All language subtitles for American Princess (2019) - 01x07 - The Tempest.ION10-METCON-TBS.English.C.updated.Addic7ed.com

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,375 --> 00:00:02,242 Previously on "American Princess"... 2 00:00:02,267 --> 00:00:05,295 Carnivals and theme weekends and all kinds of attractions. 3 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,490 You're aware of the kind of money that's to be had. 4 00:00:07,515 --> 00:00:08,873 Why aren't we doing any of this? 5 00:00:08,898 --> 00:00:09,960 Well, Maggie doesn't like it. 6 00:00:09,985 --> 00:00:11,164 I didn't raise my hand at the vote, 7 00:00:11,189 --> 00:00:12,906 so I'm a patron today. 8 00:00:12,931 --> 00:00:15,271 I wanted to make money so that we could help people. 9 00:00:15,531 --> 00:00:17,359 We were all doing fine. 10 00:00:17,384 --> 00:00:18,453 You were. 11 00:00:18,478 --> 00:00:19,484 We had a whole show to do, 12 00:00:19,509 --> 00:00:21,851 and you left me standing there with my Apocrypha in my hand. 13 00:00:21,876 --> 00:00:23,210 I was proving a point. 14 00:00:23,235 --> 00:00:25,648 People come here for the history, the authenticity. 15 00:00:25,673 --> 00:00:27,125 If we lose that now, then what? 16 00:00:27,150 --> 00:00:28,765 At some point, you have to acknowledge 17 00:00:28,790 --> 00:00:30,335 that if we don't change the faire today, 18 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,507 there may not be one at all tomorrow. 19 00:00:32,532 --> 00:00:34,351 I don't like PDA. 20 00:00:34,392 --> 00:00:36,718 I overstepped your boundary. It won't happen again. 21 00:00:36,743 --> 00:00:39,140 I've gotta go french a man in public. 22 00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:40,828 Let me be the judge. 23 00:00:42,603 --> 00:00:44,593 You did hear me, by the way, that we're making a killing? 24 00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:46,289 The girl I met six weeks ago would have been bragging 25 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,804 to the end of eternity about this. 26 00:00:47,829 --> 00:00:49,906 That girl has left the faire. 27 00:00:49,931 --> 00:00:51,218 This girl has a clipboard. 28 00:00:51,243 --> 00:00:52,766 You did this, Amanda. 29 00:00:52,985 --> 00:00:54,161 Be proud. 30 00:00:55,824 --> 00:01:00,831 I will plague them all! 31 00:01:16,251 --> 00:01:19,651 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 32 00:01:22,722 --> 00:01:23,955 Don't leave! 33 00:01:23,980 --> 00:01:26,269 The Wet Wenches show starts in 20 minutes. 34 00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:28,908 All the seats are in the splash zone. 35 00:01:28,933 --> 00:01:30,769 There's no wait at the zip line. 36 00:01:31,019 --> 00:01:33,069 Think of how fast you could go in 37 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:34,611 - these gales. - No. No zip line. 38 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:35,910 The thing's a lightning rod, 39 00:01:35,935 --> 00:01:37,839 and we're not covered for electrocution. 40 00:01:37,864 --> 00:01:39,832 M'lady, can you give it a bit of gas? 41 00:01:48,579 --> 00:01:49,917 Welcome to the mud club. 42 00:01:51,863 --> 00:01:55,121 - Good lady, thoust would not allow... - Out of the way! This is custom! 43 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:57,792 Fine sir, the pub... 44 00:01:57,817 --> 00:01:58,972 The pub be still open. 45 00:01:58,997 --> 00:02:00,761 A jug of mead on me. 46 00:02:02,272 --> 00:02:03,660 Or for you. 47 00:02:04,363 --> 00:02:05,980 What? Are you offering booze to children. 48 00:02:06,005 --> 00:02:07,542 He looked like he could use a drink. 49 00:02:07,567 --> 00:02:09,542 - Ha! - Oh, my God. 50 00:02:12,195 --> 00:02:13,738 Fare thee well! 51 00:02:13,763 --> 00:02:16,683 Or however they say it in Spice World! 52 00:02:21,335 --> 00:02:23,613 You. Come now. 53 00:02:26,352 --> 00:02:27,875 Always a bridesmaid. 54 00:02:35,939 --> 00:02:37,012 Look at 'em. 55 00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:39,567 Running from spit rain! 56 00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:40,660 Pussies! 57 00:02:40,777 --> 00:02:43,481 This vest survived Tropical Storm Stephanie! 58 00:02:43,835 --> 00:02:45,184 Talk about a bitch. 59 00:02:45,209 --> 00:02:47,606 Aye, this tunic is Scotch Garded! 60 00:02:47,631 --> 00:02:48,777 For light spills! 61 00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,309 Nice one, hon. 62 00:02:51,219 --> 00:02:52,394 5 bucks. 63 00:02:52,699 --> 00:02:54,106 She means 10. 64 00:02:54,298 --> 00:02:56,613 I got one 15 minutes ago for 5. 65 00:02:56,638 --> 00:02:57,963 Rain-flation. 66 00:02:57,988 --> 00:02:59,246 A small price to pay 67 00:02:59,271 --> 00:03:02,168 to have almost an entire faire all to thyself. 68 00:03:05,988 --> 00:03:06,988 Well played. 69 00:03:07,013 --> 00:03:09,199 Every season, there's at least one rainstorm 70 00:03:09,224 --> 00:03:11,313 and one group who wants to stick it out. 71 00:03:11,635 --> 00:03:12,637 They're called Rainees. 72 00:03:12,662 --> 00:03:14,401 They're the pot of cash at the end of the rainbow. 73 00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:15,650 Let's get weird! 74 00:03:16,951 --> 00:03:18,910 - Hey! - Huzzah for the tipper! 75 00:03:20,863 --> 00:03:23,005 We would also like to get weird. 76 00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,390 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 77 00:03:37,062 --> 00:03:39,388 I'm a knight, and you're a dragon. Get me! 78 00:03:39,568 --> 00:03:40,951 I'm a water sign. 79 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,841 Unh-unh, no. 80 00:03:42,866 --> 00:03:44,193 You are not sitting around all day 81 00:03:44,218 --> 00:03:45,544 making duck lips into that thing. 82 00:03:45,569 --> 00:03:46,998 Go find something productive to do. 83 00:03:47,023 --> 00:03:48,633 What? It's raining. 84 00:03:48,658 --> 00:03:50,951 Like help me make the sundries list. 85 00:03:50,976 --> 00:03:53,404 Pass. Also, no one says sundries. 86 00:03:53,429 --> 00:03:55,186 Except me just now. 87 00:03:55,466 --> 00:03:57,387 Then go ask your dad if he needs help 88 00:03:57,412 --> 00:04:00,162 entertaining the littles. Go, go. 89 00:04:01,865 --> 00:04:03,623 Mom says I have to help you. 90 00:04:03,648 --> 00:04:05,037 I thought we could play Operation, 91 00:04:05,062 --> 00:04:06,615 but we're missing all the body parts. 92 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,013 Yeah, Jesse ate them, 93 00:04:08,038 --> 00:04:09,213 then he used the tweezers 94 00:04:09,238 --> 00:04:10,474 to pick the body parts out of his... 95 00:04:10,499 --> 00:04:12,762 Oh, aah, aah, aah. 96 00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,349 - Hungry hippos it is. - Come back here! 97 00:04:14,374 --> 00:04:16,013 I don't want any highlighter! 98 00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,654 You look like a corpse! 99 00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:19,599 Come on! 100 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,529 See, this is what I'm saying. 101 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,326 You say you want to help out more with the kids, 102 00:04:23,351 --> 00:04:25,333 but then this is always what happens, a bigger mess. 103 00:04:25,358 --> 00:04:26,919 - We were gonna play a game... - Moon did it! 104 00:04:26,944 --> 00:04:29,091 - Shut up! - You shut up! 105 00:04:29,430 --> 00:04:31,271 Remember when I ate all the body parts? 106 00:04:31,296 --> 00:04:32,789 And then you picked them out of your poop? 107 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:33,873 That was so gross. 108 00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:34,982 Yeah, now we can't play. 109 00:04:35,007 --> 00:04:36,052 Enough, enough, enough! 110 00:04:36,197 --> 00:04:37,732 How about you guys 111 00:04:37,757 --> 00:04:40,349 all come up with a play to show everyone? Sound fun? 112 00:04:40,374 --> 00:04:42,420 - Yeah! - No! 113 00:04:42,874 --> 00:04:44,630 The wishbone never came out. 114 00:04:44,782 --> 00:04:45,818 - Eww. - Eww. 115 00:04:45,843 --> 00:04:48,388 - And, uh, Breeze can direct. - Ugh. 116 00:04:49,438 --> 00:04:51,232 I'll stop commenting on your Instagram posts. 117 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:52,257 Okay. 118 00:04:52,282 --> 00:04:54,802 "Everyone under 4'11" into the pantry. 119 00:04:55,786 --> 00:04:59,185 Okay, I'm gonna make a list of toiletries that we need. 120 00:04:59,210 --> 00:05:00,693 Um, can you keep an ear out 121 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,023 for the kids killing each other? 122 00:05:02,661 --> 00:05:04,286 No one says toiletries. 123 00:05:04,550 --> 00:05:05,550 Except me. 124 00:05:05,575 --> 00:05:06,662 Just now. 125 00:05:08,068 --> 00:05:10,490 Wait, wait, wait. That was the third time. 126 00:05:10,515 --> 00:05:12,630 The second time I got struck by lightning, 127 00:05:12,655 --> 00:05:14,873 I was on the 18th hole. 128 00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:16,966 Whose turn is it? 129 00:05:16,991 --> 00:05:18,232 - Yours! - Yours! 130 00:05:28,951 --> 00:05:29,959 Towel? 131 00:05:33,193 --> 00:05:34,668 Look, I'm sorry about earlier. 132 00:05:34,693 --> 00:05:36,380 I was being petty and immature. 133 00:05:37,434 --> 00:05:38,904 What about putting your hand 134 00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:40,935 up those gladiators' war skirts? 135 00:05:40,986 --> 00:05:42,802 I'd say grabbing a stranger's ass 136 00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:44,730 is much more immature. 137 00:05:44,755 --> 00:05:46,235 That was work. 138 00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:48,123 I sell jugs and hugs. 139 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,568 It's my faire persona. 140 00:05:49,648 --> 00:05:52,884 - You know this. - Did you at least wash your paws after? 141 00:05:56,111 --> 00:05:58,156 Well, at least they let me touch them in public. 142 00:06:03,401 --> 00:06:05,188 Now, a lot of times they tell you 143 00:06:05,213 --> 00:06:06,578 that when you get struck by lightning, 144 00:06:06,603 --> 00:06:08,423 you see God? I did. 145 00:06:08,448 --> 00:06:10,798 And it was confusing. 146 00:06:10,823 --> 00:06:12,587 - What? - Huh? 147 00:06:12,612 --> 00:06:13,612 Whose turn is it? 148 00:06:13,637 --> 00:06:14,884 Yours. 149 00:06:15,438 --> 00:06:17,079 Since when are there monsoons 150 00:06:17,104 --> 00:06:18,571 in upstate New York? 151 00:06:18,596 --> 00:06:19,989 Uh, since climate change. 152 00:06:20,014 --> 00:06:21,704 T-minus 20 till the bomb cyclone hits. 153 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:24,063 Wait. The Orbs of Fury are in the water. 154 00:06:24,088 --> 00:06:25,088 The rain wouldn't have affected them. 155 00:06:25,113 --> 00:06:26,642 - Let's go. - Breathe. 156 00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:28,438 There is nothing you can do right now. 157 00:06:28,463 --> 00:06:31,473 Just... all right? 158 00:06:31,498 --> 00:06:33,064 I don't think I've ever seen you this clean. 159 00:06:33,089 --> 00:06:34,513 Yeah, it's pretty squeaky. 160 00:06:43,587 --> 00:06:45,126 How long has my top been see through? 161 00:06:45,151 --> 00:06:47,314 Since you chased Dr. Who all the way to his Tardis. 162 00:06:47,589 --> 00:06:48,589 Lil Boy? 163 00:06:49,102 --> 00:06:50,173 Lil Boy? 164 00:06:50,734 --> 00:06:52,720 He likes to pop out and scare me, 165 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,899 or fall from the rafters and scare me, 166 00:06:54,924 --> 00:06:57,321 or apparate like a little mini wizard and scare me. 167 00:06:57,346 --> 00:06:58,587 That's my kinda kid. 168 00:07:02,946 --> 00:07:04,222 Can you turn around, please? 169 00:07:04,247 --> 00:07:05,634 You saw me finish on camera, 170 00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:06,751 - and I see a couple of... - Turn! 171 00:07:11,342 --> 00:07:13,024 So, did they teach you 172 00:07:13,049 --> 00:07:14,733 project management at Vassar? 173 00:07:14,758 --> 00:07:16,456 Or did you also study at DeVry online? 174 00:07:16,491 --> 00:07:18,101 Stop mocking me. 175 00:07:18,126 --> 00:07:19,126 I wasn't. 176 00:07:20,590 --> 00:07:21,798 You did good out there. 177 00:07:22,855 --> 00:07:24,462 My mother was right. 178 00:07:25,517 --> 00:07:27,267 I never see anything through. 179 00:07:27,573 --> 00:07:29,748 And now this time, I had people counting me like... 180 00:07:30,173 --> 00:07:34,333 Delilah and Lil Boy and Stick? 181 00:07:34,358 --> 00:07:36,520 I mean, ugh! 182 00:07:36,545 --> 00:07:38,465 Who am I if I can't help a diabetic? 183 00:07:38,490 --> 00:07:40,770 They prefer "people with diabetes." 184 00:07:41,551 --> 00:07:43,864 There's nothing to see through right now, busy-bee. 185 00:07:44,284 --> 00:07:45,614 Except your blouse. 186 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:48,178 By now, the Rainees have set up shop. 187 00:07:48,203 --> 00:07:49,203 Rainees? 188 00:07:54,882 --> 00:07:55,882 Feel good? 189 00:07:55,907 --> 00:07:57,026 Breezy. 190 00:08:09,204 --> 00:08:10,916 Ahh. 191 00:08:12,093 --> 00:08:13,311 Maggie, are you in here? 192 00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:15,359 One moment! 193 00:08:16,441 --> 00:08:17,738 Take your leave. 194 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,447 Can I come in now, please? 195 00:08:23,079 --> 00:08:24,494 Enter. 196 00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:30,134 Brian. 197 00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:34,030 Swinging by to drip all over my decorative throws? 198 00:08:34,572 --> 00:08:36,033 I came to say I'm sorry. 199 00:08:36,585 --> 00:08:37,697 You were right. 200 00:08:37,942 --> 00:08:39,455 What was that? I can't hear you. 201 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:40,963 I still have your lecture on compromise 202 00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:42,088 ringing in my ears. 203 00:08:42,643 --> 00:08:45,611 Juan Andrés and I are over. 204 00:08:47,057 --> 00:08:48,651 Oh, Poodle. 205 00:08:50,682 --> 00:08:52,666 First it's Shakespeare making fart jokes. 206 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,565 And next thing you know, 207 00:08:55,392 --> 00:08:58,613 you're sorority squatting with Ginger, Posh, and Sporty. 208 00:08:58,744 --> 00:09:00,926 What's next? I'll tell you what's next. 209 00:09:00,987 --> 00:09:03,230 Fondling subpar Russell Crowe lookalikes. 210 00:09:03,255 --> 00:09:04,648 That's what's next. 211 00:09:04,673 --> 00:09:06,152 You've learned an important lesson. 212 00:09:06,366 --> 00:09:08,238 And ending it was the right choice. 213 00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:12,851 We allowed too much change, all over the fairgrounds. 214 00:09:12,876 --> 00:09:14,793 The vaping? Ugh. 215 00:09:15,575 --> 00:09:17,144 It's worse than the Bluetooth years. 216 00:09:17,169 --> 00:09:18,184 More than that. 217 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:20,598 That awful steak-on-a-stake girl. 218 00:09:20,623 --> 00:09:22,043 Losing our food discount. 219 00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:23,548 Losing control. 220 00:09:24,293 --> 00:09:26,309 But you know what? That's why the storm is here. 221 00:09:27,069 --> 00:09:28,082 We'll let her healing 222 00:09:28,107 --> 00:09:30,223 energy flow through us, harness her power, 223 00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:32,715 and use it to regain what is rightfully ours. 224 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:33,740 What are you doing? 225 00:09:34,309 --> 00:09:35,574 Where's your crap food? 226 00:09:36,331 --> 00:09:38,598 Nutter Butters, Star Crunches. 227 00:09:39,588 --> 00:09:40,699 I know they're here. 228 00:09:41,004 --> 00:09:42,332 I'm suffering. 229 00:09:42,614 --> 00:09:46,527 I need the healing energy of high fructose corn syrup 230 00:09:46,552 --> 00:09:47,809 to flow through me. 231 00:09:53,943 --> 00:09:55,902 Two treats, and then we're moving on. 232 00:09:56,267 --> 00:09:57,355 Oh, thank goodness. 233 00:09:57,380 --> 00:09:58,574 Thank goodness. 234 00:09:58,879 --> 00:10:00,668 Okay. Okay. 235 00:10:02,284 --> 00:10:04,025 Brian, Brian. Two, two. 236 00:10:04,288 --> 00:10:05,480 I'm gonna have more than two, 237 00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,285 and you're just gonna have to accept that. 238 00:10:16,285 --> 00:10:18,096 58 Albuquerque, 59 Albuquerque, 239 00:10:18,121 --> 00:10:19,559 60 Albuquerque. Time's up. 240 00:10:20,291 --> 00:10:21,449 Markers down. 241 00:10:22,675 --> 00:10:23,902 Come on, show me. 242 00:10:25,098 --> 00:10:26,823 Okay, that's more horse than person, 243 00:10:26,848 --> 00:10:28,925 and your Maggie has tentacles. 244 00:10:28,950 --> 00:10:30,212 Well, that's what you see. 245 00:10:30,256 --> 00:10:31,613 Art is subjective. 246 00:10:33,172 --> 00:10:34,565 That's objectively good. 247 00:10:34,608 --> 00:10:35,914 Yeah, it's not bad. 248 00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:38,043 I'm gonna do shrooms. 249 00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:42,442 I could do shrooms. 250 00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,574 Mm, I am off psychedelics 251 00:10:44,599 --> 00:10:46,809 ever since the fourth time I got struck by lightning. 252 00:10:47,249 --> 00:10:48,699 I'm gonna go check on the horses. 253 00:10:48,724 --> 00:10:50,029 Thunder makes them horny. 254 00:10:53,148 --> 00:10:54,148 You coming? 255 00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:56,801 Ahh, peanut butter. 256 00:10:56,826 --> 00:10:58,809 Makes shrooms taste great. 257 00:10:59,074 --> 00:11:00,155 Where are y'all headed? 258 00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:01,229 Outer space. 259 00:11:01,254 --> 00:11:02,309 Wanna come? 260 00:11:02,485 --> 00:11:04,457 Hey, hey. 261 00:11:05,129 --> 00:11:06,629 You guys better elect a ranger this time 262 00:11:06,654 --> 00:11:08,707 'cause I'm not climbing up a tree to rescue you again. 263 00:11:08,732 --> 00:11:10,338 Fish heads were growing up from the ground. 264 00:11:10,363 --> 00:11:11,363 What would you have done? 265 00:11:11,707 --> 00:11:13,796 Let them nibble the dead skin off my toes. 266 00:11:14,129 --> 00:11:16,051 - Oh. - Howdy, ranger. 267 00:11:16,345 --> 00:11:17,621 You've been elected. 268 00:11:19,129 --> 00:11:20,349 Fine. 269 00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:26,066 Damn it. 270 00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,598 Never have I ever... 271 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:33,769 encountered a shark. 272 00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,449 What are the rules again? 273 00:11:36,474 --> 00:11:38,342 - You have to drink if you've ever. - Ah. 274 00:11:39,757 --> 00:11:41,205 And you lived to tell the tale. 275 00:11:41,230 --> 00:11:42,238 Impressive. 276 00:11:42,263 --> 00:11:43,691 Is it true that you have to punch it in the nose 277 00:11:43,716 --> 00:11:45,207 - to get away? - It was a baby shark, 278 00:11:45,232 --> 00:11:46,960 dead on the sand. 279 00:11:46,985 --> 00:11:48,777 But still, scary. 280 00:11:48,802 --> 00:11:50,730 Yeah, you should have left it vague. 281 00:11:52,051 --> 00:11:53,653 Oh, okay. Um... 282 00:11:54,154 --> 00:11:56,396 never have I ever... 283 00:11:56,830 --> 00:11:58,083 had a four-way. 284 00:12:01,018 --> 00:12:02,018 Really? 285 00:12:02,043 --> 00:12:03,672 - I was just parched. - Oh, that is... 286 00:12:03,697 --> 00:12:05,060 Unh-unh. Bad form. 287 00:12:05,479 --> 00:12:06,479 All right. 288 00:12:06,504 --> 00:12:09,138 Um, never have I ever salsa danced. 289 00:12:10,661 --> 00:12:12,653 - Oh, thank God. - Ah. 290 00:12:12,678 --> 00:12:15,466 Never have I ever seen "The Fault in our Stars." 291 00:12:15,491 --> 00:12:16,528 Ohh. 292 00:12:17,217 --> 00:12:18,630 - It's bad, isn't it? - Mm. 293 00:12:19,015 --> 00:12:21,192 He dies, she cries. It is just... 294 00:12:22,036 --> 00:12:23,685 It's really stupid. 295 00:12:25,303 --> 00:12:27,153 Um... 296 00:12:27,428 --> 00:12:29,536 never have I ever eaten catfish 297 00:12:29,696 --> 00:12:30,974 or been catfished 298 00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:32,677 or catfished anyone else. 299 00:12:37,067 --> 00:12:38,630 - Which one is it? - All three. 300 00:12:38,655 --> 00:12:40,412 Elaborate. Ate it at a barbecue. 301 00:12:40,437 --> 00:12:41,442 Delicious. 302 00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:42,947 Got sucked in by a Russian bot. 303 00:12:42,972 --> 00:12:45,932 And then, it was complicated. 304 00:12:45,957 --> 00:12:47,833 Rainy day. Got nothing but time. 305 00:12:48,078 --> 00:12:50,425 Um, anyway, I just... I just wanted to check up on an ex 306 00:12:50,450 --> 00:12:51,658 without her knowing, 307 00:12:51,683 --> 00:12:54,388 so I created a profile and sent her a message. 308 00:12:54,685 --> 00:12:55,864 But before she wrote back, 309 00:12:55,889 --> 00:12:57,708 I chickened out and just deleted everything. 310 00:12:57,733 --> 00:12:59,772 Must have been some ex? College? 311 00:12:59,797 --> 00:13:00,825 High school. 312 00:13:00,850 --> 00:13:02,317 - Mm. - Cheerleader. 313 00:13:03,452 --> 00:13:04,452 Teacher. 314 00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:06,606 Hello, Mrs. Robinson. 315 00:13:06,631 --> 00:13:08,435 She was probably, like, your age. 316 00:13:08,460 --> 00:13:09,592 So, how did it end? 317 00:13:09,617 --> 00:13:11,974 Just super badly, you know. 318 00:13:11,999 --> 00:13:13,872 Like, she didn't want to mess up her marriage, 319 00:13:13,897 --> 00:13:15,599 so she, uh... She broke up with me, like... 320 00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:18,001 a week before school let out. 321 00:13:18,390 --> 00:13:22,085 Um, I just, like, cried my guts out all summer. 322 00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:24,233 It was a cruel, cruel summer. 323 00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:27,476 That is insane. 324 00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:28,819 Yeah, I thought I was in love, 325 00:13:29,546 --> 00:13:30,546 you know. 326 00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:33,747 I just kind of want to keep it light now, you know? 327 00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,459 Just no drama, nothing too serious. 328 00:13:35,484 --> 00:13:37,138 Yeah, yeah. 329 00:13:38,554 --> 00:13:41,671 I've never told anyone that ever. 330 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:42,710 Wow, that, uh... 331 00:13:42,735 --> 00:13:45,085 That feels really good to get that off my chest. 332 00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:47,036 What about you? 333 00:13:47,061 --> 00:13:48,397 I had a Spanish teacher once 334 00:13:48,422 --> 00:13:50,765 that was, like, drop-dead Latin gorgeous. 335 00:13:50,790 --> 00:13:52,172 No, I didn't mean my thing. 336 00:13:52,197 --> 00:13:53,702 Like, what's your thing? 337 00:13:56,739 --> 00:13:57,739 Anything? 338 00:13:58,101 --> 00:14:00,343 Don't let me embarrass myself alone here. 339 00:14:00,368 --> 00:14:02,675 Besides bloodying Helen on my wedding day? 340 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:03,905 That's old news. Come on. 341 00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,686 You gotta... You gotta spill it. 342 00:14:09,327 --> 00:14:10,938 Um... 343 00:14:13,392 --> 00:14:15,561 I never said goodbye to my father. 344 00:14:17,178 --> 00:14:18,408 Is he dead? 345 00:14:18,433 --> 00:14:19,608 Oh, he's alive. 346 00:14:19,849 --> 00:14:20,975 What happened? 347 00:14:22,507 --> 00:14:23,593 When I was 10, 348 00:14:23,618 --> 00:14:26,336 he left and moved to Seattle with a woman... 349 00:14:27,764 --> 00:14:28,764 Isla. 350 00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:33,718 My mom talked so much shit about him and his new kids. 351 00:14:34,443 --> 00:14:36,640 But as I got older, I wanted to know, 352 00:14:37,038 --> 00:14:38,373 you know, who were these people 353 00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:39,788 that he traded us for? 354 00:14:40,122 --> 00:14:42,483 So eventually, I went down an Internet wormhole, 355 00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:44,385 and I got the answers. 356 00:14:44,410 --> 00:14:47,354 Isla and Olivia and Evan. 357 00:14:48,627 --> 00:14:50,596 They were so regular, you know. 358 00:14:50,995 --> 00:14:53,282 Almost like ordinary, maybe even boring. 359 00:14:53,307 --> 00:14:55,885 Which, in a weird way, was worse than them being perfect. 360 00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:59,955 He destroyed our family for a big, fat lateral move. 361 00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:04,658 That's his loss. 362 00:15:06,580 --> 00:15:07,930 Nah, it's... it's yours 363 00:15:07,955 --> 00:15:10,213 because you had to endure that, like, stupid story. 364 00:15:10,238 --> 00:15:12,612 - Hey, it's all right. - No, let's go back to jacks. 365 00:15:16,151 --> 00:15:18,763 Okay, this floor is not regulation. 366 00:15:18,788 --> 00:15:20,776 Yeah, um, do you want, like, some help 367 00:15:20,801 --> 00:15:22,096 - or anything? - No, I'm okay. 368 00:15:22,121 --> 00:15:24,409 There's so many letters. 369 00:15:25,856 --> 00:15:27,588 Uh, that tracks. 370 00:15:27,613 --> 00:15:29,534 Delilah sort of seems like the pen pal type. 371 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:35,588 New York State Unified Court System. 372 00:15:39,467 --> 00:15:41,471 I guess we're not the only ones with secrets. 373 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:49,494 Ugh. 374 00:15:49,871 --> 00:15:52,361 These 100-calorie snacks are bullshit. 375 00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:53,854 Are you finished sulking? 376 00:15:53,879 --> 00:15:55,744 We need to get out in the rain. 377 00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:57,807 Direct exposure to the fury of Mother Nature 378 00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,225 is the best way to reap her benefits. 379 00:16:02,706 --> 00:16:05,026 Do you know how many breakups I've coddled you through? 380 00:16:05,338 --> 00:16:07,442 How many times you've felt slighted 381 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,556 or insecure or short-legged, 382 00:16:09,581 --> 00:16:11,932 and I've been there to lick your wounds? 383 00:16:11,957 --> 00:16:14,190 Oh, go ahead, let it out. 384 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,582 I'll never find anyone as perfect. 385 00:16:16,607 --> 00:16:19,080 His back hair was up to his neck. 386 00:16:20,034 --> 00:16:22,244 Oh, God, of course you will. 387 00:16:22,269 --> 00:16:25,141 I hear there's a slew of single Skarsgards. 388 00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:27,009 And a new Hemsworth seems to pop up every day. 389 00:16:27,034 --> 00:16:28,665 I don't want a Skarsgard. 390 00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:30,260 And you know as well as I do, 391 00:16:30,285 --> 00:16:32,557 there's no Hemsworth like the first one. 392 00:16:32,670 --> 00:16:35,299 They degenerate in quality with every copy. 393 00:16:37,143 --> 00:16:38,596 I want him. 394 00:16:40,549 --> 00:16:42,448 Juan Andrés was the one. 395 00:16:42,916 --> 00:16:44,019 Oh, psh. 396 00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,916 There is no such thing. 397 00:16:45,959 --> 00:16:47,205 Scootch. 398 00:16:47,655 --> 00:16:49,252 Scootchity-scootchity. 399 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:59,518 You are the scent of jasmine in the spring. 400 00:17:00,713 --> 00:17:03,002 Warm sand on bare feet. 401 00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,002 A perfectly delivered soliloquy 402 00:17:06,027 --> 00:17:09,244 following on a perfectly rapt audience. 403 00:17:10,127 --> 00:17:11,869 That man is a fool. 404 00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,518 A handsome one, yes, 405 00:17:13,543 --> 00:17:16,018 but a real schmuck to have let you get away. 406 00:17:19,642 --> 00:17:21,643 Maybe I'm not destined for love. 407 00:17:22,924 --> 00:17:25,619 It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, 408 00:17:25,644 --> 00:17:27,628 - but in ourselves. - Ugh. 409 00:17:27,653 --> 00:17:29,611 What does Shakespeare know, anyway. 410 00:17:30,746 --> 00:17:33,493 Aah! Mother Nature, she speaks to us. 411 00:17:33,518 --> 00:17:34,948 We must answer her call! 412 00:17:36,049 --> 00:17:37,141 I'm only going 413 00:17:37,166 --> 00:17:38,646 because I don't want to be alone. 414 00:17:38,671 --> 00:17:40,612 Why else do we do anything? 415 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,245 You guys feeling it yet? 416 00:17:44,270 --> 00:17:45,784 No, nothing. 417 00:17:47,517 --> 00:17:49,243 Where's my face? 418 00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:52,032 I lost my face. 419 00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:55,034 That's the spot. 420 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,752 Stay there. 421 00:17:57,588 --> 00:18:00,151 He loves me. He loves me not. 422 00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:02,096 He wants space. 423 00:18:02,362 --> 00:18:03,869 He wants space not. 424 00:18:04,429 --> 00:18:05,885 He's spaceless. 425 00:18:06,681 --> 00:18:07,916 I'm spaceless. 426 00:18:08,915 --> 00:18:10,398 We're all spaceless. 427 00:18:10,432 --> 00:18:11,827 It's like this. 428 00:18:11,871 --> 00:18:16,135 Sometimes he's gotta hide, man, in his shell. 429 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,268 Like this? 430 00:18:19,048 --> 00:18:22,273 Brian's a... He's a turtle. 431 00:18:22,298 --> 00:18:24,479 Yeah, a turtle. 432 00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:27,080 It's turtles all the way down. 433 00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:28,931 They're everywhere. 434 00:18:29,361 --> 00:18:30,493 Hey, travelers. 435 00:18:30,518 --> 00:18:32,643 How are we doing? Vitamin C, it's good for you. 436 00:18:32,913 --> 00:18:34,697 Replenish your electrolytes, people. 437 00:18:34,838 --> 00:18:36,548 And remember, you're nothing unless you're... 438 00:18:36,591 --> 00:18:38,332 - Together. - Together. 439 00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:39,471 Yeah. 440 00:18:40,461 --> 00:18:41,620 So we're gonna stay here together. 441 00:18:41,645 --> 00:18:42,687 - Together. - Together. 442 00:18:42,712 --> 00:18:44,416 - Together. - Together. 443 00:18:46,385 --> 00:18:48,255 And I'm gonna get some more hydration for you, okay? 444 00:18:48,299 --> 00:18:49,869 All you guys are going? 445 00:18:51,143 --> 00:18:52,204 Yeah, that's right, bud. 446 00:18:52,229 --> 00:18:54,237 - Stay together. - That's right, together. 447 00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:55,269 Okay. 448 00:18:56,374 --> 00:18:57,723 I like him. 449 00:19:00,237 --> 00:19:01,616 Turtles are slow. 450 00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:03,096 You can't always be slow. 451 00:19:03,121 --> 00:19:04,729 We need to go fast. 452 00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:06,882 Zoom, zoom. 453 00:19:06,926 --> 00:19:08,541 Zoom, zoom. 454 00:19:08,901 --> 00:19:10,992 To the bus. Grab the shrooms. 455 00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,366 Found it. 456 00:19:19,025 --> 00:19:20,877 Oh, many thanks. 457 00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:22,448 I been CrossFitting since it was called 458 00:19:22,473 --> 00:19:24,092 changing big-rig tires in Jersey. 459 00:19:24,117 --> 00:19:25,854 Bet you'd kill at the strong-man booth. 460 00:19:25,879 --> 00:19:27,400 You'd win that bet, little woman. 461 00:19:31,263 --> 00:19:32,263 Told ya. 462 00:19:32,288 --> 00:19:33,928 Rainees really dig in to the pub. 463 00:19:33,953 --> 00:19:36,416 You know, that dude paid me 40 bucks 464 00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:38,324 to let him bench-press our wine fridge. 465 00:19:38,349 --> 00:19:40,132 It was empty, but still. 466 00:19:40,157 --> 00:19:41,157 Fill it up, 467 00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:42,690 bet him he can't do it twice in a row. 468 00:19:43,026 --> 00:19:44,137 Double or nothing. 469 00:19:44,826 --> 00:19:46,071 Who are you? 470 00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:48,518 Been down a lot of roads and rode 'em hard. 471 00:19:50,737 --> 00:19:52,627 Oh, the pretzels are over there. 472 00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,760 This is amazing. 473 00:19:58,785 --> 00:20:00,213 I mean, did you see me out there? 474 00:20:00,238 --> 00:20:03,696 I was, like, huzzah for the tipper! 475 00:20:03,721 --> 00:20:05,907 - Yeah, it was... - What? 476 00:20:05,932 --> 00:20:08,640 Art thou surprised? 477 00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:12,173 - No. - I... 478 00:20:12,198 --> 00:20:14,099 be a pub wench now. 479 00:20:14,124 --> 00:20:15,647 Huzzah! 480 00:20:21,073 --> 00:20:22,369 It's probably just jury duty. 481 00:20:22,394 --> 00:20:24,994 Rennies are not great when it comes to jury summons. 482 00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:26,096 Too thick. 483 00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:28,805 Are court papers like college acceptance letters? 484 00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:30,270 You want the thick envelope? 485 00:20:30,448 --> 00:20:33,102 I used to do this with letters from mom's divorce lawyers 486 00:20:33,127 --> 00:20:34,221 to manage expectations. 487 00:20:34,246 --> 00:20:36,204 Isn't it illegal to look through somebody else's mail? 488 00:20:36,229 --> 00:20:38,514 Not as illegal as whatever Delilah is hiding. 489 00:20:38,539 --> 00:20:40,877 These aren't traffic-fine envelopes. 490 00:20:40,902 --> 00:20:42,610 These are jail envelopes. 491 00:20:42,635 --> 00:20:45,940 - Presumptions. - Based on justified suspicions. 492 00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:47,752 Delilah's a big girl. She can handle it. 493 00:20:47,777 --> 00:20:49,791 Can she? She takes care of everyone. 494 00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:52,159 Me, her son, her friends. Who takes care of her? 495 00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,024 What if she's in, like, real-world trouble. 496 00:20:54,049 --> 00:20:55,299 You know, the kind that can't be fixed 497 00:20:55,324 --> 00:20:57,054 with a bear hug or homemade candles... 498 00:20:57,079 --> 00:20:58,198 Whatever it is, 499 00:20:58,223 --> 00:20:59,643 she'll tell you about it when she's ready. 500 00:20:59,668 --> 00:21:01,450 Some people just need a little more time 501 00:21:01,475 --> 00:21:02,607 to talk about their secrets. 502 00:21:02,632 --> 00:21:06,220 - I have to help her. - Just be calm for a second, okay? 503 00:21:08,384 --> 00:21:10,712 D... David, I'm serious. 504 00:21:13,196 --> 00:21:17,031 Never have ever read "Fifty Shades of Grey" 505 00:21:17,224 --> 00:21:18,312 and liked it. 506 00:21:19,711 --> 00:21:20,775 See, I should be drinking right now, 507 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,300 but I'm afraid you'll run. 508 00:21:22,627 --> 00:21:25,151 - How very Christian Grey of you. - See? 509 00:21:25,176 --> 00:21:26,525 I knew that you should be drinking with me. 510 00:21:26,550 --> 00:21:29,901 I'm not proud of it, but yes, I have read it. 511 00:21:30,884 --> 00:21:32,593 The writing was so terrible. 512 00:21:33,832 --> 00:21:35,251 Well, you're free to go. 513 00:21:36,477 --> 00:21:37,477 Then I go. 514 00:21:37,829 --> 00:21:39,320 - Well, go, then. - I'm going. 515 00:21:39,345 --> 00:21:40,361 - Good. - Here I go. 516 00:21:40,963 --> 00:21:43,666 Eww! Your face was on her face. 517 00:21:43,691 --> 00:21:44,907 Where were you? 518 00:21:44,932 --> 00:21:47,017 You looked in my old hiding spot. 519 00:21:47,042 --> 00:21:48,993 I was in my new hiding spot. 520 00:21:52,806 --> 00:21:53,822 I gotta go. 521 00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:55,929 Uh, I have to go find Delilah... 522 00:21:55,954 --> 00:21:57,072 I don't know what he heard. 523 00:21:57,097 --> 00:21:59,160 I've gotta... These are not my clothes. 524 00:22:01,666 --> 00:22:03,259 Handles like a dream. 525 00:22:05,118 --> 00:22:06,279 I love partying. 526 00:22:06,323 --> 00:22:07,743 Drugs and stuff. 527 00:22:08,657 --> 00:22:11,704 I should warn you, though, that shrooms can make me paranoid. 528 00:22:11,729 --> 00:22:13,407 Don't worry. Shart's taking care of us. 529 00:22:13,432 --> 00:22:14,432 He is? 530 00:22:18,109 --> 00:22:20,198 Oh, he's also taking care of all the faire brats. 531 00:22:20,345 --> 00:22:21,531 He's a model dad. 532 00:22:21,556 --> 00:22:22,822 I could have been a model, 533 00:22:22,847 --> 00:22:24,986 you know, if only this happened earlier. 534 00:22:25,696 --> 00:22:27,763 I didn't bloom until I was 30. 535 00:22:29,638 --> 00:22:31,855 The world has always been out to get me. 536 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,451 You weren't kidding about that paranoia. 537 00:22:34,195 --> 00:22:35,457 Have you ever felt like 538 00:22:35,482 --> 00:22:37,777 everyone just wants to take you down? 539 00:22:37,802 --> 00:22:40,419 - Serious paranoia. - You know, like when you were a kid, 540 00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:42,662 and you were bullied by those rich girls 541 00:22:42,886 --> 00:22:44,902 who spread that rumor that you got pregnant 542 00:22:44,927 --> 00:22:46,014 when you were 13, 543 00:22:46,039 --> 00:22:47,954 and that you had the baby and gave it away 544 00:22:47,979 --> 00:22:49,793 even though you were actually a virgin 545 00:22:49,818 --> 00:22:51,474 until you were 24 years old? 546 00:22:52,576 --> 00:22:54,806 And then your older half-sister, 547 00:22:54,831 --> 00:22:56,716 she tried to get you addicted to meth. 548 00:22:57,365 --> 00:22:59,412 But you didn't even try the meth 549 00:22:59,437 --> 00:23:01,982 because you knew that it was a dead end. 550 00:23:02,125 --> 00:23:05,045 So you run away, and you find a whole new life. 551 00:23:05,810 --> 00:23:06,834 But now... 552 00:23:07,514 --> 00:23:10,826 you got eyes in the back of your skull 553 00:23:11,248 --> 00:23:12,607 because you never know 554 00:23:12,632 --> 00:23:16,193 when somebody's gonna come and take you down! 555 00:23:19,505 --> 00:23:20,607 Right? 556 00:23:22,005 --> 00:23:23,403 Do you see turtles in here? 557 00:23:24,451 --> 00:23:25,750 I absolutely do. 558 00:23:26,528 --> 00:23:27,528 Where's Stick? 559 00:23:28,430 --> 00:23:30,084 Huh. Uh, driving. 560 00:23:35,099 --> 00:23:36,322 Hey. Yeah. 561 00:23:36,347 --> 00:23:38,896 How much did you end up getting for the whole tongue thing? 562 00:23:39,630 --> 00:23:43,264 Three, five, uhh, A, B, C, D. 563 00:23:43,289 --> 00:23:45,949 Oh, $60,000? 564 00:23:45,974 --> 00:23:47,075 You don't know? 565 00:23:47,100 --> 00:23:49,527 Numbers are very hard for me right now. 566 00:23:49,552 --> 00:23:51,287 - Is it a lot or a little? - It's a lot. 567 00:23:52,206 --> 00:23:53,206 I think. 568 00:23:53,231 --> 00:23:54,406 - Is it? - I don't know. 569 00:23:54,431 --> 00:23:56,130 A thousand is bigger than $100, 570 00:23:56,155 --> 00:23:59,114 but it's smaller than a million and a billion. 571 00:23:59,732 --> 00:24:01,021 And a million billion. 572 00:24:01,046 --> 00:24:03,537 Oh, my God, I didn't get enough money. 573 00:24:04,013 --> 00:24:05,877 No wonder I can't even afford an oil change. 574 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:07,139 I am out of money. 575 00:24:07,164 --> 00:24:09,215 - Out? - I told you! 576 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,927 People want to take you down! 577 00:24:14,929 --> 00:24:17,410 I'm gonna get Stick and go play in the mud. 578 00:24:19,530 --> 00:24:21,677 Um, Stick, can you pull over, buddy? 579 00:24:21,702 --> 00:24:23,086 We should give Helen some space. 580 00:24:28,681 --> 00:24:32,444 All right, let's get on with this woo-woo insanity. 581 00:24:32,476 --> 00:24:35,012 I said you were like jasmine in the spring. Humor me. 582 00:24:35,037 --> 00:24:36,709 First we have to choose a goal. 583 00:24:37,074 --> 00:24:39,279 Mine's to regain control of this place 584 00:24:39,304 --> 00:24:40,623 before it goes full-on Chuck E. Cheese. 585 00:24:40,648 --> 00:24:41,648 What's yours? 586 00:24:42,090 --> 00:24:43,207 To get my man back? 587 00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:44,630 - No! - Fine. 588 00:24:44,655 --> 00:24:46,771 I'll make mine getting your power back, too. 589 00:24:46,796 --> 00:24:49,529 Genius. Now, we close our eyes 590 00:24:49,554 --> 00:24:51,680 and let the storm wash over us 591 00:24:51,705 --> 00:24:54,365 as we externalize our goal 592 00:24:54,390 --> 00:24:56,990 and give it over to the storm. 593 00:25:19,933 --> 00:25:22,111 She stole my thunder. 594 00:25:22,136 --> 00:25:23,894 Let her have it. Can we go? 595 00:25:30,787 --> 00:25:32,286 - Hey. - Oh, God! 596 00:25:32,311 --> 00:25:33,387 Hey, what's up? 597 00:25:33,965 --> 00:25:35,887 Are the kids ready for their big performance? 598 00:25:36,926 --> 00:25:38,184 I believe so. 599 00:25:41,105 --> 00:25:42,105 It's gonna be great. 600 00:25:42,801 --> 00:25:44,450 - Really? - Yeah. 601 00:25:44,731 --> 00:25:46,630 I didn't think you'd pull it off. 602 00:25:46,655 --> 00:25:48,317 - I did. - Uh, the rain stopped, 603 00:25:48,342 --> 00:25:50,442 so they can do it on the Regent stage. 604 00:25:50,467 --> 00:25:52,325 - Yeah, great. - I'll get them. 605 00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:54,456 You round up an audience. Get a big one. 606 00:25:54,481 --> 00:25:55,972 We want the little ones to feel supported. 607 00:25:55,997 --> 00:25:57,118 Yeah, okay. 608 00:25:57,143 --> 00:25:58,492 - Okay. - Yeah, no problemo. 609 00:25:59,157 --> 00:26:00,432 - Yeah. - Yeah. 610 00:26:03,770 --> 00:26:05,350 Hey, hey, David! 611 00:26:05,375 --> 00:26:07,755 My good buddy. Ha-ha. You busy? 612 00:26:07,780 --> 00:26:09,153 No, not really. 613 00:26:09,178 --> 00:26:10,218 Why? You wanna play a game? 614 00:26:10,243 --> 00:26:12,114 That looks like we have half a Checkers set there. 615 00:26:12,139 --> 00:26:13,405 Ooh, we both get to be black. 616 00:26:13,642 --> 00:26:16,035 Oh, I got a much better game than Checkers. 617 00:26:16,060 --> 00:26:17,764 It's called Round Up The Tripping Rennies. 618 00:26:17,789 --> 00:26:19,333 Ah, is Stick seeing fish again? 619 00:26:19,358 --> 00:26:20,358 Yeah. 620 00:26:21,483 --> 00:26:22,967 - Attaboy. - Fluids. 621 00:26:22,992 --> 00:26:25,165 Victoria! Regent stage! 622 00:26:25,190 --> 00:26:26,483 Round up everyone you know! 623 00:26:27,537 --> 00:26:28,889 Huzzah! 624 00:26:35,071 --> 00:26:37,116 I can't decide where to focus my attention first. 625 00:26:37,141 --> 00:26:38,834 Ah! Rainees. 626 00:26:39,419 --> 00:26:40,934 Oh, Rainees. 627 00:26:40,959 --> 00:26:41,959 I get it. 628 00:26:42,537 --> 00:26:44,005 Tell me all about it. 629 00:26:44,030 --> 00:26:46,559 Tell me everything. Let's talk. 630 00:26:47,167 --> 00:26:48,167 Okay. 631 00:26:48,192 --> 00:26:50,574 That's Rusty. He's leader of the Devil's Spawn. 632 00:26:50,599 --> 00:26:51,861 It used to be Tig, 633 00:26:51,886 --> 00:26:53,285 but then he got a brain injury. 634 00:26:53,310 --> 00:26:56,022 No, no, no, no, no. Let's talk about you. 635 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:57,668 How are you? 636 00:26:58,801 --> 00:27:00,395 I'm so good, pumpkin. 637 00:27:01,028 --> 00:27:02,903 Oh, look. 638 00:27:03,543 --> 00:27:05,363 Rainee love is in the air. 639 00:27:06,236 --> 00:27:08,715 I never go for guys who are shorter than me. 640 00:27:09,129 --> 00:27:11,090 - Weird. - Uh-huh. 641 00:27:13,238 --> 00:27:14,587 So it is. 642 00:27:14,612 --> 00:27:16,307 Delilah, is everything okay? 643 00:27:16,332 --> 00:27:17,465 Hey! 644 00:27:17,721 --> 00:27:19,200 - Whoa! - This group! 645 00:27:19,598 --> 00:27:21,229 Uh, Regent stage. 646 00:27:21,254 --> 00:27:22,856 Secret special show. 647 00:27:22,881 --> 00:27:25,043 There's free beer. It's not really free. 648 00:27:25,068 --> 00:27:26,457 Starting in five! 649 00:27:27,154 --> 00:27:28,707 Delilah, I really have to talk to you, so... 650 00:27:28,732 --> 00:27:30,613 - Got it. - Let's go! Secret show! 651 00:27:30,638 --> 00:27:32,293 It's probably, like, a beheading. 652 00:27:41,879 --> 00:27:43,025 It's for the kids, you know. 653 00:27:43,050 --> 00:27:44,778 Well, anything for the kids. 654 00:27:46,010 --> 00:27:48,667 If there isn't a selection from "Matilda: The Musical," 655 00:27:48,692 --> 00:27:49,887 I'm leaving. 656 00:27:50,771 --> 00:27:53,606 Swim and swim... 657 00:27:53,631 --> 00:27:54,950 and sink. 658 00:27:54,975 --> 00:27:56,285 Gloop. Gloop. 659 00:27:56,879 --> 00:27:59,197 Hey, hey, where is Stick and Juan Andrés? 660 00:27:59,222 --> 00:28:00,441 They were gone when I got there. 661 00:28:00,466 --> 00:28:02,033 Oh, uh, mm. 662 00:28:02,058 --> 00:28:04,481 They wanted to drive on top of the world. 663 00:28:04,506 --> 00:28:05,775 Ah, got it. 664 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:07,020 - Yeah. - Cool. 665 00:28:09,455 --> 00:28:10,456 Attention, elders! 666 00:28:10,481 --> 00:28:11,731 The play is ready to begin. 667 00:28:11,756 --> 00:28:14,454 Please note my style is still developing. 668 00:28:16,193 --> 00:28:19,629 "The Three Little Mammals" by Breeze Yolanda Reinhardt. 669 00:28:20,332 --> 00:28:21,785 We wrote it together, Breeze. 670 00:28:21,810 --> 00:28:23,832 Shut up, Moon. I'm the one who wrote it down. 671 00:28:24,241 --> 00:28:25,241 Diva. 672 00:28:25,695 --> 00:28:27,324 One day in a village, 673 00:28:27,349 --> 00:28:29,012 not unlike this very village, 674 00:28:29,037 --> 00:28:33,119 lived a lot of kind of basic, but well-meaning villagers, 675 00:28:33,144 --> 00:28:35,363 including, but not limited to 676 00:28:35,388 --> 00:28:37,551 our titular three little mammals. 677 00:28:37,576 --> 00:28:40,361 Now, this village was an idyllic utopian society. 678 00:28:40,386 --> 00:28:43,457 Think free public green spaces and iPads for everyone. 679 00:28:44,938 --> 00:28:46,520 And most of the time, 680 00:28:46,545 --> 00:28:50,223 our mammals lived far from crap like persecution, 681 00:28:50,248 --> 00:28:52,206 overzealous immigration enforcement, 682 00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:54,015 and rampant racism. 683 00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,824 Most of the time. 684 00:28:56,270 --> 00:28:58,566 Except for just outside the village 685 00:28:58,591 --> 00:29:01,355 where there lived that good old classic antagonist... 686 00:29:02,434 --> 00:29:05,542 ... the Big Bad Wolf. 687 00:29:10,941 --> 00:29:12,761 Flimsy, wiggly... 688 00:29:13,619 --> 00:29:14,895 Mm. 689 00:29:15,316 --> 00:29:16,771 Spiky. 690 00:29:18,649 --> 00:29:20,085 But we'll get to him later. 691 00:29:22,355 --> 00:29:25,074 The first mammal was a peacock, 692 00:29:25,099 --> 00:29:27,129 which is not really a mammal, 693 00:29:27,154 --> 00:29:29,243 but I can't. 694 00:29:29,268 --> 00:29:30,356 Hi, baby. 695 00:29:30,381 --> 00:29:31,768 I love you, baby. 696 00:29:33,068 --> 00:29:34,559 The peacock was also a mother, 697 00:29:34,584 --> 00:29:36,369 and she lived with an anteater 698 00:29:36,394 --> 00:29:38,010 who was also a janitor, 699 00:29:38,035 --> 00:29:39,520 who was also a father. 700 00:29:39,545 --> 00:29:42,018 I'm so funny. Ha, ha, ha, ha. 701 00:29:42,043 --> 00:29:43,996 You're so funny, honey. 702 00:29:44,021 --> 00:29:47,236 I want to build our house out of toilet paper. 703 00:29:47,261 --> 00:29:48,941 - Okay. - And they did. 704 00:29:48,966 --> 00:29:50,996 There was only one problem. 705 00:29:51,021 --> 00:29:53,004 We're out of toilet paper. 706 00:29:53,029 --> 00:29:54,535 How did this happen? 707 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,471 I told you to get more toilet paper. 708 00:29:57,496 --> 00:29:59,027 I forgot. 709 00:29:59,052 --> 00:30:00,641 You always forget! 710 00:30:00,666 --> 00:30:02,191 And you're a janitor! 711 00:30:02,842 --> 00:30:05,715 The mommy peacock and daddy anteater janitor 712 00:30:05,758 --> 00:30:07,480 were fighting so much, 713 00:30:07,505 --> 00:30:08,527 they didn't even notice 714 00:30:08,552 --> 00:30:11,660 that the Big Bad Wolf was on his way, 715 00:30:12,449 --> 00:30:15,512 ready to blow down every house in its path, 716 00:30:17,098 --> 00:30:19,738 toilet paper or no toilet paper. 717 00:30:19,763 --> 00:30:22,354 Then the rest of the village mammals came out 718 00:30:22,379 --> 00:30:24,124 and had a dance party! 719 00:30:24,149 --> 00:30:26,830 - Whoo! - Go mammals! 720 00:30:28,449 --> 00:30:29,604 Get down with me, people. 721 00:30:29,629 --> 00:30:31,621 Cheer on my body parts. 722 00:30:32,020 --> 00:30:34,004 Who are we rooting for? I'm lost. 723 00:30:34,029 --> 00:30:37,199 - Uh... - Can we go play in the mud now? 724 00:30:38,574 --> 00:30:40,289 - Come on. - Yeah. Thank you. 725 00:30:45,598 --> 00:30:48,887 There's no narrative drive. I'm out. 726 00:30:50,132 --> 00:30:52,949 Now I will kill you all and feed you to the Sith. 727 00:30:52,974 --> 00:30:54,846 No, you will not, Jesse. 728 00:30:54,871 --> 00:30:55,871 Okay. 729 00:30:57,029 --> 00:31:00,815 The dancing mammals were very annoying. 730 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:02,262 So the second mammal 731 00:31:02,287 --> 00:31:04,052 came out to see what was going on. 732 00:31:06,564 --> 00:31:07,752 I'm a porpoise. 733 00:31:09,238 --> 00:31:10,406 That's my little boy! 734 00:31:10,431 --> 00:31:13,322 I built my house out of hempcrete and bamboo, 735 00:31:13,347 --> 00:31:15,610 which are both strong and eco-friendly, 736 00:31:15,635 --> 00:31:17,245 all for me and my mama. 737 00:31:19,363 --> 00:31:21,832 Unless the court takes her away to jail. 738 00:31:23,668 --> 00:31:26,738 Uhh, thank you, porpoise. 739 00:31:27,579 --> 00:31:29,041 Lil Boy! Lil Boy! 740 00:31:29,066 --> 00:31:31,035 We are almost done here, people. 741 00:31:32,708 --> 00:31:34,426 Third mammal, your cue! 742 00:31:38,049 --> 00:31:39,487 I'm a pretty princess. 743 00:31:40,763 --> 00:31:41,916 And I want to build my house 744 00:31:41,941 --> 00:31:43,856 out of new and shiny things 745 00:31:43,881 --> 00:31:46,105 that are a zillion times better. 746 00:31:48,339 --> 00:31:50,840 Well, I'm the queen. 747 00:31:51,207 --> 00:31:53,928 And I like our house just the way it is. 748 00:31:55,818 --> 00:31:59,586 Well, I'm young and cute, and everyone loves me. 749 00:31:59,611 --> 00:32:01,402 Just because I am old and stale 750 00:32:01,427 --> 00:32:04,156 does not mean I'm not the queen of this house. 751 00:32:09,863 --> 00:32:11,101 But little did they know 752 00:32:11,126 --> 00:32:12,954 that no matter what their house was made of, 753 00:32:12,979 --> 00:32:16,765 they still had to watch out for the big, bad... 754 00:32:16,790 --> 00:32:18,390 Amanda Klein! 755 00:32:21,218 --> 00:32:23,257 You owe me a million dollars. 756 00:32:24,177 --> 00:32:25,177 - Shart! - Got 'em. 757 00:32:25,209 --> 00:32:26,734 - Hey kids, follow me. - Helen. 758 00:32:26,759 --> 00:32:28,960 - But, daddy, we're not done! - Oh, yes, you are. 759 00:32:28,985 --> 00:32:30,573 Come on, come on, come on, come on. 760 00:32:30,598 --> 00:32:32,444 - Thanks, babe. - Always. 761 00:32:32,469 --> 00:32:33,523 Mwah! 762 00:32:34,272 --> 00:32:37,244 Uh, uh, Helen, calm down, okay? 763 00:32:37,866 --> 00:32:41,548 Let's just... Let's just talk, okay? 764 00:32:43,672 --> 00:32:44,672 No. 765 00:32:50,783 --> 00:32:52,508 I thought you said we were square? 766 00:32:52,533 --> 00:32:55,145 I'll huff, and I'll puff, 767 00:32:55,170 --> 00:32:57,078 and I'll rip your tits off! 768 00:33:01,714 --> 00:33:03,868 I got $20 on the little one! Let's go! 769 00:33:10,753 --> 00:33:11,978 All right, listen up. 770 00:33:12,003 --> 00:33:14,189 No, no, no. No eating mud. 771 00:33:14,214 --> 00:33:16,822 No matter how much it looks and feels like chocolate. 772 00:33:16,847 --> 00:33:19,840 Many brave, good-looking men have gone down that way. 773 00:33:19,865 --> 00:33:21,025 But, you know, you can play in it. 774 00:33:21,050 --> 00:33:22,713 She's gonna kill me! 775 00:33:22,738 --> 00:33:25,106 I am going full "Revenant" on your ass! 776 00:33:26,156 --> 00:33:28,166 Anybody else seeing tree demons? 777 00:33:28,441 --> 00:33:29,977 I believe those are cloud people. 778 00:33:30,263 --> 00:33:31,569 But still, we should move. 779 00:33:31,845 --> 00:33:33,678 Eat bench, you lunatic! 780 00:33:33,703 --> 00:33:35,247 - Oh! - Whoa! 781 00:33:35,272 --> 00:33:37,381 Okay, move, move, move, move. 782 00:33:43,947 --> 00:33:48,347 I cut off my ear lobe with a melon baller. 783 00:33:48,372 --> 00:33:50,107 Oh, God. 784 00:33:50,132 --> 00:33:51,426 Hi. 785 00:33:51,451 --> 00:33:52,975 Hey, you guys want to sleep over? 786 00:33:54,626 --> 00:33:55,626 You. 787 00:33:57,857 --> 00:33:59,959 When will it be enough for you, huh? 788 00:34:00,756 --> 00:34:03,271 When we install a virtual-reality booth? 789 00:34:03,740 --> 00:34:05,432 When you've maimed us all? 790 00:34:06,443 --> 00:34:07,943 When we rename this place 791 00:34:07,968 --> 00:34:10,195 Amanda's Royal Renaissance Festival? 792 00:34:14,536 --> 00:34:16,129 Best day ever! 793 00:34:16,154 --> 00:34:17,559 Are you crazy? 794 00:34:17,584 --> 00:34:18,990 Mud wrestling? 795 00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:22,829 Seriously, this is some hardcore patriarchal bullshit! 796 00:34:25,203 --> 00:34:26,967 - Ohh! - Ohh! 797 00:34:28,443 --> 00:34:29,488 Damn it. 798 00:34:29,632 --> 00:34:30,851 Not enough memory. 799 00:34:31,407 --> 00:34:32,407 I got it. 800 00:34:32,432 --> 00:34:33,482 Hey! 801 00:34:33,507 --> 00:34:35,756 - Ahh! - Ohh! 802 00:34:38,324 --> 00:34:40,646 - That's right. Get her! - Oh! 803 00:34:42,560 --> 00:34:43,803 Oh! 804 00:34:45,820 --> 00:34:47,170 Are you okay? 805 00:34:47,770 --> 00:34:51,051 I'm amazing. 806 00:34:51,076 --> 00:34:53,426 It's like we're real Rennies. 807 00:34:54,794 --> 00:34:56,178 I was planning to do this 808 00:34:56,203 --> 00:34:58,765 at the kissing bridge at eventide, but screw it. 809 00:35:00,953 --> 00:35:02,998 Lady Jenny Miller of Rochester, 810 00:35:03,023 --> 00:35:04,597 wilt thou marry me? 811 00:35:04,622 --> 00:35:05,797 I shall! 812 00:35:13,389 --> 00:35:14,389 Boom! 813 00:35:15,658 --> 00:35:17,008 - Yeah! - Yeah. 814 00:35:21,595 --> 00:35:22,944 Are you happy now? 815 00:35:24,441 --> 00:35:25,441 No. 816 00:35:34,701 --> 00:35:36,203 Fine lords and ladies... 817 00:35:36,244 --> 00:35:38,072 We're engaged! 818 00:35:39,775 --> 00:35:41,342 Huzzah! 819 00:35:41,367 --> 00:35:43,646 Huzzah! 820 00:35:46,177 --> 00:35:47,177 Maggie. 821 00:35:47,396 --> 00:35:48,753 Maggie, slow down. 822 00:35:48,778 --> 00:35:50,650 - Maggie, stop this! - Stop this? 823 00:35:50,675 --> 00:35:51,675 Stop what? 824 00:35:51,700 --> 00:35:54,299 It's too late to stop anything after all you started. 825 00:35:54,324 --> 00:35:57,816 What's so terrible? I started a couple of new things, so what? 826 00:35:58,691 --> 00:36:00,127 You act like you're the first person 827 00:36:00,152 --> 00:36:01,461 to ever join the faire, 828 00:36:01,505 --> 00:36:04,682 to ever feel how special and freeing this world can be. 829 00:36:04,707 --> 00:36:06,293 There were people here before you, you know. 830 00:36:06,318 --> 00:36:08,337 - I know. - No, you don't know anything. 831 00:36:08,512 --> 00:36:10,713 Did you know there weren't any female performers 832 00:36:10,738 --> 00:36:12,582 other than the Queen until I convinced the Royal 833 00:36:12,607 --> 00:36:14,580 to bring in Washer Wenches two decades ago? 834 00:36:14,605 --> 00:36:16,488 - No, but that... - And what about axe throwing? 835 00:36:17,129 --> 00:36:18,918 Did you think that was just always here? 836 00:36:18,943 --> 00:36:20,336 - Kind of. - Well, it wasn't. 837 00:36:20,691 --> 00:36:22,526 I dated the axe gamer at Raleigh, 838 00:36:22,551 --> 00:36:23,847 and suddenly next summer, 839 00:36:23,872 --> 00:36:25,569 there were axes at the Royal. 840 00:36:25,926 --> 00:36:27,012 I was the... 841 00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:30,316 I was the pretty princess with all the big ideas. 842 00:36:31,926 --> 00:36:34,339 And now I'm just an evil old queen 843 00:36:34,364 --> 00:36:35,816 with nothing to show for it. 844 00:36:36,583 --> 00:36:38,816 20 years, and I have nothing. 845 00:36:40,557 --> 00:36:43,148 Maggie, I... I'm so sorry. 846 00:36:43,173 --> 00:36:45,408 - I... - It's too late. 847 00:36:46,511 --> 00:36:47,511 It doesn't matter. 848 00:37:09,615 --> 00:37:11,366 - I'll come back later. - No, no, no. 849 00:37:11,594 --> 00:37:13,288 I went to some places today, 850 00:37:13,313 --> 00:37:15,124 and I need you to reassure me that I'm still sane. 851 00:37:16,647 --> 00:37:18,280 - But we're... - What? 852 00:37:19,663 --> 00:37:20,952 Broken up. 853 00:37:21,237 --> 00:37:23,195 Oh, my God. When did that happen? 854 00:37:23,749 --> 00:37:25,819 Christ, I must have blacked out. 855 00:37:26,179 --> 00:37:27,179 What did I do? 856 00:37:27,204 --> 00:37:28,728 No, this morning. 857 00:37:29,462 --> 00:37:30,811 Our fight. 858 00:37:31,265 --> 00:37:33,341 Yeah, it was a fight. 859 00:37:33,366 --> 00:37:34,579 People fight. 860 00:37:34,604 --> 00:37:35,890 You thought that was breaking up? 861 00:37:36,554 --> 00:37:37,554 It wasn't? 862 00:37:37,579 --> 00:37:40,709 Hon, there's no mistaking when I break up with someone. 863 00:37:40,734 --> 00:37:42,288 Shit gets said. 864 00:37:42,741 --> 00:37:44,405 That was a blip. 865 00:37:44,635 --> 00:37:45,766 Not even a thing. 866 00:37:47,647 --> 00:37:48,835 It felt like a thing. 867 00:37:50,897 --> 00:37:52,163 I'm new at all of this. 868 00:37:53,413 --> 00:37:55,575 - I get it. - Do you? 869 00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:59,140 Because I'm timid and petulant and... 870 00:37:59,165 --> 00:38:00,251 probably a bunch of other things 871 00:38:00,276 --> 00:38:01,842 that I haven't even discovered yet. 872 00:38:02,483 --> 00:38:04,163 I think I might talk in my sleep. 873 00:38:04,188 --> 00:38:05,647 Oh, God. Do I talk in my sleep? 874 00:38:05,672 --> 00:38:07,502 Do I ever mention Justin Theroux? 875 00:38:07,527 --> 00:38:08,527 Oh. 876 00:38:09,182 --> 00:38:11,706 You're my boyfriend, Turtle. 877 00:38:12,390 --> 00:38:13,522 We'll figure it out. 878 00:38:24,020 --> 00:38:25,020 Turtle? 879 00:38:25,997 --> 00:38:27,993 Maybe we keep pitching out pet names. 880 00:38:28,563 --> 00:38:29,696 Okay, whatever you say. 881 00:38:29,721 --> 00:38:31,305 - That's what I say. - Yeah. 882 00:38:34,971 --> 00:38:37,343 It's impossible to move in that stuff. 883 00:38:37,368 --> 00:38:38,879 How do you guys do it? 884 00:38:38,904 --> 00:38:40,796 Have you not noticed that I'm, like, super ripped? 885 00:38:40,821 --> 00:38:43,294 Just shredded. I mean, muscles for days. 886 00:38:43,882 --> 00:38:44,882 Oh. 887 00:38:51,180 --> 00:38:52,414 Ahh. 888 00:38:54,672 --> 00:38:56,288 Let me know if you need anything. 889 00:39:03,182 --> 00:39:04,313 I do. 890 00:39:25,191 --> 00:39:27,860 Good thing Lil Boy wasn't here to interrupt us this time. 891 00:39:28,653 --> 00:39:29,754 Lil Boy! 892 00:39:30,054 --> 00:39:31,080 I'll be right back! 893 00:39:31,105 --> 00:39:32,168 Stay here. 894 00:39:33,649 --> 00:39:34,848 Don't move a muscle. 895 00:39:35,687 --> 00:39:37,166 Not that one or that one. 896 00:39:37,191 --> 00:39:38,286 What about this one? 897 00:39:38,850 --> 00:39:40,317 Definitely not that one. 898 00:39:40,342 --> 00:39:41,953 All right, you got it. 899 00:39:44,445 --> 00:39:45,573 Okay. 900 00:39:50,995 --> 00:39:52,216 Everything's okay, sweetheart, 901 00:39:52,241 --> 00:39:53,998 but please tell me where on earth 902 00:39:54,023 --> 00:39:56,162 you got the idea that mommy was going to jail? 903 00:39:56,482 --> 00:39:57,771 She said it. 904 00:40:00,309 --> 00:40:02,005 I found some mail. 905 00:40:04,538 --> 00:40:05,714 From the court. 906 00:40:06,380 --> 00:40:09,146 - Is everything okay? - Of course it is. 907 00:40:09,171 --> 00:40:10,859 It's probably just the court telling me 908 00:40:10,884 --> 00:40:13,496 to come get that dang passport 909 00:40:13,521 --> 00:40:15,099 I forgot I sent away for. 910 00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:17,205 Oh. 911 00:40:17,344 --> 00:40:18,867 Now, listen to me. 912 00:40:19,050 --> 00:40:21,639 I'm gonna take care of everything, okay? 913 00:40:21,664 --> 00:40:23,710 So you don't need to worry another hot second. 914 00:40:23,779 --> 00:40:25,265 Why don't you try and find some dry wood 915 00:40:25,298 --> 00:40:26,342 for the campfire 916 00:40:26,970 --> 00:40:28,538 - Okay. - Okay? 917 00:40:36,275 --> 00:40:37,999 I'm so sorry. 918 00:40:38,695 --> 00:40:40,796 I'm sorry he overheard. 919 00:40:42,694 --> 00:40:44,037 What... is everything okay? 920 00:40:45,506 --> 00:40:46,659 You can tell me. 921 00:40:46,684 --> 00:40:49,085 Is it money? A Ponzi scheme? 922 00:40:49,110 --> 00:40:50,303 You know, two of my mom's cousins 923 00:40:50,328 --> 00:40:52,177 got screwed over by Madoff. 924 00:40:52,202 --> 00:40:53,362 Oh, my God. 925 00:40:53,803 --> 00:40:55,320 Are you somebody's Goomah? 926 00:40:55,345 --> 00:40:57,036 What? No. 927 00:40:58,772 --> 00:40:59,933 Then what's going on? 928 00:41:00,608 --> 00:41:03,053 My parents want custody of Lil Boy. 929 00:41:03,866 --> 00:41:05,725 They've never approved of the faire life and... 930 00:41:06,214 --> 00:41:07,933 now they want to take him away from it 931 00:41:08,706 --> 00:41:09,986 and from me. 932 00:41:11,467 --> 00:41:12,948 They can do that? 933 00:41:13,599 --> 00:41:16,659 I don't know, but I'm scared. 934 00:41:25,550 --> 00:41:27,448 I think I know somebody who can help. 935 00:41:39,604 --> 00:41:41,453 Ahh, yes. 936 00:41:48,165 --> 00:41:49,165 Brett? 937 00:41:49,787 --> 00:41:50,787 It's me. 938 00:41:53,225 --> 00:41:56,625 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 63641

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