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1
00:00:03,389 --> 00:00:06,285
Now that
doesn't look right.
2
00:00:06,498 --> 00:00:08,488
Why am I lookingat a black hole?
3
00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:09,732
You know I hate those.
4
00:00:09,820 --> 00:00:11,841
Yeah, we're nowhere near
where we're supposed to be.
5
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,834
Well, maybe we should find
the navigator
6
00:00:13,922 --> 00:00:15,308
and throw something
at him.
7
00:00:15,396 --> 00:00:16,982
Wait, I'm the... hey!
8
00:00:17,070 --> 00:00:18,519
- Seriously?
- Sorry, I didn't
9
00:00:18,607 --> 00:00:21,615
- have anything heavier.
- Also there's that.
10
00:00:24,404 --> 00:00:27,535
That is the most evil thing
I've ever seen.
11
00:00:27,623 --> 00:00:28,816
This isn't my fault.
12
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,380
I didn't enterthese coordinates.
13
00:00:30,468 --> 00:00:34,380
That thing summoned us
out of hyperspace.
14
00:00:35,313 --> 00:00:39,307
Well, don't just stand
theregawping like stunned space elk.
15
00:00:39,395 --> 00:00:41,397
Go see if there's anything
worth salvaging.
16
00:00:41,484 --> 00:00:43,347
You want us
to walk into a thing
17
00:00:43,435 --> 00:00:44,357
that might as well have
18
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,184
"imminent death"
written on the side?
19
00:00:46,272 --> 00:00:47,490
Well...
20
00:00:48,106 --> 00:00:49,513
Since we're here.
21
00:00:51,568 --> 00:00:53,386
Yep, and nothing terrible
22
00:00:53,474 --> 00:00:55,503
ever happens
in a place like this.
23
00:00:55,591 --> 00:00:57,246
Hmm, I'm not finding much.
24
00:00:57,334 --> 00:00:59,763
Just a bunch of hallways
that meet up over there.
25
00:01:00,201 --> 00:01:03,300
Ooh, I'm picking up large
amounts of organic compounds!
26
00:01:03,388 --> 00:01:05,116
Aww, but no moisture,
27
00:01:05,203 --> 00:01:07,019
which only makes sense
if it's...
28
00:01:07,107 --> 00:01:09,295
A giant field of old,
dead aliens?
29
00:01:09,382 --> 00:01:11,427
Or an army of space mummies.
30
00:01:11,515 --> 00:01:13,385
Uh, look up circuit-dick.
31
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:16,389
Oh, well,
technically I'm correct
32
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:19,870
if they stand up... now!
33
00:01:19,982 --> 00:01:21,005
Right now.
34
00:01:21,093 --> 00:01:22,917
Instead of trying
to raise the dead,
35
00:01:23,005 --> 00:01:24,418
why don't we just
find something shiny
36
00:01:24,505 --> 00:01:26,068
and get the heck out of here?
37
00:01:26,482 --> 00:01:28,011
Cyril, find anything?
38
00:01:28,099 --> 00:01:31,456
Well, it looks likethere
are two kinds of aliens.
39
00:01:31,544 --> 00:01:35,912
Heavily armored and seems
likethey've been here for eons.
40
00:01:36,017 --> 00:01:37,302
Ah!
41
00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:40,941
- Dead... ... alien...
- ... in......
42
00:01:41,029 --> 00:01:43,091
My... ... lungs.
43
00:01:43,179 --> 00:01:45,724
- Whoa-ho!
- Cool!
44
00:01:48,865 --> 00:01:51,324
We've decoded
the writing on the outside
45
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,209
and it seemed... relevant.
46
00:01:53,469 --> 00:01:54,615
Relevant how?
47
00:01:54,703 --> 00:01:56,138
Well, as far
as we can tell,
48
00:01:56,226 --> 00:01:58,154
it's one phrase translated
49
00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:00,566
into a dozen
ancient languages.
50
00:02:00,757 --> 00:02:04,702
"Beware. End of life."
"Beware. End of life."
51
00:02:04,915 --> 00:02:06,015
Any-hoo...
52
00:02:06,103 --> 00:02:08,059
Now I kind of wishwe'd worn helmets.
53
00:02:08,147 --> 00:02:09,880
Time to go.
Cyril, Pam.
54
00:02:09,968 --> 00:02:11,958
Ha-ha!
55
00:02:12,046 --> 00:02:15,598
Bring me the biggest goose
in all of London!
56
00:02:18,935 --> 00:02:20,365
Well, hello.
57
00:02:20,905 --> 00:02:22,538
I'm Mr. Deadly,
58
00:02:22,679 --> 00:02:24,460
and I'm coming with you.
59
00:02:24,655 --> 00:02:26,546
And if we don't take you?
60
00:02:31,030 --> 00:02:33,640
Written right on the side.
61
00:03:05,421 --> 00:03:07,061
*ARCHER (2009)*
Season 10 Episode 05
62
00:03:07,149 --> 00:03:09,358
*ARCHER (2009)*
Title : "1999: Mr. Deadly Goes to Town"
63
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:23,599
Could you say that
one more time?
64
00:03:23,687 --> 00:03:25,820
- Bring me the biggest goo...
- Not you!
65
00:03:25,907 --> 00:03:27,538
I'm a sentient
doomsday device
66
00:03:27,626 --> 00:03:30,759
created by an extinct
alien race but never used.
67
00:03:30,847 --> 00:03:33,905
Wait, never used?
What about all those bodies?
68
00:03:43,546 --> 00:03:46,667
Well, hello. I'm Mr. Deadly.
69
00:03:47,232 --> 00:03:48,843
Typical.
70
00:03:48,999 --> 00:03:51,846
I didn't kill them.
They died fighting over me.
71
00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:53,637
But you gestured
threateningly.
72
00:03:53,725 --> 00:03:55,708
I've been alone
for thousands of years,
73
00:03:55,796 --> 00:03:59,583
so my nonverbal communication
skills are a bit rusty.
74
00:03:59,671 --> 00:04:01,669
So wait, are youa weapon or not?
75
00:04:01,757 --> 00:04:03,553
As I said, doomsday device.
76
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,098
Designed by a race
to whom mutual destruction
77
00:04:06,186 --> 00:04:07,850
was preferable to defeat.
78
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,520
I was hidden away
on the edge of space,
79
00:04:10,608 --> 00:04:14,614
but the war I was created
to end in fiery apotheosis
80
00:04:14,702 --> 00:04:16,145
concluded without me.
81
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:19,739
So there I remained,
my only companions
82
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:23,569
the velvety dark
and solitude itself.
83
00:04:23,718 --> 00:04:25,401
And then?
84
00:04:25,488 --> 00:04:28,665
I got bored, so I nabbed you
lot out of hyperspace
85
00:04:28,752 --> 00:04:30,958
to help me explode,
at which point
86
00:04:31,046 --> 00:04:33,747
I'll atomize a few dozen
solar systems.
87
00:04:33,835 --> 00:04:36,090
Who else
is turned on right now?
88
00:04:36,178 --> 00:04:37,122
- Always on.
- Not at all.
89
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,762
Am I to understand
90
00:04:38,849 --> 00:04:41,911
that we brought
a giant bomb onto the ship
91
00:04:41,999 --> 00:04:45,007
because you misunderstood
its gestures?
92
00:04:45,987 --> 00:04:47,794
Yeah, keep
working on it, buddy.
93
00:04:47,882 --> 00:04:49,840
Now, with that out
of the way,
94
00:04:49,928 --> 00:04:52,897
would you say
"Please detonate"?
95
00:04:54,185 --> 00:04:55,889
Plea...
96
00:04:57,717 --> 00:05:01,035
Keep little Miss Death Wish
confined here until we decide
97
00:05:01,123 --> 00:05:03,230
what to do with that
walking apocalypse.
98
00:05:03,318 --> 00:05:06,269
So we're just supposed to
sithere and twiddle our thumbs?
99
00:05:06,357 --> 00:05:08,410
I'm sure what you do
with your thumbs
100
00:05:08,498 --> 00:05:10,298
is entirely your business.
101
00:05:12,149 --> 00:05:14,647
Yeah, just seethe silently.
That'll show her.
102
00:05:14,735 --> 00:05:16,035
Well, you're stuck here, too.
103
00:05:16,123 --> 00:05:17,355
I'm always stuck here.
104
00:05:18,758 --> 00:05:19,800
What?
105
00:05:19,888 --> 00:05:20,968
I'm just laughing
106
00:05:21,092 --> 00:05:23,022
at how little they respect you.
107
00:05:23,110 --> 00:05:25,638
God,
I need a drink.
108
00:05:25,813 --> 00:05:27,587
It looks like The Artifact
109
00:05:27,675 --> 00:05:29,941
sealed itself up
after you left.
110
00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:31,316
So we're stuck with you, huh?
111
00:05:31,404 --> 00:05:33,843
Yes.
Though I can't trigger myself,
112
00:05:33,931 --> 00:05:37,279
I would like to explode
at the earliest opportunity.
113
00:05:38,256 --> 00:05:39,224
Go right ahead!
114
00:05:39,312 --> 00:05:41,597
If killed,
I blow up automatically.
115
00:05:41,685 --> 00:05:43,871
Sort of obvious,
when you think about it.
116
00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:47,793
So you lived your entire
lifeon that thing, right?
117
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,965
You've neverexperienced anything?
118
00:05:50,053 --> 00:05:52,988
I could access all
the information in the galaxy.
119
00:05:53,076 --> 00:05:54,324
But I suppose you're right.
120
00:05:54,412 --> 00:05:56,605
I didn't directly experience
any of it.
121
00:05:56,693 --> 00:05:58,980
Aww.
You must be horny as shit.
122
00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:01,763
The sole aim of my being
is to explode.
123
00:06:01,851 --> 00:06:02,918
Been there, buddy.
124
00:06:03,006 --> 00:06:04,808
We get it.
You wanna explode.
125
00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:07,623
But if you experience some
stuff, then explode,
126
00:06:07,732 --> 00:06:08,973
you'd get the best
of both worlds.
127
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:11,151
Maybe you won't want
to explode at all.
128
00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:14,170
Unlikely, but intriguing.
It is settled.
129
00:06:14,326 --> 00:06:17,482
I shall experience...
some stuff!
130
00:06:17,654 --> 00:06:20,347
Excellent. Laki Station is nearby.
131
00:06:20,435 --> 00:06:21,629
It's a cargo depot,
132
00:06:21,717 --> 00:06:24,354
but it has its shareof diversions.
133
00:06:24,442 --> 00:06:26,583
I'm just gladl won't have to look
at that thing anymore.
134
00:06:26,670 --> 00:06:28,558
What is it with you
and black holes?
135
00:06:28,646 --> 00:06:30,386
Ever heard ofspaghettification?
136
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:31,903
Oh, yeah, I did that once!
137
00:06:32,075 --> 00:06:35,185
Man, we went everywhere,
nothing but sauce and starch.
138
00:06:35,273 --> 00:06:36,714
Nom-nom-nom-nom.
139
00:06:36,802 --> 00:06:38,003
I put on 20 pounds.
140
00:06:38,091 --> 00:06:40,060
Pam, not spaghetti vacation!
141
00:06:40,169 --> 00:06:41,942
I'm talking about
the scientific term
142
00:06:42,030 --> 00:06:44,190
for being sucked through
a black hole's event horizon
143
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:46,565
and being stretched into
a thin strip of matter,
144
00:06:46,653 --> 00:06:49,542
screaming for eternity
because of time dilation.
145
00:06:49,630 --> 00:06:51,692
Spaghettification!
146
00:06:51,989 --> 00:06:54,620
We called ours "Pastafari."
147
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:01,794
Ahh!
148
00:07:01,903 --> 00:07:03,340
What are you doing
in my inner sanct...
149
00:07:03,427 --> 00:07:06,815
Room where I sit quietlyand
do nothing suspicious?
150
00:07:06,903 --> 00:07:09,283
You come here to dream
of electric sheep?
151
00:07:09,371 --> 00:07:11,736
Don't be a Dick.
Androids can't dream.
152
00:07:11,824 --> 00:07:13,455
But we do think real hardabout them.
153
00:07:13,543 --> 00:07:15,697
And make illegal
experimental weapons
154
00:07:15,785 --> 00:07:17,690
using our ship's supplies?
155
00:07:17,778 --> 00:07:19,182
What? No, that's not...
156
00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:20,799
Laki Station is notorious
157
00:07:20,887 --> 00:07:22,463
for black market deals.
158
00:07:22,551 --> 00:07:24,525
I may just have a plan.
159
00:07:24,613 --> 00:07:26,229
- Stop that!
- Oh, sorry.
160
00:07:26,317 --> 00:07:28,736
I was just... electric sheep.
161
00:07:28,824 --> 00:07:30,916
Like, do they plug in?
162
00:07:31,004 --> 00:07:32,486
My word.
163
00:07:32,574 --> 00:07:34,697
I knew the life cycle
of a cow,
164
00:07:34,785 --> 00:07:36,979
the atomic structure
of sucrose,
165
00:07:37,067 --> 00:07:38,822
but the experience!
166
00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:40,658
Yeah, well,
ice cream is good.
167
00:07:40,746 --> 00:07:42,369
Not that good.
168
00:07:42,457 --> 00:07:44,674
Unless you've got onethat's
foreplay flavored.
169
00:07:44,762 --> 00:07:46,299
- Do they have that?
- No.
170
00:07:46,387 --> 00:07:47,924
And let's keep it simple
for now.
171
00:07:48,012 --> 00:07:49,308
I hear they have
a greenhouse that might
172
00:07:49,395 --> 00:07:51,127
- be fun to walk through.
- Good grief,
173
00:07:51,215 --> 00:07:52,361
there's more than this?
174
00:07:52,449 --> 00:07:53,815
Yay, plants.
175
00:07:53,958 --> 00:07:55,260
So what's the plan here?
176
00:07:55,348 --> 00:07:57,104
Stuff him in a cargo hold
and bug out?
177
00:07:57,192 --> 00:07:59,598
No! Then he just blows up
a bunch of other people.
178
00:07:59,686 --> 00:08:00,861
We can make this work.
179
00:08:00,949 --> 00:08:03,565
If we just find something
he likes enough to live for.
180
00:08:03,653 --> 00:08:05,783
Oh, my God, you alwayshave
to fix people, don't you?
181
00:08:05,871 --> 00:08:07,611
This is why our marriage
didn't work!
182
00:08:07,699 --> 00:08:08,940
- Really?
- It wasn't the fact
183
00:08:09,028 --> 00:08:11,205
that you slept with everything
on two legs?
184
00:08:11,293 --> 00:08:13,238
Hm... not always two.
185
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:16,596
This is a disaster.
186
00:08:16,684 --> 00:08:18,213
There's only two people here!
187
00:08:18,301 --> 00:08:20,631
- Didn't you pass out the brochures?
- I did not.
188
00:08:20,719 --> 00:08:22,550
But the mix tape doesn't
make any sense without...
189
00:08:22,637 --> 00:08:24,971
Oh, my God.
190
00:08:25,059 --> 00:08:26,525
You didn't send
the mix tape?
191
00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:28,495
♪ Sometimes you want to have fun ♪
192
00:08:28,582 --> 00:08:29,316
♪ Have fun ♪
193
00:08:29,404 --> 00:08:31,121
- ♪ Sometimes you just need a gun ♪
- ♪ Sometimes you just need a gun ♪
194
00:08:31,208 --> 00:08:32,582
- ♪ Blap-blap ♪
- ♪ Blap-blap ♪
195
00:08:32,769 --> 00:08:34,908
The arms game
is about connections,
196
00:08:34,996 --> 00:08:37,923
not your quasi-musical
cry for help.
197
00:08:38,011 --> 00:08:40,611
This is allwindow dressing anyway.
198
00:08:40,699 --> 00:08:43,087
This is bush league
right here.
199
00:08:43,175 --> 00:08:44,478
- Thank you!
- Yeah.
200
00:08:44,579 --> 00:08:46,205
Hey, after this,
let's hit the dead drop
201
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,593
and then space taco.
202
00:08:47,681 --> 00:08:48,906
Mm, def.
203
00:08:48,994 --> 00:08:50,710
Oh, my God!
Are you guys spies?
204
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,335
Oh, my God,
yell it out, hello.
205
00:08:52,423 --> 00:08:53,867
Got it!
Do you guys have, like,
206
00:08:53,955 --> 00:08:56,468
an internship or something?
I'm very sneaky!
207
00:08:56,556 --> 00:08:59,227
- Mm-hmm.
- I see you two have an eye.
208
00:08:59,315 --> 00:09:00,658
Let me show you
the latest.
209
00:09:00,746 --> 00:09:03,267
Only for my special
customers, you understand.
210
00:09:03,355 --> 00:09:05,845
Yeah, well,
we are pretty special.
211
00:09:05,933 --> 00:09:08,531
The Plasmo blast Chaos Edition!
212
00:09:08,619 --> 00:09:09,874
Hold down the trigger,
213
00:09:09,962 --> 00:09:12,960
and it fires at
wildly unpredictable intervals!
214
00:09:13,048 --> 00:09:15,195
- Why?
- Revenge Body Armor!
215
00:09:15,283 --> 00:09:18,109
When hit,
it auto-injects you with painkillers
216
00:09:18,197 --> 00:09:19,796
and rage-inducingp harmaceuticals!
217
00:09:19,884 --> 00:09:21,054
Why...
218
00:09:21,142 --> 00:09:24,351
And finally, my magnum opus.
219
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:26,663
The personalized,
identity-locked
220
00:09:26,751 --> 00:09:28,781
temporary
singularity grenade.
221
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:29,820
That all sounds...
222
00:09:29,908 --> 00:09:31,195
- So dumb.
- Thank you.
223
00:09:31,283 --> 00:09:33,413
What's dumb about
a temporary black hole
224
00:09:33,501 --> 00:09:35,500
that sucks everything into it,
then teleports itself
225
00:09:35,587 --> 00:09:37,392
to a random location
in the galaxy?
226
00:09:37,486 --> 00:09:38,638
All of the words
that you said
227
00:09:38,725 --> 00:09:39,856
in the order
that you said them.
228
00:09:39,943 --> 00:09:40,992
And we're out.
229
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,467
If I may step in...
230
00:09:42,554 --> 00:09:44,320
These are onlythe appetizers.
231
00:09:44,408 --> 00:09:47,499
I do in fact have accessto
a weapon of great power.
232
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,939
- What, a fart cannon?
- Actually, I have one...
233
00:09:50,032 --> 00:09:53,220
No, something else.
A doomsday device.
234
00:09:53,673 --> 00:09:54,805
The butterfly.
235
00:09:54,938 --> 00:09:57,179
A remarkable illustration
236
00:09:57,267 --> 00:09:59,984
of the capacity
of living things...
237
00:10:00,072 --> 00:10:01,443
to change.
Cool.
238
00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:03,445
Hey, is that something you
think you might be able to...
239
00:10:03,532 --> 00:10:04,874
What's going on, bud?
240
00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:07,312
Oh, I'm conversing
with the butterfly
241
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,624
via pheromones.
242
00:10:08,711 --> 00:10:10,842
I just asked it to say,
"Please detonate."
243
00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:13,033
I thought you weren't
gonna try to explode!
244
00:10:13,126 --> 00:10:14,674
That's not... anything I said.
245
00:10:14,761 --> 00:10:16,589
Anyway, it was a hard pass.
246
00:10:16,758 --> 00:10:19,460
Much more foul-mouthed
than I expected.
247
00:10:19,595 --> 00:10:22,150
Same to you, you bastard!
248
00:10:22,464 --> 00:10:23,900
Well, I guess we're safe.
249
00:10:23,987 --> 00:10:26,468
Until he finds a fruit
flywith a death wish.
250
00:10:26,689 --> 00:10:29,814
So... would you be interested?
251
00:10:29,908 --> 00:10:33,214
Or, you can shoot plasmabolts
at semi-random intervals.
252
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,601
Ka-kow!
253
00:10:34,689 --> 00:10:36,478
Ka-ka-kow!
254
00:10:36,759 --> 00:10:38,480
I'll take doomsday.
255
00:10:38,668 --> 00:10:40,017
Ka-kow!
256
00:10:46,087 --> 00:10:47,437
What do you mean, "No?"
257
00:10:47,525 --> 00:10:49,726
The accepted opposite of, "Yes"?
258
00:10:49,814 --> 00:10:51,890
So we're not selling
Mr. Deadly now?
259
00:10:51,978 --> 00:10:53,234
Won't those spies be angry?
260
00:10:53,322 --> 00:10:54,523
And more importantly,
261
00:10:54,611 --> 00:10:56,119
how does this
affect our mix tape?
262
00:10:56,207 --> 00:10:57,822
Selling him would solve
all our problems.
263
00:10:57,910 --> 00:11:00,216
He gets taken some where else
and gets to explode.
264
00:11:00,304 --> 00:11:01,593
- We live.
- Except for
265
00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:03,322
the billions of
life forms he kills.
266
00:11:03,438 --> 00:11:04,921
Well, obviously,
but they're kind of
267
00:11:05,009 --> 00:11:06,085
a sunk cost at this point.
268
00:11:06,173 --> 00:11:07,442
That is not what that means.
269
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,257
Oh, um... arbitrage?
270
00:11:09,345 --> 00:11:10,812
We can't be held responsible
271
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,273
for the actions of the people
we sell weapons to!
272
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:14,718
- Why not?
- Because we'd have
273
00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:15,647
to stop doing it!
274
00:11:15,735 --> 00:11:16,861
Look, I think Mr. Deadly
275
00:11:16,949 --> 00:11:19,191
is makingsome
real progress.
276
00:11:20,845 --> 00:11:22,369
The ice cream was good,
277
00:11:22,457 --> 00:11:24,515
and that was
a very pretty bug, if rude,
278
00:11:24,603 --> 00:11:27,296
but fulfilling the purpose
of my existence
279
00:11:27,384 --> 00:11:28,726
sounds a smidge better.
280
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:31,843
But there must be something
in the universe you wanna do.
281
00:11:31,931 --> 00:11:34,015
I've heard good things
about whisky.
282
00:11:34,103 --> 00:11:35,208
Great job, Lana.
283
00:11:35,296 --> 00:11:37,306
Now let's go get
this bomb drunk.
284
00:11:37,408 --> 00:11:38,617
Lightweights.
285
00:11:38,705 --> 00:11:41,189
That was only like
a half a bottle...
286
00:11:41,649 --> 00:11:43,129
of Quaaludes...
287
00:11:43,217 --> 00:11:45,262
that I dissolvedin their absinthe.
288
00:11:45,349 --> 00:11:46,361
Hmm...
289
00:11:46,517 --> 00:11:47,830
They may die.
290
00:11:48,048 --> 00:11:49,962
Oh!
Mr. Deadly!
291
00:11:50,056 --> 00:11:51,667
That's what I was doing.
292
00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:55,750
I say, that tastes like
an old boot on fire
293
00:11:55,838 --> 00:11:57,448
that I like in my mouth!
294
00:11:57,535 --> 00:12:00,234
I know it's your first time,
but you don't have to try
295
00:12:00,322 --> 00:12:01,765
literally every whisky
they have.
296
00:12:01,853 --> 00:12:04,884
Um, could you say,
"Please detonate"?
297
00:12:05,095 --> 00:12:07,437
Say nothing. Walk away.
298
00:12:07,525 --> 00:12:09,678
Almost got you.
299
00:12:09,969 --> 00:12:11,449
I'll have these six.
300
00:12:11,537 --> 00:12:13,262
Not 100% surethis is working.
301
00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:15,559
Let's just go findthose
spies and pawn him off.
302
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:16,879
One, that's evil.
303
00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:19,090
Two, we don't even know
what they look like.
304
00:12:19,178 --> 00:12:21,603
Well, see that cat dudeand
pouch master general?
305
00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:23,824
They look exactly like that.
306
00:12:23,912 --> 00:12:25,895
Doesn't look like they're
here to haggle.
307
00:12:25,987 --> 00:12:27,620
- Time to go.
- And we're shuffling,
308
00:12:27,708 --> 00:12:29,556
and they're working together,
and they're cutting us off,
309
00:12:29,643 --> 00:12:32,149
- and they're here.
- Nice work, Tav.
310
00:12:32,237 --> 00:12:33,509
What's up with all
the fist bumping?
311
00:12:33,596 --> 00:12:35,071
This is not a weapon!
312
00:12:35,159 --> 00:12:37,641
It is a living being
who does not want...
313
00:12:37,729 --> 00:12:38,917
Who's taking me? You?
314
00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:41,001
You? Ah, we'll figure it out.
315
00:12:41,089 --> 00:12:43,672
Thanks, Lana.
It's been... a delay?
316
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:45,282
But I'd like to explode now.
317
00:12:45,370 --> 00:12:47,383
Well, all that's left
is for you to pay us
318
00:12:47,471 --> 00:12:49,181
and we'll leave
this portion of the galaxy...
319
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:51,713
Oh-ho-ho.
You're not going anywhere.
320
00:12:51,916 --> 00:12:53,649
I have a thing
about loose ends.
321
00:12:53,737 --> 00:12:55,612
Is that why you have
so many straps?
322
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,071
Seriously, are you on your way
to tie down a blimp?
323
00:12:58,159 --> 00:12:59,416
Hey!
Time to leave.
324
00:12:59,504 --> 00:13:00,555
We tend to frown on
325
00:13:00,642 --> 00:13:02,321
threatening
waiters with knives.
326
00:13:02,409 --> 00:13:04,133
Sir, we're handling this.
327
00:13:04,221 --> 00:13:06,133
Oh, is that right,
Tycho Brahe?
328
00:13:06,221 --> 00:13:08,084
Astronomy burn!
329
00:13:08,171 --> 00:13:10,469
Come on, did the groundwork
for Copernicus.
330
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,891
Had a metal nose.
Tycho Brahe.
331
00:13:12,979 --> 00:13:14,971
Ooh, long way to go
for that one.
332
00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:25,844
Hey, assholes.
If he dies, he explodes!
333
00:13:25,932 --> 00:13:27,416
Well, you should have
led with that!
334
00:13:27,504 --> 00:13:30,205
Oh, we're so sorry!
335
00:13:32,065 --> 00:13:33,196
God damn it.
336
00:13:33,284 --> 00:13:34,509
I think they usedyour stick thing!
337
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,133
It's called a quarterstaff.
338
00:13:36,221 --> 00:13:38,516
Fine, they usedyour quarterstaff.
339
00:13:38,604 --> 00:13:40,010
You have a gun!
340
00:13:42,057 --> 00:13:44,127
We can lay low herefor a while.
341
00:13:44,487 --> 00:13:46,235
Aww, cheer up, dude.
342
00:13:46,323 --> 00:13:48,078
I bet you'll explode
before you know it.
343
00:13:48,166 --> 00:13:50,985
Lana, you have snatched me
from my destiny.
344
00:13:51,073 --> 00:13:52,617
Yeah, she is a huge buzzkill.
345
00:13:52,705 --> 00:13:54,672
Look, I'm very partially
sorry about that.
346
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:56,482
But we're gonna figure out
what to do.
347
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,833
Can you stay here
for just a few minutes?
348
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,112
Oh, great.
I've waited thousands of years
349
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,985
so what's a few minutes?
350
00:14:03,244 --> 00:14:05,494
- That's a yes, right?
- Yes.
351
00:14:05,987 --> 00:14:08,250
So... what do we do?
352
00:14:08,729 --> 00:14:11,149
Oh!
Oh, not this.
353
00:14:11,236 --> 00:14:13,526
Just thought of another name
for Spaghetti Vacation.
354
00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:16,492
If you tell it to me, Pam,
I will literally kill you.
355
00:14:16,580 --> 00:14:18,549
Call it a one-way vacation
to the void.
356
00:14:18,637 --> 00:14:20,505
- Wait, that's something.
- Killing Pam?
357
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,836
I was joking, but if you've
got a good reason
358
00:14:22,924 --> 00:14:23,939
- I would...
- No, these depotsall
359
00:14:24,026 --> 00:14:25,180
have a cargo railgun.
360
00:14:25,268 --> 00:14:27,156
- They're insanely powerful.
- So?
361
00:14:27,244 --> 00:14:28,547
So we put him in it,
362
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:30,196
aim it up out of
the galactic plane,
363
00:14:30,284 --> 00:14:32,539
and radio the order
when he's at a safe distance.
364
00:14:32,627 --> 00:14:34,406
We'd have to get there
without those goons
365
00:14:34,494 --> 00:14:35,352
intercepting us.
366
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,526
Seems tough.
They're very cool.
367
00:14:37,614 --> 00:14:38,746
They're not that cool.
368
00:14:38,873 --> 00:14:39,917
Okay, let's ask him.
369
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,166
Ha!
370
00:14:41,254 --> 00:14:43,666
Teach you to lock me
in a room.
371
00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:46,940
Because I locked you
in a room! Ha-ha!
372
00:14:47,028 --> 00:14:48,321
Are you guys getting that?
373
00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:50,571
I can't see if the irony
is landing.
374
00:14:50,659 --> 00:14:52,594
Why not open the door
and check?
375
00:14:52,682 --> 00:14:54,758
I can't, I smashed it.
376
00:14:54,846 --> 00:14:56,041
Okay, bye.
377
00:14:56,193 --> 00:14:57,610
Okay, bye.
We're gonna die.
378
00:14:57,698 --> 00:15:00,226
If we are, there's something
I need you guys to know.
379
00:15:00,314 --> 00:15:02,526
"Ravioliday"!
380
00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,705
Worth it.
381
00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:08,119
I am ready.
382
00:15:08,291 --> 00:15:09,531
Take me!
383
00:15:09,619 --> 00:15:12,242
You may have some
unhealthy associations
384
00:15:12,330 --> 00:15:13,705
with sex and death.
385
00:15:13,793 --> 00:15:15,658
Duh-hoi.
386
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:18,961
Uh-huh.
387
00:15:19,072 --> 00:15:21,760
So you know
you don'thave any junk, right?
388
00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:24,764
Well, if you give me a
momentl'm sure I can grow one.
389
00:15:24,934 --> 00:15:26,799
Why don't you make it two.
390
00:15:33,675 --> 00:15:34,941
That was...
391
00:15:35,029 --> 00:15:36,399
My God!
392
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:38,125
Ugh! It's gonna be one of those.
393
00:15:38,213 --> 00:15:41,539
How can sensations that
majestic and world shattering
394
00:15:41,627 --> 00:15:44,735
be contained in such strange
dangly skin-bags?
395
00:15:44,822 --> 00:15:47,422
Did the world shatter for
you in the first ten seconds,
396
00:15:47,510 --> 00:15:50,289
the second ten seconds,
or huh, no other options!
397
00:15:50,377 --> 00:15:52,320
Both!
Benefit of two, I suppose.
398
00:15:52,408 --> 00:15:55,883
But, oddly, I find a limpid
rush of passion in myself,
399
00:15:55,971 --> 00:15:58,416
and I must tell you...
Sorry, what was your name?
400
00:15:58,504 --> 00:16:00,220
There's some debate on that.
401
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:02,533
Well, whatever it is,
I love you.
402
00:16:02,665 --> 00:16:04,385
Yes, well... nap.
403
00:16:04,494 --> 00:16:06,974
Can you at least tell me
to detonate?
404
00:16:07,061 --> 00:16:08,401
God, can you stop
your dumb mouth
405
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,102
from talkingso I can sleep!
406
00:16:10,190 --> 00:16:11,203
Okay.
407
00:16:11,291 --> 00:16:13,164
Well, I'm gonna destroy you
all now.
408
00:16:13,252 --> 00:16:15,983
As long as it's quiet! Rude!
409
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:17,768
What did you just do?
410
00:16:17,855 --> 00:16:20,252
I don't know.
I wasn't listening either.
411
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:22,094
Unfortunately, we were,
412
00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,485
and there are some things
you can't unhear.
413
00:16:24,573 --> 00:16:26,789
Yeah, like why was it
so squelchy?
414
00:16:26,877 --> 00:16:27,778
- Well...
- Nope!
415
00:16:27,865 --> 00:16:28,996
Where did he go?
416
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,322
Who?
417
00:16:30,627 --> 00:16:32,461
Let's see.
Let's wind the footage back
418
00:16:32,549 --> 00:16:34,219
to the moment
they left the cantina...
419
00:16:34,307 --> 00:16:35,461
Pff.
Cantina?
420
00:16:35,549 --> 00:16:36,787
Barely a saloon.
421
00:16:37,127 --> 00:16:38,627
Or that.
422
00:16:38,715 --> 00:16:40,455
Last one to grab him buys tacos?
423
00:16:40,702 --> 00:16:43,266
Ugh!
Set me up the whole way.
424
00:16:43,354 --> 00:16:44,925
Ugh... Respect.
425
00:16:47,994 --> 00:16:50,017
We got to go!
426
00:16:50,104 --> 00:16:51,375
Give me a minute!
427
00:16:51,463 --> 00:16:53,391
I think I was
just dead a little!
428
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:56,711
♪ Sometimes
you just need a gun ♪
429
00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:57,953
Damn that's catchy.
430
00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,844
Cheryl got out!
And ruined everything.
431
00:16:59,932 --> 00:17:02,029
That second part
probably goes without saying.
432
00:17:02,116 --> 00:17:04,031
How can you be
so incompetent?
433
00:17:04,244 --> 00:17:06,531
Well, seeing as how you let
a glue-sniffing
434
00:17:06,619 --> 00:17:08,305
human death wish
escape a closed vessel,
435
00:17:08,393 --> 00:17:09,852
maybe we're even!
436
00:17:09,940 --> 00:17:12,360
Even? Who paid for
your first "massage"
437
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:13,869
when you ran out of cash?
438
00:17:13,957 --> 00:17:16,516
Not to get in the middle
of your Freudian nightmare,
439
00:17:16,604 --> 00:17:18,656
but just get Krieger ready
with his weapons,
440
00:17:18,744 --> 00:17:20,439
and meet us outside the ship!
441
00:17:20,737 --> 00:17:22,180
Way ahead of you.
442
00:17:22,455 --> 00:17:23,619
Are you?
443
00:17:23,707 --> 00:17:25,445
Hate to be a pest
but could you say,
444
00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:26,422
"Please Detonate?"
445
00:17:26,510 --> 00:17:28,490
- Uh, no thank you.
- Ah-ha!
446
00:17:29,535 --> 00:17:31,681
Fantastic.
And now this is happening.
447
00:17:31,769 --> 00:17:32,996
Let's go!
448
00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,222
Ow.
449
00:17:35,339 --> 00:17:37,009
Nice shooting, Tex,
but if you kill him,
450
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,413
nobody gets tacos.
451
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:39,632
Oh, hi guys.
452
00:17:39,719 --> 00:17:41,525
Oh, hi.
They're from the ship.
453
00:17:41,613 --> 00:17:43,470
Yep. We are here to stop you.
454
00:17:43,558 --> 00:17:45,839
Is that a kimono?
455
00:17:46,378 --> 00:17:50,191
These are experimental
prototypes.
456
00:17:50,285 --> 00:17:51,978
I call gun!
Big gun, here.
457
00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:53,681
That leaves Pam
the temporary...
458
00:17:53,769 --> 00:17:54,954
Don't need it, dick-nuts.
459
00:17:55,042 --> 00:17:56,970
- My body is a weapon.
- Speaking of which.
460
00:17:57,058 --> 00:17:59,238
The temporary
singularity grenade?
461
00:17:59,326 --> 00:18:00,355
Why would you make that?
462
00:18:00,443 --> 00:18:02,496
Why not just give usan
ancient horn that summons
463
00:18:02,589 --> 00:18:05,197
Cthulhu's older,
shittier step-brother?
464
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,886
Well, it imprinted on younow,
so no one else can use it.
465
00:18:07,974 --> 00:18:09,906
Seems like a needless precaution.
466
00:18:10,008 --> 00:18:11,866
So where do you think they are?
467
00:18:11,953 --> 00:18:15,529
I find it's good practice to
follow the sound of gunfire.
468
00:18:15,617 --> 00:18:17,049
That hadn't happened yet!
469
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:20,715
Oh, suppressing fire!
470
00:18:20,803 --> 00:18:22,744
Ah, ah, ah!
471
00:18:22,832 --> 00:18:25,088
Yelling "suppressing fire"
kind of defeats the point.
472
00:18:25,176 --> 00:18:26,839
We're supposed to think
you're aiming at us.
473
00:18:26,926 --> 00:18:29,385
You know what, actually,
I'm saying it to my teammates,
474
00:18:29,473 --> 00:18:30,527
so they know.
475
00:18:31,605 --> 00:18:32,808
Ah-ah-ah!
476
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,221
Admit you underestimated me.
477
00:18:35,309 --> 00:18:36,924
Get off my head, you bitch!
478
00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:38,588
They're actually
doing okay.
479
00:18:38,676 --> 00:18:41,119
I might have a tiny
bitmore respect for them.
480
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,666
Don't ever tell them
I said that.
481
00:18:42,754 --> 00:18:45,174
There is so much
so deeply wrong with you.
482
00:18:45,262 --> 00:18:46,893
And you married me.
483
00:18:46,981 --> 00:18:48,260
Doesn't reflect great on you.
484
00:18:48,348 --> 00:18:50,543
Aww, can I keep him?
485
00:18:51,836 --> 00:18:53,779
How long before they notice...
486
00:18:54,623 --> 00:18:57,146
"We're-we're gone,"
is what I was gonna say.
487
00:18:59,896 --> 00:19:01,160
So what's all this then?
488
00:19:01,248 --> 00:19:02,871
Cargo railgun, we shoot you,
489
00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:04,308
transmit signal, boom.
490
00:19:04,396 --> 00:19:07,198
- Oh, finally.
- Wait, where's Pam?
491
00:19:09,795 --> 00:19:12,035
The invisible fist.
492
00:19:12,123 --> 00:19:13,457
That could be my code name.
493
00:19:13,545 --> 00:19:15,949
So what do you say,
I'm your scrappy apprentice,
494
00:19:16,037 --> 00:19:17,629
and you're mygruff-but-loveable...
495
00:19:17,717 --> 00:19:19,105
Ahhh! Ow!
496
00:19:19,193 --> 00:19:20,847
I'll think about it.
497
00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:23,982
Oh, that is good pouchwork.
498
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,480
Get in there.
We'll send the "please det..."
499
00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:29,660
Archer, come on.
500
00:19:29,748 --> 00:19:31,668
Whoops, that would
have been hilarious.
501
00:19:31,756 --> 00:19:33,433
We'll send you the message
502
00:19:33,521 --> 00:19:35,472
once you're out
of the galactic plane.
503
00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:37,941
Ahh!
Jesus, Archer.
504
00:19:38,029 --> 00:19:39,472
You ever look
before you shoot?
505
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:40,653
Sometimes.
506
00:19:42,052 --> 00:19:43,754
Don't hit Mr. Deadly!
507
00:19:43,842 --> 00:19:45,308
Yeah, aiming at you guys.
508
00:19:45,396 --> 00:19:47,238
Thanks for being
so conscientious.
509
00:19:58,162 --> 00:20:00,388
You saved me.
510
00:20:00,476 --> 00:20:03,747
You overcame your simple
biological impulse to live.
511
00:20:03,882 --> 00:20:05,343
Just tryingto do what's right.
512
00:20:11,315 --> 00:20:13,089
Jesus Christ, lady!
513
00:20:13,177 --> 00:20:16,751
Don't call me lady!
514
00:20:17,544 --> 00:20:18,930
Well, have a nice death.
515
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:21,571
Just give me the receiver
so you can transmit the order.
516
00:20:21,659 --> 00:20:23,844
- The what?
- It's a cargo container.
517
00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:26,024
Do you want me to bring along
string and a can?
518
00:20:26,112 --> 00:20:27,823
Goddamn it.
519
00:20:28,158 --> 00:20:31,315
Oh, so now you're
a gesture expert.
520
00:20:38,686 --> 00:20:40,996
Whoa, smells like
stir-Friday in here.
521
00:20:41,084 --> 00:20:42,410
Why did you do that?
522
00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:45,365
I need to feel their blood
on my... ah.
523
00:20:45,459 --> 00:20:48,848
Ohh, this is the best
I've ever felt.
524
00:20:48,936 --> 00:20:51,184
Yeah, you're probably
gonna want to check into rehab.
525
00:20:51,272 --> 00:20:53,520
Like immediately.
You forgot this.
526
00:20:53,608 --> 00:20:56,395
I came as quick as I could.
You know, after they died.
527
00:20:56,483 --> 00:20:58,809
You are a paragon of bravery.
528
00:20:58,897 --> 00:21:00,692
All right,
let's shoot you into space.
529
00:21:00,780 --> 00:21:02,715
- One moment.
- Oh, come on!
530
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,379
Lana's act of selflessness
inspired me.
531
00:21:05,467 --> 00:21:07,551
She was willing to give
her life for others,
532
00:21:07,639 --> 00:21:10,163
and that gives me
the courage to change.
533
00:21:10,342 --> 00:21:12,356
I choose life.
534
00:21:12,444 --> 00:21:14,926
I guess this means
no tacos.
535
00:21:15,014 --> 00:21:16,793
Is that supposedto be a joke?
536
00:21:16,881 --> 00:21:18,599
I didn't mean to make
it weird.
537
00:21:18,686 --> 00:21:20,412
How's this for weird?
538
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:22,938
Please detonate.
539
00:21:23,033 --> 00:21:24,556
- No!
- Don't detonate!
540
00:21:26,633 --> 00:21:29,803
I think my change of heart
may have diffused me.
541
00:21:30,217 --> 00:21:31,756
Only now do I see that
542
00:21:31,844 --> 00:21:34,957
when one's purpose is evil,
achieving that...
543
00:21:37,532 --> 00:21:39,613
Archer, you've gotto use this.
544
00:21:39,701 --> 00:21:42,574
I don't want to be
eternal spaghetti, Lana.
545
00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:45,309
For once, think of anyone
other than yourself.
546
00:21:45,397 --> 00:21:48,022
Aghh! Fine!
547
00:22:11,738 --> 00:22:13,494
- I'm alive!
- We're alive!
548
00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:15,043
Close one, right guys?
549
00:22:15,207 --> 00:22:16,476
Yeah, great.
550
00:22:16,564 --> 00:22:19,111
I think I twisted my ankle.
Thanks, Lana.
551
00:22:19,199 --> 00:22:21,408
So where exactly
did they go?
552
00:22:21,496 --> 00:22:22,875
It's semi-random,
553
00:22:22,962 --> 00:22:24,529
but I could try
to back-calculate it...
554
00:22:24,616 --> 00:22:26,299
I'd kind of prefer to not know
555
00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:28,035
if we wiped out
several thriving
556
00:22:28,123 --> 00:22:29,821
and culturally complex
civilizations.
557
00:22:29,909 --> 00:22:31,418
- Yeah, I mean, me too.
- All right.
558
00:22:36,541 --> 00:22:38,848
We don't know that was us.
559
00:22:40,708 --> 00:22:42,708
Synchronized by srjanapala
560
00:23:00,707 --> 00:23:03,801
Made in Georgia.
40216
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