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1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,342
(Jon)
It's the "Jon Glaser Loves Gear"
2
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,212
season finale,
and what a season it's been.
3
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,513
Yeah...!
4
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,448
From these cool
walking sticks,
5
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,084
to this amazing custom bike,
6
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,751
to this sweet
hockey uniform,
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00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,253
to this cool water bowl,
8
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,021
to these nice
pruning shears,
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00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,856
to this kick-ass fishing rod,
10
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,926
to this cool mitt,
to shredding my first wave,
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00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:29,430
to this awesome balance board,
to this sweet metal detector,
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00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,732
to learning to box...
Gear! Gear!
13
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:34,935
...to this bag in space,
to this cool drone,
14
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,770
there's been so much
gear to love.
15
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:43,611
So for the "Jon Glaser Loves
Gear" season finale,
16
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:46,947
we wanted to top all of that
and end on a really big note,
17
00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,449
and it doesn't
get much bigger
18
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:52,486
than an epic maritime adventure
out on the high seas.
19
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:56,324
So today, on "Jon Glaser
Loves Gear," sailing!
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00:00:56,324 --> 00:00:57,991
Gear!
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00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:01,995
*
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00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,410
Gear!
23
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,815
(Jon)
Oh, man, look at this boat!
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00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,951
Look at this location!
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00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:25,653
Look at this gear.
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00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:28,256
If we can nail this finale
and stick the landing,
27
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,324
then we really couldn't
have dreamt of a bigger,
28
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:33,093
better, more stunning way
to finish the season.
29
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,828
Pat, thanks again
for having us out here.
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00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:35,963
This is amazing.
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00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,198
It's a wonderful thing,
isn't it?
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00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,866
Yeah, this is
a beautiful boat,
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00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:41,602
there's so much cool gear here
that I've been seeing.
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00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,504
This just looks like
one of them old-time...
35
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,806
Bosun pipe.
It's a Bosun pipe.
36
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:48,776
I was gonna call it
a sea whistle.
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00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,644
(whistling)
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00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,518
I just asked that barge
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00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,119
if they're having
Mexican for lunch.
40
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:04,392
What's this thing
right here?
41
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:05,993
That's a marlin spike.
42
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,861
Any guesses
what you'd use it for?
43
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:11,632
To get some of your
sea burrito in your teeth?
44
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:12,866
What are those flags...
45
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:13,967
do they mean anything?
46
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,369
They absolutely do.
47
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,338
Each one represents
a letter.
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00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,907
So, we have, uh,
"G" as in "Gulf,"
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00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,042
"E" as in "Echo,"
"A" as in "Alpha,"
50
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,544
"R" as in "Romeo."
51
00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:25,045
And it spells?
52
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:30,884
Gay-R?
53
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,354
"Gayr"?
54
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:36,056
Ha! Ha!
You got me,
you're messing with me.
55
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:39,927
That spells "gear"!
56
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:44,732
Where did your fascination
with gear in general come from?
57
00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,166
I don't know,
I just, uh,
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00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,735
You know, I just think
it's cool, I love it.
59
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,069
There's gotta be
a "why" in there.
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00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:51,505
No, I think it's just,
you know, I see the gear
61
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:54,275
and I just love it
and it's so cool and...
62
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,077
It's just cool, right?
63
00:02:57,077 --> 00:03:00,047
Why is it so cool enough
for you to do what you do?
64
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,085
Um...
65
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:11,024
I don't know, I hadn't
really thought about it, it...
66
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,862
just seemed--
it's just cool.
67
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:19,267
Just like it should be such
an easy question to answer.
68
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:21,769
Uh...
69
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:25,138
Just give me a sec,
I gotta sit down for a moment.
70
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,740
(sighing)
Oh, man.
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00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,875
(Jon)
I don't know why I was having
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00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,278
so much trouble
answering the question.
73
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:32,880
I love gear,
but I started to realize
74
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,716
that I had never thought
to ask myself why.
75
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,285
Why do I love gear?
76
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:40,254
Uh, I'm gonna head to the front
of the boat for a sec, okay?
77
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:43,056
Careful.
Yeah.
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00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,224
(Jon)
What is it about gear
79
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,726
that I love?
80
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,296
Why can't I articulate
a good answer?
81
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:50,798
Is it because there's
something wrong with me?
82
00:03:50,798 --> 00:03:55,636
Was there some kind of void
I was trying to fill?
83
00:03:55,636 --> 00:04:00,007
Gear!
84
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:03,611
(slower)
Gear!
85
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:05,846
(much slower)
Gear!
86
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:10,584
(extremely slow)
Gear!
87
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:14,121
(Jon's)
I just think it's cool...
(echoing)
88
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,990
(Pat)
There's gotta be a "why"...
(echoing)
89
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:19,427
Jon, you all right there?
90
00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:23,497
(eerie music)
91
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,966
(retching in slow motion)
92
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,672
(Jon gasping and screaming)
93
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:37,678
(Jon continues screaming)
94
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,704
You know what?
I am so happy
95
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,239
that you're having this
breakthrough.
96
00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:09,042
I think it's great,
you know?
97
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,211
And I know
it's difficult.
98
00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:14,415
But this is
the first step, okay?
99
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:17,485
I think you need to follow
through and find the answer.
100
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,522
I don't even know what
gear, what is gear,
101
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:24,057
I don't know what gear is.
102
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,559
What is it-- right?
103
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:28,228
Is air, is air gear?
104
00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:31,532
Is, is this water gear?
105
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,201
Is the water the gear
or is the glass the gear?
106
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,069
You know, when Dennis Miller,
like, when he does a...
107
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,738
(imitating Miller)
"Hey, chacha,
108
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,239
look at this chacha guy,"
109
00:05:39,239 --> 00:05:40,874
like, I mean, is that
considered--
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00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,610
is that verbal gear?
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00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:43,711
I don't think
it's a mystery,
112
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,613
I just think you think
gear is cool.
113
00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:46,947
See, that's what I thought!
114
00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:49,082
But it's not that simple.
Shh...
115
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,751
I mean, it can't be!
Okay, okay.
116
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,420
Even if it's just
that I think it's cool.
117
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,422
Why do I think it's cool?
118
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:55,689
(tea kettle whistling)
Okay, I'm going to get your tea.
119
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:58,526
I'll be right back.
120
00:05:58,526 --> 00:06:00,428
Why gear?
121
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:04,765
(Jon)
I decided to begin my journey
122
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:07,100
to answering the question,
"Why gear?"
123
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:09,202
with local poet Todd Colby,
124
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:13,106
hoping that he could help me
articulate the unexpressible.
125
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,075
Jon?
126
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,610
I think I'm done.
127
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,112
Great.
128
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,114
Why gear?
129
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,050
Why not gear?
130
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,953
If they tell me the red rubber
in my shoe will make me faster
131
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:29,790
then I am open to
the divinity it provides...
132
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:33,927
in my hyperbolic chamber and
danced in my barefoot shoes...
133
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,163
I am clear headed in a shirt
134
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:38,466
that wicks moisture
from my body...
135
00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:40,934
There is no death
in compression tights...
136
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:45,639
...a spectacular moment
that lacks all fear.
137
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,784
Wow.
138
00:06:56,784 --> 00:07:00,020
That was incredible.
139
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,288
Um...
140
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:03,023
I thought it was gonna rhyme.
141
00:07:03,023 --> 00:07:05,425
Mm-hmm.
But I just want to hold onto it,
142
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,862
I want to read it again
a few times and just...
143
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,499
see if that helps
shed any light.
144
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,534
Maybe it might,
145
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,836
and if not, that's all right...
Mm-hmm.
146
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,871
See? Like that's kind of...
Yeah.
147
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,673
a little more accessible.
Yeah.
148
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,008
We'll see if it helps.
149
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,010
I hope it does.
Good luck on your journey.
150
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:26,346
Thank you.
151
00:07:26,346 --> 00:07:30,017
Yeah, see Bernie
on the way out, he'll, uh...
152
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,218
give you your cash
and your sandwich.
153
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:35,055
(Jon)
The poem was excellent,
154
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:38,058
but didn't really provide
the clarity I was looking for,
155
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,327
so I turned to artist
Shaneika Marson
156
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,663
and asked her to make
a painting that was inspired
157
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,965
by the poem that was
written in response
158
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,636
to the question, "Why gear?"
159
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:51,171
(sighing)
160
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:53,406
There's so much going on.
161
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:56,143
I mean, just the fact
that it combines
162
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:59,547
being so literal and yet
at the same time so abstract,
163
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:03,050
which is, I feel like
at the essence of this dilemma.
164
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:05,185
I mean, I wish
you put a hat on me,
165
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:07,921
just 'cause I like
wearing hats.
166
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,723
(sighs)
Thank you so much.
167
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,424
This is really...
168
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,727
No problem, enjoy, I hope
you find your answers.
169
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,728
Thank you.
170
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,229
And if you just want
to talk to Bernie,
171
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,565
he'll help you
sign the paperwork
172
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:18,766
and he'll get you the cash
and the sandwich
173
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,835
that we agreed to, so...
174
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,370
All right, well, enjoy.
175
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:24,872
Thank you.
176
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:29,743
(Jon)
I loved the painting,
177
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,045
but felt like I needed a more
abstract approach,
178
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,914
so I asked dancer
Katie Currier
179
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:36,249
from the Peridance
Contemporary Dance Company
180
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:39,553
to choreograph a dance that was
inspired by the painting
181
00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,622
that was made as a reaction
to the poem
182
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:43,256
that was written
as a direct response
183
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:46,226
to the question,
"Why gear?"
184
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,596
Katie, do you
want me to do, like...
185
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:49,763
some music?
186
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:51,298
I can do mouth music, like...
187
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:56,637
(vocalizing)
188
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:58,972
No, no, I think...
189
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,107
better without.
190
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,541
I can do different genres.
191
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:02,943
I can do, like, ska...
192
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,946
(scatting poorly)
193
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,217
All right...
194
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:11,985
(clears throat)
Sorry.
195
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:29,436
(clapping)
196
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,472
(sobbing)
197
00:09:34,808 --> 00:09:36,276
I think I'm crying 'cause
I still don't know
198
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,412
what the answer is.
199
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,148
Well, you can see Bernie
for your paperwork,
200
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:44,685
and, uh, he'll get you
your cash and your sandwich.
201
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,486
(Jon)
Strike one, two, and three
202
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:49,322
on the poem-painting-dance.
203
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,859
It was time for a new direction
in the quest to answer
204
00:09:51,859 --> 00:09:55,328
the question, "Why..."
Gear!
205
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:59,800
(gong chiming)
206
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,104
(Jon)
So far, my attempts
207
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,639
to answer the question,
"Why gear?"
208
00:10:05,639 --> 00:10:07,607
have only left me
with more questions
209
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,009
and a pretty cool painting.
210
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,712
So I decided to meet
with a Soto Zen priest
211
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:14,715
to help guide me on a more
spiritual approach.
212
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:18,518
Thank you very much for
consulting with me on this.
213
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:21,989
This TV show I'm making
is about my love of gear.
214
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:25,192
I do love gear, but it started
to become a problem
215
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,127
where I really couldn't
answer the question,
216
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,829
"Why do I love gear?"
217
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,297
Well, how do you answer it?
218
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,800
I just love it, you know,
it's just cool.
219
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,401
That's a good enough reason.
220
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,403
It just felt like
an unsatisfying answer
221
00:10:36,403 --> 00:10:38,505
for some reason.
222
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:41,541
Why is it unsatisfying?
223
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:45,846
It felt like I wasn't
articulating it... well.
224
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,981
By the way,
these are very cool,
225
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,751
and very comfortable.
226
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,220
I would consider this,
meaning these,
227
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:55,588
like, that's a piece of gear.
228
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:56,656
We call this a zafu.
229
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,892
Zafu?
Zafu, uh-huh.
230
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,161
But the real fact is,
231
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:05,498
we don't need anything
except ourselves.
232
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:08,335
You, right here,
are enough.
233
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:12,405
You're perfect and complete,
lacking nothing, as you are.
234
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:16,443
You have all the gear
and you are the gear, yourself.
235
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,579
You.
236
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:22,950
(eerie music)
237
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:51,378
Time out.
238
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:55,048
You're saying all I need,
all the gear I need,
239
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,817
is right here?
240
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:59,152
Yes.
241
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,788
(sighing)
242
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:01,755
(Jon)
If the monk is right
243
00:12:01,755 --> 00:12:03,656
and I am all the gear I need,
244
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,492
then my whole life
has been a sham
245
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:08,095
and the entire show
is a big lie.
246
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,830
So I met up
with Neil Harbisson,
247
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:13,000
a cyborg artist who had an
antennae implanted in his head
248
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,667
to help him see colors,
249
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,503
because if I really am gear,
250
00:12:16,503 --> 00:12:18,939
then I want to be
the best ear I can be.
251
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:23,310
Now, the idea I had, and
I wanted to get your opinion is,
252
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,412
I love Pit Zips.
253
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:26,613
Are you familiar with Pit Zips?
No.
254
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:29,616
The Pit Zip is...
255
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,518
it's basically a zipper,
256
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:35,488
that's the "zip" part,
under the armpit-- Pit Zip.
257
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:38,091
Gives you immediate
ventilation,
258
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,994
and it's just such a cool,
simple design.
259
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:44,998
It's really one of my favorite
things of all things gear,
260
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:48,168
it's the number one feature
I look for on a rain jacket.
261
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,671
I was thinking of having
an actual Pit Zip
262
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:54,207
put into my body.
263
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:58,645
To me the idea would be putting
the actual zipper here,
264
00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:02,349
that would open
my body to the world.
265
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:05,718
I would recommend you first
maybe stitch a zip
266
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:10,490
under your armpits, and then you
get used to having one.
267
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:13,026
If you get used to it,
then you go for the implant,
268
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,062
and then you do the cut,
you cut it...
269
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,563
Ooh, boy.
...and then you need
270
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:18,698
some protection inside,
maybe some silicone,
271
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,468
and then you would open
and then you would have this...
272
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,636
Thank you very much,
I'm not gonna do it.
273
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:24,804
I just decided.
274
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,039
(Jon)
Turned out that turning my body
275
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,508
into gear was clearly
not the path for me.
276
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:30,410
Back to square one.
277
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,745
So I literally stripped myself
out of the equation
278
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:35,482
in order to focus
solely on the gear.
279
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,250
I was hoping
that each pose I struck
280
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:40,587
would bring me one step closer
to the answer I was seeking.
281
00:13:40,587 --> 00:13:44,757
But the journey had taken a
great mental and emotional toll.
282
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:47,227
I plumbed every
depth of my soul,
283
00:13:47,227 --> 00:13:50,263
going so far so to put
my entire life on hold
284
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,665
so that I could devote
every waking moment
285
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,234
to discovering the one answer
286
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:58,171
that would finally allow me
to truly live.
287
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,440
"As I close this chapter
of the book
288
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,342
"and this chapter of my life,
289
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:07,414
"I rest easy in the knowledge
that I am one step closer
290
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:13,053
to answering the question,
'Why Gear?'"
291
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,621
(weak clapping)
292
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,456
Uh, thank you for coming.
293
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:19,259
I have copies
of the book for sale
294
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,028
if anyone would like
to purchase one,
295
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:23,363
I'll be signing them.
296
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,476
I'll take one.
297
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,645
Why don't you
make it out to "Spurt"?
298
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,981
(dramatic music)
Oh-ho-ho!
299
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,887
So it's just been this
ongoing quest to try to...
300
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,624
answer the question
for myself and I still...
301
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,627
don't feel like I'm
any closer to an answer.
302
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:57,264
Anyway, man, I'm really sorry
about how everything went down
303
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,232
between us earlier
in the season,
304
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,434
and I feel
really bad about it.
305
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:02,970
Just don't (bleep)
my wife next time.
306
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,938
She's not your real wife,
dickhead!
307
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:08,008
I know that you're ten times
more macho than me
308
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:11,644
and you know more about gear
than I do and...
309
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:12,679
you really should be the one
310
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,314
hosting a show
about gear, not me.
311
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,583
We all-- everyone's been
thinking it, and that's okay,
312
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,818
we all know it,
'cause it's the truth.
313
00:15:18,818 --> 00:15:21,321
Well, I couldn't
disagree more.
314
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:24,424
You should absolutely be
the host of this show.
315
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,792
It's like you told me
a long time ago,
316
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:29,929
the name of this show
is "Jon Glaser Loves Gear,"
317
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:33,166
and at its core,
that's what it's all about.
318
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:37,837
And that's where you need
to look to find your answer.
319
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,440
I have an idea.
320
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,808
And I think it'll
help you find the answer
321
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:47,147
to all of your
existential questions.
322
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,016
(softly)
Does it involve gear?
323
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:52,852
(zipping)
324
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,557
You're wearing
a relaxation hoodie.
325
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:10,837
I just want you to focus
on your breathing, all right?
326
00:16:10,837 --> 00:16:12,672
Slow things down.
327
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:15,842
(breathing deeply)
328
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,311
Just melting into the table.
329
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,747
It is.
330
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:26,319
Okay, let's stop talking.
331
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:30,490
And I want you to visualize
the ultimate piece of gear.
332
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:35,362
No, I want you to focus...
333
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:38,398
on all those questions you've
been asking yourself.
334
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:43,336
What is gear?
335
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,873
Why does gear
mean so much to me?
336
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:49,442
Why do I love it so much?
337
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,844
Why... gear?
338
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,681
Yeah.
339
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,584
And as you ask yourself
that simple question...
340
00:16:57,584 --> 00:17:01,421
"Why gear?"
341
00:17:01,421 --> 00:17:03,022
it'll all become clear.
342
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,092
Why gear?
343
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:06,193
Yeah.
344
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,194
Again.
345
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,362
Why gear?
346
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,763
Again.
347
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,799
Why gear?
348
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,134
Good, again.
349
00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,103
Why gear?
350
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,238
Keep repeating.
351
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,140
Why gear?
352
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:23,410
Why gear?
353
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,815
Why... gear?
354
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,284
So you have a pad and paper
on your right...
355
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,785
a marker on your left.
356
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,321
When you're ready
I want you to take your hands
357
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,390
out of your pockets slowly.
358
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:42,129
And without looking,
I want you to draw
359
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:45,232
what it is you're seeing
in your mind right now.
360
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:47,500
(breathing heavily)
361
00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:00,180
(marker scratching)
362
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:12,959
(whispering)
Is that it?
363
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:14,261
Okay.
364
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,839
(Leslie)
So, this is supposed to be me.
365
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,441
Yes.
366
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:30,843
Okay, and I'm the answer
to the question, "Why gear?"
367
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:32,044
Yes!
I don't get it, Jon,
368
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:33,813
I don't get this,
369
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,782
I don't understand what you're
trying to tell me here at all.
370
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:39,386
This journey...
it has been incredible.
371
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:40,687
Great, I'm happy.
372
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:43,890
But, everything I did,
every person I talked to,
373
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:47,394
every question I answered,
I got no closer to the answer.
374
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:48,961
Oh.
I even got so desperate
375
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,665
that I legally changed
my middle name.
376
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,034
Jonathan Matthew
Pit Zips Glaser?
377
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,569
Why would you do
something like this?
378
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:58,137
You know how much
I love Pit Zips--
379
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,840
it's the number one feature
I look for in a rain jacket.
380
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,075
I-I-I-- stop right now.
Okay, I know you know that...
381
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,544
Thank you.
But I did it because I thought
382
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:05,545
it was gonna help.
383
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,647
I got this tattoo.
384
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,915
Ugh!
385
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:11,184
I was gonna put an actual
Pit Zip in my body
386
00:19:11,184 --> 00:19:12,719
and I thought
that was too much,
387
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:16,088
so I did the tattoo
and look how stunning it is!
388
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,591
It's terrible, it's permanent.
I know it's permanent.
389
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,726
It looks cool.
390
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,928
No, it doesn't,
it looks really bad.
391
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,930
Regardless,
nothing I did helped
392
00:19:23,930 --> 00:19:27,600
until I meditated
on the answer,
393
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:33,072
and this is the image
that came to my mind.
394
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,041
You are the answer.
395
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:40,046
My love for gear--
it's my love for you.
396
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,548
Don't you see?
Oh, my...
397
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:46,118
I have so much love
for you that..
398
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,289
I couldn't possibly
smother you with it,
399
00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:51,524
so some of that love
has been transferred
400
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,761
and manifested itself
into my love of gear,
401
00:19:54,761 --> 00:19:59,466
but my love of gear is really
just my love for you.
402
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:04,103
You are the ultimate
piece of gear.
403
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,104
(sighing sadly)
404
00:20:05,104 --> 00:20:07,073
Does that make sense?
405
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,108
Yeah.
406
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,877
Sadly, it does.
407
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:15,782
Really?
408
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:18,084
Gear.
409
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:20,620
(mouthing words)
410
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,922
(whispering)
Come on.
411
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:25,458
Gear!
412
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:26,626
Ugh.
413
00:20:27,994 --> 00:20:28,995
(Jon)
Turns out the answer
414
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:30,397
to the question "Why gear?"
415
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:33,099
was always right in front
of my face.
416
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:34,667
Yes, I think gear is cool,
417
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:37,304
but I love it because
it's an extension of my wife,
418
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:39,439
so in light of this
profound discovery,
419
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:41,608
we decided to renew our vows,
420
00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:45,678
surrounded by family,
friends, and gear.
421
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:48,448
(Gear-i on PA)
Here comes the bride,
422
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:52,018
All dressed in gear
423
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:55,788
She has some
walking sticks--
424
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:56,956
Oh.
425
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,526
(organ playing
"Here Comes the Bride")
426
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,341
(sighing)
427
00:21:14,341 --> 00:21:16,543
And now, Leslie,
as we continue the renewal
428
00:21:16,543 --> 00:21:19,346
of your marriage vows,
repeat after me,
429
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:21,714
"I, Leslie King Glaser."
430
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:23,883
I, Leslie...
431
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,217
Leslie...
432
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:28,555
Hey, Jon.
Sorry.
433
00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:30,857
"Do solemnly swear..."
434
00:21:30,857 --> 00:21:33,993
Do solemnly swear...
435
00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:36,028
Jon?
Sorry.
436
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:37,730
They have compression
socks over there.
437
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,999
I don't care.
I know.
438
00:21:39,999 --> 00:21:41,233
"To love you until--"
439
00:21:41,233 --> 00:21:43,403
Actually, give me one sec,
Gear-i, just...
440
00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:44,671
check this out.
441
00:21:44,671 --> 00:21:47,874
This suit that I got,
I put a Pit Zip in it...
442
00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:50,877
Okay.
443
00:21:50,877 --> 00:21:52,244
Isn't that cool?
444
00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:55,314
The suit actually
comes with this pocket.
445
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:57,550
Okay.
446
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,852
Isn't that cool?
Awesome.
447
00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:02,589
Let's just skip
to Jon's vows.
448
00:22:02,589 --> 00:22:03,823
(clears throat)
Okay.
449
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:04,924
Okay.
450
00:22:04,924 --> 00:22:06,693
Um...
451
00:22:08,060 --> 00:22:11,431
(sighing)
Leslie, I...
452
00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:15,435
love you...
453
00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:18,505
more than anything
in the world.
454
00:22:18,505 --> 00:22:22,174
And the kids, you guys
mean so much to me.
455
00:22:22,174 --> 00:22:24,043
(crying)
You should show
456
00:22:24,043 --> 00:22:25,912
this side of you more, Jon.
457
00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:27,880
You're sexy when
you're vulnerable.
458
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,115
(Jon)
Not now, Gear-i.
459
00:22:29,115 --> 00:22:32,284
And I'm so sorry
for putting you
460
00:22:32,284 --> 00:22:34,454
through everything
this year with the cameras
461
00:22:34,454 --> 00:22:38,525
and the show and all the gear
and all the stuff,
462
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:43,129
and I really hope you
understand why I cast this...
463
00:22:43,129 --> 00:22:45,565
such a hot woman
to play you.
464
00:22:45,565 --> 00:22:46,733
(Leslie)
Okay.
465
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:48,267
(Jon)
'Cause you're...
466
00:22:48,267 --> 00:22:49,802
you're that hot
in my heart.
467
00:22:49,802 --> 00:22:51,804
Give it a rest.
468
00:22:51,804 --> 00:22:52,972
I love you so much.
469
00:22:52,972 --> 00:22:55,975
I love you too, baby.
470
00:22:55,975 --> 00:22:57,977
Okay, Gear-i.
(sighing nervously)
471
00:22:57,977 --> 00:22:59,311
The ring, please.
472
00:22:59,311 --> 00:23:00,747
Check this out.
473
00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:03,983
(rotors whirring)
474
00:23:05,151 --> 00:23:06,753
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
475
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:21,067
I'm good, I'm good.
476
00:23:22,769 --> 00:23:25,337
(hard rock music)
477
00:23:30,810 --> 00:23:32,311
(clears throat)
478
00:23:32,311 --> 00:23:34,346
(whirring fades)
479
00:23:38,851 --> 00:23:40,119
Awesome.
480
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,121
Jon, repeat after me.
481
00:23:42,121 --> 00:23:43,289
"With this gear..."
482
00:23:43,289 --> 00:23:45,992
With this gear...
483
00:23:45,992 --> 00:23:48,861
"I, Jonathan Matthew
Pit Zips Glaser..."
484
00:23:48,861 --> 00:23:53,466
I, Jonathan Matthew
Pit Zips Glaser...
485
00:23:53,466 --> 00:23:55,768
"...do thee rewed."
486
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:58,370
...do thee rewed.
487
00:23:58,370 --> 00:23:59,672
You may now kiss the bride.
488
00:23:59,672 --> 00:24:01,874
Love you.
Love you.
489
00:24:01,874 --> 00:24:05,277
(applause)
(both sigh and laugh)
490
00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,880
And now I would like to...
491
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:12,685
renew my vows with you,
the TV audience
492
00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:18,390
for another season
of "Jon Glaser Loves Gear".
493
00:24:23,730 --> 00:24:25,732
Guys, let's go, let's go.
494
00:24:25,732 --> 00:24:29,001
Come on, you don't need
to see this, come on, let's go.
495
00:24:29,001 --> 00:24:30,837
Come on, come on, let's go.
496
00:24:30,837 --> 00:24:35,742
(Jon panting and kissing)
497
00:24:35,742 --> 00:24:37,076
Gear!
35160
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