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1
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,900
We're approaching insertion target area,
about a mile from your D.Z.
2
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,900
You ready, WD-40?
3
00:00:22,599 --> 00:00:25,399
I never felt more ready
in my life.
4
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,898
Oh, damn! What the hell--
Steele, are you crazy?
5
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:34,998
Good afternoon, WD-40.
6
00:00:35,198 --> 00:00:38,297
We now begin "the free world's in
double jeopardy" round of your mission.
7
00:00:38,498 --> 00:00:40,998
- He's a sadistic criminal mastermind...
8
00:00:41,198 --> 00:00:43,798
and international arms dealer
who has brokered a deal...
9
00:00:43,898 --> 00:00:48,597
to sell a stolen Scorpion missile
to a Middle Eastern terrorist cell.
10
00:00:48,797 --> 00:00:50,897
The question is.
Who is Rancor?
11
00:00:51,098 --> 00:00:53,298
That's right.
General Derwood Rancor.
12
00:00:53,397 --> 00:00:57,297
So why don't you begin your mission.
And good luck to you, WD-40.
13
00:00:58,896 --> 00:01:01,196
And don't forget, WD-40,
as always,
14
00:01:01,396 --> 00:01:04,796
this tape will self-destruct
in three seconds.
15
00:01:04,996 --> 00:01:09,695
Steele!
16
00:01:56,791 --> 00:01:59,591
General Rancor,
your chopper's waiting.
17
00:01:59,791 --> 00:02:03,392
Fine. Be there in a minute.
I ain't done with this one yet.
18
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:06,391
Talk to me, boy!
19
00:02:06,591 --> 00:02:11,591
He doesn't want to talk.
Take him outside and shoot him.
20
00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:27,190
And when you shoot him,
use the silencer.
21
00:02:43,988 --> 00:02:45,787
Thank you.
Have a nice flight.
22
00:02:48,388 --> 00:02:50,186
Have a great flight.
23
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,187
- Enjoy destroying the world, sir.
- Thank you, ma'am, I will.
24
00:02:54,887 --> 00:02:57,588
I'm going in there.
25
00:02:57,687 --> 00:03:01,586
My God!
Look at you.
26
00:03:01,787 --> 00:03:04,786
- You are such an incredible man.
27
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:10,785
It's my job, darling.
I do it for my country.
28
00:03:10,985 --> 00:03:14,786
Hmm? Oh. Good luck.
29
00:03:14,985 --> 00:03:17,485
Luck's got nothing to do with it.
30
00:03:37,983 --> 00:03:40,983
Nothing can stop me now!
31
00:03:41,183 --> 00:03:45,883
Not even that sanctimonious
secret agent Boy Scout Dick--
32
00:03:46,083 --> 00:03:48,083
Y oo-hoo!
33
00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:52,881
Steele?
34
00:03:56,482 --> 00:03:59,282
- Oh, Dick, don't drop me!
- Hold on! Whoa! Don't!
35
00:03:59,481 --> 00:04:03,382
- Grab my wrist!
- Oh!
36
00:04:05,981 --> 00:04:10,580
Whoa!
37
00:04:10,781 --> 00:04:13,380
- Don't drop me, Dick! Don't drop me!
38
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:17,380
- Honey?
39
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:43,479
A man of intrigue
He lives for the thrill
40
00:04:47,177 --> 00:04:52,476
Always has places to go
and people to kill
41
00:04:54,977 --> 00:04:58,277
Danger is the game he plays
42
00:04:58,477 --> 00:05:02,676
And he holds every card
43
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:05,676
'Cause if you wanna win
44
00:05:05,876 --> 00:05:09,576
You gotta spy hard
45
00:05:12,376 --> 00:05:17,375
A man of the world
so suave and discreet
46
00:05:19,775 --> 00:05:25,375
He trips over the women
piled up at his feet
47
00:05:28,973 --> 00:05:31,574
But evil's lurking
48
00:05:31,774 --> 00:05:36,374
So he's always on his guard
49
00:05:36,573 --> 00:05:39,473
'Cause if you're gonna spy
50
00:05:39,574 --> 00:05:44,974
You better spy hard
51
00:05:45,172 --> 00:05:48,472
He's always there
52
00:05:48,672 --> 00:05:53,273
When the chips
are beginning to fall
53
00:05:53,473 --> 00:05:56,772
He wouldn't care
54
00:05:56,971 --> 00:05:59,472
If they kicked him
and grabbed him
55
00:05:59,672 --> 00:06:01,572
And shot him
and stabbed him
56
00:06:01,772 --> 00:06:05,471
And nailed both his ears
to the wall
57
00:06:07,171 --> 00:06:09,671
Facing death every day
58
00:06:09,872 --> 00:06:13,170
Is a tough job for any man
59
00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:17,970
But his hours are flexible
60
00:06:18,271 --> 00:06:21,470
And he's got
a great dental plan
61
00:06:23,069 --> 00:06:26,870
By the way
if you walked in late
62
00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:30,869
Allow me to reiterate
63
00:06:31,069 --> 00:06:34,569
The name of this movie
64
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:38,368
Is Spy Hard
65
00:06:38,568 --> 00:06:42,568
They call it Spy Hard
66
00:06:42,768 --> 00:06:46,168
You're watching Spy Hard
67
00:06:46,469 --> 00:06:52,868
It's the theme from Spy Hard
68
00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:23,760
Sir, I hate to disturb you, but we're picking
up something interesting on the compound...
69
00:08:23,959 --> 00:08:26,359
- infrared detection system.
- Well, what is it?
70
00:08:26,559 --> 00:08:28,659
Oh, it's this really neat
security system, sir.
71
00:08:28,860 --> 00:08:33,159
- It picks up the body heat on the
intruders-- - Fine! What is it detecting?
72
00:08:33,359 --> 00:08:37,659
Oh, well, it looks like
Agent Barbara Dahl, sir.
73
00:08:43,858 --> 00:08:46,958
Barbara Dahl?
74
00:08:47,158 --> 00:08:49,558
Hot damn!
At last!
75
00:08:49,759 --> 00:08:51,657
Arm me.
76
00:08:53,357 --> 00:08:56,557
Y eah.
Now, bring me the bait.
77
00:08:58,458 --> 00:09:00,357
Welcome, Miss Dahl.
78
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:03,757
General Rancor would like to see you.
Don't even think about it!
79
00:09:03,956 --> 00:09:06,557
Put the gun down!
80
00:09:12,156 --> 00:09:16,356
Move.
Don't try anything funny.
81
00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:19,155
Oh, you morons!
82
00:09:19,355 --> 00:09:22,055
Let go!
Oh! Oh!
83
00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:25,754
- Well, look at you.
84
00:09:25,954 --> 00:09:28,254
Barbara Dahl.
85
00:09:28,455 --> 00:09:31,755
If you ain't the spitting image
of your mama.
86
00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:37,054
Don't you talk about my mother,
you hybrid curiosity.
87
00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:39,354
My mother was twice the man you are.
88
00:09:39,553 --> 00:09:41,753
Hey, lady,
I think you're carrying...
89
00:09:41,953 --> 00:09:45,453
this "spitting image" thing
a little bit too far.
90
00:09:45,753 --> 00:09:48,453
Now that I got Barbara Dahl,
91
00:09:48,653 --> 00:09:53,152
it's just a matter of time
before Dick Steele comes to get her.
92
00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:11,451
Have you confirmed
this transmission?
93
00:10:11,651 --> 00:10:14,350
I have. It's confirmed.
It's Barbara Dahl.
94
00:10:14,551 --> 00:10:17,051
Who authorized Agent Barbara Dahl
to go on this operation anyway?
95
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,950
No one.
She's working on her own.
96
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:21,950
This one is personal, Coleman.
97
00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:26,150
Well, this personal mission may have
cost a good agent her life...
98
00:10:26,350 --> 00:10:28,349
and put the entire free world
in jeopardy.
99
00:10:28,549 --> 00:10:31,150
- We must inform the director.
100
00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:33,949
This is the director.
What is it, Coleman and Bishop?
101
00:10:34,250 --> 00:10:37,348
Sir, we've intercepted a very disturbing
satellite transmission...
102
00:10:37,549 --> 00:10:39,749
from our listening post
on the Rock of Gibraltar.
103
00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:42,149
- Well, what is it?
- It's this really big rock...
104
00:10:42,348 --> 00:10:44,948
sticking out of the water
on the south coast of Spain.
105
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:50,947
What is the transmission?
106
00:10:51,148 --> 00:10:53,947
You will have to see it
to believe it, sir.
107
00:11:06,246 --> 00:11:09,147
- You've got to put it on channel three.
- No, four.
108
00:11:09,346 --> 00:11:12,645
- Switch it to VHS.
- And take it off of cable.
109
00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:15,146
Put it on the monitor.
110
00:11:15,246 --> 00:11:18,446
And now this
special message from Rancor Industries.
111
00:11:18,646 --> 00:11:20,845
She makes a pretty hood ornament,
don't you think?
112
00:11:21,045 --> 00:11:26,345
- Rancor!
- Y es, it is I, good ol' General Rancor.
113
00:11:26,545 --> 00:11:29,744
I'm back, big as life
and twice as ugly.
114
00:11:29,944 --> 00:11:32,544
- But Steele blew him up!
- Apparently not.
115
00:11:32,744 --> 00:11:35,344
You did everything
except eat me,
116
00:11:35,544 --> 00:11:37,343
and I'm still alive.
117
00:11:37,543 --> 00:11:40,144
All Steele did was blow off
a couple of arms.
118
00:11:40,344 --> 00:11:42,344
That's no biggie,
no big thing.
119
00:11:42,544 --> 00:11:44,344
Now I got plenty of arms!
120
00:11:44,544 --> 00:11:49,043
Big arms. Pretty arms. something.
121
00:11:53,343 --> 00:11:56,542
Your pretty little agent
is now part...
122
00:11:56,742 --> 00:11:59,142
of the nose cone
on top of my missile.
123
00:11:59,342 --> 00:12:03,741
This missile will be launched
in 36 hours...
124
00:12:03,941 --> 00:12:06,841
- and nothing will stop me!
- He's a madman!
125
00:12:06,941 --> 00:12:10,241
Only thing is,
I'm missing one little chip...
126
00:12:10,442 --> 00:12:14,340
that controls my satellite,
and, daggone, I want it back!
127
00:12:14,641 --> 00:12:18,041
Now you hand me my chip,
and I'll give you back your agent.
128
00:12:18,241 --> 00:12:21,739
Good God.
He must be stopped!
129
00:12:21,939 --> 00:12:24,939
Dick Steele couldn't
stop me 15 years ago,
130
00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:29,640
and all the dicks you've got
won't stop me now!
131
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,739
Apparently,
he hasn't seen the size...
132
00:12:31,839 --> 00:12:33,839
of some of our newer members!
133
00:12:34,039 --> 00:12:36,939
- With the chip, he rules the world.
134
00:12:37,139 --> 00:12:41,138
- Without the chip,
he destroys the world and--
135
00:12:41,338 --> 00:12:44,939
- Would you practice someplace else?
I'm trying to think!
136
00:12:45,139 --> 00:12:49,338
- The world? Ha!
137
00:12:49,538 --> 00:12:51,838
We all know what
General Rancor really wants.
138
00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:54,338
- Steele. - That's right!
139
00:12:54,538 --> 00:12:57,737
- And we're going to give Steele to him.
- Steele?
140
00:12:57,937 --> 00:13:02,337
Have you forgotten what happened the last
time Steele was placed in the line of fire?
141
00:13:18,736 --> 00:13:22,135
We are stopping here. Traveller wants
to mingle with the crowd.
142
00:13:48,533 --> 00:13:52,333
- Oh! Oh, my God!
- Steele, what the hell are you doing? Get off me!
143
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,632
- Get him in there!
Get him in the limo! Cover him!
144
00:13:55,832 --> 00:13:59,832
Go, go, go! Go! Go, go!
145
00:14:05,932 --> 00:14:08,431
The bridge is out.
146
00:14:08,631 --> 00:14:11,531
Do not enter.
The bridge is out.
147
00:14:11,732 --> 00:14:15,531
The bridge is out,
damn it! Stop this car!
148
00:14:44,928 --> 00:14:47,329
- Stay away from the window, sir.
149
00:14:47,528 --> 00:14:49,928
Steele, do something!
150
00:15:08,726 --> 00:15:10,326
Good job, Steele!
Thanks!
151
00:15:10,526 --> 00:15:13,626
- It's about time
that jerk did something right.
152
00:15:13,826 --> 00:15:16,726
- Hang on, Mr. President!
153
00:15:24,725 --> 00:15:29,024
The bridge is out. Do not enter.
154
00:15:30,525 --> 00:15:35,123
Thank God our president
was one hell of a good swimmer.
155
00:15:35,424 --> 00:15:40,124
Nonetheless... there's only
one man for this operation.
156
00:15:40,324 --> 00:15:42,624
Agent WD-40.
Steele.
157
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,823
Dick Steele.
158
00:15:45,023 --> 00:15:49,423
Dick, Dick, Dick Steele.
159
00:15:49,623 --> 00:15:52,024
Dick.
160
00:15:52,224 --> 00:15:56,722
Oh, Dick, that was incredible.
161
00:15:56,922 --> 00:15:58,922
- Thank you.
162
00:15:59,122 --> 00:16:01,122
Don't thank me, darling.
163
00:16:01,322 --> 00:16:05,122
The art of lovemaking takes two.
164
00:16:05,321 --> 00:16:09,721
Sometimes three or four, depending on
how well you do at the crap tables.
165
00:16:09,922 --> 00:16:11,421
- Fore!
- Well, my putter's up.
166
00:16:11,521 --> 00:16:13,721
- Fore!
- Well, my putter's up.
167
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,721
Oh, Dick, I'm exhausted.
168
00:16:16,921 --> 00:16:21,920
- You are insatiable.
- Fifteen minutes to tee- off time.
169
00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:25,920
I think there's something you and I
should talk about openly and honestly...
170
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:28,319
before I head off
to my golf game.
171
00:16:28,519 --> 00:16:31,820
- What is it, Dick?
- It's a game.
172
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:34,920
People dress funny.
Hit a little ball with clubs.
173
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,119
Drinking is involved.
174
00:16:37,319 --> 00:16:39,319
Is something wrong, Dick?
175
00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:41,819
Whatever we've had between us,
176
00:16:41,919 --> 00:16:44,819
I think it's only fair that you know
my heart still belongs...
177
00:16:45,019 --> 00:16:47,618
to the girl I fell
in love with years ago.
178
00:16:47,818 --> 00:16:50,118
Victoria.
She fell off a cliff.
179
00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:53,118
- She died.
- Yes, I know.
180
00:16:53,318 --> 00:16:55,317
I was just getting to that.
181
00:16:55,517 --> 00:16:58,517
But after Victoria Dahl,
well, I don't think...
182
00:16:58,717 --> 00:17:01,517
I'll ever find room
for another woman in this...
183
00:17:01,617 --> 00:17:04,716
ripped-apart, torn-up,
scarred, burned-out...
184
00:17:04,916 --> 00:17:07,317
Iump in my chest...
185
00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:10,316
where a human heart once beat.
186
00:17:10,517 --> 00:17:13,716
I hope you understand
what I'm trying to say to you.
187
00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:16,916
Oh, I'll live, Mr. Steele.
188
00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:21,015
It's your life
I'm worried about.
189
00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:23,615
I'm glad you understand.
190
00:17:23,815 --> 00:17:27,915
- I know how much these things can hurt.
191
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,914
Mr. Steele.
192
00:17:30,114 --> 00:17:32,515
[ Woman ] Hi, Dick.
193
00:17:37,114 --> 00:17:38,914
- Hi, Mr. Steele!
- Good morning, Mrs. Hudmucker.
194
00:17:39,114 --> 00:17:41,914
Fore!
- Watch out.
195
00:17:46,314 --> 00:17:48,713
- You all right?
- Thank you.
196
00:17:49,012 --> 00:17:51,713
A little help, please? Thank you.
197
00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:59,112
Dinatelli foursome
to starter's window. Mr. Jack Dinatelli.
198
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:02,813
- Duck!
199
00:18:07,611 --> 00:18:10,212
- Dick, wait!
200
00:18:10,312 --> 00:18:14,711
Well, Steve!
201
00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:18,711
- Steve Bishop. You look great.
- Thank you. We go back a long way, huh?
202
00:18:18,911 --> 00:18:20,310
Yeah.
203
00:18:22,509 --> 00:18:24,310
- Let's have a drink.
- Okay.
204
00:18:24,510 --> 00:18:26,510
Just sit right there, Steve.
205
00:18:26,711 --> 00:18:29,610
- The usual, Mr. Steele?
- You betcha.
206
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:32,010
- Well, how's everything at the agency?
- Ah, Dick...
207
00:18:32,209 --> 00:18:35,410
it used to be such fun
killin' a few spies...
208
00:18:35,509 --> 00:18:38,109
with gas from a banana grenade.
209
00:18:38,310 --> 00:18:41,609
But now, huh, it's all
bureaucratic politics.
210
00:18:41,709 --> 00:18:44,609
You gotta fill out 20 forms
in triplicate...
211
00:18:44,709 --> 00:18:46,709
just to take a piss!
212
00:19:03,207 --> 00:19:05,707
- Boy, that was fun.
213
00:19:05,807 --> 00:19:09,006
- Y eah.
- Thank you!
214
00:19:09,206 --> 00:19:11,506
Oh, man, they don't do stuff
like that at the agency any more.
215
00:19:11,707 --> 00:19:13,706
I'm sorry to hear that, Steve.
216
00:19:13,907 --> 00:19:16,306
- Uh, Dickie... there is something.
- Relax, sugar.
217
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,705
Steve, I'm out of the Service.
218
00:19:18,905 --> 00:19:21,606
There's a plot
to launch a satellite.
219
00:19:21,706 --> 00:19:25,705
- Now, I'm out of the Service.
Talk about something else.
220
00:19:25,905 --> 00:19:28,305
- Bishop.
- Bishop here.
221
00:19:28,404 --> 00:19:30,405
- Got a new lead. Gonna need you here.
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
222
00:19:30,605 --> 00:19:32,405
- And get a dozen eggs and a gallon of milk.
- Okay.
223
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:34,404
- I'll leave right away.
- Thank you, sir.
224
00:19:34,604 --> 00:19:36,704
- No more headsets.
225
00:19:36,905 --> 00:19:38,905
Ear buttons. They put the receiver
right in your head now.
226
00:19:39,105 --> 00:19:42,104
- I gotta get back to the hotel.
227
00:19:42,304 --> 00:19:45,304
- The director wants you to see this.
- I'm not interested, Steve.
228
00:19:45,504 --> 00:19:48,103
Please, Dickie.
Take a look at the tape.
229
00:19:48,203 --> 00:19:48,304
Please, Dickie.
Take a look at the tape.
230
00:19:48,304 --> 00:19:50,103
It'll change your mind.
231
00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:08,401
Hmm-hmm.
232
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:23,001
She makes a pretty hood ornament,
don't you think?
233
00:20:23,301 --> 00:20:28,400
[ Chuckles ] Yes, it is I,
good ol' General Rancor.
234
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:33,300
I'm back, big as life
and twice as ugly.
235
00:20:36,699 --> 00:20:39,099
- All Steele did was blow off a couple of arms.
- Rancor!
236
00:20:39,299 --> 00:20:43,298
- That's no biggie, no big thing. Now I got plenty of arms.
- He can't be alive.
237
00:20:43,498 --> 00:20:46,598
- Your pretty Barbara Dahl--
- My God!
238
00:20:46,799 --> 00:20:49,099
Barbara Dahl.
239
00:20:52,298 --> 00:20:56,498
Victoria... why would your daughter
join the agency...
240
00:20:56,698 --> 00:20:58,798
knowing what happened to you?
241
00:20:58,998 --> 00:21:00,697
Why?
242
00:21:02,097 --> 00:21:03,897
Why?
243
00:21:04,197 --> 00:21:06,697
Why, why, why, why?
244
00:21:06,897 --> 00:21:12,496
Victoria Dahl...
you were the only woman I ever loved.
245
00:21:12,696 --> 00:21:16,796
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
246
00:21:16,996 --> 00:21:22,496
And just like the guy
whose feet are too big for his bed
247
00:21:22,696 --> 00:21:25,496
- Nothin' seems to fit
248
00:21:25,696 --> 00:21:30,895
Those raindrops are fallin' on my head
They keep fallin'
249
00:21:31,095 --> 00:21:36,694
So I just did me
some talkin' to the sun
250
00:21:36,894 --> 00:21:42,494
And I said I didn't like
the way he got things done
251
00:21:42,794 --> 00:21:45,293
Sleepin' on the job
252
00:21:45,494 --> 00:21:49,393
- Those raindrops are fallin'
on my head
253
00:21:49,493 --> 00:21:54,193
They keep fallin'
But there's one thing
254
00:21:54,392 --> 00:21:56,392
I know
255
00:21:56,592 --> 00:22:00,293
The blues they sent to meet me
256
00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:03,292
Won't defeat me
257
00:22:03,492 --> 00:22:07,492
It won't be long 'til happiness
258
00:22:07,692 --> 00:22:09,892
Steps up to greet me
259
00:22:17,191 --> 00:22:19,191
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head
260
00:22:19,391 --> 00:22:23,191
But that doesn't mean my eyes
will soon be turnin' red
261
00:22:23,391 --> 00:22:26,890
For today's top story,
we now join Kelly Lange live downtown.
262
00:22:26,990 --> 00:22:29,490
Kelly Lange here
for Channel 3 lsland News.
263
00:22:29,690 --> 00:22:34,190
A tragic accident has claimed the life of
a businessman identified as Steven Bishop,
264
00:22:34,389 --> 00:22:39,389
when a huge grand piano fell from
the 17th floor of the Mayan Hotel...
265
00:22:39,489 --> 00:22:39,589
when a huge grand piano fell from
the 17th floor of the Mayan Hotel...
266
00:22:39,589 --> 00:22:41,889
directly behind me
and landed on his car.
267
00:22:41,989 --> 00:22:43,890
- An accident?
- It seems the man was--
268
00:22:43,989 --> 00:22:46,189
- Having a kid at 60, that's an accident.
269
00:22:46,288 --> 00:22:49,888
Having a piano fall on you,
that's... bad luck.
270
00:22:49,988 --> 00:22:53,688
We're told that they had to remove the
driver's body from the oil pan of the car.
271
00:22:53,888 --> 00:22:56,187
- Police are ruling this as an accident.
- Operator.
272
00:22:56,387 --> 00:22:58,688
Operator, get me Washington.
273
00:22:58,888 --> 00:23:00,788
- George?
- D.C.
274
00:23:06,387 --> 00:23:09,487
I'll take care of
the luggage, just some overnight things.
275
00:23:22,885 --> 00:23:25,686
- Bonjour, monsieur.
- ...no parking.
276
00:23:25,886 --> 00:23:29,086
Do not leave
your baggage unattended.
277
00:23:29,286 --> 00:23:32,285
It looks like
you could use a hand.
278
00:23:35,485 --> 00:23:39,283
I'm afraid I'm pretty clumsy.
279
00:23:39,484 --> 00:23:43,383
- You must be headed to Los Angeles.
- How do you know that?
280
00:23:43,584 --> 00:23:48,083
- It's written on your ticket.
- Oh! Thank you.
281
00:23:48,183 --> 00:23:50,483
You are welcome.
282
00:23:50,683 --> 00:23:52,984
Have a nice flight,
and I wish you adieu.
283
00:23:53,183 --> 00:23:56,683
Oh, thank you, but I'm quite satisfied
with the 'do I have.
284
00:24:04,182 --> 00:24:07,481
If you want to see me again,
turn around now.
285
00:24:17,481 --> 00:24:19,881
Aha.
286
00:24:29,980 --> 00:24:32,079
[ Flight Attendant ]
It's right here on the aisle.
287
00:24:32,179 --> 00:24:36,280
[ Man ] No, no, no.
I asked for a window seat.
288
00:24:36,579 --> 00:24:39,779
I can't be getting up and down just because
somebody wants to be getting in and out.
289
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:44,179
- I have too much to do. I always have a window seat.
- Excuse me, sir.
290
00:24:44,379 --> 00:24:48,379
- I was wondering, do you mind?
- No problem. Please, be my guest.
291
00:24:48,579 --> 00:24:51,278
- Actually, I prefer an aisle seat.
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
292
00:24:51,478 --> 00:24:54,678
- Be my guest. Here.
- Here, let me help you with these.
293
00:24:54,878 --> 00:24:59,577
I hope that this will be the last
of the conversations on this trip.
294
00:24:59,677 --> 00:25:01,177
Your ticket.
295
00:25:09,076 --> 00:25:10,976
Take it easy
with that luggage!
296
00:25:13,577 --> 00:25:17,076
Excuse me, sir. Could you put your
tray table up for takeoff, please?
297
00:25:17,276 --> 00:25:21,076
No, the tray table stays down, please.
Thank you very much.
298
00:25:21,276 --> 00:25:24,476
You've made things
inconvenient enough as it is.
299
00:25:24,576 --> 00:25:26,875
- What-- What is this?
300
00:25:27,075 --> 00:25:28,975
Is this yours?
Do you mind?
301
00:25:29,176 --> 00:25:32,675
- It's my briefcase.
Let me make more room for you.
302
00:25:38,974 --> 00:25:42,774
Excuse me. Is this seat taken?
303
00:25:42,974 --> 00:25:44,774
Please.
304
00:25:44,974 --> 00:25:46,773
Thank you.
305
00:25:50,474 --> 00:25:54,973
Do you always take matters
into your own hands?
306
00:25:55,073 --> 00:25:58,473
Things often end up
in my hands.
307
00:25:58,673 --> 00:26:01,272
And I bet your hands
end up in a lot of things.
308
00:26:01,473 --> 00:26:03,272
Let's just say,
my hands and things...
309
00:26:03,472 --> 00:26:05,773
are often in the same place
at the same time.
310
00:26:07,372 --> 00:26:09,271
Could I get you
something to drink?
311
00:26:09,471 --> 00:26:13,972
We'll have dry Minoli and Russos,
on the rocks,
312
00:26:14,172 --> 00:26:15,971
stirred, not beaten,
twist of lemon,
313
00:26:16,172 --> 00:26:18,471
in chilled glasses,
not frozen.
314
00:26:18,671 --> 00:26:21,270
And two of those
curly little straws.
315
00:26:57,068 --> 00:26:59,568
Thirty hours, 11 minutes and 10 seconds.
316
00:26:59,768 --> 00:27:02,267
Thirty hours, 11 minutes
and 8 seconds.
317
00:27:02,467 --> 00:27:04,467
Thirty hours, 11 minutes
and 5 seconds.
318
00:27:09,067 --> 00:27:12,466
[ Director Over Intercom ] Miss Cheevus,
when Agent Steele arrives, send him right in.
319
00:27:12,667 --> 00:27:14,466
Mm-hmm.
320
00:27:21,865 --> 00:27:26,065
- Miss Cheevus, is the director available?
- No, he's married.
321
00:27:26,166 --> 00:27:30,065
- Oh, you kidder.
322
00:27:30,264 --> 00:27:35,365
Miss Cheevus, you wouldn't be trying
to make things hard for me?
323
00:27:35,566 --> 00:27:38,665
Oh, Dick, if only I could.
324
00:27:38,865 --> 00:27:43,065
But you know you and I would work
so well together deep undercover.
325
00:27:43,264 --> 00:27:48,564
You know the agency's rules
about secrecy. They're very... rigid.
326
00:27:48,763 --> 00:27:52,864
- Yes, and we wouldn't want
to blow it, would we?
327
00:27:53,063 --> 00:27:55,063
Why don't you two just get a motel room?
328
00:27:55,362 --> 00:27:57,863
I need you in here now, Steele!
329
00:28:28,461 --> 00:28:32,860
Miss Cheevus, wasn't the director
in the office here?
330
00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:36,860
[ Miss Cheevus Over Intercom ] He just buzzed me from in there, my little pumpy
- whumpy.
331
00:28:37,060 --> 00:28:39,059
I'll just sit down
and wait for him.
332
00:28:58,358 --> 00:29:02,258
Great Scott!
Steele, see a doctor!
333
00:29:02,458 --> 00:29:06,257
Good show, Steele.
334
00:29:06,457 --> 00:29:10,457
I hid for two weeks from
my ex-wife's attorney in this outfit.
335
00:29:10,658 --> 00:29:12,957
It's good to see you, WD-40.
336
00:29:13,057 --> 00:29:15,056
You're always
my most noble warrior.
337
00:29:15,256 --> 00:29:17,556
- Glad to find you, sir.
- Yes, yes, well,
338
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,456
we have to find someone else
far more important now.
339
00:29:20,656 --> 00:29:24,256
- You saw the tape with Rancor?
- I can't believe he's alive.
340
00:29:24,456 --> 00:29:26,756
He's a madman.
He wants the world.
341
00:29:26,955 --> 00:29:30,255
But I'll be perfectly frank, Dick.
He wants you first.
342
00:29:30,556 --> 00:29:34,255
He knew I'd send you the tape,
especially with Barbara Dahl on it.
343
00:29:35,955 --> 00:29:38,155
Barbara Dahl.
344
00:29:38,355 --> 00:29:41,154
Looks just like Victoria
when she was alive.
345
00:29:41,254 --> 00:29:43,354
We don't have time
for flashbacks.
346
00:29:43,554 --> 00:29:46,954
Rancor wants the world.
Fortunately, he wants to kill you first.
347
00:29:47,154 --> 00:29:51,153
That may give us needed time. Barbara Dahl's
last transmission was from Los Angeles.
348
00:29:51,353 --> 00:29:53,854
We couldn't hold the trace
long enough to pinpoint her.
349
00:29:54,053 --> 00:29:58,652
Find her, you find him,
you find the rocket.
350
00:29:58,853 --> 00:30:01,453
For the rest of it,
your guess is as good as mine.
351
00:30:01,652 --> 00:30:05,253
- Miss Cheevus, tell Noggin we're coming.
352
00:30:05,653 --> 00:30:07,452
- Hello, Noggin.
- Steele.
353
00:30:07,652 --> 00:30:11,252
Good to see you again. Do you have
a refill of that deathray laser watch?
354
00:30:11,452 --> 00:30:13,252
- Ah, a new air freshener?
- Careful!
355
00:30:13,353 --> 00:30:14,652
- Ah, a new air freshener?
- Careful!
356
00:30:14,852 --> 00:30:16,851
Whoo-hoo
Oooh
357
00:30:17,051 --> 00:30:19,752
Not again. Oh!
358
00:30:19,951 --> 00:30:22,451
Give me!
359
00:30:22,651 --> 00:30:24,650
Well, this looks like
a clever contraption.
360
00:30:24,851 --> 00:30:27,950
A mini--
A mini mobile crime lab?
361
00:30:28,151 --> 00:30:30,551
- It's a briefcase.
- I know. What does it do?
362
00:30:30,651 --> 00:30:34,250
It holds important papers,
files, pens and a calculator.
363
00:30:34,350 --> 00:30:36,850
I understand. But these numbers here,
are they in a certain sequence?
364
00:30:37,050 --> 00:30:39,349
The briefcase
is timed to explode?
365
00:30:39,550 --> 00:30:42,949
No, it's a lock so people other
than myself can't open my briefcase.
366
00:30:43,149 --> 00:30:46,249
Very complex
contemporary technology.
367
00:30:46,449 --> 00:30:50,748
All right, Steele, this is your standard,
state-of-the- art field kit with three additions.
368
00:30:50,948 --> 00:30:55,149
This is our latest development:
microchip Z-ray lenses,
369
00:30:55,349 --> 00:30:57,349
capable of penetrating
a layer of clothing.
370
00:30:57,649 --> 00:30:59,947
You'll be able to see if
an enemy is carrying a weapon.
371
00:31:00,047 --> 00:31:01,548
Oh. Director?
372
00:31:01,748 --> 00:31:06,347
Oh, now, Steele...
should you find your hands bound,
373
00:31:06,447 --> 00:31:11,846
what you can do is just reach down
and pull this pin with your teeth.
374
00:31:14,647 --> 00:31:18,446
Put the tube in your mouth, and squeeze
and it will emit a laser beam...
375
00:31:18,646 --> 00:31:21,546
powerful enough to cut steel.
376
00:31:21,646 --> 00:31:23,547
Fire in the hole, Director.
377
00:31:23,746 --> 00:31:26,345
- Huh? Oh.
- Thank you.
378
00:31:30,846 --> 00:31:32,745
Oh, and one more thing.
379
00:31:33,046 --> 00:31:34,844
This micro-detonator
has a built- in timer...
380
00:31:35,045 --> 00:31:37,445
set to explode 30 seconds
after you plant it.
381
00:31:37,645 --> 00:31:40,145
It has enough power
to blow up a two-story building,
382
00:31:40,345 --> 00:31:42,144
- so be careful.
- Fantastic.
383
00:31:42,345 --> 00:31:44,444
All right.
Well, here we go and, uh--
384
00:31:44,544 --> 00:31:47,744
- Oh, the glasses.
- Yeah. Thank you.
385
00:31:47,944 --> 00:31:49,844
Good to see you again, Noggin.
386
00:32:01,143 --> 00:32:03,443
Bienvenidos a Los Angeles.
387
00:32:03,642 --> 00:32:05,743
Welcome to Los Angeles.
388
00:32:05,942 --> 00:32:07,942
Ciudad de los angeles.
389
00:32:08,142 --> 00:32:10,241
City of the angels.
390
00:32:10,442 --> 00:32:12,441
?D�nde esta Maria?
391
00:32:12,642 --> 00:32:14,441
Where is Maria?
392
00:32:14,642 --> 00:32:17,242
Maria esta en la biblioteca.
393
00:32:17,442 --> 00:32:19,241
Maria is in the library.
394
00:32:19,441 --> 00:32:22,641
- Do you have a lighter?
- I use matches.
395
00:32:22,841 --> 00:32:25,441
Does your mother know you smoke?
396
00:32:25,541 --> 00:32:25,641
Does your mother know you smoke?
397
00:32:25,641 --> 00:32:28,341
Y es, but I don't inhale.
398
00:32:28,540 --> 00:32:32,040
- Kabul.
- Uh...
399
00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,940
I'm Kabul.
Agent WD-40?
400
00:32:35,140 --> 00:32:37,239
Get in, get in.
401
00:32:37,439 --> 00:32:39,439
In the car.
402
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,838
Hello. Excuse me. Ha!
403
00:32:46,039 --> 00:32:49,139
Our operatives believe
you may already be in grave danger.
404
00:32:49,339 --> 00:32:53,039
Please take a look at this,
Mr. Steele.
405
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,339
In that file is a photo
of Desiree More.
406
00:32:55,538 --> 00:32:59,938
She's an expert trained in karate, kung
fu and is a crack shot. Be on your guard.
407
00:33:00,038 --> 00:33:02,637
Rancor may have sent her
to take you out.
408
00:33:02,838 --> 00:33:05,737
She likes easy-listening
and guys who share their feelings.
409
00:33:05,938 --> 00:33:10,737
Her measurements: 36-24-36-22.
410
00:33:12,437 --> 00:33:15,537
Aye, and for God sakes,
be careful, WD-40.
411
00:33:15,737 --> 00:33:19,236
One time I got two cousins that got
salmonella poisoning in this hotel.
412
00:33:40,034 --> 00:33:43,435
Ah, sure looked like her.
413
00:33:43,635 --> 00:33:46,634
But you can't be too sure.
414
00:33:46,834 --> 00:33:49,633
Y eah, almost positive.
415
00:33:49,834 --> 00:33:51,634
Mm-hmm.
416
00:33:53,034 --> 00:33:54,834
Drink?
417
00:33:55,034 --> 00:33:57,633
- Only when I'm thirsty.
- Tap water okay?
418
00:33:57,833 --> 00:34:00,234
Poured, not decantered.
419
00:34:00,433 --> 00:34:02,133
Sometimes you see a woman you'd...
420
00:34:02,334 --> 00:34:04,132
just love to have kill ya.
421
00:34:04,333 --> 00:34:07,833
But timing is everything,
so that was not going to be today.
422
00:34:08,032 --> 00:34:10,132
Says who?
423
00:34:10,432 --> 00:34:13,132
She's pretty smart.
I decided to play it casual.
424
00:34:13,431 --> 00:34:16,232
Casual is overrated.
425
00:34:19,532 --> 00:34:21,432
Oops.
426
00:34:30,131 --> 00:34:32,230
I think the game is over,
Mr. Steele.
427
00:34:32,430 --> 00:34:34,831
You're gonna look like Swiss cheese
when they find you.
428
00:34:35,130 --> 00:34:39,131
Oh. That's no Gouda.
429
00:35:13,328 --> 00:35:16,026
"Coca Cabana."
430
00:35:21,526 --> 00:35:24,725
- I'll be back for you.
- Where are you going?
431
00:35:24,926 --> 00:35:27,026
In my country we have a saying:
432
00:35:27,226 --> 00:35:29,526
"A man who rides a camel is rich,
433
00:35:29,726 --> 00:35:32,725
but a man who drives a Ferrari
can get lucky.
434
00:35:35,625 --> 00:35:39,526
- Oh, gee, I am so sorry.
435
00:35:39,725 --> 00:35:41,524
- What's your phone number?
- Loser.
436
00:35:41,725 --> 00:35:43,725
Oh, thank you.
437
00:35:43,925 --> 00:35:46,424
Oh, like, look at what you've done.
438
00:35:46,624 --> 00:35:49,025
End of the line, pal.
439
00:35:49,225 --> 00:35:51,024
Uh...
440
00:36:06,223 --> 00:36:08,823
Hey, goombah!
441
00:36:09,022 --> 00:36:11,322
Huh?
442
00:36:17,122 --> 00:36:19,721
Well, well, if it isn't Agent Steele.
443
00:36:21,322 --> 00:36:25,021
Excuse me.
Uh, do you have a light?
444
00:36:27,721 --> 00:36:30,921
Y eah, sure.
I got a light.
445
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,420
Ow. Ow. Ow.
446
00:36:47,119 --> 00:36:49,019
Very good.
447
00:36:49,219 --> 00:36:51,719
Well, remind me never
to light your cigarette.
448
00:36:51,919 --> 00:36:54,119
You don't lose guys
like that for long.
449
00:36:54,219 --> 00:36:56,319
Let's get the bus.
We'll be safe there.
450
00:36:59,019 --> 00:37:01,718
- Transfer? Uh, no, thank you.
451
00:37:04,618 --> 00:37:07,918
Mmm, nice dress.
452
00:37:12,317 --> 00:37:14,217
Next stop:
453
00:37:14,417 --> 00:37:16,617
Sunset Boulevard.
454
00:37:16,818 --> 00:37:20,117
I guess it's Sunset Boulevard.
455
00:37:28,216 --> 00:37:30,716
Pop quiz, hotshot.
456
00:37:30,916 --> 00:37:32,816
Someone on the bus
without a transfer.
457
00:37:33,016 --> 00:37:37,415
He won't pay the fare.
What do you do? What do you do?
458
00:37:37,615 --> 00:37:39,415
Stop the bus
and let him off?
459
00:37:39,614 --> 00:37:43,816
Negatory, honcho,
because he cut the brake line.
460
00:37:58,113 --> 00:38:00,614
Excusez-moi, monsieur.
461
00:39:07,808 --> 00:39:09,507
That was nice. Nicely done.
462
00:39:09,608 --> 00:39:11,008
That was nice. Nicely done.
463
00:39:11,208 --> 00:39:13,207
Thank you. Thank you.
464
00:39:13,407 --> 00:39:16,507
Next stop: Melrose. I think.
465
00:39:16,807 --> 00:39:20,008
Well, you must be "fameeshed."
Let's mangez.
466
00:39:20,207 --> 00:39:22,606
That sounds good,
but I'm hungry.
467
00:39:22,806 --> 00:39:24,606
Let's eat first.
468
00:39:27,806 --> 00:39:30,706
- Here you go.
You both enjoy yourselves.
469
00:39:31,005 --> 00:39:34,605
- Brian will be right here
to take your drink order.
470
00:39:34,806 --> 00:39:37,906
We shared an airplane, a drink.
471
00:39:38,106 --> 00:39:41,205
We've been chased,
bussed, seated, but...
472
00:39:41,405 --> 00:39:44,505
I still don't really know you.
473
00:39:44,705 --> 00:39:48,404
I'm Bud Fudlacker.
I have a small mail- order business.
474
00:39:48,604 --> 00:39:50,804
I travel with
the American Gladiators,
475
00:39:51,004 --> 00:39:53,604
I'm 55, I like small appliances...
476
00:39:53,704 --> 00:39:55,605
and I do tax accounting
on the side.
477
00:39:55,804 --> 00:39:59,003
Let me guess.
You are Dick Steele,
478
00:39:59,203 --> 00:40:02,603
Agent WD-40
with the Secret Service.
479
00:40:02,703 --> 00:40:06,503
You are 52,
you like big screen TVs...
480
00:40:06,702 --> 00:40:09,102
and you want to stop
General Rancor.
481
00:40:09,303 --> 00:40:12,102
That could describe
a thousand guys.
482
00:40:12,303 --> 00:40:14,102
Tell me about you.
483
00:40:14,301 --> 00:40:18,202
I like loose-fitting clothes,
and I drive a '69 Pinto.
484
00:40:18,402 --> 00:40:21,802
[ Chuckles ] Hi, I'm Brian.
May I take your drink orders, please?
485
00:40:22,002 --> 00:40:25,401
- I'll have--
- A dry Minoli and Russo on the rocks.
486
00:40:25,601 --> 00:40:28,002
Stirred, not beaten.
487
00:40:28,201 --> 00:40:32,000
With a twist.
In a chilled glass, not frozen.
488
00:40:32,201 --> 00:40:35,601
With two of those
curly little straws.
489
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:37,501
Be right back.
490
00:40:39,501 --> 00:40:42,000
Tell me, who are you?
491
00:40:42,299 --> 00:40:45,699
Why don't you use your...
492
00:40:45,900 --> 00:40:49,199
Iegendary skills, and guess?
493
00:40:49,399 --> 00:40:53,599
You carry a UB-21 Schnauzer
with a Gnab silencer. That's K.G.B.
494
00:40:53,799 --> 00:40:56,899
You prefer an H&K over an A.K.
Your surveillance technique is N.S.A.
495
00:40:57,099 --> 00:40:59,998
Your I.D. is C.I.A.
You received your Ph.D. at NYU.
496
00:41:00,198 --> 00:41:04,998
Traded in your G.T.O. for a B.M.W.
You listen to CDs by R.E.M. and S.T.P.
497
00:41:05,198 --> 00:41:09,198
And you'd like to see J.F.K.
in his B.V.D.s, getting down with O.P.P.
498
00:41:09,397 --> 00:41:13,697
And you probably put the toilet paper back
on the roll with the paper on the inside.
499
00:41:13,897 --> 00:41:15,796
Hmm.
500
00:41:15,996 --> 00:41:19,797
Here's to your remarkable
powers of observation, Mr. Steele.
501
00:41:19,997 --> 00:41:24,796
I am Agent 3.14,
Veronique Ukrinsky.
502
00:41:24,996 --> 00:41:26,796
My father is the professor.
503
00:41:26,996 --> 00:41:31,096
Oh, yes, I know.
The megachip.
504
00:41:31,296 --> 00:41:34,695
When he found out he was making the chip
for Rancor, and not for the U.S.,
505
00:41:34,795 --> 00:41:37,196
he escaped with it,
and he is in hiding.
506
00:41:37,395 --> 00:41:39,296
In hiding?
Where?
507
00:41:39,495 --> 00:41:41,496
He would not take the chance
in telling me where he was headed,
508
00:41:41,695 --> 00:41:45,395
but he said,
"The pendant--
509
00:41:45,595 --> 00:41:51,194
Follow the path
of your pendant to find me."
510
00:41:51,393 --> 00:41:55,794
Hmm... haven't seen
too many like these.
511
00:41:55,994 --> 00:41:57,795
- Pendant.
- Pendant.
512
00:41:57,994 --> 00:41:59,593
- Pendant.
- Pendant.
513
00:41:59,793 --> 00:42:03,194
- Pendant.
- We don't have much time, WD-40.
514
00:42:03,293 --> 00:42:05,793
Sooner or later,
Rancor will find him.
515
00:42:05,993 --> 00:42:10,192
- I'll order our food to go.
- Oh, Dick, I am so worried about my father.
516
00:42:10,393 --> 00:42:13,593
What shall we do, huh?
What shall we do?
517
00:42:15,893 --> 00:42:20,591
It was a teenage wedding
and the old folks wished them well
518
00:42:20,791 --> 00:42:25,892
You could see that Pierre
did truly love the mademoiselle
519
00:42:28,191 --> 00:42:33,891
And now the young monsieur
and madame have rung the chapel bell
520
00:42:33,991 --> 00:42:35,890
"C'est la vie"
said the old folks
521
00:42:36,090 --> 00:42:38,791
It goes to show
you never can tell
522
00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:50,290
Excuse me. Do you have reser.
523
00:42:50,490 --> 00:42:53,789
- Steele's here somewhere.
524
00:42:53,889 --> 00:42:57,589
Rancor wants him dead.
Find him.
525
00:43:00,689 --> 00:43:02,688
- Dance time is over.
Cigarettes? Cigars?
526
00:43:02,888 --> 00:43:04,789
- There he goes. Kill him!
- Throwing knife?
527
00:43:04,988 --> 00:43:07,989
Cigarettes? Cigars?
Throwing knife?
528
00:43:08,188 --> 00:43:09,688
Thanks.
529
00:43:09,888 --> 00:43:12,387
Cigarettes?
Cigars?
530
00:43:12,587 --> 00:43:16,388
- Whoops.
531
00:43:16,688 --> 00:43:18,488
Why?
532
00:43:24,687 --> 00:43:27,487
Quick. Get this
up against the door.
533
00:43:35,186 --> 00:43:37,385
I got an idea.
534
00:43:37,585 --> 00:43:39,685
This is a picture
of my father.
535
00:43:39,885 --> 00:43:42,985
If we get separated,
find him, save him.
536
00:43:45,585 --> 00:43:47,685
Why?
537
00:43:47,885 --> 00:43:51,985
- Go! Go, go, go!
538
00:43:52,185 --> 00:43:55,783
- Oh, shut up!
- Ow! I came here to dance!
539
00:43:55,984 --> 00:43:58,983
- Ow! Dick, help me!
540
00:43:59,184 --> 00:44:00,884
- I'll kill you!
541
00:44:01,083 --> 00:44:03,783
- Get in this--
- No, let me go!
542
00:44:17,682 --> 00:44:22,282
- Okay, let's go!
- Dick, help me!
543
00:44:28,982 --> 00:44:32,181
Follow the path
of your pendant to find me."
544
00:44:32,380 --> 00:44:35,481
- What is that?
- It's her pendant.
545
00:44:35,681 --> 00:44:37,781
"Follow the path
of the pendant to find me."
546
00:44:37,980 --> 00:44:40,380
Have you ever seen
anything like that?
547
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:44,380
- Ah!
- What? What?
548
00:44:44,580 --> 00:44:46,680
No.
549
00:44:46,879 --> 00:44:49,480
Any idea where it came from?
550
00:44:49,679 --> 00:44:52,979
- Museum of Natural History.
- How do you know that?
551
00:44:53,179 --> 00:44:56,578
It says it really small
right there at the bottom.
552
00:44:56,779 --> 00:44:59,578
All right. Take me
to the Museum of Natural History.
553
00:44:59,779 --> 00:45:03,979
- You know, in my country we do
have a saying-- - I'm sure you do.
554
00:45:04,079 --> 00:45:04,279
- You know, in my country we do
have a saying-- - I'm sure you do.
555
00:45:04,279 --> 00:45:08,778
The saying goes: "The museum is closed at
5::00. You go the next morning at 9::00."
556
00:45:11,078 --> 00:45:13,977
Excuse me, Mr. Pushy!
557
00:45:14,177 --> 00:45:15,977
Son of a bitch.
558
00:45:18,177 --> 00:45:21,277
I'm getting sick and tired
of your--
559
00:45:32,376 --> 00:45:34,376
Mm-hmm.
560
00:45:38,576 --> 00:45:40,775
No, he'd never fit in there.
561
00:45:40,975 --> 00:45:45,575
Ah. Sir-
562
00:45:46,975 --> 00:45:48,774
I'm sick and tired
of these games.
563
00:45:53,774 --> 00:45:58,574
This is stupid. Stupid. We're
a government agency, for God sakes.
564
00:46:02,073 --> 00:46:03,974
Huh?
565
00:46:06,372 --> 00:46:08,173
Aha!
566
00:46:12,773 --> 00:46:15,672
Good God!
You're sicker than I thought!
567
00:46:16,972 --> 00:46:19,472
What is it, Coleman?
I'm busy!
568
00:46:19,672 --> 00:46:23,272
- I, uh, can see that.
- You wouldn't understand.
569
00:46:23,473 --> 00:46:25,472
It's the ancient art
of origatsi.
570
00:46:25,772 --> 00:46:29,571
What I don't understand is your insistence
in keeping Steele on this assignment!
571
00:46:29,772 --> 00:46:32,072
He still is
no closer to Rancor,
572
00:46:32,172 --> 00:46:35,071
and we have who knows how little time
left before Rancor launches this satellite.
573
00:46:35,171 --> 00:46:39,571
You better let me take over
this search before I--
574
00:46:39,771 --> 00:46:41,570
Before you what, Coleman?
575
00:46:41,770 --> 00:46:43,870
I don't know whose monkey
you spanked to get this job,
576
00:46:44,070 --> 00:46:46,770
but as far as I'm concerned,
you're a disgrace to the Service.
577
00:46:46,870 --> 00:46:48,770
How dare you!
578
00:46:48,870 --> 00:46:51,369
You and your one-for-all-and-all-for-one
bleeding heart nonsense!
579
00:46:51,570 --> 00:46:54,369
You're too old
to run this agency!
580
00:46:54,569 --> 00:46:56,870
And since you won't step down,
581
00:46:57,070 --> 00:46:59,768
you'll, uh, be stepped on!
582
00:47:01,968 --> 00:47:05,469
- Ha! Loser!
583
00:47:05,669 --> 00:47:10,167
- What you got?
- Is there a jewelery district in Los Angeles?
584
00:47:10,367 --> 00:47:13,968
Come on, this is Hollywood. We have jewelery.
We have women who are willing to sleep--
585
00:47:14,168 --> 00:47:18,167
- More important, is there a Russian jewelery section?
- Da.
586
00:47:18,367 --> 00:47:20,868
- Where?
- I don't know.
587
00:47:21,067 --> 00:47:24,767
There used to be a bunch of Russian
jewelers hung out at the warehouse at, uh...
588
00:47:26,267 --> 00:47:28,267
at 31st and Phlegm.
589
00:47:28,466 --> 00:47:31,966
- Ah, damn it!
590
00:47:32,166 --> 00:47:33,966
Meet me back at the hotel.
We'll split up.
591
00:47:34,165 --> 00:47:36,165
- After you.
- Thank you.
592
00:47:36,365 --> 00:47:38,166
Excuse me.
593
00:47:38,565 --> 00:47:40,666
- Get off!
594
00:47:57,164 --> 00:47:59,565
Whoa! Whoa! Wh-Whoa!
595
00:48:12,962 --> 00:48:15,062
Watch it! Watch it!
596
00:48:28,361 --> 00:48:30,161
- Whoa.
597
00:48:33,661 --> 00:48:35,461
- Cheerio.
598
00:49:02,658 --> 00:49:05,958
You're mine, Steele!
599
00:49:12,958 --> 00:49:15,158
- Whoa!
600
00:49:18,058 --> 00:49:20,557
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
601
00:49:26,357 --> 00:49:30,356
- Huh?
602
00:49:51,055 --> 00:49:55,554
Okay, bring it up!
Bring it up! Up, up, up!
603
00:49:55,754 --> 00:49:58,754
Okay, that's where
the sign goes!
604
00:50:00,755 --> 00:50:02,754
Ah, 31st and Phlegm.
605
00:50:02,954 --> 00:50:04,753
I'm on the waiting list
for a co-op.
606
00:50:11,454 --> 00:50:13,952
You better get outta here.
I'll see you back in half an hour.
607
00:50:14,052 --> 00:50:16,052
Oh, half hour?
I can drop off my dog at the groomer.
608
00:50:47,250 --> 00:50:51,849
- Wha--
- Mr. Steele, I presume?
609
00:50:51,949 --> 00:50:55,850
- Professor--
- Ukrinsky. With a "Y.'"
610
00:51:05,249 --> 00:51:08,648
Ah. Right.
611
00:51:10,949 --> 00:51:13,548
The pendant.
612
00:51:13,748 --> 00:51:15,947
And I suppose...
613
00:51:16,148 --> 00:51:18,348
this is what you need.
614
00:51:18,448 --> 00:51:23,447
- And this is?
- This is the controller chip for Rancor's satellite.
615
00:51:23,647 --> 00:51:26,047
Ah, Rancor finally
made his megachip.
616
00:51:26,346 --> 00:51:28,147
Who'd have thought the fate
of so many human lives...
617
00:51:28,346 --> 00:51:30,347
would rely on something so small?
618
00:51:30,546 --> 00:51:33,446
Well, there's only one thing
to do with this.
619
00:51:36,646 --> 00:51:41,146
No! No! What are you doing?
620
00:51:41,345 --> 00:51:44,945
- Trying to make the world safe from tyranny.
- You mustn't do that!
621
00:51:45,145 --> 00:51:47,746
This can also be used
for world peace!
622
00:51:47,845 --> 00:51:49,845
Oh, I'm sorry.
623
00:51:50,044 --> 00:51:53,845
You'd better let me get that into
the proper hands and get you to safety.
624
00:51:56,544 --> 00:51:58,743
- You found me through my daughter, the pendant.
- Right.
625
00:51:58,944 --> 00:52:03,244
- Veronique is safe?
- Yeah, the van they took her in has dual air bags and seat belts.
626
00:52:05,944 --> 00:52:08,543
- Kabul.
- Nice new wheels, huh?
627
00:52:08,743 --> 00:52:12,343
Yeah, quite an improvement.
In the back, Professor.
628
00:52:12,544 --> 00:52:15,243
We have to find a safe place
for the professor.
629
00:52:15,443 --> 00:52:17,342
In my country,
we have saying:
630
00:52:17,542 --> 00:52:20,742
"The rabbit hops, the spider crawls,
but the camel spits".
631
00:52:20,943 --> 00:52:22,943
Let's see
if this Charger can run.
632
00:52:28,542 --> 00:52:30,542
Now I don't want you
to be surprised.
633
00:52:30,742 --> 00:52:34,741
This guy's one of our top agents.
He's most capable.
634
00:52:40,141 --> 00:52:42,140
- McCluckey!
- Kabul!
635
00:52:47,041 --> 00:52:50,041
- Come on in.
- All right. Come on.
636
00:52:50,241 --> 00:52:52,739
McCluckey, we need
to hide the professor.
637
00:52:53,039 --> 00:52:56,139
- Professor Ukrinsky, it's an honor.
- How do you do?
638
00:52:56,340 --> 00:52:59,439
I've read all your work and your
last paper on laboratory loneliness.
639
00:52:59,640 --> 00:53:02,338
- Superb!
- Well, thank you.
640
00:53:02,538 --> 00:53:05,039
- McCluckey, I'd like you to
meet Agent-- - Dick Steele.
641
00:53:05,239 --> 00:53:08,837
Agent WD-40.
Good to see you back in action.
642
00:53:09,038 --> 00:53:13,738
Your video on deception,
Is It A Woman? Is The Moustache Real?
643
00:53:13,838 --> 00:53:15,738
Beautiful work!
644
00:53:15,838 --> 00:53:19,338
- Thank you.
- McCluckey, we need to hide this guy.
645
00:53:19,538 --> 00:53:22,937
Sure, sure. Come this way.
He'll be safe here.
646
00:53:24,037 --> 00:53:25,938
Do you have a telephone?
647
00:53:26,038 --> 00:53:28,037
Right over there.
648
00:53:28,236 --> 00:53:31,337
- Is it clean?
- I have a woman that comes in once a week.
649
00:53:35,736 --> 00:53:38,436
- Sir?
- What?
650
00:53:38,636 --> 00:53:41,235
I have Dick "Luscious Lips"
Steele on the line.
651
00:53:41,436 --> 00:53:44,635
Put him through.
652
00:53:44,835 --> 00:53:46,635
Director, is it safe?
653
00:53:46,735 --> 00:53:52,035
Safe? Just
a minute. I'll use the cloaking device.
654
00:54:01,733 --> 00:54:03,933
Go ahead, Dick.
It's safe.
655
00:54:04,133 --> 00:54:07,534
I have the chip
Rancor needs to launch his satellite.
656
00:54:07,734 --> 00:54:11,933
Good, Dick, good. Are you coming in?
657
00:54:12,133 --> 00:54:14,233
No, Rancor kidnapped
the professor's daughter.
658
00:54:14,433 --> 00:54:16,433
I've got to find her.
659
00:54:16,633 --> 00:54:19,532
- Yes, well... good, Dick.
660
00:54:19,732 --> 00:54:23,632
Good luck.
Call me if I can help.
661
00:54:31,932 --> 00:54:35,732
- Nineteen hours and 35 minutes.
- That Steele's gonna be sorry...
662
00:54:35,932 --> 00:54:38,131
his mama ever met his papa.
663
00:54:38,231 --> 00:54:42,431
- We gonna heat up the fire! Boys!
664
00:54:42,631 --> 00:54:44,431
They always seem to know
every move we make.
665
00:54:44,631 --> 00:54:46,430
It's inside.
It's got to be somebody inside leaking.
666
00:54:46,630 --> 00:54:49,330
Well, I'm not leaking.
I can prove it.
667
00:54:49,530 --> 00:54:51,331
- You go ahead, ask me something.
- What?
668
00:54:51,530 --> 00:54:54,329
Ask me something.
Ask me who's the director of our agency.
669
00:54:54,530 --> 00:54:57,630
- Who is the director of our agency?
- I don't know.
670
00:54:57,830 --> 00:54:59,629
You see, I know who it is, you see?
671
00:54:59,830 --> 00:55:03,828
But I'm not going to tell you,
you see, because I am no leak.
672
00:55:03,929 --> 00:55:06,529
This place has got to be
a front for Rancor and his men.
673
00:55:06,728 --> 00:55:11,729
- There's one of them now. Follow him.
674
00:55:11,928 --> 00:55:14,428
Do you have
to keep revving the engine?
675
00:55:14,628 --> 00:55:18,828
Ah, but it's an American V-8.
It's such a beautiful sound.
676
00:55:19,128 --> 00:55:21,227
- Oh, Steele, listen to this.
677
00:55:21,427 --> 00:55:24,627
- My cousin's a recording star.
678
00:55:24,828 --> 00:55:27,327
- Duck! Ow!
679
00:55:38,926 --> 00:55:41,526
- Did he see us?
- Shh. Okay.
680
00:55:48,925 --> 00:55:51,225
- I'm going in there.
- Okay.
681
00:55:51,325 --> 00:55:54,825
- Give me cover.
- I got to buy my lottery ticket.
682
00:56:00,224 --> 00:56:02,725
- Rancor's guy is here.
- Right.
683
00:56:02,924 --> 00:56:06,724
That saved a wretch
684
00:56:06,924 --> 00:56:09,523
Like me
685
00:56:09,724 --> 00:56:14,323
I once was lost
686
00:56:14,622 --> 00:56:19,323
But now am found
687
00:56:19,523 --> 00:56:21,723
Was blind--
688
00:56:25,922 --> 00:56:29,723
- What are you doing here?
- I am... the new choirmaster.
689
00:56:29,922 --> 00:56:34,121
- Where did you come from?
- The humble room. I was doing refractories.
690
00:56:34,221 --> 00:56:36,922
- "Refractories"?
- A new popal revelate.
691
00:56:37,122 --> 00:56:39,920
Uh, John, chapter 7, verse 2.
692
00:56:40,121 --> 00:56:41,421
"Popal"?
693
00:56:41,621 --> 00:56:45,421
Uh, sisters.
Michael, chapter 7, verse 2.
694
00:56:45,621 --> 00:56:47,521
"Sing as ye play.
695
00:56:47,721 --> 00:56:51,419
Yea, unto thee
a voice like a blenth."
696
00:56:51,620 --> 00:56:54,120
And as you approach
the allo tropo, please,
697
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:58,219
tres mucho picante abierto.
698
00:56:58,419 --> 00:57:01,719
- You know you make me want to shout
699
00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:04,719
Kick my heels up and shout
Throw my hands up and shout
700
00:57:04,919 --> 00:57:07,918
Throw my head back and shout
Come on now
701
00:57:08,118 --> 00:57:10,218
Don't forget
to say you will
702
00:57:10,419 --> 00:57:13,218
- Are you gentlemen with Rancor?
703
00:57:13,418 --> 00:57:16,617
- Steele's here somewhere.
704
00:57:16,818 --> 00:57:19,418
- Sing it right now baby
- Well, find him!
705
00:57:19,617 --> 00:57:21,617
- Say you will
- Come on, come on
706
00:57:21,817 --> 00:57:26,417
- Say you will
- Say that you will
707
00:57:26,617 --> 00:57:29,217
Say that you love me
708
00:57:29,417 --> 00:57:32,417
Say that you need me
Say that you want me
709
00:57:32,617 --> 00:57:35,916
- You want to please me
- Come on now
710
00:57:36,116 --> 00:57:40,316
Come on now
Come on now
711
00:57:40,516 --> 00:57:45,316
I still remember when
I used to be nine years old
712
00:57:45,515 --> 00:57:48,915
- Hey, yeah and I was a fool for you
- All right, random inspection.
713
00:57:49,116 --> 00:57:52,114
- From the bottom of my soul
- Directive 21, Psalm 2.
714
00:57:52,315 --> 00:57:56,715
Yeah, yeah
I want you to know
715
00:57:56,915 --> 00:58:00,914
- I said I want you
to know right now Ew!
716
00:58:01,214 --> 00:58:03,514
You been good to me sisters
717
00:58:03,715 --> 00:58:06,314
Much better than I've been to myself
718
00:58:06,514 --> 00:58:08,914
So good, so good
719
00:58:09,114 --> 00:58:14,013
And if you ever leave me
I don't want nobody else
720
00:58:14,214 --> 00:58:18,912
Hey, hey
I said I want you to know
721
00:58:19,112 --> 00:58:21,813
I said I want you
to know right now
722
00:58:21,913 --> 00:58:23,813
- Veronique?
723
00:58:23,913 --> 00:58:26,112
- Dick.
- You all right?
724
00:58:26,312 --> 00:58:30,912
- Get out of here. This is a front for Rancor.
- Yes, I know.
725
00:58:31,112 --> 00:58:37,011
I'll-- I'll get out of here, all right.
But you're coming with me.
726
00:58:37,112 --> 00:58:38,811
Stat! Code Yellow!
Code Yellow!
727
00:58:39,011 --> 00:58:41,711
- Get me three CCs of epinephrinox!
- Right away.
728
00:58:41,911 --> 00:58:44,511
- Get me two liters of gasohol mixed with neonephicine!
- On my way.
729
00:58:44,711 --> 00:58:47,010
- Get the electrostatifyer, now!
- I'll warm up the generator, sister.
730
00:58:47,210 --> 00:58:49,210
She's about to go
into fibrolcanination!
731
00:58:49,310 --> 00:58:51,510
- Prepare the operating room!
Yes, sister. I'll get right on it.
732
00:58:54,609 --> 00:58:58,410
For God's sake, can anyone
in this hospital help me?
733
00:58:58,610 --> 00:59:02,809
- Say it right now, baby
734
00:59:03,009 --> 00:59:05,009
- Come on, come on.
735
00:59:06,609 --> 00:59:08,609
- Say that you will.
736
00:59:08,809 --> 00:59:12,809
- Now wait a minute
737
00:59:13,108 --> 00:59:16,109
Oh. Mm-mm. No.
738
00:59:16,308 --> 00:59:18,307
You know you make me
want to shout
739
00:59:28,106 --> 00:59:30,306
High blood pressure.
740
00:59:34,607 --> 00:59:39,106
Here. You'll be safe here.
I'll be right back.
741
00:59:48,206 --> 00:59:52,205
- Okay, the coast is clear.
742
00:59:52,305 --> 00:59:57,105
Oh, Dick, it's so cold.
743
00:59:57,304 --> 01:00:01,704
What have they done to you?
They'll pay for this.
744
01:00:01,905 --> 01:00:03,803
Oh, Dick...
745
01:00:11,204 --> 01:00:13,903
Move 'em, fat heads!
746
01:00:14,003 --> 01:00:16,604
Sisters, make 'em holy!
747
01:00:19,103 --> 01:00:21,502
Oh, Dick, you came for me.
748
01:00:21,703 --> 01:00:25,203
Tell me, what's been happening?
749
01:00:25,502 --> 01:00:29,102
Well, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching,
getting in touch with my inner child.
750
01:00:29,302 --> 01:00:31,102
I have decided I love you.
751
01:00:31,302 --> 01:00:33,502
But what about my father?
752
01:00:33,702 --> 01:00:36,902
Well, I like him.
I just have to get to know him better.
753
01:00:37,102 --> 01:00:39,400
No, is he okay?
Have you got his chip?
754
01:00:39,601 --> 01:00:41,801
Oh, no, he's fine,
and I've got the chip.
755
01:00:42,001 --> 01:00:44,301
- Oh, I love you too.
756
01:00:48,100 --> 01:00:51,800
- Look out, you crazy nun!
757
01:00:58,099 --> 01:01:00,600
Thanks, guys, I stopped you.
You could have been killed!
758
01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:04,398
Quick, let me help.
759
01:01:04,599 --> 01:01:06,498
You smell nice.
760
01:01:08,699 --> 01:01:11,299
Where is my father?
761
01:01:11,399 --> 01:01:13,298
Is he safe?
762
01:01:13,398 --> 01:01:16,798
He's safe, Veronique.
Safe as you and me.
763
01:01:16,999 --> 01:01:19,299
So cute.
764
01:01:19,498 --> 01:01:21,797
- Oh! Oh!
765
01:01:21,897 --> 01:01:24,197
- Safer.
766
01:01:24,398 --> 01:01:27,698
In my country, when an irate,
armless, psychotic weirdo...
767
01:01:27,898 --> 01:01:29,698
chase your woman,
you must hide her.
768
01:01:30,997 --> 01:01:32,897
Upstairs.
Apartment 5B.
769
01:01:33,097 --> 01:01:34,997
I'll wait downstairs.
I'll keep my eyes open.
770
01:01:39,196 --> 01:01:42,396
I just put in new carpet.
Take your shoes off.
771
01:01:50,095 --> 01:01:54,495
Oh, Dick... it is so nice to know...
772
01:01:54,796 --> 01:01:57,594
that everything
is going to be all right.
773
01:01:59,494 --> 01:02:01,894
You have the chip.
774
01:02:02,095 --> 01:02:05,694
My father is safe.
775
01:02:05,893 --> 01:02:08,494
You love me, Dick.
776
01:02:08,694 --> 01:02:10,594
Love?
777
01:02:12,094 --> 01:02:15,993
Let me tell you
about love, Veronique.
778
01:02:16,293 --> 01:02:19,893
Love is a dew drop
on a rose petal.
779
01:02:19,993 --> 01:02:22,693
- Love is a drop of rain,
780
01:02:22,894 --> 01:02:26,193
pure and shimmering
and trembling.
781
01:02:26,392 --> 01:02:29,592
So moist, so wet.
782
01:02:29,792 --> 01:02:34,792
- And those tiny little drops of love,
783
01:02:34,991 --> 01:02:36,892
they come together,
784
01:02:37,092 --> 01:02:41,091
gathering up broken buds
and fallen flowers...
785
01:02:41,291 --> 01:02:45,391
and dirt and dung...
786
01:02:45,591 --> 01:02:47,491
- and deer droppings,
787
01:02:47,691 --> 01:02:52,390
flowing faster and faster,
outward to the sea.
788
01:02:52,590 --> 01:02:55,090
- Onward and onward -
789
01:03:18,888 --> 01:03:20,788
Good night.
790
01:03:20,988 --> 01:03:24,787
We'll talk more
in the morning.
791
01:03:52,085 --> 01:03:54,385
- Hey, hotshots.
792
01:03:54,685 --> 01:03:58,385
- Come and get me. - Why, you
little, no- good juvenile delinquent!
793
01:03:58,585 --> 01:04:00,285
- Go on! Get him!
- Come on!
794
01:04:02,185 --> 01:04:05,385
- Cool. Heads up!
795
01:04:06,884 --> 01:04:09,183
- Nice shot. I'm going.
- Go on! Go on!
796
01:04:09,283 --> 01:04:12,583
- We got you now!
797
01:04:12,784 --> 01:04:14,784
Where's the professor?
798
01:04:14,984 --> 01:04:17,284
With Gilligan, dickweed.
799
01:04:21,483 --> 01:04:24,383
- No!
- This is for Getting Even With Dad!
800
01:04:24,483 --> 01:04:27,082
- And this is for My Girl.
- And this is for My Girl 2.
801
01:04:27,283 --> 01:04:30,282
I wasn't even in My Girl 2.
802
01:04:30,483 --> 01:04:32,683
- We don't care!
- We don't care!
803
01:04:35,981 --> 01:04:37,782
Last time I'm gonna ask you,
smart boy.
804
01:04:37,982 --> 01:04:41,581
- Where's the professor?
- Okay, okay, down the hall to the right.
805
01:04:43,282 --> 01:04:45,581
Okay, the left!
806
01:04:49,581 --> 01:04:51,681
Help! Somebody help me!
807
01:04:51,881 --> 01:04:55,280
They're taking us to Kikiree lsland!
808
01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:03,679
- They've taken him to Rancor!
- They won't kill him... not until he's installed the chip.
809
01:05:03,980 --> 01:05:07,479
- Wha-- - Probably not even then.
Maybe just torture him a little.
810
01:05:07,679 --> 01:05:11,179
- We'll talk about this on the way.
Let's get to Kikiree.
811
01:05:22,078 --> 01:05:24,478
You like this disguise?
812
01:05:24,677 --> 01:05:26,678
It's very good.
813
01:05:26,878 --> 01:05:28,677
I'm proud of this one.
814
01:05:28,877 --> 01:05:32,177
Like this,
I can look like anybody.
815
01:05:32,377 --> 01:05:36,278
- Rancor Industries
owns this little island.
816
01:05:36,477 --> 01:05:36,577
- Rancor Industries
owns this little island.
817
01:05:36,577 --> 01:05:41,076
The natives say there are stranger goings-on
here than at Neverland Valley Ranch.
818
01:05:41,176 --> 01:05:43,977
- Look.
- Uh-huh. It's nice.
819
01:05:45,476 --> 01:05:49,475
- Kabul, stay in the boat.
- Why?
820
01:05:49,675 --> 01:05:51,476
There's a saying
in my country:
821
01:05:51,675 --> 01:05:54,675
"When you hear the words, 'Stay in
the boat', you stay in the boat."
822
01:05:54,874 --> 01:05:56,975
- Bye-bye.
823
01:06:04,674 --> 01:06:07,274
Dick, this is crazy.
824
01:06:07,474 --> 01:06:12,673
Crazy? Some people think walking down
the street muttering to yourself is crazy.
825
01:06:12,874 --> 01:06:14,673
I'll tell you
what crazy is.
826
01:06:14,873 --> 01:06:17,573
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
827
01:06:17,773 --> 01:06:19,873
saying, "I'm a hamster.'"
828
01:06:20,073 --> 01:06:22,373
"I'm a hamster.'"
That's crazy.
829
01:06:29,472 --> 01:06:31,472
- Ooh.
830
01:06:31,672 --> 01:06:34,472
My life's work
is now complete.
831
01:06:34,672 --> 01:06:37,272
Your cooperation
is commendable, Professor.
832
01:06:37,472 --> 01:06:39,271
Thank you.
833
01:06:42,471 --> 01:06:44,272
Throw him in the cell.
834
01:06:44,472 --> 01:06:47,471
- But you said it was
for the world peace! Yeah, yeah.
835
01:06:56,270 --> 01:07:00,370
Hello, General. It's Skippy.
They're on the island.
836
01:07:00,670 --> 01:07:02,870
Yeah.
837
01:07:03,070 --> 01:07:06,469
Well, well, well,
what perfect timing.
838
01:07:06,669 --> 01:07:08,569
- It seems we're gonna have more guests.
839
01:07:08,669 --> 01:07:10,769
- Steele's not dead.
840
01:07:10,969 --> 01:07:12,769
He's on his way here.
841
01:07:12,969 --> 01:07:16,568
- Throw her in with the others!
- No! Please! Please!
842
01:07:16,769 --> 01:07:20,769
- I thought you loved me!
- Naw, I was just usin' you.
843
01:07:20,969 --> 01:07:23,767
[ Countdown Voice ]
Seven hours, 59 minutes and 41 seconds.
844
01:07:23,968 --> 01:07:27,068
Seven hours, 59 minutes
and 38 seconds.
845
01:07:27,268 --> 01:07:29,067
Seven hours, 59 minutes
and 30--
846
01:07:34,967 --> 01:07:37,567
Dick, look out!
847
01:07:37,867 --> 01:07:41,466
- Got you now, Steele.
848
01:07:41,667 --> 01:07:43,666
Hey, where you goin'?
849
01:07:43,867 --> 01:07:48,666
Take that!
850
01:07:48,766 --> 01:07:50,765
Hey, come back here!
851
01:07:53,965 --> 01:07:56,466
Nowhere to go, Steele.
852
01:08:02,265 --> 01:08:05,065
How fast can you run, my friend?
853
01:08:05,265 --> 01:08:07,763
- My God!
854
01:08:09,664 --> 01:08:11,664
All right, men, tie him up.
855
01:08:11,864 --> 01:08:14,764
- Okay, go ahead, kill me.
856
01:08:14,964 --> 01:08:18,663
I got a bomb. You touch me,
and you'll blow up yourself.
857
01:08:18,863 --> 01:08:22,863
You don't really think I'm gonna fall for
that old tied- to-the-bomb trick, do ya?
858
01:08:23,063 --> 01:08:29,562
- Well, how about the old snake trick?
859
01:08:29,763 --> 01:08:32,862
- Ahh!
860
01:08:53,360 --> 01:08:55,260
- What is it?
- Shh.
861
01:09:03,360 --> 01:09:06,360
Let's go.
862
01:09:06,560 --> 01:09:10,959
Two hours, 59 minutes
and 26 seconds to launch.
863
01:09:11,159 --> 01:09:14,759
Two hours, 59 minutes
and 21 seconds to launch.
864
01:09:15,059 --> 01:09:18,258
Two hours, 59 minutes
and 19 seconds to launch.
865
01:09:18,458 --> 01:09:18,458
We've got to find a way
into Rancor's complex.
866
01:09:21,358 --> 01:09:24,259
- Are you ready?
- Ready.
867
01:10:03,754 --> 01:10:05,554
Here, help me with this.
868
01:10:05,754 --> 01:10:08,954
- How patriotic, Dick.
- And deadly.
869
01:10:09,155 --> 01:10:11,354
Ooh, Dick.
870
01:10:19,653 --> 01:10:21,654
Bearing 177.5.
871
01:10:21,853 --> 01:10:24,653
On my mark.
Hi, Mark.
872
01:10:24,854 --> 01:10:27,452
Get set.
873
01:10:27,652 --> 01:10:30,153
- Father!
- My child.
874
01:10:30,352 --> 01:10:35,152
Well, well.
Dick Steele.
875
01:10:35,353 --> 01:10:38,151
I'd shake your hand,
but I don't remember where it landed.
876
01:10:38,352 --> 01:10:41,852
- Clever! Clever? Clever.
877
01:10:42,052 --> 01:10:44,152
Take their weapons.
878
01:10:47,851 --> 01:10:49,651
- Mm-hmm.
879
01:10:52,051 --> 01:10:55,250
Throw her in with the others.
Bind him.
880
01:10:59,150 --> 01:11:02,650
- Oh, Papa.
881
01:11:02,849 --> 01:11:05,550
- Dick Steele?
- Oh, Ms. Dahl.
882
01:11:07,349 --> 01:11:09,249
- Barbara Dahl.
- Get your paws off me,
883
01:11:09,349 --> 01:11:11,448
- Huh.
- you damn dirty apes!
884
01:11:15,549 --> 01:11:17,649
- No!
- You remember Barbara Dahl.
885
01:11:17,849 --> 01:11:19,649
Victoria's daughter?
886
01:11:19,849 --> 01:11:25,248
I'd like to see you watch her go up
like you watched her mother go down.
887
01:11:25,448 --> 01:11:29,947
But I'd rather let you just be
a dessert for my little pet.
888
01:11:31,848 --> 01:11:34,748
What's left of you will have
to watch helplessly...
889
01:11:34,848 --> 01:11:39,546
while I play Mortal Kombat
with the entire world!
890
01:12:19,344 --> 01:12:24,043
Huh?
891
01:12:31,642 --> 01:12:34,543
It's gonna blow! Hurry up!
892
01:12:45,842 --> 01:12:48,740
Come on!
893
01:13:31,438 --> 01:13:33,437
You are very immature.
894
01:13:33,637 --> 01:13:35,937
Bullies tend to have
very bad self- esteem.
895
01:13:38,238 --> 01:13:41,437
Aha!
896
01:13:43,036 --> 01:13:45,637
Oh-ho!
897
01:13:48,637 --> 01:13:51,036
Leave me alone!
I'm an unarmed man!
898
01:14:22,334 --> 01:14:26,233
- Oh, Miss Cheevus.
- Dick, I'm sorry.
899
01:14:26,433 --> 01:14:29,833
- One minute and 22 seconds.
One minute and 21 seconds.
900
01:14:30,033 --> 01:14:32,133
- One minute and 20 seconds.
- You were under the influence of an evil man.
901
01:14:32,333 --> 01:14:34,332
- One minute and 19 seconds.
- It was still a lousy thing to do.
902
01:14:34,531 --> 01:14:38,332
One minute and 18 seconds.
One minute and 17 seconds.
903
01:14:38,432 --> 01:14:43,032
- One minute and 16 seconds.
- Oh-oh. General, it's broken.
904
01:14:43,132 --> 01:14:47,031
Well, you'll like space.
Lots of elbow room and--
905
01:14:47,232 --> 01:14:49,332
- One minute and 12 seconds.
- Oh, whoops. Sorry.
906
01:14:49,432 --> 01:14:53,030
- One minute and 11 seconds.
One minute and ten seconds.
907
01:14:53,230 --> 01:14:57,831
Y eah, you lose, Steele!
That countdown is irreversible!
908
01:14:58,031 --> 01:15:01,030
- Really?
909
01:15:01,230 --> 01:15:02,629
- One minute and five seconds.
- Well...
910
01:15:02,830 --> 01:15:04,730
- let's just see how...
- We need to go!
911
01:15:04,930 --> 01:15:07,830
- One minute and three seconds.
- irreversible that really is.
912
01:15:07,930 --> 01:15:09,829
It's irreversible,
913
01:15:09,929 --> 01:15:13,129
and there's nothing you
patriotic pansies can do about it!
914
01:15:13,330 --> 01:15:15,530
- 59 seconds, 58 seconds. Let me tell you
what being patriotic really is,
915
01:15:15,729 --> 01:15:18,529
you scumbag poop.
916
01:15:18,828 --> 01:15:22,328
This is a great country where a man can
sue anyone he wants anytime he wants.
917
01:15:22,528 --> 01:15:26,229
It's a great country because
thousands of people die every year...
918
01:15:26,329 --> 01:15:28,827
from handguns, and,
yet, at this very moment,
919
01:15:29,028 --> 01:15:33,828
you can still walk into a convenience
store anywhere and buy one of those guns.
920
01:15:34,027 --> 01:15:36,226
- That's democracy.
- It's finally time somebody does...
921
01:15:36,427 --> 01:15:38,326
what that fool Steele
should have done.
922
01:15:38,527 --> 01:15:40,227
- This is a great country...
- And it's gonna be me!
923
01:15:40,427 --> 01:15:45,426
- because anyone who's male has the right...
- Let's go!
924
01:15:45,526 --> 01:15:49,027
- to run for the office of the President.
- Let's go! Move it!
925
01:15:49,226 --> 01:15:52,027
- This is a great country
because any moron can
926
01:15:52,227 --> 01:15:54,326
- All right, everyone, drop your guns!
927
01:15:54,525 --> 01:15:56,625
I'm, uh, taking over!
928
01:15:59,326 --> 01:16:01,626
Steele... get down from there.
929
01:16:01,826 --> 01:16:05,525
- Dick, come on. We have to go.
930
01:16:05,625 --> 01:16:08,325
- Now!
- Oh!
931
01:16:08,425 --> 01:16:10,325
- Come on! Come on!
- I wasn't finished.
932
01:16:10,525 --> 01:16:12,324
Quick! Hurry up! Just move it!
933
01:16:12,524 --> 01:16:14,324
Twenty seconds.
934
01:16:17,824 --> 01:16:21,324
Steele, you're always
doing this to me!
935
01:16:23,424 --> 01:16:25,923
- You lose, Steele!
936
01:16:26,023 --> 01:16:27,924
I'm not through!
I'll be back!
937
01:16:28,023 --> 01:16:30,522
Maybe just tissue or a brain!
938
01:16:30,723 --> 01:16:33,522
- Open the door! I'm stuck in here!
- I'll be back!
939
01:16:33,723 --> 01:16:37,023
- I'm going up, but you
and your whole world...
940
01:16:37,222 --> 01:16:39,222
are going down!
941
01:16:39,422 --> 01:16:42,021
- I'll be back, maybe without legs...
- Open the damn door!
942
01:16:42,222 --> 01:16:46,021
- or some other minor organ.
- Wait! I don't want to miss the fireworks!
943
01:16:58,021 --> 01:17:00,121
How about a hand
for General Rancor?
944
01:17:02,221 --> 01:17:05,019
You're not through with me!
945
01:17:06,420 --> 01:17:09,019
- Ah, well.
946
01:17:10,262 --> 01:17:12,348
- Houston, we have a problem.
947
01:17:29,618 --> 01:17:35,317
A man of intrigue
He lives for the thrill
948
01:17:38,217 --> 01:17:44,017
Always has places to go
and people to kill
949
01:17:46,217 --> 01:17:49,416
Danger is the game he plays
950
01:17:49,616 --> 01:17:53,616
And he holds every card
951
01:17:53,816 --> 01:17:56,815
'Cause if you wanna win
952
01:17:57,015 --> 01:18:00,315
You gotta spy hard
953
01:18:03,215 --> 01:18:08,415
A man of the world
so suave and discreet
954
01:18:11,215 --> 01:18:16,614
He trips over the women
piled up at his feet
955
01:18:20,114 --> 01:18:22,514
But evil's lurking
956
01:18:22,713 --> 01:18:27,213
So he's always on his guard
957
01:18:27,413 --> 01:18:30,413
'Cause if you're gonna spy
958
01:18:30,613 --> 01:18:35,812
You better spy hard
959
01:18:36,013 --> 01:18:39,413
He's always there
960
01:18:39,613 --> 01:18:44,211
When the chips
are beginning to fall
961
01:18:44,412 --> 01:18:47,812
He wouldn't care
962
01:18:48,012 --> 01:18:50,411
If they kicked him
and grabbed him
963
01:18:50,511 --> 01:18:52,411
And shot him
and stabbed him
964
01:18:52,611 --> 01:18:56,711
And nailed both his ears
to the wall
965
01:18:58,310 --> 01:19:00,410
Facing death every day
966
01:19:00,610 --> 01:19:05,411
Is a tough job for any man
967
01:19:05,611 --> 01:19:09,009
But his hours are flexible
968
01:19:09,209 --> 01:19:12,509
And he's got
a great dental plan
969
01:19:14,110 --> 01:19:17,808
By the way
if you walked in late
970
01:19:18,009 --> 01:19:22,009
Allow me to reiterate
971
01:19:22,209 --> 01:19:25,608
The name of this movie
972
01:19:25,808 --> 01:19:29,409
Was Spy Hard
973
01:19:29,608 --> 01:19:33,508
They called it Spy Hard
974
01:19:33,708 --> 01:19:37,407
You just saw Spy Hard
975
01:19:37,507 --> 01:19:43,307
It's the end of Spy Hard
976
01:17:16,518 --> 01:17:19,647
THE END
977
01:17:19,647 --> 01:17:29,031
OCR by: KoushiK DaS
Sync by: Harout
978
00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:12,480
OCR by: KoushiK DaS
Sync by: Harout
75021
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