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Today on
"Jon Glaser Loves Gear"...
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Photography![camera clicks]
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Cheese!
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[polaroid whirring]
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♪
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Gear!
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One of my biggest
regrets in life
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was never
having followed through
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on the photography class
I took in college.
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So I headed to Brooklyn's
Focus Camera to right this wrong
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and gear up on what was sure
to become a new life passion.
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So I took a photography class
when I was in college,
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and I really enjoyed it.
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I had what I call
chops eye.
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I never heard of that before.All right, well, you know
the term "chops"?
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If you're just good at
something, people might say,
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"Man, you got chops,"
and then having, like,
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a good eye,
like for an artist...
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Yeah?You got a really good eye.
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So that was something
I had-- "chops eye".
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[deep voice]
Chops eye!
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[camera clicks]
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I just wanted to make sure when
you're helping me out
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that you're, like, oh,
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I'm helping out a guy
that's got chops eye.
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Chops eye!
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I want to get a nice camera,
I want to get some cool gear.
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All right, let's do it.
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These, to me,
look pretty kick-ass.
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Yeah, this is, like,
the amateur beginner camera.
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No thank you.
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These cameras would
probably be the ones
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that you would
want to go with.
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Beautiful, Ralph.
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Oh, yeah, there we go.[camera clicking]
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That lens is sweet.
Oh, yeah.
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[vocalizing camera clicking]
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You ever make sound effects
when you're taking pictures?
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You don't really hear the noises
anymore, I mean, a little bit.
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How would you do the noise?It kind of disappeared.
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[hissing]That's your camera noise?
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[hissing]
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You need a better noise
than that, Ralph.
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[Ralph]
We have tripods over here.
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I'm gonna put you
to the test real quick.
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Let's say you're
in the woods,
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you're getting
some nature photography,
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you see an eagle,
the eagle takes a baby,
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you gotta get that shot,
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this could be
your shot in Nat Geo,
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how quickly can you assemble
this tripod?
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Let's do 20 seconds.Let's see.
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All right, Gear-i? Yes, Jon.
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Put him on the timer.
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Timing starts...
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now.Go.
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Come on, that eagle
just took the baby,
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the parents are screaming,
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"Oh, my God! My baby!
Oh, somebody save my baby!
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"Somebody else'll get a picture!
Oh, my God, my baby!
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"Oh, my God, this eagle's
taking my baby!
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"What a photo opportunity!
Oh, God!"
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And stop.
What was that time, Gear-i?
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That was 25 seconds, Jon.
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Ahh.You missed the shot, but, uh...
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The baby survived?
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Ugh, the baby died.[eagle screeching]
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Too bad for the baby,
but thanks to Ralph,
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I was ready to
reignite an old passion
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and test out some new gear.
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C-c-c-chops eye.
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Chop it up.
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Headin' to the chophouse.
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Chop salad with a side
of porkchop.
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My hands-free umbrella
would keep my gear dry,
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while I walked around town
taking plenty of classic shots.
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But none of these photos had me
feeling truly inspired until...
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Excuse me, sir?
Excuse me.
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Do you mind if I take
a photo of your backpack?
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Uh, my backpack?Yeah, I'm a big fan of gear,
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and your backpack
is super cool.
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Yeah.Thank you.
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I realized in that moment
that my thing wasn't just gear,
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but that my true calling
was taking photos of gear.
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I like that jacket.
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Do you mind if I take
a photo of it?
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Can I take a picture
of the water bottle?
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Can I take a photo
of your helmet?
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Sweet kicks, man,
are those Jordans?
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It's a case for,
for a baby scale?
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Capturing the beauty of gear
had fulfilled me in ways
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I didn't think possible,
but I wanted these pictures
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to be more than
just cool shots.
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I wanted people to see
gear the way I saw gear.
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00:04:00,516 --> 00:04:01,724
But to take pictures
like that,
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I was going
to need a little guidance,
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so I met up with a professional
portrait photographer
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to make sure I was taking
the best pictures I could.
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00:04:09,525 --> 00:04:11,837
So, I kind of like this one,
this lady had a really cool bag.
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It was just, I thought,
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a cool piece of gear.Right.
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You seem like...
you-- are you not into these?
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Um, I just think
you need to work on, uh,
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framing the whole photo.
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I thought I was taking all
these photos with chops eye.
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Chops eye!
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00:04:29,372 --> 00:04:31,374
Wh-what?Chops eye?
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Chops eye!
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You know that term?Let me show you, over here,
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some of the photos that I've
taken that I think have,
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uh, sort of show you
what I'm talking about.
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See?That's nice.
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00:04:44,939 --> 00:04:46,631
Yeah, there's kind of
a difference.
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These are sort of...Yeah, I like
the framing on that.
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00:04:48,011 --> 00:04:49,634
That feels like chops eye.
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Chops eye!
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Well, let's work on it.
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Uh, I see that you brought some
of your gear and everything
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and, uh...
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That's why I'm here, to get some
pointers from the pros, so...
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00:04:58,712 --> 00:05:00,023
Why don't you grab
something you like
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00:05:00,058 --> 00:05:01,439
and throw it in there,
we'll take some shots.
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00:05:01,473 --> 00:05:02,750
Okay.
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00:05:02,785 --> 00:05:03,924
So, I got to work
taking photos while Keith
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00:05:03,958 --> 00:05:06,029
gave me some great tips.
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00:05:06,064 --> 00:05:08,756
Oh, there we go, this is nice.Yeah, there you go.
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00:05:08,791 --> 00:05:10,482
The thing is that this--
it's a little low.
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00:05:10,517 --> 00:05:12,795
So, why don't you grab a stool,
bring it in,
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00:05:12,829 --> 00:05:15,487
and lay the gear
on top of the stool?
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00:05:15,522 --> 00:05:17,593
That's actually along the lines
of what I was thinking
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00:05:17,627 --> 00:05:18,939
'cause it's ultimately
going to be portraiture--
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is that a word?
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00:05:20,458 --> 00:05:21,769
Exactly. That's more of a term,
just so you know,
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than chops eye.
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Chops eye!
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Yeah, I'm liking this framing.[camera clicks]
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So much better.It's higher.
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How sweet are these, right?
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Cool.Very cool.
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This would be a part
of a goggle series.
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Maybe, like,
a woman pulling her robe down?
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Oh, yeah!
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00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:35,818
Well, now you're
telling a story,
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that's excellent,
that's great.
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Like that?That's too kiltered.
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Yeah, that's better.
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Oh, I love how this looks.[camera clicks]
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Why don't you grab
something that you like
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00:05:43,722 --> 00:05:46,932
and then get in there and then
I'll take some shots of you?
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So, me and the gear?Yeah, you and the gear.
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Well, this is
the whole story...
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All right.Great.
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[camera clicks]Look at that.
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I like that.Yeah?
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Now, lets do one where
you're sort of interacting
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00:05:55,665 --> 00:05:57,080
with the backpack,
like you're...
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That's pretty fun....you just came upon it
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in the store.[camera clicks]
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That's so great.
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Look at you,
you're having such a blast!
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You know what, why don't you
take your shirt off?
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Take my shirt off?Yeah.
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Yeah, it'd be more of,
like, an arty vibe.
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That seems fun.This'll be great.
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Oh, there we go--
perfect, perfect.
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Yeah, that's what I like. Gear!
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So, here's some shots
that I took of my gear,
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and then these are
some of the shots
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the photographer took
of me and my gear.
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Aren't these great?What's happening here?
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Okay, so first, he got
shots of just my gear,
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and then he's like,
"Why don't you get in there?
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Get some shots
of you with the gear?"
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I was like, well,
that sounds fun,
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so I got in some of
the shots, and then he said,
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"Why don't you take
your shirt off?"
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And I thought, sounds fun,
so I tried some like that,
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and then he said,
"Keep going with that,
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"just take off your pants,"
and I was like...
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sure, that sounds cool and
we got some fun shots like that,
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and then he said, "Why don't
you do that thing
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"where you tuck
your penis between your legs
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"and pretend to have
a vagina?"
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So, did some of those.
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[camera clicks echoing]
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What-- it wasn't sexual,
clearly, it's artistic,
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I mean, look at these,
they're beautiful.
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Jon, he took
advantage of you.
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What? No.
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Look at these-- these are
tasteful shots, I mean,
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I-- I did this to become
a better photographer.
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00:07:19,162 --> 00:07:22,580
How does somebody else taking
photos of you... tucking
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make you a better
photographer?
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00:07:24,305 --> 00:07:26,100
Because I'm observing
his process
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00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:29,241
and seeing how he does things
so then I can do it myself
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when I'm taking pictures,
so I can get better chops eye.
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00:07:32,935 --> 00:07:34,626
Chops eye!
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00:07:34,661 --> 00:07:38,319
Also, we set up GoPros and got,
like, some super cool shots.
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00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:40,839
[hard rock music]
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00:07:40,874 --> 00:07:43,566
I don't really understand why
you're sweating me about this.
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00:07:43,601 --> 00:07:46,155
It was no big deal, it was
just a professional lesson,
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00:07:46,189 --> 00:07:48,571
I was in control
the whole time, it was fine.
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00:07:48,606 --> 00:07:51,022
You were his puppet
and he was pulling the strings!
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00:07:51,056 --> 00:07:52,748
I should know, this has
happened with me before
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00:07:52,782 --> 00:07:54,301
on some modeling shoots.
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00:07:56,855 --> 00:08:00,583
You have to confront him!
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00:08:00,618 --> 00:08:03,828
Yeah, maybe you're right.
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00:08:03,862 --> 00:08:06,037
[sighs]
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00:08:06,071 --> 00:08:08,108
Will you come with me?
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00:08:08,142 --> 00:08:09,868
No, no, I think
this is something
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00:08:09,903 --> 00:08:11,525
that you should do
for yourself.
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00:08:14,770 --> 00:08:15,771
Please!
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00:08:19,015 --> 00:08:20,327
[Jon]
Eva was right.
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00:08:20,361 --> 00:08:21,949
I needed to confront
the photographer,
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00:08:21,984 --> 00:08:25,539
so I headed to his studio and
brought Spurt along for muscle.
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00:08:25,574 --> 00:08:26,954
So, how's it been going?
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00:08:26,989 --> 00:08:28,646
You've been taking
photographs and everything?
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00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,061
Yeah, I feel like even
in just the past week
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00:08:30,095 --> 00:08:32,063
I've made a real progression
as a photographer.
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00:08:32,097 --> 00:08:33,064
That's awesome.Yeah.
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00:08:33,098 --> 00:08:34,341
I'm so glad to hear it.
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00:08:34,375 --> 00:08:35,515
I feel like you have
a real talent and an eye...
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00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:39,898
Hey, why did you trick me into
getting naked and tucking?
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00:08:39,933 --> 00:08:42,004
Jon, I don't think
I tricked you into anything.
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00:08:42,038 --> 00:08:43,212
Oh, really?
226
00:08:43,246 --> 00:08:44,662
'Cause my fake wife
says you did.
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00:08:44,696 --> 00:08:46,560
Fake wife?She's pissed off.
228
00:08:46,595 --> 00:08:49,218
She says that I was
your puppet.
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00:08:49,252 --> 00:08:51,565
[chuckles]What's so funny?
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00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,671
Why are you smiling?
Is this a joke to you?
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00:08:53,705 --> 00:08:55,293
You think it's okay to--
to manipulate people
232
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,744
into doing something
they don't want to do?
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00:08:57,778 --> 00:09:00,609
Get him, Spurt!
234
00:09:00,643 --> 00:09:02,611
Spurt, get him!
235
00:09:02,645 --> 00:09:05,993
Jon, do you feel like
I manipulated you?
236
00:09:12,690 --> 00:09:14,208
No.
237
00:09:14,243 --> 00:09:18,316
And at any point, while we
were taking our photos,
238
00:09:18,350 --> 00:09:21,699
did you feel uncomfortable?
239
00:09:22,872 --> 00:09:25,634
No.
240
00:09:25,668 --> 00:09:30,397
In fact, I, uh, never felt
more comfortable
241
00:09:30,431 --> 00:09:34,228
or more free...
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00:09:34,263 --> 00:09:35,989
in my entire life.
243
00:09:37,853 --> 00:09:40,234
So, you enjoyed yourself.
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00:09:40,269 --> 00:09:42,823
Very much.
245
00:09:42,858 --> 00:09:46,344
Jon, I have some friends
that I would like you to meet.
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00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,935
Steve, you want to
join us?
247
00:09:50,969 --> 00:09:54,352
No... no, this is
your journey.
248
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,803
You do it on your own.
249
00:09:56,837 --> 00:10:01,186
[Jon]
So, I headed out with Keith
to meet a group of tuckers.
250
00:10:01,221 --> 00:10:06,364
♪
251
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,435
This is our little playground.Oh, wow.
252
00:10:08,469 --> 00:10:09,470
Pretty great, huh?
253
00:10:09,505 --> 00:10:10,644
Nice.Yep.
254
00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:12,750
This is where we come
to be ourselves.
255
00:10:12,784 --> 00:10:15,407
Got the foosball over here,
obviously pool.
256
00:10:15,442 --> 00:10:17,893
Hey, guys, how you doing?
257
00:10:17,927 --> 00:10:19,619
That's our insignia logo,
very proud of that.
258
00:10:19,653 --> 00:10:20,689
Very cool.
259
00:10:20,723 --> 00:10:22,622
Oh, here, here he is.Great bar, wow, beautiful.
260
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:25,314
Hey, nice to see you,
how's it going?
261
00:10:25,348 --> 00:10:27,937
Nice to see you-- good.
Oh, this must be that new tucker
262
00:10:27,972 --> 00:10:30,491
that you were talking about.Yep.
263
00:10:30,526 --> 00:10:31,700
Nice to meet you, Jon.
264
00:10:31,734 --> 00:10:33,874
Good to meet you as well.Thank you.
265
00:10:33,909 --> 00:10:37,878
Uh, so, uh, so everybody here's,
uh, is a tucker?
266
00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:38,810
Yep.
267
00:10:38,845 --> 00:10:42,400
You all seem so, uh...Normal?
268
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,815
Yeah.
269
00:10:43,850 --> 00:10:47,785
Well, there's nothing abnormal
about being a tucker, Jon.
270
00:10:47,819 --> 00:10:49,683
Just because
the world outside shuns us
271
00:10:49,718 --> 00:10:52,479
doesn't mean that
we should shun ourselves.
272
00:10:52,513 --> 00:10:54,619
Sure.Jon Glaser?
273
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,759
Uh, yeah.Oh, I knew it...
274
00:10:56,794 --> 00:10:59,624
from The Rocker.Wow, uh, deep cut.
275
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:00,901
Deep cut.
276
00:11:00,936 --> 00:11:02,178
Are you gonna use this
for your show?
277
00:11:02,213 --> 00:11:06,942
I mean, we got a lot of super
cool, sick gear here, uh...
278
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:08,944
Joe, why don't you show him
that really cool wine opener
279
00:11:08,978 --> 00:11:10,704
that you just got?
280
00:11:10,739 --> 00:11:12,879
Whoa! Nice, man.Crushes bottles, crushes.
281
00:11:12,913 --> 00:11:14,743
That thing is cool.
282
00:11:14,777 --> 00:11:16,296
This, this brings
an idea to mind.
283
00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:19,230
We could use a celebrity
spokesperson, Jon...
284
00:11:19,264 --> 00:11:20,300
for the tuckers.
285
00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:21,888
You could be our Ellen.
286
00:11:21,922 --> 00:11:24,649
I-- I don't know, guys.Oh...
287
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,720
I told you...
You haven't told your family yet
have you?
288
00:11:26,755 --> 00:11:28,239
Well, no, I mean,
I just...
289
00:11:28,273 --> 00:11:29,965
figured out I was a tucker,
like, an hour ago.
290
00:11:29,999 --> 00:11:33,037
[all talking at once]Guys, he just got here, okay?
291
00:11:33,071 --> 00:11:35,971
Listen, let's give him a little
bit of time to get comfortable,
292
00:11:36,005 --> 00:11:38,698
okay, he's got to figure it out
for himself, right?
293
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:42,011
He's on his own journey.
Come on in, grab a drink, relax,
294
00:11:42,046 --> 00:11:43,841
we'll talk about
all this later, okay?
295
00:11:43,875 --> 00:11:44,738
Sure.Yeah, have fun.
296
00:11:44,773 --> 00:11:45,739
Yes, yes.Have fun.
297
00:11:45,774 --> 00:11:47,845
All right.
298
00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:50,675
♪
299
00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:51,849
[Jon]
I was pretty nervous at first,
300
00:11:51,883 --> 00:11:53,920
but the guys made me feel
so welcome,
301
00:11:53,954 --> 00:11:55,542
that it was
actually pretty easy
302
00:11:55,576 --> 00:12:01,030
to finally drop, tuck, and roll
right into my new lifestyle.
303
00:12:01,065 --> 00:12:05,448
[applause]
304
00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:08,417
Jon, everybody.
Jon!
305
00:12:08,451 --> 00:12:09,521
JG! JG!
306
00:12:09,556 --> 00:12:10,626
[Jon]
It didn't take long
307
00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:11,903
to start feeling
really comfortable,
308
00:12:11,938 --> 00:12:16,011
since after all, I was among
fellow tuckers.
309
00:12:16,045 --> 00:12:17,702
[chuckles]
Even the foosball goalie
310
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,842
was tucking!
311
00:12:19,877 --> 00:12:20,878
[slurring]
I want to raise a glass
312
00:12:20,912 --> 00:12:23,052
to our new friend Jon.
313
00:12:23,087 --> 00:12:26,538
He is a proud tucker for life!
To Jon!
314
00:12:26,573 --> 00:12:28,402
[all]
Jon!
315
00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:31,371
[Jon]
After so many years of never
knowing who I truly was,
316
00:12:31,405 --> 00:12:34,374
it felt good to
finally be home.
317
00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:36,548
Huh, good day, right?
318
00:12:36,583 --> 00:12:37,826
That's pretty fun.Let's...
319
00:12:37,860 --> 00:12:38,550
What's going on?
What are they doing?
320
00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:40,794
Oh, they're just
bumping tucks.
321
00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:42,692
Bumping tucks?Yeah, it's like a fist bump,
322
00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:44,729
high five, just celebratory
kind of thing.
323
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,696
Oh, really?Yeah, want to give it a shot?
324
00:12:46,731 --> 00:12:47,767
Uh, yeah, all right.Yeah.
325
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:50,424
Just bump and tuck?Just bump and tuck-- ready?
326
00:12:50,459 --> 00:12:51,978
Oh!There you go!
327
00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:55,429
Yeah, bump and tuck!
328
00:12:55,464 --> 00:12:57,017
Bump and tuck?
Bump and tuck?
329
00:12:57,052 --> 00:12:58,812
There you go!
330
00:12:58,847 --> 00:12:59,675
Want some of this?
331
00:12:59,709 --> 00:13:03,713
Oh! Boom!Yeah!
332
00:13:03,748 --> 00:13:06,716
We high fived,
and we bump tucks!
333
00:13:06,751 --> 00:13:09,098
[Jon]
I was having a great time
with my new friends,
334
00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:11,376
but I needed to have a very
difficult conversation
335
00:13:11,411 --> 00:13:13,862
about tucking
with somebody else--
336
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:14,966
my father.
337
00:13:15,001 --> 00:13:17,866
I have something very important
I need to tell you.
338
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:24,113
I have recently awakened to,
um, to a personal truth.
339
00:13:24,148 --> 00:13:27,807
Dad, I'm a tucker.
340
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,017
Well, well, well.
341
00:13:31,051 --> 00:13:34,883
I've waited a long time
for this day.
342
00:13:34,917 --> 00:13:37,092
You have?I have.
343
00:13:37,126 --> 00:13:38,887
I truly have.
344
00:13:38,921 --> 00:13:42,442
We come from
a long line of tuckers.
345
00:13:45,169 --> 00:13:47,930
Yeah. Let me show you.
346
00:13:47,965 --> 00:13:51,002
I was a tucker.Really?
347
00:13:51,037 --> 00:13:53,142
Look at that.
348
00:13:53,177 --> 00:13:57,353
I tucked at Woodstock
the entire time Jimi Hendrix
349
00:13:57,388 --> 00:14:00,011
played "The Star
Spangled Banner".
350
00:14:00,046 --> 00:14:05,016
And I never felt more
patriotic in my life.
351
00:14:05,051 --> 00:14:08,019
My father was a tucker.
352
00:14:08,054 --> 00:14:10,470
That's grandpa?That's grandpa!
353
00:14:10,504 --> 00:14:12,023
Is he the only tucker
in his unit?
354
00:14:12,058 --> 00:14:12,921
The only one.
355
00:14:12,955 --> 00:14:16,476
His father... was a tucker.Whoa! Wow!
356
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:19,962
He was part of a gang called
The Tammany Tuckers,
357
00:14:19,997 --> 00:14:24,760
a glaring omission from that
movie, "Gangs of New York".
358
00:14:24,794 --> 00:14:27,073
This is a picture
I took in Washington, DC,
359
00:14:27,107 --> 00:14:29,040
when I was in high school.
360
00:14:29,075 --> 00:14:32,492
The Tomb of
the Unknown Tucker.
361
00:14:32,526 --> 00:14:35,253
Dad, this is incredible.
How far does this go back?
362
00:14:35,288 --> 00:14:38,498
Here's something
I found online.
363
00:14:38,532 --> 00:14:42,502
Clearly, that caveman
is tucking.
364
00:14:42,536 --> 00:14:44,987
[softly]
Mother tucker.
365
00:14:45,022 --> 00:14:47,058
With every passing
item my dad showed me,
366
00:14:47,093 --> 00:14:51,718
I felt like I was taking one
step closer to my destiny.
367
00:14:51,752 --> 00:14:53,306
I knew what I had to do.
368
00:14:55,446 --> 00:14:57,793
Okay, guys, uh,
I wanted to talk to you all
369
00:14:57,827 --> 00:15:00,589
because I have a very big
announcement to make.
370
00:15:00,623 --> 00:15:05,525
Before I do so, I bought a new
dartboard for the club!
371
00:15:05,559 --> 00:15:06,940
Yeah!Thanks, Jon!
372
00:15:06,975 --> 00:15:08,804
Isn't that nice?[applause]
373
00:15:08,838 --> 00:15:11,082
Thank you, buddy.All right, so...
374
00:15:11,117 --> 00:15:15,949
I spoke to my family,
spoke to my parents,
375
00:15:15,984 --> 00:15:20,954
and I have made a decision.
376
00:15:20,989 --> 00:15:23,025
[sighs]
377
00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:25,269
[men gasp]
378
00:15:30,826 --> 00:15:32,586
You got yourself
a spokes-tucker!
379
00:15:32,621 --> 00:15:35,417
[cheering and applause]I'm a celebrity!
380
00:15:35,451 --> 00:15:38,075
I wanted a cause,
and now I got one!
381
00:15:38,109 --> 00:15:39,939
Say, yeah!
382
00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:41,733
Ge--
383
00:15:41,768 --> 00:15:44,391
Yeah! Yeah. Gear!
384
00:15:45,703 --> 00:15:48,430
Whoo!
385
00:15:48,464 --> 00:15:51,709
♪
386
00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:55,368
Tim had never missed the mark
with the megaphone before,
387
00:15:55,402 --> 00:15:58,958
so I tucked on up to the bar
to find out what was going down.
388
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,684
What's up, man?
Everything okay?
389
00:16:01,719 --> 00:16:03,445
You know, the megaphone
didn't really, you know,
390
00:16:03,479 --> 00:16:05,619
didn't come in
with its usual authority.
391
00:16:05,654 --> 00:16:08,760
Yeah, sorry, man, it just--
it's been a long day, you know?
392
00:16:08,795 --> 00:16:10,624
So, you just,
you're just tired, that's it?
393
00:16:10,659 --> 00:16:12,730
I mean, you, you nail
every time, man.
394
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:13,731
I mean, even when you had
the flu one time,
395
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:17,390
it was like, boom.
396
00:16:17,424 --> 00:16:20,013
You know, you know
what the truth is, Jon?
397
00:16:20,048 --> 00:16:21,497
I'm just not comfortable
being part of a show
398
00:16:21,532 --> 00:16:25,363
that promotes
this kind of lifestyle.
399
00:16:25,398 --> 00:16:27,572
This kind of lifestyle?
You're talking about tucking?
400
00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:29,540
If you're tucking...
401
00:16:29,574 --> 00:16:31,749
I can't be a part of
"Jon Glaser Loves Gear".
402
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:35,684
♪
403
00:16:35,718 --> 00:16:39,170
Tim... Tim, are you serious?
404
00:16:39,205 --> 00:16:41,379
Tim.
405
00:16:41,414 --> 00:16:42,725
Tim, Tim!
406
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,763
Tim, come on, man,
you can't quit! Tim!
407
00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,420
Tim!
408
00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:49,422
I'm a tucker, Tim!
409
00:16:53,081 --> 00:16:54,772
[Jon]
My plans of being the Ellen
410
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,256
of tucking had to be
put on hold
411
00:16:56,291 --> 00:16:58,362
while I found
myself a new Tim.
412
00:16:58,396 --> 00:16:59,570
The reason we're doing
this today,
413
00:16:59,604 --> 00:17:03,125
having these auditions,
is the guy whose job it is...
414
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:07,095
We had a philosophical
difference, sexual in nature...
415
00:17:07,129 --> 00:17:08,958
I don't know if you're
familiar with tucking?
416
00:17:08,993 --> 00:17:11,996
Penis between the legs,
pretend you have a vagina.
417
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,480
I'm digressing.
418
00:17:13,515 --> 00:17:15,551
All right.
419
00:17:15,586 --> 00:17:17,519
That was pretty good.
It was a little casual.
420
00:17:17,553 --> 00:17:20,039
[buzzer]
Too casual.
421
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,143
Good. A little higher.
422
00:17:21,178 --> 00:17:23,180
[buzzer]
Too high.
423
00:17:23,214 --> 00:17:24,284
Way too slow.
424
00:17:24,319 --> 00:17:25,285
[buzzer]
Too slow.
425
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:26,390
Maybe this'll help.
426
00:17:26,424 --> 00:17:27,908
I ran the New York
Marathon this year.
427
00:17:27,943 --> 00:17:29,324
Ran the 'Thon!
428
00:17:29,358 --> 00:17:31,774
I crossed that finish line,
megaphone comes in.
429
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:35,399
If you're a crocodile
and you see a gazelle
430
00:17:35,433 --> 00:17:38,022
that's in the water and you
just want to go get it.
431
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,437
No.[buzzer]
432
00:17:39,472 --> 00:17:42,095
Not enough croc!Hold on, Bernie, seriously?
433
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:43,269
[buzzer]
Seriously, Bernie?
434
00:17:43,303 --> 00:17:44,477
A little slow.
Too fast.
435
00:17:44,511 --> 00:17:45,581
Too high.
A little low.
436
00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:46,582
No.
No.
437
00:17:46,617 --> 00:17:47,480
No.
No.
438
00:17:47,514 --> 00:17:48,826
No. No!
439
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,103
Thank you.
440
00:17:50,138 --> 00:17:51,794
[sighs]
441
00:17:51,829 --> 00:17:54,797
[Bleeps].
442
00:17:54,832 --> 00:17:57,455
[Gear-i]
How are the new Tim auditions?
443
00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:58,491
I don't know, I mean,
444
00:17:58,525 --> 00:17:59,940
some of them had
the angle right,
445
00:17:59,975 --> 00:18:02,943
but they didn't have
the right aggression.
446
00:18:02,978 --> 00:18:04,600
And some of them came in
with the proper authority,
447
00:18:04,635 --> 00:18:06,361
but they were too high
or they were too low.
448
00:18:06,395 --> 00:18:08,294
They all seemed fine to me.
449
00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:10,606
I don't want fine.
I want Tim.
450
00:18:10,641 --> 00:18:13,092
It doesn't seem like
it should be that hard.
451
00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:14,886
I know, that's what's
so great about Tim--
452
00:18:14,921 --> 00:18:18,304
he nails it
every single time.
453
00:18:18,338 --> 00:18:20,927
You know, all of our megaphone
people, they're all good...
454
00:18:20,961 --> 00:18:22,825
You know, Brandon
does a good job,
455
00:18:22,860 --> 00:18:24,620
Sam does a good job
when she fills in.
456
00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:26,381
Brett was good too, but,
457
00:18:26,415 --> 00:18:28,486
I was really hoping
we'd find another Tim
458
00:18:28,521 --> 00:18:30,592
in the auditions, but...
459
00:18:30,626 --> 00:18:34,630
there is no other Tim,
there's only Tim, and he is...
460
00:18:34,665 --> 00:18:37,495
he's our best
megaphone person.
461
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:40,291
[shouting from street]
462
00:18:40,326 --> 00:18:42,880
What is that?
You guys hear that?
463
00:18:45,158 --> 00:18:48,299
What the [bleep]?
464
00:18:48,334 --> 00:18:49,576
...he loves tucking, a lot!
465
00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:51,509
You gotta be kidding me.
466
00:18:51,544 --> 00:18:54,512
Unbelievable.
467
00:18:54,547 --> 00:18:57,101
That's a nice
megaphone, though.
468
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,518
Wait-- is that ours?
Did he steal our megaphone?
469
00:19:00,553 --> 00:19:02,520
Gear-i, you see that?
470
00:19:02,555 --> 00:19:06,041
Yep, that's one of ours.
What a jerk!
471
00:19:06,075 --> 00:19:08,181
I don't know why Tim
is doing this.
472
00:19:08,216 --> 00:19:11,253
But I'm not going
down without a tuck!
473
00:19:14,291 --> 00:19:19,088
Jon Glaser likes gear.
Jon Glaser loves tucking!
474
00:19:21,505 --> 00:19:23,645
[Jon hissing
camera clicks]
475
00:19:25,647 --> 00:19:27,442
[Jon hissing
camera clicks]
476
00:19:30,030 --> 00:19:31,998
[Jon hissing
camera clicks]
477
00:19:32,032 --> 00:19:35,657
Jon Glaser is a tucker! Support tuckers' rights!
478
00:19:35,691 --> 00:19:38,177
Support tuckers' rights!
479
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,351
Support tuckers'
rights!
480
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:48,048
Hey.Hey.
481
00:19:49,084 --> 00:19:51,328
Not much of a turnout.
482
00:19:51,362 --> 00:19:53,019
A couple of people bailed
last minute.
483
00:19:53,053 --> 00:19:57,265
Sure.
I totally believe that.
484
00:19:57,299 --> 00:19:59,094
See you camped out
overnight.
485
00:19:59,128 --> 00:20:02,511
Going to the extreme.
That's a nice tent, good gear.
486
00:20:02,546 --> 00:20:04,927
You too, man.
You look cool.
487
00:20:04,962 --> 00:20:06,377
Thanks.
488
00:20:06,412 --> 00:20:08,207
Been really excited
about this outfit.
489
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:10,347
I got so much sweet stuff here--
check this thing out.
490
00:20:10,381 --> 00:20:12,728
This is a buff--
looks like a bandana
491
00:20:12,763 --> 00:20:14,282
but it's also a neck warmer,
492
00:20:14,316 --> 00:20:16,491
it just looks cool with the--
the skulls and shit.
493
00:20:16,525 --> 00:20:18,458
Nice-ass backpack, right?
494
00:20:18,493 --> 00:20:20,460
I could put
so much stuff in here.
495
00:20:20,495 --> 00:20:24,568
I got all my protest stuff,
like Kleenex, some snacks,
496
00:20:24,602 --> 00:20:26,535
got a box of band-aids.
497
00:20:26,570 --> 00:20:28,157
Of course I got
my gallon of milk
498
00:20:28,192 --> 00:20:30,056
in case I get pepper spray
in my face.
499
00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:31,644
Yeah.I also brought chocolate milk,
500
00:20:31,678 --> 00:20:33,232
I just think
it tastes better.
501
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:35,751
That way in case I get nailed
and I'm like, ugh!
502
00:20:35,786 --> 00:20:37,270
Give it a spray,
be like, ugh!
503
00:20:37,305 --> 00:20:39,307
Oh... mmm, oh...
504
00:20:39,341 --> 00:20:41,688
Then, in case it was quiet,
and there was down time
505
00:20:41,723 --> 00:20:45,313
and time to kill,
uh, I brought my book.
506
00:20:45,347 --> 00:20:46,762
It's a great book
if you want to check it out.
507
00:20:46,797 --> 00:20:48,316
It's by Harper Perennial.
508
00:20:48,350 --> 00:20:49,765
[deep voice]
Cheap plug.
509
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,111
In case, like, shit went down,
I brought, like,
510
00:20:51,146 --> 00:20:52,147
a weapon for self-defense.
511
00:20:52,181 --> 00:20:53,321
Oh...Remember this?
512
00:20:53,355 --> 00:20:55,046
Yeah, I remember that, yeah.From the baseball episode
513
00:20:55,081 --> 00:20:57,290
last season, this is for, like,
pounding, beating up the mitt.
514
00:20:57,325 --> 00:20:58,429
Yeah!Put it in the mitt!
515
00:20:58,464 --> 00:21:00,224
Put it in the mitt!
516
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:05,540
So, whatever, you know, it's all
my cool stuff and, uh, yeah.
517
00:21:05,574 --> 00:21:09,129
So, how's everyone at the show?Tim, what are we
doing here, man?
518
00:21:09,164 --> 00:21:11,442
You're protesting me,
I'm counter-protesting you.
519
00:21:11,477 --> 00:21:13,444
It's not right, Tim!
520
00:21:13,479 --> 00:21:15,515
Tim, we're a team!I know!
521
00:21:15,550 --> 00:21:17,345
Then how do we
make this right?
522
00:21:19,657 --> 00:21:23,454
It was clear that me and Tim's
relationship had taken a hit.
523
00:21:23,489 --> 00:21:27,493
So, I turned to someone who had
helped me many times before,
524
00:21:27,527 --> 00:21:31,324
someone who had...
emotional chops eye.
525
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,120
Emotional chops eye.[camera clicking]
526
00:21:35,363 --> 00:21:38,262
I'm not protesting him.
527
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,160
I'm protesting
what he does.
528
00:21:40,195 --> 00:21:43,163
Well, just because we don't
like something about our buddy
529
00:21:43,198 --> 00:21:45,683
doesn't mean we still can't
like them overall.
530
00:21:45,718 --> 00:21:48,030
I just don't get it, is all.
531
00:21:48,065 --> 00:21:50,343
There-- there's
nothing to get, Tim.
532
00:21:50,378 --> 00:21:54,105
I'm pretending that I have
a vagina-- it's very simple.
533
00:21:54,140 --> 00:21:55,831
What is even the big deal
about it?
534
00:21:55,866 --> 00:22:01,147
Tim, what is it about tucking
that makes you so uncomfortable?
535
00:22:03,494 --> 00:22:05,807
I'm a lifter.
536
00:22:05,841 --> 00:22:08,430
What the hell is a lifter?
537
00:22:08,465 --> 00:22:11,433
It's a person who
likes to lift
538
00:22:11,468 --> 00:22:15,679
their penis
and scrotum... up.
539
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:21,063
Okay, and then what?
540
00:22:21,098 --> 00:22:23,376
Nothing, just lift.
541
00:22:23,411 --> 00:22:26,241
Hold on.
So, you're a lifter,
542
00:22:26,275 --> 00:22:29,106
but you have something
against tucking?
543
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:31,315
There's at least
a concept behind tucking.
544
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:32,558
You're not even
doing anything.
545
00:22:32,592 --> 00:22:33,593
You're just lifting
and that's it?
546
00:22:33,628 --> 00:22:34,663
I don't know, man,
547
00:22:34,698 --> 00:22:36,251
it feels good!So what?
548
00:22:36,285 --> 00:22:37,321
Yeah, and it's like--So what if it feels good?
549
00:22:37,356 --> 00:22:39,081
So does mine!But your junk
550
00:22:39,116 --> 00:22:40,738
goes down, right?But you're just lifting
551
00:22:40,773 --> 00:22:41,774
and then that's it.Yeah!
552
00:22:41,808 --> 00:22:43,258
So what? So, it's like...
553
00:22:43,292 --> 00:22:46,088
This is a really good place
to stop, you guys.
554
00:22:46,123 --> 00:22:47,642
This is all valid.
555
00:22:47,676 --> 00:22:49,678
We're just trying to find
a really good common ground
556
00:22:49,713 --> 00:22:53,372
to get you guys
back on track, right?
557
00:22:54,890 --> 00:22:58,238
How do we even do that?
558
00:22:58,273 --> 00:23:00,137
I don't know.
559
00:23:01,241 --> 00:23:06,730
We could...
bump regulars?
560
00:23:07,316 --> 00:23:10,112
I mean, I'm not sure, but...
561
00:23:10,147 --> 00:23:14,185
at this point I'm willing
to try almost anything.
562
00:23:18,673 --> 00:23:19,743
[Jon]
In this divided world
563
00:23:19,777 --> 00:23:21,883
where people are pushed
to extremes,
564
00:23:21,917 --> 00:23:23,954
sometimes a little
connection is all it takes
565
00:23:23,988 --> 00:23:26,750
to make us realize that
we're here to lift each other
566
00:23:26,784 --> 00:23:28,268
to a better tomorrow,
567
00:23:28,303 --> 00:23:31,064
to help each other
tuck away our pain.
568
00:23:31,099 --> 00:23:34,240
Only then can we
truly change the world.
569
00:23:34,274 --> 00:23:37,485
Come on, man, just,
just lean into the bulge.
570
00:23:37,519 --> 00:23:38,727
All right, all right...Just lean into the bulge.
571
00:23:38,762 --> 00:23:40,004
I don't feel like
this is working.
572
00:23:40,039 --> 00:23:41,489
You're right,
I'm not feeling it,
573
00:23:41,523 --> 00:23:44,664
it doesn't feel right.
574
00:23:44,699 --> 00:23:46,079
[sighs]
575
00:23:46,114 --> 00:23:48,254
I got it. I got it.
576
00:23:48,288 --> 00:23:50,567
Come on, Tim,
let's get out of here!
577
00:23:50,601 --> 00:23:52,741
I had the perfect brainstorm
for tuckers and lifters
578
00:23:52,776 --> 00:23:54,674
to come together
for the greater good.
579
00:23:54,709 --> 00:23:55,779
There was no time to lose!
580
00:23:57,712 --> 00:23:59,610
Tuckers and lifters united
581
00:23:59,645 --> 00:24:01,232
to end world hunger!
582
00:24:01,267 --> 00:24:03,200
Tuckers and lifters united
583
00:24:03,234 --> 00:24:05,098
to end world hunger!
584
00:24:05,133 --> 00:24:08,239
[Jon]
What an emotional roller coaster
of an episode.
585
00:24:08,274 --> 00:24:09,965
Wow, man.
That felt so good.
586
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,139
Yeah, we did it.
587
00:24:11,173 --> 00:24:12,658
From a journey of
self-discovery
588
00:24:12,692 --> 00:24:14,522
and saving an important
friendship,
589
00:24:14,556 --> 00:24:17,559
to the culmination of two very
different groups of people
590
00:24:17,594 --> 00:24:20,700
finding common ground by
tucking away their differences,
591
00:24:20,735 --> 00:24:22,219
lifting their spirits,
592
00:24:22,253 --> 00:24:24,635
and coming together
for a good cause.
593
00:24:24,670 --> 00:24:28,087
Now, that's what
I call chops eye.
594
00:24:28,121 --> 00:24:30,089
Chops eye!
[camera clicks]
43791
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