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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,160
[young Luke] He was in the basement.
3
00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,080
He even ripped my shirt,
4
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,460
and they still didn't believe me.
5
00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,750
They never believe me.
6
00:00:26,210 --> 00:00:28,340
They don't even believe me about you.
7
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,590
You believe me, don't you, Abigail?
8
00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:50,170
[Gordon] When I was a kid, my brother
taught me how to spot faces in clouds.
9
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,500
I could pull a face out of
a lot of things. Water...
10
00:01:54,050 --> 00:01:55,170
mud, leaves...
11
00:01:57,130 --> 00:01:58,130
wallpaper.
12
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:03,430
You know, I get a little older,
I start messing around
13
00:02:03,510 --> 00:02:06,600
with liquor and drugs and...
14
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,440
I was going down all the wrong routes,
you know?
15
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,270
So, uh... [inhales deeply]
16
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:14,070
I joined the service,
17
00:02:14,150 --> 00:02:16,070
you know, thinking it
would straight me out.
18
00:02:16,650 --> 00:02:17,860
And it did.
19
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,620
Two thousand and four,
my second tour in Iraq,
20
00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:26,410
my company secured the ruins
of a bombed-out hospital in Baghdad,
21
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:27,500
and...
22
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,830
We came across this little Iraqi girl.
23
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:34,300
I mean, she was burnt up, dead.
You know.
24
00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:40,630
See, the thing is, most folks
don't know what happen to...
25
00:02:41,550 --> 00:02:44,430
Most folks don't know what happens
to eyeballs in a fire.
26
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,680
In the right kind of fire, they...
27
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:49,600
they can melt.
28
00:02:52,730 --> 00:02:55,400
Like runny eggs on black skin.
29
00:02:55,730 --> 00:02:56,570
You know?
30
00:02:56,650 --> 00:02:57,650
And...
31
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,200
I mean, that fucked me up pretty bad.
32
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,700
[sighs] Um...
33
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,410
anyway, six months later
I'm back in the States,
34
00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:10,620
and pretty soon I start seeing
that little dead girl's face everywhere.
35
00:03:10,710 --> 00:03:14,210
It's in the clouds, it's in the dark,
on fabric.
36
00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:15,960
It's fucking everywhere.
37
00:03:16,050 --> 00:03:17,050
You know?
38
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,880
That little girl's charred body and...
39
00:03:22,430 --> 00:03:23,680
melted eyes...
40
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,180
running down her cheeks.
41
00:03:26,470 --> 00:03:29,930
And pretty soon, before I know it,
I'm using again.
42
00:03:30,060 --> 00:03:31,520
[exhales]
43
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,820
So one night, I drop a little acid
and there she is.
44
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,820
I mean, it's growing
out of the goddamn wallpaper, you know?
45
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,530
I mean, and she's staring at me.
46
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:45,870
Eyeless even, I can tell.
47
00:03:46,580 --> 00:03:48,240
So I grab this knitting needle...
48
00:03:48,660 --> 00:03:49,830
you know, and...
49
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,210
all I can think about was how to...
50
00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:53,710
how to make it stop.
51
00:03:55,460 --> 00:03:57,290
Seemed like a good idea at the time.
52
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:58,880
[sighs]
53
00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:01,630
So, then I'm blind.
54
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,470
But I mean, like,
I-can't-see-anything blind, right?
55
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:08,970
Thing is, is I still see her.
56
00:04:09,060 --> 00:04:10,980
I can't see anything else.
57
00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:12,430
I see her.
58
00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:15,690
Crispy kid with the runny-egg eyes.
59
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,240
Twenty-four/seven, I see her face.
60
00:04:25,660 --> 00:04:26,910
Shit, I see it now.
61
00:04:27,740 --> 00:04:28,740
You know?
62
00:04:29,290 --> 00:04:30,290
But...
63
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,120
I'm here.
64
00:04:33,330 --> 00:04:34,790
Two months I've been clean.
65
00:04:34,870 --> 00:04:36,170
It's a little too late.
66
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,340
I leaned on my habit to get rid
of that face
67
00:04:41,420 --> 00:04:43,510
and my habit made sure
that I never would.
68
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:50,310
That's why I'm here.
69
00:04:53,810 --> 00:04:54,810
Two months.
70
00:04:58,520 --> 00:04:59,610
Well, thanks, Gordon.
71
00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:01,860
We're glad you're here.
72
00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:06,320
Any of our newbies want to share?
73
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:13,660
Luke, how about you?
74
00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:19,170
And follow that?
You kidding me?
75
00:05:19,460 --> 00:05:20,460
[slight chuckle]
76
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,930
[woman] Would anyone like to take
a newcomer chip?
77
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,930
How about 30 days clean?
78
00:05:36,140 --> 00:05:37,140
Sixty?
79
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:39,100
Ninety?
80
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,520
[slight chuckle]
81
00:05:44,740 --> 00:05:45,780
[clears throat]
82
00:05:48,490 --> 00:05:49,950
- Thank you.
- You are welcome.
83
00:05:57,410 --> 00:05:58,330
Um...
84
00:05:58,420 --> 00:05:59,960
Luke, um, addict.
85
00:06:00,420 --> 00:06:02,130
- Hi, Luke.
- Hi.
86
00:06:03,210 --> 00:06:07,050
I actually don't know what I
want to say here. [slight chuckle]
87
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:10,510
You know, I've never had
this much time before.
88
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:11,930
You know, 90 days.
89
00:06:14,060 --> 00:06:15,390
[exhales, chuckles]
90
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:17,640
Um...
91
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,650
So, here goes.
92
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,400
[young Luke] One.
93
00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:29,610
Two.
94
00:06:31,620 --> 00:06:32,620
Three.
95
00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:34,950
Four.
96
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:39,120
Five.
97
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,460
Six.
98
00:06:47,460 --> 00:06:48,550
Seven.
99
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,260
That's him,
the man I saw in the basement.
100
00:06:54,890 --> 00:06:57,770
Well, your mother and I
searched the entire basement, pal,
101
00:06:58,020 --> 00:06:59,640
and there's nothing down there.
102
00:07:00,310 --> 00:07:04,190
It's normal for kids to have
imaginary friends and nightmares.
103
00:07:04,270 --> 00:07:05,270
But...
104
00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:07,440
Go ahead, I'm listening.
105
00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,320
This house is bad, Dad. It's bad.
106
00:07:10,650 --> 00:07:13,910
Boy oh boy, we could have a heck
of a yard sale, guys.
107
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:15,660
[slight chuckle] Yeah.
108
00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:17,290
[giggle]
109
00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:19,750
Has anyone seen Nellie?
110
00:07:21,210 --> 00:07:22,290
That's weird.
111
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,420
- You know, she was just here.
- Oh.
112
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:27,090
It's okay, I just thought you might like
these cool old buttons
113
00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:28,550
- I found upstairs.
- Buttons?
114
00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:29,970
You got me.
115
00:07:30,470 --> 00:07:32,760
My little Houdini. [smacks kiss]
Look.
116
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:37,470
Whoa.
117
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:38,970
Can I have the hat?
118
00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:42,890
Um...
119
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,900
I think it's too big for you, honey.
120
00:07:44,980 --> 00:07:47,150
I don't know. He'll grow into it.
121
00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:51,650
That is a big boy hat, all right.
122
00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:52,860
You want this?
123
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,160
Well, you are a big boy now.
124
00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:56,910
But you know, big boys,
125
00:07:56,990 --> 00:07:59,910
they know the difference between
what's real and what's imaginary.
126
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,500
So what do you say, champ?
127
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,000
[slight chuckle]
128
00:08:08,130 --> 00:08:09,800
[Olivia and young Hugh laughing]
129
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:11,340
You like it?
130
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:12,760
He loves it.
131
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,050
Well, how do you know that?
132
00:08:14,470 --> 00:08:15,510
It's a twin thing.
133
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:16,850
You two go and play.
134
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:21,520
[sighs]
135
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,020
So much up there.
136
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:29,780
Nice.
137
00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:31,780
I'm having a total déjà vu right now.
138
00:08:34,530 --> 00:08:35,530
What do you see?
139
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,490
Two tables... advancing colors.
140
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,750
Four reading areas.
141
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,750
Casegoods and leather.
142
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:51,420
A mom and dad sitting in reading chairs
that face each other.
143
00:08:52,210 --> 00:08:54,260
Smaller ones for two...
144
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,720
no, three kids...
145
00:08:56,890 --> 00:08:58,930
who share an open center for play.
146
00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:02,600
Kids' books are on the lower shelf
147
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,730
so even the little boy with the wheelchair
can reach his favorites.
148
00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,480
- [sighs]
- Wow.
149
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:09,940
That got really specific.
150
00:09:10,570 --> 00:09:11,610
[both chuckle]
151
00:09:12,030 --> 00:09:13,030
Well...
152
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:16,450
Casegoods and leather, though, for sure.
153
00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,830
And I see an accident waiting to happen
if you don't pull those down.
154
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:25,040
Bodies swinging back and forth
right there.
155
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,120
Yeah.
156
00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:27,460
I'll get to it.
157
00:09:28,170 --> 00:09:29,170
[smacks kiss]
158
00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:33,430
[Luke] I must be allergic
to the fourth step.
159
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:38,470
[exhales] Every time I do one,
I break out in track marks.
160
00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:42,010
Good. If you liked it
you'd be doing it wrong.
161
00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,600
"A fearless moral inventory."
162
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,560
We're only as sick as our secrets.
163
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,890
Okay, well...
164
00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:50,020
Let's see.
165
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,230
I've burned Shirley
for thousands of dollars.
166
00:09:53,820 --> 00:09:55,440
Lied to Theo like it was my job.
167
00:09:55,530 --> 00:09:57,950
Stolen from Steve on countless occasions.
168
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,450
I broke Nellie's heart.
169
00:09:59,530 --> 00:10:00,570
Missed her wedding.
170
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:03,990
I've even robbed my asshole
of a father.
171
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,290
Though that one doesn't exactly
keep me up at night.
172
00:10:06,370 --> 00:10:08,750
Try stealing morphine from your mother
on her deathbed.
173
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,420
Probably would've
but she didn't really give me a chance.
174
00:10:11,500 --> 00:10:13,130
At least you have other family,
you know?
175
00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:16,010
- Someone you can make amends to.
- Yeah.
176
00:10:16,380 --> 00:10:18,930
But I've done some shitty things, Joey.
177
00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:20,130
Who hasn't?
178
00:10:20,180 --> 00:10:22,010
I've been on the streets since I was 13.
179
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:24,430
There aren't enough pages
in that notebook for all my shit.
180
00:10:24,510 --> 00:10:27,680
I never know how far back to go.
Like, do I cover high school?
181
00:10:28,230 --> 00:10:31,230
[inhales] Like stealing cash
out of my aunt's wallet for beer,
182
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:35,690
or do I just start with "I briefly
lived in a haunted house".
183
00:10:40,490 --> 00:10:41,490
Hey.
184
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:43,910
You okay?
185
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:45,700
Yeah.
186
00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:48,370
Something's bothering you tonight.
187
00:10:48,460 --> 00:10:51,000
What could possibly be bothering me
in a place like this?
188
00:10:51,420 --> 00:10:53,670
You're nine months clean, Joey.
189
00:10:54,290 --> 00:10:56,000
Nine months.
190
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,840
Your sobriety, it's full term.
191
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,260
It's a fully-formed little baby anywhere.
192
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:03,930
Nine months clean is a palace.
[buzzer]
193
00:11:04,010 --> 00:11:05,890
- Ten o'clock. Lights out.
- [exhales]
194
00:11:07,390 --> 00:11:08,770
Seriously, what's wrong?
195
00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:17,530
How's the step?
196
00:11:19,030 --> 00:11:20,400
You know. [clears throat]
197
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,410
- Kicking my ass.
- [slight chuckle]
198
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:24,030
Fourth one always does.
199
00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:27,620
I meant to tell you,
your brother called earlier.
200
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,040
Steve called?
201
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:33,130
- Yeah, wanted to know if you were here.
- That's typical.
202
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,840
You should call him back tomorrow.
Tell him about your chip.
203
00:11:36,290 --> 00:11:37,670
Yeah, I don't know.
204
00:11:38,170 --> 00:11:40,970
He won't believe it. [exhales]
205
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:43,050
They never do.
206
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,480
- It's kind of their thing.
- I don't know.
207
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,270
That sister of yours,
the one that dropped you off,
208
00:11:48,350 --> 00:11:50,680
she seemed to believe in you.
Tons, actually.
209
00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:51,850
Yeah, well...
210
00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:53,770
It's a twin thing.
211
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:55,440
Ten o'clock, Joey.
212
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,190
Yeah, yeah.
Back to the ladies' cell block.
213
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:05,160
- Later.
- Goodnight.
214
00:12:24,630 --> 00:12:27,510
[shivers, gasps, pants]
215
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:44,320
Go.
216
00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:50,540
[small grunt]
217
00:12:54,620 --> 00:12:56,420
[young Nell] Luke. You ready?
218
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:57,960
Ready.
219
00:12:58,380 --> 00:13:01,250
I'm sending down three buttons.
You ready?
220
00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:02,460
I said I'm ready.
221
00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:10,260
Did you get 'em?
222
00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:12,890
I got two.
223
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:15,190
I sent three.
224
00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:16,690
Well, I only got two.
225
00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:18,360
[young Nell] It must be stuck.
226
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,530
Maybe we can drop some other stuff
to shake it loose.
227
00:13:22,730 --> 00:13:23,730
Like what?
228
00:13:25,280 --> 00:13:27,360
There were some rocks in the garden,
pretty ones.
229
00:13:27,610 --> 00:13:29,320
Abigail showed me one in...
230
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:30,910
[button clattering]
231
00:13:33,620 --> 00:13:34,870
[old woman] Clara.
232
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,000
[old woman] Clara.
233
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:43,960
Was somebody else up there?
234
00:13:44,710 --> 00:13:45,710
Like who?
235
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,590
Mrs. Dudley or Theo?
236
00:13:52,010 --> 00:13:53,010
You're scared.
237
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:54,520
No, I'm not.
238
00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:56,270
- I can tell.
- How?
239
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,690
Because I'm scared.
240
00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:12,580
Nellie, still down there?
241
00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:13,540
[young Nell] I'm here.
242
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:14,660
I was right.
243
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,200
There's nothing.
244
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:18,830
It was probably just Theo...
245
00:14:19,290 --> 00:14:20,380
messing around.
246
00:14:23,710 --> 00:14:25,340
[growl]
247
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:27,340
[gasps]
248
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,680
Nellie!
249
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:38,480
[effort grunt]
250
00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:39,890
Jesus.
251
00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:43,150
[female PA announcer] Seven a.m. Breakfast
in ten minutes.
252
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,040
[woman] As you've all heard by now...
253
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,440
Joey chose to leave treatment
in the middle of the night.
254
00:15:01,210 --> 00:15:03,670
This is what happens
when we forget why we're here.
255
00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:06,476
I know we're all going to have
a lot of feelings about that.
256
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:07,880
Some more than others.
257
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,180
This is a moment we should all
pay attention to,
258
00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:12,720
especially you newbies here.
259
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:16,220
There's a reason
why the program encourages us
260
00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:18,730
to stay out of personal
relationships the first year.
261
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:20,640
We're not in a relationship.
262
00:15:20,730 --> 00:15:22,230
Any kind of relationship.
263
00:15:22,810 --> 00:15:24,980
We can get real close to people
in recovery.
264
00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:26,070
We're friends.
265
00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:29,030
How the fuck do you expect people
to get through this without friends?
266
00:15:29,110 --> 00:15:29,950
We don't.
267
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,860
One of the biggest issues that can
sometimes happen and just...
268
00:15:32,950 --> 00:15:33,950
sometimes...
269
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:37,330
and I'm not saying this about
you, Luke, is we can
270
00:15:37,410 --> 00:15:40,830
start to hang our recovery on
someone else instead of on ourselves.
271
00:15:41,410 --> 00:15:44,460
And you lean too hard
on another addict? Shit.
272
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,250
We didn't all end up in here
'cause we're so reliable.
273
00:15:50,130 --> 00:15:52,050
- Luke.
- I'm fine.
274
00:15:52,220 --> 00:15:53,220
Luke.
275
00:15:53,890 --> 00:15:55,800
I'm just getting some air. [clears throat]
276
00:15:56,930 --> 00:15:57,930
Fuck.
277
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,650
[sighs]
278
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:14,740
[exhales]
279
00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:27,330
Luke.
280
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,960
Luke, you okay in there?
281
00:16:46,730 --> 00:16:48,546
Hi, this is Nell. Please leave a
message after the beep.
282
00:16:48,570 --> 00:16:51,480
[Luke] Hey, hey, it's, uh, it's me.
Uh...
283
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:55,570
I... I had a moment. Um...
284
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,700
Last night, one of those.
285
00:16:59,450 --> 00:17:01,540
You know what I'm talking about.
286
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:05,040
I just wanted to make sure
that you were okay.
287
00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:12,960
I, uh, I don't have a phone...
and you won't reach me at the center.
288
00:17:13,050 --> 00:17:16,470
But, you can call there and leave
me a message there.
289
00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:18,050
I should be back by tonight.
290
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:19,800
I just have to find a friend.
291
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:24,020
And don't... don't worry.
I'm fine.
292
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:25,810
I just...
293
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,400
I just wanted to be sure
you're okay.
294
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,400
You know.
295
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,320
Yeah, okay.
296
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,260
[indistinct chatter]
297
00:18:21,780 --> 00:18:23,030
[dog barking]
298
00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:32,590
[barking continues]
299
00:18:36,550 --> 00:18:37,800
[dog whimpers]
300
00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:40,130
[grunts]
301
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:12,480
[door creaks]
302
00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,380
[door creaks]
303
00:21:07,740 --> 00:21:09,160
[breathing shakily]
304
00:21:11,950 --> 00:21:14,250
[small pants, gasps]
305
00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:16,290
[thud]
306
00:21:18,580 --> 00:21:19,580
[gaps]
307
00:21:34,730 --> 00:21:35,730
[gulps]
308
00:22:26,150 --> 00:22:27,150
[gasps]
309
00:22:43,380 --> 00:22:44,800
[panting]
310
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:56,720
[grunts]
311
00:23:00,350 --> 00:23:01,400
[screams]
312
00:23:02,060 --> 00:23:03,190
[tires screeching]
313
00:23:03,270 --> 00:23:05,150
- [car honking]
- Fuck you.
314
00:23:05,570 --> 00:23:06,980
[pants]
315
00:23:07,570 --> 00:23:08,950
[man] Learn how to drive.
316
00:23:18,580 --> 00:23:19,960
[indistinct chatter]
317
00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:49,820
Hey.
318
00:23:50,650 --> 00:23:51,650
Hey.
319
00:23:53,410 --> 00:23:55,030
How'd you know where to find me?
320
00:23:57,410 --> 00:23:58,660
I know your spots.
321
00:24:00,830 --> 00:24:03,290
Hey, hey, it's okay.
322
00:24:03,370 --> 00:24:04,790
Come on, it's okay.
323
00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:08,550
I found her. We're coming back.
We can be there in 20 minutes.
324
00:24:08,630 --> 00:24:11,800
This isn't a hotel, Luke.
You know that... we're full up
325
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,470
and we need these beds for people
who actually want to get well.
326
00:24:14,590 --> 00:24:16,656
You run, you give up your spot.
That's the way it is.
327
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,350
Please, Paige. Please.
328
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,560
Your best bet is gonna
be a shelter.
329
00:24:20,930 --> 00:24:24,650
That's the last place she should be.
She'll cop, she's already...
330
00:24:25,350 --> 00:24:26,350
[exhales]
331
00:24:26,690 --> 00:24:29,900
Look, I need a place where she can
come down safe.
332
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:32,450
Ah, fuck, Luke. I...
333
00:24:34,910 --> 00:24:35,910
I'm sorry.
334
00:24:36,620 --> 00:24:38,490
[Paige] But you did it to yourselves.
335
00:24:39,490 --> 00:24:40,490
Fuck.
336
00:24:44,210 --> 00:24:46,630
She's right.
I knew the rules when I left.
337
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:50,840
You okay?
338
00:24:52,420 --> 00:24:53,420
Yeah.
339
00:24:54,430 --> 00:24:57,050
Just, I slept on it funny last night.
340
00:24:59,100 --> 00:25:01,100
I told you not to follow me.
Why did you?
341
00:25:03,310 --> 00:25:05,020
[indistinct chatter]
342
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:07,600
I'm sorry.
343
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:13,240
[sniffles]
344
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,700
It's just, you gotta go back.
345
00:25:15,820 --> 00:25:18,120
Just 'cause I messed up,
doesn't mean you have to.
346
00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:19,280
I got an idea.
347
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:23,580
- If I can get you a motel, then...
- Do you have money?
348
00:25:25,710 --> 00:25:27,460
- No.
- Can you get money?
349
00:25:29,750 --> 00:25:31,630
- What about your sisters or your brother?
- No.
350
00:25:31,670 --> 00:25:33,210
Do you think you can call them?
351
00:25:33,300 --> 00:25:34,720
I'll get some. Okay?
352
00:25:35,930 --> 00:25:39,800
And I'm gonna fix this. I'm gonna get us
a place to stay tonight.
353
00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:41,890
Tomorrow, too.
354
00:25:42,350 --> 00:25:44,060
And I'm gonna get you clean again.
355
00:25:45,020 --> 00:25:47,980
And I'm gonna be right here,
right there with you.
356
00:25:49,310 --> 00:25:51,360
All the way,
just like you were for me, okay?
357
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,240
And we're gonna find a new place.
358
00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:57,700
I promise.
359
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,250
You got anything left?
360
00:26:11,630 --> 00:26:12,630
Yeah.
361
00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:22,930
That should get us most of the way.
362
00:26:29,690 --> 00:26:31,360
Come on.
363
00:26:34,530 --> 00:26:36,150
You got some balls, man.
364
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:38,200
How long do you wait this morning?
365
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,570
Before hopping the wall?
366
00:26:39,910 --> 00:26:40,910
Oh, not long.
367
00:26:41,530 --> 00:26:43,530
I still can't believe you came after me.
368
00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,080
Well, my sister kind of told me to.
369
00:26:48,710 --> 00:26:50,710
No, not really. She...
370
00:26:52,710 --> 00:26:56,210
We're kind of in each other's heads.
It's been like that since we were kids.
371
00:26:57,170 --> 00:26:59,550
It's a twin thing. [exhales]
372
00:27:00,090 --> 00:27:01,430
You know, once I...
373
00:27:02,010 --> 00:27:03,220
Once I broke my foot...
374
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:05,560
and...
375
00:27:05,770 --> 00:27:08,390
and Nell called me a few minutes later,
and she was just...
376
00:27:09,100 --> 00:27:12,770
she was just watching TV and her
ankle just went nuts. [chuckles]
377
00:27:13,270 --> 00:27:14,690
- It hurt like hell.
- [chuckles]
378
00:27:14,770 --> 00:27:16,900
She had no idea why.
She iced it for an hour.
379
00:27:16,980 --> 00:27:18,690
- Bullshit.
- No, it's a true story.
380
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,240
[slight chuckle]
381
00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,910
You know, there are... [clears throat]
382
00:27:25,830 --> 00:27:28,290
There are moments
you kind of remind me of her.
383
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:31,920
And she...
384
00:27:33,670 --> 00:27:36,130
You know, she's always believed in me.
385
00:27:36,210 --> 00:27:37,210
Not...
386
00:27:37,550 --> 00:27:39,670
The rest of the family,
not so much, but...
387
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,840
the only other person that believed in me
like that was you.
388
00:27:43,260 --> 00:27:44,510
[slight chuckle]
389
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:47,220
So yeah, of course I came.
390
00:27:47,890 --> 00:27:49,850
It's what she would've done for me.
391
00:27:54,650 --> 00:27:55,980
Fuck. [sighs]
392
00:27:56,860 --> 00:27:57,860
You okay?
393
00:27:59,030 --> 00:28:00,030
Yeah, I'm...
394
00:28:00,820 --> 00:28:02,280
I don't know, I'm cold.
395
00:28:03,990 --> 00:28:06,910
Listen, when we get there,
just hang back.
396
00:28:07,490 --> 00:28:08,990
I don't want her to see your eyes.
397
00:28:09,910 --> 00:28:11,410
- She'll know, okay?
- Yeah.
398
00:28:13,540 --> 00:28:15,580
[sighs] She always fucking knows.
399
00:28:18,380 --> 00:28:20,510
[dogs barking at a distance]
400
00:28:29,810 --> 00:28:31,520
[doorbell rings]
401
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,240
- Luke.
- Hey, Leigh.
402
00:28:42,700 --> 00:28:43,700
How you doing?
403
00:28:45,410 --> 00:28:48,660
This is a... surprise. [slight chuckle]
404
00:28:49,540 --> 00:28:50,660
Ah, what are you...
405
00:28:52,250 --> 00:28:53,620
- How are you?
- I'm good.
406
00:28:53,910 --> 00:28:57,960
Ah, I'm really, really good.
Ninety days good, in fact.
407
00:28:58,040 --> 00:28:59,130
That's really great.
408
00:29:00,380 --> 00:29:02,010
I can tell, you look different.
409
00:29:02,550 --> 00:29:03,630
Thank you.
410
00:29:04,300 --> 00:29:07,850
So good, I got a day pass.
Is Steve here?
411
00:29:08,180 --> 00:29:09,350
No, he isn't.
412
00:29:09,430 --> 00:29:11,600
Is he... Well, is he coming back soon?
413
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,850
I just kinda need to talk to him
about something.
414
00:29:13,930 --> 00:29:15,140
He didn't tell you.
415
00:29:15,730 --> 00:29:16,730
Tell me what?
416
00:29:17,020 --> 00:29:19,270
No, Steve is not coming back soon.
Maybe ever.
417
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:20,780
He doesn't live here anymore.
418
00:29:21,230 --> 00:29:22,860
Wait, what?
419
00:29:24,070 --> 00:29:25,450
We separated a month ago.
420
00:29:27,990 --> 00:29:29,120
Why?
421
00:29:29,910 --> 00:29:31,910
I would really rather not get into that.
422
00:29:36,540 --> 00:29:37,540
Okay.
423
00:29:41,420 --> 00:29:43,460
Listen, I'm... I'm clean.
424
00:29:44,590 --> 00:29:47,550
- Ninety days, like I said.
- And I said that's great.
425
00:29:50,300 --> 00:29:52,850
- Leigh, I need to borrow some money.
- Jesus, Luke.
426
00:29:52,930 --> 00:29:54,680
No, it's not like that. I just...
427
00:29:54,770 --> 00:29:57,350
We have been through this
over and over.
428
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,310
It's for a hotel. Or if you could just
let us stay here...
429
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,900
You know you can't do that.
You know that.
430
00:30:04,740 --> 00:30:05,740
Okay.
431
00:30:07,530 --> 00:30:08,990
Okay, can you...
432
00:30:10,070 --> 00:30:12,580
Can you just give me
Steve's address then, please?
433
00:30:13,450 --> 00:30:14,830
I think he's out of town.
434
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:18,670
I mean, even if he wasn't.
435
00:30:20,290 --> 00:30:22,590
I am proud of you, I am.
436
00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:24,960
But you have to talk to Steven.
437
00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:27,550
You know what he's going to say.
438
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:30,510
[inhales] I really can't deal with
this right now.
439
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,600
- [laughing]
- Things are bad enough.
440
00:30:33,310 --> 00:30:35,020
- You're not serious.
- I am.
441
00:30:36,390 --> 00:30:37,990
They'll hang a toy phone around
your neck
442
00:30:38,020 --> 00:30:40,230
and you have to wear it all day,
maybe longer.
443
00:30:40,310 --> 00:30:42,060
Like a child's toy phone?
444
00:30:42,150 --> 00:30:45,320
Yes, it's like The Scarlet Letter
for violating the phone rule.
445
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:49,070
Improper use of a phone.
They catch you, you wear the phone, like
446
00:30:49,150 --> 00:30:51,950
"Let this be a chilling example
to the others."
447
00:30:52,030 --> 00:30:53,080
[all laughing]
448
00:30:53,330 --> 00:30:54,330
You...
449
00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:58,710
You can't make calls in the first 30 days
unless a caseworker signs off, so...
450
00:30:58,790 --> 00:31:02,630
- Well, that's a little harsh, isn't it?
- It's not as harsh as an overdose.
451
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,130
I mean, addicts, we're...
452
00:31:05,670 --> 00:31:07,970
we're pretty slippery in early recovery.
453
00:31:08,050 --> 00:31:10,380
That's why they confiscate
our cell phones, you know,
454
00:31:10,890 --> 00:31:12,890
in case someone was to call
a connection.
455
00:31:12,970 --> 00:31:13,970
Yeah.
456
00:31:14,050 --> 00:31:15,720
What if you want to call your mom?
457
00:31:15,810 --> 00:31:18,520
For some folks in there,
their connection is their mom.
458
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:19,770
- Truly.
- It's true.
459
00:31:19,890 --> 00:31:21,020
[all chuckling]
460
00:31:25,190 --> 00:31:26,480
So...
461
00:31:27,030 --> 00:31:28,530
Luke tells me you're a writer.
462
00:31:30,070 --> 00:31:32,360
He did?
I'm surprised he mentioned it.
463
00:31:33,070 --> 00:31:34,870
Where do you get your ideas from?
464
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:40,620
I write about haunted houses, mostly.
465
00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,960
And haunted people.
I'm afraid there's no shortage of them.
466
00:31:44,290 --> 00:31:45,500
Must run in the family.
467
00:31:45,590 --> 00:31:47,460
I mean, Luke's a great writer, too.
468
00:31:47,550 --> 00:31:48,630
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
469
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:49,670
No, I'm not.
470
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:52,550
[laughs] Stop selling yourself short.
He's really talented.
471
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,890
You should show them the one about...
472
00:31:54,970 --> 00:31:58,180
the short story with
the imaginary little friend in the garden.
473
00:31:58,270 --> 00:32:00,270
- The one... Do you know that one?
- Yeah.
474
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:02,270
- Abigail.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
475
00:32:02,390 --> 00:32:04,230
I put her in one of my books, too.
476
00:32:04,690 --> 00:32:07,570
Something tells me
Luke won't get as much blow back for his.
477
00:32:09,230 --> 00:32:11,030
It's just an essay.
478
00:32:11,110 --> 00:32:12,660
It's not anything, you know.
479
00:32:12,740 --> 00:32:14,300
I keep telling him
he should publish it.
480
00:32:15,030 --> 00:32:16,080
Off his name alone.
481
00:32:16,490 --> 00:32:18,580
Maybe get a sweet place
like this for himself.
482
00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:20,700
I mean, you guys...
This is so awesome.
483
00:32:20,790 --> 00:32:22,830
You guys got it all, man. [chuckles]
484
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,580
Where do you go from here?
485
00:32:25,580 --> 00:32:27,500
Nothing left to do except...
[inhales deeply]
486
00:32:27,630 --> 00:32:29,920
maybe fill this place up with some kids,
I guess.
487
00:32:32,630 --> 00:32:33,630
[sighs]
488
00:32:34,430 --> 00:32:36,470
So is this your first rehab, Joey?
489
00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:38,430
Ah, it's far from it.
490
00:32:39,390 --> 00:32:41,810
But some of us are addicted
to treatment centers, huh?
491
00:32:42,810 --> 00:32:44,480
Not Luke's first rodeo either.
492
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:48,110
So what's different this time?
Something must be.
493
00:32:48,190 --> 00:32:50,400
I mean, you know the definition
of insanity.
494
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:51,320
Steve.
495
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,320
"Doing the same thing over and over..."
496
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:56,160
"...and expecting different results."
Sure, man.
497
00:32:56,620 --> 00:32:58,740
They're all different, though.
Every day is different.
498
00:32:58,780 --> 00:33:02,750
Every craving is different.
Every meeting is different.
499
00:33:03,210 --> 00:33:05,806
Right. I'm not trying to suggest
you're not taking this seriously.
500
00:33:05,830 --> 00:33:06,830
Oh...
501
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:07,880
And I'm just...
502
00:33:08,090 --> 00:33:09,130
This time around...
503
00:33:10,050 --> 00:33:11,630
I'm just speaking for myself, like...
504
00:33:12,340 --> 00:33:13,510
Like, I got more support.
505
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:16,180
And I'm giving more support.
506
00:33:16,970 --> 00:33:17,970
So...
507
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:20,600
in a sense, I guess you could say...
508
00:33:21,100 --> 00:33:23,230
it looks like the same thing
over and over again,
509
00:33:23,310 --> 00:33:24,730
but that's not insanity.
510
00:33:25,140 --> 00:33:27,270
Out there on the streets,
that's insanity.
511
00:33:27,980 --> 00:33:28,980
Of course.
512
00:33:29,900 --> 00:33:31,980
So that's what recovery is, you know?
513
00:33:32,070 --> 00:33:34,700
It's the same thing
over and over again,
514
00:33:34,780 --> 00:33:36,610
in spite of the result, or...
515
00:33:36,910 --> 00:33:37,910
in spite of
516
00:33:38,450 --> 00:33:41,450
a backslide or in spite of a full-fledged
fucking relapse.
517
00:33:43,910 --> 00:33:46,460
Doesn't mean you stop just 'cause
it gets a little repetitive.
518
00:33:47,540 --> 00:33:48,670
One day at a time.
519
00:33:50,500 --> 00:33:51,840
When we decide to get clean,
520
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:54,720
it's not because we expect it
to be fucking exciting, you know?
521
00:34:03,020 --> 00:34:05,480
Is it normal to bring a friend home
on a day pass?
522
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:06,600
Yeah.
523
00:34:06,940 --> 00:34:08,020
It happens.
524
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:11,570
- I just never really felt like it before.
- You must like her.
525
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:13,690
I admire her.
526
00:34:14,610 --> 00:34:15,610
Don't you?
527
00:34:16,610 --> 00:34:18,610
I feel like she's got her shit together.
528
00:34:18,820 --> 00:34:21,410
I'd think you'd want me to take a page
out of a book like that.
529
00:34:21,490 --> 00:34:24,370
Look, I get it. She's charming.
530
00:34:25,410 --> 00:34:27,160
She's articulate, she's funny.
531
00:34:27,660 --> 00:34:30,080
- Yeah.
- Disarming, you might say.
532
00:34:30,630 --> 00:34:32,170
You might even say "slick."
533
00:34:34,090 --> 00:34:35,090
Slick?
534
00:34:35,710 --> 00:34:36,880
Just saying.
535
00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:39,050
You know she stayed up with me.
536
00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:41,760
That first week when I was coming down.
537
00:34:42,220 --> 00:34:43,970
You ever seen someone
in withdrawal, Steve?
538
00:34:44,060 --> 00:34:45,060
Nope.
539
00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:46,680
Well, it's hell.
540
00:34:47,390 --> 00:34:48,390
It's...
541
00:34:48,890 --> 00:34:50,560
You're freezing all the time.
542
00:34:50,650 --> 00:34:53,520
LA in July, no air conditioning,
freezing.
543
00:34:53,770 --> 00:34:56,570
Muscle aches, stiff as boards,
nausea, shakes.
544
00:34:56,690 --> 00:34:58,490
- I wouldn't know.
- Well, she does.
545
00:34:58,570 --> 00:34:59,780
Because she was there.
546
00:35:00,450 --> 00:35:02,570
And she talked me through it,
she rode it out with me.
547
00:35:03,580 --> 00:35:05,450
Wow. Awesome.
548
00:35:07,330 --> 00:35:08,830
Fuck. Steve.
549
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:13,000
I'm not... I'm not asking
for her hand in marriage.
550
00:35:13,090 --> 00:35:16,130
I just wanted to bring a friend to dinner
and you're not giving her a chance.
551
00:35:16,170 --> 00:35:17,170
No, I guess I'm not.
552
00:35:17,260 --> 00:35:19,050
- Why not?
- I'm fresh out of those.
553
00:35:20,510 --> 00:35:21,720
I gave 'em all to you.
554
00:35:23,430 --> 00:35:24,430
Wow.
555
00:35:24,930 --> 00:35:28,060
- I just want you to be careful, is all.
- I'm doing good, Steve.
556
00:35:28,140 --> 00:35:31,310
Anyway, she's a good person,
she's a good influence.
557
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:32,270
[slight chuckle]
558
00:35:32,350 --> 00:35:35,940
Just because someone's a good person,
just because you care about them...
559
00:35:36,570 --> 00:35:38,240
doesn't mean they won't burn you.
560
00:35:39,700 --> 00:35:41,240
You're a good person, Luke.
561
00:35:41,320 --> 00:35:42,320
And I love you.
562
00:35:43,450 --> 00:35:44,450
And...
563
00:35:44,830 --> 00:35:45,830
you know.
564
00:35:48,540 --> 00:35:49,540
Thanks, Steve.
565
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,960
You know, I'm so glad we got to share
this milestone.
566
00:35:55,790 --> 00:35:59,090
That's all I wanted. Thirty days clean
so you can make me feel like shit again.
567
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,340
- Luke.
- Fuck you.
568
00:36:15,230 --> 00:36:16,150
[shivers]
569
00:36:16,230 --> 00:36:18,780
Jesus, Steve.
It's fucking freezing in here.
570
00:36:38,090 --> 00:36:39,710
[sirens wailing]
571
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,590
Fother mucker.
572
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,600
[sighs]
573
00:36:53,730 --> 00:36:54,730
Hey, Luke.
574
00:36:57,810 --> 00:36:58,940
Hey... Hey, Steve.
575
00:37:03,820 --> 00:37:05,740
This isn't what it looks like.
576
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:08,120
Are you cold?
577
00:37:08,370 --> 00:37:09,370
Yeah.
578
00:37:10,990 --> 00:37:12,410
How'd you know where to find me?
579
00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,880
Tell you what, I've got 200 bucks here.
580
00:37:19,290 --> 00:37:20,460
You hand me that iPad,
581
00:37:20,550 --> 00:37:23,010
you can keep the cash
and sell that old camera.
582
00:37:23,670 --> 00:37:25,260
But, I need the iPad.
583
00:37:26,010 --> 00:37:27,010
It stays here.
584
00:37:36,350 --> 00:37:37,350
Hey.
585
00:37:38,150 --> 00:37:39,150
Hey.
586
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,756
Oh my God, I saw him walking in.
I thought you were fucked.
587
00:37:41,780 --> 00:37:42,780
It's all good.
588
00:37:46,110 --> 00:37:47,910
Should be enough for a night,
maybe two.
589
00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:50,370
And some food. Oh, here.
590
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:55,330
Amazing, Luke.
591
00:37:55,620 --> 00:37:57,040
[stammering] Amazing.
592
00:37:58,460 --> 00:38:01,550
Goddammit, it's cold tonight.
Are you cold?
593
00:38:02,960 --> 00:38:04,210
Where are we? Seventh?
594
00:38:04,300 --> 00:38:05,510
Yeah, almost.
595
00:38:05,590 --> 00:38:06,970
It's a few more blocks.
596
00:38:07,050 --> 00:38:09,680
I want a clean hotel,
no junkies on the sidewalk.
597
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:12,521
Man, I don't know if I'm gonna make it
a couple blocks without a piss.
598
00:38:13,810 --> 00:38:15,140
I'll just...
599
00:38:15,230 --> 00:38:17,890
pop into the little junkies' room
and be back in a minute.
600
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,320
Baby.
601
00:38:25,740 --> 00:38:26,780
You got a fever?
602
00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:28,530
Yeah, maybe.
603
00:38:30,620 --> 00:38:32,910
It's my arms and legs, you know?
Muscle aches.
604
00:38:32,990 --> 00:38:34,160
No, I'm fine.
605
00:38:34,870 --> 00:38:36,080
Hey, I...
606
00:38:37,330 --> 00:38:38,330
Thank you.
607
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,040
For coming after me.
608
00:38:43,050 --> 00:38:44,050
Oh.
609
00:38:45,260 --> 00:38:46,260
It means a lot.
610
00:38:47,420 --> 00:38:48,420
You're welcome.
611
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:56,730
[slight chuckle]
612
00:38:58,230 --> 00:38:59,230
It's all right.
613
00:39:04,780 --> 00:39:05,780
[smacks kiss]
614
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,280
What are you doing?
615
00:39:10,740 --> 00:39:11,820
Be back in a flash.
616
00:39:15,950 --> 00:39:16,950
Okay.
617
00:39:39,430 --> 00:39:41,400
Come on, let's... let's keep going.
618
00:39:49,070 --> 00:39:50,070
Joey.
619
00:39:58,290 --> 00:39:59,290
Joey.
620
00:40:08,550 --> 00:40:09,550
Fuck.
621
00:40:10,380 --> 00:40:11,380
Joey!
622
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:17,680
Joey!
623
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,180
[exhales]
624
00:40:26,310 --> 00:40:27,310
Joey!
625
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:15,570
Luke, addict.
626
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:17,780
- [crowd] Hi, Luke.
- Hi.
627
00:41:18,990 --> 00:41:22,540
I actually don't know
what I want to say here.
628
00:41:22,910 --> 00:41:24,120
You know, I've...
629
00:41:24,410 --> 00:41:26,290
I've never had this much time before.
630
00:41:26,580 --> 00:41:27,710
You know, 90 days.
631
00:41:29,790 --> 00:41:31,050
[sighs, slight chuckle]
632
00:41:32,510 --> 00:41:33,510
Um...
633
00:41:37,300 --> 00:41:38,510
So here goes.
634
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:43,520
It's taken me ten years
to get 90 days clean.
635
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:49,270
And I'm starting step four,
which is always the one that does me in.
636
00:41:50,900 --> 00:41:53,490
"A fearless moral inventory."
637
00:41:56,320 --> 00:42:00,030
Now, I've been called a lot of things
in my life,
638
00:42:00,120 --> 00:42:03,330
but "fearless" is not one of them.
639
00:42:04,910 --> 00:42:07,960
[Luke] You know, I was always
a scared little kid,
640
00:42:08,710 --> 00:42:09,710
and I thought...
641
00:42:10,500 --> 00:42:14,130
I thought I'd get braver
as I got older, but...
642
00:42:15,050 --> 00:42:16,260
um, I didn't.
643
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:18,720
I, um...
644
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:22,100
I just got scared of anything.
645
00:42:24,890 --> 00:42:28,980
My mom committed suicide
when I was six years old.
646
00:42:30,020 --> 00:42:33,320
And my siblings and I
were sent to live with our aunt,
647
00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:37,200
and, I mean, I was just a kid, you know.
I didn't...
648
00:42:38,530 --> 00:42:40,740
I didn't really understand death yet.
649
00:42:40,820 --> 00:42:45,200
So, I guess I just expected her to...
650
00:42:46,910 --> 00:42:47,910
to come back.
651
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:53,460
And every night, I'd...
652
00:42:55,210 --> 00:42:58,380
I'd stare out my window as the cars
came around the corner,
653
00:42:58,470 --> 00:43:02,550
just hoping that one would stop
and my mom would step out,
654
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:04,310
you know, to come take me home.
655
00:43:05,060 --> 00:43:07,480
Every time I saw those headlights
come round the corner,
656
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:09,730
I'd sit up in bed...
657
00:43:09,810 --> 00:43:13,440
and I'm staring out of my window,
just full of hope.
658
00:43:14,230 --> 00:43:17,650
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven. [exhales]
659
00:43:19,530 --> 00:43:21,620
But they'd just keep driving.
660
00:43:23,070 --> 00:43:24,070
[chuckles]
661
00:43:26,910 --> 00:43:28,910
Those tail lights, they were the worst.
662
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,540
Red eyes in the dark,
just taking hope with them.
663
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:37,210
I mean, Mom...
664
00:43:37,590 --> 00:43:39,170
she never came back, of course,
665
00:43:39,260 --> 00:43:41,300
but other things
from when I was a kid,
666
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:42,970
they came back.
667
00:43:43,220 --> 00:43:44,640
And I guess that's...
668
00:43:45,970 --> 00:43:49,140
I guess that's why I started using
in the first place, you know?
669
00:43:50,310 --> 00:43:51,650
To keep those things away.
670
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,690
And I'd get clean...
671
00:43:58,780 --> 00:44:00,280
you know, a week, a month.
672
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:04,990
But I'd always feel 'em, you know,
just sneaking back up on me.
673
00:44:05,700 --> 00:44:08,200
- So I'd use.
- He's not real.
674
00:44:08,700 --> 00:44:11,000
You know, my family,
they're not gonna believe this.
675
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:12,540
They never really believe me.
676
00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:14,460
And I don't blame them.
677
00:44:14,540 --> 00:44:18,250
You know, I fucked them over
so many times. Lied, stole.
678
00:44:19,510 --> 00:44:22,090
Come on, you all know what I mean.
[slight chuckle]
679
00:44:24,510 --> 00:44:25,640
And I guess...
680
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:30,600
I guess I'll...
681
00:44:32,310 --> 00:44:36,360
I'll never know how it felt for them
to be done like that.
682
00:44:39,780 --> 00:44:40,780
I hope I never know.
683
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,280
[sighs] Ah, sorry.
684
00:44:46,370 --> 00:44:49,040
I want to thank my caseworker, Paige.
685
00:44:50,410 --> 00:44:52,370
And every one at our recovery house.
686
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:54,870
And someone... [sniffs]
687
00:44:55,670 --> 00:44:59,050
Someone special,
who's always had my back.
688
00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:00,920
Thank you.
689
00:45:02,090 --> 00:45:03,260
Any addict alone...
690
00:45:04,430 --> 00:45:05,970
...is in bad company.
691
00:45:06,340 --> 00:45:07,930
That's right. [chuckles]
692
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:09,680
Thank you.
693
00:45:18,770 --> 00:45:20,190
I couldn't help her.
694
00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:23,610
[Paige] We've been waiting
for you to call.
695
00:45:23,990 --> 00:45:25,780
There's something I need to tell you.
696
00:45:25,860 --> 00:45:28,410
Listen, I know I fucked up. Okay?
697
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,830
But I... I didn't use, I didn't.
698
00:45:31,950 --> 00:45:34,160
[stutters] And I'm so fucking cold,
699
00:45:34,250 --> 00:45:37,080
and my... [shivers] and my arms and legs
are so stiff.
700
00:45:37,170 --> 00:45:38,170
I just, I...
701
00:45:39,630 --> 00:45:42,210
I... I need a bed. Like, a couch.
702
00:45:42,300 --> 00:45:45,470
I'll sleep on the goddamn floor.
Just... [shivers] please.
703
00:45:45,550 --> 00:45:48,390
[Luke] Please, please let me come back.
Please.
704
00:45:49,350 --> 00:45:51,350
Where are you?
We'll come get you.
705
00:45:53,220 --> 00:45:56,560
One, two, three, four,
706
00:45:56,640 --> 00:45:59,110
five, six, seven.
707
00:46:01,940 --> 00:46:06,910
One, two, three, four, five, six,
708
00:46:06,990 --> 00:46:07,990
seven.
709
00:46:13,290 --> 00:46:14,620
[young Nell whimpering]
710
00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:24,800
Hey.
711
00:46:26,470 --> 00:46:27,510
You're awake.
712
00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:29,470
Well, yeah, 'cause...
713
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:30,720
you're awake.
714
00:46:31,300 --> 00:46:32,760
I saw her again.
715
00:46:34,310 --> 00:46:35,560
The Bent-Neck Lady?
716
00:46:47,530 --> 00:46:49,450
Mommy and Daddy don't believe me.
717
00:46:50,700 --> 00:46:51,700
Ever.
718
00:46:53,910 --> 00:46:56,620
They say she's a nightmare,
but she's real.
719
00:46:56,700 --> 00:46:58,210
I know she is.
720
00:47:00,750 --> 00:47:02,000
I got an idea.
721
00:47:13,390 --> 00:47:16,850
You need seven,
and you set them up like this.
722
00:47:17,890 --> 00:47:18,940
Why seven?
723
00:47:19,770 --> 00:47:21,650
Mom, Dad...
724
00:47:22,230 --> 00:47:24,860
Steven, Shirl, Theo,
725
00:47:25,070 --> 00:47:26,440
you, me.
726
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:28,860
It has to be seven.
727
00:47:29,820 --> 00:47:33,580
It helps if you touch each one
and count out loud.
728
00:47:35,200 --> 00:47:37,370
One, two,
729
00:47:37,950 --> 00:47:39,870
three, four,
730
00:47:40,580 --> 00:47:43,130
five, six, seven.
731
00:47:44,090 --> 00:47:45,170
That keeps you safe.
732
00:47:45,590 --> 00:47:47,800
Sometimes you got to do it a lot.
733
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:49,550
Like, a lot a lot.
734
00:47:50,720 --> 00:47:52,090
Don't forget to count.
735
00:47:54,010 --> 00:47:55,010
One...
736
00:47:56,100 --> 00:47:57,100
two...
737
00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:58,560
three...
738
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,520
Four, five, six, seven.
739
00:48:06,230 --> 00:48:09,110
One, two, three, four,
740
00:48:09,190 --> 00:48:11,110
five, six, seven.
741
00:48:15,780 --> 00:48:20,160
One, two, three, four, five, six...
742
00:48:22,290 --> 00:48:23,290
seven.
743
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:35,930
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven.
744
00:48:36,260 --> 00:48:41,180
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven.
745
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,060
One, two, three...
746
00:48:45,020 --> 00:48:46,860
[pants]
747
00:49:03,370 --> 00:49:04,790
Come home, my love.
748
00:49:29,020 --> 00:49:30,110
Steve.
749
00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:36,360
I'm so sorry, I didn't...
750
00:49:36,910 --> 00:49:39,450
I couldn't... I couldn't help her.
751
00:49:39,530 --> 00:49:41,290
[sobbing]
752
00:49:43,370 --> 00:49:45,160
[mumbles indistinctly]
753
00:49:47,500 --> 00:49:51,050
And I'm so... I'm so cold.
I didn't...
754
00:49:52,630 --> 00:49:56,220
[stuttering] My arms and legs
are... are stiff.
755
00:49:56,300 --> 00:49:57,510
And I...
756
00:49:57,680 --> 00:49:58,760
I...
757
00:49:58,850 --> 00:50:00,640
[stammering] It's...
758
00:50:01,060 --> 00:50:03,180
It's like... It's like withdrawal, but...
759
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:05,690
but I didn't use.
760
00:50:06,440 --> 00:50:08,440
I wasn't using, but...
761
00:50:09,310 --> 00:50:10,310
But I...
762
00:50:10,610 --> 00:50:12,230
But I feel it anyway.
763
00:50:15,570 --> 00:50:17,490
You... You believe me, right?
764
00:50:19,240 --> 00:50:20,700
You gotta come with me.
765
00:50:22,490 --> 00:50:24,120
You gotta come with me, Luke.
766
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:25,330
What? Why?
767
00:50:25,710 --> 00:50:26,710
It's Nell.
768
00:50:30,500 --> 00:50:31,750
Nell's dead.
769
00:50:44,140 --> 00:50:45,140
How?
770
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:48,350
It was... It was suicide.
771
00:50:57,490 --> 00:50:58,650
[pants]
772
00:51:02,030 --> 00:51:03,030
No.
773
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:05,200
Stevie...
774
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:11,880
it wasn't.
774
00:51:12,305 --> 00:51:18,237
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