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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday 2 00:00:51,553 --> 00:00:52,971 I told him, "Donald � 3 00:00:53,555 --> 00:00:57,142 "I have to attend. It's my ball." 4 00:00:57,809 --> 00:00:59,686 And then he said: 5 00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:04,858 "The lodge only throws their ball once every decade. 6 00:01:04,941 --> 00:01:07,861 "Why can't you ever attend my balls?" 7 00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:11,865 And I said, "Jesus Christ, Donald, that's what I've been doing for 30 years." 8 00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,743 You're such an idiot. 9 00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,793 Gov. Dalton, this is Jared Svenning � 10 00:01:23,877 --> 00:01:26,254 the gentleman to whom you are presenting the honorarium. 11 00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:28,673 Governor, it's a pleasure to meet you. 12 00:01:28,882 --> 00:01:31,259 Might I add, you're absolutely stunning this evening? 13 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,846 You can dispense with the ass-munching. 14 00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,765 You're getting your check. 15 00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:41,936 Thank you. 16 00:01:42,187 --> 00:01:44,773 The grant, that is, will go a long way � 17 00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:46,399 towards funding the new programming 18 00:01:46,483 --> 00:01:48,943 that I'm working on for KREL. Mmm � 19 00:01:49,027 --> 00:01:51,321 That's the public access station, right? 20 00:01:51,404 --> 00:01:53,782 The one they run the lottery numbers on? 21 00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:56,576 Well, we, uh, air more than just lottery numbers. 22 00:01:56,659 --> 00:01:58,703 Mmm-mmm � I mean, in fact � 23 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,749 we're going to broadcast a live game show from a local mall this Saturday. 24 00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:06,461 How long is this thing going to take? 25 00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:09,547 Tonight I've got Melrose at 9:00. 26 00:02:09,756 --> 00:02:10,757 Uh � 27 00:02:10,882 --> 00:02:15,428 Well, there's dinner, followed by the presentation. 28 00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:19,432 Oh, and then we adjourn into the auditorium for a stage presentation � 29 00:02:19,516 --> 00:02:21,309 by the Drama and History Clubs. 30 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:25,063 They put together an impressive musical about Paul Revere � 31 00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:27,565 entitled Light Your Own Lamps. 32 00:02:27,649 --> 00:02:29,484 Is there a dance number? 33 00:02:30,944 --> 00:02:35,490 Nothing better than a couple of skimpily clad undergraduates � 34 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:39,327 just hurling themselves across the stage, I always say. 35 00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:41,162 Get me another highball. 36 00:02:41,246 --> 00:02:42,288 Right away, Governor. 37 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:46,125 Will you stop? Stop it! Cut it out! 38 00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:49,212 Just don't eyeball everyone like that. 39 00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:51,756 All you're doing is creeping everyone out. 40 00:02:52,507 --> 00:02:53,758 Sorry, Governor. 41 00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:57,303 Sven, you know these security types � 42 00:02:58,263 --> 00:03:01,850 everyone a glory hound, I always say. 43 00:03:03,935 --> 00:03:07,772 They're all just waiting to tackle the next Sirhan Sirhan. 44 00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:11,818 I mean, I ask you � 45 00:03:12,819 --> 00:03:17,782 can you imagine anyone wanting to attack me, for Christ's sake? 46 00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:03,661 Freeze! 47 00:04:03,745 --> 00:04:05,038 What are you doing? 48 00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:07,624 You looking at naked guys in the shower again? 49 00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:11,586 Didn't anyone ever tell you not to point guns at people? 50 00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:13,463 Once. I shot him. 51 00:04:13,755 --> 00:04:14,839 Mmm. 52 00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:19,636 Nice sneakers. 53 00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:22,805 Oh, I went to look for you in your room, 54 00:04:22,889 --> 00:04:24,849 and Ronnie told me I could find you up here. 55 00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:26,059 What gives? 56 00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:28,436 I wanted to finish that paper on supernovas � 57 00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,813 and John Slas said that I could use his telescope � 58 00:04:30,897 --> 00:04:32,190 before he went home for break. 59 00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:34,943 What do you need his for? You got your own. 60 00:04:35,026 --> 00:04:38,154 No, I got the lenses, T.S., but I need Slas' shaft. 61 00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:40,949 Oh. 62 00:04:41,032 --> 00:04:43,076 You need Slas' shaft, huh? 63 00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:45,495 You insatiable slut! 64 00:04:46,037 --> 00:04:49,832 "We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." 65 00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:51,250 Oscar Wilde. Mmm. 66 00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:52,919 I thought that you'd be down there 67 00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:54,921 trying to secure the best seat in the house. 68 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:59,050 This might be the first and last time you ever see your boyfriend on stage � 69 00:04:59,384 --> 00:05:01,052 especially in a musical. 70 00:05:02,679 --> 00:05:05,556 So I'd like you to be down there front row, up center. 71 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,308 I'm gonna watch you from up here. 72 00:05:08,393 --> 00:05:10,186 With that thing? You'll never see me. 73 00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:11,479 Are you kidding? 74 00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,898 Do you have any idea how powerful this thing is? 75 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,859 I'll be able to see the flop sweat form on your brow. 76 00:05:17,902 --> 00:05:20,071 Yeah, but you won't be able to hear me sing. 77 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:21,280 Bingo. 78 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,158 Strident. 79 00:05:24,409 --> 00:05:27,870 I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson about being demure for your man. 80 00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:29,914 In fact � 81 00:05:29,998 --> 00:05:32,917 that's it. I'm having sex with you right here, right now. 82 00:05:33,001 --> 00:05:34,002 What are you doing? 83 00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:35,586 Let's go, come on. Pull them down. 84 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:38,506 Would you get off me? I've got work to do. Oh, I don't mind. 85 00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:40,091 I'll just let you finish your star gazing. 86 00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,634 I'll take you from behind here. 87 00:05:41,718 --> 00:05:42,885 It'll be great practice for when we get older, 88 00:05:42,969 --> 00:05:45,013 and you watch TV while we screw. 89 00:05:45,096 --> 00:05:46,472 Will you get off me? 90 00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:48,099 All right. 91 00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:50,018 For now. Uh-huh. 92 00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:52,478 But when we get to Florida in � 93 00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:56,232 about approximately 17 hours, you owe me. 94 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:02,864 About that � 95 00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:04,741 Yes? 96 00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,285 Well, I can't go. 97 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:10,747 Excuse me? 98 00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:13,416 My dad's asked me to help him with his new show. 99 00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:15,626 What, like his assistant or � 100 00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,128 As a contestant. 101 00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:19,005 You mean that Dating Game rip-off thing? 102 00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:21,049 That is what you're talking about here, right? 103 00:06:21,257 --> 00:06:22,341 Geez! 104 00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,010 That guy knows no shame. 105 00:06:24,302 --> 00:06:27,472 What, so he forbid you to go to Florida when you said no, is that it? 106 00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:28,556 I can't believe � 107 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:33,144 Brandi? 108 00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:37,106 You didn't say no? 109 00:06:37,190 --> 00:06:40,568 T.S., it's no big deal. I mean, it's just TV. 110 00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:43,529 Besides, it is really important for my father's career. 111 00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,698 Otherwise, he would never have asked me. 112 00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,742 Brandi, the guy hates me, for Christ's sake. 113 00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:50,369 Don't you think that might be a little part of the motive here? 114 00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:51,454 He'd love to see us break up. 115 00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,956 He'd love for us not to go on that vacation, that's for sure. 116 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,084 What did you think, for Christ's sake? 117 00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:57,502 Jesus! You know, for a science major, 118 00:06:57,585 --> 00:07:00,171 you can be really fucking stupid sometimes. 119 00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:06,594 I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, T.S. 120 00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:10,306 I thought that you might be able to handle this like an adult � 121 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:13,851 and show my father how wrong he is about our relationship. 122 00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:16,104 Well, I guess I credited you with too much. 123 00:07:16,187 --> 00:07:19,107 You are just as thoughtless and possessive as he is. 124 00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:21,275 You both see me as property. 125 00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:24,737 In fact, the two of you have so much in common � 126 00:07:24,821 --> 00:07:27,365 you should just go date each other. 127 00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:30,076 Brandi, wait! 128 00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:31,953 Just leave me alone. Please. 129 00:07:32,036 --> 00:07:34,330 Ow! Oh, no. The gun's caught in your hair. 130 00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,791 Would you get it out? I'm trying. 131 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:38,960 Oh, Mr. Svenning � 132 00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:40,753 Jesus Christ! Don't kill me! 133 00:07:40,837 --> 00:07:43,548 Oh, no! Shh. For God's sake! 134 00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,299 He's with me. 135 00:07:45,383 --> 00:07:48,928 Oh, God! He's one of my people. It's okay. 136 00:07:49,262 --> 00:07:54,058 We'll be ready in five, Mr. Svenning. 137 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,726 Go, it's okay. 138 00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:59,105 No, your hair's caught around the trigger here. Stop moving. 139 00:07:59,188 --> 00:08:01,232 Would you just get it off? It hurts. 140 00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:04,402 The presentation will begin in about five minutes, Governor. 141 00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:05,528 Mmm-mmm. 142 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,155 Why not freshen up a bit? 143 00:08:07,238 --> 00:08:08,865 What the hell is that supposed to mean? 144 00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:10,825 That I look like a piece of shit or something? 145 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:12,160 Maybe we can jar it loose. 146 00:08:12,243 --> 00:08:13,452 Here, come over here to the right. Oh! 147 00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:14,579 Here, lean over here. 148 00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:17,373 Come over here, okay? All right? Ready? 149 00:08:18,082 --> 00:08:19,208 Sniper! 150 00:08:26,257 --> 00:08:27,884 Oh, shit! 151 00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,096 How many are there? 152 00:08:32,180 --> 00:08:33,306 I spotted two, a male and a female. 153 00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,348 What kind of artillery? 154 00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:35,975 Perps were using a shotgun. 155 00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:37,226 Was the Governor hit? 156 00:08:37,310 --> 00:08:39,061 Of course I'm hit, you asshole. 157 00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:41,189 You hit me like some goddamn wrestler. 158 00:08:41,272 --> 00:08:43,107 There's no blood. She wasn't attacked. 159 00:08:43,816 --> 00:08:45,026 Get your foot off my tit! 160 00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:46,235 Oh, sorry, ma'am. 161 00:08:46,319 --> 00:08:48,112 Mr. Svenning, I quit! 162 00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,490 Hey, I think they're trying to signal us. 163 00:08:54,994 --> 00:08:57,079 It's okay, we're not armed. 164 00:08:57,163 --> 00:08:59,916 This is just a prop. I'm in the musical. 165 00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,751 It's just a blank. It wasn't serious. 166 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,253 What did he say? I think he said they were Syrians. 167 00:09:04,337 --> 00:09:05,880 Sweet Christ, terrorists on our campus? 168 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,132 Why is he dressed like a Revolutionary War minuteman? 169 00:09:08,216 --> 00:09:11,385 For irony! Your average terrorist's a showman first, killer second. 170 00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:13,971 My God! It's a member of the History Club. 171 00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:16,098 I blame the parents. It's the parents at blame. 172 00:09:16,182 --> 00:09:19,143 They are not raising their children properly these days. 173 00:09:19,477 --> 00:09:21,646 Is Jared Svenning down there? 174 00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:26,234 That's you, isn't it? 175 00:09:26,317 --> 00:09:28,319 Uh, no. Well, yes � 176 00:09:28,444 --> 00:09:30,738 but, I mean, how would a terrorist know me? 177 00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:35,534 Daddy? It's me, Brandi. 178 00:09:36,494 --> 00:09:37,995 That explains it. 179 00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,416 Governor, please. 180 00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:44,585 I want to apologize for this fiasco. 181 00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:47,171 My daughter is a huge fan of your work. 182 00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:48,756 Svenning. 183 00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,592 Your check. 184 00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,219 Oh. 185 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,931 Oh, I don't know what to say, but thank you. 186 00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:59,809 You want money for your pissant station. 187 00:09:59,976 --> 00:10:02,687 Just try playing the lottery. 188 00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:04,188 No! 189 00:10:04,272 --> 00:10:06,607 You know where they air those results. 190 00:10:06,691 --> 00:10:08,442 Oh! 191 00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,862 Get me to the goddamned hospital. 192 00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:14,490 Now! 193 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:17,410 God damn, I fractured my collarbone. 194 00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,294 Mr. Svenning, look, I want to apologize. 195 00:10:26,377 --> 00:10:28,713 Thank you for squaring everything with the police. 196 00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:30,089 I know we probably worried you, 197 00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,883 but Brandi and I are both okay. We� 198 00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:35,970 If it wouldn't mean implicating my daughter in this somehow � 199 00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:39,473 I would insist that the authorities lock you up � 200 00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:42,184 for the rest of your young life, you goddamned little menace! 201 00:10:42,268 --> 00:10:43,561 Sir, it was an accident, I swear! 202 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,813 No, you're the accident, you moron! 203 00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,941 You have no idea what you just cost me here today. Mmm! 204 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,320 I mean, you're like all the other spoiled jerks 205 00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:53,529 I've ever known in my whole life! 206 00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:57,199 Everything is handed to you on a silver platter. 207 00:10:57,408 --> 00:11:00,995 You people, you just don't grasp the precept � 208 00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,497 of somebody who has to work for their breaks. 209 00:11:03,581 --> 00:11:05,333 That's "concept." What? 210 00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,252 Oh, you said "precept," I think you meant to say � 211 00:11:08,878 --> 00:11:11,922 "concept." Listen to me, you little prick, you. 212 00:11:12,465 --> 00:11:13,924 You may have my daughter snowed � 213 00:11:14,008 --> 00:11:18,637 but it'll be a cold day in hell before you pull the wool over my eyes. 214 00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:20,556 What you just did to me here tonight � 215 00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,351 I'm going to make it my mission in life � 216 00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:26,520 to do to you on a regular basis. 217 00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:27,688 Mmm! 218 00:11:27,772 --> 00:11:31,192 Nobody fucks with Jared Svenning's career � 219 00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,277 and walks away clean, huh! 220 00:11:33,778 --> 00:11:35,404 I promise you that. 221 00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:44,121 Hey man, I just want to tell you that I really dug what you did up there. 222 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:46,415 Anarchy rules, dude! 223 00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:49,877 We're over, T.S. Oh, come on! 224 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,963 I thought we weren't going through this break-up, make-up shit anymore. 225 00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:55,132 No, we're not. So you can just forget about making up. 226 00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:57,468 Listen to you. Why don't you just admit it? Admit what? 227 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,595 That this isn't about just what happened on the roof. 228 00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,931 You're using that as an excuse 'cause you don't have the guts � 229 00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:03,808 to stand up to your father. Maybe I don't. 230 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,559 Come on, Brandi. What about Florida? 231 00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:09,230 You have just humiliated me in front of the entire school � 232 00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:11,107 the community, the nation, for God's sakes. 233 00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,234 You seriously damaged my father's career � 234 00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:15,903 you insult me with that good-cop bad-cop routine � 235 00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:19,657 and now you have the gall to ask me if I still want to go on vacation. 236 00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,284 I was going to propose to you in Florida. 237 00:12:27,832 --> 00:12:31,460 I thought that you'd screwed up in every way possible tonight, T.S. 238 00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,672 Guess I underestimated you. 239 00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:39,218 Shit! 240 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,919 Sweet fucking Christ, would you knock it off? 241 00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:20,504 God! What? 242 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,305 What time is it? 243 00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:30,556 9:30. 244 00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:32,850 Man, go back to sleep! 245 00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:45,904 Thank Christ. 246 00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:48,240 What the hell are you doing? 247 00:15:48,324 --> 00:15:49,283 Finishing my game. 248 00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:50,993 No. You promised me breakfast. 249 00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,119 Breakfast! 250 00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:55,456 Breakfast, shmeckfast. Look at the score, for God's sake. 251 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:59,043 I'm only in the middle of the second and I'm winning 12 to 2. 252 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,295 Breakfasts come and go, Rene. 253 00:16:01,462 --> 00:16:03,297 Now Hartford, the Whale? 254 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:07,051 They only beat Vancouver once, maybe twice, in a lifetime. 255 00:16:14,475 --> 00:16:15,893 You hit the bathroom already? 256 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,811 Don't worry. I didn't let your mother see me. 257 00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:19,563 Who's worried? Are you kidding me? 258 00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:23,233 I've never met a person who lives in as much fear of his mother as you do. 259 00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:24,652 I do not. Mmm. 260 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,570 So that's why I have to sneak in here � 261 00:16:26,654 --> 00:16:27,738 after everyone's asleep at night 262 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,657 and sneak out undetected in the morning? 263 00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:32,493 You want I should tell my mother what we do in here at night? 264 00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:35,454 That you play videogames and I fall asleep unfulfilled? 265 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:38,040 Go ahead. It beats the sneaking-around shit. 266 00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,918 What can I say? She doesn't like you. 267 00:16:41,085 --> 00:16:43,545 You've never even introduced me to her, Brodie. 268 00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:44,713 She wouldn't like you. 269 00:16:44,797 --> 00:16:47,299 You're retarded. Everybody's mother likes me. 270 00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:49,134 Not mine. 271 00:16:51,804 --> 00:16:54,807 Jesus Christ! Are you back in the bathroom again? 272 00:16:54,932 --> 00:16:57,017 What do you do in there all the time? 273 00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,602 Figure it out. 274 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:01,522 No, I mean like before. Like every morning before you leave � 275 00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:03,023 you're in there for like a half an hour 276 00:17:03,107 --> 00:17:05,025 and all I ever hear is water running. 277 00:17:05,109 --> 00:17:06,110 And? 278 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:09,571 You're not in there touching yourself, are you? 279 00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:13,992 I was wrong about you. You're crass and retarded. 280 00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:15,828 What do you do in there? 281 00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:17,705 You really want to know? 282 00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:21,083 I asked, didn't I? I'm playing the role of the concerned guy. 283 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,167 I cry. 284 00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:26,171 You cry? I cry. 285 00:17:27,506 --> 00:17:28,841 Any particular reason? 286 00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,217 Hey! 287 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:34,138 I think about the people that make decisions that affect our lives. 288 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,641 The doctors who make advancements in curing diseases. 289 00:17:39,435 --> 00:17:41,729 The engineer that designs skyscrapers. 290 00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:44,815 The guy that maps out a plane's flight path. 291 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,150 The navigator. 292 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,902 I think about how those people are out there every day � 293 00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:51,613 making a difference, leading big lives � 294 00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:54,324 and how they refuse to be intimidated 295 00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,910 by the tremendous odds of failure they face. 296 00:17:57,870 --> 00:17:59,788 And how they only concern themselves 297 00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,331 with peers and company that apply � 298 00:18:01,415 --> 00:18:02,958 to their goals and noble causes. 299 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:06,670 Jesus! I'd hate to tell you what I think about when I'm in the bathroom. 300 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,840 I think about all that and I cry � 301 00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:14,970 because I have nothing better to do than fuck you. 302 00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,482 You're dumping me? 303 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,568 What are you, crazy? 304 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,949 Is this because I didn't introduce you to my mother? 305 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,720 Holy shit! If it isn't mon fr�re. 306 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,472 Last time I saw you, 307 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:01,099 you were on CNN taking shots at public officials. 308 00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,318 Mr. Quint. 309 00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:12,736 Move! 310 00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,160 So you're looking for sanctuary. 311 00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:21,537 It's been like this all morning. 312 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,206 Can you blame them after the spectacle you made of yourself? 313 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,500 What were you trying to do, anyway? Impress Jodie Foster? 314 00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,126 I wasn't gunning for the Governor, Brodie. 315 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,087 It was a stupid misunderstanding. 316 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,422 Ah. Now you're crying patsy � 317 00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,591 thus demonstrating all the key characteristics � 318 00:19:34,675 --> 00:19:36,552 of a lone nut assassin. 319 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:45,185 touch not, lest ye be touched. 320 00:19:45,561 --> 00:19:47,229 You're such an anal-retentive bastard. 321 00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:50,691 Hey, I tried to teach you how to handle comics in the sixth grade, but, oh, no � 322 00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:53,277 you wanted to play Little League instead. 323 00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:55,237 What's that? 324 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,322 Like it? I framed it before you got here. 325 00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:00,784 Oh, my God! Rene dumped you! 326 00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:04,037 Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega. 327 00:20:04,663 --> 00:20:07,457 What's that mean? You had to be there. Just keep reading. 328 00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,793 Wow! Look at this laundry list of complaints. 329 00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:14,047 You have no direction, no college ambition, no job prospects. 330 00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:16,049 Yeah. It also says I have no dick. 331 00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:19,553 But you'll notice that follows the financial question, proving once more � 332 00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,430 what women really look for. 333 00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:23,056 What do you do for money, anyway? 334 00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:26,560 Blood bank, sperm bank, currently considering the eye bank. 335 00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:28,896 Wow, she calls you callow in here. 336 00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:30,439 You say that like it's bad. 337 00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:33,609 It means frightened and weak-willed. Really? 338 00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:39,781 Shit. That was the only part of the letter I thought was complimentary. 339 00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:41,950 Yeah, well, you're lucky. 340 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,330 Unlike you, I didn't even get a letter filled with obscure adjectives. 341 00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,624 What are you telling me here? 342 00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,709 I, too, now am in the framing business. 343 00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:53,045 Holy shit! Brandi dumped you. 344 00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:56,632 Wait a second, aren't you two supposed to go to Florida? 345 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,676 Should've left this morning. Oh, it gets worse. 346 00:21:00,636 --> 00:21:03,096 I was gonna propose to her. Where? 347 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:06,892 On the Universal tour. You're kidding! What part? 348 00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:09,645 When Jaws pops out of the water. 349 00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:13,690 That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. 350 00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:17,069 Too bad I'm not trying to marry you. 351 00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:20,739 Let me ask you something. Did you ever fart in front of her? 352 00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:23,659 Why do you ask? 353 00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:26,453 I never farted in front of Rene, not once, all right? 354 00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:29,706 Then last week I let one slip. Today she dumps me. 355 00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,502 You think that that's why Rene dumped you? 356 00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:35,462 She's not the shallow type, Brodie. 357 00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:37,381 She was going down on me at the time. 358 00:21:37,506 --> 00:21:40,509 Shut up! What can I say? I was feeling very relaxed. 359 00:21:40,634 --> 00:21:43,428 When I'm relaxed, I squirt. 360 00:21:44,221 --> 00:21:46,682 If all she did was dump you, you got off light. 361 00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:48,100 I can't believe this shit. 362 00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:50,018 Why are we sitting here trying to figure out � 363 00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:51,979 where we went wrong with our significant others? 364 00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:53,522 We just nailed it, in your case. 365 00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:57,693 No, there is something out there that can help ease our simultaneous double loss. 366 00:21:57,818 --> 00:21:58,902 Ritual suicide? 367 00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:00,904 No, you idiot. The fucking mall! 368 00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:02,864 I prefer ritual suicide. 369 00:22:02,948 --> 00:22:04,449 Oh, come on, man! It'll be great. 370 00:22:04,533 --> 00:22:06,535 They got these new cookies at the cookie stand. 371 00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:08,495 You have to try them, they're awesome. 372 00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,998 You think the promise of a cookie is gonna lure me � 373 00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:13,000 into doing something I have zero interest in? 374 00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,334 What am I, 5 years old? 375 00:22:14,418 --> 00:22:17,170 Quint, don't be such a pussy, all right? Just go. 376 00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:19,172 All right, I'll tell you what. 377 00:22:19,256 --> 00:22:21,758 We can stop off at Brandi's if that'll make you feel better. 378 00:22:21,842 --> 00:22:24,720 You can talk to her, maybe patch this thing up. 379 00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:28,015 Oh, Mr. Quint, I'm Fred Bishop with NBC. 380 00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:30,350 The network would like to buy the rights to your story � 381 00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:31,935 to make a tasteful telepic. 382 00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,313 Mr. Quint, Tom Drucker, CBS. 383 00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:38,692 We'll pay more money and we'll get Drew Barrymore to play your girlfriend. 384 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,027 Hey, back off. 385 00:22:40,902 --> 00:22:42,779 We can stop at Brandi's, right? Yeah. 386 00:22:44,573 --> 00:22:45,657 Get dressed. 387 00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:19,983 Jazzercise? Why does your mother have an aerobics tape in her car? 388 00:23:20,067 --> 00:23:21,068 We lose them? 389 00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:23,653 Not a news van in sight. 390 00:23:24,321 --> 00:23:26,656 Damn, anyone ever tell you you drive like the Bandit? 391 00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:30,702 Oh, shit! So much for seeing Brandi. 392 00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:32,788 Just ignore them and go in. 393 00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:35,707 You kidding? That's Hard Edition. That's tabloid TV. 394 00:23:35,791 --> 00:23:38,293 They see me here and it's "Suburban Bonnie and Clyde reunite � 395 00:23:38,376 --> 00:23:39,753 "to slay father in his own home." 396 00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:41,213 Man, I don't know what you're crying about. 397 00:23:41,296 --> 00:23:43,924 I'd cut one of my nuts in half to be on TV. 398 00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:45,342 That'd get you on this show. 399 00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:48,261 All right, tell you what. You go round the back � 400 00:23:48,345 --> 00:23:50,972 I'll run interference with the fourth estate. 401 00:23:51,056 --> 00:23:53,016 You got my back? Your back is got. 402 00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:54,142 All right. 403 00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,357 So what's this all about? 404 00:24:00,524 --> 00:24:02,400 I'm Tori Metzger from Hard Edition. 405 00:24:02,484 --> 00:24:04,861 We're hoping to get an interview with Brandi Svenning. 406 00:24:04,986 --> 00:24:07,489 Yeah, that's the girl who took a shot at the Governor. 407 00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:08,865 The same. Do you know her? 408 00:24:08,949 --> 00:24:12,244 Oh, I should say so. I've lived next door to her for 19 years. 409 00:24:12,536 --> 00:24:13,954 Even dated her once. 410 00:24:14,037 --> 00:24:16,957 Shit, the stories I could tell you! Really? 411 00:24:35,392 --> 00:24:37,811 Satanic rituals? Oh, all the time. 412 00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:39,855 I remember coming over for Christmas one year � 413 00:24:39,938 --> 00:24:41,940 and they were celebrating a black mass. 414 00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:45,235 Her father had sex with a goat right there in the den. 415 00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:48,196 And nobody ever reported this to the authorities? 416 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,782 Everyone around here is paralyzed by fear. 417 00:24:50,907 --> 00:24:53,076 Makes for shitty block parties. 418 00:24:53,243 --> 00:24:55,662 Could we possibly go onto your property � 419 00:24:55,745 --> 00:24:58,206 and get you on tape with their backyard behind you? 420 00:24:58,331 --> 00:25:00,250 You want to put me on TV? 421 00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:02,502 Shit, I'll take you to their property 422 00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:05,255 if you're gonna put me on TV. Come on! 423 00:25:10,135 --> 00:25:11,595 I was thinking of calling you. 424 00:25:12,762 --> 00:25:14,556 Has your dad calmed down any? 425 00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:17,142 Well, until this morning. 426 00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:21,313 He read an article today comparing him to the father of James Earl Ray. 427 00:25:24,191 --> 00:25:27,235 Can't you explain it to him? You know it was an accident. 428 00:25:27,485 --> 00:25:28,987 I know it wasn't planned. 429 00:25:29,112 --> 00:25:30,655 But "accident" is too light a term 430 00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:32,032 to describe what happened, T.S. 431 00:25:32,115 --> 00:25:34,868 Whatever. Can't we just forget about it? 432 00:25:35,243 --> 00:25:37,537 Look, we already missed Florida. 433 00:25:37,621 --> 00:25:40,207 We could be spending this time alone together. 434 00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:43,627 Away from our friends, school, studies, everything. 435 00:25:44,461 --> 00:25:47,505 Don't you want to spend some time alone with me? 436 00:25:48,131 --> 00:25:49,466 Just to talk. 437 00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:52,219 Perhaps. 438 00:25:53,595 --> 00:25:54,804 Perhaps. 439 00:25:55,430 --> 00:25:57,224 Or perhaps more than talk. 440 00:25:58,016 --> 00:26:00,227 Oh. Oh, oh. 441 00:26:00,310 --> 00:26:03,939 Absolutely. I'm always one for active non-talking. 442 00:26:04,022 --> 00:26:05,774 Mmm-hmm. 443 00:26:07,108 --> 00:26:09,444 Why don't you go get a pizza with me tonight? 444 00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,572 I've got the game show tonight. 445 00:26:14,950 --> 00:26:16,493 This is Svenning's bedroom. 446 00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:18,078 Now, I must warn you. 447 00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:20,956 The images that you capture, whatever is going on in that room � 448 00:26:21,039 --> 00:26:23,541 may be ungodly and horrific. 449 00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:25,669 Take a look. 450 00:26:39,683 --> 00:26:41,935 I can't believe that you're still going through with this. 451 00:26:42,018 --> 00:26:43,270 Come on, T.S., it's no big deal. 452 00:26:43,353 --> 00:26:45,272 I mean, it's not like I'm going to sleep with them. 453 00:26:45,355 --> 00:26:46,356 You might as well. 454 00:26:46,439 --> 00:26:47,983 I thought you had more backbone than this. 455 00:26:48,066 --> 00:26:50,277 Why do you have to do everything that he tells you to do? 456 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:51,569 There you go again. 457 00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:54,864 Just as you're making headway, you louse it up with this � 458 00:26:54,948 --> 00:26:57,784 possessive machismo which brings everything endearing about you � 459 00:26:57,867 --> 00:26:59,494 to a screaming halt, T.S. 460 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,854 What are you doing out here? Who are you people? 461 00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:29,274 What are you doing on my property, huh? Get out of here! 462 00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:31,067 How do you answer to your neighbor's charges 463 00:27:31,151 --> 00:27:33,194 that you practice satanic rituals? 464 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:34,571 Satanic what? 465 00:27:34,654 --> 00:27:37,073 Daddy, what are you doing outside in a towel? 466 00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:38,908 You did this, didn't you? 467 00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:40,493 You trashed my fiscal year � 468 00:27:40,577 --> 00:27:43,955 and now, you and your crony here egg these media vultures � 469 00:27:44,039 --> 00:27:46,041 into thinking they can � 470 00:27:47,584 --> 00:27:49,294 Daddy, T.S. had nothing to do with� 471 00:27:49,377 --> 00:27:51,921 Mr. Svenning, look. Whatever happened, I assure you, I didn't� 472 00:27:52,005 --> 00:27:56,384 You get your ass off my property now! Go! 473 00:27:56,468 --> 00:28:00,722 And you people, you get the hell out of here before I call the cops! 474 00:28:00,930 --> 00:28:02,599 Me, too? Now! 475 00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:24,788 I don't know what he's so mad about. 476 00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:27,040 They'll digitally erase his organ when they air the footage. 477 00:28:27,123 --> 00:28:28,833 Goddamn it! What is my problem? 478 00:28:28,917 --> 00:28:31,669 I was this close to reconciliation and I blew up at her. 479 00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,172 And here I'm going to the fucking mall, of all places. 480 00:28:34,255 --> 00:28:36,674 You know what, as a matter of fact, I'm not. I'm going home. 481 00:28:36,758 --> 00:28:39,386 Look, the safest place for you to be right now is at the mall. 482 00:28:39,469 --> 00:28:41,805 No press'll think to look for you here. Hide in plain sight. 483 00:28:41,930 --> 00:28:42,972 Just shut up! 484 00:28:43,056 --> 00:28:45,392 You know what, this is all your fault this happened anyway. 485 00:28:45,475 --> 00:28:46,726 You and your 15 minutes of fame. 486 00:28:46,810 --> 00:28:48,019 Get a grip, for God's sake. 487 00:28:48,103 --> 00:28:49,229 Did you ever stop to think � 488 00:28:49,312 --> 00:28:52,357 that maybe the relationship wasn't on firm ground to begin with? 489 00:28:53,149 --> 00:28:54,192 Hey! 490 00:28:54,275 --> 00:28:57,362 You know, it couldn't have been that strong if she breaks up with you � 491 00:28:57,445 --> 00:29:00,615 over something stupid like getting her shot at, numbskull. 492 00:29:04,202 --> 00:29:05,203 Hey. 493 00:29:12,919 --> 00:29:16,464 I love the smell of commerce in the morning! 494 00:29:17,465 --> 00:29:18,758 You're really making that last. 495 00:29:18,842 --> 00:29:20,510 Waste not, want not. 496 00:29:23,847 --> 00:29:25,014 What, you want to say something? 497 00:29:25,098 --> 00:29:26,307 Yeah, about a million things � 498 00:29:26,391 --> 00:29:30,687 but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand them all. 499 00:29:31,271 --> 00:29:32,522 Asshole! Prick! 500 00:29:32,605 --> 00:29:34,441 Fuck you! What the hell was that all about? 501 00:29:34,524 --> 00:29:36,359 He's a jerk from Fashionable Male, 502 00:29:36,443 --> 00:29:39,237 this upscale wannabe shop on the 2nd floor. 503 00:29:39,446 --> 00:29:41,990 He's the manager. The guy's always giving me shit. 504 00:29:42,073 --> 00:29:43,741 I've no idea why. 505 00:29:43,825 --> 00:29:45,118 I thought everybody loved you at this mall. 506 00:29:45,201 --> 00:29:47,704 "F" him! Where do you want to go first? 507 00:29:47,787 --> 00:29:48,872 Back to Brandi's. 508 00:29:49,247 --> 00:29:51,458 Look, Brandi is the past, my friend. 509 00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:52,917 She's behind you now. 510 00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:58,173 You face forward, or you face the possibility of shock and damage. 511 00:30:01,384 --> 00:30:03,303 You should learn to heed your own advice. 512 00:30:03,386 --> 00:30:06,222 Where the hell did that come from? What's going on here? 513 00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:08,349 It looks like a stage is being erected. 514 00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:11,144 What is this monstrosity? 515 00:30:11,227 --> 00:30:12,479 Maybe it's for the Easter Bunny pictures. 516 00:30:12,562 --> 00:30:15,648 Impossible! The Easter Bunny Court is down at the other end of the mall. 517 00:30:15,732 --> 00:30:18,902 It's been up since two days after Christmas. I want answers. 518 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,279 Ask one of the workers. 519 00:30:21,946 --> 00:30:24,449 No, there's a soul who might know what's up. 520 00:30:33,708 --> 00:30:34,918 Willam. 521 00:30:36,878 --> 00:30:38,922 Willam! Poopie trim. 522 00:30:39,547 --> 00:30:41,299 Brodie, man, what's going on? 523 00:30:41,382 --> 00:30:42,509 What, do you work here now? 524 00:30:42,592 --> 00:30:44,511 No, man. Just hanging with T.S. 525 00:30:44,928 --> 00:30:48,056 T.S., I saw you on TV. I think it was on Baywatch. 526 00:30:48,181 --> 00:30:49,474 CNN, Willam. 527 00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:51,893 Oh yeah, didn't you kill the Pope or something? 528 00:30:52,185 --> 00:30:54,687 I got a musket tangled in my girlfriend's hair, for Christ's sake. 529 00:30:54,771 --> 00:30:55,772 Oh. 530 00:30:56,648 --> 00:30:57,857 What are you doing, Willam? 531 00:30:57,941 --> 00:30:59,108 Looking for the hidden picture. 532 00:30:59,192 --> 00:31:02,028 If you stare at these things long enough, you're supposed to see � 533 00:31:02,111 --> 00:31:04,781 some kind of hidden three-dimensional picture. 534 00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:06,741 Oh, yeah, look. It's a sailboat. 535 00:31:06,824 --> 00:31:08,284 You saw it, too? Dammit! 536 00:31:08,368 --> 00:31:10,495 What? I've been staring at this thing � 537 00:31:10,578 --> 00:31:12,288 for a week now from opening till closing 538 00:31:12,372 --> 00:31:14,207 and I can't see a goddamned thing! 539 00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:15,833 You gotta relax your eyes. 540 00:31:15,917 --> 00:31:18,002 Everyone sees this thing except me. 541 00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:20,463 Today's my day. I brought a lunch and a soda � 542 00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:24,425 and I'm not gonna leave until I see this sailboat everyone keeps talking about. 543 00:31:24,509 --> 00:31:26,302 So, Willam � 544 00:31:27,095 --> 00:31:29,764 would you happen to know what this stage business is all about? 545 00:31:29,847 --> 00:31:31,349 It's not a stage! 546 00:31:31,641 --> 00:31:33,810 I'm gonna see it if I have to go blind trying. 547 00:31:33,893 --> 00:31:36,187 No man, this stage over here. 548 00:31:36,271 --> 00:31:39,065 Oh, that thing? I think some game show in the mall today. 549 00:31:39,148 --> 00:31:40,441 I think it's going to be on TV. 550 00:31:40,525 --> 00:31:42,986 It's called Truth or Date or something. 551 00:31:43,194 --> 00:31:45,071 Oh, my God! That's Brandi's father's game show. 552 00:31:45,196 --> 00:31:47,740 What is it? It's this cheesy Dating Game rip-off thing. 553 00:31:47,824 --> 00:31:49,075 Supposed to be for college kids. 554 00:31:49,158 --> 00:31:50,577 Just trying to capture the '90s youth market 555 00:31:50,660 --> 00:31:52,495 with a staple of '70s television. 556 00:31:52,579 --> 00:31:55,039 Why can't they bring back or remake good shows � 557 00:31:55,123 --> 00:31:56,416 like BJ and the Bear? 558 00:31:56,499 --> 00:31:59,460 Now there's a concept a man and his monkey. 559 00:31:59,544 --> 00:32:01,004 Would you guys shut up? 560 00:32:01,671 --> 00:32:04,549 You're breaking my concentration. Sorry, Willam. 561 00:32:04,882 --> 00:32:07,510 Now I have to start all over again. 562 00:32:09,053 --> 00:32:10,263 Good luck with that thing. 563 00:32:10,346 --> 00:32:12,890 Remember, relax your eyes. 564 00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:20,523 Wow, a sailboat! 565 00:32:20,607 --> 00:32:21,691 Shut up! 566 00:32:23,443 --> 00:32:25,111 Could this week get any worse? 567 00:32:25,194 --> 00:32:27,947 Now she's going to be auctioned off on live TV from a mall. 568 00:32:28,031 --> 00:32:29,282 Not "a" mall, all right? 569 00:32:29,365 --> 00:32:31,200 "The" mall. Show some respect. 570 00:32:31,326 --> 00:32:34,245 It doesn't have to go down like that, if we trash the thing. 571 00:32:34,329 --> 00:32:36,456 There's a unique way of getting back in her good graces, 572 00:32:36,539 --> 00:32:37,999 by ruining her father's show. 573 00:32:38,082 --> 00:32:40,293 You're a clever one. I can get someone to do it for us. 574 00:32:40,376 --> 00:32:43,921 We'll be blame-free and Brandi won't be able to do the show. 575 00:32:44,422 --> 00:32:46,090 Who is this imaginary hatchet man? 576 00:32:46,174 --> 00:32:47,550 Hatchet men. 577 00:33:09,405 --> 00:33:10,907 Knock it off! 578 00:33:11,574 --> 00:33:12,992 Kitty, kitty, kitty! 579 00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:15,495 Look at these two. $10 says they're trying to figure out � 580 00:33:15,578 --> 00:33:16,829 which one they're gonna bury up to its neck 581 00:33:16,913 --> 00:33:18,665 and run over with a lawn mower. 582 00:33:18,748 --> 00:33:20,124 Kitty, kitty, kitty! Hey, Jay! 583 00:33:20,208 --> 00:33:22,877 Brodie, man! Nootchy nootchies! 584 00:33:23,086 --> 00:33:24,462 And, holy shit, what do we have here? 585 00:33:24,545 --> 00:33:26,506 Mr. America's Most Wanted himself. 586 00:33:26,589 --> 00:33:28,299 I had a musket tangled in my girlfriend's hair. 587 00:33:28,383 --> 00:33:30,093 Ex-girlfriend. What's he doing? 588 00:33:30,468 --> 00:33:32,720 Oh, shithead here watched Empire and Jedi last week � 589 00:33:32,804 --> 00:33:35,181 and ever since, he's been trying to do the Jedi mind trick. 590 00:33:35,264 --> 00:33:37,350 Crazy fuck thinks he'll levitate shit with his thoughts. 591 00:33:37,433 --> 00:33:38,518 Knock it off! 592 00:33:38,685 --> 00:33:40,228 The Force is strong with this one. 593 00:33:40,311 --> 00:33:41,354 Dude, don't encourage him. 594 00:33:41,437 --> 00:33:44,315 So I was telling T.S. here we gotta find Jay and Silent Bob. 595 00:33:44,399 --> 00:33:45,858 If there's anyone that can help us out � 596 00:33:45,942 --> 00:33:48,069 it's the two guys that have even less to do than us. 597 00:33:48,152 --> 00:33:50,154 What is this shit? Everyone's looking for us today. 598 00:33:50,238 --> 00:33:51,823 We're ducking Tricia 'cause she wants to talk 599 00:33:51,906 --> 00:33:53,574 to Obi-Wan about her video set-up. 600 00:33:53,658 --> 00:33:55,952 Why him? Silent Bob's an electrical genius. 601 00:33:56,035 --> 00:33:59,372 He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator � 602 00:33:59,455 --> 00:34:01,457 into a CD player, using chicken wire and shit. 603 00:34:01,541 --> 00:34:04,544 Motherfucker's like MacGyver. No, motherfucker's better than MacGyver! 604 00:34:04,627 --> 00:34:05,670 Knock it off! 605 00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,880 And it's that kind of smarts we need, right, mopey? 606 00:34:07,964 --> 00:34:09,048 Leave me out of this. 607 00:34:09,132 --> 00:34:11,384 We need you to embark on a little sabotage mission 608 00:34:11,467 --> 00:34:13,720 on behalf of T.S.'s love life. 609 00:34:20,852 --> 00:34:23,521 You know about this game show thing they've got going on here? 610 00:34:23,604 --> 00:34:26,524 We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen. 611 00:34:26,607 --> 00:34:28,484 Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway. 612 00:34:28,568 --> 00:34:30,695 Really? Why? What else are we gonna do? 613 00:34:30,778 --> 00:34:34,073 Silent Bob just stole the schematic of the stage from some foolish carpenter � 614 00:34:34,157 --> 00:34:36,701 and found a weakness, just like the fucking Death Star. 615 00:34:36,784 --> 00:34:38,745 He figures if you pull this crossbeam out � 616 00:34:38,828 --> 00:34:41,581 fucking bickety-bam, the whole stage comes crashing down. 617 00:34:41,664 --> 00:34:43,416 We were thinking about something simple � 618 00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:46,169 but if you want to destroy the stage, we're all for that. 619 00:34:46,252 --> 00:34:47,420 Only problem is LaFours. 620 00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:48,629 Who's LaFours? 621 00:34:48,713 --> 00:34:50,256 You don't know who LaFours is? 622 00:34:50,339 --> 00:34:51,758 They don't know who LaFours is! 623 00:34:51,841 --> 00:34:54,677 He's only the most feared security guard in the business, man. 624 00:34:54,761 --> 00:34:57,096 460 collars, all convicted. 625 00:34:57,180 --> 00:34:58,598 I hear he's even got two kills. 626 00:34:58,681 --> 00:35:01,017 Holy shit! I never thought I'd see the day � 627 00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:04,270 when two such highly reputable mischief-makers as yourselves � 628 00:35:04,353 --> 00:35:07,565 douse their drawers at the sight of a mall security guard. 629 00:35:07,648 --> 00:35:10,818 Shit, bitch! We're gonna bust out that stage like a high-school kegger. 630 00:35:10,902 --> 00:35:13,196 We're just gonna outwit LaFours, X-Men style. 631 00:35:13,279 --> 00:35:14,906 Should I call you Logan, Weapon X? 632 00:35:14,989 --> 00:35:18,201 No, Wolverine! Snicky, snicky, snoine. 633 00:35:18,284 --> 00:35:22,121 What he's doing is imitating Wolverine's berserker attack with his Adamantium claws. 634 00:35:22,246 --> 00:35:23,790 I never would have guessed. 635 00:35:23,873 --> 00:35:25,333 All right, guys. You have your mission � 636 00:35:25,416 --> 00:35:27,168 go forth and wreak havoc. 637 00:35:27,251 --> 00:35:28,711 Bye, baby kitties. 638 00:35:29,128 --> 00:35:31,297 Damn, Silent Bob, show some heart. 639 00:35:32,048 --> 00:35:33,382 Pss, pss � 640 00:35:34,133 --> 00:35:36,552 That's better. We're on the job. 641 00:35:37,637 --> 00:35:38,888 Thanks. 642 00:35:39,931 --> 00:35:43,434 I have to admit I'm shocked you didn't try to dissuade them. 643 00:35:43,726 --> 00:35:46,562 I would if I actually thought for a second they could pull it off. 644 00:35:46,646 --> 00:35:49,440 Oh, ye of little faith, want a cookie? 645 00:35:53,361 --> 00:35:54,737 What's he doing? 646 00:35:54,946 --> 00:35:59,033 If you stare at this poster for a few seconds, a hidden picture appears. 647 00:35:59,116 --> 00:36:01,369 Can we do it? Please? 648 00:36:01,452 --> 00:36:04,747 Go ahead, but hurry, the Easter Bunny's waiting. 649 00:36:05,706 --> 00:36:08,376 Wow, it's a schooner! 650 00:36:10,586 --> 00:36:14,674 You dumb bastard! It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat. 651 00:36:14,841 --> 00:36:17,969 A schooner is a sailboat, stupidhead. 652 00:36:19,095 --> 00:36:20,763 You know what? 653 00:36:20,847 --> 00:36:22,849 There is no Easter Bunny! 654 00:36:22,932 --> 00:36:25,726 Over there is just a guy in a suit! 655 00:36:29,230 --> 00:36:31,983 But they're engaged. It doesn't matter, it can't happen. 656 00:36:32,066 --> 00:36:33,484 Why not? It's bound to come up. 657 00:36:33,568 --> 00:36:36,612 It's impossible. Lois could never have Superman's baby. 658 00:36:36,696 --> 00:36:39,323 Do you think her fallopian tubes can handle his sperm? 659 00:36:39,407 --> 00:36:42,743 I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun, right through her back. 660 00:36:42,869 --> 00:36:44,036 What about her womb? 661 00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,080 Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child? 662 00:36:46,163 --> 00:36:47,248 Sure. Why not? 663 00:36:47,331 --> 00:36:48,958 He's an alien, for Christ's sake! 664 00:36:49,041 --> 00:36:50,543 His Kryptonian biological makeup 665 00:36:50,626 --> 00:36:52,545 is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun. 666 00:36:52,628 --> 00:36:55,631 If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. 667 00:36:55,756 --> 00:36:59,468 Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. 668 00:36:59,552 --> 00:37:02,805 The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a Kryptonite condom. 669 00:37:02,889 --> 00:37:04,056 But that would kill him. 670 00:37:04,307 --> 00:37:07,018 How did I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi � 671 00:37:07,101 --> 00:37:09,395 to Man of Steel coital debates with you in the food court? 672 00:37:09,478 --> 00:37:11,063 Cookie stand is not part of the food court. 673 00:37:11,147 --> 00:37:12,690 Of course it is. 674 00:37:13,190 --> 00:37:15,985 The food court is downstairs, the cookie stand is upstairs. 675 00:37:16,068 --> 00:37:17,862 It's not like we're talking quantum physics here. 676 00:37:17,945 --> 00:37:19,405 The cookie stand counts as an eatery, 677 00:37:19,488 --> 00:37:21,032 the eatery's a part of the food court. 678 00:37:21,115 --> 00:37:24,368 Bullshit. Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs � 679 00:37:24,452 --> 00:37:25,494 qualify as food court. 680 00:37:25,578 --> 00:37:28,164 Anything outside of said designated square � 681 00:37:28,289 --> 00:37:31,250 is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. 682 00:37:31,334 --> 00:37:34,629 Now if you're gonna wax intellectual about the subject � 683 00:37:34,754 --> 00:37:36,213 Holy shit! 684 00:37:37,548 --> 00:37:39,550 Wait here. Where are you going? 685 00:37:41,552 --> 00:37:43,304 Cherchez la femme. 686 00:37:47,391 --> 00:37:49,769 He said it was just a guy in a suit. 687 00:37:49,852 --> 00:37:52,897 Don't listen to that man, he just said it to be mean. 688 00:37:58,110 --> 00:38:00,112 That would look terrible on you. 689 00:38:00,196 --> 00:38:02,073 Didn't I dump your ass this morning? 690 00:38:02,365 --> 00:38:05,618 Look, I know you've had some time to think about the mistake you've made � 691 00:38:05,701 --> 00:38:08,245 and I just want to let you know you don't have to apologize. 692 00:38:08,329 --> 00:38:10,539 I'm sure you were just PMSing or something. 693 00:38:10,623 --> 00:38:13,376 Brodie, what kills me about you is your inability to function � 694 00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:16,128 on the same plane of existence as the rest of us. 695 00:38:16,212 --> 00:38:17,296 Piss off. 696 00:38:18,464 --> 00:38:22,093 Okay. I see you want to continue with this charade of ending our union. 697 00:38:22,176 --> 00:38:23,219 Fine, I'll play along. 698 00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:26,347 But if we're divorced, we're gonna have to divide our mutual possessions. 699 00:38:26,430 --> 00:38:27,473 What the hell are you talking about? 700 00:38:27,556 --> 00:38:29,934 You have my Punisher War Journal #6 � 701 00:38:30,017 --> 00:38:32,937 my copy of Fletch and the remote control to my TV. 702 00:38:33,020 --> 00:38:34,814 I know it's gonna be hard to give this stuff up 703 00:38:34,897 --> 00:38:36,649 because of its sentimental attachment. 704 00:38:36,732 --> 00:38:37,942 Sentimental attachment? 705 00:38:38,025 --> 00:38:39,402 If I have any of that crap � 706 00:38:39,485 --> 00:38:42,613 it's because you brought it over to my house and left it there. 707 00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:44,657 Okay, then let's talk about coming up 708 00:38:44,740 --> 00:38:46,826 with a schedule for visitation rights. 709 00:38:46,909 --> 00:38:48,202 For what? For the mall. 710 00:38:48,285 --> 00:38:49,620 I figure you can have the odd days, 711 00:38:49,704 --> 00:38:51,539 I'll take the even days and weekends. 712 00:38:51,622 --> 00:38:53,040 When there's any special function 713 00:38:53,124 --> 00:38:55,001 like a sidewalk sale, boat show� 714 00:38:55,084 --> 00:38:56,419 Brodie! 715 00:38:57,253 --> 00:38:59,964 I have always taken you with a grain of salt. 716 00:39:00,381 --> 00:39:02,758 On your birthday, when you asked me to do a striptease � 717 00:39:02,842 --> 00:39:05,469 to the theme from Mighty Mouse, I said okay. 718 00:39:05,761 --> 00:39:07,304 When we were at that hotel, prom night � 719 00:39:07,388 --> 00:39:09,140 and you asked me to sleep underneath the bed � 720 00:39:09,223 --> 00:39:11,684 in case your mother burst in, I did it. 721 00:39:11,851 --> 00:39:13,978 And even when we were at my grandmother's funeral � 722 00:39:14,061 --> 00:39:15,312 when you told most of my relatives � 723 00:39:15,396 --> 00:39:17,273 that you could see her nipples through her burial dress, 724 00:39:17,356 --> 00:39:19,191 I let it slide. 725 00:39:19,275 --> 00:39:22,319 If you think that I'm gonna suffer any more of your shit with a smile � 726 00:39:22,403 --> 00:39:25,740 now that we're broken up, you're in for some serious fucking disappointment. 727 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,540 It wasn't Mighty Mouse. It was Josie and the Pussycats. 728 00:39:36,542 --> 00:39:37,668 What? 729 00:39:42,673 --> 00:39:43,674 Sorry. 730 00:39:48,429 --> 00:39:51,265 First, you take a run at LaFours with a sock full of quarters. 731 00:39:51,348 --> 00:39:54,727 I'd do it, but I pulled my back out humping your mom last night. Nudge. 732 00:39:54,977 --> 00:39:58,064 You clock him on his headpiece and knock his ass out cold. 733 00:39:58,147 --> 00:39:59,732 That's when phase two kicks in. 734 00:39:59,815 --> 00:40:01,901 I attack the structure Wolvie-berserk style 735 00:40:01,984 --> 00:40:03,319 and knock out the fucking pin � 736 00:40:03,402 --> 00:40:07,656 and bickety-bam, the motherfucker's rubble. Hence, no game show. 737 00:41:09,468 --> 00:41:11,137 What? Do you know that kid or something? 738 00:41:11,220 --> 00:41:14,265 I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues. 739 00:41:14,348 --> 00:41:15,391 What is with you today? 740 00:41:15,474 --> 00:41:17,434 Don't get me wrong. I don't wish the kid harm � 741 00:41:17,518 --> 00:41:19,478 but his mother should suffer that horrific ordeal � 742 00:41:19,562 --> 00:41:21,522 so she'll learn how to manage her child. 743 00:41:21,605 --> 00:41:23,315 That's sort of a harsh lesson, don't you think? 744 00:41:23,399 --> 00:41:27,820 There's not a year goes by that I don't read about an escalator accident � 745 00:41:27,945 --> 00:41:31,073 involving some bastard kid that could've been easily avoided � 746 00:41:31,198 --> 00:41:33,325 had some parent, I don't care which one, 747 00:41:33,409 --> 00:41:35,411 but some parent, conditioned him � 748 00:41:35,661 --> 00:41:38,414 to fear and respect that escalator! 749 00:41:40,583 --> 00:41:42,585 Wow! Look who it is. 750 00:41:47,423 --> 00:41:48,382 Jerk! 751 00:41:48,465 --> 00:41:50,009 Little Tricia Jones! 752 00:41:50,092 --> 00:41:51,260 What's a pretty girl like you � 753 00:41:51,343 --> 00:41:55,139 doing sitting alone in the middle of this monument to consumerism? 754 00:41:55,222 --> 00:41:58,517 Updating my calendar and waiting for Jay and Silent Bob. 755 00:41:58,642 --> 00:42:02,146 And I suppose you're here with no agenda, as per usual. 756 00:42:02,271 --> 00:42:04,398 On the contrary, I'm here for comics. 757 00:42:04,481 --> 00:42:08,068 T.S. Quint, Tricia Jones. They call her Trish the Dish. 758 00:42:08,152 --> 00:42:09,403 Nobody calls me that. 759 00:42:09,486 --> 00:42:13,616 Our little Tricia here is only 15 but, uh, somehow she's a senior. 760 00:42:14,116 --> 00:42:16,035 How'd you manage that? 761 00:42:16,118 --> 00:42:19,205 Don't listen to him. I studied my ass off. Yeah, right. 762 00:42:19,288 --> 00:42:21,290 So what do you say? You wanna nail T.S. or what? 763 00:42:21,373 --> 00:42:22,458 Jesus, Brodie! 764 00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:23,626 Calm down. 765 00:42:23,709 --> 00:42:25,586 Tricia's compiling data for this book she's writing � 766 00:42:25,669 --> 00:42:29,131 about the sex drive of men ages 14 to 30. 767 00:42:29,381 --> 00:42:31,675 If I remember correctly, it's titled Bore-gasm: 768 00:42:31,759 --> 00:42:34,303 A Study of the '90s Male's Sexual Prowess. 769 00:42:34,678 --> 00:42:37,514 Ready to get sick? Tell him about the advance you got. 770 00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,391 Pendant Publishing gave me $20,000 771 00:42:39,475 --> 00:42:41,393 based on a treatment and a sample chapter. 772 00:42:41,477 --> 00:42:42,937 - You're kidding. - It's true. 773 00:42:43,020 --> 00:42:45,272 She'll be the youngest author to tackle the subject. 774 00:42:45,356 --> 00:42:48,150 So when are they going to publish this filthy little tome of yours? 775 00:42:48,317 --> 00:42:52,154 After my 18th birthday, to avoid the moral and legal entanglements. 776 00:42:52,488 --> 00:42:54,990 So Tricia sleeps with a bunch of guys as research. 777 00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:56,575 If that's not enough, get this: 778 00:42:56,659 --> 00:42:58,577 She videotapes all of them. What? 779 00:42:58,661 --> 00:43:00,955 I get everybody's consent before we do it. 780 00:43:01,038 --> 00:43:02,581 Most guys get off on it. 781 00:43:02,665 --> 00:43:04,291 Men are easily amused. 782 00:43:04,833 --> 00:43:06,919 What are you writing in the calendar? 783 00:43:07,002 --> 00:43:08,921 I was coding last night's research. 784 00:43:09,004 --> 00:43:11,840 She means sex. I know what she meant. 785 00:43:12,174 --> 00:43:14,969 What kind of codes? Here, look. 786 00:43:15,135 --> 00:43:17,429 The smiley face is for when I go down on the guy. 787 00:43:17,513 --> 00:43:20,683 The smiley face with lashes is for when the guy goes down on me. 788 00:43:20,808 --> 00:43:22,601 The circle is for when we have sex. 789 00:43:22,685 --> 00:43:25,354 The circle with the "X" in it is for when I have an orgasm. 790 00:43:25,437 --> 00:43:26,855 The little house is when we do it inside 791 00:43:26,939 --> 00:43:28,607 and the grass is for outside. 792 00:43:28,691 --> 00:43:31,527 That kid is back on the escalator again! 793 00:43:31,735 --> 00:43:34,154 Wow, that's a pretty elaborate log you got there. 794 00:43:34,863 --> 00:43:37,199 Wow, look at all those smiley faces without eyelashes. 795 00:43:37,408 --> 00:43:39,368 That shows you how courteous men are. 796 00:43:39,743 --> 00:43:42,997 Out of 50 entries, only two have smiley faces with lashes. 797 00:43:43,580 --> 00:43:45,374 You slept with 50 guys? 798 00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:47,126 To fill out my research, yes. 799 00:43:47,209 --> 00:43:49,253 That's more guys than you've slept with, dude. 800 00:43:49,545 --> 00:43:53,382 Oh, my God. That kid is sitting on the escalator again! 801 00:43:53,841 --> 00:43:56,302 How old was last night's subject, if you don't mind me asking? 802 00:43:56,385 --> 00:43:58,012 Twenty-five. 803 00:43:58,095 --> 00:44:00,514 It was the guy who runs that store Fashionable Male. 804 00:44:00,639 --> 00:44:03,267 Holy shit! You slept with that asshole? Why? 805 00:44:03,350 --> 00:44:05,102 I needed a 25-year-old. 806 00:44:05,185 --> 00:44:07,813 And he has quite a distaste for you, I might add. 807 00:44:07,938 --> 00:44:09,606 Ew, he mentioned me during sex? 808 00:44:09,690 --> 00:44:10,733 Afterwards. 809 00:44:10,816 --> 00:44:12,234 He says he wants to kick your ass. 810 00:44:12,318 --> 00:44:13,902 I'd steer clear of him, if I were you. 811 00:44:14,028 --> 00:44:16,071 Tell me you videotaped him saying that. No. 812 00:44:16,155 --> 00:44:17,990 I shut the camera off after the sex. 813 00:44:18,073 --> 00:44:20,200 You should have heard the stuff he wanted to do. 814 00:44:20,284 --> 00:44:21,869 I'm having a hard time with this. 815 00:44:21,952 --> 00:44:23,078 Do your parents know about this? 816 00:44:23,162 --> 00:44:24,204 Of course. 817 00:44:24,288 --> 00:44:25,289 That's remarkable. 818 00:44:25,372 --> 00:44:26,874 That's criminal. That kid � 819 00:44:27,333 --> 00:44:30,461 That kid is back on the escalator again! 820 00:44:30,544 --> 00:44:32,254 Leave it alone. What? 821 00:44:32,504 --> 00:44:37,092 So, I heard you were going to propose to Brandi Svenning in some theme park. 822 00:44:37,301 --> 00:44:40,095 When are men going to learn that women want romance? 823 00:44:40,179 --> 00:44:42,723 Not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. 824 00:44:42,806 --> 00:44:44,266 Be fair, all right? 825 00:44:44,350 --> 00:44:48,812 Everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. We gotta go. 826 00:44:50,272 --> 00:44:51,482 Remember my offer. 827 00:44:51,565 --> 00:44:54,318 I'm young, virile, sensitive to a woman's needs � 828 00:44:54,401 --> 00:44:56,570 Somehow I doubt it, Sega-boy. 829 00:44:56,945 --> 00:44:59,156 Good luck with the comic-book store. 830 00:45:06,955 --> 00:45:09,708 "Sega-boy." God, Rene's got a big mouth! 831 00:45:09,792 --> 00:45:12,586 What does that mean, "Good luck with the comic-book store"? 832 00:45:12,669 --> 00:45:15,672 How does that junior Masters and Johnson know about my proposal? 833 00:45:15,756 --> 00:45:17,883 It's not like she's in an exclusive club or anything. 834 00:45:17,966 --> 00:45:19,176 What are you talking about? 835 00:45:19,259 --> 00:45:21,470 Sean Hartle's giving everyone the inside scoop. 836 00:45:21,553 --> 00:45:23,013 What? What's he saying? 837 00:45:23,097 --> 00:45:24,681 How her father made her do the game show 838 00:45:24,765 --> 00:45:26,975 so you couldn't take her to Florida. 839 00:45:27,059 --> 00:45:29,269 Now, what the hell is this shit? 840 00:45:32,147 --> 00:45:33,565 One hour? For what? 841 00:45:34,066 --> 00:45:36,902 What the hell is this? What's going on here? 842 00:45:36,985 --> 00:45:39,488 What, you live in a fucking cave? The man is in there. 843 00:45:39,571 --> 00:45:41,323 How'd Sean find this out? 844 00:45:41,407 --> 00:45:43,617 He was interning at KREL and he said he heard Svenning � 845 00:45:43,700 --> 00:45:45,244 barking at Brandi over the phone about it. 846 00:45:45,327 --> 00:45:47,746 Apparently he had a feeling you were gonna pop the question. 847 00:45:47,830 --> 00:45:49,456 Who the fuck is the man? 848 00:45:49,540 --> 00:45:51,083 What, you waited till now to tell me this? 849 00:45:51,166 --> 00:45:53,710 If you're gonna bother me about this for the rest of the day � 850 00:45:53,794 --> 00:45:54,962 I'll go home! You dragged me here! 851 00:45:55,045 --> 00:45:57,548 You needed this. Who the fuck is in there? 852 00:45:58,674 --> 00:46:00,217 One side, Red. 853 00:46:00,426 --> 00:46:02,136 What the hell's going on here? 854 00:46:02,219 --> 00:46:03,220 I was warned about you. 855 00:46:03,345 --> 00:46:05,681 Take it easy before I have you removed� Warned? 856 00:46:05,764 --> 00:46:07,141 What the fuck are you talking about? 857 00:46:07,224 --> 00:46:08,350 Tell him, Steve. 858 00:46:08,434 --> 00:46:09,852 Fuck you, fan-boy! 859 00:46:09,935 --> 00:46:12,438 Would you testosterone-seething, He-Man comic book fans � 860 00:46:12,521 --> 00:46:14,189 finish up with this tough-guy back-and-forth? 861 00:46:14,273 --> 00:46:15,399 I got some questions I need answered. 862 00:46:15,482 --> 00:46:16,567 Who's in there? 863 00:46:16,650 --> 00:46:17,776 You got to ask me nicely. 864 00:46:17,860 --> 00:46:18,986 Fuck this. 865 00:46:19,069 --> 00:46:20,195 Jesus Christ! 866 00:46:20,571 --> 00:46:22,281 Get the hell off of him. Come on. 867 00:46:22,364 --> 00:46:25,701 You fuckers think just 'cause a guy reads comics he can't start some shit? 868 00:46:25,784 --> 00:46:27,119 I'll fucking take all of you on! 869 00:46:27,202 --> 00:46:28,495 Somebody get a medic! 870 00:46:28,579 --> 00:46:31,290 There's a little boy caught in the escalator! 871 00:46:31,373 --> 00:46:33,000 Come back here and arrest this goon! 872 00:46:33,083 --> 00:46:35,294 You're fucking next, man. Jesus, Brodie! 873 00:46:35,377 --> 00:46:38,755 I'm not going anywhere until I find out why I can't get my comics. 874 00:46:38,839 --> 00:46:40,591 All right. 875 00:46:40,966 --> 00:46:42,426 Excuse me. Don't hit me. 876 00:46:42,509 --> 00:46:43,844 Why is there a line? 877 00:46:43,927 --> 00:46:45,512 Stan Lee is signing comics. 878 00:46:47,723 --> 00:46:48,974 Stan Lee? 879 00:46:49,892 --> 00:46:52,436 Okay, Lunchbox, let's try this again. 880 00:46:52,519 --> 00:46:55,439 We tie you to the roof, you jump and sail like a Spitfire � 881 00:46:55,522 --> 00:46:57,941 passing right over the arch-nemesis LaFours. 882 00:46:58,025 --> 00:47:00,527 You then swing up to the stage and knock out the pin. 883 00:47:00,611 --> 00:47:03,697 And when that's gone, the stage is trashed and we go smoke a bowl. 884 00:47:03,780 --> 00:47:06,116 You got it? Now, get your fat ass out there! 885 00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,828 And, dude, don't forget your helmet. Snoogins. 886 00:47:41,777 --> 00:47:44,571 Fly, fat-ass, fly! 887 00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:02,256 What the fuck? 888 00:48:03,423 --> 00:48:04,925 You fucker! 889 00:48:05,175 --> 00:48:06,385 - Security? - Is it alive? 890 00:48:06,468 --> 00:48:08,303 Yeah. This is Popular Girl. 891 00:48:08,387 --> 00:48:11,223 We just had something crash through the wall. 892 00:48:11,306 --> 00:48:14,059 Stan Lee! How does something as big as the creator � 893 00:48:14,142 --> 00:48:18,313 of the most important titles in comics history � coming to my mall get by me? 894 00:48:18,397 --> 00:48:20,315 I must be slipping in my old age. 895 00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,234 The name amongst names. 896 00:48:22,317 --> 00:48:24,570 There's a million questions I'd love to ask him. 897 00:48:24,653 --> 00:48:25,904 Her father! 898 00:48:25,988 --> 00:48:29,032 I knew this game show thing was just a beard for an attempt to break us up. 899 00:48:29,116 --> 00:48:30,200 Why can't he just leave us alone 900 00:48:30,284 --> 00:48:32,202 and let us follow through with our plans? 901 00:48:32,286 --> 00:48:34,413 What kind of man are you, anyway? 902 00:48:34,496 --> 00:48:37,666 I'm talking comics and you bring up chicks and romance? 903 00:48:37,791 --> 00:48:41,169 While we're on the subject, why the hell do you want to get married now, anyway? 904 00:48:41,253 --> 00:48:42,421 You're still in college. 905 00:48:42,504 --> 00:48:43,589 I was just gonna propose. 906 00:48:43,672 --> 00:48:45,424 The wedding wouldn't be till after we graduate. 907 00:48:45,507 --> 00:48:47,092 Waste of time, if you ask me. 908 00:48:47,175 --> 00:48:49,553 My grandmother always said, "Why buy the cow � 909 00:48:49,636 --> 00:48:51,346 "when you get the sex for free?" 910 00:48:51,930 --> 00:48:53,599 She did? All the time. 911 00:48:53,682 --> 00:48:55,726 Of course, she became a lesbian on her 60th birthday, 912 00:48:55,809 --> 00:48:57,519 but that's beside the point. 913 00:48:57,603 --> 00:49:00,188 Where the hell are these two going in such a hurry? 914 00:49:14,536 --> 00:49:17,623 Is he gone? Halfway to Buy Me Toys by now. 915 00:49:19,458 --> 00:49:22,628 Damn, that bastard's faster than Walt Flanagan's dog. 916 00:49:22,711 --> 00:49:24,630 What's with all the running? 917 00:49:24,713 --> 00:49:26,465 What the hell happened to him? 918 00:49:26,548 --> 00:49:28,967 The human brown-eye here is a walking calamity. 919 00:49:29,051 --> 00:49:31,470 We'll have to take a pass on the stage-trashing business � 920 00:49:31,553 --> 00:49:33,472 otherwise he's liable to kill himself. 921 00:49:33,555 --> 00:49:35,849 Sorry, bro. Oh, no hard feelings. 922 00:49:36,099 --> 00:49:37,559 Isn't that Rene? 923 00:49:37,726 --> 00:49:39,061 She's probably looking for me. 924 00:49:39,144 --> 00:49:40,354 I better go talk to her. 925 00:49:40,562 --> 00:49:41,688 Keep that. 926 00:49:42,439 --> 00:49:43,649 I don't know. She's with somebody. 927 00:49:43,732 --> 00:49:45,567 She's practically blowing him. 928 00:49:46,943 --> 00:49:48,487 Wait a minute, isn't that � 929 00:49:48,570 --> 00:49:50,614 The asshole from Fashionable Male! 930 00:49:50,697 --> 00:49:51,865 Son of a bitch! 931 00:49:51,948 --> 00:49:53,075 My God! You think that they're � 932 00:49:53,158 --> 00:49:55,786 Could be. It'll explain why he hates me so much. 933 00:49:55,869 --> 00:49:57,371 And there's only one way to find out. 934 00:49:57,454 --> 00:49:59,456 Can you run interference with the lug? 935 00:49:59,581 --> 00:50:02,084 What are you gonna do? Get some answers. 936 00:50:06,088 --> 00:50:07,089 Shit! 937 00:50:22,145 --> 00:50:24,773 Oh, you work at the Fashionable Male, don't you? 938 00:50:25,399 --> 00:50:26,775 Yeah? So? 939 00:50:28,110 --> 00:50:30,737 That's a great store you got there. 940 00:50:31,738 --> 00:50:33,615 Uh, thanks. Listen, 941 00:50:33,699 --> 00:50:36,243 I'm trying to spend my lunch hour with my lady friend here. 942 00:50:36,326 --> 00:50:38,120 So why don't you beat it? 943 00:50:41,998 --> 00:50:44,418 Oh, that's your girlfriend? Right there? 944 00:50:47,671 --> 00:50:49,214 If you don't stop gawking at me 945 00:50:49,297 --> 00:50:51,550 and get the hell out of here, I'll kick your ass. 946 00:50:51,633 --> 00:50:52,801 Haven't you ever heard the phrase, 947 00:50:52,843 --> 00:50:54,928 "The customer's always right"? 948 00:50:55,804 --> 00:50:57,889 Let me tell you a little secret: 949 00:50:57,973 --> 00:50:59,891 The customer's always an asshole! 950 00:51:04,354 --> 00:51:05,564 Jesus Christ! 951 00:51:05,647 --> 00:51:06,898 What the hell gives with the cover boy? 952 00:51:06,982 --> 00:51:09,901 None of your damn business. He'd kick your ass if he knew about this. 953 00:51:09,985 --> 00:51:12,821 Are you insane? The guy looks like a date rapist! 954 00:51:13,238 --> 00:51:14,948 Is that my jacket? Start the elevator. 955 00:51:15,031 --> 00:51:17,200 Not until you tell me what the situation is 956 00:51:17,284 --> 00:51:18,827 with you and the Sperminator out there. 957 00:51:18,910 --> 00:51:20,537 How long has this been going on? 958 00:51:20,620 --> 00:51:23,081 Since I finally mustered the good sense to send you packing. 959 00:51:23,165 --> 00:51:25,250 He's a much more suitable companion than you, any day. 960 00:51:25,333 --> 00:51:26,585 Are you nuts? 961 00:51:26,668 --> 00:51:30,172 The guy's pure testosterone! He's a walking hard-on, looking for a hole! 962 00:51:30,255 --> 00:51:33,383 I need testosterone after babysitting you and your comic book collection. 963 00:51:33,467 --> 00:51:35,010 I forgot what real men were like. 964 00:51:35,093 --> 00:51:38,930 I can't believe you have the nerve to come to my mall and pick up guys! 965 00:51:39,014 --> 00:51:40,974 Oh, no, Shannon did the picking up. 966 00:51:41,057 --> 00:51:42,976 He's already taken me to lunch at the Cheese Haus � 967 00:51:43,059 --> 00:51:45,812 purchased tickets for the opera night and took me to stores I like! 968 00:51:45,896 --> 00:51:48,273 I took you shopping all the time! 969 00:51:48,356 --> 00:51:49,983 You took me where you went shopping, jerk! 970 00:51:50,066 --> 00:51:51,568 Do you think I care what rat-hole store 971 00:51:51,651 --> 00:51:53,487 in that shit-pit you call the dirt mall � 972 00:51:53,570 --> 00:51:54,863 has got the latest Godzilla bootlegs? 973 00:51:54,946 --> 00:51:57,908 You call eating pizza in the same dive pizzeria every night eating out? 974 00:51:57,991 --> 00:52:01,286 Do I give a shit when two major comic labels are crossing over characters � 975 00:52:01,369 --> 00:52:04,164 and selling two editions of the book in varied-ink chromium covers? 976 00:52:04,247 --> 00:52:05,499 I'm a girl, damn it! 977 00:52:05,582 --> 00:52:09,586 I want to do girly things like fix someone's hair and get romantic phone calls. 978 00:52:09,711 --> 00:52:11,379 I call you all the time! 979 00:52:11,463 --> 00:52:14,007 "Rene, my mom's asleep. Come over." You call that romantic? 980 00:52:14,090 --> 00:52:17,260 When was the last time you pulled out my chair or told me I was beautiful? 981 00:52:17,344 --> 00:52:19,471 This guy does all this in the span of a day! 982 00:52:19,554 --> 00:52:22,307 This guy already introduced me to his mother. 983 00:52:22,390 --> 00:52:23,517 Really? 984 00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:25,852 He was up and at work by 9:00 this morning. 985 00:52:25,936 --> 00:52:28,063 Unlike my ex-boyfriend, who would sleep until 1:00 � 986 00:52:28,146 --> 00:52:30,732 'cause he played Sega and watched videos all night long! 987 00:52:30,816 --> 00:52:32,984 Which, by the way, has enormous effect on your libido. 988 00:52:33,068 --> 00:52:35,028 Oh, now you attack my libido? 989 00:52:35,111 --> 00:52:36,321 There's no libido to attack. 990 00:52:36,404 --> 00:52:38,114 No libido to attack? 991 00:52:43,578 --> 00:52:45,497 You're sure you saw her get on, right? 992 00:52:45,580 --> 00:52:47,415 Maybe she was getting off. 993 00:52:58,718 --> 00:52:59,719 Ow! 994 00:52:59,845 --> 00:53:02,097 Sorry. It's all right. 995 00:53:06,601 --> 00:53:08,854 You know something? You look familiar to me. 996 00:53:10,564 --> 00:53:12,816 Couldn't be. I'm never at the mall much. 997 00:53:12,983 --> 00:53:15,110 No, it's not from the mall. 998 00:53:16,570 --> 00:53:19,781 I know. You're the guy from the news that kidnapped the President's daughter � 999 00:53:19,865 --> 00:53:21,449 and threw her off the roof. 1000 00:53:22,450 --> 00:53:25,954 I got a musket tangled in my girlfriend's hair, for Christ's sake. 1001 00:53:29,499 --> 00:53:31,793 There, that was romantic, right? 1002 00:53:33,503 --> 00:53:35,380 Passionate, yeah. 1003 00:53:36,464 --> 00:53:39,801 No, Brodie. That was too little, too late. 1004 00:53:40,802 --> 00:53:41,845 Too little? 1005 00:53:41,928 --> 00:53:43,805 You said it was a good size. 1006 00:53:43,889 --> 00:53:47,392 The effort, you retard. The effort was too little, too late. 1007 00:53:47,976 --> 00:53:51,897 But now that you mention it, when a girl says it's a good size � 1008 00:53:52,147 --> 00:53:54,691 it's a nice way of saying that it's small. 1009 00:53:56,151 --> 00:53:57,235 Hey! 1010 00:54:06,453 --> 00:54:07,829 I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch. 1011 00:54:07,913 --> 00:54:09,831 No, forget about him. 1012 00:54:10,123 --> 00:54:13,418 He just wanted to give me something that he forgot to give me a long time ago. 1013 00:54:13,501 --> 00:54:15,045 He's harmless now. Okay? 1014 00:54:17,756 --> 00:54:20,508 Fine. I gotta get back to the store. Let's go. 1015 00:54:29,601 --> 00:54:30,727 Right there in the elevator? 1016 00:54:30,810 --> 00:54:32,103 I don't know what came over me. 1017 00:54:32,187 --> 00:54:33,563 She challenged my libido. 1018 00:54:33,647 --> 00:54:36,691 I felt obligated to defend myself against her accusations. 1019 00:54:36,858 --> 00:54:38,777 Oh, it's not like you still wanted her. 1020 00:54:38,860 --> 00:54:40,862 Not in the least. I'm over her. 1021 00:54:42,447 --> 00:54:43,949 Holy shit! 1022 00:54:44,032 --> 00:54:46,242 You really love that girl. Yeah, right. 1023 00:54:46,660 --> 00:54:49,871 No, I never noticed it before, but she really fuels your engine. 1024 00:54:49,996 --> 00:54:52,666 You have this new glow about you. I don't have a glow. 1025 00:54:52,749 --> 00:54:53,833 You do. You're glowing. 1026 00:54:53,917 --> 00:54:56,336 If I have a glow it's because just I got laid. 1027 00:54:56,419 --> 00:54:59,047 I'd look the same if I banged anyone in that elevator, 1028 00:54:59,130 --> 00:55:01,132 present company excluded. 1029 00:55:01,883 --> 00:55:05,136 Deny it all you want. I think you're too proud to admit you want her back. 1030 00:55:05,220 --> 00:55:07,973 I suddenly want something very bad to happen to you. 1031 00:55:08,056 --> 00:55:10,141 What is your problem? I don't understand. 1032 00:55:11,393 --> 00:55:13,895 Oh, Gwen! I'm sorry. You fucker! 1033 00:55:17,899 --> 00:55:21,403 See! That's what you get for fucking with me. 1034 00:55:21,987 --> 00:55:24,072 Hey, Gwen, he didn't really mean to hit you. 1035 00:55:24,155 --> 00:55:25,490 He's got a funny way of showing it, 1036 00:55:25,573 --> 00:55:27,867 by elbowing me in my frigging tit! 1037 00:55:27,951 --> 00:55:29,035 Why the hell are you glowing? 1038 00:55:29,119 --> 00:55:30,996 I'm not glowing. 1039 00:55:31,079 --> 00:55:32,205 Brandi dumped him. 1040 00:55:32,288 --> 00:55:34,332 Would you stop saying that? 1041 00:55:34,416 --> 00:55:35,583 I know. I heard. 1042 00:55:35,667 --> 00:55:36,668 You heard? How? 1043 00:55:36,751 --> 00:55:39,379 She told me. I ran into her a few minutes ago. 1044 00:55:39,462 --> 00:55:41,381 Really? Where? By the stage. 1045 00:55:43,967 --> 00:55:45,510 Do you want me to rub it? 1046 00:55:47,095 --> 00:55:49,514 Work with me, people, would you please? 1047 00:55:49,597 --> 00:55:51,307 No, I don't want this here. 1048 00:55:51,391 --> 00:55:52,517 I want it toward the front. 1049 00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:53,685 The rug keeps popping up. 1050 00:55:53,768 --> 00:55:55,353 If I put the podium there, it'll stay down. 1051 00:55:55,437 --> 00:55:56,771 Move it! 1052 00:55:58,565 --> 00:56:01,067 Mr. Svenning! Give me the podium! 1053 00:56:02,068 --> 00:56:06,531 You put the podium down over here � 1054 00:56:07,699 --> 00:56:08,783 Like this. 1055 00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:13,621 You stamp the carpet down with your feet. You speak English? 1056 00:56:14,247 --> 00:56:15,290 Like this. 1057 00:56:17,125 --> 00:56:19,753 Mr. Svenning! Let me help you up. 1058 00:56:19,836 --> 00:56:22,464 Get off! Move! Here, let me help you. 1059 00:56:24,299 --> 00:56:26,551 All right, where's Brandi? Let go of me! 1060 00:56:26,634 --> 00:56:28,094 Where's Brandi? 1061 00:56:30,930 --> 00:56:33,475 You're fired. You get the hell out of here. 1062 00:56:33,892 --> 00:56:35,351 Get off my set! 1063 00:56:36,644 --> 00:56:37,812 Where is she? 1064 00:56:38,188 --> 00:56:39,814 You are out of her life. 1065 00:56:40,065 --> 00:56:43,234 Now, you stay out of her business and mine, understand me? 1066 00:56:43,318 --> 00:56:45,153 Come on, people. Are we working here? 1067 00:56:45,236 --> 00:56:47,781 Get the backdrop ready. Are those lights ready to go? 1068 00:56:47,864 --> 00:56:49,240 Okay, Mr. Svenning. 1069 00:56:49,657 --> 00:56:52,118 Go on the other side and put the podium 1070 00:56:52,202 --> 00:56:54,245 over the bad spot in the carpet, okay? 1071 00:56:54,370 --> 00:56:55,789 The hole? Please. Go. Now. Uh-huh. 1072 00:56:55,872 --> 00:56:57,123 So, you made her dump me � 1073 00:56:57,207 --> 00:56:58,249 and now you're going to auction her off 1074 00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:01,211 in an effort to better further your own career? 1075 00:57:01,294 --> 00:57:02,587 Not that it's any of your concern, 1076 00:57:02,670 --> 00:57:04,422 but Brandi agreed to be on Truth or Date. 1077 00:57:04,506 --> 00:57:06,257 After that shit you pulled last night, 1078 00:57:06,341 --> 00:57:08,093 I think she's even looking forward to it. 1079 00:57:08,176 --> 00:57:11,471 It'll give her a chance to find herself a decent guy. 1080 00:57:11,679 --> 00:57:12,931 Somebody with a brain. 1081 00:57:13,014 --> 00:57:14,849 You admit it? You are behind our break-up. 1082 00:57:14,933 --> 00:57:16,101 Admit it? 1083 00:57:16,684 --> 00:57:20,271 Hell, I'm as proud of it as I am of this game show here. 1084 00:57:23,942 --> 00:57:26,653 Listen to me. It's over between you two. 1085 00:57:27,529 --> 00:57:31,366 The sooner you get that, the better off we're all gonna be. 1086 00:57:32,325 --> 00:57:34,661 Understand me? You don't. 1087 00:57:36,204 --> 00:57:38,706 Guard, come here. Get this guy off of my set. 1088 00:57:39,707 --> 00:57:43,795 If he gives you any shit, you have my permission to castrate him. 1089 00:57:43,878 --> 00:57:45,630 You can't do this! 1090 00:57:45,713 --> 00:57:46,923 I just did. 1091 00:57:52,345 --> 00:57:54,806 Get me LaFours. Right away, sir. 1092 00:57:55,223 --> 00:57:56,724 Well, go on! 1093 00:57:59,185 --> 00:58:02,313 I wonder if my mother ever wore a pair like this. 1094 00:58:02,981 --> 00:58:04,315 How about these? 1095 00:58:04,524 --> 00:58:07,026 Very sexy. That sounded convincing. 1096 00:58:07,402 --> 00:58:08,570 I'm preoccupied. 1097 00:58:08,653 --> 00:58:11,739 T.S., she told you. She's just doing it as a favor to her father. 1098 00:58:11,823 --> 00:58:12,824 Regardless. 1099 00:58:12,907 --> 00:58:14,993 It's not like she'll fuck the guy on public access. 1100 00:58:15,076 --> 00:58:17,662 She might as well. You're overreacting again. 1101 00:58:17,787 --> 00:58:19,831 That's why your relationships fail. 1102 00:58:19,914 --> 00:58:21,499 It's certainly why ours did. 1103 00:58:21,708 --> 00:58:25,712 You got bent out of shape the same way over that costume party in high school. 1104 00:58:25,795 --> 00:58:27,839 You fucked Rick Derris on a pool table! 1105 00:58:27,922 --> 00:58:29,048 With everyone watching, no less. 1106 00:58:29,132 --> 00:58:30,800 It was a costume party, T.S. 1107 00:58:30,884 --> 00:58:32,510 No one could tell it was me. 1108 00:58:32,594 --> 00:58:35,597 Besides, who else but you remembers shit like that? 1109 00:58:36,014 --> 00:58:37,599 I would've been a sexy chick. 1110 00:58:37,682 --> 00:58:39,893 Do you remember that costume party? 1111 00:58:39,976 --> 00:58:43,354 Might that have been the one where you banged Rick Derris on the pool table? 1112 00:58:43,438 --> 00:58:44,689 Nobody remembers shit like that? 1113 00:58:44,772 --> 00:58:47,192 How is it that you recall the most trivial events? 1114 00:58:47,275 --> 00:58:48,776 I'll never forget it. How many chances 1115 00:58:48,860 --> 00:58:51,029 do you get to see Smokey fuck the Bandit? 1116 00:58:51,112 --> 00:58:53,031 Didn't I look just like Burt Reynolds? 1117 00:58:53,114 --> 00:58:54,741 Except for the moustache. 1118 00:58:55,158 --> 00:58:57,785 You know, they have a whole room you're supposed to do that in? 1119 00:58:57,869 --> 00:59:00,455 Some pervert wanted to see me naked so badly today � 1120 00:59:00,538 --> 00:59:02,999 he busted in on me twice while I was trying on stuff. 1121 00:59:03,124 --> 00:59:05,210 This saves him the effort. Oh. 1122 00:59:05,293 --> 00:59:06,294 Ooh. 1123 00:59:06,419 --> 00:59:08,880 How much longer are we gonna be in this chick store, anyway? 1124 00:59:08,963 --> 00:59:10,215 I'm starting to get a mean hard-on. 1125 00:59:10,298 --> 00:59:12,717 Brodie, Tell me about the Rene break-up. 1126 00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:15,303 I threw her away like a parking ticket. Ha! 1127 00:59:15,428 --> 00:59:18,223 Don't front, Brodie. I talked to Rene's cousin this morning. 1128 00:59:18,306 --> 00:59:19,599 It was vice-versa. 1129 00:59:19,682 --> 00:59:21,893 They certainly aren't acting broken up. 1130 00:59:21,976 --> 00:59:23,478 Go ahead. Ask him about the elevator. 1131 00:59:23,603 --> 00:59:24,729 Tell me about the elevator. 1132 00:59:24,812 --> 00:59:26,397 It goes up and down. 1133 00:59:28,107 --> 00:59:29,943 Rene seems so coarse, anyway. 1134 00:59:30,026 --> 00:59:31,319 What was it like to date her? 1135 00:59:31,402 --> 00:59:32,737 Ever slept with somebody? 1136 00:59:32,820 --> 00:59:34,155 Uh, yeah. 1137 00:59:34,239 --> 00:59:35,823 I mean, really slept with somebody. 1138 00:59:35,907 --> 00:59:38,952 Beside them, not just fuck them on a gaming table. 1139 00:59:39,327 --> 00:59:41,746 We slept together one time, remember, in high school? 1140 00:59:41,829 --> 00:59:43,873 That ski trip? That was you? 1141 00:59:44,415 --> 00:59:46,709 Yes, Brodie, I've slept beside many people. 1142 00:59:46,793 --> 00:59:47,794 All right. 1143 00:59:47,877 --> 00:59:50,129 You know how when someone lays with their back to you � 1144 00:59:50,213 --> 00:59:51,381 and you lay behind them really close 1145 00:59:51,464 --> 00:59:53,216 and you throw one arm over them? 1146 00:59:53,758 --> 00:59:54,842 It's called spooning. 1147 00:59:54,926 --> 00:59:56,594 But you gotta put the other arm somewhere. 1148 00:59:56,678 --> 00:59:59,681 You can either lay on it or just shove it in between your bodies. 1149 00:59:59,764 --> 01:00:02,308 The only other option is to stretch it above your head. 1150 01:00:02,392 --> 01:00:06,062 But sometimes my arm pops out of the socket when I'm sleeping like that. 1151 01:00:06,187 --> 01:00:08,898 So, I was constantly searching for someplace to keep my arm � 1152 01:00:08,982 --> 01:00:11,067 while still laying close to her. 1153 01:00:11,901 --> 01:00:12,944 And? 1154 01:00:13,069 --> 01:00:17,031 What do you mean, "And"? That's like a metaphor for our whole relationship. 1155 01:00:17,615 --> 01:00:18,783 Jackass. 1156 01:00:20,618 --> 01:00:23,621 I'm all out. I'll meet you at the food court. 1157 01:00:24,872 --> 01:00:28,376 I know exactly how he feels. Excuse me. 1158 01:00:31,296 --> 01:00:33,548 Fill this with Coke, no ice. 1159 01:00:37,885 --> 01:00:39,595 Want a sip of my soda? 1160 01:00:44,767 --> 01:00:46,477 Smartass ex-boyfriend. 1161 01:00:47,395 --> 01:00:48,730 You know who I am? 1162 01:00:49,397 --> 01:00:51,691 A deeply resentful retail manager? 1163 01:00:53,401 --> 01:00:56,154 Rene's with me now. Okay? You got that? 1164 01:00:56,571 --> 01:00:59,657 So don't be sniffing around her anymore like you tried to do today. 1165 01:00:59,741 --> 01:01:00,742 Shit! 1166 01:01:00,950 --> 01:01:02,660 There goes the lung. 1167 01:01:02,744 --> 01:01:03,995 Listen to me. 1168 01:01:04,078 --> 01:01:05,663 I got two things to tell you. 1169 01:01:05,747 --> 01:01:07,457 I don't like you. 1170 01:01:07,540 --> 01:01:08,666 I see you every week in this mall. 1171 01:01:08,750 --> 01:01:10,668 I don't like shiftless layabouts. 1172 01:01:10,752 --> 01:01:12,670 You're one of these fucking loser mallrat kids. 1173 01:01:12,754 --> 01:01:15,965 You don't come here to work or shop, you hang out all day. 1174 01:01:16,090 --> 01:01:17,717 Act like you fucking live here. 1175 01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,470 I have no respect for people with no shopping agenda. 1176 01:01:20,553 --> 01:01:23,348 Is this what's known as motivated salesmanship? 1177 01:01:27,352 --> 01:01:31,356 Rene told me to leave you alone, but she's fucking clueless. 1178 01:01:34,442 --> 01:01:38,196 The newly single often feel strangely protective of the ex-boyfriend. 1179 01:01:38,279 --> 01:01:39,906 If this is her idea of protective, 1180 01:01:39,989 --> 01:01:41,574 hate to have her mad at me. 1181 01:01:47,622 --> 01:01:49,499 Now, you see, Bruce � 1182 01:01:50,291 --> 01:01:54,545 I like to pick up girls on the rebound from a disappointing relationship. 1183 01:01:54,629 --> 01:01:57,507 They're more vulnerable, they're in much more need of solace � 1184 01:01:57,590 --> 01:01:59,425 and they're fairly open to suggestion. 1185 01:01:59,509 --> 01:02:03,638 And I use that suggestion to fuck them someplace very uncomfortable. 1186 01:02:04,138 --> 01:02:06,641 What, like the back of a Volkswagen? 1187 01:02:07,350 --> 01:02:11,229 No, like somewhere girls dread. 1188 01:02:12,188 --> 01:02:13,731 Oh! 1189 01:02:17,068 --> 01:02:19,112 All right. Now, uh � 1190 01:02:19,654 --> 01:02:21,072 is it because it's a challenge? 1191 01:02:21,155 --> 01:02:23,116 Is it because it's taboo? 1192 01:02:23,199 --> 01:02:24,992 Or is it because I like to, you know � 1193 01:02:25,576 --> 01:02:28,413 have them differently than they've ever been had before? 1194 01:02:28,496 --> 01:02:30,665 This sounds like a discussion much more suited � 1195 01:02:30,748 --> 01:02:33,251 to an extended professional counseling session. 1196 01:02:33,334 --> 01:02:35,420 I'll go get a therapist for you. 1197 01:02:39,090 --> 01:02:42,385 Now, evidently, the only one that's gonna need a doctor here � 1198 01:02:42,468 --> 01:02:44,178 is yourself, my friend. 1199 01:02:44,762 --> 01:02:47,223 And my suggestion to you is � 1200 01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:49,559 forget you ever dated Rene. 1201 01:02:49,851 --> 01:02:53,354 Until I get what I'm looking for from this latest dalliance � 1202 01:02:53,855 --> 01:02:55,982 I better not find you within 10 city blocks of her � 1203 01:02:56,065 --> 01:02:59,360 otherwise I will be forced to do you some very serious damage. 1204 01:02:59,444 --> 01:03:01,696 All right? Hmm? We clear on that? 1205 01:03:01,821 --> 01:03:03,197 Rene who? 1206 01:03:04,198 --> 01:03:06,742 There you go. Not bad, you're learning. 1207 01:03:07,076 --> 01:03:08,453 Well, all right, Bryce. 1208 01:03:08,536 --> 01:03:09,537 Bruce. 1209 01:03:12,206 --> 01:03:14,041 I'm glad we had this little chat. 1210 01:03:14,167 --> 01:03:17,378 I'll remember it when I'm fucking your girlfriend. 1211 01:03:19,380 --> 01:03:21,841 Oh, and, uh, my store's having a sale next weekend. 1212 01:03:21,924 --> 01:03:24,385 You should come by. I'll cut you a nice deal on a suit. 1213 01:03:30,141 --> 01:03:31,392 Did we ever get along? 1214 01:03:31,476 --> 01:03:32,685 Once or twice. 1215 01:03:32,852 --> 01:03:34,187 How come we went out as long as we did? 1216 01:03:34,270 --> 01:03:35,563 You had cable. 1217 01:03:35,646 --> 01:03:37,356 So, are you gonna stay for the show? 1218 01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:39,692 Absolutely not. As soon as he gets back here, I'm gone. 1219 01:03:39,775 --> 01:03:42,570 T.S. Quint. Where's your sense of chivalry? 1220 01:03:43,237 --> 01:03:45,281 Oh, my God! Is that Brodie? 1221 01:03:46,782 --> 01:03:48,910 You're fucking kidding? The Easter Bunny did this? 1222 01:03:48,993 --> 01:03:50,161 All I said was the Easter Bunny 1223 01:03:50,244 --> 01:03:52,330 at the Menlo Park mall was more convincing. 1224 01:03:52,413 --> 01:03:54,290 He just jumped the railing and knocked me down. 1225 01:03:54,373 --> 01:03:55,416 He's fucking dead! 1226 01:03:55,500 --> 01:03:57,418 Oh, let it go. He's under a lot of pressure. 1227 01:03:57,543 --> 01:03:58,586 What the hell happened to him? 1228 01:03:58,669 --> 01:04:01,005 The guy in the Easter Bunny suit kicked his ass. 1229 01:04:02,089 --> 01:04:04,509 Fuck all that shit. Come on, Silent Bob. 1230 01:04:04,592 --> 01:04:05,635 What really happened? 1231 01:04:05,718 --> 01:04:07,220 The proprietor of Fashionable Male 1232 01:04:07,303 --> 01:04:08,721 beat a rain check into my stomach. 1233 01:04:08,804 --> 01:04:10,848 Shannon Hamilton? You know that guy? 1234 01:04:10,932 --> 01:04:12,642 I went out with him after we dated. 1235 01:04:12,725 --> 01:04:15,144 He tried to screw me somewhere very uncomfortable once. 1236 01:04:15,228 --> 01:04:16,562 What, like the back of a Volkswagen? 1237 01:04:16,646 --> 01:04:17,980 Sounds like his M.O. 1238 01:04:18,064 --> 01:04:19,815 Can you get up? Am I still glowing? 1239 01:04:19,899 --> 01:04:22,276 You're barely breathing. Was Rene involved in any of this? 1240 01:04:22,401 --> 01:04:24,570 This was an independent act of aggression. 1241 01:04:24,654 --> 01:04:26,030 He told me that his intentions were 1242 01:04:26,113 --> 01:04:27,532 to penetrate my ex-girlfriend � 1243 01:04:27,615 --> 01:04:30,451 in the most notorious of body cavities. Sounds just like him. 1244 01:04:30,576 --> 01:04:33,079 Oh, you better tell Rene. Let him do whatever the hell he wants. 1245 01:04:33,162 --> 01:04:34,997 If she's not smart enough to see him for what he is, 1246 01:04:35,081 --> 01:04:36,666 she deserves the discomfort. 1247 01:04:36,749 --> 01:04:38,292 I, on the other hand, have had just about 1248 01:04:38,376 --> 01:04:40,545 all the discomfort I can stand for a day. 1249 01:04:40,628 --> 01:04:42,213 Oh, shit, I'm late. I gotta go. 1250 01:04:42,296 --> 01:04:44,215 You're just gonna leave with him in this condition? 1251 01:04:44,298 --> 01:04:46,217 I gotta split. You gonna be okay? 1252 01:04:46,300 --> 01:04:48,594 Couple of pins in the hip, I'll be good as new. 1253 01:04:48,678 --> 01:04:52,098 That's my boy. Bye, guys. Be good. 1254 01:04:53,099 --> 01:04:57,061 Women, always leaving you when you've just had the crap kicked out of you. 1255 01:04:57,144 --> 01:04:58,396 You look like you're gonna live to me. 1256 01:04:58,479 --> 01:05:00,940 You stay here. I gotta hit the bathroom. 1257 01:05:01,649 --> 01:05:04,151 Please, don't say "hit!" 1258 01:05:07,697 --> 01:05:08,906 All right, honey. 1259 01:05:08,990 --> 01:05:11,242 Don't forget to look for your Easter eggs on Sunday. 1260 01:05:11,325 --> 01:05:12,994 Bye-bye, Easter Bunny. 1261 01:05:13,536 --> 01:05:16,330 - All right, who's next? - It's hot in this goddamn suit! 1262 01:05:17,248 --> 01:05:20,167 Hey, guys. Wait in line like everybody else. 1263 01:05:20,293 --> 01:05:21,419 What the hell is this? 1264 01:05:21,502 --> 01:05:22,587 This is for Brodie. 1265 01:05:36,642 --> 01:05:37,685 He's here. 1266 01:05:37,810 --> 01:05:39,020 What? Him and Brodie. 1267 01:05:39,103 --> 01:05:41,772 Don't sweat it, though. He's leaving. Oh. 1268 01:05:42,189 --> 01:05:45,026 He seems really broken up over this whole thing. 1269 01:05:45,151 --> 01:05:48,029 Maybe because we're broken up for good this time. 1270 01:05:48,988 --> 01:05:50,865 I remember when I dumped T.S. 1271 01:05:50,948 --> 01:05:53,451 I was all right with it till he started dating you. 1272 01:05:53,534 --> 01:05:55,119 A little jealousy residue? 1273 01:05:55,202 --> 01:05:56,704 I thought so at first. 1274 01:05:56,871 --> 01:05:58,789 Then I realized it was more than that. 1275 01:05:58,873 --> 01:06:00,458 When I saw how he was with you, 1276 01:06:00,541 --> 01:06:02,376 how well you two complemented each other � 1277 01:06:02,501 --> 01:06:05,212 it finally hit me that T.S. is a great catch. 1278 01:06:06,047 --> 01:06:07,840 Gwen, you were always cheating on him. 1279 01:06:07,923 --> 01:06:09,383 Capricious youth? 1280 01:06:09,467 --> 01:06:11,385 Doesn't mean I wasn't regretful about it. 1281 01:06:11,510 --> 01:06:13,971 Jesus, Gwen. The last thing I need at this point � 1282 01:06:14,055 --> 01:06:15,973 is a lecture on my love life. 1283 01:06:16,057 --> 01:06:19,685 All I'm saying is that the really good guys are few and far between. 1284 01:06:19,810 --> 01:06:22,146 In fact, I haven't met one since T.S. 1285 01:06:22,229 --> 01:06:26,901 Even if I did meet one, I guarantee I'd use him as the basis for my comparison. 1286 01:06:26,984 --> 01:06:29,070 You can have him if you want him. 1287 01:06:31,405 --> 01:06:34,033 Believe me, I might consider trying � 1288 01:06:35,951 --> 01:06:38,120 if he weren't so hung up on you. 1289 01:06:39,121 --> 01:06:41,082 Well, I gotta get home. 1290 01:06:41,791 --> 01:06:44,418 Have a great show. Okay. Bye. 1291 01:06:55,012 --> 01:06:56,806 Chocolate-covered pretzel? 1292 01:06:57,515 --> 01:07:00,601 This is Roddy, Mr. Svenning's assistant. 1293 01:07:00,726 --> 01:07:03,604 Mr. Svenning would like to have a word with you. 1294 01:07:03,688 --> 01:07:05,981 Where? Ah, these are melting. 1295 01:07:06,065 --> 01:07:08,442 Copy that. By the stage. 1296 01:07:09,902 --> 01:07:12,113 Tell him I'll be there in a minute. 1297 01:07:14,115 --> 01:07:15,825 What do you think? I don't trust it. 1298 01:07:15,991 --> 01:07:18,369 Maybe he's calmed down a little bit. We'll talk reasonably. 1299 01:07:18,452 --> 01:07:21,539 Reasonably, shmeasonably. You should go over there and give him shit. 1300 01:07:21,622 --> 01:07:23,290 You kidding? I'm trying to marry his daughter. 1301 01:07:23,374 --> 01:07:26,168 All right, so you can't scream at him, but after all he's done � 1302 01:07:26,252 --> 01:07:27,670 you should still kind of stick it to him. 1303 01:07:27,753 --> 01:07:29,380 How do you propose I do that? 1304 01:07:29,463 --> 01:07:31,632 You stink-palm him. Stink-palm? 1305 01:07:32,049 --> 01:07:34,218 Take your hand and you stick it in your ass like this. 1306 01:07:34,301 --> 01:07:36,178 You've been walking all day and you're also nervous 1307 01:07:36,262 --> 01:07:38,055 and no doubt you're sweaty as hell. 1308 01:07:38,139 --> 01:07:39,098 You should see yourself right now. 1309 01:07:39,181 --> 01:07:40,933 A man with his hand in his pants. 1310 01:07:41,016 --> 01:07:43,227 I probably look like my old man. 1311 01:07:43,310 --> 01:07:44,895 Now you shake hands with the guy. 1312 01:07:44,979 --> 01:07:46,522 "Hey, Mr. Svenning. How've you been?" 1313 01:07:46,605 --> 01:07:48,065 What's the point? 1314 01:07:48,190 --> 01:07:50,401 Know how long it takes for that smell to come off? 1315 01:07:50,484 --> 01:07:53,404 Scrub all you like, it'll stick around for at least two days. 1316 01:07:53,487 --> 01:07:55,573 How does he explain it to his colleagues and family? 1317 01:07:55,656 --> 01:07:58,075 They'll think he doesn't know how to wipe his ass properly. 1318 01:07:58,159 --> 01:08:01,245 Meanwhile, you yourself are left with a hand that smells like shit? 1319 01:08:01,328 --> 01:08:04,915 Small price to pay for the smiting of one's enemies. 1320 01:08:05,124 --> 01:08:07,293 I think I'll pass. Do me a favor. 1321 01:08:07,376 --> 01:08:09,378 Stay here while I go talk to him. 1322 01:08:22,224 --> 01:08:25,436 I assure you, tonight's program will go off without a hitch. 1323 01:08:25,519 --> 01:08:27,062 I hope so, Jared, for your sake. 1324 01:08:27,313 --> 01:08:29,273 You picked a dangerous mall to host a game show in. 1325 01:08:29,356 --> 01:08:31,317 I hear the Easter Bunny was accosted this morning. 1326 01:08:31,817 --> 01:08:33,444 If there's anything even remotely resembling 1327 01:08:33,527 --> 01:08:35,905 the trouble you had at the Governor's Ball � 1328 01:08:35,988 --> 01:08:37,198 you're gonna be hosting the Lotto drawing 1329 01:08:37,239 --> 01:08:40,034 on public access the rest of your career. 1330 01:08:40,159 --> 01:08:42,161 Gentlemen, please trust me. 1331 01:08:42,244 --> 01:08:44,789 I have just taken the necessary precautions � 1332 01:08:44,872 --> 01:08:48,709 to insure everything will go smoothly. 1333 01:08:48,834 --> 01:08:49,835 Hmm? 1334 01:08:55,090 --> 01:08:59,678 Nothing to worry about. Sound test! 1335 01:09:00,137 --> 01:09:02,848 I tell you what. Why don't � 1336 01:09:02,932 --> 01:09:06,560 Why don't I meet you back here around show time? 1337 01:09:13,901 --> 01:09:15,069 Somebody said you wanted to see me? 1338 01:09:15,152 --> 01:09:17,738 Yes, I did. 1339 01:09:17,905 --> 01:09:20,449 You know what? I'm feeling a little less frazzled � 1340 01:09:20,533 --> 01:09:23,077 and I thought maybe we might chat. 1341 01:09:24,787 --> 01:09:26,705 Chat? Mmm-hmm. Yes, chat. 1342 01:09:28,207 --> 01:09:29,500 All right, look. 1343 01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:34,588 I realize that the other night didn't go very well for you. 1344 01:09:35,673 --> 01:09:38,175 And I realize I'm to bear most of the blame for that. 1345 01:09:38,259 --> 01:09:39,927 Yes, you do. 1346 01:09:40,553 --> 01:09:43,597 But hey, it was a grant that would have enabled � 1347 01:09:43,681 --> 01:09:45,641 the station and myself to make the leap 1348 01:09:45,724 --> 01:09:47,601 into syndication-viable programming � 1349 01:09:47,810 --> 01:09:50,354 leaving me, of course, with no choice � 1350 01:09:50,437 --> 01:09:55,067 but to peddle this show to the network execs and beg for a job. 1351 01:09:55,150 --> 01:09:58,737 No big deal. It's okay. 1352 01:09:59,947 --> 01:10:02,575 And for that I'm sorry. 1353 01:10:02,658 --> 01:10:06,745 But to penalize Brandi and I, our relationship, for that � 1354 01:10:06,829 --> 01:10:09,123 Come on, isn't there some other way? 1355 01:10:09,206 --> 01:10:10,791 I'm afraid not. 1356 01:10:10,958 --> 01:10:13,878 I mean, I can't exactly ask Brandi to marry me if � 1357 01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:20,050 Marry you? 1358 01:10:24,054 --> 01:10:27,600 Yeah, I was gonna ask her to marry me when we got to Florida. 1359 01:10:33,564 --> 01:10:34,815 Oh � 1360 01:10:35,232 --> 01:10:36,942 You know, uh � 1361 01:10:37,026 --> 01:10:38,068 Uh � 1362 01:10:38,152 --> 01:10:42,281 I've always felt bad about the fact that I had to raise Brandi on my own. 1363 01:10:42,990 --> 01:10:47,494 Her mother, she left us when Brandi was only 3. 1364 01:10:48,704 --> 01:10:50,998 Well, her mother was a little immature. 1365 01:10:51,999 --> 01:10:54,752 She was only 15 at the time she had her. 1366 01:10:55,377 --> 01:10:59,048 Of course I was only 14. But that's another story. 1367 01:11:00,090 --> 01:11:04,386 Anyway, ever since she left it was just the two of us. 1368 01:11:05,346 --> 01:11:09,183 But I've prided myself on the fact � 1369 01:11:10,351 --> 01:11:13,771 that I've instilled in her some strong values. 1370 01:11:14,563 --> 01:11:17,942 And while I know she's generally a good girl � 1371 01:11:18,025 --> 01:11:21,987 I also know that, being young once myself � 1372 01:11:22,363 --> 01:11:25,366 it's hard to sometimes ignore certain, uh � 1373 01:11:27,076 --> 01:11:28,786 urges. 1374 01:11:31,121 --> 01:11:33,707 Tingles. Hmm? 1375 01:11:34,708 --> 01:11:36,502 I'm not sure I follow you, sir. 1376 01:11:36,627 --> 01:11:38,003 Quint � 1377 01:11:39,964 --> 01:11:44,051 I accept the fact that you no doubt fucked my daughter. 1378 01:11:44,802 --> 01:11:46,553 The two of you � 1379 01:11:46,929 --> 01:11:51,558 have been dating long enough for you to have slimed your way into her panties � 1380 01:11:51,642 --> 01:11:55,896 and I'm sure you did just that at least once or twice � 1381 01:11:55,980 --> 01:11:59,149 in my own house, probably while I was at home. 1382 01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:02,778 The idea of that used to keep me awake at nights. 1383 01:12:03,362 --> 01:12:07,199 But now you give me something even worse to think about. 1384 01:12:07,533 --> 01:12:10,744 The notion of you � 1385 01:12:11,161 --> 01:12:14,456 as an albatross around my daughter's neck for the rest of her life � 1386 01:12:15,958 --> 01:12:17,835 is too much. 1387 01:12:18,293 --> 01:12:23,257 Brandi has a bright future. 1388 01:12:24,008 --> 01:12:28,971 She is an extremely intelligent and capable girl. 1389 01:12:29,096 --> 01:12:33,851 And I'm sure that one day she'll be even more successful than me. 1390 01:12:34,935 --> 01:12:35,978 Maybe. 1391 01:12:36,061 --> 01:12:37,104 But you � 1392 01:12:38,647 --> 01:12:43,569 You, on the other hand, have absolutely no ambition. 1393 01:12:44,236 --> 01:12:45,738 Hmm? 1394 01:12:45,863 --> 01:12:50,200 And no chance of making it in the real world. 1395 01:12:53,662 --> 01:12:57,458 My daughter is too good for you. 1396 01:12:58,292 --> 01:13:02,713 You will never, ever be with her. 1397 01:13:02,796 --> 01:13:03,839 Hmm? 1398 01:13:05,841 --> 01:13:08,552 If there isn't anything else � 1399 01:13:09,261 --> 01:13:10,846 Hey, fellas! 1400 01:13:11,472 --> 01:13:15,100 Well, well, well, if it isn't my neighbor. 1401 01:13:15,309 --> 01:13:17,061 You been watching my family conduct 1402 01:13:17,144 --> 01:13:18,937 any more of our satanic rituals lately? 1403 01:13:19,021 --> 01:13:22,274 Please, sir, accept my apology for my juvenile behavior. 1404 01:13:22,441 --> 01:13:25,652 Damn! Would you feel that iron-grip handshake! 1405 01:13:25,986 --> 01:13:27,029 Uh � 1406 01:13:27,112 --> 01:13:29,948 You know, with an imagination like yours � 1407 01:13:30,115 --> 01:13:31,450 you belong on TV. 1408 01:13:31,533 --> 01:13:34,953 Oh, that's your forte, sir. And you do it so well. 1409 01:13:36,080 --> 01:13:38,207 So, what's going on here? 1410 01:13:38,582 --> 01:13:42,878 T.S. and I were just discussing a few of his lesser points. 1411 01:13:42,961 --> 01:13:44,963 Of which he does have many. Mmm. 1412 01:13:45,047 --> 01:13:47,925 Hey! Look at that ring. What is that? 1413 01:13:48,008 --> 01:13:50,719 That is my junior-college class ring. 1414 01:13:50,803 --> 01:13:52,387 Cum laude, '69. 1415 01:13:52,554 --> 01:13:56,350 I also hope to come loud one day, preferably in a 69. 1416 01:13:59,353 --> 01:14:01,188 Boy, look at the shine on that. 1417 01:14:01,271 --> 01:14:03,440 Mmm. Do you polish it daily? 1418 01:14:03,524 --> 01:14:06,819 You know, Bruce, once you eventually get a job � 1419 01:14:06,902 --> 01:14:08,028 and start working for a living � 1420 01:14:08,112 --> 01:14:11,824 you're gonna realize that there's not enough time in the day � 1421 01:14:11,907 --> 01:14:14,493 for such luxuries as ring polishing. 1422 01:14:14,827 --> 01:14:16,036 Is that so? 1423 01:14:16,120 --> 01:14:19,665 Say, would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel? 1424 01:14:19,748 --> 01:14:22,417 They're a little melty, but, damn, are they exquisite. 1425 01:14:22,543 --> 01:14:25,879 If I remember correctly, you're a big pretzel fan. 1426 01:14:26,588 --> 01:14:27,798 Um � 1427 01:14:27,881 --> 01:14:29,967 Dark chocolate? Yeah! 1428 01:14:30,634 --> 01:14:32,094 Oh, come on! No, please, no! 1429 01:14:32,219 --> 01:14:34,555 They're awesome. Here you go. 1430 01:14:38,267 --> 01:14:39,726 Thank you. 1431 01:14:41,145 --> 01:14:42,771 Mmm. Oh. 1432 01:14:48,569 --> 01:14:52,614 That's good. Very nice. 1433 01:14:54,074 --> 01:14:57,703 Being a man who, uh, believes in � 1434 01:14:58,078 --> 01:15:00,414 "one good turn deserves another"� 1435 01:15:00,914 --> 01:15:02,207 Mmm. 1436 01:15:02,291 --> 01:15:03,834 I have something � 1437 01:15:03,917 --> 01:15:05,335 to offer � 1438 01:15:05,419 --> 01:15:06,670 the both of you. 1439 01:15:06,753 --> 01:15:08,547 Really, what's that? 1440 01:15:13,594 --> 01:15:16,054 What is this? These are called handcuffs. 1441 01:15:16,430 --> 01:15:20,100 This is what is known as a precautionary measure. 1442 01:15:20,350 --> 01:15:21,810 Easy, boy, easy. 1443 01:15:21,977 --> 01:15:24,021 I couldn't risk having you screw up my career � 1444 01:15:24,104 --> 01:15:25,689 or make another play for Brandi. 1445 01:15:25,772 --> 01:15:28,108 Once I realized you two were in the mall 1446 01:15:28,192 --> 01:15:30,736 I decided to set up this little ambush � 1447 01:15:31,320 --> 01:15:32,905 to remove � 1448 01:15:33,113 --> 01:15:38,076 you and your sidekick here from the premises, permanently. 1449 01:15:38,160 --> 01:15:41,914 Why am I his sidekick? How do you know he's not my sidekick? 1450 01:15:42,623 --> 01:15:46,043 Well, that's something you're gonna have to figure out for yourself � 1451 01:15:46,293 --> 01:15:47,628 in jail. 1452 01:15:48,045 --> 01:15:49,129 Take them away! 1453 01:15:54,301 --> 01:15:55,302 Yes! Whoo! 1454 01:15:56,178 --> 01:15:57,971 Oh, joyous. 1455 01:16:02,142 --> 01:16:03,268 So good. 1456 01:16:03,477 --> 01:16:04,895 Mmm. 1457 01:16:09,816 --> 01:16:11,568 You're nothing but a lot of talk and a badge. 1458 01:16:11,652 --> 01:16:15,113 Rene! Get Jay and Silent Bob! Please! 1459 01:16:15,447 --> 01:16:16,907 Hurry! 1460 01:16:16,990 --> 01:16:18,325 Did somebody call your name? 1461 01:16:18,408 --> 01:16:21,453 Um, I have to go to the bathroom. Wait here, okay? 1462 01:16:21,536 --> 01:16:24,289 Hey, anything for you, babe. It's your day. 1463 01:16:24,456 --> 01:16:25,832 Thanks. 1464 01:16:27,334 --> 01:16:30,003 I'll tell you, what you need is a fatty-boombatty blunt. 1465 01:16:30,087 --> 01:16:31,922 Then I guarantee you see a sailboat � 1466 01:16:32,005 --> 01:16:33,757 an ocean, and maybe even some of them 1467 01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:36,134 big-titted mermaids doing lesbian shit. 1468 01:16:36,218 --> 01:16:39,179 Look at me, look at me, you sloppy bitch! 1469 01:16:40,347 --> 01:16:42,808 Dude, you're a mad chick magnet! 1470 01:16:43,016 --> 01:16:46,436 T.S., Brodie, security guards. 1471 01:16:46,520 --> 01:16:49,189 Under arrest, they need help! Go! 1472 01:16:52,192 --> 01:16:54,945 Wow. A sailboat. 1473 01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:58,573 Brenda? Dick! 1474 01:17:04,121 --> 01:17:07,332 This is illegal! You can't arrest us for nothing! 1475 01:17:10,919 --> 01:17:12,504 Oh, all right. 1476 01:17:12,587 --> 01:17:15,299 I believe when Mr. LaFours turns us over to the police � 1477 01:17:15,382 --> 01:17:18,010 the bag of contraband that he's "found" on our persons � 1478 01:17:18,093 --> 01:17:20,637 will give them more than enough reason to keep us locked up. 1479 01:17:20,721 --> 01:17:22,180 At least for the duration of this evening's show. 1480 01:17:22,264 --> 01:17:24,599 Isn't that right, Mr. LaFours? 1481 01:17:26,435 --> 01:17:30,897 Come, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod! 1482 01:17:31,023 --> 01:17:32,649 Snootchy bootchies! Ha ha! 1483 01:17:32,733 --> 01:17:33,734 Asshole. 1484 01:17:42,242 --> 01:17:43,994 Vulcan nerve pinch? That was close. 1485 01:17:44,077 --> 01:17:46,705 What about that stink-palm back there? He even licked his hand. 1486 01:17:46,788 --> 01:17:49,416 We gotta disappear, man. They'll be looking for us. 1487 01:17:49,666 --> 01:17:51,960 Oh, thank you, man. We owe you one. You want to hide? 1488 01:17:52,044 --> 01:17:53,837 I know just the place. Whatever. Let's just go. 1489 01:17:53,962 --> 01:17:56,423 Don't I even get to wash my hand first? Brodie! 1490 01:18:14,441 --> 01:18:16,276 What the shit are we gonna do? 1491 01:18:28,789 --> 01:18:32,459 Come on, we're fucked! They're right behind us. Come on! 1492 01:18:36,171 --> 01:18:39,007 Yeah! Bad-ass! Yeah! 1493 01:19:01,530 --> 01:19:04,324 Where do you get those wonderful toys? 1494 01:19:08,495 --> 01:19:10,038 This is where we're hiding out? 1495 01:19:10,122 --> 01:19:11,581 This is the dirt mall! 1496 01:19:11,665 --> 01:19:12,916 Cops never come in here. 1497 01:19:12,999 --> 01:19:15,669 Neither does any self-respecting consumer. 1498 01:19:18,380 --> 01:19:20,799 I never could figure out what you saw in this place. 1499 01:19:20,882 --> 01:19:23,593 Good buys. Great people. Earthy aromas. 1500 01:19:23,677 --> 01:19:25,679 - Hey, Walt! - Brodie! 1501 01:19:25,804 --> 01:19:27,222 They know me here. 1502 01:19:27,305 --> 01:19:28,682 I wouldn't be too proud of that. 1503 01:19:28,807 --> 01:19:30,684 Listen to the sound of defeat in your voice. 1504 01:19:30,809 --> 01:19:33,395 Might it have to do with the fact that I've been defeated? 1505 01:19:33,520 --> 01:19:35,397 Man, you're giving up? You? 1506 01:19:35,522 --> 01:19:38,525 You used to be a stand-up kind of guy. What happened to that guy? 1507 01:19:38,650 --> 01:19:42,279 The guy who punched Amanda Gross' mother after she called him "low-class." 1508 01:19:42,362 --> 01:19:44,364 That wasn't me, that was you. 1509 01:19:44,448 --> 01:19:45,449 Oh, yeah. 1510 01:19:45,532 --> 01:19:47,284 It wasn't her mother, it was her grandmother. 1511 01:19:47,367 --> 01:19:49,703 No wonder the bitch went down so fast. 1512 01:19:50,704 --> 01:19:53,498 You should have boards in them. All right? 1513 01:19:53,582 --> 01:19:54,875 Bloody savage. 1514 01:19:55,667 --> 01:19:58,420 That is one of your more admirably deplorable traits. 1515 01:19:58,545 --> 01:20:00,839 You, unlike me, would beat up somebody's grandmother � 1516 01:20:00,922 --> 01:20:04,509 or an entire senior citizens' community if you believed in the principle. 1517 01:20:04,593 --> 01:20:06,720 But only if they were really old. 1518 01:20:06,887 --> 01:20:08,680 Maybe I was deluded. 1519 01:20:08,763 --> 01:20:10,557 Maybe you were right this morning � 1520 01:20:10,682 --> 01:20:13,602 when you said if something stupid could change how she feels � 1521 01:20:13,727 --> 01:20:15,270 she's not into it in the first place. 1522 01:20:15,353 --> 01:20:18,315 You'd listen to me? To something I said? 1523 01:20:18,398 --> 01:20:22,027 Jesus! Haven't I made it clear during the tenure of our friendship � 1524 01:20:22,110 --> 01:20:23,361 that I don't know shit? 1525 01:20:23,445 --> 01:20:26,281 I mean, half the time I'm just talking out of my ass. 1526 01:20:26,406 --> 01:20:27,866 Or sticking my hand in it. 1527 01:20:27,949 --> 01:20:29,493 Sometimes, but on occasion 1528 01:20:29,576 --> 01:20:31,953 you've been known to let a nugget of truth slip out. 1529 01:20:32,078 --> 01:20:34,206 This morning might have been one of those occasions. 1530 01:20:34,289 --> 01:20:35,874 You know what you need? 1531 01:20:35,957 --> 01:20:37,834 Some sage-like advice. 1532 01:20:37,918 --> 01:20:39,961 You've given me enough for one day, thanks. 1533 01:20:40,086 --> 01:20:42,047 Not from me, from Ivannah. 1534 01:20:42,130 --> 01:20:43,590 Who's Ivannah? 1535 01:20:52,557 --> 01:20:53,767 I can't even find the words. 1536 01:20:53,850 --> 01:20:55,352 Is that ingenuity or what? 1537 01:20:55,435 --> 01:20:57,729 What's palm-reading have to do with being topless? 1538 01:20:57,812 --> 01:20:59,397 It makes the news easier to take. 1539 01:20:59,481 --> 01:21:01,316 She could tell me I'll die in 10 minutes, 1540 01:21:01,399 --> 01:21:03,109 so long as she told me topless. 1541 01:21:03,276 --> 01:21:05,320 Your maleness amazes me sometimes. 1542 01:21:05,403 --> 01:21:07,322 What can I say? I love tits. 1543 01:21:07,447 --> 01:21:09,199 What kind of people patronize this service? 1544 01:21:09,282 --> 01:21:10,617 People like us. 1545 01:21:11,243 --> 01:21:12,619 Wait a minute, you're not suggesting� 1546 01:21:12,702 --> 01:21:15,121 Don't be such a damn fundamentalist. 1547 01:21:15,247 --> 01:21:16,373 I've already reached my lowest. 1548 01:21:16,456 --> 01:21:18,291 This is where I draw the line. 1549 01:21:18,416 --> 01:21:20,293 You used to like tits, too. 1550 01:21:20,418 --> 01:21:22,003 I love tits as much as the next guy, 1551 01:21:22,087 --> 01:21:24,005 but why pay some old hag good money � 1552 01:21:24,130 --> 01:21:25,674 for supernatural chicanery coupled 1553 01:21:25,757 --> 01:21:27,926 with sagging, wrinkled, weathered boobs? 1554 01:21:28,718 --> 01:21:29,844 You know, Quint � 1555 01:21:31,012 --> 01:21:32,389 you're a homosexual. 1556 01:21:35,100 --> 01:21:38,144 Man, this place is something out of Octopussy. 1557 01:21:38,770 --> 01:21:41,856 You've come for a glimpse at your future? 1558 01:21:41,982 --> 01:21:44,150 Amongst other things. 1559 01:21:44,943 --> 01:21:48,530 Talents like those I possess are not to be taken lightly. 1560 01:21:48,989 --> 01:21:52,617 If you have heart condition, suffer from nervous nausea � 1561 01:21:52,701 --> 01:21:56,121 or have a family history of stress-induced breakdown � 1562 01:21:56,204 --> 01:21:59,958 Empire Entertainment recommends you do not partake � 1563 01:22:00,041 --> 01:22:03,545 in the fortune-telling activities contained within. 1564 01:22:04,838 --> 01:22:06,131 You guys still in? 1565 01:22:06,214 --> 01:22:08,675 We're both healthy and strapping young men. 1566 01:22:08,967 --> 01:22:12,012 You give me $58.60. 1567 01:22:14,723 --> 01:22:15,807 What? 1568 01:22:17,225 --> 01:22:18,602 You expect me to pay for this? 1569 01:22:18,685 --> 01:22:20,186 I'm broke. I'll pay you back. 1570 01:22:20,312 --> 01:22:21,980 I knew it. I can't believe you. 1571 01:22:22,063 --> 01:22:23,273 I didn't even want to do this. 1572 01:22:23,356 --> 01:22:25,025 You'll thank me later. 1573 01:22:28,361 --> 01:22:29,362 Thank you. 1574 01:22:30,530 --> 01:22:31,698 Mmm. 1575 01:22:33,241 --> 01:22:36,828 All right, gentlemen, free your mind. 1576 01:22:37,412 --> 01:22:39,039 I'd like to free something. 1577 01:22:39,247 --> 01:22:41,541 Focus. That's what I was thinking. 1578 01:22:41,666 --> 01:22:43,376 She said "focus." Whatever. 1579 01:22:47,881 --> 01:22:51,509 I sense a grave disturbance between you both. 1580 01:22:51,926 --> 01:22:55,513 A difficulty in affecting a resolution � 1581 01:22:55,847 --> 01:22:57,390 for a problem. 1582 01:22:58,099 --> 01:22:59,726 Something hard. 1583 01:23:00,101 --> 01:23:02,020 I'm convinced. She's got the gift. 1584 01:23:02,103 --> 01:23:03,355 Try to contain yourself. 1585 01:23:03,438 --> 01:23:05,106 Miss, I appreciate the effort 1586 01:23:05,190 --> 01:23:06,691 and I'm sure you're very good at � 1587 01:23:06,775 --> 01:23:08,193 whatever it is you do � 1588 01:23:08,276 --> 01:23:11,404 but my shallow friend isn't interested in his future, 1589 01:23:11,488 --> 01:23:12,864 so you can cut the theatrics. 1590 01:23:13,573 --> 01:23:15,950 What a relief. I do so much better 1591 01:23:16,034 --> 01:23:17,661 when I don't have to say things in character. 1592 01:23:17,744 --> 01:23:19,788 You don't have to say anything at all. 1593 01:23:19,871 --> 01:23:21,831 You paid, I should tell you something. 1594 01:23:21,915 --> 01:23:24,376 In order to do that � Mmm � 1595 01:23:24,584 --> 01:23:26,753 I have to work completely � 1596 01:23:28,546 --> 01:23:30,965 unfettered. 1597 01:23:38,223 --> 01:23:39,349 Oh, yes. 1598 01:23:40,058 --> 01:23:43,645 Oh, I can definitely sense the problem. Here. 1599 01:23:44,229 --> 01:23:46,106 Girl trouble. 1600 01:23:46,356 --> 01:23:48,650 Apparently, you're both on the outs 1601 01:23:48,733 --> 01:23:51,111 with your respective steadies. 1602 01:23:51,277 --> 01:23:52,362 That's amazing. 1603 01:23:52,445 --> 01:23:54,030 That's disgusting! 1604 01:23:54,114 --> 01:23:57,784 Oh, you both feel the pain � Ow! 1605 01:23:58,451 --> 01:23:59,703 of loss. 1606 01:23:59,786 --> 01:24:02,789 But only one of you makes it vocal. 1607 01:24:03,123 --> 01:24:06,584 The other one suffers silently. 1608 01:24:06,918 --> 01:24:07,961 My God, you're right. 1609 01:24:08,044 --> 01:24:09,379 We gotta go. 1610 01:24:09,462 --> 01:24:11,631 How can this be resolved? 1611 01:24:11,756 --> 01:24:14,592 I would say, yes � 1612 01:24:14,718 --> 01:24:16,219 combine your efforts. 1613 01:24:16,302 --> 01:24:18,263 You both have very strong auras � 1614 01:24:18,346 --> 01:24:22,851 and two strong auras produce positive results. 1615 01:24:23,143 --> 01:24:24,227 I feel nauseous. 1616 01:24:24,310 --> 01:24:25,770 So, in working together� 1617 01:24:25,854 --> 01:24:27,021 You'll beat the odds. 1618 01:24:27,105 --> 01:24:28,606 The odds. Yes. 1619 01:24:28,982 --> 01:24:30,150 Mmm, that's what I see. 1620 01:24:30,191 --> 01:24:31,985 Let me tell you what I see � That's great! 1621 01:24:32,110 --> 01:24:34,070 I don't buy her power. 1622 01:24:34,154 --> 01:24:35,697 All right, when's my birthday? 1623 01:24:37,157 --> 01:24:41,661 Between the first and the last � 1624 01:24:42,162 --> 01:24:44,664 of October. 1625 01:24:44,789 --> 01:24:45,874 Did you hear that? 1626 01:24:45,957 --> 01:24:47,250 Very haunting. Let's go. 1627 01:24:47,333 --> 01:24:50,044 Why are you stuck here in this dirt mall 1628 01:24:50,128 --> 01:24:52,297 and not in an upscale commercial setting? 1629 01:24:52,505 --> 01:24:54,966 You could be raking in the dough with your kind of accuracy. 1630 01:24:55,049 --> 01:24:58,845 Believe it or not, some people still frown on topless fortune-telling. 1631 01:24:59,262 --> 01:25:02,515 Unfortunately, it's the only way that I'm effective. 1632 01:25:03,266 --> 01:25:06,269 Really? It's the third nipple that does it. 1633 01:25:06,352 --> 01:25:07,687 Oh, you have a third nipple? 1634 01:25:07,771 --> 01:25:09,564 What are you talking about? 1635 01:25:09,689 --> 01:25:12,108 It's clear as day! Look at it, for God's sake. 1636 01:25:12,192 --> 01:25:13,735 You can stare at it. I don't mind. 1637 01:25:13,818 --> 01:25:14,819 No. 1638 01:25:14,903 --> 01:25:17,572 Understanding is reached � 1639 01:25:17,697 --> 01:25:20,366 only after confrontation. 1640 01:25:22,535 --> 01:25:23,912 Of course! 1641 01:25:24,704 --> 01:25:28,458 Thank you so much. I can't tell you how informative you've been. 1642 01:25:28,875 --> 01:25:30,084 Thank you very much. 1643 01:25:30,210 --> 01:25:31,961 And don't ever lose that nipple. 1644 01:25:32,045 --> 01:25:33,129 I won't. 1645 01:25:41,221 --> 01:25:42,180 Do you have � 1646 01:25:42,263 --> 01:25:43,848 Any other extra body parts? 1647 01:25:43,932 --> 01:25:45,892 No. Just curious. 1648 01:25:45,975 --> 01:25:48,978 You could double-check me, if you like. 1649 01:25:49,103 --> 01:25:51,105 - Really? - Come on! 1650 01:26:01,449 --> 01:26:03,243 Works every time. 1651 01:26:05,078 --> 01:26:07,163 Mmm. Cherry. 1652 01:26:20,760 --> 01:26:22,011 You're gonna what? 1653 01:26:22,095 --> 01:26:23,221 I'll get on her dad's show. 1654 01:26:23,304 --> 01:26:24,305 Are you kidding? 1655 01:26:24,389 --> 01:26:27,600 Last time he had dope planted on us. What will he do this time? 1656 01:26:27,767 --> 01:26:30,144 He can't touch us once it starts. It's a live feed. 1657 01:26:30,270 --> 01:26:32,814 He can't risk losing face in front of the network execs. 1658 01:26:32,939 --> 01:26:34,732 It can't happen. I'll make it happen. 1659 01:26:34,816 --> 01:26:37,068 "Understanding is reached only after confrontation." 1660 01:26:37,151 --> 01:26:39,696 That's what Ivannah said. Brandi will respond to confrontation. 1661 01:26:39,779 --> 01:26:42,365 Hey, man. Didn't I see you on CNN? 1662 01:26:42,448 --> 01:26:43,950 What the hell's your problem, anyway? 1663 01:26:44,075 --> 01:26:46,035 You're supposed to be the impetuous one, not me. 1664 01:26:46,119 --> 01:26:47,161 Why are you fighting me? 1665 01:26:47,245 --> 01:26:48,413 I'm being rational! 1666 01:26:48,496 --> 01:26:51,040 You're scared you may want to follow my lead and win Rene back! 1667 01:26:51,165 --> 01:26:53,084 Rene who? Whatever. Just do me a favor. 1668 01:26:53,167 --> 01:26:54,669 Meet me by the stage once the show starts. 1669 01:26:54,752 --> 01:26:56,713 I'll need your help. Where are you going? 1670 01:26:56,796 --> 01:26:57,755 Shopping. 1671 01:26:57,839 --> 01:26:59,549 What the hell am I supposed to do? 1672 01:26:59,966 --> 01:27:02,468 Hey, man! It wasn't me! 1673 01:27:04,137 --> 01:27:06,472 Dude, this looks like your mom. 1674 01:27:06,723 --> 01:27:08,099 I've been looking all over for you two. 1675 01:27:08,182 --> 01:27:09,183 We're hiding. 1676 01:27:09,309 --> 01:27:10,351 In a bookstore? 1677 01:27:10,476 --> 01:27:12,645 Last place anyone'd look for me and this tubby bitch. 1678 01:27:12,729 --> 01:27:14,355 I need your help. What? 1679 01:27:14,480 --> 01:27:15,440 You two up for getting stoned? 1680 01:27:15,523 --> 01:27:16,608 Look who you're asking. 1681 01:27:23,406 --> 01:27:25,992 You looking at that couple inside? 1682 01:27:26,868 --> 01:27:30,204 Actually, I was just looking at this little pink number over here. 1683 01:27:30,330 --> 01:27:34,208 That's kind of nice. They look happy, don't they? 1684 01:27:34,542 --> 01:27:35,585 What, the bras? 1685 01:27:35,668 --> 01:27:37,879 No, the couple. They look happy. 1686 01:27:38,504 --> 01:27:40,840 I guess, as far as couples go. 1687 01:27:41,007 --> 01:27:44,594 You know, it reminds me of an issue of Spider-Man I did. 1688 01:27:45,011 --> 01:27:48,848 When Peter Parker and Gwen Stacy went lingerie shopping. 1689 01:27:49,349 --> 01:27:51,434 Of course, the Green Goblin showed up � 1690 01:27:51,517 --> 01:27:54,187 and he pumpkin-bombed the hell out of the place. 1691 01:27:54,270 --> 01:27:57,231 But aside from that, it's pretty much the same thing. 1692 01:27:57,357 --> 01:27:58,775 Oh, my God! 1693 01:27:59,943 --> 01:28:01,527 Holy shit! 1694 01:28:03,196 --> 01:28:06,115 Aren't you � Oh, Stan Lee. Hi. 1695 01:28:08,117 --> 01:28:09,786 What's up, boys? You guys on this show? 1696 01:28:09,869 --> 01:28:11,120 That's the rumor. 1697 01:28:11,204 --> 01:28:13,957 Man, between hoping to win, the crowd out there � 1698 01:28:14,040 --> 01:28:16,960 and being on TV, I'd be scared as hell if I were you two. 1699 01:28:17,043 --> 01:28:18,044 Yeah? 1700 01:28:18,127 --> 01:28:19,462 Sure, man. What if you fuck up? 1701 01:28:19,545 --> 01:28:21,047 Your friends and family watching. 1702 01:28:21,130 --> 01:28:24,634 I'd be piss scared I'd get a boner or fucking fart or something. 1703 01:28:24,717 --> 01:28:27,595 He's got a point, man. This is live. Anything could happen. 1704 01:28:27,720 --> 01:28:30,515 Shut the fuck up, man. You're making me nervous. 1705 01:28:30,598 --> 01:28:33,309 There's only one thing that could take off that edge. 1706 01:28:33,393 --> 01:28:35,144 Make you feel relaxed as hell. 1707 01:28:35,228 --> 01:28:36,771 Make you forget how many people 1708 01:28:36,854 --> 01:28:38,481 are staring at you here and on TV. 1709 01:28:38,564 --> 01:28:40,233 And what's that? 1710 01:28:40,608 --> 01:28:43,069 Snootchy-bootchy nootchies! 1711 01:28:43,403 --> 01:28:46,572 The Fantastic Four. Reed Richards. Can his whole body stretch? 1712 01:28:46,656 --> 01:28:48,241 I mean every part, you know, like his� 1713 01:28:48,324 --> 01:28:49,867 I know what you mean. 1714 01:28:49,951 --> 01:28:53,079 We never really tackled stuff like that in the old days. 1715 01:28:53,162 --> 01:28:55,331 What with the comic-book code and all. 1716 01:28:55,415 --> 01:28:57,959 I can't believe I'm standing here talking to you! 1717 01:28:58,084 --> 01:28:59,544 You're responsible for the greats. 1718 01:28:59,627 --> 01:29:01,504 Let's do the list. Spider-Man? 1719 01:29:01,587 --> 01:29:03,256 Guilty. The Incredible Hulk? 1720 01:29:03,339 --> 01:29:05,341 Afraid so. This is so cool. 1721 01:29:05,425 --> 01:29:07,927 The X-Men? Now that you mention it. 1722 01:29:08,011 --> 01:29:10,430 Shit, man. You are a god! 1723 01:29:10,513 --> 01:29:12,348 Hey, look at that couple. 1724 01:29:12,432 --> 01:29:14,976 Boy, they sure seem to be in love, huh? 1725 01:29:15,101 --> 01:29:16,853 What's with that? That's the second time 1726 01:29:16,936 --> 01:29:18,855 you've commented on couples in love. 1727 01:29:18,938 --> 01:29:20,815 Well, I like that sort of thing. 1728 01:29:20,898 --> 01:29:22,942 Tell me, do you have a girlfriend, Brodie? 1729 01:29:23,109 --> 01:29:25,319 Had one. We just broke up. 1730 01:29:26,029 --> 01:29:29,449 The Thing? Is his dork made of orange rock like the rest of his body? 1731 01:29:29,532 --> 01:29:31,451 It's a superhero secret. 1732 01:29:31,534 --> 01:29:34,412 Tell me, Brodie. Why did you and your girlfriend break up? 1733 01:29:34,495 --> 01:29:35,705 She was a pain in the ass. 1734 01:29:35,788 --> 01:29:38,124 She wanted me to be this typical boyfriend guy. 1735 01:29:38,207 --> 01:29:41,544 She said I was too into my own world of comics and all. 1736 01:29:41,627 --> 01:29:42,712 I can relate. 1737 01:29:43,171 --> 01:29:46,674 There was a time when it was all about comics for me. 1738 01:29:46,799 --> 01:29:49,802 I had a girl, probably the same as yours. 1739 01:29:50,470 --> 01:29:52,221 She always complained that I spent 1740 01:29:52,305 --> 01:29:54,265 too much time with my own comics. 1741 01:29:54,348 --> 01:29:56,642 And eventually we broke up. 1742 01:29:56,726 --> 01:29:58,061 See, what did she know? 1743 01:29:58,144 --> 01:29:59,979 Here you are now, a legend in the field. 1744 01:30:00,063 --> 01:30:02,482 You had a slew of women since her, right? 1745 01:30:02,565 --> 01:30:04,275 Oh. Lots of women. 1746 01:30:04,358 --> 01:30:08,071 Jagger and me, we had a running contest to see who had the most. 1747 01:30:08,321 --> 01:30:11,699 Matter of fact, last time I looked, I was way ahead. 1748 01:30:11,824 --> 01:30:13,242 Damn, that's hot! 1749 01:30:13,326 --> 01:30:15,119 But I never forgot that girl. 1750 01:30:15,203 --> 01:30:17,288 Did you ever get back together with her? 1751 01:30:17,371 --> 01:30:19,874 One day I found out she got married. 1752 01:30:20,041 --> 01:30:23,461 I had blown it. I had missed my window. 1753 01:30:23,544 --> 01:30:24,712 No way. 1754 01:30:25,046 --> 01:30:26,589 What'd you do? 1755 01:30:26,839 --> 01:30:28,508 I went on with my life. 1756 01:30:28,841 --> 01:30:32,345 I created some special new superheroes. 1757 01:30:32,720 --> 01:30:34,388 They were characters that reflected 1758 01:30:34,472 --> 01:30:36,766 my own heartbreak and my own regrets. 1759 01:30:36,849 --> 01:30:37,934 How so? 1760 01:30:38,017 --> 01:30:40,353 Doctor Doom wears body armor 1761 01:30:40,436 --> 01:30:42,855 to conceal his own mangled form. 1762 01:30:42,980 --> 01:30:44,440 Right? Yeah. 1763 01:30:44,524 --> 01:30:48,069 That was me beneath the armor. 1764 01:30:48,194 --> 01:30:49,237 The Hulk. 1765 01:30:49,570 --> 01:30:53,825 A normal guy one minute, a rage of emotions the next. 1766 01:30:54,033 --> 01:30:57,078 Just like me when I thought about what I'd given up. 1767 01:30:57,245 --> 01:30:58,913 So you created each character 1768 01:30:58,996 --> 01:31:01,124 as a way to deal with your one big regret. 1769 01:31:01,207 --> 01:31:03,292 Yeah, the girl that got away. 1770 01:31:03,376 --> 01:31:05,962 Look, do yourself a favor, Brodie. 1771 01:31:06,045 --> 01:31:07,088 Don't wait. 1772 01:31:07,213 --> 01:31:10,091 Because all the money, all the women � 1773 01:31:10,216 --> 01:31:12,260 even all the comic books in the world, 1774 01:31:12,343 --> 01:31:15,096 they can't substitute for that one person. 1775 01:31:15,513 --> 01:31:17,306 I don't know. All the comics in the world? 1776 01:31:17,557 --> 01:31:19,392 Trust me, true believer. 1777 01:31:19,517 --> 01:31:21,435 Well, good talking to you. 1778 01:31:21,519 --> 01:31:22,937 Keep up all the good work. 1779 01:31:23,062 --> 01:31:25,565 You keep reading 'em, I'll keep writing 'em. 1780 01:31:26,399 --> 01:31:28,776 Hey, Stan! Yeah? 1781 01:31:29,569 --> 01:31:31,320 She really meant that much to you? 1782 01:31:31,404 --> 01:31:34,991 Brodie, I'd give it all up, all of it � 1783 01:31:35,074 --> 01:31:37,577 for just one more day with her. 1784 01:31:38,369 --> 01:31:39,745 Take care. 1785 01:31:50,214 --> 01:31:52,008 Stan! Hi! 1786 01:31:52,091 --> 01:31:53,676 I think he bought it. 1787 01:31:53,759 --> 01:31:55,136 What kind of story did you give him? 1788 01:31:55,261 --> 01:31:57,346 Oh, it was the Vulture's soliloquy, you know, 1789 01:31:57,430 --> 01:31:59,348 from the Spider-Man anniversary issue. 1790 01:31:59,473 --> 01:32:01,976 "Love Be a Vulture Tonight." Yeah. 1791 01:32:02,101 --> 01:32:04,520 I can't thank you enough, Mr. Lee. Oh, forget it. 1792 01:32:04,604 --> 01:32:07,023 You know, I think you ought to get him some help. 1793 01:32:07,106 --> 01:32:10,902 He seems to be really hung up on superheroes' sex organs. 1794 01:32:11,110 --> 01:32:13,362 But he'll outgrow it. 1795 01:32:13,446 --> 01:32:14,655 Oh, Mr. Lee? Yeah. 1796 01:32:14,947 --> 01:32:17,033 Excelsior! Oh, you got that right. 1797 01:32:17,158 --> 01:32:18,242 See you. 1798 01:32:18,618 --> 01:32:19,619 Cool. 1799 01:32:25,875 --> 01:32:27,335 I think I felt it move. 1800 01:32:28,127 --> 01:32:29,212 Just kidding. 1801 01:32:29,337 --> 01:32:30,546 Just the two I'm looking for. I need help. 1802 01:32:30,630 --> 01:32:31,631 With what? 1803 01:32:31,714 --> 01:32:33,758 Let me borrow the Shannon Hamilton tape. Why? 1804 01:32:33,841 --> 01:32:35,134 It's important! The future of my relationship 1805 01:32:35,218 --> 01:32:36,219 depends on it. 1806 01:32:36,302 --> 01:32:39,430 It's at my house. Take T.S.'s station wagon, parked in 2D. 1807 01:32:39,513 --> 01:32:41,641 I don't even have a license. Just go! 1808 01:32:42,058 --> 01:32:43,809 You still got that stage schematic? 1809 01:32:43,893 --> 01:32:46,479 I need you to wire something together for me. 1810 01:32:52,485 --> 01:32:54,195 Oh, Jesus. What's with him? 1811 01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:57,490 Oh, I don't know. I'm suddenly not feeling too well. 1812 01:32:57,907 --> 01:32:59,909 But everything is fine. 1813 01:32:59,992 --> 01:33:01,661 We're about to start. 1814 01:33:01,744 --> 01:33:05,498 Oh, you are in for something really special tonight, gentlemen. 1815 01:33:06,332 --> 01:33:07,917 I have lined up � 1816 01:33:11,170 --> 01:33:12,421 Excuse me. 1817 01:33:12,505 --> 01:33:14,340 Jesus. 1818 01:33:18,678 --> 01:33:19,679 Sorry. 1819 01:33:19,845 --> 01:33:23,516 I have lined up some really bright kids here. 1820 01:33:23,599 --> 01:33:26,310 This promises to be a lot of fun. 1821 01:33:26,394 --> 01:33:27,645 I'm sure you're gonna love it. 1822 01:33:27,728 --> 01:33:29,563 Shouldn't you be in bed or something? 1823 01:33:29,689 --> 01:33:33,276 No. I wouldn't miss this for the world. 1824 01:33:38,114 --> 01:33:41,742 Make sure everybody's ready and let's start. 1825 01:33:50,960 --> 01:33:52,378 How much did you smoke? 1826 01:33:52,461 --> 01:33:56,632 All it took was a fat chronic blunt. These guys were lightweights. 1827 01:33:56,757 --> 01:33:58,801 How much do I owe you? My treat. 1828 01:33:58,884 --> 01:34:01,846 As long as you promise, next time you pop your old lady � 1829 01:34:01,929 --> 01:34:04,640 you make her call you "Jay." Snootchy bootchies. 1830 01:34:04,724 --> 01:34:06,142 Let's hope there is a next time. 1831 01:34:06,225 --> 01:34:08,102 All right, I'm ready. 1832 01:34:08,436 --> 01:34:11,063 You're never gonna believe who I just met. 1833 01:34:11,397 --> 01:34:12,815 What the hell happened to these two? 1834 01:34:12,898 --> 01:34:14,775 Power of the Dark Side. 1835 01:34:14,942 --> 01:34:16,152 Wait, there's only two. 1836 01:34:16,235 --> 01:34:18,487 There's supposed to be three. Where's the third guy? 1837 01:34:18,571 --> 01:34:19,822 I never saw a third guy. 1838 01:34:19,905 --> 01:34:21,282 Who's this asshole? 1839 01:34:21,407 --> 01:34:23,409 What the hell happened to those guys? 1840 01:34:23,659 --> 01:34:25,911 They got lightheaded. You got that right. 1841 01:34:26,078 --> 01:34:27,538 They gonna cancel the show? 1842 01:34:27,621 --> 01:34:28,706 What do you care? 1843 01:34:28,789 --> 01:34:30,791 I'm supposed to be on it. I'm Gil Hicks. 1844 01:34:30,875 --> 01:34:31,959 Suitor Number Three. 1845 01:34:32,084 --> 01:34:35,338 We're taking their place. I'm T.S. Quint. This is Brodie Bruce. 1846 01:34:35,463 --> 01:34:36,672 Didn't I see you on the news? 1847 01:34:36,756 --> 01:34:39,467 Dude. Don't give him any shit, all right? 1848 01:34:39,592 --> 01:34:41,719 Something's going on here. Where's Mr. Svenning? 1849 01:34:41,802 --> 01:34:44,805 Mr. Svenning has come down with a sudden case of diphtheria. 1850 01:34:44,930 --> 01:34:46,140 What happened to those two? 1851 01:34:46,265 --> 01:34:48,351 They got sick. We volunteer to take their place. 1852 01:34:48,434 --> 01:34:50,519 Isn't this guy from Monmouth State? 1853 01:34:50,603 --> 01:34:52,146 He and that broad tried to kill the Governor. 1854 01:34:52,229 --> 01:34:53,939 Yes, it is. All right, Quint. 1855 01:34:54,023 --> 01:34:55,524 I don't know how you got back in, 1856 01:34:55,608 --> 01:34:56,942 but I'm alerting Mr. Svenning. 1857 01:34:57,026 --> 01:34:59,487 We'll postpone the start until we figure this all out. 1858 01:34:59,570 --> 01:35:01,197 You called down the thunder, 1859 01:35:01,280 --> 01:35:02,907 now you've got it! Security! 1860 01:35:02,990 --> 01:35:04,492 Hey, Roddy! What? 1861 01:35:06,827 --> 01:35:08,454 Jesus Christ, you knocked him out. 1862 01:35:08,537 --> 01:35:09,830 Now hit him! 1863 01:35:09,914 --> 01:35:12,333 Somebody call security? What happened to those two? 1864 01:35:12,416 --> 01:35:15,294 They got stoned and knocked him out. He needs medical attention. 1865 01:35:15,378 --> 01:35:16,754 That's not what happened. Ow! 1866 01:35:16,879 --> 01:35:19,423 Could you have him removed? The show's about to start. 1867 01:35:19,507 --> 01:35:20,674 Whatever. 1868 01:35:23,636 --> 01:35:25,304 Look, dude. No more shit, all right? 1869 01:35:25,429 --> 01:35:28,307 Just go out and woo like you're supposed to and nobody gets hurt. 1870 01:35:28,432 --> 01:35:30,267 When Tricia shows up with the videotape, 1871 01:35:30,351 --> 01:35:32,144 you get it to Silent Bob, understand? 1872 01:35:32,269 --> 01:35:35,564 I'm on it. Wait a sec, where is that tubby bitch? 1873 01:35:58,754 --> 01:36:02,174 Good evening and welcome to Truth or Date. 1874 01:36:02,299 --> 01:36:05,928 One match made here ignites the fires of romance. 1875 01:36:06,011 --> 01:36:08,097 Hi, I'm Bob Summers, your host � 1876 01:36:08,180 --> 01:36:11,267 and tonight we'll watch as one of our three lucky suitors � 1877 01:36:11,350 --> 01:36:14,979 woos our beautiful, eligible suitor-ette. 1878 01:36:15,354 --> 01:36:19,108 Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for romance in the making � 1879 01:36:19,191 --> 01:36:22,278 as we introduce the suitors! 1880 01:36:44,717 --> 01:36:47,052 Our first suitor goes to Marymount College 1881 01:36:47,136 --> 01:36:49,013 where he majors in Economics. 1882 01:36:49,221 --> 01:36:52,016 Say hi to Doug Paging. 1883 01:36:57,229 --> 01:36:59,064 Do it, Doug! 1884 01:36:59,190 --> 01:37:02,651 Our second suitor hails from Canisius College in Buffalo � 1885 01:37:02,735 --> 01:37:04,904 where he majors in Communications. 1886 01:37:04,987 --> 01:37:08,616 Say hi to Rob Feature. 1887 01:37:15,998 --> 01:37:18,209 Our final suitor goes to Rutgers � 1888 01:37:18,292 --> 01:37:21,378 where he majors in Fine Arts and Greek mythology. 1889 01:37:21,504 --> 01:37:24,465 A nice welcome for Gil Hicks. 1890 01:37:26,342 --> 01:37:28,177 Pay attention, dick. 1891 01:37:29,053 --> 01:37:30,971 May the best man win. 1892 01:37:31,514 --> 01:37:35,267 And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce our lovely suitor-ette. 1893 01:37:35,392 --> 01:37:37,144 From Monmouth State, where she majors 1894 01:37:37,228 --> 01:37:38,896 in Astronomy and Earth Sciences � 1895 01:37:38,979 --> 01:37:43,484 a big welcome for the lovely Brandi Svenning. 1896 01:37:55,162 --> 01:37:58,207 All right, everybody knows how the game is played. 1897 01:37:58,290 --> 01:38:00,000 Our lovely suitor-ette will ask 1898 01:38:00,084 --> 01:38:02,169 a series of questions of our suitors � 1899 01:38:02,253 --> 01:38:04,880 and make her decision based on their answers. 1900 01:38:04,964 --> 01:38:06,257 Anything goes! 1901 01:38:06,382 --> 01:38:08,300 Brandi, are you ready? 1902 01:38:08,592 --> 01:38:10,261 Absolutely, Bob. 1903 01:38:10,386 --> 01:38:12,596 Then you may fire when ready. 1904 01:38:12,721 --> 01:38:13,722 Okay. 1905 01:38:14,431 --> 01:38:16,225 Um. 1906 01:38:16,433 --> 01:38:18,060 Suitor Number One. 1907 01:38:18,561 --> 01:38:21,939 If you were a car, what kind of car would you be? 1908 01:38:24,149 --> 01:38:28,112 Um, the kind you'd never dump your boyfriend in. 1909 01:38:30,489 --> 01:38:31,490 Okay. 1910 01:38:32,241 --> 01:38:33,242 Suitor Number Two. 1911 01:38:33,325 --> 01:38:35,661 Can't you call me the Second Suitor? 1912 01:38:35,744 --> 01:38:38,789 "Suitor Number Two" sounds like a bathroom code, you know? 1913 01:38:38,872 --> 01:38:40,374 Now, the Second Suitor � 1914 01:38:40,791 --> 01:38:42,334 sounds like a figure of mystery. 1915 01:38:42,418 --> 01:38:44,837 Like I belong on the grassy knoll. 1916 01:38:47,673 --> 01:38:48,674 Okay. 1917 01:38:48,924 --> 01:38:50,676 Second Suitor. 1918 01:38:50,759 --> 01:38:52,428 If we were making whoopee� 1919 01:38:52,511 --> 01:38:53,721 What's whoopee? 1920 01:38:55,014 --> 01:38:56,098 Um. 1921 01:38:58,601 --> 01:39:00,311 If we were � 1922 01:39:00,853 --> 01:39:02,187 If we were being intimate � 1923 01:39:02,479 --> 01:39:03,689 What, like fucking? 1924 01:39:06,900 --> 01:39:08,944 Yeah. 1925 01:39:09,361 --> 01:39:13,532 If we were, you know, what kind of noises would you make? 1926 01:39:20,873 --> 01:39:22,499 No, I think that's kind of personal. 1927 01:39:22,583 --> 01:39:24,918 I don't think I should answer that. 1928 01:39:25,544 --> 01:39:27,379 Uh, Suitor Number Three. 1929 01:39:28,255 --> 01:39:30,716 What would our first date be like? 1930 01:39:31,258 --> 01:39:34,887 First I'd take you shopping to the stores you'd want to shop in. 1931 01:39:34,970 --> 01:39:36,472 And then we'd do a little lunch, 1932 01:39:36,555 --> 01:39:38,349 probably at the Cheese Haus � 1933 01:39:38,432 --> 01:39:40,142 followed by some golfing. 1934 01:39:40,267 --> 01:39:45,064 Then at night, we'd take in an opera, probably Die Fledermaus. 1935 01:39:45,564 --> 01:39:49,401 Then I'd follow it all up with a drive to a secluded beach � 1936 01:39:49,485 --> 01:39:51,612 where I'd pop on the radio � 1937 01:39:51,695 --> 01:39:55,074 and then we could slow dance till the sun came up. 1938 01:39:56,283 --> 01:39:59,662 That was the biggest load of crap I've ever heard! 1939 01:40:00,412 --> 01:40:03,791 I mean, look at you, you're the kind of guy that would beg for sex. 1940 01:40:03,957 --> 01:40:06,168 I should know, we can smell our own. 1941 01:40:12,633 --> 01:40:14,426 Suitor Number One. 1942 01:40:15,010 --> 01:40:18,305 If we fell in love, how would you propose to me? 1943 01:40:18,764 --> 01:40:20,808 When Jaws popped out of the water. 1944 01:40:20,891 --> 01:40:22,101 Excuse me? 1945 01:40:23,352 --> 01:40:25,187 I'll propose to you right now. 1946 01:40:25,270 --> 01:40:27,398 I propose you stop letting your father run your life � 1947 01:40:27,481 --> 01:40:30,734 and be true to yourself and not give up on someone you know has value. 1948 01:40:30,818 --> 01:40:32,861 Yeah, and take off your socks when you make whoopee � 1949 01:40:32,945 --> 01:40:36,281 or whatever that word is. He hates it when you leave them on. 1950 01:40:37,199 --> 01:40:39,493 What? Hypothetically speaking. 1951 01:40:39,618 --> 01:40:42,496 Suitor Number One, you sound familiar. 1952 01:40:42,663 --> 01:40:43,997 Like your conscience, maybe? 1953 01:40:44,081 --> 01:40:46,375 Look, lady. You don't know him, all right? 1954 01:40:46,875 --> 01:40:49,128 Now make with the questions. 1955 01:40:49,211 --> 01:40:51,213 Suitor Number Three. 1956 01:40:51,463 --> 01:40:54,133 Is your kiss like a soft breeze � 1957 01:40:54,299 --> 01:40:56,802 a firm handshake, or a jackhammer? 1958 01:40:56,885 --> 01:40:58,846 What's the funny guy doing with his hands? 1959 01:40:58,971 --> 01:41:00,806 I don't want to know. 1960 01:41:02,182 --> 01:41:04,268 What the fuck is going on up there? 1961 01:41:05,477 --> 01:41:09,314 Never mind. You go tell LaFours to call the police. 1962 01:41:09,398 --> 01:41:12,818 I want the fucking Department down here now to arrest those guys. 1963 01:41:12,985 --> 01:41:14,820 Now. Go. 1964 01:41:15,654 --> 01:41:17,197 Definitely a jackhammer. 1965 01:41:17,364 --> 01:41:20,242 I'm in there with some pressure, and when I'm done � 1966 01:41:20,367 --> 01:41:23,245 you're not the same as before. You're changed. 1967 01:41:23,328 --> 01:41:25,664 Where do you come up with this shit? 1968 01:41:25,748 --> 01:41:29,668 That is the cheesiest response to an honest question I've ever heard. 1969 01:41:29,752 --> 01:41:32,171 I saw you kiss and it wasn't anything like that. 1970 01:41:33,547 --> 01:41:35,841 Suitor Number Two, you have to wait until 1971 01:41:35,924 --> 01:41:37,885 you're addressed before you respond. 1972 01:41:38,010 --> 01:41:40,220 Richard Dawson, go back to your podium 1973 01:41:40,304 --> 01:41:42,473 until it's time to play the Feud, all right? 1974 01:41:45,350 --> 01:41:46,602 Who did you see me kiss? 1975 01:41:46,685 --> 01:41:47,853 Some dude backstage. 1976 01:41:47,978 --> 01:41:49,938 I don't know who he was, but he seemed unimpressed. 1977 01:41:50,022 --> 01:41:52,983 I didn't kiss any guy backstage, I swear. I'm not gay. 1978 01:41:53,066 --> 01:41:55,068 Hey, Suitor-ette, this guy's a homophobe. 1979 01:41:55,152 --> 01:41:56,987 You heard how repulsed he sounded. 1980 01:41:57,070 --> 01:41:59,406 Is this the kind of guy you want to spend a vacation with? 1981 01:41:59,490 --> 01:42:01,492 This hate monger? I don't hate gay people! 1982 01:42:01,575 --> 01:42:03,035 So you love them? Yes! 1983 01:42:03,160 --> 01:42:05,996 I mean, no! Textbook closet case. Self-loather. 1984 01:42:06,079 --> 01:42:08,874 Can't be comfortable with his own sexuality. 1985 01:42:11,001 --> 01:42:12,336 Brodie said to give this to you. 1986 01:42:12,419 --> 01:42:14,963 Are you watching this shit, man? It's fucked up! 1987 01:42:15,047 --> 01:42:16,632 I don't want to be here when that tape 1988 01:42:16,715 --> 01:42:18,342 does what I think it's going to do. 1989 01:42:18,425 --> 01:42:20,344 Why the hell not, man? This shit is dope. 1990 01:42:20,552 --> 01:42:22,721 Holy fuck. He'll kill him. 1991 01:42:23,430 --> 01:42:24,598 Who'll kill who? 1992 01:42:24,681 --> 01:42:27,434 LaFours, man. Silent Bob, he's my fucking board, man. 1993 01:42:27,559 --> 01:42:30,145 What am I going to fucking do? Point him out. 1994 01:42:30,562 --> 01:42:33,482 Miss Suitor-ette, how about you answer a question for me? 1995 01:42:33,816 --> 01:42:35,692 Um, I don't think that� 1996 01:42:35,776 --> 01:42:37,069 How strong are your convictions? 1997 01:42:38,111 --> 01:42:39,112 Hi. 1998 01:42:39,863 --> 01:42:41,365 Would you be interested in partaking 1999 01:42:41,448 --> 01:42:43,408 in some psycho-behavioral research? 2000 01:42:47,412 --> 01:42:48,664 What are you talking about? 2001 01:42:48,747 --> 01:42:51,250 How easily do you quit? Say you wind up with one of us. 2002 01:42:51,333 --> 01:42:53,585 Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh, over here. 2003 01:42:53,710 --> 01:42:55,504 I'm not like Rush Limbaugh! 2004 01:42:55,587 --> 01:42:59,174 Why not, because he's fat? You got something against fat people, too? 2005 01:43:03,095 --> 01:43:05,055 Snootchy bootchies! 2006 01:43:05,597 --> 01:43:07,182 Are you ready? 2007 01:43:18,026 --> 01:43:19,027 Uh. 2008 01:43:19,111 --> 01:43:22,447 If I have a conviction, I stick to it. 2009 01:43:22,573 --> 01:43:24,408 Were you ever in love? 2010 01:43:24,616 --> 01:43:27,244 Yes, as a matter of fact. Oh, really? 2011 01:43:27,578 --> 01:43:29,913 What happened to your boyfriend? 2012 01:43:30,789 --> 01:43:33,166 We broke up. Why? 2013 01:43:34,501 --> 01:43:35,919 It just didn't work out. 2014 01:43:36,003 --> 01:43:37,838 I mean, were you unhappy? 2015 01:43:37,963 --> 01:43:39,798 Sometimes. Why? 2016 01:43:39,965 --> 01:43:42,259 I don't know. The usual baggage. 2017 01:43:42,342 --> 01:43:44,052 He lacked a sense of romance. 2018 01:43:44,136 --> 01:43:46,054 He almost ruined my father's career. 2019 01:43:46,138 --> 01:43:48,223 He got me implicated in an attempted murder. 2020 01:43:48,307 --> 01:43:49,558 That was an accident. 2021 01:43:49,975 --> 01:43:51,143 T.S.? 2022 01:43:51,268 --> 01:43:52,519 Hey, what about the rest of us? 2023 01:43:52,603 --> 01:43:54,855 Why don't you ask me a question? 2024 01:43:55,147 --> 01:43:56,481 Suitor Number Two. 2025 01:43:56,607 --> 01:43:59,443 Hey, what about me? Gil, just shut the fuck up! 2026 01:44:01,320 --> 01:44:03,030 Second Suitor � 2027 01:44:03,614 --> 01:44:05,824 would you ever make whoopee in public? 2028 01:44:05,949 --> 01:44:08,035 I already did once today. 2029 01:44:11,622 --> 01:44:15,208 But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. 2030 01:44:15,334 --> 01:44:16,752 He was on a plane to New Mexico, 2031 01:44:16,835 --> 01:44:19,004 when all of a sudden the hydraulics went. 2032 01:44:19,129 --> 01:44:21,840 The plane started spinning around, going out of control. 2033 01:44:21,965 --> 01:44:23,842 He decides it's all over, whips it out 2034 01:44:23,926 --> 01:44:25,844 and starts beating it right there. 2035 01:44:25,969 --> 01:44:28,055 All the passengers take a cue from him, 2036 01:44:28,138 --> 01:44:30,557 they whip it out and start beating like mad. 2037 01:44:30,682 --> 01:44:33,101 So all the passengers are beating off, 2038 01:44:33,185 --> 01:44:34,978 plummeting to their certain doom � 2039 01:44:35,062 --> 01:44:36,480 when all of a sudden � 2040 01:44:36,563 --> 01:44:39,733 the hydraulics kick back in and the plane rights itself. 2041 01:44:40,192 --> 01:44:41,443 It lands safely � 2042 01:44:41,526 --> 01:44:45,447 and everyone puts their pieces, or whatever, away and deboard. 2043 01:44:45,530 --> 01:44:48,700 Nobody mentions the phenomenon to anyone else. 2044 01:44:55,582 --> 01:44:57,542 Did he come or what? 2045 01:44:57,668 --> 01:44:59,711 Jesus Christ, Gil! 2046 01:44:59,795 --> 01:45:02,839 There are just some things you do not mention in public. 2047 01:45:04,091 --> 01:45:05,384 Second Suitor � 2048 01:45:05,717 --> 01:45:08,845 if you were a comic-book character, what character would you be? 2049 01:45:08,929 --> 01:45:10,889 Wow, that's a great question. 2050 01:45:11,098 --> 01:45:13,850 A tough one, though. What does one gauge his response on? 2051 01:45:13,934 --> 01:45:16,269 Physical prowess? Keen detection skills? 2052 01:45:16,436 --> 01:45:18,605 The ability to banter well with super villains? 2053 01:45:18,730 --> 01:45:20,315 How's your comic-book collection, Brodie? 2054 01:45:20,399 --> 01:45:22,567 Oh, it's going good. But, I mean� 2055 01:45:22,776 --> 01:45:24,945 Oh, comics! What are you talking about? 2056 01:45:25,028 --> 01:45:27,698 I don't collect comics. Comics are for kids! 2057 01:45:27,781 --> 01:45:29,116 I knew it. 2058 01:45:29,241 --> 01:45:30,575 Suitor Number One � 2059 01:45:30,701 --> 01:45:32,160 you just don't know when to quit, do you? 2060 01:45:32,244 --> 01:45:33,203 No. 2061 01:45:33,286 --> 01:45:35,914 No, but you sure do. I thought you were in love. 2062 01:45:35,998 --> 01:45:37,249 I was. 2063 01:45:37,332 --> 01:45:38,834 But you complicated my life. 2064 01:45:38,917 --> 01:45:39,918 How so? 2065 01:45:40,210 --> 01:45:41,878 Well, you placed me in such a damned 2066 01:45:41,962 --> 01:45:43,922 uncomfortable position with my father � 2067 01:45:44,006 --> 01:45:46,299 Twice even. What was I supposed to do? 2068 01:45:46,425 --> 01:45:48,093 Show a little backbone. 2069 01:45:48,260 --> 01:45:50,595 I was ready to show a little backbone. 2070 01:45:50,762 --> 01:45:54,224 And then you had to show up with Bumbler the Boy Wonder over there � 2071 01:45:54,307 --> 01:45:56,226 and screw things up further, proving � 2072 01:45:56,309 --> 01:45:58,437 that you never took the situation seriously. 2073 01:45:58,520 --> 01:46:01,606 Boy Wonder? I'm all man, lady! 2074 01:46:02,524 --> 01:46:04,818 I've never done anything but show interest in you. 2075 01:46:04,901 --> 01:46:07,320 Our whole goddamn romantic career I doted on you. 2076 01:46:07,404 --> 01:46:09,406 The minute things got dicey, you cracked. 2077 01:46:09,656 --> 01:46:12,826 There we were, mere hours from spending an entire week together � 2078 01:46:12,951 --> 01:46:14,995 away from our family, school. 2079 01:46:15,078 --> 01:46:17,039 She throws in the towel because her daddy says so. 2080 01:46:18,248 --> 01:46:21,209 He got us shot at by the Federal authorities. 2081 01:46:21,293 --> 01:46:24,212 He brought his troublemaker friend over to my house � 2082 01:46:24,296 --> 01:46:26,548 where he proceeded to allow news cameras � 2083 01:46:26,631 --> 01:46:28,633 to take naked videos of my father. 2084 01:46:29,843 --> 01:46:31,720 Then he had the audacity to inform me � 2085 01:46:31,803 --> 01:46:34,222 that on this vacation that we were supposed to take � 2086 01:46:34,306 --> 01:46:35,807 that he was going to propose to me, 2087 01:46:35,891 --> 01:46:37,893 without even discussing it with me first. 2088 01:46:37,976 --> 01:46:40,228 We've been talking about getting married since high school. 2089 01:46:40,312 --> 01:46:42,731 He could have approached my father, man to man � 2090 01:46:42,814 --> 01:46:44,441 and made his intentions clear. 2091 01:46:44,524 --> 01:46:47,652 He could have apologized for all the problems that he caused. 2092 01:46:47,736 --> 01:46:50,530 But what does he do instead? He just goes on with his life. 2093 01:46:50,989 --> 01:46:53,283 I mean here he is. He's hanging out at a mall. 2094 01:46:53,366 --> 01:46:55,494 You put yourself on an auction block for God's sake � 2095 01:46:55,577 --> 01:46:57,245 in front of a live studio audience. 2096 01:46:57,329 --> 01:46:59,498 Do I get a chance to field any more questions? 2097 01:46:59,581 --> 01:47:00,582 No! 2098 01:47:00,665 --> 01:47:02,626 Look, I think I should say something here. 2099 01:47:02,709 --> 01:47:04,586 I know both of you pretty well. Suitor-ette � 2100 01:47:04,669 --> 01:47:07,422 Suitor Number One has done nothing but pine over you all day � 2101 01:47:07,506 --> 01:47:09,424 trying to figure out a way to win you back. 2102 01:47:09,508 --> 01:47:12,552 When this public opportunity to literally do that arose � 2103 01:47:12,677 --> 01:47:15,263 he pulled his shit together, risked life and limb � 2104 01:47:15,347 --> 01:47:18,225 and faced the odds to get up here and give it his best shot. 2105 01:47:18,350 --> 01:47:19,768 I'm tired of this whole thing! 2106 01:47:19,851 --> 01:47:21,728 You're both retarded for each other! 2107 01:47:21,853 --> 01:47:23,605 Forget about the shit that happened 2108 01:47:23,688 --> 01:47:25,190 and do what you're supposed to! 2109 01:47:25,357 --> 01:47:27,734 I think the audience would agree with me there. 2110 01:47:35,408 --> 01:47:37,953 Ask her, you silly bastard! 2111 01:47:40,539 --> 01:47:42,124 Miss Suitor-ette � 2112 01:47:42,749 --> 01:47:44,668 Suitor Number One loves you � 2113 01:47:44,835 --> 01:47:47,546 has always loved you, and will always love you. 2114 01:47:48,255 --> 01:47:50,715 He's only got one question that he'd like to ask. 2115 01:47:53,552 --> 01:47:55,220 Will you marry me? 2116 01:48:13,488 --> 01:48:14,656 Yes. 2117 01:48:37,012 --> 01:48:39,931 Snootchy bootchies, Brodie-nootchies! 2118 01:48:51,026 --> 01:48:53,612 Are we set or what? Good to go. 2119 01:48:53,945 --> 01:48:55,989 Hey, did you see LaFours out there? No. 2120 01:48:56,072 --> 01:48:58,325 For a minute there, I thought that we were in trouble. 2121 01:49:14,674 --> 01:49:16,927 Oh, a sailboat. 2122 01:49:29,064 --> 01:49:32,442 I think it's safe to say, we've made our match. 2123 01:49:32,525 --> 01:49:35,278 These two lucky people will soon be winging their way � 2124 01:49:35,362 --> 01:49:39,658 to beautiful, sunny Florida for a week of theme parks, beaches � 2125 01:49:39,824 --> 01:49:42,160 and a lot more from the look of it! 2126 01:49:42,702 --> 01:49:44,746 I guess that about wraps it up for� 2127 01:49:44,829 --> 01:49:48,208 Not just yet, Pat Sajak. 2128 01:49:48,416 --> 01:49:49,834 All right? 2129 01:49:52,003 --> 01:49:53,546 You! All right. 2130 01:49:54,005 --> 01:49:57,342 I believe you have something that belongs to me. 2131 01:49:58,093 --> 01:49:59,386 Yeah? What's that? 2132 01:49:59,552 --> 01:50:02,764 Not you, asshole! The girl. 2133 01:50:03,848 --> 01:50:05,350 You have my heart. 2134 01:50:09,020 --> 01:50:10,605 What can I say? 2135 01:50:10,689 --> 01:50:12,357 I love the retard. 2136 01:50:13,191 --> 01:50:14,442 Wait a minute. I thought tonight 2137 01:50:14,526 --> 01:50:16,361 we were supposed to, you know � 2138 01:50:16,611 --> 01:50:17,696 Hamilton! 2139 01:50:17,779 --> 01:50:20,907 Let's try to wrap this up, all right? I promised her breakfast. 2140 01:50:21,032 --> 01:50:22,450 All right, that's it. 2141 01:50:22,534 --> 01:50:25,704 You're dead, mallrat. I'm going to fuck you up beyond repair! 2142 01:50:42,804 --> 01:50:46,224 Sailboat. Sailboat. Goddamn sailboat. 2143 01:50:51,896 --> 01:50:54,149 What in Christ's name took you guys so long? 2144 01:50:54,232 --> 01:50:56,484 Get your asses up there and arrest those guys. 2145 01:50:56,568 --> 01:50:59,029 The one with the girl and the one with the microphone. 2146 01:50:59,112 --> 01:51:00,155 For what? 2147 01:51:00,238 --> 01:51:03,867 Trespassing, public lewdness, FCC violation. 2148 01:51:05,452 --> 01:51:06,870 Food poisoning. 2149 01:51:07,078 --> 01:51:11,082 Ladies and gentlemen, this tall drink of water headed my way � 2150 01:51:11,166 --> 01:51:13,168 is a pillar of the shopping community � 2151 01:51:13,251 --> 01:51:16,546 who informed me earlier today of a nefarious plan of his � 2152 01:51:16,629 --> 01:51:19,382 to screw my girlfriend in a very uncomfortable place. 2153 01:51:19,466 --> 01:51:22,135 What? Like the back of a Volkswagen? 2154 01:51:26,598 --> 01:51:28,767 And as he comes up here to � 2155 01:51:30,727 --> 01:51:32,145 Holy shit! 2156 01:51:34,272 --> 01:51:36,733 Without further ado, I'd like to present you all � 2157 01:51:36,816 --> 01:51:40,195 with an accurate portrayal of the proprietor of Fashionable Male. 2158 01:51:40,320 --> 01:51:41,863 Now, Silent Bob! 2159 01:51:44,032 --> 01:51:46,618 I said now, Silent Bob! 2160 01:51:48,203 --> 01:51:49,829 When, Lord? 2161 01:51:49,913 --> 01:51:53,917 When the hell do I get to see the goddamn sailboat? 2162 01:51:54,000 --> 01:51:56,461 Now, now, now! 2163 01:52:07,180 --> 01:52:09,099 Who's your favorite New Kid? 2164 01:52:10,600 --> 01:52:12,185 Call me Joey. 2165 01:52:12,268 --> 01:52:14,896 Oh, yeah. Don't make me get loose. I think that's it. 2166 01:52:14,979 --> 01:52:18,942 Yeah. Call me Donnie. Come on. Oh, girl. 2167 01:52:19,109 --> 01:52:20,485 Yeah, please don't go. 2168 01:52:20,568 --> 01:52:23,029 No wonder why she walks all fucked up. 2169 01:52:24,197 --> 01:52:26,324 That girl's only 15. 2170 01:52:28,326 --> 01:52:31,454 Oh, 15? I thought she was 36. 2171 01:52:32,205 --> 01:52:35,834 Hey, come on, guys. Tell me you wouldn't have popped her? 2172 01:53:01,151 --> 01:53:02,318 Where you're going � 2173 01:53:02,402 --> 01:53:04,696 they screw people in a very uncomfortable place. 2174 01:53:04,779 --> 01:53:06,197 Really? Yeah. 2175 01:53:07,115 --> 01:53:09,284 You can't strike a prisoner in police custody. 2176 01:53:09,367 --> 01:53:11,411 Oh, come on, just once? 2177 01:53:11,494 --> 01:53:13,746 All right, but make it fast. 2178 01:53:16,458 --> 01:53:19,669 Would you have gone on vacation with the winner? 2179 01:53:19,878 --> 01:53:21,379 What do you think? 2180 01:53:22,672 --> 01:53:25,175 I don't know, I think you would have. 2181 01:53:26,426 --> 01:53:28,678 But I would have sent you a postcard. 2182 01:53:30,805 --> 01:53:32,557 What the hell is wrong with me? 2183 01:53:32,682 --> 01:53:34,142 If the tape was out of your reach, 2184 01:53:34,225 --> 01:53:36,227 how the hell did you get it? 2185 01:53:36,436 --> 01:53:38,438 The Jedi mind trick! 2186 01:53:38,605 --> 01:53:41,065 Holy shit! Motherfucking Yoda and shit! 2187 01:53:41,941 --> 01:53:43,693 Adventure? Excitement? 2188 01:53:43,776 --> 01:53:46,112 A Jedi craves not these things. 2189 01:53:46,196 --> 01:53:47,780 Holy! You spoke. 2190 01:53:48,156 --> 01:53:50,074 There was never anything good to say before. 2191 01:54:18,269 --> 01:54:21,523 Did you see that shit? Do you call that romance? 2192 01:54:21,981 --> 01:54:23,566 I call that illegal. 2193 01:54:25,318 --> 01:54:26,653 So. 2194 01:54:28,655 --> 01:54:29,697 So what? 2195 01:54:30,198 --> 01:54:33,409 I was just wondering, if maybe you're not busy tomorrow night � 2196 01:54:33,493 --> 01:54:34,661 Yeah? 2197 01:54:36,329 --> 01:54:39,165 Would you like to have dinner at my house and meet my mother? 2198 01:54:39,290 --> 01:54:42,210 I can't guarantee she'll like you, but � 2199 01:54:49,467 --> 01:54:51,219 Hey, want a cookie? It's on me. 2200 01:54:51,302 --> 01:54:53,930 It was just a warm-up. Please, come on? 2201 01:54:54,013 --> 01:54:56,349 The show would always go smoother and be less racy. 2202 01:54:56,432 --> 01:54:57,892 The show was a piece of shit. 2203 01:54:57,976 --> 01:54:59,727 Unoriginal, uninspired, you know. 2204 01:54:59,852 --> 01:55:02,313 The only thing that saved it was this guy here. 2205 01:55:02,397 --> 01:55:04,190 I'm Bentley Garrison, with the network. 2206 01:55:04,274 --> 01:55:06,317 Me and Mason thought you were hysterical. 2207 01:55:06,442 --> 01:55:08,319 Hilarious. You've got great presence, kid. 2208 01:55:08,444 --> 01:55:11,239 Have you ever considered hosting your own talk show? Yeah. 2209 01:55:13,408 --> 01:55:14,450 Him? 2210 01:55:14,534 --> 01:55:17,370 Excuse me, sir. Are you the producer of this program? 2211 01:55:17,453 --> 01:55:19,372 Of course I am, you stupid shit. 2212 01:55:19,455 --> 01:55:21,499 And I want those two guys arrested. 2213 01:55:21,833 --> 01:55:23,751 Sir, you are under arrest. 2214 01:55:23,835 --> 01:55:24,877 What? 2215 01:55:24,961 --> 01:55:25,920 What for? 2216 01:55:26,004 --> 01:55:29,424 For broadcasting lewd or indecent images in a public forum � 2217 01:55:29,507 --> 01:55:32,760 and violation of about 19 FCC regulations. 2218 01:55:32,844 --> 01:55:34,345 Jesus Christ! 2219 01:55:38,433 --> 01:55:40,893 And for vomiting on my shoes. 2220 01:57:06,396 --> 01:57:07,397 Yeah? 2221 01:57:08,305 --> 01:57:14,468 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org 175937

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