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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
2
00:00:51,553 --> 00:00:52,971
I told him, "Donald �
3
00:00:53,555 --> 00:00:57,142
"I have to attend.
It's my ball."
4
00:00:57,809 --> 00:00:59,686
And then he said:
5
00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:04,858
"The lodge
only throws their ball
once every decade.
6
00:01:04,941 --> 00:01:07,861
"Why can't you ever
attend my balls?"
7
00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:11,865
And I said, "Jesus Christ,
Donald, that's what I've been
doing for 30 years."
8
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:14,743
You're such an idiot.
9
00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,793
Gov. Dalton,
this is Jared Svenning �
10
00:01:23,877 --> 00:01:26,254
the gentleman to whom
you are presenting
the honorarium.
11
00:01:26,337 --> 00:01:28,673
Governor,
it's a pleasure
to meet you.
12
00:01:28,882 --> 00:01:31,259
Might I add, you're
absolutely stunning
this evening?
13
00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,846
You can dispense
with the ass-munching.
14
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:36,765
You're getting your check.
15
00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:41,936
Thank you.
16
00:01:42,187 --> 00:01:44,773
The grant, that is,
will go a long way �
17
00:01:44,856 --> 00:01:46,399
towards funding
the new programming
18
00:01:46,483 --> 00:01:48,943
that I'm working on
for KREL.
Mmm �
19
00:01:49,027 --> 00:01:51,321
That's the public
access station, right?
20
00:01:51,404 --> 00:01:53,782
The one they run
the lottery numbers on?
21
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:56,576
Well, we, uh, air more
than just lottery numbers.
22
00:01:56,659 --> 00:01:58,703
Mmm-mmm �
I mean, in fact �
23
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,749
we're going to broadcast
a live game show from
a local mall this Saturday.
24
00:02:04,793 --> 00:02:06,461
How long is this thing
going to take?
25
00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:09,547
Tonight I've got
Melrose at 9:00.
26
00:02:09,756 --> 00:02:10,757
Uh �
27
00:02:10,882 --> 00:02:15,428
Well, there's dinner,
followed by
the presentation.
28
00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:19,432
Oh, and then we adjourn
into the auditorium
for a stage presentation �
29
00:02:19,516 --> 00:02:21,309
by the Drama
and History Clubs.
30
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:25,063
They put together
an impressive musical
about Paul Revere �
31
00:02:25,146 --> 00:02:27,565
entitled
Light Your Own Lamps.
32
00:02:27,649 --> 00:02:29,484
Is there a dance number?
33
00:02:30,944 --> 00:02:35,490
Nothing better than
a couple of skimpily
clad undergraduates �
34
00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:39,327
just hurling themselves
across the stage,
I always say.
35
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:41,162
Get me another highball.
36
00:02:41,246 --> 00:02:42,288
Right away, Governor.
37
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:46,125
Will you stop?
Stop it! Cut it out!
38
00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:49,212
Just don't eyeball
everyone like that.
39
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:51,756
All you're doing is
creeping everyone out.
40
00:02:52,507 --> 00:02:53,758
Sorry, Governor.
41
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:57,303
Sven, you know
these security types �
42
00:02:58,263 --> 00:03:01,850
everyone a glory hound,
I always say.
43
00:03:03,935 --> 00:03:07,772
They're all just
waiting to tackle
the next Sirhan Sirhan.
44
00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:11,818
I mean, I ask you �
45
00:03:12,819 --> 00:03:17,782
can you imagine anyone
wanting to attack me,
for Christ's sake?
46
00:04:01,659 --> 00:04:03,661
Freeze!
47
00:04:03,745 --> 00:04:05,038
What are you doing?
48
00:04:05,121 --> 00:04:07,624
You looking at
naked guys in
the shower again?
49
00:04:08,333 --> 00:04:11,586
Didn't anyone ever
tell you not to
point guns at people?
50
00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:13,463
Once. I shot him.
51
00:04:13,755 --> 00:04:14,839
Mmm.
52
00:04:18,468 --> 00:04:19,636
Nice sneakers.
53
00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:22,805
Oh, I went to look
for you in your room,
54
00:04:22,889 --> 00:04:24,849
and Ronnie told me
I could find you up here.
55
00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:26,059
What gives?
56
00:04:26,184 --> 00:04:28,436
I wanted to finish
that paper on supernovas �
57
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:30,813
and John Slas said that
I could use his telescope �
58
00:04:30,897 --> 00:04:32,190
before he went home
for break.
59
00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:34,943
What do you need his for?
You got your own.
60
00:04:35,026 --> 00:04:38,154
No, I got the lenses, T.S.,
but I need Slas' shaft.
61
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:40,949
Oh.
62
00:04:41,032 --> 00:04:43,076
You need Slas' shaft, huh?
63
00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:45,495
You insatiable slut!
64
00:04:46,037 --> 00:04:49,832
"We're all in the gutter,
but some of us
are looking at the stars."
65
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:51,250
Oscar Wilde.
Mmm.
66
00:04:51,334 --> 00:04:52,919
I thought that
you'd be down there
67
00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:54,921
trying to secure
the best seat
in the house.
68
00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:59,050
This might be the first
and last time you ever see
your boyfriend on stage �
69
00:04:59,384 --> 00:05:01,052
especially in a musical.
70
00:05:02,679 --> 00:05:05,556
So I'd like you
to be down there
front row, up center.
71
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,308
I'm gonna watch you
from up here.
72
00:05:08,393 --> 00:05:10,186
With that thing?
You'll never see me.
73
00:05:10,436 --> 00:05:11,479
Are you kidding?
74
00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,898
Do you have any idea
how powerful this thing is?
75
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,859
I'll be able to see
the flop sweat
form on your brow.
76
00:05:17,902 --> 00:05:20,071
Yeah, but you won't
be able to hear me sing.
77
00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:21,280
Bingo.
78
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,158
Strident.
79
00:05:24,409 --> 00:05:27,870
I'm gonna have to
teach you a lesson about
being demure for your man.
80
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:29,914
In fact �
81
00:05:29,998 --> 00:05:32,917
that's it.
I'm having sex with you
right here, right now.
82
00:05:33,001 --> 00:05:34,002
What are you doing?
83
00:05:34,085 --> 00:05:35,586
Let's go, come on.
Pull them down.
84
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:38,506
Would you get off me?
I've got work to do.
Oh, I don't mind.
85
00:05:38,589 --> 00:05:40,091
I'll just let you finish
your star gazing.
86
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,634
I'll take you
from behind here.
87
00:05:41,718 --> 00:05:42,885
It'll be great practice
for when we get older,
88
00:05:42,969 --> 00:05:45,013
and you watch TV
while we screw.
89
00:05:45,096 --> 00:05:46,472
Will you get off me?
90
00:05:47,098 --> 00:05:48,099
All right.
91
00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:50,018
For now.
Uh-huh.
92
00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:52,478
But when
we get to Florida in �
93
00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:56,232
about approximately
17 hours, you owe me.
94
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:02,864
About that �
95
00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:04,741
Yes?
96
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,285
Well, I can't go.
97
00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:10,747
Excuse me?
98
00:06:10,830 --> 00:06:13,416
My dad's asked me
to help him
with his new show.
99
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:15,626
What,
like his assistant or �
100
00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,128
As a contestant.
101
00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:19,005
You mean that
Dating Game rip-off thing?
102
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:21,049
That is what
you're talking about here,
right?
103
00:06:21,257 --> 00:06:22,341
Geez!
104
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,010
That guy knows no shame.
105
00:06:24,302 --> 00:06:27,472
What, so he forbid you
to go to Florida when
you said no, is that it?
106
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:28,556
I can't believe �
107
00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:33,144
Brandi?
108
00:06:35,938 --> 00:06:37,106
You didn't say no?
109
00:06:37,190 --> 00:06:40,568
T.S., it's no big deal.
I mean, it's just TV.
110
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:43,529
Besides,
it is really important
for my father's career.
111
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:45,698
Otherwise,
he would never
have asked me.
112
00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,742
Brandi, the guy hates me,
for Christ's sake.
113
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:50,369
Don't you think that
might be a little part
of the motive here?
114
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:51,454
He'd love to see
us break up.
115
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:53,956
He'd love for us not
to go on that vacation,
that's for sure.
116
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,084
What did you think,
for Christ's sake?
117
00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:57,502
Jesus! You know,
for a science major,
118
00:06:57,585 --> 00:07:00,171
you can be really
fucking stupid sometimes.
119
00:07:03,382 --> 00:07:06,594
I was giving you
the benefit
of the doubt, T.S.
120
00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:10,306
I thought that you
might be able to handle
this like an adult �
121
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:13,851
and show my father
how wrong he is
about our relationship.
122
00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:16,104
Well, I guess
I credited you
with too much.
123
00:07:16,187 --> 00:07:19,107
You are just as thoughtless
and possessive as he is.
124
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:21,275
You both see me as property.
125
00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:24,737
In fact,
the two of you have
so much in common �
126
00:07:24,821 --> 00:07:27,365
you should just go
date each other.
127
00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:30,076
Brandi, wait!
128
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:31,953
Just leave me alone.
Please.
129
00:07:32,036 --> 00:07:34,330
Ow!
Oh, no. The gun's caught
in your hair.
130
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,791
Would you get it out?
I'm trying.
131
00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:38,960
Oh, Mr. Svenning �
132
00:07:39,210 --> 00:07:40,753
Jesus Christ!
Don't kill me!
133
00:07:40,837 --> 00:07:43,548
Oh, no! Shh.
For God's sake!
134
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,299
He's with me.
135
00:07:45,383 --> 00:07:48,928
Oh, God!
He's one of my people.
It's okay.
136
00:07:49,262 --> 00:07:54,058
We'll be ready in five,
Mr. Svenning.
137
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,726
Go, it's okay.
138
00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:59,105
No, your hair's caught
around the trigger here.
Stop moving.
139
00:07:59,188 --> 00:08:01,232
Would you just get it off?
It hurts.
140
00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:04,402
The presentation will
begin in about
five minutes, Governor.
141
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:05,528
Mmm-mmm.
142
00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,155
Why not freshen up a bit?
143
00:08:07,238 --> 00:08:08,865
What the hell is that
supposed to mean?
144
00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:10,825
That I look like
a piece of shit
or something?
145
00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:12,160
Maybe we can
jar it loose.
146
00:08:12,243 --> 00:08:13,452
Here, come over here
to the right.
Oh!
147
00:08:13,536 --> 00:08:14,579
Here, lean over here.
148
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:17,373
Come over here, okay?
All right? Ready?
149
00:08:18,082 --> 00:08:19,208
Sniper!
150
00:08:26,257 --> 00:08:27,884
Oh, shit!
151
00:08:30,928 --> 00:08:32,096
How many are there?
152
00:08:32,180 --> 00:08:33,306
I spotted two,
a male and a female.
153
00:08:33,389 --> 00:08:34,348
What kind of artillery?
154
00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:35,975
Perps were using
a shotgun.
155
00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:37,226
Was the Governor hit?
156
00:08:37,310 --> 00:08:39,061
Of course I'm hit,
you asshole.
157
00:08:39,145 --> 00:08:41,189
You hit me like
some goddamn wrestler.
158
00:08:41,272 --> 00:08:43,107
There's no blood.
She wasn't attacked.
159
00:08:43,816 --> 00:08:45,026
Get your foot off my tit!
160
00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:46,235
Oh, sorry, ma'am.
161
00:08:46,319 --> 00:08:48,112
Mr. Svenning, I quit!
162
00:08:48,779 --> 00:08:51,490
Hey, I think
they're trying
to signal us.
163
00:08:54,994 --> 00:08:57,079
It's okay,
we're not armed.
164
00:08:57,163 --> 00:08:59,916
This is just a prop.
I'm in the musical.
165
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:01,751
It's just a blank.
It wasn't serious.
166
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,253
What did he say?
I think he said
they were Syrians.
167
00:09:04,337 --> 00:09:05,880
Sweet Christ,
terrorists on our campus?
168
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,132
Why is he dressed like
a Revolutionary War
minuteman?
169
00:09:08,216 --> 00:09:11,385
For irony! Your average
terrorist's a showman first,
killer second.
170
00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:13,971
My God! It's a member
of the History Club.
171
00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:16,098
I blame the parents.
It's the parents at blame.
172
00:09:16,182 --> 00:09:19,143
They are not
raising their children
properly these days.
173
00:09:19,477 --> 00:09:21,646
Is Jared Svenning
down there?
174
00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:26,234
That's you, isn't it?
175
00:09:26,317 --> 00:09:28,319
Uh, no. Well, yes �
176
00:09:28,444 --> 00:09:30,738
but, I mean,
how would a terrorist
know me?
177
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:35,534
Daddy? It's me, Brandi.
178
00:09:36,494 --> 00:09:37,995
That explains it.
179
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:42,416
Governor, please.
180
00:09:43,042 --> 00:09:44,585
I want to apologize
for this fiasco.
181
00:09:44,669 --> 00:09:47,171
My daughter is a huge
fan of your work.
182
00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:48,756
Svenning.
183
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,592
Your check.
184
00:09:51,676 --> 00:09:53,219
Oh.
185
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,931
Oh, I don't know
what to say,
but thank you.
186
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:59,809
You want money
for your pissant station.
187
00:09:59,976 --> 00:10:02,687
Just try playing
the lottery.
188
00:10:03,187 --> 00:10:04,188
No!
189
00:10:04,272 --> 00:10:06,607
You know where
they air those results.
190
00:10:06,691 --> 00:10:08,442
Oh!
191
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,862
Get me to
the goddamned hospital.
192
00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:14,490
Now!
193
00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:17,410
God damn,
I fractured my collarbone.
194
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,294
Mr. Svenning, look,
I want to apologize.
195
00:10:26,377 --> 00:10:28,713
Thank you
for squaring everything
with the police.
196
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:30,089
I know we probably
worried you,
197
00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,883
but Brandi and I
are both okay. We�
198
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:35,970
If it wouldn't mean
implicating my daughter
in this somehow �
199
00:10:36,053 --> 00:10:39,473
I would insist
that the authorities
lock you up �
200
00:10:39,557 --> 00:10:42,184
for the rest of
your young life,
you goddamned little menace!
201
00:10:42,268 --> 00:10:43,561
Sir, it was an accident,
I swear!
202
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,813
No, you're the accident,
you moron!
203
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,941
You have no idea
what you just cost me
here today. Mmm!
204
00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,320
I mean, you're like
all the other spoiled jerks
205
00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:53,529
I've ever known
in my whole life!
206
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:57,199
Everything is handed to you
on a silver platter.
207
00:10:57,408 --> 00:11:00,995
You people,
you just don't grasp
the precept �
208
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,497
of somebody
who has to work
for their breaks.
209
00:11:03,581 --> 00:11:05,333
That's "concept."
What?
210
00:11:06,042 --> 00:11:08,252
Oh, you said "precept,"
I think you meant to say �
211
00:11:08,878 --> 00:11:11,922
"concept."
Listen to me,
you little prick, you.
212
00:11:12,465 --> 00:11:13,924
You may have
my daughter snowed �
213
00:11:14,008 --> 00:11:18,637
but it'll be a cold day
in hell before you
pull the wool over my eyes.
214
00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:20,556
What you just did to me
here tonight �
215
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,351
I'm going to make it
my mission in life �
216
00:11:23,434 --> 00:11:26,520
to do to you
on a regular basis.
217
00:11:26,604 --> 00:11:27,688
Mmm!
218
00:11:27,772 --> 00:11:31,192
Nobody fucks with
Jared Svenning's career �
219
00:11:31,275 --> 00:11:33,277
and walks away clean, huh!
220
00:11:33,778 --> 00:11:35,404
I promise you that.
221
00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:44,121
Hey man, I just want
to tell you that I really dug
what you did up there.
222
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:46,415
Anarchy rules, dude!
223
00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:49,877
We're over, T.S.
Oh, come on!
224
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,963
I thought we weren't going
through this break-up,
make-up shit anymore.
225
00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:55,132
No, we're not.
So you can just forget
about making up.
226
00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:57,468
Listen to you. Why don't
you just admit it?
Admit what?
227
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,595
That this isn't about
just what happened
on the roof.
228
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,931
You're using that
as an excuse 'cause you
don't have the guts �
229
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:03,808
to stand up to your father.
Maybe I don't.
230
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,559
Come on, Brandi.
What about Florida?
231
00:12:05,768 --> 00:12:09,230
You have just humiliated me in front
of the entire school �
232
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:11,107
the community, the nation,
for God's sakes.
233
00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,234
You seriously damaged
my father's career �
234
00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:15,903
you insult me with that
good-cop bad-cop routine �
235
00:12:15,986 --> 00:12:19,657
and now you have the gall
to ask me if I still want
to go on vacation.
236
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:22,284
I was going to propose
to you in Florida.
237
00:12:27,832 --> 00:12:31,460
I thought that you'd
screwed up in every way
possible tonight, T.S.
238
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,672
Guess I underestimated you.
239
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:39,218
Shit!
240
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,919
Sweet fucking Christ,
would you knock it off?
241
00:15:19,003 --> 00:15:20,504
God!
What?
242
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,305
What time is it?
243
00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:30,556
9:30.
244
00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:32,850
Man, go back to sleep!
245
00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:45,904
Thank Christ.
246
00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:48,240
What the hell
are you doing?
247
00:15:48,324 --> 00:15:49,283
Finishing my game.
248
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:50,993
No. You promised
me breakfast.
249
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,119
Breakfast!
250
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:55,456
Breakfast, shmeckfast.
Look at the score,
for God's sake.
251
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:59,043
I'm only in the middle
of the second
and I'm winning 12 to 2.
252
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,295
Breakfasts come
and go, Rene.
253
00:16:01,462 --> 00:16:03,297
Now Hartford,
the Whale?
254
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:07,051
They only beat Vancouver once,
maybe twice, in a lifetime.
255
00:16:14,475 --> 00:16:15,893
You hit the bathroom already?
256
00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,811
Don't worry. I didn't
let your mother see me.
257
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:19,563
Who's worried?
Are you kidding me?
258
00:16:19,647 --> 00:16:23,233
I've never met a person
who lives in as much fear
of his mother as you do.
259
00:16:23,317 --> 00:16:24,652
I do not.
Mmm.
260
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,570
So that's why I have
to sneak in here �
261
00:16:26,654 --> 00:16:27,738
after everyone's
asleep at night
262
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,657
and sneak out undetected
in the morning?
263
00:16:29,740 --> 00:16:32,493
You want I should
tell my mother what
we do in here at night?
264
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:35,454
That you play videogames
and I fall asleep unfulfilled?
265
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:38,040
Go ahead. It beats
the sneaking-around shit.
266
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,918
What can I say?
She doesn't like you.
267
00:16:41,085 --> 00:16:43,545
You've never even
introduced me
to her, Brodie.
268
00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:44,713
She wouldn't like you.
269
00:16:44,797 --> 00:16:47,299
You're retarded.
Everybody's mother
likes me.
270
00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:49,134
Not mine.
271
00:16:51,804 --> 00:16:54,807
Jesus Christ!
Are you back in
the bathroom again?
272
00:16:54,932 --> 00:16:57,017
What do you do in there
all the time?
273
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,602
Figure it out.
274
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:01,522
No, I mean like before.
Like every morning
before you leave �
275
00:17:01,605 --> 00:17:03,023
you're in there for
like a half an hour
276
00:17:03,107 --> 00:17:05,025
and all I ever hear
is water running.
277
00:17:05,109 --> 00:17:06,110
And?
278
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:09,571
You're not in there
touching yourself,
are you?
279
00:17:10,531 --> 00:17:13,992
I was wrong about you.
You're crass and retarded.
280
00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:15,828
What do you do in there?
281
00:17:16,245 --> 00:17:17,705
You really want to know?
282
00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:21,083
I asked, didn't I?
I'm playing the role
of the concerned guy.
283
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:22,167
I cry.
284
00:17:23,794 --> 00:17:26,171
You cry?
I cry.
285
00:17:27,506 --> 00:17:28,841
Any particular reason?
286
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,217
Hey!
287
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:34,138
I think about the people
that make decisions
that affect our lives.
288
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:37,641
The doctors
who make advancements
in curing diseases.
289
00:17:39,435 --> 00:17:41,729
The engineer that
designs skyscrapers.
290
00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:44,815
The guy that maps out
a plane's flight path.
291
00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,150
The navigator.
292
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:48,902
I think about
how those people are
out there every day �
293
00:17:48,986 --> 00:17:51,613
making a difference,
leading big lives �
294
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:54,324
and how they refuse
to be intimidated
295
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:56,910
by the tremendous odds
of failure they face.
296
00:17:57,870 --> 00:17:59,788
And how they only
concern themselves
297
00:17:59,872 --> 00:18:01,331
with peers and company
that apply �
298
00:18:01,415 --> 00:18:02,958
to their goals
and noble causes.
299
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:06,670
Jesus! I'd hate to tell
you what I think about
when I'm in the bathroom.
300
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,840
I think about
all that and I cry �
301
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:14,970
because I have
nothing better to do
than fuck you.
302
00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,482
You're dumping me?
303
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:29,568
What are you, crazy?
304
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,949
Is this because
I didn't introduce you
to my mother?
305
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,720
Holy shit!
If it isn't mon fr�re.
306
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,472
Last time I saw you,
307
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:01,099
you were on CNN
taking shots
at public officials.
308
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,318
Mr. Quint.
309
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:12,736
Move!
310
00:19:18,492 --> 00:19:20,160
So you're looking
for sanctuary.
311
00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:21,537
It's been like this
all morning.
312
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:24,206
Can you blame them
after the spectacle
you made of yourself?
313
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,500
What were you
trying to do, anyway?
Impress Jodie Foster?
314
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,126
I wasn't gunning
for the Governor, Brodie.
315
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,087
It was a stupid
misunderstanding.
316
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,422
Ah. Now you're
crying patsy �
317
00:19:32,506 --> 00:19:34,591
thus demonstrating all
the key characteristics �
318
00:19:34,675 --> 00:19:36,552
of a lone nut assassin.
319
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:45,185
touch not,
lest ye be touched.
320
00:19:45,561 --> 00:19:47,229
You're such an
anal-retentive bastard.
321
00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:50,691
Hey, I tried to teach you
how to handle comics in the
sixth grade, but, oh, no �
322
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:53,277
you wanted to play
Little League instead.
323
00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:55,237
What's that?
324
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,322
Like it? I framed it
before you got here.
325
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:00,784
Oh, my God!
Rene dumped you!
326
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:04,037
Hell hath no fury
like a woman
scorned for Sega.
327
00:20:04,663 --> 00:20:07,457
What's that mean?
You had to be there.
Just keep reading.
328
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,793
Wow! Look at this
laundry list of complaints.
329
00:20:10,502 --> 00:20:14,047
You have no direction,
no college ambition,
no job prospects.
330
00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:16,049
Yeah. It also says
I have no dick.
331
00:20:16,133 --> 00:20:19,553
But you'll notice that follows
the financial question,
proving once more �
332
00:20:19,636 --> 00:20:21,430
what women really look for.
333
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:23,056
What do you do
for money, anyway?
334
00:20:23,140 --> 00:20:26,560
Blood bank, sperm bank,
currently considering
the eye bank.
335
00:20:26,977 --> 00:20:28,896
Wow, she calls
you callow in here.
336
00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:30,439
You say that like it's bad.
337
00:20:30,522 --> 00:20:33,609
It means frightened
and weak-willed.
Really?
338
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:39,781
Shit. That was the only
part of the letter
I thought was complimentary.
339
00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:41,950
Yeah, well, you're lucky.
340
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,330
Unlike you, I didn't even
get a letter filled with
obscure adjectives.
341
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,624
What are you
telling me here?
342
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,709
I, too, now am in
the framing business.
343
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:53,045
Holy shit!
Brandi dumped you.
344
00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:56,632
Wait a second,
aren't you two supposed
to go to Florida?
345
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,676
Should've left this morning.
Oh, it gets worse.
346
00:21:00,636 --> 00:21:03,096
I was gonna
propose to her.
Where?
347
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:06,892
On the Universal tour.
You're kidding!
What part?
348
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:09,645
When Jaws
pops out of the water.
349
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:13,690
That's the most romantic
thing I've ever heard.
350
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:17,069
Too bad I'm not
trying to marry you.
351
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:20,739
Let me ask you something.
Did you ever fart
in front of her?
352
00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:23,659
Why do you ask?
353
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:26,453
I never farted in
front of Rene,
not once, all right?
354
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:29,706
Then last week
I let one slip.
Today she dumps me.
355
00:21:31,333 --> 00:21:33,502
You think that that's
why Rene dumped you?
356
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:35,462
She's not
the shallow type,
Brodie.
357
00:21:35,545 --> 00:21:37,381
She was going down
on me at the time.
358
00:21:37,506 --> 00:21:40,509
Shut up!
What can I say?
I was feeling very relaxed.
359
00:21:40,634 --> 00:21:43,428
When I'm relaxed,
I squirt.
360
00:21:44,221 --> 00:21:46,682
If all she did
was dump you,
you got off light.
361
00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:48,100
I can't believe this shit.
362
00:21:48,183 --> 00:21:50,018
Why are we sitting here
trying to figure out �
363
00:21:50,102 --> 00:21:51,979
where we went wrong
with our significant others?
364
00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:53,522
We just nailed it,
in your case.
365
00:21:53,605 --> 00:21:57,693
No, there is something
out there that can help ease
our simultaneous double loss.
366
00:21:57,818 --> 00:21:58,902
Ritual suicide?
367
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:00,904
No, you idiot.
The fucking mall!
368
00:22:01,488 --> 00:22:02,864
I prefer ritual suicide.
369
00:22:02,948 --> 00:22:04,449
Oh, come on, man!
It'll be great.
370
00:22:04,533 --> 00:22:06,535
They got these new cookies
at the cookie stand.
371
00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:08,495
You have to try them,
they're awesome.
372
00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,998
You think the promise
of a cookie
is gonna lure me �
373
00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:13,000
into doing something
I have zero interest in?
374
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:14,334
What am I, 5 years old?
375
00:22:14,418 --> 00:22:17,170
Quint, don't be such
a pussy, all right?
Just go.
376
00:22:17,879 --> 00:22:19,172
All right,
I'll tell you what.
377
00:22:19,256 --> 00:22:21,758
We can stop off
at Brandi's if that'll
make you feel better.
378
00:22:21,842 --> 00:22:24,720
You can talk to her,
maybe patch this thing up.
379
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:28,015
Oh, Mr. Quint,
I'm Fred Bishop with NBC.
380
00:22:28,098 --> 00:22:30,350
The network would
like to buy the rights
to your story �
381
00:22:30,434 --> 00:22:31,935
to make a tasteful telepic.
382
00:22:33,603 --> 00:22:35,313
Mr. Quint,
Tom Drucker, CBS.
383
00:22:35,397 --> 00:22:38,692
We'll pay more money
and we'll get Drew Barrymore
to play your girlfriend.
384
00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,027
Hey, back off.
385
00:22:40,902 --> 00:22:42,779
We can stop
at Brandi's, right?
Yeah.
386
00:22:44,573 --> 00:22:45,657
Get dressed.
387
00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:19,983
Jazzercise?
Why does your mother have
an aerobics tape in her car?
388
00:23:20,067 --> 00:23:21,068
We lose them?
389
00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:23,653
Not a news van in sight.
390
00:23:24,321 --> 00:23:26,656
Damn, anyone ever tell you
you drive like the Bandit?
391
00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:30,702
Oh, shit!
So much for seeing Brandi.
392
00:23:31,286 --> 00:23:32,788
Just ignore them
and go in.
393
00:23:33,288 --> 00:23:35,707
You kidding?
That's Hard Edition.
That's tabloid TV.
394
00:23:35,791 --> 00:23:38,293
They see me here
and it's "Suburban Bonnie
and Clyde reunite �
395
00:23:38,376 --> 00:23:39,753
"to slay father
in his own home."
396
00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:41,213
Man, I don't know
what you're crying about.
397
00:23:41,296 --> 00:23:43,924
I'd cut one of my nuts
in half to be on TV.
398
00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:45,342
That'd get you
on this show.
399
00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:48,261
All right, tell you what.
You go round the back �
400
00:23:48,345 --> 00:23:50,972
I'll run interference
with the fourth estate.
401
00:23:51,056 --> 00:23:53,016
You got my back?
Your back is got.
402
00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:54,142
All right.
403
00:23:59,022 --> 00:24:00,357
So what's this all about?
404
00:24:00,524 --> 00:24:02,400
I'm Tori Metzger
from Hard Edition.
405
00:24:02,484 --> 00:24:04,861
We're hoping
to get an interview
with Brandi Svenning.
406
00:24:04,986 --> 00:24:07,489
Yeah, that's the girl
who took a shot
at the Governor.
407
00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:08,865
The same.
Do you know her?
408
00:24:08,949 --> 00:24:12,244
Oh, I should say so.
I've lived next door
to her for 19 years.
409
00:24:12,536 --> 00:24:13,954
Even dated her once.
410
00:24:14,037 --> 00:24:16,957
Shit, the stories
I could tell you!
Really?
411
00:24:35,392 --> 00:24:37,811
Satanic rituals?
Oh, all the time.
412
00:24:38,019 --> 00:24:39,855
I remember coming over
for Christmas one year �
413
00:24:39,938 --> 00:24:41,940
and they were celebrating
a black mass.
414
00:24:42,232 --> 00:24:45,235
Her father had sex
with a goat right there
in the den.
415
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:48,196
And nobody ever
reported this
to the authorities?
416
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,782
Everyone around here
is paralyzed by fear.
417
00:24:50,907 --> 00:24:53,076
Makes for shitty
block parties.
418
00:24:53,243 --> 00:24:55,662
Could we possibly
go onto your property �
419
00:24:55,745 --> 00:24:58,206
and get you on tape
with their backyard
behind you?
420
00:24:58,331 --> 00:25:00,250
You want to
put me on TV?
421
00:25:00,792 --> 00:25:02,502
Shit, I'll take you
to their property
422
00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:05,255
if you're gonna put me
on TV. Come on!
423
00:25:10,135 --> 00:25:11,595
I was thinking
of calling you.
424
00:25:12,762 --> 00:25:14,556
Has your dad
calmed down any?
425
00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:17,142
Well, until this morning.
426
00:25:17,559 --> 00:25:21,313
He read an article today
comparing him to the father
of James Earl Ray.
427
00:25:24,191 --> 00:25:27,235
Can't you explain it to him?
You know it was an accident.
428
00:25:27,485 --> 00:25:28,987
I know it wasn't planned.
429
00:25:29,112 --> 00:25:30,655
But "accident"
is too light a term
430
00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:32,032
to describe
what happened, T.S.
431
00:25:32,115 --> 00:25:34,868
Whatever. Can't we
just forget about it?
432
00:25:35,243 --> 00:25:37,537
Look, we already
missed Florida.
433
00:25:37,621 --> 00:25:40,207
We could be spending
this time alone together.
434
00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:43,627
Away from our friends,
school, studies,
everything.
435
00:25:44,461 --> 00:25:47,505
Don't you want to
spend some time
alone with me?
436
00:25:48,131 --> 00:25:49,466
Just to talk.
437
00:25:50,967 --> 00:25:52,219
Perhaps.
438
00:25:53,595 --> 00:25:54,804
Perhaps.
439
00:25:55,430 --> 00:25:57,224
Or perhaps more than talk.
440
00:25:58,016 --> 00:26:00,227
Oh. Oh, oh.
441
00:26:00,310 --> 00:26:03,939
Absolutely.
I'm always one
for active non-talking.
442
00:26:04,022 --> 00:26:05,774
Mmm-hmm.
443
00:26:07,108 --> 00:26:09,444
Why don't you go get
a pizza with me tonight?
444
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,572
I've got
the game show tonight.
445
00:26:14,950 --> 00:26:16,493
This is Svenning's bedroom.
446
00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:18,078
Now, I must warn you.
447
00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:20,956
The images that you capture,
whatever is going on
in that room �
448
00:26:21,039 --> 00:26:23,541
may be ungodly
and horrific.
449
00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:25,669
Take a look.
450
00:26:39,683 --> 00:26:41,935
I can't believe
that you're still
going through with this.
451
00:26:42,018 --> 00:26:43,270
Come on, T.S.,
it's no big deal.
452
00:26:43,353 --> 00:26:45,272
I mean, it's not like
I'm going to sleep with them.
453
00:26:45,355 --> 00:26:46,356
You might as well.
454
00:26:46,439 --> 00:26:47,983
I thought you had
more backbone than this.
455
00:26:48,066 --> 00:26:50,277
Why do you have
to do everything that
he tells you to do?
456
00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:51,569
There you go again.
457
00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:54,864
Just as you're making headway,
you louse it up with this �
458
00:26:54,948 --> 00:26:57,784
possessive machismo
which brings everything
endearing about you �
459
00:26:57,867 --> 00:26:59,494
to a screaming halt, T.S.
460
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,854
What are you doing out here?
Who are you people?
461
00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:29,274
What are you doing
on my property, huh?
Get out of here!
462
00:27:29,357 --> 00:27:31,067
How do you answer
to your neighbor's charges
463
00:27:31,151 --> 00:27:33,194
that you practice
satanic rituals?
464
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:34,571
Satanic what?
465
00:27:34,654 --> 00:27:37,073
Daddy, what are you doing
outside in a towel?
466
00:27:37,490 --> 00:27:38,908
You did this, didn't you?
467
00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:40,493
You trashed
my fiscal year �
468
00:27:40,577 --> 00:27:43,955
and now, you and your
crony here egg
these media vultures �
469
00:27:44,039 --> 00:27:46,041
into thinking they can �
470
00:27:47,584 --> 00:27:49,294
Daddy, T.S. had nothing
to do with�
471
00:27:49,377 --> 00:27:51,921
Mr. Svenning, look.
Whatever happened,
I assure you, I didn't�
472
00:27:52,005 --> 00:27:56,384
You get your ass off
my property now! Go!
473
00:27:56,468 --> 00:28:00,722
And you people,
you get the hell out of here
before I call the cops!
474
00:28:00,930 --> 00:28:02,599
Me, too?
Now!
475
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:24,788
I don't know what
he's so mad about.
476
00:28:24,871 --> 00:28:27,040
They'll digitally erase
his organ when
they air the footage.
477
00:28:27,123 --> 00:28:28,833
Goddamn it!
What is my problem?
478
00:28:28,917 --> 00:28:31,669
I was this close
to reconciliation
and I blew up at her.
479
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,172
And here I'm going
to the fucking mall,
of all places.
480
00:28:34,255 --> 00:28:36,674
You know what,
as a matter of fact,
I'm not. I'm going home.
481
00:28:36,758 --> 00:28:39,386
Look, the safest place
for you to be right now
is at the mall.
482
00:28:39,469 --> 00:28:41,805
No press'll think
to look for you here.
Hide in plain sight.
483
00:28:41,930 --> 00:28:42,972
Just shut up!
484
00:28:43,056 --> 00:28:45,392
You know what,
this is all your fault
this happened anyway.
485
00:28:45,475 --> 00:28:46,726
You and your
15 minutes of fame.
486
00:28:46,810 --> 00:28:48,019
Get a grip,
for God's sake.
487
00:28:48,103 --> 00:28:49,229
Did you ever stop
to think �
488
00:28:49,312 --> 00:28:52,357
that maybe the relationship
wasn't on firm ground
to begin with?
489
00:28:53,149 --> 00:28:54,192
Hey!
490
00:28:54,275 --> 00:28:57,362
You know, it couldn't
have been that strong
if she breaks up with you �
491
00:28:57,445 --> 00:29:00,615
over something stupid
like getting her shot at,
numbskull.
492
00:29:04,202 --> 00:29:05,203
Hey.
493
00:29:12,919 --> 00:29:16,464
I love the smell of
commerce in the morning!
494
00:29:17,465 --> 00:29:18,758
You're really
making that last.
495
00:29:18,842 --> 00:29:20,510
Waste not, want not.
496
00:29:23,847 --> 00:29:25,014
What, you want
to say something?
497
00:29:25,098 --> 00:29:26,307
Yeah, about
a million things �
498
00:29:26,391 --> 00:29:30,687
but I can't express myself
monosyllabically enough for
you to understand them all.
499
00:29:31,271 --> 00:29:32,522
Asshole!
Prick!
500
00:29:32,605 --> 00:29:34,441
Fuck you!
What the hell was
that all about?
501
00:29:34,524 --> 00:29:36,359
He's a jerk from
Fashionable Male,
502
00:29:36,443 --> 00:29:39,237
this upscale wannabe
shop on the 2nd floor.
503
00:29:39,446 --> 00:29:41,990
He's the manager.
The guy's always
giving me shit.
504
00:29:42,073 --> 00:29:43,741
I've no idea why.
505
00:29:43,825 --> 00:29:45,118
I thought everybody
loved you at this mall.
506
00:29:45,201 --> 00:29:47,704
"F" him! Where do
you want to go first?
507
00:29:47,787 --> 00:29:48,872
Back to Brandi's.
508
00:29:49,247 --> 00:29:51,458
Look, Brandi is the past,
my friend.
509
00:29:51,541 --> 00:29:52,917
She's behind you now.
510
00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:58,173
You face forward,
or you face the possibility
of shock and damage.
511
00:30:01,384 --> 00:30:03,303
You should learn
to heed your own advice.
512
00:30:03,386 --> 00:30:06,222
Where the hell
did that come from?
What's going on here?
513
00:30:06,306 --> 00:30:08,349
It looks like a stage
is being erected.
514
00:30:09,100 --> 00:30:11,144
What is this monstrosity?
515
00:30:11,227 --> 00:30:12,479
Maybe it's for
the Easter Bunny pictures.
516
00:30:12,562 --> 00:30:15,648
Impossible!
The Easter Bunny Court is down
at the other end of the mall.
517
00:30:15,732 --> 00:30:18,902
It's been up since
two days after Christmas.
I want answers.
518
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,279
Ask one of the workers.
519
00:30:21,946 --> 00:30:24,449
No, there's a soul
who might know what's up.
520
00:30:33,708 --> 00:30:34,918
Willam.
521
00:30:36,878 --> 00:30:38,922
Willam!
Poopie trim.
522
00:30:39,547 --> 00:30:41,299
Brodie, man,
what's going on?
523
00:30:41,382 --> 00:30:42,509
What, do you
work here now?
524
00:30:42,592 --> 00:30:44,511
No, man.
Just hanging with T.S.
525
00:30:44,928 --> 00:30:48,056
T.S., I saw you on TV.
I think it was on Baywatch.
526
00:30:48,181 --> 00:30:49,474
CNN, Willam.
527
00:30:49,557 --> 00:30:51,893
Oh yeah, didn't you
kill the Pope
or something?
528
00:30:52,185 --> 00:30:54,687
I got a musket tangled
in my girlfriend's hair,
for Christ's sake.
529
00:30:54,771 --> 00:30:55,772
Oh.
530
00:30:56,648 --> 00:30:57,857
What are you doing,
Willam?
531
00:30:57,941 --> 00:30:59,108
Looking for
the hidden picture.
532
00:30:59,192 --> 00:31:02,028
If you stare at these
things long enough,
you're supposed to see �
533
00:31:02,111 --> 00:31:04,781
some kind of hidden
three-dimensional picture.
534
00:31:04,864 --> 00:31:06,741
Oh, yeah, look.
It's a sailboat.
535
00:31:06,824 --> 00:31:08,284
You saw it, too?
Dammit!
536
00:31:08,368 --> 00:31:10,495
What?
I've been staring
at this thing �
537
00:31:10,578 --> 00:31:12,288
for a week now
from opening
till closing
538
00:31:12,372 --> 00:31:14,207
and I can't see
a goddamned thing!
539
00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:15,833
You gotta relax
your eyes.
540
00:31:15,917 --> 00:31:18,002
Everyone sees
this thing except me.
541
00:31:18,086 --> 00:31:20,463
Today's my day.
I brought a lunch
and a soda �
542
00:31:20,547 --> 00:31:24,425
and I'm not gonna leave
until I see this sailboat
everyone keeps talking about.
543
00:31:24,509 --> 00:31:26,302
So, Willam �
544
00:31:27,095 --> 00:31:29,764
would you happen
to know what this stage
business is all about?
545
00:31:29,847 --> 00:31:31,349
It's not a stage!
546
00:31:31,641 --> 00:31:33,810
I'm gonna see it if I
have to go blind trying.
547
00:31:33,893 --> 00:31:36,187
No man,
this stage over here.
548
00:31:36,271 --> 00:31:39,065
Oh, that thing?
I think some game show
in the mall today.
549
00:31:39,148 --> 00:31:40,441
I think it's going
to be on TV.
550
00:31:40,525 --> 00:31:42,986
It's called
Truth or Date
or something.
551
00:31:43,194 --> 00:31:45,071
Oh, my God!
That's Brandi's
father's game show.
552
00:31:45,196 --> 00:31:47,740
What is it?
It's this cheesy
Dating Game rip-off thing.
553
00:31:47,824 --> 00:31:49,075
Supposed to be
for college kids.
554
00:31:49,158 --> 00:31:50,577
Just trying to capture
the '90s youth market
555
00:31:50,660 --> 00:31:52,495
with a staple
of '70s television.
556
00:31:52,579 --> 00:31:55,039
Why can't they bring back
or remake good shows �
557
00:31:55,123 --> 00:31:56,416
like BJ and the Bear?
558
00:31:56,499 --> 00:31:59,460
Now there's a concept
a man and his monkey.
559
00:31:59,544 --> 00:32:01,004
Would you guys shut up?
560
00:32:01,671 --> 00:32:04,549
You're breaking
my concentration.
Sorry, Willam.
561
00:32:04,882 --> 00:32:07,510
Now I have to start
all over again.
562
00:32:09,053 --> 00:32:10,263
Good luck
with that thing.
563
00:32:10,346 --> 00:32:12,890
Remember,
relax your eyes.
564
00:32:18,771 --> 00:32:20,523
Wow, a sailboat!
565
00:32:20,607 --> 00:32:21,691
Shut up!
566
00:32:23,443 --> 00:32:25,111
Could this week
get any worse?
567
00:32:25,194 --> 00:32:27,947
Now she's going
to be auctioned off
on live TV from a mall.
568
00:32:28,031 --> 00:32:29,282
Not "a" mall,
all right?
569
00:32:29,365 --> 00:32:31,200
"The" mall.
Show some respect.
570
00:32:31,326 --> 00:32:34,245
It doesn't have
to go down like that,
if we trash the thing.
571
00:32:34,329 --> 00:32:36,456
There's a unique way
of getting back
in her good graces,
572
00:32:36,539 --> 00:32:37,999
by ruining
her father's show.
573
00:32:38,082 --> 00:32:40,293
You're a clever one.
I can get someone
to do it for us.
574
00:32:40,376 --> 00:32:43,921
We'll be blame-free
and Brandi won't be
able to do the show.
575
00:32:44,422 --> 00:32:46,090
Who is this imaginary
hatchet man?
576
00:32:46,174 --> 00:32:47,550
Hatchet men.
577
00:33:09,405 --> 00:33:10,907
Knock it off!
578
00:33:11,574 --> 00:33:12,992
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
579
00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:15,495
Look at these two.
$10 says they're trying
to figure out �
580
00:33:15,578 --> 00:33:16,829
which one they're gonna
bury up to its neck
581
00:33:16,913 --> 00:33:18,665
and run over
with a lawn mower.
582
00:33:18,748 --> 00:33:20,124
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
Hey, Jay!
583
00:33:20,208 --> 00:33:22,877
Brodie, man!
Nootchy nootchies!
584
00:33:23,086 --> 00:33:24,462
And, holy shit,
what do we have here?
585
00:33:24,545 --> 00:33:26,506
Mr. America's
Most Wanted himself.
586
00:33:26,589 --> 00:33:28,299
I had a musket tangled
in my girlfriend's hair.
587
00:33:28,383 --> 00:33:30,093
Ex-girlfriend.
What's he doing?
588
00:33:30,468 --> 00:33:32,720
Oh, shithead here
watched Empire
and Jedi last week �
589
00:33:32,804 --> 00:33:35,181
and ever since,
he's been trying to do
the Jedi mind trick.
590
00:33:35,264 --> 00:33:37,350
Crazy fuck thinks
he'll levitate shit
with his thoughts.
591
00:33:37,433 --> 00:33:38,518
Knock it off!
592
00:33:38,685 --> 00:33:40,228
The Force is strong
with this one.
593
00:33:40,311 --> 00:33:41,354
Dude, don't encourage him.
594
00:33:41,437 --> 00:33:44,315
So I was telling T.S. here
we gotta find
Jay and Silent Bob.
595
00:33:44,399 --> 00:33:45,858
If there's anyone
that can help us out �
596
00:33:45,942 --> 00:33:48,069
it's the two guys
that have even
less to do than us.
597
00:33:48,152 --> 00:33:50,154
What is this shit?
Everyone's looking
for us today.
598
00:33:50,238 --> 00:33:51,823
We're ducking
Tricia 'cause
she wants to talk
599
00:33:51,906 --> 00:33:53,574
to Obi-Wan about
her video set-up.
600
00:33:53,658 --> 00:33:55,952
Why him?
Silent Bob's
an electrical genius.
601
00:33:56,035 --> 00:33:59,372
He won the science fair
in eighth grade by turning
his mom's vibrator �
602
00:33:59,455 --> 00:34:01,457
into a CD player,
using chicken wire
and shit.
603
00:34:01,541 --> 00:34:04,544
Motherfucker's like MacGyver.
No, motherfucker's
better than MacGyver!
604
00:34:04,627 --> 00:34:05,670
Knock it off!
605
00:34:05,753 --> 00:34:07,880
And it's that kind
of smarts we need,
right, mopey?
606
00:34:07,964 --> 00:34:09,048
Leave me out of this.
607
00:34:09,132 --> 00:34:11,384
We need you to embark
on a little sabotage mission
608
00:34:11,467 --> 00:34:13,720
on behalf
of T.S.'s love life.
609
00:34:20,852 --> 00:34:23,521
You know about this
game show thing
they've got going on here?
610
00:34:23,604 --> 00:34:26,524
We need you guys
to somehow ensure
that it doesn't happen.
611
00:34:26,607 --> 00:34:28,484
Is that it?
We were gonna
do that anyway.
612
00:34:28,568 --> 00:34:30,695
Really? Why?
What else are
we gonna do?
613
00:34:30,778 --> 00:34:34,073
Silent Bob just stole
the schematic of the stage
from some foolish carpenter �
614
00:34:34,157 --> 00:34:36,701
and found a weakness,
just like the fucking
Death Star.
615
00:34:36,784 --> 00:34:38,745
He figures if you pull
this crossbeam out �
616
00:34:38,828 --> 00:34:41,581
fucking bickety-bam,
the whole stage
comes crashing down.
617
00:34:41,664 --> 00:34:43,416
We were thinking
about something simple �
618
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:46,169
but if you want
to destroy the stage,
we're all for that.
619
00:34:46,252 --> 00:34:47,420
Only problem is LaFours.
620
00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:48,629
Who's LaFours?
621
00:34:48,713 --> 00:34:50,256
You don't know
who LaFours is?
622
00:34:50,339 --> 00:34:51,758
They don't know
who LaFours is!
623
00:34:51,841 --> 00:34:54,677
He's only the most
feared security guard
in the business, man.
624
00:34:54,761 --> 00:34:57,096
460 collars, all convicted.
625
00:34:57,180 --> 00:34:58,598
I hear he's even
got two kills.
626
00:34:58,681 --> 00:35:01,017
Holy shit! I never thought
I'd see the day �
627
00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:04,270
when two such highly
reputable mischief-makers
as yourselves �
628
00:35:04,353 --> 00:35:07,565
douse their drawers
at the sight
of a mall security guard.
629
00:35:07,648 --> 00:35:10,818
Shit, bitch! We're gonna
bust out that stage
like a high-school kegger.
630
00:35:10,902 --> 00:35:13,196
We're just gonna outwit
LaFours, X-Men style.
631
00:35:13,279 --> 00:35:14,906
Should I call you Logan,
Weapon X?
632
00:35:14,989 --> 00:35:18,201
No, Wolverine!
Snicky, snicky, snoine.
633
00:35:18,284 --> 00:35:22,121
What he's doing is imitating
Wolverine's berserker attack
with his Adamantium claws.
634
00:35:22,246 --> 00:35:23,790
I never would have guessed.
635
00:35:23,873 --> 00:35:25,333
All right, guys.
You have your mission �
636
00:35:25,416 --> 00:35:27,168
go forth and wreak havoc.
637
00:35:27,251 --> 00:35:28,711
Bye, baby kitties.
638
00:35:29,128 --> 00:35:31,297
Damn, Silent Bob,
show some heart.
639
00:35:32,048 --> 00:35:33,382
Pss, pss �
640
00:35:34,133 --> 00:35:36,552
That's better.
We're on the job.
641
00:35:37,637 --> 00:35:38,888
Thanks.
642
00:35:39,931 --> 00:35:43,434
I have to admit
I'm shocked you didn't
try to dissuade them.
643
00:35:43,726 --> 00:35:46,562
I would if I actually
thought for a second
they could pull it off.
644
00:35:46,646 --> 00:35:49,440
Oh, ye of little faith,
want a cookie?
645
00:35:53,361 --> 00:35:54,737
What's he doing?
646
00:35:54,946 --> 00:35:59,033
If you stare at this
poster for a few seconds,
a hidden picture appears.
647
00:35:59,116 --> 00:36:01,369
Can we do it?
Please?
648
00:36:01,452 --> 00:36:04,747
Go ahead, but hurry,
the Easter Bunny's waiting.
649
00:36:05,706 --> 00:36:08,376
Wow, it's a schooner!
650
00:36:10,586 --> 00:36:14,674
You dumb bastard!
It's not a schooner,
it's a sailboat.
651
00:36:14,841 --> 00:36:17,969
A schooner
is a sailboat,
stupidhead.
652
00:36:19,095 --> 00:36:20,763
You know what?
653
00:36:20,847 --> 00:36:22,849
There is no Easter Bunny!
654
00:36:22,932 --> 00:36:25,726
Over there is just
a guy in a suit!
655
00:36:29,230 --> 00:36:31,983
But they're engaged.
It doesn't matter,
it can't happen.
656
00:36:32,066 --> 00:36:33,484
Why not?
It's bound to come up.
657
00:36:33,568 --> 00:36:36,612
It's impossible.
Lois could never have
Superman's baby.
658
00:36:36,696 --> 00:36:39,323
Do you think her
fallopian tubes
can handle his sperm?
659
00:36:39,407 --> 00:36:42,743
I guarantee he blows
a load like a shotgun,
right through her back.
660
00:36:42,869 --> 00:36:44,036
What about her womb?
661
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,080
Do you think
it's strong enough
to carry his child?
662
00:36:46,163 --> 00:36:47,248
Sure. Why not?
663
00:36:47,331 --> 00:36:48,958
He's an alien,
for Christ's sake!
664
00:36:49,041 --> 00:36:50,543
His Kryptonian
biological makeup
665
00:36:50,626 --> 00:36:52,545
is enhanced by
Earth's yellow sun.
666
00:36:52,628 --> 00:36:55,631
If Lois gets a tan,
the kid could kick right
through her stomach.
667
00:36:55,756 --> 00:36:59,468
Only someone like Wonder Woman
has a strong enough uterus
to carry his kid.
668
00:36:59,552 --> 00:37:02,805
The only way he could
bang regular chicks is
with a Kryptonite condom.
669
00:37:02,889 --> 00:37:04,056
But that would kill him.
670
00:37:04,307 --> 00:37:07,018
How did I go from the
verge of hot Floridian
sex with Brandi �
671
00:37:07,101 --> 00:37:09,395
to Man of Steel coital
debates with you
in the food court?
672
00:37:09,478 --> 00:37:11,063
Cookie stand is not
part of the food court.
673
00:37:11,147 --> 00:37:12,690
Of course it is.
674
00:37:13,190 --> 00:37:15,985
The food court is downstairs,
the cookie stand is upstairs.
675
00:37:16,068 --> 00:37:17,862
It's not like we're talking
quantum physics here.
676
00:37:17,945 --> 00:37:19,405
The cookie stand
counts as an eatery,
677
00:37:19,488 --> 00:37:21,032
the eatery's a part
of the food court.
678
00:37:21,115 --> 00:37:24,368
Bullshit. Eateries that
operate within the designated
square downstairs �
679
00:37:24,452 --> 00:37:25,494
qualify as food court.
680
00:37:25,578 --> 00:37:28,164
Anything outside of said
designated square �
681
00:37:28,289 --> 00:37:31,250
is considered
an autonomous unit
for mid-mall snacking.
682
00:37:31,334 --> 00:37:34,629
Now if you're gonna
wax intellectual
about the subject �
683
00:37:34,754 --> 00:37:36,213
Holy shit!
684
00:37:37,548 --> 00:37:39,550
Wait here.
Where are you going?
685
00:37:41,552 --> 00:37:43,304
Cherchez la femme.
686
00:37:47,391 --> 00:37:49,769
He said it was
just a guy in a suit.
687
00:37:49,852 --> 00:37:52,897
Don't listen to that man,
he just said it to be mean.
688
00:37:58,110 --> 00:38:00,112
That would look
terrible on you.
689
00:38:00,196 --> 00:38:02,073
Didn't I dump your ass
this morning?
690
00:38:02,365 --> 00:38:05,618
Look, I know you've had
some time to think about
the mistake you've made �
691
00:38:05,701 --> 00:38:08,245
and I just want to let
you know you don't
have to apologize.
692
00:38:08,329 --> 00:38:10,539
I'm sure you were just
PMSing or something.
693
00:38:10,623 --> 00:38:13,376
Brodie, what kills me
about you is your
inability to function �
694
00:38:13,459 --> 00:38:16,128
on the same plane
of existence
as the rest of us.
695
00:38:16,212 --> 00:38:17,296
Piss off.
696
00:38:18,464 --> 00:38:22,093
Okay. I see you want
to continue with this charade
of ending our union.
697
00:38:22,176 --> 00:38:23,219
Fine, I'll play along.
698
00:38:23,302 --> 00:38:26,347
But if we're divorced,
we're gonna have to divide
our mutual possessions.
699
00:38:26,430 --> 00:38:27,473
What the hell
are you talking about?
700
00:38:27,556 --> 00:38:29,934
You have my
Punisher War Journal #6 �
701
00:38:30,017 --> 00:38:32,937
my copy of Fletch
and the remote control
to my TV.
702
00:38:33,020 --> 00:38:34,814
I know it's gonna be hard
to give this stuff up
703
00:38:34,897 --> 00:38:36,649
because of its
sentimental attachment.
704
00:38:36,732 --> 00:38:37,942
Sentimental attachment?
705
00:38:38,025 --> 00:38:39,402
If I have any
of that crap �
706
00:38:39,485 --> 00:38:42,613
it's because you brought
it over to my house
and left it there.
707
00:38:43,239 --> 00:38:44,657
Okay, then let's
talk about coming up
708
00:38:44,740 --> 00:38:46,826
with a schedule
for visitation rights.
709
00:38:46,909 --> 00:38:48,202
For what?
For the mall.
710
00:38:48,285 --> 00:38:49,620
I figure you can
have the odd days,
711
00:38:49,704 --> 00:38:51,539
I'll take the even days
and weekends.
712
00:38:51,622 --> 00:38:53,040
When there's any
special function
713
00:38:53,124 --> 00:38:55,001
like a sidewalk sale,
boat show�
714
00:38:55,084 --> 00:38:56,419
Brodie!
715
00:38:57,253 --> 00:38:59,964
I have always taken you
with a grain of salt.
716
00:39:00,381 --> 00:39:02,758
On your birthday,
when you asked me
to do a striptease �
717
00:39:02,842 --> 00:39:05,469
to the theme
from Mighty Mouse,
I said okay.
718
00:39:05,761 --> 00:39:07,304
When we were
at that hotel,
prom night �
719
00:39:07,388 --> 00:39:09,140
and you asked me
to sleep underneath
the bed �
720
00:39:09,223 --> 00:39:11,684
in case your mother
burst in, I did it.
721
00:39:11,851 --> 00:39:13,978
And even when we were
at my grandmother's funeral �
722
00:39:14,061 --> 00:39:15,312
when you told most
of my relatives �
723
00:39:15,396 --> 00:39:17,273
that you could see
her nipples through
her burial dress,
724
00:39:17,356 --> 00:39:19,191
I let it slide.
725
00:39:19,275 --> 00:39:22,319
If you think that
I'm gonna suffer any more
of your shit with a smile �
726
00:39:22,403 --> 00:39:25,740
now that we're broken up,
you're in for some serious
fucking disappointment.
727
00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,540
It wasn't Mighty Mouse.
It was
Josie and the Pussycats.
728
00:39:36,542 --> 00:39:37,668
What?
729
00:39:42,673 --> 00:39:43,674
Sorry.
730
00:39:48,429 --> 00:39:51,265
First, you take a run
at LaFours with
a sock full of quarters.
731
00:39:51,348 --> 00:39:54,727
I'd do it, but I pulled my
back out humping your mom
last night. Nudge.
732
00:39:54,977 --> 00:39:58,064
You clock him on
his headpiece and knock
his ass out cold.
733
00:39:58,147 --> 00:39:59,732
That's when
phase two kicks in.
734
00:39:59,815 --> 00:40:01,901
I attack the structure
Wolvie-berserk style
735
00:40:01,984 --> 00:40:03,319
and knock out
the fucking pin �
736
00:40:03,402 --> 00:40:07,656
and bickety-bam,
the motherfucker's rubble.
Hence, no game show.
737
00:41:09,468 --> 00:41:11,137
What? Do you know
that kid or something?
738
00:41:11,220 --> 00:41:14,265
I hope his pants get caught
and a bloodbath ensues.
739
00:41:14,348 --> 00:41:15,391
What is with you today?
740
00:41:15,474 --> 00:41:17,434
Don't get me wrong.
I don't wish the kid harm �
741
00:41:17,518 --> 00:41:19,478
but his mother should suffer
that horrific ordeal �
742
00:41:19,562 --> 00:41:21,522
so she'll learn how
to manage her child.
743
00:41:21,605 --> 00:41:23,315
That's sort of
a harsh lesson,
don't you think?
744
00:41:23,399 --> 00:41:27,820
There's not a year goes by
that I don't read about
an escalator accident �
745
00:41:27,945 --> 00:41:31,073
involving some bastard kid
that could've been
easily avoided �
746
00:41:31,198 --> 00:41:33,325
had some parent,
I don't care which one,
747
00:41:33,409 --> 00:41:35,411
but some parent,
conditioned him �
748
00:41:35,661 --> 00:41:38,414
to fear and respect
that escalator!
749
00:41:40,583 --> 00:41:42,585
Wow! Look who it is.
750
00:41:47,423 --> 00:41:48,382
Jerk!
751
00:41:48,465 --> 00:41:50,009
Little Tricia Jones!
752
00:41:50,092 --> 00:41:51,260
What's a pretty
girl like you �
753
00:41:51,343 --> 00:41:55,139
doing sitting alone
in the middle of this
monument to consumerism?
754
00:41:55,222 --> 00:41:58,517
Updating my calendar
and waiting for Jay
and Silent Bob.
755
00:41:58,642 --> 00:42:02,146
And I suppose you're
here with no agenda,
as per usual.
756
00:42:02,271 --> 00:42:04,398
On the contrary,
I'm here for comics.
757
00:42:04,481 --> 00:42:08,068
T.S. Quint, Tricia Jones.
They call her Trish the Dish.
758
00:42:08,152 --> 00:42:09,403
Nobody calls me that.
759
00:42:09,486 --> 00:42:13,616
Our little Tricia here
is only 15 but, uh,
somehow she's a senior.
760
00:42:14,116 --> 00:42:16,035
How'd you manage that?
761
00:42:16,118 --> 00:42:19,205
Don't listen to him.
I studied my ass off.
Yeah, right.
762
00:42:19,288 --> 00:42:21,290
So what do you say?
You wanna nail T.S.
or what?
763
00:42:21,373 --> 00:42:22,458
Jesus, Brodie!
764
00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:23,626
Calm down.
765
00:42:23,709 --> 00:42:25,586
Tricia's compiling data
for this book she's writing �
766
00:42:25,669 --> 00:42:29,131
about the sex drive
of men ages 14 to 30.
767
00:42:29,381 --> 00:42:31,675
If I remember correctly,
it's titled Bore-gasm:
768
00:42:31,759 --> 00:42:34,303
A Study of the '90s
Male's Sexual Prowess.
769
00:42:34,678 --> 00:42:37,514
Ready to get sick?
Tell him about
the advance you got.
770
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,391
Pendant Publishing
gave me $20,000
771
00:42:39,475 --> 00:42:41,393
based on a treatment
and a sample chapter.
772
00:42:41,477 --> 00:42:42,937
- You're kidding.
- It's true.
773
00:42:43,020 --> 00:42:45,272
She'll be the youngest author
to tackle the subject.
774
00:42:45,356 --> 00:42:48,150
So when are they going
to publish this filthy
little tome of yours?
775
00:42:48,317 --> 00:42:52,154
After my 18th birthday,
to avoid the moral
and legal entanglements.
776
00:42:52,488 --> 00:42:54,990
So Tricia sleeps
with a bunch of guys
as research.
777
00:42:55,115 --> 00:42:56,575
If that's not enough,
get this:
778
00:42:56,659 --> 00:42:58,577
She videotapes
all of them.
What?
779
00:42:58,661 --> 00:43:00,955
I get everybody's consent
before we do it.
780
00:43:01,038 --> 00:43:02,581
Most guys get off on it.
781
00:43:02,665 --> 00:43:04,291
Men are easily amused.
782
00:43:04,833 --> 00:43:06,919
What are you writing
in the calendar?
783
00:43:07,002 --> 00:43:08,921
I was coding
last night's research.
784
00:43:09,004 --> 00:43:11,840
She means sex.
I know what she meant.
785
00:43:12,174 --> 00:43:14,969
What kind of codes?
Here, look.
786
00:43:15,135 --> 00:43:17,429
The smiley face
is for when I go down
on the guy.
787
00:43:17,513 --> 00:43:20,683
The smiley face with lashes
is for when the guy
goes down on me.
788
00:43:20,808 --> 00:43:22,601
The circle is for
when we have sex.
789
00:43:22,685 --> 00:43:25,354
The circle with the "X" in it
is for when I have an orgasm.
790
00:43:25,437 --> 00:43:26,855
The little house is
when we do it inside
791
00:43:26,939 --> 00:43:28,607
and the grass is
for outside.
792
00:43:28,691 --> 00:43:31,527
That kid is back on
the escalator again!
793
00:43:31,735 --> 00:43:34,154
Wow, that's a pretty
elaborate log you got there.
794
00:43:34,863 --> 00:43:37,199
Wow, look at all
those smiley faces
without eyelashes.
795
00:43:37,408 --> 00:43:39,368
That shows you how
courteous men are.
796
00:43:39,743 --> 00:43:42,997
Out of 50 entries,
only two have smiley faces
with lashes.
797
00:43:43,580 --> 00:43:45,374
You slept with 50 guys?
798
00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:47,126
To fill out
my research, yes.
799
00:43:47,209 --> 00:43:49,253
That's more guys
than you've slept with,
dude.
800
00:43:49,545 --> 00:43:53,382
Oh, my God.
That kid is sitting on
the escalator again!
801
00:43:53,841 --> 00:43:56,302
How old was last
night's subject,
if you don't mind me asking?
802
00:43:56,385 --> 00:43:58,012
Twenty-five.
803
00:43:58,095 --> 00:44:00,514
It was the guy who runs
that store Fashionable Male.
804
00:44:00,639 --> 00:44:03,267
Holy shit! You slept
with that asshole? Why?
805
00:44:03,350 --> 00:44:05,102
I needed a 25-year-old.
806
00:44:05,185 --> 00:44:07,813
And he has quite
a distaste for you,
I might add.
807
00:44:07,938 --> 00:44:09,606
Ew, he mentioned me
during sex?
808
00:44:09,690 --> 00:44:10,733
Afterwards.
809
00:44:10,816 --> 00:44:12,234
He says he wants
to kick your ass.
810
00:44:12,318 --> 00:44:13,902
I'd steer clear of him,
if I were you.
811
00:44:14,028 --> 00:44:16,071
Tell me you videotaped
him saying that.
No.
812
00:44:16,155 --> 00:44:17,990
I shut the camera off
after the sex.
813
00:44:18,073 --> 00:44:20,200
You should have
heard the stuff
he wanted to do.
814
00:44:20,284 --> 00:44:21,869
I'm having
a hard time with this.
815
00:44:21,952 --> 00:44:23,078
Do your parents
know about this?
816
00:44:23,162 --> 00:44:24,204
Of course.
817
00:44:24,288 --> 00:44:25,289
That's remarkable.
818
00:44:25,372 --> 00:44:26,874
That's criminal.
That kid �
819
00:44:27,333 --> 00:44:30,461
That kid is back on
the escalator again!
820
00:44:30,544 --> 00:44:32,254
Leave it alone.
What?
821
00:44:32,504 --> 00:44:37,092
So, I heard you were going
to propose to Brandi Svenning
in some theme park.
822
00:44:37,301 --> 00:44:40,095
When are men going to learn
that women want romance?
823
00:44:40,179 --> 00:44:42,723
Not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
824
00:44:42,806 --> 00:44:44,266
Be fair, all right?
825
00:44:44,350 --> 00:44:48,812
Everyone wants
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
We gotta go.
826
00:44:50,272 --> 00:44:51,482
Remember my offer.
827
00:44:51,565 --> 00:44:54,318
I'm young, virile,
sensitive to
a woman's needs �
828
00:44:54,401 --> 00:44:56,570
Somehow I doubt it,
Sega-boy.
829
00:44:56,945 --> 00:44:59,156
Good luck with
the comic-book store.
830
00:45:06,955 --> 00:45:09,708
"Sega-boy." God,
Rene's got a big mouth!
831
00:45:09,792 --> 00:45:12,586
What does that mean,
"Good luck with
the comic-book store"?
832
00:45:12,669 --> 00:45:15,672
How does that junior
Masters and Johnson
know about my proposal?
833
00:45:15,756 --> 00:45:17,883
It's not like she's
in an exclusive club
or anything.
834
00:45:17,966 --> 00:45:19,176
What are you
talking about?
835
00:45:19,259 --> 00:45:21,470
Sean Hartle's giving
everyone the inside scoop.
836
00:45:21,553 --> 00:45:23,013
What? What's he saying?
837
00:45:23,097 --> 00:45:24,681
How her father made
her do the game show
838
00:45:24,765 --> 00:45:26,975
so you couldn't
take her to Florida.
839
00:45:27,059 --> 00:45:29,269
Now, what the hell
is this shit?
840
00:45:32,147 --> 00:45:33,565
One hour? For what?
841
00:45:34,066 --> 00:45:36,902
What the hell is this?
What's going on here?
842
00:45:36,985 --> 00:45:39,488
What, you live in
a fucking cave?
The man is in there.
843
00:45:39,571 --> 00:45:41,323
How'd Sean find this out?
844
00:45:41,407 --> 00:45:43,617
He was interning
at KREL and he said
he heard Svenning �
845
00:45:43,700 --> 00:45:45,244
barking at Brandi
over the phone about it.
846
00:45:45,327 --> 00:45:47,746
Apparently he had
a feeling you were gonna
pop the question.
847
00:45:47,830 --> 00:45:49,456
Who the fuck is the man?
848
00:45:49,540 --> 00:45:51,083
What, you waited till now
to tell me this?
849
00:45:51,166 --> 00:45:53,710
If you're gonna
bother me about this
for the rest of the day �
850
00:45:53,794 --> 00:45:54,962
I'll go home!
You dragged me here!
851
00:45:55,045 --> 00:45:57,548
You needed this.
Who the fuck is in there?
852
00:45:58,674 --> 00:46:00,217
One side, Red.
853
00:46:00,426 --> 00:46:02,136
What the hell's
going on here?
854
00:46:02,219 --> 00:46:03,220
I was warned about you.
855
00:46:03,345 --> 00:46:05,681
Take it easy before
I have you removed�
Warned?
856
00:46:05,764 --> 00:46:07,141
What the fuck
are you talking about?
857
00:46:07,224 --> 00:46:08,350
Tell him, Steve.
858
00:46:08,434 --> 00:46:09,852
Fuck you, fan-boy!
859
00:46:09,935 --> 00:46:12,438
Would you
testosterone-seething,
He-Man comic book fans �
860
00:46:12,521 --> 00:46:14,189
finish up with
this tough-guy
back-and-forth?
861
00:46:14,273 --> 00:46:15,399
I got some questions
I need answered.
862
00:46:15,482 --> 00:46:16,567
Who's in there?
863
00:46:16,650 --> 00:46:17,776
You got to ask me nicely.
864
00:46:17,860 --> 00:46:18,986
Fuck this.
865
00:46:19,069 --> 00:46:20,195
Jesus Christ!
866
00:46:20,571 --> 00:46:22,281
Get the hell off of him.
Come on.
867
00:46:22,364 --> 00:46:25,701
You fuckers think
just 'cause a guy reads comics
he can't start some shit?
868
00:46:25,784 --> 00:46:27,119
I'll fucking
take all of you on!
869
00:46:27,202 --> 00:46:28,495
Somebody get a medic!
870
00:46:28,579 --> 00:46:31,290
There's a little boy
caught in the escalator!
871
00:46:31,373 --> 00:46:33,000
Come back here
and arrest this goon!
872
00:46:33,083 --> 00:46:35,294
You're fucking next, man.
Jesus, Brodie!
873
00:46:35,377 --> 00:46:38,755
I'm not going anywhere
until I find out why
I can't get my comics.
874
00:46:38,839 --> 00:46:40,591
All right.
875
00:46:40,966 --> 00:46:42,426
Excuse me.
Don't hit me.
876
00:46:42,509 --> 00:46:43,844
Why is there a line?
877
00:46:43,927 --> 00:46:45,512
Stan Lee is signing comics.
878
00:46:47,723 --> 00:46:48,974
Stan Lee?
879
00:46:49,892 --> 00:46:52,436
Okay, Lunchbox,
let's try this again.
880
00:46:52,519 --> 00:46:55,439
We tie you to the roof,
you jump and sail
like a Spitfire �
881
00:46:55,522 --> 00:46:57,941
passing right over
the arch-nemesis LaFours.
882
00:46:58,025 --> 00:47:00,527
You then swing up
to the stage
and knock out the pin.
883
00:47:00,611 --> 00:47:03,697
And when that's gone,
the stage is trashed
and we go smoke a bowl.
884
00:47:03,780 --> 00:47:06,116
You got it?
Now, get your fat ass
out there!
885
00:47:06,200 --> 00:47:09,828
And, dude,
don't forget your helmet.
Snoogins.
886
00:47:41,777 --> 00:47:44,571
Fly, fat-ass, fly!
887
00:47:59,920 --> 00:48:02,256
What the fuck?
888
00:48:03,423 --> 00:48:04,925
You fucker!
889
00:48:05,175 --> 00:48:06,385
- Security?
- Is it alive?
890
00:48:06,468 --> 00:48:08,303
Yeah.
This is Popular Girl.
891
00:48:08,387 --> 00:48:11,223
We just had something
crash through the wall.
892
00:48:11,306 --> 00:48:14,059
Stan Lee!
How does something
as big as the creator �
893
00:48:14,142 --> 00:48:18,313
of the most important titles
in comics history �
coming to my mall get by me?
894
00:48:18,397 --> 00:48:20,315
I must be slipping
in my old age.
895
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,234
The name amongst names.
896
00:48:22,317 --> 00:48:24,570
There's a million questions
I'd love to ask him.
897
00:48:24,653 --> 00:48:25,904
Her father!
898
00:48:25,988 --> 00:48:29,032
I knew this game show thing
was just a beard for
an attempt to break us up.
899
00:48:29,116 --> 00:48:30,200
Why can't he just
leave us alone
900
00:48:30,284 --> 00:48:32,202
and let us follow through
with our plans?
901
00:48:32,286 --> 00:48:34,413
What kind of man
are you, anyway?
902
00:48:34,496 --> 00:48:37,666
I'm talking comics
and you bring up
chicks and romance?
903
00:48:37,791 --> 00:48:41,169
While we're on the subject,
why the hell do you want to
get married now, anyway?
904
00:48:41,253 --> 00:48:42,421
You're still in college.
905
00:48:42,504 --> 00:48:43,589
I was just gonna propose.
906
00:48:43,672 --> 00:48:45,424
The wedding wouldn't be
till after we graduate.
907
00:48:45,507 --> 00:48:47,092
Waste of time,
if you ask me.
908
00:48:47,175 --> 00:48:49,553
My grandmother always said,
"Why buy the cow �
909
00:48:49,636 --> 00:48:51,346
"when you get
the sex for free?"
910
00:48:51,930 --> 00:48:53,599
She did?
All the time.
911
00:48:53,682 --> 00:48:55,726
Of course, she became
a lesbian on
her 60th birthday,
912
00:48:55,809 --> 00:48:57,519
but that's beside
the point.
913
00:48:57,603 --> 00:49:00,188
Where the hell
are these two going
in such a hurry?
914
00:49:14,536 --> 00:49:17,623
Is he gone?
Halfway to
Buy Me Toys by now.
915
00:49:19,458 --> 00:49:22,628
Damn,
that bastard's faster
than Walt Flanagan's dog.
916
00:49:22,711 --> 00:49:24,630
What's with
all the running?
917
00:49:24,713 --> 00:49:26,465
What the hell
happened to him?
918
00:49:26,548 --> 00:49:28,967
The human brown-eye here
is a walking calamity.
919
00:49:29,051 --> 00:49:31,470
We'll have to take a pass
on the stage-trashing
business �
920
00:49:31,553 --> 00:49:33,472
otherwise he's liable
to kill himself.
921
00:49:33,555 --> 00:49:35,849
Sorry, bro.
Oh, no hard feelings.
922
00:49:36,099 --> 00:49:37,559
Isn't that Rene?
923
00:49:37,726 --> 00:49:39,061
She's probably
looking for me.
924
00:49:39,144 --> 00:49:40,354
I better go talk to her.
925
00:49:40,562 --> 00:49:41,688
Keep that.
926
00:49:42,439 --> 00:49:43,649
I don't know.
She's with somebody.
927
00:49:43,732 --> 00:49:45,567
She's practically
blowing him.
928
00:49:46,943 --> 00:49:48,487
Wait a minute,
isn't that �
929
00:49:48,570 --> 00:49:50,614
The asshole
from Fashionable Male!
930
00:49:50,697 --> 00:49:51,865
Son of a bitch!
931
00:49:51,948 --> 00:49:53,075
My God!
You think that they're �
932
00:49:53,158 --> 00:49:55,786
Could be.
It'll explain why
he hates me so much.
933
00:49:55,869 --> 00:49:57,371
And there's only
one way to find out.
934
00:49:57,454 --> 00:49:59,456
Can you run interference
with the lug?
935
00:49:59,581 --> 00:50:02,084
What are you gonna do?
Get some answers.
936
00:50:06,088 --> 00:50:07,089
Shit!
937
00:50:22,145 --> 00:50:24,773
Oh, you work at
the Fashionable Male,
don't you?
938
00:50:25,399 --> 00:50:26,775
Yeah? So?
939
00:50:28,110 --> 00:50:30,737
That's a great store
you got there.
940
00:50:31,738 --> 00:50:33,615
Uh, thanks. Listen,
941
00:50:33,699 --> 00:50:36,243
I'm trying to spend
my lunch hour with
my lady friend here.
942
00:50:36,326 --> 00:50:38,120
So why don't you beat it?
943
00:50:41,998 --> 00:50:44,418
Oh, that's your girlfriend?
Right there?
944
00:50:47,671 --> 00:50:49,214
If you don't stop
gawking at me
945
00:50:49,297 --> 00:50:51,550
and get the hell out of here,
I'll kick your ass.
946
00:50:51,633 --> 00:50:52,801
Haven't you ever
heard the phrase,
947
00:50:52,843 --> 00:50:54,928
"The customer's
always right"?
948
00:50:55,804 --> 00:50:57,889
Let me tell you
a little secret:
949
00:50:57,973 --> 00:50:59,891
The customer's
always an asshole!
950
00:51:04,354 --> 00:51:05,564
Jesus Christ!
951
00:51:05,647 --> 00:51:06,898
What the hell gives
with the cover boy?
952
00:51:06,982 --> 00:51:09,901
None of your damn business.
He'd kick your ass
if he knew about this.
953
00:51:09,985 --> 00:51:12,821
Are you insane?
The guy looks like
a date rapist!
954
00:51:13,238 --> 00:51:14,948
Is that my jacket?
Start the elevator.
955
00:51:15,031 --> 00:51:17,200
Not until you tell me
what the situation is
956
00:51:17,284 --> 00:51:18,827
with you and
the Sperminator out there.
957
00:51:18,910 --> 00:51:20,537
How long has this
been going on?
958
00:51:20,620 --> 00:51:23,081
Since I finally mustered
the good sense
to send you packing.
959
00:51:23,165 --> 00:51:25,250
He's a much more
suitable companion
than you, any day.
960
00:51:25,333 --> 00:51:26,585
Are you nuts?
961
00:51:26,668 --> 00:51:30,172
The guy's pure testosterone!
He's a walking hard-on,
looking for a hole!
962
00:51:30,255 --> 00:51:33,383
I need testosterone
after babysitting you and
your comic book collection.
963
00:51:33,467 --> 00:51:35,010
I forgot what
real men were like.
964
00:51:35,093 --> 00:51:38,930
I can't believe you have
the nerve to come to my mall
and pick up guys!
965
00:51:39,014 --> 00:51:40,974
Oh, no,
Shannon did the picking up.
966
00:51:41,057 --> 00:51:42,976
He's already taken me to lunch
at the Cheese Haus �
967
00:51:43,059 --> 00:51:45,812
purchased tickets
for the opera night
and took me to stores I like!
968
00:51:45,896 --> 00:51:48,273
I took you shopping
all the time!
969
00:51:48,356 --> 00:51:49,983
You took me where you
went shopping, jerk!
970
00:51:50,066 --> 00:51:51,568
Do you think I care
what rat-hole store
971
00:51:51,651 --> 00:51:53,487
in that shit-pit you
call the dirt mall �
972
00:51:53,570 --> 00:51:54,863
has got the latest
Godzilla bootlegs?
973
00:51:54,946 --> 00:51:57,908
You call eating pizza
in the same dive pizzeria
every night eating out?
974
00:51:57,991 --> 00:52:01,286
Do I give a shit when
two major comic labels are
crossing over characters �
975
00:52:01,369 --> 00:52:04,164
and selling two editions
of the book in varied-ink
chromium covers?
976
00:52:04,247 --> 00:52:05,499
I'm a girl, damn it!
977
00:52:05,582 --> 00:52:09,586
I want to do girly things
like fix someone's hair
and get romantic phone calls.
978
00:52:09,711 --> 00:52:11,379
I call you all the time!
979
00:52:11,463 --> 00:52:14,007
"Rene, my mom's asleep.
Come over."
You call that romantic?
980
00:52:14,090 --> 00:52:17,260
When was the last time
you pulled out my chair
or told me I was beautiful?
981
00:52:17,344 --> 00:52:19,471
This guy does all this
in the span of a day!
982
00:52:19,554 --> 00:52:22,307
This guy already introduced
me to his mother.
983
00:52:22,390 --> 00:52:23,517
Really?
984
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:25,852
He was up and at work
by 9:00 this morning.
985
00:52:25,936 --> 00:52:28,063
Unlike my ex-boyfriend,
who would sleep until 1:00 �
986
00:52:28,146 --> 00:52:30,732
'cause he played Sega
and watched videos
all night long!
987
00:52:30,816 --> 00:52:32,984
Which, by the way,
has enormous effect
on your libido.
988
00:52:33,068 --> 00:52:35,028
Oh, now you attack
my libido?
989
00:52:35,111 --> 00:52:36,321
There's no libido to attack.
990
00:52:36,404 --> 00:52:38,114
No libido to attack?
991
00:52:43,578 --> 00:52:45,497
You're sure you saw
her get on, right?
992
00:52:45,580 --> 00:52:47,415
Maybe she was
getting off.
993
00:52:58,718 --> 00:52:59,719
Ow!
994
00:52:59,845 --> 00:53:02,097
Sorry.
It's all right.
995
00:53:06,601 --> 00:53:08,854
You know something?
You look familiar to me.
996
00:53:10,564 --> 00:53:12,816
Couldn't be.
I'm never at
the mall much.
997
00:53:12,983 --> 00:53:15,110
No, it's not
from the mall.
998
00:53:16,570 --> 00:53:19,781
I know. You're the guy
from the news that kidnapped
the President's daughter �
999
00:53:19,865 --> 00:53:21,449
and threw her
off the roof.
1000
00:53:22,450 --> 00:53:25,954
I got a musket tangled
in my girlfriend's hair,
for Christ's sake.
1001
00:53:29,499 --> 00:53:31,793
There, that was
romantic, right?
1002
00:53:33,503 --> 00:53:35,380
Passionate, yeah.
1003
00:53:36,464 --> 00:53:39,801
No, Brodie.
That was too little,
too late.
1004
00:53:40,802 --> 00:53:41,845
Too little?
1005
00:53:41,928 --> 00:53:43,805
You said it was
a good size.
1006
00:53:43,889 --> 00:53:47,392
The effort, you retard.
The effort was too little,
too late.
1007
00:53:47,976 --> 00:53:51,897
But now that you mention it,
when a girl says
it's a good size �
1008
00:53:52,147 --> 00:53:54,691
it's a nice way of
saying that it's small.
1009
00:53:56,151 --> 00:53:57,235
Hey!
1010
00:54:06,453 --> 00:54:07,829
I'm gonna kill
that son of a bitch.
1011
00:54:07,913 --> 00:54:09,831
No, forget about him.
1012
00:54:10,123 --> 00:54:13,418
He just wanted to give me
something that he forgot
to give me a long time ago.
1013
00:54:13,501 --> 00:54:15,045
He's harmless now. Okay?
1014
00:54:17,756 --> 00:54:20,508
Fine. I gotta get back
to the store. Let's go.
1015
00:54:29,601 --> 00:54:30,727
Right there in
the elevator?
1016
00:54:30,810 --> 00:54:32,103
I don't know
what came over me.
1017
00:54:32,187 --> 00:54:33,563
She challenged my libido.
1018
00:54:33,647 --> 00:54:36,691
I felt obligated
to defend myself
against her accusations.
1019
00:54:36,858 --> 00:54:38,777
Oh, it's not like you
still wanted her.
1020
00:54:38,860 --> 00:54:40,862
Not in the least.
I'm over her.
1021
00:54:42,447 --> 00:54:43,949
Holy shit!
1022
00:54:44,032 --> 00:54:46,242
You really love that girl.
Yeah, right.
1023
00:54:46,660 --> 00:54:49,871
No, I never noticed it before,
but she really
fuels your engine.
1024
00:54:49,996 --> 00:54:52,666
You have this
new glow about you.
I don't have a glow.
1025
00:54:52,749 --> 00:54:53,833
You do.
You're glowing.
1026
00:54:53,917 --> 00:54:56,336
If I have a glow
it's because just I got laid.
1027
00:54:56,419 --> 00:54:59,047
I'd look the same if I banged
anyone in that elevator,
1028
00:54:59,130 --> 00:55:01,132
present company excluded.
1029
00:55:01,883 --> 00:55:05,136
Deny it all you want.
I think you're too proud
to admit you want her back.
1030
00:55:05,220 --> 00:55:07,973
I suddenly want something
very bad to happen to you.
1031
00:55:08,056 --> 00:55:10,141
What is your problem?
I don't understand.
1032
00:55:11,393 --> 00:55:13,895
Oh, Gwen! I'm sorry.
You fucker!
1033
00:55:17,899 --> 00:55:21,403
See! That's what you get
for fucking with me.
1034
00:55:21,987 --> 00:55:24,072
Hey, Gwen, he didn't
really mean to hit you.
1035
00:55:24,155 --> 00:55:25,490
He's got a funny way
of showing it,
1036
00:55:25,573 --> 00:55:27,867
by elbowing me in
my frigging tit!
1037
00:55:27,951 --> 00:55:29,035
Why the hell
are you glowing?
1038
00:55:29,119 --> 00:55:30,996
I'm not glowing.
1039
00:55:31,079 --> 00:55:32,205
Brandi dumped him.
1040
00:55:32,288 --> 00:55:34,332
Would you stop saying that?
1041
00:55:34,416 --> 00:55:35,583
I know. I heard.
1042
00:55:35,667 --> 00:55:36,668
You heard? How?
1043
00:55:36,751 --> 00:55:39,379
She told me.
I ran into her
a few minutes ago.
1044
00:55:39,462 --> 00:55:41,381
Really? Where?
By the stage.
1045
00:55:43,967 --> 00:55:45,510
Do you want me
to rub it?
1046
00:55:47,095 --> 00:55:49,514
Work with me, people,
would you please?
1047
00:55:49,597 --> 00:55:51,307
No, I don't want this here.
1048
00:55:51,391 --> 00:55:52,517
I want it toward the front.
1049
00:55:52,600 --> 00:55:53,685
The rug keeps popping up.
1050
00:55:53,768 --> 00:55:55,353
If I put the podium there,
it'll stay down.
1051
00:55:55,437 --> 00:55:56,771
Move it!
1052
00:55:58,565 --> 00:56:01,067
Mr. Svenning!
Give me the podium!
1053
00:56:02,068 --> 00:56:06,531
You put the podium
down over here �
1054
00:56:07,699 --> 00:56:08,783
Like this.
1055
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:13,621
You stamp the carpet
down with your feet.
You speak English?
1056
00:56:14,247 --> 00:56:15,290
Like this.
1057
00:56:17,125 --> 00:56:19,753
Mr. Svenning!
Let me help you up.
1058
00:56:19,836 --> 00:56:22,464
Get off! Move!
Here, let me help you.
1059
00:56:24,299 --> 00:56:26,551
All right,
where's Brandi?
Let go of me!
1060
00:56:26,634 --> 00:56:28,094
Where's Brandi?
1061
00:56:30,930 --> 00:56:33,475
You're fired.
You get the hell
out of here.
1062
00:56:33,892 --> 00:56:35,351
Get off my set!
1063
00:56:36,644 --> 00:56:37,812
Where is she?
1064
00:56:38,188 --> 00:56:39,814
You are out of her life.
1065
00:56:40,065 --> 00:56:43,234
Now, you stay out of
her business and mine,
understand me?
1066
00:56:43,318 --> 00:56:45,153
Come on, people.
Are we working here?
1067
00:56:45,236 --> 00:56:47,781
Get the backdrop ready.
Are those lights ready to go?
1068
00:56:47,864 --> 00:56:49,240
Okay, Mr. Svenning.
1069
00:56:49,657 --> 00:56:52,118
Go on the other side
and put the podium
1070
00:56:52,202 --> 00:56:54,245
over the bad spot
in the carpet, okay?
1071
00:56:54,370 --> 00:56:55,789
The hole?
Please. Go. Now.
Uh-huh.
1072
00:56:55,872 --> 00:56:57,123
So, you made
her dump me �
1073
00:56:57,207 --> 00:56:58,249
and now you're going
to auction her off
1074
00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:01,211
in an effort to better
further your own career?
1075
00:57:01,294 --> 00:57:02,587
Not that it's any
of your concern,
1076
00:57:02,670 --> 00:57:04,422
but Brandi agreed to be
on Truth or Date.
1077
00:57:04,506 --> 00:57:06,257
After that shit you
pulled last night,
1078
00:57:06,341 --> 00:57:08,093
I think she's even
looking forward to it.
1079
00:57:08,176 --> 00:57:11,471
It'll give her a chance
to find herself a decent guy.
1080
00:57:11,679 --> 00:57:12,931
Somebody with a brain.
1081
00:57:13,014 --> 00:57:14,849
You admit it?
You are behind our break-up.
1082
00:57:14,933 --> 00:57:16,101
Admit it?
1083
00:57:16,684 --> 00:57:20,271
Hell, I'm as proud
of it as I am of this
game show here.
1084
00:57:23,942 --> 00:57:26,653
Listen to me.
It's over between you two.
1085
00:57:27,529 --> 00:57:31,366
The sooner you get that,
the better off
we're all gonna be.
1086
00:57:32,325 --> 00:57:34,661
Understand me?
You don't.
1087
00:57:36,204 --> 00:57:38,706
Guard, come here.
Get this guy off of my set.
1088
00:57:39,707 --> 00:57:43,795
If he gives you any shit,
you have my permission
to castrate him.
1089
00:57:43,878 --> 00:57:45,630
You can't do this!
1090
00:57:45,713 --> 00:57:46,923
I just did.
1091
00:57:52,345 --> 00:57:54,806
Get me LaFours.
Right away, sir.
1092
00:57:55,223 --> 00:57:56,724
Well, go on!
1093
00:57:59,185 --> 00:58:02,313
I wonder if my mother
ever wore a pair like this.
1094
00:58:02,981 --> 00:58:04,315
How about these?
1095
00:58:04,524 --> 00:58:07,026
Very sexy.
That sounded convincing.
1096
00:58:07,402 --> 00:58:08,570
I'm preoccupied.
1097
00:58:08,653 --> 00:58:11,739
T.S., she told you.
She's just doing it as
a favor to her father.
1098
00:58:11,823 --> 00:58:12,824
Regardless.
1099
00:58:12,907 --> 00:58:14,993
It's not like
she'll fuck the guy
on public access.
1100
00:58:15,076 --> 00:58:17,662
She might as well.
You're overreacting again.
1101
00:58:17,787 --> 00:58:19,831
That's why your
relationships fail.
1102
00:58:19,914 --> 00:58:21,499
It's certainly
why ours did.
1103
00:58:21,708 --> 00:58:25,712
You got bent out of shape
the same way over that
costume party in high school.
1104
00:58:25,795 --> 00:58:27,839
You fucked Rick Derris
on a pool table!
1105
00:58:27,922 --> 00:58:29,048
With everyone watching,
no less.
1106
00:58:29,132 --> 00:58:30,800
It was a costume party, T.S.
1107
00:58:30,884 --> 00:58:32,510
No one could tell
it was me.
1108
00:58:32,594 --> 00:58:35,597
Besides, who else
but you remembers
shit like that?
1109
00:58:36,014 --> 00:58:37,599
I would've been
a sexy chick.
1110
00:58:37,682 --> 00:58:39,893
Do you remember
that costume party?
1111
00:58:39,976 --> 00:58:43,354
Might that have been
the one where you banged
Rick Derris on the pool table?
1112
00:58:43,438 --> 00:58:44,689
Nobody remembers
shit like that?
1113
00:58:44,772 --> 00:58:47,192
How is it that you recall
the most trivial events?
1114
00:58:47,275 --> 00:58:48,776
I'll never forget it.
How many chances
1115
00:58:48,860 --> 00:58:51,029
do you get to see
Smokey fuck the Bandit?
1116
00:58:51,112 --> 00:58:53,031
Didn't I look just
like Burt Reynolds?
1117
00:58:53,114 --> 00:58:54,741
Except for
the moustache.
1118
00:58:55,158 --> 00:58:57,785
You know, they have
a whole room you're
supposed to do that in?
1119
00:58:57,869 --> 00:59:00,455
Some pervert wanted
to see me naked
so badly today �
1120
00:59:00,538 --> 00:59:02,999
he busted in on me twice
while I was trying on stuff.
1121
00:59:03,124 --> 00:59:05,210
This saves him
the effort.
Oh.
1122
00:59:05,293 --> 00:59:06,294
Ooh.
1123
00:59:06,419 --> 00:59:08,880
How much longer
are we gonna be
in this chick store, anyway?
1124
00:59:08,963 --> 00:59:10,215
I'm starting to get
a mean hard-on.
1125
00:59:10,298 --> 00:59:12,717
Brodie, Tell me about
the Rene break-up.
1126
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:15,303
I threw her away
like a parking ticket.
Ha!
1127
00:59:15,428 --> 00:59:18,223
Don't front, Brodie.
I talked to Rene's
cousin this morning.
1128
00:59:18,306 --> 00:59:19,599
It was vice-versa.
1129
00:59:19,682 --> 00:59:21,893
They certainly aren't
acting broken up.
1130
00:59:21,976 --> 00:59:23,478
Go ahead.
Ask him about the elevator.
1131
00:59:23,603 --> 00:59:24,729
Tell me about the elevator.
1132
00:59:24,812 --> 00:59:26,397
It goes up and down.
1133
00:59:28,107 --> 00:59:29,943
Rene seems
so coarse, anyway.
1134
00:59:30,026 --> 00:59:31,319
What was it like
to date her?
1135
00:59:31,402 --> 00:59:32,737
Ever slept with somebody?
1136
00:59:32,820 --> 00:59:34,155
Uh, yeah.
1137
00:59:34,239 --> 00:59:35,823
I mean, really slept
with somebody.
1138
00:59:35,907 --> 00:59:38,952
Beside them,
not just fuck them
on a gaming table.
1139
00:59:39,327 --> 00:59:41,746
We slept together one time,
remember, in high school?
1140
00:59:41,829 --> 00:59:43,873
That ski trip?
That was you?
1141
00:59:44,415 --> 00:59:46,709
Yes, Brodie, I've slept
beside many people.
1142
00:59:46,793 --> 00:59:47,794
All right.
1143
00:59:47,877 --> 00:59:50,129
You know how
when someone lays
with their back to you �
1144
00:59:50,213 --> 00:59:51,381
and you lay behind
them really close
1145
00:59:51,464 --> 00:59:53,216
and you throw
one arm over them?
1146
00:59:53,758 --> 00:59:54,842
It's called spooning.
1147
00:59:54,926 --> 00:59:56,594
But you gotta put
the other arm somewhere.
1148
00:59:56,678 --> 00:59:59,681
You can either lay on it
or just shove it in
between your bodies.
1149
00:59:59,764 --> 01:00:02,308
The only other option
is to stretch it
above your head.
1150
01:00:02,392 --> 01:00:06,062
But sometimes my arm
pops out of the socket when
I'm sleeping like that.
1151
01:00:06,187 --> 01:00:08,898
So, I was constantly
searching for someplace
to keep my arm �
1152
01:00:08,982 --> 01:00:11,067
while still laying
close to her.
1153
01:00:11,901 --> 01:00:12,944
And?
1154
01:00:13,069 --> 01:00:17,031
What do you mean, "And"?
That's like a metaphor for
our whole relationship.
1155
01:00:17,615 --> 01:00:18,783
Jackass.
1156
01:00:20,618 --> 01:00:23,621
I'm all out. I'll meet you
at the food court.
1157
01:00:24,872 --> 01:00:28,376
I know exactly
how he feels. Excuse me.
1158
01:00:31,296 --> 01:00:33,548
Fill this with Coke, no ice.
1159
01:00:37,885 --> 01:00:39,595
Want a sip of my soda?
1160
01:00:44,767 --> 01:00:46,477
Smartass ex-boyfriend.
1161
01:00:47,395 --> 01:00:48,730
You know who I am?
1162
01:00:49,397 --> 01:00:51,691
A deeply resentful
retail manager?
1163
01:00:53,401 --> 01:00:56,154
Rene's with me now.
Okay? You got that?
1164
01:00:56,571 --> 01:00:59,657
So don't be sniffing
around her anymore
like you tried to do today.
1165
01:00:59,741 --> 01:01:00,742
Shit!
1166
01:01:00,950 --> 01:01:02,660
There goes the lung.
1167
01:01:02,744 --> 01:01:03,995
Listen to me.
1168
01:01:04,078 --> 01:01:05,663
I got two things to tell you.
1169
01:01:05,747 --> 01:01:07,457
I don't like you.
1170
01:01:07,540 --> 01:01:08,666
I see you every week
in this mall.
1171
01:01:08,750 --> 01:01:10,668
I don't like
shiftless layabouts.
1172
01:01:10,752 --> 01:01:12,670
You're one of these
fucking loser mallrat kids.
1173
01:01:12,754 --> 01:01:15,965
You don't come here
to work or shop,
you hang out all day.
1174
01:01:16,090 --> 01:01:17,717
Act like you
fucking live here.
1175
01:01:17,800 --> 01:01:20,470
I have no respect
for people with
no shopping agenda.
1176
01:01:20,553 --> 01:01:23,348
Is this what's known as
motivated salesmanship?
1177
01:01:27,352 --> 01:01:31,356
Rene told me to
leave you alone,
but she's fucking clueless.
1178
01:01:34,442 --> 01:01:38,196
The newly single often
feel strangely protective
of the ex-boyfriend.
1179
01:01:38,279 --> 01:01:39,906
If this is her idea
of protective,
1180
01:01:39,989 --> 01:01:41,574
hate to have her
mad at me.
1181
01:01:47,622 --> 01:01:49,499
Now, you see, Bruce �
1182
01:01:50,291 --> 01:01:54,545
I like to pick up girls
on the rebound from
a disappointing relationship.
1183
01:01:54,629 --> 01:01:57,507
They're more vulnerable,
they're in much more
need of solace �
1184
01:01:57,590 --> 01:01:59,425
and they're fairly
open to suggestion.
1185
01:01:59,509 --> 01:02:03,638
And I use that suggestion
to fuck them someplace
very uncomfortable.
1186
01:02:04,138 --> 01:02:06,641
What, like the back
of a Volkswagen?
1187
01:02:07,350 --> 01:02:11,229
No, like somewhere
girls dread.
1188
01:02:12,188 --> 01:02:13,731
Oh!
1189
01:02:17,068 --> 01:02:19,112
All right. Now, uh �
1190
01:02:19,654 --> 01:02:21,072
is it because
it's a challenge?
1191
01:02:21,155 --> 01:02:23,116
Is it because it's taboo?
1192
01:02:23,199 --> 01:02:24,992
Or is it because
I like to, you know �
1193
01:02:25,576 --> 01:02:28,413
have them differently
than they've ever
been had before?
1194
01:02:28,496 --> 01:02:30,665
This sounds like a discussion
much more suited �
1195
01:02:30,748 --> 01:02:33,251
to an extended professional
counseling session.
1196
01:02:33,334 --> 01:02:35,420
I'll go get
a therapist for you.
1197
01:02:39,090 --> 01:02:42,385
Now, evidently,
the only one that's gonna
need a doctor here �
1198
01:02:42,468 --> 01:02:44,178
is yourself, my friend.
1199
01:02:44,762 --> 01:02:47,223
And my suggestion
to you is �
1200
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:49,559
forget you ever dated Rene.
1201
01:02:49,851 --> 01:02:53,354
Until I get what
I'm looking for from
this latest dalliance �
1202
01:02:53,855 --> 01:02:55,982
I better not find you
within 10 city blocks
of her �
1203
01:02:56,065 --> 01:02:59,360
otherwise I will be forced
to do you some
very serious damage.
1204
01:02:59,444 --> 01:03:01,696
All right? Hmm?
We clear on that?
1205
01:03:01,821 --> 01:03:03,197
Rene who?
1206
01:03:04,198 --> 01:03:06,742
There you go.
Not bad, you're learning.
1207
01:03:07,076 --> 01:03:08,453
Well, all right, Bryce.
1208
01:03:08,536 --> 01:03:09,537
Bruce.
1209
01:03:12,206 --> 01:03:14,041
I'm glad we had
this little chat.
1210
01:03:14,167 --> 01:03:17,378
I'll remember it
when I'm fucking
your girlfriend.
1211
01:03:19,380 --> 01:03:21,841
Oh, and, uh,
my store's having
a sale next weekend.
1212
01:03:21,924 --> 01:03:24,385
You should come by.
I'll cut you a nice deal
on a suit.
1213
01:03:30,141 --> 01:03:31,392
Did we ever get along?
1214
01:03:31,476 --> 01:03:32,685
Once or twice.
1215
01:03:32,852 --> 01:03:34,187
How come we went
out as long as we did?
1216
01:03:34,270 --> 01:03:35,563
You had cable.
1217
01:03:35,646 --> 01:03:37,356
So, are you gonna
stay for the show?
1218
01:03:37,440 --> 01:03:39,692
Absolutely not.
As soon as he gets
back here, I'm gone.
1219
01:03:39,775 --> 01:03:42,570
T.S. Quint.
Where's your sense
of chivalry?
1220
01:03:43,237 --> 01:03:45,281
Oh, my God!
Is that Brodie?
1221
01:03:46,782 --> 01:03:48,910
You're fucking kidding?
The Easter Bunny did this?
1222
01:03:48,993 --> 01:03:50,161
All I said was
the Easter Bunny
1223
01:03:50,244 --> 01:03:52,330
at the Menlo Park mall
was more convincing.
1224
01:03:52,413 --> 01:03:54,290
He just jumped the railing
and knocked me down.
1225
01:03:54,373 --> 01:03:55,416
He's fucking dead!
1226
01:03:55,500 --> 01:03:57,418
Oh, let it go.
He's under a lot of pressure.
1227
01:03:57,543 --> 01:03:58,586
What the hell
happened to him?
1228
01:03:58,669 --> 01:04:01,005
The guy in
the Easter Bunny suit
kicked his ass.
1229
01:04:02,089 --> 01:04:04,509
Fuck all that shit.
Come on, Silent Bob.
1230
01:04:04,592 --> 01:04:05,635
What really happened?
1231
01:04:05,718 --> 01:04:07,220
The proprietor of
Fashionable Male
1232
01:04:07,303 --> 01:04:08,721
beat a rain check
into my stomach.
1233
01:04:08,804 --> 01:04:10,848
Shannon Hamilton?
You know that guy?
1234
01:04:10,932 --> 01:04:12,642
I went out with him
after we dated.
1235
01:04:12,725 --> 01:04:15,144
He tried to screw me
somewhere very
uncomfortable once.
1236
01:04:15,228 --> 01:04:16,562
What, like the back
of a Volkswagen?
1237
01:04:16,646 --> 01:04:17,980
Sounds like his M.O.
1238
01:04:18,064 --> 01:04:19,815
Can you get up?
Am I still glowing?
1239
01:04:19,899 --> 01:04:22,276
You're barely breathing.
Was Rene involved
in any of this?
1240
01:04:22,401 --> 01:04:24,570
This was an independent
act of aggression.
1241
01:04:24,654 --> 01:04:26,030
He told me that
his intentions were
1242
01:04:26,113 --> 01:04:27,532
to penetrate
my ex-girlfriend �
1243
01:04:27,615 --> 01:04:30,451
in the most notorious
of body cavities.
Sounds just like him.
1244
01:04:30,576 --> 01:04:33,079
Oh, you better tell Rene.
Let him do whatever
the hell he wants.
1245
01:04:33,162 --> 01:04:34,997
If she's not smart
enough to see him
for what he is,
1246
01:04:35,081 --> 01:04:36,666
she deserves
the discomfort.
1247
01:04:36,749 --> 01:04:38,292
I, on the other hand,
have had just about
1248
01:04:38,376 --> 01:04:40,545
all the discomfort
I can stand for a day.
1249
01:04:40,628 --> 01:04:42,213
Oh, shit, I'm late.
I gotta go.
1250
01:04:42,296 --> 01:04:44,215
You're just gonna leave
with him in this condition?
1251
01:04:44,298 --> 01:04:46,217
I gotta split.
You gonna be okay?
1252
01:04:46,300 --> 01:04:48,594
Couple of pins in the hip,
I'll be good as new.
1253
01:04:48,678 --> 01:04:52,098
That's my boy.
Bye, guys. Be good.
1254
01:04:53,099 --> 01:04:57,061
Women, always leaving you
when you've just had
the crap kicked out of you.
1255
01:04:57,144 --> 01:04:58,396
You look like
you're gonna live to me.
1256
01:04:58,479 --> 01:05:00,940
You stay here.
I gotta hit the bathroom.
1257
01:05:01,649 --> 01:05:04,151
Please, don't say "hit!"
1258
01:05:07,697 --> 01:05:08,906
All right, honey.
1259
01:05:08,990 --> 01:05:11,242
Don't forget to look
for your Easter eggs
on Sunday.
1260
01:05:11,325 --> 01:05:12,994
Bye-bye, Easter Bunny.
1261
01:05:13,536 --> 01:05:16,330
- All right, who's next?
- It's hot in this goddamn suit!
1262
01:05:17,248 --> 01:05:20,167
Hey, guys. Wait in line
like everybody else.
1263
01:05:20,293 --> 01:05:21,419
What the hell is this?
1264
01:05:21,502 --> 01:05:22,587
This is for Brodie.
1265
01:05:36,642 --> 01:05:37,685
He's here.
1266
01:05:37,810 --> 01:05:39,020
What?
Him and Brodie.
1267
01:05:39,103 --> 01:05:41,772
Don't sweat it, though.
He's leaving.
Oh.
1268
01:05:42,189 --> 01:05:45,026
He seems really broken up
over this whole thing.
1269
01:05:45,151 --> 01:05:48,029
Maybe because
we're broken up
for good this time.
1270
01:05:48,988 --> 01:05:50,865
I remember when
I dumped T.S.
1271
01:05:50,948 --> 01:05:53,451
I was all right with it till
he started dating you.
1272
01:05:53,534 --> 01:05:55,119
A little jealousy residue?
1273
01:05:55,202 --> 01:05:56,704
I thought so at first.
1274
01:05:56,871 --> 01:05:58,789
Then I realized it
was more than that.
1275
01:05:58,873 --> 01:06:00,458
When I saw how
he was with you,
1276
01:06:00,541 --> 01:06:02,376
how well you two
complemented each other �
1277
01:06:02,501 --> 01:06:05,212
it finally hit me that
T.S. is a great catch.
1278
01:06:06,047 --> 01:06:07,840
Gwen, you were always
cheating on him.
1279
01:06:07,923 --> 01:06:09,383
Capricious youth?
1280
01:06:09,467 --> 01:06:11,385
Doesn't mean
I wasn't regretful about it.
1281
01:06:11,510 --> 01:06:13,971
Jesus, Gwen.
The last thing
I need at this point �
1282
01:06:14,055 --> 01:06:15,973
is a lecture on my love life.
1283
01:06:16,057 --> 01:06:19,685
All I'm saying is that
the really good guys are
few and far between.
1284
01:06:19,810 --> 01:06:22,146
In fact, I haven't
met one since T.S.
1285
01:06:22,229 --> 01:06:26,901
Even if I did meet one,
I guarantee I'd use him as
the basis for my comparison.
1286
01:06:26,984 --> 01:06:29,070
You can have him
if you want him.
1287
01:06:31,405 --> 01:06:34,033
Believe me,
I might consider trying �
1288
01:06:35,951 --> 01:06:38,120
if he weren't
so hung up on you.
1289
01:06:39,121 --> 01:06:41,082
Well, I gotta get home.
1290
01:06:41,791 --> 01:06:44,418
Have a great show.
Okay. Bye.
1291
01:06:55,012 --> 01:06:56,806
Chocolate-covered pretzel?
1292
01:06:57,515 --> 01:07:00,601
This is Roddy,
Mr. Svenning's assistant.
1293
01:07:00,726 --> 01:07:03,604
Mr. Svenning would like
to have a word with you.
1294
01:07:03,688 --> 01:07:05,981
Where? Ah,
these are melting.
1295
01:07:06,065 --> 01:07:08,442
Copy that.
By the stage.
1296
01:07:09,902 --> 01:07:12,113
Tell him I'll be
there in a minute.
1297
01:07:14,115 --> 01:07:15,825
What do you think?
I don't trust it.
1298
01:07:15,991 --> 01:07:18,369
Maybe he's calmed
down a little bit.
We'll talk reasonably.
1299
01:07:18,452 --> 01:07:21,539
Reasonably, shmeasonably.
You should go over there
and give him shit.
1300
01:07:21,622 --> 01:07:23,290
You kidding?
I'm trying to marry
his daughter.
1301
01:07:23,374 --> 01:07:26,168
All right, so you can't
scream at him,
but after all he's done �
1302
01:07:26,252 --> 01:07:27,670
you should still
kind of stick it to him.
1303
01:07:27,753 --> 01:07:29,380
How do you propose
I do that?
1304
01:07:29,463 --> 01:07:31,632
You stink-palm him.
Stink-palm?
1305
01:07:32,049 --> 01:07:34,218
Take your hand
and you stick it
in your ass like this.
1306
01:07:34,301 --> 01:07:36,178
You've been walking all day
and you're also nervous
1307
01:07:36,262 --> 01:07:38,055
and no doubt you're
sweaty as hell.
1308
01:07:38,139 --> 01:07:39,098
You should see
yourself right now.
1309
01:07:39,181 --> 01:07:40,933
A man with his hand
in his pants.
1310
01:07:41,016 --> 01:07:43,227
I probably look like
my old man.
1311
01:07:43,310 --> 01:07:44,895
Now you shake hands
with the guy.
1312
01:07:44,979 --> 01:07:46,522
"Hey, Mr. Svenning.
How've you been?"
1313
01:07:46,605 --> 01:07:48,065
What's the point?
1314
01:07:48,190 --> 01:07:50,401
Know how long it takes
for that smell to come off?
1315
01:07:50,484 --> 01:07:53,404
Scrub all you like,
it'll stick around
for at least two days.
1316
01:07:53,487 --> 01:07:55,573
How does he explain it
to his colleagues
and family?
1317
01:07:55,656 --> 01:07:58,075
They'll think he doesn't know
how to wipe his ass properly.
1318
01:07:58,159 --> 01:08:01,245
Meanwhile, you yourself
are left with a hand
that smells like shit?
1319
01:08:01,328 --> 01:08:04,915
Small price to pay
for the smiting
of one's enemies.
1320
01:08:05,124 --> 01:08:07,293
I think I'll pass.
Do me a favor.
1321
01:08:07,376 --> 01:08:09,378
Stay here while
I go talk to him.
1322
01:08:22,224 --> 01:08:25,436
I assure you, tonight's
program will go off
without a hitch.
1323
01:08:25,519 --> 01:08:27,062
I hope so, Jared,
for your sake.
1324
01:08:27,313 --> 01:08:29,273
You picked a dangerous mall
to host a game show in.
1325
01:08:29,356 --> 01:08:31,317
I hear the Easter Bunny
was accosted this morning.
1326
01:08:31,817 --> 01:08:33,444
If there's anything
even remotely resembling
1327
01:08:33,527 --> 01:08:35,905
the trouble you had at
the Governor's Ball �
1328
01:08:35,988 --> 01:08:37,198
you're gonna be hosting
the Lotto drawing
1329
01:08:37,239 --> 01:08:40,034
on public access
the rest of your career.
1330
01:08:40,159 --> 01:08:42,161
Gentlemen,
please trust me.
1331
01:08:42,244 --> 01:08:44,789
I have just taken
the necessary precautions �
1332
01:08:44,872 --> 01:08:48,709
to insure everything
will go smoothly.
1333
01:08:48,834 --> 01:08:49,835
Hmm?
1334
01:08:55,090 --> 01:08:59,678
Nothing to worry about.
Sound test!
1335
01:09:00,137 --> 01:09:02,848
I tell you what.
Why don't �
1336
01:09:02,932 --> 01:09:06,560
Why don't I meet
you back here
around show time?
1337
01:09:13,901 --> 01:09:15,069
Somebody said you
wanted to see me?
1338
01:09:15,152 --> 01:09:17,738
Yes, I did.
1339
01:09:17,905 --> 01:09:20,449
You know what?
I'm feeling a little
less frazzled �
1340
01:09:20,533 --> 01:09:23,077
and I thought maybe
we might chat.
1341
01:09:24,787 --> 01:09:26,705
Chat?
Mmm-hmm. Yes, chat.
1342
01:09:28,207 --> 01:09:29,500
All right, look.
1343
01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:34,588
I realize that the other night
didn't go very well for you.
1344
01:09:35,673 --> 01:09:38,175
And I realize
I'm to bear most of
the blame for that.
1345
01:09:38,259 --> 01:09:39,927
Yes, you do.
1346
01:09:40,553 --> 01:09:43,597
But hey, it was a grant
that would have enabled �
1347
01:09:43,681 --> 01:09:45,641
the station and myself
to make the leap
1348
01:09:45,724 --> 01:09:47,601
into syndication-viable
programming �
1349
01:09:47,810 --> 01:09:50,354
leaving me, of course,
with no choice �
1350
01:09:50,437 --> 01:09:55,067
but to peddle this show
to the network execs
and beg for a job.
1351
01:09:55,150 --> 01:09:58,737
No big deal. It's okay.
1352
01:09:59,947 --> 01:10:02,575
And for that I'm sorry.
1353
01:10:02,658 --> 01:10:06,745
But to penalize Brandi and I,
our relationship, for that �
1354
01:10:06,829 --> 01:10:09,123
Come on, isn't there
some other way?
1355
01:10:09,206 --> 01:10:10,791
I'm afraid not.
1356
01:10:10,958 --> 01:10:13,878
I mean, I can't exactly
ask Brandi to marry me if �
1357
01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:20,050
Marry you?
1358
01:10:24,054 --> 01:10:27,600
Yeah, I was gonna
ask her to marry me
when we got to Florida.
1359
01:10:33,564 --> 01:10:34,815
Oh �
1360
01:10:35,232 --> 01:10:36,942
You know, uh �
1361
01:10:37,026 --> 01:10:38,068
Uh �
1362
01:10:38,152 --> 01:10:42,281
I've always felt bad
about the fact that I had
to raise Brandi on my own.
1363
01:10:42,990 --> 01:10:47,494
Her mother, she left us
when Brandi was only 3.
1364
01:10:48,704 --> 01:10:50,998
Well, her mother was
a little immature.
1365
01:10:51,999 --> 01:10:54,752
She was only 15 at
the time she had her.
1366
01:10:55,377 --> 01:10:59,048
Of course I was only 14.
But that's another story.
1367
01:11:00,090 --> 01:11:04,386
Anyway, ever since she left
it was just the two of us.
1368
01:11:05,346 --> 01:11:09,183
But I've prided myself
on the fact �
1369
01:11:10,351 --> 01:11:13,771
that I've instilled in her
some strong values.
1370
01:11:14,563 --> 01:11:17,942
And while I know
she's generally
a good girl �
1371
01:11:18,025 --> 01:11:21,987
I also know that,
being young once myself �
1372
01:11:22,363 --> 01:11:25,366
it's hard to sometimes
ignore certain, uh �
1373
01:11:27,076 --> 01:11:28,786
urges.
1374
01:11:31,121 --> 01:11:33,707
Tingles. Hmm?
1375
01:11:34,708 --> 01:11:36,502
I'm not sure
I follow you, sir.
1376
01:11:36,627 --> 01:11:38,003
Quint �
1377
01:11:39,964 --> 01:11:44,051
I accept the fact
that you no doubt
fucked my daughter.
1378
01:11:44,802 --> 01:11:46,553
The two of you �
1379
01:11:46,929 --> 01:11:51,558
have been dating long enough
for you to have slimed
your way into her panties �
1380
01:11:51,642 --> 01:11:55,896
and I'm sure you did
just that at least
once or twice �
1381
01:11:55,980 --> 01:11:59,149
in my own house,
probably while
I was at home.
1382
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:02,778
The idea of that
used to keep me
awake at nights.
1383
01:12:03,362 --> 01:12:07,199
But now you give me
something even worse
to think about.
1384
01:12:07,533 --> 01:12:10,744
The notion of you �
1385
01:12:11,161 --> 01:12:14,456
as an albatross around
my daughter's neck
for the rest of her life �
1386
01:12:15,958 --> 01:12:17,835
is too much.
1387
01:12:18,293 --> 01:12:23,257
Brandi has
a bright future.
1388
01:12:24,008 --> 01:12:28,971
She is an
extremely intelligent
and capable girl.
1389
01:12:29,096 --> 01:12:33,851
And I'm sure that one day
she'll be even more
successful than me.
1390
01:12:34,935 --> 01:12:35,978
Maybe.
1391
01:12:36,061 --> 01:12:37,104
But you �
1392
01:12:38,647 --> 01:12:43,569
You, on the other hand,
have absolutely no ambition.
1393
01:12:44,236 --> 01:12:45,738
Hmm?
1394
01:12:45,863 --> 01:12:50,200
And no chance of making it
in the real world.
1395
01:12:53,662 --> 01:12:57,458
My daughter is
too good for you.
1396
01:12:58,292 --> 01:13:02,713
You will never,
ever be with her.
1397
01:13:02,796 --> 01:13:03,839
Hmm?
1398
01:13:05,841 --> 01:13:08,552
If there isn't
anything else �
1399
01:13:09,261 --> 01:13:10,846
Hey, fellas!
1400
01:13:11,472 --> 01:13:15,100
Well, well, well,
if it isn't my neighbor.
1401
01:13:15,309 --> 01:13:17,061
You been watching
my family conduct
1402
01:13:17,144 --> 01:13:18,937
any more of our
satanic rituals lately?
1403
01:13:19,021 --> 01:13:22,274
Please, sir,
accept my apology
for my juvenile behavior.
1404
01:13:22,441 --> 01:13:25,652
Damn!
Would you feel that
iron-grip handshake!
1405
01:13:25,986 --> 01:13:27,029
Uh �
1406
01:13:27,112 --> 01:13:29,948
You know, with
an imagination
like yours �
1407
01:13:30,115 --> 01:13:31,450
you belong on TV.
1408
01:13:31,533 --> 01:13:34,953
Oh, that's your forte, sir.
And you do it so well.
1409
01:13:36,080 --> 01:13:38,207
So, what's going on here?
1410
01:13:38,582 --> 01:13:42,878
T.S. and I were just
discussing a few
of his lesser points.
1411
01:13:42,961 --> 01:13:44,963
Of which he does have many.
Mmm.
1412
01:13:45,047 --> 01:13:47,925
Hey! Look at that ring.
What is that?
1413
01:13:48,008 --> 01:13:50,719
That is my junior-college
class ring.
1414
01:13:50,803 --> 01:13:52,387
Cum laude, '69.
1415
01:13:52,554 --> 01:13:56,350
I also hope to
come loud one day,
preferably in a 69.
1416
01:13:59,353 --> 01:14:01,188
Boy, look at
the shine on that.
1417
01:14:01,271 --> 01:14:03,440
Mmm.
Do you polish it daily?
1418
01:14:03,524 --> 01:14:06,819
You know, Bruce,
once you eventually
get a job �
1419
01:14:06,902 --> 01:14:08,028
and start working
for a living �
1420
01:14:08,112 --> 01:14:11,824
you're gonna realize
that there's not enough
time in the day �
1421
01:14:11,907 --> 01:14:14,493
for such luxuries
as ring polishing.
1422
01:14:14,827 --> 01:14:16,036
Is that so?
1423
01:14:16,120 --> 01:14:19,665
Say, would you like
a chocolate-covered pretzel?
1424
01:14:19,748 --> 01:14:22,417
They're a little melty,
but, damn,
are they exquisite.
1425
01:14:22,543 --> 01:14:25,879
If I remember correctly,
you're a big pretzel fan.
1426
01:14:26,588 --> 01:14:27,798
Um �
1427
01:14:27,881 --> 01:14:29,967
Dark chocolate?
Yeah!
1428
01:14:30,634 --> 01:14:32,094
Oh, come on!
No, please, no!
1429
01:14:32,219 --> 01:14:34,555
They're awesome.
Here you go.
1430
01:14:38,267 --> 01:14:39,726
Thank you.
1431
01:14:41,145 --> 01:14:42,771
Mmm.
Oh.
1432
01:14:48,569 --> 01:14:52,614
That's good.
Very nice.
1433
01:14:54,074 --> 01:14:57,703
Being a man who,
uh, believes in �
1434
01:14:58,078 --> 01:15:00,414
"one good turn
deserves another"�
1435
01:15:00,914 --> 01:15:02,207
Mmm.
1436
01:15:02,291 --> 01:15:03,834
I have something �
1437
01:15:03,917 --> 01:15:05,335
to offer �
1438
01:15:05,419 --> 01:15:06,670
the both of you.
1439
01:15:06,753 --> 01:15:08,547
Really, what's that?
1440
01:15:13,594 --> 01:15:16,054
What is this?
These are
called handcuffs.
1441
01:15:16,430 --> 01:15:20,100
This is what is known
as a precautionary measure.
1442
01:15:20,350 --> 01:15:21,810
Easy, boy, easy.
1443
01:15:21,977 --> 01:15:24,021
I couldn't risk
having you screw up
my career �
1444
01:15:24,104 --> 01:15:25,689
or make another
play for Brandi.
1445
01:15:25,772 --> 01:15:28,108
Once I realized you
two were in the mall
1446
01:15:28,192 --> 01:15:30,736
I decided to set up
this little ambush �
1447
01:15:31,320 --> 01:15:32,905
to remove �
1448
01:15:33,113 --> 01:15:38,076
you and your sidekick
here from the premises,
permanently.
1449
01:15:38,160 --> 01:15:41,914
Why am I his sidekick?
How do you know
he's not my sidekick?
1450
01:15:42,623 --> 01:15:46,043
Well, that's something
you're gonna have to
figure out for yourself �
1451
01:15:46,293 --> 01:15:47,628
in jail.
1452
01:15:48,045 --> 01:15:49,129
Take them away!
1453
01:15:54,301 --> 01:15:55,302
Yes! Whoo!
1454
01:15:56,178 --> 01:15:57,971
Oh, joyous.
1455
01:16:02,142 --> 01:16:03,268
So good.
1456
01:16:03,477 --> 01:16:04,895
Mmm.
1457
01:16:09,816 --> 01:16:11,568
You're nothing but
a lot of talk and a badge.
1458
01:16:11,652 --> 01:16:15,113
Rene! Get Jay
and Silent Bob! Please!
1459
01:16:15,447 --> 01:16:16,907
Hurry!
1460
01:16:16,990 --> 01:16:18,325
Did somebody call your name?
1461
01:16:18,408 --> 01:16:21,453
Um, I have to go
to the bathroom.
Wait here, okay?
1462
01:16:21,536 --> 01:16:24,289
Hey, anything for you, babe.
It's your day.
1463
01:16:24,456 --> 01:16:25,832
Thanks.
1464
01:16:27,334 --> 01:16:30,003
I'll tell you, what you need
is a fatty-boombatty blunt.
1465
01:16:30,087 --> 01:16:31,922
Then I guarantee
you see a sailboat �
1466
01:16:32,005 --> 01:16:33,757
an ocean, and maybe
even some of them
1467
01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:36,134
big-titted mermaids
doing lesbian shit.
1468
01:16:36,218 --> 01:16:39,179
Look at me, look at me,
you sloppy bitch!
1469
01:16:40,347 --> 01:16:42,808
Dude, you're a mad
chick magnet!
1470
01:16:43,016 --> 01:16:46,436
T.S., Brodie,
security guards.
1471
01:16:46,520 --> 01:16:49,189
Under arrest,
they need help! Go!
1472
01:16:52,192 --> 01:16:54,945
Wow. A sailboat.
1473
01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:58,573
Brenda?
Dick!
1474
01:17:04,121 --> 01:17:07,332
This is illegal!
You can't arrest us
for nothing!
1475
01:17:10,919 --> 01:17:12,504
Oh, all right.
1476
01:17:12,587 --> 01:17:15,299
I believe when Mr. LaFours
turns us over to the police �
1477
01:17:15,382 --> 01:17:18,010
the bag of contraband
that he's "found"
on our persons �
1478
01:17:18,093 --> 01:17:20,637
will give them more
than enough reason
to keep us locked up.
1479
01:17:20,721 --> 01:17:22,180
At least for the duration
of this evening's show.
1480
01:17:22,264 --> 01:17:24,599
Isn't that right,
Mr. LaFours?
1481
01:17:26,435 --> 01:17:30,897
Come, son of Jor-El!
Kneel before Zod!
1482
01:17:31,023 --> 01:17:32,649
Snootchy bootchies!
Ha ha!
1483
01:17:32,733 --> 01:17:33,734
Asshole.
1484
01:17:42,242 --> 01:17:43,994
Vulcan nerve pinch?
That was close.
1485
01:17:44,077 --> 01:17:46,705
What about that
stink-palm back there?
He even licked his hand.
1486
01:17:46,788 --> 01:17:49,416
We gotta disappear, man.
They'll be looking for us.
1487
01:17:49,666 --> 01:17:51,960
Oh, thank you, man.
We owe you one.
You want to hide?
1488
01:17:52,044 --> 01:17:53,837
I know just the place.
Whatever. Let's just go.
1489
01:17:53,962 --> 01:17:56,423
Don't I even get to
wash my hand first?
Brodie!
1490
01:18:14,441 --> 01:18:16,276
What the shit
are we gonna do?
1491
01:18:28,789 --> 01:18:32,459
Come on, we're fucked!
They're right behind us.
Come on!
1492
01:18:36,171 --> 01:18:39,007
Yeah! Bad-ass! Yeah!
1493
01:19:01,530 --> 01:19:04,324
Where do you get
those wonderful toys?
1494
01:19:08,495 --> 01:19:10,038
This is where
we're hiding out?
1495
01:19:10,122 --> 01:19:11,581
This is
the dirt mall!
1496
01:19:11,665 --> 01:19:12,916
Cops never come in here.
1497
01:19:12,999 --> 01:19:15,669
Neither does any
self-respecting
consumer.
1498
01:19:18,380 --> 01:19:20,799
I never could figure out
what you saw in this place.
1499
01:19:20,882 --> 01:19:23,593
Good buys. Great people.
Earthy aromas.
1500
01:19:23,677 --> 01:19:25,679
- Hey, Walt!
- Brodie!
1501
01:19:25,804 --> 01:19:27,222
They know me here.
1502
01:19:27,305 --> 01:19:28,682
I wouldn't be
too proud of that.
1503
01:19:28,807 --> 01:19:30,684
Listen to the sound
of defeat in your voice.
1504
01:19:30,809 --> 01:19:33,395
Might it have to
do with the fact that
I've been defeated?
1505
01:19:33,520 --> 01:19:35,397
Man, you're giving up?
You?
1506
01:19:35,522 --> 01:19:38,525
You used to be
a stand-up kind of guy.
What happened to that guy?
1507
01:19:38,650 --> 01:19:42,279
The guy who punched
Amanda Gross' mother after
she called him "low-class."
1508
01:19:42,362 --> 01:19:44,364
That wasn't me,
that was you.
1509
01:19:44,448 --> 01:19:45,449
Oh, yeah.
1510
01:19:45,532 --> 01:19:47,284
It wasn't her mother,
it was her grandmother.
1511
01:19:47,367 --> 01:19:49,703
No wonder the bitch
went down so fast.
1512
01:19:50,704 --> 01:19:53,498
You should have
boards in them.
All right?
1513
01:19:53,582 --> 01:19:54,875
Bloody savage.
1514
01:19:55,667 --> 01:19:58,420
That is one of your more
admirably deplorable traits.
1515
01:19:58,545 --> 01:20:00,839
You, unlike me,
would beat up
somebody's grandmother �
1516
01:20:00,922 --> 01:20:04,509
or an entire senior citizens'
community if you believed
in the principle.
1517
01:20:04,593 --> 01:20:06,720
But only if they
were really old.
1518
01:20:06,887 --> 01:20:08,680
Maybe I was deluded.
1519
01:20:08,763 --> 01:20:10,557
Maybe you were right
this morning �
1520
01:20:10,682 --> 01:20:13,602
when you said if
something stupid could
change how she feels �
1521
01:20:13,727 --> 01:20:15,270
she's not into it
in the first place.
1522
01:20:15,353 --> 01:20:18,315
You'd listen to me?
To something I said?
1523
01:20:18,398 --> 01:20:22,027
Jesus! Haven't I made
it clear during the tenure
of our friendship �
1524
01:20:22,110 --> 01:20:23,361
that I don't know shit?
1525
01:20:23,445 --> 01:20:26,281
I mean, half the time
I'm just talking out
of my ass.
1526
01:20:26,406 --> 01:20:27,866
Or sticking my hand in it.
1527
01:20:27,949 --> 01:20:29,493
Sometimes,
but on occasion
1528
01:20:29,576 --> 01:20:31,953
you've been known
to let a nugget
of truth slip out.
1529
01:20:32,078 --> 01:20:34,206
This morning might
have been one
of those occasions.
1530
01:20:34,289 --> 01:20:35,874
You know what you need?
1531
01:20:35,957 --> 01:20:37,834
Some sage-like advice.
1532
01:20:37,918 --> 01:20:39,961
You've given me enough
for one day, thanks.
1533
01:20:40,086 --> 01:20:42,047
Not from me,
from Ivannah.
1534
01:20:42,130 --> 01:20:43,590
Who's Ivannah?
1535
01:20:52,557 --> 01:20:53,767
I can't even
find the words.
1536
01:20:53,850 --> 01:20:55,352
Is that ingenuity or what?
1537
01:20:55,435 --> 01:20:57,729
What's palm-reading
have to do
with being topless?
1538
01:20:57,812 --> 01:20:59,397
It makes the news
easier to take.
1539
01:20:59,481 --> 01:21:01,316
She could tell me
I'll die in 10 minutes,
1540
01:21:01,399 --> 01:21:03,109
so long as she
told me topless.
1541
01:21:03,276 --> 01:21:05,320
Your maleness
amazes me sometimes.
1542
01:21:05,403 --> 01:21:07,322
What can I say?
I love tits.
1543
01:21:07,447 --> 01:21:09,199
What kind of people
patronize this service?
1544
01:21:09,282 --> 01:21:10,617
People like us.
1545
01:21:11,243 --> 01:21:12,619
Wait a minute,
you're not suggesting�
1546
01:21:12,702 --> 01:21:15,121
Don't be such
a damn fundamentalist.
1547
01:21:15,247 --> 01:21:16,373
I've already
reached my lowest.
1548
01:21:16,456 --> 01:21:18,291
This is where
I draw the line.
1549
01:21:18,416 --> 01:21:20,293
You used to like tits, too.
1550
01:21:20,418 --> 01:21:22,003
I love tits as
much as the next guy,
1551
01:21:22,087 --> 01:21:24,005
but why pay some
old hag good money �
1552
01:21:24,130 --> 01:21:25,674
for supernatural
chicanery coupled
1553
01:21:25,757 --> 01:21:27,926
with sagging, wrinkled,
weathered boobs?
1554
01:21:28,718 --> 01:21:29,844
You know, Quint �
1555
01:21:31,012 --> 01:21:32,389
you're a homosexual.
1556
01:21:35,100 --> 01:21:38,144
Man, this place is
something out of Octopussy.
1557
01:21:38,770 --> 01:21:41,856
You've come for a glimpse
at your future?
1558
01:21:41,982 --> 01:21:44,150
Amongst other things.
1559
01:21:44,943 --> 01:21:48,530
Talents like those
I possess are not
to be taken lightly.
1560
01:21:48,989 --> 01:21:52,617
If you have heart condition,
suffer from nervous nausea �
1561
01:21:52,701 --> 01:21:56,121
or have a family history
of stress-induced breakdown �
1562
01:21:56,204 --> 01:21:59,958
Empire Entertainment
recommends you
do not partake �
1563
01:22:00,041 --> 01:22:03,545
in the fortune-telling
activities contained within.
1564
01:22:04,838 --> 01:22:06,131
You guys still in?
1565
01:22:06,214 --> 01:22:08,675
We're both healthy
and strapping young men.
1566
01:22:08,967 --> 01:22:12,012
You give me $58.60.
1567
01:22:14,723 --> 01:22:15,807
What?
1568
01:22:17,225 --> 01:22:18,602
You expect me
to pay for this?
1569
01:22:18,685 --> 01:22:20,186
I'm broke.
I'll pay you back.
1570
01:22:20,312 --> 01:22:21,980
I knew it.
I can't believe you.
1571
01:22:22,063 --> 01:22:23,273
I didn't even
want to do this.
1572
01:22:23,356 --> 01:22:25,025
You'll thank me later.
1573
01:22:28,361 --> 01:22:29,362
Thank you.
1574
01:22:30,530 --> 01:22:31,698
Mmm.
1575
01:22:33,241 --> 01:22:36,828
All right, gentlemen,
free your mind.
1576
01:22:37,412 --> 01:22:39,039
I'd like to free something.
1577
01:22:39,247 --> 01:22:41,541
Focus.
That's what
I was thinking.
1578
01:22:41,666 --> 01:22:43,376
She said "focus."
Whatever.
1579
01:22:47,881 --> 01:22:51,509
I sense a grave disturbance
between you both.
1580
01:22:51,926 --> 01:22:55,513
A difficulty in affecting
a resolution �
1581
01:22:55,847 --> 01:22:57,390
for a problem.
1582
01:22:58,099 --> 01:22:59,726
Something hard.
1583
01:23:00,101 --> 01:23:02,020
I'm convinced.
She's got the gift.
1584
01:23:02,103 --> 01:23:03,355
Try to contain yourself.
1585
01:23:03,438 --> 01:23:05,106
Miss,
I appreciate the effort
1586
01:23:05,190 --> 01:23:06,691
and I'm sure
you're very good at �
1587
01:23:06,775 --> 01:23:08,193
whatever it is you do �
1588
01:23:08,276 --> 01:23:11,404
but my shallow friend
isn't interested
in his future,
1589
01:23:11,488 --> 01:23:12,864
so you can cut
the theatrics.
1590
01:23:13,573 --> 01:23:15,950
What a relief.
I do so much better
1591
01:23:16,034 --> 01:23:17,661
when I don't have to
say things in character.
1592
01:23:17,744 --> 01:23:19,788
You don't have
to say anything at all.
1593
01:23:19,871 --> 01:23:21,831
You paid,
I should tell you something.
1594
01:23:21,915 --> 01:23:24,376
In order to do that �
Mmm �
1595
01:23:24,584 --> 01:23:26,753
I have to work completely �
1596
01:23:28,546 --> 01:23:30,965
unfettered.
1597
01:23:38,223 --> 01:23:39,349
Oh, yes.
1598
01:23:40,058 --> 01:23:43,645
Oh, I can definitely
sense the problem. Here.
1599
01:23:44,229 --> 01:23:46,106
Girl trouble.
1600
01:23:46,356 --> 01:23:48,650
Apparently,
you're both on the outs
1601
01:23:48,733 --> 01:23:51,111
with your respective steadies.
1602
01:23:51,277 --> 01:23:52,362
That's amazing.
1603
01:23:52,445 --> 01:23:54,030
That's disgusting!
1604
01:23:54,114 --> 01:23:57,784
Oh, you both feel
the pain � Ow!
1605
01:23:58,451 --> 01:23:59,703
of loss.
1606
01:23:59,786 --> 01:24:02,789
But only one of
you makes it vocal.
1607
01:24:03,123 --> 01:24:06,584
The other one
suffers silently.
1608
01:24:06,918 --> 01:24:07,961
My God, you're right.
1609
01:24:08,044 --> 01:24:09,379
We gotta go.
1610
01:24:09,462 --> 01:24:11,631
How can this be resolved?
1611
01:24:11,756 --> 01:24:14,592
I would say, yes �
1612
01:24:14,718 --> 01:24:16,219
combine your efforts.
1613
01:24:16,302 --> 01:24:18,263
You both have
very strong auras �
1614
01:24:18,346 --> 01:24:22,851
and two strong auras
produce positive results.
1615
01:24:23,143 --> 01:24:24,227
I feel nauseous.
1616
01:24:24,310 --> 01:24:25,770
So, in working together�
1617
01:24:25,854 --> 01:24:27,021
You'll beat the odds.
1618
01:24:27,105 --> 01:24:28,606
The odds. Yes.
1619
01:24:28,982 --> 01:24:30,150
Mmm, that's what I see.
1620
01:24:30,191 --> 01:24:31,985
Let me tell
you what I see �
That's great!
1621
01:24:32,110 --> 01:24:34,070
I don't buy her power.
1622
01:24:34,154 --> 01:24:35,697
All right,
when's my birthday?
1623
01:24:37,157 --> 01:24:41,661
Between the first
and the last �
1624
01:24:42,162 --> 01:24:44,664
of October.
1625
01:24:44,789 --> 01:24:45,874
Did you hear that?
1626
01:24:45,957 --> 01:24:47,250
Very haunting. Let's go.
1627
01:24:47,333 --> 01:24:50,044
Why are you stuck here
in this dirt mall
1628
01:24:50,128 --> 01:24:52,297
and not in an upscale
commercial setting?
1629
01:24:52,505 --> 01:24:54,966
You could be raking
in the dough with
your kind of accuracy.
1630
01:24:55,049 --> 01:24:58,845
Believe it or not,
some people still frown
on topless fortune-telling.
1631
01:24:59,262 --> 01:25:02,515
Unfortunately,
it's the only way
that I'm effective.
1632
01:25:03,266 --> 01:25:06,269
Really?
It's the third nipple
that does it.
1633
01:25:06,352 --> 01:25:07,687
Oh, you have
a third nipple?
1634
01:25:07,771 --> 01:25:09,564
What are you
talking about?
1635
01:25:09,689 --> 01:25:12,108
It's clear as day!
Look at it, for God's sake.
1636
01:25:12,192 --> 01:25:13,735
You can stare at it.
I don't mind.
1637
01:25:13,818 --> 01:25:14,819
No.
1638
01:25:14,903 --> 01:25:17,572
Understanding is reached �
1639
01:25:17,697 --> 01:25:20,366
only after confrontation.
1640
01:25:22,535 --> 01:25:23,912
Of course!
1641
01:25:24,704 --> 01:25:28,458
Thank you so much.
I can't tell you how
informative you've been.
1642
01:25:28,875 --> 01:25:30,084
Thank you very much.
1643
01:25:30,210 --> 01:25:31,961
And don't ever
lose that nipple.
1644
01:25:32,045 --> 01:25:33,129
I won't.
1645
01:25:41,221 --> 01:25:42,180
Do you have �
1646
01:25:42,263 --> 01:25:43,848
Any other extra
body parts?
1647
01:25:43,932 --> 01:25:45,892
No.
Just curious.
1648
01:25:45,975 --> 01:25:48,978
You could
double-check me,
if you like.
1649
01:25:49,103 --> 01:25:51,105
- Really?
- Come on!
1650
01:26:01,449 --> 01:26:03,243
Works every time.
1651
01:26:05,078 --> 01:26:07,163
Mmm. Cherry.
1652
01:26:20,760 --> 01:26:22,011
You're gonna what?
1653
01:26:22,095 --> 01:26:23,221
I'll get on
her dad's show.
1654
01:26:23,304 --> 01:26:24,305
Are you kidding?
1655
01:26:24,389 --> 01:26:27,600
Last time he had
dope planted on us.
What will he do this time?
1656
01:26:27,767 --> 01:26:30,144
He can't touch
us once it starts.
It's a live feed.
1657
01:26:30,270 --> 01:26:32,814
He can't risk losing
face in front of the
network execs.
1658
01:26:32,939 --> 01:26:34,732
It can't happen.
I'll make it happen.
1659
01:26:34,816 --> 01:26:37,068
"Understanding is reached
only after confrontation."
1660
01:26:37,151 --> 01:26:39,696
That's what Ivannah said.
Brandi will respond
to confrontation.
1661
01:26:39,779 --> 01:26:42,365
Hey, man.
Didn't I see you on CNN?
1662
01:26:42,448 --> 01:26:43,950
What the hell's
your problem, anyway?
1663
01:26:44,075 --> 01:26:46,035
You're supposed to
be the impetuous one,
not me.
1664
01:26:46,119 --> 01:26:47,161
Why are you fighting me?
1665
01:26:47,245 --> 01:26:48,413
I'm being rational!
1666
01:26:48,496 --> 01:26:51,040
You're scared you may
want to follow my lead
and win Rene back!
1667
01:26:51,165 --> 01:26:53,084
Rene who?
Whatever.
Just do me a favor.
1668
01:26:53,167 --> 01:26:54,669
Meet me by the stage
once the show starts.
1669
01:26:54,752 --> 01:26:56,713
I'll need your help.
Where are you going?
1670
01:26:56,796 --> 01:26:57,755
Shopping.
1671
01:26:57,839 --> 01:26:59,549
What the hell am
I supposed to do?
1672
01:26:59,966 --> 01:27:02,468
Hey, man!
It wasn't me!
1673
01:27:04,137 --> 01:27:06,472
Dude, this looks
like your mom.
1674
01:27:06,723 --> 01:27:08,099
I've been looking
all over for you two.
1675
01:27:08,182 --> 01:27:09,183
We're hiding.
1676
01:27:09,309 --> 01:27:10,351
In a bookstore?
1677
01:27:10,476 --> 01:27:12,645
Last place anyone'd
look for me and
this tubby bitch.
1678
01:27:12,729 --> 01:27:14,355
I need your help.
What?
1679
01:27:14,480 --> 01:27:15,440
You two up for
getting stoned?
1680
01:27:15,523 --> 01:27:16,608
Look
who you're asking.
1681
01:27:23,406 --> 01:27:25,992
You looking at
that couple inside?
1682
01:27:26,868 --> 01:27:30,204
Actually, I was just
looking at this little
pink number over here.
1683
01:27:30,330 --> 01:27:34,208
That's kind of nice.
They look happy,
don't they?
1684
01:27:34,542 --> 01:27:35,585
What, the bras?
1685
01:27:35,668 --> 01:27:37,879
No, the couple.
They look happy.
1686
01:27:38,504 --> 01:27:40,840
I guess, as far
as couples go.
1687
01:27:41,007 --> 01:27:44,594
You know, it reminds
me of an issue of
Spider-Man I did.
1688
01:27:45,011 --> 01:27:48,848
When Peter Parker
and Gwen Stacy went
lingerie shopping.
1689
01:27:49,349 --> 01:27:51,434
Of course,
the Green Goblin
showed up �
1690
01:27:51,517 --> 01:27:54,187
and he pumpkin-bombed
the hell out of the place.
1691
01:27:54,270 --> 01:27:57,231
But aside from that,
it's pretty much
the same thing.
1692
01:27:57,357 --> 01:27:58,775
Oh, my God!
1693
01:27:59,943 --> 01:28:01,527
Holy shit!
1694
01:28:03,196 --> 01:28:06,115
Aren't you �
Oh, Stan Lee. Hi.
1695
01:28:08,117 --> 01:28:09,786
What's up, boys?
You guys on this show?
1696
01:28:09,869 --> 01:28:11,120
That's the rumor.
1697
01:28:11,204 --> 01:28:13,957
Man, between hoping to win,
the crowd out there �
1698
01:28:14,040 --> 01:28:16,960
and being on TV,
I'd be scared as hell
if I were you two.
1699
01:28:17,043 --> 01:28:18,044
Yeah?
1700
01:28:18,127 --> 01:28:19,462
Sure, man.
What if you fuck up?
1701
01:28:19,545 --> 01:28:21,047
Your friends and
family watching.
1702
01:28:21,130 --> 01:28:24,634
I'd be piss scared
I'd get a boner or
fucking fart or something.
1703
01:28:24,717 --> 01:28:27,595
He's got a point, man.
This is live.
Anything could happen.
1704
01:28:27,720 --> 01:28:30,515
Shut the fuck up, man.
You're making me nervous.
1705
01:28:30,598 --> 01:28:33,309
There's only
one thing that could
take off that edge.
1706
01:28:33,393 --> 01:28:35,144
Make you feel
relaxed as hell.
1707
01:28:35,228 --> 01:28:36,771
Make you forget
how many people
1708
01:28:36,854 --> 01:28:38,481
are staring at
you here and on TV.
1709
01:28:38,564 --> 01:28:40,233
And what's that?
1710
01:28:40,608 --> 01:28:43,069
Snootchy-bootchy
nootchies!
1711
01:28:43,403 --> 01:28:46,572
The Fantastic Four.
Reed Richards. Can his
whole body stretch?
1712
01:28:46,656 --> 01:28:48,241
I mean every part,
you know, like his�
1713
01:28:48,324 --> 01:28:49,867
I know what you mean.
1714
01:28:49,951 --> 01:28:53,079
We never really
tackled stuff like that
in the old days.
1715
01:28:53,162 --> 01:28:55,331
What with the
comic-book code and all.
1716
01:28:55,415 --> 01:28:57,959
I can't believe
I'm standing here
talking to you!
1717
01:28:58,084 --> 01:28:59,544
You're responsible
for the greats.
1718
01:28:59,627 --> 01:29:01,504
Let's do the list.
Spider-Man?
1719
01:29:01,587 --> 01:29:03,256
Guilty.
The Incredible Hulk?
1720
01:29:03,339 --> 01:29:05,341
Afraid so.
This is so cool.
1721
01:29:05,425 --> 01:29:07,927
The X-Men?
Now that you mention it.
1722
01:29:08,011 --> 01:29:10,430
Shit, man.
You are a god!
1723
01:29:10,513 --> 01:29:12,348
Hey, look at that couple.
1724
01:29:12,432 --> 01:29:14,976
Boy, they sure seem
to be in love, huh?
1725
01:29:15,101 --> 01:29:16,853
What's with that?
That's the second time
1726
01:29:16,936 --> 01:29:18,855
you've commented
on couples in love.
1727
01:29:18,938 --> 01:29:20,815
Well, I like
that sort of thing.
1728
01:29:20,898 --> 01:29:22,942
Tell me, do you have
a girlfriend, Brodie?
1729
01:29:23,109 --> 01:29:25,319
Had one.
We just broke up.
1730
01:29:26,029 --> 01:29:29,449
The Thing? Is his
dork made of orange rock
like the rest of his body?
1731
01:29:29,532 --> 01:29:31,451
It's a superhero secret.
1732
01:29:31,534 --> 01:29:34,412
Tell me, Brodie.
Why did you and your
girlfriend break up?
1733
01:29:34,495 --> 01:29:35,705
She was a pain in the ass.
1734
01:29:35,788 --> 01:29:38,124
She wanted me to be
this typical boyfriend guy.
1735
01:29:38,207 --> 01:29:41,544
She said I was too
into my own world
of comics and all.
1736
01:29:41,627 --> 01:29:42,712
I can relate.
1737
01:29:43,171 --> 01:29:46,674
There was a time
when it was all
about comics for me.
1738
01:29:46,799 --> 01:29:49,802
I had a girl, probably
the same as yours.
1739
01:29:50,470 --> 01:29:52,221
She always complained
that I spent
1740
01:29:52,305 --> 01:29:54,265
too much time
with my own comics.
1741
01:29:54,348 --> 01:29:56,642
And eventually we broke up.
1742
01:29:56,726 --> 01:29:58,061
See, what did she know?
1743
01:29:58,144 --> 01:29:59,979
Here you are now,
a legend in the field.
1744
01:30:00,063 --> 01:30:02,482
You had a slew of
women since her, right?
1745
01:30:02,565 --> 01:30:04,275
Oh. Lots of women.
1746
01:30:04,358 --> 01:30:08,071
Jagger and me,
we had a running contest
to see who had the most.
1747
01:30:08,321 --> 01:30:11,699
Matter of fact,
last time I looked,
I was way ahead.
1748
01:30:11,824 --> 01:30:13,242
Damn, that's hot!
1749
01:30:13,326 --> 01:30:15,119
But I never
forgot that girl.
1750
01:30:15,203 --> 01:30:17,288
Did you ever get
back together with her?
1751
01:30:17,371 --> 01:30:19,874
One day I found out
she got married.
1752
01:30:20,041 --> 01:30:23,461
I had blown it.
I had missed my window.
1753
01:30:23,544 --> 01:30:24,712
No way.
1754
01:30:25,046 --> 01:30:26,589
What'd you do?
1755
01:30:26,839 --> 01:30:28,508
I went on with my life.
1756
01:30:28,841 --> 01:30:32,345
I created some special
new superheroes.
1757
01:30:32,720 --> 01:30:34,388
They were characters
that reflected
1758
01:30:34,472 --> 01:30:36,766
my own heartbreak
and my own regrets.
1759
01:30:36,849 --> 01:30:37,934
How so?
1760
01:30:38,017 --> 01:30:40,353
Doctor Doom
wears body armor
1761
01:30:40,436 --> 01:30:42,855
to conceal his
own mangled form.
1762
01:30:42,980 --> 01:30:44,440
Right?
Yeah.
1763
01:30:44,524 --> 01:30:48,069
That was me
beneath the armor.
1764
01:30:48,194 --> 01:30:49,237
The Hulk.
1765
01:30:49,570 --> 01:30:53,825
A normal guy one minute,
a rage of emotions the next.
1766
01:30:54,033 --> 01:30:57,078
Just like me
when I thought about
what I'd given up.
1767
01:30:57,245 --> 01:30:58,913
So you created
each character
1768
01:30:58,996 --> 01:31:01,124
as a way to deal with
your one big regret.
1769
01:31:01,207 --> 01:31:03,292
Yeah, the girl
that got away.
1770
01:31:03,376 --> 01:31:05,962
Look, do yourself
a favor, Brodie.
1771
01:31:06,045 --> 01:31:07,088
Don't wait.
1772
01:31:07,213 --> 01:31:10,091
Because all the money,
all the women �
1773
01:31:10,216 --> 01:31:12,260
even all the comic
books in the world,
1774
01:31:12,343 --> 01:31:15,096
they can't substitute
for that one person.
1775
01:31:15,513 --> 01:31:17,306
I don't know.
All the comics
in the world?
1776
01:31:17,557 --> 01:31:19,392
Trust me, true believer.
1777
01:31:19,517 --> 01:31:21,435
Well, good
talking to you.
1778
01:31:21,519 --> 01:31:22,937
Keep up all
the good work.
1779
01:31:23,062 --> 01:31:25,565
You keep reading 'em,
I'll keep writing 'em.
1780
01:31:26,399 --> 01:31:28,776
Hey, Stan!
Yeah?
1781
01:31:29,569 --> 01:31:31,320
She really meant
that much to you?
1782
01:31:31,404 --> 01:31:34,991
Brodie, I'd give it
all up, all of it �
1783
01:31:35,074 --> 01:31:37,577
for just one more
day with her.
1784
01:31:38,369 --> 01:31:39,745
Take care.
1785
01:31:50,214 --> 01:31:52,008
Stan!
Hi!
1786
01:31:52,091 --> 01:31:53,676
I think he bought it.
1787
01:31:53,759 --> 01:31:55,136
What kind of story
did you give him?
1788
01:31:55,261 --> 01:31:57,346
Oh, it was the Vulture's
soliloquy, you know,
1789
01:31:57,430 --> 01:31:59,348
from the Spider-Man
anniversary issue.
1790
01:31:59,473 --> 01:32:01,976
"Love Be a
Vulture Tonight."
Yeah.
1791
01:32:02,101 --> 01:32:04,520
I can't thank you
enough, Mr. Lee.
Oh, forget it.
1792
01:32:04,604 --> 01:32:07,023
You know, I think
you ought to get
him some help.
1793
01:32:07,106 --> 01:32:10,902
He seems to be really
hung up on superheroes'
sex organs.
1794
01:32:11,110 --> 01:32:13,362
But he'll outgrow it.
1795
01:32:13,446 --> 01:32:14,655
Oh, Mr. Lee?
Yeah.
1796
01:32:14,947 --> 01:32:17,033
Excelsior!
Oh, you got that right.
1797
01:32:17,158 --> 01:32:18,242
See you.
1798
01:32:18,618 --> 01:32:19,619
Cool.
1799
01:32:25,875 --> 01:32:27,335
I think I felt it move.
1800
01:32:28,127 --> 01:32:29,212
Just kidding.
1801
01:32:29,337 --> 01:32:30,546
Just the two
I'm looking for.
I need help.
1802
01:32:30,630 --> 01:32:31,631
With what?
1803
01:32:31,714 --> 01:32:33,758
Let me borrow the
Shannon Hamilton tape.
Why?
1804
01:32:33,841 --> 01:32:35,134
It's important!
The future of my
relationship
1805
01:32:35,218 --> 01:32:36,219
depends on it.
1806
01:32:36,302 --> 01:32:39,430
It's at my house.
Take T.S.'s station
wagon, parked in 2D.
1807
01:32:39,513 --> 01:32:41,641
I don't even
have a license.
Just go!
1808
01:32:42,058 --> 01:32:43,809
You still got
that stage schematic?
1809
01:32:43,893 --> 01:32:46,479
I need you to
wire something
together for me.
1810
01:32:52,485 --> 01:32:54,195
Oh, Jesus.
What's with him?
1811
01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:57,490
Oh, I don't know.
I'm suddenly not
feeling too well.
1812
01:32:57,907 --> 01:32:59,909
But everything is fine.
1813
01:32:59,992 --> 01:33:01,661
We're about to start.
1814
01:33:01,744 --> 01:33:05,498
Oh, you are in for
something really special
tonight, gentlemen.
1815
01:33:06,332 --> 01:33:07,917
I have lined up �
1816
01:33:11,170 --> 01:33:12,421
Excuse me.
1817
01:33:12,505 --> 01:33:14,340
Jesus.
1818
01:33:18,678 --> 01:33:19,679
Sorry.
1819
01:33:19,845 --> 01:33:23,516
I have lined up some
really bright kids here.
1820
01:33:23,599 --> 01:33:26,310
This promises to
be a lot of fun.
1821
01:33:26,394 --> 01:33:27,645
I'm sure you're
gonna love it.
1822
01:33:27,728 --> 01:33:29,563
Shouldn't you
be in bed
or something?
1823
01:33:29,689 --> 01:33:33,276
No. I wouldn't miss
this for the world.
1824
01:33:38,114 --> 01:33:41,742
Make sure everybody's
ready and let's start.
1825
01:33:50,960 --> 01:33:52,378
How much did you smoke?
1826
01:33:52,461 --> 01:33:56,632
All it took was
a fat chronic blunt.
These guys were lightweights.
1827
01:33:56,757 --> 01:33:58,801
How much do
I owe you?
My treat.
1828
01:33:58,884 --> 01:34:01,846
As long as you promise,
next time you pop
your old lady �
1829
01:34:01,929 --> 01:34:04,640
you make her
call you "Jay."
Snootchy bootchies.
1830
01:34:04,724 --> 01:34:06,142
Let's hope there
is a next time.
1831
01:34:06,225 --> 01:34:08,102
All right, I'm ready.
1832
01:34:08,436 --> 01:34:11,063
You're never gonna
believe who I just met.
1833
01:34:11,397 --> 01:34:12,815
What the hell
happened to
these two?
1834
01:34:12,898 --> 01:34:14,775
Power of the Dark Side.
1835
01:34:14,942 --> 01:34:16,152
Wait, there's only two.
1836
01:34:16,235 --> 01:34:18,487
There's supposed
to be three.
Where's the third guy?
1837
01:34:18,571 --> 01:34:19,822
I never saw a third guy.
1838
01:34:19,905 --> 01:34:21,282
Who's this asshole?
1839
01:34:21,407 --> 01:34:23,409
What the hell
happened to
those guys?
1840
01:34:23,659 --> 01:34:25,911
They got lightheaded.
You got that right.
1841
01:34:26,078 --> 01:34:27,538
They gonna cancel
the show?
1842
01:34:27,621 --> 01:34:28,706
What do you care?
1843
01:34:28,789 --> 01:34:30,791
I'm supposed
to be on it.
I'm Gil Hicks.
1844
01:34:30,875 --> 01:34:31,959
Suitor Number Three.
1845
01:34:32,084 --> 01:34:35,338
We're taking their place.
I'm T.S. Quint.
This is Brodie Bruce.
1846
01:34:35,463 --> 01:34:36,672
Didn't I see you
on the news?
1847
01:34:36,756 --> 01:34:39,467
Dude. Don't give him
any shit, all right?
1848
01:34:39,592 --> 01:34:41,719
Something's going on here.
Where's Mr. Svenning?
1849
01:34:41,802 --> 01:34:44,805
Mr. Svenning has come
down with a sudden
case of diphtheria.
1850
01:34:44,930 --> 01:34:46,140
What happened
to those two?
1851
01:34:46,265 --> 01:34:48,351
They got sick.
We volunteer to
take their place.
1852
01:34:48,434 --> 01:34:50,519
Isn't this guy
from Monmouth State?
1853
01:34:50,603 --> 01:34:52,146
He and that
broad tried to
kill the Governor.
1854
01:34:52,229 --> 01:34:53,939
Yes, it is.
All right, Quint.
1855
01:34:54,023 --> 01:34:55,524
I don't know how
you got back in,
1856
01:34:55,608 --> 01:34:56,942
but I'm alerting
Mr. Svenning.
1857
01:34:57,026 --> 01:34:59,487
We'll postpone
the start until we
figure this all out.
1858
01:34:59,570 --> 01:35:01,197
You called down
the thunder,
1859
01:35:01,280 --> 01:35:02,907
now you've got it!
Security!
1860
01:35:02,990 --> 01:35:04,492
Hey, Roddy!
What?
1861
01:35:06,827 --> 01:35:08,454
Jesus Christ,
you knocked him out.
1862
01:35:08,537 --> 01:35:09,830
Now hit him!
1863
01:35:09,914 --> 01:35:12,333
Somebody call security?
What happened to those two?
1864
01:35:12,416 --> 01:35:15,294
They got stoned
and knocked him out.
He needs medical attention.
1865
01:35:15,378 --> 01:35:16,754
That's not what
happened. Ow!
1866
01:35:16,879 --> 01:35:19,423
Could you have him
removed? The show's
about to start.
1867
01:35:19,507 --> 01:35:20,674
Whatever.
1868
01:35:23,636 --> 01:35:25,304
Look, dude.
No more shit,
all right?
1869
01:35:25,429 --> 01:35:28,307
Just go out and woo
like you're supposed to
and nobody gets hurt.
1870
01:35:28,432 --> 01:35:30,267
When Tricia shows up
with the videotape,
1871
01:35:30,351 --> 01:35:32,144
you get it to
Silent Bob, understand?
1872
01:35:32,269 --> 01:35:35,564
I'm on it. Wait a sec,
where is that tubby bitch?
1873
01:35:58,754 --> 01:36:02,174
Good evening and welcome
to Truth or Date.
1874
01:36:02,299 --> 01:36:05,928
One match made here
ignites the fires of romance.
1875
01:36:06,011 --> 01:36:08,097
Hi, I'm Bob Summers,
your host �
1876
01:36:08,180 --> 01:36:11,267
and tonight we'll watch
as one of our
three lucky suitors �
1877
01:36:11,350 --> 01:36:14,979
woos our beautiful,
eligible suitor-ette.
1878
01:36:15,354 --> 01:36:19,108
Ladies and gentlemen,
get ready for
romance in the making �
1879
01:36:19,191 --> 01:36:22,278
as we introduce the suitors!
1880
01:36:44,717 --> 01:36:47,052
Our first suitor goes
to Marymount College
1881
01:36:47,136 --> 01:36:49,013
where he majors
in Economics.
1882
01:36:49,221 --> 01:36:52,016
Say hi to Doug Paging.
1883
01:36:57,229 --> 01:36:59,064
Do it, Doug!
1884
01:36:59,190 --> 01:37:02,651
Our second suitor
hails from Canisius
College in Buffalo �
1885
01:37:02,735 --> 01:37:04,904
where he majors
in Communications.
1886
01:37:04,987 --> 01:37:08,616
Say hi to Rob Feature.
1887
01:37:15,998 --> 01:37:18,209
Our final suitor
goes to Rutgers �
1888
01:37:18,292 --> 01:37:21,378
where he majors
in Fine Arts and
Greek mythology.
1889
01:37:21,504 --> 01:37:24,465
A nice welcome
for Gil Hicks.
1890
01:37:26,342 --> 01:37:28,177
Pay attention, dick.
1891
01:37:29,053 --> 01:37:30,971
May the best man win.
1892
01:37:31,514 --> 01:37:35,267
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce
our lovely suitor-ette.
1893
01:37:35,392 --> 01:37:37,144
From Monmouth State,
where she majors
1894
01:37:37,228 --> 01:37:38,896
in Astronomy and
Earth Sciences �
1895
01:37:38,979 --> 01:37:43,484
a big welcome
for the lovely
Brandi Svenning.
1896
01:37:55,162 --> 01:37:58,207
All right, everybody knows
how the game is played.
1897
01:37:58,290 --> 01:38:00,000
Our lovely
suitor-ette will ask
1898
01:38:00,084 --> 01:38:02,169
a series of questions
of our suitors �
1899
01:38:02,253 --> 01:38:04,880
and make her decision
based on their answers.
1900
01:38:04,964 --> 01:38:06,257
Anything goes!
1901
01:38:06,382 --> 01:38:08,300
Brandi, are you ready?
1902
01:38:08,592 --> 01:38:10,261
Absolutely, Bob.
1903
01:38:10,386 --> 01:38:12,596
Then you may fire when ready.
1904
01:38:12,721 --> 01:38:13,722
Okay.
1905
01:38:14,431 --> 01:38:16,225
Um.
1906
01:38:16,433 --> 01:38:18,060
Suitor Number One.
1907
01:38:18,561 --> 01:38:21,939
If you were a car,
what kind of car
would you be?
1908
01:38:24,149 --> 01:38:28,112
Um, the kind you'd
never dump your
boyfriend in.
1909
01:38:30,489 --> 01:38:31,490
Okay.
1910
01:38:32,241 --> 01:38:33,242
Suitor Number Two.
1911
01:38:33,325 --> 01:38:35,661
Can't you call me
the Second Suitor?
1912
01:38:35,744 --> 01:38:38,789
"Suitor Number Two"
sounds like a bathroom
code, you know?
1913
01:38:38,872 --> 01:38:40,374
Now, the Second Suitor �
1914
01:38:40,791 --> 01:38:42,334
sounds like
a figure of mystery.
1915
01:38:42,418 --> 01:38:44,837
Like I belong on
the grassy knoll.
1916
01:38:47,673 --> 01:38:48,674
Okay.
1917
01:38:48,924 --> 01:38:50,676
Second Suitor.
1918
01:38:50,759 --> 01:38:52,428
If we were making whoopee�
1919
01:38:52,511 --> 01:38:53,721
What's whoopee?
1920
01:38:55,014 --> 01:38:56,098
Um.
1921
01:38:58,601 --> 01:39:00,311
If we were �
1922
01:39:00,853 --> 01:39:02,187
If we were being intimate �
1923
01:39:02,479 --> 01:39:03,689
What, like fucking?
1924
01:39:06,900 --> 01:39:08,944
Yeah.
1925
01:39:09,361 --> 01:39:13,532
If we were, you know,
what kind of noises
would you make?
1926
01:39:20,873 --> 01:39:22,499
No, I think that's
kind of personal.
1927
01:39:22,583 --> 01:39:24,918
I don't think I
should answer that.
1928
01:39:25,544 --> 01:39:27,379
Uh, Suitor Number Three.
1929
01:39:28,255 --> 01:39:30,716
What would our
first date be like?
1930
01:39:31,258 --> 01:39:34,887
First I'd take you
shopping to the stores
you'd want to shop in.
1931
01:39:34,970 --> 01:39:36,472
And then we'd do
a little lunch,
1932
01:39:36,555 --> 01:39:38,349
probably at the
Cheese Haus �
1933
01:39:38,432 --> 01:39:40,142
followed by some golfing.
1934
01:39:40,267 --> 01:39:45,064
Then at night,
we'd take in an opera,
probably Die Fledermaus.
1935
01:39:45,564 --> 01:39:49,401
Then I'd follow it
all up with a drive
to a secluded beach �
1936
01:39:49,485 --> 01:39:51,612
where I'd pop
on the radio �
1937
01:39:51,695 --> 01:39:55,074
and then we could
slow dance till
the sun came up.
1938
01:39:56,283 --> 01:39:59,662
That was the biggest
load of crap
I've ever heard!
1939
01:40:00,412 --> 01:40:03,791
I mean, look at you,
you're the kind of guy
that would beg for sex.
1940
01:40:03,957 --> 01:40:06,168
I should know,
we can smell our own.
1941
01:40:12,633 --> 01:40:14,426
Suitor Number One.
1942
01:40:15,010 --> 01:40:18,305
If we fell in love,
how would you propose to me?
1943
01:40:18,764 --> 01:40:20,808
When Jaws popped
out of the water.
1944
01:40:20,891 --> 01:40:22,101
Excuse me?
1945
01:40:23,352 --> 01:40:25,187
I'll propose to
you right now.
1946
01:40:25,270 --> 01:40:27,398
I propose you stop
letting your father
run your life �
1947
01:40:27,481 --> 01:40:30,734
and be true to yourself
and not give up on someone
you know has value.
1948
01:40:30,818 --> 01:40:32,861
Yeah, and take off your socks
when you make whoopee �
1949
01:40:32,945 --> 01:40:36,281
or whatever that word is.
He hates it when
you leave them on.
1950
01:40:37,199 --> 01:40:39,493
What?
Hypothetically speaking.
1951
01:40:39,618 --> 01:40:42,496
Suitor Number One,
you sound familiar.
1952
01:40:42,663 --> 01:40:43,997
Like your conscience, maybe?
1953
01:40:44,081 --> 01:40:46,375
Look, lady. You don't
know him, all right?
1954
01:40:46,875 --> 01:40:49,128
Now make with
the questions.
1955
01:40:49,211 --> 01:40:51,213
Suitor Number Three.
1956
01:40:51,463 --> 01:40:54,133
Is your kiss like
a soft breeze �
1957
01:40:54,299 --> 01:40:56,802
a firm handshake,
or a jackhammer?
1958
01:40:56,885 --> 01:40:58,846
What's the funny guy
doing with his hands?
1959
01:40:58,971 --> 01:41:00,806
I don't want to know.
1960
01:41:02,182 --> 01:41:04,268
What the fuck is
going on up there?
1961
01:41:05,477 --> 01:41:09,314
Never mind.
You go tell LaFours
to call the police.
1962
01:41:09,398 --> 01:41:12,818
I want the fucking
Department down here
now to arrest those guys.
1963
01:41:12,985 --> 01:41:14,820
Now. Go.
1964
01:41:15,654 --> 01:41:17,197
Definitely a jackhammer.
1965
01:41:17,364 --> 01:41:20,242
I'm in there
with some pressure,
and when I'm done �
1966
01:41:20,367 --> 01:41:23,245
you're not the
same as before.
You're changed.
1967
01:41:23,328 --> 01:41:25,664
Where do you come
up with this shit?
1968
01:41:25,748 --> 01:41:29,668
That is the cheesiest
response to an honest
question I've ever heard.
1969
01:41:29,752 --> 01:41:32,171
I saw you kiss
and it wasn't
anything like that.
1970
01:41:33,547 --> 01:41:35,841
Suitor Number Two,
you have to wait until
1971
01:41:35,924 --> 01:41:37,885
you're addressed
before you respond.
1972
01:41:38,010 --> 01:41:40,220
Richard Dawson,
go back to your podium
1973
01:41:40,304 --> 01:41:42,473
until it's time to play
the Feud, all right?
1974
01:41:45,350 --> 01:41:46,602
Who did you see me kiss?
1975
01:41:46,685 --> 01:41:47,853
Some dude backstage.
1976
01:41:47,978 --> 01:41:49,938
I don't know who he was,
but he seemed unimpressed.
1977
01:41:50,022 --> 01:41:52,983
I didn't kiss
any guy backstage,
I swear. I'm not gay.
1978
01:41:53,066 --> 01:41:55,068
Hey, Suitor-ette,
this guy's a homophobe.
1979
01:41:55,152 --> 01:41:56,987
You heard how
repulsed he sounded.
1980
01:41:57,070 --> 01:41:59,406
Is this the kind
of guy you want to
spend a vacation with?
1981
01:41:59,490 --> 01:42:01,492
This hate monger?
I don't hate gay people!
1982
01:42:01,575 --> 01:42:03,035
So you love them?
Yes!
1983
01:42:03,160 --> 01:42:05,996
I mean, no!
Textbook closet case.
Self-loather.
1984
01:42:06,079 --> 01:42:08,874
Can't be comfortable
with his own sexuality.
1985
01:42:11,001 --> 01:42:12,336
Brodie said to
give this to you.
1986
01:42:12,419 --> 01:42:14,963
Are you watching
this shit, man?
It's fucked up!
1987
01:42:15,047 --> 01:42:16,632
I don't want to be
here when that tape
1988
01:42:16,715 --> 01:42:18,342
does what I think
it's going to do.
1989
01:42:18,425 --> 01:42:20,344
Why the hell not, man?
This shit is dope.
1990
01:42:20,552 --> 01:42:22,721
Holy fuck.
He'll kill him.
1991
01:42:23,430 --> 01:42:24,598
Who'll kill who?
1992
01:42:24,681 --> 01:42:27,434
LaFours, man.
Silent Bob, he's my
fucking board, man.
1993
01:42:27,559 --> 01:42:30,145
What am I going
to fucking do?
Point him out.
1994
01:42:30,562 --> 01:42:33,482
Miss Suitor-ette, how about
you answer a question for me?
1995
01:42:33,816 --> 01:42:35,692
Um, I don't think that�
1996
01:42:35,776 --> 01:42:37,069
How strong are
your convictions?
1997
01:42:38,111 --> 01:42:39,112
Hi.
1998
01:42:39,863 --> 01:42:41,365
Would you be
interested in partaking
1999
01:42:41,448 --> 01:42:43,408
in some
psycho-behavioral
research?
2000
01:42:47,412 --> 01:42:48,664
What are you talking about?
2001
01:42:48,747 --> 01:42:51,250
How easily do you quit?
Say you wind up
with one of us.
2002
01:42:51,333 --> 01:42:53,585
Hopefully not
Rush Limbaugh,
over here.
2003
01:42:53,710 --> 01:42:55,504
I'm not like Rush Limbaugh!
2004
01:42:55,587 --> 01:42:59,174
Why not, because he's fat?
You got something
against fat people, too?
2005
01:43:03,095 --> 01:43:05,055
Snootchy bootchies!
2006
01:43:05,597 --> 01:43:07,182
Are you ready?
2007
01:43:18,026 --> 01:43:19,027
Uh.
2008
01:43:19,111 --> 01:43:22,447
If I have a conviction,
I stick to it.
2009
01:43:22,573 --> 01:43:24,408
Were you ever in love?
2010
01:43:24,616 --> 01:43:27,244
Yes, as a matter
of fact.
Oh, really?
2011
01:43:27,578 --> 01:43:29,913
What happened to
your boyfriend?
2012
01:43:30,789 --> 01:43:33,166
We broke up.
Why?
2013
01:43:34,501 --> 01:43:35,919
It just didn't work out.
2014
01:43:36,003 --> 01:43:37,838
I mean, were you unhappy?
2015
01:43:37,963 --> 01:43:39,798
Sometimes.
Why?
2016
01:43:39,965 --> 01:43:42,259
I don't know.
The usual baggage.
2017
01:43:42,342 --> 01:43:44,052
He lacked a sense of romance.
2018
01:43:44,136 --> 01:43:46,054
He almost ruined
my father's career.
2019
01:43:46,138 --> 01:43:48,223
He got me implicated
in an attempted murder.
2020
01:43:48,307 --> 01:43:49,558
That was an accident.
2021
01:43:49,975 --> 01:43:51,143
T.S.?
2022
01:43:51,268 --> 01:43:52,519
Hey, what about
the rest of us?
2023
01:43:52,603 --> 01:43:54,855
Why don't you
ask me a question?
2024
01:43:55,147 --> 01:43:56,481
Suitor Number Two.
2025
01:43:56,607 --> 01:43:59,443
Hey, what about me?
Gil, just shut the fuck up!
2026
01:44:01,320 --> 01:44:03,030
Second Suitor �
2027
01:44:03,614 --> 01:44:05,824
would you ever make
whoopee in public?
2028
01:44:05,949 --> 01:44:08,035
I already did once today.
2029
01:44:11,622 --> 01:44:15,208
But my cousin Walter
jerked off in public once.
True story.
2030
01:44:15,334 --> 01:44:16,752
He was on a plane
to New Mexico,
2031
01:44:16,835 --> 01:44:19,004
when all of a sudden
the hydraulics went.
2032
01:44:19,129 --> 01:44:21,840
The plane started
spinning around,
going out of control.
2033
01:44:21,965 --> 01:44:23,842
He decides it's all over,
whips it out
2034
01:44:23,926 --> 01:44:25,844
and starts beating it
right there.
2035
01:44:25,969 --> 01:44:28,055
All the passengers
take a cue from him,
2036
01:44:28,138 --> 01:44:30,557
they whip it out and
start beating like mad.
2037
01:44:30,682 --> 01:44:33,101
So all the passengers
are beating off,
2038
01:44:33,185 --> 01:44:34,978
plummeting to
their certain doom �
2039
01:44:35,062 --> 01:44:36,480
when all of a sudden �
2040
01:44:36,563 --> 01:44:39,733
the hydraulics kick back in
and the plane rights itself.
2041
01:44:40,192 --> 01:44:41,443
It lands safely �
2042
01:44:41,526 --> 01:44:45,447
and everyone puts
their pieces, or whatever,
away and deboard.
2043
01:44:45,530 --> 01:44:48,700
Nobody mentions
the phenomenon
to anyone else.
2044
01:44:55,582 --> 01:44:57,542
Did he come or what?
2045
01:44:57,668 --> 01:44:59,711
Jesus Christ, Gil!
2046
01:44:59,795 --> 01:45:02,839
There are just some things
you do not mention in public.
2047
01:45:04,091 --> 01:45:05,384
Second Suitor �
2048
01:45:05,717 --> 01:45:08,845
if you were
a comic-book character,
what character would you be?
2049
01:45:08,929 --> 01:45:10,889
Wow, that's
a great question.
2050
01:45:11,098 --> 01:45:13,850
A tough one, though.
What does one gauge
his response on?
2051
01:45:13,934 --> 01:45:16,269
Physical prowess?
Keen detection skills?
2052
01:45:16,436 --> 01:45:18,605
The ability to banter well
with super villains?
2053
01:45:18,730 --> 01:45:20,315
How's your comic-book
collection, Brodie?
2054
01:45:20,399 --> 01:45:22,567
Oh, it's going good.
But, I mean�
2055
01:45:22,776 --> 01:45:24,945
Oh, comics!
What are you
talking about?
2056
01:45:25,028 --> 01:45:27,698
I don't collect comics.
Comics are for kids!
2057
01:45:27,781 --> 01:45:29,116
I knew it.
2058
01:45:29,241 --> 01:45:30,575
Suitor Number One �
2059
01:45:30,701 --> 01:45:32,160
you just don't know
when to quit, do you?
2060
01:45:32,244 --> 01:45:33,203
No.
2061
01:45:33,286 --> 01:45:35,914
No, but you sure do.
I thought you were in love.
2062
01:45:35,998 --> 01:45:37,249
I was.
2063
01:45:37,332 --> 01:45:38,834
But you complicated my life.
2064
01:45:38,917 --> 01:45:39,918
How so?
2065
01:45:40,210 --> 01:45:41,878
Well, you placed
me in such a damned
2066
01:45:41,962 --> 01:45:43,922
uncomfortable
position with my father �
2067
01:45:44,006 --> 01:45:46,299
Twice even.
What was I supposed to do?
2068
01:45:46,425 --> 01:45:48,093
Show a little backbone.
2069
01:45:48,260 --> 01:45:50,595
I was ready to show
a little backbone.
2070
01:45:50,762 --> 01:45:54,224
And then you had to
show up with Bumbler
the Boy Wonder over there �
2071
01:45:54,307 --> 01:45:56,226
and screw things
up further, proving �
2072
01:45:56,309 --> 01:45:58,437
that you never took
the situation seriously.
2073
01:45:58,520 --> 01:46:01,606
Boy Wonder?
I'm all man, lady!
2074
01:46:02,524 --> 01:46:04,818
I've never done anything
but show interest in you.
2075
01:46:04,901 --> 01:46:07,320
Our whole goddamn
romantic career
I doted on you.
2076
01:46:07,404 --> 01:46:09,406
The minute things
got dicey, you cracked.
2077
01:46:09,656 --> 01:46:12,826
There we were,
mere hours from spending
an entire week together �
2078
01:46:12,951 --> 01:46:14,995
away from our family, school.
2079
01:46:15,078 --> 01:46:17,039
She throws in the towel
because her daddy says so.
2080
01:46:18,248 --> 01:46:21,209
He got us shot at by
the Federal authorities.
2081
01:46:21,293 --> 01:46:24,212
He brought his
troublemaker friend
over to my house �
2082
01:46:24,296 --> 01:46:26,548
where he proceeded to
allow news cameras �
2083
01:46:26,631 --> 01:46:28,633
to take naked
videos of my father.
2084
01:46:29,843 --> 01:46:31,720
Then he had the audacity
to inform me �
2085
01:46:31,803 --> 01:46:34,222
that on this vacation
that we were
supposed to take �
2086
01:46:34,306 --> 01:46:35,807
that he was going
to propose to me,
2087
01:46:35,891 --> 01:46:37,893
without even discussing
it with me first.
2088
01:46:37,976 --> 01:46:40,228
We've been talking
about getting married
since high school.
2089
01:46:40,312 --> 01:46:42,731
He could have
approached my father,
man to man �
2090
01:46:42,814 --> 01:46:44,441
and made his
intentions clear.
2091
01:46:44,524 --> 01:46:47,652
He could have apologized
for all the problems
that he caused.
2092
01:46:47,736 --> 01:46:50,530
But what does he do instead?
He just goes on with his life.
2093
01:46:50,989 --> 01:46:53,283
I mean here he is.
He's hanging out at a mall.
2094
01:46:53,366 --> 01:46:55,494
You put yourself
on an auction block
for God's sake �
2095
01:46:55,577 --> 01:46:57,245
in front of
a live studio audience.
2096
01:46:57,329 --> 01:46:59,498
Do I get a chance to field
any more questions?
2097
01:46:59,581 --> 01:47:00,582
No!
2098
01:47:00,665 --> 01:47:02,626
Look, I think
I should say
something here.
2099
01:47:02,709 --> 01:47:04,586
I know both of
you pretty well.
Suitor-ette �
2100
01:47:04,669 --> 01:47:07,422
Suitor Number One
has done nothing but
pine over you all day �
2101
01:47:07,506 --> 01:47:09,424
trying to figure out
a way to win you back.
2102
01:47:09,508 --> 01:47:12,552
When this public opportunity
to literally do that arose �
2103
01:47:12,677 --> 01:47:15,263
he pulled his
shit together,
risked life and limb �
2104
01:47:15,347 --> 01:47:18,225
and faced the odds
to get up here and
give it his best shot.
2105
01:47:18,350 --> 01:47:19,768
I'm tired of
this whole thing!
2106
01:47:19,851 --> 01:47:21,728
You're both retarded
for each other!
2107
01:47:21,853 --> 01:47:23,605
Forget about
the shit that happened
2108
01:47:23,688 --> 01:47:25,190
and do what
you're supposed to!
2109
01:47:25,357 --> 01:47:27,734
I think the audience
would agree with me there.
2110
01:47:35,408 --> 01:47:37,953
Ask her,
you silly bastard!
2111
01:47:40,539 --> 01:47:42,124
Miss Suitor-ette �
2112
01:47:42,749 --> 01:47:44,668
Suitor Number One
loves you �
2113
01:47:44,835 --> 01:47:47,546
has always loved you,
and will always love you.
2114
01:47:48,255 --> 01:47:50,715
He's only got one question
that he'd like to ask.
2115
01:47:53,552 --> 01:47:55,220
Will you marry me?
2116
01:48:13,488 --> 01:48:14,656
Yes.
2117
01:48:37,012 --> 01:48:39,931
Snootchy bootchies,
Brodie-nootchies!
2118
01:48:51,026 --> 01:48:53,612
Are we set or what?
Good to go.
2119
01:48:53,945 --> 01:48:55,989
Hey, did you see
LaFours out there?
No.
2120
01:48:56,072 --> 01:48:58,325
For a minute there,
I thought that we
were in trouble.
2121
01:49:14,674 --> 01:49:16,927
Oh, a sailboat.
2122
01:49:29,064 --> 01:49:32,442
I think it's safe to say,
we've made our match.
2123
01:49:32,525 --> 01:49:35,278
These two lucky
people will soon be
winging their way �
2124
01:49:35,362 --> 01:49:39,658
to beautiful, sunny
Florida for a week of
theme parks, beaches �
2125
01:49:39,824 --> 01:49:42,160
and a lot more
from the look of it!
2126
01:49:42,702 --> 01:49:44,746
I guess that about
wraps it up for�
2127
01:49:44,829 --> 01:49:48,208
Not just yet,
Pat Sajak.
2128
01:49:48,416 --> 01:49:49,834
All right?
2129
01:49:52,003 --> 01:49:53,546
You! All right.
2130
01:49:54,005 --> 01:49:57,342
I believe you
have something
that belongs to me.
2131
01:49:58,093 --> 01:49:59,386
Yeah? What's that?
2132
01:49:59,552 --> 01:50:02,764
Not you, asshole! The girl.
2133
01:50:03,848 --> 01:50:05,350
You have my heart.
2134
01:50:09,020 --> 01:50:10,605
What can I say?
2135
01:50:10,689 --> 01:50:12,357
I love the retard.
2136
01:50:13,191 --> 01:50:14,442
Wait a minute.
I thought tonight
2137
01:50:14,526 --> 01:50:16,361
we were supposed to,
you know �
2138
01:50:16,611 --> 01:50:17,696
Hamilton!
2139
01:50:17,779 --> 01:50:20,907
Let's try to wrap
this up, all right?
I promised her breakfast.
2140
01:50:21,032 --> 01:50:22,450
All right, that's it.
2141
01:50:22,534 --> 01:50:25,704
You're dead, mallrat.
I'm going to fuck
you up beyond repair!
2142
01:50:42,804 --> 01:50:46,224
Sailboat. Sailboat.
Goddamn sailboat.
2143
01:50:51,896 --> 01:50:54,149
What in Christ's name
took you guys so long?
2144
01:50:54,232 --> 01:50:56,484
Get your asses up there
and arrest those guys.
2145
01:50:56,568 --> 01:50:59,029
The one with the girl
and the one with
the microphone.
2146
01:50:59,112 --> 01:51:00,155
For what?
2147
01:51:00,238 --> 01:51:03,867
Trespassing,
public lewdness,
FCC violation.
2148
01:51:05,452 --> 01:51:06,870
Food poisoning.
2149
01:51:07,078 --> 01:51:11,082
Ladies and gentlemen,
this tall drink of
water headed my way �
2150
01:51:11,166 --> 01:51:13,168
is a pillar of
the shopping community �
2151
01:51:13,251 --> 01:51:16,546
who informed me earlier today
of a nefarious plan of his �
2152
01:51:16,629 --> 01:51:19,382
to screw my girlfriend
in a very uncomfortable place.
2153
01:51:19,466 --> 01:51:22,135
What? Like the back
of a Volkswagen?
2154
01:51:26,598 --> 01:51:28,767
And as he comes up here to �
2155
01:51:30,727 --> 01:51:32,145
Holy shit!
2156
01:51:34,272 --> 01:51:36,733
Without further ado,
I'd like to present you all �
2157
01:51:36,816 --> 01:51:40,195
with an accurate
portrayal of the proprietor
of Fashionable Male.
2158
01:51:40,320 --> 01:51:41,863
Now, Silent Bob!
2159
01:51:44,032 --> 01:51:46,618
I said now, Silent Bob!
2160
01:51:48,203 --> 01:51:49,829
When, Lord?
2161
01:51:49,913 --> 01:51:53,917
When the hell do
I get to see the
goddamn sailboat?
2162
01:51:54,000 --> 01:51:56,461
Now, now, now!
2163
01:52:07,180 --> 01:52:09,099
Who's your favorite New Kid?
2164
01:52:10,600 --> 01:52:12,185
Call me Joey.
2165
01:52:12,268 --> 01:52:14,896
Oh, yeah.
Don't make me get loose.
I think that's it.
2166
01:52:14,979 --> 01:52:18,942
Yeah. Call me Donnie.
Come on. Oh, girl.
2167
01:52:19,109 --> 01:52:20,485
Yeah, please don't go.
2168
01:52:20,568 --> 01:52:23,029
No wonder why she
walks all fucked up.
2169
01:52:24,197 --> 01:52:26,324
That girl's only 15.
2170
01:52:28,326 --> 01:52:31,454
Oh, 15?
I thought she was 36.
2171
01:52:32,205 --> 01:52:35,834
Hey, come on, guys.
Tell me you wouldn't
have popped her?
2172
01:53:01,151 --> 01:53:02,318
Where you're going �
2173
01:53:02,402 --> 01:53:04,696
they screw people in
a very uncomfortable place.
2174
01:53:04,779 --> 01:53:06,197
Really?
Yeah.
2175
01:53:07,115 --> 01:53:09,284
You can't strike
a prisoner in
police custody.
2176
01:53:09,367 --> 01:53:11,411
Oh, come on,
just once?
2177
01:53:11,494 --> 01:53:13,746
All right,
but make it fast.
2178
01:53:16,458 --> 01:53:19,669
Would you have
gone on vacation
with the winner?
2179
01:53:19,878 --> 01:53:21,379
What do you think?
2180
01:53:22,672 --> 01:53:25,175
I don't know,
I think you would have.
2181
01:53:26,426 --> 01:53:28,678
But I would have
sent you a postcard.
2182
01:53:30,805 --> 01:53:32,557
What the hell
is wrong with me?
2183
01:53:32,682 --> 01:53:34,142
If the tape was
out of your reach,
2184
01:53:34,225 --> 01:53:36,227
how the hell
did you get it?
2185
01:53:36,436 --> 01:53:38,438
The Jedi mind trick!
2186
01:53:38,605 --> 01:53:41,065
Holy shit!
Motherfucking
Yoda and shit!
2187
01:53:41,941 --> 01:53:43,693
Adventure?
Excitement?
2188
01:53:43,776 --> 01:53:46,112
A Jedi craves
not these things.
2189
01:53:46,196 --> 01:53:47,780
Holy! You spoke.
2190
01:53:48,156 --> 01:53:50,074
There was never
anything good
to say before.
2191
01:54:18,269 --> 01:54:21,523
Did you see that shit?
Do you call that romance?
2192
01:54:21,981 --> 01:54:23,566
I call that illegal.
2193
01:54:25,318 --> 01:54:26,653
So.
2194
01:54:28,655 --> 01:54:29,697
So what?
2195
01:54:30,198 --> 01:54:33,409
I was just wondering,
if maybe you're not
busy tomorrow night �
2196
01:54:33,493 --> 01:54:34,661
Yeah?
2197
01:54:36,329 --> 01:54:39,165
Would you like to
have dinner at my house
and meet my mother?
2198
01:54:39,290 --> 01:54:42,210
I can't guarantee
she'll like you, but �
2199
01:54:49,467 --> 01:54:51,219
Hey, want a cookie?
It's on me.
2200
01:54:51,302 --> 01:54:53,930
It was just a warm-up.
Please, come on?
2201
01:54:54,013 --> 01:54:56,349
The show would
always go smoother
and be less racy.
2202
01:54:56,432 --> 01:54:57,892
The show was
a piece of shit.
2203
01:54:57,976 --> 01:54:59,727
Unoriginal,
uninspired, you know.
2204
01:54:59,852 --> 01:55:02,313
The only thing
that saved it was
this guy here.
2205
01:55:02,397 --> 01:55:04,190
I'm Bentley Garrison,
with the network.
2206
01:55:04,274 --> 01:55:06,317
Me and Mason thought
you were hysterical.
2207
01:55:06,442 --> 01:55:08,319
Hilarious. You've got
great presence, kid.
2208
01:55:08,444 --> 01:55:11,239
Have you ever considered
hosting your own talk show?
Yeah.
2209
01:55:13,408 --> 01:55:14,450
Him?
2210
01:55:14,534 --> 01:55:17,370
Excuse me, sir.
Are you the producer
of this program?
2211
01:55:17,453 --> 01:55:19,372
Of course I am,
you stupid shit.
2212
01:55:19,455 --> 01:55:21,499
And I want those
two guys arrested.
2213
01:55:21,833 --> 01:55:23,751
Sir, you are
under arrest.
2214
01:55:23,835 --> 01:55:24,877
What?
2215
01:55:24,961 --> 01:55:25,920
What for?
2216
01:55:26,004 --> 01:55:29,424
For broadcasting
lewd or indecent images
in a public forum �
2217
01:55:29,507 --> 01:55:32,760
and violation
of about 19 FCC
regulations.
2218
01:55:32,844 --> 01:55:34,345
Jesus Christ!
2219
01:55:38,433 --> 01:55:40,893
And for vomiting
on my shoes.
2220
01:57:06,396 --> 01:57:07,397
Yeah?
2221
01:57:08,305 --> 01:57:14,468
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