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1
00:00:02,090 --> 00:00:04,960
It's called "eSports,"
and it's real.
2
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,160
Professional video gamers
going head-to-head
3
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,490
as a stadium full of people
watch.
4
00:00:09,490 --> 00:00:11,090
Oh, and here he comes,
5
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:13,230
the defending "Voyage Quest"
champion...
6
00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,100
BoneDevil666.
7
00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:17,030
Let's see if we can get a word.
Mr. Devil! Mr. Devil!
8
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,640
Can I get two words from you?
9
00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:21,040
Uh, sure. Yes.
10
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,770
A win for you today
would bring your team
11
00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:25,640
one step closer
to the world championships
12
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,040
in Pyongyang.
13
00:00:27,050 --> 00:00:28,510
Are you feeling the pressure?
14
00:00:28,510 --> 00:00:30,780
The Big Bone dominates
"Voyage Quest."
15
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:32,650
That's an undisputed fact.
16
00:00:32,650 --> 00:00:34,180
And anyone who gets in his way
17
00:00:34,190 --> 00:00:35,790
is gonna be looking
at the business end
18
00:00:35,790 --> 00:00:37,920
of a Complainium Broadsword.
19
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,190
No more questions.
What?
20
00:00:39,190 --> 00:00:41,260
Hey, hey, hey.
Can I get your autograph?
21
00:00:41,260 --> 00:00:42,260
Oh, yeah, sure.
22
00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:44,130
Who should I, uh,
make it out to?
23
00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:45,400
Oh, my God!
24
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:49,070
BoneDevil666 has just been
ruthlessly attacked!
25
00:00:49,070 --> 00:00:51,600
Why? Why? Why? Why?
26
00:00:55,870 --> 00:01:00,010
BoneDevil666
is the nom de guerre
27
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:03,350
of 22-year-old
professional gamer Paul Boneson.
28
00:01:04,550 --> 00:01:06,420
Sorry, Murphy.
Above your pay grade.
29
00:01:06,420 --> 00:01:08,420
Come on, Hoffman!
30
00:01:10,820 --> 00:01:13,020
Boneson plays a game called
"Voyage Quest"
31
00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:15,230
for a professional gaming team
known as SharkSpark.
32
00:01:15,230 --> 00:01:17,090
The attack,
which you're seeing now,
33
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,500
has taken his fingers
out of the running
34
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,630
for the world championships.
35
00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:21,630
Sir, I thought
we were taking cases
36
00:01:21,630 --> 00:01:23,570
outside of law enforcement,
37
00:01:23,570 --> 00:01:27,100
like international espionage
and haunted trains?
38
00:01:27,110 --> 00:01:28,640
Damn it, Mom.
Your unique brand of skepticism
39
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,240
is gonna tear this team apart!
40
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,380
Fortunately, I anticipated
Tribeca's rock-hard cynicism.
41
00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:35,250
Therefore, this briefing
will be given
42
00:01:35,250 --> 00:01:38,050
by the director of the Special
Division Force himself...
43
00:01:38,050 --> 00:01:40,850
Vice President Joe Perry.
44
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:47,260
BoneDevil666
is the nom de guerre
45
00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:48,790
of a 22-year-old gamer
named Paul...
46
00:01:48,790 --> 00:01:50,060
Sorry, Joe.
I-I covered that.
47
00:01:50,060 --> 00:01:51,790
You were further down the road
than I thought.
48
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,730
Did Tribeca show her
unique brand of skepticism?
49
00:01:53,730 --> 00:01:55,000
That's exactly where we are.
50
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,930
The video gaming industry
51
00:01:56,940 --> 00:01:58,540
brings more money
into the U.S. economy
52
00:01:58,540 --> 00:02:01,200
than missiles, oil,
and coffee-cup sleeves combined.
53
00:02:01,210 --> 00:02:04,610
If a foreign entity wants
to disrupt that industry,
54
00:02:04,610 --> 00:02:05,740
we wanna know about it,
55
00:02:05,740 --> 00:02:07,680
and ideally, we wanna stop it.
56
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:09,810
You know what I just
heard you say?
57
00:02:09,810 --> 00:02:12,010
"I'm sending you to prison
for 20 years."
58
00:02:12,020 --> 00:02:13,680
Oh, my God.
Are you still on that?
59
00:02:13,690 --> 00:02:15,350
It's been like 20 years.
60
00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:17,150
You locked me up
and threw away the key!
61
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,290
I didn't know
that was the only copy!
62
00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:22,630
Look, Tribeca,
that was a different time.
63
00:02:22,630 --> 00:02:24,900
Back then, putting people
in jail was all the rage,
64
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:27,360
and I guess I just jumped
on the bandwagon.
65
00:02:27,370 --> 00:02:29,430
All I care about is
the safety of this nation.
66
00:02:29,430 --> 00:02:31,230
That's why I brought you
on board,
67
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,900
because I knew
I could count on you.
68
00:02:33,910 --> 00:02:36,440
So, can I...
count on you...
69
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,440
to care... about the safety...
of our nation?
70
00:02:42,850 --> 00:02:44,380
Yes, sir.
71
00:02:44,380 --> 00:02:45,920
All right, then.
72
00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,790
BoneDevil666 is recovering
in a hospital bed
73
00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:50,450
in Little Rock, Arkansas.
74
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:52,790
It's the gaming capital
of the United States.
75
00:02:52,790 --> 00:02:54,260
Find out who attacked him
and why.
76
00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:56,260
And even though
everything you're doing
77
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:58,860
will be perfectly legal,
don't tell anyone anything,
78
00:02:58,860 --> 00:03:00,600
unless you follow up with,
"Just kidding."
79
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:11,340
So, you didn't get a look
at the guy who attacked you?
80
00:03:11,340 --> 00:03:13,940
I just remember
he was wearing a ski mask.
81
00:03:13,950 --> 00:03:16,150
Lose the attitude,
you little prick.
82
00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:17,950
Now, it's gonna be painful,
83
00:03:17,950 --> 00:03:19,550
but I wanna get
your fingers moving.
84
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,620
I can't do it.
85
00:03:27,630 --> 00:03:30,030
Who are these people?
What are they doing here?
86
00:03:30,030 --> 00:03:31,230
We're trying to get
to the bottom
87
00:03:31,230 --> 00:03:32,700
of who attacked
Mr. Boneson.
88
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:34,830
A better question might be,
"Who are you?"
89
00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:36,570
And an even better question
might be,
90
00:03:36,570 --> 00:03:39,170
"If prostitution is the oldest
profession in the world,
91
00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:41,700
who earned the money to pay
for the first prostitute?"
92
00:03:41,710 --> 00:03:44,240
I'm Becky Bunnker,
and it's obvious what happened.
93
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,980
Someone, who probably doesn't
stand for the national anthem,
94
00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:49,850
didn't want him
to become world champion.
95
00:03:49,850 --> 00:03:52,250
Yeah, well, it doesn't seem
like Mr. Jelly Fingers over here
96
00:03:52,250 --> 00:03:54,250
even cares about
the world championships.
97
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:57,190
You couldn't be more wrong.
"Voyage Quest" is his life.
98
00:03:57,190 --> 00:03:59,190
I don't know who told you
otherwise.
99
00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:01,920
Actually, Beck, I'm just done
with this whole thing.
100
00:04:01,930 --> 00:04:03,530
I think I'm just gonna get a job
101
00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:05,400
teaching animals
to play video games.
102
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,000
You don't know what
you're saying, BoneDevil.
103
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,400
We had plans, right?
104
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,070
We were gonna buy
that Fuddruckers
105
00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:12,470
with your winnings.
106
00:04:12,470 --> 00:04:15,210
Tribeca.
107
00:04:15,210 --> 00:04:16,870
Right away, sir.
108
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,210
This just in...
109
00:04:18,210 --> 00:04:20,340
The attacker turned himself in
to Little Rock PD.
110
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:21,740
He's at the station now.
111
00:04:21,750 --> 00:04:23,150
Well, don't you think
we should have a word with him
112
00:04:23,150 --> 00:04:24,680
before somebody else does?
113
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:33,290
How much longer
do I have to wait here?
114
00:04:33,290 --> 00:04:35,430
I'm trying to confess
to a crime!
115
00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:37,430
Take a number.
116
00:04:37,430 --> 00:04:40,630
- Yo, pastrami, please.
- Coming up.
117
00:05:00,990 --> 00:05:02,790
I want answers.
118
00:05:02,790 --> 00:05:04,850
And I want 'em now!
119
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,000
Just do it.
120
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,200
Just get it over with.
121
00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:22,010
We just wanna know
what happened.
122
00:05:22,010 --> 00:05:23,670
They're gonna come
after me, man.
123
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,410
They're gonna kill you because
of what you did to Paul Boneson?
124
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:27,480
Yes!
125
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,010
To keep me quiet!
126
00:05:29,010 --> 00:05:30,010
Do you know them?
127
00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:31,480
It's my team.
128
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:33,620
It's SharkSpark.
They're me. I'm them.
129
00:05:33,620 --> 00:05:36,820
Why would SharkSpark wanna go
after its own players?
130
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:40,220
It's all about coins, man.
All they want is coins.
131
00:05:40,230 --> 00:05:42,560
"They"?
The company?
132
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,690
It's the company working
with the gamers,
133
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:47,360
working with the Mafia,
working with the CIA,
134
00:05:47,370 --> 00:05:50,230
working with a temp agency.
135
00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:52,040
This is a riddle
wrapped in a sudoku
136
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,370
tied up with a crossword
suspended over the jumble.
137
00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:57,840
And they're gonna come after me.
I'm a dead man.
138
00:05:57,840 --> 00:05:59,980
Look, we're gonna keep you safe.
139
00:05:59,980 --> 00:06:01,580
You can't keep me safe
from them.
140
00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:03,910
We're supposed to try.
141
00:06:08,390 --> 00:06:09,450
Why don't we take him
to a motel,
142
00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:11,320
sit with him till he calms down?
143
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,590
You sure?
144
00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:14,520
W-We don't even really know
what's going on.
145
00:06:14,530 --> 00:06:17,590
Well, you said it yourself,
it's a stupid case.
146
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,200
You have nothing to worry about.
147
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,670
I won't let you out of my sight.
148
00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:29,540
I'm gonna run in for some beer
real quick.
149
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:31,010
You want anything?
150
00:06:31,010 --> 00:06:32,080
Could you please hurry?!
151
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,080
Yeah, totally.
I'll be right back.
152
00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:50,290
Should I get this ski mask?
153
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:52,230
Ah, you know what?
154
00:06:52,230 --> 00:06:54,830
I'm never gonna use this.
155
00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:05,840
Crazy sale on knives, dude!
You want one?!
156
00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:06,780
Aaah!
157
00:07:06,780 --> 00:07:08,510
I'm getting you one.
158
00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:18,920
Yo! They're doing
free tank rides!
159
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,860
You gotta try it!
Aaaah!
160
00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:22,260
Shit. Right.
The beer.
161
00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:30,200
Oh.
162
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,870
Finally.
163
00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,370
Can we get out of here?
164
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:40,740
All right!
165
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,150
Here we go!
166
00:07:49,090 --> 00:07:52,490
Ah, no need, dude.
Beer's on me.
167
00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:58,760
You're a Fudgsicle.
168
00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,570
You're a Creamsicle.
You're a Bomb Pop.
169
00:08:01,570 --> 00:08:03,830
You're lactose intolerant.
170
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,240
Hey! Hey!
171
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:10,340
A man died here!
Have a little respect!
172
00:08:14,050 --> 00:08:15,680
I want answers!
173
00:08:18,050 --> 00:08:19,480
I found something.
174
00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:21,790
What the hell is that?
175
00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:23,390
It's like a dollar, but not.
176
00:08:23,390 --> 00:08:24,920
No, no, no.
It's got too many colors.
177
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:26,120
It's a Euro.
178
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,320
Maybe fake money
from a board game?
179
00:08:28,330 --> 00:08:30,460
Look at this seam of silver
going through it.
180
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:33,530
It's a Euro.
It's money they use in Europe.
181
00:08:33,530 --> 00:08:35,600
Whatever it is,
it scares the hell out of me.
182
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,670
I can slip this to a contact
I have at the Mint,
183
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:40,400
off the record.
So, we have a kid carrying
184
00:08:40,410 --> 00:08:43,010
some kind of spooky money
in his pocket...
185
00:08:43,010 --> 00:08:44,340
A Euro.
186
00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:47,010
Someone needs to go undercover
with this...
187
00:08:47,010 --> 00:08:48,740
SharkSpark Gaming team.
188
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:49,880
I'll do it.
189
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,820
Mom, you've never played
a video game in your life.
190
00:08:51,820 --> 00:08:53,880
I played Simon.
That's not a video game!
191
00:08:53,890 --> 00:08:56,220
It had a battery.
No, it needs to be me.
192
00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:57,550
Right, the one good thing
193
00:08:57,560 --> 00:08:59,220
about being abandoned
at the age of two
194
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:01,020
is that every foster home
I was placed in
195
00:09:01,030 --> 00:09:02,890
had a different
video game system.
196
00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,230
A.J.'s our man.
197
00:09:04,230 --> 00:09:06,500
No. No, no, no.
It's too dangerous.
198
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:07,830
I must've missed the meeting
where you decide
199
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,630
which missions I go on
and which I don't!
200
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:11,640
It was on the calendar. I am
not saying this as your mother.
201
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,640
I am saying this as somebody
who has 30 years of experience!
202
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,710
20 of which were behind bars,
so... Aah!
203
00:09:16,710 --> 00:09:18,310
You listen to me,
you little punk...
204
00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:20,910
Hey! Break it up!
You stay out of this!
205
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:23,780
Hey!
Hands off the big man!
206
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:26,780
Everybody's picking on Tribeca,
and I don't like it!
207
00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,250
Break it up!
208
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:29,990
Where's A.J.?
209
00:09:34,590 --> 00:09:35,790
What do you want, idiot?
210
00:09:35,790 --> 00:09:37,460
Heard you're down
a couple gamers.
211
00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:39,260
Thanks, Google News Alert.
212
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:40,660
What else you got for me?
213
00:09:40,670 --> 00:09:43,530
Well, just so happens
I'm looking for a new team.
214
00:09:43,540 --> 00:09:46,000
Sorry, new phone.
Who dis?
215
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,600
Look, we both know gold coins
are where it's at, bro.
216
00:09:48,610 --> 00:09:50,940
Just so happens,
I just took second place
217
00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:53,210
at the Slovenian
"Voyage Quest" Championships
218
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:55,080
with over 10 million gold coins.
219
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,610
Slovenia?
That's hardcore.
220
00:09:57,620 --> 00:10:01,220
BaguetteBardot1-800-555-1212
won that, didn't she?
221
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,350
You don't beat BaguetteBardot.
222
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,620
Not on her worst day.
Come on in.
223
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:15,230
Have a seat, grab a headset.
224
00:10:15,230 --> 00:10:16,970
You can show us what you got.
225
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,370
Oh.
226
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:24,310
You want a little something
to get your engine running
227
00:10:24,310 --> 00:10:26,110
before I check you out?
228
00:10:26,110 --> 00:10:27,310
Uh...
229
00:10:27,310 --> 00:10:29,710
I don't recognize that brand.
230
00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:32,720
That's 'cause it's illegal,
bitch.
231
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,520
It's strawberry lemonade mixed
with horse adrenalin.
232
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,720
They used to give it
to the NASA monkeys
233
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,390
to keep them awake in space.
234
00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:40,120
Well, sure, I'll try it.
235
00:10:54,270 --> 00:10:55,740
Whoo!
236
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,150
Okay, so, all you gotta do
is craft a spear,
237
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:13,160
kill a Lesser Nerblet,
and raid his hut for the coins.
238
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,960
That sounds easy!
239
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,630
Yeah. Right.
240
00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:18,960
Huh? Huh?
241
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,160
Now do it.
242
00:11:20,170 --> 00:11:22,200
Well, why stop there?
243
00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:25,900
Tie my hands.
244
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:30,640
And... go.
245
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:35,180
My hut! My coins!
246
00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:38,510
Done!
247
00:11:38,520 --> 00:11:40,980
You can have Ozzy's room.
248
00:11:45,260 --> 00:11:47,060
Whoo.
249
00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:58,300
We haven't seen Ozzy
for a couple days,
250
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,900
so I guess all this stuff
is yours now.
251
00:11:59,910 --> 00:12:01,370
Hey, man, is that the bathroom?
252
00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:02,970
'Cause this horse adrenaline
is going right through me.
253
00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:04,310
Yeah, don't freak out
254
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,780
if you fill up
the whole bowl, okay?
255
00:12:06,780 --> 00:12:08,380
Welcome to SharkSpark.
256
00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:15,650
Hello?
257
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:20,920
You got a bad washer in here.
258
00:12:20,930 --> 00:12:22,130
I should have one in my truck.
259
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:23,630
Okay. Thanks.
260
00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:31,870
So, you're the new number one
around here?
261
00:12:31,870 --> 00:12:33,270
Looks that way.
Hmm.
262
00:12:33,270 --> 00:12:36,540
Being number one comes
with certain... perks.
263
00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:37,740
And what are those?
264
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,210
Full medical, dental,
265
00:12:39,210 --> 00:12:40,680
and optical coverage,
266
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:43,480
including one pair
of free glasses per year.
267
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:45,820
Ooh.
Designer brands included?
268
00:12:45,820 --> 00:12:47,080
Oh, yes.
269
00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:49,490
Sounds like I'm gonna be
well taken care of.
270
00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:50,950
Oh, I almost forgot.
271
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,220
You get a free team shirt.
272
00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:56,430
Do I get the team bra?
273
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:59,160
Let's see how good of a player
you are.
274
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,170
Oh, my God.
275
00:13:03,170 --> 00:13:04,830
Oh, my God!
276
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,500
You're amazing!
277
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,100
You wanna give it a shot?
278
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:09,710
No, I don't understand
these games.
279
00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:10,970
I just like to watch.
280
00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:12,440
Ooh, grab the coins.
Grab the coins!
281
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:13,840
What is it with you people
and the coins?
282
00:13:13,850 --> 00:13:17,850
That's not how you win!
God, this mattress sucks!
283
00:13:17,850 --> 00:13:18,980
This...
284
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,590
What the hell?
285
00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,660
Aah!
286
00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,790
Ah!
287
00:13:30,930 --> 00:13:32,330
Please don't kill me!
288
00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:34,000
What is it with you people
and getting killed?!
289
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,330
He's crazy!
He'll stop at nothing!
290
00:13:36,330 --> 00:13:38,070
Who?
You don't understand.
291
00:13:38,070 --> 00:13:39,270
This is so much bigger than...
292
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:40,600
No, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait.
293
00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:42,740
Don't start that.
Just let me think.
294
00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:45,280
Gold coins.
Everybody wants gold coins.
295
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:49,810
And this kid somehow's got
piles of fake money.
296
00:13:49,820 --> 00:13:51,350
I-It's gotta be connected!
297
00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:52,420
It is connected!
I can tell you...
298
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:53,680
Would you shut up for a second?
299
00:13:53,690 --> 00:13:56,020
I'm trying to piece this thing
together.
300
00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:58,620
What if it isn't fake money?
301
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:01,160
Wait, what if it's real money
and the coins are...
302
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,430
He's laundering money
through the ga...
303
00:14:02,430 --> 00:14:05,560
Can you just be quiet
for five seconds?!
304
00:14:05,560 --> 00:14:07,900
Okay, so, you got
fake money going in,
305
00:14:07,900 --> 00:14:09,100
real money coming back.
306
00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,500
Ooh! It's laundering!
Of course!
307
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,170
BoneDevil, he... he doesn't want
to collect coins,
308
00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:16,370
so he's useless,
so Ozzy takes him out,
309
00:14:16,370 --> 00:14:18,510
but Ozzy's got a big mouth,
so they take Ozzy out.
310
00:14:18,510 --> 00:14:21,180
Ozzy's dead?!
Can you just shush?!
311
00:14:21,180 --> 00:14:22,780
You need to protect me!
312
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:24,450
'Cause if he thinks I talked,
he's...
313
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:27,050
Look, I am definitely good
at protecting people.
314
00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:28,920
You don't need to worry
about that.
315
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,990
But I need to meet this big guy
who's running everything.
316
00:14:31,990 --> 00:14:33,320
Absolutely not!
No way!
317
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:36,130
Come on!
There's no way I can finish it.
318
00:14:36,130 --> 00:14:39,400
It's an international
money-laundering scheme.
319
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,330
The money changes hands
through the gold coins
320
00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:42,800
in "Voyage Quest."
321
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,340
Oh, and those weird
paper rectangles we found,
322
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:47,540
they're called Euros.
323
00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:49,270
This is from my buddy
at the Mint.
324
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:50,870
They're called Euros.
325
00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:54,140
Oh, and Becky,
who was BoneDevil's girlfriend,
326
00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:55,880
but is now my girlfriend...
I'll get to that in a second...
327
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,550
She's gonna arrange a meet-up
with the head
328
00:14:57,550 --> 00:14:59,280
- of the whole operation.
- That's great.
329
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,680
We'll go in as a team,
fully armed...
330
00:15:00,690 --> 00:15:03,220
No, no, no, no.
It has to be only me.
331
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,620
No, we...
332
00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:07,360
All right,
just don't let your guard down
333
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,760
because some floozy let you
jiggle her love button.
334
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,960
You can't push someone else's
button in this game.
335
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,160
You can in Simon.
336
00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:14,800
All right, everybody.
Just stop.
337
00:15:16,570 --> 00:15:18,500
All right, A.J.
It's all you.
338
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,700
Yeah!
339
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,350
Come in, come in.
340
00:15:32,350 --> 00:15:36,090
Pay no attention to...
the rainbow!
341
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:40,420
So beautiful, don't you think?
342
00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:43,960
Fireball!
343
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,700
Bienvenue, welcome.
344
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:50,830
My name...
is Pierre Cardin.
345
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,770
And I hear that you are
the new Chef des Jeux Vidéos.
346
00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:55,110
Uh, uh, yeah, I guess.
347
00:15:55,110 --> 00:15:56,770
I mean, some people think
I'm pretty good.
348
00:15:58,510 --> 00:15:59,910
"Pretty good"?
349
00:15:59,910 --> 00:16:01,580
Pretty good, mon Dieu!
350
00:16:01,580 --> 00:16:03,650
But you delight me
with your modesty.
351
00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:05,780
He's actually one of the best
I've ever seen.
352
00:16:05,780 --> 00:16:07,380
Hmm.
353
00:16:07,390 --> 00:16:10,720
You know, people love to throw
around this word "best"...
354
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,260
Best Buy,
355
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:14,060
Seattle's Best Coffee,
356
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,330
This Country's Best Yogurt.
357
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:18,060
But these are just words, no?
358
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,400
Would you be willing to, say...
359
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:24,400
stake your life on the fact
that you are the best?
360
00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:27,870
I-I'm not sure I follow.
361
00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:30,270
This is the latest in VR gaming.
362
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,210
You will be completely,
totally immersed
363
00:16:33,210 --> 00:16:36,550
in the virtual landscape
of "Voyage Quest."
364
00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:39,020
You will not only see and hear
everything around you,
365
00:16:39,020 --> 00:16:44,490
but this is also what we call
total biological simulation,
366
00:16:44,490 --> 00:16:46,220
or total BS.
367
00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:48,160
Wouldn't that be TBS?
368
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,030
Very funny.
369
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:51,700
What I mean to say is,
370
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:56,500
that this game will connect
to your central nervous system.
371
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,640
Whatever the avatar experiences
in the game,
372
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,170
the game player will experience,
as well.
373
00:17:03,180 --> 00:17:08,980
If, for example,
your avatar were to... die,
374
00:17:08,980 --> 00:17:12,650
the human controller will die,
as well.
375
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,650
Mom?
376
00:17:16,650 --> 00:17:19,360
Jesus Christ.
A.J., get out of there!
377
00:17:21,190 --> 00:17:23,260
All right.
378
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:24,730
Let's give this a whirl.
379
00:17:24,730 --> 00:17:26,600
Now, how... how exactly
do you make this...
380
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,530
Aah!
381
00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:32,140
The game is now connected
to your spinal cord.
382
00:17:32,140 --> 00:17:34,070
How... Oh.
383
00:17:34,070 --> 00:17:35,340
Okay.
384
00:17:35,340 --> 00:17:37,470
Uh...
385
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,940
Okay, so, you got tennis,
Ping-Pong...
386
00:17:40,950 --> 00:17:42,950
Keep scrolling down.
387
00:17:42,950 --> 00:17:44,750
"Voyage Quest."
388
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:47,680
Now hit the virtual
"start" button.
389
00:17:47,690 --> 00:17:49,090
Uh, okay.
390
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,760
I'm in!
391
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,690
Wow!
392
00:17:54,690 --> 00:17:56,890
It's so real.
393
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,830
I-I-I can... I can feel
the breeze through my...
394
00:17:58,830 --> 00:18:01,630
Aah! Ow!
395
00:18:03,970 --> 00:18:06,440
Becky, what the hell?!
396
00:18:20,190 --> 00:18:24,050
BaguetteBardot?
The world's best gamer.
397
00:18:24,060 --> 00:18:25,660
Enchanté.
398
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:27,860
Obviously, the only way
for me to actually know
399
00:18:27,860 --> 00:18:32,330
if you are the best
is for you to play my champion.
400
00:18:32,330 --> 00:18:35,530
So, the rules will
be as follows...
401
00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:41,200
If Baguette wins,
well... you die.
402
00:18:41,210 --> 00:18:45,680
But if you win,
I will allow you to arrest me
403
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:49,210
for money laundering
and international espionage,
404
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:52,220
Angela Geils Jr.
405
00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:55,350
He's made. He's made!
406
00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:56,750
I don't like this!
407
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:58,820
We wasted an entire
half-sandwich!
408
00:18:58,820 --> 00:19:00,220
Scholls, you have to hack
into the game!
409
00:19:00,230 --> 00:19:01,630
You have to get him
out of there!
410
00:19:05,360 --> 00:19:07,560
It's...
411
00:19:07,570 --> 00:19:09,770
beautiful.
412
00:19:21,180 --> 00:19:23,050
Space Needle!
413
00:19:23,050 --> 00:19:25,250
Troll Blanket!
414
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:26,850
Cornish Game Hen.
415
00:19:26,850 --> 00:19:28,250
Leg of Lamb!
416
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:30,190
Grease Pencil!
417
00:19:32,390 --> 00:19:34,590
Banana Peel!
418
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,930
Ice Mushroom!
419
00:19:35,930 --> 00:19:36,860
Vapor Shield!
420
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:37,860
Fire Rain!
421
00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:39,400
Globe of Conservation!
422
00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,000
Horn of Plenty!
423
00:19:42,130 --> 00:19:43,330
Technicolor Dreamcoat!
424
00:19:43,340 --> 00:19:44,730
Aah!
Elf Leg!
425
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:45,940
Aaaah!
426
00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:48,070
Elf Leg!
No!
427
00:19:48,070 --> 00:19:50,940
Elf Leg!
Noooooo!
428
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,480
Dagger of Espadrille!
429
00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,350
Au revoir, Monsieur Geils!
430
00:19:56,350 --> 00:19:57,950
Au revoir!
431
00:19:57,950 --> 00:19:59,080
Nooooo!
432
00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:03,890
Simon says...
"You're dead."
433
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,560
No.
434
00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:17,430
You son of a...
435
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:25,380
Cardin's in the wind.
436
00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:26,840
Cardin's in the wind!
437
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:29,180
Don't sweat it.
We'll pick you up in 20.
438
00:20:29,180 --> 00:20:30,510
Cardin will get his.
439
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,320
Roger that.
440
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,000
Ooh.
441
00:20:49,670 --> 00:20:53,700
This feels like
a real Hula-Hoop!
31195