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1
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:07,941
Yeah...
2
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:11,279
Got a couple of Jacks--
boom.
3
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:13,447
Uh, do you have
any sevens?
4
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:14,848
Nah, go fish.
5
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,684
Okay, well, seeing as how
today's episode
6
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,852
of "Jon Glaser
Loves Gear" is fishing,
7
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:22,090
you're goddamn
right I will!
8
00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,258
Gear!
9
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:27,395
*
10
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,376
Gear!
11
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,313
*
12
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:46,414
(Jon)
Fishing--
13
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:47,915
it's more
than a sport,
14
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,318
it's a way of
connecting to yourself.
15
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:53,387
The patience, the meditation,
and of course,
16
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:54,655
the gear.
17
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,091
I asked champion
bass fisherman Woo Daves
18
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:58,492
if he'd spend
a day with me
19
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,329
and show me the ins and outs of
this time-honored tradition
20
00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:02,496
of the great outdoors.
21
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:05,133
Hey, Woo.
Hey, Jon.
22
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:07,935
Thank you very much for, uh,
joining us here today.
23
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:10,671
Maybe we can learn a little bit
about fishing today.
24
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,806
Maybe we're gonna learn a little
bit about each other today.
25
00:01:12,806 --> 00:01:14,007
That'll work.
26
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:15,509
We'll find out
who's teaching who.
27
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,677
Maybe it'll be
one of those, like,
28
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,312
"I thought I was
teaching him,
29
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:21,081
but actually,
he was teaching me."
30
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,651
One way or another we're
gonna learn something.
31
00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:26,587
I think I got a pretty sweet
fishing outfit going on.
32
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:29,290
I got my waders, I got
a pretty sweet shirt,
33
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:33,261
a nice vest, quality sunhat,
some sweet shades,
34
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:36,029
I got my buff, keep me
all protected from the sun.
35
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:38,132
Boom.
Yep.
36
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,500
Now, do you ever wear
something like this?
37
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:42,370
Oh, yeah, your buff is an
excellent piece of gear.
38
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:44,938
See, I would just wear this
just going to the beach.
39
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,207
(chuckling)
Oh, yeah.
40
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,208
Let me tell you
something--
41
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:49,510
my kids don't like it.
Yeah.
42
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,011
I wanna show you
something, Woo.
43
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:53,013
You know that old cartoon,
"The Happy Fisherman"?
44
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:54,515
Uh, not really.
45
00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,116
It's a drawing of a fisherman
and he's just kind of
46
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,885
standing out there
and he's fishing,
47
00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,053
and he's just smiling,
he looks happy, right?
48
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:02,223
But below the water is
a fish kind of, you know,
49
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,724
suckin' his...
(imitates muffled horn).
50
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:04,858
(laughing)
51
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,161
So this is my take
on an old classic--
52
00:02:07,161 --> 00:02:09,029
"The Happy Fisherman 2016!"
53
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:12,500
I thought about calling it
"Catch and Full Release."
54
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,902
Now, instead of him
getting it from the fish,
55
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:15,969
he's giving it
to the fish...
56
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,405
(laughing)
57
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,573
...from behind, and he's also
getting a reach-around
58
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,142
from this fish,
and he's looking pretty,
59
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,245
"Oh, boy!
What's goin' on?"
60
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,480
And then the worm here
is like, "Uh-oh!"
61
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,649
That's why you don't want
to have your waders on.
62
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,418
Maybe I'll take
these off, man.
63
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:31,752
Get a little plesch.
64
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:36,424
*
65
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,392
This is something
we kind of rigged up,
66
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,928
putting a GoPro
on a lure.
67
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:44,265
So hopefully one of the fish,
if it'll bite this,
68
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:45,433
pretty kick-ass
shot, right?
69
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,935
(heavy metal music)
70
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,670
Let's say you're out
there in your boat,
71
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:50,938
you got a little bite,
72
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:52,273
you get it up
to your boat,
73
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,842
Creature from the
Black Lagoon comes out.
74
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,043
Are you gonna
pull out a gun
75
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,679
or are you going
hand-to-hand on that guy?
76
00:02:58,679 --> 00:03:00,948
I'm probably gonna cut
the line and let him go.
77
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:05,886
Now, you know, my old gear
expert, uh, who...
78
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,521
There's a lot of times
I really miss this guy.
79
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:09,257
I had a sidekick
and I had to fire him.
80
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,692
He, uh, he (bleep)
my wife.
81
00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:13,461
Ooh.
Steve taught me
82
00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,429
that if someone's coming
at you and you have a knife,
83
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,930
just go right for
the femoral artery
84
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,466
and then watch him
bleed out.
85
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:22,403
Then I'll probably put one in
his neck and see what happens.
86
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,104
Let's go fish.
Let's go.
87
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:31,144
They say I was fishing alone
and a fish broke way over there.
88
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,482
I would probably
go overhand like that.
89
00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:36,817
Woo! Yeah.
90
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,219
(Jon)
Woo's expert guidance was truly
helping me understand
91
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,323
how fishing
transcended the gear.
92
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,757
There we go.
There you go.
93
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:45,659
You did everything
right that time.
94
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,228
(Jon)
I was slowly becoming one
with my surroundings,
95
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,497
and I was ready to handle
96
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:52,633
whatever mother nature
threw my way.
97
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,167
Sweet cast, Woo.
98
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,003
Whoa-oh!
Here we go!
99
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:57,838
Fish on, fish on!
Come here...
100
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,276
What the hell is that?
101
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,013
What--
what you got, Jon?
102
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,515
Ha!
103
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:08,616
What the hell?
104
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:12,185
A Sealline Baja bag.
Sealline.
105
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,821
I mean,
it's a kick-ass bag.
106
00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:16,924
I hope there's
money in there.
107
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,025
That's weird.
108
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,598
(Woo)
"We have your family."
109
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,033
Who's that from?
110
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,039
That doesn't look good.
111
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:34,642
That's my daughter.
112
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:35,976
That's my son.
113
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,482
That's my wife.
114
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:44,217
Hey, and that's the Happy
Fisherman-- he's everywhere.
115
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:46,454
What the (bleep)
going on here?
116
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:48,689
(chuckling)
117
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:51,625
(chuckling echoes)
118
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,894
(shouting)
119
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,128
Oh!
120
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,665
Oh, sweetie,
what's wrong?
121
00:04:57,665 --> 00:04:59,900
Oh, my God, I just had
the craziest dream.
122
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,902
It was about fishing...
123
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:05,806
So much cool gear
and then it just got weird.
124
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,075
I don't-- I can't-- I don't
think I can go fishing now
125
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,410
for this episode.
126
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,144
It's gonna be fine.
127
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,347
(gasping)
Go back to bed.
128
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:14,482
Yeah.
129
00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,316
You love gear.
130
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:19,252
Okay, you're right,
you're right, I love gear.
131
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:20,253
It was just a dream.
132
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,322
I love gear.
133
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:25,025
Oh, I love gear, I love gear,
it's just a dream...
134
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:27,027
(Jon)
My wife was right,
I love gear.
135
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:29,196
(bleep) love gear
so much.
136
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,932
So I headed over to Capitol
Fishing Tackle company.
137
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,167
No metaphysical
mumbo-jumbo here.
138
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:37,170
Just a lot of super cool
deep sea fishing gear.
139
00:05:37,170 --> 00:05:39,206
Gear!
140
00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:41,074
Hey, Jon.
Eric, nice to meet you.
141
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:42,376
Eric, thank you so much
for showing me
142
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:45,012
some of this
deep sea fishing stuff.
143
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,515
I've never done it, I'm really
kind of psyched to try it.
144
00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:50,618
It seems like there's
already a lot of cool gear here.
145
00:05:50,618 --> 00:05:53,286
Uh, why don't you start
showing me what we got?
146
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,388
Yeah, I mean,
it all depends on
147
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,789
what kind of fishing
you want to do.
148
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:59,126
So, you wanna do the biggest,
baddest stuff you can?
149
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,761
Yeah... yeah.
You grab something like...
150
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,129
this.
Whoa.
151
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,698
Something that, you know,
if we were gonna go outside
152
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,734
and start pullin' cars,
this would be it.
153
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,969
This thing is a monster.
154
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:10,738
You can catch tuna with that,
you can catch shark.
155
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,305
And this is proper
technique, right?
156
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:13,774
You just put it
on your thigh,
157
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:17,778
you lean back and you just like,
crank... (moaning) right?
158
00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:18,812
Oh, absolutely not, no.
Oh.
159
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,313
No, no, no.
160
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,921
Give me the tip of it,
hold it like you're fishin'.
161
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,990
Do your little,
you know...
162
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,559
and pull up.
163
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:33,994
(groaning)
Oh... (bleep) yeah.
164
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,564
Oh... wow!
165
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,499
These things are...
That is cool.
166
00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:41,469
unbelievably strong.
167
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,270
(chomping)
168
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,573
(spitting)
169
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,007
I want to turn this
thing into a guitar, man.
170
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:49,276
I just immediately went to,
like, this kind of stance.
171
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:50,343
You just kind of
Jimmy Buffet it and roll out.
172
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,445
This would be...
173
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,481
I think a little more
like deep, heavy,
174
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:56,283
like, let's just create a new
genre called Fish Metal?
175
00:06:56,283 --> 00:07:00,521
Yeah, man.
(mimicking distorted guitar)
176
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,755
Yeah.
177
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,290
Well, I already got
the name of the first album.
178
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:05,493
It's going to be "Goin' Deep".
Okay.
179
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,360
There's a fishing area
we go to a lot
180
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,029
and it houses a lot
of tuna, a lot of sharks,
181
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,297
it's called
The Glory Hole.
182
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,765
That could be the name
of your first song.
183
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:15,135
* Glory hole,
comin' at you *
184
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:18,038
* Drop my line
and reel 'em in *
185
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,207
And then we get soft
with that song, and then...
186
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,775
(softly)
* Glory hole
187
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,878
* Sweet little glory hole
188
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,216
(mimics loud guitar)
189
00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,118
Anyway, this is
a kick-ass rod, man.
190
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:33,887
(laughing)
191
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,288
You (bleep) idiot.
192
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,529
If I get into fishing,
I'd be, you know,
193
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,863
my motto is
gonna be like,
194
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,332
"Let's bring the excitement
back to the cast."
195
00:07:45,332 --> 00:07:46,700
You know?
196
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,002
And one of the things I'd
always thought would be fun
197
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,739
is when you cast your line,
to just scream, you know?
198
00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:55,308
Just bring it way back
and then unload with a...
199
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,144
(shrieking)
200
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,079
(shrieking)
201
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:01,849
(gasping)
202
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,217
Another fishing
dream, honey?
203
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,854
Yeah, I mean, there's...
there's a lot of cool gear
204
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,056
but I don't wanna go
on the ocean.
205
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,258
There's too-- I have
no desire to do that.
206
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:12,826
Way too scary.
207
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,595
I want nice
and quiet, just...
208
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:19,933
small boat, small lake,
me and my son.
209
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,402
Just the two of us
together, fishing,
210
00:08:22,402 --> 00:08:25,005
he's catching
his first fish.
211
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,775
That sounds perfect,
that's all I need.
212
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:31,779
That's all I want--
just quiet, me and my son...
213
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,614
(Jon)
It turns out that
all the anxiety I was having
214
00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:37,084
about the fishing episode
wasn't about gear at all.
215
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:41,789
It was about spending some
quality time with my son.
216
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:44,692
So, uh, you excited to go
fishing with dad?
217
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,126
Classic father-son
moment--
218
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,228
catch your first
fish with the old man?
219
00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,897
I already caught
my first fish.
220
00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,399
(scoffs)
What are you talking about?
No, you haven't.
221
00:08:52,399 --> 00:08:55,268
Yeah, I did, at Steve and Amy's
lake house last year.
222
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,536
You couldn't go.
223
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,539
Don't you remember?
I sent you that picture.
224
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,309
It was really sweet.
225
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:06,146
(phone dings, male voice)
Pulling up picture now, Jon.
226
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,649
You caught your first fish
with someone else's dad.
227
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,984
Yep. We had a blast!
228
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:14,955
With Steve,
my old sidekick?
229
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:18,491
The man who betrayed
my trust?
230
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:23,163
Are you gonna yell again
like when we play Go Fish?
231
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,634
No, I'm not
gonna yell again!
232
00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,269
(sighing)
233
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,472
Tell me this
isn't happening.
234
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:36,276
Someone wake me from this
(bleep) nightmare.
235
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:38,278
I mean, where was
I that I couldn't go?
236
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,847
Don't you remember?
237
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:45,352
You were getting your "World's
Greatest Dad" mug appraised.
238
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:49,022
Well, this mug clearly dates
back to the Ming Dynasty,
239
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,357
very valuable.
240
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:54,027
I would estimate in the mid
to high six figures.
241
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,863
(gasping)
Oh, my God.
242
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,965
Oh, and look--
on the bottom of the mug
243
00:09:57,965 --> 00:10:03,536
is a drawing of a father
and son fishing.
244
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:04,705
Ho-ho-ho!
245
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:07,274
(gasping)
246
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,477
(sighing)
247
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,319
(Jon)
First my wife, now my son.
248
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,989
Betrayed again
by my sidekick.
249
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:24,224
Well, now it was my turn
250
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:27,394
to betray my fist
all over his (bleep) face.
251
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:30,731
(banging)
252
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,371
(knocking)
253
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:43,310
(door opens)
254
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,812
What's up,
sidekick?
255
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,714
Long time, no see, man.
How's it hanging?
256
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,515
I'm not your
sidekick anymore.
257
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:49,582
What are you guys doing?
258
00:10:49,582 --> 00:10:51,852
Did you take
my son fishing?
259
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,253
What?
260
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:58,325
Did you... take my...
son fish... ing?
261
00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:00,928
What-- like last summer?
262
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,495
No, 80 million B.C.
263
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,732
Yeah, last summer!
Jon, can you turn the light off?
264
00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:06,533
Did you ever once think,
"Hey, you know what?
265
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:07,935
"Maybe I shouldn't do this.
266
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,603
"Am I robbing a child
of the opportunity
267
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:13,206
"of having the experience
of catching his first fish
268
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:16,376
with his actual father,
and also my boss?"
269
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,945
Dad?
270
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,880
What are you
doing here?
271
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,214
What are you
doing here?
272
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:25,753
Steve is teaching me
how to shave.
273
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:26,854
Go wait in the car.
274
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:27,855
But-- why?
275
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:31,391
Go wait in the car.
276
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:34,361
It's cool,
I'm certified.
277
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,930
Hey, is that a fish
on your dick?
278
00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:40,200
(gasping)
279
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,540
(sighing)
280
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,443
Honey, I just had
the craziest dream.
281
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:51,979
Jon Glaser came over
to our house at like,
282
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:54,314
two in the morning.
283
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:57,050
And he had a fish
on his dick.
284
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,152
(sighing)
285
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:06,226
You mean that fish?
286
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,762
That's the one.
287
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:12,099
You wanna help me
get it off?
288
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:15,068
I was thinking
the exact same thing.
289
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,437
(computer voice)
Jon, wake up, Jon, wake up,
290
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:20,808
Jon, wake up, Jon, wake up,
Jon, wake up,
291
00:12:20,808 --> 00:12:24,477
Jon, wake up,
Jon, wake up, Jon, wake up,
292
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:28,248
Jon, wake up, Jon, wake up,
Jon, wake up,
293
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:30,617
Jon, wake up, Jon--
294
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:33,821
(sighing)
295
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:35,355
What time is it?
296
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:38,325
It's early, just, um...
297
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:41,829
just go back to bed, I'm gonna
get up and go to work.
298
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:43,496
(sighs)
299
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,635
This is Jon Glaser
calling for Angel.
300
00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:50,003
This is Angel.
301
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,671
Hey, what's goin' on?
Just checkin' in.
302
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,606
Hey, Jon, heard the fishing
episode's going well.
303
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,508
Well, yeah, we got a lot of
really good fishing coverage,
304
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,610
really fun to shoot, I mean,
I've been having
305
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:00,347
a couple of weird dreams
the last couple of days, but...
306
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,681
Oh, no.
...other than that,
307
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,283
things have been,
I think, going great.
308
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,684
Great!
Well, let me ask really quick.
309
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:09,289
Are we-- do you know, did we get
cleared to show Jewish butt?
310
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,623
Yeah, we were able
to clear it.
311
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:11,859
So we're good to go.
Yep.
312
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:13,861
That's great news,
thank you very much.
313
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:14,995
All right, I'll call you back.
Talk to you later.
314
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,796
All right, bye.
315
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:17,831
Great news, everybody!
316
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,133
We can show
Jewish butt!
317
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,836
(all cheering)
318
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:25,238
Yeah, great job,
everybody.
319
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:29,076
Yeah!
Yeah!
320
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:30,243
(chanting)
Jewish butt!
321
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:33,546
Jewish butt! Jewish butt!
322
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,048
Jewish butt!
323
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,850
(gasps)
324
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,087
Are you okay?
(sighing)
325
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:42,722
You've been saying
some weird stuff.
326
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,257
Oh, God.
327
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,064
I've just been
having, like...
328
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,166
crazy bad dreams
all night, like,
329
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:56,569
one after the other, after
the other, after the other,
330
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,106
like, nonstop.
331
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:00,908
I don't know why
I'm having so much anxiety
332
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:03,110
about this
fishing episode.
333
00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:04,878
(sighing)
334
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,752
Sweetheart,
am I a good father?
335
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:15,422
Of course you're
a good father.
336
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,424
(sobbing)
I don't feel like I am.
337
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,059
Honey...
338
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:20,593
Jon.
339
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:24,197
Garmin Striker 7SV!
340
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,567
(sobbing)
341
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:31,939
Okay, Jon, did you just
interject product placement
342
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:35,575
for an inland fish finder,
GPS combo
343
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:39,779
in the middle of fake crying
about being a good father?
344
00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:43,150
(sobbing)
345
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:46,319
Um...
346
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:49,122
I'm sorry, could we just--
let's talk for a second.
347
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,558
Um...
348
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,393
That's not your line.
349
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,263
Your line is...
350
00:14:56,263 --> 00:15:00,968
"Mmm," you know, "Product
placement gets me all hot."
351
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:04,071
And then we have sex and
we have a simultaneous orgasm.
352
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:08,308
So, let's just go back--
can we just go back and...
353
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,509
get the line?
354
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:10,978
'Cause that wasn't
your line.
355
00:15:10,978 --> 00:15:12,645
I know that
wasn't my line.
356
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,314
Okay.
357
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:18,618
And this also...
is not my line.
358
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:21,521
(evil incantation)
359
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,659
You're a sell-out.
360
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:28,495
(gasping)
361
00:15:28,495 --> 00:15:32,332
Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.
362
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:35,635
Jon, sweetie,
it's okay,
363
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:38,771
it's okay, it's okay.
364
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:41,975
You were tossing and turning,
talking in your sleep.
365
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,610
It's okay.
366
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:47,880
I've been having all these
bad dreams all night.
367
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:52,019
I had a dream where
Steve taught our son to...
368
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:55,655
to fish and to shave.
369
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,058
I dreamt that I showed
Jewish butt.
370
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,359
What?
371
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:02,395
I dreamt that you
called me a sell-out,
372
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:05,032
but it wasn't you, it was
the actress who plays you,
373
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:07,334
right up until the very end
and then it switched to you
374
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:09,636
and you're the one
that called me a sell-out.
375
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,838
I just-- I feel like
I'm losing my mind.
376
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:16,876
Sweetie, oh, my God,
you are so not a sell-out.
377
00:16:16,876 --> 00:16:21,248
Hey, you do everything you can
to support this family, right?
378
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:26,086
You're a wonderful father,
and a great husband.
379
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:29,056
Hey, hey, remember--
look at me-- remember,
380
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:31,891
I had decided to let the cameras
in because I felt so bad
381
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:34,894
about giving you such a hard
time about it at the beginning?
382
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:37,230
This is real, right here,
this is real, you're awake,
383
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,232
you're home.
384
00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,505
I mean, it feels real,
but how do I, how do I know?
385
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:50,510
Everything has felt real
up to this point, everything.
386
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,412
(sighing)
387
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,846
Let me show you.
388
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,351
It's so perfect.
389
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,688
Shay fly rods-- perfecting
performance since 1980!
390
00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:04,257
(shouting and
woman's moan echoes)
391
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:14,534
*
392
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:20,873
(Jon)
I wasn't about to let
all these crazy dreams
393
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:23,576
deter me from
the task at hand.
394
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,612
The fishing episode was never
supposed to be about
395
00:17:25,612 --> 00:17:29,582
learning to fish, or even
catching a fish with my son.
396
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:31,718
For me, it was about
the simplicity
397
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:34,754
of spending some quality time
alone in the great outdoors
398
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:38,091
and enjoying
all that sweet, sweet...
399
00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:39,759
Gear! (echo)
400
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:49,269
Gear! (echo)
401
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:58,978
Gear! (echo)
402
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,190
Gear! (echo)
403
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,162
Gear! (echo)
404
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,799
Gear! (echo)
405
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,770
Gear! (echo)
406
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,319
Gear! (echo)
407
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,788
(Jon's fake son)
I already caught my first fish.
408
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,623
(Jon's fake wife)
You're a wonderful father.
409
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:44,891
(Woo)
Man, that's a happy fisherman...
410
00:18:44,891 --> 00:18:48,495
(people chanting)
Jewish butt! Jewish butt!
411
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:50,363
Jewish butt!
412
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,732
Gear! (echo)
413
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:57,737
*
414
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,839
Gear! (echo)
415
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,979
Gear! (echo)
416
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,522
Gear! (echo)
417
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:20,159
Excuse me.
418
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,495
What do you guys think
you're doing?
419
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:26,032
Acting like an annoying
asshole, that's what.
420
00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:27,867
Gear!
421
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:30,069
(gasping)
422
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:46,052
*
423
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,442
(sighing)
424
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,214
(exhaling deeply)
425
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,289
Oh, man,
let this be real.
426
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:27,460
Please, please,
no more dreams, please.
427
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,629
(exhaling deeply)
428
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,097
Mr. Glaser,
all set for you.
429
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:33,766
Oh, thank you, Daniel.
430
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,436
"A River Orgasms Through It"
scene five, take one-- mark.
431
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,338
(clapboard claps)
432
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:43,343
(man)
Action!
433
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:48,114
I need somebody to come grab
my fly and hold my rod.
434
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,684
(chuckling)
435
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,486
This is what
I call fishin'.
436
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:56,623
Oh, grab that rod.
437
00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:59,959
(groaning)
Yeah, work that rod.
438
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,961
Now cast it.
439
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,297
Jon--
Grab that rod.
440
00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:07,133
Jon.
What?
441
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:08,468
Oh.
Are you okay?
442
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:11,704
You've been tossing
and turning.
443
00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,540
(sighing)
444
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:16,008
Um...
445
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:18,378
Yeah, yeah, I was
having a bad dream.
446
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,447
Yeah, thanks for
waking me up.
447
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,318
I'm just gonna get up.
448
00:21:25,318 --> 00:21:27,654
Go back to sleep, okay?
449
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,994
I'm sorry I went fishing
with someone else's dad
450
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:37,029
before fishing with you.
451
00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,465
I feel bad.
452
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:41,300
Oh, you shouldn't,
I'm over it at this point.
453
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,002
You know, I'm just glad
we have the opportunity
454
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:46,873
to fish together and I can
catch my first fish,
455
00:21:46,873 --> 00:21:49,141
and it'll be
a special moment.
456
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,578
Thanks, daddy.
457
00:21:51,578 --> 00:21:52,812
Um...
458
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,714
No, your line,
your line, is...
459
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:56,182
(softly)
"I love you, daddy.
460
00:21:56,182 --> 00:21:57,717
I love you, daddy."
461
00:21:57,717 --> 00:22:00,853
But why would I say that
if you're not my daddy?
462
00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:03,155
I know, but we're just
pretending, you know,
463
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:07,360
that's what acting is, so you
just pretend I'm your dad.
464
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:08,928
Okay?
465
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:11,364
Say, "I love you, daddy."
466
00:22:11,364 --> 00:22:13,265
I love you, daddy.
467
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:14,701
All right, that was,
that was good,
468
00:22:14,701 --> 00:22:16,869
but just a little more emotion,
like, a little more like,
469
00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:18,838
we need to believe it.
470
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:21,408
I love you, daddy.
471
00:22:21,408 --> 00:22:22,575
All right, do you love
your real daddy?
472
00:22:22,575 --> 00:22:24,010
Yes.
473
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:26,379
All right, well, just pretend
I'm your real daddy
474
00:22:26,379 --> 00:22:30,583
and you're telling your real
daddy "I love you," okay?
475
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:33,185
My dad died in Iraq.
476
00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,422
He was Special Ops.
477
00:22:35,422 --> 00:22:37,724
Wow.
478
00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:41,227
Um...
479
00:22:41,227 --> 00:22:44,564
Well, first of all,
I'm so sorry to hear that.
480
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:47,233
That's... terrible,
481
00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:50,136
and sad and-- wow,
oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
482
00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:52,038
(softly)
Thanks.
483
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:55,274
And I'm really
sorry that our...
484
00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:59,045
producers did not inform me
of this ahead of time.
485
00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:02,749
Anyway, um...
486
00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:06,052
It's okay, I mean,
you wouldn't know.
487
00:23:06,052 --> 00:23:08,087
I mean...
488
00:23:08,087 --> 00:23:09,922
What happened?
489
00:23:09,922 --> 00:23:11,591
(mimics explosion)
490
00:23:13,660 --> 00:23:15,662
Jesus Christ.
491
00:23:15,662 --> 00:23:19,766
Land mine? RPG?
492
00:23:19,766 --> 00:23:23,770
Did a sniper get him?
493
00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:25,004
You know what,
let's drop it.
494
00:23:25,004 --> 00:23:26,305
You don't want to
talk about it.
495
00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:27,807
I'm so sorry.
496
00:23:27,807 --> 00:23:31,478
I appreciate
your concern.
497
00:23:31,478 --> 00:23:35,281
No pun intended, but thank you
for letting me off the hook.
498
00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:38,284
I can definitely tell
he's proud of me.
499
00:23:38,284 --> 00:23:41,454
There's no doubt in my mind
that he's proud of you.
500
00:23:41,454 --> 00:23:45,091
When I found out that I was
going to be doing this job,
501
00:23:45,091 --> 00:23:48,628
I told my family and they're
like, "Oh, my God!
502
00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,429
Jon Glaser?"
503
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:53,500
And I'm like,
"Yes, the king of comedy!"
504
00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:55,868
Well...
I mean...
505
00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:01,040
Well...
506
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,276
You're amazing.
507
00:24:04,276 --> 00:24:09,649
Right now I should be
paying homage to you, so...
508
00:24:09,649 --> 00:24:12,519
I appreciate that.
509
00:24:12,519 --> 00:24:16,489
I'd be so happy if I got
a selfie with you.
510
00:24:16,489 --> 00:24:19,358
Um, we could maybe
do one after.
511
00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:21,661
You're amazing.
Thank you.
512
00:24:21,661 --> 00:24:24,463
Excuse me if I've already
said that, but I can't--
513
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,998
Say it as many times as you
want-- I can't hear it enough.
514
00:24:25,998 --> 00:24:28,334
Exactly, I can't
say it too many times.
515
00:24:28,334 --> 00:24:32,004
I mean, you are amazing.
516
00:24:32,004 --> 00:24:35,207
Well, for as many times
as you say I'm amazing,
517
00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:37,043
I'm sorry about your dad.
36517
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