All language subtitles for Cheers - S11E03 - The King of Beers.en

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Woody's a
married man, huh? Yeah.

Yeah, what a lucky guy.

Indeed, he is.

There's nothing
like wedded bliss.

Plus, he's got
that wedding ring.

Now, that is a
real babe magnet.

Please, it's an old wives' tale.

Not so.
Yeah?

Oh, it's been scientifically
proven that women

are more attracted
to married men.

The whole notion is ridiculous.

Look, I'll...
I'll prove it to you.

You see those two attractive
young females over there?

I'll go over and hit on them

relentlessly, all the while

displaying my wedding ring.

See how long it takes them
to give me the cold shoulder.

Hi.

You two ladies
need some company?

Oh, sure, I'm married, but, uh,
you know, I'm not dead.

(laughing)

I figure, well, uh...

Lilith is here, isn't she?

(theme song begins)

♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪

♪ Takes everything you've got ♪

♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪

♪ Sure would help a lot ♪

♪ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ♪

♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪

♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪

♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪

♪ You wanna be
where you can see ♪

♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ♪

♪ You wanna go
where people know ♪

♪ People are all the same ♪

♪ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ♪

Sam, uh, Malone.

Yeah, over here.

GNS Amusements.

Oh, great.

(laughing) Sign here, please.

Hey, fellas, listen
up, you know how

I've been trying to
hustle up more business

for the bar?

Well, I think this
baby's just the ticket.

Cheers is now the proud owner

of a blood pressure tester.

(laughing)

That's... that's
great, Sammy.

I think we ought to get

some velvet ropes outside
to handle the lines.

No, no, come on, will you?

Lighten up here,
this could be fun.

What the hell is this?

They sent me a slot machine.

Well, I lived kind of a
sheltered girlhood, but offhand,

I'd say this looks like
a Gametime model 36X

with remodelled sprockets,
triple-action tumblers.

"The Big Boy".

(Rebecca sighs)

A slot machine.
(gasps)

I've never played one of these,
but I've always wanted to.

Hey, hey, come on, no, don't...

don't do that, please,
it's illegal.

This is the last thing
this bar needs.

I'm gonna call and tell
them to take it back.

It's just as well, Rebecca.

These are the devil's
own machines.

They systematically rob you

of your cash and your dignity,

one nickel at a time.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Oh, hey, come on,
Frasier, don't do that.

No, relax, Sam.

This is merely for
educational purposes.

Good-bye, nickel.

(coin clanging)

(bell ringing, coins clanging)

(chortling)

Free money!

The doctor is hot!

(laughing)

Excuse me, sir.

I represent a market
research company.

We're doing a survey.

Oh, I'm really not interested.

Thanks.
Okay.

How about you, sir?
Okay.

We're looking for volunteers

to taste several
brands of beer.

Uh, excuse me, Paul,

we were having
a conversation here.

You were saying?
Uh, uh, well,

if you're available,
just come to this address

at 2:00 this afternoon.
2:00, sure.

Hey, listen, uh, uh,
what exactly do I do?

Well, you'll be in a room
with several other volunteers,

and you'll be tasting
several varieties of beer.

We'll pay you for your time.

Excuse me, sir.

This is gonna sound like
an odd question, but...

by any chance, were
you born in a manger?

You've been selected
to take part in this study

due to your ages
and your drinking preferences.

Norm, there seems to be a typo

here on your average
beer intake.

Wow.

Now, gentlemen,

I'd like you to each take a sip

from sample A and give me
your impressions.

Ray, what do you think?

Would you serve this beer
in your home?

Yeah, sure.

And Chuck?

Very tasty, uh...

Good after-taste, too.

And Norm.

I don't know.

Didn't you just drink some?

Yeah, but it wasn't in my mouth

long enough to really taste it.

Hold it in your mouth
a little longer.

Try savouring it for a second,

and then swallow it.

This is great.

Wow, does anyone else know
about this savouring thing?

Now try to describe the taste.

Ah... well,
it's kind of, um, sweet,

but, uh, kind of tangy, too.

You know what I mean?

Yeah... very
observant.

Yeah.
What about sample B?

It's kind of tart.

Actually, I thought it
was kind of sweet.

NORM:
No, no, fellas.

It's really...
it's...

it's more of a smoky thing.

Right again.
Yeah.

That's the new mash
that they're using.

You're amazing, Norm.

What about,
uh, sample C? Let's see.

Now, this one
misses for me, okay?

Mm-hmm.
It's like the carbonation is...

is fighting the flavour,

and the flavour is losing.

This is really getting
too easy for me.

You want to challenge
me a bit here?

Okay.

Let's try samples

D through V.

Oh, D through V.

Now, hang on a second.

I may need to
cleanse my palate.

Do you have any pizza?

Oh, Carla, you're not supposed

to be playing that-
it's illegal.

So is watering drinks.

Good luck to you.

(bell ringing, coins clanging)

(whooping)

Come to mama.

(sighs):
Come on, come on, come on.

Darn it, this machine hates me!

Say, uh, Rebecca, uh,
can I give it a try?

Go ahead, Paul.

It's obviously empty.

(bell ringing, coins clanging)

Hey, hey.

Wow.

Nine nickels.

Hey, I wonder, if those chicks
over there saw me win, huh?

Yeah, Paul.

I'm sure the lack
of that 45 cents

is what kept you
out of that ménage.

Come on... come on.

Be there, be there.

Damn!

What is wrong with this machine?

Frasier won, Paul won,
Carla won.

Maybe it just hates women.

Afternoon, everybody.

CROWD:
Norm!

What's the story, Norm?

Boy meets beer.

Boy drinks beer.

Boy gets another beer.

In this performance,
the role of the boy

will be played by
Norm Peterson.

Sammy, I want you
to pour a round

for the house and
put it on my tab.

Ooh.
Oh!

Oh, thank you.

What's the occasion there,
big guy?

Well, I think I got a job.

Hey, all right,
Normie. CLIFF:

Stand back,
I'll take care of this.

All right, mister, I don't know

what pod you crawled out of...

but you're not welcome
in our world.

Now, go in peace and give us
our Normie back.

Seriously, remember that beer
tasting survey group?

Turns out they value
my opinion so much,

they want me to try
out at the brewery.

CLIFF:
All right.

Who'd have thought I have
a knack for something?

Okay, now, listen up, you.

This is my last nickel.

Now, I'm not asking for a lot.

I-I just want you to hit,
just once.

Please... for me.

(crying)

Why do you hate me?

Becs.
What?

Come here.

What do you want?

(whispering):
You are acting crazy.

You're standing there
talking to a machine,

pretending like it cares
who's feeding it nickels.

It doesn't have anything
against you personally.

You're right.

Thank you.

And why are you whispering?

I don't want it to hear
me talking to you.

(machines humming)

Pardon me, uh, are you Mike?

Hey, you must be
the new guy, Norm?

Yeah, hi.
Yeah, I'll be your supervisor.

Oh, great.

I was, uh, looking over
your sample comments,

and, uh, well,

must say they're
very impressive.

Thank you.
Uh, now,

remember, this is just a trial,

but I think
you're gonna do great.

Thanks, sir.

Uh, the job's very simple.

You'll drink
random samples of beer

off the line
and give us your opinion.

That's it.

(both chuckling)

Well, uh...

you ready to see
the brewery, Norm?

Oh, I've been ready
for 43 years, sir.

(machines humming)

You'll be sampling beer

and submitting your comments
to the master brewer

who will evaluate them,
and in turn, he'll...

Are you... are you
crying, Norm?

Nah, just got something
in my eye there.

I'll get you a Kleenex.

(door opening, closing)

(smacking lips)

Honey, I'm home.

♪ ♪

(no dialogue)

(cheering, clapping)

(bottles clinking)

(cheering, clapping)

(dripping)

♪ ♪

NORM:
Hey, Mike.

Look, if you don't mind,

I'm gonna knock off
for lunch, okay?

Yeah, sure.

You had a great
first week, Norm.

(laughs):
You don't have to tell me, sir.

It was the happiest week
of my life.

Here you go, Norm.

Huh? What's this?

It's your pay-check.

Oh, no, sir, I couldn't.

No, no, absolutely not,
not for this.

Go ahead, take it!
Really?

You've earned it.

You know, you were right

about that timer being off
on number three tank.

That's, uh...
that's something

our computer should have
picked up a long time ago.

Well, sir,
a computer can't love.

As far as I'm concerned,

the job is yours.

Oh, really?
Yeah.

There's-There's just
one more thing. Yeah?

It's, uh... it's mostly
a formality... Yeah.

But, uh, well, you have
to meet with Mr. Hoffmeyer,

the president of the brewery.

Now, if Hoffmeyer likes you,
well, you're all set.

What kind of
guy is he? Oh, he's...

a bit of a tough cookie,

but, uh, if you take your work
seriously, you'll do just fine.

Okay. Well, I'd be
glad to meet the guy. Good.

Listen, if you don't
mind right now,

I've been tasting beer
all morning, okay?

So, I'm just gonna take a
break, change my clothes

and go over to Cheers
and hoist a few.

(laughs):
You're, uh...

You're kidding, right?

Yeah. These clothes
will be fine.

Come on.
Big money.

Come on.
Big money.

Oh, show me I'm not a loser.

Can't believe
you're still playing this thing.

Sam, I have pulled
that handle 578 times,

and this machine
has given me nothing.

Well, may... maybe
it's broken.

Let me try it here.

Give me that.

(coins clinking, bell dinging)

No. No. It's you,
all right.

Come on. Big money.

I hate to see her beating
herself up like that.

Yeah, I agree.

If there was just some way
that she could win, even once.

It might serve
to break her fatalism

and bolster her self-esteem.

Plus, maybe then I'd get a shot,
'cause I am hot, hot, hot!

Well, there must
be some way we can fix that machine

so you can win just one time.

Now you're good
at this stuff, Carla.

Can't you rig it?

Why should I?

Well, because

she'd feel better
about herself,

you know, maybe
even feel happy.

No, really. Why should I?

Because there's a $20 bill
in it for you.

Deal.

(chuckles)

I'd have done it for ten.

No wonder
you're going out of business.

Afternoon, everybody.

ALL:
Norm!

A little busman's holiday, Norm?

No. None of those fancy drinks
for me, Sammy.

Just give me a beer.

See this, boys?
Huh?

An actual pay-check.

Oh.

Tell you what, Sammy.

Earning a salary
does something for a guy's self-esteem.

For the first time in years,

I'm actually making
an honest living.

Oh, look at that.

This says Norm Peterman.

That's 'cause Norm Peterson

is still drawing
unemployment, thank you.

Well, Norm, I must say
I've never seen you

look happier
or-or more fulfilled.

NORM:
Well, thanks, Fras.

I still don't have
the job officially yet.

I got to meet the
president of the brewery.

But I tell you what- I feel
like I've found my calling.

Yeah, that's a wonderful
feeling, isn't it? Yeah.

You know, I remember
the first day I decided

to go into the healing arts.

Yeah, just the thought
of helping my fellow man...

it gave me a sense of purpose,
a mission in life.

(rhythmic beeping)

Oh.

Oh, surprise, surprise!

Mrs. Davis.
"I had a bad childhood."

Join the club, sister!

I'm all out of nickels.
Does anybody have a nickel?

Hey, hey, where's that, uh,
tip jar of Carla's?

No.
REBECCA: Well, I would

pay her back.

Going a little bit
overboard here, aren't you?

After all, it's just
a silly little machine.

It's not a silly
machine, Norman.

It is... It is a
metaphor for life.

It is. Everybody gets
to pull the handle,

and sometimes they win,
and sometimes they lose.

But I always lose.

I pull the handle, and
I get cherry, lemon,

(voice breaking):
Bell!

Rebecca, has it ever occurred
to you that maybe the reason

you always lose is because
you think you're going to lose?

Oh, don't give me that crap!

I tried that positive
thinking stuff,

and I knew it wouldn't work,
and sure enough, it didn't!

You are over-analysing things.

You got to live in the moment.

Take life as it comes, okay?

You start thinking too much,
everything falls apart.

Norm, how do you not
think too much?

You're-You're getting ready

for the biggest interview
of your life!

Yeah.

If I were you,
I would be a nervous wreck.

You know, I had a shot
at my dream job.

Yeah?

And I-I did really,
really well.

And then it came time

for me to meet the big boss,
and I choked.

I went in, and-and
I complimented him,

and then I realized,
"Oh, God, I'm kissing up."

So I took back the compliment,

and then it looked like
I was insulting him.

So then I started telling jokes,
and they were really bad.

And then... And-And then,
the next thing I knew,

I was singing,
"Knick knack paddy whack" song.

And I was just singing

and singing at the top
of my lungs.

And I just kept burying myself
deeper and deeper.

And I lost my dream job.

And when I walked out

of that House of Pancakes,
I felt two inches tall.

Well, Rebecca, that's about
the most depressing thing

I've ever heard in my life.

Hey, don't... Norm,
don't listen to me.

It'll just bring you down.

Yeah.
And you know what?

I've been a jinx
my entire life,

but that's me.

That isn't you.

You're gonna do great.

Thanks.

Good luck.

Well, thanks a lot, Rebecca.

And for what it's worth,

I don't think you're
a jinx, all right?

(quietly):
Thanks.

(laughs)

Ah, Norm.

Mr. Hoffmeyer's
on his way.

Uh, now remember,
this is just a formality.

He's heard all kinds
of good things about you,

and, well, I'm sure
that as soon as he meets you,

uh, you'll be a permanent part
of this brewery.

You seem a little nervous.
Are you, Norm?

No. No.

MIKE:
Oh, Mr. Hoffmeyer,

I'd like you to meet
our star taster, Norm.

Norm, Mr. Hoffmeyer.

Norm, I hear you're doing
excellent work for us.

Thank you very much, sir.

(sighs)

Nice pants.

(chuckles)

I can't believe
I just said that.

Look, I'm not trying
to kiss up, sir.

I take back what I said
about those pants, okay?

Not that they're
not nice pants.

I mean, of course they are.

They're-They're-They're
great pants, you know.

I just don't want you to think

that all I'm doing is
looking at your pants.

I'm also looking
at your face, sir,

and-and your shirt, your
tie, all of which are lovely.

Like a manly kind of lovely.
You know what I mean?

Good Lord, I'm not making
much sense, am I, sir?

Let me just start
all over again.

Hello. My name
is Norm Pants.

Ooh! Yay. That didn't come
out right, either, did it?

(laughs): I'm gonna laugh
about that one tonight, sir.

And I'm sure you will, too,

when you take those
pants off tonight.

Not that I'm thinking

about you taking
your pants off, sir!

Nothing could be
further from the truth!

I mean, well, now,
don't get me wrong.

You know, it's not like
I would be grossed out

if you took your pants off.

Go ahead, run around
naked for all I care!

After all, you'll do
whatever you want to do.

You're Mr. Hoffmeyer,
for crying out loud!

Oh, come on, lighten
up, will you?!

Why are you such a sourpuss?

Come on. What's
it going to take

to put a smile on
that face, huh?

♪ With a knick knack paddy
whack, give a dog a bone ♪

♪ This old man
came rolling home! ♪

Sorry about the job
there, Norm.

Oh, don't worry
about it, Cliff.

What are you going to do?

I had my dream job for
a week, and I lost it.

But you've got to look on the...
on the bright side, you know.

I mean, somebody could
walk up to me tomorrow,

tap me on the shoulder, say,

"Hey, we want you to sample
various types of pretzels."

You know?

Or-Or-Or pizza.

Could happen.

Maybe, big guy.

Well, I did it.
I rigged the machine.

The next person who pulls
that handle is going

to be up to their
knees in nickels.

All right, now,
don't you feel good?

I mean, doesn't it
make you feel happy

to know you did something
for a fellow human being?

Isn't that what life's
really all about?

You don't have my 20
bucks, do you, Sam?

It's been kind of
a slow week, honey. I...

Now, wai-wai-wait.

REBECCA:
Norm.

I just wanted to tell you

how sorry I am
about this afternoon.

Rebecca, for the hundredth
time, please relax.

It wasn't your fault.

I did it myself.

I choked under pressure.

Well, I felt so guilty
that I went out

and got us this quart
of ice cream.

Hmm.

Mmm.

(laughs)

This is what
we losers do, Norm.

We just drown our sorrows
in ice cream.

But you know what?

Huh?

At least we're not alone.

We have each other.

You're not going to
kiss me again, are you?

'Cause I still
have to drive home.

Oh! Hey, look at that.

These are nickels,
I guess, huh?

Say, why don't you, uh, play
the slot machine one more time?

Because I will lose.

Where have you been all week?

No. You know,
I feel good about this.

Why-Why-Why don't you give it
one more shot?

No.
Oh, come on!

What's it gonna take
for you to understand

that I will never win?

All right,
fine, fine. Come on.

Everybody step up while

Lady Luck thumbs her nose
at Rebecca Howe.

(bell rings)

I got my nickel back.

I thought that thing
was supposed to pay off.

It's been paying off all week.

I guess it's empty.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry?

This has never happened
to me before.

I broke even.

I've never broken even before.

I'm not a loser.

I'm a break-evener.

Norm is a loser.

See him eating his ice cream?

You know what this means?

It means
that my life isn't so terrible.

It's... It's so-so!

(Rebecca laughs)

Isn't this great?!

Hey, guys,

did Rebecca call me a loser?

I'm afraid so, Norm.

Good. I thought she said,
"Leave me some."