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[British announcer]
Please welcome
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00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:12,553
Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth
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00:00:12,553 --> 00:00:14,970
and the guest of honor,
the American President,
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00:00:14,970 --> 00:00:16,011
Donald Trump.
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00:00:16,011 --> 00:00:19,804
Wow, the two royal
families together at last!
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00:00:19,804 --> 00:00:22,053
We have so much in common --
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00:00:22,053 --> 00:00:24,553
inherited wealth,
sexual perversion.
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00:00:24,553 --> 00:00:26,178
Let's get this
out of the way --
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00:00:26,178 --> 00:00:29,011
yes, I said Meghan Markle
is "nasty."
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00:00:29,011 --> 00:00:30,387
In my defense,
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00:00:30,387 --> 00:00:33,261
every time I'm about to be
a guest in someone's house,
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00:00:33,261 --> 00:00:35,720
I get into a public feud
with their granddaughter.
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00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,011
This suit is tight.
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00:00:37,011 --> 00:00:39,720
I'm gonna have to peck my way
out of it like a baby chick.
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00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,428
Today, I am honored
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00:00:41,428 --> 00:00:44,220
to sit next to
the late, great Barbara Bush.
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00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,220
This is just like
my semester abroad,
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00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:49,303
only I haven't tried
to Amanda Knox my roommate.
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00:00:49,303 --> 00:00:52,845
Happy 75th
D-Day anniversary, everyone.
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00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:56,470
To celebrate, we're grabbin'
our sunscreen and big umbrellas
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00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:59,011
and headin'
to Omaha Beach.
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00:00:59,011 --> 00:01:00,261
Try to ignore
Stephen Miller,
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00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:02,929
who will be honoring the fallen
on the other side.
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00:01:02,929 --> 00:01:04,595
Ohh, I'm so fucking hot.
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00:01:04,595 --> 00:01:06,679
We won't be
honoring John McCain,
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00:01:06,679 --> 00:01:08,762
who refused to fight
in World War II
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because of the lame excuse
that he was a toddler.
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Thank you to my advance team
for throwing tarps
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over all the gravestones
with the name "John"
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so I don't get grumpy
and have a bad beach day.
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They're gonna have to cut me out
of this suit over several hours
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so I don't get the bends.
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I'm so jet-lagged!
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I just wanna
go back to the hotel and sleep!
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I'll be back in time
for the luau!
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For the last time --
there's no luau!
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Ugh! This vacation sucks!
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So let's toast to our
nations' eternal friendship
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as we live out this scene from
a 1980s R-rated comedy called --
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I don't know --
Boner-In-Chief.
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[applause]
Uh-oh.
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That drink had a bubble.
Hit the deck!
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-Oh.
-Oh! That is so much better.
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Uh-oh, here come the bends!
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♪♪♪
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Aah! Klobuchar!
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00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:05,220
♪♪♪
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00:02:05,220 --> 00:02:07,804
♪ Three white people
on a coach ♪
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00:02:07,804 --> 00:02:09,637
♪ It's Fox & Friends ♪
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[Trump] The Midwest
was starving
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00:02:11,345 --> 00:02:13,095
-before I signed legislation...
-Right.
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...to make chickens
the size of mailboxes.
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00:02:14,178 --> 00:02:15,512
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah, right, right.
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And not
the blue mailboxes either...
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Okay.
...the weird locked mailboxes
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next to the blue ones...
Sure.
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00:02:20,220 --> 00:02:21,637
...that the mailman
hides his lunch
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and nighttime clothes inside.
Y-- Okay.
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Good news --
Mr. President Trump
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is about to break his record
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for longest uninterrupted
call-in ever!
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00:02:28,595 --> 00:02:30,428
They're installing
suicide nets
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outside the closed-caption
office as we speak!
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00:02:33,261 --> 00:02:35,220
[Trump] And it's
not just the Mexicans
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that are pouring
over our borders...
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Go off, girl!
It's the Portuguese, too,
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but I don't see Jim Acosta
reporting on them.
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00:02:41,428 --> 00:02:43,303
Jim Acosta
is an old family friend,
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00:02:43,303 --> 00:02:44,845
but now I hate his guts!
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00:02:44,845 --> 00:02:47,303
[Trump] I say we drop
the big one on Portugal.
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[whispering] What?
What is he talking about?
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Let's nuke Jim Acosta, too!
If he's in Portugal,
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00:02:52,178 --> 00:02:54,929
we can do a two-for-one
and save on shipping.
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00:02:54,929 --> 00:02:57,637
So, if you want to grow
an extra arm this weekend,
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head downwind from Portugal!
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♪♪♪
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00:03:03,762 --> 00:03:05,679
Does President Trump's
nuclear threat
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00:03:05,679 --> 00:03:07,720
mean he has gone
full-on cuckoo bananas?
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A new poll shows
80% of Americans describe him
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00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:12,053
as "...unstable
as a college freshman
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who drags his mattress
off the bed frame
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and sleeps in the closet."
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Here to comment is Democratic
presidential candidate
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Senator Elizabeth Warren.
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Chuck, the President's
erratic behavior
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poses a threat
to the entire world,
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00:03:22,887 --> 00:03:25,470
and that is not some
buttoned-up senator talking --
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it's laid-back,
beer-swillin' Lizzy Warren.
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Wow, that is warm.
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00:03:29,804 --> 00:03:31,887
Or, could this be
Trump's first move
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00:03:31,887 --> 00:03:33,720
in a nine-dimensional
chess game?
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Absolutely not.
Well, only time will tell.
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No, Chuck, he's dangerous.
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Only time will tell.
Thank you, Senator.
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♪♪♪
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Geez, everyone's calling me
a whack job
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just because
I threatened to nuke Norway.
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Portugal, sir.
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We know
I'm not a details guy.
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[rumbling]
[all screaming]
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Oh, no, no, no, no!
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The rapture is upon us!
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I can't wait
to spend eternity in Heaven
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sorting buttons
with Karen Pence!
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Relax, Rapture Randy.
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00:03:58,220 --> 00:04:00,428
I just ordered
a little ballistic-missile test
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00:04:00,428 --> 00:04:02,637
to make sure the seat
of Jim Acosta's pants
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00:04:02,637 --> 00:04:03,887
stays coated in pee-pee.
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00:04:03,887 --> 00:04:06,887
Whatever color pills you ate
today, eat a different color,
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00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:08,261
or it's 25th Amendment time!
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00:04:08,261 --> 00:04:10,053
Is that the one where you have
to say if you're a cop?
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It's the one where
we yank you out of office
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for acting like
a loony toon.
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So someone grounded and rational
like Mike Pence
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becomes president.
[Pence] I understand, God.
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I still have more buttons
to sort on Earth.
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♪♪♪
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[British accent] Cheerio.
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Leaders around the globe
held an emergency summit
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to discuss President Trump's
threat to annihilate Portugal.
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We've obtained audio
from the closed-door meeting...
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00:04:32,303 --> 00:04:34,720
[Macron] The European Union
will act decisively
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to neutralize this tyrant!
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[Merkel] We take the whole
"ranting mad-man" thing
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pretty seriously here
in Germany, you know.
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[Putin]
Oh, come on, he misspoke!
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Isn't Trump allowed
one mistake?
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No matter who I threaten,
Dr. Ronny, I just can't win!
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They've got it wrong --
I'm a very stable genius!
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00:04:50,637 --> 00:04:53,637
According to my Brain-O-Meter,
class-action lawsuit pending,
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your brain waves
are pulsating
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00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:57,845
at 720 kilowhirls
per miliyear.
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00:04:57,845 --> 00:04:59,136
And that's good, right?
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00:04:59,136 --> 00:05:00,887
Oh, off the charts,
kilowhirl-wise.
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00:05:00,887 --> 00:05:02,762
I knew it!
Just give me a doctor's note
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00:05:02,762 --> 00:05:05,011
saying I'm not a danger
to myself or others,
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00:05:05,011 --> 00:05:07,261
or I'll do something real bad
to both of us.
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00:05:07,261 --> 00:05:09,553
So why did you threaten
Portugal, sir?
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00:05:09,553 --> 00:05:12,679
I was just doing some
thermonuclear free association
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00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:14,595
with my Fox & Friends,
and it stuck.
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Now I have to do it or no one
will take me seriously,
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and if no one
takes me seriously,
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I'll have to blow up
the whole world.
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Sounds reasonable to me, and
I live in the back of a car.
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♪♪♪
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Bill Shine!
Aren't you supposed to be
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getting the President
re-elected in perpetuity?
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I took a long lunch
because this is important --
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00:05:31,929 --> 00:05:34,387
when I worked at Fox News,
I championed you guys.
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00:05:34,387 --> 00:05:37,345
Hell, I made you who you are.
We're your Frankenstein!
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00:05:37,345 --> 00:05:39,470
Uh, Frankenstein
was the scientist.
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00:05:39,470 --> 00:05:42,261
Godzilla was the monster.
Shut up, Kilmeade.
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00:05:42,261 --> 00:05:44,136
Now my loyalty
is to the White House,
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00:05:44,136 --> 00:05:47,011
so I need you three to stop
driving the President crazy.
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Oh, stop -- he's no crazier
than our loyal viewers.
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They adore us so much,
they send 40-page love letters
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written in their own fluids.
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-Awww!
-Awww!
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Just make the show
a little more gentle
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until the President
stops trying to kill all of us
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and goes back to
trying to kill some of us.
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00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,053
♪♪♪
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00:06:03,053 --> 00:06:05,220
Daddy, we're here
because we care deeply
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00:06:05,220 --> 00:06:06,637
about not getting irradiated.
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Thanks for your concern, but
I got this note from Dr. Ronny
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00:06:09,595 --> 00:06:12,303
saying my brain cholesterol
is at an all-time good,
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00:06:12,303 --> 00:06:14,637
so I'm perfectly capable
of running the planet.
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00:06:14,637 --> 00:06:17,053
Anyway, we asked someone
who actually cares about you
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00:06:17,053 --> 00:06:18,387
to join us...
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[Putin] Hey, Donald!
Putin?
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Yeah, buddy, look,
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I'm all for
unprovoked military force,
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00:06:23,595 --> 00:06:26,679
but if it's on the same day
you appoint a Terry Fator puppet
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to the United Nations,
it makes people a little jumpy.
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Terry Fator's puppets
are notorious instigators.
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Not exactly the right
temperament for the U.N.
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There you go, sort of.
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♪♪♪
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[Earhardt] Bill Shine wants
gentle and cerebral?
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00:06:40,261 --> 00:06:43,220
This is Fox & Friends --
not PBS.
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00:06:43,220 --> 00:06:44,929
Nobody watches us
to chill out --
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00:06:44,929 --> 00:06:46,887
they watch us to hear
how Ocasio-Cortez
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is personally stealing land
from white Africans!
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00:06:49,303 --> 00:06:51,512
There is something
to be said
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00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:54,095
for the slow,
methodical world-building
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of a PBS costume drama.
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00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:57,428
Slow...methodical...
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00:06:57,428 --> 00:06:59,428
what the hell
are you talking about, Brian?
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00:06:59,428 --> 00:07:00,762
I wrote some scripts.
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00:07:00,762 --> 00:07:03,428
Never mind. They're stupid.
You don't want to see them.
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00:07:03,428 --> 00:07:05,512
Of course we don't!
Fine, here they are.
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00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:06,887
I don't know about this...
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00:07:06,887 --> 00:07:09,428
Whoa, I get to wear
a big, tall hat? I'm in!
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00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:11,261
Me too!
Mostly because,
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00:07:11,261 --> 00:07:14,053
if I disagree with you guys,
you'll ignore me anyway!
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00:07:14,053 --> 00:07:16,595
[sirens wailing, rumbling]
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00:07:16,595 --> 00:07:20,512
Daddy! You said you'd stop
these missile tests! God!
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00:07:20,512 --> 00:07:21,970
They scare the shit
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00:07:21,970 --> 00:07:24,095
out of people
who are less brave than me!
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00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:26,720
Listen, I made a promise
to someone -- I forgot who --
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00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,303
that I'd blow up Portugal --
I'm not sure why --
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00:07:29,303 --> 00:07:31,011
and I'm not about
to embarrass myself
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00:07:31,011 --> 00:07:33,512
in front of whoever
for whatever reason that was.
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00:07:33,512 --> 00:07:36,387
Daddy...where's Eric? You were
supposed to give him a bath!
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00:07:36,387 --> 00:07:37,595
[dramatic music plays]
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00:07:37,595 --> 00:07:40,512
You said to wait for you,
s-so I did.
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00:07:40,512 --> 00:07:43,428
His nuts are
so small and wrinkly, Dad!
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00:07:43,428 --> 00:07:45,387
They'll never
be normal nuts again!
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00:07:45,387 --> 00:07:47,470
Relax -- Anyone
could have forgotten
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00:07:47,470 --> 00:07:49,553
their screaming adult son
in the bath.
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00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:52,261
Daddy...what if it had been
someone you care about?
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00:07:52,261 --> 00:07:54,136
Someone...like me?
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00:07:54,136 --> 00:07:57,845
Oh, my God. My children.
My one good children.
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00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:01,345
Please, Daddy, let us help you
make your brain good again.
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00:08:01,345 --> 00:08:02,845
For the country,
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00:08:02,845 --> 00:08:05,387
so it'll trust you enough
to steal all its money.
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00:08:05,387 --> 00:08:08,345
And for Eric,
whose nuts art in Heaven.
218
00:08:08,345 --> 00:08:11,011
Let's do it.
Not just for Eric's nuts,
219
00:08:11,011 --> 00:08:12,637
but the whole
country's nuts.
220
00:08:12,637 --> 00:08:13,970
-Cool!
-Yay!
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00:08:13,970 --> 00:08:15,595
[door closes]
[water sloshes]
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00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:18,679
[Eric] Come back if you need
c-cold, dirty water!
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00:08:18,679 --> 00:08:21,804
♪♪♪
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00:08:21,804 --> 00:08:24,387
[Trump] Kids, we all know
that the best way to prove
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00:08:24,387 --> 00:08:27,011
someone is competent, sane,
and trustworthy is...
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00:08:27,011 --> 00:08:29,053
[both]
Prime-time televised game show!
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00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:31,095
Exactly!
In one week's time,
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00:08:31,095 --> 00:08:33,929
I'm gonna show the country,
live, on network TV,
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00:08:33,929 --> 00:08:36,887
that my brain is more functional
than Ronald Reagan's
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00:08:36,887 --> 00:08:38,595
the day he left office.
231
00:08:38,595 --> 00:08:40,553
I'm thinking my doctor
who lives in a car
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00:08:40,553 --> 00:08:43,387
tests me in front of a billion
Americans, and we call it --
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00:08:43,387 --> 00:08:44,595
Big Brain Showdown!
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00:08:44,595 --> 00:08:46,428
With a special performance
by Jamiroquai.
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00:08:46,428 --> 00:08:47,887
Love it.
At the end,
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00:08:47,887 --> 00:08:50,387
Dr. Ronny will smash my brain
with a sledgehammer
237
00:08:50,387 --> 00:08:52,720
and, if it puffs back up
with a big boing sound,
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00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,053
everyone will know
I'm fine.
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00:08:54,053 --> 00:08:56,595
I'll check to make sure
Jamiroquai isn't touring.
240
00:08:56,595 --> 00:08:59,095
[hushed voice] Ivanka,
I really hope he's not touring.
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00:08:59,095 --> 00:09:01,220
[dramatic music plays]
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00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:04,553
♪♪♪
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00:09:04,553 --> 00:09:07,804
♪♪♪
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00:09:07,804 --> 00:09:10,887
[man] Three white people
in a house...
245
00:09:10,887 --> 00:09:13,720
It's Friendship Manor.
246
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,595
Lady Ainsleyhardt, have you
readied the dining room
247
00:09:16,595 --> 00:09:18,428
for this evening's repaste?
R-Re-past?
248
00:09:18,428 --> 00:09:20,762
Yes, I have left ample space
249
00:09:20,762 --> 00:09:24,637
between the Duke of Winshire
and the Marquess of Aberdingle.
250
00:09:24,637 --> 00:09:27,720
And have you considered
my proposal of marriage?
251
00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:30,679
It would secure Friendship Manor
for generations to come.
252
00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:32,261
I have, Lord Doocifus.
253
00:09:32,261 --> 00:09:34,595
It's just that my heart
belongs to another...
254
00:09:34,595 --> 00:09:38,845
♪♪♪
255
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,970
This is extremely my shit.
256
00:09:41,970 --> 00:09:42,929
♪♪♪
257
00:09:42,929 --> 00:09:45,261
We need to make sure
you actually win
258
00:09:45,261 --> 00:09:46,637
Big Brain Showdown,
259
00:09:46,637 --> 00:09:49,970
so let's exercise that noggin
with a brain teaser.
260
00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:52,220
After my divorce,
I found solace
261
00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:54,720
in the ancient practice
of mindfulness.
262
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,553
Okay, a murderer
is condemned to death --
263
00:09:57,553 --> 00:09:58,887
Biased judge,
activist court,
264
00:09:58,887 --> 00:10:01,053
appeal it till it gets to
Kavanaugh's desk.
265
00:10:01,053 --> 00:10:04,220
-Solved it.
-Daddy! Hold on! I wasn't done!
266
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:07,679
Now just close your eyes and
let your thoughts drift away.
267
00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:09,720
Whooooosh.
268
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,720
Whoo-- [coughs]
269
00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,387
Oh, shit!
I swallowed a bug!
270
00:10:14,387 --> 00:10:16,553
Now a bug's gonna grow
in my stomach.
271
00:10:16,553 --> 00:10:18,845
Get it out before it goes
through puberty!
272
00:10:18,845 --> 00:10:23,011
As punishment, the murderer has
to enter one of three rooms --
273
00:10:23,011 --> 00:10:26,595
one with assassins,
one that's on fire,
274
00:10:26,595 --> 00:10:29,595
and one with lions
who haven't eaten in years.
275
00:10:29,595 --> 00:10:31,220
Wait, are the lions tigers?
276
00:10:31,220 --> 00:10:33,970
Of course!
Actually, wait. Are they?
277
00:10:33,970 --> 00:10:36,178
Sir, the United Nations
Security Council
278
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:37,804
has been on hold
for three days.
279
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,053
What should I tell them?
280
00:10:39,053 --> 00:10:40,970
[both]
We're doing something!
281
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:43,553
So I just pull on that thing
in the back of your throat
282
00:10:43,553 --> 00:10:45,178
until you barf the bug?
Uh-huh.
283
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:47,178
Back at Wharton,
my buddy Brench taught me
284
00:10:47,178 --> 00:10:48,428
that's the "vom-cord."
285
00:10:48,428 --> 00:10:51,553
Hello, zoo?
Are lions tigers?
286
00:10:51,553 --> 00:10:54,136
Ask him if lions are tigers.
I am. Shut up!
287
00:10:54,136 --> 00:10:55,011
Uh-huh...
288
00:10:55,011 --> 00:10:56,512
Oh...
289
00:10:56,512 --> 00:10:58,470
But how do you know?
290
00:10:58,470 --> 00:11:00,303
They don't know.
I knew it!
291
00:11:00,303 --> 00:11:02,345
Ask them
if donkeys are horses.
292
00:11:02,345 --> 00:11:03,512
Shut up, Pompeo!
293
00:11:03,512 --> 00:11:05,970
Actually,
that's a good question.
294
00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:07,178
♪♪♪
295
00:11:07,178 --> 00:11:08,595
[gags]
296
00:11:08,595 --> 00:11:11,470
Do you feel anything?
Almost!
297
00:11:11,470 --> 00:11:13,345
All right,
I'm gonna....
298
00:11:13,345 --> 00:11:15,178
I'm grab--
I got something. Hold it.
299
00:11:15,178 --> 00:11:16,428
[gags]
300
00:11:16,428 --> 00:11:18,303
Everything okay
over there?
301
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,220
Yeah, just doing
some mediation.
302
00:11:20,220 --> 00:11:21,679
♪♪♪
303
00:11:21,679 --> 00:11:23,929
[Earhardt]
I love you too, Kilmington.
304
00:11:23,929 --> 00:11:26,845
Even if you are a penniless
footman with rotten teeth.
305
00:11:26,845 --> 00:11:29,261
Then there is something
I must show you...
306
00:11:29,261 --> 00:11:30,887
♪♪♪
307
00:11:30,887 --> 00:11:34,053
[gasps] The will of my uncle,
Count Friendship!
308
00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:36,720
Wasn't that destroyed
in the orphanage fire?
309
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:37,762
Shh!
310
00:11:37,762 --> 00:11:40,261
But that was destroyed
in the orphanage fire!
311
00:11:40,261 --> 00:11:42,387
What'd I say? Knew it.
Shut the fuck up!
312
00:11:42,387 --> 00:11:46,387
I found it in Doocifus'
chambers, and there's more --
313
00:11:46,387 --> 00:11:48,679
Doocifus
is not your cousin.
314
00:11:48,679 --> 00:11:50,220
He is...
315
00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:53,970
Mister Doonces of
49 Poorman's Lane, Coventry.
316
00:11:53,970 --> 00:11:56,261
So you've found me out,
have you?
317
00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:58,553
But if he's not really
my cousin, then...
318
00:11:58,553 --> 00:12:00,470
Then you, Lady Ainsleyhardt,
319
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:04,261
are the true heir
to Friendship Manor...
320
00:12:04,261 --> 00:12:06,220
-Whoooooaaaa.
-Whoooooaaaa.
321
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:07,345
♪♪♪
322
00:12:07,345 --> 00:12:09,762
[Don Jr.] I think Dad's
swamp brain might be cured.
323
00:12:09,762 --> 00:12:11,136
He helped me barf up a bug.
324
00:12:11,136 --> 00:12:13,345
And he helped me get
that dumb zoo guy fired.
325
00:12:13,345 --> 00:12:15,929
He's gonna be so psyched
that he didn't have to visit
326
00:12:15,929 --> 00:12:17,679
an actual mental-health
professional.
327
00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,428
[Hannity]
Now answer me this --
328
00:12:19,428 --> 00:12:21,178
what has Europe
ever done for us?!
329
00:12:21,178 --> 00:12:23,887
[Trump] [screaming]
Drag them, Hannity!
330
00:12:23,887 --> 00:12:26,887
As far as I'm concerned,
Christopher Columbus
331
00:12:26,887 --> 00:12:29,679
wasn't even born
till he got to America!
332
00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,428
Tell Spain
to lean the other way
333
00:12:31,428 --> 00:12:33,929
because it's Portugal
nuke time, baby!
334
00:12:33,929 --> 00:12:36,470
This is the problem, Dad.
TV makes you nuttier
335
00:12:36,470 --> 00:12:39,887
than the 23-year-old high-school
kid in my two-man fight club.
336
00:12:39,887 --> 00:12:41,762
Sorry, Daddy, but the TVs
337
00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:43,553
are going
straight into "insinkerator."
338
00:12:43,553 --> 00:12:44,804
Fine, take it.
339
00:12:44,804 --> 00:12:47,136
Whatever Fox & Friends
is doing these days
340
00:12:47,136 --> 00:12:49,929
is extremely not my shit.
Get some rest.
341
00:12:49,929 --> 00:12:52,303
Tomorrow, you have to prove
to the American people
342
00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:55,845
that you're as with it as a
72-year-old speed-freak can be.
343
00:12:55,845 --> 00:12:57,387
[Eric] Hello?
[water sloshes]
344
00:12:57,387 --> 00:12:59,637
I think I'm clean now!
345
00:12:59,637 --> 00:13:01,804
♪♪♪
346
00:13:01,804 --> 00:13:04,970
"I love Lady Ainsleyhardt's
indomibibble spirit."
347
00:13:04,970 --> 00:13:07,804
It's just nice getting fan mail
that doesn't refer to my womb
348
00:13:07,804 --> 00:13:09,970
as an essential weapon
in the race war.
349
00:13:09,970 --> 00:13:12,470
"Doocifus is bae"?
I don't know what that means,
350
00:13:12,470 --> 00:13:14,970
but it ends in "e,"
so it's okay by me.
351
00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:17,303
Brian, how do you write
these genius scripts?
352
00:13:17,303 --> 00:13:19,345
I installed some beams
in my house
353
00:13:19,345 --> 00:13:21,512
and got the feet and inches
mixed up,
354
00:13:21,512 --> 00:13:23,178
so every night
I run full steam
355
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:26,679
into a piece of gorgeous,
varnished cherry-wood.
356
00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:29,095
And when I come to,
there's a "scrimpt."
357
00:13:29,095 --> 00:13:31,929
Wow, this one's signed
"Barack and Michelle."
358
00:13:31,929 --> 00:13:34,720
And this one is from
the Peabody Foundation!
359
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,220
Guys, you got to feel
how thick this paper is.
360
00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:39,095
[all] Ooh!
361
00:13:39,095 --> 00:13:42,679
I think it might be
five slices stuck together.
362
00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:44,887
Ohh, it's not!
363
00:13:44,887 --> 00:13:46,303
♪♪♪
364
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:49,679
Daddy, it's almost time
for your Big Brain Showdown.
365
00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:51,637
Remember --
it's called underwear
366
00:13:51,637 --> 00:13:54,261
because you "wear" it
when you're "under" the sky!
367
00:13:54,261 --> 00:13:57,178
Let's go show this country
how coherent I can be
368
00:13:57,178 --> 00:14:00,345
for a short amount of time
on television.
369
00:14:00,345 --> 00:14:02,929
[Dr. Ronny] Welcome to
The Big Brain Showdown.
370
00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:05,178
The only show where
we test how healthy, buff,
371
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,970
and whisper-quiet
the President's brain is.
372
00:14:07,970 --> 00:14:09,720
I'm your host, Dr. Ronny.
373
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,553
Let's meet our contestant.
374
00:14:11,553 --> 00:14:13,387
[female narrator]
Born in Queens,
375
00:14:13,387 --> 00:14:16,887
Donald John Trump's colon has
the same microbial biodiversity
376
00:14:16,887 --> 00:14:18,679
as an escalator handrail.
377
00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:21,804
Tonight, he's playing for the
trust of the American people
378
00:14:21,804 --> 00:14:23,553
and his favorite charity,
379
00:14:23,553 --> 00:14:26,053
Eric's Home
for Hypothermic Men.
380
00:14:26,053 --> 00:14:28,720
The showdown consists
of 25 questions
381
00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:31,220
that test the memory, logic,
and reasoning skills
382
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:32,553
of the President.
383
00:14:32,553 --> 00:14:36,261
Seven or more correct answers
will be considered an A++.
384
00:14:36,261 --> 00:14:37,387
Let's begin.
385
00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:38,679
[dramatic music plays]
386
00:14:38,679 --> 00:14:40,387
Marcus Aurelius once said,
387
00:14:40,387 --> 00:14:43,387
"The soul becomes dyed with
the color of its thoughts."
388
00:14:43,387 --> 00:14:44,762
Name a color.
389
00:14:44,762 --> 00:14:46,387
Strawberry.
390
00:14:46,387 --> 00:14:47,470
Correct.
391
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,178
What song is this?
392
00:14:49,178 --> 00:14:52,679
"Jingle bells, jingle bells,
jingle all the way."
393
00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:54,261
Jingy Bells.
394
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,845
Judges.
395
00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:57,679
We'll accept Jingy Bells.
396
00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:59,595
John Elway.
Correct.
397
00:14:59,595 --> 00:15:01,887
Blair, Jo, Natalie, Tootie,
and Mrs. Garrett.
398
00:15:01,887 --> 00:15:03,053
Correct.
399
00:15:03,053 --> 00:15:04,845
And Godzilla
was the monster.
400
00:15:04,845 --> 00:15:06,762
Correct.
He was brought back to life
401
00:15:06,762 --> 00:15:08,637
when Trinity confessed her love.
Correct.
402
00:15:08,637 --> 00:15:10,679
Nine.
Correct.
403
00:15:10,679 --> 00:15:12,095
No, wait. 42,000.
Correct.
404
00:15:12,095 --> 00:15:15,095
They were being held in
the basement of Comet Ping Pong!
405
00:15:15,095 --> 00:15:16,136
Correct.
406
00:15:16,136 --> 00:15:19,261
Marry Kissinger,
Fuck McNamara, Kill Nixon.
407
00:15:19,261 --> 00:15:20,428
Judges?
408
00:15:20,428 --> 00:15:21,595
Correct.
409
00:15:21,595 --> 00:15:23,762
And now
your final question...
410
00:15:23,762 --> 00:15:26,595
Who's a big, loud boy
with a big, healthy brain?
411
00:15:26,595 --> 00:15:28,470
Uh...me?
412
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,887
Well, let's just say...
[dramatic music plays]
413
00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:33,178
...we will reveal the results
after this break.
414
00:15:33,178 --> 00:15:36,011
[crowd awws]
They always do this.
415
00:15:36,011 --> 00:15:39,970
Hi, I'm Mike Lindell,
CEO of My Pillow,
416
00:15:39,970 --> 00:15:42,804
the most comfortable pillow
you'll ever own.
417
00:15:42,804 --> 00:15:43,887
Have you ever thought that
418
00:15:43,887 --> 00:15:45,887
something
that was perfectly fine
419
00:15:45,887 --> 00:15:47,679
should be different somehow?
420
00:15:47,679 --> 00:15:49,762
Then buy my pillow.
421
00:15:49,762 --> 00:15:53,470
I could never get a restful
sleep because of my pillow,
422
00:15:53,470 --> 00:15:54,845
so one night,
423
00:15:54,845 --> 00:15:57,970
I chucked a brick through
a high-school home-ec window,
424
00:15:57,970 --> 00:16:00,220
ripped the sewing machine
off the bolts,
425
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:03,053
and stitched together
the American dream.
426
00:16:03,053 --> 00:16:06,303
Call now,
or maybe I'll call you!
427
00:16:06,303 --> 00:16:07,679
Welcome back.
428
00:16:07,679 --> 00:16:09,637
I know a lot
of hypothermic men
429
00:16:09,637 --> 00:16:11,553
who will be
very happy tonight.
430
00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:13,679
Mr. President,
you are mentally competent.
431
00:16:13,679 --> 00:16:14,887
[cheers and applause]
432
00:16:14,887 --> 00:16:16,637
-Yay, Daddy!
-Yay! Ugh!
433
00:16:16,637 --> 00:16:18,387
I swallowed some confetti.
434
00:16:18,387 --> 00:16:20,178
Ivanka! Pull my vom-cord!
435
00:16:20,178 --> 00:16:21,720
[triumphant music plays]
436
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,970
Was last night's
Big Brain Showdown a success?
437
00:16:23,970 --> 00:16:26,303
The EU released a statement
saying, quote,
438
00:16:26,303 --> 00:16:28,679
"We take comfort that
his family is occupying him
439
00:16:28,679 --> 00:16:30,345
with a make-believe game show."
440
00:16:30,345 --> 00:16:31,679
♪♪♪
441
00:16:31,679 --> 00:16:33,720
And now,
accepting the Peabody Award
442
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,178
for excellence in entertainment,
443
00:16:35,178 --> 00:16:37,679
is the cast of my favorite show,
Friendship Manor.
444
00:16:37,679 --> 00:16:40,011
Whoa! Happy days!
445
00:16:40,011 --> 00:16:43,261
Lord Doocifus himself.
This is so cool.
446
00:16:43,261 --> 00:16:46,679
To anyone who ever heard
the words "you can't,"
447
00:16:46,679 --> 00:16:48,345
"no one wants that,"
448
00:16:48,345 --> 00:16:50,970
or "don't eat that --
they made it in props,"
449
00:16:50,970 --> 00:16:53,762
I am living proof
that you can do it all.
450
00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,637
[orchestral music plays]
Okay, I'll go.
451
00:16:55,637 --> 00:16:58,387
Keep dreaming! Keep
friendshipping! Keep mattering!
452
00:16:58,387 --> 00:17:01,178
Kaitlyn, Kirstyn, and Bryan Jr.,
go to bed!
453
00:17:01,178 --> 00:17:02,679
Daddy won a Peabody!
454
00:17:02,679 --> 00:17:05,387
[laughs]
[audience applauds]
455
00:17:05,387 --> 00:17:06,720
♪♪♪
456
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,053
Nice job tonight, Dad. You beat
the shit out of your brain!
457
00:17:10,053 --> 00:17:12,387
That one question
about whether cars go zoom
458
00:17:12,387 --> 00:17:14,804
was pretty tough.
Well, see you later, Daddy.
459
00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:16,720
You know we all have,
like, five kids?
460
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:17,929
And they call me Mom.
461
00:17:17,929 --> 00:17:20,387
I don't have time to
get into it, but it's insane.
462
00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:21,804
Okay, bye!
463
00:17:21,804 --> 00:17:24,762
Ahh, got the night
all to myself.
464
00:17:24,762 --> 00:17:27,553
Now, where did I put
my mind-enhancing puzzles?
465
00:17:27,553 --> 00:17:30,637
♪♪♪
466
00:17:30,637 --> 00:17:32,762
I've looked everywhere. Hm.
467
00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:35,595
Well, it would be fun
to treat myself to a little TV.
468
00:17:35,595 --> 00:17:36,679
♪♪♪
469
00:17:36,679 --> 00:17:39,387
Oh, yeah. TV gone, too.
470
00:17:39,387 --> 00:17:42,428
[sighs]
471
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:46,595
Can we swing by Men's Warehouse
so I can return this suit?
472
00:17:46,595 --> 00:17:48,929
[vehicle doors open, close]
Hey, hey! Fellas!
473
00:17:48,929 --> 00:17:52,095
Did you also get turned away
from the Peabody afterparty
474
00:17:52,095 --> 00:17:54,303
because you forgot
how to spell your name?
475
00:17:54,303 --> 00:17:55,929
Shut up!
Brian, Brian, Brian...
476
00:17:55,929 --> 00:17:58,762
Okay, while you were at these,
uh, Golden Snowflake Awards,
477
00:17:58,762 --> 00:18:00,095
we were in the studio,
478
00:18:00,095 --> 00:18:02,428
ensuring the First Amendment
rights of white people
479
00:18:02,428 --> 00:18:05,136
to sing the N-word at karaoke,
and you weren't there.
480
00:18:05,136 --> 00:18:07,929
But Bill Shine told me to stop
driving the President insane,
481
00:18:07,929 --> 00:18:09,804
so I just thought I --
Oh, oh, oh.
482
00:18:09,804 --> 00:18:12,011
That's what you think, Brian?
You thought wrong.
483
00:18:12,011 --> 00:18:13,762
Your allegiance
is to Fox News -- got it?
484
00:18:13,762 --> 00:18:15,095
We all took the same vows
485
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,804
in Roger Ailes'
amphibious sex plane.
486
00:18:17,804 --> 00:18:19,845
But Friendship Manor
is life-affirming TV.
487
00:18:19,845 --> 00:18:22,470
Fox News doesn't affirm life --
it de-firms life,
488
00:18:22,470 --> 00:18:25,095
and scares men into thinking
their sperm count will drop
489
00:18:25,095 --> 00:18:26,804
if they
let their wives drive.
490
00:18:26,804 --> 00:18:28,470
Don't forget that,
Kilmeade.
491
00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:30,345
Hey, can we stop
at Men's Warehouse?
492
00:18:30,345 --> 00:18:32,637
I want to dig through
the discount suit bin.
493
00:18:32,637 --> 00:18:33,804
♪♪♪
494
00:18:33,804 --> 00:18:36,136
Huh. No TV in here either...
495
00:18:36,136 --> 00:18:39,303
I'll just sit here alone
with my thoughts.
496
00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:44,011
Oh, hi.
Good to see you.
497
00:18:44,011 --> 00:18:45,887
I'm gonna need
the nuclear football
498
00:18:45,887 --> 00:18:48,428
and an upside-down umbrella
full of Diet Coke.
499
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:51,387
Thanks so much. Appreciate it.
Love the tie.
500
00:18:51,387 --> 00:18:55,637
[locks clanking]
501
00:18:55,637 --> 00:18:57,095
[lock clanks]
502
00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:58,887
[Earhardt]
Brian, I had a question
503
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:00,970
about the Baronet's
harpsichord teacher.
504
00:19:00,970 --> 00:19:03,178
It's over, guys.
Friendship Manor is done.
505
00:19:03,178 --> 00:19:05,303
But Doocifus
still has his maidenhead!
506
00:19:05,303 --> 00:19:08,512
Tucker and Sean were right.
We should be out there
507
00:19:08,512 --> 00:19:11,845
scaring old ladies into buying
barbed-wire doormats --
508
00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:13,512
not acting out fiction.
509
00:19:13,512 --> 00:19:16,553
But we've got so many stories
left to tell!
510
00:19:16,553 --> 00:19:19,720
What about their stories,
Ainsley?
511
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,053
[slow music plays]
But Ainsleyhardt
512
00:19:21,053 --> 00:19:23,011
is a three-dimension
female character!
513
00:19:23,011 --> 00:19:27,053
And who's gonna tell
my big, tall hat?
514
00:19:27,053 --> 00:19:29,679
[female narrator]
We now present a very special
515
00:19:29,679 --> 00:19:32,845
Brian Kilmeade Presents:
Friendship Manor.
516
00:19:32,845 --> 00:19:35,512
Hello, viewers.
It's me, Brian Kilmeade.
517
00:19:35,512 --> 00:19:37,303
I mean Kilmington,
518
00:19:37,303 --> 00:19:39,637
or, as you would have learned
in the next episode,
519
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:42,261
Kilmington's brother,
who was feared lost at sea.
520
00:19:42,261 --> 00:19:44,095
-Are you kidding me?!
-Don't spoil it!
521
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:47,470
Friendship Manor
is going on permanent hiatus
522
00:19:47,470 --> 00:19:50,053
because I don't know
how to stand up for myself.
523
00:19:50,053 --> 00:19:51,887
Fare-thee-well.
524
00:19:51,887 --> 00:19:54,804
I'm lost.
Did we miss an episode?
525
00:19:54,804 --> 00:19:56,970
I bet it all pays off.
Just keep watching.
526
00:19:56,970 --> 00:19:58,553
[sirens wailing,
pounding on door]
527
00:19:58,553 --> 00:20:00,553
Dad! Dad! Dad!
Daddy! Daddy! Open up!
528
00:20:00,553 --> 00:20:03,553
What's he doing in there?
We took away his TV and phone.
529
00:20:03,553 --> 00:20:06,261
Hey, what's that thing that
Dad says every day at breakfast
530
00:20:06,261 --> 00:20:08,553
about leaving him alone
with his thoughts?
531
00:20:08,553 --> 00:20:11,053
Oh, uh, don't ever leave me
alone with my thoughts,
532
00:20:11,053 --> 00:20:12,804
or I'll blow up
the entire world.
533
00:20:12,804 --> 00:20:14,387
-Yeah.
-Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah.
534
00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:17,303
[echoing] Hey! Hey! Do not
leave me alone with my thoughts!
535
00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:19,887
I will kill
everything forever!
536
00:20:19,887 --> 00:20:21,553
You know what this means?
537
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:24,762
He's having breakfast
without us.
538
00:20:24,762 --> 00:20:26,428
Daddy, no!
[pounding on door]
539
00:20:26,428 --> 00:20:28,345
We're hungry, too!
540
00:20:28,345 --> 00:20:30,637
[indistinct shouting]
So I walk into the 21 Club,
541
00:20:30,637 --> 00:20:33,637
and I see Andre Agassi,
and he has his back to me.
542
00:20:33,637 --> 00:20:36,261
And he knew I was gonna walk in.
He knew it.
543
00:20:36,261 --> 00:20:38,762
So he'll be dead, too.
544
00:20:38,762 --> 00:20:41,428
I'm Wolf Blitzer
and you're watching me realize
545
00:20:41,428 --> 00:20:43,261
I left my lunch in my car.
546
00:20:43,261 --> 00:20:45,095
It's shrimp salad --
it'll keep.
547
00:20:45,095 --> 00:20:46,553
With the President isolated
548
00:20:46,553 --> 00:20:49,136
and in possession
of the nuclear football,
549
00:20:49,136 --> 00:20:51,261
European leaders
are considering
550
00:20:51,261 --> 00:20:53,011
a preemptive strike on the U.S.
551
00:20:53,011 --> 00:20:55,387
Uh-oh, that's where
the shrimp salad is.
552
00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:59,136
Meanwhile, Vice President Pence
and the cabinet are deciding
553
00:20:59,136 --> 00:21:01,303
whether or not
to remove Trump from office.
554
00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:02,679
Breakups are tough.
555
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:05,261
Launch codes
are around here somewhere.
556
00:21:05,261 --> 00:21:07,303
♪♪♪
557
00:21:07,303 --> 00:21:10,637
Ugh, why's everything
so hard to find?
558
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,053
Yikes, that guy
looks like crap.
559
00:21:13,053 --> 00:21:14,387
No, you look like crap.
560
00:21:14,387 --> 00:21:16,053
No, you look like crap.
561
00:21:16,053 --> 00:21:17,637
No, you look like crap.
562
00:21:17,637 --> 00:21:19,345
You can't talk to me
like that!
563
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:22,345
But I'm part of you, idiot.
I'm your subconscious.
564
00:21:22,345 --> 00:21:23,470
Subconscious...
565
00:21:23,470 --> 00:21:25,804
Is that the room
where rodeo clowns hang out
566
00:21:25,804 --> 00:21:27,136
before it's time to go in?
567
00:21:27,136 --> 00:21:28,428
God, you're dumb.
568
00:21:28,428 --> 00:21:30,387
It's the place
deep inside your head
569
00:21:30,387 --> 00:21:32,095
where all your emotions live.
570
00:21:32,095 --> 00:21:33,595
And it is rough down here.
571
00:21:33,595 --> 00:21:36,136
Oh, no!
I'm crazy, aren't I?
572
00:21:36,136 --> 00:21:38,512
Is that why
I'm such a math genius?
573
00:21:38,512 --> 00:21:41,595
You're more of a run-of-the-mill
sociopathic narcissist,
574
00:21:41,595 --> 00:21:44,345
who, through a weird twist
of fate, can destroy the world.
575
00:21:44,345 --> 00:21:46,178
Okay. What's the bad news?
576
00:21:46,178 --> 00:21:48,679
You'll destroy us with it,
you dumb piece of shit.
577
00:21:48,679 --> 00:21:50,345
There's always a catch.
578
00:21:50,345 --> 00:21:51,845
[sirens wailing in distance]
579
00:21:51,845 --> 00:21:54,178
[man] Hey, it's Doocifus
and Ainsleyhardt!
580
00:21:54,178 --> 00:21:56,011
We don't
do that show anymore!
581
00:21:56,011 --> 00:21:57,512
No selfies!
582
00:21:57,512 --> 00:22:00,095
There they are! The people
we've been looking for.
583
00:22:00,095 --> 00:22:01,762
So, like, how are you guys?
584
00:22:01,762 --> 00:22:03,679
Dad is about to blow up
the free world,
585
00:22:03,679 --> 00:22:05,387
but, seriously,
how are you guys?
586
00:22:05,387 --> 00:22:08,470
Here's some coins, kids. Go play
Buck Hunter or something.
587
00:22:08,470 --> 00:22:10,637
He gave them to me.
That means I'm in charge.
588
00:22:10,637 --> 00:22:11,929
I'm gonna be good!
589
00:22:11,929 --> 00:22:14,220
The President needs
the old Fox & Friends show
590
00:22:14,220 --> 00:22:17,387
to get the steam out of his ears
so it doesn't cook his brain.
591
00:22:17,387 --> 00:22:19,220
The old show?
But I can't even remember
592
00:22:19,220 --> 00:22:21,804
why wealthy old white men
are underprivileged anymore.
593
00:22:21,804 --> 00:22:25,053
Maybe this will jog your memory.
"Dear Fox & Friends.
594
00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:27,303
If I didn't have you
to talk to,
595
00:22:27,303 --> 00:22:29,720
I would probably
kill everybody.
596
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,136
I love you so much.
597
00:22:32,136 --> 00:22:35,553
Yours, the President
of the United States."
598
00:22:35,553 --> 00:22:38,679
I was packing up Kilmington's
cummerbund when I found this.
599
00:22:38,679 --> 00:22:42,095
And there are 30 more, just like
it, all from the President.
600
00:22:42,095 --> 00:22:43,804
He needs us, damn it.
601
00:22:43,804 --> 00:22:46,595
What do you say, Fox & Friends
star Ainsley Earhardt?
602
00:22:46,595 --> 00:22:48,595
I actually prefer
Friendship Manor.
603
00:22:48,595 --> 00:22:50,929
[both]
She's in -- let's go!
604
00:22:50,929 --> 00:22:54,178
All those in favor of removing
the President from office
605
00:22:54,178 --> 00:22:55,804
and installing me instead?
606
00:22:55,804 --> 00:22:58,428
Wait! I'm not crazy!
607
00:22:58,428 --> 00:23:00,762
The mirror-me said so!
608
00:23:00,762 --> 00:23:02,345
Yikes.
609
00:23:02,345 --> 00:23:05,178
You guys believe me,
right?
610
00:23:05,178 --> 00:23:08,220
Wow, nobody's on my side.
611
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:10,470
And after all the stuff
I've done
612
00:23:10,470 --> 00:23:12,512
for your investment
portfolios.
613
00:23:12,512 --> 00:23:14,595
Fine, say goodbye to Earth!
614
00:23:14,595 --> 00:23:18,261
♪♪♪
615
00:23:18,261 --> 00:23:19,595
[shrieks]
616
00:23:19,595 --> 00:23:22,845
[all]
♪ It's Fox & Friends ♪
617
00:23:22,845 --> 00:23:24,136
Whoa! It's TV!
618
00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:26,261
Fox & Friends --
activate!
619
00:23:26,261 --> 00:23:28,095
God, I hate
that nuclear football,
620
00:23:28,095 --> 00:23:29,428
don't you, Brian?
621
00:23:29,428 --> 00:23:32,053
It makes me sick, yee-uck!
622
00:23:32,053 --> 00:23:33,887
Get rid of it!
623
00:23:33,887 --> 00:23:36,220
Yeah...yeah...
I hate it, too.
624
00:23:36,220 --> 00:23:37,970
You know what else
makes me sick?
625
00:23:37,970 --> 00:23:39,595
[together]
What, Mr. President?
626
00:23:39,595 --> 00:23:42,136
Integration. The
trickle-down part of economics.
627
00:23:42,136 --> 00:23:43,887
Swiss Family Robinson.
628
00:23:43,887 --> 00:23:46,053
So, we're just gonna
pretend this is fine?
629
00:23:46,053 --> 00:23:47,512
Consider the alternative.
630
00:23:47,512 --> 00:23:49,887
God, guide my hand
as I use this device
631
00:23:49,887 --> 00:23:53,303
to wipe the cast
of The L Word from Earth.
632
00:23:53,303 --> 00:23:55,970
Trump's cabinet has voted to
reinstall the President.
633
00:23:55,970 --> 00:23:58,136
Meanwhile, psychologists
unanimously agree
634
00:23:58,136 --> 00:24:01,053
that Trump is a ticking time
bomb of unchecked emotion.
635
00:24:01,053 --> 00:24:02,428
But is he?
636
00:24:02,428 --> 00:24:04,970
Or did his bishop just
checkmate the media's queen?
637
00:24:04,970 --> 00:24:07,136
I'm Chuck Todd,
I pretend to enjoy football
638
00:24:07,136 --> 00:24:10,095
because I'm scared of my dad,
and this is Meet the Press.
639
00:24:10,095 --> 00:24:12,553
[Trump] The Arctic shelf
is such a drama queen.
640
00:24:12,553 --> 00:24:15,011
I mean, if you're gonna melt,
just melt already.
641
00:24:15,011 --> 00:24:16,637
I know that's right.
642
00:24:16,637 --> 00:24:17,845
That's my president.
643
00:24:17,845 --> 00:24:18,887
Shelf bad.
644
00:24:18,887 --> 00:24:20,470
I say
we torch the whole thing.
645
00:24:20,470 --> 00:24:22,470
Mr. President,
can we take five?
646
00:24:22,470 --> 00:24:25,136
I wouldn't mind popping
into the bathroom real quick.
647
00:24:25,136 --> 00:24:27,261
Sure. In the meantime,
maybe I'll turn off
648
00:24:27,261 --> 00:24:30,220
all the power grids and see
which city screams the loudest.
649
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:32,136
On second thought,
we can hold it.
650
00:24:32,136 --> 00:24:35,679
Luckily for me, I can use
my big hat as a toilet!
651
00:24:35,679 --> 00:24:37,428
Why are we
still watching this?
652
00:24:37,428 --> 00:24:41,261
Uh, Michelle, I told you,
it's going to pay off.
653
00:24:41,261 --> 00:24:42,428
['80s-style pop music plays]
654
00:24:42,428 --> 00:24:45,512
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
655
00:24:45,512 --> 00:24:49,220
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
656
00:24:49,220 --> 00:24:51,679
♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪
657
00:24:51,679 --> 00:24:53,011
♪ Yes, he is ♪
658
00:24:53,011 --> 00:24:56,220
♪ Yes, he is,
we elected him president ♪
659
00:24:56,220 --> 00:24:58,929
♪ Is Donald Trump
the president? ♪
660
00:24:58,929 --> 00:25:00,345
♪ Yes, he is ♪
661
00:25:00,345 --> 00:25:03,345
♪ We had a vote
and elected him president ♪
662
00:25:03,345 --> 00:25:08,345
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
663
00:25:10,428 --> 00:25:12,303
♪ Donald Trump ♪
664
00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:15,720
♪ He is our president ♪
665
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,220
♪ We made him president ♪
666
00:25:19,220 --> 00:25:21,553
♪ We did it ♪
667
00:25:21,553 --> 00:25:25,470
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
668
00:25:25,470 --> 00:25:28,553
♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪
669
00:25:28,553 --> 00:25:32,053
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
670
00:25:32,053 --> 00:25:35,595
♪ Donald Trump
is the president ♪
671
00:25:35,595 --> 00:25:39,136
♪ Yeah ♪
672
00:25:39,136 --> 00:25:40,720
Trump!
50978
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