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1
00:00:02,683 --> 00:00:06,280
- And so, here is what I propose...
- We finish these, get some roadies,
2
00:00:06,282 --> 00:00:11,183
head back to my huge penthouse, drink
chilled champagne served by my valet...
3
00:00:11,185 --> 00:00:13,325
Isn't it pronounced valet?
4
00:00:13,327 --> 00:00:17,595
Only if he's parking your car,
then we slip into my new hot tub
5
00:00:17,715 --> 00:00:19,459
and, ya know, see where
the evening takes us.
6
00:00:19,461 --> 00:00:23,125
Well, I have to wait until my
friend comes back from the powder room...
7
00:00:23,127 --> 00:00:25,993
Well yeah, obviously we're
gonna wait for her, she's the hot one.
8
00:00:25,995 --> 00:00:29,732
Pig!
9
00:00:29,734 --> 00:00:31,583
I'm sorry, is something funny?
10
00:00:31,703 --> 00:00:34,298
Just that last part,
where she slapped you.
11
00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:34,799
Yeah?!
12
00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:37,201
You like physical humor?!
13
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:39,367
Depends on the situation.
14
00:00:39,369 --> 00:00:40,134
Ow.
15
00:00:40,136 --> 00:00:41,102
You okay?
16
00:00:41,104 --> 00:00:43,537
No, I'm not oh -- oh my God!
17
00:00:43,539 --> 00:00:44,539
You're Burt Reynolds!
18
00:00:44,541 --> 00:00:45,640
Yes, yes I am.
19
00:00:45,642 --> 00:00:48,277
And if I let you up, are you
gonna do anything stupid?
20
00:00:48,279 --> 00:00:50,179
No, no I'm not.
21
00:00:50,181 --> 00:00:51,479
Hi, Sterling Archer.
22
00:00:51,481 --> 00:00:53,114
Sterling Archer?
23
00:00:53,116 --> 00:00:55,017
Yeah, you've heard of me, huh?
24
00:00:55,019 --> 00:00:57,586
Well, just from your --
Press clippings, yeah,
25
00:00:57,588 --> 00:00:59,154
it's pretty hard to stay
anonymous when you're the
26
00:00:59,156 --> 00:00:59,787
world's greatest secret agent.
27
00:00:59,789 --> 00:01:01,622
Calling
yourself that can't help.
28
00:01:01,624 --> 00:01:03,490
Hang on, true
story, Operation CIA?
29
00:01:03,492 --> 00:01:07,926
That movie's basically why I became
a secret agent in the first place!
30
00:01:07,928 --> 00:01:08,860
Really?
31
00:01:08,862 --> 00:01:10,228
That movie was just God-awful.
32
00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:12,796
What's awful is
I almost punched you!
33
00:01:12,798 --> 00:01:13,930
No you didn't.
34
00:01:13,932 --> 00:01:15,931
And I've seen all your
other movies like five times!
35
00:01:15,933 --> 00:01:20,167
Sam Whiskey, Navajo Joe, Fuzz,
Hooper, Shamus, Shark,
36
00:01:20,169 --> 00:01:23,036
The Longest Yard, Deliverance,
The Smokies, White Lightning,
37
00:01:23,038 --> 00:01:25,507
obviously Gator, uh, oh!
38
00:01:25,509 --> 00:01:29,277
I even saw At Long Last Love!
39
00:01:29,279 --> 00:01:30,478
I thought you were great!
40
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:31,613
Really.
41
00:01:31,615 --> 00:01:33,615
Well, I wanted to.
44
00:01:37,121 --> 00:01:38,921
No no no wait wait wait!
45
00:01:38,923 --> 00:01:44,327
Sorry. Lemme buy you a drink, I wanna
tell you my idea for a Gator sequel!
46
00:01:44,329 --> 00:01:45,828
Gator was a sequel.
47
00:01:45,830 --> 00:01:48,865
I Know, and this will be the
final chapter in The McClusky Trilogy!
48
00:01:48,867 --> 00:01:50,166
Trilogy. Huh.
49
00:01:50,168 --> 00:01:52,768
With twice as
many airboats as Gator!
50
00:01:52,770 --> 00:01:54,571
Twice
as many would be none?
51
00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:57,073
What're you talking about, Gator had--
Speedboats.
52
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:57,540
Not airboats.
53
00:01:57,542 --> 00:01:58,475
Really, are you sure?
54
00:01:58,477 --> 00:01:59,609
Pretty sure.
55
00:01:59,611 --> 00:02:00,444
I directed it.
56
00:02:00,446 --> 00:02:03,646
I -- okay, but this one has
airboats, and they're central to the plot,
57
00:02:03,648 --> 00:02:05,615
And it sounds
great, kid, but like I said,
58
00:02:05,617 --> 00:02:07,383
- I kinda have a date, so...
- I get it.
59
00:02:07,385 --> 00:02:11,220
You gonna take her upstairs and
give her "the longest yard"?
60
00:02:11,222 --> 00:02:12,555
Yoo-hooooo!
61
00:02:12,557 --> 00:02:13,556
Mother?!
62
00:02:13,558 --> 00:02:14,824
What are you doing here?!
63
00:02:14,826 --> 00:02:16,859
What are you doing here?!
64
00:02:16,861 --> 00:02:21,129
- I'm kicking it with -- Burt? Oh no...
- Yeah so...
65
00:02:21,131 --> 00:02:23,498
remember how I said I kinda had a date?
66
00:02:23,500 --> 00:02:26,967
It's kinda with your mom.
67
00:02:26,969 --> 00:02:29,560
Hope that's not gonna be a problem.
68
00:03:08,133 --> 00:03:09,066
Oh please!
69
00:03:09,068 --> 00:03:12,169
Burt Reynolds didn't give you
a black eye, the floor did!
70
00:03:12,171 --> 00:03:13,838
When you fainted like a schoolgirl!
71
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:16,540
It was an involuntary
reaction, mother!
72
00:03:16,542 --> 00:03:21,112
To seeing you all tarted up to meet
my hero in a hotel bar for sex!
73
00:03:21,114 --> 00:03:23,515
Oh for -- we
were meeting for drinks!
74
00:03:23,517 --> 00:03:26,986
I mean obviously sex was implied, but--
Ugh!
75
00:03:26,988 --> 00:03:28,521
And since when is he your hero?
76
00:03:28,523 --> 00:03:30,023
Wh-? Since always!
77
00:03:30,025 --> 00:03:32,625
Eeeast bound and doowwn!
78
00:03:32,627 --> 00:03:34,427
I thought that
was Richard Petty.
79
00:03:34,429 --> 00:03:36,362
Which doesn't
even merit a response.
80
00:03:36,364 --> 00:03:38,063
And you cannot date Burt Reynolds!
81
00:03:38,065 --> 00:03:40,666
Can, am, and
will continue to do so.
82
00:03:40,668 --> 00:03:42,501
I'm serious, I'll
do something drastic!
83
00:03:42,503 --> 00:03:43,369
You will not.
84
00:03:43,371 --> 00:03:46,038
Mainly because you've got
bigger things to worry about.
85
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:50,042
I'll be the judge of -- a Cuban
hit squad is in New York to kill me?!
86
00:03:50,044 --> 00:03:50,675
Apparently.
87
00:03:50,677 --> 00:03:52,144
This intel's a week old!
88
00:03:52,146 --> 00:03:53,812
Why are you just telling
me about it now?!
89
00:03:53,814 --> 00:03:59,083
- Because... Pick up Sterling, pick up, pick--
- Mmyello?
90
00:03:59,085 --> 00:04:00,285
Sterling dear, it's me.
91
00:04:00,287 --> 00:04:02,053
There's a --
Ha! Voicemail.
92
00:04:02,055 --> 00:04:02,754
You know what to do.
93
00:04:02,756 --> 00:04:03,989
Oh for God's sake.
94
00:04:03,991 --> 00:04:04,589
Hello?
95
00:04:04,591 --> 00:04:07,158
Sterling, dear it's me.
96
00:04:07,160 --> 00:04:10,495
Hold on, hold on!
97
00:04:10,497 --> 00:04:11,730
Hang on.
98
00:04:11,732 --> 00:04:12,697
Sterling.
99
00:04:12,699 --> 00:04:15,166
Don't hang up.
100
00:04:15,168 --> 00:04:16,234
Hello.
101
00:04:16,236 --> 00:04:19,337
Sterling it's --
Elaborate voicemail hoax.
102
00:04:19,339 --> 00:04:22,707
Leave it.
103
00:04:22,709 --> 00:04:25,243
And then I just sort
of forgot about it, because
104
00:04:25,245 --> 00:04:29,013
that same night, I met --
Burt Reynoooolds!
105
00:04:29,015 --> 00:04:31,049
Is on line oooone!
106
00:04:31,051 --> 00:04:33,585
For you, for some reason.
107
00:04:33,587 --> 00:04:36,587
Burt dear, what
a lovely surprise!
108
00:04:36,589 --> 00:04:38,389
I'm sitting
here with just a mustache
109
00:04:38,391 --> 00:04:39,857
and memories of last night.
110
00:04:39,859 --> 00:04:42,393
- Oh, Burt...
- Rrrgh!
111
00:04:42,395 --> 00:04:43,794
and also a blanket.
112
00:04:43,796 --> 00:04:46,697
The AC in my room's stuck on... freeze.
113
00:04:46,699 --> 00:04:51,602
Deliverance, Gator,
and this is him in Cosmoooh!
114
00:04:51,604 --> 00:04:53,704
How totally hot is he?!
115
00:04:53,706 --> 00:04:57,407
I swear to God, you could drown
a toddler in my panties right now.
116
00:04:57,409 --> 00:05:00,444
I mean not that you would, but --
Hey!
117
00:05:00,446 --> 00:05:01,145
Shut up!
118
00:05:01,147 --> 00:05:03,113
You're not my supervisor!
119
00:05:03,115 --> 00:05:05,115
Wait, who is my supervis--
Carol!
120
00:05:05,117 --> 00:05:05,749
Oh right.
121
00:05:05,751 --> 00:05:08,385
Go get my gray
fox out of cold storage.
122
00:05:08,387 --> 00:05:13,556
Burt Reynolds is taking me to a movie
premiere tonight, so -- help me God,
123
00:05:13,558 --> 00:05:16,526
if you throw that computer on
the floor again you'll wake up
124
00:05:16,528 --> 00:05:21,197
in a mental ward with total amnesia
under someone else's name.
125
00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:23,065
That's actually kinda scary.
126
00:05:23,067 --> 00:05:23,733
Eh.
127
00:05:23,735 --> 00:05:25,034
Wouldn't be the first time.
128
00:05:25,036 --> 00:05:28,070
Archer, hey, about this expense report--
Not now, Cyril!
129
00:05:28,072 --> 00:05:31,474
Mother is ruining what remains
of my life before a Cuban hit
130
00:05:31,476 --> 00:05:33,843
squad assassinates me, so --
Ma¡talo!
131
00:05:33,845 --> 00:05:35,778
Wh-?!
132
00:05:35,780 --> 00:05:37,512
Yeah laugh it up, Lana.
133
00:05:37,514 --> 00:05:38,080
I am.
134
00:05:38,082 --> 00:05:40,081
You almost got
shot in the face.
135
00:05:40,083 --> 00:05:40,682
Get off.
136
00:05:40,684 --> 00:05:41,449
You get off.
137
00:05:41,451 --> 00:05:42,183
Cyril.
138
00:05:42,185 --> 00:05:43,050
I'm pretty tense right now.
139
00:05:43,052 --> 00:05:44,218
Because of the Cubans?
140
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:47,188
Or because Burt Reynolds
is doing your mom?
141
00:05:47,190 --> 00:05:48,789
Yeah, laugh it up!
142
00:05:48,791 --> 00:05:49,990
I am!
143
00:05:49,992 --> 00:05:53,594
Burt Reynolds is actually banging --
Archer!
144
00:05:53,596 --> 00:05:55,128
You broke my frickin nose!
145
00:05:55,130 --> 00:05:57,364
- What's that?
- Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound
146
00:05:57,366 --> 00:05:58,866
of I broke your nose!
147
00:05:58,868 --> 00:06:02,202
Bullying Cyril isn't gonna make
Burt Reynolds stop shtupping your mom.
148
00:06:02,204 --> 00:06:03,704
He's not... doing that!
149
00:06:03,706 --> 00:06:06,340
But even if he is, which he is --
No he isn't!
150
00:06:06,342 --> 00:06:08,275
This Cuban hit squad is no joke.
151
00:06:08,277 --> 00:06:10,912
So if I were you, I'd lay low in
the safehouse for a few days,
152
00:06:10,914 --> 00:06:12,747
until we work out a plan
to neutralize them.
153
00:06:12,749 --> 00:06:14,348
Ohh! Yeah, okay!
154
00:06:14,350 --> 00:06:15,349
The safehouse!
155
00:06:15,351 --> 00:06:18,819
I'm sorry, your words made sense,
but your sarcastic tone did not.
156
00:06:18,821 --> 00:06:21,154
Because there are no Cubans!
157
00:06:21,156 --> 00:06:25,191
Mother just wants me out of the way so she can...
do unspeakable things with
158
00:06:25,193 --> 00:06:26,258
Burt Reynolds!
159
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:28,560
So nice try, idiot!
160
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:32,997
- I love it that I'm the idiot...
- So unless the building
161
00:06:32,999 --> 00:06:35,834
is literally on fire, none
of you are to call me.
162
00:06:35,836 --> 00:06:38,704
Because, as I may have mentioned--
Fifty times.
163
00:06:38,706 --> 00:06:41,640
-- tonight I will be attending
a movie premiere with Burt Reynolds.
164
00:06:41,642 --> 00:06:43,576
Oh my God,
that totally reminds me!
165
00:06:43,578 --> 00:06:44,744
This came for you.
166
00:06:44,746 --> 00:06:45,211
From him.
167
00:06:45,213 --> 00:06:46,312
And you opened it?!
168
00:06:46,314 --> 00:06:47,947
That's how
I knew it was from him.
169
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:49,382
Give me that!
170
00:06:49,384 --> 00:06:54,120
"Dear Malory, it's been --"
171
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:57,290
Dear Malory, it's been real,
but I'm dumping you for a young
172
00:06:57,292 --> 00:07:00,793
starlet and heading back to Tinseltown.
173
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,161
Do not contact me.
174
00:07:02,163 --> 00:07:04,163
Regards, Burt Reynolds.
175
00:07:04,165 --> 00:07:05,330
"Regards!"
176
00:07:05,332 --> 00:07:07,465
They weren't even warmest!
177
00:07:07,467 --> 00:07:10,301
Wait a -- who
calls it Tinseltown?
178
00:07:10,303 --> 00:07:11,169
Carol Channing?
179
00:07:11,171 --> 00:07:15,006
Or somebody who just thinks
that's what movie stars call Hollywood.
180
00:07:15,008 --> 00:07:16,640
Stockard Channing?
181
00:07:16,642 --> 00:07:17,208
Archer.
182
00:07:17,210 --> 00:07:19,410
His mother, dating his mancrush?
183
00:07:19,412 --> 00:07:20,777
I bet Archer kidnapped him.
184
00:07:20,779 --> 00:07:21,512
But how?
185
00:07:21,514 --> 00:07:26,316
- Archer goes to Burt's hotel room...
- Knocks him out...
186
00:07:26,318 --> 00:07:26,950
Archer?
187
00:07:26,952 --> 00:07:28,685
Knocks out Burt Reynolds?!
188
00:07:28,687 --> 00:07:31,655
- With gas...
- Oh shit.
189
00:07:31,657 --> 00:07:33,256
And then hides him somewhere.
190
00:07:33,258 --> 00:07:35,191
Like an idiot kid
hiding a lamp he broke.
191
00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:36,859
You really think he'd do that?
192
00:07:36,861 --> 00:07:38,227
Yes, really.
193
00:07:38,229 --> 00:07:41,597
I'm serious, if you ever go near
to my mother again I will...
194
00:07:41,599 --> 00:07:43,632
do something really bad.
195
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:45,167
Well, then
you should probably just
196
00:07:45,169 --> 00:07:46,168
go ahead and get it over with.
197
00:07:46,170 --> 00:07:48,036
Don't worry, I -- wait, what?
198
00:07:48,038 --> 00:07:50,739
Because if you
don't kill me, and I get loose?
199
00:07:50,741 --> 00:07:54,776
You're gonna wish you were in
hell with your back broke.
200
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,946
I don't...
have a response to that.
201
00:07:56,948 --> 00:07:58,273
They never do...
202
00:08:03,876 --> 00:08:06,545
It's my own fault,
I should've known!
203
00:08:06,547 --> 00:08:09,214
They tell you they love you,
and then they just cast you
204
00:08:09,216 --> 00:08:13,585
aside when some young starlet catches
their eye, with her perky little boobs!
205
00:08:13,587 --> 00:08:17,188
I bet they
were perky and big.
206
00:08:17,190 --> 00:08:18,088
Jeezow!
207
00:08:18,090 --> 00:08:19,890
Why are you torturing
her like that?!
208
00:08:19,892 --> 00:08:23,594
Why are you
asking rhetorical questions?
209
00:08:23,596 --> 00:08:26,630
- Aww, that's actually kinda sad...
- Alright, here's the plan,
210
00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:29,833
I say we go rescue Burt Reynolds, and as
a bonus, beat some sense into Archer's
211
00:08:29,835 --> 00:08:31,001
head and ass.
212
00:08:31,003 --> 00:08:31,601
Yeah!
213
00:08:31,603 --> 00:08:33,003
Right in the head and ass!
214
00:08:33,005 --> 00:08:35,138
So Pam, Carol,
stay here with Malory.
215
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,940
Everybody else, let's go to Archer's.
216
00:08:36,942 --> 00:08:39,042
He's got a Cuban
hit squad after him.
217
00:08:39,044 --> 00:08:40,844
Why wouldn't he go to the safehouse?
218
00:08:40,846 --> 00:08:43,213
A, because he thinks
they're imaginary, and B,
219
00:08:43,215 --> 00:08:46,582
the safehouse doesn't have a --
New hot tub!
220
00:08:46,584 --> 00:08:49,786
Fifty jets, hand-hewn California
Redwood, no big deal...
221
00:08:49,788 --> 00:08:51,789
The California
Redwood is endangered.
222
00:08:51,791 --> 00:08:52,356
So?
223
00:08:52,358 --> 00:08:53,423
I already got my tub.
224
00:08:53,425 --> 00:08:54,491
Woodhouse, Burt Reynolds.
225
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:55,693
Burt, Woodhouse.
226
00:08:55,695 --> 00:08:56,527
Hi.
227
00:08:56,529 --> 00:08:58,028
Loved you
in Gone With The Wind.
228
00:08:58,030 --> 00:08:59,997
Not him, shut
up, get him a drink.
229
00:08:59,999 --> 00:09:01,265
What's your poison?
230
00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:02,433
Pimm's Cup?
231
00:09:02,435 --> 00:09:05,135
Odd choice...
Well, this whole thing's pretty odd.
232
00:09:05,137 --> 00:09:05,969
What's odd!
233
00:09:05,971 --> 00:09:07,270
Is you wanting to date my mother!
234
00:09:07,272 --> 00:09:08,105
Why's that odd?
235
00:09:08,107 --> 00:09:09,206
Because you're you!
236
00:09:09,208 --> 00:09:12,510
- And she's, um...
- Beautiful, smart, funny, successful...
237
00:09:12,512 --> 00:09:13,912
Like, one of those, tops.
238
00:09:13,914 --> 00:09:15,547
Not to
mention drop-dead sexy.
239
00:09:15,549 --> 00:09:16,548
Oh dear God yes.
240
00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:17,282
Woodhouse!
241
00:09:17,284 --> 00:09:18,917
I shall fetch a cucumber!
242
00:09:18,919 --> 00:09:20,452
You have to not date my mother.
243
00:09:20,454 --> 00:09:21,253
Can't do it.
244
00:09:21,255 --> 00:09:23,621
Can't, or --
Won't, whatever, pick one.
245
00:09:23,623 --> 00:09:25,256
Well then, here's
what's gonna happen.
246
00:09:25,258 --> 00:09:28,026
- You're gonna drink your Pimm's Cup...
- Which is exciting!
247
00:09:28,028 --> 00:09:28,627
Never had one!
248
00:09:28,629 --> 00:09:31,196
Then I'm gonna knock you out,
and you're gonna wake up in a
249
00:09:31,198 --> 00:09:33,732
mental hospital with total amnesia,
under someone else's name.
250
00:09:33,734 --> 00:09:36,101
Hey, now
there's an idea for a movie!
251
00:09:36,103 --> 00:09:37,235
Yeah, I think it already was.
252
00:09:37,237 --> 00:09:38,036
I wasn't in it.
253
00:09:38,038 --> 00:09:40,138
Well, maybe not, but--
Fade in!
254
00:09:40,140 --> 00:09:40,572
A mental ward!
255
00:09:40,574 --> 00:09:44,142
White walls, white sheets,
nurses in crisp white uniforms,
256
00:09:44,144 --> 00:09:48,513
broken men shuffle like zombies
we see a hospital wristband on
257
00:09:48,515 --> 00:09:50,448
a man's arm, John Doe.
258
00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:56,054
And we slowly tilt up, to see the man's face...
Gator McKlusky.
259
00:09:56,056 --> 00:09:59,424
And he's looking out the window,
the afternoon sun on his face,
260
00:09:59,426 --> 00:10:02,160
and there's a spark of recognition
in his eyes, cause you know what
261
00:10:02,162 --> 00:10:02,828
he's looking at?
262
00:10:02,830 --> 00:10:04,863
- No...
- The Okefenokee Swamp.
263
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,265
There's a mental hospital there?
264
00:10:06,267 --> 00:10:07,600
Right on the water.
265
00:10:07,602 --> 00:10:10,069
And guess what's tied up
right out there at the dock?
266
00:10:10,071 --> 00:10:10,937
An airboat!
267
00:10:10,939 --> 00:10:13,206
And the head nurse falls in love
with him and finds out who
268
00:10:13,208 --> 00:10:15,609
he really is so she helps him
escape and they get chased by a
269
00:10:15,611 --> 00:10:18,245
bunch of dirty cops but
in the end they win!
270
00:10:18,247 --> 00:10:20,915
And you just
got a screenplay credit.
271
00:10:20,917 --> 00:10:21,616
For real?!
272
00:10:21,618 --> 00:10:24,585
Oh yeah, maybe even--
Your Pimm's Cup, sir.
273
00:10:24,587 --> 00:10:26,487
Doesn't it...
come in a silver chalice?
274
00:10:26,489 --> 00:10:26,954
Ah.
275
00:10:26,956 --> 00:10:28,856
That would be a pimp cup, sir.
276
00:10:28,858 --> 00:10:31,392
- Ohh...
- I hate to sound Hollywood,
277
00:10:31,394 --> 00:10:34,428
but could you put my Pimm's Cup in a--
Pimp Cup! Certainly!
278
00:10:34,430 --> 00:10:37,063
It would be an honor, Mr. Gable!
279
00:10:37,065 --> 00:10:38,098
Maybe even what?!
280
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,466
Executive Producer.
281
00:10:39,468 --> 00:10:40,967
Executive producer?!
282
00:10:40,969 --> 00:10:43,803
But I'm not... Falling for that!
283
00:10:43,805 --> 00:10:44,537
You big liar!
284
00:10:44,539 --> 00:10:46,105
You're not gonna make that movie!
285
00:10:46,107 --> 00:10:47,240
Oh, I absolutely am.
286
00:10:47,242 --> 00:10:51,878
And once your ISIS buddies find out that
you kidnapped me and come find me,
287
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,114
I'm gonna give them all an EP credit.
288
00:10:54,116 --> 00:10:55,248
No, you're not!
289
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:57,618
So drink your stupid Pimm's Cup --
Yeah,
290
00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:58,552
where are we on that chalice?
291
00:10:58,554 --> 00:11:01,289
Because nobody
is coming for you, Burt!
292
00:11:01,291 --> 00:11:03,625
And especially nobody from ISIS!
293
00:11:03,627 --> 00:11:06,961
Okay, don't take
this the wrong way?
294
00:11:06,963 --> 00:11:10,031
But I'm kinda wondering how you're
gonna be an effective field agent.
295
00:11:10,033 --> 00:11:10,898
Interesting.
296
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,500
Coming from a woman.
297
00:11:12,502 --> 00:11:13,667
Excuse me?
298
00:11:13,669 --> 00:11:14,968
Burn!
299
00:11:14,970 --> 00:11:15,769
Eh?
300
00:11:15,771 --> 00:11:17,304
Esto es Archer, no?
301
00:11:17,306 --> 00:11:20,673
Creo que se, pero...
esta paralizado?
302
00:11:20,675 --> 00:11:21,607
Al parecer.
303
00:11:21,609 --> 00:11:23,075
Sera mas fa¡cil, eh?
304
00:11:23,077 --> 00:11:24,443
El inva¡lido.
305
00:11:24,445 --> 00:11:27,980
Ma¡talo!
306
00:11:27,982 --> 00:11:31,751
I mean don't get me wrong, I'm
all for affirmative action, but --
307
00:11:31,753 --> 00:11:34,320
Oh my God! Okay, first of all --
Hey guys?
308
00:11:34,322 --> 00:11:35,221
Hey guys?
309
00:11:35,223 --> 00:11:36,022
Zip it nerds!
310
00:11:36,024 --> 00:11:38,525
First of all, I was twice the agent
you were when your legs worked,
311
00:11:38,527 --> 00:11:40,361
so don't hand me that--
Shit!
312
00:11:40,363 --> 00:11:43,831
What the --
Duck!
313
00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:46,200
And this conversation isn't over!
314
00:11:46,202 --> 00:11:47,301
Isn't it?!
315
00:11:47,303 --> 00:11:48,301
No no no no!
316
00:11:48,303 --> 00:11:50,270
My brand-new van!
317
00:11:50,272 --> 00:11:51,371
Holy shit!
318
00:11:51,373 --> 00:11:53,372
Lana! Hang on!
319
00:11:53,374 --> 00:11:54,440
Cuban hit squad!
320
00:11:54,442 --> 00:11:55,541
I gotta go!
321
00:11:55,543 --> 00:11:56,875
Would you go?!
322
00:11:56,877 --> 00:11:57,876
I can't yet!
323
00:11:57,878 --> 00:12:01,212
And now I do
actually see your point.
324
00:12:01,214 --> 00:12:05,315
Krieger, go!
325
00:12:05,317 --> 00:12:07,618
Á¡Vamonos!
326
00:12:07,620 --> 00:12:08,118
Damn!
327
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,689
Krieger can't outrun anything
with all that handicapped shit.
328
00:12:11,691 --> 00:12:12,790
I gotta go after them!
329
00:12:12,792 --> 00:12:14,659
But this conversation is not over!
330
00:12:14,661 --> 00:12:16,094
You'll never catch 'em.
331
00:12:16,096 --> 00:12:16,628
Yes I will!
332
00:12:16,630 --> 00:12:17,362
No you won't.
333
00:12:17,364 --> 00:12:19,131
I've seen you drive.
334
00:12:19,133 --> 00:12:21,100
You drive like an egg.
335
00:12:21,102 --> 00:12:22,902
You think you
can outdrive me?!
336
00:12:22,904 --> 00:12:24,571
And I'll bet on it.
337
00:12:24,573 --> 00:12:27,140
Go on... If I
don't catch 'em, I will just ride off
338
00:12:27,142 --> 00:12:29,976
- into the sunset... - Where they
don't have telephones to ever call my
339
00:12:29,978 --> 00:12:31,078
mother again, ever.
340
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,713
On my word.
341
00:12:32,715 --> 00:12:35,815
- And if I do catch 'em...
- You keep dating my mother, yeah, got it.
342
00:12:35,817 --> 00:12:39,085
And since we've wasted a shitload of
time already, I feel pretty good about
343
00:12:39,087 --> 00:12:39,853
this bet.
344
00:12:39,855 --> 00:12:43,423
So let's do thiiis!
345
00:12:51,132 --> 00:12:52,898
You're kidding me.
346
00:12:52,900 --> 00:12:53,933
I know, it drives me nuts.
347
00:12:53,935 --> 00:12:55,734
It's like the world's slowest elevator.
348
00:12:55,736 --> 00:12:57,569
This is like the
world's slowest van!
349
00:12:57,571 --> 00:12:59,571
It's all this
handicapped shit!
350
00:12:59,573 --> 00:13:01,806
Jesus God, I get!
351
00:13:01,808 --> 00:13:06,344
Your point!
352
00:13:06,346 --> 00:13:07,746
You
should get a bat-pole.
353
00:13:07,748 --> 00:13:08,847
Nine thousand bucks.
354
00:13:08,849 --> 00:13:09,380
What?
355
00:13:09,382 --> 00:13:10,248
Lowest quote I got.
356
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:11,449
That's ridiculous.
357
00:13:11,451 --> 00:13:14,352
For basically just putting a pole
where the garbage chute already is,
358
00:13:14,354 --> 00:13:17,422
but the co-op board was like "But
what'll we do with the garbage?"
359
00:13:17,424 --> 00:13:18,990
Yeah, but you
can still throw it down
360
00:13:18,992 --> 00:13:21,526
the, whatever, the same shaft.
361
00:13:21,528 --> 00:13:21,993
I know.
362
00:13:21,995 --> 00:13:24,329
And then you'd
have some garbage to land on.
363
00:13:24,331 --> 00:13:26,498
If you're coming in
hot, I know, it's a win-win.
364
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:28,733
And you were
gonna pay for it yourself,
365
00:13:28,735 --> 00:13:30,168
no assessment or anything.
366
00:13:30,170 --> 00:13:32,337
Yep.
367
00:13:32,339 --> 00:13:33,305
Ridiculous.
368
00:13:33,307 --> 00:13:36,742
Preaching to the choir, buddy.
369
00:13:36,744 --> 00:13:38,243
That's
not your car, is it?
370
00:13:38,245 --> 00:13:39,478
Yeah, why?
371
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,582
- Nothing, just...
- Didn't know they sold those to men.
372
00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:44,284
Yeah, laugh it up, Burt.
373
00:13:44,286 --> 00:13:45,285
I am.
374
00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:55,196
Aaaaaaaawwww shiiiiiiiiiiit!
375
00:13:55,198 --> 00:13:56,731
Burt it's too fast!
376
00:13:56,733 --> 00:13:57,632
Too fast!
377
00:13:57,634 --> 00:13:58,833
No such thing.
378
00:13:58,835 --> 00:13:59,734
Yes such thing!
379
00:13:59,736 --> 00:14:00,268
Slow down!
380
00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:01,703
Don't you
wanna help your friends?
381
00:14:01,705 --> 00:14:02,837
I don't care about them!
382
00:14:02,839 --> 00:14:04,038
Yes you do.
383
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:06,908
You just pretend you don't,
because you're afraid of --
384
00:14:06,910 --> 00:14:09,010
Dying in this frickin car!
385
00:14:09,012 --> 00:14:10,645
Emotional intimacy.
386
00:14:10,647 --> 00:14:13,280
Oh my God, you --
You are such an asshole!
387
00:14:13,282 --> 00:14:16,417
Lana?! Lana, we're
coming to help, where are you?!
388
00:14:16,419 --> 00:14:19,086
- Heading north on the FDR at...
- 60th!
389
00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:21,088
Getting shot at by your damn Cubans!
390
00:14:21,090 --> 00:14:23,123
Which is totally not cool!
391
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:23,723
Great!
392
00:14:23,725 --> 00:14:25,225
Tell her to keep going north!
393
00:14:25,227 --> 00:14:29,763
Doesn't matter, we can't catch
them, we're all the way acrawww shiiiit!
394
00:14:29,765 --> 00:14:30,764
We'll catch 'em.
395
00:14:30,766 --> 00:14:31,832
I know a shortcut.
396
00:14:31,834 --> 00:14:32,366
Wh-? How?!
397
00:14:32,368 --> 00:14:34,602
I did a TV
series here called Hawk.
398
00:14:34,604 --> 00:14:36,137
I forgot about Hawk.
399
00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:38,540
He was part Indian.
400
00:14:38,542 --> 00:14:42,278
Right!
401
00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:42,912
Whoo!
402
00:14:42,914 --> 00:14:44,948
Now it's officially a chase!
403
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:47,750
Hooray...
You know what your problem is?
404
00:14:47,752 --> 00:14:48,384
My pants are wet?
405
00:14:48,386 --> 00:14:50,653
You only see
your mother as your mother.
406
00:14:50,655 --> 00:14:52,255
But she's also a person.
407
00:14:52,257 --> 00:14:55,425
She has hopes, dreams, fears... needs.
408
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:56,459
Don't make it weirder!
409
00:14:56,461 --> 00:14:59,728
Not sexual needs
-- well, maybe those too--
410
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:04,466
but personal, professional, all the
stuff that makes a person who they are.
411
00:15:04,468 --> 00:15:11,740
And until you -- oops, hang on.
412
00:15:11,742 --> 00:15:14,810
Holy shit, Burt Reynolds!
413
00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:17,913
Hey, if you'd pay attention
you might just learn something here.
414
00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:19,881
I'm sorry, I can't
hear you over the sound
415
00:15:19,883 --> 00:15:22,951
of my giant throbbing erection.
416
00:15:22,953 --> 00:15:23,918
Owww!
417
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:24,819
How bout now?
418
00:15:24,821 --> 00:15:26,654
It's gone, I'm all ears.
419
00:15:26,656 --> 00:15:27,355
Good.
420
00:15:27,357 --> 00:15:30,992
Because my point is...
oh wait, wait, you're gonna wanna see this.
421
00:15:30,994 --> 00:15:32,460
See wh -- no!
422
00:15:32,462 --> 00:15:35,596
Burt noooo!
423
00:15:35,598 --> 00:15:38,099
Please don't do this.
424
00:15:38,101 --> 00:15:44,872
Oh shit!
425
00:15:44,874 --> 00:15:46,373
My pants are now literally wet.
426
00:15:46,375 --> 00:15:48,541
And my point is,
until you can look at your
427
00:15:48,543 --> 00:15:54,014
mother and see her not just as your
mother but as a person, a real person...
428
00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:56,983
you can't grow up.
429
00:15:56,985 --> 00:15:57,384
Huh.
430
00:15:57,386 --> 00:15:58,485
Food for thought.
431
00:15:58,487 --> 00:16:01,788
And if I were you I'd come to terms
with that, because I plan on seeing
432
00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:03,256
a lot of her.
433
00:16:03,258 --> 00:16:05,459
And uh, by "a lot of her"
434
00:16:05,461 --> 00:16:06,794
I mean --
I get it!
435
00:16:06,796 --> 00:16:11,966
But I guess you're outta luck, because
we had a -- Bet. God damn it.
436
00:16:11,968 --> 00:16:14,035
Now whaddya
say we have some fun?
437
00:16:14,037 --> 00:16:18,439
- Whatever...
- Oh my God, not the van.
438
00:16:18,441 --> 00:16:19,907
Will you please!
439
00:16:19,909 --> 00:16:22,176
Drive straight!
440
00:16:22,178 --> 00:16:27,282
No, serpentine, serpentine!
441
00:16:27,284 --> 00:16:28,516
Oh!
442
00:16:28,518 --> 00:16:29,551
Herroooh!
443
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:33,255
- Herroh...
- Holy shit!
444
00:16:33,257 --> 00:16:34,657
It's Burt Reynolds!
445
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:35,491
Á¡Buenas!
446
00:16:35,493 --> 00:16:37,326
Now watch what I do right here.
447
00:16:37,328 --> 00:16:38,994
Yeah duh, I only invented it.
448
00:16:38,996 --> 00:16:39,495
Oh.
449
00:16:39,497 --> 00:16:41,297
Nice to meet you, Hal Needham.
450
00:16:41,299 --> 00:16:44,700
Whatever.
451
00:16:50,106 --> 00:16:51,407
Ha haaaaa!
452
00:16:51,409 --> 00:16:52,941
That was actually pretty sweet.
453
00:16:52,943 --> 00:16:54,809
Uh-oh, looks
like we're in danger of a
454
00:16:54,811 --> 00:16:59,080
- frown turning upside-down...
- Cut it out, that tickles.
455
00:16:59,082 --> 00:17:05,219
Burt c'mon, seriously, cut it out--
Burt watch the goddamn road!
456
00:17:05,221 --> 00:17:07,154
Oh shit.
457
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:07,955
Sorry about that.
458
00:17:07,957 --> 00:17:12,760
You should be,
that was totally irresp --
459
00:17:20,970 --> 00:17:24,172
Wait, was that the same footage?
460
00:17:24,174 --> 00:17:24,873
Thanks, Burt!
461
00:17:24,875 --> 00:17:26,375
Anytime, darlin!
462
00:17:26,377 --> 00:17:30,545
- But uh, you probably wanna go ahead
and slow down... - Oh, shit!
463
00:17:30,547 --> 00:17:31,946
Krieger, braaaakes!
464
00:17:31,948 --> 00:17:32,581
I am!
465
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:35,850
They're not doing anything!
466
00:17:35,852 --> 00:17:37,452
A round must've
cut the brake line!
467
00:17:37,454 --> 00:17:39,454
That's okay, I got it!
468
00:17:39,456 --> 00:17:43,858
What do you
mean you gawww shiiit!
469
00:17:43,860 --> 00:17:47,596
Um...
470
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:54,736
Hang on, everybody!
471
00:18:05,749 --> 00:18:08,651
Everybody okay?
472
00:18:08,653 --> 00:18:09,619
Okay?!
473
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,721
No, we're not okay!
474
00:18:11,723 --> 00:18:14,023
Look at vanispheres!
475
00:18:14,025 --> 00:18:17,326
- No, we okay...
- Dont you touch me!
476
00:18:17,328 --> 00:18:18,895
What -- is that a ghost?
477
00:18:18,897 --> 00:18:21,230
No, it's -- never mind.
478
00:18:21,232 --> 00:18:21,731
We're good.
479
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:22,465
Thank you, Burt.
480
00:18:22,467 --> 00:18:27,936
Oh don't thank
me, thank -- oh, right.
481
00:18:27,938 --> 00:18:32,007
Now if you'll excuse me, I think we
can still make that movie premiere.
482
00:18:32,009 --> 00:18:36,545
You're taking
me to the premiere?!
483
00:18:36,547 --> 00:18:39,781
Leave me for some
hot little twenty year-old.
484
00:18:39,783 --> 00:18:40,815
Well, I'll show him.
485
00:18:40,817 --> 00:18:43,084
I'll go find a ten year-old.
486
00:18:43,086 --> 00:18:45,454
- Ew.
- Yeah, I don't think you wanna do that.
487
00:18:45,456 --> 00:18:46,455
Shut up.
488
00:18:46,457 --> 00:18:51,127
Okay, taxiiii!
489
00:18:51,129 --> 00:18:51,661
Yooou!
490
00:18:51,663 --> 00:18:54,029
Malory wait, I can explain--
Save it!
491
00:18:54,031 --> 00:18:56,299
Nobody wants your, your --
Mother, Burt didn't --
492
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,500
-- mustache rides
around here, buster!
493
00:18:58,502 --> 00:19:00,236
Mother!
494
00:19:00,238 --> 00:19:02,437
Ugh, listen, Burt
didn't write that note.
495
00:19:02,439 --> 00:19:02,938
I did.
496
00:19:02,940 --> 00:19:03,972
You what.
497
00:19:03,974 --> 00:19:07,342
I know, I'm
sorry, I -- Oww! Oww!
498
00:19:07,344 --> 00:19:08,810
What is wrong with you?!
499
00:19:08,812 --> 00:19:09,878
A lot, actually.
500
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:11,512
He's kind of a mess.
501
00:19:11,514 --> 00:19:15,649
- I am too, look at me, raccoon eyes...
- I think
502
00:19:15,651 --> 00:19:16,617
you look beautiful.
503
00:19:16,619 --> 00:19:19,820
And I, for one, would love to
walk you down the red carpet.
504
00:19:19,822 --> 00:19:23,990
And I, for one,
would be delighted.
505
00:19:23,992 --> 00:19:25,759
Have a good time, Mother.
506
00:19:25,761 --> 00:19:27,361
And I honestly mean that.
507
00:19:27,363 --> 00:19:34,203
Oh blow it out yer ass.
508
00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:37,873
Burt Reynolds
is so freakin awesome.
509
00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:40,009
Yeah...
yeah he actually kind of is.
510
00:19:40,011 --> 00:19:44,280
And, I for one, am gonna go watch
Hooper and masturbate til my fingers
511
00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:46,582
bleed.
512
00:19:46,584 --> 00:19:48,470
Just tape 'em up.
35859
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