All language subtitles for Uncle Buck (2016) - 01x05 - Going to Jail Party.FLEET.English.C

Where's Miles? He's missing breakfast.

Maybe he's upstairs, studying.

That's always funny.

Right? Well, who gets his waffle?

Ah! Prison rules!

Hey, Miles, hurry up and get down
here before Buck licks your bacon!

Ah, too late.

- Oh.
- Do we have any more helium?

- More helium?
- Mnh-mnh.

- Oh, damn.
- Mnh-mnh.

Look. It's the old man from "Up."

Miles, stop! What are you doing?

Wait, Mom. Let this play out.

Well, we had the extra helium
left over from Maizy's birthday,

so I thought balloon
chair would be great

for my YouTube channel, "Going
the Extra Mile with Miles."

Sounds good, but you should
call it "The Miles High Club."

Not even a little appropriate.

Miles, what were you thinking?

I was thinking I'd like to
see the curvature of the earth,

or at least Lake Michigan.

And how were you
planning on getting down?

Okay, I'm gonna say something

I've said a shocking number of times...

"Hand me the knife, son."

Oh, hell no. That's my knife.

Gi... Hey!

Baby, listen to me. You
cannot do things like this.

- It's too dangerous.
- She's got a point.

Tia, go get me a chair.
The boys needs a co-pilot.

No! Nobody's flying today.

Miles, go upstairs.

We'll talk about this in a minute.

Honey, what are we gonna do with him?

Well, we need to have another boy.

'Cause the way he's going, the
Russell name is gonna die with me.

Oh, no, I'm sure there are a
couple little Bucks out there.

You can't prove that.

There's a lot of black
people with this nose.

Can you excuse us for a minute, please?

I think I can.

So, I guess we can thank your brother
for yet another near catastrophe.

What are you talking
about? This isn't Buck.

Miles has always been impulsive.

He has gotten worse since
your brother's been here.

Hey!

What are you doing?

We're doing indoor s'mores.

Yeah, the torch was my idea.

It's like they feed off of each other.

Okay, maybe Miles is
going through something

and, yes, maybe I have thought
about increasing our insurance,

but this has nothing to do with Buck.

Alexis! Toss me my knife.

The handle side, though.

Whoo!

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Whoa! Denied, fool!

C'mon, man. You got to give me that one.

You the man.

What, you upset about
your balloon chair?

Yeah. I mean, Mom and Dad
just got so freaked out.

Well, that's their job. If
you die, they get arrested.

Down in Atlanta, I was a legend.

People did not know
what I was gonna do next.

But down here, nobody knows who I am.

I get it. Trying to
build a rep, ain't you?

Yeah, exactly.

Tia's perfect, and Maizy's so cute

that if she farts,
everybody goes, "Aww."

I mean, being unpredictable is my thing.

Preach, little brother.
Preach. Let the haters hate.

Finally, someone around
here understands me.

- Yeah.
- Thanks, Uncle Buck.

I'm glad that you're living with us.

Aw, man. Me too. You know what?

Between your balloon chair
and Maizy's little farts,

you kids are pretty entertaining.

Okay, guys! Let's go.
It's line-up time. Come on.

I'm gonna step out.
Line-ups never sway my way.

Now, before we go to
parent-teacher meetings,

does anyone have anything
they think we should know?

We don't want to hear any surprises.

Depends. Do you find
the words "straight A's

and exemplary compliance with
the school code" surprising?

Oh. You know I don't. That's my girl!

Look for my drawing.

Some of the kids say it's a masterpiece,

but I don't do it for the applause.

I'm looking forward to it.

You know, I've been a big fan of yours

since your stick-figure period.

Uh, Miles, you're not looking at me.

Is there something you want to tell us?

You know what? Skip mine. It's boring.

You two should go to dinner,
reconnect as a couple.

I hear there's a great new
tapas place on Randolph Street.

Uh, y-y'all go and get out of here.

I'll make sure they don't have no fun.

Why are you hugging me so hard?

Because I may not want
to when I get home.

- You ready, honey?
- Mm-hmm.

Let's go. Bye, kids!

I'm so grounded.

You stay in trouble. What'd you do?

Today on the "Extra Mile with Miles,"

we're gonna settle
the age-old question...

Who's faster, the rat
from the biology lab

or the first-grade hamster?

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Go, go, go, go, go!

Come on! Go, go, go!

Oh, no! The rat's eating the hamster.

- Ooh. That took a turn.
- Gross!

But it's still going the
extra mile with Miles.

Oh.

So that's what happened to Sprinkles.

- The rat went rogue.
- You're cooked, Miles.

Say goodbye to outdoors, desserts,

your homemade nunchuks.

And maybe think about
what you did to Sprinkles.

Yeah, they right.
You're going to the hole.

But that don't mean we
can't do it big tonight.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about a
"going to jail" party.

That's what you do

the night before your
homeboy gets locked up.

You show them a good time
before you doin' time.

Awesome!

Man, I want to go to jail!

And the wonderful lessons continue.

Sprinkles lost a lot of blood,

but he's on the road to recovery.

Eventually, the rat race gets us all.

Am I right?

Okay, it's too soon.

We're finding that Miles
kind of lives in the moment.

He doesn't think of consequences.

Well, you know, we're going
through some changes at home,

and he is 12 years old.

There's lots of hormones
splashing around in there.

Well, it can be a difficult time.

FYI, parental body-shaming at this age

can have lasting negative effects.

So you might want to watch that.

Oh, no, I wasn't...
We don't body-shame.

We actually don't even talk
to him about his body at all.

So he's often left to
figure things out on his own?

Now, do you two argue in front of Miles?

- I'm sure we've had disagreements in front of him.
- Mm...

But nothing big. Like, no yelling
or screaming or anything like that.

Right, honey?

No. No, no. We don't scream or yell.

If we feel like yelling,

we just stuff it down and get silent.

You're doing an awful
lot of writing, there.

Just making a few notes for my files.

- Nothing to worry about.
- Oh, I'm not worried.

Did you just write that I'm not worried?

Hmm.

Uncle Buck, this is amazing.

I'm playing two video games
and drinking hard soda.

Go ahead, drink another Red Bull.

You ain't got to drive.

Tonight's all about the
stuff that you're gonna lose

when the warden gets home.

- Can I swear?
- Within reason.

- Ass.
- Ooh, that's the sweet spot.

- Can I say the "S" word?
- Huh?

- Stupid!
- Oh, I like that.

You zigged, then you zagged.

Are you sure this party

is a good message to be sending Miles?

You don't know what it's like to be

a teenager that gets
in trouble all the time.

I do. And I'm here to tell you...

I'm your ghetto Jimmy the Cricket.

It's "Jiminy," and I don't
think he lived in the city.

Look, I think you're
going about this all wrong,

and I don't want to be a part of...

Hey, that's my jam!

- Yes!
- Yeah!

That's what I'm talking about.

But that doesn't mean
I'm endorsing this party.

Oh, okay.

Miles, it's too loud! It's
making my heart attack.

Turn it up louder... louder!

So people hear it and know
where the party's at, right?

Yes, sir. The party's over here, dude.

No, sir, there's no party over here.

We're having a "going to jail" party.

Uh, don't pay no attention to her.

She's 6 and drinks out of a sippy cup.

Just keep it down, because
if we come back again,

we'll have to issue a citation.

Uh, who snitched?

Sorry, sir. We're not allowed
to divulge that information.

All right. Have a good day.

That's our creepy neighbor,

Mr. Creepy Neighbor.

I named him.

He's been a jerk ever
since we moved here.

He puts all of his leaves in our yard.

Plus, he kicked down our nativity scene.

He broke Baby Jesus.

That ain't right.

Hey!

One of the other parents just
told me Mrs. Lin is taking

psychology classes at
the community college.

Can you believe that?

Furthering her education?

Who does she think she is?

Let's get the torches and
drive that witch out of town.

Not funny, honey.

Her amateur analysis could end
up on Miles' permanent record.

I really don't think
it's that big of a deal.

It is a big deal. Maybe that stops
him from getting into college.

And then he befriends a criminal

and they do robberies together.

And because Miles is smart,
it goes well at first.

But then the dumb friend turns
on him, and he gets arrested,

and ends up on "Dateline,"
which is such a guilty pleasure,

but I don't think I
would enjoy that episode.

I'd tell you you're overreacting,

but I think you know, right?

I just know that we need to go
in there and straighten this out.

"We"?

You're right. You're
just gonna slow me down.

Look, Alexis, I know where this goes.

You're just gonna end
up having a confrontation

and we're gonna end up writing
apology letters for a week.

Not true. I'm just gonna go in there
and have a little chitchat with her

and work this whole thing out.

No, Alexis, come back.

Alexis?

Ale... Alexis!

What's happening?

Damn, I never lived any place

where you call the police
and they actually come.

Oh, well. I guess the party's over.

It was fun while it lasted.

No. We cannot let him
get away with this.

Creepy Neighbor is making
us all look like punks.

The police have already
been here. It's done.

If we do anything else, next
time, we're gonna get tased.

Honey, they don't tase us.

Now, your brother's right about
the Russell family reputation.

- Really?
- Uh, yes, really.

Look, let me give y'all
some street knowledge.

When someone hits you,
you got to hit 'em back

twice as hard, or
they'll be coming back.

They'd be riding past your
mama's house, school...

That doesn't sound very smart.

It's not smart. It's called revenge.

Yeah, we're gonna be dumb.

- Dumb! Dumb!
- That's right, kids.

That's what I'm talking about.

This is really dumb.

Then why are you here?

Because I want to see something dumb.

Target is locked.

Release the hound.

Ohh!

Ohh!

Okay, she's on a break. Let's go.

- That's not going.
- That's the opposite of going.

The files are right here.

I just want to take a
quick peek and make sure

she didn't say anything
bad about our son.

You can't look through her files.

This isn't an episode of "Castle."

Honey, watch the door!

Look at yourself right now.

You're picking up things with tissue.

To avoid fingerprints.

I know why you're doing it!

I'm just saying, you're going too far.

I'm tired of you
acting this way, Alexis.

You know what? Do
whatever you want. I'm out.

Honey, you can't leave me.

You're talking to no one.

Honey!

I'm the car.

Did you read it?

No.

- Good.
- Mm.

- I'm proud of you.
- You did the right thing.

- Alexis, what the hell?
- I know!

Another parent came in and I panicked

and shoved a bunch of them in my purse.

Honey, there's a crazy
amount of "R's" in this class.

Come on. We can't get
caught with these files.

"We"?! You said you didn't want
to have anything to do with this.

I don't, but if you get arrested,
I'll have to do Maizy's hair.

I laughed so hard, I peed my pants.

- That's disgusting.
- Should I change them?

Hey, besides her pants, we did good.

Hell of an idea, Miles.

Thank you. I don't know
where this stuff comes from.

I'm blessed.

But, Uncle Buck,

it was your spider web
that really made it pop.

- We work good together, like jazz.
- Yeah.

But this is gonna be amazing
on my YouTube channel.

My man.

And, Tia, I want to thank
you for not being a snitch,

even though I know you was
fighting your instincts.

Yeah, I had my finger on
speed dial to call Mom,

but I fought the urge.

Maybe I'm just a bad girl at heart.

- Ooh.
- Okay...

It's fun dancing on the edge, ain't it?

Though, I have to say,

I'm a little worried about consequences.

Wow. A bad girl for four whole seconds.

That's amazing.

Look, that dude hit
us, and we hit him back.

And if y'all had done that before,

y'all wouldn't have had
a busted-up Baby Jesus.

Um, do you hear... that buzzing?

Yeah, I know what's buzzing...
You high on them energy drinks.

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Come on, I ain't scared of you.

Yeah, come on!

Yeah!

I don't know karate,
but I know "ca-razy."

I ain't playing with you. Yeah.

Come on! I ain't scared of no drone!

How did he get it up so fast?

He's magic! We messed with a wizard!

Yeah, and how did he
make me sound like Maizy?

By accurately recording your voice.

I don't scream like that.

Get that costume off that damn dog.

I blame Buck for this.

For this? Really?

Yes. Where else
did Miles learn all this from?

He acts before thinking.

Uh-huh...

And he doesn't even
consider consequences.

Right... And he gets himself stuck

in situations that
he has to dig himself out of.

Like sitting in a janitor's closet

with urinal cakes and
all of the "R" files?

Aw, damn.

- It's me, not Buck.
- Yeah.

I wanted to tell you earlier,

but you had to find out
on your own, like Dorothy.

Man, that got ugly quick.

You didn't tell me he had drones.

I thought he was the crazy
neighbor, not the damn CIA.

So, according to your
"street knowledge,"

we have to push back twice as hard.

So, what's our next move...
We burn his house down?

We're not doing that...

Are we?

No, no, no, no, no.

Let a brother think. Let me think.

Come on. You know this is over.

- Let's just quit.
- No, never quit!

Never retreat!

But it is late. Maizy does
have those sleepy eyes.

Maybe we regroup and fortify
our position in the morning.

Miles, I got our next move.

- It's not a move.
- Defense is a move.

Hey, I already made our move.

Check it out. Come on, come on, come on.

His car was unlocked,

So I took the brake off
and put it in neutral.

Now what?!

Retreat!

Go! Go!

Why are we in an Armenian diner?

Well, first of all, we laying low.

Second of all, I like lamb.

So we're eating lamb
and we're on the lam.

Uncle Buck, I'm in your head.

Look, Miles...

Take Maizy over there to the claw
machine and get out of my head.

Here, take these quarters.

I told your mama to get pre-natal care.

Look, you need to say something
to Miles about what happened.

That was bad.

Hey, I was trying to make the
boy feel good about himself.

By slamming a car into a pole?

Look, I know you guys
are two peas in a pod,

but one of the peas isn't
telling the whole story.

Wait a minute. I'm a pea?

I ain't no pea. I'm a man.

Even you have to admit,

being Buck hasn't always been easy.

True. I've had my ups and
downs, my profits and my losses.

- Your arrests and releases.
- Allegedly.

That's why I'm here with you kids...

'cause I'm really trying
to do better for myself.

Trying to become Buck 2.0.

Yeah, but you're only teaching
Miles how to do Buck 1.0.

I'm glad that you're living with us,

and it's good that
Miles looks up to you.

But please fix this so that
Miles isn't living with me

in his 40s, making torch
s'mores with my children.

Wait. You're getting
a little too dramatic.

Hey, Uncle Buck,
look what I got Maizy to do!

Look at me! I'm a prize!

- Hurry up.
- Okay.

What are you doing?

They're not even alphabetized.

The "L" is next to the "E"?

I mean, and they're judging our son?

Miles might be compulsive,
but he does know his alphabet.

- Alexis. Alexi...
- Hello, there.

Hello.

What's going on here?

Well, the "R" files...

I took them because
I was gonna read them

because I wanted to know
what you wrote about our son

but I didn't and I'm returning
them because I felt bad.

And I now realize where Miles
gets his compulsiveness from.

But you know what?

We're gonna work on it,
and we're gonna do better.

You can read the file if you want.

- Oh, I mean, if you insist. I mean...
- No!

We're good.

- Thank you.
- Come on.

Mnh, mnh, mnh.

Don't judge me, Karen.

I saw you how much you drank
at that school fundraiser.

We're seriously doing this?

Yeah. It's the right thing to do.

Come on, Uncle Buck. This isn't us.

What about our rep?

Okay, the thing about a rep is,

- you got to take it to the edge.
- I know.

Here's what you don't know...

When you do that, sometimes
you got to burn a bridge.

I've been burning bridges all my life.

Girlfriends, jobs...

I actually burnt a real bridge.

Sounds awesome.

It was. And then it wasn't.

You know, if you do stuff like that,

the only rep you get is
people don't trust you.

- My mom and dad trust you with us.
- Exactly.

And this is my last bridge,
and I ain't burning it.

So let's go.

I'm a little scared.

So am I. This is my first
time doing this, too.

But we're gonna do it together,

'cause maybe Mr. Creepy's cool.

Might make a new friend.

I accept your apology.

I'll send you an
estimate for the damage.

All right. Cool.

Hey, but know this...

If you ever step to me again,

I'll come at you
like a tornado full of hate.

That was a good lesson.

But next time, we'll just
leave a note and some cash.

- We learnin' here.
- Yeah.

Great. Now my mom and
dad are back from school.

Guess it's time to get my sentence.

You'll get through it.

I'll send you a letter and
put some money on your books.

You coming with me?

Nah, you gonna walk
that green mile alone.

Dead man walking.

- Really?
- Really.

Two days for the rodent bloodbath,

and a week for Creepy Neighbor's car.

- So seven days?
- Nine.

I was thinking about business
days. But still not bad.

Baby, it should have been a month,

but you know what I realized tonight?

You and I have a lot in common,
and we both need to promise

that we think about consequences
before we do crazy things.

What crazy thing did you do?

Never mind. Just promise.

I promise.

Thank you.

Right here, bring it in.

- Mm, I love you, Son.
- Love you, Mom.

Ooh, that boy is twisted.

You guys really did it up.

Seriously, we were only gone two hours.

Yeah, that part only took 20 minutes.

We was on the run for the rest.

Hey, so what was it like in that house?

Whew, dark, man. Smelled
like soup and murder in there.

You got everything settled with him?

Oh, yeah. We cool.

Yeah. E-E-Everything's cool.

Ooh, ooh, unh!

Maizy brought her
picture home from school.

- Have you seen it?
- No, we were so busy with Miles,

we didn't even make
it to her conference.

Check it out.

Whoa.

Oh, my God! That is vivid.

- Mm-hmm.
- Is that a school bus on fire?

No, I think it's just basking
in the sun rays, honey.

What are y'all talking
about? That's a fire.

You don't see the children
running from the bus?

What kids run from the sunshine? Look!

Plus, that is definitely
Maizy on the back of a dragon.

That's just one interpretation, honey.

Y'all are paying
attention to the wrong kid.

That little girl's
who I'd keep my eye on.

- She done lost her...
- Are you guys looking at my picture?