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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004
2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,078
(phone chimes)
3
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,847
Sam texted us an "X."
4
00:00:13,881 --> 00:00:15,716
What does that mean?
5
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:16,917
Our deal with the kids.
6
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,552
Tim, if they ever need
an emergency ride home,
7
00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:19,587
all they have to do
8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,021
is text an "X," an address,
9
00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,390
we go pick them up,
no questions asked.
10
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,991
Where is my good bra?
11
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,260
Can I go like this?
I feel like this is good.
12
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,229
She's never texted us
an "X" before.
13
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,430
What do you think that means?
14
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,432
I don't know. It sounds dirty.
15
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,234
I mean, that might just be
'cause of the "X."
16
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:35,436
Maybe we should've called
it "Come and Get Me."
17
00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,705
'Cause that can't sound sexual
unless they said, like...
18
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:38,739
(breathily):
"Come and get me."
19
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,074
But why would they say that?
20
00:00:40,108 --> 00:00:42,443
Stop it. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.
21
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,511
-(door opens)
-SOPHIA: Mom?
22
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:46,114
I had a bad dream
you were abandoning me
23
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,582
in the middle of the...
24
00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,451
Oh, no.
25
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:52,019
Oh, shoot.
26
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,688
Somebody needs to stay here
for Sophia. You stay.
27
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,690
-No, you.
-Oh, Tim.
28
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,960
This is even worse
than being abandoned.
29
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,670
-Hey.
-Hey.
30
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:14,041
Okay, I'm not gonna
ask any questions,
31
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,210
but why are you wet?
32
00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,612
-That's a question, Mom.
-I know, I know.
I hear that now.
33
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,382
-Can we just go?
-Well, you just
asked a question.
34
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,384
-Mom.
-Okay, fine.
35
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,587
Fine, fine, fine.
36
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,623
The "X" text sucks.
37
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,159
Okay? I'm sorry.
38
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,961
Somebody gets into your car
soaking wet,
39
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:37,165
you want to know why. Right?
This is still America.
40
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,667
You're not the only one
who had a rough night, you know.
41
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,803
I fell asleep eating kale chips.
They're that boring.
42
00:01:42,836 --> 00:01:46,106
(sighs) Tim, I just...
I-I can't do this.
43
00:01:46,140 --> 00:01:48,742
I need to know
what happened last night.
44
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,244
-So ask Sam.
-No.
45
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:52,513
Because if I ask her,
she won't text us next time
46
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,148
because she'll never
trust us again.
47
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,649
I'm sure she's fine now.
48
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:57,518
(sighs)
49
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:10,231
That's where her dreams
are supposed to go.
50
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,767
HEATHER:
Hey, guys.
51
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,102
What you up to?
52
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:19,039
Well, we're actually having
our first real struggle
53
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:21,008
about where we want to be
in our lives.
54
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,711
Yeah, so, I need a favor
from the two of you.
55
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,646
Last night,
56
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,148
Sam texted Dad and me an "X."
57
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:30,784
-Oh, yeah, we know.
She told us all about it.
-Mm-hmm.
58
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:32,720
Oh, okay, 'cause, I mean,
she told me a lot.
59
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,888
Like, you know, she told me
all about the pool stuff.
60
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,224
-Right?
-Yeah, I can't comment
61
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,359
as to whether there
was or was not a pool.
62
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:39,460
-Okay.
-Do I need to remind you
63
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,061
about the "X" text rules?
64
00:02:41,094 --> 00:02:43,231
No, you do not,
because the rules are
65
00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:45,466
that I can't ask the texter,
66
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:49,303
but I can ask other people.
67
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,671
Yeah, I think you would agree
68
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,806
that that's a liberal
interpretation of the rules.
69
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,075
I would agree that you
live here rent-free.
70
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:58,011
-Look, Mom, I understand
how you feel.
-(Heather sighs)
71
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,248
But the important thing
is that Sam is fine.
72
00:03:00,281 --> 00:03:03,251
Well... she will be.
73
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:06,053
That is all that Clementine
has to say at this time.
74
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,555
What?
75
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,760
(door opens)
76
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:15,763
-What are you doing?
-Shh!
77
00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,598
(whispering):
I'm trying to unlock Sam's phone
78
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,066
using facial recognition
79
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,934
so that I can get
into her social media,
80
00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,169
find out what happened.
81
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,037
-You can't do that.
-I know.
82
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:26,274
She's sleeping on her stomach.
You got to flip her over.
83
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:29,410
Gently. Just...
84
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,245
(whimpers)
85
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,980
-Aw.
-Oh.
86
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,187
God, I remember when I used
to pick her up from school
87
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,790
and she would talk
the entire way home.
88
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,425
She would tell me
every detail.
89
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:48,228
Who she liked, who was mean,
who cried, who threw up.
90
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,863
It's Sam.
91
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,732
If she wants to talk
to us, she will.
92
00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,701
-I know.
-Come on.
93
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,636
(sighs)
94
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,371
Okay, no, no, no, no.
95
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,672
Heather, don't.
96
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,715
Oh. I'm gonna go see
if Tyler wants to cuddle.
97
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,784
Clementine
always makes it weird.
98
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,323
I love you.
99
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:23,130
-Hey.
-Hey.
100
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:25,065
I just wanted
to tell you...
101
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,267
I feel lucky to have
a mom like you.
102
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:29,136
-Oh.
-I was worried
103
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:31,004
you were going to badger me
about the party
104
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,774
and ask everyone in the family
a million questions,
105
00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,643
like, never let it die.
106
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,911
(laughs) Right.
That would never happen, okay?
107
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,913
This is me that we're
talking about, right?
108
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,315
Well, thank you.
109
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:43,183
'Cause tons of people
got in trouble.
110
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:45,519
A bunch of college kids
got put on probation.
111
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:46,854
What a party.
112
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:49,423
-You have no idea.
-Mmm.
113
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,525
(laughs)
114
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:53,994
Yeah.
115
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,163
(voice breaking):
Oh, God.
116
00:04:56,196 --> 00:04:58,632
(crying)
117
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,539
Thank you.
118
00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:07,508
I'm glad you could use
Heather's ticket.
119
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,110
It's really cool
that I called to invite Matt
120
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,112
and you invited
yourself instead.
121
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,647
I know.
It really pays off
122
00:05:13,681 --> 00:05:15,282
to answer your husband's
phone and read his texts.
123
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,684
Well, we're gonna have
fun tonight.
124
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:19,387
-I love these
French circus shows.
-Oh, me, too.
125
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,855
I just want to lose myself
in the acrobatic fantasy
126
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,157
and forget who I
am for one night.
127
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,895
You're not gonna talk like that
through the whole show, are you?
128
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,302
Damn it.
129
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,237
-Damn it!
-What happened?
130
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,839
Did you see an ex-girlfriend?
131
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,141
Kind of. Your poutine.
132
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,910
French fries,
cheese curds and gravy.
133
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,344
Everything I love.
134
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:46,847
Oh, and that you
can't eat anymore.
135
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,215
Since the heart surgery,
136
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,684
everything I eat
is just steamed sadness.
137
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,887
I am so sorry. I'll go eat it
quickly over a garbage can.
138
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:56,690
Oh, my favorite way
to eat it. Ooh.
139
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:59,026
-Let me just have one bite.
-I don't think I should.
140
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:02,830
-Come on, I'm a big boy.
I can handle a little poutine.
-Oh.
141
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,197
-Mmm.
-Okay, that's enough.
142
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,366
(laughs): Oh, you're gonna
have to get two of these.
143
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,837
It's gonna be a great night.
144
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:10,838
Oh!
145
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,372
Poutine!
146
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:15,042
Why have you forsaken me?
147
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,112
(exhales)
148
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:23,551
-You okay?
-Oh, yeah.
149
00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,719
I just like to sit real
still during these shows.
150
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,387
Clap with my eyes.
151
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,022
-Okay.
-(applause)
152
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,224
153
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,794
Oh, I love this.
154
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,095
French clowns
are so much better
155
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,264
than American clowns
because they're mean.
156
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:39,967
-(stomach gurgles)
-Oh. I think I need to leave
something in the bathroom.
157
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,201
(gasps)
158
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,636
No, no, no, no, not now.
159
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,472
They're gonna come in the
audience and pick somebody.
160
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,906
I hope it's us.
161
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,743
If you look too eager,
they will not pick you,
162
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,344
-so look away.
-Got it.
163
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,617
Oh.
164
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,419
No. No, no, no. I'm too eager.
165
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,889
I-I got something
going on with my stomach.
166
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,924
Oh. Lève-to ma ma mootee, eh?
167
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,258
But that's not even French.
168
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:06,794
You can understand me.
169
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:09,429
(cheering and applause)
170
00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:12,099
(sighs)
Jealous.
171
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,300
(groans)
172
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,102
-Please, just let me go back.
-(chuckles)
173
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,272
(drumroll)
174
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,474
(gasps)
No.
175
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,243
No, no, you got to
pick somebody else.
176
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,078
There's something going on
inside me.
177
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,079
Yves Saint Laurent.
178
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:27,715
That's just a handbag designer!
179
00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,817
Oh, God.
180
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:30,818
Wait a second, wait a second.
181
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,186
This is not...
this is not a good plan.
182
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,822
We need a different plan.
God, please...
183
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,423
No...!
184
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,457
Bonjour.
185
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,292
(chuckles)
Bonjour.
186
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,094
No, no, no,
I have to go to the bathroom!
187
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,531
Don't do this to me!
188
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,967
(scoffs)
189
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,602
-(chuckles)
Mmm.
-Mmm.
190
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:50,137
Merci.
191
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,305
Oh, God, not here.
192
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,508
Not like this.
193
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:55,643
(French accent):
Key?
194
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,178
No.
195
00:07:58,211 --> 00:07:59,947
-Mind over matter.
-(clacking)
196
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,114
MAGICIAN CLOWN:
No.
197
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,282
You don't have to go.
198
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,451
(strained):
Oh, yes, you do!
199
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:07,454
Ooh, I got to go,
I got to go, I got to go.
200
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,857
(groans)
What's taking so long?
201
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:11,692
This is not a good trick!
202
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:13,460
(laughter)
203
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:16,530
No. Uh, maybe, uh, this key.
204
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:18,365
Ah, j'adore
Ratatouille, hmm?
205
00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:20,133
(scoffs)
That's it.
206
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,234
I'm taking a picture.
207
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,070
(chuckles)
208
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,838
Cheese.
209
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,007
-(phone ringing)
-Oh! Ooh!
210
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,008
(chuckles)
211
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,177
Oh.
(grunts)
212
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,245
Je t'aime, oh là l.
213
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,881
It's Tim, from the box.
214
00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,849
I need to go to the bathroom.
215
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,818
-Ouais.
-Ouais.
216
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:38,986
(both laugh)
217
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,387
(muttering)
218
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,725
(gasps) Shut up.
No, you didn't.
219
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:47,227
(phone rings and buzzes)
220
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,496
-Tim?
-Heather, it's Tim.
221
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,498
I need help. I've been locked
in a box by French clowns,
222
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,866
and I have diarrhea.
223
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:56,236
Okay, okay, all right.
Well, calm down.
224
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,505
I'm afraid I'm gonna let loose
in front of this whole theater.
225
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,574
They're never gonna be able
to use this box again.
226
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:03,176
I don't know how much longer
I can hold it.
227
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:06,346
Oh, here comes
another contraction!
228
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,348
Heather, you got to help me.
229
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,084
Oh, Tim, honey, I would,
but I can't right now.
230
00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:12,686
I'm having wine with Jen.
231
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,588
Hi, Tim.
232
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:15,689
Hi, Jen.
233
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:17,891
I'm in a box with diarrhea.
234
00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,027
Yeah. Yeah, I heard.
235
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,462
So, honey,
what-what do you want me to do?
236
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,465
Just call the theater.
Tell them to... end the trick.
237
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,900
I think by the time I do that,
238
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:29,102
you know, the trick
will probably be over.
239
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:31,038
I know.
I'm sorry.
240
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,707
I shouldn't have eaten
the poutine.
241
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,108
Oh, Tim, you broke your diet.
242
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:36,877
-(phone chimes)
-Uh...
243
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,479
did you just text me an "X"?
244
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:40,580
Yeah.
245
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:43,550
Come get me.
No questions asked.
246
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,552
247
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,988
(chuckles)
248
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:51,725
(gasping)
249
00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:53,226
I'm dead on the floor.
250
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,494
-(exhales)
-(laughs)
251
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:56,129
Dear God,
252
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,564
if you get me through this,
253
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:00,567
I swear I'll only eat healthy
for the rest of my life.
254
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,135
-(grunting)
-(buzzing)
255
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:04,137
(exaggerated stammering)
256
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:05,639
(grunting)
257
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:07,474
(groans)
Please, Father,
258
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,678
use your gentle hand
to hold this inside me.
259
00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:14,581
-Hey!
-Oh!
260
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,416
(cheering and applause)
261
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,819
(groaning)
262
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:20,954
Bravo!
263
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,522
Hold it.
264
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,825
Hold it. Hold it.
265
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,761
But wasn't he supposed
to sit down in his seat?
266
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:29,629
(American accent):
Yep. That's not good.
267
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:30,630
Oh, oh!
268
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:32,532
Everybody out of the way!
269
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:34,401
(grunting)
270
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:37,938
(sighs)
271
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,773
So close.
272
00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:42,209
(sighs)
273
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,849
(Talia crying)
274
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,852
Ta-da! Ta-da!
Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da!
275
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:53,386
-Ta-da! Ta-da!
-Hi, sweetie.
276
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:54,988
-Ta-da!
-You okay?
277
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,323
Yeah, yeah.
278
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,624
No, I'm just,
you know, exhausted,
279
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,326
and the baby's starving.
280
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,161
-And I don't know
what Lark is doing.
-Ta-da! Ta-da! Ta-da!
281
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,696
-Ta-da!
-You know what,
go upstairs
282
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,699
to Greg's old room,
breastfeed, and sleep.
283
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:08,335
John and I
will take care of Lark.
284
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:10,670
Oh, really?
Thank you so much.
285
00:11:10,704 --> 00:11:12,840
You know, I know I complain
about these brunches,
286
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:15,709
but I'm just so lucky to be part
of such a close family.
287
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,244
(Talia crying)
288
00:11:17,277 --> 00:11:20,147
You complain
about these brunches?
289
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,182
Who said that?
290
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,394
Yeah.
291
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,064
Honey, what's the
matter? What is it?
292
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,767
I just saw Jen's boob.
293
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:41,835
What? How?
294
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,570
Well, I-I had to go
to the bathroom,
295
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:45,572
so I use the one up
in Greg's room.
296
00:11:45,605 --> 00:11:49,009
And Jen was there, asleep.
297
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,778
And it was out.
298
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,112
So she doesn't even know.
299
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,847
That's wonderful.
300
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:55,415
But... No. But she will know.
301
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:56,917
I've got to tell her.
302
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,518
No, no, no, no, no.
Trust me.
303
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,920
Don't tell her.
304
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:02,355
You'll only embarrass her.
305
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,590
(stammers)
But the world is changing.
306
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:05,192
I need to get out
in front of this.
307
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,195
You see something,
you say something.
308
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,197
Dear, that's at the airport.
309
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,665
Just let this go.
310
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,536
Nothing catching your eye?
311
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,806
No, uh, uh, not even looking.
312
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,140
Oh. Well, I don't blame you.
313
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,575
Colleen brought a peanut
butter and jelly frittata.
314
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,244
(chuckles) I mean,
call me old-fashioned,
315
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,213
but I like my 'tatas
plain and simple.
316
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,448
-(chuckles)
-Yeah, yeah.
317
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:31,218
I mean, I don't think
I'm really hungry. Mm-hmm.
318
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,954
Oh, hey, by the way, thank
you for watching my girls.
319
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,389
You know, you and Joan
just always do so much
320
00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,225
to make me feel welcome
in this family,
321
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,660
and-and now you've really
made me feel comfortable.
322
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,229
I saw your boob.
323
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,496
What?
324
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,765
Yeah, y-you were asleep,
feeding the baby,
325
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,600
with your boob out.
326
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,602
That's fine. I mean,
I breastfeed in public
327
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,238
all the time.
It's natural.
328
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,973
No, no.
The feeding was over.
329
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,642
The baby was down,
and-and the boob was up.
330
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,444
Like, all of it.
331
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:58,778
Oh, God.
332
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,247
I-I-I'm a horrible person.
333
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,648
No better than Tim.
334
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,483
Okay, look.
It was an accident.
335
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,686
So let's just never
mention this again
336
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:09,456
and forget the whole thing.
337
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,224
Oh. Roger that.
338
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:15,929
It's all good, buddy.
339
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,965
I apologized,
and Jen forgave me.
340
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,000
-For what?
-For seeing her boob.
341
00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,701
You saw my wife's boob?
342
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,136
Well, that's
your first mistake.
343
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,205
She's her own wife, not yours.
344
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:27,640
Time to evolve, Greg.
345
00:13:27,674 --> 00:13:29,943
Why didn't you tell me
my dad saw your boob?
346
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:32,345
-Oh. You already told him.
-Mm.
347
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:34,447
John, I thought you
were letting this go.
348
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:35,448
JEN:
Oh.
349
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,384
He told you, too. Fun.
350
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,551
Calm down.
351
00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,787
I told Joanie before you.
352
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,690
And I told you
not to tell her.
353
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:44,791
JEN:
Mm-hmm.
354
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,626
Okay, I need a moment alone.
355
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,660
Can I come?
356
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,029
Why not?
357
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,498
There's no such thing
as privacy in this home.
358
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,167
Hmm.
359
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:55,835
If you want to make this better,
360
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,238
stop embarrassing Jen.
361
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:01,208
Ooh, John! What'd
you embarrass Jen about?
362
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,410
Oh. Wait, what's going
on with you and Jen?
363
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,378
Yeah, Dad, what happened?
364
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,314
Something must have happened.
365
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,216
-What's happening?
-Okay, fine.
366
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,519
I know she wouldn't want me
telling this to you guys,
367
00:14:12,552 --> 00:14:14,054
but...
368
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,722
Jen saw my penis.
369
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:16,723
What?!
370
00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:18,658
I was upstairs
feeding the baby,
371
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,860
and she walked in.
372
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,195
I didn't even know.
373
00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:23,663
How'd you not know?
374
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,831
I'd fallen asleep.
375
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,066
Feeding the baby?
376
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,734
-Yes.
-While your penis was out?
377
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,102
Yes, exactly.
378
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,103
A-And I know
379
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:31,604
it's an unlucky situation,
380
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:35,375
but Jen has nothing
to be embarrassed about.
381
00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,443
HEATHER:
Okay, Jen,
382
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:39,512
I am so sorry about my dad.
383
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,615
Seriously, John?
You told the entire family?
384
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:45,552
Yep. Now the whole family
knows you saw my ween.
385
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:46,553
(chuckles)
386
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:47,554
What?!
387
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,289
What happened in my old room?
388
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,423
Oh, it's so weird.
389
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:51,691
John saw my boob.
390
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,460
While you were
looking at his ween?
391
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:55,628
No. I wasn't looking
at his anything, okay?
392
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:57,931
I was feeding the baby,
I fell asleep,
393
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,866
and John walked in.
394
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,702
Then why did you tell us
that she saw your Lone Ranger?
395
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,637
-What is the matter with you?
-(others talking)
396
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,706
I think because he was trying
397
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,609
to protect me from being
embarrassed by...
398
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:11,644
I don't know,
embarrassing himself.
399
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:14,114
Pretty clever, right?
(chuckles)
400
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,383
So amazingly stupid.
401
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,585
I actually preferred it
when you just told me the truth.
402
00:15:18,618 --> 00:15:20,653
You know? No matter
how hard it was to hear.
403
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,789
I also saw your boob.
404
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:23,957
I will end you, Tyler.
405
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,459
Does anyone
in this family knock?
406
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:27,760
We're not big knockers.
407
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,096
Sorry.
408
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:32,099
Okay. Well, anyone
else see my boob?
409
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,806
It is the most private
bathroom in the house.
410
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,674
(Talia crying)
411
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,344
Okay. Well, time to feed
the baby again, so...
412
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,413
anyone who missed
the 11:30 show,
413
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,281
please follow me.
414
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,552
Everyone stays in this room.
415
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,757
(kids chattering indistinctly)
416
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,526
Look at this.
417
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:02,029
Hmm? Two dads
watching their kids play?
418
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,496
-Yeah.
-It's pretty cool.
419
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,831
(chuckles)
420
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:07,000
And, hey, I know
you're new at this,
421
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:09,136
so if you need
any dad-vice, I'm here.
422
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,370
(sniffs)
423
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:12,139
Did you just say "dad-vice"?
424
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,541
Yeah. It's mine.
Don't use it.
425
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:17,377
Oh, oh. Looks like
a show's about to start.
426
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:18,645
Okay.
427
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,480
Uh-oh.
428
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:22,815
(Lark playing
"Three Blind Mice")
429
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,684
(hitting wrong notes)
430
00:16:29,056 --> 00:16:30,890
(chuckles quietly)
431
00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:32,859
-She's been taking lessons.
-Yeah.
432
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:33,893
In piano?
433
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,596
(bad playing continues)
434
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,067
(cheering)
435
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,968
JEN:
Oh, you did so good, honey.
436
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,636
And she hit every key!
437
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,873
I don't think you left
a key untouched.
438
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,575
(quietly):
Sorry about that.
439
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:51,578
Lark casts a pretty big shadow,
but give it some time.
440
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,480
I'm sure Lucas will find
his own way to...
441
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,949
(Lucas playing "Ode to Joy")
442
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,389
Why didn't you tell us
he could play piano?
443
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,857
I didn't know
he could play piano.
444
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,526
445
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:09,329
Boy, I really like how you
can tell what song it is.
446
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:11,564
Yeah, it's the one
from the carpet commercial.
447
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,833
We have carpets,
indoor, outdoor
448
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,203
Brown, beige, tan, beige,
brown and white.
449
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,237
(music ends)
450
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,705
-(laughing)
-Oh!
451
00:17:23,910 --> 00:17:24,944
Hey, Greg,
452
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:26,613
let me know if you
need any dad-vice.
453
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:28,281
You know, you're not even
saying that the ri...
454
00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:30,283
Well, okay, I guess
that is the right way.
455
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:31,518
(playing "Maple Leaf Rag")
456
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:34,387
Oh, my gosh! Ragtime!
457
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:40,293
Hey, buddy.
Guess...
458
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,962
who just learned how
to play "Tiny Dancer"?
459
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,231
Mom's favorite song.
460
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,465
-Yeah.
-Subtle.
461
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:47,934
Came on the radio, and
he just picked it up.
462
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,903
Well, that's not a big deal.
That's like me and beatboxing.
463
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,405
Our whole M.O. as parents
464
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,607
is just to nurture
the nature in him.
465
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,609
You don't have an M.O.
You don't even know
466
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:57,710
what M.O. stands for.
467
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,579
I'll just ask Lucas.
468
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,714
He'll know.
469
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,916
Where did you find that?
470
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:06,286
Oh, no, this found me.
471
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,087
You have been a dad
for three weeks.
472
00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:09,956
Well, you don't get to be
the world's greatest
473
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,057
by working slow.
(chuckles)
474
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:12,759
Daddy, look.
475
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,461
Oh, wow.
476
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,164
Look at this, everybody.
477
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,831
Lark's...
478
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:20,133
Eiffel Tower.
479
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,968
Ooh, is that perfect!
480
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,803
I feel like I'm in Paris.
481
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,672
(whispers):
I hate the French.
482
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,240
Good work, Lark.
483
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:28,908
Lucas made it for me.
484
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,243
What's that?
485
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:32,011
That's my son.
486
00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:35,148
He's talented and generous.
Hey, Mommy?
487
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,184
We are doing a great job.
488
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,352
Oh, my God, I love it
when you call me Mommy.
489
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:42,121
-Okay, this is disgusting,
all of it.
-Hey, buddy,
490
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,790
come on, now, don't
beat yourself up.
491
00:18:43,823 --> 00:18:45,492
It's okay that you haven't
taught your daughter
492
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:46,593
to explore her creativity.
493
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,295
My daughter explores plenty.
494
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,330
Certainly looks like it.
495
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:52,299
JOAN:
Oh, sweetie.
496
00:18:52,332 --> 00:18:54,000
Would you like a tissue?
497
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:56,169
She learned that
from her mother.
498
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:57,404
Mm.
499
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,807
Okay, so...
Lark, stop picking your nose.
500
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,010
Okay, so, when we get out there,
okay, I'm gonna hide
501
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:07,380
this five of spades right here
under Uncle Matt's chair,
502
00:19:07,414 --> 00:19:10,983
and when I say so,
you grab that card and you say,
503
00:19:11,017 --> 00:19:12,652
"Ta-da!"
504
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:13,686
Ta-da!
505
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,988
-Yeah. No, not yet.
-Ta-da!
506
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:17,857
-Okay, I think I see what's...
-Ta-da! Ta-da!
507
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:21,160
Uh, it is a fun word,
but let's not say that word
508
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:23,363
until everyone
is watching, okay?
509
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,198
MATT:
What's going on here?
510
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:28,067
Are you teaching Lark
magic tricks to get attention?
511
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,169
Ta-da!
512
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:33,506
Look, you don't get
it, man, all right?
513
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,575
Lark had the spotlight
all to herself,
514
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,177
until someone came along
and stole it from her.
515
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,313
You just described
my entire life.
516
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,549
I used to be
the center of attention
517
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,485
until you were born,
but I got over it.
518
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,254
-No, you didn't.
-But I don't bring it up.
519
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:48,521
Yes, you do, all the time.
520
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:51,424
Yeah, because it hurts
giving up the spotlight.
521
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,992
That's why, 36 years later,
522
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,495
you can't give it up
to your own nephew.
523
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,264
(sighs)
524
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:03,270
Daddy, I forgot
what the word was.
525
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:06,138
Ta-da.
526
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,945
("Num Num" by The DNC playing)
527
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:16,549
528
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,453
When I see you, baby girl,
I be like, num num
529
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,122
We adopted a star.
530
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:25,625
I mean, was it
a performing arts orphanage?
531
00:20:25,658 --> 00:20:27,026
I gotta have it...
532
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,129
Can I show everybody
my magic trick now?
533
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,631
Uh...
534
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,132
you know what?
535
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:36,403
We're all watching
Lucas dance right now.
536
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:37,704
And he's pretty great.
537
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,072
Thanks, man.
So is Lark.
538
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,875
That num num, give it to me
before I start to act up...
539
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,277
Hey, Lucas,
maybe when you're done,
540
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:46,379
you and Lark can go out
and ride bikes, huh?
541
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,615
I don't know how to ride a bike.
542
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:50,617
Yes.
543
00:20:50,650 --> 00:20:52,752
Maybe Lark can teach him.
544
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:18,110
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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