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- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
2
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Oh... yeah, that's nice.
3
00:00:08,210 --> 00:00:09,938
MICKEY: Oh.
4
00:00:09,939 --> 00:00:11,569
Oh...
5
00:00:12,498 --> 00:00:14,258
Good morning, everybody.
6
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Shh!
7
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Who the hell is this clown?
8
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Hi. I'm Kai.
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SABRINA: He's my boyfriend.
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Who are you?
11
00:00:25,619 --> 00:00:26,578
Well, I'm...
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- Mmm.
- Mmm.
13
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(Chip groans)
14
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I'm Jimmy.
15
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- (moaning)
- My goodness.
16
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They are really going for it, huh?
17
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♪ ♪
18
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- (bed frame banging)
- (Sabrina moaning)
19
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SABRINA: Yeah!
20
00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:46,674
(Sabrina and Kai laughing)
21
00:00:46,675 --> 00:00:49,650
Oh, my God, are you
really allowing this?
22
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,015
What do you want me to do about it?
23
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Something, it's disgusting.
24
00:00:52,178 --> 00:00:53,394
Just turn the TV up.
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Probably tire themselves
out pretty soon.
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00:00:54,990 --> 00:00:56,082
Nah, I don't know, Mick.
27
00:00:56,083 --> 00:00:58,002
It kind of feels like
it's your department now.
28
00:00:58,003 --> 00:00:59,410
Are you giving me parenting advice?
29
00:00:59,411 --> 00:01:01,009
Yeah, why are you even here?
30
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ALBA: Yeah, true, you
contribute nothing.
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00:01:02,738 --> 00:01:04,497
Oh, what the hell are
you guys talking about?
32
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I'm the father figure.
33
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Do you like my turtle?
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Uh...
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00:01:08,594 --> 00:01:10,418
no, not really.
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Good job, Dad.
37
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Well, I'm not gonna lie to the kid.
38
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(furniture crashing upstairs)
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Oh, there we go.
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Problem solved.
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- (bed frame banging)
- Oh...
42
00:01:19,571 --> 00:01:22,802
- Oh, my God!
- (Mickey and Ben yelling)
43
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(door opens)
44
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Knock, knock. Can I come in?
45
00:01:26,130 --> 00:01:28,049
Mm-hmm. You could also actually knock.
46
00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:29,969
Yeah. How's it going?
47
00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:31,281
- Everything good?
- Yep.
48
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Just chillin'.
49
00:01:32,338 --> 00:01:33,457
Yeah, yeah.
50
00:01:34,675 --> 00:01:36,529
So, Kai, huh?
51
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,618
- He seems cool.
- Yeah.
52
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What's his deal? Is he like a...
53
00:01:38,962 --> 00:01:41,042
- a fireman or a model or something?
- No.
54
00:01:41,043 --> 00:01:42,706
No, he builds furniture
out of found wood.
55
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(laughing): Found wood.
56
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Found wood's a thing. Oh.
57
00:01:47,602 --> 00:01:51,010
So, I guess you guys
are having sex, huh?
58
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,257
Oh, God, are we having the talk?
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00:01:52,258 --> 00:01:53,870
No, I don't want to
have the talk, at all.
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00:01:53,871 --> 00:01:55,504
Listen, I just wanted
to let you know that
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00:01:55,505 --> 00:01:57,088
I totally get it and
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you picked a good one,
63
00:01:58,178 --> 00:01:59,937
that guy is a hall of fame piece of ass.
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(chuckling) Oh, man,
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I'd let him do things to me...
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Please stop! Just stop it.
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All right, the point is, uh,
68
00:02:05,537 --> 00:02:07,169
you're a woman with needs and I get it,
69
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:10,049
so as long as you're using
condoms, I'm cool.
70
00:02:10,050 --> 00:02:11,009
We're not.
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00:02:11,010 --> 00:02:12,737
Oh, okay. Well, that's cool.
72
00:02:12,738 --> 00:02:13,729
Your body, your choice.
73
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I am more of a pill person myself.
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00:02:15,298 --> 00:02:17,473
Do you have any idea how
poisonous that stuff is?
75
00:02:17,474 --> 00:02:19,809
How is birth control poison, Sabrina?
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00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:22,177
It destroys your body and
causes crazy mood swings.
77
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So do babies!
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00:02:23,138 --> 00:02:24,801
Why do you all of a sudden care what...?
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Oh...
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I get it. (laughs)
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Get what?
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You're jealous.
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I'm jealous?
84
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- Yeah.
- What, of you?
85
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Why would I be jealous of you?
86
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Maybe because I have a beautiful
hunk of beef and you don't.
87
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- I got beef.
- Who, Jimmy?
88
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That packaged lunch meat?
89
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I'm over here feasting on filet mignon.
90
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All right, you know what?
I don't want to have
91
00:02:43,332 --> 00:02:45,097
this conversation.
I just don't want you to get
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pregnant, so why don't you just take
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some of my pills, until you go
fill a prescription of your own.
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00:02:49,410 --> 00:02:52,033
(chuckling): You keep your
birth control in a plastic bag?
95
00:02:52,034 --> 00:02:53,249
Well, I buy it in bulk online.
96
00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:54,561
I find it more cost effective.
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00:02:54,562 --> 00:02:55,617
I don't want them, okay?
98
00:02:55,617 --> 00:02:57,409
Why are you so resistant to the pill?
99
00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:58,817
It's a modern miracle!
100
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The pill revolutionized
everything for women.
101
00:03:00,738 --> 00:03:02,049
We were able to join the workforce.
102
00:03:02,050 --> 00:03:03,553
- It allowed us to...
- You never worked a day
103
00:03:03,554 --> 00:03:04,513
- in your life.
- (door opening)
104
00:03:04,514 --> 00:03:05,571
But I could if I wanted to,
105
00:03:05,572 --> 00:03:06,945
thanks to this magic little pill.
106
00:03:06,946 --> 00:03:09,025
Those pills are magic?
107
00:03:09,026 --> 00:03:10,881
Oh, here we go.
Ben, let me ask you something.
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00:03:10,882 --> 00:03:12,897
If there was a pill that
gave you the freedom
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to be anything in the whole world,
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- would you take it?
- Definitely.
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There you go. This kid
gets it and he's, like, three.
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Great, then he can
take 'em. How 'bout that?
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Okay, come back here.
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Come on, Sabrina.
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What do you care what I do with my body?
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You're not my mom.
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Honey, as far as I'm concerned,
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as long as I'm here, I have two jobs:
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make sure nobody dies
or winds up pregnant.
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No deaths, no births.
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Is what you're doing even legal?
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You're 17!
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What is he, like 30?
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Actually, the age of consent
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in Connecticut is 16.
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What?
127
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,608
It's cool to have sex with a 16-year-old
128
00:03:44,609 --> 00:03:45,887
in the state of Connecticut.
129
00:03:46,914 --> 00:03:48,673
Well, not cool like "awesome."
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00:03:48,673 --> 00:03:51,105
Cool like "acceptable."
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Gross, how do you know that?
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00:03:52,674 --> 00:03:54,081
I know what I know.
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12 in Oaxaca.
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MICKEY: Pull your head out of your ass!
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Come on, this is the kind of mistake
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that could ruin your life.
137
00:03:59,895 --> 00:04:01,749
- I'm not gonna get pregnant.
- (Chip chuckles)
138
00:04:01,750 --> 00:04:03,463
God, I'm so stoked I'm not a girl.
139
00:04:03,464 --> 00:04:05,255
- Babies freakin' suck.
- Hey,
140
00:04:05,256 --> 00:04:06,599
it's a two-way street, pal.
141
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,310
Women have trapped men
since the dawn of time
142
00:04:08,311 --> 00:04:10,407
by getting "accidentally" knocked up.
143
00:04:10,408 --> 00:04:12,967
And you, my friend, are a prime target.
144
00:04:12,968 --> 00:04:15,111
If I were a chick, I
would take you down.
145
00:04:15,112 --> 00:04:16,615
(groans)
146
00:04:16,616 --> 00:04:17,927
Hey, babe.
147
00:04:17,928 --> 00:04:20,166
Hey.
148
00:04:21,672 --> 00:04:24,872
(both moaning)
149
00:04:24,872 --> 00:04:27,591
(moaning continues)
150
00:04:27,592 --> 00:04:29,223
Um?
151
00:04:29,224 --> 00:04:31,783
Jimmy, can I have a word with
you in the bedroom for a second?
152
00:04:31,784 --> 00:04:33,863
- Why?
- (moaning continues)
153
00:04:33,864 --> 00:04:35,271
Oh. Oh, yeah.
154
00:04:35,272 --> 00:04:36,486
Yeah, yeah, yep.
155
00:04:43,912 --> 00:04:45,095
Hey, guys.
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00:04:45,096 --> 00:04:47,335
Kai, can you give us a
little privacy, please?
157
00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:49,159
- Oh, yeah, absolutely.
- Thanks.
158
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,471
Babe, do you need anything?
159
00:04:50,472 --> 00:04:51,527
I'm fine.
160
00:04:51,528 --> 00:04:52,711
Oh, yeah, you are.
161
00:04:52,712 --> 00:04:54,855
Okay. Scooch over.
162
00:04:54,856 --> 00:04:56,647
- Here we go. Whoopsie daisy.
- Um...
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00:04:56,648 --> 00:04:58,055
So, listen,
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00:04:58,056 --> 00:04:59,879
I was thinking about our
conversation yesterday
165
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,895
and I feel like I came
across kind of naggy.
166
00:05:01,896 --> 00:05:03,399
And I'm really sorry about that.
167
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,287
Because I get it, condoms suck.
168
00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:06,855
Remember how I felt about
this conversation before?
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00:05:06,856 --> 00:05:08,084
- Mm-hmm.
- Nothing's changed.
170
00:05:08,085 --> 00:05:09,287
All right, well, just hear me out, okay?
171
00:05:09,288 --> 00:05:10,486
I went down to the free clinic
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00:05:10,486 --> 00:05:12,263
and I took full advantage of the
"free" part for you.
173
00:05:12,264 --> 00:05:14,439
Turns out, you kids have all
sorts of options these days.
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00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:15,844
- What?
- I mean, are you kidding me?
175
00:05:15,844 --> 00:05:16,647
Look at this.
176
00:05:16,648 --> 00:05:17,511
For instance,
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00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:18,823
what's this little guy?
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00:05:18,824 --> 00:05:21,333
(humming) Cute little silver package.
179
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:23,079
A ring!
180
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,522
It's like a little piece of calamari.
181
00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:25,447
That's cool.
182
00:05:25,448 --> 00:05:26,851
I don't know what you're supposed...
183
00:05:26,852 --> 00:05:28,455
Does this go around the...
184
00:05:28,456 --> 00:05:30,375
Oh, no, no. Nope, you squish it,
185
00:05:30,376 --> 00:05:31,815
and you actually stick it up your...
186
00:05:31,816 --> 00:05:33,063
and you are, uh...
187
00:05:33,064 --> 00:05:34,183
You're open for business.
188
00:05:34,184 --> 00:05:35,751
Oh, yeah? Okay, cool, well,
189
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,767
uh, it has the exact
same hormones as the pill
190
00:05:37,768 --> 00:05:40,295
and it causes blood clots.
191
00:05:40,296 --> 00:05:41,755
Okay, try not to be a pain in the ass,
192
00:05:41,756 --> 00:05:42,715
we have a lot more here.
193
00:05:42,716 --> 00:05:44,199
Now, what is this gizmo?
194
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,255
That's an IUD.
195
00:05:45,256 --> 00:05:46,983
(groaning): Boy, it's off-putting.
196
00:05:46,984 --> 00:05:48,071
- Very long.
- Yeah.
197
00:05:48,072 --> 00:05:49,831
Oh, but you know what I see here?
198
00:05:49,832 --> 00:05:52,135
No chemicals, no hormones.
199
00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:53,127
Looks like we've
200
00:05:53,128 --> 00:05:54,501
- got a winner!
- Nope.
201
00:05:54,501 --> 00:05:55,559
- Open wide.
- Don't even...
202
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,159
Yeah, here comes the airplane.
203
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,079
- Come on.
- I'm gonna shove it all...
204
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,521
- I'm just kidding.
- I don't want it!
205
00:06:00,522 --> 00:06:02,183
- I won't, you got pants on.
- Oh, my God.
206
00:06:02,184 --> 00:06:03,751
That thing is filled with copper.
207
00:06:03,752 --> 00:06:04,871
Come on, do you have any other toxins
208
00:06:04,872 --> 00:06:05,959
you want to fill me up with?
209
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,847
Oh, my God, you are the
dumbest smart person
210
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:08,905
I have ever met in my life.
211
00:06:08,906 --> 00:06:10,375
Fine, you don't want to use condoms,
212
00:06:10,375 --> 00:06:11,783
I guess I'll have to be the condom.
213
00:06:11,784 --> 00:06:13,013
Gross, what does that even mean?
214
00:06:13,014 --> 00:06:14,647
It means I will see to
it that you and Kai
215
00:06:14,648 --> 00:06:15,879
never have unprotected sex.
216
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,282
- How?
- I don't have a job
217
00:06:17,282 --> 00:06:18,887
or any hobbies,
I'll figure something out.
218
00:06:18,888 --> 00:06:19,655
CHIP: Hey, Mickey.
219
00:06:19,656 --> 00:06:20,711
I need your signature.
220
00:06:20,712 --> 00:06:21,991
(groaning): Yeah,
221
00:06:21,992 --> 00:06:23,089
I'm not big on paper trails.
222
00:06:23,089 --> 00:06:24,007
What's it for?
223
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,450
Well, I thought about what Jimmy said
224
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,529
and I'm gonna get a vasectomy.
225
00:06:30,896 --> 00:06:33,629
A vasectomy? What the
hell are you talking about?
226
00:06:33,630 --> 00:06:34,654
Jimmy's right, I got
227
00:06:34,655 --> 00:06:36,509
- a big-ass target on my back.
- Jimmy!
228
00:06:36,510 --> 00:06:37,981
Think about it: I'm rich,
229
00:06:37,982 --> 00:06:40,253
I'm smart, I look
like a freakin' movie star,
230
00:06:40,254 --> 00:06:41,501
I'm kind,
231
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:42,813
and I'd make a great dad.
232
00:06:42,814 --> 00:06:44,125
It's only a matter of time
233
00:06:44,126 --> 00:06:45,245
until some gold-digging whore
234
00:06:45,246 --> 00:06:46,397
lures me into her honey trap.
235
00:06:46,398 --> 00:06:48,189
- JIMMY: What's up?
- Chip here
236
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,649
is thinking about getting a vasectomy.
237
00:06:49,650 --> 00:06:51,629
Oh, right on. You want
me to drive him or something?
238
00:06:51,630 --> 00:06:53,213
No, I don't, because
he's not getting one.
239
00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:54,525
Hey, this is my body.
240
00:06:54,526 --> 00:06:56,658
I should be able to do whatever
the hell I want with it!
241
00:06:56,659 --> 00:06:58,781
- He's got a point.
- Nah, don't you... don't start.
242
00:06:58,782 --> 00:07:01,021
He's not getting his balls
chopped off, Jimmy, okay?
243
00:07:01,022 --> 00:07:02,174
Okay, that's not how it works.
244
00:07:02,175 --> 00:07:03,732
It's actually a pretty simple procedure.
245
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:05,117
They clamp it, snip it, seal it.
246
00:07:05,118 --> 00:07:07,229
I've had it done a couple
times and reversed, so...
247
00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:08,925
Okay, he hasn't even kissed a girl yet.
248
00:07:08,926 --> 00:07:11,357
I've kissed girls, okay?
I kiss... I kiss mad girls!
249
00:07:11,358 --> 00:07:12,285
All right, prove it.
250
00:07:12,286 --> 00:07:13,344
Kiss your hand, show me how
251
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,557
you kiss all these girls.
252
00:07:14,558 --> 00:07:16,605
Okay...
253
00:07:16,606 --> 00:07:18,140
(sighs)
254
00:07:19,710 --> 00:07:23,453
(moaning)
255
00:07:23,454 --> 00:07:25,981
(moaning continues)
256
00:07:25,982 --> 00:07:28,989
(laughing)
257
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:31,613
Stop laughing, it's not funny!
258
00:07:31,614 --> 00:07:33,245
- I'm sorry.
- What's going on?
259
00:07:33,246 --> 00:07:34,365
Oh, nothing,
260
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:35,805
we're just, um, making fun of Chip
261
00:07:35,806 --> 00:07:37,055
'cause he's never kissed a girl.
262
00:07:37,056 --> 00:07:38,781
Ah, don't sweat it, little man.
263
00:07:38,782 --> 00:07:41,021
I didn't have my first
kiss till the third grade.
264
00:07:41,022 --> 00:07:41,981
Well, I'm 13.
265
00:07:41,982 --> 00:07:43,645
Hmm. Well,
266
00:07:43,646 --> 00:07:44,765
there's nothing to it.
267
00:07:44,766 --> 00:07:46,493
All you got to do is
just close your eyes,
268
00:07:46,494 --> 00:07:48,925
just let the wave wash over you.
269
00:07:50,462 --> 00:07:53,213
(both moaning)
270
00:07:53,214 --> 00:07:54,973
No, no, okay, all right, all right,
271
00:07:54,974 --> 00:07:57,149
hold on. H-Hey. Hang on a second. Wait!
272
00:07:57,150 --> 00:07:58,813
Just stop. Stop! Stop it!
273
00:07:58,814 --> 00:08:00,029
- I mean...
- Stop!
274
00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:03,134
Get out. Good, good.
275
00:08:03,135 --> 00:08:04,573
Good, really good.
276
00:08:04,574 --> 00:08:08,604
Healthy. Healthy as a horse. (laughing)
277
00:08:10,014 --> 00:08:11,293
Jimmy, a word.
278
00:08:11,294 --> 00:08:13,821
What? Oh.
279
00:08:13,822 --> 00:08:16,253
♪ Bounce, come on, bounce, bounce ♪
280
00:08:16,254 --> 00:08:18,877
♪ Come on, bounce... ♪
281
00:08:18,878 --> 00:08:21,118
Oh, my God!
282
00:08:21,119 --> 00:08:22,557
♪ 'Cause I'm the king of the castle ♪
283
00:08:22,558 --> 00:08:24,413
- ♪ Na, na, na ♪
- ♪ Turn me on, turn me loose ♪
284
00:08:24,414 --> 00:08:25,437
♪ Come on, come on ♪
285
00:08:25,438 --> 00:08:26,667
♪ Try to hit it, it's a hassle ♪
286
00:08:26,668 --> 00:08:27,764
♪ Come get some of this... ♪
287
00:08:27,765 --> 00:08:29,341
(gasps, groans)
288
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:31,052
♪ Play me like Nintendo,
never, ever let go ♪
289
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,213
♪ Keep it so loud,
you'll be hittin' the crescendo ♪
290
00:08:33,214 --> 00:08:34,749
♪ Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti Do ♪
291
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:36,509
♪ Come, baby, come ♪
292
00:08:36,510 --> 00:08:37,790
♪ Baby, baby, come, come ♪
293
00:08:37,790 --> 00:08:39,710
♪ Come, baby, come, baby,
baby, come, come ♪
294
00:08:39,710 --> 00:08:40,605
♪ When you got to give me lovin' ♪
295
00:08:40,606 --> 00:08:41,757
♪ And you got to give me some ♪
296
00:08:41,758 --> 00:08:42,871
♪ You got to give me lovin' ♪
297
00:08:42,872 --> 00:08:44,084
♪ And you got to give me some ♪
298
00:08:44,085 --> 00:08:45,501
(Sabrina yelling)
299
00:08:45,502 --> 00:08:47,229
What are you doing?
300
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:49,149
(coughing): Oh, come on.
301
00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:50,909
♪ Then you got to give me some ♪
302
00:08:50,910 --> 00:08:53,157
♪ You got to give me lovin',
then you got to give me some ♪
303
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,485
♪ Come on, come on ♪
304
00:08:55,486 --> 00:08:57,950
♪ Come on, come on ♪
305
00:08:57,950 --> 00:08:59,197
♪ Come on, come on ♪
306
00:08:59,198 --> 00:09:00,925
♪ Come on, come on... ♪
307
00:09:00,926 --> 00:09:02,205
Oh!
308
00:09:02,206 --> 00:09:03,996
(laughing)
309
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:08,252
(whimpering)
310
00:09:09,338 --> 00:09:10,909
- ♪ Well, I can hear the ♪
- ♪ Ring, ring, ring ♪
311
00:09:10,910 --> 00:09:12,189
♪ The telephone goes ring ♪
312
00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:13,181
♪ Hello, hello ♪
313
00:09:13,182 --> 00:09:14,941
♪ But we're still gettin' busy. ♪
314
00:09:14,942 --> 00:09:16,798
Yeah! There we go.
315
00:09:16,798 --> 00:09:18,557
Ooh, stinks in here.
316
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,709
Get a little air flow going.
317
00:09:19,710 --> 00:09:20,925
What are you, insane?
318
00:09:20,926 --> 00:09:22,713
You have nothing better
to do than to stalk me?
319
00:09:22,714 --> 00:09:24,541
You guys just say the word.
320
00:09:24,542 --> 00:09:26,781
Just give 'em to me,
we'll try 'em, you maniac.
321
00:09:26,782 --> 00:09:28,605
Now we're talking.
322
00:09:28,606 --> 00:09:29,693
- (sighing)
- (whirring)
323
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,644
- You kids go nuts.
- (groaning)
324
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:34,686
(yells)
325
00:09:34,686 --> 00:09:36,989
Whoa...
326
00:09:36,990 --> 00:09:38,813
What is the problem, slugger?
327
00:09:38,814 --> 00:09:41,373
All the girls at my
school are stupid trolls!
328
00:09:41,374 --> 00:09:44,029
Oh, well, you were smart to come to me.
329
00:09:44,030 --> 00:09:45,437
I didn't, you walked into my room.
330
00:09:45,438 --> 00:09:47,037
Yeah, either way.
331
00:09:47,038 --> 00:09:49,053
Tell me about these trolls, pal.
332
00:09:49,054 --> 00:09:50,749
(sighs) They're...
333
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:53,373
They're not trolls, okay, they just...
334
00:09:53,374 --> 00:09:55,997
they won't... (sighs)
335
00:09:55,998 --> 00:09:57,405
Okay, if I tell you,
336
00:09:57,406 --> 00:09:58,973
you have to promise not to tell anybody.
337
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:00,093
Yeah, of course.
338
00:10:00,094 --> 00:10:02,109
Mickey's right, I never...
339
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:04,317
kissed a girl, ever.
340
00:10:04,318 --> 00:10:05,533
Uh-huh.
341
00:10:05,534 --> 00:10:06,717
I tried to do it like Kai,
342
00:10:06,718 --> 00:10:09,117
but they all treated me like
I had freakin' AIDS.
343
00:10:09,118 --> 00:10:11,293
Okay, that's ignorant and insensitive,
344
00:10:11,294 --> 00:10:13,725
but I get how it feels to be rejected.
345
00:10:13,726 --> 00:10:15,293
Trust me, uh...
346
00:10:15,294 --> 00:10:17,053
All right, and Kai,
347
00:10:17,054 --> 00:10:19,839
he's so good looking, it's...
348
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,598
I wouldn't mind taking
a run at him myself.
349
00:10:22,716 --> 00:10:24,797
And he is really giving your aunt and I
350
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:26,109
a jump-start in the bedroom.
351
00:10:26,110 --> 00:10:27,513
Oh, gross, dude. Know your audience.
352
00:10:27,514 --> 00:10:29,469
I'm sorry. Look, all I'm saying is
353
00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:31,261
you got to be yourself, okay.
354
00:10:31,262 --> 00:10:33,277
Forget Kai and his looks.
355
00:10:33,278 --> 00:10:35,293
You've got things that he
doesn't have, right?
356
00:10:35,294 --> 00:10:37,501
You got to play to those,
play to your strengths.
357
00:10:37,502 --> 00:10:39,357
Right, play to my strengths.
358
00:10:39,358 --> 00:10:41,437
- Thank you, Jimmy.
- Yeah.
359
00:10:41,438 --> 00:10:43,421
(bed frame banging upstairs)
360
00:10:43,422 --> 00:10:46,173
Ugh. What the heck is going on up there?
361
00:10:46,174 --> 00:10:51,645
Your sister's getting fu...
rniture... delivered.
362
00:10:51,646 --> 00:10:53,533
- Huh?
- Pretty cool drawing.
363
00:10:53,534 --> 00:10:55,069
No, it's not. It's terrible.
364
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:57,757
And how am I supposed
to make anything good
365
00:10:57,758 --> 00:11:00,349
when you won't stop
breathing down my neck?!
366
00:11:00,350 --> 00:11:04,061
Whoa, Benny, what is
going on with you, bud?
367
00:11:04,062 --> 00:11:06,781
You're so moody these days.
368
00:11:06,782 --> 00:11:10,941
Ms. Mickey? Look, I found
these in Sabrina's trash.
369
00:11:10,942 --> 00:11:12,573
Are you serious?
370
00:11:12,574 --> 00:11:14,207
You have to promise me
you will not let her
371
00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:16,029
get pregnant, okay... Prométame.
372
00:11:16,030 --> 00:11:17,981
I prometa. Okay?
373
00:11:17,982 --> 00:11:20,157
I already raised Sabrina, Chip, and Ben.
374
00:11:20,158 --> 00:11:22,397
I cannot do another,
not with all the crying and the...
375
00:11:22,398 --> 00:11:24,061
- And the no sleeping and the diapers.
- I get it. Hey, hey, yes...
376
00:11:24,062 --> 00:11:26,269
- There are just so many diapers.
- I understand, okay.
377
00:11:26,270 --> 00:11:28,765
No, no, no, you don't understand.
378
00:11:28,766 --> 00:11:30,461
I breastfed all three of them.
379
00:11:30,462 --> 00:11:32,637
My nipples are like old chewing gum.
380
00:11:32,638 --> 00:11:35,741
No, no, no, but come on,
good God, that's enough.
381
00:11:35,742 --> 00:11:37,085
I'll figure it out, okay.
382
00:11:37,086 --> 00:11:39,197
I don't want to hear about
your nipples anymore.
383
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:41,533
- Are we cool on that?
- Yeah, we're good. We're good.
384
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:44,477
- Okay, good.
- But we got to keep her from seeing him.
385
00:11:44,478 --> 00:11:46,667
No, that's the classic thing.
If we forbid her to see him,
386
00:11:46,668 --> 00:11:48,107
she's just going to want him more.
387
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,205
We got to make her break up with him.
388
00:11:50,206 --> 00:11:53,021
- (gasps) Oh!
- What?
389
00:11:53,022 --> 00:11:55,133
I'm going to bang his
beautiful brains out.
390
00:11:55,134 --> 00:11:58,217
- Oh... yeah.
- Oh... yeah.
391
00:12:00,410 --> 00:12:02,919
Mickey, I got a bad feeling about this.
392
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,782
Sabrina is going to do the murder to you
393
00:12:04,783 --> 00:12:06,190
if you sleep with Kai.
394
00:12:06,191 --> 00:12:07,982
Yeah, well, she'll get over it.
395
00:12:07,983 --> 00:12:11,502
I think it should be me who
carries out this despicable act.
396
00:12:11,503 --> 00:12:14,478
Oh, Alba, that is very generous of you,
397
00:12:14,479 --> 00:12:15,950
but not necessary.
398
00:12:15,951 --> 00:12:17,614
You already do so much for this family.
399
00:12:17,615 --> 00:12:21,166
Oh, well, I really don't do a lot,
400
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:23,118
and I've been slacking off.
401
00:12:23,119 --> 00:12:25,124
Yeah, it's okay. I... I do this.
402
00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:27,503
Yeah, super thoughtful,
but you know what?
403
00:12:27,504 --> 00:12:28,974
Here's the thing.
404
00:12:28,975 --> 00:12:31,679
Kai's a thoroughbred,
right, and we really need
405
00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:33,454
an experienced jockey riding that horse.
406
00:12:33,455 --> 00:12:34,820
Yeah, but if I could just take a...
407
00:12:34,821 --> 00:12:37,518
Back off, Alba, okay? I'm doing my plan.
408
00:12:37,519 --> 00:12:39,470
KAI (calling out): Hello? Ma'am?
409
00:12:39,471 --> 00:12:41,261
Just be grateful you get to listen.
410
00:12:43,568 --> 00:12:45,999
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, you.
411
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,055
Hey. I got your message.
412
00:12:47,056 --> 00:12:48,513
There's something wrong with your bed?
413
00:12:48,514 --> 00:12:49,640
Jumping right into it, huh?
414
00:12:49,641 --> 00:12:51,342
I like that. Want to have a drink first?
415
00:12:51,343 --> 00:12:54,702
Oh, no, I'm okay. You know,
booze and power tools.
416
00:12:54,703 --> 00:12:56,814
All right, I'll take yours.
417
00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:57,805
Oh.
418
00:13:01,135 --> 00:13:04,974
So, um, what seems to
be the problem over here?
419
00:13:04,975 --> 00:13:07,342
Oh, man, she's creaking
like a barn door.
420
00:13:07,343 --> 00:13:09,135
- Oh, yeah?
- Yep.
421
00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,342
Hmm, well, I guess
I could tighten a few screws,
422
00:13:11,343 --> 00:13:13,935
but it looks good to me.
423
00:13:13,936 --> 00:13:15,407
It looks good to me, too.
424
00:13:15,408 --> 00:13:19,597
Yeah, okay. Um, let's see.
425
00:13:21,071 --> 00:13:22,670
Yeah, you know, I'm still
not really hearing anything.
426
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:24,174
You're not hearing it? Yeah.
427
00:13:24,175 --> 00:13:25,678
Oh, I think I know what the problem is.
428
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:29,134
Normally I'm, huh, on top of it
429
00:13:29,135 --> 00:13:31,150
when I'm hearing the noises,
you know what I mean?
430
00:13:31,151 --> 00:13:33,358
It's, kind of, like... (grunting)
431
00:13:33,359 --> 00:13:36,718
squeak... squeak... squeak, squeak.
432
00:13:36,719 --> 00:13:37,902
You hearing it at all?
433
00:13:37,903 --> 00:13:40,014
Yeah, you know, I'm not hearing it.
434
00:13:40,015 --> 00:13:42,735
Oh, okay. Well, then
I guess let's just start over.
435
00:13:42,735 --> 00:13:44,303
We don't have to overthink it.
436
00:13:44,304 --> 00:13:46,414
Let's go under the bed and
we'll figure out sort of a...
437
00:13:46,415 --> 00:13:49,038
I just want to get out of this here.
438
00:13:49,039 --> 00:13:51,342
You know what, maybe I should... okay.
439
00:13:51,343 --> 00:13:53,070
- Well, hold on. Hang on a second.
- Okay.
440
00:13:53,071 --> 00:13:55,165
I think if we... you just gave
me a second, we could...
441
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:55,918
Oh!
442
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:57,614
My goodness, what a launch.
443
00:13:57,615 --> 00:14:00,750
Are you... are you leaving?
Leave. Get out of here.
444
00:14:00,751 --> 00:14:02,478
Get out of my room. Get out of my room
445
00:14:02,479 --> 00:14:04,494
and do not come back.
446
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,287
I could've closed the deal.
447
00:14:06,288 --> 00:14:08,142
Not now, Alba, okay? Not now.
448
00:14:08,143 --> 00:14:11,183
Oh, that bitch, if she wants
to get pregnant, fine, fine.
449
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,550
We're going to help her get pregnant.
450
00:14:13,551 --> 00:14:14,893
Hmm?
451
00:14:21,455 --> 00:14:23,246
Hey, Steffi.
452
00:14:23,247 --> 00:14:24,494
Hey, Chip.
453
00:14:24,495 --> 00:14:27,407
So, uh, did you take that math test?
454
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,198
Oh, my God, it was so hard.
455
00:14:29,199 --> 00:14:31,599
Right? It's like, are we in algebra or,
456
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:34,510
like, the freakin' space program?
457
00:14:34,511 --> 00:14:36,718
Like, "Earth to algebra,
nobody likes you."
458
00:14:36,719 --> 00:14:40,654
So cool, cool... chill.
459
00:14:40,655 --> 00:14:43,342
Um, well, I just, like,
think you're really,
460
00:14:43,343 --> 00:14:45,102
really pretty and, like, super cool,
461
00:14:45,103 --> 00:14:46,698
and I like hanging out
with you and stuff.
462
00:14:46,699 --> 00:14:48,942
And, like, you're super
freakin' chill and, like,
463
00:14:48,943 --> 00:14:50,126
all that good stuff.
464
00:14:50,127 --> 00:14:51,607
Chip, you don't have to be so nervous.
465
00:14:51,608 --> 00:14:52,462
You can just ask.
466
00:14:52,463 --> 00:14:55,310
Okay. Whew.
467
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:58,734
Well, I was just wondering if I...
468
00:14:58,735 --> 00:15:00,966
I could pay you $500
to make out with me?
469
00:15:00,990 --> 00:15:01,711
What?
470
00:15:01,711 --> 00:15:03,534
Um, you're better than that. $1,000.
471
00:15:03,535 --> 00:15:05,395
- Oh!
- You jerk.
472
00:15:10,319 --> 00:15:12,654
(Sabrina retching)
473
00:15:12,655 --> 00:15:16,910
Damn, Alba, how much ipecac
did you put in that smoothie?
474
00:15:16,911 --> 00:15:18,506
I'm just trying to
fake morning sickness,
475
00:15:18,507 --> 00:15:19,374
not blow her guts out.
476
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:21,806
I'm sorry I'm not the
expert drugger like you.
477
00:15:21,807 --> 00:15:23,747
No, you're not. You guys
are lucky to have me here.
478
00:15:23,748 --> 00:15:26,286
Look what I got online,
a bunch of fake pregnancy tests.
479
00:15:26,287 --> 00:15:28,622
I replaced them with all the
ones under Poodle's sink.
480
00:15:28,623 --> 00:15:29,988
You hand a guy something like this,
481
00:15:29,989 --> 00:15:32,238
he just starts throwing cash at
you, no questions asked.
482
00:15:32,239 --> 00:15:34,574
I like to call it the $600 shuffle.
483
00:15:34,575 --> 00:15:36,686
Yeah, now I just feel depressed.
484
00:15:36,687 --> 00:15:37,839
What are you two doing?
485
00:15:37,839 --> 00:15:39,630
Oh, us? Nothing. We're... we're just,
486
00:15:39,631 --> 00:15:41,294
- you know, we're hanging out.
- Yeah.
487
00:15:41,295 --> 00:15:43,150
No, you're acting weird.
488
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,398
No, we are not.
489
00:15:44,399 --> 00:15:46,094
We are acting as regular as can be.
490
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:47,054
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
491
00:15:47,055 --> 00:15:48,974
Yes, you are, and I know why.
492
00:15:48,975 --> 00:15:51,566
You don't want to tell me
that you hate my drawing.
493
00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:53,838
You think I don't have
control of the marker,
494
00:15:53,839 --> 00:15:56,078
and this whole art thing
is a waste of my time.
495
00:15:56,079 --> 00:15:58,829
Well, you don't have to tell
me because I already know.
496
00:16:00,655 --> 00:16:02,286
Whoa, what a dick.
497
00:16:02,287 --> 00:16:03,758
What's wrong with him?
498
00:16:03,759 --> 00:16:05,163
I don't know. What's wrong with you?
499
00:16:05,163 --> 00:16:06,734
- You look horrible.
- Oh, yeah.
500
00:16:06,735 --> 00:16:08,369
Well, I've been sick
all day. I don't know.
501
00:16:08,370 --> 00:16:10,766
I think I got to stop drinking
on school nights, you know?
502
00:16:10,767 --> 00:16:14,542
- Or maybe you have a baby inside you.
- Oh, okay.
503
00:16:14,543 --> 00:16:16,558
Well, that's not possible
504
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:17,806
'cause she's using condoms, right?
505
00:16:17,807 --> 00:16:19,688
- Right. Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, I'm just saying,
506
00:16:19,689 --> 00:16:21,545
maybe you want to take
one of the pregnancy tests
507
00:16:21,546 --> 00:16:23,662
in Poodle's bathroom,
you know, just to be sure.
508
00:16:23,663 --> 00:16:25,902
She's got a good point.
It couldn't hurt.
509
00:16:25,903 --> 00:16:27,374
Well, I... I mean, I don't...
510
00:16:27,375 --> 00:16:29,710
(gagging)
511
00:16:29,711 --> 00:16:30,862
Oh, uh-oh.
512
00:16:30,863 --> 00:16:32,014
- Oh, no.
- Get it out.
513
00:16:32,015 --> 00:16:34,958
- Oh, no, no.
- Eh.
514
00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:35,918
(door slams)
515
00:16:35,919 --> 00:16:37,454
She's a tiny person.
516
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:39,182
Just a little drip,
you know what I mean?
517
00:16:39,183 --> 00:16:41,326
(groaning)
518
00:16:41,327 --> 00:16:44,654
Hey, buddy, I'm glad you called.
519
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:47,150
- I called Mickey.
- Yeah, well, I'm here.
520
00:16:47,151 --> 00:16:49,550
- What's the problem?
- You're the problem.
521
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:51,758
I-I did what you said.
I played to my strengths,
522
00:16:51,759 --> 00:16:54,510
and Steffi booted my
nuts into my throat.
523
00:16:54,511 --> 00:16:57,614
Yeah. Well, don't worry,
they'll drop back down.
524
00:16:57,615 --> 00:16:59,598
- I freakin' hate girls.
- Hey, come on.
525
00:16:59,599 --> 00:17:01,934
You're a young man.
This is just beginning.
526
00:17:01,935 --> 00:17:03,470
All right? And to tell you the truth,
527
00:17:03,471 --> 00:17:07,022
I miss the days girls were
blasting me in the junk.
528
00:17:07,023 --> 00:17:08,676
Are you the father?
529
00:17:08,677 --> 00:17:12,590
Uh... I am today.
530
00:17:12,591 --> 00:17:14,670
Well, his scans look okay.
531
00:17:14,671 --> 00:17:16,342
Hopefully the pain
and swelling will subside
532
00:17:16,343 --> 00:17:18,030
in the next few days, but if not,
533
00:17:18,031 --> 00:17:20,558
that could mean something more
serious, maybe even infertility.
534
00:17:20,559 --> 00:17:22,286
What does... what does that mean?
535
00:17:22,287 --> 00:17:24,814
- Well, his...
- I...
536
00:17:24,815 --> 00:17:26,926
I think it means you got your wish.
537
00:17:26,927 --> 00:17:29,294
Congrats on your first vasectomy.
538
00:17:29,295 --> 00:17:30,448
Oh...
539
00:17:33,645 --> 00:17:35,953
And the more that I think about it,
it's not the worst thing
540
00:17:35,954 --> 00:17:37,794
I can't have kids... I can always adopt.
541
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,074
I would not wish that on any
542
00:17:39,075 --> 00:17:40,386
abandoned child in the world.
543
00:17:40,387 --> 00:17:42,370
Psst, Mickey. She's coming.
544
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:43,522
- Yeah?
- She's coming, she's coming.
545
00:17:43,523 --> 00:17:45,186
Okay, okay. Shh.
Keep a straight face, okay.
546
00:17:45,187 --> 00:17:47,181
All right, play it cool.
We're going to make her look
547
00:17:47,182 --> 00:17:48,095
like a real scumbag.
548
00:17:48,096 --> 00:17:50,306
- She is going to freak.
- Yeah.
549
00:17:50,307 --> 00:17:53,058
- Hi, everybody.
- Hey.
550
00:17:53,059 --> 00:17:55,650
Uh, so, Kai and I, we have some news.
551
00:17:55,651 --> 00:17:57,744
What? What is this news?
I don't know what it could be.
552
00:17:57,745 --> 00:17:59,106
Okay, what is the news?
553
00:17:59,107 --> 00:18:01,794
I don't really know how to say this,
so I'm just gonna...
554
00:18:01,795 --> 00:18:04,322
- put it out there.
- MICKEY: Go for it.
555
00:18:04,323 --> 00:18:05,282
I'm pregnant.
556
00:18:05,283 --> 00:18:06,338
(gasps)
557
00:18:06,339 --> 00:18:08,162
There we go. The first dilution
558
00:18:08,163 --> 00:18:09,506
of the Pemberton bloodline.
559
00:18:09,507 --> 00:18:10,818
Well, this is shocking.
560
00:18:10,819 --> 00:18:12,482
I had zero ideas about this.
561
00:18:12,483 --> 00:18:14,850
Who would ever know this to
be true? Shame, shame.
562
00:18:14,851 --> 00:18:17,378
As you can see, we are shocked, okay,
563
00:18:17,379 --> 00:18:19,714
and you are a moron, Sabrina.
564
00:18:19,715 --> 00:18:21,954
How could you do this?
I told you this was going to happen.
565
00:18:21,955 --> 00:18:26,209
You were right. I'm a big stupid idiot.
566
00:18:26,210 --> 00:18:28,098
My whole life is ruined.
567
00:18:28,099 --> 00:18:29,762
(Sabrina sobbing)
568
00:18:29,763 --> 00:18:31,665
What did you do to our little girl,
you son of...?
569
00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:33,346
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Stop it. No, no, no.
570
00:18:33,347 --> 00:18:35,778
It's a... sorry. You guys, I'm sorry.
571
00:18:35,779 --> 00:18:37,442
This is a big misunderstanding.
572
00:18:37,443 --> 00:18:40,738
Ma'am, ma'am,
with all due respect, I got this.
573
00:18:40,739 --> 00:18:43,906
Babe, babe, look at me, okay.
Listen to me, I love you.
574
00:18:43,907 --> 00:18:45,474
And we're going to have a baby.
575
00:18:45,475 --> 00:18:48,289
- Yeah, well, that's the thing.
- Ma'am!
576
00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:50,402
How cool is that? Hmm?
577
00:18:50,403 --> 00:18:54,242
I get to build him a
crib and a rocking horse,
578
00:18:54,243 --> 00:18:56,033
and a whole friggin'
house to put it all in.
579
00:18:57,411 --> 00:18:59,809
I mean...
580
00:18:59,810 --> 00:19:02,433
you know what?
581
00:19:02,434 --> 00:19:03,746
Screw it.
582
00:19:03,747 --> 00:19:07,362
- What the hell is happening?
- Ma'am!
583
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:08,801
Sabrina Pemberton,
584
00:19:08,802 --> 00:19:10,977
- I love you.
- Mm...
585
00:19:10,978 --> 00:19:11,937
Will you marry me, baby?
586
00:19:11,938 --> 00:19:14,306
Yes, I will marry you.
587
00:19:14,307 --> 00:19:16,418
Okay, great. Yeah, that's
the thing I was going to say
588
00:19:16,419 --> 00:19:18,178
is that she's not pregnant.
589
00:19:18,179 --> 00:19:19,522
- That's good.
- What?
590
00:19:19,523 --> 00:19:21,079
She's not pregnant. You're not pregnant.
591
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,362
- What do you mean?
- Alba and I...
592
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:28,609
Well, we wanted to teach you a
lesson, you know, so we...
593
00:19:28,610 --> 00:19:32,130
So I-I hope you learned.
594
00:19:32,131 --> 00:19:34,369
I can't... it's gone
off the rails a bit.
595
00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:35,329
I'm not really sure...
596
00:19:35,330 --> 00:19:39,682
Okay. Well, thank you.
597
00:19:39,682 --> 00:19:42,690
Yes, you're welcome.
598
00:19:42,691 --> 00:19:44,059
Wait, for what?
599
00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,153
Well, if you didn't do that,
I never would've found out
600
00:19:46,154 --> 00:19:48,802
what an amazing man Kai is.
601
00:19:48,803 --> 00:19:50,398
Oh, my God, do you
still want to marry me?
602
00:19:50,399 --> 00:19:51,714
- What?
- More than anything.
603
00:19:51,715 --> 00:19:53,410
- No.
- No baby, fake baby.
604
00:19:53,411 --> 00:19:54,818
Yeah, that's the same thing, though.
605
00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,452
You hear that?
It's kind of the same thing.
606
00:19:56,453 --> 00:19:57,858
♪ Sabrina's getting married ♪
607
00:19:57,859 --> 00:20:00,386
Wait...
608
00:20:00,387 --> 00:20:04,674
Sabrina's getting married? (crying)
609
00:20:04,675 --> 00:20:06,385
Okay, what the hell's
going on with this one?
610
00:20:06,386 --> 00:20:11,618
Huh? I'm happy and sad...
611
00:20:11,619 --> 00:20:13,346
and mad.
612
00:20:13,347 --> 00:20:15,649
Come on, Ben,
what's going on with you, buddy?
613
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:18,306
I'm just a big, fat, no-talent loser.
614
00:20:18,307 --> 00:20:21,409
Even your magic pills couldn't help.
615
00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:23,984
- What magic pills?
- The ones in your purse.
616
00:20:23,985 --> 00:20:27,610
I filled it with other pills
so I wouldn't get in trouble.
617
00:20:27,611 --> 00:20:29,717
Are you talking about my birth control?
618
00:20:29,718 --> 00:20:33,604
That's not good, because Jimmy
and I have been... a lot.
619
00:20:33,605 --> 00:20:36,181
- Uh...
- I'm gonna be a dad.
620
00:20:36,182 --> 00:20:38,753
- No, no, no.
- I'm gonna be a da...
621
00:20:38,785 --> 00:20:44,539
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
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