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1
00:00:58,141 --> 00:00:59,939
2
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:02,150
3
00:01:03,146 --> 00:01:05,524
You've reached Dr Stuart Price.
4
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:09,992
The office will be closed until the 24th.
If this is an emergency, please try...
5
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,992
6
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,828
7
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,167
Hi. This is Dr. Stu Price.
8
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I'm getting married, so I'll be out
of the country for two weeks.
9
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:24,343
I'm not sure if I'll have cell service.
If this is a dental emergency, plea...
10
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:25,794
Nothing.
11
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:30,390
12
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,015
Daddy, please. You're not helping.
13
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:38,524
Not the eyes of a man.
14
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:41,026
The eyes of a coward.
15
00:01:41,184 --> 00:01:42,731
16
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,441
17
00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,781
Excuse me.
18
00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,787
--Phil.
19
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:54,702
I'm sorry.
20
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,833
Where the hell are you?
21
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:00,708
It happened again.
22
00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:03,044
Don't say that.
23
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,207
Please.
24
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:06,468
No, this time we really fucked up.
25
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,176
Seriously, what is wrong with you three?
26
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:12,595
So much, Trace,
I don't even know where to begin.
27
00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,726
TRACY:
Oh, God. How bad?
28
00:02:15,594 --> 00:02:17,392
Like no wedding bad?
29
00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:19,897
Yeah.
30
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,852
Little worse than that.
31
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,128
Mm-hm.
32
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,586
You really need to floss more.
33
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,881
Fuck that. That's why I come here.
34
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:17,469
Then you should come more than
once every two years.
35
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:21,978
- So you could bleed me of all my money?
- I never charge you a dime, Phil.
36
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:25,186
- Hey, how do I work the nitrous?
- Uh, you don't, actually.
37
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,350
Come on. Just one hit.
38
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:31,317
Fillings look pretty good.
Any other problems?
39
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:35,534
Yeah, actually.
You're getting married in Thailand.
40
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:39,663
For starters, that's flights for me and Steph.
That's two grand right there.
41
00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:41,289
My mother-in-law's watching the kids.
42
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,701
Now she's got this whole new thing
to hold over my head.
43
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,869
Plus it takes five days to get there.
44
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:49,540
It's a 16-hour flight.
And it's beautiful when you get there.
45
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,834
- Whatever. it's a hassle.
- It is kind of far.
46
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,712
Lauren's been there a week
and she's still jet-lagged.
47
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,051
It's where her parents are from.
It means a lot.
48
00:04:57,214 --> 00:05:00,309
Who gives a shit about her parents?
Her dad hates you.
49
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,890
He doesn't hate me.
50
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,727
He's just never spoken to me.
I think it's a cultural thing.
51
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,938
Why can't you get married in Vegas
like last time? So much easier.
52
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:12,229
Why can't you just be excited for me?
53
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:14,568
This is my wedding.
54
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:20,574
You're really happy, huh?
55
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,081
I really am.
56
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:29,253
All right. I'm happy too.
57
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:32,540
Thank you.
58
00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:33,924
It's gonna be fun.
59
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,757
60
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,927
Phil? Put the prescription pad back.
61
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,573
Thank you.
You know that's a felony, right?
62
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,278
Fuck you, man.
63
00:05:59,150 --> 00:06:02,620
- Was this right up against your scrotum?
- Yep.
64
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,951
TRACY: Oh, my God. I just realized.
DOUG: What?
65
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:08,869
TRACY:
I forgot to renew my passport.
66
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:10,287
Oh, no.
67
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:13,707
Good thing I did it last week.
It's in the kitchen drawer.
68
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,591
You're the best.
69
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:17,468
Hey, we're a team.
70
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:22,474
No, I mean, you are a good guy.
Like, a really good guy.
71
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:24,725
Thank you.
72
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,728
So I know you're not gonna get mad.
73
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,264
Mad? What...? Mad at what?
74
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:32,727
Alan found out that we're going to Thailand
for Stu's wedding.
75
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:33,940
So?
76
00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,981
So he's heartbroken, Doug.
You guys are like his family.
77
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,149
No, your family is like his family.
78
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:44,079
All Alan talks about is the three of you.
And that weekend.
79
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,831
Wait. Is he the one that keeps calling
and hanging up?
80
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:51,670
He does that when he's upset. He doesn't
understand why he's not invited.
81
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,834
Could you just run it by Stu?
82
00:06:54,372 --> 00:06:56,466
Just run it by him.
83
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,210
For me?
84
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,009
STU:
No fucking way.
85
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,515
Absolutely not.
86
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,142
Come on, Stu. it's killing him.
87
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:07,678
I don't care.
88
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,938
Honestly, the two of you
were barely invited.
89
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,848
PHIL: Oh.
- All right. I get it. I really do.
90
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:15,360
Just, you know what? Alan considers you
to be one of his best friends.
91
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:17,065
I consider Alan to be insane.
92
00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,354
PHIL:
Stu, throw him a bone.
93
00:07:18,521 --> 00:07:20,819
His dad pays
for everything he eats and breaks.
94
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:23,701
We should squeeze the old man
to cover the bachelor party.
95
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:24,907
That's good.
96
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:30,122
I'm glad you brought that up,
because this is the bachelor party.
97
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,956
- What?
- What are you talking about?
98
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,041
Yeah. it's my bachelor brunch.
99
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:39,506
Go crazy. Get some chocolate-chip
pancakes, a lap dance from the waitress.
100
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:44,176
That's bullshit. Ha, ha. You can't just
skip out of a bachelor party, Stu.
101
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:47,934
You see that?
That's orange juice with a napkin on top.
102
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,812
Do you know why?
So nobody roofies me.
103
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,770
Well, I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe
at a bachelor party.
104
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,026
Come on.
Don't you think you're overreacting?
105
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:58,278
No, I don't.
106
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,400
I'm still putting the broken pieces
of my psyche back together.
107
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,862
108
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:06,027
And you know what the glue is?
109
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:09,494
Lauren. And I'm not doing anything
to screw that up.
110
00:08:09,656 --> 00:08:12,785
- You wouldn't be with her if it wasn't for us.
- Oh, this'll be good.
111
00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:15,420
Stu, think about it.
You ended up ditching Melissa.
112
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,672
Two years later,
you met your true soul mate.
113
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:21,586
You take Vegas out of that equation,
you would have married a cunt.
114
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:25,092
It's okay. I'm allowed to say it.
It's a bachelor party.
115
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,723
Drink up, everybody.
116
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,680
Wait, there's no alcohol.
I forgot, we're at a fucking IHOP.
117
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,938
Well, it's my decision and it's final,
so how about a toast?
118
00:08:33,096 --> 00:08:36,942
- This sucks. I'm gonna wait in the car.
- Come on, Phil. Where you going?
119
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,569
I just don't get it.
He's getting married in Thailand.
120
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,607
That's great for him, but what about us?
You're just selfish.
121
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,741
Come on, sweetheart.
122
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,118
Shame on you.
123
00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:53,246
Don't worry, Stu.
I will stand up for you no matter what.
124
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,705
Thank you.
125
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,792
But you gotta help me out
with this Alan thing.
126
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,376
SID: Guys, I can't tell you
how much this means.
127
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:06,046
Alan's been waiting for the invite
ever since he got wind of the wedding.
128
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:07,259
I'm sure he has.
129
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:10,642
Yeah, he's been standing outside
by the mailbox every day.
130
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,474
- Wow, that's rough.
- Yeah. I, uh ...
131
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:18,142
I'm not quite sure he ever left Vegas,
you know? He really needs this.
132
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,477
[KNOCKS ON Doom
133
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:21,815
ALAN:
What?
134
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:25,357
Sweetie, it's Pa Pa. You have visitors.
135
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:29,323
Go in slowly,
give him a chance to acclimate.
136
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,331
DOUG:
Hey, Alan.
137
00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:35,788
Hey, guys.
138
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,457
- Hey, Phil.
- Hey, bud.
139
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,336
Uh... Uh, you guys wanna come in?
140
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,718
- Sure.
- Yeah, absolutely.
141
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,007
- Hey.
- Hey.
142
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:48,296
Hey.
143
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,800
- Hey, Stu.
- Okay. See you on the court in half...
144
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:55,929
Pretty cool room, Alan.
145
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,645
Oh, thanks, Phil. My dad pays my rent.
146
00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,525
Alan, what the fuck?
147
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:04,187
We were supposed to delete these.
You made a promise.
148
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,233
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell?
149
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:10,277
I'm not cool with this at all.
You can't have these.
150
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,329
PHIL: Ha, ha.
- Chillax, Stu. Nobody ever comes in here.
151
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,081
Total violation of trust.
152
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,368
Mother, I'm done with my lunch.
It's just sitting here.
153
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,706
154
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,962
Sorry, honey. I 'll be right up.
155
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,044
ALAN: Can't believe you stopped by.
This is cool.
156
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,958
Wait a second. AI, is that Mr. Chow?
157
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,173
Yeah. We still keep in touch.
158
00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:28,966
Stu.
159
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,382
- The guy that kidnapped us?
- He didn't kidnap us.
160
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,300
He kidnapped Black Doug. Remember?
161
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,060
It was a whole big misunderstanding.
He's actually quite charming.
162
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:37,391
163
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:40,057
- Alan, he's a criminal.
- Excuse me, boys.
164
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:41,941
- Hi, Linda.
LINDA: Hi, Dougie.
165
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,979
I guess we don't do dessert any more.
I didn't get that memo.
166
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,364
Well, I'm sorry, darling. I'll be right back.
167
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,733
Would a cupcake kill you?
168
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:53,996
- I don't think this was a good idea.
- Uh, Alan, we have a little surprise for you.
169
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,791
Stu would like to invite you
to his wedding.
170
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,660
Well, only if you're not busy.
171
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:01,627
Stu.
172
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,914
Well, maybe the Jonas Brothers
are in town.
173
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,333
No. They're in Raleigh-Durham
that weekend.
174
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,672
STU:
Mm.
175
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:12,715
Are you really being serious, Stu?
You're inviting me?
176
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,225
Yeah, why not? Could be fun, right?
177
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,104
- Phil, are you going?
- Of course.
178
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,278
Then it will be fun.
179
00:11:33,276 --> 00:11:36,621
STU: Ah!
- Whoa, what the fuck are you doing, man?
180
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:40,541
It's my immunizations.
This is the last day I can do it.
181
00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:43,957
That's supposed to be done
by a registered nurse.
182
00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:46,623
I am a nurse. I'm just not registered.
183
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,758
Oh, Stu, look at this.
184
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,760
I bought this because I thought of you.
185
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,833
STU: Hey, there he is.
- Hey, Stu.
186
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:33,503
- Teddy. What's up? How are you?
TEDDY: Good to see you, man.
187
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,638
STU: All right.
- Who's this guy, Stu?
188
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,720
This is Teddy, Lauren's little brother.
189
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:40,635
Goes to Stanford. Premed.
This is Phil, Alan and Doug.
190
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:44,432
DOUG: Hey, nice to meet you, man.
- Wow, Stanford? How old are you?
191
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,267
TEDDY: I'm...
- Uh, he's 17. Kind of a genius.
192
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,901
Actually, I'm 16.
193
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:52,439
And I'm not a genius. My dad just had me
take the entrance exams early.
194
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,278
Because you're a genius.
195
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,202
- So, what are you, a doctor?
- No. Not yet. I'm premed.
196
00:12:58,361 --> 00:13:00,989
Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?
197
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:04,409
- Yeah.
- Well, he turned out to be a gay.
198
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:07,294
- Alan.
- It's true. I read it in Teen People.
199
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,582
Right. Okay, well, I'm gonna grab a book
or something for the plane.
200
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:11,840
You guys want anything?
201
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,047
- No, thanks.
DOUG: I'm good.
202
00:13:13,209 --> 00:13:14,882
I would actually love a Smartwater.
203
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,258
Cool.
204
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:18,514
Thanks.
205
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:21,719
- Whats the matter with you? He's 16.
- Yeah, Alan. Take it easy.
206
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,728
I'm a little confused.
Is he here just to see us off or what?
207
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,060
- How does this work?
- How does what work?
208
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:29,191
Is that person coming to the wedding?
209
00:13:30,184 --> 00:13:33,905
Yes, Alan. My bride's little brother
is coming to the wedding.
210
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,315
Is that okay with you?
211
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:39,156
Well, it's just the first time I've heard of it.
You could have paged me.
212
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:42,618
213
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,659
Don't overreact. it's gonna be fine.
214
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,330
Hey. Mind if I sit?
215
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:54,672
- Wolf pack only. Find another chair.
- There's no wolf pack, Alan.
216
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,053
- Come on.
- It's no problem. I can find...
217
00:13:57,211 --> 00:14:00,886
- Don't be ridiculous. You're sitting here.
- Careful. That's a Louis...
218
00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:02,926
That is a Louis Vuitton.
219
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:06,478
TEDDY:
Thanks.
220
00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,070
That's a nice neck roll.
221
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:18,404
Thanks. You can use it if you want.
222
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,277
Okay.
223
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:33,684
LAUREN;
Baby! Hi! on, my God!
224
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,443
STU:
Ah.
225
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,364
- How was your trip?
- It was long, but good.
226
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:49,954
STU: This is so absolutely beautiful.
Thank you so much.
227
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:51,208
Of course.
228
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,620
Between Teddy and me,
you must be pretty excited.
229
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,164
Pretty soon you'll have two doctors
in the family. Ha, ha.
230
00:15:56,539 --> 00:16:00,669
You have to realize that in my country, we
don't consider dentist to be real doctors.
231
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,087
Dad.
232
00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,675
Okay.
233
00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:07,593
Anyway, I have to go and talk to Teddy
about his cello performance tonight.
234
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,055
See you.
235
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,722
- Ouch.
- I'm so sorry.
236
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,270
Your dad's kind of obsessed
with your brother.
237
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,356
LAUREN:
Teddy is my dad's prized possession.
238
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:19,486
It's always been that way.
239
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,782
He'll warm up. I promise. Okay?
240
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:25,819
ALAN: If you just fax it over to me,
I'll pick it up from concierge.
241
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,408
Okay. Ha, ha. Thanks, Pa Pa.
242
00:16:28,571 --> 00:16:29,572
Bye-bye.
243
00:16:29,739 --> 00:16:32,663
That was, uh, my dad.
I'm a stay-at-home son.
244
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:35,874
We were discussing your wedding gift.
He's sparing no expense.
245
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:39,166
Oh, that's so unnecessary.
246
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,051
I've been, uh, meaning to ask.
I noticed it's a fishing village.
247
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,212
Is there a Long John Silver's
on the island?
248
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:47,222
You know, no, I don't think so.
I'm so sorry.
249
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,760
But we are actually sewing
some great fresh seafood.
250
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:53,680
- Better than Long John's'?
- Yes.
251
00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,099
I'll be the judge of that.
Enjoy your evening.
252
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:59,109
You too. Okay.
253
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:07,699
254
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,474
All right.
255
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,692
Thank you, Teddy.
256
00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,117
The hands of a brilliant musician...
257
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,495
and one day, a great surgeon.
258
00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:54,290
I admit it.
259
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:58,168
When I first met Stu, I was not quite sold.
260
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:00,455
[STU SNICKERS
AND ALL CHUCKLE]
261
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:03,090
He seemed unattractive.
262
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:06,173
He lacked intelligence and imagination.
263
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:10,427
He was missing that spark
you look for in a man.
264
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:15,812
But then I look into Stu's eyes.
265
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:19,349
He reminded me of my sweet brother,
Chaiyo.
266
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:22,022
For those who do not know...
267
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:25,188
Chaiyo is learning-disabled
and lives in a group home.
268
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,027
269
00:18:28,858 --> 00:18:32,203
But Chaiyo loves chok.
270
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:34,034
And that's when I realized...
271
00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,573
272
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:38,368
Stu is chok.
273
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,373
What's chok?
274
00:18:41,370 --> 00:18:44,874
Chok is soft white rice
in lukewarm water.
275
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:47,294
It has no taste.
276
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:51,806
We feed it to small baby
and very old people.
277
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,727
It is nourishment
that everyone can digest.
278
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,221
The world needs chok.
279
00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:01,482
Just as the world needs people like Stu.
280
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:07,822
To my sweet daughter and Stu.
Congratulations.
281
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:11,359
PHIL: Hear, hear.
DOUG: Cheers, guys.
282
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,739
And now I believe that Teddy
has something to say.
283
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:21,127
Sit down. I got this.
284
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:22,753
Sit down, boy.
285
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,208
That was, uh, a great speech, sir.
286
00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:31,763
I like the comparisons between, uh,
Stu and rice.
287
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:36,684
I've also prepared a few words.
288
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:39,770
"Hey, everybody, here are some fun facts.
289
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:43,687
The population in Thailand
is 63 million people.
290
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,022
It is twice the size of Wyoming.
291
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:50,444
Its chief exports are textiles,
footwear and rice.
292
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:55,863
Each year, approximately 13,000 people
are killed in car accidents in Thailand.
293
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:57,871
- The climate in Thailand is..."
DOUG: Alan, uh...
294
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:01,580
Alan, why don't you skip
to the last card there, buddy?
295
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,536
Okay. Sorry.
296
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:06,668
297
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:09,459
"None of you know Stu like I do."
298
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:12,549
Not you. Not you.
299
00:20:13,254 --> 00:20:15,427
Not you. Not you.
300
00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:17,887
Not nobody knows Stu like I do.
301
00:20:20,428 --> 00:20:21,771
No one.
302
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:25,103
"I can't even tell you
what we've been through...
303
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,145
because we made a pact
more important than blood.
304
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,063
What I can tell you is this:
305
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,278
This is not Stu's first marriage.
306
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,786
There was a whore in Las Vegas
a couple of years ago..."
307
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,823
You can sit down, bud. You can sit down.
308
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,543
- It was good. I did good, though.
- Oh, God, you killed it.
309
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:46,454
- Okay. Thanks, Phil.
- Sit down. Yeah.
310
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,589
In your face.
311
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:03,100
Well, that was exactly as painful
as I expected it to be.
312
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,139
Ha, ha. Sorry.
313
00:21:06,682 --> 00:21:08,525
Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing?
314
00:21:08,684 --> 00:21:12,439
- Ha, ha, ha. Very funny, Phil.
- Be nice, Phil. He's extra sensitive tonight.
315
00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:16,701
Get over it. He's your father-in-law.
He's supposed to hate you.
316
00:21:16,859 --> 00:21:19,032
Come have a drink with me and the guys.
317
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:23,496
You know, I'm really exhausted.
We're just gonna go upstairs and crash.
318
00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:26,410
I spoke with the manager.
He'll let us have a beach bonfire.
319
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:28,329
That sounds fun.
320
00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:31,500
Nah. I'm good.
321
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:32,712
He's tired.
322
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:35,754
Stu. One drink with your friends.
They came all this way.
323
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,641
- I just wanna hang out with you.
- Oh, come on, just go and do me a favor:
324
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,018
Take Teddy with you.
325
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,678
He never gets to have any fun.
326
00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,892
That is a great idea. Bring the kid.
327
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,557
- All right. One drink.
LAUREN: Perfect.
328
00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:49,725
- See?
- You win.
329
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,394
STU: See you later.
LAUREN: Have fun.
330
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,359
STEPHANIE: Got your key?
- Uh, yep. Got it right there.
331
00:21:54,522 --> 00:21:57,401
- I'll see you in 20 minutes.
332
00:21:59,777 --> 00:22:03,372
My Uncle Roger said
that he once saw a albino polar bear.
333
00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,408
Really? Polar bears are white.
334
00:22:05,574 --> 00:22:07,417
How would he know if it's an albino?
335
00:22:09,745 --> 00:22:11,042
This one was black.
336
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,506
Did you ever think
maybe it was just a black bear?
337
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:21,757
Whatevs.
338
00:22:22,383 --> 00:22:24,602
- Okay. Here we go.
DOUG: All right.
339
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,808
- American beer.
DOUG: Let's do it.
340
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,439
Sealed bottles.
341
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:30,099
Thank you. All right.
342
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:33,110
Um, I'm not really old enough to drink.
343
00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:36,022
Yeah, it's illegal.
Be a shame if somebody reported you.
344
00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:38,904
Nobody's reporting anybody.
345
00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:41,114
It's fine, Teddy. Have a little fun.
346
00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:43,200
ALAN: Careful.
PHIL: What? Oh.
347
00:22:43,404 --> 00:22:46,783
What is this? Roasting marshmallows?
Nice touch.
348
00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:50,453
DOUG: That was Alan's idea.
- Oh. Good thinking, Alan.
349
00:22:51,328 --> 00:22:55,708
You know, I gotta hand it to you, Stu.
This place is paradise.
350
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:57,172
Not bad, right?
351
00:22:57,334 --> 00:23:01,430
And I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I'm actually jealous of you.
352
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,637
I mean, Lauren is an angel.
353
00:23:03,799 --> 00:23:05,801
Yeah, she really is amazing.
354
00:23:05,968 --> 00:23:07,220
Wow, you guys are sweet.
355
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:12,358
Not big breasts on her,
but still, solid rack for an Asian.
356
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:13,984
Sorry, Teddy, but it's true.
357
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:15,523
That's okay.
358
00:23:15,686 --> 00:23:21,068
That is just wildly inappropriate.
And yet I'm really glad you're here.
359
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:22,735
All you guys.
360
00:23:23,152 --> 00:23:24,153
Even you, Alan.
361
00:23:25,321 --> 00:23:27,995
It means a lot that you made the trip.
Thank you.
362
00:23:28,157 --> 00:23:29,500
Wouldn't miss it, buddy.
363
00:23:30,117 --> 00:23:33,496
Great. Now can we have our
one fucking beer, Dad?
364
00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:34,788
Mm-hm.
365
00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:36,966
All right. Toast.
366
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:39,172
Come on, stand up, guys.
367
00:23:39,793 --> 00:23:41,670
Come over here, Alan.
368
00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:45,971
To Lauren and Stu.
369
00:23:46,258 --> 00:23:48,226
- You did it, buddy.
- You sure did.
370
00:23:48,385 --> 00:23:49,853
ALL:
Cheers.
371
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:03,502
372
00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:09,474
What the hell?
373
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,113
374
00:25:28,777 --> 00:25:30,370
375
00:25:31,447 --> 00:25:33,575
376
00:25:41,415 --> 00:25:43,463
377
00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:49,969
What?
378
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:53,306
ALAN:
No.
379
00:25:54,887 --> 00:25:57,140
380
00:26:15,783 --> 00:26:17,330
Phil?
381
00:26:18,327 --> 00:26:20,546
I think it's happened again.
382
00:26:21,163 --> 00:26:23,336
Alan, what the fuck did you do?
383
00:26:23,499 --> 00:26:26,343
I didn't do anything. I swear to God.
384
00:26:27,044 --> 00:26:29,263
Your hair is gone.
385
00:26:30,923 --> 00:26:32,391
No, no.
386
00:26:32,841 --> 00:26:34,184
UP...
387
00:26:35,385 --> 00:26:36,932
388
00:26:39,973 --> 00:26:42,146
Where the fuck are we?
389
00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,028
390
00:26:45,187 --> 00:26:47,315
391
00:26:50,776 --> 00:26:52,153
Phil, I'm scared.
392
00:26:52,319 --> 00:26:53,662
393
00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:03,706
394
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:06,883
Stu, come on, get up. We got a situation.
395
00:27:07,376 --> 00:27:10,129
396
00:27:14,883 --> 00:27:17,181
Oh, holy shit.
397
00:27:17,886 --> 00:27:19,854
Where are we?
398
00:27:22,015 --> 00:27:25,394
Oh, my God, Alan. Your head.
399
00:27:25,769 --> 00:27:27,396
No, your head.
400
00:27:27,813 --> 00:27:29,065
He's bald.
401
00:27:29,231 --> 00:27:32,030
Stu, you're gonna freak out,
but it's gonna be okay.
402
00:27:32,192 --> 00:27:34,320
Why? What's...? Is it my teeth?
403
00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:35,703
- It's not your teeth.
ALAN: No.
404
00:27:35,863 --> 00:27:37,206
- Are you sure?
- Yep.
405
00:27:37,364 --> 00:27:39,492
- Did you check the bottoms?
- I did.
406
00:27:41,994 --> 00:27:43,917
Oh, my God.
407
00:27:44,413 --> 00:27:47,257
What the fuck? Ow!
408
00:27:48,750 --> 00:27:51,424
That's good.
Why don't you try to wash it off?
409
00:27:51,587 --> 00:27:52,930
STU:
It's not coming off!
410
00:27:54,381 --> 00:27:56,850
This is a real tattoo!
411
00:27:57,467 --> 00:27:59,390
Alan, what did you do?
Did you roofie me?
412
00:27:59,553 --> 00:28:02,898
- I didn't do anything.
- Stu, he swore to God.
413
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:05,726
What happened?
414
00:28:05,893 --> 00:28:07,019
415
00:28:07,186 --> 00:28:08,233
416
00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:10,568
PHIL: Oh, jeez!
STU: What is it?! What is it?!
417
00:28:10,731 --> 00:28:12,699
Help! Back there! What are you'?!
418
00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:14,572
ALAN:
Did you see that jump?
419
00:28:14,735 --> 00:28:17,454
- Oh, what the hell?!
- Oh, it's a monkey.
420
00:28:18,113 --> 00:28:20,707
Look at the cute little vest.
Hi, little monkey.
421
00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:22,618
Alan. Alan.
422
00:28:23,452 --> 00:28:24,578
Butthole.
423
00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:25,792
424
00:28:25,954 --> 00:28:26,955
425
00:28:27,122 --> 00:28:28,169
- Phone.
- Hi, monkey.
426
00:28:28,332 --> 00:28:30,426
Look, Alan, Alan, go find the phone.
427
00:28:31,543 --> 00:28:32,965
I got it.
428
00:28:33,962 --> 00:28:35,635
Doug. Doug. Where the hell are you?
429
00:28:35,797 --> 00:28:38,596
I'm at breakfast. By the pool.
You guys coming down or what?
430
00:28:38,759 --> 00:28:41,387
Oh, Jesus. Thank God. Doug's fine.
431
00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:43,806
Stu, Doug's fine! He's at the resort.
432
00:28:43,972 --> 00:28:45,645
Why aren't we at the resort?
433
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:47,354
What's going on? Where are you?
434
00:28:47,559 --> 00:28:51,063
I don't know, man. We woke up
in some shithole room in some city.
435
00:28:51,230 --> 00:28:53,483
DOUG:
Oh, God. What city?
436
00:28:53,649 --> 00:28:56,653
I don't know, Doug. Fucking Asia Town.
437
00:28:57,152 --> 00:28:59,120
I don't know. I told you.
438
00:28:59,279 --> 00:29:00,997
Where are we?
439
00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:03,079
PHIL:
I have no fucking idea.
440
00:29:05,994 --> 00:29:08,497
ALAN: Hey, Stu.
- What?
441
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:11,004
Check this out.
442
00:29:12,251 --> 00:29:14,504
You ever seen anything like this?
443
00:29:21,510 --> 00:29:23,854
- What is that?
ALAN: Careful!
444
00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:27,357
Might be a spider's nest.
I've tangled with those before.
445
00:29:28,517 --> 00:29:32,238
I don't get it, man. I mean,
we each had one beer last night, right?
446
00:29:32,396 --> 00:29:35,320
- I mean, you too.
- Yeah, but I left early, remember?
447
00:29:35,482 --> 00:29:37,029
PHIL:
I don't remember shit.
448
00:29:37,192 --> 00:29:39,695
Tracy wasn't feeling well.
She came down to get me.
449
00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:41,993
Wait a second. Is Teddy with you guys?
450
00:29:42,155 --> 00:29:44,328
PHIL: Teddy? What?
What are you talking about?
451
00:29:44,491 --> 00:29:46,869
They've been looking for him
all morning.
452
00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:49,709
- Teddy went to Stanford, right?
DOUG: Yeah. Why?
453
00:29:50,330 --> 00:29:51,547
Fuck!
454
00:29:51,707 --> 00:29:53,380
455
00:29:53,792 --> 00:29:54,884
I just found his finger.
456
00:29:55,502 --> 00:29:56,924
DOUG:
What?
457
00:29:57,546 --> 00:30:00,049
I just found his fucking finger, Doug.
458
00:30:00,215 --> 00:30:01,637
Phil, what is going on?
459
00:30:02,509 --> 00:30:05,228
All right. All right, all right, all right.
460
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:08,061
This is what we're gonna do.
Tell the girls that we woke up early...
461
00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:10,225
and went on a fishing trip.
That's where we are.
462
00:30:10,392 --> 00:30:12,486
- Right.
- All right, stay by the phone.
463
00:30:14,187 --> 00:30:15,359
Shit!
464
00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:21,786
PHIL:
All right, we got a little bit of a problem.
465
00:30:22,946 --> 00:30:24,744
What is that?
466
00:30:25,574 --> 00:30:27,292
We don't know.
467
00:30:27,993 --> 00:30:29,995
Is it a worm?
468
00:30:30,287 --> 00:30:32,381
It's a mushroom.
469
00:30:33,915 --> 00:30:35,758
Yeah, shiitake.
470
00:30:36,710 --> 00:30:39,805
Monkey, taste it. What do you think?
Is it shiitake?
471
00:30:39,963 --> 00:30:41,215
He can't understand you.
472
00:30:42,424 --> 00:30:43,926
STU:
He just did.
473
00:30:44,551 --> 00:30:45,768
Why is he pulling on it?
474
00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:47,554
He's probably hungry.
475
00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:49,689
Wait a second. Is that...?
476
00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:52,772
CHOW:
Aah! What the fuck, man?!
477
00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:55,232
Tell that gay monkey
to leave my shit alone!
478
00:30:55,395 --> 00:30:56,692
Chow'?!
479
00:30:57,439 --> 00:30:59,407
CHOW:
You fucking crazy.
480
00:30:59,900 --> 00:31:02,119
Ah, so fucking light in here.
481
00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:03,449
Alan.
482
00:31:03,945 --> 00:31:05,572
Grab me my sunglasses.
483
00:31:05,739 --> 00:31:10,620
- It's great to see you, Leslie.
- Mm. Nice to see you too, my little hobo.
484
00:31:10,786 --> 00:31:12,709
Chow, what the fuck are you doing here?
485
00:31:12,871 --> 00:31:16,546
Alan called me a few days ago
and invited me to wedding.
486
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:18,881
- Excuse me?
- What? He's my plus one.
487
00:31:19,044 --> 00:31:21,138
You didn't have a plus one.
It's $200 a plate.
488
00:31:21,296 --> 00:31:24,641
Guys, guys. Just focus, okay?
Chow, what happened?
489
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,475
You guys texted me, said you fucked up
and looking to party.
490
00:31:28,637 --> 00:31:30,810
491
00:31:35,477 --> 00:31:38,731
I picked you up in my boat
and I brought you here to Bangkok.
492
00:31:38,897 --> 00:31:40,865
And we had a sick night, bitches!
493
00:31:41,024 --> 00:31:44,324
Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait a second, Chow.
494
00:31:44,486 --> 00:31:46,238
Chow, we're in Bangkok?
495
00:31:46,405 --> 00:31:50,126
Holler! City of squalor!
496
00:31:50,283 --> 00:31:51,626
Do you know how I got this tattoo?
497
00:31:51,785 --> 00:31:55,130
Uh, yeah. From a fucking tattoo guy.
498
00:31:55,288 --> 00:31:57,791
Come on, Stewie.
Use that big Jewish brain.
499
00:31:57,958 --> 00:31:59,756
Hey, what's the monkey holding?
500
00:31:59,918 --> 00:32:01,420
501
00:32:02,754 --> 00:32:04,051
That's a finger!
502
00:32:04,214 --> 00:32:06,433
PHIL:
Stu, I got some bad news.
503
00:32:07,342 --> 00:32:09,720
Teddy was with us last night.
504
00:32:09,970 --> 00:32:11,392
That's his finger.
505
00:32:11,555 --> 00:32:13,978
Teddy... Teddy's dead?
506
00:32:14,141 --> 00:32:18,191
Ha, ha. Teddy not dead.
He party with us all night.
507
00:32:18,353 --> 00:32:19,525
PHIL:
Well, then where is he?
508
00:32:19,688 --> 00:32:21,281
Don't you remember anything?
509
00:32:22,107 --> 00:32:24,860
- No!
- No. Nothing, Chow.
510
00:32:25,026 --> 00:32:27,996
Okay, okay. I explain it all, okay?
511
00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:30,700
Just let me do one bump,
get my head straight.
512
00:32:30,866 --> 00:32:32,868
Come to papa.
513
00:32:33,452 --> 00:32:36,046
- Okay.
- That's a big...
514
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:45,173
You ready for craziest fucking story of...
515
00:32:55,348 --> 00:32:56,895
Chow.
516
00:32:58,894 --> 00:33:00,737
Mr. Chow, are you okay?
517
00:33:03,398 --> 00:33:05,696
You gotta be kidding me.
518
00:33:11,531 --> 00:33:13,499
Fuck, he's dead.
519
00:33:14,075 --> 00:33:15,748
520
00:33:19,164 --> 00:33:20,507
- Help!
- Stu.
521
00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:23,009
- Help! Help!
- Stu, shut up.
522
00:33:23,168 --> 00:33:24,340
Stu, shut up. Stu, shut up!
523
00:33:24,503 --> 00:33:25,550
524
00:33:25,712 --> 00:33:27,510
- Call an ambulance!
PHIL: Shut up!
525
00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:31,677
He's dead. Look, if someone comes and
finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine...
526
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:34,312
we'll spend the rest of our lives
in a Thai prison. Shh!
527
00:33:34,930 --> 00:33:37,103
Alan. Alan, please stop crying.
528
00:33:37,474 --> 00:33:39,021
529
00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:44,281
All right. All right!
I just need a second to figure this out.
530
00:34:17,847 --> 00:34:21,647
STU: This is the worst idea ever.
What the fuck is this place?
531
00:34:21,810 --> 00:34:25,531
ALAN: "Bangkok is the capital of Thailand.
Its population is 12 million people."
532
00:34:25,689 --> 00:34:28,283
Alan, put the cards away and help.
533
00:34:29,109 --> 00:34:30,986
534
00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:35,452
Elevator.
535
00:34:35,615 --> 00:34:37,788
ALAN:
I'll get the button. I'll get the button.
536
00:34:40,495 --> 00:34:42,623
What the fuck is the deal
with this monkey?
537
00:34:42,789 --> 00:34:44,837
ALAN:
That monkey gets it.
538
00:34:45,709 --> 00:34:47,928
STU: Come on.
- Oh, fuck. No, the power's out.
539
00:34:48,086 --> 00:34:50,464
- We gotta take the stairs.
- Ah, fuck!
540
00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:52,136
Come on.
541
00:34:57,429 --> 00:34:58,521
Here it is.
542
00:34:59,889 --> 00:35:03,268
Feet first, feet first. I've done this before.
543
00:35:04,269 --> 00:35:05,816
STU:
Alan.
544
00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:09,862
ALAN:
All right. Careful. Careful.
545
00:35:15,488 --> 00:35:17,206
546
00:35:30,086 --> 00:35:32,839
- Stu.
STU: What?
547
00:35:34,924 --> 00:35:36,972
We still have to find Teddy.
548
00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:39,058
Oh, God.
549
00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:47,896
The roof!
550
00:35:48,688 --> 00:35:49,814
- Teddy!
- Teddy!
551
00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:54,202
- Teddy! Teddy!
- Teddy! Teddy!
552
00:35:55,403 --> 00:35:56,620
ALAN;
Teddy!
553
00:36:00,075 --> 00:36:02,749
- You guys see anything?
- No.
554
00:36:05,914 --> 00:36:09,339
Come on. Where are you, buddy?
555
00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:14,010
He's not here.
556
00:36:16,049 --> 00:36:19,223
I can't believe this is happening again.
557
00:36:22,013 --> 00:36:25,938
Okay. Look, we'll handle this.
You get back there.
558
00:36:26,101 --> 00:36:29,605
You tell them that Alan and I
got drunk with him, we're still partying.
559
00:36:29,771 --> 00:36:31,990
- You gotta go get married.
- No, no.
560
00:36:32,148 --> 00:36:34,776
I'm not going back without Teddy.
561
00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:37,787
It's Lauren's little brother,
he's lost, he's injured.
562
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:41,867
If I fuck this up...
563
00:36:42,158 --> 00:36:44,661
I lose everything.
564
00:36:47,163 --> 00:36:48,460
Okay.
565
00:36:49,958 --> 00:36:51,130
All right.
566
00:36:52,585 --> 00:36:54,883
Alan, check your pockets.
567
00:36:55,046 --> 00:36:56,468
- What?
- You know the drill.
568
00:36:56,631 --> 00:36:58,804
Come on, there might be clues.
569
00:36:58,967 --> 00:37:02,267
- Check your phones. Numbers, texts.
- Oh, that's a good idea.
570
00:37:03,096 --> 00:37:04,723
- I got nothing. Fuck.
- Me neither.
571
00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:06,812
- I got a text from Chow.
- What time?
572
00:37:06,975 --> 00:37:08,977
Uh, 10:00 last night.
573
00:37:09,144 --> 00:37:10,646
What's it say?
574
00:37:10,812 --> 00:37:13,531
"On my way, niggas."
575
00:37:13,690 --> 00:37:14,816
Oh, niggas. Okay.
576
00:37:14,983 --> 00:37:16,280
Hip-hop.
577
00:37:19,112 --> 00:37:22,992
We are so fucked.
578
00:37:24,159 --> 00:37:26,332
- Hey, Phil.
- What?
579
00:37:26,494 --> 00:37:28,337
Look who's back. Hi.
580
00:37:30,248 --> 00:37:33,001
We gotta get you out of the sun.
Get you a hat.
581
00:37:33,168 --> 00:37:34,966
Yeah. Yeah.
582
00:37:35,795 --> 00:37:38,799
STU: Phil, I really think we should go
to the American Consulate.
583
00:37:38,965 --> 00:37:41,718
PHIL: For what? Report a dead body
we shoved into an ice machine?
584
00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:44,855
Are we gonna keep walking in circles?
That's real productive.
585
00:37:45,013 --> 00:37:47,812
I'm trying to figure this out.
Your attitude is not helping.
586
00:37:47,974 --> 00:37:51,103
Well, I'm sorry. It's 100 degrees
and we don't have a plan.
587
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:53,363
And all we've done is buy him hats
and sodas.
588
00:37:53,521 --> 00:37:54,864
What? it's a bag of Fanta.
589
00:37:55,023 --> 00:37:57,617
- All right, what do you wanna do, Stu?
- I don't know.
590
00:37:57,776 --> 00:38:00,370
- Then stop yelling at me like it's my fault.
- It is your fault!
591
00:38:00,528 --> 00:38:01,529
592
00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:03,369
All I wanted was a bachelor brunch.
593
00:38:03,531 --> 00:38:05,704
Shit. Shut up, it's Doug. Talk to me.
594
00:38:05,992 --> 00:38:09,041
Just got off the phone with Bangkok P.D.
They got him. He's okay.
595
00:38:09,204 --> 00:38:12,378
Oh. Thank God. Doug found him.
596
00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:14,213
- What happened?
DOUG: He got arrested.
597
00:38:14,375 --> 00:38:17,219
- Arrested? For what?
- Disorderly conduct.
598
00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:19,551
- Seriously?
DOUG: Yeah. He's okay, though.
599
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:23,264
They'll release him to you, no questions
asked. No one here has to know.
600
00:38:23,426 --> 00:38:25,474
He's at the, uh...
601
00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,811
"Ratchawang Police Station."
602
00:38:28,973 --> 00:38:31,226
Okay. Okay,
I'll call you when we get there.
603
00:38:31,392 --> 00:38:35,147
- Teddy's in jail, but fine. We gotta get a cab.
- Okay. All right.
604
00:38:40,401 --> 00:38:42,904
OFFICER: Yes, I have his paperwork here.
PHIL: Okay.
605
00:38:43,071 --> 00:38:45,073
OFFICER: He has been cleared.
PHIL: Sounds good.
606
00:38:45,240 --> 00:38:47,038
OFFICER: Of course.
PHIL: Thank you.
607
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:49,703
We're good, we're good.
They're processing for release.
608
00:38:49,869 --> 00:38:51,291
609
00:38:51,454 --> 00:38:53,752
Yeah, they threw him in the drunk tank.
He's fine.
610
00:38:53,957 --> 00:38:57,052
Sixteen years old, spent a night in jail.
Can you imagine?
611
00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:58,378
612
00:38:58,545 --> 00:39:00,092
We love to party.
613
00:39:04,217 --> 00:39:06,015
Here we go.
614
00:39:06,511 --> 00:39:09,105
- Wait, who's this fucking guy?
- Teddy Srisai.
615
00:39:09,264 --> 00:39:10,766
What...? No, no, no. I'm so...
616
00:39:10,932 --> 00:39:12,559
It's the wrong guy. Sir.
617
00:39:12,725 --> 00:39:14,773
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Uh, there's been a mistake.
618
00:39:14,936 --> 00:39:17,610
He brought the wrong guy.
That's not Teddy.
619
00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:20,616
Of course it is.
We have his IDs and everything.
620
00:39:21,985 --> 00:39:24,283
These were in his pockets
when we made the arrest.
621
00:39:24,445 --> 00:39:25,571
They were in his pocket?
622
00:39:27,615 --> 00:39:28,787
Excuse me, sir.
623
00:39:28,950 --> 00:39:31,123
How did you get this stuff?
624
00:39:32,453 --> 00:39:34,080
Hello?
625
00:39:34,539 --> 00:39:35,882
OFFICER:
Teddy doesn't speak.
626
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:39,385
We tried English, Thai, Chinese.
Nothing.
627
00:39:39,544 --> 00:39:40,966
Let me ask you something.
628
00:39:41,129 --> 00:39:45,600
Does he look like he works out at
Bally Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?
629
00:39:46,467 --> 00:39:49,311
Look, we arrest a lot of people.
630
00:39:49,470 --> 00:39:52,644
We cannot analyze everything. All right?
631
00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:54,980
Well, what do you expect us to do
with this guy?
632
00:39:55,143 --> 00:39:56,269
Not my problem.
633
00:39:57,687 --> 00:39:59,064
Hey, guys?
634
00:39:59,981 --> 00:40:01,483
I think he knows us.
635
00:40:01,649 --> 00:40:03,322
Hi. Hello.
636
00:40:07,030 --> 00:40:11,251
Do you know where our friend is?!
Teddy! He's missing!
637
00:40:11,409 --> 00:40:13,503
Stu, forget it. The guy's worthless.
638
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:17,006
He knows something.
He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt.
639
00:40:18,374 --> 00:40:19,796
What if he just doesn't understand?
640
00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:23,839
Uh, I'll act it out.
Yeah, like charades. Watch.
641
00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:26,257
- Two words.
- Is it a movie?
642
00:40:26,841 --> 00:40:29,185
This is not for you, Alan.
643
00:40:30,970 --> 00:40:34,349
American teenager in Asia.
644
00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:36,643
Karate Kid with Jaden Smith.
645
00:40:37,352 --> 00:40:39,696
It's easy because
you were talking through it.
646
00:40:40,063 --> 00:40:41,610
Stu, it's a waste of time.
647
00:40:41,773 --> 00:40:43,696
Just leave this fucking guy here.
648
00:40:43,858 --> 00:40:47,613
Oh, here's something. "There are
500,000 monks living in Thailand.
649
00:40:47,779 --> 00:40:51,875
It is not uncommon for some monks
to take a vow of silence...
650
00:40:52,033 --> 00:40:55,378
at the age of 8."
- There you go.
651
00:40:55,536 --> 00:40:58,255
- Is there anything else in that envelope?
- No, it's empty.
652
00:40:59,749 --> 00:41:00,841
Whoa, hang on.
653
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:05,471
A drink card from White Lion Bar,
Bangkok?
654
00:41:06,047 --> 00:41:08,141
Worth a shot.
655
00:41:09,759 --> 00:41:12,854
PHIL:
Jesus Christ. ls this the right street?
656
00:41:13,012 --> 00:41:14,229
STU:
That's what it says.
657
00:41:14,389 --> 00:41:16,062
658
00:41:19,894 --> 00:41:23,569
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
This is the White Lion.
659
00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:25,905
What the fuck happened here?
660
00:41:26,067 --> 00:41:28,411
Holy shit.
661
00:41:28,611 --> 00:41:30,909
662
00:41:33,241 --> 00:41:36,336
PHIL: Oh, okay. Just keep walking. Yeah.
STU: Okay. Yeah, we should probably...
663
00:41:36,494 --> 00:41:38,622
664
00:41:40,415 --> 00:41:41,758
STU: Ah!
- All right. it's okay.
665
00:41:42,583 --> 00:41:44,256
STU:
What the fuck is going on here?
666
00:41:46,045 --> 00:41:48,924
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Guys, check it out.
667
00:41:49,424 --> 00:41:52,678
Holy shit. Stu, look.
668
00:41:52,844 --> 00:41:54,266
That's my face.
669
00:41:54,429 --> 00:41:56,181
Go, go, go.
670
00:41:56,681 --> 00:41:58,103
Nice work, Alan.
671
00:42:00,268 --> 00:42:03,021
PHIL: Hello?
- Be with you in a minute.
672
00:42:07,108 --> 00:42:08,576
Excuse me.
673
00:42:08,860 --> 00:42:10,453
Oh, look who it is.
674
00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:13,038
So, what do you think?
675
00:42:13,197 --> 00:42:14,369
What? I'm sorry?
676
00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,534
The tattoo? You love it?
677
00:42:17,368 --> 00:42:19,541
Uh, no. Actually, I hate it.
678
00:42:19,704 --> 00:42:21,798
No refunds. Get the fuck out.
679
00:42:21,956 --> 00:42:23,879
- Wait a second.
- Read the sign.
680
00:42:25,793 --> 00:42:28,637
We don't want a refund.
We just have a couple of questions.
681
00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:30,924
Trying to figure out
what went down last night.
682
00:42:31,090 --> 00:42:32,387
"What went down"?
683
00:42:32,550 --> 00:42:35,269
Look what you did outside.
Half the neighborhood went down.
684
00:42:35,428 --> 00:42:36,475
We did that?
685
00:42:36,637 --> 00:42:39,641
You don't remember getting into a bar fight
at the White Lion?
686
00:42:39,807 --> 00:42:41,559
Starting a full-on fucking riot?
687
00:42:41,726 --> 00:42:45,230
No, sir. We don't remember anything.
688
00:42:45,980 --> 00:42:48,278
689
00:42:49,358 --> 00:42:52,703
Hold this. Oh, boy.
690
00:42:53,404 --> 00:42:55,327
Check this out.
691
00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:58,084
[PEOPLE SHOUTING AND
SIRENS WAILING ON PHONE]
692
00:42:59,494 --> 00:43:00,666
Holy shit.
693
00:43:00,828 --> 00:43:02,580
694
00:43:04,457 --> 00:43:06,585
Fuck the police!
695
00:43:06,751 --> 00:43:08,503
Fuck the police!
696
00:43:08,669 --> 00:43:10,046
697
00:43:10,213 --> 00:43:11,715
698
00:43:11,881 --> 00:43:13,303
There's Teddy. He was with us.
699
00:43:27,897 --> 00:43:29,399
PHIL:
Jesus Christ.
700
00:43:29,565 --> 00:43:32,489
That's when the cops arrived,
started cracking skulls.
701
00:43:32,652 --> 00:43:34,950
I took you guys
and hid you in the shop here.
702
00:43:35,446 --> 00:43:38,996
Then you decided to get a tattoo.
Cried like a little bitch.
703
00:43:39,826 --> 00:43:42,705
This kid's fucking 9 years old.
He's got balls twice your size.
704
00:43:43,204 --> 00:43:46,208
- Show him your balls, man.
PHIL: No, no, no. That's okay.
705
00:43:47,375 --> 00:43:50,379
Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy.
Have you seen him?
706
00:43:50,795 --> 00:43:52,513
Not since last night. What happened?
707
00:43:52,672 --> 00:43:56,017
Yeah, I'm supposed to marry his sister
tomorrow and we kind of lost him.
708
00:43:56,884 --> 00:43:59,728
Oh, well. Then fuck it.
709
00:43:59,887 --> 00:44:01,355
What do you mean, "fuck it"?
710
00:44:02,723 --> 00:44:06,227
Bangkok has him now
and she'll never let him go.
711
00:44:06,394 --> 00:44:08,067
You hear that? Huh?
712
00:44:08,229 --> 00:44:10,197
- Is this what you wanted? Happy now?
ALAN: Phil.
713
00:44:10,356 --> 00:44:14,156
You're wasting your time.
These monks take their vow shit seriously.
714
00:44:14,318 --> 00:44:15,490
Look at this.
715
00:44:15,653 --> 00:44:18,702
That's the sign of the Chiang Mei
monastery just outside of town.
716
00:44:19,407 --> 00:44:21,705
Maybe somebody over there
can get him to talk.
717
00:44:22,076 --> 00:44:23,874
718
00:44:27,081 --> 00:44:30,210
Can we just go over this one more time?
You got the beer from...?
719
00:44:30,376 --> 00:44:32,595
The hotel bar.
They gave me a sealed case.
720
00:44:32,753 --> 00:44:35,723
- Right. But who gave it to you?
- The bartender.
721
00:44:35,882 --> 00:44:37,429
Right. Okay.
722
00:44:37,592 --> 00:44:39,765
And then you brought them out
and I opened them.
723
00:44:39,927 --> 00:44:43,431
Yeah, and Doug had one and he was fine,
so it's not the beer.
724
00:44:43,764 --> 00:44:45,858
STU: So, what the hell happened?
PHIL: I have no idea.
725
00:44:46,017 --> 00:44:49,021
Hey, guys. Check it out,
he's got a Chinese boner.
726
00:44:49,187 --> 00:44:51,440
Alan, come on. Cut it out.
727
00:44:51,606 --> 00:44:53,199
728
00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:54,859
729
00:44:55,026 --> 00:44:56,869
ALAN:
The monkey is a pervert.
730
00:44:57,028 --> 00:44:58,905
Come on, that is so wrong.
731
00:44:59,071 --> 00:45:01,790
Hey, don't stop, monkey, keep doing it.
732
00:45:01,949 --> 00:45:04,122
733
00:45:09,457 --> 00:45:13,132
When a monkey nibbles on a penis,
it's funny in any language.
734
00:45:15,546 --> 00:45:17,469
Oh, keep doing it!
735
00:45:18,299 --> 00:45:21,143
All right. Thank you.
736
00:45:21,302 --> 00:45:22,804
We good?
737
00:45:23,638 --> 00:45:26,858
ALAN:
Bye, Shannon. Bye, Lil Wayne.
738
00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:37,902
PHIL:
Wow.
739
00:45:38,402 --> 00:45:40,655
So beautiful.
740
00:45:42,448 --> 00:45:44,871
What is this, a P.F. Chang's?
741
00:45:46,327 --> 00:45:48,705
STU:
Ah, they're meditating.
742
00:45:49,830 --> 00:45:52,629
- Such a peaceful people.
PHIL: Yeah.
743
00:45:53,167 --> 00:45:54,464
Knock, knock! Hello?!
744
00:45:54,627 --> 00:45:57,506
PHIL: Alan, Alan, show some respect.
Don't get up, guys.
745
00:45:58,172 --> 00:46:00,425
We brought one of your guys back.
746
00:46:00,591 --> 00:46:03,344
He's really funny.
He's really nice and cool.
747
00:46:04,011 --> 00:46:07,231
Hi, how you doing?
Uh, are you the one in charge?
748
00:46:07,390 --> 00:46:08,437
749
00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:11,022
- Hey! Aah!
- Excuse me. Ow!
750
00:46:11,185 --> 00:46:12,437
- Wait! Ah!
ALAN: stop in
751
00:46:12,603 --> 00:46:14,355
PHIL:
Just calm down! Aah!
752
00:46:14,522 --> 00:46:15,614
Hold on! Ah!
753
00:46:15,773 --> 00:46:18,151
It's because" Ow! We're talking! Ah!
754
00:46:18,317 --> 00:46:20,490
Stop talking. Goddamn it!
755
00:46:20,653 --> 00:46:21,996
Don't! Stop!
756
00:46:22,154 --> 00:46:23,371
Wait! it's me!
757
00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:24,657
Stop hitting me!
758
00:46:24,824 --> 00:46:25,871
Oh, I get it.
759
00:46:26,450 --> 00:46:27,952
760
00:46:30,204 --> 00:46:32,047
No talk. No talk.
761
00:46:32,331 --> 00:46:35,551
Shh. Okay. We no talk.
762
00:46:39,547 --> 00:46:40,594
Okay.
763
00:46:40,756 --> 00:46:43,054
764
00:47:01,569 --> 00:47:06,325
Late last night, you climbed the walls
of our monastery...
765
00:47:06,490 --> 00:47:12,247
shouting out question about love,
marriage and the meaning of life.
766
00:47:13,873 --> 00:47:19,175
Poor Brother Han was meditating alone
in the garden and you took him.
767
00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:21,840
Oh, my God.
768
00:47:22,340 --> 00:47:24,183
We kidnapped a monk.
769
00:47:24,633 --> 00:47:26,852
Uh, we live an alternative lifestyle.
770
00:47:27,011 --> 00:47:31,938
And we are so sorry about that,
but we weren't ourselves last night.
771
00:47:32,099 --> 00:47:34,773
Yup, things kind of spun out
of control a little bit.
772
00:47:34,935 --> 00:47:38,940
But there's a boy who's missing
and hurt.
773
00:47:39,106 --> 00:47:41,484
Can you find out if he knows
where our friend is?
774
00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:44,905
Brother Han took a vow of silence
many years ago.
775
00:47:45,071 --> 00:47:47,073
It would be useless to try.
776
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:51,619
Well, maybe he can write down
what happened on a piece of paper.
777
00:47:51,786 --> 00:47:54,460
Actually, that would be cheating.
Right, Grand Wizard?
778
00:47:54,622 --> 00:47:57,466
- Alan.
- I'm afraid Fatty is right.
779
00:47:57,625 --> 00:47:59,627
See? What?
780
00:47:59,794 --> 00:48:03,219
None us will ever know what
Brother Han knows.
781
00:48:03,381 --> 00:48:04,633
Oh, all right.
782
00:48:04,799 --> 00:48:07,928
So much for holy people.
Bunch of bald assholes. Come on, let's go.
783
00:48:08,094 --> 00:48:11,815
Hey, you know what? FYI, you may wanna
put some signs up that say "no talking"...
784
00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:14,816
before you unleash your dragon.
STU: Yeah, that was a little rough.
785
00:48:14,975 --> 00:48:19,230
You're welcome for bringing him back safe.
You know, we found him in a drunk tank.
786
00:48:19,397 --> 00:48:21,115
STU:
We did take him in the first place.
787
00:48:21,273 --> 00:48:23,071
PHIL:
Come on, guys, let's go.
788
00:48:23,901 --> 00:48:25,323
Wait.
789
00:48:26,195 --> 00:48:27,663
The Buddha teach:
790
00:48:28,155 --> 00:48:31,625
Every memory lives somewhere
deep within.
791
00:48:32,034 --> 00:48:36,505
Perhaps you should bring your question
to the garden of meditation.
792
00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:39,550
- Did you understand a word he said?
- About two-thirds.
793
00:48:39,708 --> 00:48:41,676
Something about the garden
of meditation?
794
00:48:41,836 --> 00:48:44,760
No, he said he's farting
because of his medication.
795
00:48:45,339 --> 00:48:46,340
I get that.
796
00:48:52,054 --> 00:48:55,149
I don't remember anything.
797
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:57,318
Do you?
798
00:48:57,476 --> 00:49:00,104
No. I got nothing.
799
00:49:01,105 --> 00:49:02,573
Alan?
800
00:49:05,067 --> 00:49:06,284
Alan?
801
00:49:06,444 --> 00:49:07,821
802
00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:12,708
LU: Every memory lives somewhere
deep within.
803
00:49:12,867 --> 00:49:14,710
SID: Sweetie?
ALAN: What?
804
00:49:14,869 --> 00:49:16,542
SID:
You have visitors.
805
00:49:16,704 --> 00:49:18,547
- Hey, Alan.
- Hey, guys.
806
00:49:18,706 --> 00:49:20,379
- Hey, Phil.
- Hey, buddy.
807
00:49:20,541 --> 00:49:24,045
- Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
- Is this true, Stuart?
808
00:49:24,670 --> 00:49:26,468
Yeah, why not? it'll be fun.
809
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:30,218
- What the fuck?
PHIL: To Lauren and Stu.
810
00:49:31,260 --> 00:49:32,728
ALL:
Cheers.
811
00:49:34,805 --> 00:49:37,854
PHIL: Chow?
CHOW: We had a sick night, bitches!
812
00:49:38,392 --> 00:49:40,895
PHIL: Yeah!
DOUG: Alan, what the fuck?
813
00:49:41,061 --> 00:49:42,233
814
00:49:42,396 --> 00:49:44,069
ALAN:
Ls that person coming to the wedding?
815
00:49:44,231 --> 00:49:45,608
STU:
There is no wolf pack.
816
00:49:45,774 --> 00:49:48,448
PHIL: Alan, don't do that!
ALAN: "The population in Thailand is ..."
817
00:49:48,611 --> 00:49:52,081
And we're the three best friends
That anybody could have
818
00:49:57,328 --> 00:49:58,420
MAN:
Hey!
819
00:49:59,413 --> 00:50:00,539
820
00:50:00,706 --> 00:50:04,085
STU:
Yeah! Fuck the police! Fuck the police!
821
00:50:16,388 --> 00:50:18,140
I know where to go.
822
00:50:20,935 --> 00:50:22,937
What do you think, Alan?
823
00:50:23,103 --> 00:50:25,105
Uh, this is the place.
824
00:50:25,272 --> 00:50:26,569
Come on, let's go.
825
00:50:26,732 --> 00:50:28,905
826
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:34,199
I don't remember any of this.
827
00:50:34,740 --> 00:50:36,788
Yeah, Alan,
are you sure this is the place?
828
00:50:36,951 --> 00:50:38,953
Yeah, pretty sure.
829
00:50:46,293 --> 00:50:48,387
Bros, finally!
830
00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:51,220
Is he coming or what?
I've been waiting all day for him.
831
00:50:51,674 --> 00:50:53,642
Uh, I'm sorry. Waiting for who?
832
00:50:53,801 --> 00:50:55,394
Chow, that dick-ass fuck.
833
00:50:57,137 --> 00:50:59,310
- Why, what's wrong?
- Nothing. Nothing's wrong.
834
00:50:59,473 --> 00:51:01,271
Okay, good. Look at this.
835
00:51:01,433 --> 00:51:04,312
Look what I bring for him.
Check it out, huh? Huh?
836
00:51:04,812 --> 00:51:07,486
- No, no, no.
- $6000, American.
837
00:51:07,648 --> 00:51:09,742
Wow, it looks so real.
838
00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:11,447
839
00:51:15,781 --> 00:51:18,079
Sorry. Ahem. Sorry.
840
00:51:18,242 --> 00:51:19,744
Alan! What the fuck?!
841
00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:23,665
It's okay! it's okay.
The gun, very sensitive. Very sensitive.
842
00:51:23,831 --> 00:51:25,674
- Everybody okay?
DANCER: Yeah, okay.
843
00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:29,087
Okay? Then get the fuck back to work!
844
00:51:29,253 --> 00:51:30,470
Come on! Music, please!
845
00:51:30,629 --> 00:51:31,676
846
00:51:31,839 --> 00:51:33,307
Who has my $6000?
847
00:51:33,465 --> 00:51:37,265
No, no, no. That's Chow's deal.
We got nothing to do with that.
848
00:51:37,428 --> 00:51:39,180
Un-fucking-believable, man.
849
00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:43,396
This guy, if he backs out again,
this shit is gonna catch up to him, okay?
850
00:51:43,559 --> 00:51:46,859
He's made a lot of enemies in this town
and now they're your enemies.
851
00:51:47,021 --> 00:51:48,147
That's not fair!
852
00:51:48,314 --> 00:51:50,988
Okay, listen.
We're just looking for a little kid.
853
00:51:51,150 --> 00:51:52,868
- Two thousand dollars.
- What?!
854
00:51:53,027 --> 00:51:55,871
I don't know. Maybe more.
How young you want this kid to be?
855
00:51:56,030 --> 00:51:59,034
No! No, no, no. Sorry.
You misunderstood.
856
00:51:59,199 --> 00:52:03,545
We're looking for our friend,
16 years old, Teddy?
857
00:52:03,704 --> 00:52:06,378
Teddy?
Yeah, he was here with you guys last night.
858
00:52:06,540 --> 00:52:08,463
He was?
You remember if he left with us?
859
00:52:08,626 --> 00:52:12,176
You were in the corner all night
with Kimmy. I didn't see you leave.
860
00:52:12,338 --> 00:52:14,181
Kimmy? Kimmy? Is she here?
861
00:52:14,340 --> 00:52:17,560
Yeah, she's in the back.
She just came for her shift. Go talk to her.
862
00:52:18,218 --> 00:52:20,767
Listen, I'm sorry about everything
that happened.
863
00:52:20,929 --> 00:52:23,102
Pay attention what
I'm gonna talk to you now.
864
00:52:23,265 --> 00:52:27,520
When you see Chow,
you tell him Samir says hello.
865
00:52:27,686 --> 00:52:29,654
- Okay.
- But do it like that, okay?
866
00:52:29,813 --> 00:52:31,736
Hello. Like threatening.
867
00:52:31,899 --> 00:52:33,196
Like ironic.
868
00:52:33,567 --> 00:52:35,535
- Hello.
- Okay.
869
00:52:37,363 --> 00:52:39,661
- Hello.
- Hello.
870
00:52:39,823 --> 00:52:42,201
- Hello.
- More O. Hello.
871
00:52:42,368 --> 00:52:43,415
Hello.
872
00:52:43,577 --> 00:52:46,171
Go away, go away.
Fucking make me crazy.
873
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:50,380
Of course I remember him.
He was buying shots for everyone.
874
00:52:50,542 --> 00:52:53,921
Nice kid. His parents must be so proud.
875
00:52:54,088 --> 00:52:55,510
Yeah. You have no idea.
876
00:52:56,173 --> 00:52:58,175
Okay, so do you remember
if he left with us?
877
00:52:58,342 --> 00:53:02,722
Yeah, you all were leaving together,
but you almost forgot this one right here.
878
00:53:02,888 --> 00:53:05,311
- Right, superstar?
- Hmm.
879
00:53:05,474 --> 00:53:09,854
This one was following me around
like a little puppy dog all night.
880
00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:13,240
Saying how he fall in love with me
and ask me to marry him.
881
00:53:13,691 --> 00:53:15,443
882
00:53:15,609 --> 00:53:16,701
Classic Stu.
883
00:53:17,945 --> 00:53:20,698
- We didn't get married, did we?
- Of course not.
884
00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:22,866
We just had some fun
in the Chardonnay Room.
885
00:53:23,325 --> 00:53:25,544
What, uh... What happens
in the Chardonnay Room?
886
00:53:25,703 --> 00:53:27,626
Let's just stay on task here.
887
00:53:27,788 --> 00:53:30,632
Oh, you know. Dance for him.
He tickle me. We had sex.
888
00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:32,919
- I massage his shoulders.
- Fuck!
889
00:53:33,085 --> 00:53:35,463
It's okay. You're not married yet.
It's no big deal.
890
00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:37,757
It's cheating, okay?
891
00:53:37,923 --> 00:53:42,224
No offense to you. You're a lovely woman.
It's a violation of my moral code.
892
00:53:42,386 --> 00:53:45,060
Don't be sad. Stu, you love it.
893
00:53:45,222 --> 00:53:47,896
You were crying,
saying how special it was.
894
00:53:48,058 --> 00:53:49,981
Wait. Ha, ha. I'm sorry, he was crying?
895
00:53:50,144 --> 00:53:51,487
What a baby. He was crying.
896
00:53:51,645 --> 00:53:55,741
You should have seen him.
He was so sexy, the way he move around.
897
00:53:56,442 --> 00:53:59,241
I had to ask him slow down
so I don't drop my load too quick.
898
00:54:01,989 --> 00:54:03,832
Load? What load?
899
00:54:03,991 --> 00:54:06,665
Oh, you know. My sperms.
900
00:54:07,995 --> 00:54:11,590
Eh, I think your English is off.
You're talking about my sperms.
901
00:54:12,750 --> 00:54:14,297
Where would your sperm come from?
902
00:54:14,460 --> 00:54:15,837
From my balls.
903
00:54:16,003 --> 00:54:17,300
Hold on. Back up.
904
00:54:17,463 --> 00:54:20,012
Wait, wait. Are you...?
905
00:54:20,174 --> 00:54:22,643
Hey. You in Bangkok, sweetie.
906
00:54:22,801 --> 00:54:24,849
There's a reason
they don't call it Bangcunt.
907
00:54:25,012 --> 00:54:26,605
STU:
Oh!
908
00:54:28,891 --> 00:54:30,564
909
00:54:30,851 --> 00:54:32,353
Oh, my God.
910
00:54:33,270 --> 00:54:34,738
PHIL:
Wow.
911
00:54:36,356 --> 00:54:38,950
I don't get it. Is this a magic show?
912
00:54:39,777 --> 00:54:44,203
Come on, Stu. It was beautiful.
We climaxed at the same time.
913
00:54:44,907 --> 00:54:46,454
How's that work?
914
00:54:46,617 --> 00:54:49,712
Shoot my load into you,
you shoot your load on the floor.
915
00:54:49,870 --> 00:54:52,214
- Okay.
916
00:54:52,706 --> 00:54:53,878
In my bottom?
917
00:54:54,041 --> 00:54:55,042
918
00:54:55,209 --> 00:54:57,086
Oh, God.
919
00:54:59,713 --> 00:55:01,761
920
00:55:04,343 --> 00:55:07,062
Stu, it's not the end of the world.
921
00:55:07,221 --> 00:55:09,394
I'm sorry, but I am so confused.
922
00:55:10,849 --> 00:55:13,728
I made love to a man with boobies.
923
00:55:13,894 --> 00:55:17,569
Listen, I promise you no one's ever
gonna find out about this.
924
00:55:17,731 --> 00:55:19,233
But we just found out about it.
925
00:55:19,399 --> 00:55:21,697
And then we forget. That's what we do.
926
00:55:21,860 --> 00:55:24,739
I've done so much fucked up shit,
and I just forget about it.
927
00:55:24,905 --> 00:55:28,535
- You have?
- Yeah. You just forget. It goes away.
928
00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:32,747
That might be harder to go away,
but in time it'll happen.
929
00:55:32,913 --> 00:55:34,756
That's what I'm gonna do.
930
00:55:35,541 --> 00:55:37,088
I'm just gonna forget about it.
931
00:55:37,251 --> 00:55:38,753
- Never happened.
- Right.
932
00:55:38,919 --> 00:55:40,216
933
00:55:40,379 --> 00:55:42,757
Phone. Phone. Who is it? Answer.
934
00:55:42,923 --> 00:55:44,425
Lauren's dad.
935
00:55:44,591 --> 00:55:45,888
It just reminded me.
936
00:55:46,051 --> 00:55:47,598
- Answer it.
- I can't.
937
00:55:47,761 --> 00:55:50,514
He might know something about Teddy.
We still have a shot.
938
00:55:50,681 --> 00:55:54,561
- Get your head back into the fucking game.
939
00:55:59,273 --> 00:56:01,617
- Hello?
FOHN: Who takes an all-day fishing trip...
940
00:56:01,775 --> 00:56:03,573
the day before a wedding?
941
00:56:03,735 --> 00:56:07,080
Yeah, ha, ha.
I guess it was kind of stupid.
942
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:08,786
Put Teddy on the phone.
943
00:56:09,741 --> 00:56:13,871
- Uh, Teddy's seasick, actually.
FOHN: Seasick?
944
00:56:14,037 --> 00:56:16,711
Teddy's been a maritime deck cadet
since he was 9.
945
00:56:16,874 --> 00:56:19,297
Well, that's weird,
because he's puking everywhere.
946
00:56:19,459 --> 00:56:22,554
I'm gonna tell you something
that you did not know.
947
00:56:22,713 --> 00:56:24,090
I don't like you.
948
00:56:24,256 --> 00:56:26,930
- Yeah, I knew that already.
FOHN: My daughter chooses you...
949
00:56:27,092 --> 00:56:29,094
that's her problem.
- Hey, it's Phil Winnick.
950
00:56:29,261 --> 00:56:32,515
Listen, I apologize. We've been reeling in
some crazy marlin, and I just want...
951
00:56:32,681 --> 00:56:34,274
952
00:56:35,100 --> 00:56:36,147
ALAN: Phil!
STU: Phil!
953
00:56:36,310 --> 00:56:37,311
PHIL:
Jesus.
954
00:56:37,477 --> 00:56:39,571
STU: Phil? You're okay.
PHIL: Fuck me.
955
00:56:39,730 --> 00:56:40,982
Give us back our monkey.
956
00:56:41,148 --> 00:56:42,775
What monkey? Get your own monkey!
957
00:56:43,191 --> 00:56:45,319
Come on, you asshole.
The fucking monkey.
958
00:56:45,986 --> 00:56:47,329
Come on.
959
00:56:47,487 --> 00:56:49,615
Any time, Alan. He's pointing a gun at us.
960
00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:51,124
This is our monkey.
961
00:56:51,283 --> 00:56:54,913
Alan, no one's getting shot over
a fucking monkey. Hand him over now.
962
00:56:55,078 --> 00:56:58,252
Oh, God, I never get to keep no monkeys.
963
00:56:59,875 --> 00:57:02,674
964
00:57:02,836 --> 00:57:05,214
Hey, check it out.
He's got a banana on his helmet.
965
00:57:05,380 --> 00:57:07,678
- These guys are the real deal.
PHIL: What's happening?
966
00:57:07,841 --> 00:57:10,845
Hold on. How did this happen?
Do you know where our friend is?
967
00:57:11,011 --> 00:57:13,855
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, 16 years old, Asian kid?
968
00:57:14,014 --> 00:57:16,187
969
00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:18,023
No, I don't understand what he said.
970
00:57:18,518 --> 00:57:20,612
What did he say? What did he say?!
971
00:57:20,771 --> 00:57:23,445
He said, "Fuck you and your question."
972
00:57:23,607 --> 00:57:25,154
973
00:57:25,317 --> 00:57:26,694
PHIL:
Oh, my arm!
974
00:57:26,860 --> 00:57:29,033
Poor Phil! Phil, are you okay?
975
00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:33,409
PHIL:
Oh, I got shot. Fuck! Fuck, guys.
976
00:57:33,575 --> 00:57:37,876
It's all right, Phil. We'll figure this all out
and get the monkey back. I promise.
977
00:57:38,038 --> 00:57:40,006
No one gives a fuck
about the monkey, Alan!
978
00:57:40,165 --> 00:57:42,384
Oh, shit, look at my arm.
979
00:57:42,542 --> 00:57:45,386
What the fuck is going on?!
980
00:57:45,545 --> 00:57:48,139
Stu, am I gonna be okay?
You're a doctor.
981
00:57:48,298 --> 00:57:51,017
I don't know. Let me look, let me look.
982
00:57:51,218 --> 00:57:52,390
983
00:57:52,552 --> 00:57:54,225
What? What?
984
00:57:54,388 --> 00:57:55,890
Stu, come here. No, look at it.
985
00:57:56,056 --> 00:57:59,230
Stuart Price, get your ass back over here!
986
00:57:59,393 --> 00:58:00,815
STU: You got shot!
PHIL: I know!
987
00:58:17,411 --> 00:58:19,459
PHIL: Hey.
- Yo. You all right?
988
00:58:19,621 --> 00:58:21,373
Yeah, I'm okay. I'm okay.
989
00:58:21,540 --> 00:58:26,137
Actually, bullet just grazed my arm.
Eight stitches.
990
00:58:26,628 --> 00:58:28,756
Only cost $6. How's that even possible?
991
00:58:28,922 --> 00:58:31,721
How's any of this even possible?
992
00:58:35,137 --> 00:58:37,936
I mean, if I was a foot to my left,
Stu, I'd be dead.
993
00:58:40,767 --> 00:58:42,440
What are we gonna do?
994
00:58:47,649 --> 00:58:50,118
I'm sorry, guys.
This wasn't part of the plan.
995
00:58:51,987 --> 00:58:53,785
What plan, Alan?
996
00:58:55,073 --> 00:58:56,700
I've said too much already.
997
00:59:04,791 --> 00:59:07,795
Alan, what plan?
998
00:59:09,421 --> 00:59:11,139
This is all Teddy's fault.
999
00:59:11,298 --> 00:59:12,800
PHIL:
What are you talking about, Alan?
1000
00:59:12,966 --> 00:59:15,139
Why is he here?
He's not part of the wolf pack.
1001
00:59:15,302 --> 00:59:18,146
Alan, what did you do?
1002
00:59:18,305 --> 00:59:21,434
It's not my fault. Teddy shouldn't have
been sharing from his bag.
1003
00:59:23,143 --> 00:59:24,235
What bag?
1004
00:59:24,394 --> 00:59:27,489
The marshmallows.
I had a separate bag just for Teddy.
1005
00:59:27,647 --> 00:59:31,151
But it was dark, it was hard to keep track,
and then you almost sat on them.
1006
00:59:31,318 --> 00:59:33,662
I couldn't tell which was which.
It was mayhem.
1007
00:59:33,820 --> 00:59:35,868
What did you do to the marshmallows,
Alan?
1008
00:59:36,281 --> 00:59:38,784
Alan? What did you do?
1009
00:59:38,950 --> 00:59:42,705
Well, isn't it obvious?
I spiked them with muscle relaxers.
1010
00:59:42,871 --> 00:59:45,169
And, plus, my ADHD medication.
1011
00:59:45,332 --> 00:59:47,300
- What?!
- You drugged us again?!
1012
00:59:47,459 --> 00:59:51,134
Not you. I just wanted to knock out Teddy
so we could enjoy the weekend.
1013
00:59:51,296 --> 00:59:55,972
"Enjoy the weekend"'? Alan, you told me
that you didn't do anything.
1014
00:59:56,134 --> 00:59:57,807
Alan, you swore to God.
1015
00:59:57,969 --> 01:00:00,222
I just wanted things to stay the same.
1016
01:00:00,388 --> 01:00:02,561
Look at my face!
1017
01:00:02,849 --> 01:00:04,351
You ruined my life!
1018
01:00:04,893 --> 01:00:05,940
You're not my friend.
1019
01:00:06,103 --> 01:00:08,856
Don't say that, Phil. Are you serious?
Even in America?
1020
01:00:09,022 --> 01:00:12,868
- Yes!
1021
01:00:13,026 --> 01:00:14,369
Don't start crying, Alan.
1022
01:00:14,528 --> 01:00:16,030
You're the bearded devil!
1023
01:00:16,196 --> 01:00:19,325
You liked it. You smiled at me when
I held up the marshmallows.
1024
01:00:19,741 --> 01:00:23,371
Because I like marshmallows,
you fucking psycho!
1025
01:00:24,121 --> 01:00:27,341
Hey! Whoa, whoa, hold on! Stop!
1026
01:00:27,499 --> 01:00:29,046
- Guys, guys. Enough.
- Why?!
1027
01:00:29,209 --> 01:00:31,382
Why, Alan? s Why?!
1028
01:00:31,837 --> 01:00:34,386
Because we're the three best friends,
remember?
1029
01:00:34,714 --> 01:00:36,216
Remember?
1030
01:00:36,383 --> 01:00:39,557
Stu, that's enough. That's enough.
1031
01:00:39,719 --> 01:00:41,187
Fuck.
1032
01:00:41,346 --> 01:00:42,598
1033
01:00:42,764 --> 01:00:45,563
Guys, we can't fall apart now.
We gotta stick together.
1034
01:00:51,231 --> 01:00:55,532
- Alan, what's that written on your belly?
- What? Huh?
1035
01:00:55,694 --> 01:00:59,574
"Lebua Hotel. Saturday, 6 p.m."
Did you write that?
1036
01:00:59,739 --> 01:01:01,161
No.
1037
01:01:02,784 --> 01:01:04,832
Shit, that's in 20 minutes.
1038
01:01:05,287 --> 01:01:07,164
What about England?
Are we friends there?
1039
01:01:07,330 --> 01:01:09,583
I told you,
it was in the heat of the moment.
1040
01:01:09,749 --> 01:01:12,753
We're still friends, all over the world.
1041
01:01:12,919 --> 01:01:15,638
- Even Great Britain?
- Yeah. Mm-hm.
1042
01:01:17,591 --> 01:01:19,514
Well, what about you, Stu?
1043
01:01:20,468 --> 01:01:22,061
We'll see.
1044
01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:25,682
Gentlemen, follow me.
1045
01:01:28,768 --> 01:01:29,815
All right.
1046
01:01:39,905 --> 01:01:40,952
MAN:
Here you go.
1047
01:01:43,700 --> 01:01:45,077
KINGSLEY:
Well.
1048
01:01:45,994 --> 01:01:48,588
It's about time. Sit down.
1049
01:01:48,747 --> 01:01:50,715
- Come on, sit, sit, sit.
- Okay.
1050
01:01:51,082 --> 01:01:53,210
Wow, you guys look like shit.
1051
01:01:54,920 --> 01:01:58,550
PHIL: Uh, do we know you?
- Hey.
1052
01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:01,935
Take off your fucking hat.
You're in a restaurant, for chrissake.
1053
01:02:06,806 --> 01:02:09,650
Okay, listen. Uh,
we have no clue what's going on here.
1054
01:02:09,809 --> 01:02:13,939
You know, they sell a plum whiskey here.
It's fucking unreal.
1055
01:02:14,105 --> 01:02:16,949
Seriously, it will absolutely fuck you up.
1056
01:02:17,108 --> 01:02:18,155
1057
01:02:18,318 --> 01:02:21,322
Oh, I'm sorry, you guys already
got fucked up, didn't you?
1058
01:02:21,488 --> 01:02:22,705
1059
01:02:22,864 --> 01:02:25,788
Uh, listen. I'm a little confused.
How did you...?
1060
01:02:25,951 --> 01:02:28,500
Yeah, you know what?
I'm a little fucking confused.
1061
01:02:28,662 --> 01:02:29,663
Where's Chow?!
1062
01:02:30,330 --> 01:02:35,632
Where is Chow with the fucking account
code and the fucking password?!
1063
01:02:41,007 --> 01:02:46,309
We don't know anything about any codes.
We're just trying to find our friend.
1064
01:02:49,182 --> 01:02:52,106
- Teddy.
- Yes. Teddy.
1065
01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:53,361
Have you seen him?
1066
01:02:53,520 --> 01:02:54,692
1067
01:02:54,854 --> 01:02:56,356
Come here.
1068
01:02:56,523 --> 01:02:59,777
Hmm. Let's see. Oh.
1069
01:03:00,568 --> 01:03:01,694
There's Teddy.
1070
01:03:03,029 --> 01:03:06,659
PHIL: Holy shit. it's from last night.
STU: Hmm.
1071
01:03:07,993 --> 01:03:09,620
Who are you?
1072
01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:11,083
I'm a businessman...
1073
01:03:11,246 --> 01:03:14,625
and I have invested a large chunk
of capital in your friend Chow.
1074
01:03:15,625 --> 01:03:19,300
And in return, he was supposed
to transfer our profits electronically...
1075
01:03:19,462 --> 01:03:22,807
about five fucking minutes ago.
1076
01:03:23,675 --> 01:03:27,350
So last night,
we took Teddy as insurance.
1077
01:03:28,263 --> 01:03:30,686
Oh, my God. Is he okay?
1078
01:03:31,099 --> 01:03:33,397
Oh, my God. I wasn't done talking.
1079
01:03:34,644 --> 01:03:36,487
You tell Chow...
1080
01:03:36,646 --> 01:03:41,322
that we are having breakfast on the roof
of this hotel tomorrow morning at 8 a.m.
1081
01:03:41,484 --> 01:03:43,737
Now, if he makes the transfer,
you will get Teddy.
1082
01:03:43,903 --> 01:03:47,999
If not, well, then, hey, you know?
It's Bangkok.
1083
01:03:50,201 --> 01:03:52,203
That's your cue to get the fuck
out of here.
1084
01:03:57,250 --> 01:03:58,718
1085
01:03:59,044 --> 01:04:00,671
Hey, you know what? Leave the hat.
1086
01:04:02,589 --> 01:04:04,011
Alan, leave the hat.
1087
01:04:06,092 --> 01:04:07,765
Attaboy.
1088
01:04:14,434 --> 01:04:16,061
1089
01:04:17,604 --> 01:04:20,778
We're fucked. Chow's dead.
What do we do now?
1090
01:04:20,940 --> 01:04:25,320
The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow.
This whole thing's about a bank account.
1091
01:04:25,487 --> 01:04:26,909
1092
01:04:27,072 --> 01:04:29,450
Let's just go back to the hotel,
Search Chow's body.
1093
01:04:29,616 --> 01:04:32,369
And hopefully the password's
in his wallet or something.
1094
01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:35,289
STU: What if it isn't?
I mean, they're gonna kill Teddy.
1095
01:04:35,455 --> 01:04:40,052
Just relax. We have until 8 a.m.
tomorrow to figure it out.
1096
01:04:42,754 --> 01:04:45,348
First the monkey, now my hat.
1097
01:04:45,632 --> 01:04:48,226
How much worse can this day get?
1098
01:04:49,928 --> 01:04:51,475
1099
01:04:51,638 --> 01:04:53,811
Jesus Christ.
1100
01:05:01,022 --> 01:05:05,619
Well, we're living here in Alantown
1101
01:05:06,820 --> 01:05:11,326
And he's driven our lives into the ground
1102
01:05:12,158 --> 01:05:16,208
When we woke up
We were wasted and drunk
1103
01:05:16,371 --> 01:05:18,544
Phil got shot
1104
01:05:18,706 --> 01:05:22,586
We got beaten by a monk
1105
01:05:24,629 --> 01:05:28,725
I was happy, and my life was good
1106
01:05:29,843 --> 01:05:34,189
Getting married like a dentist should
1107
01:05:34,347 --> 01:05:38,318
Roasting marshmallows on a stick
1108
01:05:38,476 --> 01:05:41,355
I got fucked in the ass
1109
01:05:41,521 --> 01:05:44,240
By a girl with a dick
1110
01:05:44,399 --> 01:05:45,491
1111
01:05:45,650 --> 01:05:47,903
I remember that.
1112
01:05:50,155 --> 01:05:54,456
And we 're living here in Alantown
1113
01:05:56,786 --> 01:05:58,788
STU:
There's water everywhere.
1114
01:05:59,164 --> 01:06:01,963
Yeah, that's because it melted, Stu.
The fucking power's out.
1115
01:06:02,125 --> 01:06:05,129
"With an inadequate electrical grid
serving millions of people...
1116
01:06:05,295 --> 01:06:08,219
Bangkok experiences
1500 power outages per year."
1117
01:06:08,381 --> 01:06:10,224
PHIL:
Seriously, Alan, that's enough.
1118
01:06:10,717 --> 01:06:12,435
Out of the way.
1119
01:06:14,554 --> 01:06:16,352
1120
01:06:18,725 --> 01:06:20,193
We got it.
1121
01:06:21,102 --> 01:06:22,149
1122
01:06:22,312 --> 01:06:24,235
ALAN:
Ghost! There's a ghost!
1123
01:06:25,398 --> 01:06:27,571
CHOW:
Motherfucker!
1124
01:06:28,109 --> 01:06:31,534
Chow, calm down! Chow, calm down!
1125
01:06:31,738 --> 01:06:34,491
- Fucking kill on me!
- No, no, no. Ah.
1126
01:06:34,657 --> 01:06:36,330
1127
01:06:37,327 --> 01:06:39,079
It's okay.
1128
01:06:39,871 --> 01:06:40,918
Relax.
1129
01:06:42,499 --> 01:06:43,546
1130
01:06:43,708 --> 01:06:46,006
PHIL: Shh.
CHOW: Shh.
1131
01:06:49,589 --> 01:06:53,435
That's it. it's just us. Breathe.
1132
01:06:53,593 --> 01:06:55,846
- Chow so cold.
PHIL: I'm gonna warm you up.
1133
01:06:56,012 --> 01:06:58,606
Chow so cold. Chow so cold.
1134
01:06:58,765 --> 01:07:01,109
You did good, buddy. You did good.
1135
01:07:01,267 --> 01:07:02,519
Chow did good.
1136
01:07:08,024 --> 01:07:09,697
PHIL:
Feeling better?
1137
01:07:10,443 --> 01:07:12,070
You all right? You warm enough?
1138
01:07:12,487 --> 01:07:15,161
I don't know.
Come feel my balls and tell me.
1139
01:07:15,323 --> 01:07:18,953
I've been locked
in a fucking ice box all day.
1140
01:07:19,202 --> 01:07:22,797
Hey, Alan, you want my awesome
sunglasses, you just ask Chow.
1141
01:07:22,956 --> 01:07:24,629
You don't have to kill me.
1142
01:07:24,791 --> 01:07:28,762
Chow, nobody killed you. You were
already dead. You didn't have a pulse.
1143
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:30,672
Oh, you never do blow before?
1144
01:07:30,838 --> 01:07:34,217
Sometime your heart stop, start up again.
Read a book.
1145
01:07:34,801 --> 01:07:36,644
Look, I'm sorry.
We're just having a bad day.
1146
01:07:36,803 --> 01:07:40,148
Oh, you having a bad day? Did you die?
1147
01:07:41,015 --> 01:07:42,141
I got shot.
1148
01:07:42,308 --> 01:07:43,810
But did you die?
1149
01:07:43,977 --> 01:07:48,027
Chow, some guy told us that
you've got a bank code or something...
1150
01:07:48,189 --> 01:07:52,740
and if we don't bring it to him first thing
in the morning, he's gonna kill Teddy.
1151
01:07:52,902 --> 01:07:55,826
Who, Kingsley? Pfft. He harmless.
1152
01:07:55,989 --> 01:07:59,414
Don't worry. I got the bank codes.
1153
01:08:00,159 --> 01:08:03,083
Great. All right,
we gotta meet him at 8 a.m.
1154
01:08:03,246 --> 01:08:04,964
Who is that fucking guy, anyway?
1155
01:08:05,123 --> 01:08:06,670
Invest in my business.
1156
01:08:07,125 --> 01:08:08,547
Yeah? What business is that?
1157
01:08:08,710 --> 01:08:11,884
It's called Not Your Business, okay?
1158
01:08:12,338 --> 01:08:14,181
So where's the monkey?
1159
01:08:14,632 --> 01:08:15,849
- The monkey?
- Yeah.
1160
01:08:16,009 --> 01:08:20,355
I stashed the account number
and password in his vest. Where is he?
1161
01:08:20,930 --> 01:08:22,182
1162
01:08:22,348 --> 01:08:25,818
- Why would you do that?
- Safekeeping, pretty boy.
1163
01:08:25,977 --> 01:08:28,025
I got a lot of heat on my ass.
1164
01:08:28,187 --> 01:08:33,284
I got FBI, Bangkok P.D.,
Interpol, MSNBC.
1165
01:08:33,901 --> 01:08:36,029
That monkey snorting coke
with me all night...
1166
01:08:36,195 --> 01:08:38,744
jerking me off while
I watch Stu fuck with ladyboy.
1167
01:08:39,324 --> 01:08:41,326
STU: Ugh.
- He not going anywhere.
1168
01:08:41,492 --> 01:08:43,039
We don't have the monkey, Chow.
1169
01:08:43,202 --> 01:08:46,001
No, some Russian thugs
took him from us.
1170
01:08:46,164 --> 01:08:48,041
CHOW:
Oh, you fucking guys.
1171
01:08:49,042 --> 01:08:50,965
Okay, no problem.
1172
01:08:51,127 --> 01:08:53,175
We just have to get him back.
1173
01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:56,224
- From where?
- Same place we took him from.
1174
01:09:17,737 --> 01:09:19,990
This monkey isn't just normal monkey.
1175
01:09:26,204 --> 01:09:27,251
1176
01:09:28,081 --> 01:09:29,628
1177
01:09:33,086 --> 01:09:36,431
CHOW:
Think of him like monkey drug mule.
1178
01:09:37,465 --> 01:09:40,389
He take coke to buyer...
1179
01:09:42,845 --> 01:09:44,392
and deliver cash to dealer.
1180
01:09:45,264 --> 01:09:47,187
He middleman.
1181
01:09:47,350 --> 01:09:50,194
Dealer never handle drug directly.
1182
01:09:50,353 --> 01:09:51,525
He clean.
1183
01:09:51,688 --> 01:09:53,281
1184
01:09:53,690 --> 01:09:54,907
That's terrible.
1185
01:09:55,066 --> 01:09:58,286
Not terrible. What you talking about?
It's fucking genius.
1186
01:09:58,444 --> 01:10:01,163
You ever see monkey go to jail?
1187
01:10:02,198 --> 01:10:04,576
We just signal monkey for deal,
he come close...
1188
01:10:04,742 --> 01:10:07,245
we take his vest and that's that.
1189
01:10:07,412 --> 01:10:09,790
Maybe get some blow too.
You know, just bump.
1190
01:10:09,956 --> 01:10:11,378
No. No more bumps, Chow.
1191
01:10:13,918 --> 01:10:15,795
Okay, this is ridiculous.
1192
01:10:16,629 --> 01:10:18,006
1193
01:10:18,172 --> 01:10:20,470
Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle.
Signal monkey.
1194
01:10:26,013 --> 01:10:27,060
1195
01:10:33,062 --> 01:10:35,656
- All right, here we go.
- Come on.
1196
01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:42,613
How'd we wind up with the monkey
last night?
1197
01:10:42,780 --> 01:10:46,830
Well, I needed some blow and
Alan thought he was cute, so we stole him.
1198
01:10:50,037 --> 01:10:51,505
1199
01:10:57,795 --> 01:10:59,047
1200
01:10:59,213 --> 01:11:00,590
So stupid.
1201
01:11:00,757 --> 01:11:02,100
Stu, ready to grab vest?
1202
01:11:02,425 --> 01:11:05,474
I... Okay. I just grab it?
1203
01:11:05,636 --> 01:11:08,264
- Yeah, just do it, Stu. Just do it.
- Hey, monkey!
1204
01:11:08,431 --> 01:11:10,149
PHIL: Alan, shh.
1205
01:11:10,308 --> 01:11:12,026
1206
01:11:13,269 --> 01:11:15,692
- Fuck!
CHOW: We gotta go right now.
1207
01:11:15,855 --> 01:11:17,198
1208
01:11:17,356 --> 01:11:18,824
Pull that fucking monkey in!
1209
01:11:18,983 --> 01:11:20,155
I'm trying!
1210
01:11:24,113 --> 01:11:25,865
Aah! Fuck!
1211
01:11:29,702 --> 01:11:31,204
CHOW:
Get that monkey in here, Stu!
1212
01:11:31,370 --> 01:11:33,623
He won't let go!
1213
01:11:33,873 --> 01:11:35,671
Stu, get back in the car right now!
1214
01:11:36,626 --> 01:11:39,630
STU:
I'm trying! Slow down!
1215
01:11:42,048 --> 01:11:43,391
1216
01:11:45,134 --> 01:11:46,852
He's so strong!
1217
01:11:50,139 --> 01:11:52,016
Let go, you fucking monkey!
1218
01:11:52,183 --> 01:11:53,400
1219
01:11:53,559 --> 01:11:55,061
- Look out!
- Aah!
1220
01:11:55,228 --> 01:11:56,901
CHOW:
Oh, shit. Tight squeeze.
1221
01:11:59,232 --> 01:12:02,361
I got him! I got him!
1222
01:12:03,402 --> 01:12:04,449
1223
01:12:04,612 --> 01:12:07,206
- Where's the code, Chow?
- Check his little vest.
1224
01:12:11,035 --> 01:12:13,003
- You got it, Alan?
- Yeah, I got it, Phil.
1225
01:12:13,162 --> 01:12:16,382
- Slow down, slow down, Chow!
- Hold on, gay boys!
1226
01:12:20,253 --> 01:12:22,176
- Holy shit!
- Fuck.
1227
01:12:22,338 --> 01:12:23,385
1228
01:12:23,548 --> 01:12:25,266
Don't worry, I got this shit.
1229
01:12:27,760 --> 01:12:29,307
Pig!
1230
01:12:31,055 --> 01:12:33,023
1231
01:12:33,182 --> 01:12:34,229
Oh, my word!
1232
01:12:34,392 --> 01:12:36,269
Ha, ha. Sorry, Stu. My bad.
1233
01:12:42,191 --> 01:12:43,283
Oh, shit.
1234
01:12:44,777 --> 01:12:45,949
Get down!
1235
01:12:46,112 --> 01:12:47,409
What the fuck?!
1236
01:12:47,572 --> 01:12:48,698
1237
01:12:48,865 --> 01:12:51,459
Oh, no! They shot the monkey!
1238
01:12:52,326 --> 01:12:54,294
They shot the monkey!
1239
01:12:54,453 --> 01:12:56,046
I'm at my wits' end!
1240
01:12:58,958 --> 01:13:00,756
He's coming back around.
1241
01:13:01,794 --> 01:13:02,841
Look out!
1242
01:13:06,966 --> 01:13:09,264
- Holy fuck.
- Oh, no.
1243
01:13:12,013 --> 01:13:14,232
1244
01:13:21,772 --> 01:13:23,399
1245
01:13:26,485 --> 01:13:28,863
1246
01:13:29,030 --> 01:13:31,249
PHIL: Everybody all right?
ALAN: Yeah.
1247
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:35,412
Whoo! I have such an erection right now.
1248
01:13:35,661 --> 01:13:37,334
1249
01:13:39,373 --> 01:13:41,341
STU:
Are you for real?
1250
01:13:42,960 --> 01:13:44,553
1251
01:13:45,463 --> 01:13:46,589
ALAN:
Shh.
1252
01:13:46,756 --> 01:13:50,181
It's okay. it's okay. it's okay.
1253
01:13:50,343 --> 01:13:51,936
1254
01:13:52,094 --> 01:13:53,767
It's okay.
1255
01:13:55,514 --> 01:13:57,937
They're gonna take good care
of you here, okay?
1256
01:14:00,353 --> 01:14:01,400
What's that?
1257
01:14:04,190 --> 01:14:05,942
Oh, yeah. Of course.
1258
01:14:06,108 --> 01:14:08,861
Cigarettes, got them right here.
Here you go.
1259
01:14:13,324 --> 01:14:14,701
There you go.
1260
01:14:17,703 --> 01:14:20,001
Deep breath.
1261
01:14:20,164 --> 01:14:21,882
Good. Good.
1262
01:14:22,041 --> 01:14:24,544
Smoke it in.
1263
01:14:24,710 --> 01:14:27,213
Breathe the smoke
into your tiny little lungs.
1264
01:14:27,380 --> 01:14:28,723
There you go.
1265
01:14:29,298 --> 01:14:32,017
It's funny. I've never been
much of a smoker...
1266
01:14:32,176 --> 01:14:33,223
1267
01:14:33,386 --> 01:14:35,480
but, boy, does it look cool on you.
1268
01:14:35,638 --> 01:14:38,141
PHIL:
Alan! Come on, let's go!
1269
01:14:41,602 --> 01:14:43,320
I'm gonna miss you, monkey.
1270
01:14:46,357 --> 01:14:48,735
I wish monkeys could Skype.
1271
01:14:50,403 --> 01:14:51,905
Maybe one day.
1272
01:14:56,534 --> 01:14:58,252
1273
01:15:00,705 --> 01:15:02,378
PHIL: Come on, get in.
ALAN: Scoot over.
1274
01:15:02,540 --> 01:15:05,510
- Oh, we gotta go see Kingsley.
PHIL: He's gonna be fine.
1275
01:15:11,924 --> 01:15:13,676
1276
01:15:19,473 --> 01:15:20,725
[SINGING JIM CROCE'S
"TIME IN A BOTTLE"]
1277
01:15:20,891 --> 01:15:23,861
If I could save time in a bottle
1278
01:15:24,645 --> 01:15:28,775
The first thing that I'd like to do
1279
01:15:29,775 --> 01:15:32,153
Is to save every day
1280
01:15:32,611 --> 01:15:36,036
Till eternity passes away
1281
01:15:36,240 --> 01:15:38,117
Just to spend them with you
1282
01:15:38,325 --> 01:15:40,168
Are you guys seriously this calm?
1283
01:15:40,327 --> 01:15:43,080
Relax, Stuart. It's classic switcheroo.
1284
01:15:43,247 --> 01:15:45,375
I give him money, he gives us Teddy.
1285
01:15:45,541 --> 01:15:47,919
Ever do anything that doesn't
end up in a standoff?
1286
01:15:48,085 --> 01:15:51,339
I'm an international criminal.
It always ends like this.
1287
01:15:51,505 --> 01:15:53,223
I met my wife at one of these things.
1288
01:15:53,382 --> 01:15:54,474
1289
01:15:54,633 --> 01:15:55,976
You have a wife?
1290
01:15:56,135 --> 01:15:58,433
Yeah. We married 15 years.
1291
01:15:58,596 --> 01:16:01,725
What, Chow not good-looking enough
for woman?
1292
01:16:02,391 --> 01:16:03,563
No, that's cool.
1293
01:16:04,018 --> 01:16:05,065
1294
01:16:05,853 --> 01:16:07,696
- Let's do this.
- Welcome to the Tower Club.
1295
01:16:07,855 --> 01:16:10,529
Blah, blah, blah. Who cares?
1296
01:16:10,941 --> 01:16:14,115
PHIL: it's okay.
CHOW: Stop. Chow crossing.
1297
01:16:17,782 --> 01:16:19,159
Hey, Kingsley.
1298
01:16:19,325 --> 01:16:21,578
- Well, well.
CHOW: Propecia looking nice.
1299
01:16:21,744 --> 01:16:22,836
1300
01:16:22,995 --> 01:16:24,497
Whew, you been hitting the gym?
1301
01:16:24,997 --> 01:16:28,171
Yes, I am, actually.
Thank you for noticing, Chow.
1302
01:16:28,334 --> 01:16:30,712
Hey, guys, have a seat.
1303
01:16:31,087 --> 01:16:32,179
Where's Teddy?
1304
01:16:32,338 --> 01:16:35,012
He's waiting downstairs in my car.
We'll send him up...
1305
01:16:35,174 --> 01:16:37,677
when the transfer is complete.
CHOW: Tell you what:
1306
01:16:37,843 --> 01:16:42,189
Give me extra 50 grand, you keep Teddy.
And I throw in this other fat fuck for free.
1307
01:16:42,348 --> 01:16:43,645
[KINGSLEY, CHOW
AND ALAN LAUGHING]
1308
01:16:43,808 --> 01:16:45,025
Oh, jeez. Chow.
1309
01:16:45,935 --> 01:16:47,278
Can we move this along?
1310
01:16:47,812 --> 01:16:50,156
Alan, account number?
1311
01:16:50,898 --> 01:16:52,241
Come On, Come On, Come On.
1312
01:16:52,399 --> 01:16:56,654
Uh, eight-one-four...
1313
01:16:57,530 --> 01:16:59,407
K, as in "knife"...
1314
01:16:59,573 --> 01:17:02,292
two-three-nine-eight.
1315
01:17:03,702 --> 01:17:04,874
Password?
1316
01:17:05,037 --> 01:17:06,380
"Baloney1
1317
01:17:07,123 --> 01:17:08,420
Your password is "baloney1"?
1318
01:17:08,582 --> 01:17:11,506
It used to be just "baloney."
Now they make you add number.
1319
01:17:12,002 --> 01:17:15,381
Really fucking annoying. Okay.
1320
01:17:16,006 --> 01:17:17,474
1321
01:17:22,471 --> 01:17:23,723
1322
01:17:23,889 --> 01:17:25,015
1323
01:17:25,182 --> 01:17:26,809
- And it's that easy.
CHOW: Ta-da.
1324
01:17:26,976 --> 01:17:28,023
1325
01:17:28,185 --> 01:17:29,812
Oh, look, you sunk my battleship.
1326
01:17:29,979 --> 01:17:31,401
1327
01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:33,362
Great. Now can we please have Teddy?
1328
01:17:34,233 --> 01:17:37,032
Uh, yeah. Bring him up.
1329
01:17:37,695 --> 01:17:38,742
BODYGUARD:
Good to go.
1330
01:17:38,904 --> 01:17:42,909
CHOW: Ha, ha. See? We go to your
wedding, we have fun, I bust a nut.
1331
01:17:43,075 --> 01:17:46,079
PHIL:
We did it, Stu. it's over.
1332
01:17:46,245 --> 01:17:48,213
1333
01:17:54,837 --> 01:17:57,556
OFFICER: This is Bangkok Police.
Everybody down.
1334
01:17:57,715 --> 01:18:00,264
[PEOPLE SCREAMING
AND SPEAKING IN THAI]
1335
01:18:00,926 --> 01:18:03,930
CHOW:
No! Kingsley, you're fucking 5-0?
1336
01:18:04,305 --> 01:18:05,602
Gotcha, Leslie.
1337
01:18:05,764 --> 01:18:06,936
Get him out of here.
1338
01:18:07,099 --> 01:18:08,521
Go. Good, good! We're good!
1339
01:18:13,772 --> 01:18:15,695
CHOW:
How the fuck...?!
1340
01:18:15,858 --> 01:18:17,451
Samir?
1341
01:18:17,902 --> 01:18:21,782
You fucked me over 6 grand?
You camel jockey.
1342
01:18:22,781 --> 01:18:24,033
You spit to me?
1343
01:18:24,366 --> 01:18:25,959
You spit to me?
1344
01:18:26,118 --> 01:18:28,291
Hey, 6 grand this time, 8 grand last time.
1345
01:18:28,454 --> 01:18:30,582
It's not the money, man.
It's the principle.
1346
01:18:30,748 --> 01:18:33,627
Principle? Nigga, please.
We both dead inside.
1347
01:18:33,792 --> 01:18:35,794
You call me nigga?
Huh? Don't call me nigga.
1348
01:18:35,961 --> 01:18:39,135
CHOW: Toodleoo, motherfucker!
- Called me nigga. Racist asshole, man.
1349
01:18:40,799 --> 01:18:43,268
KINGSLEY: You guys okay?
- What the fuck's going on?
1350
01:18:43,427 --> 01:18:45,304
Detective Inspector Peters, Interpol.
1351
01:18:45,471 --> 01:18:47,144
- You're a cop?
- Yes.
1352
01:18:47,306 --> 01:18:49,729
This sting operation's been in place
for weeks.
1353
01:18:49,892 --> 01:18:53,112
When Samir told us
that your friend was lost...
1354
01:18:53,479 --> 01:18:55,106
we took advantage of that information.
1355
01:18:55,564 --> 01:18:58,158
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, no.
1356
01:18:58,317 --> 01:19:02,117
- So can Teddy come out of the car now?
- No, Alan, Teddy's not in the fucking car.
1357
01:19:02,279 --> 01:19:04,782
They don't have him.
They never had him.
1358
01:19:04,949 --> 01:19:07,168
They just needed us to bring them Chow.
1359
01:19:07,534 --> 01:19:09,252
They used Teddy as bait.
1360
01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:10,458
1361
01:19:10,621 --> 01:19:12,123
Do you have any leads at all?
1362
01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:16,010
No. We've checked everywhere,
no one has seen him. I'm sorry.
1363
01:19:16,710 --> 01:19:19,179
If you haven't found him by now...
1364
01:19:19,546 --> 01:19:22,095
I'm afraid Bangkok has him.
1365
01:19:26,387 --> 01:19:29,266
Why do people keep saying that?
1366
01:19:31,308 --> 01:19:32,810
Stu...
1367
01:19:33,686 --> 01:19:35,404
it's time.
1368
01:19:40,276 --> 01:19:41,653
Phil.
1369
01:19:42,611 --> 01:19:43,658
I'm sorry.
1370
01:19:43,821 --> 01:19:44,868
1371
01:19:45,030 --> 01:19:47,158
Don't say that. Please.
1372
01:19:47,324 --> 01:19:49,418
No, this time we really fucked up.
1373
01:19:49,576 --> 01:19:51,499
Oh, God. How bad?
1374
01:19:51,662 --> 01:19:53,539
Like no wedding bad?
1375
01:19:53,706 --> 01:19:55,208
Yeah.
1376
01:19:55,708 --> 01:19:57,927
Little worse than that.
1377
01:20:02,381 --> 01:20:04,179
I don't know what to tell you.
1378
01:20:15,561 --> 01:20:17,063
1379
01:20:24,028 --> 01:20:25,746
Okay, how about this?
1380
01:20:25,904 --> 01:20:27,872
He fell off the fishing boat and drowned.
1381
01:20:29,533 --> 01:20:30,659
No.
1382
01:20:32,077 --> 01:20:33,579
Okay, I got it.
1383
01:20:33,746 --> 01:20:35,874
Teddy was hit by a truck.
1384
01:20:36,332 --> 01:20:39,051
- Alan.
- Not a good time, Phil. Kind of busy.
1385
01:20:39,209 --> 01:20:41,052
How many people get run over here?
1386
01:20:41,211 --> 01:20:43,509
Ugh. Over 1200 a year, Phil.
1387
01:20:43,672 --> 01:20:46,767
Perfect.
His body was too mangled to recover.
1388
01:20:46,925 --> 01:20:48,051
Case closed.
1389
01:20:49,803 --> 01:20:51,430
Can I have more ice, please?
1390
01:20:52,598 --> 01:20:54,066
I'm not gonna lie to Lauren.
1391
01:20:54,224 --> 01:20:57,398
Stu, do you want this or not?
1392
01:20:57,728 --> 01:21:00,231
Look at what I've done, Phil.
1393
01:21:00,564 --> 01:21:02,658
What I do.
1394
01:21:05,069 --> 01:21:07,788
I have a weakness for prostitutes.
1395
01:21:08,155 --> 01:21:09,873
All kinds, apparently.
1396
01:21:14,745 --> 01:21:17,214
I have a demon in me.
1397
01:21:18,207 --> 01:21:19,754
So what?
1398
01:21:20,376 --> 01:21:25,724
Teddy's gone, but I can still save Lauren.
I'll just let her live her life without me.
1399
01:21:25,881 --> 01:21:26,928
Stu.
1400
01:21:27,091 --> 01:21:30,391
I want you to call Doug and tell him
I'm never coming back.
1401
01:21:30,844 --> 01:21:33,267
I'm getting off the hamster wheel.
1402
01:21:34,306 --> 01:21:36,559
I'm gonna stay here in Bangkok.
1403
01:21:36,725 --> 01:21:38,853
I think I belong here.
1404
01:21:39,019 --> 01:21:41,693
Open up a little dentist office.
1405
01:21:42,564 --> 01:21:44,566
Teeth cleanings with a happy ending.
1406
01:21:46,151 --> 01:21:47,869
1407
01:21:48,987 --> 01:21:50,785
You sure about this?
1408
01:21:57,955 --> 01:22:00,253
Hey! What the crud?
1409
01:22:01,917 --> 01:22:03,009
Power's out, Alan.
1410
01:22:06,088 --> 01:22:07,465
1411
01:22:07,631 --> 01:22:09,258
- Doug.
1412
01:22:09,425 --> 01:22:10,677
I need answers, man.
1413
01:22:10,843 --> 01:22:13,346
- I know, um ...
- Doug, who are you talking to?
1414
01:22:13,512 --> 01:22:15,640
- Give me the phone.
- No, that's a private...
1415
01:22:15,806 --> 01:22:17,524
- Lauren?
1416
01:22:17,683 --> 01:22:20,357
Phil? Tell me what's going on right now.
1417
01:22:21,019 --> 01:22:22,612
PHIL:
We lost your little brother.
1418
01:22:23,063 --> 01:22:24,110
LAUREN:
What?
1419
01:22:24,273 --> 01:22:26,696
PHIL:
Bangkok has him now.
1420
01:22:27,943 --> 01:22:29,820
1421
01:22:33,740 --> 01:22:35,538
PHIL:
We gotta take the stairs.
1422
01:22:35,701 --> 01:22:37,169
You're in Bangkok?
1423
01:22:40,956 --> 01:22:44,381
STU:
Ew! That's a finger!
1424
01:22:44,543 --> 01:22:45,886
Put Stu on the phone.
1425
01:22:46,879 --> 01:22:50,349
ALAN: "Bangkok experiences
1500 power outages per year."
1426
01:22:50,507 --> 01:22:52,601
PHIL: Stu really just doesn't wanna
talk to anybody.
1427
01:22:53,427 --> 01:22:54,644
STU: Water.
PHIL: Power's out.
1428
01:22:54,803 --> 01:22:57,727
CHOW: Come on, Stewie.
Use that big Jewish brain.
1429
01:22:57,890 --> 01:23:00,143
PHIL:
He's just not up for it ...
1430
01:23:00,309 --> 01:23:02,732
- Phil? Phil. Phil, give me the phone.
PHIL: it's Lauren.
1431
01:23:02,895 --> 01:23:06,991
- I know. I need to talk to her.
- I'm handling this. I'll handle this, Stu!
1432
01:23:07,149 --> 01:23:09,868
- You're gonna break her heart!
- Hey, sweetheart, it's me.
1433
01:23:10,027 --> 01:23:11,074
I'm so sorry!
1434
01:23:11,236 --> 01:23:14,831
Stu? What the hell is going on?
What does he mean, you lost Teddy?
1435
01:23:14,990 --> 01:23:17,038
STU:
What? ls that what Phil said?
1436
01:23:17,201 --> 01:23:19,829
No, no, no. We misplaced Teddy.
1437
01:23:19,995 --> 01:23:23,295
But we're all good now. We're headed back
to the resort. See you soon.
1438
01:23:24,249 --> 01:23:25,751
I love you so much.
1439
01:23:25,918 --> 01:23:29,843
And I gotta go, but I'll see you soon. Bye.
1440
01:23:32,424 --> 01:23:33,926
Stu!
1441
01:23:36,803 --> 01:23:38,225
- Stu...!
ALAN: Ah!
1442
01:23:39,932 --> 01:23:42,355
Taxi! Taxi!
1443
01:23:42,518 --> 01:23:45,943
Come on! Come on, Alan! Come on!
1444
01:23:47,356 --> 01:23:49,484
PHIL: Hey, you mind filling us in?
STU: Okay.
1445
01:23:49,650 --> 01:23:51,903
- Now, when we woke up, the power was out.
- Yeah.
1446
01:23:52,069 --> 01:23:53,946
And you found Teddy's finger in what?
1447
01:23:54,613 --> 01:23:57,787
- In a bowl of water.
- But it didn't start out as water.
1448
01:23:57,950 --> 01:24:00,544
- It was ice.
- Exactly. Teddy got ice from the machine...
1449
01:24:00,702 --> 01:24:03,501
came back to the room,
put his finger on ice, fell asleep.
1450
01:24:03,664 --> 01:24:07,043
What do you do if you wake up
and your finger's in a bowl of melted ice?
1451
01:24:07,209 --> 01:24:10,964
I'd get more ice, Stu,
on the 15th fucking floor!
1452
01:24:11,129 --> 01:24:14,224
Yes!
Teddy goes up, the power goes out ...
1453
01:24:14,383 --> 01:24:17,512
Holy shit. Of course.
1454
01:24:17,678 --> 01:24:19,430
Of course, he's in the ice machine.
1455
01:24:19,596 --> 01:24:21,644
STU:
Alan, no!
1456
01:24:25,102 --> 01:24:26,570
It's on 10!
1457
01:24:26,728 --> 01:24:27,980
Sir, is the elevator stuck?
1458
01:24:28,146 --> 01:24:29,398
1459
01:24:29,565 --> 01:24:31,988
- Come on.
STU: Go. Go, go, go.
1460
01:24:35,070 --> 01:24:36,492
Ten! This is it! Teddy!
1461
01:24:36,655 --> 01:24:37,907
STU:
Teddy! Teddy!
1462
01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:39,996
PHIL:
Look out, look out.
1463
01:24:42,160 --> 01:24:44,083
1464
01:24:45,247 --> 01:24:46,715
1465
01:24:46,873 --> 01:24:50,844
- Oh, my God! Teddy!
- He's okay! He's okay!
1466
01:24:51,003 --> 01:24:52,346
Hey, you okay?
1467
01:24:52,963 --> 01:24:54,681
You okay, man?
1468
01:24:54,840 --> 01:24:55,841
Where am I?
1469
01:24:56,008 --> 01:24:58,181
You're in an elevator in the middle
of Bangkok.
1470
01:24:58,343 --> 01:25:00,687
But we're gonna get you out of here.
It's gonna be fine.
1471
01:25:00,846 --> 01:25:02,268
TEDDY:
Hey, Stu...
1472
01:25:02,514 --> 01:25:04,312
nice tattoo.
1473
01:25:04,474 --> 01:25:05,976
1474
01:25:06,143 --> 01:25:08,316
STU: Thanks, man.
- All right, let's do this.
1475
01:25:08,478 --> 01:25:09,946
Come on. Come on, come on.
1476
01:25:10,105 --> 01:25:12,858
PHIL:
Doug, we found him. Yeah!
1477
01:25:13,025 --> 01:25:16,700
I know, I know, but we're on our way.
Okay, bye.
1478
01:25:16,862 --> 01:25:20,207
All right, guests are arriving,
people are starting to ask questions...
1479
01:25:20,365 --> 01:25:22,367
but we can still pull this off.
1480
01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:24,787
- How?
- I don't know. Like, a taxi?
1481
01:25:24,953 --> 01:25:26,626
- Chow's speedboat.
- What?
1482
01:25:26,788 --> 01:25:29,337
Last thing I remember was getting
off Chow's speedboat.
1483
01:25:29,499 --> 01:25:31,297
Chow has a speedboat?
1484
01:25:31,460 --> 01:25:33,428
The Perfect Life.
1485
01:25:34,004 --> 01:25:35,051
Come on.
1486
01:25:35,213 --> 01:25:36,681
1487
01:25:38,925 --> 01:25:41,144
Stu, get that back line.
1488
01:25:42,763 --> 01:25:44,606
ALAN:
Good jump, Phil!
1489
01:25:46,642 --> 01:25:48,519
- You all right?
ALAN: Yeah.
1490
01:25:48,894 --> 01:25:50,487
You sure you know how
to drive this thing?
1491
01:25:50,646 --> 01:25:51,818
1492
01:25:51,980 --> 01:25:54,278
Please. I was raised in yacht clubs.
I know what I'm doing.
1493
01:26:17,589 --> 01:26:19,591
You know where we're going?
1494
01:26:20,258 --> 01:26:22,101
Please address me as "captain."
1495
01:26:22,260 --> 01:26:24,763
Oh, fuck you, Alan.
1496
01:26:25,722 --> 01:26:29,568
Do you know where We're going,
captain?
1497
01:26:30,185 --> 01:26:35,066
Affirmative, cadet. We're going south,
through the Gulf of Thailand. Ha, ha.
1498
01:26:35,232 --> 01:26:36,404
Good.
1499
01:26:57,671 --> 01:27:00,971
Hey. You okay?
1500
01:27:01,883 --> 01:27:04,136
- Feeling a little better.
- All right.
1501
01:27:05,637 --> 01:27:10,108
Listen, Teddy, I'm really sorry.
We didn't mean for any of this to happen.
1502
01:27:11,143 --> 01:27:15,023
It's funny. I can't remember anything...
1503
01:27:15,188 --> 01:27:18,317
but when I woke up...
1504
01:27:18,734 --> 01:27:20,407
I was kind of happy.
1505
01:27:21,278 --> 01:27:22,450
Yeah!
1506
01:27:24,281 --> 01:27:27,660
By the way, you have any idea
where my finger is?
1507
01:27:27,826 --> 01:27:31,171
Yeah, we gave it
to a drug-dealing monkey.
1508
01:27:34,166 --> 01:27:35,543
Bangkok.
1509
01:27:36,001 --> 01:27:37,844
Yeah, right?
1510
01:27:38,003 --> 01:27:39,801
Fucking Bangkok.
1511
01:27:43,967 --> 01:27:46,061
1512
01:27:46,970 --> 01:27:50,019
He's on his way, I'm telling you.
Dad's always doing this.
1513
01:27:50,348 --> 01:27:52,021
No, it's just ...
1514
01:27:53,810 --> 01:27:55,562
I apologize! There will be no wedding!
1515
01:27:55,729 --> 01:27:58,152
No, he is on his way. He will be here.
1516
01:27:58,315 --> 01:28:00,943
Please, if you will all move to the bar.
1517
01:28:01,109 --> 01:28:03,362
We are going to clear this area. Please.
1518
01:28:03,528 --> 01:28:04,700
1519
01:28:04,863 --> 01:28:06,661
LAUREN:
Daddy, how can you do this?
1520
01:28:07,157 --> 01:28:09,785
I'm telling you, I spoke to him.
He's coming.
1521
01:28:09,951 --> 01:28:11,669
1522
01:28:11,828 --> 01:28:13,546
LAUREN:
You don't understand.
1523
01:28:13,705 --> 01:28:16,174
Look. There they are.
1524
01:28:18,376 --> 01:28:19,628
1525
01:28:20,128 --> 01:28:21,801
Stu!
1526
01:28:26,051 --> 01:28:27,394
1527
01:28:27,552 --> 01:28:29,179
Alan, there's no dock.
1528
01:28:29,346 --> 01:28:30,393
ALAN:
Just hang on.
1529
01:28:30,555 --> 01:28:32,808
- Alan, it's not funny. Turn the boat.
- Hang on.
1530
01:28:32,974 --> 01:28:34,647
Is that Alan driving the boat?
1531
01:28:34,810 --> 01:28:36,403
DOUG:
What? Uh ...
1532
01:28:36,561 --> 01:28:39,815
We should probably move back a little bit.
Come on.
1533
01:28:39,981 --> 01:28:41,358
PHIL: Alan, slow down!
STU: Please!
1534
01:28:41,525 --> 01:28:44,324
Turn the boat! Turn the boat, Alan!
Turn the fucking boat!
1535
01:28:44,486 --> 01:28:46,159
Everyone, back up a little bit here.
1536
01:28:46,321 --> 01:28:49,666
Sir, it's gonna get worse
before it gets better. Come on, sir.
1537
01:28:49,825 --> 01:28:50,917
PHIL:
Hold on! Hold on!
1538
01:28:53,912 --> 01:28:56,085
1539
01:28:56,248 --> 01:28:58,046
1540
01:29:00,752 --> 01:29:01,753
PHIL:
Fuck!
1541
01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,263
1542
01:29:05,465 --> 01:29:06,512
Hi.
1543
01:29:06,675 --> 01:29:08,518
Hi, everybody.
1544
01:29:10,011 --> 01:29:12,264
We came in a little hotter
than we planned.
1545
01:29:12,639 --> 01:29:14,607
And sorry we trenched the lawn here.
1546
01:29:15,517 --> 01:29:17,611
Totally fixable. A bit of sod, we'll be fine.
1547
01:29:17,769 --> 01:29:19,112
- Baby!
- Oh, my God.
1548
01:29:19,271 --> 01:29:22,366
- Hi.
- Ah, I'm so happy to see you.
1549
01:29:23,275 --> 01:29:24,777
FOHN:
Teddy.
1550
01:29:25,277 --> 01:29:26,699
Teddy, here.
1551
01:29:26,862 --> 01:29:28,956
- Hi, Dad.
- Oh, Teddy.
1552
01:29:29,114 --> 01:29:32,209
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
1553
01:29:32,367 --> 01:29:33,869
No! Your hand!
1554
01:29:34,286 --> 01:29:37,961
I know. We had an accident. I'm okay.
1555
01:29:39,541 --> 01:29:41,589
- This is your fault.
- No, Dad.
1556
01:29:41,751 --> 01:29:43,628
He's right. Mr. Srisai, Lauren.
1557
01:29:43,795 --> 01:29:46,048
- I haven't been completely honest with you.
- Stu?
1558
01:29:46,214 --> 01:29:47,261
- Yeah?
- Don't do this.
1559
01:29:47,424 --> 01:29:49,722
Thanks, Phil, but gonna do it.
1560
01:29:50,260 --> 01:29:52,558
You said I'm chok.
1561
01:29:52,721 --> 01:29:55,099
Well, I'm not.
1562
01:29:55,265 --> 01:29:59,987
I'm not some weird milky, ricey,
watery goop...
1563
01:30:00,145 --> 01:30:02,773
that you feed to infants
and old people, okay?
1564
01:30:02,939 --> 01:30:06,409
Maybe I would be
if you added some cayenne pepper.
1565
01:30:06,818 --> 01:30:07,990
1566
01:30:09,571 --> 01:30:13,371
I wish I was a boring dentist
who had a boring life and boring friends...
1567
01:30:13,533 --> 01:30:16,002
but I don't, I'm not.
1568
01:30:16,244 --> 01:30:18,622
I'm actually part of this weird wolf pack.
1569
01:30:18,788 --> 01:30:22,258
Hey, it's not weird. it's pretty cool, actually.
No membership fee...
1570
01:30:22,417 --> 01:30:24,670
I have heard enough of this.
You come here.
1571
01:30:24,836 --> 01:30:26,383
Whoa.
1572
01:30:27,547 --> 01:30:29,015
Here's the deal, man.
1573
01:30:29,674 --> 01:30:32,097
I got a dark side.
1574
01:30:33,845 --> 01:30:35,973
There's a demon in me.
1575
01:30:36,473 --> 01:30:38,020
It's true, he has semen in him.
1576
01:30:39,184 --> 01:30:40,982
I said "demon."
1577
01:30:41,144 --> 01:30:43,021
But you also have semen in you.
Remember?
1578
01:30:43,188 --> 01:30:45,941
That's not relevant, but thank you, Alan.
1579
01:30:47,609 --> 01:30:48,656
Point is...
1580
01:30:48,818 --> 01:30:53,369
this demon takes me
to some pretty weird places.
1581
01:30:53,531 --> 01:30:56,785
And we lost Teddy
for two days in Bangkok.
1582
01:30:57,369 --> 01:31:01,215
But that same demon took us to hell
and back to find him.
1583
01:31:01,373 --> 01:31:03,876
We took on Bangkok and we won.
1584
01:31:04,042 --> 01:31:08,388
And that's pretty fucking cool
if you ask me. Right?
1585
01:31:11,800 --> 01:31:15,430
I love your daughter
and I'm gonna marry her...
1586
01:31:15,595 --> 01:31:17,689
unless you have any problem with that.
1587
01:31:17,847 --> 01:31:19,144
- I'm good.
- All right.
1588
01:31:20,266 --> 01:31:22,815
But all that said...
1589
01:31:22,978 --> 01:31:25,777
it would actually mean a great deal
to both of us...
1590
01:31:25,939 --> 01:31:29,318
if we could just get
your motherfucking blessing.
1591
01:31:34,406 --> 01:31:36,408
1592
01:31:45,417 --> 01:31:47,215
Hey, Alan.
1593
01:31:48,211 --> 01:31:49,884
Your head looks pretty cool shaved.
1594
01:31:51,006 --> 01:31:52,178
ALAN:
Thanks, Phil.
1595
01:31:52,841 --> 01:31:54,434
You should shave your head too.
1596
01:31:54,843 --> 01:31:56,140
Why would I do that?
1597
01:31:56,302 --> 01:31:58,930
Well, that way,
we would look exactly alike.
1598
01:32:10,066 --> 01:32:11,693
Take good care of my daughter, Stu.
1599
01:32:12,277 --> 01:32:15,326
- I will.
- Thank you.
1600
01:32:21,786 --> 01:32:24,289
killed everyone with the boat.
1601
01:32:24,456 --> 01:32:26,550
Just happy you're here.
1602
01:32:29,127 --> 01:32:32,882
Don't worry about the tattoo. I'll have it
lasered as soon as we're home in L.A.
1603
01:32:33,048 --> 01:32:34,641
It's okay. I can get used to it.
1604
01:32:34,799 --> 01:32:35,891
1605
01:32:36,051 --> 01:32:37,473
Really?
1606
01:32:40,221 --> 01:32:43,395
- But for now, let's switch sides?
- Yeah, okay.
1607
01:32:43,558 --> 01:32:45,310
Thank you.
1608
01:32:46,144 --> 01:32:47,771
Much better.
1609
01:32:49,022 --> 01:32:51,491
Dear family and friends...
1610
01:32:51,649 --> 01:32:53,322
on behalf of Stu and Lauren...
1611
01:32:53,485 --> 01:32:57,160
I welcome all of you
for this marriage celebration.
1612
01:32:57,655 --> 01:33:01,455
We are here today to encourage,
celebrate ...
1613
01:33:35,068 --> 01:33:36,570
[SINGING A FLOCK
OF SEAGULLS' "I RAN"]
1614
01:33:36,736 --> 01:33:37,988
I walk along the avenue
1615
01:33:39,197 --> 01:33:43,168
I never thought I'd meet a girl like you
1616
01:33:43,785 --> 01:33:46,129
Meet a girl like you
1617
01:33:47,914 --> 01:33:53,011
And I ran
Iran so far away
1618
01:33:53,586 --> 01:33:55,680
I couldn't get away
1619
01:33:56,214 --> 01:33:58,717
Thanks, buddy.
Can you hold on for a second?
1620
01:33:58,883 --> 01:34:00,305
Thank you. Ahem.
1621
01:34:03,763 --> 01:34:05,561
1622
01:34:08,017 --> 01:34:10,896
Hello? Hi, everyone.
1623
01:34:11,896 --> 01:34:14,240
I'm, uh... My name's Alan Garner.
1624
01:34:14,399 --> 01:34:20,702
Um, I want to thank the Asiatic people
for allowing us in your land.
1625
01:34:22,407 --> 01:34:26,537
I wanted to, um, say that, um,
I'm really happy to be here...
1626
01:34:26,703 --> 01:34:30,753
and I have a wedding gift
to present to Lauren and Stu.
1627
01:34:31,124 --> 01:34:35,220
Um, and a lot of thought have gone
into this...
1628
01:34:35,378 --> 01:34:39,554
and I hope that you appreciate it
as much I di... Are going to.
1629
01:34:39,716 --> 01:34:40,763
Okay. Guys.
1630
01:34:44,554 --> 01:34:45,601
1631
01:34:47,390 --> 01:34:50,064
1632
01:34:53,813 --> 01:34:54,939
[SINGING MURRAY HEAD'S
"ONE NIGHT IN BANGKOK"]
1633
01:34:55,106 --> 01:34:57,825
Bangkok, Oriental setting, and the city
Don't know what the city is getting
1634
01:34:58,026 --> 01:34:59,619
Oh, fuck!
1635
01:34:59,819 --> 01:35:02,368
In a show with everything
But Yul Brynner, ya know?
1636
01:35:05,200 --> 01:35:09,080
One night in Bangkok
And the world's your oyster
1637
01:35:09,704 --> 01:35:12,958
The bars are temples
But the pearls, they ain't free
1638
01:35:14,000 --> 01:35:17,800
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
1639
01:35:18,463 --> 01:35:21,558
And if you're lucky, then the god's a she
1640
01:35:21,799 --> 01:35:23,016
Alan!
1641
01:35:23,176 --> 01:35:25,429
I can feel the devil walking next to me
1642
01:35:25,595 --> 01:35:27,563
What the fuck, man?
1643
01:35:27,722 --> 01:35:30,601
- So, what do you think?
- It's insane! How did you do that?
1644
01:35:30,767 --> 01:35:33,691
My dad had to make a lot of calls,
and then I told Mike, I said:
1645
01:35:33,853 --> 01:35:36,151
"You gotta do it.
It's for my third best friend."
1646
01:35:36,898 --> 01:35:39,742
STU:
Alan, it's amazing. I love it.
1647
01:35:39,901 --> 01:35:40,948
Thank you so much.
1648
01:35:41,110 --> 01:35:44,740
We only have him for the night.
We don't own him permanently.
1649
01:35:45,531 --> 01:35:47,408
Understood.
1650
01:35:47,951 --> 01:35:52,001
One night in Bangkok
Makes the hard man humble
1651
01:35:52,538 --> 01:35:55,917
Not much between despair and ecstasy
1652
01:35:56,668 --> 01:36:00,343
I can feel the devil walking next to me
1653
01:36:03,091 --> 01:36:04,968
PHIL:
You do a lot of public speaking, Alan?
1654
01:36:05,134 --> 01:36:06,852
1655
01:36:07,345 --> 01:36:09,393
Mike, you were great.
1656
01:36:09,555 --> 01:36:11,774
STU:
It's true, that was incredible.
1657
01:36:11,933 --> 01:36:15,187
Thanks, guys. Thank you.
That means a lot. Really, it does.
1658
01:36:15,353 --> 01:36:18,482
By the way, you really need to remove
that fucking tattoo from your face.
1659
01:36:18,898 --> 01:36:20,650
Yep. On it.
1660
01:36:23,069 --> 01:36:25,197
Sorry about the last-minute
performance change.
1661
01:36:25,363 --> 01:36:27,286
- Don't worry.
- What are you talking about?
1662
01:36:27,448 --> 01:36:30,543
Well, he was supposed to sing
"Burning Up" by the Jonas Brothers...
1663
01:36:30,702 --> 01:36:33,046
but then I remembered
you don't like indie rock.
1664
01:36:33,204 --> 01:36:35,377
Hey, guys. You're not gonna believe this.
1665
01:36:35,540 --> 01:36:37,918
- Is that your phone?
- Yeah.
1666
01:36:38,084 --> 01:36:40,007
How come you never tried calling us?
1667
01:36:40,169 --> 01:36:41,762
It's been dead for two days.
1668
01:36:41,921 --> 01:36:44,219
But I recharged it
and found all these photos.
1669
01:36:44,382 --> 01:36:45,975
- What?
- Oh, shit.
1670
01:36:46,134 --> 01:36:47,727
Some of it's pretty messed up.
1671
01:36:47,885 --> 01:36:50,889
- Awesome. Let's check them out.
STU: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
1672
01:36:51,055 --> 01:36:52,557
No one needs to see this stuff.
1673
01:36:52,724 --> 01:36:55,147
Come on, man. I'm Mike Tyson.
I've seen everything.
1674
01:36:55,727 --> 01:36:57,855
- It'll be fine.
- What...?
1675
01:36:59,397 --> 01:37:01,024
All right. But we look at it once...
1676
01:37:01,190 --> 01:37:04,410
And then we delete them.
It's gonna be okay.
1677
01:37:04,569 --> 01:37:05,570
1678
01:37:05,737 --> 01:37:06,829
Motherfucker.
1679
01:41:44,432 --> 01:41:46,434121308
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