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1
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,499
This is my story.
2
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:07,979
Right.
3
00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:02,619
My, my, my, Delilah.
4
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:09,539
Why, why, why, Delilah?
5
00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:16,619
I could see that girl was no good for me
6
00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:22,939
but I was lost like a slave
that no man could free.
7
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:29,339
I saw the light on the night
that I passed by her window.
8
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:36,299
I saw the flickering shadow
of love on her blind.
9
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:43,419
She was my woman.
10
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:51,620
As she betrayed me I watched
and went out of my mind.
11
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:57,099
My, my, my, Delilah.
12
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:03,699
Why, why, why, Delilah?
13
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:11,979
I could see that girl was no good for me
14
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:17,139
but I was lost like a slave
that no man could free.
15
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:25,299
At break of day when that man
drove away, I was waiting.
16
00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:31,539
I crossed the street to her
house and she opened the door.
17
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:37,299
She stood there laughing.
18
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:44,859
I felt the knife in my hand
and she laughed no more.
19
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:51,939
My, my, my, Delilah.
20
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:58,899
Why, why, why, Delilah?
21
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:06,860
So before they come to
break down the door
22
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:11,819
forgive me Delilah,
I just couldn't take any more.
23
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,380
Mr Capello?
24
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,380
Mr Capello, my pay's short.
25
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,460
Well, you're short so now you match.
26
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:50,620
I mean, it's supposed to
be £25 and it's not £25.
27
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,260
- So sue me.
- It's supposed to be £25 and it's not.
28
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,820
You're more than welcome to go and
see if Zippo's will pay you any more.
29
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,979
Now, beggar off. We're on.
30
00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,500
Well, what about... cooking?
31
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,180
Cooking? Definitely no cooking.
32
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:14,739
What, no cooking?
33
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,259
I told you!
34
00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,899
No cooking even with a frying pan?
35
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:24,260
I told you, no cooking!
36
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:28,179
Alright, it's a deal. No cooking.
37
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,860
Alright, now fuck off.
38
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,019
Nello, ladies and gentlemen!
39
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:25,820
Can I help you?
40
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,460
Yes, I'm a friend of the Bishop.
41
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,980
And... which Bishop would that be?
42
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,020
Bishop of Keele. Bishop of Lichfield.
43
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:38,020
And the Archbishop of Canterbury
is also a very good friend of mine.
44
00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,179
Could you give me a lift?
45
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,380
Of course, of course.
Where would you need a lift to, exactly?
46
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,179
Stoke-on-Trent.
47
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,260
Right. Well, that's quite a drive!
48
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,100
It is, yes. Thank you.
49
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,659
- I didn't necessarily say that I'd...
- Have you had your breakfast?
50
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,940
- I have indeed.
- Oh. I haven't.
51
00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,419
Very nice of you to ask. Thanks.
52
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,420
Right.
53
00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:08,340
Yes.
54
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:09,580
Ok.
55
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,139
Ok, thank you.
56
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,620
I can take you as far as Dumfries
57
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,060
and then your mum has arranged for your
local vicar to come and get you from there.
58
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,420
Marvellous.
59
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,820
You've got a tow bar, haven't you?
60
00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,579
A tow bar?
61
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,739
Why would I need a tow bar?
62
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,699
Is there any more toast?
63
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,860
Should he be wandering around
the country on his own like this?
64
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,700
He's clearly got special
needs of some sort.
65
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,220
Well, he doesn't have much
trouble finding help.
66
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,980
In fact, he seems positively
blessed in that regard.
67
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,259
Is he in the habit of doing this?
68
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:50,460
Well, he does seem to view the Church
as being some sort of ecclesiastical AA.
69
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:51,540
Oh.
70
00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,860
He says he's a good friend
of the Bishop of Lichfield.
71
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,940
Yes, that's true.
72
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,460
And the Archbishop of Canterbury.
73
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:02,140
Well, if Neil says he knows someone,
then he usually does.
74
00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,539
How does he get to know them?
75
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,219
By being Neil.
76
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,780
Thanks!
77
00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,180
Oh, that's quite alright.
78
00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:19,259
Er, would you mind signing
this before you go?
79
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,539
A Bible?
80
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,060
Are you sure? Slightly irregular.
81
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:30,739
Thanks.
82
00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,500
No, not the front.
83
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,900
Er, that's for Bishops and Archbishops.
84
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,819
There's space above that
for regular clergy.
85
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,500
Right.
86
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,339
So there is.
87
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:51,700
I've got them all in there.
88
00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,500
Desmond Tutu, Terry Waite...
89
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,980
Rowan Williams, Jimmy Greenhoff...
90
00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:00,099
I wasn't aware Jimmy
Greenhoff had been ordained!
91
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:01,700
He hasn't.
92
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:06,620
He scored 76 goals in 274
games for Stoke City.
93
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,100
- He was marvellous.
- Right, right, well...
94
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:10,899
There you are.
95
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:13,699
Thanks. Thank you.
96
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,660
Your mum'll be pleased to see you.
97
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:36,379
I bet she will.
I'll be pleased to see her.
98
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,820
The truth is,
she's not been so well lately.
99
00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,339
Right.
100
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,820
And I know it's hard to
think about these things
101
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,259
but your mum's not getting any younger.
102
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,860
No, she's not.
103
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,580
None of us are.
104
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:57,140
And that's life.
105
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,059
So we have to make the most of it.
106
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:42,980
Hiya, Mum.
107
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,579
Oh, there's a sight for sore eyes.
108
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:48,660
Let me have a look at you.
109
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,300
So how have you been keeping without
me to keep any eye on you, like?
110
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,939
I've been tip-top, me. Tip-top.
111
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,459
It's a robin.
112
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:10,420
Oh, he's back, is he?
113
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,419
He was here last week.
114
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,820
I bet he missed you.
115
00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:16,139
Bet he did.
116
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,339
That's why he's come back.
117
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,579
Neil, love.
118
00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,540
When I let you join that circus,
you said they'd look after you.
119
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,460
They did look after me.
120
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,540
Just that one ringmaster
took against me.
121
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,900
It only takes one.
122
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,140
I'm nice to people and
people are nice to me.
123
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,259
And if they're not nice to me,
then they're all the people who are.
124
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:50,860
I won't be here forever.
125
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,620
Don't talk like that.
126
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,259
Well, we all die one day, Neil.
127
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,500
Until Jesus returns
128
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,060
and raises his sleeping
followers from death
129
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:02,740
and grants immortality to the faithful.
130
00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:04,260
So there you are then.
131
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,019
Jesus 1, Mary Baldwin 0.
132
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,900
I want to know that you
can look after yourself
133
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,980
when I'm not here to do it any more.
134
00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:15,100
Don't get taken advantage of.
135
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,779
- Hold down a job.
- I've got a job.
136
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,540
- You've been sacked.
- A new job.
137
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,539
At the university.
138
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,459
Oh, that's lovely.
139
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:28,499
When did they offer you this?
140
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,379
Tomorrow.
141
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,420
When you first came to
Keele were you nervous?
142
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,259
I'm never nervous.
143
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,827
Hello. I'm Neil Baldwin.
144
00:12:01,927 --> 00:12:04,540
- Welcome to Keele University.
- Hello.
145
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:05,614
I'm Neil Baldwin.
146
00:12:05,714 --> 00:12:07,900
- Welcome to Keele University.
- Alright?
147
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,749
Hello. I'm Neil Baldwin.
148
00:12:09,849 --> 00:12:12,199
- Welcome to Keele University.
- Hiya.
149
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,980
Hello. I'm Neil Baldwin.
Welcome to Keele University.
150
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,380
Hiya. I'm Malcolm. Stoke City fan?
151
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,540
I am, yes. Very much so.
152
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,180
- Are you?
- Yeah.
153
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,540
Yeah, I am.
154
00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:29,820
So, do you work here, do you?
155
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,339
Yes, I think I do.
156
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:35,979
Ta.
157
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,499
...an explanation for perceptual error.
158
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,460
The example of the Phantom Limb is a
pretty strong refutation of the notion
159
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:35,819
that our perception of reality and external
reality are one and the same thing...
160
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:38,420
...Enjoy yourself while
you're still in the pink.
161
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:44,700
The years go by as swiftly as a wink.
162
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:51,579
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself,
it's later than you think!
163
00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:09,140
Is that a chaffinch?
164
00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,500
What exactly is it that
you do up there, Neil?
165
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,020
At the university?
166
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,900
It is a chaffinch, you know.
It's got wing bars.
167
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,540
Neil Baldwin.
168
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,539
As much as I love birds, I will not be
knocked off-course by plumage talk.
169
00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:26,540
What are you doing there, at Keele?
170
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,299
All sorts.
171
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,259
And what does it pay, this 'all sorts'?
172
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,620
Look at the birds of the air.
173
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:40,300
They neither sow, nor reap
nor gather into barns.
174
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,819
Yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.
175
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:54,500
When I started work, I read
my Bible every dinner break.
176
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,300
And they made fun of me.
177
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,859
They called me Holy Mary.
178
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:03,219
I could be a vicar,
then I'd be Holy Neil.
179
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,500
Is that why you don't want a normal job?
180
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,739
Because you're worried
they'll pick on you?
181
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,539
I like the Church of England.
182
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,220
I like performing.
183
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,140
I believe in God.
184
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:21,139
That does put you three up on most of the
Church of England clergy I've encountered.
185
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,780
But there are other
things you need, Neil.
186
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,619
Bifocals.
187
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,300
I was thinking qualifications.
188
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,540
- You alright, Nello?
- Hiya, Steve.
189
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,139
Wigan on Saturday!
190
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,060
Who's that?
191
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:39,020
Steve. He's a very good friend of mine.
192
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,140
You've never mentioned him before?
193
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,859
Well... I only met him yesterday.
194
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,820
Well, the good news is they are looking
for pot dippers at Susie Cooper's.
195
00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:50,940
I used to work for Susie Cooper's.
196
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:54,180
I was the recipient of many a
compliment on my eye for colour.
197
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,100
I think our Neil's got the same.
198
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,380
Thank you, but it's not
what I'm looking for.
199
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,739
What are you looking for?
200
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,740
What would you like to do, Neil?
201
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,180
I'd like to manage Stoke City.
202
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:10,300
Or be a vicar. Either is fine.
I'm flexible.
203
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:14,780
Ok. And... what are you qualified to do?
204
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:20,259
I helped the students out at Keele.
And I'm a registered clown.
205
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:22,540
Are you indeed?
206
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,780
What have you gone and
brought that here for?
207
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,179
That's Nello.
208
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,539
Did you do this?
209
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,700
Just look at that paintwork!
210
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,620
Not a million miles away from ceramics.
211
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,739
That's right, he's a dab hand.
212
00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,220
It's an egg of, with your make
up on, and it's registered.
213
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,580
You can sue anyone who
steals your make up.
214
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:46,780
I don't think Elaine wants
to hear about all that now.
215
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:50,540
And are there any openings
in the circus right now?
216
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,380
Not at the moment, no.
217
00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:55,940
Charlie Cairoli's a very
good friend of mine.
218
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,660
I've got his number, if you'd like it.
219
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,380
Just say Neil said to ring him.
220
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:03,940
- I meant for you.
- 0272...
221
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,300
496 0725.
222
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,900
Neil!
223
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,700
Sorry. He does go off on
tangents now and then.
224
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,140
But you don't think
he has any vacancies?
225
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,140
For you.
226
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,420
No.
227
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:20,980
That's why I mentioned the
vicaring or football manager.
228
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:26,019
Doesn't have to be Stoke,
but I draw the line at Port Vale.
229
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:33,500
There are schemes to
help people into work
230
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:38,260
who otherwise might have...
difficulties.
231
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,299
Why are you telling me that?
232
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:49,699
Fruit Pastilles do not count
as fruit and you know it.
233
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,780
You'll be turning me
vegetarian if I'm not careful.
234
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:57,780
If in doubt when I'm not here,
ask Doris on the till.
235
00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,740
She'll tell you what's
healthy and what's not.
236
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:00,900
Doris?
237
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,780
She doesn't look all that well to me.
238
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,099
She can keep an eye out for you.
239
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:08,100
Looks like I should be
keeping an eye on her.
240
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:12,739
Oh, for goodness' sake! All I want to know
is you can stand on your own two feet!
241
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:33,500
It's more than my life's worth, Neil.
242
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,739
I thought eggs were good for you.
243
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,940
Mary, you alright, duck?
244
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:41,340
Yes, yes.
245
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:45,699
Just the price of these tinned peaches.
Taken the wind right out of me.
246
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:05,979
Neil.
247
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:11,660
I have been praying very hard
about this, and you know what?
248
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:14,700
I think you're ready for
a place of your own.
249
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,660
I've got a place of my own. This place.
250
00:20:17,760 --> 00:20:21,340
A place of your very own.
Not too far away. A little flat.
251
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,819
Move out?
252
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,020
Of my home?
253
00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,780
Well, somewhere nice, you know
254
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:30,100
where you can start
to be more... independent
255
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,100
and manage, you know.
256
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,979
But I do manage.
257
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:36,699
When have I ever gone without?
258
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,900
Do you think it's God's will?
259
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,740
Well, that's a difficult one,
but I think it might be, yes.
260
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,700
Not my mum's will?
261
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,300
I think on this occasion,
as is so often the case
262
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,779
your mother's will and God's will
might be one and the same thing.
263
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,380
Is that the choir?
264
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:12,660
Yes. Are you joining?
We're still short of baritones.
265
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:15,740
I'd love to help you out more but
I've got a lot of stuff to do.
266
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,620
Oh, really? Like what?
267
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:19,500
I'm behind on my bird-watching.
268
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,940
The Gerry Cottle Circus are in town.
269
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,659
I'm writing an extra verse
for the Lord's Prayer.
270
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,379
You're not joking, are you?
271
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:36,460
There's still half your Stoke
City programmes up there.
272
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,339
I'll come back for them.
273
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,859
All grown up? My Neil.
274
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,179
Don't worry, Mum. I'll not forget you.
275
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,980
This is very kind of you, Malcolm.
276
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:53,940
Give to him who asks you. And from him
who wants to borrow do not turn away.
277
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:54,980
Matthew: 5.
278
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:57,900
Oh, I wouldn't say no to half
a lager at the student union.
279
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,219
Malcolm: 1.
280
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,700
You alright, Neil?
281
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,379
Yes. Let's get this over with.
282
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,819
We'll have it dark.
283
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,659
Here, Malcolm.
284
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,779
Ok.
285
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,060
Don't know how all that came loose.
286
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:54,859
Not got an eagle in there, have you?
287
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,299
What do you think of that?
288
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,060
What's the Neil Baldwin football
club when it's at home?
289
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:06,620
My own team.
290
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:10,739
Picked by me, managed by me,
captained by me.
291
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:12,940
- At least you can't be dropped.
- Exactly.
292
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,579
You're Vice President.
293
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,100
Am I? Right. Not President then?
294
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:22,739
Gary Lineker is President. I'm just going
to write to him to tell him the good news.
295
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,780
In other news,
Stoke City have announced...
296
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:29,060
the departure of their manager,
Graham Paddon
297
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,940
after just 18 games in charge.
298
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,620
The club's board thanked him for
his hard work and dedication
299
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,459
and have said they'll act quickly
to find a replacement...
300
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:09,499
Come in, Mark.
301
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,139
Thank you for coming.
302
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,499
I'd use my own minister but he
tends to be more in demand.
303
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,900
It is addressed to Neil.
304
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,459
I can see that. That's what worries me.
305
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,300
Remember that misunderstanding around
the payment for the coach hire?
306
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,300
I do.
307
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,100
It cast a long shadow over
the Alzheimer's picnic.
308
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,140
He isn't terribly good with money.
309
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,979
And who can forget what
Paul reminded us in Romans?
310
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:40,940
Indeed.
311
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:43,580
Owe no one anything except
to love each other.
312
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:47,740
I'm not sure that can be applied directly
to contemporary financial transactions.
313
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:51,579
I want you to steam open the envelope
and tell me what's inside it.
314
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,540
I don't know about that.
315
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,340
Well, I'm a Christadelphian
but you're Church of England.
316
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:57,700
How's that relevant?
317
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:02,139
Well, firstly, Neil is Church of England so,
spiritually speaking, he is of your flock.
318
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,537
And secondly, I think of
the Church of England
319
00:25:05,638 --> 00:25:09,119
as having a less rigorous
moral code than my own.
320
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,899
What's he going to do when I'm
not here to look after him?
321
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,899
We can appoint trustees.
322
00:25:20,360 --> 00:25:21,980
And he seems to manage.
323
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,499
He has his adventures and...
324
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:29,979
How much is it for?
325
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:35,179
You might want to bear in mind you're
talking to a woman with an enlarged aorta.
326
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,499
When was your last check-up?
327
00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,699
£800.
328
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,500
Oh, I should never
have let him move out!
329
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,820
- This is my fault.
- No, Mary!
330
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,700
I'm sure there's a way of
paying this by instalments.
331
00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:51,060
- I'll go over and see him right now.
- No, he's not there!
332
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:52,899
He's gone up to London.
333
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:54,300
Right.
334
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,459
On parliamentary business, so he said.
335
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:32,699
Where are you going, mate?
336
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,059
House of Commons.
337
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,019
Figures.
338
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,700
Is Tony Benn in today?
339
00:26:44,800 --> 00:26:46,579
Couldn't tell you that, sir.
340
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:51,780
Well, could you not find out
if he's clocked on or not?
341
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,099
I can't move from here, I'm afraid.
342
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:06,260
Could you leave him this note?
343
00:27:06,360 --> 00:27:09,619
I'm a friend of his son, Stephen's,
from Keele University.
344
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:18,419
Thanks.
345
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:32,340
Did you really meet him?
346
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:33,260
Yes.
347
00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:35,659
He was very nice to me.
348
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,420
Poor Tony.
349
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:41,299
Poor Tony, yes.
350
00:27:54,320 --> 00:27:55,980
Did you mention our drains to him?
351
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:57,739
He was very busy.
352
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,500
They've not been right since next door
did that paella for their ruby wedding.
353
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:02,739
No.
354
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:05,860
They were going to go barbeque
355
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,419
but the forecast was for low
pressure from the east.
356
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,220
£800! That's not right.
357
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,419
No, it's not right, Neil.
It's not right at all!
358
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:21,140
I buy an electric stamp, every week,
from the Post Office. £5.
359
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,260
Neil, that only pays off £60.
360
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:25,820
This is the electricity
you've actually used.
361
00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:28,300
How do you even begin to use this much?
362
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,220
I pay a fiver a week.
363
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,220
I buy a stamp. Ask the
woman at the Post Office.
364
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:34,979
How do you use that much?
365
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:36,860
I don't.
366
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,500
The budgies do.
367
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,620
I have to keep them warm, don't I?
368
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,260
Please tell me you don't have that two-bar
electric fire on all day and night?
369
00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:45,419
Why shouldn't I?
370
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:48,099
I pay it. I buy a stamp.
371
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:50,299
I've got it in a book somewhere.
372
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,259
- How are we going to find £800?
- Don't worry, Mum.
373
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:01,020
Neil, love.
374
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:05,819
The whole point of you moving out was
so you could learn to manage these things.
375
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,580
I'll pay it off when I
get the Stoke City job.
376
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,419
There is no Stoke City job.
377
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,499
They appointed Lou Macari as the
new manager this dinnertime.
378
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:21,060
Then I'll go and see him.
First thing tomorrow.
379
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:24,419
And Lou Macari's going to pay
your electricity bill, is he?
380
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:29,499
I wouldn't have thought so.
Why would he do that?
381
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:34,459
God bless Dad. Look after him.
382
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:39,859
And God bless Mum.
And let her not worry any more.
383
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:44,259
God bless the students.
384
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:50,619
And God bless Norman Barrett MBE,
of Zippo's Circus.
385
00:29:52,360 --> 00:29:55,019
God bless Gordon Banks.
386
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,499
God bless...
387
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,459
Ken Dodd.
388
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,500
And God bless Lou Macari
389
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:09,460
and help him in his task to return
Stoke City to the top division.
390
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:11,019
Amen.
391
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,579
Or to the play-offs, at least.
392
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,659
For like Job we have
been sorely destined.
393
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:39,739
Why, why, why, Delilah?
394
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,899
So before...
395
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,980
- You can take us up, Lou.
- I hope so. I really hope so.
396
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,940
No, I mean I know you will.
397
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,380
Aye, good, great. Aye. Top man.
398
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:58,100
I told my vicar he'll make Bishop one day,
and I'll be right about that too.
399
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,699
Aye, right, great.
That's... that's great.
400
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,939
- Macari!
- Macari!
401
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,780
Not been waiting out
there all day, have you?
402
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:55,820
I have, yeah.
403
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:58,140
In case you needed me, like.
404
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:01,900
That's very good of you,
but have you not got work to do?
405
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:04,339
I'm out of work at the moment.
406
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,900
I'm sorry to hear that.
407
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:08,460
And what's your trade?
408
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:09,900
Circus clown.
409
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,180
Alright.
410
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:12,739
And what was your act?
411
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,620
Making people happy, you know.
412
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:19,860
I used to get chucked off the
back of a fire engine every night.
413
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:21,979
So how come you got sacked?
414
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,459
Face didn't fit.
415
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:29,180
Night, then.
416
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:30,379
Night.
417
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:34,539
A clown, you say?
418
00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:37,379
How do you fancy coming to work for me?
419
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:39,780
Kit man?
420
00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,820
It'd be great, yeah.
421
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:46,540
I'll have to square it with the university,
like, but I think they'll be alright with it.
422
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:48,700
What do you do at the university?
423
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,980
Help them out. With the students.
424
00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,540
What, you don't get flung off the
back of a fire truck there as well?
425
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,460
No, it's not really called for.
426
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,699
I suppose not.
427
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,780
Well, I'll see you on Monday then, aye?
428
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,979
See you Monday, Lou.
429
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,739
Top man.
430
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:17,699
Are you absolutely sure
you've got this right, Neil?
431
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,220
The manager of Stoke City, Mr Lou Macari
432
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:23,300
offering you, Neil Baldwin, a job?
433
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,219
Mr Lou Macari of Manchester
United and Scotland, yes.
434
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,740
I'm starting a file on him.
435
00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,460
You want a biscuit?
436
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,620
No, but you have one. Don't make crumbs.
437
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:37,539
You can only just see the
pattern on the carpet as it is.
438
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,499
I know better than anyone
how much you love football.
439
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,659
I know you love football because of me.
440
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,259
It's just that...
441
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,339
What exactly does it entail, this job?
442
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:03,020
Laying out the clean kit,
picking up the dirty kit
443
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,700
taking it to the laundry.
444
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:07,659
Well, you had me
believing you 'til then.
445
00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:11,899
You've never so much as picked up
a dirty sock in your lifetime.
446
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,179
Your bedroom's like the
hold in Noah's ark.
447
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:20,660
Are you sure you've got that right?
448
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:25,180
Are you sure you've got this right?
449
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,819
Tell the boss Nello's here.
450
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,739
What can I say?
He was the right man for the job.
451
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,499
Thank you very much.
452
00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:42,099
Come on.
453
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,220
O ye of little faith.
454
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:48,899
Wherefore didst thou doubt?
455
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:54,899
Matthew: 14.
456
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,020
Come on, out of the way!
457
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:09,820
You don't want any more injuries!
458
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,180
Who's that?
459
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:12,979
New kit man.
460
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:21,060
Keep it tight.
461
00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:23,860
Get in behind that lumbering
fullback of theirs.
462
00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:26,300
Defending corners we leave Laino up.
463
00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,940
But we need to get tight on
their two big lads at corners.
464
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,979
Paddy, you stick to that big fella like glue.
Alright? Don't let him breathe.
465
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:35,180
First to the ball.
Don't give them time or space.
466
00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,580
Now, we do that in the first 10
minutes and they won't worry us.
467
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:39,939
Laino. What?
468
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,259
What is it, son?
469
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:46,659
Oh, for fuck's sake!
470
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:48,940
Get in here, you!
471
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:54,659
What the fuck, what the fuck,
what the fucking hell is that?
472
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:16,180
Well done, lads.
Great stuff out there today!
473
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:18,140
Well played, Paddy, son.
474
00:36:18,240 --> 00:36:19,779
Well played, lads.
475
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,499
Oh fuck off!
476
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,859
Kick him out! He's trying to cheat!
He's trying to cheat!
477
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,819
I took the head off.
478
00:36:36,040 --> 00:36:38,140
Just in time, by the looks of you.
479
00:36:38,240 --> 00:36:42,179
Bloody hell, Nello. A few spuds round
you and you make a roast dinner.
480
00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,420
I talked a girl out of
killing herself once.
481
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,180
Young student.
482
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,539
What, dressed as a chicken?
483
00:36:50,680 --> 00:36:52,140
No, course not.
484
00:36:52,240 --> 00:36:54,060
Dressed as Father Christmas.
485
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:55,699
Oh, right.
486
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:58,459
And what's that got to
do with the chicken suit?
487
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,899
Fancy dress. Good for morale.
488
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:04,620
Charlie Cairoli taught me that.
489
00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:07,019
He's a very good friend of mine.
490
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,059
Just out of interest
491
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,259
what did you say to that girl
who wanted to kill herself?
492
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:26,859
I said, 'we've all got to go sometime,
love, but why do you have to go now'?
493
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,779
Night.
494
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:48,900
- Alright, gorgeous?
- Alright.
495
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,060
- Ey up, how's it going, Nello?
- Good, yeah.
496
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:52,939
Nello! Nello!
497
00:37:56,320 --> 00:37:57,620
Alright, mong?
498
00:37:57,720 --> 00:37:59,939
Make sure that tea's ready
and waiting for tomorrow.
499
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:01,860
I'm not a mong.
500
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:04,299
I'm a registered clown.
501
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:07,380
That was a bit harsh.
502
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:09,539
You've got to carry on.
503
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:15,340
Didn't you feel he was picking on you?
504
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:16,940
Because of your difficulties?
505
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,179
What difficulties?
506
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:29,299
O Lord my God
507
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:41,499
when I in awesome wonder consider
all the works thy hand hath made
508
00:38:42,360 --> 00:38:46,540
I see the stars
509
00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:50,620
I hear the mighty thunder
510
00:38:50,720 --> 00:38:58,139
thy power throughout
the universe displayed.
511
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:06,139
Then sings my soul,
my Saviour God, to thee
512
00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:14,179
how great thou art, how great thou art!
513
00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:21,499
Then sings my soul,
my Saviour God, to thee
514
00:39:23,640 --> 00:39:31,379
how great thou art, how great thou art!
515
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:43,579
...You fat bastard! You fat bastard!
516
00:39:48,320 --> 00:39:56,020
When I look down from
lofty mountain grandeur
517
00:39:56,120 --> 00:40:03,539
and hear the brook,
and feel the gentle breeze.
518
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:11,059
Then sings my soul,
my Saviour God, to thee...
519
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:17,099
- A shock signing?
- Well, he's a bit of an unknown quantity.
520
00:40:17,720 --> 00:40:19,940
I don't even really want
to reveal his name.
521
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,780
Er, we'll let him do his
own talking on the pitch.
522
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,140
And he'll be given an opportunity
at pre-season matches.
523
00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:28,299
We've got to get some weight off him.
524
00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:32,260
Er, he's not in the best of condition.
525
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:35,419
But you know, I put my head
on the chopping block and...
526
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,740
and have taken that opportunity
and brought him here.
527
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,660
Let's just see what lies ahead, Ivan.
528
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,659
Let's just take it from game to game.
529
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,619
Well, he's, er... He's Neil, isn't he?
530
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:15,539
You know what I mean.
531
00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:18,339
I know. Neil, my son. Yes.
532
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,420
But he's just great to have around.
533
00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,340
He's, er, well, he's funny.
534
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:26,580
He doesn't always mean to be.
535
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:28,899
Aye, well that does make
it a wee bit funnier.
536
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:30,980
If you don't mind me saying.
537
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:32,739
No, not at all.
538
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:36,620
...couldn't fucking turn on
a fucking manhole cover.
539
00:41:36,720 --> 00:41:39,139
You've got love handles like my
missus and she's six months pregnant!
540
00:41:40,240 --> 00:41:42,699
Alright, Nello, got a
fucking brew on, or what?
541
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,619
Sorry about that, Mrs Baldwin.
542
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,020
Where were we?
543
00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,899
You were telling me why
you've given my Neil a job.
544
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,859
Well, he's... he's genuine.
545
00:41:58,120 --> 00:41:59,420
He doesn't have an angle.
546
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:03,220
And you go a long way in this game
to find a bloke without an angle.
547
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,300
And the fact that...
548
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,980
well, that he isn't perhaps
as quick on the uptake...
549
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:10,540
Quick on the uptake?
550
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,140
We're talking about
footballers here, Mrs Baldwin.
551
00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,619
It's not exactly University
Challenge out there.
552
00:42:16,120 --> 00:42:18,180
Even so, I had thought...
553
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:19,740
Well...
554
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:24,059
I won't be around forever,
and I have to be sure he'll be alright.
555
00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,020
Of course.
556
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:27,900
What mother wouldn't want that?
557
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:31,820
I had put his name down for a monastery,
for when I'm not here, to keep an eye.
558
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,100
He seemed to like it there.
559
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,660
A monastery?
560
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,020
Neil?
561
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:39,980
Your son belongs in a
changing room, Mrs Baldwin.
562
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:43,019
He loves it here. And we love him.
563
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:47,979
God, he gives us all a lift.
And he's... indispensable.
564
00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:51,140
- Paddy.
- Yes, boss.
565
00:42:51,240 --> 00:42:53,020
You'll do for me, young man.
566
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:54,340
Thanks, boss.
567
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,380
- Laino.
- Yes, boss.
568
00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:58,060
Just play.
569
00:42:58,160 --> 00:42:59,540
How should I play, boss?
570
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:00,700
Play well.
571
00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,380
And as for you, Thumper.
572
00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:04,940
Bomber, boss.
573
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,699
I think you'll find Thumper's
the name of the rabbit in Bambi.
574
00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:10,500
I'm the boss.
575
00:43:10,600 --> 00:43:15,100
If I call you Thumper,
your name's Thumper.
576
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:16,500
Right, boss.
577
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:19,580
Let's just play the game right.
578
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,380
And the main thing is this
579
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:26,659
this is what you've got
to get into your noggins.
580
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:34,779
The main thing is: go out there and
score more goals than the other team.
581
00:43:38,800 --> 00:43:40,340
Thanks, Nello.
582
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:42,819
Was that supposed to be me, aye?
583
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:44,620
Brian Clough, boss.
584
00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:46,299
Oh right. Cloughy.
585
00:44:10,240 --> 00:44:13,140
Lou says I should give the
team talk every week.
586
00:44:13,240 --> 00:44:15,460
3 - 0, not surprised!
587
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:17,220
There might be a problem this week.
588
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,940
It's the boat race.
I never miss the boat race.
589
00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:21,620
Can't you tape it?
590
00:44:21,720 --> 00:44:23,500
I don't watch it on the telly.
591
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:25,259
I'm on the river.
592
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:27,860
You might need to lose some
weight if you're coxing.
593
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:29,700
I'm not in the crews.
594
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,620
I'm on the launch behind
with the umpire and that.
595
00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:34,180
Hi, Neil.
596
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,100
Hiya, Molly.
597
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:38,379
How'd you wangle that?
598
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:40,540
I just asked.
599
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:42,460
You can't just get things by asking.
600
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:44,139
Can't you?
601
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,820
I can.
602
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:47,740
Great win Saturday, Nello!
603
00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:50,019
Up the Potters, Farouq!
604
00:45:24,920 --> 00:45:27,340
Why would they let you
on the umpire's launch?
605
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:28,979
Tradition.
606
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:37,260
Hey, Nello. How long are you going
to be with those fucking pads?
607
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:39,260
Sort your own pads out.
608
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,300
Yes, Nello! Get in there!
609
00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:44,380
You tell him, lad! You have him!
610
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:45,620
You flash bastard!
611
00:45:45,720 --> 00:45:48,020
Did you put your wife's knickers
on by mistake this morning
612
00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:50,100
or is there something
you want to tell us?
613
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,139
These are pure silk
boxer shorts, these, boss.
614
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,420
Kendall Mills, Deansgate.
615
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,580
If you're spending that much on
underpants I'm paying you too much.
616
00:45:58,680 --> 00:46:00,060
Valuable cargo.
617
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:02,699
Can't keep the crown jewels
in a cornflakes box.
618
00:46:05,560 --> 00:46:09,019
Hey, how much do you spend
on your underpants, Nello?
619
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:10,540
Nothing.
620
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:12,540
My mum buys them for me.
621
00:46:12,640 --> 00:46:13,500
Very wise.
622
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,419
Might be because you're protecting
as little as possible, mate.
623
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:24,380
Well.
624
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,500
They weren't very nice to you.
625
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,779
There's always banter.
626
00:46:36,040 --> 00:46:37,620
Nello. Nello!
627
00:46:37,720 --> 00:46:38,899
Yes, boss?
628
00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:41,779
Have you put on weight?
629
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:43,580
A bit.
630
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,340
Your mother will kill me.
631
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,899
I promised her I'd help you lose weight.
632
00:46:48,560 --> 00:46:51,180
Hey, come on! Laino, I told you!
633
00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:53,659
First touch! First touch!
634
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,900
Where the fuck are my boxer shorts?
635
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:03,340
Which one of you bastards has had them?
636
00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,740
Sixty fucking quid's worth.
That must be a blow.
637
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:07,220
Hang on!
638
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,940
My pants have gone too. What the fuck!
639
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:13,620
Some thieving YTS lad has definitely
had them off. Million percent.
640
00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:15,900
Yeah, that'll be it, yeah.
641
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:20,340
Those YTS boys, they'll steal
anything that isn't nailed down.
642
00:47:20,440 --> 00:47:22,139
Who asked you?
643
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:28,099
No. No, Nello, you haven't?
644
00:47:29,640 --> 00:47:32,859
Yours are on the bottom,
and they're a waste of money.
645
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:36,100
They're chafing right up
my undercarriage.
646
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:37,699
Oh fuck!
647
00:47:39,720 --> 00:47:44,619
My, my, my, Delilah!
648
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:50,220
Why, why, why, Delilah?
649
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:55,820
So before they come to
break down the door
650
00:47:55,920 --> 00:48:00,499
forgive me Delilah,
I just couldn't take any more.
651
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:08,259
So before they come to
break down the door
652
00:48:09,240 --> 00:48:15,419
forgive me Delilah,
I just couldn't take any more.
653
00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:39,219
Mum?
654
00:48:40,160 --> 00:48:43,420
- Her eyes aren't what they were.
- Mary, can you watch this light for me?
655
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:46,179
She has bifocals.
656
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:47,620
Do you know where you are?
657
00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:50,180
I don't think either of them are right.
658
00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:51,779
Do you know where you are?
659
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:55,340
- My dad died here.
- Hold my hand, Mrs Baldwin.
660
00:48:55,440 --> 00:48:57,140
- When he was young.
- Can you grip it tight?
661
00:48:57,240 --> 00:48:58,900
And I was young too.
662
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,680
- That's good.
- I did very well.
663
00:49:01,781 --> 00:49:03,619
And the other hand,
can you do that one too?
664
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,460
She has bifocals.
665
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,580
She's very healthy. I'm not so healthy.
666
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,860
She eats salad. I eat chips.
667
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:13,540
She's always telling me.
668
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:15,260
We're going to get a consultant
down to look at her.
669
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,020
I'd rather it was a doctor.
670
00:49:18,120 --> 00:49:19,940
He's better than a doctor.
671
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:23,260
When will I take her home?
I have to call a taxi.
672
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,860
She won't be going home tonight, I'm afraid.
She really is very poorly right now.
673
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:28,660
She is, isn't she?
674
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,780
I think we need to get that
consultant right away.
675
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,300
Yes, he's busy, but he'll be
right down as soon as possible.
676
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,019
Is it Mr Saeed?
677
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:39,260
Yes, as a matter of fact.
Why, do you know him?
678
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,540
He's a very good friend of mine.
679
00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:42,820
Neil.
680
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:44,940
How are you? Everything ok?
681
00:49:45,040 --> 00:49:46,340
Very well, thank you.
682
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:48,060
Are we going to beat
Portsmouth on Saturday?
683
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:50,700
If Laino's fit, we can beat anyone.
684
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:53,660
I love your attitude.
This man is a force for good.
685
00:49:53,760 --> 00:49:55,020
Has my registrar been looking after you?
686
00:49:55,120 --> 00:49:56,859
He's very young.
687
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,980
My mum has had an episode.
688
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:01,340
Ok.
689
00:50:01,440 --> 00:50:03,420
Ok, well, let's see what
we can do, shall we?
690
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:05,180
Have you ordered a CT scan?
691
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,979
Bloods? BP? Come on,
what's been keeping you?
692
00:50:09,640 --> 00:50:10,659
Ok.
693
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:13,579
Let's go and have a
look at her, shall we?
694
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:20,019
Third somersault... short.
695
00:50:21,119 --> 00:50:23,963
That's the boner that cost me
the triple. Not big, but fatal.
696
00:50:24,063 --> 00:50:26,731
That's why we're gonna start from the
beginning and make each move perfect
697
00:50:26,831 --> 00:50:30,063
before we go onto the next.
I'll run it again for you.
698
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:36,860
Ey up, Nello! How's it going?
699
00:50:36,960 --> 00:50:38,260
Shocking.
700
00:50:38,360 --> 00:50:40,180
Is Laino going to be fit for Saturday?
701
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,060
Course he is, yeah.
702
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,139
Don't worry about that.
703
00:50:57,320 --> 00:50:58,139
Thanks.
704
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:08,580
Now Neil, your mum has
had a heart attack.
705
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,540
And that is why the oxygen
isn't getting to her brain.
706
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:13,899
And that is why she's confused.
707
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,979
A heart attack. Yes.
708
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:20,459
So you are going to have to be strong for
your mum now because she needs you to be.
709
00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:23,940
I'll pray for her.
710
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:25,939
That'd be a good idea.
711
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:28,540
And I'll visit.
712
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:29,980
Also good.
713
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:33,260
I'll get the Christadelphians
to pray for her too.
714
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:34,580
Excellent idea.
715
00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:37,619
And you. At the temple.
716
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:40,140
More the merrier. That's what I say.
717
00:51:40,240 --> 00:51:41,739
Very wise.
718
00:51:43,240 --> 00:51:45,420
Have her home in no time?
719
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:49,259
Well, there is a possibility, Neil,
that she might not be able to come home.
720
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:53,099
Her health hasn't been very good
for a while now, as you know.
721
00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:57,900
Social Services think they may have to
find her somewhere where she can live
722
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:00,059
and be looked after.
723
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:04,819
- Do you understand?
- I do. Yes.
724
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:07,939
Have her home in no time?
725
00:52:19,720 --> 00:52:21,539
Morning, boss.
726
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:28,380
You take as much time
off as you need, Neil.
727
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:29,660
Alright?
728
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,100
There's nothing more important
than your mother's health.
729
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:36,299
I don't need to take any time off.
She's going to get better.
730
00:52:39,520 --> 00:52:41,779
How do you do it, Nello?
731
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:44,939
How do you stay so positive?
732
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:51,379
I've always wanted to be
happy so I decided to be.
733
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:54,579
Brilliant.
734
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,059
I'm going to write some
of this stuff down!
735
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:02,499
If bad things happen,
you think about good things.
736
00:53:03,440 --> 00:53:05,059
Like what?
737
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:07,100
Like...
738
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:09,019
Best signing you ever made.
739
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:14,939
I wouldn't know where to start.
740
00:53:15,760 --> 00:53:17,619
With the shorts.
741
00:53:19,280 --> 00:53:22,380
The cleaner the shorts
the better the player.
742
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:25,379
It means they've stayed
on their feet longer.
743
00:53:27,880 --> 00:53:32,819
Well, if you don't mind me saying,
that's very much a kit man's point of view.
744
00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,699
Cloughy thought it too.
745
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,979
Oh, so now I'm arguing with
you and Cloughy, am I?
746
00:53:56,920 --> 00:54:00,339
I'm assuming the budgie's not
part of the food shop, son.
747
00:54:01,080 --> 00:54:02,340
It's for me.
748
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:05,139
The man at the pet shop
gave me a discount.
749
00:54:05,840 --> 00:54:07,779
I've got your shopping.
750
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:14,059
Did you not take a list, Neil?
I gave you a list.
751
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:16,420
I did it from memory.
752
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:18,219
Oh. Whose memory's this?
753
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:20,620
Not mine, that's for certain.
754
00:54:20,720 --> 00:54:23,380
I've never eaten any of
this stuff in my life!
755
00:54:23,480 --> 00:54:25,860
What did you pay for all this?
756
00:54:25,960 --> 00:54:27,940
Wasn't Doris on?
757
00:54:28,040 --> 00:54:31,500
- I've got it here somewhere.
- It doesn't matter really.
758
00:54:31,600 --> 00:54:34,660
Just take the list next time, will you?
759
00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:36,699
I'll write you a new one.
760
00:54:37,080 --> 00:54:39,299
Fetch me the writing pad.
761
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:44,099
I've been keeping my flat clean as well.
762
00:54:45,200 --> 00:54:46,659
Good.
763
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:49,660
What about you?
764
00:54:49,760 --> 00:54:51,380
When did you last have a shave?
765
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,500
I'm going to call him Macari.
766
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:54,700
Who?
767
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:56,259
My budgie.
768
00:54:57,200 --> 00:55:00,099
I'm going to call him Macari,
after Lou Macari.
769
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:02,459
Right.
770
00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:06,099
Everything has to start
and end with love.
771
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:11,019
It's a simple message, but one
that we can forget all too easily.
772
00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:15,699
Now, as it says in Corinthians: 1
773
00:55:16,240 --> 00:55:20,299
'If I speak in the tongues of mortals
and angels but do not have love'
774
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:24,339
'I am a noisy gong or clashing cymbal.'
775
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:30,619
Now I think we've all encountered
one or two noisy gongs in our lives.
776
00:55:43,160 --> 00:55:45,220
You are looking after yourself,
aren't you, Neil?
777
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:47,459
Yes, I am.
778
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:49,179
I always have.
779
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:55,340
Well, with your mum
in the home and so on
780
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:57,579
I can't help noticing... well...
781
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:02,180
I think you need to maybe
take extra care of yourself.
782
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:05,059
So your mum doesn't worry
too much about you.
783
00:56:05,600 --> 00:56:07,300
I've got the Lord.
784
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:09,139
You have indeed.
785
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:12,140
I've got the students.
786
00:56:12,240 --> 00:56:13,020
Yes.
787
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:17,179
I've got Stoke City and I've got my mum.
788
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:24,979
What I want you to think about, Neil
789
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:27,140
is what you would do
790
00:56:27,240 --> 00:56:29,379
if one of them wasn't there.
791
00:56:33,200 --> 00:56:37,299
Well, I'd probably have the time
to join the choir, for a start.
792
00:56:40,760 --> 00:56:42,219
Right.
793
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:44,020
Right!
794
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:46,419
Are you feeling better
for our little chat, Mark?
795
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:49,379
Yes.
796
00:56:50,600 --> 00:56:52,299
Thank you, Neil.
797
00:56:57,080 --> 00:56:58,900
...Police would like to talk to anyone
798
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:02,420
who was in the area in the
early hours of Sunday morning.
799
00:57:02,520 --> 00:57:04,500
More on that breaking story now.
800
00:57:04,600 --> 00:57:06,740
We go over to the Victoria ground
801
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:10,860
where Lou Macari has resigned
as Stoke City manager
802
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:13,740
to take up the vacant
post at Glasgow Celtic.
803
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:18,779
The club have said they have already begun
their search for a first-class successor.
804
00:57:19,720 --> 00:57:21,980
I've no comments to make right now.
805
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:24,820
But... there'll be a press
conference later on.
806
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:27,939
So you can check that out,
see how we go. Alright?
807
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:30,580
During his time at the club
808
00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:34,619
Macari took the Potters to the play-offs,
automatic promotion...
809
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:49,019
Nello.
810
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:54,659
When Celtic come calling,
a Glasgow boy like me has to say yes.
811
00:57:55,320 --> 00:57:57,499
I know that, yes.
812
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:03,219
And whoever takes over here,
I bet they'll find you as valuable as I did.
813
00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:06,580
Do you want me to come? To Celtic?
814
00:58:06,680 --> 00:58:08,340
Oh, I'd love you to.
815
00:58:08,440 --> 00:58:10,779
But I think you're Stoke,
through and through.
816
00:58:12,280 --> 00:58:14,860
And I think the Rangers
fans might eat you alive.
817
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:17,059
You're right. I'll stay put.
818
00:58:17,520 --> 00:58:20,019
With my mum in the home and that.
819
00:58:20,400 --> 00:58:22,299
She depends on me for shopping.
820
00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:24,939
Exactly.
821
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:27,300
So no hard feelings then?
822
00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,139
No hard feelings.
823
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:33,220
Are you staying on for
Tommo's testimonial?
824
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:36,539
Oh, I can do better than that.
I'm putting you on the bench.
825
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:39,780
I'm always on the bench.
826
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:42,179
Well, that isn't what I mean.
827
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:45,219
Come with me.
828
00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:56,979
Midfielder or striker?
829
00:58:57,920 --> 00:59:00,980
Oh, er, I haven't
thought about that yet.
830
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:02,860
I'm not as quick as I was.
831
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:04,540
Oh, I daresay.
832
00:59:04,640 --> 00:59:08,340
But the first two yards are
in the head, boss?
833
00:59:08,440 --> 00:59:09,339
Exactly.
834
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:13,339
Don't be late, Baldwin.
835
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:16,579
No, boss.
836
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:18,939
I'll be there.
837
00:59:59,920 --> 01:00:01,419
Hiya, Mum.
838
01:00:03,600 --> 01:00:06,340
I see you've had a shave.
That's something.
839
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:07,460
Aye.
840
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:10,100
I've done all your errands and all.
841
01:00:10,200 --> 01:00:11,380
Have you now?
842
01:00:11,480 --> 01:00:13,700
Can't have everything, I suppose.
843
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:15,340
Skimmed milk.
844
01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:17,500
Because it's good for
your faulty ticker.
845
01:00:17,600 --> 01:00:19,020
Rice pudding.
846
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:20,020
Bananas.
847
01:00:20,120 --> 01:00:24,140
The apples are tough on your
dentures at this time of year.
848
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:26,420
And a packet of Immodium for your...
849
01:00:26,520 --> 01:00:29,139
My indigestion, thank you.
850
01:00:29,800 --> 01:00:31,579
Well, well, well.
851
01:00:32,040 --> 01:00:34,419
You could do it after all.
852
01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:38,739
I met Ken Dodd again last week.
853
01:00:39,520 --> 01:00:41,779
He's a very good friend of mine.
854
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:49,779
The woman that runs it, this place, like
855
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:54,980
she wants me to come in as Nello
the clown tomorrow. So I will.
856
01:00:55,080 --> 01:00:57,620
That'll cheer everyone up.
857
01:00:57,720 --> 01:01:03,220
I asked her if I could bring you
a canary and she said certainly.
858
01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:05,460
I'll fetch you one in.
859
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:07,579
You're a good lad, Neil.
860
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:13,419
You know that business where
you wanted to be a vicar?
861
01:01:15,000 --> 01:01:16,820
That's all water under
the bridge now, mum.
862
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:20,660
I didn't want to be bothered with
doing a degree and what have you.
863
01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:22,460
I know, son, but...
864
01:01:22,560 --> 01:01:26,260
I didn't want you thinking that I didn't
think you could do anything you wanted.
865
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:28,139
Anything at all.
866
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,499
I'm playing for Stoke City tonight.
867
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:46,979
Come on, Mum. It's only a testimonial.
868
01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:53,860
Don't go just yet.
869
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:55,940
No, I won't.
870
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:58,859
Stay and hold my hand a while?
871
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:00,739
Course.
872
01:02:10,920 --> 01:02:13,420
They used to call me
Holy Mary, you know.
873
01:02:13,520 --> 01:02:16,059
I know, Mum. I know.
874
01:02:18,120 --> 01:02:20,779
I'm very proud of you.
875
01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:52,019
Nello. Go and warm up.
876
01:03:09,960 --> 01:03:12,779
Nello! Nello! Nello!
877
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:35,539
Paddy, get over here!
878
01:03:36,680 --> 01:03:38,340
I'm going to bring Nello on, right?
879
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:41,179
When he gets in the penalty area,
everybody get out.
880
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:43,060
Let him score, ok?
881
01:03:43,160 --> 01:03:45,740
Now, tell our lads,
and tell the Villa lads too.
882
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:47,100
Alright, boss.
883
01:03:47,200 --> 01:03:49,699
Nello, get over here. You're going on.
884
01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:55,500
Now, just hang about in
the penalty area, alright?
885
01:03:55,600 --> 01:03:57,700
And cause them problems.
886
01:03:57,800 --> 01:03:59,740
How do I do that?
887
01:03:59,840 --> 01:04:03,140
Well you're causing me a problem just
looking at you so it shouldn't be too hard.
888
01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:03,940
Ok, boss.
889
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:07,020
Anything comes near you,
you hit it. Alright?
890
01:04:07,120 --> 01:04:09,020
Right-o, like a brick out-house?
891
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:11,660
No, no, I mean the ball,
not the other players.
892
01:04:11,760 --> 01:04:12,700
Alright.
893
01:04:12,800 --> 01:04:13,859
Hey.
894
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:16,860
Score one for your mum, Nello.
895
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:17,620
Ok?
896
01:04:17,720 --> 01:04:19,739
Ok, yeah. She'll like that.
897
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:21,500
Good luck, Nello!
898
01:04:21,600 --> 01:04:23,060
Well played, Thumper.
899
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:26,659
It's Bomber. Like a plane or something.
Not Thumper!
900
01:04:39,400 --> 01:04:41,540
This really happened, by the way.
901
01:04:41,640 --> 01:04:42,540
Did it?
902
01:04:42,640 --> 01:04:45,259
Yeah it actually did.
How could I let the fans down?
903
01:05:48,720 --> 01:05:50,900
Did it really happen like that?
904
01:05:51,000 --> 01:05:52,779
No.
905
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:57,900
Come on, Nello. Cheer up, mate.
906
01:05:58,000 --> 01:05:59,580
It's only a fucking testimonial.
907
01:05:59,680 --> 01:06:03,139
I think it must have hit
a bobble before I hit it.
908
01:06:38,560 --> 01:06:40,179
Sorry I let you down, boss.
909
01:06:41,000 --> 01:06:42,139
What?
910
01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:44,820
- When did you let me down?
- Tonight.
911
01:06:44,920 --> 01:06:47,420
After I slipped my marker.
912
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:49,620
I should've buried it.
913
01:06:49,720 --> 01:06:51,660
I don't think slipping your
marker was the problem, Neil.
914
01:06:51,760 --> 01:06:53,499
I think maybe when you fell over.
915
01:06:53,960 --> 01:06:55,380
The first time?
916
01:06:55,480 --> 01:06:58,539
Well, to be honest, I don't think
the second time helped either.
917
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:01,540
I skived the shot a bit, didn't I?
918
01:07:01,640 --> 01:07:02,780
Aye, just a wee bit.
919
01:07:02,880 --> 01:07:04,980
I think the ball's still rising now.
920
01:07:05,080 --> 01:07:07,380
I think Jodrell Bank
has just picked it up.
921
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:09,699
Must've hit a bobble.
922
01:07:10,120 --> 01:07:12,180
Blinking groundsmen.
923
01:07:12,280 --> 01:07:13,700
Happens to the best of us.
924
01:07:13,800 --> 01:07:15,660
I wouldn't let it worry you.
925
01:07:15,760 --> 01:07:17,339
All the best, boss.
926
01:07:18,480 --> 01:07:20,459
It was you, by the way.
927
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:23,299
What was?
928
01:07:24,440 --> 01:07:28,939
Remember when you asked me who
the best signing I'd ever made was?
929
01:07:29,840 --> 01:07:31,179
It was you, mate.
930
01:07:31,720 --> 01:07:33,539
No contest.
931
01:08:10,160 --> 01:08:12,260
- Neil.
- You hadn't forgotten, had you?
932
01:08:12,360 --> 01:08:15,540
I said I'd come as Nello, and I did.
933
01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:18,220
I bought a canary too.
934
01:08:18,320 --> 01:08:21,020
It's not part of the act,
it's for my mum.
935
01:08:21,120 --> 01:08:24,179
Could you come into the
office for a minute, duck?
936
01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:35,299
It was very peaceful.
937
01:08:37,120 --> 01:08:38,540
Yes.
938
01:08:38,640 --> 01:08:40,740
She died in her sleep.
939
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:43,379
And she died proud of you.
940
01:08:44,520 --> 01:08:47,499
We went in this morning and found her.
941
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:51,739
This morning?
942
01:08:52,040 --> 01:08:53,859
That's right.
943
01:08:54,200 --> 01:08:56,539
I rang this morning.
944
01:08:57,240 --> 01:08:59,820
We wanted to tell you in person.
945
01:08:59,920 --> 01:09:02,219
We thought it was better that way.
946
01:09:06,400 --> 01:09:09,299
She didn't want me to leave.
947
01:09:10,400 --> 01:09:12,339
Last night.
948
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:18,059
When I had to get my bus,
she... she didn't want me to leave.
949
01:09:41,280 --> 01:09:43,499
- Morning.
- Hiya.
950
01:10:50,000 --> 01:10:55,059
There aren't many mums who'd let
their sons run off to join the circus.
951
01:10:55,560 --> 01:10:57,859
But my mum did.
952
01:10:58,320 --> 01:11:04,900
And she used to worry about my weight
and she tried to give me salad.
953
01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:07,540
But she meant well.
954
01:11:07,640 --> 01:11:10,700
And after my dad died
955
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:13,140
we were a team.
956
01:11:13,240 --> 01:11:15,100
Like Stoke City.
957
01:11:15,200 --> 01:11:16,980
We were a team.
958
01:11:17,080 --> 01:11:18,900
And she worried about me.
959
01:11:19,000 --> 01:11:22,220
And she didn't have to worry about me.
960
01:11:22,320 --> 01:11:25,019
But she did anyway.
961
01:11:25,680 --> 01:11:28,420
And she taught me good manners.
962
01:11:28,520 --> 01:11:32,219
And that it's good to be nice to people.
963
01:11:33,040 --> 01:11:35,859
And that's what I try to be.
964
01:11:47,880 --> 01:11:50,980
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
965
01:11:51,080 --> 01:11:57,859
Thank you for coming.
966
01:12:01,240 --> 01:12:03,660
Anything you need, Neil, call me.
967
01:12:03,760 --> 01:12:06,260
I'm doing well, though, aren't I?
968
01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:08,340
You're doing very well, yes.
969
01:12:08,440 --> 01:12:11,779
I suppose I've got time
for the choir now.
970
01:12:12,280 --> 01:12:13,740
Why not?
971
01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:15,300
You ok for a lift?
972
01:12:15,400 --> 01:12:17,299
You're coming with me, aren't you?
973
01:12:17,640 --> 01:12:18,860
Am I?
974
01:12:18,960 --> 01:12:20,860
Oh... right!
975
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:23,619
Mary would have loved the service today.
976
01:12:23,840 --> 01:12:26,739
I'm doing well, though, aren't I?
977
01:12:27,120 --> 01:12:28,620
You are, Neil.
978
01:12:28,720 --> 01:12:30,219
You really are.
979
01:12:35,160 --> 01:12:43,020
...in pastures green he leadeth me
980
01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:49,659
the quiet waters by.
981
01:12:51,040 --> 01:12:59,220
My soul he doth restore again
982
01:12:59,320 --> 01:13:06,099
and me to walk doth make
983
01:13:07,280 --> 01:13:14,980
within the paths of righteousness
984
01:13:15,080 --> 01:13:21,419
e'en for His own name's sake.
985
01:13:23,120 --> 01:13:31,020
E'en though I walk in death's dark vale
986
01:13:31,120 --> 01:13:36,379
there will I feel no ill
987
01:13:38,760 --> 01:13:42,139
for Thou art with me...
988
01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:44,979
How much did you say it was?
989
01:13:45,880 --> 01:13:47,899
£8.27.
990
01:13:51,120 --> 01:13:53,179
Is Doris not in?
991
01:13:54,240 --> 01:14:01,539
SINGING My table Thou has furnished
992
01:14:02,320 --> 01:14:08,939
in presence of my foes.
993
01:14:09,920 --> 01:14:17,420
My head Thou dost with oil anoint
994
01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:23,859
and my cup overflows.
995
01:14:25,720 --> 01:14:27,020
Neil!
996
01:14:27,120 --> 01:14:28,579
Neil.
997
01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:31,979
- Are you going already?
- Yes.
998
01:14:33,080 --> 01:14:36,580
- How are you coping?
- I'm coping well, yes.
999
01:14:36,680 --> 01:14:39,179
I'm doing well, aren't I?
1000
01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:18,980
That's it.
1001
01:15:19,080 --> 01:15:20,699
In you go.
1002
01:15:21,880 --> 01:15:23,739
In you go. That's it.
1003
01:15:25,880 --> 01:15:27,539
Say hello.
1004
01:15:28,680 --> 01:15:30,540
Sorry. Excuse me.
1005
01:15:30,640 --> 01:15:32,459
Sorry.
1006
01:15:56,000 --> 01:15:57,700
How've you been keeping?
1007
01:15:57,800 --> 01:16:00,900
I'm doing well, everybody says.
1008
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,179
I've brought you a bit of shopping.
1009
01:16:03,680 --> 01:16:05,219
Thanks.
1010
01:16:06,840 --> 01:16:09,340
I'm a bit worried about you,
to be honest.
1011
01:16:09,440 --> 01:16:12,419
Haven't seen you at the match
the last three home games.
1012
01:16:12,760 --> 01:16:14,900
I've been busy.
1013
01:16:15,000 --> 01:16:16,260
Right.
1014
01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:18,979
- Life goes on.
- Right.
1015
01:16:22,480 --> 01:16:24,980
And I'm doing well.
1016
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:26,939
So you keep saying.
1017
01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:33,179
How are the birds doing?
1018
01:16:33,880 --> 01:16:35,340
They're doing well, yeah.
1019
01:16:35,440 --> 01:16:37,459
Is that a new one? The white one?
1020
01:16:37,840 --> 01:16:39,820
It's a budgie from Zippo's.
1021
01:16:39,920 --> 01:16:41,780
Norman Barrett give it me.
1022
01:16:41,880 --> 01:16:45,700
It used to be part of his
act but it's retired now.
1023
01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:49,899
Bloody hell, Neil.
Even your budgies are celebrities.
1024
01:16:53,440 --> 01:16:55,780
Right. Freshers week starts on Monday.
1025
01:16:55,880 --> 01:16:59,260
You've got to get down there, snap up
the good players for Neil Baldwin FC.
1026
01:16:59,360 --> 01:17:04,539
I don't know if I'll bother this time.
My hip's been playing me up.
1027
01:17:05,080 --> 01:17:07,860
You know your mum would want
you to get out there, don't you?
1028
01:17:07,960 --> 01:17:09,540
Doing what you're best at.
1029
01:17:09,640 --> 01:17:11,579
Meeting people and that.
1030
01:17:12,040 --> 01:17:14,380
She would. That's true.
1031
01:17:14,480 --> 01:17:16,220
No time like the present.
1032
01:17:16,320 --> 01:17:18,859
I don't know about that.
1033
01:17:21,920 --> 01:17:24,539
I've heard the Union are
doing 2-for-1 hot dogs...
1034
01:17:27,360 --> 01:17:30,539
Does that include onions?
1035
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:33,859
I should imagine so, yeah.
1036
01:18:36,120 --> 01:18:37,180
Neil!
1037
01:18:37,280 --> 01:18:39,020
What are you doing here,
this time of night?
1038
01:18:39,120 --> 01:18:40,659
Waiting for my lift.
1039
01:18:41,080 --> 01:18:42,779
Looks like they forgot.
1040
01:18:43,200 --> 01:18:44,939
Come on.
1041
01:18:58,040 --> 01:19:00,300
You shouldn't be hanging around
on your own at this time of night.
1042
01:19:00,400 --> 01:19:03,700
I wasn't hanging around,
I was waiting for a lift.
1043
01:19:03,800 --> 01:19:05,420
Which didn't come!
1044
01:19:05,520 --> 01:19:07,539
No, but you did.
1045
01:19:08,480 --> 01:19:11,099
What would you have done
if I hadn't turned up?
1046
01:19:11,520 --> 01:19:13,780
You did turn up, though, didn't you?
1047
01:19:13,880 --> 01:19:15,779
I know. But what if I hadn't?
1048
01:19:16,760 --> 01:19:18,979
Somebody would've turned up.
1049
01:19:19,200 --> 01:19:22,860
You can't go through life relying
on something just turning up.
1050
01:19:22,960 --> 01:19:23,900
Yes you can.
1051
01:19:24,000 --> 01:19:27,099
Well, I can, anyway.
1052
01:19:32,120 --> 01:19:33,740
Hiya, Gary?
1053
01:19:33,840 --> 01:19:37,980
You don't actually know me, but I'm
calling on behalf of Neil Baldwin.
1054
01:19:38,080 --> 01:19:39,180
He's a very good friend of mine
1055
01:19:39,280 --> 01:19:42,140
and I just wondered if you'd be kind
enough to do us a huge favour...
1056
01:19:42,240 --> 01:19:43,500
When do we play?
1057
01:19:43,600 --> 01:19:46,740
Training every Sunday,
matches Wednesday afternoon.
1058
01:19:46,840 --> 01:19:48,380
Right. Well, I play central midfield.
1059
01:19:48,480 --> 01:19:50,940
Oh, you play where I tell you to play.
1060
01:19:51,040 --> 01:19:52,900
I had trials for Macclesfield Town.
1061
01:19:53,000 --> 01:19:57,059
The problem is, son,
I play central midfield.
1062
01:19:58,240 --> 01:20:00,099
This is a wind-up, right?
1063
01:20:00,400 --> 01:20:02,380
I'm just the club president, son.
1064
01:20:02,480 --> 01:20:04,300
It's the gaffer who makes the decisions.
1065
01:20:04,400 --> 01:20:05,020
See.
1066
01:20:05,120 --> 01:20:06,299
Right.
1067
01:20:09,160 --> 01:20:10,420
Thanks a lot.
1068
01:20:10,520 --> 01:20:12,459
- Yeah, thanks.
- See you at the weekend.
1069
01:20:17,960 --> 01:20:19,540
You, young man.
1070
01:20:19,640 --> 01:20:20,940
This is a ball.
1071
01:20:21,040 --> 01:20:26,180
All you've got to do is stick that in
the back of the net. It's that simple.
1072
01:20:26,280 --> 01:20:27,300
Neil.
1073
01:20:27,400 --> 01:20:28,820
We're only playing the Christian Union.
1074
01:20:28,920 --> 01:20:30,060
That's part of the problem.
1075
01:20:30,160 --> 01:20:32,739
They've got the Lord on their side.
1076
01:20:33,160 --> 01:20:34,739
You going to finish that pasty?
1077
01:20:37,640 --> 01:20:39,460
Fitness problem, you have.
1078
01:20:39,560 --> 01:20:41,779
I'm going to come on in the second half.
1079
01:20:43,800 --> 01:20:46,899
And play centre midfield.
1080
01:20:47,240 --> 01:20:49,500
I played for Stoke City.
1081
01:20:49,600 --> 01:20:51,100
Let's never forget that.
1082
01:20:51,200 --> 01:20:52,740
No, I don't suppose anybody ever will.
1083
01:20:52,840 --> 01:20:54,340
I thought you said you'd got a ref.
1084
01:20:54,440 --> 01:20:55,820
He'll be here.
1085
01:20:55,920 --> 01:20:58,739
Oh, it's not that lad
from Islamic Soc, is it?
1086
01:20:59,360 --> 01:21:01,700
It looks like a strong wind
would blow that guy over.
1087
01:21:01,800 --> 01:21:03,580
Premiership quality this time.
1088
01:21:03,680 --> 01:21:04,820
Oh, right, premiership?
1089
01:21:04,920 --> 01:21:06,179
Hi, Neil!
1090
01:21:06,440 --> 01:21:07,580
Uriah!
1091
01:21:07,680 --> 01:21:09,620
- How are you?
- Alright, Uriah.
1092
01:21:09,720 --> 01:21:11,300
Good to see you.
1093
01:21:11,400 --> 01:21:14,021
This is Uriah Rennie, everyone.
Uriah Rennie.
1094
01:21:14,121 --> 01:21:15,380
- Hi.
- Alright, mate?
1095
01:21:15,480 --> 01:21:17,460
- Alright, Uriah?
- I'm good, mate. How are you?
1096
01:21:17,560 --> 01:21:19,139
Good to see you.
1097
01:21:19,640 --> 01:21:21,300
It's Uriah Rennie.
1098
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:28,060
Enjoy yourself,
it's later than you think.
1099
01:21:28,160 --> 01:21:34,859
Enjoy yourself,
while you're still in the pink.
1100
01:21:35,240 --> 01:21:41,179
The years go by as quickly as a wink.
1101
01:21:42,000 --> 01:21:47,939
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself,
it's later than you think!
1102
01:21:49,080 --> 01:21:54,779
You worry when the weather's cold,
you worry when it's hot.
1103
01:21:55,720 --> 01:22:02,099
You worry when you're doing well,
you worry when you're not.
1104
01:22:02,320 --> 01:22:08,579
It's worry, worry, all the time,
you don't know how to laugh!
1105
01:22:08,840 --> 01:22:15,299
You'll think of something funny
when they write your epitaph.
1106
01:22:15,680 --> 01:22:20,899
Enjoy yourself,
it's later than you think...
1107
01:22:21,640 --> 01:22:24,019
- Take it again, you're off your line.
- What? There is no line!
1108
01:22:25,360 --> 01:22:27,019
Right, I'm booking it for this end.
1109
01:22:29,400 --> 01:22:35,739
...The years go by as quickly as a wink.
1110
01:22:36,200 --> 01:22:42,339
Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself,
it's later than you think!
1111
01:22:53,120 --> 01:22:55,940
Good one-two...
And a good shot! What a goal!
1112
01:22:56,040 --> 01:22:57,459
What a goal!
1113
01:23:09,520 --> 01:23:12,259
Nello! Nello! Nello!
1114
01:23:24,840 --> 01:23:27,739
Then he ordered the crowds
to sit down on the grass.
1115
01:23:28,360 --> 01:23:30,860
Taking the five loaves and the two fish
1116
01:23:30,960 --> 01:23:34,219
he looked up to heaven and blessed...
1117
01:23:34,360 --> 01:23:39,139
and broke the loaves and
gave them to the disciples.
1118
01:23:40,640 --> 01:23:43,339
And the disciples gave
them to the crowds.
1119
01:23:43,760 --> 01:23:46,619
And all ate and were filled.
1120
01:23:47,560 --> 01:23:51,259
One of my favourites,
feeding of the five thousand.
1121
01:23:51,360 --> 01:23:53,819
Now, why doesn't that surprise me, Neil?
1122
01:23:55,040 --> 01:23:58,539
Never trust a man who
doesn't like his food.
1123
01:24:00,280 --> 01:24:02,100
I'm glad you enjoyed the sermon.
1124
01:24:02,200 --> 01:24:05,019
I always enjoyed your sermons.
1125
01:24:05,240 --> 01:24:08,099
That's why I told you you'd
make Bishop one day.
1126
01:24:08,920 --> 01:24:12,580
It was like the first
time I saw Mark Stein.
1127
01:24:12,680 --> 01:24:14,660
I knew he was special too.
1128
01:24:14,760 --> 01:24:15,780
Mark Stein?
1129
01:24:15,880 --> 01:24:18,899
33 goals in 57 matches.
1130
01:24:20,720 --> 01:24:22,619
I made you a card.
1131
01:24:27,360 --> 01:24:29,460
To say well done, like.
1132
01:24:29,560 --> 01:24:31,259
Thank you, Neil.
1133
01:24:34,520 --> 01:24:35,899
Thank you.
1134
01:24:36,920 --> 01:24:38,419
That means a lot.
1135
01:24:40,000 --> 01:24:41,979
And I've got a cockatoo.
1136
01:24:42,400 --> 01:24:44,940
Oh, no presents. I insist.
1137
01:24:45,040 --> 01:24:46,419
- The card is more than enough.
- No, no, no.
1138
01:24:47,280 --> 01:24:49,860
The cockatoo is for me.
1139
01:24:49,960 --> 01:24:52,620
Fossett's Circus give it me.
1140
01:24:52,720 --> 01:24:57,219
It's got something wrong with its foot
so it's not cut out for show business.
1141
01:24:58,240 --> 01:25:01,539
It lands on my head
every night, without fail.
1142
01:25:03,480 --> 01:25:07,500
He said he give it me because he
knew I'd look after it, and I will.
1143
01:25:07,600 --> 01:25:09,100
I'm sure you will.
1144
01:25:09,200 --> 01:25:12,059
Your mum always said you had a
real knack for looking after animals.
1145
01:25:14,000 --> 01:25:16,939
She was proud of me, you know. My mum.
1146
01:25:17,600 --> 01:25:19,339
She was, Neil.
1147
01:25:20,920 --> 01:25:22,699
She was indeed.
1148
01:25:29,880 --> 01:25:32,220
Can you drop me off on the way?
1149
01:25:32,320 --> 01:25:33,780
Well, it's not really on my way.
1150
01:25:33,880 --> 01:25:36,380
It is if you go that way to drop me off.
1151
01:25:36,480 --> 01:25:38,939
Yes, of course, of course.
1152
01:25:45,400 --> 01:25:50,059
Can we stop off at the Co-op?
I've got a spot of shopping to do.
1153
01:25:51,400 --> 01:25:53,059
Why not?
1154
01:25:53,280 --> 01:25:54,779
Why not.
1155
01:25:57,440 --> 01:26:00,299
One Neil Baldwin!
1156
01:26:01,160 --> 01:26:03,979
There's only one Neil Baldwin!
1157
01:26:05,360 --> 01:26:08,819
One Neil Baldwin! etc.
1158
01:27:06,400 --> 01:27:08,999
...One Neil Baldwin!
1159
01:27:09,000 --> 01:27:11,499
There's only one Neil Baldwin!
84691
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