Original subtitles

[animal howls]

And when he woke up,

The kid looked in the mirror

And realized that he had changed into...This!

Yawn. You wanna scare people?

Let them smell your costume.

Pretend to be brave all you want,

My little light bulb,

But look around.

Creepy graveyard, Halloween night.

[screeches]

Full moon.

Ha.

You'll all be crying for fury

Before I can say "boo."

Did our fearless, one-eyed leader

Say how long we'd have to wait

For this so-called special delivery?

[wind whistling]

Remember, fear is only in the mind.

Fear? I think you have me confused with someone else.

I'm spider man.

Fear is not in my vocabulary.

Boo! Aah!

Ha! I got you.

[laughter]

Let me get my phone,

While I record your ladylike screams.

What are you all looking at?

There's something behind me, isn't there?

Oh!

Aah!

Run.

Aah! Huh?

What are these things?

Ghosts?

Zombies?

Vampires.

[hissing]

G-g-g...Vampires?

Seriously? Vampires?

I thought I told you. Run!

Guys, we're superheroes.

Just 'cause some dude with cool shades

Tells us to run doesn't mean we actually run.

Those probably aren't even real vampires.

Get off me, bat breath.

Okay, so they are real vampires.

They're still bad guys, right?

This is no different than fighting, like,

You know, batroc the leaper.

Okay, maybe a little different.

They're, like, shadows or something.

They have ninja speed.

And they can do that.

Is that even in the vampire fighting handbook?

There are worse threats out here tonight

Than these things.

Like what?

Me.

[clapping]

Whoa. That was so--

Oh, welcome back to the party, chicken little.

He said run.

You totally chopped those guys.

Real heroes don't do that, delivery guy.

[growls] uh, I mean sir.

The name's blade.

'cause you carry blades?

Are we allowed to just name ourselves

With whatever we happen to have in our pockets?

Those things were shadow vampires, undead drones,

Magical manifestations-- never alive.

You would know if you were the S.H.I.E.L.D agents

I told fury to send.

Whoa. Hold on. Aah.

More coming.

Okay, team, on my command.

We've got to get out of this open space.

You, make a hole.

I'm going to drive them into that alley.

We can control them there.

You two, take the flanks. Drive them center.

Helmet face, eyes in the sky.

Helmet face. Good one.

That's actually his name.

But just so you know, I'm the leader here.

Right.

Listen, I'm sure you're the best at what you do and all,

But you can stow the 'tude.

We got off on the wrong foot here.

If you'd let us in on...

I could do that too if I had flash grenades.

Oh, now he's just showing off.

[shouts]

Okay, I'm willing to work with you here.

I see what you're doing.

You sent power man to punch a hole

Because you knew his invulnerability would protect him, right?

He's invulnerable?

Incoming!

Your flash grenades,

Charged with ultraviolet rays like sunlight.

Yeah.

Well, I just happen to have

My very own flash grenade.

He's not that smart, but he's plenty bright.

Hey, bucket head. Light us up. Super nova style.

On it, webs.

Two can lead at this game.

Guys, herd them together.

Unless you're wearing spf 10,000,

I suggest you take cover.

Time to go super me.

Aah!

Ugh. I hope you don't need me to do that again soon.

Or in the next month.

Now who's leading this team, big guy?

[both growl]

Stragglers.

Don't bother.

Their master will finish them for this failure.

Failure to do what?

To retrieve this.

Is that the delivery fury sent us to pick up?

I was hoping for pizza.

Pick up? I was expecting heavy escort.

This doesn't leave my hands

Until I look fury in his one eye.

What exactly is happening?

Dracula is coming.

To take over the world.

[laughs]

And--and delivered with that serious face.

Oh, dracula, take over the world.

[crickets chirping]

What? Why is no one else laughing?

What part of "handing it off to my team" don't you understand?

Dracula's coming, fury, and you are not prepared.

He keeps saying "dracula's coming."

That's code for something, right?

Yeah. It's code for "dracula's coming."

The dracula.

He's very real and very dangerous.

[device beeps]

Most people think he's a character from books and movies,

But those are based on history.

Dracula is the king of vampires,

An undead nightmare

That wages war on the world of the living.

He will not rest until we are all under his control.

And if he gets his hands on this, the war is over.

What is "it" exactly?

It's tekhamatep's ankh.

Well, half of one, anyway.

Are you guys all just making this stuff up as you go?

An ankh is an ancient egyptian symbol

Known as the key of life.

It is believed to act as a bridge

Between the living and the dead.

It was used by the ancient pharaohs

To communicate with their ancestors,

But, as you might imagine,

It became a bit of a problem for the living.

So it was decided, by some of the smarter pharaohs,

To break the ankh into two separate pieces.

It's been that way for about 8,000 years, give or take.

It's only in recent times that they have been unearthed

And dracula has learned of their existence.

If the halves of this ankh

Were ever found and joined together,

Any undead creature would become invulnerable.

Dracula would be able to walk by day

And have no weaknesses.

No force on this earth could stop it.

Now you all know the seriousness of the situation.

We need to find the other half of the ankh

Before dracula does.

Oh. It's at the museum of natural history.

You're kidding. Out in the open?

All the real good stuff

Is kept in a secret chamber room

For premium, gold circle, card-carrying members

Of the museum of natural history fan society.

Obviously I'm the only person in this room who's a member.

Okay, we move on the museum.

There's no "we" in this.

You let me know when the real team arrives.

"real team"? What's he talking about?

Sorry, kid. This is no longer an escorting mission.

This is much more dangerous.

If I had known that a bunch of shadow vamps

Were on blade's tail,

I would have never send you to meet him.

Blade's right.

You've got to sit this one out.

Huh?

Just trying to say hi!

Aah! Ugh.

You heard fury.

Go back to the playground.

If dracula's as dangerous

As you and fury are making him out to be,

You need us.

You saw us take down the shadow vampires.

We can help. Whoa.

Aah.

These are not supervillains.

You don't have a clue what we're up against.

And what makes you the expert?

Raah!

You got a dental plan for those?

I owe that blood-sucker.

I'm not missing a shot at him if I can take it.

I can't have a bunch of rookies getting in my way.

Looks like your conversation was mature and reasonable.

If you call knifing me to a wall reasonable.

I think we're in the middle of a vampire vendetta.

Blade's going on a mission

I'm not sure he plans on coming back from.

It sounds out of our depth.

And we still got trick or treating to do.

I'm surprised at you guys.

We can buy twice as much candy for half off tomorrow.

We're here to help.

We understand we aren't your first choice.

Yeah, and some of us would rather be eating candy, but...

If dracula gets his hands on the other half of that ankh,

We're all sucker-fied.

[sighs]

Just remember. Your choice.

You gotta be kidding me.

Get me an E.T.A. On the H.C. ASAP.

Full moon or not, it's time to monster up.

So we've never fought dracula before.

So what?

We've all faced personal demons,

And we know it's scary.

I'm not scared.

I've heard that before.

Tonight, in fact.

And the guy who said it

Was just as convincing as you are.

Wasn't that you who said it? Shh.

Oh, cool.

Nice. Sweet.

Oh, coulson wasn't kidding.

Between you and me,

I'm officially sort of feeling a little spooked.

When that happens, I go to my happy place.

[laughing]

Stop giggling. It's creepy.

I'm creepy? You're the mayor of creep town,

Creepy clatter mouth.

Oh, if I'm the mayor,

I officially hand over the key to the city to you,

Creepy von crypt keep--

Stop it. Focus.

Coulson said the ankh was somewhere around...

Here!

No, it's in a protective shield.

No, look, I pulled it right out.

There's no shield protecting it.

That's because it's a cloaking shield.

Now the vampires know it's here.

What? Oh.

Spider-man, hold the ankh.

I'm getting you out of here.

Too late.

Blade.

Fighting alongside mortals now?

Have you sunk so low?

Hand over my ankh

And I will allow you all

To live to see morning.

G-g-g-g...Dracula!

You mock me, blade.

You would send children to face me?

I am dracula, king of vampires,

And I will have what is rightfully mine.

King of the "blah, blah, blah" is more like it.

Let's get fighting or get you some bronzer.

You child. Blade has led you to your doom.

Your team is severely out of its league.

Wait. We're out of the S.H.I.E.L.D softball league?

But we had a game next Tuesday.

Hello, terrifying bad guy here.

Not really time for jokes.

Finally happened. He snapped with fear.

Yes, I'm scared, and, yes,

I know I'm talking a lot of crazy,

But it's really to knock count haircut off his game

So I can do this.

Seriously, I'm really a good pitcher.

Check out my fastball.

Pathetic.

Okay, maybe I do talk too much.

Are we finished here?

Not by a long shot.

[spider-man] nova. Instant sunburn.

Feel the heat, drac.

Aah!

[grunts]

[sighs] oh, yeah.

Two in one night.

Good looking and vampire wrecking. I am--

Fools. You think I was not warned of your weak abilities

By my shadow minions?

There is nothing that you--

Sweet christmas.

Did you talk this much when you were alive?

You know, you should floss more.

What? I'm trying smack talk.

Enough!

Blade, wake up.

This is your party, and you got us doing all the heavy lifting.

I was gonna use this as my trick

If you weren't gonna give us any treats.

[groans]

Did you seriously just do that?

Uh, nope. But in other news--dracula!

How many times will we do this dance, blade?

The partners change, but the song remains the same.

I am the undying lord of the night.

And you are a mistake.

Hey, wait for us!

[monkey shrieks]

Close shave. Thanks, P.M.

Thank me in candy. If we survive.

Aah!

Invulnerable?

If I can't bite you,

Then I will... Control you.

Power man!

Let me go.

Let...Let...

What's he doing to him?

Mesmerism.

Mesmer what now?

Your mask, are those reflective lenses? Yes.

Good. Why?

You're about to see.

Destroy blade.

Yes, my king.

Power man, stop! Wake up!

Good. More slaves.

Nice try, drac.

But it'll take a lot...

I am your slave.

Destroy the interlopers.

Bring me the ankh.

[all] yes, lord dracula.

Guys, stop!

Drac's just mesmer-- mermaiding you, or something.

Do not resist.

Yes, master.

Do they say "psych" in vampire-ville?

Guys, mindless zombie-ism doesn't suit you.

Except maybe nova.

Please, I don't wanna hurt you.

More importantly, I don't want you to hurt me.

You were amusing for a few moments, spider.

Take comfort in that.

I think when you say "comfort" you don't mean it.

Wait. Herbarium.

As in greenhouse?

Hey, blade! Heads up.

Have you lost it?

It's over.

You know, for the first time tonight, I agree.

Greenhouses use u.V. Light,

Just like daylight.

So let's just say it's closing time.

Oh, yeah. You ruined my Halloween,

So smell my feet!

Aah!

Lord dracula.

This war has just begun.

No, wait!

Are you crazy? You webbed me up.

You're a vampire.

I was protecting you from the u.V. Rays.

Your buddy went super nova twice tonight and I didn't burn.

I'm only a half-blood.

A day-walker.

The sun doesn't hurt me.

Day-walker? Oh.

So what do we do now?

Is he gonna turn my friends into full-on vampires?

No, he'll keep them as hostages

In order to keep me off his back.

So there's still a chance.

I'll track dracula and your friends.

You, however, must look into the true face of fear.

True face of--? Oh.

[spider-man] so if it's okay, I'd like to skip the part

Where you yell at me for disobeying orders

So we can get back to saving our friends.

I learned that fear is in your mind.

Except for monsters, and I hate monsters.

That work for you?

If that's what you learned tonight,

You're gonna love this.

My team of experts are finally here.

Experts? The big guns? The avengers?

The fantastic four? Power pack?

Not quite.

Meet the perfect team for this mission, spider-man.

The living mummy.

Frankenstein's monster.

[roars]

Werewolf by night.

Meet the howling commandos.

G-g-g...Monsters!