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Previously on "American Princess"...
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Carnivals and theme weekends
and all kinds of attractions.
3
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You're aware of the kind
of money that's to be had.
4
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Why aren't we doing any of this?
5
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Well, Maggie doesn't like it.
6
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I didn't raise my hand at the vote,
7
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so I'm a patron today.
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I wanted to make money so
that we could help people.
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We were all doing fine.
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You were.
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We had a whole show to do,
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and you left me standing there
with my Apocrypha in my hand.
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I was proving a point.
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People come here for
the history, the authenticity.
15
00:00:25,673 --> 00:00:27,125
If we lose that now, then what?
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At some point, you have to acknowledge
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that if we don't change the faire today,
18
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,507
there may not be one at all tomorrow.
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I don't like PDA.
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00:00:34,392 --> 00:00:36,718
I overstepped your boundary.
It won't happen again.
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00:00:36,743 --> 00:00:39,140
I've gotta go french a man in public.
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Let me be the judge.
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You did hear me, by the way,
that we're making a killing?
24
00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:46,289
The girl I met six weeks
ago would have been bragging
25
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,804
to the end of eternity about this.
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That girl has left the faire.
27
00:00:49,931 --> 00:00:51,218
This girl has a clipboard.
28
00:00:51,243 --> 00:00:52,766
You did this, Amanda.
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Be proud.
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I will plague them all!
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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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Don't leave!
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The Wet Wenches show
starts in 20 minutes.
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All the seats are in the splash zone.
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There's no wait at the zip line.
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Think of how fast you could go in
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- these gales.
- No. No zip line.
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The thing's a lightning rod,
39
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and we're not covered for electrocution.
40
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M'lady, can you give it a bit of gas?
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Welcome to the mud club.
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- Good lady, thoust would not allow...
- Out of the way! This is custom!
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Fine sir, the pub...
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The pub be still open.
45
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A jug of mead on me.
46
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Or for you.
47
00:02:04,363 --> 00:02:05,980
What? Are you offering
booze to children.
48
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He looked like he could use a drink.
49
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- Ha!
- Oh, my God.
50
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Fare thee well!
51
00:02:13,763 --> 00:02:16,683
Or however they say it in Spice World!
52
00:02:21,335 --> 00:02:23,613
You. Come now.
53
00:02:26,352 --> 00:02:27,875
Always a bridesmaid.
54
00:02:35,939 --> 00:02:37,012
Look at 'em.
55
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Running from spit rain!
56
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Pussies!
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This vest survived
Tropical Storm Stephanie!
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Talk about a bitch.
59
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Aye, this tunic is Scotch Garded!
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For light spills!
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00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,309
Nice one, hon.
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5 bucks.
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She means 10.
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00:02:54,298 --> 00:02:56,613
I got one 15 minutes ago for 5.
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00:02:56,638 --> 00:02:57,963
Rain-flation.
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A small price to pay
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00:02:59,271 --> 00:03:02,168
to have almost an entire
faire all to thyself.
68
00:03:05,988 --> 00:03:06,988
Well played.
69
00:03:07,013 --> 00:03:09,199
Every season, there's
at least one rainstorm
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00:03:09,224 --> 00:03:11,313
and one group who wants to stick it out.
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They're called Rainees.
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They're the pot of cash
at the end of the rainbow.
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Let's get weird!
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- Hey!
- Huzzah for the tipper!
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We would also like to get weird.
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00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,390
- Huzzah!
- Huzzah!
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I'm a knight, and you're
a dragon. Get me!
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I'm a water sign.
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00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,841
Unh-unh, no.
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You are not sitting around all day
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00:03:44,218 --> 00:03:45,544
making duck lips into that thing.
82
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Go find something productive to do.
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What? It's raining.
84
00:03:48,658 --> 00:03:50,951
Like help me make the sundries list.
85
00:03:50,976 --> 00:03:53,404
Pass. Also, no one says sundries.
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Except me just now.
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00:03:55,466 --> 00:03:57,387
Then go ask your dad if he needs help
88
00:03:57,412 --> 00:04:00,162
entertaining the littles. Go, go.
89
00:04:01,865 --> 00:04:03,623
Mom says I have to help you.
90
00:04:03,648 --> 00:04:05,037
I thought we could play Operation,
91
00:04:05,062 --> 00:04:06,615
but we're missing all the body parts.
92
00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,013
Yeah, Jesse ate them,
93
00:04:08,038 --> 00:04:09,213
then he used the tweezers
94
00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:10,474
to pick the body parts out of his...
95
00:04:10,499 --> 00:04:12,762
Oh, aah, aah, aah.
96
00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,349
- Hungry hippos it is.
- Come back here!
97
00:04:14,374 --> 00:04:16,013
I don't want any highlighter!
98
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,654
You look like a corpse!
99
00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:19,599
Come on!
100
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,529
See, this is what I'm saying.
101
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,326
You say you want to help
out more with the kids,
102
00:04:23,351 --> 00:04:25,333
but then this is always what
happens, a bigger mess.
103
00:04:25,358 --> 00:04:26,919
- We were gonna play a game...
- Moon did it!
104
00:04:26,944 --> 00:04:29,091
- Shut up!
- You shut up!
105
00:04:29,430 --> 00:04:31,271
Remember when I ate all the body parts?
106
00:04:31,296 --> 00:04:32,789
And then you picked
them out of your poop?
107
00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:33,873
That was so gross.
108
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:34,982
Yeah, now we can't play.
109
00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:36,052
Enough, enough, enough!
110
00:04:36,197 --> 00:04:37,732
How about you guys
111
00:04:37,757 --> 00:04:40,349
all come up with a play to
show everyone? Sound fun?
112
00:04:40,374 --> 00:04:42,420
- Yeah!
- No!
113
00:04:42,874 --> 00:04:44,630
The wishbone never came out.
114
00:04:44,782 --> 00:04:45,818
- Eww.
- Eww.
115
00:04:45,843 --> 00:04:48,388
- And, uh, Breeze can direct.
- Ugh.
116
00:04:49,438 --> 00:04:51,232
I'll stop commenting on
your Instagram posts.
117
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:52,257
Okay.
118
00:04:52,282 --> 00:04:54,802
"Everyone under 4'11" into the pantry.
119
00:04:55,786 --> 00:04:59,185
Okay, I'm gonna make
a list of toiletries that we need.
120
00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:00,693
Um, can you keep an ear out
121
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,023
for the kids killing each other?
122
00:05:02,661 --> 00:05:04,286
No one says toiletries.
123
00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:05,550
Except me.
124
00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:06,662
Just now.
125
00:05:08,068 --> 00:05:10,490
Wait, wait, wait.
That was the third time.
126
00:05:10,515 --> 00:05:12,630
The second time I got
struck by lightning,
127
00:05:12,655 --> 00:05:14,873
I was on the 18th hole.
128
00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:16,966
Whose turn is it?
129
00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:18,232
- Yours!
- Yours!
130
00:05:28,951 --> 00:05:29,959
Towel?
131
00:05:33,193 --> 00:05:34,668
Look, I'm sorry about earlier.
132
00:05:34,693 --> 00:05:36,380
I was being petty and immature.
133
00:05:37,434 --> 00:05:38,904
What about putting your hand
134
00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:40,935
up those gladiators' war skirts?
135
00:05:40,986 --> 00:05:42,802
I'd say grabbing a stranger's ass
136
00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:44,730
is much more immature.
137
00:05:44,755 --> 00:05:46,235
That was work.
138
00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:48,123
I sell jugs and hugs.
139
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,568
It's my faire persona.
140
00:05:49,648 --> 00:05:52,884
- You know this.
- Did you at least wash your paws after?
141
00:05:56,111 --> 00:05:58,156
Well, at least they let
me touch them in public.
142
00:06:03,401 --> 00:06:05,188
Now, a lot of times they tell you
143
00:06:05,213 --> 00:06:06,578
that when you get struck by lightning,
144
00:06:06,603 --> 00:06:08,423
you see God? I did.
145
00:06:08,448 --> 00:06:10,798
And it was confusing.
146
00:06:10,823 --> 00:06:12,587
- What?
- Huh?
147
00:06:12,612 --> 00:06:13,612
Whose turn is it?
148
00:06:13,637 --> 00:06:14,884
Yours.
149
00:06:15,438 --> 00:06:17,079
Since when are there monsoons
150
00:06:17,104 --> 00:06:18,571
in upstate New York?
151
00:06:18,596 --> 00:06:19,989
Uh, since climate change.
152
00:06:20,014 --> 00:06:21,704
T-minus 20 till the bomb cyclone hits.
153
00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:24,063
Wait. The Orbs of Fury are in the water.
154
00:06:24,088 --> 00:06:25,088
The rain wouldn't have affected them.
155
00:06:25,113 --> 00:06:26,642
- Let's go.
- Breathe.
156
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:28,438
There is nothing you can do right now.
157
00:06:28,463 --> 00:06:31,473
Just... all right?
158
00:06:31,498 --> 00:06:33,064
I don't think I've ever
seen you this clean.
159
00:06:33,089 --> 00:06:34,513
Yeah, it's pretty squeaky.
160
00:06:43,587 --> 00:06:45,126
How long has my top been see through?
161
00:06:45,151 --> 00:06:47,314
Since you chased Dr. Who
all the way to his Tardis.
162
00:06:47,589 --> 00:06:48,589
Lil Boy?
163
00:06:49,102 --> 00:06:50,173
Lil Boy?
164
00:06:50,734 --> 00:06:52,720
He likes to pop out and scare me,
165
00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,899
or fall from the rafters and scare me,
166
00:06:54,924 --> 00:06:57,321
or apparate like a little mini
wizard and scare me.
167
00:06:57,346 --> 00:06:58,587
That's my kinda kid.
168
00:07:02,946 --> 00:07:04,222
Can you turn around, please?
169
00:07:04,247 --> 00:07:05,634
You saw me finish on camera,
170
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:06,751
- and I see a couple of...
- Turn!
171
00:07:11,342 --> 00:07:13,024
So, did they teach you
172
00:07:13,049 --> 00:07:14,733
project management at Vassar?
173
00:07:14,758 --> 00:07:16,456
Or did you also study at DeVry online?
174
00:07:16,491 --> 00:07:18,101
Stop mocking me.
175
00:07:18,126 --> 00:07:19,126
I wasn't.
176
00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:21,798
You did good out there.
177
00:07:22,855 --> 00:07:24,462
My mother was right.
178
00:07:25,517 --> 00:07:27,267
I never see anything through.
179
00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:29,748
And now this time,
I had people counting me like...
180
00:07:30,173 --> 00:07:34,333
Delilah and Lil Boy and Stick?
181
00:07:34,358 --> 00:07:36,520
I mean, ugh!
182
00:07:36,545 --> 00:07:38,465
Who am I if I can't help a diabetic?
183
00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:40,770
They prefer "people with diabetes."
184
00:07:41,551 --> 00:07:43,864
There's nothing to see
through right now, busy-bee.
185
00:07:44,284 --> 00:07:45,614
Except your blouse.
186
00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,178
By now, the Rainees have set up shop.
187
00:07:48,203 --> 00:07:49,203
Rainees?
188
00:07:54,882 --> 00:07:55,882
Feel good?
189
00:07:55,907 --> 00:07:57,026
Breezy.
190
00:08:09,204 --> 00:08:10,916
Ahh.
191
00:08:12,093 --> 00:08:13,311
Maggie, are you in here?
192
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:15,359
One moment!
193
00:08:16,441 --> 00:08:17,738
Take your leave.
194
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,447
Can I come in now, please?
195
00:08:23,079 --> 00:08:24,494
Enter.
196
00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:30,134
Brian.
197
00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:34,030
Swinging by to drip all
over my decorative throws?
198
00:08:34,572 --> 00:08:36,033
I came to say I'm sorry.
199
00:08:36,585 --> 00:08:37,697
You were right.
200
00:08:37,942 --> 00:08:39,455
What was that? I can't hear you.
201
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:40,963
I still have your lecture on compromise
202
00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:42,088
ringing in my ears.
203
00:08:42,643 --> 00:08:45,611
Juan Andrés and I are over.
204
00:08:47,057 --> 00:08:48,651
Oh, Poodle.
205
00:08:50,682 --> 00:08:52,666
First it's Shakespeare
making fart jokes.
206
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,565
And next thing you know,
207
00:08:55,392 --> 00:08:58,613
you're sorority squatting with
Ginger, Posh, and Sporty.
208
00:08:58,744 --> 00:09:00,926
What's next? I'll tell you what's next.
209
00:09:00,987 --> 00:09:03,230
Fondling subpar Russell
Crowe lookalikes.
210
00:09:03,255 --> 00:09:04,648
That's what's next.
211
00:09:04,673 --> 00:09:06,152
You've learned an important lesson.
212
00:09:06,366 --> 00:09:08,238
And ending it was the right choice.
213
00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:12,851
We allowed too much change,
all over the fairgrounds.
214
00:09:12,876 --> 00:09:14,793
The vaping? Ugh.
215
00:09:15,575 --> 00:09:17,144
It's worse than the Bluetooth years.
216
00:09:17,169 --> 00:09:18,184
More than that.
217
00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:20,598
That awful steak-on-a-stake girl.
218
00:09:20,623 --> 00:09:22,043
Losing our food discount.
219
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:23,548
Losing control.
220
00:09:24,293 --> 00:09:26,309
But you know what?
That's why the storm is here.
221
00:09:27,069 --> 00:09:28,082
We'll let her healing
222
00:09:28,107 --> 00:09:30,223
energy flow through us,
harness her power,
223
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,715
and use it to regain
what is rightfully ours.
224
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:33,740
What are you doing?
225
00:09:34,309 --> 00:09:35,574
Where's your crap food?
226
00:09:36,331 --> 00:09:38,598
Nutter Butters, Star Crunches.
227
00:09:39,588 --> 00:09:40,699
I know they're here.
228
00:09:41,004 --> 00:09:42,332
I'm suffering.
229
00:09:42,614 --> 00:09:46,527
I need the healing energy
of high fructose corn syrup
230
00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:47,809
to flow through me.
231
00:09:53,943 --> 00:09:55,902
Two treats, and then we're moving on.
232
00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:57,355
Oh, thank goodness.
233
00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:58,574
Thank goodness.
234
00:09:58,879 --> 00:10:00,668
Okay. Okay.
235
00:10:02,284 --> 00:10:04,025
Brian, Brian. Two, two.
236
00:10:04,288 --> 00:10:05,480
I'm gonna have more than two,
237
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,285
and you're just gonna
have to accept that.
238
00:10:16,285 --> 00:10:18,096
58 Albuquerque, 59 Albuquerque,
239
00:10:18,121 --> 00:10:19,559
60 Albuquerque. Time's up.
240
00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:21,449
Markers down.
241
00:10:22,675 --> 00:10:23,902
Come on, show me.
242
00:10:25,098 --> 00:10:26,823
Okay, that's more horse than person,
243
00:10:26,848 --> 00:10:28,925
and your Maggie has tentacles.
244
00:10:28,950 --> 00:10:30,212
Well, that's what you see.
245
00:10:30,256 --> 00:10:31,613
Art is subjective.
246
00:10:33,172 --> 00:10:34,565
That's objectively good.
247
00:10:34,608 --> 00:10:35,914
Yeah, it's not bad.
248
00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:38,043
I'm gonna do shrooms.
249
00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:42,442
I could do shrooms.
250
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,574
Mm, I am off psychedelics
251
00:10:44,599 --> 00:10:46,809
ever since the fourth time
I got struck by lightning.
252
00:10:47,249 --> 00:10:48,699
I'm gonna go check on the horses.
253
00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:50,029
Thunder makes them horny.
254
00:10:53,148 --> 00:10:54,148
You coming?
255
00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:56,801
Ahh, peanut butter.
256
00:10:56,826 --> 00:10:58,809
Makes shrooms taste great.
257
00:10:59,074 --> 00:11:00,155
Where are y'all headed?
258
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:01,229
Outer space.
259
00:11:01,254 --> 00:11:02,309
Wanna come?
260
00:11:02,485 --> 00:11:04,457
Hey, hey.
261
00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:06,629
You guys better elect a ranger this time
262
00:11:06,654 --> 00:11:08,707
'cause I'm not climbing up
a tree to rescue you again.
263
00:11:08,732 --> 00:11:10,338
Fish heads were growing
up from the ground.
264
00:11:10,363 --> 00:11:11,363
What would you have done?
265
00:11:11,707 --> 00:11:13,796
Let them nibble the
dead skin off my toes.
266
00:11:14,129 --> 00:11:16,051
- Oh.
- Howdy, ranger.
267
00:11:16,345 --> 00:11:17,621
You've been elected.
268
00:11:19,129 --> 00:11:20,349
Fine.
269
00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:26,066
Damn it.
270
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,598
Never have I ever...
271
00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:33,769
encountered a shark.
272
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,449
What are the rules again?
273
00:11:36,474 --> 00:11:38,342
- You have to drink if you've ever.
- Ah.
274
00:11:39,757 --> 00:11:41,205
And you lived to tell the tale.
275
00:11:41,230 --> 00:11:42,238
Impressive.
276
00:11:42,263 --> 00:11:43,691
Is it true that you have
to punch it in the nose
277
00:11:43,716 --> 00:11:45,207
- to get away?
- It was a baby shark,
278
00:11:45,232 --> 00:11:46,960
dead on the sand.
279
00:11:46,985 --> 00:11:48,777
But still, scary.
280
00:11:48,802 --> 00:11:50,730
Yeah, you should have left it vague.
281
00:11:52,051 --> 00:11:53,653
Oh, okay. Um...
282
00:11:54,154 --> 00:11:56,396
never have I ever...
283
00:11:56,830 --> 00:11:58,083
had a four-way.
284
00:12:01,018 --> 00:12:02,018
Really?
285
00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:03,672
- I was just parched.
- Oh, that is...
286
00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,060
Unh-unh. Bad form.
287
00:12:05,479 --> 00:12:06,479
All right.
288
00:12:06,504 --> 00:12:09,138
Um, never have I ever salsa danced.
289
00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:12,653
- Oh, thank God.
- Ah.
290
00:12:12,678 --> 00:12:15,466
Never have I ever seen
"The Fault in our Stars."
291
00:12:15,491 --> 00:12:16,528
Ohh.
292
00:12:17,217 --> 00:12:18,630
- It's bad, isn't it?
- Mm.
293
00:12:19,015 --> 00:12:21,192
He dies, she cries. It is just...
294
00:12:22,036 --> 00:12:23,685
It's really stupid.
295
00:12:25,303 --> 00:12:27,153
Um...
296
00:12:27,428 --> 00:12:29,536
never have I ever eaten catfish
297
00:12:29,696 --> 00:12:30,974
or been catfished
298
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,677
or catfished anyone else.
299
00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:38,630
- Which one is it?
- All three.
300
00:12:38,655 --> 00:12:40,412
Elaborate. Ate it at a barbecue.
301
00:12:40,437 --> 00:12:41,442
Delicious.
302
00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:42,947
Got sucked in by a Russian bot.
303
00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:45,932
And then, it was complicated.
304
00:12:45,957 --> 00:12:47,833
Rainy day. Got nothing but time.
305
00:12:48,078 --> 00:12:50,425
Um, anyway, I just... I just wanted
to check up on an ex
306
00:12:50,450 --> 00:12:51,658
without her knowing,
307
00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:54,388
so I created a profile
and sent her a message.
308
00:12:54,685 --> 00:12:55,864
But before she wrote back,
309
00:12:55,889 --> 00:12:57,708
I chickened out and
just deleted everything.
310
00:12:57,733 --> 00:12:59,772
Must have been some ex? College?
311
00:12:59,797 --> 00:13:00,825
High school.
312
00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:02,317
- Mm.
- Cheerleader.
313
00:13:03,452 --> 00:13:04,452
Teacher.
314
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:06,606
Hello, Mrs. Robinson.
315
00:13:06,631 --> 00:13:08,435
She was probably, like, your age.
316
00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:09,592
So, how did it end?
317
00:13:09,617 --> 00:13:11,974
Just super badly, you know.
318
00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,872
Like, she didn't want to
mess up her marriage,
319
00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:15,599
so she, uh... She broke up
with me, like...
320
00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:18,001
a week before school let out.
321
00:13:18,390 --> 00:13:22,085
Um, I just, like, cried
my guts out all summer.
322
00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:24,233
It was a cruel, cruel summer.
323
00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:27,476
That is insane.
324
00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:28,819
Yeah, I thought I was in love,
325
00:13:29,546 --> 00:13:30,546
you know.
326
00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:33,747
I just kind of want to keep
it light now, you know?
327
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,459
Just no drama, nothing too serious.
328
00:13:35,484 --> 00:13:37,138
Yeah, yeah.
329
00:13:38,554 --> 00:13:41,671
I've never told anyone that ever.
330
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:42,710
Wow, that, uh...
331
00:13:42,735 --> 00:13:45,085
That feels really good
to get that off my chest.
332
00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:47,036
What about you?
333
00:13:47,061 --> 00:13:48,397
I had a Spanish teacher once
334
00:13:48,422 --> 00:13:50,765
that was, like,
drop-dead Latin gorgeous.
335
00:13:50,790 --> 00:13:52,172
No, I didn't mean my thing.
336
00:13:52,197 --> 00:13:53,702
Like, what's your thing?
337
00:13:56,739 --> 00:13:57,739
Anything?
338
00:13:58,101 --> 00:14:00,343
Don't let me embarrass
myself alone here.
339
00:14:00,368 --> 00:14:02,675
Besides bloodying Helen
on my wedding day?
340
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:03,905
That's old news. Come on.
341
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,686
You gotta... You gotta spill it.
342
00:14:09,327 --> 00:14:10,938
Um...
343
00:14:13,392 --> 00:14:15,561
I never said goodbye to my father.
344
00:14:17,178 --> 00:14:18,408
Is he dead?
345
00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:19,608
Oh, he's alive.
346
00:14:19,849 --> 00:14:20,975
What happened?
347
00:14:22,507 --> 00:14:23,593
When I was 10,
348
00:14:23,618 --> 00:14:26,336
he left and moved to
Seattle with a woman...
349
00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:28,764
Isla.
350
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:33,718
My mom talked so much shit
about him and his new kids.
351
00:14:34,443 --> 00:14:36,640
But as I got older, I wanted to know,
352
00:14:37,038 --> 00:14:38,373
you know, who were these people
353
00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:39,788
that he traded us for?
354
00:14:40,122 --> 00:14:42,483
So eventually, I went down
an Internet wormhole,
355
00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:44,385
and I got the answers.
356
00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:47,354
Isla and Olivia and Evan.
357
00:14:48,627 --> 00:14:50,596
They were so regular, you know.
358
00:14:50,995 --> 00:14:53,282
Almost like ordinary, maybe even boring.
359
00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:55,885
Which, in a weird way, was
worse than them being perfect.
360
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,955
He destroyed our family for a big,
fat lateral move.
361
00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:04,658
That's his loss.
362
00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:07,930
Nah, it's... it's yours
363
00:15:07,955 --> 00:15:10,213
because you had to endure
that, like, stupid story.
364
00:15:10,238 --> 00:15:12,612
- Hey, it's all right.
- No, let's go back to jacks.
365
00:15:16,151 --> 00:15:18,763
Okay, this floor is not regulation.
366
00:15:18,788 --> 00:15:20,776
Yeah, um, do you want, like, some help
367
00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:22,096
- or anything?
- No, I'm okay.
368
00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:24,409
There's so many letters.
369
00:15:25,856 --> 00:15:27,588
Uh, that tracks.
370
00:15:27,613 --> 00:15:29,534
Delilah sort of seems
like the pen pal type.
371
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,588
New York State Unified Court System.
372
00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:41,471
I guess we're not the
only ones with secrets.
373
00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,494
Ugh.
374
00:15:49,871 --> 00:15:52,361
These 100-calorie snacks are bullshit.
375
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:53,854
Are you finished sulking?
376
00:15:53,879 --> 00:15:55,744
We need to get out in the rain.
377
00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:57,807
Direct exposure to the
fury of Mother Nature
378
00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,225
is the best way to reap her benefits.
379
00:16:02,706 --> 00:16:05,026
Do you know how many breakups
I've coddled you through?
380
00:16:05,338 --> 00:16:07,442
How many times you've felt slighted
381
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,556
or insecure or short-legged,
382
00:16:09,581 --> 00:16:11,932
and I've been there to lick your wounds?
383
00:16:11,957 --> 00:16:14,190
Oh, go ahead, let it out.
384
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,582
I'll never find anyone as perfect.
385
00:16:16,607 --> 00:16:19,080
His back hair was up to his neck.
386
00:16:20,034 --> 00:16:22,244
Oh, God, of course you will.
387
00:16:22,269 --> 00:16:25,141
I hear there's a slew
of single Skarsgards.
388
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:27,009
And a new Hemsworth seems
to pop up every day.
389
00:16:27,034 --> 00:16:28,665
I don't want a Skarsgard.
390
00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:30,260
And you know as well as I do,
391
00:16:30,285 --> 00:16:32,557
there's no Hemsworth like the first one.
392
00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:35,299
They degenerate in
quality with every copy.
393
00:16:37,143 --> 00:16:38,596
I want him.
394
00:16:40,549 --> 00:16:42,448
Juan Andrés was the one.
395
00:16:42,916 --> 00:16:44,019
Oh, psh.
396
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,916
There is no such thing.
397
00:16:45,959 --> 00:16:47,205
Scootch.
398
00:16:47,655 --> 00:16:49,252
Scootchity-scootchity.
399
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:59,518
You are the scent of
jasmine in the spring.
400
00:17:00,713 --> 00:17:03,002
Warm sand on bare feet.
401
00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,002
A perfectly delivered soliloquy
402
00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:09,244
following on a perfectly rapt audience.
403
00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:11,869
That man is a fool.
404
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,518
A handsome one, yes,
405
00:17:13,543 --> 00:17:16,018
but a real schmuck to
have let you get away.
406
00:17:19,642 --> 00:17:21,643
Maybe I'm not destined for love.
407
00:17:22,924 --> 00:17:25,619
It is not in the stars
to hold our destiny,
408
00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,628
- but in ourselves.
- Ugh.
409
00:17:27,653 --> 00:17:29,611
What does Shakespeare know, anyway.
410
00:17:30,746 --> 00:17:33,493
Aah! Mother Nature, she speaks to us.
411
00:17:33,518 --> 00:17:34,948
We must answer her call!
412
00:17:36,049 --> 00:17:37,141
I'm only going
413
00:17:37,166 --> 00:17:38,646
because I don't want to be alone.
414
00:17:38,671 --> 00:17:40,612
Why else do we do anything?
415
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,245
You guys feeling it yet?
416
00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:45,784
No, nothing.
417
00:17:47,517 --> 00:17:49,243
Where's my face?
418
00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:52,032
I lost my face.
419
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:55,034
That's the spot.
420
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,752
Stay there.
421
00:17:57,588 --> 00:18:00,151
He loves me. He loves me not.
422
00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:02,096
He wants space.
423
00:18:02,362 --> 00:18:03,869
He wants space not.
424
00:18:04,429 --> 00:18:05,885
He's spaceless.
425
00:18:06,681 --> 00:18:07,916
I'm spaceless.
426
00:18:08,915 --> 00:18:10,398
We're all spaceless.
427
00:18:10,432 --> 00:18:11,827
It's like this.
428
00:18:11,871 --> 00:18:16,135
Sometimes he's gotta hide,
man, in his shell.
429
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,268
Like this?
430
00:18:19,048 --> 00:18:22,273
Brian's a... He's a turtle.
431
00:18:22,298 --> 00:18:24,479
Yeah, a turtle.
432
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:27,080
It's turtles all the way down.
433
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:28,931
They're everywhere.
434
00:18:29,361 --> 00:18:30,493
Hey, travelers.
435
00:18:30,518 --> 00:18:32,643
How are we doing?
Vitamin C, it's good for you.
436
00:18:32,913 --> 00:18:34,697
Replenish your electrolytes, people.
437
00:18:34,838 --> 00:18:36,548
And remember,
you're nothing unless you're...
438
00:18:36,591 --> 00:18:38,332
- Together.
- Together.
439
00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:39,471
Yeah.
440
00:18:40,461 --> 00:18:41,620
So we're gonna stay here together.
441
00:18:41,645 --> 00:18:42,687
- Together.
- Together.
442
00:18:42,712 --> 00:18:44,416
- Together.
- Together.
443
00:18:46,385 --> 00:18:48,255
And I'm gonna get some more
hydration for you, okay?
444
00:18:48,299 --> 00:18:49,869
All you guys are going?
445
00:18:51,143 --> 00:18:52,204
Yeah, that's right, bud.
446
00:18:52,229 --> 00:18:54,237
- Stay together.
- That's right, together.
447
00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:55,269
Okay.
448
00:18:56,374 --> 00:18:57,723
I like him.
449
00:19:00,237 --> 00:19:01,616
Turtles are slow.
450
00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,096
You can't always be slow.
451
00:19:03,121 --> 00:19:04,729
We need to go fast.
452
00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:06,882
Zoom, zoom.
453
00:19:06,926 --> 00:19:08,541
Zoom, zoom.
454
00:19:08,901 --> 00:19:10,992
To the bus. Grab the shrooms.
455
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,366
Found it.
456
00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,877
Oh, many thanks.
457
00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:22,448
I been CrossFitting since it was called
458
00:19:22,473 --> 00:19:24,092
changing big-rig tires in Jersey.
459
00:19:24,117 --> 00:19:25,854
Bet you'd kill at the strong-man booth.
460
00:19:25,879 --> 00:19:27,400
You'd win that bet, little woman.
461
00:19:31,263 --> 00:19:32,263
Told ya.
462
00:19:32,288 --> 00:19:33,928
Rainees really dig in to the pub.
463
00:19:33,953 --> 00:19:36,416
You know, that dude paid me 40 bucks
464
00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:38,324
to let him bench-press our wine fridge.
465
00:19:38,349 --> 00:19:40,132
It was empty, but still.
466
00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:41,157
Fill it up,
467
00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:42,690
bet him he can't do it twice in a row.
468
00:19:43,026 --> 00:19:44,137
Double or nothing.
469
00:19:44,826 --> 00:19:46,071
Who are you?
470
00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:48,518
Been down a lot of
roads and rode 'em hard.
471
00:19:50,737 --> 00:19:52,627
Oh, the pretzels are over there.
472
00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,760
This is amazing.
473
00:19:58,785 --> 00:20:00,213
I mean, did you see me out there?
474
00:20:00,238 --> 00:20:03,696
I was, like, huzzah for the tipper!
475
00:20:03,721 --> 00:20:05,907
- Yeah, it was...
- What?
476
00:20:05,932 --> 00:20:08,640
Art thou surprised?
477
00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:12,173
- No.
- I...
478
00:20:12,198 --> 00:20:14,099
be a pub wench now.
479
00:20:14,124 --> 00:20:15,647
Huzzah!
480
00:20:21,073 --> 00:20:22,369
It's probably just jury duty.
481
00:20:22,394 --> 00:20:24,994
Rennies are not great when
it comes to jury summons.
482
00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:26,096
Too thick.
483
00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:28,805
Are court papers like
college acceptance letters?
484
00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:30,270
You want the thick envelope?
485
00:20:30,448 --> 00:20:33,102
I used to do this with letters
from mom's divorce lawyers
486
00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:34,221
to manage expectations.
487
00:20:34,246 --> 00:20:36,204
Isn't it illegal to look
through somebody else's mail?
488
00:20:36,229 --> 00:20:38,514
Not as illegal as whatever
Delilah is hiding.
489
00:20:38,539 --> 00:20:40,877
These aren't traffic-fine envelopes.
490
00:20:40,902 --> 00:20:42,610
These are jail envelopes.
491
00:20:42,635 --> 00:20:45,940
- Presumptions.
- Based on justified suspicions.
492
00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:47,752
Delilah's a big girl. She can handle it.
493
00:20:47,777 --> 00:20:49,791
Can she? She takes care of everyone.
494
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:52,159
Me, her son, her friends.
Who takes care of her?
495
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,024
What if she's in, like,
real-world trouble.
496
00:20:54,049 --> 00:20:55,299
You know, the kind that can't be fixed
497
00:20:55,324 --> 00:20:57,054
with a bear hug or homemade candles...
498
00:20:57,079 --> 00:20:58,198
Whatever it is,
499
00:20:58,223 --> 00:20:59,643
she'll tell you about
it when she's ready.
500
00:20:59,668 --> 00:21:01,450
Some people just need a little more time
501
00:21:01,475 --> 00:21:02,607
to talk about their secrets.
502
00:21:02,632 --> 00:21:06,220
- I have to help her.
- Just be calm for a second, okay?
503
00:21:08,384 --> 00:21:10,712
D... David, I'm serious.
504
00:21:13,196 --> 00:21:17,031
Never have ever read
"Fifty Shades of Grey"
505
00:21:17,224 --> 00:21:18,312
and liked it.
506
00:21:19,711 --> 00:21:20,775
See, I should be drinking right now,
507
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,300
but I'm afraid you'll run.
508
00:21:22,627 --> 00:21:25,151
- How very Christian Grey of you.
- See?
509
00:21:25,176 --> 00:21:26,525
I knew that you should
be drinking with me.
510
00:21:26,550 --> 00:21:29,901
I'm not proud of it,
but yes, I have read it.
511
00:21:30,884 --> 00:21:32,593
The writing was so terrible.
512
00:21:33,832 --> 00:21:35,251
Well, you're free to go.
513
00:21:36,477 --> 00:21:37,477
Then I go.
514
00:21:37,829 --> 00:21:39,320
- Well, go, then.
- I'm going.
515
00:21:39,345 --> 00:21:40,361
- Good.
- Here I go.
516
00:21:40,963 --> 00:21:43,666
Eww! Your face was on her face.
517
00:21:43,691 --> 00:21:44,907
Where were you?
518
00:21:44,932 --> 00:21:47,017
You looked in my old hiding spot.
519
00:21:47,042 --> 00:21:48,993
I was in my new hiding spot.
520
00:21:52,806 --> 00:21:53,822
I gotta go.
521
00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:55,929
Uh, I have to go find Delilah...
522
00:21:55,954 --> 00:21:57,072
I don't know what he heard.
523
00:21:57,097 --> 00:21:59,160
I've gotta... These are not my clothes.
524
00:22:01,666 --> 00:22:03,259
Handles like a dream.
525
00:22:05,118 --> 00:22:06,279
I love partying.
526
00:22:06,323 --> 00:22:07,743
Drugs and stuff.
527
00:22:08,657 --> 00:22:11,704
I should warn you, though,
that shrooms can make me paranoid.
528
00:22:11,729 --> 00:22:13,407
Don't worry. Shart's taking care of us.
529
00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:14,432
He is?
530
00:22:18,109 --> 00:22:20,198
Oh, he's also taking care
of all the faire brats.
531
00:22:20,345 --> 00:22:21,531
He's a model dad.
532
00:22:21,556 --> 00:22:22,822
I could have been a model,
533
00:22:22,847 --> 00:22:24,986
you know, if only this happened earlier.
534
00:22:25,696 --> 00:22:27,763
I didn't bloom until I was 30.
535
00:22:29,638 --> 00:22:31,855
The world has always been out to get me.
536
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,451
You weren't kidding about that paranoia.
537
00:22:34,195 --> 00:22:35,457
Have you ever felt like
538
00:22:35,482 --> 00:22:37,777
everyone just wants to take you down?
539
00:22:37,802 --> 00:22:40,419
- Serious paranoia.
- You know, like when you were a kid,
540
00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:42,662
and you were bullied by those rich girls
541
00:22:42,886 --> 00:22:44,902
who spread that rumor
that you got pregnant
542
00:22:44,927 --> 00:22:46,014
when you were 13,
543
00:22:46,039 --> 00:22:47,954
and that you had the
baby and gave it away
544
00:22:47,979 --> 00:22:49,793
even though you were actually a virgin
545
00:22:49,818 --> 00:22:51,474
until you were 24 years old?
546
00:22:52,576 --> 00:22:54,806
And then your older half-sister,
547
00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:56,716
she tried to get you addicted to meth.
548
00:22:57,365 --> 00:22:59,412
But you didn't even try the meth
549
00:22:59,437 --> 00:23:01,982
because you knew that it was a dead end.
550
00:23:02,125 --> 00:23:05,045
So you run away,
and you find a whole new life.
551
00:23:05,810 --> 00:23:06,834
But now...
552
00:23:07,514 --> 00:23:10,826
you got eyes in the back of your skull
553
00:23:11,248 --> 00:23:12,607
because you never know
554
00:23:12,632 --> 00:23:16,193
when somebody's gonna
come and take you down!
555
00:23:19,505 --> 00:23:20,607
Right?
556
00:23:22,005 --> 00:23:23,403
Do you see turtles in here?
557
00:23:24,451 --> 00:23:25,750
I absolutely do.
558
00:23:26,528 --> 00:23:27,528
Where's Stick?
559
00:23:28,430 --> 00:23:30,084
Huh. Uh, driving.
560
00:23:35,099 --> 00:23:36,322
Hey. Yeah.
561
00:23:36,347 --> 00:23:38,896
How much did you end up getting
for the whole tongue thing?
562
00:23:39,630 --> 00:23:43,264
Three, five, uhh, A, B, C, D.
563
00:23:43,289 --> 00:23:45,949
Oh, $60,000?
564
00:23:45,974 --> 00:23:47,075
You don't know?
565
00:23:47,100 --> 00:23:49,527
Numbers are very hard for me right now.
566
00:23:49,552 --> 00:23:51,287
- Is it a lot or a little?
- It's a lot.
567
00:23:52,206 --> 00:23:53,206
I think.
568
00:23:53,231 --> 00:23:54,406
- Is it?
- I don't know.
569
00:23:54,431 --> 00:23:56,130
A thousand is bigger than $100,
570
00:23:56,155 --> 00:23:59,114
but it's smaller than a
million and a billion.
571
00:23:59,732 --> 00:24:01,021
And a million billion.
572
00:24:01,046 --> 00:24:03,537
Oh, my God, I didn't get enough money.
573
00:24:04,013 --> 00:24:05,877
No wonder I can't even
afford an oil change.
574
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,139
I am out of money.
575
00:24:07,164 --> 00:24:09,215
- Out?
- I told you!
576
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,927
People want to take you down!
577
00:24:14,929 --> 00:24:17,410
I'm gonna get Stick
and go play in the mud.
578
00:24:19,530 --> 00:24:21,677
Um, Stick, can you pull over, buddy?
579
00:24:21,702 --> 00:24:23,086
We should give Helen some space.
580
00:24:28,681 --> 00:24:32,444
All right, let's get on
with this woo-woo insanity.
581
00:24:32,476 --> 00:24:35,012
I said you were like jasmine
in the spring. Humor me.
582
00:24:35,037 --> 00:24:36,709
First we have to choose a goal.
583
00:24:37,074 --> 00:24:39,279
Mine's to regain control of this place
584
00:24:39,304 --> 00:24:40,623
before it goes full-on Chuck E. Cheese.
585
00:24:40,648 --> 00:24:41,648
What's yours?
586
00:24:42,090 --> 00:24:43,207
To get my man back?
587
00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:44,630
- No!
- Fine.
588
00:24:44,655 --> 00:24:46,771
I'll make mine getting
your power back, too.
589
00:24:46,796 --> 00:24:49,529
Genius. Now, we close our eyes
590
00:24:49,554 --> 00:24:51,680
and let the storm wash over us
591
00:24:51,705 --> 00:24:54,365
as we externalize our goal
592
00:24:54,390 --> 00:24:56,990
and give it over to the storm.
593
00:25:19,933 --> 00:25:22,111
She stole my thunder.
594
00:25:22,136 --> 00:25:23,894
Let her have it. Can we go?
595
00:25:30,787 --> 00:25:32,286
- Hey.
- Oh, God!
596
00:25:32,311 --> 00:25:33,387
Hey, what's up?
597
00:25:33,965 --> 00:25:35,887
Are the kids ready for
their big performance?
598
00:25:36,926 --> 00:25:38,184
I believe so.
599
00:25:41,105 --> 00:25:42,105
It's gonna be great.
600
00:25:42,801 --> 00:25:44,450
- Really?
- Yeah.
601
00:25:44,731 --> 00:25:46,630
I didn't think you'd pull it off.
602
00:25:46,655 --> 00:25:48,317
- I did.
- Uh, the rain stopped,
603
00:25:48,342 --> 00:25:50,442
so they can do it on the Regent stage.
604
00:25:50,467 --> 00:25:52,325
- Yeah, great.
- I'll get them.
605
00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:54,456
You round up an audience. Get a big one.
606
00:25:54,481 --> 00:25:55,972
We want the little
ones to feel supported.
607
00:25:55,997 --> 00:25:57,118
Yeah, okay.
608
00:25:57,143 --> 00:25:58,492
- Okay.
- Yeah, no problemo.
609
00:25:59,157 --> 00:26:00,432
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
610
00:26:03,770 --> 00:26:05,350
Hey, hey, David!
611
00:26:05,375 --> 00:26:07,755
My good buddy. Ha-ha. You busy?
612
00:26:07,780 --> 00:26:09,153
No, not really.
613
00:26:09,178 --> 00:26:10,218
Why? You wanna play a game?
614
00:26:10,243 --> 00:26:12,114
That looks like we have
half a Checkers set there.
615
00:26:12,139 --> 00:26:13,405
Ooh, we both get to be black.
616
00:26:13,642 --> 00:26:16,035
Oh, I got a much better
game than Checkers.
617
00:26:16,060 --> 00:26:17,764
It's called Round Up
The Tripping Rennies.
618
00:26:17,789 --> 00:26:19,333
Ah, is Stick seeing fish again?
619
00:26:19,358 --> 00:26:20,358
Yeah.
620
00:26:21,483 --> 00:26:22,967
- Attaboy.
- Fluids.
621
00:26:22,992 --> 00:26:25,165
Victoria! Regent stage!
622
00:26:25,190 --> 00:26:26,483
Round up everyone you know!
623
00:26:27,537 --> 00:26:28,889
Huzzah!
624
00:26:35,071 --> 00:26:37,116
I can't decide where to
focus my attention first.
625
00:26:37,141 --> 00:26:38,834
Ah! Rainees.
626
00:26:39,419 --> 00:26:40,934
Oh, Rainees.
627
00:26:40,959 --> 00:26:41,959
I get it.
628
00:26:42,537 --> 00:26:44,005
Tell me all about it.
629
00:26:44,030 --> 00:26:46,559
Tell me everything. Let's talk.
630
00:26:47,167 --> 00:26:48,167
Okay.
631
00:26:48,192 --> 00:26:50,574
That's Rusty. He's leader
of the Devil's Spawn.
632
00:26:50,599 --> 00:26:51,861
It used to be Tig,
633
00:26:51,886 --> 00:26:53,285
but then he got a brain injury.
634
00:26:53,310 --> 00:26:56,022
No, no, no, no, no.
Let's talk about you.
635
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:57,668
How are you?
636
00:26:58,801 --> 00:27:00,395
I'm so good, pumpkin.
637
00:27:01,028 --> 00:27:02,903
Oh, look.
638
00:27:03,543 --> 00:27:05,363
Rainee love is in the air.
639
00:27:06,236 --> 00:27:08,715
I never go for guys who
are shorter than me.
640
00:27:09,129 --> 00:27:11,090
- Weird.
- Uh-huh.
641
00:27:13,238 --> 00:27:14,587
So it is.
642
00:27:14,612 --> 00:27:16,307
Delilah, is everything okay?
643
00:27:16,332 --> 00:27:17,465
Hey!
644
00:27:17,721 --> 00:27:19,200
- Whoa!
- This group!
645
00:27:19,598 --> 00:27:21,229
Uh, Regent stage.
646
00:27:21,254 --> 00:27:22,856
Secret special show.
647
00:27:22,881 --> 00:27:25,043
There's free beer. It's not really free.
648
00:27:25,068 --> 00:27:26,457
Starting in five!
649
00:27:27,154 --> 00:27:28,707
Delilah, I really have
to talk to you, so...
650
00:27:28,732 --> 00:27:30,613
- Got it.
- Let's go! Secret show!
651
00:27:30,638 --> 00:27:32,293
It's probably, like, a beheading.
652
00:27:41,879 --> 00:27:43,025
It's for the kids, you know.
653
00:27:43,050 --> 00:27:44,778
Well, anything for the kids.
654
00:27:46,010 --> 00:27:48,667
If there isn't a selection
from "Matilda: The Musical,"
655
00:27:48,692 --> 00:27:49,887
I'm leaving.
656
00:27:50,771 --> 00:27:53,606
Swim and swim...
657
00:27:53,631 --> 00:27:54,950
and sink.
658
00:27:54,975 --> 00:27:56,285
Gloop. Gloop.
659
00:27:56,879 --> 00:27:59,197
Hey, hey, where is Stick
and Juan Andrés?
660
00:27:59,222 --> 00:28:00,441
They were gone when I got there.
661
00:28:00,466 --> 00:28:02,033
Oh, uh, mm.
662
00:28:02,058 --> 00:28:04,481
They wanted to drive
on top of the world.
663
00:28:04,506 --> 00:28:05,775
Ah, got it.
664
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,020
- Yeah.
- Cool.
665
00:28:09,455 --> 00:28:10,456
Attention, elders!
666
00:28:10,481 --> 00:28:11,731
The play is ready to begin.
667
00:28:11,756 --> 00:28:14,454
Please note my style
is still developing.
668
00:28:16,193 --> 00:28:19,629
"The Three Little Mammals"
by Breeze Yolanda Reinhardt.
669
00:28:20,332 --> 00:28:21,785
We wrote it together, Breeze.
670
00:28:21,810 --> 00:28:23,832
Shut up, Moon.
I'm the one who wrote it down.
671
00:28:24,241 --> 00:28:25,241
Diva.
672
00:28:25,695 --> 00:28:27,324
One day in a village,
673
00:28:27,349 --> 00:28:29,012
not unlike this very village,
674
00:28:29,037 --> 00:28:33,119
lived a lot of kind of basic,
but well-meaning villagers,
675
00:28:33,144 --> 00:28:35,363
including, but not limited to
676
00:28:35,388 --> 00:28:37,551
our titular three little mammals.
677
00:28:37,576 --> 00:28:40,361
Now, this village was an
idyllic utopian society.
678
00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:43,457
Think free public green
spaces and iPads for everyone.
679
00:28:44,938 --> 00:28:46,520
And most of the time,
680
00:28:46,545 --> 00:28:50,223
our mammals lived far from
crap like persecution,
681
00:28:50,248 --> 00:28:52,206
overzealous immigration enforcement,
682
00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:54,015
and rampant racism.
683
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,824
Most of the time.
684
00:28:56,270 --> 00:28:58,566
Except for just outside the village
685
00:28:58,591 --> 00:29:01,355
where there lived that good
old classic antagonist...
686
00:29:02,434 --> 00:29:05,542
... the Big Bad Wolf.
687
00:29:10,941 --> 00:29:12,761
Flimsy, wiggly...
688
00:29:13,619 --> 00:29:14,895
Mm.
689
00:29:15,316 --> 00:29:16,771
Spiky.
690
00:29:18,649 --> 00:29:20,085
But we'll get to him later.
691
00:29:22,355 --> 00:29:25,074
The first mammal was a peacock,
692
00:29:25,099 --> 00:29:27,129
which is not really a mammal,
693
00:29:27,154 --> 00:29:29,243
but I can't.
694
00:29:29,268 --> 00:29:30,356
Hi, baby.
695
00:29:30,381 --> 00:29:31,768
I love you, baby.
696
00:29:33,068 --> 00:29:34,559
The peacock was also a mother,
697
00:29:34,584 --> 00:29:36,369
and she lived with an anteater
698
00:29:36,394 --> 00:29:38,010
who was also a janitor,
699
00:29:38,035 --> 00:29:39,520
who was also a father.
700
00:29:39,545 --> 00:29:42,018
I'm so funny. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
701
00:29:42,043 --> 00:29:43,996
You're so funny, honey.
702
00:29:44,021 --> 00:29:47,236
I want to build our house
out of toilet paper.
703
00:29:47,261 --> 00:29:48,941
- Okay.
- And they did.
704
00:29:48,966 --> 00:29:50,996
There was only one problem.
705
00:29:51,021 --> 00:29:53,004
We're out of toilet paper.
706
00:29:53,029 --> 00:29:54,535
How did this happen?
707
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,471
I told you to get more toilet paper.
708
00:29:57,496 --> 00:29:59,027
I forgot.
709
00:29:59,052 --> 00:30:00,641
You always forget!
710
00:30:00,666 --> 00:30:02,191
And you're a janitor!
711
00:30:02,842 --> 00:30:05,715
The mommy peacock and
daddy anteater janitor
712
00:30:05,758 --> 00:30:07,480
were fighting so much,
713
00:30:07,505 --> 00:30:08,527
they didn't even notice
714
00:30:08,552 --> 00:30:11,660
that the Big Bad Wolf was on his way,
715
00:30:12,449 --> 00:30:15,512
ready to blow down
every house in its path,
716
00:30:17,098 --> 00:30:19,738
toilet paper or no toilet paper.
717
00:30:19,763 --> 00:30:22,354
Then the rest of the
village mammals came out
718
00:30:22,379 --> 00:30:24,124
and had a dance party!
719
00:30:24,149 --> 00:30:26,830
- Whoo!
- Go mammals!
720
00:30:28,449 --> 00:30:29,604
Get down with me, people.
721
00:30:29,629 --> 00:30:31,621
Cheer on my body parts.
722
00:30:32,020 --> 00:30:34,004
Who are we rooting for? I'm lost.
723
00:30:34,029 --> 00:30:37,199
- Uh...
- Can we go play in the mud now?
724
00:30:38,574 --> 00:30:40,289
- Come on.
- Yeah. Thank you.
725
00:30:45,598 --> 00:30:48,887
There's no narrative drive. I'm out.
726
00:30:50,132 --> 00:30:52,949
Now I will kill you all
and feed you to the Sith.
727
00:30:52,974 --> 00:30:54,846
No, you will not, Jesse.
728
00:30:54,871 --> 00:30:55,871
Okay.
729
00:30:57,029 --> 00:31:00,815
The dancing mammals were very annoying.
730
00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:02,262
So the second mammal
731
00:31:02,287 --> 00:31:04,052
came out to see what was going on.
732
00:31:06,564 --> 00:31:07,752
I'm a porpoise.
733
00:31:09,238 --> 00:31:10,406
That's my little boy!
734
00:31:10,431 --> 00:31:13,322
I built my house out of
hempcrete and bamboo,
735
00:31:13,347 --> 00:31:15,610
which are both strong and eco-friendly,
736
00:31:15,635 --> 00:31:17,245
all for me and my mama.
737
00:31:19,363 --> 00:31:21,832
Unless the court takes her away to jail.
738
00:31:23,668 --> 00:31:26,738
Uhh, thank you, porpoise.
739
00:31:27,579 --> 00:31:29,041
Lil Boy! Lil Boy!
740
00:31:29,066 --> 00:31:31,035
We are almost done here, people.
741
00:31:32,708 --> 00:31:34,426
Third mammal, your cue!
742
00:31:38,049 --> 00:31:39,487
I'm a pretty princess.
743
00:31:40,763 --> 00:31:41,916
And I want to build my house
744
00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:43,856
out of new and shiny things
745
00:31:43,881 --> 00:31:46,105
that are a zillion times better.
746
00:31:48,339 --> 00:31:50,840
Well, I'm the queen.
747
00:31:51,207 --> 00:31:53,928
And I like our house just the way it is.
748
00:31:55,818 --> 00:31:59,586
Well, I'm young and cute,
and everyone loves me.
749
00:31:59,611 --> 00:32:01,402
Just because I am old and stale
750
00:32:01,427 --> 00:32:04,156
does not mean I'm not
the queen of this house.
751
00:32:09,863 --> 00:32:11,101
But little did they know
752
00:32:11,126 --> 00:32:12,954
that no matter what
their house was made of,
753
00:32:12,979 --> 00:32:16,765
they still had to watch out
for the big, bad...
754
00:32:16,790 --> 00:32:18,390
Amanda Klein!
755
00:32:21,218 --> 00:32:23,257
You owe me a million dollars.
756
00:32:24,177 --> 00:32:25,177
- Shart!
- Got 'em.
757
00:32:25,209 --> 00:32:26,734
- Hey kids, follow me.
- Helen.
758
00:32:26,759 --> 00:32:28,960
- But, daddy, we're not done!
- Oh, yes, you are.
759
00:32:28,985 --> 00:32:30,573
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
760
00:32:30,598 --> 00:32:32,444
- Thanks, babe.
- Always.
761
00:32:32,469 --> 00:32:33,523
Mwah!
762
00:32:34,272 --> 00:32:37,244
Uh, uh, Helen, calm down, okay?
763
00:32:37,866 --> 00:32:41,548
Let's just... Let's just talk, okay?
764
00:32:43,672 --> 00:32:44,672
No.
765
00:32:50,783 --> 00:32:52,508
I thought you said we were square?
766
00:32:52,533 --> 00:32:55,145
I'll huff, and I'll puff,
767
00:32:55,170 --> 00:32:57,078
and I'll rip your tits off!
768
00:33:01,714 --> 00:33:03,868
I got $20 on the little one! Let's go!
769
00:33:10,753 --> 00:33:11,978
All right, listen up.
770
00:33:12,003 --> 00:33:14,189
No, no, no. No eating mud.
771
00:33:14,214 --> 00:33:16,822
No matter how much it looks
and feels like chocolate.
772
00:33:16,847 --> 00:33:19,840
Many brave, good-looking
men have gone down that way.
773
00:33:19,865 --> 00:33:21,025
But, you know, you can play in it.
774
00:33:21,050 --> 00:33:22,713
She's gonna kill me!
775
00:33:22,738 --> 00:33:25,106
I am going full "Revenant" on your ass!
776
00:33:26,156 --> 00:33:28,166
Anybody else seeing tree demons?
777
00:33:28,441 --> 00:33:29,977
I believe those are cloud people.
778
00:33:30,263 --> 00:33:31,569
But still, we should move.
779
00:33:31,845 --> 00:33:33,678
Eat bench, you lunatic!
780
00:33:33,703 --> 00:33:35,247
- Oh!
- Whoa!
781
00:33:35,272 --> 00:33:37,381
Okay, move, move, move, move.
782
00:33:43,947 --> 00:33:48,347
I cut off my ear lobe
with a melon baller.
783
00:33:48,372 --> 00:33:50,107
Oh, God.
784
00:33:50,132 --> 00:33:51,426
Hi.
785
00:33:51,451 --> 00:33:52,975
Hey, you guys want to sleep over?
786
00:33:54,626 --> 00:33:55,626
You.
787
00:33:57,857 --> 00:33:59,959
When will it be enough for you, huh?
788
00:34:00,756 --> 00:34:03,271
When we install a virtual-reality booth?
789
00:34:03,740 --> 00:34:05,432
When you've maimed us all?
790
00:34:06,443 --> 00:34:07,943
When we rename this place
791
00:34:07,968 --> 00:34:10,195
Amanda's Royal Renaissance Festival?
792
00:34:14,536 --> 00:34:16,129
Best day ever!
793
00:34:16,154 --> 00:34:17,559
Are you crazy?
794
00:34:17,584 --> 00:34:18,990
Mud wrestling?
795
00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:22,829
Seriously, this is some
hardcore patriarchal bullshit!
796
00:34:25,203 --> 00:34:26,967
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
797
00:34:28,443 --> 00:34:29,488
Damn it.
798
00:34:29,632 --> 00:34:30,851
Not enough memory.
799
00:34:31,407 --> 00:34:32,407
I got it.
800
00:34:32,432 --> 00:34:33,482
Hey!
801
00:34:33,507 --> 00:34:35,756
- Ahh!
- Ohh!
802
00:34:38,324 --> 00:34:40,646
- That's right. Get her!
- Oh!
803
00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:43,803
Oh!
804
00:34:45,820 --> 00:34:47,170
Are you okay?
805
00:34:47,770 --> 00:34:51,051
I'm amazing.
806
00:34:51,076 --> 00:34:53,426
It's like we're real Rennies.
807
00:34:54,794 --> 00:34:56,178
I was planning to do this
808
00:34:56,203 --> 00:34:58,765
at the kissing bridge
at eventide, but screw it.
809
00:35:00,953 --> 00:35:02,998
Lady Jenny Miller of Rochester,
810
00:35:03,023 --> 00:35:04,597
wilt thou marry me?
811
00:35:04,622 --> 00:35:05,797
I shall!
812
00:35:13,389 --> 00:35:14,389
Boom!
813
00:35:15,658 --> 00:35:17,008
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
814
00:35:21,595 --> 00:35:22,944
Are you happy now?
815
00:35:24,441 --> 00:35:25,441
No.
816
00:35:34,701 --> 00:35:36,203
Fine lords and ladies...
817
00:35:36,244 --> 00:35:38,072
We're engaged!
818
00:35:39,775 --> 00:35:41,342
Huzzah!
819
00:35:41,367 --> 00:35:43,646
Huzzah!
820
00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:47,177
Maggie.
821
00:35:47,396 --> 00:35:48,753
Maggie, slow down.
822
00:35:48,778 --> 00:35:50,650
- Maggie, stop this!
- Stop this?
823
00:35:50,675 --> 00:35:51,675
Stop what?
824
00:35:51,700 --> 00:35:54,299
It's too late to stop anything
after all you started.
825
00:35:54,324 --> 00:35:57,816
What's so terrible? I started
a couple of new things, so what?
826
00:35:58,691 --> 00:36:00,127
You act like you're the first person
827
00:36:00,152 --> 00:36:01,461
to ever join the faire,
828
00:36:01,505 --> 00:36:04,682
to ever feel how special and
freeing this world can be.
829
00:36:04,707 --> 00:36:06,293
There were people here before
you, you know.
830
00:36:06,318 --> 00:36:08,337
- I know.
- No, you don't know anything.
831
00:36:08,512 --> 00:36:10,713
Did you know there weren't
any female performers
832
00:36:10,738 --> 00:36:12,582
other than the Queen
until I convinced the Royal
833
00:36:12,607 --> 00:36:14,580
to bring in Washer
Wenches two decades ago?
834
00:36:14,605 --> 00:36:16,488
- No, but that...
- And what about axe throwing?
835
00:36:17,129 --> 00:36:18,918
Did you think that was just always here?
836
00:36:18,943 --> 00:36:20,336
- Kind of.
- Well, it wasn't.
837
00:36:20,691 --> 00:36:22,526
I dated the axe gamer at Raleigh,
838
00:36:22,551 --> 00:36:23,847
and suddenly next summer,
839
00:36:23,872 --> 00:36:25,569
there were axes at the Royal.
840
00:36:25,926 --> 00:36:27,012
I was the...
841
00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:30,316
I was the pretty princess
with all the big ideas.
842
00:36:31,926 --> 00:36:34,339
And now I'm just an evil old queen
843
00:36:34,364 --> 00:36:35,816
with nothing to show for it.
844
00:36:36,583 --> 00:36:38,816
20 years, and I have nothing.
845
00:36:40,557 --> 00:36:43,148
Maggie, I... I'm so sorry.
846
00:36:43,173 --> 00:36:45,408
- I...
- It's too late.
847
00:36:46,511 --> 00:36:47,511
It doesn't matter.
848
00:37:09,615 --> 00:37:11,366
- I'll come back later.
- No, no, no.
849
00:37:11,594 --> 00:37:13,288
I went to some places today,
850
00:37:13,313 --> 00:37:15,124
and I need you to reassure
me that I'm still sane.
851
00:37:16,647 --> 00:37:18,280
- But we're...
- What?
852
00:37:19,663 --> 00:37:20,952
Broken up.
853
00:37:21,237 --> 00:37:23,195
Oh, my God. When did that happen?
854
00:37:23,749 --> 00:37:25,819
Christ, I must have blacked out.
855
00:37:26,179 --> 00:37:27,179
What did I do?
856
00:37:27,204 --> 00:37:28,728
No, this morning.
857
00:37:29,462 --> 00:37:30,811
Our fight.
858
00:37:31,265 --> 00:37:33,341
Yeah, it was a fight.
859
00:37:33,366 --> 00:37:34,579
People fight.
860
00:37:34,604 --> 00:37:35,890
You thought that was breaking up?
861
00:37:36,554 --> 00:37:37,554
It wasn't?
862
00:37:37,579 --> 00:37:40,709
Hon, there's no mistaking
when I break up with someone.
863
00:37:40,734 --> 00:37:42,288
Shit gets said.
864
00:37:42,741 --> 00:37:44,405
That was a blip.
865
00:37:44,635 --> 00:37:45,766
Not even a thing.
866
00:37:47,647 --> 00:37:48,835
It felt like a thing.
867
00:37:50,897 --> 00:37:52,163
I'm new at all of this.
868
00:37:53,413 --> 00:37:55,575
- I get it.
- Do you?
869
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:59,140
Because I'm timid and petulant and...
870
00:37:59,165 --> 00:38:00,251
probably a bunch of other things
871
00:38:00,276 --> 00:38:01,842
that I haven't even discovered yet.
872
00:38:02,483 --> 00:38:04,163
I think I might talk in my sleep.
873
00:38:04,188 --> 00:38:05,647
Oh, God. Do I talk in my sleep?
874
00:38:05,672 --> 00:38:07,502
Do I ever mention Justin Theroux?
875
00:38:07,527 --> 00:38:08,527
Oh.
876
00:38:09,182 --> 00:38:11,706
You're my boyfriend, Turtle.
877
00:38:12,390 --> 00:38:13,522
We'll figure it out.
878
00:38:24,020 --> 00:38:25,020
Turtle?
879
00:38:25,997 --> 00:38:27,993
Maybe we keep pitching out pet names.
880
00:38:28,563 --> 00:38:29,696
Okay, whatever you say.
881
00:38:29,721 --> 00:38:31,305
- That's what I say.
- Yeah.
882
00:38:34,971 --> 00:38:37,343
It's impossible to move in that stuff.
883
00:38:37,368 --> 00:38:38,879
How do you guys do it?
884
00:38:38,904 --> 00:38:40,796
Have you not noticed that I'm,
like, super ripped?
885
00:38:40,821 --> 00:38:43,294
Just shredded. I mean, muscles for days.
886
00:38:43,882 --> 00:38:44,882
Oh.
887
00:38:51,180 --> 00:38:52,414
Ahh.
888
00:38:54,672 --> 00:38:56,288
Let me know if you need anything.
889
00:39:03,182 --> 00:39:04,313
I do.
890
00:39:25,191 --> 00:39:27,860
Good thing Lil Boy wasn't here
to interrupt us this time.
891
00:39:28,653 --> 00:39:29,754
Lil Boy!
892
00:39:30,054 --> 00:39:31,080
I'll be right back!
893
00:39:31,105 --> 00:39:32,168
Stay here.
894
00:39:33,649 --> 00:39:34,848
Don't move a muscle.
895
00:39:35,687 --> 00:39:37,166
Not that one or that one.
896
00:39:37,191 --> 00:39:38,286
What about this one?
897
00:39:38,850 --> 00:39:40,317
Definitely not that one.
898
00:39:40,342 --> 00:39:41,953
All right, you got it.
899
00:39:44,445 --> 00:39:45,573
Okay.
900
00:39:50,995 --> 00:39:52,216
Everything's okay, sweetheart,
901
00:39:52,241 --> 00:39:53,998
but please tell me where on earth
902
00:39:54,023 --> 00:39:56,162
you got the idea that
mommy was going to jail?
903
00:39:56,482 --> 00:39:57,771
She said it.
904
00:40:00,309 --> 00:40:02,005
I found some mail.
905
00:40:04,538 --> 00:40:05,714
From the court.
906
00:40:06,380 --> 00:40:09,146
- Is everything okay?
- Of course it is.
907
00:40:09,171 --> 00:40:10,859
It's probably just the court telling me
908
00:40:10,884 --> 00:40:13,496
to come get that dang passport
909
00:40:13,521 --> 00:40:15,099
I forgot I sent away for.
910
00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:17,205
Oh.
911
00:40:17,344 --> 00:40:18,867
Now, listen to me.
912
00:40:19,050 --> 00:40:21,639
I'm gonna take care of everything, okay?
913
00:40:21,664 --> 00:40:23,710
So you don't need to
worry another hot second.
914
00:40:23,779 --> 00:40:25,265
Why don't you try and find some dry wood
915
00:40:25,298 --> 00:40:26,342
for the campfire
916
00:40:26,970 --> 00:40:28,538
- Okay.
- Okay?
917
00:40:36,275 --> 00:40:37,999
I'm so sorry.
918
00:40:38,695 --> 00:40:40,796
I'm sorry he overheard.
919
00:40:42,694 --> 00:40:44,037
What... is everything okay?
920
00:40:45,506 --> 00:40:46,659
You can tell me.
921
00:40:46,684 --> 00:40:49,085
Is it money? A Ponzi scheme?
922
00:40:49,110 --> 00:40:50,303
You know, two of my mom's cousins
923
00:40:50,328 --> 00:40:52,177
got screwed over by Madoff.
924
00:40:52,202 --> 00:40:53,362
Oh, my God.
925
00:40:53,803 --> 00:40:55,320
Are you somebody's Goomah?
926
00:40:55,345 --> 00:40:57,036
What? No.
927
00:40:58,772 --> 00:40:59,933
Then what's going on?
928
00:41:00,608 --> 00:41:03,053
My parents want custody of Lil Boy.
929
00:41:03,866 --> 00:41:05,725
They've never approved
of the faire life and...
930
00:41:06,214 --> 00:41:07,933
now they want to take him away from it
931
00:41:08,706 --> 00:41:09,986
and from me.
932
00:41:11,467 --> 00:41:12,948
They can do that?
933
00:41:13,599 --> 00:41:16,659
I don't know, but I'm scared.
934
00:41:25,550 --> 00:41:27,448
I think I know somebody who can help.
935
00:41:39,604 --> 00:41:41,453
Ahh, yes.
936
00:41:48,165 --> 00:41:49,165
Brett?
937
00:41:49,787 --> 00:41:50,787
It's me.
938
00:41:53,225 --> 00:41:56,625
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
63641
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