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00:00:04,073 --> 00:00:06,385
Today on "Jon Glaser
Loves Gear"...
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00:00:06,420 --> 00:00:08,491
[whooshing]
Ow! What the [bleep], Gear-i?
3
00:00:08,525 --> 00:00:10,493
What? I thought
you were ready.
4
00:00:10,527 --> 00:00:12,840
No, I say "tennis"
and then--
5
00:00:12,874 --> 00:00:14,945
Cut it out, Gear-i!
6
00:00:14,980 --> 00:00:17,362
Gear!
Ow! Gear-i!
7
00:00:17,396 --> 00:00:20,399
♪
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00:00:33,550 --> 00:00:35,932
Gear!
9
00:00:37,451 --> 00:00:39,039
So, for today's episode,
10
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,696
my beautiful wife Leslie still
won't allow cameras in the home,
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00:00:41,731 --> 00:00:44,734
but she has graciously
agreed to appear on camera
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00:00:44,768 --> 00:00:47,530
since we're taking part
in a couples tennis tournament.
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00:00:47,564 --> 00:00:48,876
She still wants
her face blurred,
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00:00:48,910 --> 00:00:51,568
but this was huge for me
and the show.
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00:00:51,603 --> 00:00:54,088
I brought along my brand-new
Spurt to be my ball boy,
16
00:00:54,123 --> 00:00:56,366
and I've got Gear-i loaded up
with training apps
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00:00:56,401 --> 00:00:58,092
to improve my tennis game.
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00:00:58,127 --> 00:00:59,887
Everything from monitoring
fitness levels
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00:00:59,921 --> 00:01:02,269
to measuring the speed
of my serve.
20
00:01:02,303 --> 00:01:03,891
Oh! Whoops.
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00:01:03,925 --> 00:01:05,203
That's you, Spurt,
let's go!
22
00:01:05,237 --> 00:01:06,376
Got it.Speed! Speed!
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00:01:06,411 --> 00:01:08,206
Squirrel gets nut,
squirrel grabs nut
24
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,380
and takes nut back to tree,
that's your motivation.
25
00:01:10,415 --> 00:01:12,210
Do I have to stand
on my knee like this?
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00:01:12,244 --> 00:01:13,935
Yeah, that's what
the ball boy does.
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00:01:13,970 --> 00:01:15,316
If you need a towel, go for it.Okay.
28
00:01:15,351 --> 00:01:17,146
All right, ready for a serve?Yes!
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00:01:17,180 --> 00:01:18,285
You don't want to stand
at the baseline?
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00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:19,562
This could be
comin' in hot.
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00:01:19,596 --> 00:01:21,495
Let me just go for this
and see what happens.
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00:01:21,529 --> 00:01:23,669
All right.
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00:01:23,704 --> 00:01:24,808
Ah, crap.
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00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:25,913
Let's go, Spurt, hustle up.
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00:01:25,947 --> 00:01:28,122
That's you--
let's go, go, go!
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00:01:28,157 --> 00:01:30,297
Gear-i, how fast was
that serve? About 90?
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00:01:30,331 --> 00:01:32,851
It was 39 miles
an hour.
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00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:36,096
Thirty-- yeah, that was
at least in the 70's, please.
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00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,236
Yeah, can we tone it down
a little bit, Jon?
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00:01:38,270 --> 00:01:40,479
Why?
If I'm nailin' my serves
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00:01:40,514 --> 00:01:43,413
and they can't return it,
they get no points and we win.
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00:01:43,448 --> 00:01:45,001
I know, but if you don't
get it in,
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00:01:45,035 --> 00:01:46,934
then it doesn't matter
how hard you hit it.
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00:01:46,968 --> 00:01:49,109
I'm getting there.
I'm warming up right now.
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00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,420
Okay.I'm also feeling
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00:01:50,455 --> 00:01:52,457
very fit, I got some
residual endurance
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00:01:52,491 --> 00:01:53,872
from running the marathon.
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00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:55,425
[deep voice]
Ran the 'thon!
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00:01:55,460 --> 00:01:57,600
That was, like, last November,
so I don't think so.
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00:01:57,634 --> 00:01:58,842
That all carries over.
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00:01:58,877 --> 00:02:00,154
I ran four days a week...Okay.
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00:02:00,189 --> 00:02:02,501
Sixteen week
training program,
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00:02:02,536 --> 00:02:04,296
so I still feel
like that's all stored.
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00:02:04,331 --> 00:02:06,126
Anyway,
check out this serve.
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00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,541
Spurt, you ready?
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00:02:07,575 --> 00:02:08,818
Oh, bad hit, go get it.
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00:02:08,852 --> 00:02:10,716
That was intentional.
I know.
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00:02:10,751 --> 00:02:12,028
The ball boy's job
is to get--
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00:02:12,062 --> 00:02:13,547
retrieve the ball
when it goes into the net.
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00:02:13,581 --> 00:02:15,204
Basic ball boy stuff.
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00:02:15,238 --> 00:02:17,551
That'd be like saying,
"I work in a construction site.
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00:02:17,585 --> 00:02:19,622
"Oh, that jackhammer's
too dangerous."
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00:02:19,656 --> 00:02:23,453
This is not a jackhammer.This is.
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00:02:23,488 --> 00:02:25,628
Heads up, everybody!
The Jackhammer's here!
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00:02:25,662 --> 00:02:26,870
[jackhammering]
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00:02:26,905 --> 00:02:29,908
Watch out for a serve
from the Jackhammer!
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00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,634
[vocalizing jackhammer]
Shit.
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00:02:31,668 --> 00:02:32,807
Get it, Spurt.
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00:02:32,842 --> 00:02:34,740
Damn it.I wish you'd get this excited
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00:02:34,775 --> 00:02:36,397
about other
couples activities.
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00:02:36,432 --> 00:02:37,847
Well, if other couples
activities
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00:02:37,881 --> 00:02:40,470
had more gear involved
I'd get excited about them.
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00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:42,645
Lots of couples
activities have gear.
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00:02:42,679 --> 00:02:44,474
Yeah? Name one.
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00:02:44,509 --> 00:02:49,548
Okay, cooking, painting,
star gazing, wine tasting...
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00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:52,379
Or couples massage, you can
talk about the table...
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00:02:52,413 --> 00:02:54,760
I'm talking about,
like, cool gear, okay?
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00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:58,557
Like, this sweet racket tape,
and my compression sleeve, okay,
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00:02:58,592 --> 00:03:00,490
that's the kind of gear
I'm talking about.
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00:03:00,525 --> 00:03:03,321
So, like, sports gear.
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00:03:03,355 --> 00:03:05,012
Maybe, I mean,
just cool stuff.
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00:03:05,046 --> 00:03:07,394
Well, if you're into gear and
you want to do gear-type stuff,
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00:03:07,428 --> 00:03:09,223
why don't we go
shopping for, like,
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00:03:09,258 --> 00:03:11,225
tennis outfits
for the tournament?
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00:03:11,260 --> 00:03:13,123
Really?Yeah.
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00:03:13,158 --> 00:03:16,196
You'd go gear shopping with me?Yeah, that sounds fun.
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00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:19,268
Wow, great... yes.
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00:03:19,302 --> 00:03:22,374
Wow, first my wife agrees to be
on camera for the tournament,
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00:03:22,409 --> 00:03:25,032
now she's offering to
let us film her joining me
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00:03:25,066 --> 00:03:27,137
on a gear-related
shopping spree?
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00:03:27,172 --> 00:03:29,588
This was about as major
a step in our relationship
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00:03:29,623 --> 00:03:31,280
that I could hope for.
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00:03:31,314 --> 00:03:33,489
[vocalizing jackhammer]
Shit. [Bleep].
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00:03:35,145 --> 00:03:37,389
Yeah, so I mean, since Leslie
agreed to appear on camera,
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00:03:37,424 --> 00:03:39,805
we really won't need you
at all this episode.
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00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:40,979
And I'm sorry,
because I know how much
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00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,360
you love doing
the show and
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00:03:42,394 --> 00:03:44,603
you and I have such
a great chemistry and--
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00:03:44,638 --> 00:03:46,985
I get paid either way.Oh, sure.
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00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:51,265
And this is actually a really
good time to get some time off.
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00:03:51,300 --> 00:03:54,130
I've got some big news.Oh.
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00:03:54,164 --> 00:03:56,132
What's up? Did you get
a modeling job with...
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00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:59,722
doing some Icelandic
panties or something?
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00:03:59,756 --> 00:04:01,896
Oh, I'm sorry-- Eva,
this is my new Spurt.
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00:04:01,931 --> 00:04:05,175
Hi.I hate this shirt, by the way.
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00:04:05,210 --> 00:04:07,385
Do I really
have to wear it?
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00:04:07,419 --> 00:04:09,387
Can't it just actually say my
real name on it or something?
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00:04:09,421 --> 00:04:12,286
I mean, uh, you're the Spurt
and that's the shirt.
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00:04:12,321 --> 00:04:14,840
I don't know what to tell ya.
It looks good on ya.
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00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:16,428
So, yeah, Eva, whatever
your news is--
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00:04:16,463 --> 00:04:18,499
Jon, I'm, I'm pregnant.
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00:04:18,534 --> 00:04:20,777
Oh, my God, Eva, that's great!
Congratulations!
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00:04:20,812 --> 00:04:21,813
Thank you.
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00:04:21,847 --> 00:04:24,747
Yeah, it was a...
bit unexpected...
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00:04:24,781 --> 00:04:27,922
[voice fades,
random drum sounds]
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00:04:27,957 --> 00:04:31,581
[muffled]
I love babies.
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00:04:31,616 --> 00:04:34,791
[random drums continue]Is it your first?
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00:04:34,826 --> 00:04:37,484
Is...
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00:04:37,518 --> 00:04:39,279
Is it mine?
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00:04:41,522 --> 00:04:44,698
Jon, we've never
even kissed.
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00:04:44,732 --> 00:04:47,666
I know, I'm just saying
sometimes, you know, when you,
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00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:50,013
when you fantasize about
something long and hard enough
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00:04:50,048 --> 00:04:51,532
it just comes true, right?
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00:04:51,567 --> 00:04:53,016
I mean, wasn't that
how Jesus was born?
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00:04:53,051 --> 00:04:55,605
Like, that's a fantasy baby,
basically, right?
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00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,367
How... disgusting.
I'm so sorry, Eva.
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00:04:58,401 --> 00:04:59,954
Why-- how is that
disgusting?
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00:04:59,989 --> 00:05:01,646
How is Jesus
disgusting, Spurt?
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00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,026
I'm just trying
to figure out how,
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00:05:03,061 --> 00:05:04,994
how my baby would've
got in there.
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00:05:05,028 --> 00:05:06,651
Jon, it's not your baby.
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00:05:06,685 --> 00:05:08,342
Well, who's the father?
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00:05:08,377 --> 00:05:09,792
I don't know.
134
00:05:09,826 --> 00:05:11,207
All right, that's okay.
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00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:12,519
Let's see if
we can figure it out.
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00:05:12,553 --> 00:05:14,452
I mean, we're crossing me
off the list...
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00:05:14,486 --> 00:05:15,453
Yeah....although I don't know if
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00:05:15,487 --> 00:05:16,799
that's 100 percent, but...
139
00:05:16,833 --> 00:05:21,010
Steve is a possibility, right?
Or I guess his wife?
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00:05:21,044 --> 00:05:26,912
So, look, Eva, I know that I'm
your onscreen husband, but...
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00:05:26,947 --> 00:05:29,018
you know, I'm also
your offscreen friend,
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00:05:29,052 --> 00:05:30,330
and I just want you to know
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00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:33,056
that I'm gonna be there
for you, no matter what.
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00:05:33,091 --> 00:05:35,196
Okay.
I'm fine.
145
00:05:35,231 --> 00:05:37,716
We're havin' a baby!
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00:05:37,751 --> 00:05:39,718
Gear!
147
00:05:39,753 --> 00:05:42,411
I was really excited
to help Eva raise her baby,
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00:05:42,445 --> 00:05:43,998
so we headed over
to Babesta,
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00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:46,518
to shop for some
brand-new baby gear.
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00:05:46,553 --> 00:05:48,037
This is nice.
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00:05:48,071 --> 00:05:50,177
Oh, magnets!
That's neat.
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00:05:50,211 --> 00:05:52,179
Did you guys have
any questions or anything?
153
00:05:52,213 --> 00:05:55,355
Hi, we are shopping
for some baby gear.
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00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,218
Uh, I'm not the father,
just so you know.
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00:05:57,253 --> 00:05:59,289
I have this TV show
and my real wife
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00:05:59,324 --> 00:06:00,705
didn't want to be on camera,
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00:06:00,739 --> 00:06:04,571
so we hired an actress,
who is Eva, to be my TV wife,
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00:06:04,605 --> 00:06:08,022
and since she doesn't know who
the father is, I volunteered,
159
00:06:08,057 --> 00:06:11,578
you know, to fill that role for
her since there's no real dad.
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00:06:11,612 --> 00:06:13,683
Gotcha.This is a double stroller
here, right?
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00:06:13,718 --> 00:06:16,721
Yeah, this is a Vista.
You can add two children to it.
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00:06:16,755 --> 00:06:18,378
Yeah, I would recommend
a double stroller
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00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:21,760
just in case
you get... twins!
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00:06:21,795 --> 00:06:24,936
[chuckling]
Right? Just in case?
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00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:27,525
Having addressed
the twinsituation,
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00:06:27,559 --> 00:06:29,389
we headed to the back
of the store to check out
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00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,804
all the super cute stuff.
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00:06:30,838 --> 00:06:32,564
These are so cute.
You want one, Spurt?
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00:06:32,599 --> 00:06:35,878
Want a French fry?
Hands off!
170
00:06:35,912 --> 00:06:40,054
So cute-- so cute--
it's so cute-- so cute--
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00:06:40,089 --> 00:06:41,746
So cute!
172
00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:42,781
These are cute.
So cute.
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00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:46,544
So cute.
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00:06:46,578 --> 00:06:48,235
Isn't this the cutest?
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00:06:48,269 --> 00:06:50,962
Oh, my God,
that is so cute.
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00:06:50,996 --> 00:06:53,343
Oh, my God, you guys,
how cute is this?
177
00:06:53,378 --> 00:06:56,381
Worm alert! Ahh!
[laughing]
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00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:04,458
Oh! Whoa... shit.
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00:07:04,493 --> 00:07:06,495
Oh, boy.
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00:07:06,529 --> 00:07:09,636
So, I envy you so much,
what you're about to experience.
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00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:11,465
I mean, it's like,
gonna fly by,
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00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:15,918
so just even in this store,
like, cherish every moment.
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00:07:15,952 --> 00:07:17,160
[ringtone]
Gear!
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00:07:17,195 --> 00:07:18,955
Sorry. Gear!
185
00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:21,268
It's Leslie. Ge--
186
00:07:21,302 --> 00:07:23,581
Hey, honey, guess what?
You're pregnant!
187
00:07:23,615 --> 00:07:25,134
What are you talking about?
188
00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:27,032
I mean, Eva's pregnant,
is what I meant.
189
00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:30,001
She's pregnant, and she
plays you, so you're pregnant,
190
00:07:30,035 --> 00:07:31,036
so I was making a joke.
191
00:07:31,071 --> 00:07:32,521
Yeah, where are you?
192
00:07:32,555 --> 00:07:34,661
You were supposed
to be here a while ago.
193
00:07:34,695 --> 00:07:37,215
Remember, we were going
shopping for the tournament?
194
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:39,976
Yes, I'm so sorry,
I totally got caught up
195
00:07:40,011 --> 00:07:42,151
in all the Eva news
and I was getting
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00:07:42,185 --> 00:07:44,878
so excited, just like,
re-living all these moments.
197
00:07:44,912 --> 00:07:47,467
Oh, man. I'll just
catch up with you later,
198
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:48,951
just, like, buy whatever...
199
00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:50,953
Get, like, a skirt
that shows a little tush.
200
00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:52,955
Have fun shopping
for gear!
201
00:07:52,989 --> 00:07:54,888
[clock ticking]
202
00:07:57,856 --> 00:07:58,961
[beeping]
203
00:07:58,995 --> 00:08:00,480
And there's your baby.
204
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,965
[hard rock music]
205
00:08:02,999 --> 00:08:04,794
Look at that, Eva,
how about that?
206
00:08:04,829 --> 00:08:06,796
Although you should know
it's not our baby,
207
00:08:06,831 --> 00:08:09,350
it's just her and some
mystery guy right now.
208
00:08:09,385 --> 00:08:13,389
She just plays my
TV wife on my show, uh,
209
00:08:13,423 --> 00:08:15,356
but since we don't know
who the dad is,
210
00:08:15,391 --> 00:08:19,360
I volunteered to step up
to the plate and help.
211
00:08:19,395 --> 00:08:20,672
And who are you?
212
00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:22,640
I'm just here for
emotional support.
213
00:08:22,674 --> 00:08:24,918
We're gonna get
through this, right?
214
00:08:28,369 --> 00:08:29,888
There's a lot of
cool gear in here.
215
00:08:29,923 --> 00:08:31,545
We could do
a medical episode.
216
00:08:31,580 --> 00:08:33,064
What are these, by the way?
217
00:08:33,098 --> 00:08:35,894
These things are cool.
218
00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:38,000
[vocalizing]
Mama.
219
00:08:38,034 --> 00:08:40,071
Ma, feed us.
220
00:08:40,105 --> 00:08:41,072
[normal voice]
Like baby birds in a nest.
221
00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:43,523
I'm hungry, tweet-tweet.
222
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:47,837
And the mommy bird comes in...
[pretends to vomit]
223
00:08:47,872 --> 00:08:50,253
[laughing]
224
00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:52,739
Eva, look at this,
watch-- Gear!
225
00:08:58,399 --> 00:08:59,918
All right, are you ready?Yeah.
226
00:08:59,953 --> 00:09:04,129
And open your eyes!
Ta-da!
227
00:09:04,164 --> 00:09:06,615
What do you think?
228
00:09:06,649 --> 00:09:07,961
What's different?
229
00:09:07,995 --> 00:09:10,722
Uh, I baby-proofed
the whole house!
230
00:09:10,757 --> 00:09:12,862
You mean I baby-proofed
the whole house.
231
00:09:12,897 --> 00:09:15,382
We did it together,
and I supervised.
232
00:09:15,416 --> 00:09:19,248
First of all, you'll notice
on every electrical outlet...
233
00:09:19,282 --> 00:09:20,249
So cute!
234
00:09:20,283 --> 00:09:21,802
...socket covers.
235
00:09:21,837 --> 00:09:24,115
These are very important.
The baby is low to the ground,
236
00:09:24,149 --> 00:09:26,945
we don't want any, like...
[imitates electricity]
237
00:09:26,980 --> 00:09:29,776
Right? I like fried chicken
but I don't like fried babies.
238
00:09:29,810 --> 00:09:31,260
Come over right here,
this is next.
239
00:09:31,294 --> 00:09:32,502
So cute!
Check this out.
240
00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,608
We got every corner covered
with these cushions.
241
00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:37,093
The baby is crawlin' around...
[blows raspberry]
242
00:09:37,128 --> 00:09:39,406
that could literally
destroy the baby.
243
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,167
Every corner covered, uh,
it's also Spurt-proof,
244
00:09:42,202 --> 00:09:43,790
'cause I've seen
Spurt walk around like,
245
00:09:43,824 --> 00:09:46,586
"Uh, I'm on my phone,
uh, uh-- ugh!"
246
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,311
Right?
That's not gonna happen.
247
00:09:48,346 --> 00:09:49,658
These are kind of cool.
248
00:09:49,692 --> 00:09:51,142
[baby voice]
I want to get in there,
249
00:09:51,176 --> 00:09:53,662
I want to play,
gah-gah-gah--
250
00:09:53,696 --> 00:09:55,318
I'm dumb baby,
I don't know any better.
251
00:09:55,353 --> 00:09:56,941
Not gonna happen
with this sweet gear.
252
00:09:56,975 --> 00:09:59,806
So cute!
We've got awesome
baby gates, okay?
253
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:01,462
Baby cannot get out.
254
00:10:01,497 --> 00:10:02,636
If anything goes wrong,
255
00:10:02,671 --> 00:10:04,362
which it won't,
we are covered
256
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,985
because I have put security
cameras everywhere
257
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:09,505
in this house,
and I mean everywhere.
258
00:10:09,539 --> 00:10:11,921
Number one, that's for safety,
of course, but number two,
259
00:10:11,956 --> 00:10:15,028
that's gonna give us a lot of
super cool shots.
260
00:10:15,062 --> 00:10:17,617
[hard rock music]
261
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:18,997
All right,
let's get upstairs
262
00:10:19,032 --> 00:10:22,173
to see the cutest room
in the house.
263
00:10:22,207 --> 00:10:25,763
It's the nursery!
264
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:28,351
[hard rock music]
265
00:10:28,386 --> 00:10:30,112
First of all,
isn't this beautiful?
266
00:10:30,146 --> 00:10:32,493
Wow.How awesome is this?
267
00:10:32,528 --> 00:10:34,150
I mean, every nursery,
268
00:10:34,185 --> 00:10:36,049
you want to have
a beautiful family portrait.
269
00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:38,845
Of course, mommy, extended
family, and you know,
270
00:10:38,879 --> 00:10:41,192
just a father figure
is nice to have in there.
271
00:10:41,226 --> 00:10:43,159
I think it turned out great.I don't know.
272
00:10:43,194 --> 00:10:44,574
Anyway, look at all
this cool stuff.
273
00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:46,887
This thing's awesome--
gotta have a baby monitor,
274
00:10:46,922 --> 00:10:48,578
and they're so much better
than when I had kids.
275
00:10:48,613 --> 00:10:50,201
And look at this, like--
276
00:10:50,235 --> 00:10:54,723
mommy, I'm tired. My, my diapie has poopie, come get me...
277
00:10:54,757 --> 00:10:55,862
Jon, this is all nice, but...
278
00:10:55,896 --> 00:10:57,691
Actually, Spurt,
can you get in there?
279
00:10:57,726 --> 00:10:59,831
I want to show Eva
how this works.
280
00:10:59,866 --> 00:11:01,868
Okay.And this thing's awesome,
this is just like--
281
00:11:01,902 --> 00:11:04,387
[hard rock music]
282
00:11:04,422 --> 00:11:06,217
So cute!
Just, like, lay down
283
00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:07,425
like you're taking a nap...Oh, Bowen, you don't have to.
284
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,668
...playing or sleeping or...
285
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:09,669
I don't know if
there's enough room.
286
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,256
Oh, there's plenty of room.
287
00:11:11,291 --> 00:11:13,189
Jon...There you go.
288
00:11:13,224 --> 00:11:16,261
Look at that cute,
little baby.
289
00:11:16,296 --> 00:11:18,332
Oh, isn't that
baby so cute?
290
00:11:18,367 --> 00:11:20,265
Well, you get
the point, Eva, and--
291
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,578
this is my favorite part--
look at this mobile.
292
00:11:22,612 --> 00:11:26,030
So cute!
Huh? Megaphones...
293
00:11:26,064 --> 00:11:27,065
like the show!
294
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,585
[hard rock music]
295
00:11:29,619 --> 00:11:31,173
They work, watch--
[blowing]
296
00:11:31,207 --> 00:11:33,347
Jon, could I just... Gear!
297
00:11:33,382 --> 00:11:34,728
Mama!Jon.
298
00:11:34,763 --> 00:11:37,455
Baby'll be down here,
go goo-goo, gah-gah...
299
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,457
Jon, I'm not going to be
spending the night here.
300
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,839
Shouldn't we be doing stuff
in my actual apartment?
301
00:11:41,873 --> 00:11:44,117
Listen, the network, they'll
set you up at your apartment,
302
00:11:44,151 --> 00:11:46,602
but when you're working here
you'll bring the baby here.
303
00:11:46,636 --> 00:11:48,052
You know, especially
since I'm, like...
304
00:11:48,086 --> 00:11:50,468
the temporary dad until
you figure things out.
305
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,884
Jon, you're not
the temporary anything.
306
00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:54,852
I-I appreciate everything
that you're doing for me,
307
00:11:54,886 --> 00:11:56,923
but I have to do this
by myself.
308
00:11:56,957 --> 00:11:58,579
[Gear-i beeps]
Excuse me, Jon.
309
00:11:58,614 --> 00:12:01,030
You have a tennis lesson
in five minutes with Leslie.
310
00:12:01,065 --> 00:12:03,446
Shit. Forgot--
we gotta go, guys.
311
00:12:03,481 --> 00:12:06,070
Spurt, come on,
out of there.
312
00:12:08,658 --> 00:12:10,453
[Jon]
Sweetie, hi!
313
00:12:10,488 --> 00:12:11,765
What the hell, Jon?
314
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:12,939
I know.You missed another lesson!
315
00:12:12,973 --> 00:12:14,872
I know. I'm sorry.
316
00:12:14,906 --> 00:12:15,907
Hi, Eva.Hi.
317
00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:17,253
Nice to see you.
Congratulations.
318
00:12:17,288 --> 00:12:18,738
Thank you.
319
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,498
Sweetie, I'm really sorry.
Hey, Spurt,
320
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,258
would you go turn
that machine off, please?
321
00:12:22,293 --> 00:12:25,123
Sweetie, we were at the fake
house, I baby-proofed it
322
00:12:25,158 --> 00:12:26,676
and I just got
so wrapped up in it
323
00:12:26,711 --> 00:12:29,818
and I didn't want to bail
on her and I'm really sorry,
324
00:12:29,852 --> 00:12:31,440
but I had a really
good brain fart, like,
325
00:12:31,474 --> 00:12:33,235
what if we put Eva
on our insurance
326
00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:35,478
and she moves in with us,
and then you can, like,
327
00:12:35,513 --> 00:12:37,791
coach her with the pregnancy
and help her and, like,
328
00:12:37,826 --> 00:12:39,103
give her advice?
329
00:12:39,137 --> 00:12:41,346
Yeah, I don't really
know about the insurance,
330
00:12:41,381 --> 00:12:43,417
but I'm happy
to give her advice,
331
00:12:43,452 --> 00:12:44,660
if that's something you want.
332
00:12:44,694 --> 00:12:46,144
Yeah, yeah, that would be great.Okay.
333
00:12:46,179 --> 00:12:47,594
All right, super.
I'm gonna go change,
334
00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:49,147
we'll finish our lesson.
335
00:12:49,182 --> 00:12:50,804
Lesson's over, man.Whatever, you guys can have
336
00:12:50,839 --> 00:12:52,668
a little preg talk. Awesome.
337
00:12:52,702 --> 00:12:55,602
See ya in a minute!
338
00:12:55,636 --> 00:12:58,018
I'm so sorry, Leslie.Yeah, me too.
339
00:12:58,053 --> 00:13:01,435
Spurt, Spurt, clean up these
balls, please, for my wife?
340
00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:03,472
Thank you.
341
00:13:03,506 --> 00:13:06,026
I swear, I am not
making him do this.
342
00:13:06,061 --> 00:13:07,856
I-I mean, it was nice
at first,
343
00:13:07,890 --> 00:13:09,271
but I didn't even
want his coat.
344
00:13:09,305 --> 00:13:11,169
That's okay. Sit down.
345
00:13:11,204 --> 00:13:14,172
No, don't, don't worry about it,
I mean, he doesn't listen.
346
00:13:14,207 --> 00:13:17,106
No, he really doesn't, I mean,
he's in my face all the time.
347
00:13:17,141 --> 00:13:20,040
I know, I'm so sorry, you know,
but he gets carried away,
348
00:13:20,075 --> 00:13:22,387
like, he gets an idea and he
just has to follow it through,
349
00:13:22,422 --> 00:13:24,527
it's completely annoying.
350
00:13:24,562 --> 00:13:25,839
And I hate to say
this to you,
351
00:13:25,874 --> 00:13:28,566
but I just kind of
feel sorry for him.
352
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,189
Yeah, he can be a real pain,
but he means well.
353
00:13:31,224 --> 00:13:33,364
You should really
feel sorry for me.
354
00:13:33,398 --> 00:13:36,056
Till death?Oh, boy, oh, my God.
355
00:13:38,541 --> 00:13:40,716
Spurt, bring me another ball?
356
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,580
No, no-- whoa, whoa, whoa,
you don't walk up.
357
00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:44,202
This ball boy
does not walk over.
358
00:13:44,237 --> 00:13:45,514
This ball boy
and this ball boy,
359
00:13:45,548 --> 00:13:47,033
they have different roles
and different jobs.
360
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:48,551
The ball boy there,
361
00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:50,864
you're on your knee you go
get the balls and go back.
362
00:13:50,899 --> 00:13:53,694
This ball boy, stay at your
post, stay at your station.
363
00:13:53,729 --> 00:13:56,559
Now, I ask for a ball, it comes
above the head, proper form,
364
00:13:56,594 --> 00:13:59,217
should be one bounce.
365
00:13:59,252 --> 00:14:00,770
One.
366
00:14:00,805 --> 00:14:02,772
Average toss,
but we can work on that.
367
00:14:02,807 --> 00:14:03,877
You could've just caught it.
368
00:14:07,260 --> 00:14:08,917
Anyway, keep working on
your training.
369
00:14:08,951 --> 00:14:10,573
Gear-i, what did
that clock in at?
370
00:14:10,608 --> 00:14:12,575
Fifty two miles an hour.
371
00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:14,232
Fifty two, not bad.
372
00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:16,407
Babe, did you hear that?
That's halfway to 104,
373
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:17,891
and when I get to 104,
374
00:14:17,926 --> 00:14:22,896
the competish
is gonna be schmoked!
375
00:14:22,931 --> 00:14:26,072
Yeah, great, so I talked with
Eva, she's gonna go home now.
376
00:14:26,106 --> 00:14:28,419
Oh, good. Let me hose off
and I'll give you a ride.
377
00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:29,869
No, she's fine.
378
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,284
Yeah, it's okay,
I can go home by myself.
379
00:14:31,318 --> 00:14:32,768
No-- a woman
in your condition
380
00:14:32,802 --> 00:14:34,563
should not be running around
the big city all alone.
381
00:14:34,597 --> 00:14:36,910
Thanks again, Leslie.No problem, sweetie,
382
00:14:36,945 --> 00:14:39,257
and call or text any time.Thank you, I will.
383
00:14:39,292 --> 00:14:40,914
Bye!For sure, for sure.
384
00:14:40,949 --> 00:14:42,778
Any time, just call, text...
385
00:14:42,812 --> 00:14:44,918
we're here for you.Okay.
386
00:14:44,953 --> 00:14:47,645
Man, sometimes I wish
she weren't so brave.
387
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,647
Sometimes I wish you'd worry
more about your own family
388
00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,925
and less about your
fake TV show family.
389
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,582
Come on, she is pregnant
and alone.
390
00:14:53,616 --> 00:14:55,308
She's got no one to
help her out with this baby.
391
00:14:55,342 --> 00:14:57,482
She's actually fine.
392
00:14:57,517 --> 00:15:00,416
Have you thought about our kids?
They miss you so much.
393
00:15:00,451 --> 00:15:02,418
Listen, I'm sorry--
I-I'm getting caught up
394
00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:04,627
with all the stuff with Eva and
the baby, I understand that,
395
00:15:04,662 --> 00:15:06,457
but it's been what,
two days?
396
00:15:06,491 --> 00:15:08,045
It's been two weeks, Jon.
397
00:15:08,079 --> 00:15:10,737
Oh, boy-oy-oing!
398
00:15:10,771 --> 00:15:12,635
Really?Yeah, really,
399
00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:13,671
and the kids--Two weeks?
400
00:15:13,705 --> 00:15:15,811
Two weeks, yes,
I'm not kidding.
401
00:15:15,845 --> 00:15:17,468
Hey, babe.Hey.
402
00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:19,953
You ready to go?Yeah, I think so.
403
00:15:19,988 --> 00:15:22,473
Sorry, who are you?Oh, this is you.
404
00:15:22,507 --> 00:15:24,924
Hi, pleasure to meet you.
405
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,132
Are you the tennis pro?
406
00:15:26,166 --> 00:15:28,686
Uh, no, actually,
he's the new you.
407
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,412
What?Well, you've been spending
408
00:15:30,446 --> 00:15:31,965
so much time
with your fake me
409
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,830
that I decided
to get a fake you.
410
00:15:34,864 --> 00:15:37,143
How'd the lesson go?
Thinking about the tournament?
411
00:15:37,177 --> 00:15:41,941
[dramatic rumbling,
voices muffle and distort]
412
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,874
I feel good about it.
Let's go home.
413
00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:46,635
Okay.
414
00:15:46,669 --> 00:15:48,361
Nice to meet you.Bye, hon.
415
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:55,678
What the [bleep]?
416
00:16:00,373 --> 00:16:02,616
I don't know, Spurt.
417
00:16:02,651 --> 00:16:03,790
I don't like the idea
of another man
418
00:16:03,824 --> 00:16:06,448
being in my real house
with my real kids,
419
00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:08,450
especially with the tip
of his real penis
420
00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:09,796
sticking out of his shorts.
421
00:16:09,830 --> 00:16:13,903
Well, I'm sure Leslie
vetted him very carefully.
422
00:16:13,938 --> 00:16:15,629
[sighs]
All right, whatever,
423
00:16:15,664 --> 00:16:19,219
that's the way it's gonna be
for a while, so be it.
424
00:16:19,254 --> 00:16:20,289
I mean, what's
the big deal, right?
425
00:16:20,324 --> 00:16:23,154
His name's Hugh. Huh!
426
00:16:23,189 --> 00:16:25,018
You see those shorts,
though?
427
00:16:25,053 --> 00:16:27,848
Oh, God, bone-ho!What?
428
00:16:27,883 --> 00:16:29,850
I recognized Hugh
but I couldn't place him,
429
00:16:29,885 --> 00:16:33,233
so I ran a search using my
facial recognition technology.
430
00:16:33,268 --> 00:16:36,650
He's Hugh G. Beefson,
a popular porn star known
431
00:16:36,685 --> 00:16:39,032
for his enormous member
and catch phrase,
432
00:16:39,067 --> 00:16:41,379
"Here's the beef, son."
433
00:16:41,414 --> 00:16:43,485
Which ones would
you like to watch?
434
00:16:43,519 --> 00:16:45,245
"A Meat and Two Sides"?
435
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,867
"The Beef of Wall Street"?
436
00:16:46,902 --> 00:16:48,386
"The Wolf of Wall Beef"?
437
00:16:48,421 --> 00:16:50,423
"Slumdog Beef-inaire"?
438
00:16:50,457 --> 00:16:53,357
"Beef to the Future"
and "Beef to the Future 3"?
439
00:16:53,391 --> 00:16:57,223
Or "Three Beef-boards
Outside Ebbing, Missouri"?
440
00:16:57,257 --> 00:16:58,569
Just play a clip,
please, Gear-i?
441
00:16:58,603 --> 00:17:01,054
I'll play something
from "Zip, Plop, Thud".
442
00:17:01,089 --> 00:17:04,437
[porn music and moaning
from laptop]
443
00:17:06,439 --> 00:17:08,165
Wow.
444
00:17:08,199 --> 00:17:10,719
Here's the beef, son.
445
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:16,069
It's a dated catchphrase,
but I think he makes it work.
446
00:17:16,104 --> 00:17:17,450
Wow.
447
00:17:17,484 --> 00:17:19,383
[clock ticking]
448
00:17:21,454 --> 00:17:23,076
You're doing fine,
just assume the position
449
00:17:23,111 --> 00:17:24,422
and be the ball boy.
450
00:17:24,457 --> 00:17:25,941
When the ball hits the net
you can just get it.
451
00:17:25,975 --> 00:17:27,874
Okay, all right.Oh, hey, Jon!
452
00:17:27,908 --> 00:17:29,945
How you doin'?
453
00:17:29,979 --> 00:17:32,051
I'm lovin' the shirt color,
we're like twins, right?
454
00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:34,191
Twins!
455
00:17:34,225 --> 00:17:36,089
[chuckling]
456
00:17:36,124 --> 00:17:38,643
Oh... ha! Sorry.
457
00:17:38,678 --> 00:17:42,199
Oops!I need longer shorts.
458
00:17:42,233 --> 00:17:43,786
What's he doing here--
seriously?
459
00:17:43,821 --> 00:17:45,098
Hugh G. Beefson?
460
00:17:45,133 --> 00:17:47,066
Oh, Hugh G. Beefson and I
are playing tennis.
461
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:49,827
No, I can see that, but I'm here
now, so you can stop.
462
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:53,106
Stop what? I'm just playing
tennis with my husband.
463
00:17:53,141 --> 00:17:54,901
Jon, you're doing so great.
464
00:17:54,935 --> 00:17:57,248
I love your stretching.
Thanks, babe.
465
00:17:57,283 --> 00:17:58,801
Hugh G. Beefson has agreed
to be my partner
466
00:17:58,836 --> 00:18:00,113
in the tennis tournament.
467
00:18:00,148 --> 00:18:01,494
You know what, you don't
need to say his full name
468
00:18:01,528 --> 00:18:03,151
every time you say his name.
469
00:18:03,185 --> 00:18:04,911
I know who-- you can
just say Hugh, all right?
470
00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:06,775
Spurt, can you please put
the phone down,
471
00:18:06,809 --> 00:18:08,915
you're the ball boy,
be at the ready, please!
472
00:18:08,949 --> 00:18:10,779
Also, the tournament, we're
doing that together, right?
473
00:18:10,813 --> 00:18:12,125
Come on,
we talked about that.
474
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,471
That's gonna be, like,
our thing we're doing.
475
00:18:13,506 --> 00:18:15,646
It was our thing,
but then you started spending
476
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,475
all of your time
with Eva, so...
477
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:19,132
Then I'll stop
spending time with Eva.
478
00:18:19,167 --> 00:18:20,789
[scoffs]Okay? She's like a super-hot,
479
00:18:20,823 --> 00:18:22,480
single pregnant lady
living in the city.
480
00:18:22,515 --> 00:18:23,999
She'll find some other dude
481
00:18:24,033 --> 00:18:26,450
that's gonna be so into that,
it's-- please, come on.
482
00:18:26,484 --> 00:18:31,420
Too late, I'm playing
with Hugh G. Beefson.
483
00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:33,767
Okay, sweetie, let's go, hon.
484
00:18:33,802 --> 00:18:35,666
[clock ticking]
485
00:18:40,981 --> 00:18:42,535
All right, Eva,
don't worry about the fact
486
00:18:42,569 --> 00:18:45,538
that you're not good at tennis,
we're gonna be fine, okay?
487
00:18:45,572 --> 00:18:47,056
We got our dress whites on,
488
00:18:47,091 --> 00:18:48,161
we're gonna be extra pumped
for that.
489
00:18:48,196 --> 00:18:50,163
I busted out
my sweet ankle braces
490
00:18:50,198 --> 00:18:52,683
so I can go hard
all over the court.
491
00:18:52,717 --> 00:18:56,169
I got this really super
kick-ass, sweet new racket.
492
00:18:56,204 --> 00:18:57,653
We're gonna be fine.
493
00:18:57,688 --> 00:19:00,173
Just play as if your baby's
life depends on it, okay?
494
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:02,900
Have that be your focus
and you'll be great.
495
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,870
Oh, man,
look at this guy...
496
00:19:07,905 --> 00:19:11,702
stretching out my wife
like it's his wife.
497
00:19:11,736 --> 00:19:15,602
Yeah, two can
play at this game.
498
00:19:18,226 --> 00:19:20,918
Oh, man, I wish
I had a bigger dick.
499
00:19:20,952 --> 00:19:22,230
♪
500
00:19:22,264 --> 00:19:23,576
[Gear-i]
The couples tournament began
501
00:19:23,610 --> 00:19:26,199
with matches being
the best two out of three.
502
00:19:26,234 --> 00:19:28,097
Leslie and Hugh
played very well.
503
00:19:28,132 --> 00:19:32,067
They won their match,
6-4, 4-6, 6-3.
504
00:19:32,101 --> 00:19:35,381
Jon and Eva
won their match, 6-2, 6-2.
505
00:19:35,415 --> 00:19:37,728
Mostly because the other
couple wasn't very good,
506
00:19:37,762 --> 00:19:40,213
and also, Jon acted
like a real jerk.
507
00:19:40,248 --> 00:19:41,766
The Jackhammer!
508
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:43,561
[laughing]
509
00:19:43,596 --> 00:19:46,392
With victories in hand,
it was on to the next round.
510
00:19:46,426 --> 00:19:47,910
Yeah!
511
00:19:47,945 --> 00:19:50,396
Whoo!
512
00:19:50,430 --> 00:19:53,916
Okay, so, congratulations,
players, for making it this far.
513
00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:57,575
The winner of this match
will go on to the finals.
514
00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:58,749
You know, uh,
it's kind of weird,
515
00:19:58,783 --> 00:20:00,682
it's like we're
playing ourselves,
516
00:20:00,716 --> 00:20:04,513
'cause he's me?Yeah, yeah, maybe
I'll find it funny after I win.
517
00:20:04,548 --> 00:20:05,928
Well, if you're feeling
so confident,
518
00:20:05,963 --> 00:20:08,552
why don't we, uh, raise
the stakes a little bit?
519
00:20:08,586 --> 00:20:09,794
Hmm, okay, well,
what do you have in mind?
520
00:20:09,829 --> 00:20:12,141
If we win,
you unblur your face,
521
00:20:12,176 --> 00:20:14,109
the cameras are allowed
to shoot in our house.
522
00:20:14,143 --> 00:20:16,042
Okay.
What do I get if I win?
523
00:20:16,076 --> 00:20:18,941
Everything stays the same.No bet then.
524
00:20:18,976 --> 00:20:21,081
So, are we,
are we ready to start?
525
00:20:21,116 --> 00:20:23,946
[surfer accent]
Hey, everybody!
526
00:20:23,981 --> 00:20:25,879
What's going on?
527
00:20:25,914 --> 00:20:27,571
Who the [bleep] are you?[surf music playing]
528
00:20:27,605 --> 00:20:28,882
Who the [bleep] are you?
529
00:20:28,917 --> 00:20:29,987
[Jon]
It was the surfer guy
530
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:32,748
who dubbed my voice
from season one.
531
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:35,613
What the [bleep]
are you doing here?
532
00:20:35,648 --> 00:20:37,546
Oh, I got a call saying
that I won a role
533
00:20:37,581 --> 00:20:39,962
in the new
Hugh G. Beefson movie,
534
00:20:39,997 --> 00:20:42,793
and to be here at this place
at this exact time.
535
00:20:42,827 --> 00:20:44,726
I guess it's a tennis porno?
536
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:48,281
Oh! What's up, my dude?
537
00:20:48,316 --> 00:20:50,904
Yeah, uh, I didn't
call this guy.
538
00:20:50,939 --> 00:20:52,492
I called him.
539
00:20:52,527 --> 00:20:56,116
I hacked into TruTV's mainframe and found Eva's email.
540
00:20:56,151 --> 00:20:58,291
I accessed her server
and discovered a message
541
00:20:58,326 --> 00:21:01,915
from her doctor saying that the surfer is Eva's baby daddy.
542
00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:03,469
Whoa!What!?
543
00:21:03,503 --> 00:21:06,023
Oh-ho-ho!
Oh, that's awesome!
544
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:08,197
I'm sorry for violating
your privacy, Eva,
545
00:21:08,232 --> 00:21:11,304
but Jon was clearly annoying
the living shit out of you,
546
00:21:11,339 --> 00:21:14,031
so I thought, if I contacted
the real father,
547
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:16,482
you could finally
tell Jon to [bleep] off.
548
00:21:16,516 --> 00:21:17,862
You're welcome.
549
00:21:17,897 --> 00:21:20,175
I'm going to be calling my agent
immediately about this.
550
00:21:20,209 --> 00:21:21,487
Wait-- what?Yes, and I'm for sure
551
00:21:21,521 --> 00:21:22,833
telling the network, Eva,
552
00:21:22,867 --> 00:21:24,662
I am so sorry about this,
I promise...
553
00:21:24,697 --> 00:21:26,008
I thought I was helping.
554
00:21:26,043 --> 00:21:28,528
...erase Gear-i's memory
and clear his history!
555
00:21:28,563 --> 00:21:30,841
Will that include
all the Hugh G. Beefson clips
556
00:21:30,875 --> 00:21:32,360
you've been watching lately?
557
00:21:32,394 --> 00:21:33,947
Listen, that's just
for research, okay?
558
00:21:33,982 --> 00:21:35,190
That's-- yeah, era--
559
00:21:35,224 --> 00:21:38,331
Yeah, yeah, researching.
560
00:21:38,366 --> 00:21:40,678
Wait-- hold on a second, wait.
You guys didn't hook up,
561
00:21:40,713 --> 00:21:43,232
you were with that other guy,
Charlie, right?
562
00:21:43,267 --> 00:21:44,682
Yeah, yeah,
and when she realized
563
00:21:44,717 --> 00:21:48,514
she was with the wrong dude,
she hooked up with yours truly.
564
00:21:48,548 --> 00:21:52,794
I guess, uh, my seed had
the longest and strongest ride
565
00:21:52,828 --> 00:21:56,349
along the waves of her uteral
wall, am I right?
566
00:21:56,384 --> 00:21:59,697
Or, you know, wherever, wherever
it goes to get a babe pregnant.
567
00:21:59,732 --> 00:22:01,320
Love 'em and leave 'em, huh?
568
00:22:01,354 --> 00:22:04,392
Always another wave to catch,
isn't there, you son of a bitch.
569
00:22:04,426 --> 00:22:07,326
I didn't know, dude.I didn't want him to know.
570
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:10,156
Wait-- why not?I don't want to raise a baby
571
00:22:10,190 --> 00:22:14,160
with a man that I don't love.That's a bummer, bro.
572
00:22:14,194 --> 00:22:17,888
Wait-- hold--
hold on a second. Eva...
573
00:22:21,270 --> 00:22:26,206
Are you saying what I think
you're saying?
574
00:22:26,241 --> 00:22:29,037
Are you in love with me?
575
00:22:29,071 --> 00:22:31,384
What!?
No, of course not!
576
00:22:31,419 --> 00:22:33,731
What-- forget it!
This is insane!
577
00:22:33,766 --> 00:22:35,699
[racket clatters]
578
00:22:35,733 --> 00:22:38,840
Wait, Eva, hold up.
Let me help you.
579
00:22:38,874 --> 00:22:42,222
Does this mean that
there's no tennis porno?
580
00:22:42,257 --> 00:22:43,569
I'm not saying that
I'm in love with her,
581
00:22:43,603 --> 00:22:45,260
I'm just wondering
if she's in love with me.
582
00:22:45,294 --> 00:22:46,882
[Leslie]
Bye, Jon.
583
00:22:46,917 --> 00:22:48,367
I don't want that.
584
00:22:48,401 --> 00:22:50,576
Stan, I was right!
That was Hugh G. Beefson!
585
00:22:50,610 --> 00:22:51,818
[laughing]
586
00:22:57,134 --> 00:23:00,206
[background conversations]
587
00:23:00,240 --> 00:23:01,414
Hey, Jon.Oh!
588
00:23:01,449 --> 00:23:02,760
Thanks for comin', man.What's up?
589
00:23:02,795 --> 00:23:04,417
Good to see you, how are ya?How's it goin', Hugh?
590
00:23:04,452 --> 00:23:07,420
Hey, I'm so glad that there's
no hard feelings between us
591
00:23:07,455 --> 00:23:08,559
with that whole...
592
00:23:08,594 --> 00:23:10,423
Yeah, no, not at all.
This is awesome,
593
00:23:10,458 --> 00:23:11,597
thank you for inviting me.
594
00:23:11,631 --> 00:23:13,288
Yeah, um...It's not every day you get
595
00:23:13,322 --> 00:23:15,428
to see the porn version
of your TV show being filmed.
596
00:23:15,463 --> 00:23:16,947
Right?It's really cool.
597
00:23:16,981 --> 00:23:19,259
What's, uh, what's it called?
What's the title?
598
00:23:19,294 --> 00:23:20,951
"Jon Glaser Loves Rear".
599
00:23:20,985 --> 00:23:22,642
[laughing]
That's pretty good.
600
00:23:22,677 --> 00:23:23,781
Right?That's a good one.
601
00:23:23,816 --> 00:23:25,127
Actually, your sound guy
came up with it.
602
00:23:25,162 --> 00:23:26,439
I worked with him
a couple of times.
603
00:23:26,474 --> 00:23:28,441
Really?What's up, Dave?
604
00:23:28,476 --> 00:23:29,960
What's up, Hugh?
605
00:23:29,994 --> 00:23:31,824
Good job, Dave,
that's pretty funny, nice.
606
00:23:31,858 --> 00:23:33,550
Man, I love the set,
it looks great.
607
00:23:33,584 --> 00:23:35,552
Oh, look at the mannequin,
that's funny.
608
00:23:35,586 --> 00:23:37,277
You got one of our
megaphone guys.
609
00:23:37,312 --> 00:23:39,314
Oh, look at that, you got the
cutout from the wall--
610
00:23:39,348 --> 00:23:40,798
that's hilarious.
611
00:23:40,833 --> 00:23:42,455
We're ready for you.
612
00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:45,976
Time to go be you.All right, man, have fun.
613
00:23:46,010 --> 00:23:48,530
"Jon Glaser Loves Rear,"
take one. Mark.
614
00:23:50,808 --> 00:23:52,983
Okay, everybody,
let's settle.
615
00:23:53,017 --> 00:23:56,573
And... action.
616
00:23:56,607 --> 00:23:59,576
Hey, Eva, check out
this cool watch I just got.
617
00:23:59,610 --> 00:24:03,614
Forget the watch, Jon!
618
00:24:03,649 --> 00:24:05,823
If I'm gonna play
your wife on TV,
619
00:24:05,858 --> 00:24:08,239
we might as well make it
as real as possible.
620
00:24:10,414 --> 00:24:13,106
I knew this day was coming.
621
00:24:13,141 --> 00:24:15,005
Maybe we could
make it a threesome.
622
00:24:15,039 --> 00:24:17,007
Shut up, Gear-i.
623
00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:19,906
[Hugh and Eva moaning]
624
00:24:25,705 --> 00:24:27,880
Now, there's the beef, son.
625
00:24:27,914 --> 00:24:30,192
[Hugh]
Shut up, Gear-i!
626
00:24:30,227 --> 00:24:32,194
Gear!
46961
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