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Subtitles by explosiveskull
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The battle was all but over.
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The forces of good, the living
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00:00:23,633 --> 00:00:26,767
had fallen by the thousands.
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00:00:26,769 --> 00:00:30,904
The risen dead
swept over them in a vile,
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00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:35,942
and cankerous wave
that knew not when to break.
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00:00:35,944 --> 00:00:39,379
But as long as
their fearless leader,
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00:00:39,381 --> 00:00:42,815
the mighty
Casimir the Destroyer,
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00:00:42,817 --> 00:00:47,486
battle mage, warrior,
and renowned tactician
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00:00:47,488 --> 00:00:50,122
still drew breath,
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00:00:50,124 --> 00:00:53,926
there was yet some hope.
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00:00:53,928 --> 00:00:58,562
And as the horde
of hell's spawn dead,
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00:00:58,564 --> 00:01:01,866
raised by the evil necromancer.
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00:01:01,868 --> 00:01:05,937
Morana, grew
closer, unwittingly lured
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00:01:05,939 --> 00:01:07,972
into a fatal pincer movement,
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00:01:07,974 --> 00:01:12,910
through the otherwise impassable
sulphur swamps of Sagra,
17
00:01:12,912 --> 00:01:17,915
Casimir knew he had
them in the palm of his hand.
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Knew that a historic victory
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00:01:20,652 --> 00:01:24,154
was but a single blow away.
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00:01:24,156 --> 00:01:26,923
There was no
escaping the fury
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00:01:26,925 --> 00:01:30,559
of Casimir's blazing damnation.
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00:01:30,561 --> 00:01:35,164
The magically conjured
flames burned hard and fast
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00:01:35,166 --> 00:01:38,869
devouring the
undead in a matter of seconds.
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00:01:40,704 --> 00:01:44,171
And for the first
of many times to come,
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00:01:44,173 --> 00:01:47,708
Casimir looked down triumphant
26
00:01:47,710 --> 00:01:50,010
upon the carnage he had wrought.
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00:01:50,012 --> 00:01:54,181
Upon the victory he had
single-handedly wretched
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00:01:54,183 --> 00:01:59,086
from the rotten jaws
of almost certain defeat.
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00:02:33,952 --> 00:02:38,088
Casimir would not rest
until his nemesis Morana had fallen.
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Along with her scurrilous lapdog
of a so-called swordsman,
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Sir Brandt.
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Fuck sake.
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00:02:53,938 --> 00:02:56,605
Oh! Mr. Parsons.
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00:02:56,607 --> 00:02:59,742
Afternoon. Trevor isn't it?
35
00:02:59,744 --> 00:03:01,612
Last time I checked!
36
00:03:03,047 --> 00:03:05,246
Right. I've been
meaning to have a word.
37
00:03:05,248 --> 00:03:07,951
See the thing is
that some of us here.
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00:03:11,487 --> 00:03:12,488
Sorry!
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00:03:14,157 --> 00:03:18,259
Fundamentally,
some of us here.
40
00:03:18,261 --> 00:03:21,261
W-we take pride.
41
00:03:21,263 --> 00:03:23,797
I'm not sure how to-
42
00:03:23,799 --> 00:03:25,866
your plot's a disgrace.
43
00:03:28,803 --> 00:03:30,670
Well, it's a little
on the barren side but
44
00:03:30,672 --> 00:03:32,605
it's got some
post-apocalyptic charm.
45
00:03:32,607 --> 00:03:33,739
Clearly.
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00:03:33,741 --> 00:03:36,008
Disgrace is a very strong word.
47
00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:39,911
But it's
accurate. Look around you.
48
00:03:39,913 --> 00:03:43,915
Do you see anything out of
place in my plot? No, nothing.
49
00:03:43,917 --> 00:03:44,983
It's beauty.
50
00:03:44,985 --> 00:03:48,687
Ted and Irene may be
slow, but they're methodical.
51
00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,822
Even Birch keeps his end up.
52
00:03:50,824 --> 00:03:53,624
Peter, almost as
annoying as you are,
53
00:03:53,626 --> 00:03:55,859
but at least he
knows what he's doing.
54
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:58,762
And Doc doesn't do
anything at all, but he's tidy.
55
00:03:58,764 --> 00:04:00,731
Now you, on the other hand,
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00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:03,300
you are more than
letting the side down.
57
00:04:03,302 --> 00:04:05,636
To be honest
gardening isn't really my thing.
58
00:04:05,638 --> 00:04:08,237
Jesus Christ! Why do
you have an allotment then?
59
00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:11,007
Why do you come here
and spoil it for the rest of us?
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00:04:11,009 --> 00:04:12,675
I'd be willing
to put up a fence.
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00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:15,680
Look, we've gotten
together and signed a petition.
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00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,750
We're giving it to the
landlord tomorrow morning.
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00:04:20,752 --> 00:04:24,953
And I sincerely hope
he decides to evict you,
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00:04:24,955 --> 00:04:26,687
and your terrible
hair-do. Good day!
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00:04:26,689 --> 00:04:29,557
What? No! No, no,
no, no, no, no! I'll tidy up.
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00:04:29,559 --> 00:04:33,063
I'll, I'll plant some seeds!
I'll, I'll, plant the crap fu...
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00:04:35,933 --> 00:04:36,934
God.
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00:04:48,610 --> 00:04:49,611
Oh!
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00:05:01,922 --> 00:05:03,257
Oooh!
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00:05:10,598 --> 00:05:12,330
Woo!
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00:06:13,155 --> 00:06:15,222
Harriet, why don't you
come round to mine after work?
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00:06:15,224 --> 00:06:16,956
I've got some pear vodka.
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00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:18,791
Oh, yes, please!
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00:06:18,793 --> 00:06:21,327
Funny innit like, us
sitting here doing nothing,
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00:06:21,329 --> 00:06:24,964
makes you more tired
than when you're busy, eh?
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00:06:24,966 --> 00:06:26,899
You're not wrong Bobbi.
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00:06:26,901 --> 00:06:30,002
It's a bit like
shagging, if you think about it.
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00:06:30,004 --> 00:06:32,304
The more you do
it, the more you want it.
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00:06:32,306 --> 00:06:35,309
It only makes you more
horny. It's really annoying.
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00:06:36,410 --> 00:06:38,178
I wouldn't know.
81
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,679
When are you going to be done?
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00:06:41,681 --> 00:06:45,817
Oh, it's just my Derek
now. A little quick half hour.
83
00:06:45,819 --> 00:06:49,019
But I'll do him
quick today, yeah?
84
00:06:51,023 --> 00:06:53,424
There she blows.
85
00:06:53,426 --> 00:06:55,128
Hi darling!
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00:06:56,895 --> 00:07:01,332
Aww, I love presents. Thank you.
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00:07:01,334 --> 00:07:03,300
Do you want a little shower?
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00:07:03,302 --> 00:07:07,069
- I'm clean as a whistle.
- Mmm.
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00:07:07,071 --> 00:07:10,373
Well, I'll have to
blow you to find out won't I?
90
00:07:10,375 --> 00:07:11,376
Yes!
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00:07:14,178 --> 00:07:15,179
Hmm.
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00:07:20,317 --> 00:07:21,851
Trevor?
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00:07:24,421 --> 00:07:25,422
Doc!
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00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:29,959
I didn t sign the
petition by the way.
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00:07:31,895 --> 00:07:33,861
Thanks.
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00:07:33,863 --> 00:07:38,265
My motto is,
"Live and let live".
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00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:39,801
I appreciate that.
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00:07:51,246 --> 00:07:53,179
Don't come in here
asking where your dinner is.
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00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:56,182
While you've been flouncing
around at your allotment,
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00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:59,784
I've been at work all day.
So, no. I haven't cooked yet.
101
00:07:59,786 --> 00:08:04,756
Oh, hi Trev!
Nice T-shirt! Mmm.
102
00:08:05,825 --> 00:08:09,260
Trevor!
I didn't say I was hungry.
103
00:08:09,262 --> 00:08:11,028
I heard you think it.
104
00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:13,032
No, well, we left you some.
105
00:08:14,434 --> 00:08:17,034
Thanks.
106
00:08:17,036 --> 00:08:19,038
That's very generous of you!
107
00:08:20,973 --> 00:08:23,773
I'm the one bringing the
money in while you're indulging
108
00:08:23,775 --> 00:08:26,310
in some pathetic male fantasy.
109
00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:29,379
Well, as Harriet can attest,
it is possible to do both.
110
00:08:29,381 --> 00:08:31,481
You know, maybe you should just
embrace the dual nature of your
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00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:33,950
business, and call
the salon, "Hand Job".
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00:08:33,952 --> 00:08:36,219
Oooh! You're looking
very pretty today Harriet.
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00:08:36,221 --> 00:08:38,154
Would you mind if I, umm?
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00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:43,124
I'm going off to
Graham's. Help me, God!
115
00:08:45,796 --> 00:08:50,098
He's not the sharpest tool in
the shed, is he, your husband?
116
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,146
Yeah, well,
you know what I think?
117
00:09:06,148 --> 00:09:08,482
I think you should
unleash some of that old
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00:09:08,484 --> 00:09:10,251
Casimir vengeance on him.
119
00:09:10,253 --> 00:09:12,151
Graham, I'm not
going to kill someone
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00:09:12,153 --> 00:09:14,387
for trying to evict me
from my bloody allotment.
121
00:09:14,389 --> 00:09:17,357
Or you could get that guy
you think's a serial killer to
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00:09:17,359 --> 00:09:19,492
dissolve him in a
vat of acid or something.
123
00:09:19,494 --> 00:09:22,027
I didn't say he was a serial
killer. I said he was creepy,
124
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,929
and it's weird
his plot is bare earth.
125
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,599
Or maybe you could put
pesticide in his Horlicks,
126
00:09:26,601 --> 00:09:29,834
dress him up as a scarecrow,
and hide him in plain sight?
127
00:09:29,836 --> 00:09:32,604
What is wrong with you?
I'm not going to kill anyone.
128
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:34,205
Yeah, well you weren't
this squeamish when you were
129
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:37,208
fire-bombing my zombies earlier.
130
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:40,412
You really have no grip
on the real world do you?
131
00:09:40,414 --> 00:09:43,116
Well I guess you
could learn how to garden.
132
00:09:50,255 --> 00:09:52,289
Oh, I got that picture
of Harriet you wanted.
133
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:53,490
But this is the
last time, alright?
134
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:56,192
Everybody's starting
to think I'm a weirdo.
135
00:09:56,194 --> 00:10:00,195
My sweet Lady Harriet Morana.
136
00:10:00,197 --> 00:10:04,266
Sir Brandt at your service!
137
00:10:04,268 --> 00:10:07,336
I can't believe
you're basing Morana on her.
138
00:10:07,338 --> 00:10:10,406
Oh, yes! She's fit!
139
00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:13,575
Plus, Sir Brandt
gets to bed her!
140
00:10:13,577 --> 00:10:16,411
Only because no one
else in her army has a pulse.
141
00:10:16,413 --> 00:10:19,514
Yes, she has a whole legion
of skeletons at her command,
142
00:10:19,516 --> 00:10:21,915
yet it is I, Sir Brandt,
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00:10:21,917 --> 00:10:24,452
who gets to bone her! Haha.
144
00:10:24,454 --> 00:10:26,521
You know, there are far
hotter women on the internet,
145
00:10:26,523 --> 00:10:27,921
some wearing a lot less?
146
00:10:27,923 --> 00:10:29,290
Arrrgh, aargh,
no, no, no, no, n...
147
00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:31,225
What is your
problem with the internet?
148
00:10:31,227 --> 00:10:33,460
Online Gamers.
149
00:10:33,462 --> 00:10:37,364
Heathens. Heathens, man!
150
00:10:37,366 --> 00:10:40,334
Oh, go on, send me
that picture would you?!
151
00:10:40,336 --> 00:10:42,068
I don't even know why
you have a mobile phone.
152
00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:43,537
You never
bloody leave the house!
153
00:10:43,539 --> 00:10:46,406
Hey, don't knock my Agoraphobia.
154
00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:50,175
Plus, I need a way to
get my DLA you know. My er...
155
00:10:50,177 --> 00:10:52,977
Dragon Living
Allowance. Yes, very good.
156
00:10:52,979 --> 00:10:54,446
Why can't I have a dragon?
157
00:10:54,448 --> 00:10:57,150
Well, firstly
Morana is a necromancer.
158
00:10:58,352 --> 00:11:01,453
Well, why can't I
have an undead dragon?
159
00:11:01,455 --> 00:11:04,288
- Sending.
- No, no, wait! Wait!
160
00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:06,623
- Ahhh!
- Ahahaha.
161
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,058
Whoops!
162
00:11:08,060 --> 00:11:09,161
You cheat!
163
00:11:10,162 --> 00:11:12,296
When they're down, they're down!
164
00:11:12,298 --> 00:11:14,298
Shouldn't leave your
phone on the battlefield!
165
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,433
Curse you Casimir!
166
00:11:16,435 --> 00:11:20,503
The dead shall rise,
and tear your world asunder!
167
00:11:20,505 --> 00:11:22,638
Tell that to a couple of D8's.
168
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,173
Boom!
169
00:11:28,546 --> 00:11:30,548
Arrrggh.
170
00:11:39,956 --> 00:11:41,458
Arrrgh.
171
00:11:58,708 --> 00:12:00,409
Bobbi?
172
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:10,482
Ssstupid, bloody whale.
173
00:12:10,484 --> 00:12:13,252
Bobbi, d...
174
00:12:17,291 --> 00:12:18,993
I'll be on the sofa.
175
00:12:26,666 --> 00:12:28,533
Hello and welcome back. Ah,
176
00:12:28,535 --> 00:12:29,767
Right, coming up
'you are what you eat'
177
00:12:29,769 --> 00:12:34,138
we look at the pitfalls and
benefits of a protein only diet.
178
00:12:34,140 --> 00:12:37,208
But first, Dick. What do we
make of this macabre business?
179
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:39,243
Oh ho. Just in case you're
tuning in for the first time
180
00:12:39,245 --> 00:12:41,144
folks, what Dave is
referring to is the apparent
181
00:12:41,146 --> 00:12:43,012
grave robbing in
Nunhead cemetery.
182
00:12:43,014 --> 00:12:45,482
Hahaha. I think,
I think grave robbing is a bit strong...
183
00:12:45,484 --> 00:12:47,350
No, no, no.
We-well, what would you call it then?
184
00:12:47,352 --> 00:12:49,519
Ahh-uhh, prrff,
Halloween pranks?
185
00:12:49,521 --> 00:12:51,488
Haha, Well it's not like
the corpses just got up and
186
00:12:51,490 --> 00:12:52,722
walked off is it? Hahaha!
187
00:12:52,724 --> 00:12:55,090
Hahaha I'd like to see!
188
00:12:55,092 --> 00:12:58,561
So Dave, what's in store for
us today in terms of the weather?
189
00:12:58,563 --> 00:13:01,129
Well Dick, it's a proper
Autumnal day out there today,
190
00:13:01,131 --> 00:13:04,600
but you can expect a lot of
heavy low lying fog tonight.
191
00:13:04,602 --> 00:13:06,669
So, do be careful
if you're out and about.
192
00:13:06,671 --> 00:13:09,137
Trevor?
193
00:13:09,139 --> 00:13:10,140
Trevor!
194
00:13:11,575 --> 00:13:14,276
Trevor you planning
on sleeping all day?!
195
00:13:15,745 --> 00:13:18,245
- TREVOR!?
- Whaa!
196
00:13:18,247 --> 00:13:20,447
Ow! What, Jesus?
197
00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:21,648
Just because
you're between jobs,
198
00:13:21,650 --> 00:13:23,450
doesn't mean you can lay
around doing fuck all every day!
199
00:13:23,452 --> 00:13:25,185
You should
be out looking for a job!
200
00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:27,087
And pick your dirty
clothes up from the floor.
201
00:13:27,089 --> 00:13:28,221
Is that for me?
202
00:13:28,223 --> 00:13:29,422
No, you make your own.
203
00:13:29,424 --> 00:13:31,457
And your dad's golf clubs are
over there, so take 'em to the
204
00:13:31,459 --> 00:13:33,292
charity shop because it's
not like you play, is it?
205
00:13:33,294 --> 00:13:34,660
I might have to start.
206
00:13:34,662 --> 00:13:35,695
You know what Trevor,
207
00:13:35,697 --> 00:13:38,666
you know better than
to fucking argue with me!
208
00:13:40,101 --> 00:13:42,103
- Pfftt.
- Oh!
209
00:13:46,707 --> 00:13:49,241
God, I swear you only started
smoking to aggravate my asthma!
210
00:13:49,243 --> 00:13:52,377
You ungrateful sod! I'm doing
it to lose weight, for you!
211
00:13:52,379 --> 00:13:54,144
Yeah, is that why you
didn t eat all the extra large
212
00:13:54,146 --> 00:13:55,112
pizza as well?
213
00:13:55,114 --> 00:13:57,649
Do you know what
Trevor? I'm going to work.
214
00:13:57,651 --> 00:14:01,219
You know, remember
work?! You fucking lazy sod!
215
00:14:03,823 --> 00:14:08,124
Ahhh! Fuck.
216
00:14:08,126 --> 00:14:10,427
Oh, Christ.
217
00:14:10,429 --> 00:14:12,128
Kill me!
218
00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:14,130
Come on, boy!
219
00:14:14,132 --> 00:14:17,534
I am a very, very bad horse.
220
00:14:17,536 --> 00:14:20,737
Horses don't talk!
221
00:14:20,739 --> 00:14:22,538
Quiet!
222
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:25,675
Horses just buck!
223
00:14:26,678 --> 00:14:28,410
Stop.
224
00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:31,479
Haha!
225
00:14:44,294 --> 00:14:46,663
Giddy up!
226
00:14:49,231 --> 00:14:52,699
Come on! Oh, woah! Derek?
227
00:14:52,701 --> 00:14:54,901
Dereeeek?
228
00:14:54,903 --> 00:14:57,104
Come on. T-t-t-t-t.
229
00:14:58,707 --> 00:14:59,708
To-oot?
230
00:15:01,175 --> 00:15:02,678
Darling?
231
00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:07,178
Remember the safe word!
232
00:15:08,316 --> 00:15:11,684
Well, that's not it!
Come on, it's banana.
233
00:15:11,686 --> 00:15:13,852
Derek?
234
00:15:13,854 --> 00:15:15,186
DEREK?
235
00:15:17,324 --> 00:15:19,757
Dark cow!
236
00:15:19,759 --> 00:15:22,527
Oh, yeah. I gave you some pizza!
237
00:15:22,529 --> 00:15:24,361
Stupid bloody friend.
238
00:15:24,363 --> 00:15:28,600
Little ho. Little pfft. Fucking
stupid! Gosh, she's such a lit...
239
00:15:28,602 --> 00:15:31,568
Bloody wha... I'm stupid. Must
have she grab my cock in the
240
00:15:31,570 --> 00:15:33,303
night club. Next thing I know,
241
00:15:33,305 --> 00:15:35,638
I'm bloody
married to her for life.
242
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:37,342
Poor Derek!
243
00:15:38,242 --> 00:15:40,543
All he wanted was an
early morning ride, wasn't it?
244
00:15:40,545 --> 00:15:44,313
It's alright. Go on.
245
00:15:44,315 --> 00:15:46,215
Well, you know, he wanted
to play his favorite game,
246
00:15:46,217 --> 00:15:47,650
you know, that.
247
00:15:47,652 --> 00:15:49,819
Horsey play.
248
00:15:49,821 --> 00:15:52,754
He loved that!
249
00:15:52,756 --> 00:15:55,890
No, but I just kept on
really pushing it, and saying,
250
00:15:55,892 --> 00:15:58,893
"giddy up, giddy up,
faster" spanking his ass!
251
00:15:58,895 --> 00:16:01,296
And I was getting
really into it, and-
252
00:16:01,298 --> 00:16:05,900
It just uh, it got too much for
him. And he collapsed on me.
253
00:16:05,902 --> 00:16:07,101
Oh, he didn't?!
254
00:16:07,103 --> 00:16:09,236
And there was nothing I could
do, and I was saying, "Say the
255
00:16:09,238 --> 00:16:11,772
safe word, say the safe word".
256
00:16:11,774 --> 00:16:13,874
And he didn't. He just
kept on going, " Pfffft"
257
00:16:13,876 --> 00:16:16,644
And I forgot, he's got
such a delicate little heart.
258
00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:17,845
Oh, his little heart!
259
00:16:17,847 --> 00:16:19,245
And that's why
I really liked him,
260
00:16:19,247 --> 00:16:21,717
cause he was
actually a real gent.
261
00:16:24,251 --> 00:16:26,819
Poor Derek.
262
00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:29,354
Oh, God.
263
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:33,593
Oh, Bobbi.
Oh, do you know what?
264
00:16:33,595 --> 00:16:35,597
He's still wearing my buttplug.
265
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,767
He is. He's still wearing my
buttplug. They're gonna find
266
00:16:41,769 --> 00:16:43,802
my buttplug up
there. That's not dignified.
267
00:16:43,804 --> 00:16:45,269
He wouldn't have want that.
268
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:47,304
Nope. Nope.
269
00:16:47,306 --> 00:16:48,641
That's awkward.
270
00:16:49,877 --> 00:16:51,742
Stupid cow.
271
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:54,311
Stupid. I might as well
just put a bloody bed in here
272
00:16:54,313 --> 00:16:55,578
and be done with it.
273
00:16:55,580 --> 00:16:57,315
...Bloody.
274
00:17:00,619 --> 00:17:02,320
Parsons!
275
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:05,922
What?
276
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,758
Is it true?
Are you distilling vodka?
277
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:09,626
What's it to you?
278
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:11,827
What's it to me,
you little cock head?!
279
00:17:11,829 --> 00:17:13,529
Not that you'd
be affected by it,
280
00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:15,397
but a number of us
had our potato crops
281
00:17:15,399 --> 00:17:16,665
plundered last year.
282
00:17:16,667 --> 00:17:18,967
- Aww!
- And I'd be willing to bet
283
00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:21,637
that if you are
indeed distilling vodka,
284
00:17:21,639 --> 00:17:23,872
then you're
probably the plunderer.
285
00:17:23,874 --> 00:17:26,809
Hahahaha.
I'm the potato plunderer?
286
00:17:26,811 --> 00:17:29,309
Me? Whose allotment
looks like a pile of shit?!
287
00:17:29,311 --> 00:17:31,779
Do you think I could be
bothered to dig up potatoes?
288
00:17:31,781 --> 00:17:33,881
Look at my hands.
Look how clean they are.
289
00:17:33,883 --> 00:17:35,983
You think I could be bothered
to muddy them up to get your
290
00:17:35,985 --> 00:17:39,519
dirty ass potatoes because this
is a little bit of "newsflash",
291
00:17:39,521 --> 00:17:41,689
they're available in
a fucking supermarket,
292
00:17:41,691 --> 00:17:43,657
and they're a pound! But then
you probably didn't know that
293
00:17:43,659 --> 00:17:46,358
did you? You bloody
wanna be English moron.
294
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,527
You watch your
tone, you little twat!
295
00:17:48,529 --> 00:17:50,596
Twat?! Hahahaha.
296
00:17:50,598 --> 00:17:52,465
Twoa! Twat! What
are you gonna do now?
297
00:17:52,467 --> 00:17:54,500
Bludgeon me with
that spade? Give it to me!
298
00:17:54,502 --> 00:17:56,302
'Cause if there's gonna be any
bludgeoning happening today,
299
00:17:56,304 --> 00:17:57,770
I will not be on
the receiving end!
300
00:17:57,772 --> 00:17:58,671
You are mad!
301
00:17:58,673 --> 00:18:01,372
You don't know the
fucking half of it!
302
00:18:01,374 --> 00:18:03,808
Yeah, run!
Run little American boy!
303
00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:06,578
It's pronounced,
"twot" You bloody American!
304
00:18:06,580 --> 00:18:08,446
I'm Canadian!
305
00:18:13,019 --> 00:18:16,722
Mr. Parsons? Mr. Parsons?
306
00:18:18,891 --> 00:18:21,425
Mr. Parsons?!
307
00:18:27,333 --> 00:18:28,799
Bobbi! Bobbi,
something terrible has happened!
308
00:18:28,801 --> 00:18:29,933
Get out!
309
00:18:29,935 --> 00:18:31,934
What the hell are you doing?
310
00:18:31,936 --> 00:18:33,369
- What are y...
- Go away!
311
00:18:33,371 --> 00:18:36,407
Oh! Oh! Oh! God! Oh!
312
00:18:36,975 --> 00:18:39,407
Well, on that note, I don t
think he'll be coming back!
313
00:18:39,409 --> 00:18:42,845
Mm mmm. Oooh, that's nice!
314
00:18:42,847 --> 00:18:45,480
For a moment, I
actually felt like Casimir!
315
00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:48,083
I was like moving towards him,
and he was like, stepping back.
316
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:52,386
I could see the
fear in his eyes. It was...
317
00:18:52,388 --> 00:18:56,892
- What?
- What is that, on your shoulder?
318
00:18:56,894 --> 00:19:00,095
Oooh! Oh, God! Christ!
319
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:04,299
Oh, God. Bobbi was giving
Harriet a wax on her lady bits.
320
00:19:04,766 --> 00:19:06,599
- Hand it over!
- What?
321
00:19:06,601 --> 00:19:07,767
- Give it.
- No!
322
00:19:07,769 --> 00:19:09,636
- Yes. Yes!
- No.
323
00:19:09,638 --> 00:19:11,138
No way!
324
00:19:11,140 --> 00:19:12,639
- Come on, now.
- That's sick man.
325
00:19:12,641 --> 00:19:13,773
I'm not doing it.
326
00:19:13,775 --> 00:19:16,778
I'll give you one
sword of Chronos.
327
00:19:18,713 --> 00:19:21,513
Sword of Chronos and an
extra D8 on my combat roles?
328
00:19:21,515 --> 00:19:24,018
Ahhh, D4?
329
00:19:26,053 --> 00:19:27,519
Just don't do
anything disgusting with it.
330
00:19:27,521 --> 00:19:28,522
Ah.
331
00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:32,624
I can smell her Labia.
332
00:19:32,626 --> 00:19:34,760
You are a revolting man!
333
00:19:34,762 --> 00:19:36,093
I know.
334
00:19:36,095 --> 00:19:38,462
So, you were saying?
335
00:19:38,464 --> 00:19:40,798
Right. Yeah, so he
kinda hobbles off, falls over,
336
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,568
and doesn't
bloody get up again.
337
00:19:57,448 --> 00:19:59,117
Oh, fuck.
338
00:20:01,586 --> 00:20:03,088
Oh, God.
339
00:20:07,758 --> 00:20:10,592
Bloody hippie leaving his
bloody tools laying around.
340
00:20:10,594 --> 00:20:12,560
So that's the serial killer?
341
00:20:12,562 --> 00:20:14,462
A hippie serial killer, really?
342
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:15,797
Oh, it's a great cover.
343
00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:18,600
No. Birch is the
hippie. Doc is th...
344
00:20:18,602 --> 00:20:19,901
Serial killer!
345
00:20:19,903 --> 00:20:20,902
Creepy cowboy guy.
346
00:20:20,904 --> 00:20:22,104
Anyway, you're meant to
tread on the rake and
347
00:20:22,106 --> 00:20:24,705
have it hit you in the face.
You're not meant to fall on it
348
00:20:24,707 --> 00:20:26,540
and have it brain
you. It's just not funny!
349
00:20:26,542 --> 00:20:29,077
Oh. It kinda is.
350
00:20:29,079 --> 00:20:31,445
Well, and convenient!
351
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:33,147
So, what'd you do next?
352
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,815
I managed to drag
him back to my shed.
353
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:36,516
Ahh!
354
00:20:37,853 --> 00:20:39,854
Nearly bloody killed me.
355
00:20:46,661 --> 00:20:47,994
I'm gonna have
to go to the Police.
356
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,795
No way, man!
You'll look guilty as hell.
357
00:20:49,797 --> 00:20:50,730
It was an accident.
358
00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:52,832
Well, so why did
you move the body then?
359
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,133
I don't know.
360
00:20:54,135 --> 00:20:56,501
What if somebody
heard or saw the argument?
361
00:20:56,503 --> 00:20:57,569
I don't know!
362
00:20:57,571 --> 00:20:59,804
Well, you should definitely
dispose of the corpse.
363
00:20:59,806 --> 00:21:02,473
Graham, you really have
no grip on the real world.
364
00:21:02,475 --> 00:21:04,910
Oh, spoken like
a true hypocrite.
365
00:21:04,912 --> 00:21:07,913
Why don't you just bury it
in the serial killer's plot?
366
00:21:07,915 --> 00:21:09,915
Oh, that's at the
other end of the allotment.
367
00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:12,116
Finish me off
dragging his fat ass back there.
368
00:21:12,118 --> 00:21:14,785
Well, bury it in yours then. I
mean if it's as messy as you say
369
00:21:14,787 --> 00:21:16,719
then nobody will ever find it.
370
00:21:16,721 --> 00:21:19,123
Christ! Even the thought
of dragging him another foot
371
00:21:19,125 --> 00:21:21,524
gives me a bloody asthma attack.
372
00:21:21,526 --> 00:21:23,559
Arrffff.
373
00:21:49,218 --> 00:21:50,753
Ohh.
374
00:21:57,226 --> 00:21:59,793
I'll think of something.
375
00:21:59,795 --> 00:22:01,928
Maybe.
376
00:22:33,625 --> 00:22:35,892
I think you should
unleash some of that old
377
00:22:35,894 --> 00:22:38,530
Casimir vengeance on him.
378
00:22:47,772 --> 00:22:50,039
Some imagination you've got?!
379
00:22:50,041 --> 00:22:51,640
It's my fantasy.
380
00:22:51,642 --> 00:22:54,643
Ha! You could've given
me some armor or something.
381
00:22:54,645 --> 00:22:56,645
And I mean, what the
hell's that supposed to be?
382
00:22:56,647 --> 00:22:58,647
Like I said, it's my fantasy.
383
00:22:58,649 --> 00:23:00,151
Really?
384
00:23:03,887 --> 00:23:06,821
Suck on that, Potter!
385
00:23:06,823 --> 00:23:10,058
You can have her
Sir Brandt. Make the most of it.
386
00:23:10,060 --> 00:23:13,728
For she will soon be as dead as
the vile creatures she commands.
387
00:23:13,730 --> 00:23:18,632
Oh yeah? We'll see about that.
388
00:23:39,020 --> 00:23:43,024
Ha-ha! You cannot
defeat us both Wizard!
389
00:23:44,159 --> 00:23:45,224
Yield!
390
00:23:45,226 --> 00:23:48,660
The cold lure of this
grave-robbing vixen was enough
391
00:23:48,662 --> 00:23:51,296
to turn you
from faith, eh, Palladin?
392
00:23:51,298 --> 00:23:56,000
Ha. Do not mock my
new faith, Bumblebore!
393
00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:58,936
and you know nothing of the
heat that heat that lies between
394
00:23:58,938 --> 00:24:03,408
that Vixen's legs. But you will
feel the sting of her blade,
395
00:24:03,410 --> 00:24:07,143
When she cuts your
legs from beneath you.
396
00:24:14,986 --> 00:24:18,121
Sorry!
I thought you were one of them.
397
00:24:18,123 --> 00:24:21,827
Don't waste any time. Find
your sanctuary. Go to ground!
398
00:24:25,729 --> 00:24:26,995
What?
399
00:24:26,997 --> 00:24:30,000
It's the big one!
I must document everything!
400
00:26:20,436 --> 00:26:23,836
There remains a multitude
of unanswered questions first and
401
00:26:23,838 --> 00:26:27,273
forth most regarding the cause
of this horrible turn of events.
402
00:26:27,275 --> 00:26:29,175
I can't believe, but
when it comes down to it,
403
00:26:29,177 --> 00:26:32,110
the only fact that matters is
the one we can no longer ignore.
404
00:26:32,112 --> 00:26:35,480
And that is, that it seems, and
I still find it hard to put into
405
00:26:35,482 --> 00:26:38,217
words, despite having
seen evidence first hand.
406
00:26:38,219 --> 00:26:43,021
We're genuinely in the midst
of an actual zombie apocalypse.
407
00:26:43,023 --> 00:26:46,258
Now joining me in discussion
for these "end of days"
408
00:26:46,260 --> 00:26:48,459
is Kevin Bartlett. Now
Kevin, hello and welco...
409
00:26:48,461 --> 00:26:51,062
Yeah, yeah, hi John.
What I'd like to say I'm happy to be here
410
00:26:51,064 --> 00:26:54,498
Er quite! So,
er what's your take on this whole debacle?
411
00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:57,301
Well, first of all,
I could've predicted this would happen.
412
00:26:57,303 --> 00:27:00,204
I-I did it, I know, I know
but I-I look. I mean look,
413
00:27:00,206 --> 00:27:02,838
We've been obsessed forever,
with bloody zombie this and
414
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,475
zombie that. Do you know how
many zombie films are churned
415
00:27:05,477 --> 00:27:06,809
- out each year.
- Quite a few I'm sure.
416
00:27:06,811 --> 00:27:10,413
Er yep, m-my theory,
and you mentioned earlier about not
417
00:27:10,415 --> 00:27:13,583
knowing the "how" of all this.
Well, I'll tell you exactly how
418
00:27:13,585 --> 00:27:17,254
this has all fucking happened.
Sorry, can I swear John? Well
419
00:27:17,256 --> 00:27:20,054
it doesn't matter now does it?
It's simple, and testament to
420
00:27:20,056 --> 00:27:23,224
the towering power of the media
and the public conscience.
421
00:27:23,226 --> 00:27:25,927
We've spent so long fawning over
these shuffling bags of bones,
422
00:27:25,929 --> 00:27:30,399
reveling in film after film, TV
shows, books, video games, and
423
00:27:30,401 --> 00:27:33,935
hoaxes, people have been
genuinely waiting for this day.
424
00:27:33,937 --> 00:27:37,337
And why? Because with this kind
of PR it would be rude to have
425
00:27:37,339 --> 00:27:39,373
a fucking zombie apocalypse.
426
00:27:39,375 --> 00:27:43,379
- Er Kevin, can I stop you there.
- Yeah, wha-what's going on bud?
427
00:27:46,915 --> 00:27:50,083
I think. I thi...
428
00:27:50,085 --> 00:27:51,786
No, no!
429
00:27:57,425 --> 00:27:59,058
Let's get to the roof!
430
00:27:59,060 --> 00:28:00,226
Well, to the helicopter!
431
00:28:00,228 --> 00:28:02,463
Fucking helicopter? What?
432
00:28:28,554 --> 00:28:30,256
Ohh!
433
00:28:55,378 --> 00:28:56,544
It's alright for you.
434
00:28:56,546 --> 00:28:59,647
You don t have to hack up
and bury the people you kill!
435
00:29:09,325 --> 00:29:11,193
Casmir the Cremator.
436
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:14,862
That's got a
bit of a ring to it!
437
00:29:17,666 --> 00:29:19,534
Right, back to work.
438
00:29:26,574 --> 00:29:28,607
Ooh, oh!
439
00:29:28,609 --> 00:29:31,276
Ohh. Ugh.
440
00:29:35,048 --> 00:29:37,115
Alight Mr. Parsons.
441
00:29:37,117 --> 00:29:39,620
Let's not keep
your legs waiting!
442
00:29:42,188 --> 00:29:44,355
Unfortunately you're going to be
spending the rest of eternity in
443
00:29:44,357 --> 00:29:47,023
my disgrace of a plot.
444
00:29:47,025 --> 00:29:49,560
I'll try and tidy up for you.
445
00:29:49,562 --> 00:29:53,096
God, I'll be glad to
see the back of you.
446
00:29:53,098 --> 00:29:54,099
Ugh.
447
00:29:56,703 --> 00:29:59,904
God! You are one ugly bastard!
448
00:30:01,339 --> 00:30:04,041
Ahh! What the fuck?!
449
00:30:06,277 --> 00:30:08,279
Ahh! Ahh! Oh, God!
450
00:30:12,683 --> 00:30:15,383
Get off my crotch! Ahh!
451
00:30:15,385 --> 00:30:18,188
Ahh! Ahhh!
452
00:30:19,556 --> 00:30:21,558
Bloody open you.
453
00:30:23,427 --> 00:30:26,694
Ahh! Aahhh!
454
00:30:26,696 --> 00:30:31,030
Ugh! Help! Heeeelp!
455
00:30:31,032 --> 00:30:34,101
I've got half a gardner
in here! He's trying to kill me!
456
00:30:34,103 --> 00:30:36,605
Help me! Heeeelp!
457
00:30:41,710 --> 00:30:45,111
Please, help! He's got
my legs, he's got my legs!
458
00:30:45,113 --> 00:30:47,112
He's got, ohh god he's got!
459
00:30:47,114 --> 00:30:50,117
You fucking door! Ahhh!!!
460
00:30:52,454 --> 00:30:56,556
Pleeease! Ahh! Ahhhhh!
461
00:30:56,558 --> 00:30:59,124
Oh, God! Oh, God!
462
00:31:05,465 --> 00:31:10,401
Oh, God! Ahh! Ahh!
Ahhh! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh, God!
463
00:31:10,403 --> 00:31:12,303
Ahh, God!
464
00:31:31,656 --> 00:31:33,658
Ohh! Ohh!
465
00:31:37,495 --> 00:31:42,498
- You!
- Ahh. Ahhhh. Aghhhhh!
466
00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:44,166
The only thing is, you
were actually more annoying
467
00:31:44,168 --> 00:31:45,667
when you were alive.
468
00:31:48,639 --> 00:31:50,640
Help! Help!
469
00:31:54,744 --> 00:31:57,578
Heeeeelp! Agh!
470
00:31:57,580 --> 00:32:00,347
Aghh! Heeeeelp!
471
00:32:09,591 --> 00:32:13,192
I know a cry for
help when I hear one.
472
00:32:13,194 --> 00:32:15,196
Come on, Birchy boy!
473
00:32:18,366 --> 00:32:22,168
Ahh! Ahhh! Aaaaahhh!
474
00:32:28,408 --> 00:32:31,209
Four bars,
half battery! Booyahhhhh!
475
00:32:31,211 --> 00:32:33,411
Right, Bobbi.
476
00:32:33,413 --> 00:32:34,414
Right.
477
00:32:36,716 --> 00:32:38,782
Come on, Bobbi.
Come on. Answer, answer.
478
00:32:38,784 --> 00:32:40,551
Answer the phone.
479
00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:53,632
There's more of
them. They've got her.
480
00:32:55,199 --> 00:32:57,198
Aghhaaahh!
481
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,343
I have to make another
call. Don't you ever get tired?
482
00:33:08,580 --> 00:33:10,579
Shhh!
483
00:33:13,483 --> 00:33:17,351
Thank you for calling 999,
the UK's leading emergency service.
484
00:33:17,353 --> 00:33:19,721
Your call is currently in a
queue and will be dealt with
485
00:33:19,723 --> 00:33:22,826
as soon as one of our
operators becomes available.
486
00:33:23,593 --> 00:33:26,159
For God's sake!
487
00:33:39,274 --> 00:33:42,474
Your call is important to us.
Thank you for your patience.
488
00:33:42,476 --> 00:33:44,276
- Please continue to ho...
- For God's sake!
489
00:33:55,756 --> 00:33:58,456
Oh, you like that do you? Ohhh!
490
00:34:05,565 --> 00:34:08,766
Who'll be at home, who'll
be at home, who'll be at home?
491
00:34:08,768 --> 00:34:11,838
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Graham
492
00:34:13,305 --> 00:34:15,839
Oooh, Mistress Morana!
493
00:34:15,841 --> 00:34:19,976
Oh! Oh, mistress!
494
00:34:19,978 --> 00:34:21,978
Oh! Ughh.
495
00:34:25,884 --> 00:34:29,318
Jesus, T! You scared
the crap out of me!
496
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:31,386
Good thing I'm on the crapper.
497
00:34:31,388 --> 00:34:34,757
God, that is a disgusting image!
Look, look, I need your help.
498
00:34:34,759 --> 00:34:35,858
Kinda busy.
499
00:34:35,860 --> 00:34:37,692
Doing what?
500
00:34:37,694 --> 00:34:40,963
Umm, polishing my sword.
501
00:34:40,965 --> 00:34:43,631
Look, even though you've got a
sword, I know that means your
502
00:34:43,633 --> 00:34:46,233
penis! Can you just put it away
in your pants and fucking come
503
00:34:46,235 --> 00:34:49,238
and help me?
We've got a situation.
504
00:34:52,741 --> 00:34:54,341
What's that noise?
505
00:34:54,343 --> 00:34:59,246
That's the
situation. Mr. Parsons is now
506
00:34:59,248 --> 00:35:01,281
zombie Parsons!
507
00:35:01,283 --> 00:35:02,948
Hahaha! shut up.
508
00:35:02,950 --> 00:35:05,618
I'm serious Graham!
Look, I only called Bobbi.
509
00:35:05,620 --> 00:35:08,254
I think they already got her.
510
00:35:08,256 --> 00:35:12,024
Wait a minute. Am I on bloody
speaker phone? And who's they?
511
00:35:12,026 --> 00:35:15,730
Do you b...?
The bloody zombies that's who!
512
00:35:19,933 --> 00:35:21,900
I'm not the first
person you called?
513
00:35:21,902 --> 00:35:24,703
You're not the second either.
I've got bloody 999 on hold as
514
00:35:24,705 --> 00:35:25,704
we speak.
515
00:35:25,706 --> 00:35:28,573
Ha, you put 999 on hold?
516
00:35:28,575 --> 00:35:30,975
Well they put me on hold first!
517
00:35:30,977 --> 00:35:32,844
Yeah, I hate it
when they do that.
518
00:35:32,846 --> 00:35:35,378
It's bloody ridiculous. Anyway
look, I'm trapped in the shed
519
00:35:35,380 --> 00:35:37,413
somehow. I can't get out. And I
need you to come down here...
520
00:35:37,415 --> 00:35:39,515
Well, I can't.
521
00:35:39,517 --> 00:35:41,451
What? Something more pressing?
522
00:35:41,453 --> 00:35:44,387
Look, ughh. Just twat
the thing over the head and
523
00:35:44,389 --> 00:35:47,623
bash your way out. I mean, it's
a shed. I'm sure you'll manage.
524
00:35:47,625 --> 00:35:49,559
Are you, are you kidding me?
525
00:35:49,561 --> 00:35:52,461
Look, I've gotta go. I'll
see you tonight, alright?
526
00:35:52,463 --> 00:35:53,996
No.
527
00:35:53,998 --> 00:35:56,565
No! No.
528
00:35:56,567 --> 00:35:59,269
No! Ahhh!
529
00:35:59,870 --> 00:36:03,505
Fuuuuuck! Fuck! Idiot!
530
00:36:03,507 --> 00:36:05,640
Ahhhhhh!
531
00:36:05,642 --> 00:36:08,509
Ohhh.
532
00:36:08,511 --> 00:36:11,881
Ohhhhh, yessss!
533
00:36:12,315 --> 00:36:15,549
Is this call a
genuine emergency? If so...
534
00:36:31,066 --> 00:36:34,268
Ahh! Ahh! Ahhhh! Ahhh! Ahh!
535
00:36:42,943 --> 00:36:45,778
My shoe! My shoe!
536
00:36:45,780 --> 00:36:48,046
Ugh! Ahh!
537
00:36:48,048 --> 00:36:49,715
That's my bloody shoe!
538
00:36:49,717 --> 00:36:52,617
Give me my shoe!
Give me my bloody shoes!
539
00:36:52,619 --> 00:36:55,354
That was my last pair of Nike's!
540
00:36:55,554 --> 00:36:57,387
Please continue to hold.
541
00:36:57,389 --> 00:36:59,422
One of our operators
will be with you shortly.
542
00:36:59,424 --> 00:37:00,992
Now, a word from our sponsors.
543
00:37:00,994 --> 00:37:05,062
Are you suffering
from stabbing pain, headaches?
544
00:37:05,064 --> 00:37:08,765
The kind of stubborn pain
that sits right behind your eyes
545
00:37:08,767 --> 00:37:10,766
and won't go aw...
546
00:37:10,768 --> 00:37:12,470
Ahhh!
547
00:37:15,473 --> 00:37:19,510
No! no, no! Nooo! Not
now! Not now! Nooo! Nooo!
548
00:37:38,895 --> 00:37:40,862
Ahh! Ahhh!
549
00:37:50,973 --> 00:37:53,874
Hahahaha. Hahaha. Ahh.
550
00:38:07,521 --> 00:38:09,821
Oh, you wanna
get that roof fixed!
551
00:38:09,823 --> 00:38:10,824
You mind?
552
00:38:29,709 --> 00:38:32,577
By the way, I did
take your potatoes.
553
00:38:35,046 --> 00:38:37,180
Sorry mate, I seriously
thought you were joking earlier!
554
00:38:37,182 --> 00:38:39,515
It's fine.
555
00:38:39,517 --> 00:38:41,684
What, so you wore a helmet,
but you didn't bring a sword?
556
00:38:41,686 --> 00:38:43,853
Yeah, look, it's one thing
walking around town wearing
557
00:38:43,855 --> 00:38:45,921
this, which, by the way,
is a very clever move,
558
00:38:45,923 --> 00:38:48,790
but I can't be dragging
a sword around town.
559
00:38:48,792 --> 00:38:50,592
It's bloody heavy for starters.
560
00:38:50,594 --> 00:38:53,195
Well, at least you
got over your agoraphobia.
561
00:38:53,197 --> 00:38:55,529
Yeah, yeah alright,
I'm not agoraphobic. Fine.
562
00:38:55,531 --> 00:38:56,765
Surprise.
563
00:38:56,767 --> 00:39:00,102
Look, at least I came, yeah?
It's bloody dangerous out here!
564
00:39:00,104 --> 00:39:02,003
I saw two women
eating another woman.
565
00:39:02,005 --> 00:39:03,838
What, did you
watch it on your phone?
566
00:39:03,840 --> 00:39:06,207
Not like that!
And I saw some hippie
567
00:39:06,209 --> 00:39:08,675
chewing some blokes arm off!
568
00:39:08,677 --> 00:39:10,679
Oh, bloody vegans!
569
00:39:12,781 --> 00:39:14,614
I think we should
head to the coast.
570
00:39:14,616 --> 00:39:16,549
- What?
- Well, there might be boats.
571
00:39:16,551 --> 00:39:18,684
- That's a stupid fucking idea!
- No, it's not.
572
00:39:18,686 --> 00:39:20,819
Yes it is. Where's Bobbi?
573
00:39:20,821 --> 00:39:23,089
- I dunno. I think they got her.
- You think?
574
00:39:23,091 --> 00:39:24,224
Can't be sure.
575
00:39:24,226 --> 00:39:25,927
Harriet's with Bobbi.
576
00:39:27,862 --> 00:39:30,796
We need to save our women!
577
00:39:30,798 --> 00:39:33,731
We really, we, we really don't.
578
00:39:33,733 --> 00:39:35,934
I cou...
579
00:39:35,936 --> 00:39:39,103
So my thinking is, you
know what choice does she have?
580
00:39:39,105 --> 00:39:42,507
Suicide? Becoming a sex
slave for a heavily armed gang?
581
00:39:42,509 --> 00:39:44,609
Donating her
brain to the hungry?
582
00:39:44,611 --> 00:39:45,843
Well none of
that's likely to happen.
583
00:39:45,845 --> 00:39:48,146
I think it's more likely than
her shacking up with you in some
584
00:39:48,148 --> 00:39:50,614
post-apocalyptic wasteland.
585
00:39:50,616 --> 00:39:53,216
Hahahaha. You wait.
586
00:39:53,218 --> 00:39:56,186
Chicks dig a
knight in shining armor!
587
00:39:56,188 --> 00:39:57,988
What the hell?
588
00:39:57,990 --> 00:40:02,726
God! I think
it's Peter? Well, part of him.
589
00:40:02,728 --> 00:40:04,795
What, you can
tell just from his arm?
590
00:40:04,797 --> 00:40:06,195
No.
591
00:40:06,197 --> 00:40:07,732
The camera.
592
00:40:12,236 --> 00:40:16,571
My name is Peter Jones.
I'm a-well, I'm doing my masters in
593
00:40:16,573 --> 00:40:20,577
agriculture, but that's doesn't
matter right now. Start again.
594
00:40:22,212 --> 00:40:26,814
My name is Peter Jones,
and I'm a concerned citizen.
595
00:40:26,816 --> 00:40:29,783
If you're watching this these
could be the very last recorded
596
00:40:29,785 --> 00:40:33,154
thoughts of mankind. It's
not too late for you though.
597
00:40:33,156 --> 00:40:37,192
You can escape. These
things are slow and cumbersome.
598
00:40:37,194 --> 00:40:41,594
Ahh! Ahh-ahh! Ahhhh! ahhh!
599
00:40:41,596 --> 00:40:46,065
Ah-ahhaha!
Ahh-ha! Oohoohoo! Ahhh!
600
00:40:46,067 --> 00:40:48,601
Ahhh! Oh, God!
601
00:40:48,603 --> 00:40:51,804
Oh, Jesus! Oh, Christ!
602
00:40:51,806 --> 00:40:56,608
Ahh-haha! Aaaah! Ah-ha!
603
00:41:04,251 --> 00:41:05,917
Documenting the
zombie apocalypse?
604
00:41:05,919 --> 00:41:07,052
Who the hell's gonna
watch it?
605
00:41:07,054 --> 00:41:08,922
Us apparently!
606
00:41:10,223 --> 00:41:12,957
Oh, Christ! And now
they're best buddies. Great.
607
00:41:12,959 --> 00:41:14,792
Well, if you cant
eat 'em, join 'em.
608
00:41:14,794 --> 00:41:16,894
Right, I'll take
Peter, you take Ted!
609
00:41:16,896 --> 00:41:17,862
What about her?
610
00:41:17,864 --> 00:41:20,331
She's got a dodgy
leg. She'll be a while.
611
00:41:20,333 --> 00:41:23,067
Come on, you!
612
00:41:23,069 --> 00:41:25,071
Come ooon, youuu!
613
00:41:27,605 --> 00:41:29,738
Ahh! Take that you idiot!
614
00:41:29,740 --> 00:41:32,741
Ah! Yes! Ugh! Ug! h
615
00:41:32,743 --> 00:41:35,844
- Do they die this way?
- I'm not sure!
616
00:41:35,846 --> 00:41:39,850
- Take that! Take that!
- Ugh! Ugh!
617
00:41:40,751 --> 00:41:43,254
- Ahh!
- Oh, God. No!
618
00:41:53,096 --> 00:41:57,100
No, Doc. No, no,
It's, it's me. Ahh!
619
00:42:01,303 --> 00:42:03,737
Thank you?
620
00:42:03,739 --> 00:42:04,905
Yeah, thanks Doc.
621
00:42:04,907 --> 00:42:06,608
Don't mention it.
622
00:42:09,645 --> 00:42:11,978
You look like you've been busy.
623
00:42:11,980 --> 00:42:14,413
It's like fucking Christmas.
624
00:42:14,415 --> 00:42:17,183
I've got a more
traditional approach to
625
00:42:17,185 --> 00:42:19,187
Christmas myself but,
626
00:42:21,255 --> 00:42:24,890
You know I don't know why you're
looking so shocked Trevor.
627
00:42:24,892 --> 00:42:29,195
I saw what you did
to Parsons. Very impressive.
628
00:42:29,197 --> 00:42:30,727
Thank you.
629
00:42:30,729 --> 00:42:33,233
So, ugh, what's in the bag?
630
00:42:34,401 --> 00:42:37,770
- You don't want to know.
- Huh, I do. Hm.
631
00:42:40,173 --> 00:42:41,772
Oh!
632
00:42:41,774 --> 00:42:44,242
- Oh, heads!
- Heads?
633
00:42:44,244 --> 00:42:46,945
Yeah! hahaha.
634
00:42:49,814 --> 00:42:52,382
What's in the other bag?
635
00:42:52,384 --> 00:42:54,218
You really don't want to know.
636
00:42:54,220 --> 00:42:56,222
Hm. Pretty open-minded.
637
00:43:03,428 --> 00:43:06,630
Oh! Fu... ohh!
638
00:43:07,731 --> 00:43:08,997
Ohh!
639
00:43:08,999 --> 00:43:13,368
Lady parts. You know, If you
soak 'em in vinegar long enough,
640
00:43:13,370 --> 00:43:17,405
Just like calamari.
641
00:43:17,407 --> 00:43:20,174
We have to go!
642
00:43:20,176 --> 00:43:21,976
Ah, I've got to
go and see my wife.
643
00:43:21,978 --> 00:43:24,011
Yeah, and Harriet.
644
00:43:24,013 --> 00:43:26,313
Well, hasta la vista guys.
645
00:43:26,315 --> 00:43:27,848
Maybe see you around?
646
00:43:27,850 --> 00:43:29,717
Yeah, better hope not.
647
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,153
Especially if
you're one of them.
648
00:43:32,155 --> 00:43:34,287
You know they're not human.
649
00:43:34,289 --> 00:43:38,825
Best thing to do is, you see
'em, kill 'em. Simple right?
650
00:43:38,827 --> 00:43:41,928
Noted. Thank you
very much. Very useful.
651
00:43:41,930 --> 00:43:43,363
I would hope you'd
do the same for me.
652
00:43:43,365 --> 00:43:45,864
- Yeah.
- You see me shuffling around,
653
00:43:45,866 --> 00:43:49,371
kill me. 'Cause I don't
wanna be one of the living dead.
654
00:43:52,206 --> 00:43:55,773
I wanna be one
of the dead, dead.
655
00:43:55,775 --> 00:43:57,777
Dead, dead. Got it.
656
00:44:02,015 --> 00:44:06,350
Well, don't worry.
I'll clean up your mess.
657
00:44:06,352 --> 00:44:07,884
Alright.
658
00:44:07,886 --> 00:44:09,353
Okay, thank you.
659
00:44:09,355 --> 00:44:12,255
I told you he
was a serial killer!
660
00:44:12,257 --> 00:44:15,093
Ahhaaahh!
661
00:44:19,465 --> 00:44:21,264
That's something
you don't see everyday.
662
00:44:21,266 --> 00:44:23,132
Yeah.
663
00:44:23,134 --> 00:44:25,167
This is your street isn't it?
664
00:44:25,169 --> 00:44:30,072
Yeah, alright, keep up with me.
Keep your eyes open. Let's go!
665
00:44:30,074 --> 00:44:32,474
Bollocks!
666
00:44:49,926 --> 00:44:51,428
Oh!
667
00:45:01,070 --> 00:45:04,036
Lie still, Sir Casimir!
668
00:45:04,038 --> 00:45:07,008
You are wounded.
But you will live.
669
00:45:08,076 --> 00:45:10,077
I'll make sure of it.
670
00:45:15,182 --> 00:45:18,451
So beautiful. Who are you?
671
00:45:18,453 --> 00:45:22,120
My name is Ophelia.
And these are my sisters,
672
00:45:22,122 --> 00:45:24,124
Iphelea and Upheleme.
673
00:45:29,563 --> 00:45:34,233
We are honored to tend to
someone so brave as you.
674
00:45:35,835 --> 00:45:39,436
We are humbled
by your presence.
675
00:45:39,438 --> 00:45:44,309
Yet, I would still
beg for one small favor.
676
00:45:45,977 --> 00:45:46,978
Anything.
677
00:45:49,948 --> 00:45:52,615
A kiss
678
00:45:52,617 --> 00:45:55,918
from your brave lips.
679
00:45:55,920 --> 00:45:58,922
Should you
have the strength, sire?
680
00:45:59,423 --> 00:46:00,424
Hmm.
681
00:46:20,008 --> 00:46:23,209
My sisters would
ask the same favor.
682
00:46:23,211 --> 00:46:25,914
should you have the strength?
683
00:46:30,951 --> 00:46:32,987
Think so.
684
00:46:35,657 --> 00:46:37,189
- Oh!
- Hahaha.
685
00:46:37,191 --> 00:46:38,357
Welcome back, T!
686
00:46:38,359 --> 00:46:41,661
Oh, Thanks.
687
00:46:41,663 --> 00:46:43,896
How long was I out?
688
00:46:43,898 --> 00:46:45,631
Oh, a couple of days.
689
00:46:45,633 --> 00:46:48,166
Oh, Christ!
What's it like out there?
690
00:46:48,168 --> 00:46:51,002
Hahaha. Just kidding!
691
00:46:51,004 --> 00:46:53,037
Before you start on me,
692
00:46:53,039 --> 00:46:56,107
you look like a bloody zombie
because you're covered in blood.
693
00:46:56,109 --> 00:46:59,344
If you'd come to the
front door. Oh, no sorry, wait.
694
00:46:59,346 --> 00:47:02,212
I suppose you lost your
keys as well as your inhaler.
695
00:47:02,214 --> 00:47:05,282
Do you know what Trevor? You
are so rubbish when it comes to
696
00:47:05,284 --> 00:47:08,352
crisis like this,
you really fucking are.
697
00:47:08,354 --> 00:47:11,455
Oh, come on Bobbi, he's
just woken up, give him a break.
698
00:47:11,457 --> 00:47:14,460
No, because he's a
lazy bastard, Harriet!
699
00:47:15,627 --> 00:47:17,660
Why's she wearing my shirt?
700
00:47:17,662 --> 00:47:20,864
I think that's
obvious. Hmhmmhmm.
701
00:47:21,932 --> 00:47:25,434
Well, faced with the
imminent prospect of death
702
00:47:25,436 --> 00:47:30,272
they, uh, finally gave
into their sapphic whims.
703
00:47:30,274 --> 00:47:32,073
What?
704
00:47:32,075 --> 00:47:34,076
I think they had sex!
705
00:47:37,447 --> 00:47:39,449
Now, that I'd like to see.
706
00:47:44,253 --> 00:47:46,188
Well, half of it anyway. Haha.
707
00:47:47,591 --> 00:47:49,723
Hey, don't stretch
that. That's my favorite.
708
00:47:49,725 --> 00:47:52,427
It was until you
"tittied" it up!
709
00:47:55,130 --> 00:47:59,031
Oh, Christ!
Oh, I need to take a shower.
710
00:47:59,033 --> 00:48:01,735
There's more pressing
things than you washing Trevor.
711
00:48:01,737 --> 00:48:04,704
Are there Bobbi? Are there
really? 'Cause let me tell you
712
00:48:04,706 --> 00:48:07,439
something. While you've been in
here munching on your friend,
713
00:48:07,441 --> 00:48:10,342
the world out there
has gone to absolute shit!
714
00:48:10,344 --> 00:48:13,011
So before this
apocalypse really kicks in,
715
00:48:13,013 --> 00:48:15,247
I'd like one last shot
at some hot water, okay?
716
00:48:15,249 --> 00:48:17,749
So my suggestion to you
is, shut your fucking mouth,
717
00:48:17,751 --> 00:48:20,152
and put the
immersion on! 'Cause right now,
718
00:48:20,154 --> 00:48:22,620
I really wanna wash
these fucking brains off me.
719
00:48:22,622 --> 00:48:24,755
I don't think there's
any need to swear at me
720
00:48:24,757 --> 00:48:27,558
Yes, there is actually!
There's every fucking need!
721
00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:29,326
And may I point
out that thus far,
722
00:48:29,328 --> 00:48:31,995
the only injury I've received
is from my fuckwit of a wife
723
00:48:31,997 --> 00:48:34,698
and not from a fucking zombie!
724
00:48:34,700 --> 00:48:39,669
- Trevor?
- Apology fucking accepted!
725
00:48:39,671 --> 00:48:43,005
Right, I'm now going
upstairs to take a shower.
726
00:48:43,007 --> 00:48:45,073
Stay away from the
doors and windows, alright?
727
00:48:45,075 --> 00:48:47,477
Just keep quiet,
everything will be fine,
728
00:48:47,479 --> 00:48:50,582
we'll sort everything
else out when I get back.
729
00:48:57,420 --> 00:48:59,422
Well, that was awkward. Err?
730
00:49:44,364 --> 00:49:47,064
So, you "Bi" then?
731
00:49:47,066 --> 00:49:48,833
Who said that?
732
00:49:48,835 --> 00:49:51,036
Well, you know, you and Bobbi?
733
00:49:52,806 --> 00:49:55,473
Maybe I'm a lesbian.
734
00:49:55,475 --> 00:49:57,741
Maybe? What, you don't know?
735
00:49:57,743 --> 00:50:00,677
No darling, you don't know.
736
00:50:00,679 --> 00:50:05,682
Nah, I don't buy it.
All that stuff at the salon.
737
00:50:05,684 --> 00:50:08,687
We all want a
happy ending Graham.
738
00:50:11,790 --> 00:50:14,523
Well,
739
00:50:14,525 --> 00:50:17,661
I guess we're never
going to get one now.
740
00:50:20,197 --> 00:50:21,198
Trevor?
741
00:50:23,835 --> 00:50:25,001
- What?
- Oh, for God's sake,
742
00:50:25,003 --> 00:50:28,703
I've seen that pathetic
excuse for a penis enough times.
743
00:50:28,705 --> 00:50:32,139
Well your vagina s.
rubbish. what do you want?
744
00:50:32,141 --> 00:50:34,642
Oh, for God's. Is that
any way to talk to your wife?
745
00:50:34,644 --> 00:50:38,379
Eh? Anyway, look,
I just wanted to say 'sorry'.
746
00:50:38,381 --> 00:50:40,648
You know, about,
about the old Harriet thing.
747
00:50:40,650 --> 00:50:42,683
And I know
you're pissed off.
748
00:50:42,685 --> 00:50:45,885
- I'm really not.
- But, if it's any consolation,
749
00:50:45,887 --> 00:50:48,588
it's 'cause she
wanted a threesome with us.
750
00:50:48,590 --> 00:50:49,422
She what?
751
00:50:49,424 --> 00:50:53,493
Ah. See,
I thought you'd like that.
752
00:50:53,495 --> 00:50:56,498
Just.
753
00:51:17,750 --> 00:51:20,818
How is he?
754
00:51:20,820 --> 00:51:21,821
Ugh.
755
00:51:23,221 --> 00:51:27,225
Ugh. Morana! Morana! Oh, God!
756
00:51:28,660 --> 00:51:32,796
Oh, yeah.
Morana. Oh, Morana.
757
00:51:32,798 --> 00:51:36,799
- Ohhhhh!
- Oh, Casimir!
758
00:51:36,801 --> 00:51:39,668
You're so HUGE!
759
00:51:39,670 --> 00:51:42,438
Much bigger than Sir Brandt.
760
00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,940
Oh, yes! Fill me!
761
00:51:44,942 --> 00:51:49,611
Morana you dirty
little temptress! Aghh, Ohh!
762
00:51:49,613 --> 00:51:53,715
Oh yes, I've never been
filled like this before!
763
00:51:53,717 --> 00:51:57,518
Feel my power Morana!
Feel my power inside you!
764
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:00,521
Fill me with your staff
of power! It's so good!
765
00:52:00,523 --> 00:52:04,425
Oh, you're so huge! Oh, Casimir!
766
00:52:04,427 --> 00:52:06,693
- Feel my power!
- Oh! Oh! Give it to me!
767
00:52:06,695 --> 00:52:09,596
- Ohh! Ohh!
- Give it to me!
768
00:52:09,598 --> 00:52:11,531
- Ohh!
- Casimir!
769
00:52:11,533 --> 00:52:13,432
Alright, lover. Do you
mind if I sit of your face
770
00:52:13,434 --> 00:52:15,468
while you fuck my friend? Haha!
771
00:52:15,470 --> 00:52:19,575
Ooh! Oh! Oh, God! Oh!
772
00:52:22,242 --> 00:52:23,976
- What the hell?
- Zombies!
773
00:52:23,978 --> 00:52:27,512
- They've got in!
- My face!
774
00:52:27,514 --> 00:52:30,415
- It's Harriet's fault!
- Hey!
775
00:52:30,417 --> 00:52:31,919
You muppets!
776
00:53:17,260 --> 00:53:19,596
Feel my, feel my power!
777
00:53:21,565 --> 00:53:23,765
I could of sworn
I heard something.
778
00:53:23,767 --> 00:53:25,533
Like what?
779
00:53:25,535 --> 00:53:27,902
I dunno.
780
00:53:27,904 --> 00:53:32,773
Fucking Trevor. Why'd
he have to come back?
781
00:53:32,775 --> 00:53:37,444
I know, right. When we
were having so much fun!
782
00:53:37,446 --> 00:53:40,547
I'm wet just thinking about it.
783
00:53:40,549 --> 00:53:42,514
You're a very bad girl!
784
00:53:42,516 --> 00:53:46,520
There! Didn't you hear that?
785
00:53:59,799 --> 00:54:00,832
Ahh!
786
00:54:03,570 --> 00:54:06,573
Ah, Stop! Ah! Ohh!
787
00:54:08,675 --> 00:54:11,609
Oh, my God! Run! Zombies!
788
00:54:11,611 --> 00:54:13,312
Zombies!
789
00:54:22,721 --> 00:54:24,521
- What the hell?
- Zombies!
790
00:54:24,523 --> 00:54:27,858
- They've got in!
- My face!
791
00:54:27,860 --> 00:54:31,660
What did I say?
Tell me, what did I say?
792
00:54:31,662 --> 00:54:34,362
I said, stay away from
the doors and windows.
793
00:54:34,364 --> 00:54:37,032
These things. Anything but
advertise our presence.
794
00:54:37,034 --> 00:54:39,467
That's all you had to do.
Literally everything.
795
00:54:39,469 --> 00:54:42,637
And yet I get five minutes to
clean up and somehow you,
796
00:54:42,639 --> 00:54:46,540
mouth breathers, manage
to let in pervy Uncle Fester!
797
00:54:46,542 --> 00:54:48,109
It wasn't me T!
798
00:54:48,111 --> 00:54:51,345
I know Graham. I know.
799
00:54:51,347 --> 00:54:53,514
My face, it really hurts!
800
00:54:53,516 --> 00:54:55,849
I'm sorry about that
Harriet, I really am, although
801
00:54:55,851 --> 00:54:56,918
I could say, I told you so.
802
00:54:56,920 --> 00:54:59,686
Oh, don't be
so bloody smug Trevor.
803
00:54:59,688 --> 00:55:03,056
And why shouldn't I be smug,
Bobbi? For once something
804
00:55:03,058 --> 00:55:07,360
terrible has happened and it
isn't my bloody fault! Hahahaha!
805
00:55:07,362 --> 00:55:08,363
Ugh.
806
00:55:09,798 --> 00:55:10,799
Fuck.
807
00:55:27,548 --> 00:55:29,049
Ahhhhhh?
808
00:55:40,059 --> 00:55:41,060
Ohh.
809
00:55:46,431 --> 00:55:49,600
Shhhhh! Shhhhh! Shh!
810
00:56:00,511 --> 00:56:01,512
Christ!
811
00:56:12,822 --> 00:56:15,558
Shh! Shhh! Shhh!
812
00:56:20,530 --> 00:56:23,964
Wait. Wait.
813
00:56:23,966 --> 00:56:25,966
I Think they've
headed to the bedroom.
814
00:56:25,968 --> 00:56:28,702
We need to make a break for it.
815
00:56:28,704 --> 00:56:30,170
Make a break for it?
816
00:56:30,172 --> 00:56:33,206
Ugh, yes!
The compound is breached!
817
00:56:33,208 --> 00:56:35,108
What we gonna do about her?
818
00:56:35,110 --> 00:56:36,642
Well, she comes too!
819
00:56:36,644 --> 00:56:40,813
No, she's been, uh...
820
00:56:40,815 --> 00:56:43,916
Listen, if we
go, we've gotta go now!
821
00:56:43,918 --> 00:56:45,517
I can't go out in just a towel!
822
00:56:45,519 --> 00:56:46,585
Oh, man up!
823
00:56:46,587 --> 00:56:47,786
I'll man up when you
give me your bloody clothes.
824
00:56:47,788 --> 00:56:50,089
Well, why don't you go to
the bedroom then, and slip into
825
00:56:50,091 --> 00:56:51,556
something a little
more comfortable,
826
00:56:51,558 --> 00:56:53,490
with dead fucking Derek?!
827
00:56:53,492 --> 00:56:55,059
- Shit!
- No, he's right.
828
00:56:55,061 --> 00:56:56,895
He needs clothes.
829
00:56:56,897 --> 00:56:58,897
Thank you, Graham.
830
00:56:58,899 --> 00:57:02,499
You're gonna have to kill Derek.
831
00:57:02,501 --> 00:57:06,503
You expect me to wrestle
a zombie in just a towel?
832
00:57:06,505 --> 00:57:09,472
That's really, that's
really supportive. Thank you.
833
00:57:09,474 --> 00:57:13,811
Fucking sake! Do
not leave me alone with him!
834
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:17,014
I'm still here Bobbi!
835
00:57:17,016 --> 00:57:20,083
I know, I know
mate. I just meant...
836
00:57:20,085 --> 00:57:22,952
Bloody Derek!
837
00:57:22,954 --> 00:57:24,955
I gave him a discount even.
838
00:57:27,191 --> 00:57:28,558
I did!
839
00:57:30,694 --> 00:57:33,795
Fine. Fine.
840
00:57:33,797 --> 00:57:35,797
I'll do it.
841
00:57:35,799 --> 00:57:37,499
I'll deal with Derek.
842
00:57:37,501 --> 00:57:38,600
Oh, you don't
have to do that mate.
843
00:57:38,602 --> 00:57:41,902
No, no, no. No, no.
It's okay. I'll take care of it.
844
00:57:41,904 --> 00:57:45,572
Ugh, I'll distract him while
you go and get on a pair of
845
00:57:45,574 --> 00:57:47,576
bloody trousers and shit.
846
00:57:49,645 --> 00:57:52,212
You'd do that just for me?
847
00:57:52,214 --> 00:57:53,582
Yes, mate.
848
00:57:55,885 --> 00:57:58,284
Give us a hug!
849
00:57:58,286 --> 00:58:00,987
Uhh, okay. Enough of that.
850
00:58:00,989 --> 00:58:01,921
That's uhh...
851
00:58:01,923 --> 00:58:04,759
That, that was not,
not to do with that.
852
00:58:06,593 --> 00:58:09,862
Okay, ugh, we'll be right back.
853
00:58:25,279 --> 00:58:26,646
Ughhuhh.
854
00:58:36,755 --> 00:58:39,089
Harr-Harriet?
855
00:58:39,091 --> 00:58:42,625
What's happening to me?
856
00:58:42,627 --> 00:58:45,629
You're going to be okay,
alright? You're gonna be fine.
857
00:58:53,337 --> 00:58:55,039
Stay behind me.
858
00:59:03,279 --> 00:59:06,282
I can't believe
Derek actually bit me.
859
00:59:08,018 --> 00:59:11,788
He's usually so gentle with me.
860
00:59:14,991 --> 00:59:18,994
Yeah. I-I-I told Trevor that
you'd have a threesome with us.
861
00:59:22,663 --> 00:59:23,999
Oh, God.
862
00:59:29,071 --> 00:59:31,937
I really didn't,
I didn't mean it.
863
00:59:31,939 --> 00:59:33,905
This is for
fucking the lovely Morana!
864
00:59:33,907 --> 00:59:36,710
You festering
piece of offal! Ahh!
865
00:59:37,711 --> 00:59:38,712
Ahh!
866
00:59:50,222 --> 00:59:52,925
Go on, Trevor! I've got this!
867
00:59:59,832 --> 01:00:03,069
Ahhh! Ahha! Ahhhh!
868
01:00:09,174 --> 01:00:10,175
Ah!
869
01:00:17,415 --> 01:00:19,749
See! All those times you
bitched at me for leaving
870
01:00:19,751 --> 01:00:21,985
clothes on the
floor. And now it pays off!
871
01:00:24,922 --> 01:00:28,023
Is she turning?
872
01:00:28,025 --> 01:00:30,858
Oh, I think so, yeah.
873
01:00:30,860 --> 01:00:33,195
Right so, that's you
fully dressed then?
874
01:00:33,197 --> 01:00:35,199
Well, it's a start isn't it?
875
01:00:38,700 --> 01:00:42,136
Harriet? I know seems
horribly inappropriate but
876
01:00:42,138 --> 01:00:44,371
do you think I could
possibly have my t-shirt now?
877
01:00:44,373 --> 01:00:46,072
Oh, for fucks
sake Trevor, come on!
878
01:00:46,074 --> 01:00:47,073
What?
879
01:00:47,075 --> 01:00:48,942
Just why don't you get
some dirty ones out the
880
01:00:48,944 --> 01:00:50,743
laundry basket
or something? Why?
881
01:00:52,380 --> 01:00:54,880
You've got to be shitting me!
882
01:00:54,882 --> 01:00:56,915
Graham.
883
01:00:56,917 --> 01:00:59,284
Cheers mate!
884
01:00:59,286 --> 01:01:02,289
Hey, I told you I had it?
885
01:01:04,792 --> 01:01:06,293
Now I have!
886
01:01:08,428 --> 01:01:09,629
What?
887
01:01:15,702 --> 01:01:18,136
- What, I've got two.
- Ugh.
888
01:01:18,138 --> 01:01:20,173
I'd forgot it
was in there, alright?
889
01:01:25,410 --> 01:01:29,246
I have laid waste
to your enemy my lady!
890
01:01:29,248 --> 01:01:31,950
Vengeance is yours!
891
01:01:34,752 --> 01:01:36,353
We're fucked mate.
892
01:01:36,355 --> 01:01:37,954
You two should
probably get out,
893
01:01:37,956 --> 01:01:41,023
you know, before any of
the others find their way in.
894
01:01:41,025 --> 01:01:42,026
Yeah.
895
01:01:50,368 --> 01:01:52,867
I'll never forget this.
896
01:01:52,869 --> 01:01:55,373
Oh, right, Trev.
Come on, let's go.
897
01:01:59,942 --> 01:02:03,076
So long, Sir Brandt!
898
01:02:03,078 --> 01:02:05,346
Farewell, brave Casim...
899
01:02:05,348 --> 01:02:08,516
Oh, for fucks sake. Come
on, Sir Wankalot. Let's go.
900
01:02:08,518 --> 01:02:11,220
- Sorry.
- Bye, Bobbi.
901
01:02:17,392 --> 01:02:19,394
Thought you might need this.
902
01:02:22,197 --> 01:02:24,297
I didn't know you cared.
903
01:02:24,299 --> 01:02:26,000
Oh, don't be silly.
904
01:02:28,502 --> 01:02:30,704
Well, I'm sorry about Harriet.
905
01:02:31,772 --> 01:02:35,874
I'm sorry about.
906
01:02:35,876 --> 01:02:37,878
- Graham.
- Yeah.
907
01:02:56,529 --> 01:02:58,995
Graham?
908
01:02:58,997 --> 01:03:00,563
I know my love.
909
01:03:00,565 --> 01:03:04,101
This is the only
end I could of wished for too.
910
01:03:08,072 --> 01:03:10,939
I want
911
01:03:10,941 --> 01:03:15,877
to ea-eaaa...
912
01:03:15,879 --> 01:03:20,881
I, I want you.
913
01:03:20,883 --> 01:03:23,152
I want you.
914
01:03:31,227 --> 01:03:33,226
Come on, let's beat this thing.
915
01:03:35,998 --> 01:03:38,000
- Come on.
- We should get going.
916
01:03:39,268 --> 01:03:41,034
Were you serious about
that threesome by the way?
917
01:03:41,036 --> 01:03:42,469
Because, umm, if you were,
918
01:03:42,471 --> 01:03:44,571
there might still
be other people alive.
919
01:04:48,198 --> 01:04:49,199
Balls!
920
01:04:52,468 --> 01:04:54,470
- Double balls!
- Yeah!
921
01:04:56,172 --> 01:04:59,473
Hey, numb nuts!
922
01:04:59,475 --> 01:05:01,908
Say hello to my little friend!
923
01:05:01,910 --> 01:05:02,909
Ahh!
924
01:05:07,483 --> 01:05:09,184
Ahhhhh!
925
01:05:12,187 --> 01:05:14,522
Ain't no ice cream
in your fucking future!
926
01:05:16,157 --> 01:05:18,090
Doc! Thank God!
927
01:05:18,092 --> 01:05:21,394
Well, don't thank him. I'm the
one doing all the heavy lifting!
928
01:05:21,396 --> 01:05:23,995
- Is this the wife?
- Oh yeah, Bobbi.
929
01:05:23,997 --> 01:05:26,398
- Bobbi Doc, Doc Bobbi.
- Nice!
930
01:05:26,400 --> 01:05:27,699
Hiya!
931
01:05:27,701 --> 01:05:29,200
Why don't you take the lady,
932
01:05:29,202 --> 01:05:32,169
and I will handle
the rest of these fuckers!
933
01:05:32,171 --> 01:05:34,071
Lady?
934
01:05:34,073 --> 01:05:36,641
Ah, it's just a figure of
speech, no offense intended.
935
01:05:36,643 --> 01:05:38,610
No, none taken at all.
936
01:05:38,612 --> 01:05:41,044
Wh-why don't you come with us?
937
01:05:41,046 --> 01:05:44,615
No, I'm having too much fun.
938
01:05:44,617 --> 01:05:47,550
But why don't you take
her some place nice and quiet
939
01:05:47,552 --> 01:05:49,986
and start to
work on repopulating.
940
01:05:49,988 --> 01:05:52,991
Looks like she's got
some child-bearing hips.
941
01:05:56,127 --> 01:05:58,527
I'll see you around.
942
01:05:58,529 --> 01:06:00,531
Haaaaaaa!
943
01:06:04,168 --> 01:06:06,301
So why can't you just
be like Doc then, Trevor?
944
01:06:06,303 --> 01:06:07,736
I'm not going to be
like him. He's a weirdo.
945
01:06:07,738 --> 01:06:10,038
Right. Well, you're
meant to be the fucking hero.
946
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:12,073
Did you see him? He had,
he had a bag full of vaginas
947
01:06:12,075 --> 01:06:14,742
and who wears a cowboy hat
outside bloody East London?
948
01:06:14,744 --> 01:06:16,310
- Wel...
- I, I'm taking you somewhere.
949
01:06:16,312 --> 01:06:17,745
Alright?
950
01:06:17,747 --> 01:06:19,480
I'm taking you somewhere
safe, and things are going to be
951
01:06:19,482 --> 01:06:21,249
better. We're going to
be able to live off the land.
952
01:06:21,251 --> 01:06:23,116
We're going to be able to
start again. Everything's gonna
953
01:06:23,118 --> 01:06:24,285
be great,
alright? I promise you.
954
01:06:24,287 --> 01:06:27,223
Everything's going to be
incredibly, incredibly amazing.
955
01:06:33,762 --> 01:06:36,230
So, this is your
somewhere safe then?
956
01:06:42,103 --> 01:06:46,070
Well, I like
to say "get a life".
957
01:06:46,072 --> 01:06:48,139
Precious commodity now.
958
01:06:48,141 --> 01:06:51,144
Yeah, well maybe
you're a sad excuse for one.
959
01:06:54,247 --> 01:06:57,449
I'm glad you're
still alive Trev.
960
01:06:57,451 --> 01:06:58,452
Thanks.
961
01:07:00,186 --> 01:07:01,687
Wait here.
962
01:07:14,266 --> 01:07:15,434
Oh, Christ!
963
01:07:17,769 --> 01:07:20,472
Trev?
964
01:07:24,609 --> 01:07:25,610
Trevor?
965
01:07:27,445 --> 01:07:30,613
So?
966
01:07:30,615 --> 01:07:31,781
Come in!
967
01:07:31,783 --> 01:07:32,982
Cheers!
968
01:07:37,688 --> 01:07:40,691
Well, at least it's not raining.
969
01:07:41,692 --> 01:07:44,325
Well, only 'cau-cause
your toys would get wet.
970
01:07:44,327 --> 01:07:46,761
- They're not toys.
- No. Well, yeah they are.
971
01:07:46,763 --> 01:07:48,596
No, yo-you wouldn't understand.
972
01:07:48,598 --> 01:07:51,632
No, Trevor. I understand. I
understand that this is your
973
01:07:51,634 --> 01:07:54,400
hide-out, and that you'll do
anything else except prepare
974
01:07:54,402 --> 01:07:55,603
for the fucking world to end.
975
01:07:55,605 --> 01:07:58,171
But, yeah. I guess I should
of seen that coming should I?
976
01:07:58,173 --> 01:07:59,405
- Jesus!
- Trevor, Trevor?!
977
01:07:59,407 --> 01:08:02,442
How are we meant to survive if
all you're doing is playing with
978
01:08:02,444 --> 01:08:05,444
toys and brewing whatever
the fuck are in them bottles?
979
01:08:05,446 --> 01:08:08,113
It's not brewing, it's
distilling! And it-it's vodka!
980
01:08:08,115 --> 01:08:10,482
Right! Okay, then. Well,
I'll tell you what we'll do.
981
01:08:10,484 --> 01:08:13,820
We'll get really, really pissed
on your moonshine, yeah?
982
01:08:13,822 --> 01:08:16,688
And then with any luck,
hopefully, hopefully we'll be
983
01:08:16,690 --> 01:08:19,291
that fucking pissed we won't
feel a thing when the zombies
984
01:08:19,293 --> 01:08:22,360
come and fucking eat us!
985
01:08:22,362 --> 01:08:23,427
- What is that?
- Lea-leave it!
986
01:08:23,429 --> 01:08:24,695
- What Is that?
- Come on, I just came
987
01:08:24,697 --> 01:08:27,198
in here deliberately before you
so you wouldn't have to see it.
988
01:08:27,200 --> 01:08:30,436
You don't want to
see it. It's messy.
989
01:08:33,806 --> 01:08:35,306
Are you protecting me?
990
01:08:35,308 --> 01:08:36,840
No, I just don't want
you throwing up in my shed.
991
01:08:36,842 --> 01:08:39,843
- Are you being a gentleman?
- Hardly.
992
01:08:39,845 --> 01:08:42,345
Oh, Trevor!
993
01:08:42,347 --> 01:08:43,813
The one that
used to be so sweet.
994
01:08:43,815 --> 01:08:46,181
- Don't be ridiculous
- He's back!
995
01:08:46,183 --> 01:08:47,519
Shut up!
996
01:08:50,689 --> 01:08:54,557
Look Trevor, you know,
you know about Harriet?
997
01:08:54,559 --> 01:08:57,459
It's okay. I forgive you.
998
01:08:57,461 --> 01:09:00,796
Really? Because I-I
was afraid you were dead.
999
01:09:00,798 --> 01:09:03,866
You know, I just wanted
pleasure before I was too.
1000
01:09:03,868 --> 01:09:06,267
Totally understandable.
1001
01:09:06,269 --> 01:09:08,636
Ah, but, at least there
weren't any men involved.
1002
01:09:08,638 --> 01:09:09,704
There is that.
1003
01:09:09,706 --> 01:09:12,506
And you weren't dead.
1004
01:09:12,508 --> 01:09:13,843
Not yet.
1005
01:09:16,445 --> 01:09:18,813
You know we could.
1006
01:09:18,815 --> 01:09:20,314
What?
1007
01:09:20,316 --> 01:09:22,917
Well, it's been a
long time hasn't it?
1008
01:09:22,919 --> 01:09:25,919
Jesus Bobbi, are you
trying to seduce me?
1009
01:09:25,921 --> 01:09:30,124
Oh, Trevor. I remember the time
where you didn't need seducing.
1010
01:09:31,359 --> 01:09:34,927
What was it that
you used to call it?
1011
01:09:34,929 --> 01:09:36,631
Staff of power.
1012
01:09:37,832 --> 01:09:39,599
- Oop!
- Oh!
1013
01:09:39,601 --> 01:09:44,169
- There it is! Eeheehee haha
- Oh. There it is!
1014
01:09:44,171 --> 01:09:46,671
- Ugh. Mmm.
- Oh, Trevor.
1015
01:09:46,673 --> 01:09:49,808
God, it feels
a bit cold you know.
1016
01:09:49,810 --> 01:09:53,179
Maybe I should get my
warm mouth over it, yeah?
1017
01:09:56,916 --> 01:10:00,283
Ouch! For fucks sake!
1018
01:10:00,285 --> 01:10:02,786
Bastard fucking.
1019
01:10:02,788 --> 01:10:04,955
Christ almighty little shit!
1020
01:10:04,957 --> 01:10:08,257
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no. Careful with him!
1021
01:10:08,259 --> 01:10:10,861
- Careful with him? With him?
- Can I, can I just have him?
1022
01:10:10,863 --> 01:10:14,196
It's a piece of metal you twat,
that went straight into my leg.
1023
01:10:14,198 --> 01:10:16,766
Straight into my leg as I
was about to suck your dick.
1024
01:10:16,768 --> 01:10:17,934
You ungrateful sod!
1025
01:10:17,936 --> 01:10:19,969
Please, just, just, just,
just give him to me please.
1026
01:10:19,971 --> 01:10:21,436
Just, just, just
let me have him.
1027
01:10:21,438 --> 01:10:24,239
Oh God, Gandalf the fucking gay!
1028
01:10:24,241 --> 01:10:25,242
Casimir.
1029
01:10:29,445 --> 01:10:31,812
Cas-im-there, now!
1030
01:10:37,787 --> 01:10:39,489
God damn it!
1031
01:10:41,557 --> 01:10:42,725
Woman!
1032
01:10:45,594 --> 01:10:47,894
- Shit!
- Oh, please Trevor!
1033
01:10:47,896 --> 01:10:49,898
Man the fuck up!
1034
01:10:54,236 --> 01:10:56,603
Oh, shhhit!
1035
01:10:59,474 --> 01:11:02,341
They came back.
1036
01:11:02,343 --> 01:11:04,242
Back? Wh-what do you mean back?
1037
01:11:04,244 --> 01:11:05,746
Back here.
1038
01:11:06,781 --> 01:11:08,783
They're the allotment tenants.
1039
01:11:11,485 --> 01:11:14,953
Well, maybe they're
headed somewhere familiar?
1040
01:11:14,955 --> 01:11:16,888
- Bit like yourself?
- It's dawn of the dead Bobbi.
1041
01:11:16,890 --> 01:11:18,089
This isn't a
fucking shopping mall!
1042
01:11:18,091 --> 01:11:21,291
Well, either way the gardeners
are back. You know, you know
1043
01:11:21,293 --> 01:11:24,996
maybe the-they're
hungry for some fleshier shit
1044
01:11:24,998 --> 01:11:26,563
than fucking cabbage.
1045
01:11:26,565 --> 01:11:27,734
Yeah.
1046
01:11:31,037 --> 01:11:32,236
Fuck.
1047
01:11:33,271 --> 01:11:37,406
Trev, you reckon we
should shut the door lock?
1048
01:11:37,408 --> 01:11:39,742
Trev?
1049
01:11:39,744 --> 01:11:42,045
Fuck off.
1050
01:11:42,047 --> 01:11:43,748
Fuck off!
1051
01:11:56,059 --> 01:11:59,527
Shit, can't stop
making it fucking hurt.
1052
01:11:59,529 --> 01:12:00,530
God.
1053
01:12:12,808 --> 01:12:13,809
Fuck.
1054
01:12:25,820 --> 01:12:27,887
I bet every shed on
this allotment has fucking
1055
01:12:27,889 --> 01:12:32,392
built in super cool
zombie killing gun stuff.
1056
01:12:37,765 --> 01:12:40,466
You could of at least
brought a golf club Trevor!
1057
01:12:48,909 --> 01:12:52,442
Trevor?
Trevor say something.
1058
01:12:52,444 --> 01:12:54,446
Ma-maybe I'm immune.
1059
01:13:07,691 --> 01:13:12,094
Ah, come Casimir!
1060
01:13:12,096 --> 01:13:16,365
We have been at odds for
as long as I can recall, and
1061
01:13:16,367 --> 01:13:20,402
now I must offer
you an Olive branch
1062
01:13:20,404 --> 01:13:22,704
in your time of need.
1063
01:13:22,706 --> 01:13:24,839
Along with some sage advice
1064
01:13:24,841 --> 01:13:27,875
to assist you in
your predicament.
1065
01:13:27,877 --> 01:13:32,445
Thank you, Sir Brandt.
I appreciate your counsel.
1066
01:13:32,447 --> 01:13:37,452
Do you recall the Autumn
campaign some five years past?
1067
01:13:38,955 --> 01:13:43,890
Perhaps you can remind
me of the particulars.
1068
01:13:43,892 --> 01:13:47,127
Hahaha. My Lady Morana,
1069
01:13:47,129 --> 01:13:50,563
great strategist that she was,
1070
01:13:50,565 --> 01:13:54,834
had ordered her main
force to assault your castle,
1071
01:13:54,836 --> 01:13:58,536
whilst sending her seventh
battalion of zombie volunteers
1072
01:13:58,538 --> 01:14:02,841
into the otherwise impenetrable
swamp of Sagra since they would
1073
01:14:02,843 --> 01:14:06,845
be immune to the
poisonous fumes therein.
1074
01:14:06,847 --> 01:14:10,448
Hahaha. Yes, I do recall.
1075
01:14:10,450 --> 01:14:14,985
A glorious pincer movement.
Hahaha. She, uh, cleverly
1076
01:14:14,987 --> 01:14:16,987
fed you the information
1077
01:14:16,989 --> 01:14:20,123
by sacrificing her scouts
1078
01:14:20,125 --> 01:14:22,125
A worthy opponent.
1079
01:14:22,127 --> 01:14:25,095
Knowing that you would
have to divide your forces and
1080
01:14:25,097 --> 01:14:29,465
fight a losing
battle on two fronts.
1081
01:14:29,467 --> 01:14:30,900
But you,
1082
01:14:30,902 --> 01:14:34,503
you brave Casimir,
1083
01:14:34,505 --> 01:14:38,040
took it upon yourself to
take on the seventh alone,
1084
01:14:38,042 --> 01:14:41,978
from a hillside overlooking
the swamp, by hurling balls
1085
01:14:41,980 --> 01:14:44,980
of fire into the
combustible lowlands,
1086
01:14:44,982 --> 01:14:48,717
incinerating the entire
battalion single-handed.
1087
01:14:48,719 --> 01:14:50,785
Yes. Yes!
1088
01:14:50,787 --> 01:14:53,654
before returning to your men and
1089
01:14:53,656 --> 01:14:56,157
successfully
repelling my attack.
1090
01:14:56,159 --> 01:14:59,692
Yes, yo-you, you're
saying I should leave Bobbi.
1091
01:14:59,694 --> 01:15:02,196
No you twat! Well
that as well probably.
1092
01:15:02,198 --> 01:15:05,400
I'm saying you
should torch the fuckers!
1093
01:15:08,237 --> 01:15:10,603
I've got it. I know
what we have to do.
1094
01:15:10,605 --> 01:15:11,606
What?
1095
01:15:13,541 --> 01:15:15,574
Right, they're all
round the front, yeah?
1096
01:15:15,576 --> 01:15:16,742
And?
1097
01:15:16,744 --> 01:15:18,810
We douse the shed in Trevoff.
1098
01:15:18,812 --> 01:15:19,878
Trevoff? Fucking hell.
1099
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:22,915
We douse the shed in
Trevoff, open the front door,
1100
01:15:22,917 --> 01:15:25,717
climb out the back, make a
break for it, I'll make one into
1101
01:15:25,719 --> 01:15:27,920
a molotov. We'll chuck
it in. Burn them to death.
1102
01:15:27,922 --> 01:15:30,756
More death. You, you know.
Just, they won't do anything.
1103
01:15:30,758 --> 01:15:31,758
Yeah.
1104
01:16:04,554 --> 01:16:07,058
I'm saving one so
we can celebrate later.
1105
01:16:27,810 --> 01:16:30,813
You know it only takes
one of us to open the door?
1106
01:16:33,682 --> 01:16:35,948
I'm not leaving you.
1107
01:16:35,950 --> 01:16:37,652
Yes, you are.
1108
01:16:39,053 --> 01:16:41,821
Like you said you might be
immune. We can't know for sure.
1109
01:16:41,823 --> 01:16:43,055
- Trevor?
- We can't assume.
1110
01:16:43,057 --> 01:16:45,891
assume makes an ass out of you
and me. That's a famous phrase.
1111
01:16:45,893 --> 01:16:47,026
Trevor?
1112
01:16:47,028 --> 01:16:51,230
- Assumption is the mother of...
- Trevor!
1113
01:16:51,232 --> 01:16:53,934
God, you know better
than to argue with me.
1114
01:16:57,270 --> 01:16:59,639
Just don't let me
become one of them.
1115
01:17:07,612 --> 01:17:11,283
And you were right. I did
start smoking to annoy you!
1116
01:17:15,121 --> 01:17:17,123
Right, just go.
You'll be alright.
1117
01:17:19,624 --> 01:17:22,627
Just don't make me ask
you again, alright? Now, go!
1118
01:17:26,630 --> 01:17:28,233
I said, go! Go.
1119
01:17:54,123 --> 01:17:57,223
You fucking bitches!
1120
01:18:45,036 --> 01:18:49,439
In the months that passed,
Trevor learned to tend the land.
1121
01:18:49,441 --> 01:18:53,876
To survive. He'd all
but forgotten Casimir.
1122
01:18:53,878 --> 01:18:56,812
Hell, he'd become Casimir.
1123
01:18:56,814 --> 01:18:58,948
A bloody hero, as much as any
1124
01:18:58,950 --> 01:19:03,952
man alone can be.
The real heroes he often
1125
01:19:03,954 --> 01:19:07,856
reflected as he worked,
were those that died so
1126
01:19:07,858 --> 01:19:12,861
that he might live. Bobbi.
Graham. He would always
1127
01:19:12,863 --> 01:19:14,865
remember their sacrifices.
1128
01:19:22,704 --> 01:19:24,204
They're not human anymore.
1129
01:19:24,206 --> 01:19:28,210
They're dead.
When you see 'em, you kill 'em.
1130
01:19:31,980 --> 01:19:33,980
And I hope you'd
do the same for me?
1131
01:19:33,982 --> 01:19:36,781
'Cause I don't wanna
be one of the living dead.
1132
01:19:36,783 --> 01:19:39,254
I wanna be one
of the dead, dead.
1133
01:19:42,123 --> 01:19:45,924
And he'd eventually
learn the most basic of lessons
1134
01:19:45,926 --> 01:19:49,161
for surviving a
zombie apocalypse.
1135
01:19:49,163 --> 01:19:54,165
When you find a good weapon,
you bloody well hold on to it!
1136
01:20:00,742 --> 01:20:04,774
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