a road out.

If we take Route 72...

we could cut through
the forest.

Then we could take a back
road and as soon as we...

Oh, oh, oh, Ch... Ch...

Oh, Ch... Ch... Ch...

Ch... Ch... Ch...

Oh... Ch-Ch-Chuck?

Oh, Chuck!
Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, Chuck!
Just a minute.

Don't get excited.

Wait a minute.
That candle moved?

Camille, did you see that candle move? No!

Where were you looking?
At the map.

Never mind the map.
Keep your eye on that candle.

That's ridiculous. That
candle can't move. No?

You want me to find the
detectives, don't you?

Now find a road outta
here. I'll find a road.

Now, don't call me. I'll find
a road if I have to make one.

Are you sure you didn't
see that candle move? Uh-uh.

I know that went...
zzip... zzip...

in front of me.

No, huh?
Uh-uh.

Now I know
I am alone.

Keep your eye
on that candle.

Now, if we take Route 16
right out the front door...

that's the route
that's out there...

we could get in somebody's car
and sort of zzip.

Ch... Ch... Ch...

Ch... Ch... Ch...

Chuck! Chuck!

Yes? Wait!
Wait a minute.

What's going
on here?

Calm down
for a minute.

All right.
Wait a minute.

I understand.
Hold still a minute.

Take it easy.
That candle moved?

Camille, did you see that candle move? No!

Where were you looking? There.

What are you lookin' there for?
You told me to look at that.

Don't believe me. I'm a liar. Now, now.

What is this all about?
This is nonsense.

It's very peculiar nonsense.
There's nothing peculiar about it.

Sit down. I left
the doctor alone.

Take it easy.
Don't get excited.

You have company. You're
not alone. No, not much.

Just calm down.

Look...

keep one eye
on that candle...

another eye
on that one...

and with the other eye,
watch me.

What was that?
Those candles went out.

Do you feel a draft? No.

If these candles move,
you will.

I'll get out of here
so fast...

the suction will carry you
along with me.

I can't even read the map
any... anymore.

This is no laughing matter.
I'm scared.

Keep your hands to yourself.
Don't slap me.

I didn't slap you.
If we can...

You didn't slap me?
No.

Now, if we can...

Ferdie.

Don't do that, Ferdie.
You're a nice boy.

I don't like to see you do
those things so cut it out.

What did I do? You know
what you did. You slapped me.

Now... And you're
supposed to be a boy scout.

I didn't slap you, Camille.
Yes you did, Ferdie!

Did you slap me?
Uh-uh.

Did you slap
me? Uh-uh. Uh-oh!

Oh, Chuck. Oh, Chuck! Aaah!

- Aaah.!
- Oh, Chuck.

I've got you,
you old ghost!

I'm gonna lift up your sheet
and see who you really are.

What happened?
What's wrong?

What's
going on here?

What's going on? And
that's what I want to know!

I almost had a ghost
and Camille got in the way.

I better see
if Norma's all right.

I wish I knew why someone's anxious
to keep people away from this tavern.

Must be
Moose's bankroll.

Moose is supposed to have
buried his bankroll.

Around this tavern?

The only thing they heard Moose say
was that he kept his money in his head.

Hey, Chuck,
you mean in that thing?

What thing? That horse with a hat rack.

When I said, "Moose kept the money in
his head," that's just a figure of speech.

Oh, a figure of speech! You
know what a figure of speech is?

Everybody knows that.
What is it?

It's like if I said
"Water went under the bridge. "

- Under what bridge?
- How do I know what bridge.

Then how do you know
there's any water under it?

There's gotta be water so
the boats can go up and down.

Suppose they want
to go across?

- I'm a sucker for arguing.
- Why do you start?

You asked me if I knew
what a figure of speech was.

I said, "Just like if I said,
water went under the bridge. "

I shoulda said like
"Gone with the wind. "

What wind?

Am I gonna have trouble
with you now?

What do I know "what wind"?
Any wind!

I didn't find the detectives
but we better get out.

Are you ready?
In a moment.

I'm sorry if I kept you
waiting. That's all right.

You're angry at me. No. That's ridiculous.

You're angry at me
because you like me.

But you do like me
a bit.

Don't you feel a little
safer when I'm around?

Doctor, whenever I have
to turn to you for protection...

Aaah!

Darling,
are you hurt?

No, dear.

Dear,
you called me darling.

Darling,
you called me dear.

We shouldn't be
standing here.

We should be out trying
to find the detectives.

I've been talking to you
all this time and still...

you haven't explained why you should
even say "Gone with the wind. "

It was a
figure of speech...

just like...
"Never the twain shall meet. "

What twain?

The twain
on "twack twee. "

What's the use? I'd like to know
what started this whole argument!

You said there was money
in the moose's head.

Would it make you happier
if I proved...

that there's no money up there? Go ahead.

Give me a chair.
I'll prove it to you.

Ooo.!
You got a big head.

I'm gonna put my hand
in your mouth.

Don't bite it!

This one's going in,
the one I eat with.

I got a way
with animals.

Take it easy.
Hope you ain't ticklish.

Hey, Chuck,
the moose's tongue is peeling.

Sure, peeling.
It's...

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.!

What is this?
I don't know.

Wait a minute.
It's real.!

Keep peeling. Let go of my pants.

Atta boy, Ferdie! Stop pulling my pants.

C'mon, c'mon. Hey,
Chuck, let go of my pants.

This guy's got some
tongue. Get the tongue out.

Camille?
Huh?

Does "mooses"
have tonsils?

I hope that one's got
a big one, a green one.

Look at that tonsil!

What a tonsil!

- C'mon, keep it peeling.
- Get my hand out!

Never mind your hand. Somebody, help!

I'll never
join your lodge!

Never mind your arm. We'll buy
you a new one. I'm gonna faint.

Let go!
Ooo, you!

I hope you two are satisfied
that there's no money...

in the moose's head.

Argue with me. No more
arguments. Ferdie, I love you!

He loves me!

Thousands, millions,
trillions! Millions? Trillions?

I'd love to run through
that with my bare feet.

Say, Ferdie, look. Look.

What's that? That's what you
got out of the moose's head.

I told you there was no
money... Don't get excited.

I know how you feel.

We've got to find
those detectives.

What have you got? $10
bills. Thousands of'em.

Where on earth?
In the moose's head.

You have no idea what we're gonna
do with this money. But I have.

No, you haven't. You're gonna hand it over.

All right,
stick 'em up!

I've been hunting
that dough for weeks.

Finders is keepers.
And I'm the keeper!

I didn't work for Moose Matson for 15
years to let someone else get the gravy.

We don't want the gravy. You
can have it. Put that down!

Look out!
I've got him!

You've got me.
Get him.

Drag him out. I'm always left
with these kinds of things.

Look what you did to
the guy. Throw him out.

That was
a close one.

Did you let him
have it!

We are "Sitting on top
of the world. "

- That's a figure of speech.
- Like "Reach for the ceiling. "

We oughta thank you for
finding this sugar for us.

All right,
hand it over.

C'mon, fatty!

He means you.
Ooo!

Fatty!
I lost 43 pounds...

since I've been
in the place.

Run, Ferdie!
Run, Ferdie!

Go, Ferdie.!

Come out of there
or I'll let you have it.

Charlie Smith.

He come back again.

Look out
for that body.

Now which way did he go?
He's takin' off down there.

- He's not down here.
- Check upstairs again.

C'mon!

Ow! Ow!

Oh! Oh!

Catch it.

Get him.!

Excuse me.

Throw me the bag.

You want it? Yes, throw it over.

Aaah!

Beat it!
The cops!

Ferdie!
Did I scare 'em?

My hero! You scared
those gangsters.

And he did it
single-handed.

Oh boy. C'mon, put it down. Money!

Put it back in the bag. This is ours.

I'm gonna divide it. Divide it up.

1 for you; 1 for me.
2 for you; 1, 2 for me.

3 for you;
1, 2, 3 for me.

4 for you;
1, 2, 3, 4 for me.

How are you counting? 1 for me,
4 for you. That's legitimate.

We don't count that way.
We'll count later.

With all this money, we could
open a chain of gas stations!

You could make more money right here. How?

The spring waters in this place
have therapeutic value.

Uh-oh. Did you hear
what the doc said?

It's got th
- th... the word he said. It's good.

You could open a health resort. With music?

The water here will make sick people
feel like dancing. Do you get it?

The water will make
the people dance.

Remember? If we ever had a place
like this, we'll hire Ted Lewis.

Ted Lewis. And the Andrews Sisters.

Yes! How do you like that?

Is everybody happy?

Ferdie, look around. Opening
night and the place is jammed.

We're doing an all-right
business. Marvelous, swell.

See that every dollar
goes in that cash register.

I don't want to find you short.
What's my size got to do...

with putting money in the
register? Do as you're told.

Hello, boys.
Congratulations.

Chuck and I told you to take
a week off for a honeymoon.

We couldn't miss
opening night.

What happened to Camille?
We had a runaway marriage.

A runaway marriage? Yeah! She
bought the license and I run away.

Come on, dear. Take care
of things. I'll be back.

What was that?

I didn't know
they had a bell on it.

Put it away.
I'm putting it away.

Oh, good. Check, huh? Yes, sir.

We're having quite a run on that
"peu-da-tonic" water? Yes, sir.

I think so too.

And you?

Oh.

Same employment agency
send you that sent me?

Fix your tie.

Fix your coat.
Pull down your vest.

You gotta be neat or
I'll have to throw you out!

Throw who out? I'll throw
you out. Think I can do it?

No! I don't think I can either.

Excuse me.

Ohh! $23 check.
Good waiter.

Very good, very good.
$23.

Listen to that
beautiful melody.

That's it. It's got
that real Brazilian beat.

It's that sweetheart tune we brought
from way down in South America.

Here it is, ladies
and gentlemen, "Aurora. "

Aurora comes from
Rio deJaneiro

She dances in
a little street cafe

And when you're down
in Rio deJaneiro

Here's what you'll hear
each Latin lover say

You're a sweetheart
in a million

Oh oh oh oh
Aurora

With your manners
so Brazilian

Oh oh oh oh
Aurora

When you smile
and call me honey

Oh oh oh oh
Aurora

Is it me
or just my money

Oh oh oh oh
Aurora

I'll buy you this
and buy you that

If you'll be true
to me

I'll even rent a cottage
and present you with a key

So if you'll marry me
and be my sweet senora

Oh oh oh oh
Aurora

Aurora, be mine

Be mine, be mine

You're a sweetheart
in a million

Ah ah ah ah
Aurora

With your manners
so Brazilian

Ah ah ah ah
Aurora

When you smile
and call me honey

Ah ah ah ah
Aurora

Is it me
or just my money

Ah ah ah ah
Aurora

I'll buy you this
and buy you that

If you'll be true
to me

I'll even rent a cottage
and present you with the key

So if you'll marry me
and be my sweet senora

Oh oh oh oh
Aurora

You're a sweetheart
in a million

Oh oh oh oh
be my Aurora

With your manners
so Brazilian

Oh oh oh oh
be my Aurora, be mine

When you smile
and call me honey

Oh oh oh oh
be my Aurora

Is it me
or just my money

Oh oh oh oh
Aurora

Aurora, be mine

Great business, eh?
What a night!

Open the register. I want
to see how much we took in.

What's the matter? What a
business we're doing tonight.

That's why I wanna see
how much money we've made.

A lot of nice girls.
You oughta look around.

I wanna count the money. Maybe we
better wait 'til everybody goes home.

Everybody here is honest.
Then, maybe I better go home.

Count it by yourself. No, you don't!

You stand there
until I count the money.

Okay.

Now who put
that there?